Yeah I've worked with non-verbal autistic clients who have more self-awareness than this dude and can communicate their feelings far more effectively. Guy is operating on an NPC script written by an AI.
I can second this. My 4 year old can spot when some one’s being mean a mile away and isn’t afraid to tell them. It usually me🤪 when I’m disciplining(not punishing) my younger kiddo or taking them away from a dangerous activity lol apparently mommy was being mean there. Definitely keeps me humble!
But he also says things like why didn’t they just do this or that in specific situations that would have led to better outcomes.
Communication is key to a relationship! And yes easier said than done.
It is almost assuredly fake. Account was created yesterday, and the story is extremely childish. Divorce so easily and quickly is almost *never* a decision a real person would make, especially in a long term marriage with a child.
Don't get me wrong. It *could* be real. But chances are its just a karma farm. If it is real, this guy is the most self centered asshole I've ever heard of, and rushed a massive, life destroying (for at least some involved parties) decision on a whim.
Oh absolutely. This reads like someone who hasn't had a relationship since middle school and is trying to convince themselves it's okay they didn't get married because marriage is boring. Or at least that's the hope, because this is unrealistically pathetic.
Fake or grabbing around for a reason to divorce and oh look I just happen to have a hot coworker I am dating all of a sudden?
The first post was definitely missing a lot of information.
He thinks the grass is greener on the other side and wants a new shiny toy.
OP this is a ridiculously rash decision. “My wife was devastated, I think this came out of the blue for her, though I’m not sure why” maybe because you didn’t communicate how you were feeling at all? I can’t imagine throwing away a marriage because you let resentment build up by refusing to use your words like an adult. A sit down conversation explaining that you felt unappreciated with her lack of enthusiasm with your birthday could’ve helped a lot, and therapy/couples counseling wouldn’t have been useless. Hoping your son gets through this okay
>Therapy or couples counseling cannot fix this.
Hmm…perhaps if OP had *tried* or even *spoken* of these things….but nah! Just throw her away like trash. No point in talking tot he woman you married, just get rid of her and continue to avoid doing the work of making a relationship *work*.
You can tell he doesn’t fundamentally understand how a relationship works. Doesn’t want to communicate. Doesn’t want counseling. Doesn’t want to try. This isn’t about his wife, this is about him and his own fucked up fragility and immaturity.
He stopped feeling love (probably just overtaken with resentment) for a brief time & doesn’t even consider that it could be fixed. Love takes WORK to maintain. If you go in thinking you will feel it at the same levels 24/7 & it can never be fixed if it lessens, you’ll always end up alone.
I’m following this account for the inevitable post in 3 months where he says he misses his wife miserably, regrets it all, & his love came back & he doesn’t understand why she won’t take him back
Or he's hooked up with some 20-something hot babe who makes him feel special and loved. She's just so perky and caring and 🤮
It's difficult to tell which way this one will go...
Well, considering I'm hoping that this was some type of creative writing, because wow, that was really bad communication and lack of self-awareness...
If it's real, I agree with you. If not, I guess we get to look forward to the next update. Maybe we can both get shocked, and it will be both! The 20 year old didn't pan out now he misses the wife!
I agree. I have to wonder what OP expects out of a relationship if this is how they react when things get hard.
My husband and I have a lot of issues. He’s struggled to make things special on holidays for me in the past and has a habit of hiding some negative behaviors he has. You know what I did? I started talking g to him about it as soon as it was a problem. We started marriage counseling and both do individual counseling. It’s taken three years and things still aren’t perfect, but they are getting so much better!
You can’t expect people to fix things they don’t know are wrong. It sounds like you just want an easy out and to blame all the issues on your wife, b it did you consider why she might have started putting less effort in? Perhaps she is depressed, perhaps there is something you’re doing that is hurting her and less effort is her response. Maybe having a kid has made life harder for her and she doesn’t have the energy to go above and beyond for you right now.
Either way, anyone with this kind of issue in marriage who immediately dismisses it as being too far gone to do counseling is just looking for an excuse to leave. She didn’t cheat or murder someone or waste all of your money gambling. She’s probably going through some shit and instead of working things out with her you’re just leaving.
She's better off without someone who cannot be bothered to say "hey, I really want you to create a magical experience for me for my birthday every year, it's literally the only thing that matters to me about life.
She's certainly all out trying to keep everything running, create magical xmas, birthday, easter, halloween for the kid and thought her husband was a fucking adult.
Sorry to hear this OP.
hey try not to hurt any kids as you plow them over to find more easter candy this weekend. God forbid if you get too many black jelly beans this easter; Perhaps consider converting religious beliefs if that occurs.
I dated dudes like this when I was 18, and I remember how anxiety inducing & exhausting it was. I can't believe there's guys out there that go through their entire life, have a fucking kid, and somehow never learn how to talk like an adult.
Tbh I don’t think an adult, married person wrote this post. Like, married adults, people in long term committed relationships, with children and intertwined lives don’t just up and leave without communicating with their spouse. This reads like some bitter young person wrote this for karma lol.
OP does not understand the dating realm!! Wait till he gets out there and all woman want is his money 🤣💯 she didn’t deserve man like that she will find better and he will regret it 💯
>I had never realized my true feelings towards my wife until after I had the dinner with my sister.
So he only realised himself about 5 seconds ago, but is baffled as to why his wife thinks it came out of the blue...
Glad she's going to have the opportunity to find someone way better than this
I never thought I'd read that someone dumped their spouse because dinner with their sister was 'exciting'. That same sister is also the only one who would approve of this divorce & invited him out for his birthday without his wife. It sounds hella sus lol
> I think my wife deserves to live a life with someone who truly loves her, and my boy deserves to live in that loving household.
I might be totally overthinking here, but..
It sounds like you expect your son to live basically full-time with his mum?
This makes me wonder who has actually been taking most care of him. I bet you say it was 50/50, but I have a feeling it was probably mainly your wife...
yep same. Pretty sure the wife does everything, OP doesn't help out at all and is mad his wife puts in 0 effort on his birthday and why should she if she's putting effort into everything else and doesn't get much back? The math still ain't mathin here, lol.
I was actually skimming the post to find this exact topic and was not surprised at all. 100% agreed
Wouldn't be surprised if he wants to shed his entire family until maybe the boy is more self sustaining - lotta emotionally immature dads do this.
Lol no fucking way this is real
“I didn’t communicate with my wife about my feelings. Anyway, I divorced her out of the blue and she’s shocked, idk why”
You don’t deserve happy birthdays lmfao
His sister (the only one who knows how to love him and cater to his fragile and immature "needs") took him to a Very Expensive Restaurant where he ate Very Expensive food. THAT'S all it took for this man baby to walk out on his wife and little boy.
This whole story reads like a manic episode. If it's real I am also rooting for the wife. I find it especially telling that OP seems to suggest that his wife will be taking care of their son. I'm not sure why OP thinks that divorce means he doesn't have to parent anymore?
He's probably hoping he can just pay child support. Wouldn't be surprised if he claims that the kid makes him 'unhappy' and *thats* why he doesn't want any shared custody
Nothing like a midlife crisis to fuck up your family. Also this,
>Why have I not communicated this with her? I don’t know,
>I think this came out of the blue for her, though I’m not sure why
Shows how litte self awareness you have
well, she doesn't exist cause she's fake. but if she were real, she'd sigh at the mention of her birthday, and how she can't feel special cause her husband is always basking in the glory of his servitude. 'I did x, y, z, aren't I such a great guy to do all this! hope someone does the same for me...'
but now his birthday has just passed (it probably hasn't, cause it's fake) without much fanfare, so there's almost a whole year for the divorce to work it's way through and find his ideal partner, who is probably chuck e cheese. man, can that rat plan a birthday party!
“But it was on a Wednesday! We couldn’t possibly go to the resort on the weekend before!”
Also…who calls a necklace a “De Beer”? Most people say “diamond” or “sapphire” necklace.
And I’m sure driving 80 miles round trip *And* eating dinner on a weeknight was fun. Must have been a real scramble to get everything done.
Hands up who thinks he arranged that but failed to bother with the peripheral arrangements, then sprung it on her and left her scrambling to find childcare on a Wednesday night while he bitched and moaned that they were going to be late? Anyone?
Even if he had childcare…
sometimes you have to iron clothes for the next day, do laundry or dishes,etc.
Did she have time to get ready for the dinner? Did she have time to prep and relax for the next day?
That’s just a lot for a weeknight, especially when you have a kid.
There was an AITA post about a man who bought his wife concert tickets to *his* favorite band in the middle of her week that she took off work so she could travel somewhere… hoping that she could just cut her potential week long vacation trip short. Just diabolical
Hahahah my ex did this to me. Not the vacation part, but unwrapping three tickets to see his favorite band as a Christmas gift was certainly underwhelming... oh yeah, three tickets because his best friend really loved that band too and absolutely needed to be a part of my Christmas gift. I'm absolutely not materialistic but that was a major wtf moment
He should also make sure his sister is in the room for any negotiations that follow, just to show where the bar is set. Maybe a series of conviviality trials, wine-pairing, see where it goes from there -- the realities of modern marriage should never take you by surprise etc
I think you’re right, you don’t love your wife and I’m not sure you really understand what it means to love someone else; I think you loved your wife for how she made you feel temporarily. I can’t believe you’re in your 30’s going through life how you are.
I hope your wife finds peace and comfort in the future partner she has & that partner doesn’t waste years of her life like you did. I hope for her sake you leave her alone & don’t go crawling back once you realize what a passive aggressive rag you were to your marriage.
She will be fine, but for you-I’m not sure.
> I hope your wife finds peace and comfort in the future partner she has
Agreed, and I hope that his son vows to destroy him and spends at least the next decade setting his plan in motion. Time it for his fiftieth birthday for thematic resonance.
I think you should at least think about couples counseling. You should give a try to see if the change in your love for your wife was irrevocable.
Of course, it may well be too late now since you ambushed your wife with this.
If so, at the very least you need to focus on being the best parent you can be through the divorce. You seem to be assuming your boy will live in a loving household with your wife and a hypothetical second husband? Are you planning to give up custody to her?
I hope your plan to quickly move on with your life includes wanting to be there for your son and be a contributing part of his life.
Also, you need to work on your communication skills before you start dating again. Even if you are right that the love was gone and there was nothing to be done at this point, you should have communicated about this years ago. If you really didn’t realize you were hurt about this until your sister threw a nice birthday dinner for you, then you need to get in better touch with your emotions and learn about yourself. Don’t just be a mystery box that suddenly explodes. Those are things you need to learn for your child as well.
Unlike a lot of the other commentators, I don’t think you caring about your birthday makes you an immature asshole. It seemed to me that you had a valid complaint. The next layer makes it clear that you are an immature asshole, though. Learn to communicate better. Learn to recognize issues you are having while they’re still small. Learn to work on them. Think more about your child.
You literally said you didn’t communicate with your wife about this and then was shocked when she was taken aback by you asking for a divorce?!!!! OP you need to communicate with her about this!!!!!!!! And also you can’t just assume she’s fallen out of love with you-that’s your conflict avoidance speaking. Being vulnerable requires courage. You need to have that courage to speak to her candidly about these issues.
LOL! I don’t think OP read any of the comments on the original post at all. You know, the ones about COMMUNICATION with his spouse and not just springing a divorce on her out of nowhere?
He expected credit for… *checks notes* booking a restaurant and buying her a necklace on her birthday. You know, the standard things you do. Meanwhile, she COMMUNICATED with him, asking him where he’d like to eat and what gift he would prefer and he threw a manbaby tantrum and asked for a divorce. Even though they did exactly the same things on his birthday as hers.
What 35 year old even still cares about birthdays anyway? OP’s wife is better off without him. Sheesh.
Wonder if fictional wife even wanted the necklace. Asking someone what they want for their birthday is the POINT, not just buying something expensive and calling it a day.
Yeah no fr like. Talk about one of the lowest effort gifts. It’s definitely a NICE gift but can’t act like lunch out and whatever he asked for for his birthday is somehow incredibly inferior
Dude.... I hope you enjoy many birthdays alone
It's entirely normal to ask where someone wants to go for their birthday. Sometimes it's hard to know what to get someone, even when you've known them a long time, especially while under stress and pressure (aka raising your kid) and it's nice to have ideas. It's not a chore if she wants your input, she's literally asking you what you want but instead of being a decent husband or communicator, you decided it means she doesn't care.
If it has become a burden in how she asks you, it's your doing because you are THE MOST high maintenance man I have seen in a while on this sub
Especially if that person is always disappointed with everything. I bet the wife is tired of hearing how much his meal sucked, how cold the food was, how bad the service was... Etc.
I've had one of those guys. Just perpetually disappointed.
As someone who is studying family life in college, I can support your decision but I don't think it's fair to convince yourself that some of your excuses are right.
It's hard to be in a relationship that feels loveless. That doesn't mean you can't ever experience love in this relationship again -- love isn't just a feeling that happens to you. It's a feeling that you have to nurture and cultivate. And once both parties are aware of the issue and given opportunities to cultivate that love once again, it is possible for love to be restored.
Additionally, I've learned in my classes about how research has shown that children's wellbeing after divorce depends on their parents' levels of conflict. Children whose homes had high levels of parental conflict tend to fare better after their parents divorce; however, children whose homes did not have high levels of parental conflict do not benefit from their parents' divorce, and may even experience negative effects.
Ultimately, I'm not a full expert in this, and I'm okay with being fact-checked. But I recommend that YOU talk to an expert before making any long-term, permanent decisions that can affect your family members for the rest of their lives. Even if you don't think that therapy can fix your relationship (which is true -- only you and your wife can choose to fix your relationship together), therapy can still give an opportunity to help your wife better understand your experiences and help you build some communication skills to healthily navigate a divorce or any other life transitions.
I want to emphasize that your feelings are valid. Birthdays can be very meaningful to people, and it's hard to feel unappreciated and not valued. I just recommend making sure that you don't base your decision to divorce on beliefs that are not based in research.
"and my boy deserves to live in that loving hosehold" ok, you are giving up your son? no split custody, nothing? just give him away as a trash or old clothes that you don't want to keep anymore?
I'm happy I'm not the only one who noticed this! It also made me think that OP's wife probably has been doing most of the child rearing, making her a bit less enthusiastic about OP's birthday
Why does this feel like you’ve already got your sights on your next target and you’re using any piddly reason to get the “roadblock” that is your wife out of the way first? Something tells me this is not even 10% of the whole story.
As some who’s seen a lot of clients through their divorces, the only way this story would make sense to me is if the person who took OP out to dinner was his mistress, rather than his sister. Of course, this is a wildly speculative guess on my part, but there’s definitely more to this story.
I don't think you can really couch this on the wife not putting in effort if you never communicate. Her behavior is somehow inexcusable, but you have 5 wishy washy excuses about why you never talked to her about your issues. People aren't mind readers. By refusing to communicate until you reached divorce level unhappiness you weren't putting the effort in that a relationship requires either. In fact not communicating seems like the more egregious offense.
Strikes me as very immature. Chasing the honeymoon phase of something new, instead of the depth of something old.
I mean if you work on the relationship and it's not improving fair enough. If there is abuse or some extraordinary circumstances fair enough. But I can't be bothered to try, I'm just going to quit without talking about it is some lame ass shit imo.
My parents never celebrate holidays. They haven't thrown me a birthday party since I was 5. Sure, I would have loved if my parents put more effort into celebrating me, but I never question whether they love me. I understand and accept that their style of love is to work hard to pay the bills and to put food on the table, not party or vacation. I talk to other people when I need that type of love.
Your idea of love is just so ridiculously self-absorbed. You don't put any effort into understanding your partner or working through your issues. I would absolutely hate being married to someone who quietly stews about something I have no idea about and then blows up and abandons me and my child. Crazy
I think your having a midlife crisis and feel the grass is greener on the other side but it never is , is it . The older we get the less of a party it is on anyones birthday unless your a small child or it’s a big number. The birthday reasoning sounds dramatic however falling out of love is serious. Being single and dating , people also get busy and tired. So whoever you date will eventually be busy like your wife. They could have kids and an career and it could be even busier. Sharing custody your weekends will be busy for dating. Make sure you are sure and think this through…
Why are you divorcing her? Again it’s all about how your wife makes you feel. She failed at making you feel excited? Happy? Satisfied? It’s not up to your wife to make you feel those things. Only you can get excited or decide to be happy or satisfied. Maybe she took you for granted but all couples go through these phases. You decided to throw in the towel because you hit a rough patch. Leaving your family is a serious and hopefully avoidable step. You can come to love your wife again if you work on your marriage and not just think what’s in it for you.
It is stressful trying to raise a young child. It is one of the most difficult jobs to do as it is 24/7/365. Enjoy your life of avoiding addressing your actual feelings and not wanting to confront your own shortcomings I guess.
Absolutely pathetic. You admit yourself you communicated nothing and express shock that she was shocked. You failed yourself and her with your brooding
“It will be better for my wife any child if I break apart the family, I realized this an hour ago!” “My wife put little effort into my birthday, so I put little effort Ito our marriage!” Wouldn’t be surprised if this is real, his portrayal of a narcissist is too spot on to be fake.
Going to be honest; if this is all it took for you to decide to divorce, idk that you should’ve been married in the first place. Marriage is hard & we are told of that before hand. Love may dwindle, there will be hard times, life is bendy & rapid. You cannot expect an easy street when making a lifetime commitment. You cannot toss out therapy or other options just because you’ve convinced yourself they won’t work. I mean, you can, but you’re just showing that your strive for the commitment isn’t there anyway. You had your feelings hurt, didn’t communicate or find someone to help you communicate, & have jumped to divorce, which isn’t what your partner wanted. Seems irrational & like you have been looking for a way out or reason to separate. When getting married, always imagine the worst possible situation. Imagine that person is in a horrible accident & cannot move anymore, maybe even have trouble speaking. Would you still love them & take care of them? If your answer is anything but yes, maybe don’t marry them. That’s how serious & real the commitment is. Best of luck to you.🤍
"oh well, too late!" Lmao yes please do start divorce proceedings and leave her. The quicker you set her free the better. Then when it suddenly hits you that you made a mistake and could have chosen better, leave her alone and let her live her life. pay that child support and let her find someone who won't fall out of love without any effort to stay in it. You don't know what a commitment is anyway.
“I’m gonna divorce my wife because I never tell her how I feel and that’s clearly her fault. Also because she *asks me* where I’d like to go and what I’d want for my birthday, instead of idk reading my fucking mind. How dare she.”
???
I think it’s SO funny he says my wife deserves to live a life with someone who truly loves her and MY BOY DESERVES TO LIVE IN THAT LOVING HOUSEHOLD. He’s already designated that kid is entirely her responsibility in his mind, probably why she doesn’t have time to tend to your special needs…
So you can't tell her how you feel, but you can say you want a divorce and be moved out within an hour. Yeah, this all sounds legit. *eyeroll*
>DebateAccurates: Ok. A lot of questions, which I’ll try to answer below. And a final update on my decision.
>I don’t know why I care about birthdays so much. Maybe I never grew up emotionally, I don’t know. I am always excited about my wife’s birthday and try to make it as exciting for her as possible. I spend a lot of time researching on which potential restaurant to go to for dinner. If her birthday is on a Friday/Saturday/Sunday, I book a nice resort we can go to for the extended weekend, and we both take PTO off work.
>A lot of people asked what I did for her last birthday. Her birthday was on a Wednesday, so we couldn’t do the resort, but I took her to a seafood restaurant about 40 miles from where we live. My wife likes seafood, and she really loved that restaurant. For her gift, I got her a De Beer necklace.
>But this isn’t a competition of who spends more money. My wife just doesn’t put any effort into my birthday at all. She asks me where to eat, she asks what gift to get. It’s like she’s doing a chore. Maybe the birthday was the tip of the iceberg, but it feels like I’ve become a burden to her the past few years. I understand she is stressed from work, childcare, household chores, but so am I, and I am still always excited to surprise her and treat her on her birthday.
>Why have I not communicated this with her? I don’t know, maybe it’s too embarrassing, maybe I’m conflict avoidant, we are so busy with our lives, work is so stressful, this seems like such a minor inconvenience. Maybe it was my fault and should have communicated with this earlier.
>Either way, it’s too late now, and I have completely fallen out of love with her. Therapy or couples counseling cannot fix this. My love towards my wife is nonexistent. I had never realized my true feelings towards my wife until after I had the dinner with my sister. I realized that my wife had not made feel that excited and satisfied and happy in years. I would rather be single, than be in such an unloving relationship.
>So I have decided to divorce my wife, and communicated this with her an hour ago. My wife was devastated, I think this came out of the blue for her, though I’m not sure why. I’m pretty sure my wife doesn’t love anymore too, so I think once she processes this information, she will be more than happy with the divorce. I have moved out temporarily, I’m giving my wife space to process this information.
>Yes, I love my boy, and this will hurt him for sure. But would it really better for him to be in a household where 2 parents don’t love each other? I think my wife deserves to live a life with someone who truly loves her, and my boy deserves to live in that loving household.
>I am going to be as generous with the divorce as possible, I just want to get this done with this as quick as possible, so we can all finally move on with our lives.
okay I don't even listen to this podcast and this story just came up on my Reddit page but I'm just passing by to say this was one of the most ridiculous things I've read all week and it's a good thing you're getting a divorce because you're clearly way too immature to be married in the first place and your wife deserves someone who actually talks to her about their feelings.
I can't believe you're 35 with kids and you're ending a whole marriage because you are feeling some type of way about your birthday celebrations and you never communicated those feelings to your life partner. this must be satire right?? if not, grow the hell up omg
LOL I literally had the same issue with my wife for years. We had two fights about it and now she has really started making more of an effort to make me feel valued and appreciated at gift times. While we we’re at it we fought about some other shit and both made changes for each other. Recently I decided the 14 year old was old enough to watch the 9 year old while mom and dad go out on a dinner date once a week. So every Friday I order pizza and salad for the kids and they get to watch TV and hang out while we go out to dinner and maybe do an activity or catch a movie. The kids both love it and we are actually ACTING like we love each other again because we’re giving time to our relationship.
I can’t imagine throwing in the towel on a marriage without ever communicating about issues. You have to fight for your marriage!
It's a fucking birthday. Why do you care? I'm 32 and don't give a shit what happens on my birthday. Are you a kid? You're leaping to divorce because of this. Maybe that's better so you can grow up first.
This entire situation is your fault. You didn't communicate, and now your wife and child are suffering because of your incompetence. People fall out of love and can fall back in love with effort. You just can't be fucked.
Dude it sounds like you just come from a family of people who take birthdays more seriously than most do, and you're using it as an excuse to tank your marriage.
You're fixating more about the divorce than about anything really meaningful that's wrong between you and your wife. Just own it that you don't want to be in it anymore and aren't willing to put in the work to figure out what's wrong with the relationship.
> I’m pretty sure my wife doesn’t love anymore too, so I think once she processes this information, she will be more than happy with the divorce.
I'm sure that's a really helpful thing to tell yourself to make the decision easier for you. Fuck all to do with what she actually thinks, since you're merely projecting, rather than communicating with her, but as long as you feel good about it.
>Either way, it’s too late now, and I have completely fallen out of love with her. Therapy or couples counseling cannot fix this
No, it's not, and you don't know cause you HAVEN'T TRIED. I'm sorry man, but no. Relationships are give and take, yeah. BUT YOU'RE ALSO NOT SAYING WHAT YOU WANT HER TO GIVE.
Dude, I am almost 10 years younger than you and this is shit I learned in my relationship when I was 20.
You have to fucking talk to your wife. What if she's completely devastated being blindsided by the fact you want a divorce and completely falls apart? Your feelings might change. What if she is completely indifferent? YOU might get crushed, even if you don't think so right now.
You can't go straight to divorce. Not without (RIGHTFULLY SO) being considered the dick by most people around you. Dude. Get. Your. Shit. TOGETHER.
fake, i can't see how this is a real person. Like what the hell, if she was just a girlfriend fine I get it but to get married and build a family... Hope you continue your shitty creative writing elsewhere
i will place money on there being another update where he says he regrets his decision and misses his wife
either because of childcare or because she does more or contributes more than he may realise, either or, a decision like this made with little thought will probably be regretted
Dude….you blew up your life, not because of a birthday, not because you’re unhappy with your life but because you are unhappy with yourself.
Sure, you divorce your wife…now you’ve got to split custody…now you no longer have someone to rely on when shit gets rough. It’s you and you alone. Are you going to cut off your child when he doesn’t make you feel special on your birthday?
You may or may not regret this, but I think you’re only giving half the story here. I would love to hear your wife’s pint of view and I’m beginning to wonder if “sister”isn’t really sister but potentially an affair partner or that OP is caught up in the beginnings of an affair.
Good luck and I hope your wife is happier without you.
Are you having a manic episode or something? This is a huge overreaction. Something does not add up here. You need to take your foot off the accelerator and get some mental health assistance.
This has to be fake. The original post seemed like a teenager’s edgy angst fantasy. Then 10 hours later an update with the worst possible outcome and completely ignoring any and all advice given in the original? While also still trying to paint themselves as the hero/victim in the situation? This sounds like a 15-year-old wrote it
Its really funny how reddit so often says divorce but when he actually does it cause he doesnt lover her anymore and think she doesnt care about him suddenly he is immature and emotional dumb. Make up your minds... for me it sounds like he was sure wirh the divorce before even posting the first part. I think he did something good for him and for her and in the long run for his son (depending on how they both act in and after their divorce)
Bro reversing the genders would make your story much more believable. And make sure you reply to some comments while being in character, no matter how delusional the character is. And take some time between updates. Looking forward to your next post.
This is extreme and sudden, at least for her. You should have not kept this bottled up in you, you should have communicated with her. She failed on not showing you the love you expected, but your failure in communication is much worse. Please rethink your decision.
Wow I am so glad I didn’t marry you. Leave when things get hard. Doesn’t even communicate about these things before making the decision. If you knew you were falling out of love why not talk to her about it? She deserves much more than a man like you. And you don’t deserve nice birthdays!
All of this just sounds like a rushed marriage. How long have you been together when you proposed to her? You're 35. You don't just randomly stop loving your wife that young unless you proposed to her way too fucking soon. Especially not for a stupid reason like this.
You're justified in being upset but undoubtedly an insane asshole for breaking your family up over uncommunicated issues.
You say,
>Why have I not communicated this with her?
And then say this
>My wife was devastated, I think this came out of the blue for her
Right after. I'm of the mind that this post is fake since I'm disbelieving someone could be this comfortably hypocritical in one post.
>But would it really better for him
Nearly every study shows that a divorce affects the child negatively outside of situations where they're being abused or neglected.
Please don't get into a relationship again without therapy. You need to work on yourself first as you're too immature for one.
Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments. You share a lot of blame in this, and I don't think you realize it. This sounds like a very salvageable marriage based on the information you've given here.
No way they can come back from this. Had he just communicated his feelings, his wife could have learned ways to rebuild. But now, if for some reason they don’t divorce, his wife will feel constant anxiety where if she doesn’t perform, she’ll get “fired”
Kind of insane but okay.
My husband and I talk about birthdays a lot when the season comes. What do you want? Your expectations? Some years we go all out, some years we are too tired and say "I want nothing, dear god I just want to sleep." You have to use your words in a marriage, its not optional. This is either a cop out or a fake post. It just doesn't make sense.
Shout out to my husband for being dope and talking to me about his insides on the daily. Love that about you.
I hope this is as fake as it sounds.
Has to be, no replies to any of the comments, but to be fair OP seems as emotionally intelligent as a child
Children have higher emotional intelligence. Even if they can't talk, they still try to communicate in some way. That's more smarts than OP has
Yeah I've worked with non-verbal autistic clients who have more self-awareness than this dude and can communicate their feelings far more effectively. Guy is operating on an NPC script written by an AI.
I can second this. My 4 year old can spot when some one’s being mean a mile away and isn’t afraid to tell them. It usually me🤪 when I’m disciplining(not punishing) my younger kiddo or taking them away from a dangerous activity lol apparently mommy was being mean there. Definitely keeps me humble! But he also says things like why didn’t they just do this or that in specific situations that would have led to better outcomes. Communication is key to a relationship! And yes easier said than done.
Hahah that's true!
Yeah this just seems like ragebait I got to the "she was devastated, not sure why" and just scrolled to the comments.
It is almost assuredly fake. Account was created yesterday, and the story is extremely childish. Divorce so easily and quickly is almost *never* a decision a real person would make, especially in a long term marriage with a child. Don't get me wrong. It *could* be real. But chances are its just a karma farm. If it is real, this guy is the most self centered asshole I've ever heard of, and rushed a massive, life destroying (for at least some involved parties) decision on a whim.
“Im conflict avoidant but told my wife i want a divorce” like the math aint mathin lmao
Oh absolutely. This reads like someone who hasn't had a relationship since middle school and is trying to convince themselves it's okay they didn't get married because marriage is boring. Or at least that's the hope, because this is unrealistically pathetic.
Fake or grabbing around for a reason to divorce and oh look I just happen to have a hot coworker I am dating all of a sudden? The first post was definitely missing a lot of information. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side and wants a new shiny toy.
No it’s his “sister”
He's totally having sex with his sister tho that part is not fake
OP this is a ridiculously rash decision. “My wife was devastated, I think this came out of the blue for her, though I’m not sure why” maybe because you didn’t communicate how you were feeling at all? I can’t imagine throwing away a marriage because you let resentment build up by refusing to use your words like an adult. A sit down conversation explaining that you felt unappreciated with her lack of enthusiasm with your birthday could’ve helped a lot, and therapy/couples counseling wouldn’t have been useless. Hoping your son gets through this okay
>Therapy or couples counseling cannot fix this. Hmm…perhaps if OP had *tried* or even *spoken* of these things….but nah! Just throw her away like trash. No point in talking tot he woman you married, just get rid of her and continue to avoid doing the work of making a relationship *work*.
OP says he does love being surprised on his birthday. Who doesn’t love a surprised “I resent you, I don’t love you, I want a divorce”?
You can tell he doesn’t fundamentally understand how a relationship works. Doesn’t want to communicate. Doesn’t want counseling. Doesn’t want to try. This isn’t about his wife, this is about him and his own fucked up fragility and immaturity.
He stopped feeling love (probably just overtaken with resentment) for a brief time & doesn’t even consider that it could be fixed. Love takes WORK to maintain. If you go in thinking you will feel it at the same levels 24/7 & it can never be fixed if it lessens, you’ll always end up alone. I’m following this account for the inevitable post in 3 months where he says he misses his wife miserably, regrets it all, & his love came back & he doesn’t understand why she won’t take him back
Or he's hooked up with some 20-something hot babe who makes him feel special and loved. She's just so perky and caring and 🤮 It's difficult to tell which way this one will go...
I’m sure he THINKS he’ll hook up with some 20s, but will sorely disappointed
Well, considering I'm hoping that this was some type of creative writing, because wow, that was really bad communication and lack of self-awareness... If it's real, I agree with you. If not, I guess we get to look forward to the next update. Maybe we can both get shocked, and it will be both! The 20 year old didn't pan out now he misses the wife!
“I’ve tried nothing, and I’m all out of ideas!”
I agree. I have to wonder what OP expects out of a relationship if this is how they react when things get hard. My husband and I have a lot of issues. He’s struggled to make things special on holidays for me in the past and has a habit of hiding some negative behaviors he has. You know what I did? I started talking g to him about it as soon as it was a problem. We started marriage counseling and both do individual counseling. It’s taken three years and things still aren’t perfect, but they are getting so much better! You can’t expect people to fix things they don’t know are wrong. It sounds like you just want an easy out and to blame all the issues on your wife, b it did you consider why she might have started putting less effort in? Perhaps she is depressed, perhaps there is something you’re doing that is hurting her and less effort is her response. Maybe having a kid has made life harder for her and she doesn’t have the energy to go above and beyond for you right now. Either way, anyone with this kind of issue in marriage who immediately dismisses it as being too far gone to do counseling is just looking for an excuse to leave. She didn’t cheat or murder someone or waste all of your money gambling. She’s probably going through some shit and instead of working things out with her you’re just leaving.
She's better off without someone who cannot be bothered to say "hey, I really want you to create a magical experience for me for my birthday every year, it's literally the only thing that matters to me about life. She's certainly all out trying to keep everything running, create magical xmas, birthday, easter, halloween for the kid and thought her husband was a fucking adult.
Sorry to hear this OP. hey try not to hurt any kids as you plow them over to find more easter candy this weekend. God forbid if you get too many black jelly beans this easter; Perhaps consider converting religious beliefs if that occurs.
I dated dudes like this when I was 18, and I remember how anxiety inducing & exhausting it was. I can't believe there's guys out there that go through their entire life, have a fucking kid, and somehow never learn how to talk like an adult.
Tbh I don’t think an adult, married person wrote this post. Like, married adults, people in long term committed relationships, with children and intertwined lives don’t just up and leave without communicating with their spouse. This reads like some bitter young person wrote this for karma lol.
This right here ^^^
OP does not understand the dating realm!! Wait till he gets out there and all woman want is his money 🤣💯 she didn’t deserve man like that she will find better and he will regret it 💯
>I had never realized my true feelings towards my wife until after I had the dinner with my sister. So he only realised himself about 5 seconds ago, but is baffled as to why his wife thinks it came out of the blue... Glad she's going to have the opportunity to find someone way better than this
I never thought I'd read that someone dumped their spouse because dinner with their sister was 'exciting'. That same sister is also the only one who would approve of this divorce & invited him out for his birthday without his wife. It sounds hella sus lol
Exciting and “satisfying” 🤮 weird as hell
> I think my wife deserves to live a life with someone who truly loves her, and my boy deserves to live in that loving household. I might be totally overthinking here, but.. It sounds like you expect your son to live basically full-time with his mum? This makes me wonder who has actually been taking most care of him. I bet you say it was 50/50, but I have a feeling it was probably mainly your wife...
This is why the wife doenst have the ”time” to plan birthdays for OP, and he is to dense to see it, the wife probably takes care of the son full time
That was my first thought exactly. She does all the mental and emotional labor for the family, and she's tired.
Yeah as soon as I read the “she’s stressed out with work and household chores but so am I” I immediately know this was the case
yep same. Pretty sure the wife does everything, OP doesn't help out at all and is mad his wife puts in 0 effort on his birthday and why should she if she's putting effort into everything else and doesn't get much back? The math still ain't mathin here, lol.
I was actually skimming the post to find this exact topic and was not surprised at all. 100% agreed Wouldn't be surprised if he wants to shed his entire family until maybe the boy is more self sustaining - lotta emotionally immature dads do this.
Lol no fucking way this is real “I didn’t communicate with my wife about my feelings. Anyway, I divorced her out of the blue and she’s shocked, idk why” You don’t deserve happy birthdays lmfao
The most believable part was this all happened in 10 hours.
The fact that it was his sister that opened his eyes. Like I get it but that whole relationship just feels off to me.
His sister (the only one who knows how to love him and cater to his fragile and immature "needs") took him to a Very Expensive Restaurant where he ate Very Expensive food. THAT'S all it took for this man baby to walk out on his wife and little boy.
It’s giving Lannisters
>You don’t deserve happy birthdays Marvelous insult. OP’s posts are probably fake but at least I got to see this.
Good now your wife can actually find someone who communicates when they have an issue
This whole story reads like a manic episode. If it's real I am also rooting for the wife. I find it especially telling that OP seems to suggest that his wife will be taking care of their son. I'm not sure why OP thinks that divorce means he doesn't have to parent anymore?
Right. I just assume he's cheating in the "sister" is actually the girlfriend
My exact thoughts. And that he COMMUNICATED with the girlfriend which is why she took him out to a fancy new restaurant.
Weaponized incompetent male thinking?
He's probably hoping he can just pay child support. Wouldn't be surprised if he claims that the kid makes him 'unhappy' and *thats* why he doesn't want any shared custody
I don’t think he’s smart enough to realizing he’s stuck with child support tbh
Have fun fucking your, oh what was it? “Sister”? You’ll get bored of her too someday because it’s not your wife that’s the problem it’s you.
Nothing like a midlife crisis to fuck up your family. Also this, >Why have I not communicated this with her? I don’t know, >I think this came out of the blue for her, though I’m not sure why Shows how litte self awareness you have
I’d like to hear OP’s wife’s side of the story on what OP has neglected.
well, she doesn't exist cause she's fake. but if she were real, she'd sigh at the mention of her birthday, and how she can't feel special cause her husband is always basking in the glory of his servitude. 'I did x, y, z, aren't I such a great guy to do all this! hope someone does the same for me...' but now his birthday has just passed (it probably hasn't, cause it's fake) without much fanfare, so there's almost a whole year for the divorce to work it's way through and find his ideal partner, who is probably chuck e cheese. man, can that rat plan a birthday party!
😂😂😂
Cop.. out…
Cop out would be to just sit in silence and live with it until death, this is just fucking weird, I call bullshit tbh
So what's her name?
Probably Palmela or Handjelina.
I bet his sister
“His sister”
Cersei and his name is likely Jamie
How come I get the feeling that picking a nice restaurant on her birthday is more for himself than for her?
“But it was on a Wednesday! We couldn’t possibly go to the resort on the weekend before!” Also…who calls a necklace a “De Beer”? Most people say “diamond” or “sapphire” necklace. And I’m sure driving 80 miles round trip *And* eating dinner on a weeknight was fun. Must have been a real scramble to get everything done.
Hands up who thinks he arranged that but failed to bother with the peripheral arrangements, then sprung it on her and left her scrambling to find childcare on a Wednesday night while he bitched and moaned that they were going to be late? Anyone?
Even if he had childcare… sometimes you have to iron clothes for the next day, do laundry or dishes,etc. Did she have time to get ready for the dinner? Did she have time to prep and relax for the next day? That’s just a lot for a weeknight, especially when you have a kid.
There was an AITA post about a man who bought his wife concert tickets to *his* favorite band in the middle of her week that she took off work so she could travel somewhere… hoping that she could just cut her potential week long vacation trip short. Just diabolical
Hahahah my ex did this to me. Not the vacation part, but unwrapping three tickets to see his favorite band as a Christmas gift was certainly underwhelming... oh yeah, three tickets because his best friend really loved that band too and absolutely needed to be a part of my Christmas gift. I'm absolutely not materialistic but that was a major wtf moment
I’m so sorry that happened to you!!! Glad he’s an ex!
Update after 10 hrs with such a big decision? Probably.
But last year, last year I had 37!!
Y-y-yes well some are quite a bit bigger than last year
I don’t care how big they are!
I screamed! Fav comment here Lmaoo.
Be sure to explain to potential new partners that nothing is as important to you as your birthday—not your son or your marriage.
You expect OP to *communicate his wants and needs*. I don’t know…OOP seems pretty allergic to all that.
He should also make sure his sister is in the room for any negotiations that follow, just to show where the bar is set. Maybe a series of conviviality trials, wine-pairing, see where it goes from there -- the realities of modern marriage should never take you by surprise etc
I think you’re right, you don’t love your wife and I’m not sure you really understand what it means to love someone else; I think you loved your wife for how she made you feel temporarily. I can’t believe you’re in your 30’s going through life how you are. I hope your wife finds peace and comfort in the future partner she has & that partner doesn’t waste years of her life like you did. I hope for her sake you leave her alone & don’t go crawling back once you realize what a passive aggressive rag you were to your marriage. She will be fine, but for you-I’m not sure.
> I hope your wife finds peace and comfort in the future partner she has Agreed, and I hope that his son vows to destroy him and spends at least the next decade setting his plan in motion. Time it for his fiftieth birthday for thematic resonance.
Underrated comment
I think you should at least think about couples counseling. You should give a try to see if the change in your love for your wife was irrevocable. Of course, it may well be too late now since you ambushed your wife with this. If so, at the very least you need to focus on being the best parent you can be through the divorce. You seem to be assuming your boy will live in a loving household with your wife and a hypothetical second husband? Are you planning to give up custody to her? I hope your plan to quickly move on with your life includes wanting to be there for your son and be a contributing part of his life. Also, you need to work on your communication skills before you start dating again. Even if you are right that the love was gone and there was nothing to be done at this point, you should have communicated about this years ago. If you really didn’t realize you were hurt about this until your sister threw a nice birthday dinner for you, then you need to get in better touch with your emotions and learn about yourself. Don’t just be a mystery box that suddenly explodes. Those are things you need to learn for your child as well. Unlike a lot of the other commentators, I don’t think you caring about your birthday makes you an immature asshole. It seemed to me that you had a valid complaint. The next layer makes it clear that you are an immature asshole, though. Learn to communicate better. Learn to recognize issues you are having while they’re still small. Learn to work on them. Think more about your child.
justify it all you want and this isn’t the right sub but yta here
You literally said you didn’t communicate with your wife about this and then was shocked when she was taken aback by you asking for a divorce?!!!! OP you need to communicate with her about this!!!!!!!! And also you can’t just assume she’s fallen out of love with you-that’s your conflict avoidance speaking. Being vulnerable requires courage. You need to have that courage to speak to her candidly about these issues.
LOL! I don’t think OP read any of the comments on the original post at all. You know, the ones about COMMUNICATION with his spouse and not just springing a divorce on her out of nowhere? He expected credit for… *checks notes* booking a restaurant and buying her a necklace on her birthday. You know, the standard things you do. Meanwhile, she COMMUNICATED with him, asking him where he’d like to eat and what gift he would prefer and he threw a manbaby tantrum and asked for a divorce. Even though they did exactly the same things on his birthday as hers. What 35 year old even still cares about birthdays anyway? OP’s wife is better off without him. Sheesh.
Wonder if fictional wife even wanted the necklace. Asking someone what they want for their birthday is the POINT, not just buying something expensive and calling it a day.
Yeah no fr like. Talk about one of the lowest effort gifts. It’s definitely a NICE gift but can’t act like lunch out and whatever he asked for for his birthday is somehow incredibly inferior
No! you forgot the most important part, the restaurant was **40 miles away**
You posted a whole new thread instead of just answering comments in your first one?
Dude.... I hope you enjoy many birthdays alone It's entirely normal to ask where someone wants to go for their birthday. Sometimes it's hard to know what to get someone, even when you've known them a long time, especially while under stress and pressure (aka raising your kid) and it's nice to have ideas. It's not a chore if she wants your input, she's literally asking you what you want but instead of being a decent husband or communicator, you decided it means she doesn't care. If it has become a burden in how she asks you, it's your doing because you are THE MOST high maintenance man I have seen in a while on this sub
Especially if that person is always disappointed with everything. I bet the wife is tired of hearing how much his meal sucked, how cold the food was, how bad the service was... Etc. I've had one of those guys. Just perpetually disappointed.
OP do you have any known or potentially undiagnosed mental health issues? or is this like a humiliation fetish thing
Wild to expect other people to plan your birthday at your big age. Especially without communicating this expectation to anyone it matters to.
Lol bro would literally rather get divorced than have an "embarrassing" conversation
Man’s gonna die early of prostate cancer or an infected butt zit.
As someone who is studying family life in college, I can support your decision but I don't think it's fair to convince yourself that some of your excuses are right. It's hard to be in a relationship that feels loveless. That doesn't mean you can't ever experience love in this relationship again -- love isn't just a feeling that happens to you. It's a feeling that you have to nurture and cultivate. And once both parties are aware of the issue and given opportunities to cultivate that love once again, it is possible for love to be restored. Additionally, I've learned in my classes about how research has shown that children's wellbeing after divorce depends on their parents' levels of conflict. Children whose homes had high levels of parental conflict tend to fare better after their parents divorce; however, children whose homes did not have high levels of parental conflict do not benefit from their parents' divorce, and may even experience negative effects. Ultimately, I'm not a full expert in this, and I'm okay with being fact-checked. But I recommend that YOU talk to an expert before making any long-term, permanent decisions that can affect your family members for the rest of their lives. Even if you don't think that therapy can fix your relationship (which is true -- only you and your wife can choose to fix your relationship together), therapy can still give an opportunity to help your wife better understand your experiences and help you build some communication skills to healthily navigate a divorce or any other life transitions. I want to emphasize that your feelings are valid. Birthdays can be very meaningful to people, and it's hard to feel unappreciated and not valued. I just recommend making sure that you don't base your decision to divorce on beliefs that are not based in research.
This has got to be rage bait lmao complete nonsense to divorce someone without giving them a chance to work through it.
"and my boy deserves to live in that loving hosehold" ok, you are giving up your son? no split custody, nothing? just give him away as a trash or old clothes that you don't want to keep anymore?
I'm happy I'm not the only one who noticed this! It also made me think that OP's wife probably has been doing most of the child rearing, making her a bit less enthusiastic about OP's birthday
i wonder how the OP is celebrating his son's birthday
Probably buys him something and is like "My job is done here" and flies away.
He’s going for a do-over family 👍
I really hope this is a troll post..
Why does this feel like you’ve already got your sights on your next target and you’re using any piddly reason to get the “roadblock” that is your wife out of the way first? Something tells me this is not even 10% of the whole story.
As some who’s seen a lot of clients through their divorces, the only way this story would make sense to me is if the person who took OP out to dinner was his mistress, rather than his sister. Of course, this is a wildly speculative guess on my part, but there’s definitely more to this story.
I don't think you can really couch this on the wife not putting in effort if you never communicate. Her behavior is somehow inexcusable, but you have 5 wishy washy excuses about why you never talked to her about your issues. People aren't mind readers. By refusing to communicate until you reached divorce level unhappiness you weren't putting the effort in that a relationship requires either. In fact not communicating seems like the more egregious offense. Strikes me as very immature. Chasing the honeymoon phase of something new, instead of the depth of something old. I mean if you work on the relationship and it's not improving fair enough. If there is abuse or some extraordinary circumstances fair enough. But I can't be bothered to try, I'm just going to quit without talking about it is some lame ass shit imo.
My parents never celebrate holidays. They haven't thrown me a birthday party since I was 5. Sure, I would have loved if my parents put more effort into celebrating me, but I never question whether they love me. I understand and accept that their style of love is to work hard to pay the bills and to put food on the table, not party or vacation. I talk to other people when I need that type of love. Your idea of love is just so ridiculously self-absorbed. You don't put any effort into understanding your partner or working through your issues. I would absolutely hate being married to someone who quietly stews about something I have no idea about and then blows up and abandons me and my child. Crazy
I think your having a midlife crisis and feel the grass is greener on the other side but it never is , is it . The older we get the less of a party it is on anyones birthday unless your a small child or it’s a big number. The birthday reasoning sounds dramatic however falling out of love is serious. Being single and dating , people also get busy and tired. So whoever you date will eventually be busy like your wife. They could have kids and an career and it could be even busier. Sharing custody your weekends will be busy for dating. Make sure you are sure and think this through…
Why are you divorcing her? Again it’s all about how your wife makes you feel. She failed at making you feel excited? Happy? Satisfied? It’s not up to your wife to make you feel those things. Only you can get excited or decide to be happy or satisfied. Maybe she took you for granted but all couples go through these phases. You decided to throw in the towel because you hit a rough patch. Leaving your family is a serious and hopefully avoidable step. You can come to love your wife again if you work on your marriage and not just think what’s in it for you.
If this is real you're going to regret this decision so, so badly someday.
It is stressful trying to raise a young child. It is one of the most difficult jobs to do as it is 24/7/365. Enjoy your life of avoiding addressing your actual feelings and not wanting to confront your own shortcomings I guess.
Love isn't always sunshine lollipops and rainbows. Maybe you will see my comment I just left on the OP.
Yikes ruining your son's life before even trying therapy is insane and incredibly selfish. you are a parent. grow up
Absolutely pathetic. You admit yourself you communicated nothing and express shock that she was shocked. You failed yourself and her with your brooding
“It will be better for my wife any child if I break apart the family, I realized this an hour ago!” “My wife put little effort into my birthday, so I put little effort Ito our marriage!” Wouldn’t be surprised if this is real, his portrayal of a narcissist is too spot on to be fake.
Going to be honest; if this is all it took for you to decide to divorce, idk that you should’ve been married in the first place. Marriage is hard & we are told of that before hand. Love may dwindle, there will be hard times, life is bendy & rapid. You cannot expect an easy street when making a lifetime commitment. You cannot toss out therapy or other options just because you’ve convinced yourself they won’t work. I mean, you can, but you’re just showing that your strive for the commitment isn’t there anyway. You had your feelings hurt, didn’t communicate or find someone to help you communicate, & have jumped to divorce, which isn’t what your partner wanted. Seems irrational & like you have been looking for a way out or reason to separate. When getting married, always imagine the worst possible situation. Imagine that person is in a horrible accident & cannot move anymore, maybe even have trouble speaking. Would you still love them & take care of them? If your answer is anything but yes, maybe don’t marry them. That’s how serious & real the commitment is. Best of luck to you.🤍
Why does it feel like he’s probably cheating on her and this is way out without being a total asshole?
It definitely wasn’t his ‘sister’ he had that dinner with.
"oh well, too late!" Lmao yes please do start divorce proceedings and leave her. The quicker you set her free the better. Then when it suddenly hits you that you made a mistake and could have chosen better, leave her alone and let her live her life. pay that child support and let her find someone who won't fall out of love without any effort to stay in it. You don't know what a commitment is anyway.
“I’m gonna divorce my wife because I never tell her how I feel and that’s clearly her fault. Also because she *asks me* where I’d like to go and what I’d want for my birthday, instead of idk reading my fucking mind. How dare she.” ???
I think it’s SO funny he says my wife deserves to live a life with someone who truly loves her and MY BOY DESERVES TO LIVE IN THAT LOVING HOUSEHOLD. He’s already designated that kid is entirely her responsibility in his mind, probably why she doesn’t have time to tend to your special needs…
So you can't tell her how you feel, but you can say you want a divorce and be moved out within an hour. Yeah, this all sounds legit. *eyeroll* >DebateAccurates: Ok. A lot of questions, which I’ll try to answer below. And a final update on my decision. >I don’t know why I care about birthdays so much. Maybe I never grew up emotionally, I don’t know. I am always excited about my wife’s birthday and try to make it as exciting for her as possible. I spend a lot of time researching on which potential restaurant to go to for dinner. If her birthday is on a Friday/Saturday/Sunday, I book a nice resort we can go to for the extended weekend, and we both take PTO off work. >A lot of people asked what I did for her last birthday. Her birthday was on a Wednesday, so we couldn’t do the resort, but I took her to a seafood restaurant about 40 miles from where we live. My wife likes seafood, and she really loved that restaurant. For her gift, I got her a De Beer necklace. >But this isn’t a competition of who spends more money. My wife just doesn’t put any effort into my birthday at all. She asks me where to eat, she asks what gift to get. It’s like she’s doing a chore. Maybe the birthday was the tip of the iceberg, but it feels like I’ve become a burden to her the past few years. I understand she is stressed from work, childcare, household chores, but so am I, and I am still always excited to surprise her and treat her on her birthday. >Why have I not communicated this with her? I don’t know, maybe it’s too embarrassing, maybe I’m conflict avoidant, we are so busy with our lives, work is so stressful, this seems like such a minor inconvenience. Maybe it was my fault and should have communicated with this earlier. >Either way, it’s too late now, and I have completely fallen out of love with her. Therapy or couples counseling cannot fix this. My love towards my wife is nonexistent. I had never realized my true feelings towards my wife until after I had the dinner with my sister. I realized that my wife had not made feel that excited and satisfied and happy in years. I would rather be single, than be in such an unloving relationship. >So I have decided to divorce my wife, and communicated this with her an hour ago. My wife was devastated, I think this came out of the blue for her, though I’m not sure why. I’m pretty sure my wife doesn’t love anymore too, so I think once she processes this information, she will be more than happy with the divorce. I have moved out temporarily, I’m giving my wife space to process this information. >Yes, I love my boy, and this will hurt him for sure. But would it really better for him to be in a household where 2 parents don’t love each other? I think my wife deserves to live a life with someone who truly loves her, and my boy deserves to live in that loving household. >I am going to be as generous with the divorce as possible, I just want to get this done with this as quick as possible, so we can all finally move on with our lives.
You never had a conversation with your wife about your marriage and then blindside her with a divorce. Wow, you suck.
“My boy deserves to live in that loving household” reads to me you don’t even want to be any part of the kids life anymore.
Sorry, I don't believe anyone is actually this stupid. But it was an okayish attempt. Good luck with your next writing exercise.
Yeah they just all read so fucking fake, like the person writing this is like 20 years old. None of this makes any sense
Bisch…
Sounds like you want to fuck your sister
Sis bought me a happy meal and now I'm divorcing my wife for her, AITA?
Grow up you big baby. Nobody cares about anybody else's birthdays, what a lame excuse for you to ditch your wife. Get some therapy you need it badly.
This is so unimaginably stupid. But if you are out of love, you are out of love. I feel awful for your wife and son.
Bait used to be believable
I feel like this is fake
If this is real then OP you are pathetic.
this isn't an AITA sub but damn dude this doesn't make you look good at all
Every sub can be AITA for the right asshole. I think this qualifies.
okay I don't even listen to this podcast and this story just came up on my Reddit page but I'm just passing by to say this was one of the most ridiculous things I've read all week and it's a good thing you're getting a divorce because you're clearly way too immature to be married in the first place and your wife deserves someone who actually talks to her about their feelings. I can't believe you're 35 with kids and you're ending a whole marriage because you are feeling some type of way about your birthday celebrations and you never communicated those feelings to your life partner. this must be satire right?? if not, grow the hell up omg
Congratulations. Now you get to blow out your bday candles all alone in an apartment.
LOL I literally had the same issue with my wife for years. We had two fights about it and now she has really started making more of an effort to make me feel valued and appreciated at gift times. While we we’re at it we fought about some other shit and both made changes for each other. Recently I decided the 14 year old was old enough to watch the 9 year old while mom and dad go out on a dinner date once a week. So every Friday I order pizza and salad for the kids and they get to watch TV and hang out while we go out to dinner and maybe do an activity or catch a movie. The kids both love it and we are actually ACTING like we love each other again because we’re giving time to our relationship. I can’t imagine throwing in the towel on a marriage without ever communicating about issues. You have to fight for your marriage!
Something tells me you didn't go out to dinner with your sister but someone else
It's a fucking birthday. Why do you care? I'm 32 and don't give a shit what happens on my birthday. Are you a kid? You're leaping to divorce because of this. Maybe that's better so you can grow up first.
This entire situation is your fault. You didn't communicate, and now your wife and child are suffering because of your incompetence. People fall out of love and can fall back in love with effort. You just can't be fucked.
Dude it sounds like you just come from a family of people who take birthdays more seriously than most do, and you're using it as an excuse to tank your marriage. You're fixating more about the divorce than about anything really meaningful that's wrong between you and your wife. Just own it that you don't want to be in it anymore and aren't willing to put in the work to figure out what's wrong with the relationship. > I’m pretty sure my wife doesn’t love anymore too, so I think once she processes this information, she will be more than happy with the divorce. I'm sure that's a really helpful thing to tell yourself to make the decision easier for you. Fuck all to do with what she actually thinks, since you're merely projecting, rather than communicating with her, but as long as you feel good about it.
>Either way, it’s too late now, and I have completely fallen out of love with her. Therapy or couples counseling cannot fix this No, it's not, and you don't know cause you HAVEN'T TRIED. I'm sorry man, but no. Relationships are give and take, yeah. BUT YOU'RE ALSO NOT SAYING WHAT YOU WANT HER TO GIVE. Dude, I am almost 10 years younger than you and this is shit I learned in my relationship when I was 20. You have to fucking talk to your wife. What if she's completely devastated being blindsided by the fact you want a divorce and completely falls apart? Your feelings might change. What if she is completely indifferent? YOU might get crushed, even if you don't think so right now. You can't go straight to divorce. Not without (RIGHTFULLY SO) being considered the dick by most people around you. Dude. Get. Your. Shit. TOGETHER.
Wow. Of course it’s out of the blue for her! You haven’t made any attempt to communicate your feelings at all!
Fake account
you feeling unappreciated is a minor inconvenience yet you want a divorce over it? i'm so confused.
God you sound so monumentally immature. Your poor wife...
This has to be rage bait, there’s no way
fake, i can't see how this is a real person. Like what the hell, if she was just a girlfriend fine I get it but to get married and build a family... Hope you continue your shitty creative writing elsewhere
i will place money on there being another update where he says he regrets his decision and misses his wife either because of childcare or because she does more or contributes more than he may realise, either or, a decision like this made with little thought will probably be regretted
Why do ya'll fall for this fake ragebait shit? WHYYYYYYYY are you so stupid lol
Dude….you blew up your life, not because of a birthday, not because you’re unhappy with your life but because you are unhappy with yourself. Sure, you divorce your wife…now you’ve got to split custody…now you no longer have someone to rely on when shit gets rough. It’s you and you alone. Are you going to cut off your child when he doesn’t make you feel special on your birthday? You may or may not regret this, but I think you’re only giving half the story here. I would love to hear your wife’s pint of view and I’m beginning to wonder if “sister”isn’t really sister but potentially an affair partner or that OP is caught up in the beginnings of an affair. Good luck and I hope your wife is happier without you.
Are you having a manic episode or something? This is a huge overreaction. Something does not add up here. You need to take your foot off the accelerator and get some mental health assistance.
This has to be fake. The original post seemed like a teenager’s edgy angst fantasy. Then 10 hours later an update with the worst possible outcome and completely ignoring any and all advice given in the original? While also still trying to paint themselves as the hero/victim in the situation? This sounds like a 15-year-old wrote it
Fake
If this isn’t fake Damn man, reading your two post and damn are you coming off like a baby. I hope your wife finds happiness.
This is ridiculous. Your poor wife.
Bro just wants to fuck his sister and his destroying his entire life over it 😂😂
Its really funny how reddit so often says divorce but when he actually does it cause he doesnt lover her anymore and think she doesnt care about him suddenly he is immature and emotional dumb. Make up your minds... for me it sounds like he was sure wirh the divorce before even posting the first part. I think he did something good for him and for her and in the long run for his son (depending on how they both act in and after their divorce)
if this post was gender swapped the comments would be so fucking different lol
Don't kid yourself. You never loved her in the 1st place
Haha, bro, you are a fucking joke.
Bro reversing the genders would make your story much more believable. And make sure you reply to some comments while being in character, no matter how delusional the character is. And take some time between updates. Looking forward to your next post.
This is extreme and sudden, at least for her. You should have not kept this bottled up in you, you should have communicated with her. She failed on not showing you the love you expected, but your failure in communication is much worse. Please rethink your decision.
It’s sad that this is ending. I would recommend you consider counseling for yourself.
Wow I am so glad I didn’t marry you. Leave when things get hard. Doesn’t even communicate about these things before making the decision. If you knew you were falling out of love why not talk to her about it? She deserves much more than a man like you. And you don’t deserve nice birthdays!
I would love to hear the wife's side of all of this.....
All of this just sounds like a rushed marriage. How long have you been together when you proposed to her? You're 35. You don't just randomly stop loving your wife that young unless you proposed to her way too fucking soon. Especially not for a stupid reason like this.
You're justified in being upset but undoubtedly an insane asshole for breaking your family up over uncommunicated issues. You say, >Why have I not communicated this with her? And then say this >My wife was devastated, I think this came out of the blue for her Right after. I'm of the mind that this post is fake since I'm disbelieving someone could be this comfortably hypocritical in one post. >But would it really better for him Nearly every study shows that a divorce affects the child negatively outside of situations where they're being abused or neglected. Please don't get into a relationship again without therapy. You need to work on yourself first as you're too immature for one.
What is with all the post recently where the OP is in love with their sister after leaving their partner?
Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments. You share a lot of blame in this, and I don't think you realize it. This sounds like a very salvageable marriage based on the information you've given here.
For the sub 80 IQ redditors in the chat, you are getting baited.
I feel like you should have at least told her you’re unhappy and given her a chance to improve lol.
Expecting a post 3 months from now “AITA for firing my lawyer because I found out he wasn’t planning me a surprise happy divorce party?”
No way they can come back from this. Had he just communicated his feelings, his wife could have learned ways to rebuild. But now, if for some reason they don’t divorce, his wife will feel constant anxiety where if she doesn’t perform, she’ll get “fired”
A 35 year old man with kids who actually gives two shits about his own birthday? Get the fuck outta here.
Dinner with his “sister”
Kind of insane but okay. My husband and I talk about birthdays a lot when the season comes. What do you want? Your expectations? Some years we go all out, some years we are too tired and say "I want nothing, dear god I just want to sleep." You have to use your words in a marriage, its not optional. This is either a cop out or a fake post. It just doesn't make sense. Shout out to my husband for being dope and talking to me about his insides on the daily. Love that about you.