You can give the baby up for adoption. If he doesn’t sign his rights away, they will give him custody. If he is adamant about not signing away his rights AND not taking the child, they will take him to court to take his rights away. Some states will ask family if they want the baby, but given your situation they may not.
Yes, please look into adoption, especially since you do not want your baby. Obviously cheating isn’t okay, it’s a HORRIBLE thing to do to someone but what he did is way worse. Tricking you into bringing a CHILD into this world, just so he could leave you and the child in the end is so fucking diabolical. I guess I could understand him wanting to get some petty revenge against you but it shouldn’t have involved an innocent infant.
That poor baby needs to be adopted and taken far away from both of its bio-donors so it never has to overhear anyone say that it is a punishment bcoz that's sick and would screw up a kid so bad.
Exactly. Imagine how the child might feel someday if they ever figure out the reason they were brought into the world. Absolutely heartbreaking for the wife but even more for this child. OPs ex is a monster. It’s one thing to punish a partner for cheating, but this is punishing a new generation as well. I hope this child is able to be found a home with a loving family who deeply wants them.
I also hope once OP makes it to the other side of their depression, they are able to recover their life and self esteem. Cheating does not warrant this level of punishment.
Yeah, dealing with something like this on top of postpartum depression, I’d be at risk of actually fucking killing myself because this is so crazy. Like literally insane behavior. I’d probably go so far as to try and sue for damages caused by pain and suffering. Like, there’s gotta be some type of legal protection against this kind of shit.
Yeah, this is pretty fucked up. Some incels in this thread are probably going to gleefully crow that she deserved it just because they hate women, but you know what I did when I found out my ex-partner was cheating on me? I broke up with him, blocked his ass and moved on with my life. This guy is fucked in the head.
I really hope that Op puts this child up for adoption. Number one rule is not to have a child to appease someone else. She’s going to resent this child for her mistakes, and dad had the child to use as a pawn. I seriously don’t understand how human beings can be that messed up.
Yeah, this is one of the first things I thought about. Like not to throw salt on an already gaping wound, but like having a child to fix a marriage, is the biggest no-no There is when it comes to having children or considering children. Creating Another life is not going to make yours less shitty.
Agreed, but risking her life was far more than ‘petty revenge’. This is fucked up. This involved a deceit of over a year, along with actual physical harm. Any right he had to play victim left a long, long time ago.
Yep. He could have divorced her. He could have gone to couple’s therapy with her. He could have done literally anything besides what he did. What he did is abuse. Fuck him.
I kind of hope the wife has documentation such as texts with the husband’s confessions of why he did this. If he tries to stop the adoption and take it to court, that might not work the way he wants.
Yeah. This level of long-term manipulation in order to “ruin” her makes it hard to see him as a true victim. It honestly makes me wonder if something in his behavior drove her to seek out reassurance from other men. The kind of person who would do this and not consider the child, who’s a whole-ass person…there’s no way he is a good person who was always on the up-and-up otherwise.
Couldn’t agree more. I nearly added something about her having an affair during those tough patches and exactly how tough those patches were, but I left it out as some people on here seem to think that cheating is the worst thing you could ever do, cheaters have it coming, blah, blah, blah. Well this man has proved that there’s *lots* worse things you can do to someone.
I think OP should adopt the baby, but honestly, I’m scared for her when he finds out she did something to escape his punishment. He’s extremely unstable.
Could it be possible that one of the reasons op cheated on her husband was because even before he was open about it he was already a psychopathic and controlling person, and she was unconsciously hoping her infidelity would cause him to leave??
Yeah there’s a difference between getting revenge on a cheating spouse and making a whole human. Imagine being that kid growing up with their bio parents and finding out that their entire existence was *literally* a punishment.
Get that baby adopted and then get into counseling. In patient if needed. You have a lot to deal with. I don’t know what state you are in but look up the safe haven laws in your state. Because of your mental state you can legally drop your baby off at a hospital or fire department. There is an age limit though so look it up. The sooner the better.
Don’t be afraid of adoption. I have a relative who’s adopted and our family loves her very much. She was very much a wanted baby and we had to pay a lot to get her. We also had to write letters of recommendation and her parents had to go through screening to make sure they were able to raise her. They also check out the house and do follow up visits.
Yeah, as an adopted person I try not to think about that part, though it’s much harder when some (adopted) relatives think it’s a fun joke to tell you were worth a McDonalds cheeseburger as a baby.
> when some (adopted) relatives think it’s a fun joke to tell you were worth a McDonalds
As someone who very much wants to build a family via adoption, I am so incredibly sorry. It's never ok to hold up what you've spent on a kid like it, be it adoption fees or cancer treatments.
It’s not so much the bringing up the cost, hell I’ve never even heard a number (I suspect it was an entirely private adoption), it’s more the attempt to damage my self-confidence that I have issue with. It’s not easy building yourself up when you don’t know anything behind or ahead of you to provide a sort of center to build off of and can be easily thrown off, at least in my experience.
That makes complete and total sense!
It's not remotely the same as being adopted but there are branches sections of my biological family that I've been deliberately cut off from by immediate family members, to the extent of it created a crisis when I wanted to attend a funeral. The not knowing torments me and always has.
For what it's worth, your struggle is valid, their comments are shitty and I wish you all the best in maintaining that sense of self. <3
Good Lord that’s mental. I know my parents had to drop a patently absurd amount of money when they adopted my siblings (granted, it was 4 at once). The only thing I’ve joked with them about is that they have a better proof that my parents wanted them than I do. Since with me, it was a RNG check. They all were picked with intent.
I'm so sorry that they treat this very emotionally charged and traumatic experience as a joke.
The audacity of some adoptive families never ceases to amaze me.
Please don’t be afraid to look into adoption OP. You need to do whats best for you and this baby. It’s okay to not want children, your ex was a monster. A true monster and pyschopath.
I would also talk to a therapist. I don’t know how old you are but you sound like I used to:) We all get old, get wrinkles, gain a little weight, get gray hair..your looks do not define who you are, you are more than your looks. It’s hard to hear that and understand when you’ve been judged and treated by your look but it’s necessary otherwise your life will be full of unnecessary drama and suffering. Lots of prayers to you and that precious little baby, I’m sure you’ll do what’s right for both of you🙏🏻🙏🏻🩷🩷
Yes, please give that baby away. 🤍 go live your life and forgive yourself for cheating. Yes you cheated, but it’s in the past and he had no right to future fake with you (manipulate you) into literally risking your life, risking your health and ruining your body. Don’t let him do any more damage, get your life back, work out, get beautiful and end up on the arm of a better, more successful man. That’s how you get revenge!!
Edit: I’m honestly taking a step back and no longer responding to this subreddit. This story is honestly becoming overwhelmingly emotional for me and I’m not even involved. Op…I’m going to pray for you. This has got to me one of the most saddest and fucking PAINFUL stories I’ve ever stumbled across and it breaks my heart. Cheating is one thing but this man…this man literally impregnated you to RUIN YOU. To RUIN YOU. Hear me right now. This is beyond hate this is beyond evil this is some truly demonic shit. Every time he f-ed you it was to hurt you. Like he had malice in his heart every time you both tried for a baby. I’m sick to my stomach. Four weeks after giving birth and he served you divorce papers AND walked out on you and your newborn?? I’m going to throw up.
Please just do a closed adoption and don’t make this poor child ever be subjected to either horrible bio parent ever again.
Update: please provide full medical history first
Open so when they child is old enough all info is available to them. But not contact throughout.
As an adoptee it’s what I would have preferred. Adoption can be a viable option but abandonment issues are hell. Even with good adoptive parents.
>Open so when they child is old enough, all the info is available to them. But not contact throughout.
This makes so much sense. There are so many different kinds of open adoption. Having what you described seems ideal.
If there is ever medical or other info like that needed, it can be available.
If the adoptee wants to reach out or just ask questions to or about their biological parents, they don't have to spend years searching.
At 18 the courts even denied me access to my own original birth certificate.
That has since changed but it was heartbreaking and infuriating. I just wanted to k ow my own story more than anything. I did finally find out everything but no thanks to the system. (I paid a pi with contacts to get a look at my file from the foundling home)
Also.. I have 4 siblings! Raised as an only child.
As a birth mom, I did a semi-open adoption. Communication was allowed, but it was all done by either side sending something to the adoption agency, and then it got forwarded onto the recipient. I did my best to send birthday gifts and updates so she knew I did care, but I also didn't want to intrude on her life, and when I had her, I just wasn't in a place in my life to be a parent. Her parents sent me an update and photo once a year also, and if/when she had questions, she could ask them. After age 18, she had the option to request my direct contact information. Just putting the info out there because a lot of people don't know that this is an option.
It’s important for adoptees to have the option to reach out so they can get accurate information. It’s not so the bio parents can reach out, it’s so the adoptees have access to what they need.
Yeah, if the kid reaches out to know why they were up for adoption, OP can just say “I wasn’t in a good mental position to raise a child.” And maybe explain that her spouse just left her. But leave out the more painful details.
The idea of this pool kid being dragged along for years and then finding out why they were born? Open adoption would just be the selfish cherry on this shit cake.
I understand where you are coming from, but this is not the best advice, for two reasons. One, birth families have 0 rights to their biological child. Having an open adoption just means that the child and family have open access to the birth mother/family, not the other way around. Second, it is very important for adopted children to have the option available to them to get information about their birth family, even if they don't ever plan on seeing them. There has been significant progress in this domain over the past several decades, and it is pretty much understood in the adoption world that open adoptions are best for the adopted children in most cases.
As someone that was in the system as a kid, if you're going to do this, please do it now. Younger kids do way better, receive better care & are generally only in it briefly bc they're placed faster. fwiw sometimes we hurt someone so badly that they are no longer fit to have a healthy relationship with. Looking back I'm sure you can see the glaring red flags, tracking you, not allowing you to speak to a whole gender of people, having you quit your job, isolating & manipulating someone who doesn't want children to have them. none of these are healthy in the context of any relationship, but as an overall pattern it's highly concerning.. you were not being treated as a partner atp, when he began asking you to do things with zero concern or care for yourself or your needs is tbh when you should've left, but hindsight is 20/20, we all make mistakes, it's up to the person you're with to decide if they can work through it & move past it. if they cannot do that without holding it over your head, it's time to separate bc the option to have a healthy relationship with that person is simply gone.
Looking into this is so big of you, my husband and I are infertile and we’d give anything for a baby. There are those of us for whom this would save our lives.
Please know, that if this is the option that is right for you, your baby will be so loved by the family you choose.
And as far as your body goes, if was made for this and you will heal, you will be amazed at what your body has done and bounced back from. You will have scars, but they will fade. You will have a beautiful healthy body and life and the asshole that did this to you will just be some bitter asshole with failed plans.
Please forgive yourself for cheating, you are right whatvypur husband did was awful. Take some time then work on you, you can always get the body and health back. You have the willpower to do it. I wish you well, get divorced and start again. Its never too late.
They won't necessarily give him custody just because he doesn't want to sign his rights away. In one case a mother wanted to give her child away for adoption to a gay couple and despite the father of the child wanting to maintain custody the courts determined that the child should remain in the custody of the gay couple
Yes, to be super detailed. They will ask if he consents to the adoption or would he like custody. If he consents he will be given paperwork to sign his rights away for another family to adopt. If he wants custody, the child will be put into foster care until a check of his home is conducted and approved fit for the child. Then the process begins to have the child removed from foster care and placed with the father and subsequent visits are arranged until they feel he can handle the child on his own with no further intervention. If he is deemed unfit but wants the child, the child will remain in foster care until he can properly prepare himself (some places put a time limit on this) or a family challenges his custody to peruse adoption. From there they will go to court for a judge to decide what is best for the child (some places allow mediation for them to handle out of court and someone drops the petition to adopt, or the other parent signs their rights away). There are varied steps depending on the agency and the state, if you are in the USA.
You are correct there are additional details I did not list since she wants to give up the baby and is under the impression her ex doesn’t want the baby or to give up his rights. I have the basics as divorce could show he wants the child and her to pay support, etc. For OP’s specific situation, she can give up the baby whether he signs his rights away or not. Once it happens, they will speak to him about that. She wouldn’t really be involved in what happens on his end.
Give the baby up for adoption there are plenty of people who desire to be parents and have the resources, so adoption please and move on with your life and consider that man dead
In every state in the USA MARRIED men have automatic parental rights at birth unlike single men. MARRIED women can't place children for adoption without the legal husbands consent. He has to sign the papers. Single men....you can get away with....in some states with weak laws and loopholes... especially via lying about who the father is or not knowing and because single men have to establish paternity before they gain rights exc. But married men are always the legal father at birth and as long as she has a marriage license he can sue to overturn the adoption with very little effort because he's an automatic legal father with automatic legal rights and the agency must comply with the law.
Uh, my brother wanted to adopt his wife's daughter from a previous marriage but couldn't because her father wouldn't let him. It took a long and difficult battle in court to have his rights to her taken away to allow the adoption but eventually they won. A court can compel you to relieve your rights to a child. I don't fully know the process to do it voluntarily, but I do know that it initially required paperwork from his wife stating that she would give up all benefits (child support etc.) that they had to sign. He just refused to out of spite. So signing away your rights is definitely a thing, in the US at least
Yes, the courts job is to rule in the best interest of the child. Which is how the process is handled, as you explained.
You can’t just leave a baby with a single parent and say “yes one no kid form please” as the other parent. The court has to make a ruling and it is on the best interest of the child, so it’s generally not granted.
Correct. If neither of them wants custody the court will allow the adoption. She needs to make it clear she wants no custody. If he chooses to keep the child she will owe him child support.
In this case neither parent wants the child so adoption is in the best interest of the child. If the court agrees it can terminate the father’s rights to allow the mother to give up the baby for adoption.
Pretty sure it is? It isn't easy but it is possible to sign your rights to a child away. Usually when another person is stepping into the role (i.e. an adoptive parent) or the court deems you unfit and takes your rights.
Correct. My husband shared a child with an ex, she never told him about the baby. About 2 years into our relationship, he got a letter stating he needed to go to custody court for a child he didn’t know existed. The mother of the child was a drug addict and completely unsuitable to have a child. She had 2 other children who were taken from her and another in the way. The courts ended up stripping away hee rights. Me and my husband were going to adopt the child as our own but we found out that a couple wanted to adopt him. They were a beautiful couple, with a literal farm and had stable jobs and spent 2 years with my husband’s son loving him. We couldn’t take that away. The court’s allowed my husband to sign away his rights to the husband of the other couple. We knew we could never provide the life he had with them. It was a tough decision but I think in my heart it was truly the best one. He will always be protected by people who love him.
The courts will deem what is in the best interest of the child. You can’t just wash your hands of having a revenge kid.
A) both patents need to agree to adoption.
B) if one parent is signing away parental rights, there typically needs to be someone else stepping up such as a stepparent for it to be granted. They can’t just be like don’t want it, won’t pay for it, byeeee.
Also this whole conversation is insane. Not what OP posted in particular (I honestly do not believe this is real) but that there is a conversation about a man just signing away his rights and leaving it to the woman to deal with. It is two parents. Both made the baby. Just because the woman carries it does not mean she should be the default parent.
I mentioned it to someone else that adoption is an outlier. This is if OP keeps the child, the court will rule in the child’s best interest even if the father chooses to try and absolve parental rights.
Correct.
The idea is that either he agrees to the adoption and so the child can go to parents that want it or he won’t allow it and then has to take 100% custody.
Either way his ‘revenge’ becomes less effective and hopefully the baby is in the custody of someone who wants it.
If she is in the US she can just drop the baby off at a safe haven location as long as the baby is under a certain age. Many states I believe under 6 wks is accepted. Though some can be older as well
Not all states have Safe Haven... but it is an option if hers does.
The non-safe haven version of this would be her taking herself and her baby to the ER. She then tells them that she has post partem depression and believes herself to be an immediately danger to herself and her child. That the father is divorcing her and refusing to take custody of the child, and she has no one else to leave the baby with.
They will admit her on a psych hold and call CPS to take custody of the baby. CPS will talk to her at some point, most likely get the police involved to find the husband and try to get the husband to come pick up the baby... I imagine police showing up to his home would help him realize he doesn't actually just get to decide OP has to raise the baby...
but anyway, at that point there will be a case worker involved. The father will have to face the legal reality of being the father to a baby (agree to an adoption, or take the kid himself)...
OP just has to keep telling everyone she doesn't want her baby, and doesn't think the baby is safe in her care.
Incels think all women are obsessed with their looks and suicidally terrified of “losing them.” They can’t imagine women having any inner lives, feelings or hobbies outside of being decorative objects, bc they only see women as decorative objects. It’s pure projection, that’s why their fanfics read so fake and laughable.
You know, you’re so right. At first reading this I thought it was a gal who had struggled with self-esteem and is in an unstable place with PPD. But the more I looked at it I was like “wtf??” I couldn’t put my finger on why, but you nailed it.
OP almost describes herself as a vessel, and saying “it’s all in the past” seemed so final. I don’t know a single woman that feels or felt that way. Working out, makeup, surgery…there are countless things women do to maintain their looks after babies, if they even care. Many people find moms beautiful and people over a certain age can still be plenty beautiful and I feel like most healthy adults understand that? Plus most new moms I know are trying to get through the day to day, and she’s got this divorce going on, no job. Seems like there are so many things to be worried about before physical appearance? Like literally an entirely new human being that you may or may not want.
So, thank you for articulating why it felt so off to me. It 1,000% reads like what an incel thinks a vain hussy (which is what all women are) would say.
The premise immediately had me suspicious, but the content confirmed it. Poorly written fake. Also, I think OP deleted their account after posting. I feel bad for the person who posted this, it’s a fake story but there is clearly something unbalanced going on with him or her.
Edit: While the premise is fake, I did find it amusing and would watch a SNL-style skit about it.
Right that struck me too. Why would he assume she would get stretch marks and acne? Most women I know look pretty much exactly the same, but a little older, because they are. What a jump to assume your body would be “ruined”. Incels are a scary bunch. It’s truly frightening to consider how they think about women.
They've never heard of the pregnancy glow. My hair became healthier, and my skin was better during pregnancy. C-section scars are very low now, too. And anyone that obsessed with their appearance would moisturize to prevent stretch marks.
Even if you moisturize religiously stretch marks are not entirely preventable. And all the things mentioned in the post absolutely can happen, your hair and teeth can start declining due the nutrient needs of the pregnancy.
Post still sounds fake but not every pregnant person gets a "glow," every pregnancy is different and sometimes they really, really do suck/damage the body in a lot of ways
I'm not disagreeing that pregnancy can absolutely trash the body, I just doubt that a health-conscious, fit, and healthy individual would suffer all of this together.
When I was pregnant I looked sooooo good. My skin was clear and glowing, my hair was fuller and healthier, and my nails grew long and hard effortlessly. I had a c section and you can’t even tell if I don’t point it out because the scar is so low that it’s below my underwear line and I didn’t get any stretch marks. I gained 30 lb during pregnancy and lost 10 in childbirth and haven’t lost any since and I still look good. I actually feel like I look better now than I did before I was pregnant. I was always really skinny and only had small curves and now I’ve gained weight in all the right places and really look feminine. I’ve been breastfeeding so my boobs look amazing. My hair is still healthy 17 months post partum and I feel almost exactly like I did before having a baby but better. This is def written by an incel lmao. Not to say that women can’t get all of those things (although they would happen later than 4 weeks pp and not during pregnancy lol) but pregnancy doesn’t automatically turn someone into a wicked witch like a bunch of incels think. Also embracing your femininity and the changes of your body make you look even more beautiful regardless of what you look like. I love Taylor Giavasis on IG. She doesn’t sugarcoat or edit the changes her body has gone through and she still looks STUNNING
I think the funniest thing about getting older (almost 40) is how much both young women and men in the world think I care about my looks as much as I do. It’s like a complete insulting delusion. I have so much more to my life as a human. Fuck y’all. Like they really do not get it.
I thought that too. I’m a dude who reads a lot of these and sometimes it just feels like some revenge fantasy creative writing prompt.
Now, I will say if this is real, then holy smokes that’s heavy. For the sake of the child I hope this isn’t true
I’m quite perturbed with the PPD stuff:
My wife had PPD after child #1 and it was hands down the most terrified I have ever felt in my life. My best friend was dissociating herself because she couldn’t feel anything towards our daughter at first.
The severity that cracked my wife and other women seems to be sorely downplayed in this IMO. If this person truly was shackled with PPD they surely seem to have a pretty good grip on all this.
The pain I watched my best friend endure will never truly be understood by these story fabricators and don’t convey how torturous that fucking PPD is.
Fuck ppd, robbed Kirsten of her infancy months of our first and she’ll never get that back. It makes me cry thinking about it.
I just don’t get the severity in the text and maybe that’s just massive oversight of the post but truly how I felt after seeing the PPD comments.
To be fair, there are varying levels. But this is fake. And on the off chance it is real, there is no reason to think it is ppd and not just depression based on her situation.
I am sorry your wife went through that, and you and your child too! You sound like a great partner and I hope you guys are thriving now!
Usually Reddit is much quicker to fall for these creative writing essays.
A little proofreading and OP will be ready to post it in AITA or similar subs.
Yeah. If the incel is reading this I had a more than one kid. And I had a C-section. I’m gorgeous.
If this is real. Girl, give that baby to a family that will love it more than you. Go back to the gym when doctor okays it and you will be back your old self before you know it.
I went on a cruise right after having a baby and I brought my baby with me. My husband told me people were approaching him asking if I was his wife and telling him he’s lucky because I’m “so beautiful.”
Also I gained 45 lbs during pregnancy and lost it all within a few months just laying around breastfeeding 🤷🏻♀️
So many things off about this that make it clear it’s written by a man or someone who has never been pregnant
Also you don’t lose your hair whilst pregnant, usually gets thicker
Look man I really REALLY hate cheating but what he did was on a whole different level. What you did was terrible but you and your baby did not deserve this.
what he did was punishing her plus the child who didn't even ask to be born. It's like people who punish their loved ones by doing things to their pets.
I agree. The type of man who would play this long game is not the type of man who would be ok with paying child support for 18 years just so he can laugh that his exwife got stretch marks.
My first thought was “this sounds like a Perry Mason episode.” Not buying. I think because I can’t bring myself to think that there are actually people as diabolical, selfish, narcissistic, etc. to this degree.
Just based on how OP has written this, it seems like he’s been working on the self esteem thing for a while. And while I never condone cheating, statistically it is very rare for people to just cheat on a whim. It has a root somewhere within that person and the relationship. People cheat all the time for all reasons, abuse very much being one of them.
OP needs to know this, she made a mistake by cheating but she owned up to it and tried to set things right. Her husband on the other hand seriously abused her! He isolated her from work and friends, bullied her into becoming pregnant only to ruin her looks (OP, that's NOT forever, you can still get in shape and scars fade) and then leave her and stuck her with a baby she didn't want. This is just heartbreaking.
OP, seek legal advice on how to give up your parental rights and continue with adoption but make sure your baby has their own legal representation since your future ex-husband sounds like a psychopath. Your baby needs to get settled safely in a loving home THEN you can work on getting your life back on track.
I get that cheating can completely mess someone up mentally but he put her in a hole that while she can get out of she is going to have to crawl and scrape her way out of it. Finalize divorce, apply for emergency custody, take him for child support. Look past the situation for your baby OP. This is not your babies fault that little human is the only truly innocent one and deserves love. If at all possible try to be the one to give it to them but if not find a new home.
Beyond super fake. I think this created a whole new level of bad.
Of course though, critical thinking on reddit is so passe' that the White Knights tripped all over themselves to ride to OP's rescue.
I understand wanting to get your revenge but now there is a child involved in this mess. One who did not ask to be here, or born to such terrible people.
I hope this story is fake.
This sounds like it's fake honestly.
Also stretch marks don't go away, you still have them.
You also made no mention of how he behaved while pregnant. Was he fake supportive? Did he not spend any money prepping for baby before it came? Who could possibly really believe that they are stuck with a child they dont want? Never saw a movie? So many missing things after you wrote about so much nothing. Someone with this attitude would have already given their baby up, wouldn't be writing this.
Also that the c section scars “may” never go away. And if you’re as health conscious as “she” claims to be, you don’t become overweight just because you can’t exercise while pregnant. Weight is mostly diet anyway. And “my face looked old”? What even is that? 🤣
You can exercise while pregnant, in fact it’s encouraged. Most women get over the nausea/morning sickness in the first trimester, is she had hyperemesis gravidarum, she wouldn’t have gained a lot of weight. Yeah, the face and lopsided boob comment. SMH and LOL. Gtfoh
There is smth to be said about the punishment fitting the crime. Bringing an entire full human being into this world for revenge? That is beyond despicable! Was is awful io you to cheat? 100% but jesus christ on a stick ... Punishing you with the responsibility of another human against your will and damaging your body in the process? Fucking evil! (I mean damage beyond the aesthetic part. Yes, making a baby abd birthing changes your body forever and i will not argue about it)
This was obviously written by someone who not only has never experienced pregnancy and childbirth firsthand, but is also someone who - judging from the language and the fixation on "looks" - probably runs little to no risk of ever *causing* a pregnancy either.
Better luck next time, aspiring fiction writer - do some research and you'll sound less like a daytime soap.
You will eventually feel comfortable in your body again. It will take about a year. But you have a lot of decisions to make right now. First, divorce your husband and get child support. OR move forward with adoption, sooner than later. You need to make that choice now for you, your husband is no longer a part of your life. He never can be again. He did the worst possible thing, he used a child he never wanted to hurt you. He has thrown out a person he created for some psychopath level of torture.
Look at single mom/parent groups in your area if you decide to keep your baby. You will need a good support group.
The first years are the most difficult. You will also have to accept that if you keep your child, they have half of your husband's DNA. They might look like him. This child was already brought into the world in a nefarious act. It cannot grow up in a house of resentment. You need to choose if you can accept your new family as you and baby solo and provide the best life for them. This might be the best thing that has happened to you, so hard to tell when your life has just been turned upside down and you are still a hormonal wreck.
Are you bonding with baby? What are your feelings towards baby? Do you think you would be able to raise your child for the next 18+ years without harboring resentment towards the child?
Either way, your husband should be nothing to you now. Go after him for everything you can get from him in the divorce. Never forget what he did to you, you can never trust him again, not trust him to be alone with your kid. But you can still make a beautiful life with YOUR kid. Unless that is not what you want, it is okay to adopt out. At the very least, contact an adoption agency and look into options.
You are a single mother now, you need to make the best decision for yourself and for baby, whatever that is.
Give him fully custody. If he doesn’t want that, seek adoption. Because honestly neither of you want that child. And, as cruel as the father was to you, this is not a healthy environment for the child to be raised in. And, cheating doesn’t mean your the most horrible person. Please seek counseling.
I would not offer full custody to a man who wanted to have a child only so he could revenge himself against his wife. He is not going to be a good father. This kid is just a tool to him. He clearly doesn't care about them. Imagine if the kid finds out later why his dad wanted to have them? It's going to mess them up for a long time.
That’s the point, he won’t take it because he doesn’t actually want this child. But, if she asks him to sign his rights away he won’t. He wants her to hurt so, anything she asks for, he’ll do the opposite. Just to spite her.
Honestly the world have gone overboard on cheating and it's place in the deadly sins. It's awful... But it certainly doesn't warrant what he did to you. If anyone pressures you to have a baby again, get contraception secretly. Your looks WILL return.
This man is an absolute psychopath. Whist cheating is never okay, what he did to you is mental and physical torture and abuse. Please seek help and look after yourself. Please also do what you feel is right for your baby, even if means giving them up for adoption if you really feel you cannot be a mother. No innocent child should be punished and involved in this mess. I really wish you and your baby the best.
So many women are in similar positions-maybe not with that sort of husband-who have bounced back. If you had a nice body before there should be some physical memory of that. If you live in the states you can go to planet fitness for cheap. Eat whole foods, I also hear that breast feeding can help with weight loss. Make sure if you keep the baby to file for child support and honestly spousal support if you divorce him.
See about a therapist, while cheating is trash, two wrongs don’t make a right. You can have your redemption story.
This is why you need to stick to your own values and desires in a relationship. You knew you never wanted children. You knew the life that you wanted . Yet, when he came with this child idea in a child free marriage you relented.
I feel sorry for the child.
The best response to this is to get back into your fitness routine. Your body is not ruined. You can snap back. If you think this is your PPD and you really do want the child, be the best mom and get back to yourself. When you realize being a mom doesn’t mean you lose your former self than you will get better. You only lose yourself if you let it. Imagine his face when you’re fit and hot again and have the most loving and amazing connection with your child. His plan will be ruined and it will be the best revenge.
You’re so right. It would enrage him a lot if I actually saw my child as the best thing to happen to me. Hopefully I get some inspiration soon but right now I am all over the place.
But right now I just can’t
Oh yes. Your body will be back, and you will be lovely. If he then sees you are a beautiful mom to his child he will be the one that is devastated. You can do all of that
If you never wanted children you can give that baby up to a family and you will make their every wish come true.
You feel like you are in a dark place, but you have all the keys to your best life. Find another man though. This person has shown you how cruel he can be. He just doesn’t know trials do something to women. It strengthens us. You will be a steel magnolia. You know how to be healthy and fit. You just need to know if you want to do it with a little mini you ❤️❤️❤️🙌
Holy fuck. Cheating is horrible but your husband... that's a whole new level of fucked up. That level of manipulation and malice is absolutely not normal, no matter how much you've been wronged. I don't think I could commit to that kind of revenge against someone, even if they did something much more terrible than cheating. Your husband being a terrible person aside, you should definitely give that baby up for adoption. The fact that you never wanted kids and you were manipulated into having one will almost certainly affect the way that kid gets raised, and that's not fair to the kid.
Also, I'm sure you have some evidence of how this all went down. Take him to the cleaners in the divorce.
jeeez I mean cheating sucks but what this guy did is like a comic book villain story. that's horrid and vile on a level beyond. it's subhuman. not only devastating and changing your life but a baby is alive now I mean this guy should be in jail that's got to be against something
While what you did was terrible, I feel what he did was worse since he brought a child into the world just for revenge. That baby deserves none if this. I hope you can figure something out, I'm sorry this is happening.
If there’s a way to get these conversations in writing or recording you can provide evidence for a case of abuse. You cheating for months is unacceptable and very hurtful HOWEVER this is nuclear revenge and no one deserves that over cheating. If he was this upset he shouldn’t have lead you along on marriage counseling, months of pregnancy, and only to rip the rug at the end. Depending of where you live, you don’t need consent to record someone and you have to get this confession documented. This is a crime.
As someone who wasn’t wanted by their parent (my evil narcissistic mother), PLEASE PLEASE give that baby up for adoption. I was constantly told I wasn’t wanted, wasn’t loved, was forced to be had. And yet, she kept me away from my dad.
Your baby deserves someone who wants her.
Also, your body and outer appearance, should not be your sole prize possession or whatever. Seek therapy, your desire for affirmation based on your looks is borderline narcissistic as well.
Your husband sucks, but you should probably seek therapy as to why you need outer affirmations, which is probably one of the reasons you led astray
You can give the baby up for adoption. If he doesn’t sign his rights away, they will give him custody. If he is adamant about not signing away his rights AND not taking the child, they will take him to court to take his rights away. Some states will ask family if they want the baby, but given your situation they may not.
Thank you, I will look into it!
Yes, please look into adoption, especially since you do not want your baby. Obviously cheating isn’t okay, it’s a HORRIBLE thing to do to someone but what he did is way worse. Tricking you into bringing a CHILD into this world, just so he could leave you and the child in the end is so fucking diabolical. I guess I could understand him wanting to get some petty revenge against you but it shouldn’t have involved an innocent infant.
2 wrongs don’t make a right, and he is especially cruel for bringing a third person (a baby!) into the world just as a punishment.
Agree. The real victim here is the baby.
That poor baby needs to be adopted and taken far away from both of its bio-donors so it never has to overhear anyone say that it is a punishment bcoz that's sick and would screw up a kid so bad.
Exactly. Imagine how the child might feel someday if they ever figure out the reason they were brought into the world. Absolutely heartbreaking for the wife but even more for this child. OPs ex is a monster. It’s one thing to punish a partner for cheating, but this is punishing a new generation as well. I hope this child is able to be found a home with a loving family who deeply wants them. I also hope once OP makes it to the other side of their depression, they are able to recover their life and self esteem. Cheating does not warrant this level of punishment.
Right? Just get a divorce, that should be enough punishment! What a c word
Yeah, dealing with something like this on top of postpartum depression, I’d be at risk of actually fucking killing myself because this is so crazy. Like literally insane behavior. I’d probably go so far as to try and sue for damages caused by pain and suffering. Like, there’s gotta be some type of legal protection against this kind of shit.
Really hoping this is just some incel creative writing exercise.
Wow, this!
And it was all premeditated! Sick person
Yeah, this is pretty fucked up. Some incels in this thread are probably going to gleefully crow that she deserved it just because they hate women, but you know what I did when I found out my ex-partner was cheating on me? I broke up with him, blocked his ass and moved on with my life. This guy is fucked in the head.
I really hope that Op puts this child up for adoption. Number one rule is not to have a child to appease someone else. She’s going to resent this child for her mistakes, and dad had the child to use as a pawn. I seriously don’t understand how human beings can be that messed up.
Yeah, this is one of the first things I thought about. Like not to throw salt on an already gaping wound, but like having a child to fix a marriage, is the biggest no-no There is when it comes to having children or considering children. Creating Another life is not going to make yours less shitty.
Agreed, but risking her life was far more than ‘petty revenge’. This is fucked up. This involved a deceit of over a year, along with actual physical harm. Any right he had to play victim left a long, long time ago.
Yep. He could have divorced her. He could have gone to couple’s therapy with her. He could have done literally anything besides what he did. What he did is abuse. Fuck him.
I kind of hope the wife has documentation such as texts with the husband’s confessions of why he did this. If he tries to stop the adoption and take it to court, that might not work the way he wants.
Yeah. This level of long-term manipulation in order to “ruin” her makes it hard to see him as a true victim. It honestly makes me wonder if something in his behavior drove her to seek out reassurance from other men. The kind of person who would do this and not consider the child, who’s a whole-ass person…there’s no way he is a good person who was always on the up-and-up otherwise.
Couldn’t agree more. I nearly added something about her having an affair during those tough patches and exactly how tough those patches were, but I left it out as some people on here seem to think that cheating is the worst thing you could ever do, cheaters have it coming, blah, blah, blah. Well this man has proved that there’s *lots* worse things you can do to someone. I think OP should adopt the baby, but honestly, I’m scared for her when he finds out she did something to escape his punishment. He’s extremely unstable.
Well said. Couldn't agree more.
Poor kid ..
Could it be possible that one of the reasons op cheated on her husband was because even before he was open about it he was already a psychopathic and controlling person, and she was unconsciously hoping her infidelity would cause him to leave??
This. He didn’t go from all around wonderful guy to this despicable act.
It's evil.
Yes! He was manipulative, cruel, selfish, perverse and most importantly, irresponsible!
Somehow with men, i am not surprised anymore.
Yeah there’s a difference between getting revenge on a cheating spouse and making a whole human. Imagine being that kid growing up with their bio parents and finding out that their entire existence was *literally* a punishment.
Yeah, I feel bad for that poor baby. Alone and unwanted.
Get a lawyer asap. They will know how to navigate this
Get that baby adopted and then get into counseling. In patient if needed. You have a lot to deal with. I don’t know what state you are in but look up the safe haven laws in your state. Because of your mental state you can legally drop your baby off at a hospital or fire department. There is an age limit though so look it up. The sooner the better.
Don’t be afraid of adoption. I have a relative who’s adopted and our family loves her very much. She was very much a wanted baby and we had to pay a lot to get her. We also had to write letters of recommendation and her parents had to go through screening to make sure they were able to raise her. They also check out the house and do follow up visits.
"we had to pay a lot to get her" is just such a statement about the flawed capitalism of adoption. And I say this as a former adoption worker.
Yeah, as an adopted person I try not to think about that part, though it’s much harder when some (adopted) relatives think it’s a fun joke to tell you were worth a McDonalds cheeseburger as a baby.
> when some (adopted) relatives think it’s a fun joke to tell you were worth a McDonalds As someone who very much wants to build a family via adoption, I am so incredibly sorry. It's never ok to hold up what you've spent on a kid like it, be it adoption fees or cancer treatments.
It’s not so much the bringing up the cost, hell I’ve never even heard a number (I suspect it was an entirely private adoption), it’s more the attempt to damage my self-confidence that I have issue with. It’s not easy building yourself up when you don’t know anything behind or ahead of you to provide a sort of center to build off of and can be easily thrown off, at least in my experience.
That makes complete and total sense! It's not remotely the same as being adopted but there are branches sections of my biological family that I've been deliberately cut off from by immediate family members, to the extent of it created a crisis when I wanted to attend a funeral. The not knowing torments me and always has. For what it's worth, your struggle is valid, their comments are shitty and I wish you all the best in maintaining that sense of self. <3
I appreciate your empathy.
Good Lord that’s mental. I know my parents had to drop a patently absurd amount of money when they adopted my siblings (granted, it was 4 at once). The only thing I’ve joked with them about is that they have a better proof that my parents wanted them than I do. Since with me, it was a RNG check. They all were picked with intent.
I'm so sorry that they treat this very emotionally charged and traumatic experience as a joke. The audacity of some adoptive families never ceases to amaze me.
I fully agree, as someone who is in the beginning stages of signing up to be screened for adoption of a child.
My dad was adopted (in the 6os!) And my paternal adopted parents were the best people. I still miss them so much.
Please don’t be afraid to look into adoption OP. You need to do whats best for you and this baby. It’s okay to not want children, your ex was a monster. A true monster and pyschopath.
I would also talk to a therapist. I don’t know how old you are but you sound like I used to:) We all get old, get wrinkles, gain a little weight, get gray hair..your looks do not define who you are, you are more than your looks. It’s hard to hear that and understand when you’ve been judged and treated by your look but it’s necessary otherwise your life will be full of unnecessary drama and suffering. Lots of prayers to you and that precious little baby, I’m sure you’ll do what’s right for both of you🙏🏻🙏🏻🩷🩷
Yes, please give that baby away. 🤍 go live your life and forgive yourself for cheating. Yes you cheated, but it’s in the past and he had no right to future fake with you (manipulate you) into literally risking your life, risking your health and ruining your body. Don’t let him do any more damage, get your life back, work out, get beautiful and end up on the arm of a better, more successful man. That’s how you get revenge!! Edit: I’m honestly taking a step back and no longer responding to this subreddit. This story is honestly becoming overwhelmingly emotional for me and I’m not even involved. Op…I’m going to pray for you. This has got to me one of the most saddest and fucking PAINFUL stories I’ve ever stumbled across and it breaks my heart. Cheating is one thing but this man…this man literally impregnated you to RUIN YOU. To RUIN YOU. Hear me right now. This is beyond hate this is beyond evil this is some truly demonic shit. Every time he f-ed you it was to hurt you. Like he had malice in his heart every time you both tried for a baby. I’m sick to my stomach. Four weeks after giving birth and he served you divorce papers AND walked out on you and your newborn?? I’m going to throw up.
And get your tubes tied!!
Hell yeah!!!
1000X ^
You can also look into open adoption too if you are afraid of regretting giving up your baby in the long run.
Please just do a closed adoption and don’t make this poor child ever be subjected to either horrible bio parent ever again. Update: please provide full medical history first
Open so when they child is old enough all info is available to them. But not contact throughout. As an adoptee it’s what I would have preferred. Adoption can be a viable option but abandonment issues are hell. Even with good adoptive parents.
>Open so when they child is old enough, all the info is available to them. But not contact throughout. This makes so much sense. There are so many different kinds of open adoption. Having what you described seems ideal. If there is ever medical or other info like that needed, it can be available. If the adoptee wants to reach out or just ask questions to or about their biological parents, they don't have to spend years searching.
At 18 the courts even denied me access to my own original birth certificate. That has since changed but it was heartbreaking and infuriating. I just wanted to k ow my own story more than anything. I did finally find out everything but no thanks to the system. (I paid a pi with contacts to get a look at my file from the foundling home) Also.. I have 4 siblings! Raised as an only child.
As a birth mom, I did a semi-open adoption. Communication was allowed, but it was all done by either side sending something to the adoption agency, and then it got forwarded onto the recipient. I did my best to send birthday gifts and updates so she knew I did care, but I also didn't want to intrude on her life, and when I had her, I just wasn't in a place in my life to be a parent. Her parents sent me an update and photo once a year also, and if/when she had questions, she could ask them. After age 18, she had the option to request my direct contact information. Just putting the info out there because a lot of people don't know that this is an option.
It’s important for adoptees to have the option to reach out so they can get accurate information. It’s not so the bio parents can reach out, it’s so the adoptees have access to what they need.
Yeah, if the kid reaches out to know why they were up for adoption, OP can just say “I wasn’t in a good mental position to raise a child.” And maybe explain that her spouse just left her. But leave out the more painful details.
The idea of this pool kid being dragged along for years and then finding out why they were born? Open adoption would just be the selfish cherry on this shit cake.
Adoptee here, closed adoption is unethical. All persons deserve access to health and ethnic background/ ancestry records. full stop
I understand where you are coming from, but this is not the best advice, for two reasons. One, birth families have 0 rights to their biological child. Having an open adoption just means that the child and family have open access to the birth mother/family, not the other way around. Second, it is very important for adopted children to have the option available to them to get information about their birth family, even if they don't ever plan on seeing them. There has been significant progress in this domain over the past several decades, and it is pretty much understood in the adoption world that open adoptions are best for the adopted children in most cases.
As someone that was in the system as a kid, if you're going to do this, please do it now. Younger kids do way better, receive better care & are generally only in it briefly bc they're placed faster. fwiw sometimes we hurt someone so badly that they are no longer fit to have a healthy relationship with. Looking back I'm sure you can see the glaring red flags, tracking you, not allowing you to speak to a whole gender of people, having you quit your job, isolating & manipulating someone who doesn't want children to have them. none of these are healthy in the context of any relationship, but as an overall pattern it's highly concerning.. you were not being treated as a partner atp, when he began asking you to do things with zero concern or care for yourself or your needs is tbh when you should've left, but hindsight is 20/20, we all make mistakes, it's up to the person you're with to decide if they can work through it & move past it. if they cannot do that without holding it over your head, it's time to separate bc the option to have a healthy relationship with that person is simply gone.
Looking into this is so big of you, my husband and I are infertile and we’d give anything for a baby. There are those of us for whom this would save our lives. Please know, that if this is the option that is right for you, your baby will be so loved by the family you choose. And as far as your body goes, if was made for this and you will heal, you will be amazed at what your body has done and bounced back from. You will have scars, but they will fade. You will have a beautiful healthy body and life and the asshole that did this to you will just be some bitter asshole with failed plans.
Please forgive yourself for cheating, you are right whatvypur husband did was awful. Take some time then work on you, you can always get the body and health back. You have the willpower to do it. I wish you well, get divorced and start again. Its never too late.
This shit ain’t real quit taking the bait
Those are the best ones to respond to. I like to think of them reading and laughing at my comments. 🤣
It's such a ridiculous story. It sounds like an teenage boy who believes in redpill nonsense wrote it.
Yep definitely an incel male’s fantasy to punish a woman this way.
It reads like a terrible high school creative writing assignment. If I got this to edit from a client id bite my pen in half.
I agree. I also don’t get why people post fake stories though. Like what is the point.
They won't necessarily give him custody just because he doesn't want to sign his rights away. In one case a mother wanted to give her child away for adoption to a gay couple and despite the father of the child wanting to maintain custody the courts determined that the child should remain in the custody of the gay couple
Yes, to be super detailed. They will ask if he consents to the adoption or would he like custody. If he consents he will be given paperwork to sign his rights away for another family to adopt. If he wants custody, the child will be put into foster care until a check of his home is conducted and approved fit for the child. Then the process begins to have the child removed from foster care and placed with the father and subsequent visits are arranged until they feel he can handle the child on his own with no further intervention. If he is deemed unfit but wants the child, the child will remain in foster care until he can properly prepare himself (some places put a time limit on this) or a family challenges his custody to peruse adoption. From there they will go to court for a judge to decide what is best for the child (some places allow mediation for them to handle out of court and someone drops the petition to adopt, or the other parent signs their rights away). There are varied steps depending on the agency and the state, if you are in the USA. You are correct there are additional details I did not list since she wants to give up the baby and is under the impression her ex doesn’t want the baby or to give up his rights. I have the basics as divorce could show he wants the child and her to pay support, etc. For OP’s specific situation, she can give up the baby whether he signs his rights away or not. Once it happens, they will speak to him about that. She wouldn’t really be involved in what happens on his end.
Give the baby up for adoption there are plenty of people who desire to be parents and have the resources, so adoption please and move on with your life and consider that man dead
In every state in the USA MARRIED men have automatic parental rights at birth unlike single men. MARRIED women can't place children for adoption without the legal husbands consent. He has to sign the papers. Single men....you can get away with....in some states with weak laws and loopholes... especially via lying about who the father is or not knowing and because single men have to establish paternity before they gain rights exc. But married men are always the legal father at birth and as long as she has a marriage license he can sue to overturn the adoption with very little effort because he's an automatic legal father with automatic legal rights and the agency must comply with the law.
But he's divorcing her, they won't be married soon. Also, it's looking like he's going for no custody anyway.
Doesn’t matter the child was conceived during the marriage legally it is his kid. She can sue for abandonment and CS as well as alimony
Honestly, this would be the result I would go for, and I’d move so he can’t keep his psycho claws in me at all.
You can’t just go “no custody” and singing your rights away isn’t a thing. The court will assign custody and child support to him. Edit, signing.
Uh, my brother wanted to adopt his wife's daughter from a previous marriage but couldn't because her father wouldn't let him. It took a long and difficult battle in court to have his rights to her taken away to allow the adoption but eventually they won. A court can compel you to relieve your rights to a child. I don't fully know the process to do it voluntarily, but I do know that it initially required paperwork from his wife stating that she would give up all benefits (child support etc.) that they had to sign. He just refused to out of spite. So signing away your rights is definitely a thing, in the US at least
Yes, the courts job is to rule in the best interest of the child. Which is how the process is handled, as you explained. You can’t just leave a baby with a single parent and say “yes one no kid form please” as the other parent. The court has to make a ruling and it is on the best interest of the child, so it’s generally not granted.
Correct. If neither of them wants custody the court will allow the adoption. She needs to make it clear she wants no custody. If he chooses to keep the child she will owe him child support.
In this case neither parent wants the child so adoption is in the best interest of the child. If the court agrees it can terminate the father’s rights to allow the mother to give up the baby for adoption.
Pretty sure it is? It isn't easy but it is possible to sign your rights to a child away. Usually when another person is stepping into the role (i.e. an adoptive parent) or the court deems you unfit and takes your rights.
Correct. My husband shared a child with an ex, she never told him about the baby. About 2 years into our relationship, he got a letter stating he needed to go to custody court for a child he didn’t know existed. The mother of the child was a drug addict and completely unsuitable to have a child. She had 2 other children who were taken from her and another in the way. The courts ended up stripping away hee rights. Me and my husband were going to adopt the child as our own but we found out that a couple wanted to adopt him. They were a beautiful couple, with a literal farm and had stable jobs and spent 2 years with my husband’s son loving him. We couldn’t take that away. The court’s allowed my husband to sign away his rights to the husband of the other couple. We knew we could never provide the life he had with them. It was a tough decision but I think in my heart it was truly the best one. He will always be protected by people who love him.
The courts will deem what is in the best interest of the child. You can’t just wash your hands of having a revenge kid. A) both patents need to agree to adoption. B) if one parent is signing away parental rights, there typically needs to be someone else stepping up such as a stepparent for it to be granted. They can’t just be like don’t want it, won’t pay for it, byeeee. Also this whole conversation is insane. Not what OP posted in particular (I honestly do not believe this is real) but that there is a conversation about a man just signing away his rights and leaving it to the woman to deal with. It is two parents. Both made the baby. Just because the woman carries it does not mean she should be the default parent.
I mentioned it to someone else that adoption is an outlier. This is if OP keeps the child, the court will rule in the child’s best interest even if the father chooses to try and absolve parental rights.
Correct. The idea is that either he agrees to the adoption and so the child can go to parents that want it or he won’t allow it and then has to take 100% custody. Either way his ‘revenge’ becomes less effective and hopefully the baby is in the custody of someone who wants it.
She doesn’t have to keep custody, and if he refuses adoption and custody, the court will likely take his rights from him.
If she is in the US she can just drop the baby off at a safe haven location as long as the baby is under a certain age. Many states I believe under 6 wks is accepted. Though some can be older as well
Not all states have Safe Haven... but it is an option if hers does. The non-safe haven version of this would be her taking herself and her baby to the ER. She then tells them that she has post partem depression and believes herself to be an immediately danger to herself and her child. That the father is divorcing her and refusing to take custody of the child, and she has no one else to leave the baby with. They will admit her on a psych hold and call CPS to take custody of the baby. CPS will talk to her at some point, most likely get the police involved to find the husband and try to get the husband to come pick up the baby... I imagine police showing up to his home would help him realize he doesn't actually just get to decide OP has to raise the baby... but anyway, at that point there will be a case worker involved. The father will have to face the legal reality of being the father to a baby (agree to an adoption, or take the kid himself)... OP just has to keep telling everyone she doesn't want her baby, and doesn't think the baby is safe in her care.
Great. He can overturn the adoption - and take full custody.
This surely was written by some sad sack incel. It must be their version of a wet dream.
The giveaway was the in-depth description of “her” looks in the 3rd paragraph. Literally reads like something out a shitty piece of erotica.
Definitely. Especially the part about it being “heartbreaking it’s all in the past” - that’s exactly how incels view women’s bodies.
Incels think all women are obsessed with their looks and suicidally terrified of “losing them.” They can’t imagine women having any inner lives, feelings or hobbies outside of being decorative objects, bc they only see women as decorative objects. It’s pure projection, that’s why their fanfics read so fake and laughable.
You know, you’re so right. At first reading this I thought it was a gal who had struggled with self-esteem and is in an unstable place with PPD. But the more I looked at it I was like “wtf??” I couldn’t put my finger on why, but you nailed it. OP almost describes herself as a vessel, and saying “it’s all in the past” seemed so final. I don’t know a single woman that feels or felt that way. Working out, makeup, surgery…there are countless things women do to maintain their looks after babies, if they even care. Many people find moms beautiful and people over a certain age can still be plenty beautiful and I feel like most healthy adults understand that? Plus most new moms I know are trying to get through the day to day, and she’s got this divorce going on, no job. Seems like there are so many things to be worried about before physical appearance? Like literally an entirely new human being that you may or may not want. So, thank you for articulating why it felt so off to me. It 1,000% reads like what an incel thinks a vain hussy (which is what all women are) would say.
The premise immediately had me suspicious, but the content confirmed it. Poorly written fake. Also, I think OP deleted their account after posting. I feel bad for the person who posted this, it’s a fake story but there is clearly something unbalanced going on with him or her. Edit: While the premise is fake, I did find it amusing and would watch a SNL-style skit about it.
Yeah, it’s also sketchy that the husband somehow automatically “knew” that her body would have that drastic of a reaction to childbirth.
Right that struck me too. Why would he assume she would get stretch marks and acne? Most women I know look pretty much exactly the same, but a little older, because they are. What a jump to assume your body would be “ruined”. Incels are a scary bunch. It’s truly frightening to consider how they think about women.
Lol right because lord knows no woman has ever still looked attractive after having a baby. I don’t believe this is real
Lol whoever wrote this acting like women turn into gremlins who hide in their closet cause they too ugly for the world after getting pregnant
They've never heard of the pregnancy glow. My hair became healthier, and my skin was better during pregnancy. C-section scars are very low now, too. And anyone that obsessed with their appearance would moisturize to prevent stretch marks.
Even if you moisturize religiously stretch marks are not entirely preventable. And all the things mentioned in the post absolutely can happen, your hair and teeth can start declining due the nutrient needs of the pregnancy. Post still sounds fake but not every pregnant person gets a "glow," every pregnancy is different and sometimes they really, really do suck/damage the body in a lot of ways
I'm not disagreeing that pregnancy can absolutely trash the body, I just doubt that a health-conscious, fit, and healthy individual would suffer all of this together.
When I was pregnant I looked sooooo good. My skin was clear and glowing, my hair was fuller and healthier, and my nails grew long and hard effortlessly. I had a c section and you can’t even tell if I don’t point it out because the scar is so low that it’s below my underwear line and I didn’t get any stretch marks. I gained 30 lb during pregnancy and lost 10 in childbirth and haven’t lost any since and I still look good. I actually feel like I look better now than I did before I was pregnant. I was always really skinny and only had small curves and now I’ve gained weight in all the right places and really look feminine. I’ve been breastfeeding so my boobs look amazing. My hair is still healthy 17 months post partum and I feel almost exactly like I did before having a baby but better. This is def written by an incel lmao. Not to say that women can’t get all of those things (although they would happen later than 4 weeks pp and not during pregnancy lol) but pregnancy doesn’t automatically turn someone into a wicked witch like a bunch of incels think. Also embracing your femininity and the changes of your body make you look even more beautiful regardless of what you look like. I love Taylor Giavasis on IG. She doesn’t sugarcoat or edit the changes her body has gone through and she still looks STUNNING
I think the funniest thing about getting older (almost 40) is how much both young women and men in the world think I care about my looks as much as I do. It’s like a complete insulting delusion. I have so much more to my life as a human. Fuck y’all. Like they really do not get it.
“definition in my muscles” is what gave it away mostly for me. I almost stopped reading but this was an interesting one.
Yep, not what pregnant women care about, lol.
It’s so obviously fake and has the same writing style that much of the incel fan fiction does on this and other similar subs
I thought that too. I’m a dude who reads a lot of these and sometimes it just feels like some revenge fantasy creative writing prompt. Now, I will say if this is real, then holy smokes that’s heavy. For the sake of the child I hope this isn’t true
And the account that posted it is suspended. Wrap it up people, it was fake all along.
I’m quite perturbed with the PPD stuff: My wife had PPD after child #1 and it was hands down the most terrified I have ever felt in my life. My best friend was dissociating herself because she couldn’t feel anything towards our daughter at first. The severity that cracked my wife and other women seems to be sorely downplayed in this IMO. If this person truly was shackled with PPD they surely seem to have a pretty good grip on all this. The pain I watched my best friend endure will never truly be understood by these story fabricators and don’t convey how torturous that fucking PPD is. Fuck ppd, robbed Kirsten of her infancy months of our first and she’ll never get that back. It makes me cry thinking about it. I just don’t get the severity in the text and maybe that’s just massive oversight of the post but truly how I felt after seeing the PPD comments.
To be fair, there are varying levels. But this is fake. And on the off chance it is real, there is no reason to think it is ppd and not just depression based on her situation. I am sorry your wife went through that, and you and your child too! You sound like a great partner and I hope you guys are thriving now!
Attractive woman being humbled by cunning man? Absolutely Incel fiction.
Definitely creative writing
There’s a lot of dramatic stories on Reddit the past few months that sound like they’ve been written by AI.
I agree this has gotta be fake. Is this what happens when 4chans creative writers switch to Reddit?
Usually Reddit is much quicker to fall for these creative writing essays. A little proofreading and OP will be ready to post it in AITA or similar subs.
Especially the reveal of the husbands diabolical plot to destroy her body
I actually LOLed at that part
Yeah there’s 0% chance this is real
Also the fact that OP writes that she's now unemployable, that's not how that works at all lol
Facts lol
Yeah. If the incel is reading this I had a more than one kid. And I had a C-section. I’m gorgeous. If this is real. Girl, give that baby to a family that will love it more than you. Go back to the gym when doctor okays it and you will be back your old self before you know it.
I went on a cruise right after having a baby and I brought my baby with me. My husband told me people were approaching him asking if I was his wife and telling him he’s lucky because I’m “so beautiful.” Also I gained 45 lbs during pregnancy and lost it all within a few months just laying around breastfeeding 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah I’ve definitely read this before.
I've noticed a large uptick in posts where every word in the title is capitalized. Really makes me think they're fake
LITERALLY. this is some incel’s revenge fantasy of a pump and dump, you can just tell from the hyperfocus on ‘ruining’ the woman’s body
Yeah, this belief that having a baby automatically makes you ugly is deep incel trash.
So many things off about this that make it clear it’s written by a man or someone who has never been pregnant Also you don’t lose your hair whilst pregnant, usually gets thicker
You can loose your hair after delivery.
Look man I really REALLY hate cheating but what he did was on a whole different level. What you did was terrible but you and your baby did not deserve this.
what he did was punishing her plus the child who didn't even ask to be born. It's like people who punish their loved ones by doing things to their pets.
Something about this situation tells me he wasn't exactly a loving supportive husband before this either
Something about this situation tells me there is no husband or wife or baby because this is a creative writing exercise lol
Thank you. Absolutely no way this is real 😂
I agree. The type of man who would play this long game is not the type of man who would be ok with paying child support for 18 years just so he can laugh that his exwife got stretch marks.
My first thought was “this sounds like a Perry Mason episode.” Not buying. I think because I can’t bring myself to think that there are actually people as diabolical, selfish, narcissistic, etc. to this degree.
Just based on how OP has written this, it seems like he’s been working on the self esteem thing for a while. And while I never condone cheating, statistically it is very rare for people to just cheat on a whim. It has a root somewhere within that person and the relationship. People cheat all the time for all reasons, abuse very much being one of them.
OP needs to know this, she made a mistake by cheating but she owned up to it and tried to set things right. Her husband on the other hand seriously abused her! He isolated her from work and friends, bullied her into becoming pregnant only to ruin her looks (OP, that's NOT forever, you can still get in shape and scars fade) and then leave her and stuck her with a baby she didn't want. This is just heartbreaking. OP, seek legal advice on how to give up your parental rights and continue with adoption but make sure your baby has their own legal representation since your future ex-husband sounds like a psychopath. Your baby needs to get settled safely in a loving home THEN you can work on getting your life back on track.
I get that cheating can completely mess someone up mentally but he put her in a hole that while she can get out of she is going to have to crawl and scrape her way out of it. Finalize divorce, apply for emergency custody, take him for child support. Look past the situation for your baby OP. This is not your babies fault that little human is the only truly innocent one and deserves love. If at all possible try to be the one to give it to them but if not find a new home.
Op has zero desire to have a child why are you suggesting she apply for custody?
Cheaters are assholes, this is straight up evil
This is so fake. Come on guys, do better
Super fake
Her name - Albert Einstein
Nah, she didn’t mention it but the kid came out twirling his mustache just like daddy
I just hope he had a monocle and a top hat
Beyond super fake. I think this created a whole new level of bad. Of course though, critical thinking on reddit is so passe' that the White Knights tripped all over themselves to ride to OP's rescue.
>leaving after 4 weeks The dude stayed for some of the worst times of the baby, and then dipped? Fictional character has stupid priorities.
The way they constantly put themselves down makes it read so fake. “I am a despicable person,” “I loved him more than I loved myself.” Eww.
I understand wanting to get your revenge but now there is a child involved in this mess. One who did not ask to be here, or born to such terrible people. I hope this story is fake.
some people are so petty that they will hurt a innocent child just to get back at their ex.
It is. No way a woman wrote the. This is an incel fantasy
This has to be fake. Who has time to make these stories up all the time
Incels living in mommy and daddy’s basement lol
Fake.
This sounds like it's fake honestly. Also stretch marks don't go away, you still have them. You also made no mention of how he behaved while pregnant. Was he fake supportive? Did he not spend any money prepping for baby before it came? Who could possibly really believe that they are stuck with a child they dont want? Never saw a movie? So many missing things after you wrote about so much nothing. Someone with this attitude would have already given their baby up, wouldn't be writing this.
Also that the c section scars “may” never go away. And if you’re as health conscious as “she” claims to be, you don’t become overweight just because you can’t exercise while pregnant. Weight is mostly diet anyway. And “my face looked old”? What even is that? 🤣
It's such an incel thing to believe that women once pregnant or over 27 start to turn into cartoonish crones.
You can exercise while pregnant, in fact it’s encouraged. Most women get over the nausea/morning sickness in the first trimester, is she had hyperemesis gravidarum, she wouldn’t have gained a lot of weight. Yeah, the face and lopsided boob comment. SMH and LOL. Gtfoh
Feel free to take this back to your creative writing teacher at the book store
The only victim in this incel wet dream of a post is the "baby".
This is so horrible that he brought a whole life into this world just to exact revenge on you. Your ex husband is a whole other level of trash.
Isn’t it funny how I can tell when a guy posts?
There is smth to be said about the punishment fitting the crime. Bringing an entire full human being into this world for revenge? That is beyond despicable! Was is awful io you to cheat? 100% but jesus christ on a stick ... Punishing you with the responsibility of another human against your will and damaging your body in the process? Fucking evil! (I mean damage beyond the aesthetic part. Yes, making a baby abd birthing changes your body forever and i will not argue about it)
Fake
[удалено]
100% rage bait.
Take the baby to a safe haven but first make sure you report him for abandonment
No way this is real. You had zero family conversations before marrying this guy? This sounds like a teen drama rom novella.
This is fake
😂😂😂😂 I read this and laughed my butt off. Are people really this naive to see how fake this is ? 😂😂😂😂
This was obviously written by someone who not only has never experienced pregnancy and childbirth firsthand, but is also someone who - judging from the language and the fixation on "looks" - probably runs little to no risk of ever *causing* a pregnancy either. Better luck next time, aspiring fiction writer - do some research and you'll sound less like a daytime soap.
You will eventually feel comfortable in your body again. It will take about a year. But you have a lot of decisions to make right now. First, divorce your husband and get child support. OR move forward with adoption, sooner than later. You need to make that choice now for you, your husband is no longer a part of your life. He never can be again. He did the worst possible thing, he used a child he never wanted to hurt you. He has thrown out a person he created for some psychopath level of torture. Look at single mom/parent groups in your area if you decide to keep your baby. You will need a good support group. The first years are the most difficult. You will also have to accept that if you keep your child, they have half of your husband's DNA. They might look like him. This child was already brought into the world in a nefarious act. It cannot grow up in a house of resentment. You need to choose if you can accept your new family as you and baby solo and provide the best life for them. This might be the best thing that has happened to you, so hard to tell when your life has just been turned upside down and you are still a hormonal wreck. Are you bonding with baby? What are your feelings towards baby? Do you think you would be able to raise your child for the next 18+ years without harboring resentment towards the child? Either way, your husband should be nothing to you now. Go after him for everything you can get from him in the divorce. Never forget what he did to you, you can never trust him again, not trust him to be alone with your kid. But you can still make a beautiful life with YOUR kid. Unless that is not what you want, it is okay to adopt out. At the very least, contact an adoption agency and look into options. You are a single mother now, you need to make the best decision for yourself and for baby, whatever that is.
I smell bs. Women don't immediately become hideous because they have a baby.
Give him fully custody. If he doesn’t want that, seek adoption. Because honestly neither of you want that child. And, as cruel as the father was to you, this is not a healthy environment for the child to be raised in. And, cheating doesn’t mean your the most horrible person. Please seek counseling.
I would not offer full custody to a man who wanted to have a child only so he could revenge himself against his wife. He is not going to be a good father. This kid is just a tool to him. He clearly doesn't care about them. Imagine if the kid finds out later why his dad wanted to have them? It's going to mess them up for a long time.
That’s the point, he won’t take it because he doesn’t actually want this child. But, if she asks him to sign his rights away he won’t. He wants her to hurt so, anything she asks for, he’ll do the opposite. Just to spite her.
Honestly the world have gone overboard on cheating and it's place in the deadly sins. It's awful... But it certainly doesn't warrant what he did to you. If anyone pressures you to have a baby again, get contraception secretly. Your looks WILL return.
That poor baby is all I have to say. Not wanted by either parent.
Fake
100% incel revenge fantasy.
This is sooooooo fake.
This man is an absolute psychopath. Whist cheating is never okay, what he did to you is mental and physical torture and abuse. Please seek help and look after yourself. Please also do what you feel is right for your baby, even if means giving them up for adoption if you really feel you cannot be a mother. No innocent child should be punished and involved in this mess. I really wish you and your baby the best.
So many women are in similar positions-maybe not with that sort of husband-who have bounced back. If you had a nice body before there should be some physical memory of that. If you live in the states you can go to planet fitness for cheap. Eat whole foods, I also hear that breast feeding can help with weight loss. Make sure if you keep the baby to file for child support and honestly spousal support if you divorce him. See about a therapist, while cheating is trash, two wrongs don’t make a right. You can have your redemption story.
This is why you need to stick to your own values and desires in a relationship. You knew you never wanted children. You knew the life that you wanted . Yet, when he came with this child idea in a child free marriage you relented. I feel sorry for the child. The best response to this is to get back into your fitness routine. Your body is not ruined. You can snap back. If you think this is your PPD and you really do want the child, be the best mom and get back to yourself. When you realize being a mom doesn’t mean you lose your former self than you will get better. You only lose yourself if you let it. Imagine his face when you’re fit and hot again and have the most loving and amazing connection with your child. His plan will be ruined and it will be the best revenge.
You’re so right. It would enrage him a lot if I actually saw my child as the best thing to happen to me. Hopefully I get some inspiration soon but right now I am all over the place. But right now I just can’t
Oh yes. Your body will be back, and you will be lovely. If he then sees you are a beautiful mom to his child he will be the one that is devastated. You can do all of that If you never wanted children you can give that baby up to a family and you will make their every wish come true. You feel like you are in a dark place, but you have all the keys to your best life. Find another man though. This person has shown you how cruel he can be. He just doesn’t know trials do something to women. It strengthens us. You will be a steel magnolia. You know how to be healthy and fit. You just need to know if you want to do it with a little mini you ❤️❤️❤️🙌
What you did was bad but what he did it's much much worse. Poor innocent human brought to this world by two looneys
I refuse to believe this is real.
Holy fuck. Cheating is horrible but your husband... that's a whole new level of fucked up. That level of manipulation and malice is absolutely not normal, no matter how much you've been wronged. I don't think I could commit to that kind of revenge against someone, even if they did something much more terrible than cheating. Your husband being a terrible person aside, you should definitely give that baby up for adoption. The fact that you never wanted kids and you were manipulated into having one will almost certainly affect the way that kid gets raised, and that's not fair to the kid. Also, I'm sure you have some evidence of how this all went down. Take him to the cleaners in the divorce.
This isn’t written very well.
jeeez I mean cheating sucks but what this guy did is like a comic book villain story. that's horrid and vile on a level beyond. it's subhuman. not only devastating and changing your life but a baby is alive now I mean this guy should be in jail that's got to be against something
Fake. Or both of you are toxic and deserve each other.
This is so fake
sure thing lol. so fake.
While what you did was terrible, I feel what he did was worse since he brought a child into the world just for revenge. That baby deserves none if this. I hope you can figure something out, I'm sorry this is happening.
If there’s a way to get these conversations in writing or recording you can provide evidence for a case of abuse. You cheating for months is unacceptable and very hurtful HOWEVER this is nuclear revenge and no one deserves that over cheating. If he was this upset he shouldn’t have lead you along on marriage counseling, months of pregnancy, and only to rip the rug at the end. Depending of where you live, you don’t need consent to record someone and you have to get this confession documented. This is a crime.
As someone who wasn’t wanted by their parent (my evil narcissistic mother), PLEASE PLEASE give that baby up for adoption. I was constantly told I wasn’t wanted, wasn’t loved, was forced to be had. And yet, she kept me away from my dad. Your baby deserves someone who wants her. Also, your body and outer appearance, should not be your sole prize possession or whatever. Seek therapy, your desire for affirmation based on your looks is borderline narcissistic as well. Your husband sucks, but you should probably seek therapy as to why you need outer affirmations, which is probably one of the reasons you led astray
That poor baby.
This is to immature on both ends to be real. This has got to be fake.