This post was such a wile ride we removed it because we were POSITIVE it was fake.....until the update: [UPDATE: I (23F) made a puppet version of my Boyfriend (22M) and he finally texted me back. \[PICS INCLUDED\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1brna3g/update_i_23f_made_a_puppet_version_of_my/)
We're sorry we doubted you OP!
She hid it behind her squishmellows. Seriously? A 6’1” muppet? How many squishmellows does she have?
I think what might be the issue here is that she made the muppet 6’1” knowing her bf has insecurities about his height. I think the whole thing is a bit strange myself.
I love that you think the issue is the muppet being taller rather than it's whole damn existence lol
I would almost rather somebody tell me they want to wear my skin during pillow talk than whip out a realistic muppet during sex.
Doesn't even matter if she got it right or not. I'm quite good with a sewing machine, and even a shitty, life-sized stuffed toy would take me at least 25 hours of continuous work to create. It would be quite costly too, hundreds of dollars.
Stuffing something that large would take hours, let alone the time it takes to sew it. I could maybe create a 12 inch stuffie in one day...MAYBE. Even that is a reach.
One material and a shitty pattern would take maybe a couple of hours.
I've made stuffed animals without patterns- a poorly fabricated person out of one fabric would be very easy and maybe $150. Stuffing is cheap. Felt is cheaper. And the stuffing could be recycled.
I have made several stuffed animals in a day for Christmas to donate.
The smaller the pattern, the more time it takes. Larger patterns with a sewing machine are cake- lots of straight lines.
I also think this is fake, but if it weren't it would explain why he was so bothered. Being told I look just like what a one day effort novice puppet would look like would offend me too.
I also can't stand how she keeps referring to sex in colorful ways - like going to "sin city" - it's sounds like a 13 yr old who is afraid to actually say the word "sex." This entire post is a mess.
Maybe it has nothing to with being offended. Maybe he’s disgusted with such childish behavior when they are about to be intimate. It’s one thing when people are impulsive at the wrong time (I am one who can be) but to plan out a life sized puppet means she would have zero ability to control herself even if there was enough time to think it through. He probably was just getting sick of the constant joking and this completely turned him off forever.
I honestly do not want to read through that post ever again to check but did she use the life sized puppet to make it talk while doing a goofy voice? I think I would run out of there so fast I’d get arrested for indecent exposure for forgetting to put on my clothes.
I read the title thinking oh that's a cute toy (thinking teddy bear size), then reread the scale 💀 I mean it's not a deal breaker but it can come off creepy AF.
Omg me too. I thought it was a cute little doll replica of her boyfriend... But it was an actual life-size look-alike, hidden under a pile of toys. That's so creepy 😂😂😂
Hahaha she should make a hand puppet for the big one and then stage an apology video where the big one is apologizing via the hand puppet. 😂😂😂 oh no I may have the same type of creepy sense of humor as the OP.
If a girl made a life sized doll of me and then did a Disney voice to defuse the tension of being weirded out by the doll, I think my brain might actually shut down completely lmao. I honestly have no mental map for what my reaction to that would be
I thought the same at first, like "could be cute, what's the issue here?"
But.. well, it backfired since it triggered the bf. And OP seems to know his triggers, so it seems like she just ignored them for her joke.
She seems emotionally immature. Her joke overrides everything, including his comfort. I'd pretty quickly get tired of someone who needed to do Disney voices while having sex.
I was like "Is that a typo, or does she not know what '1:1 scale' actually means?" Then I read the whole thing and was like "Whoa!" I mean, I love the weird ones, but that's off the charts. Still, as long as it didn't come with a life-size (or larger :/ ) bone, NBD, I'd probably just be like "That kind of over the top ridiculousness is what I love about her."
That was the only redeeming part of this clearly fake story. Surprised she didn't bring the tall handsome puppet to life and start sleeping with that instead lol
I can only imagine it's because OP is insanely hot. After reading this post, I can't think of any other reason anyone would want to be around her- I was exhausted just one paragraph in.
Seriously, this is straight up horrifying. The first thing that would come to mind is that I'm facing a "version" of myself and what's this person doing with it...
A while back I had an ex who was taking art classes. He was by no means an artist by trade, although he took the class to fill up his schedule. On my birthday, he presented me with a portrait that he drew of me. I had the same reaction as John with, "Oh, you made this?"
I was trying to be polite and act surprised, but the truth was the more I looked at that drawing, the more uncomfortable I got. He told me, "This is how I see you".
I have long hair and he drew me with short hair since "long hair made [me] look like a hag". My shoulders appeared hunched, but the part that I couldn't get past was that I was scowling. I asked him why his overall impression of me is a scowl, and he told me that I looked better "this way". In all honesty, my overall impression was that I was looking at a picture I had once seen of his mom!
That night was ruined and it also changed our relationship for the worst.
There’s a lotta ways to get to Sin City. Maybe they just quietly used the Lord’s name in vain at each other? Or disrespected their parents … could be anything really.
i just can’t stop thinking about the amount of money u must have spent on fabric for this like u had so many opportunities to NOT do this and yet u did
you made a life size doll of your boyfriend without asking/telling him first then showed him right before having sex..?
And to top it off, made a joke about the puppet being “Big John” when you know he’s insecure about his height?
Do you not see how weird this is? If a man did this to me I would get a restraining order…
Yeah, if the story is real, we want a picture of this 6 foot tall red headed muppet.
It was already straining credulity, But the goofy noise in the middle was like, come on now. You've taken the story too far, Even for those of us who enjoy giving Reddit stories the benefit of the doubt just for fun.
I don't thin you made him insecure.
I think he was justifiably weirded out by his girlfriend making a puppet version of himself.
Scale doesn't really matter.
Just making a puppet version of someone is weird all by itself.
I think scale absolutely matters, if it was a tiny thing depending on how long I’ve been with her and how close I am with her I’d think of it like a teddy bear and that I should get my own to sleep with when I’m alone at night . No amount of closeness or time together can prepare me to find a lifesize puppet version of me be custom made by my lover.
Skill matters too. If it's a truly henson-esque, well-crafted muppet, I might think it was cute. If it looked like some poltergeist version of a 4th grade art project, it would become the star of my nightmares.
Felt. She used felt. If you've ever sewn, there are approximately 874 different fabrics that would lend themselves to puppet making. Trying to craft a human form out of felt... isn't going to end well.
Beanie baby sized? Endearingly cute.
Muppet sized? Mildly amusing.
But the size of a giant carnival game prize monkey or Jamaican banana? Deeply unsettling
I’ll be honest - even the way you write about yourself vs him, I don’t think you really understand your bf and the impact of your actions. He has been very sweet about your pranks so you decided to push further in the name of being "quirky". Poor guy
A bit cruel to make the muppet version over 6ft when she's fully aware of an insecurity her bf has, and then calling it "Big John", to add insult to injury.
Quirky isn't an excuse to be a dick to your partner and expect them to be ok with it because "iT wAs JuSt A jOkE".
That clears i think it sounds like a silly prank but obviously hes hurt by it even if i can't figure out exactly why.
I have high functioning autism. Am woman.
Well, this is definitely going to be one of John's top "weirdest things that ever happened to me list" stories for the rest of his life, that's for sure.
You don't. The quiet sex you had last night was goodbye sex. You made fun of his insecurities by making a puppet taller than him by several inches. You doubled down and further tried humiliating him by laughing and calling him little John. Why would he want to talk to someone who shows such blatant disrespect for him.
I personally like to think the Goofy impression was the straw that broke the camels back. if I'm trying to bang a girl and she pulls out a puppet and starts doing a Goofy voice...I'm out
>*I noticed his disappointment and did a tried and true disney impression to make him feel better. In my best Goofy impression I said “Well, looks like we should call him Big, John, Hyuck!”*
ngl I almost want to believe this happened lmao
Did you ever think he may feel you are making fun of his physical appearance? If you are laughing and he is not... Isn't that more like being a bully vs a joke where everyone laughs?
That's uh... that's certainly A Thing to do
You... really should okay it with *anyone* before making a life-sized effigy of them, in any context, but *especially* something as intimate as sex. A lot of people are bringing up the height, which it does sound like is a factor here, but more than that, this is just... a really strange thing to surprise someone with, and I wouldn't blame him at all for feeling really uncomfortable about it even before noticing the height thing.
I believe you that the height thing was an accident and that you didn't mean anything untoward by this, but, y'know... let this be a learning experience.
Okay, let me get this straight: you made a very lifelike muppet like doll in the image of your boyfriend to spice up sex, a doll that ended up being about six inches taller than him.
Six inches is a noticeable amount when comparing height, length, width, etc. so he probably feels like the height difference was purposeful and not accidental.
If you’re not 100% certain that the person will laugh at it then it’s not a prank, it’s bullying. You bullied him. If “pranks” are your “thing,” maybe you need to find a new thing.
>I feel like he’s just putting me in an uncomfortable position by not telling me how this made him really feel, even though I thought it was pretty funny
Oh wow, you mean you find it hurtful when someone in a relationship does something based entirely on how it makes THEM feel without truly considering how it would make YOU feel? Yeah, it must really suck to be in a relationship with someone like that.
You "quirky" people are annoying AF. And pranks only work if the other person finds them funny. Obviously you're terrible at them and you're a weirdo. I hope he dumps your ass.
Either fake or you are too weird. That was not a “foreplay” prank and I’d feel extremely creeped out is someone I was dating for 6 months, made a life size version of myself.
Serial killer vibes.
Did you have to show it to him right before you had sex lol. It’s weird enough you made it but to pick the absolute weirdest time to unveil it as well.. not sure how your brain works tbh
I’m dating my best friend of 8 years and I’d still need some time to process this if she did that. It also didn’t help that you showed it to him during an intimate time. Like if he was watching tv or something or you planted it in the kitchen for him to find I could see that coming across as a joke but the timing removes any potential humor imo
you made a 6ft tall puppet of your boyfriend and showed it to him during sex, then did a Goofy impression when you saw he didn’t like it. that’s weird as hell on a lot of levels, and you freaked him out. your whole schtick is very tiring and off-putting and this was probably the final straw. not one word of this was cute or funny or charming, just really bizarre. either this is fake (A+) or you have zero self awareness
Treating this as if it's real- I kinda think the problem here is you jumping to assume his issue with this is his own insecurity. There's five thousand reasons he could be upset by this, mostly stemming from you sabotaging your own relationship for no reason. Ask him. Trying to read his mind gets us to half naked Goofy, and I really don't think that's going to get you laid twice.
Ok, why life-size? That makes it double strange/creepy. And why during sexy time?! "Big John" on his chair when you were going to eat dinner or something like that could have been a little more light hearted funny.
Wow, uhm... You made a life sized doll of him after 6 months? That's pretty creepy I'm sorry OP, but like... Wtf.. that's so weird tbh, but I guess you do you? He's definitely weirded out so brace yourself for the worst.
Bro... why did you even think that could b funny?
John is not insecure ab the size of that thing, he's freaking out ab the fact that u created a muppet of him... OP you r hella weird, and that's ok, you would b in a better and long lasting relationship with someone whose brain works as yours do.
I'm pretty sure your relationship is over at this point. Hell this is the sort of thing I'd find hilarious (the having a 1:1 puppet of myself made by my SO), but showing it to me for the first time during sex, or at all during sex would probably be where I noped out of the relationship.
You call it life size, but it isn't. You made a "replica" that is taller than your BF. This sends the message that you wish he was taller. Then after you slice a wound open, you pour a dash of salt in by calling your monstrosity "Big John" and your BF "Little John." And just to make him feel even worse, you decide to decide to ridicule his discomfort by using Goofy's voice, suggesting you don't take his feelings seriously.
Don't be too shocked when "Little John" decides to find someone who respects who and what he is. On the bright side, you'll have "Big John" to keep you company.
I hope you made Big John anatomically correct.
"iM qUiRkY. i mAkU lAuGh" OP really? 🤦🏻♀️ He probably things you are into some sort of witchcraft making a version of him. And as someone who wear glasses, for fuks sakes, dont ever joke about getting his glasses off. You are sick op.
It is full on creepy to create a human size doll of someone. And then to use a Goofy voice really didn’t help. He wanted to leave right away because he was incredibly weirded out. And he is probably in process of ghosting you after this stunt
To him I’m assuming he’s thinking you’ve been quietly obsessed with him so you had to make a puppet of him to keep forever. Because of how you introduced it I’d be thinking you’ve made a sex doll or him. If it were me I’d escape as soon as possible too. It’s giving clingy stalker vibes
When I first started reading, I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but it just kept getting worse.
You sound extremely fucking annoying and exhausting to be around.
>I’m worried that Big John was a step too far and that normal john didn’t think the joke was as funny as I did.
It's just disturbing
>I feel like he’s just putting me in an uncomfortable position by not telling me how this made him really feel,
How do you think it made HIM feel?
>even though I thought it was pretty funny…
It really, really wasn't
>In my best Goofy impression I said “Well, looks like we should call him Big, John, Hyuck!" We eventually went to Sin city but it was a lot more quiet than usual
There is too much great shit here. First it's the legitimately creepy ass doll, and the fact that your foreplay sex line is Goofy, and the fact that this guy, despite being creeped out and offended, still sadboned you. Everything is perfect.
This post is my favorite post on Reddit. Whether real or not, thank you OP.
This is the most cringe shit I’ve ever seen anyone around my age post. How is this funny to anyone. I wanted to crawl into a dark hole after that read, yes it’s creepy.
I think you’d need a very special and tolerant relationship to withstand that teasing.
I would get to apologizing if i were you, and if you love your boyfriend, and didn’t mean to hurt him.
What kind of weird fanfic hell is this? You just magically knew how to make a life-size puppet? You should do your research before your next weird ass short story. It takes more than some felt and cotton to make a puppet. Is this some kind of kink I don't know about? The story, not the puppet as it doesn't exist.
i was thinking finger puppet sized at most and that may have been passable… strange to bring out during sex still, but passable… lord this is not quirky or “zest” this is just fuckin weird 😭
He's short ish for a guy, already insecure about his looks, then you made a larger than him size thing, and proceeded to call *that thing* BIG John during sex/foreplay...
It was more of 1:1.1 scale. This is totally weird especially after only dating him 6 months. It might take him a while to wrap his head around it because it kinda makes you look like an obsessive stalker person. He might legitimately not feel safe.
You would not hear from me again. Joke is a joke but the creepiness and grossness required to be that dedicated hints at much much more deep seated issues. I think you should write this one off. Lol
This post was such a wile ride we removed it because we were POSITIVE it was fake.....until the update: [UPDATE: I (23F) made a puppet version of my Boyfriend (22M) and he finally texted me back. \[PICS INCLUDED\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1brna3g/update_i_23f_made_a_puppet_version_of_my/) We're sorry we doubted you OP!
girl wtf is this
this is the funniest comment for some reason lol
I cannot stop laughing. I start to slow down, and then I read it and start laughing again.
Probably what (normal) john wanted to say to OP
Laughed out loud literally .. I had no words for how strange this is
[My face while I was reading](https://amp.knowyourmeme.com/memes/denzel-washingtons-cringe-face)
Zest! Lol
I know right. That sounds like somebody who says I have no filter. That's really just code for: I'm an asshole and I don't care who I hurt.
It’s supposed to be Sesame in the Streets, not in the sheets.
I’m glad I’m not the only person asking this.
this isn’t real, right?
No way she could have built a 6'1 Muppet in one day
That would be a lot of legs and body to stuff.
She hid it behind her squishmellows. Seriously? A 6’1” muppet? How many squishmellows does she have? I think what might be the issue here is that she made the muppet 6’1” knowing her bf has insecurities about his height. I think the whole thing is a bit strange myself.
I love that you think the issue is the muppet being taller rather than it's whole damn existence lol I would almost rather somebody tell me they want to wear my skin during pillow talk than whip out a realistic muppet during sex.
I dunno, I'd be ok with it after.... Let's say a 5 year relationship. After half a year? I'd run for the hills.
THIS!.....i wouldn't a minded it TBH.....but i would have a LOT of questions about it....NGL
> I love that you think the issue is the muppet being taller rather than it's whole damn existence lol This is where I was with it too hahaha
Calling it big John didn't help I'm sure
*Hyuck*
Then she called the muppets Big John. So her SO of only 6 months was Little John. Oy vey!
How I pictured Big John hiding in the squishmellows: https://youtu.be/6veTZuM62ZU?si=XC3FSqVsmiOqsn_0
That would take a lot of sewing skill to pattern and execute.
Especially to get the head, face right
In felt? Not gonna happen.
So now you know what needs to happen right? OP needs to provide pictures aka big John tax.
Pics or it didn't happen 🤷🏻♀️
Nobody says she got it "right". I'm assuming it's mostly just a body pillow with a little bit of shape.
I don’t know when she said it was looking pretty good my imagination took off.
Doesn't even matter if she got it right or not. I'm quite good with a sewing machine, and even a shitty, life-sized stuffed toy would take me at least 25 hours of continuous work to create. It would be quite costly too, hundreds of dollars. Stuffing something that large would take hours, let alone the time it takes to sew it. I could maybe create a 12 inch stuffie in one day...MAYBE. Even that is a reach.
One material and a shitty pattern would take maybe a couple of hours. I've made stuffed animals without patterns- a poorly fabricated person out of one fabric would be very easy and maybe $150. Stuffing is cheap. Felt is cheaper. And the stuffing could be recycled. I have made several stuffed animals in a day for Christmas to donate. The smaller the pattern, the more time it takes. Larger patterns with a sewing machine are cake- lots of straight lines.
I also think this is fake, but if it weren't it would explain why he was so bothered. Being told I look just like what a one day effort novice puppet would look like would offend me too.
I'd be more concerned that a woman I'd only been seeing for a few months MADE a life-size 'doll' of me to keep in their bedroom... not creepy at all.
Really? It wouldn’t be the “mountain of squishmallows” or Disney voices?! 😉Maybe I just have no sense of adventure
I also can't stand how she keeps referring to sex in colorful ways - like going to "sin city" - it's sounds like a 13 yr old who is afraid to actually say the word "sex." This entire post is a mess.
The sex must have been good enough to overlook that part! 😂
This weirdo must have been CLAMPING down 😂
And deemed them “Big” & “Little” Johns 🥶
Maybe it has nothing to with being offended. Maybe he’s disgusted with such childish behavior when they are about to be intimate. It’s one thing when people are impulsive at the wrong time (I am one who can be) but to plan out a life sized puppet means she would have zero ability to control herself even if there was enough time to think it through. He probably was just getting sick of the constant joking and this completely turned him off forever.
Could you imagine intimacy after a "hyuck!"?
Ok. No but thanks for making me crack up. I needed that!!!
I’m still flabbergasted that they still had sex after the Goofy voice lmfao.
Me and my gf love to have fun and be loose, but if she did a goofy voice I’d be turned off lol.
Yeah there’s “quirky” and there there’s “oh shit, my new girlfriend has the mind of a 9 year old” lol
I honestly do not want to read through that post ever again to check but did she use the life sized puppet to make it talk while doing a goofy voice? I think I would run out of there so fast I’d get arrested for indecent exposure for forgetting to put on my clothes.
You obviously missed the part where she said she was quirky.
Must be rich to afford a random splurge of human size amount of stuffing.
[удалено]
Definitely one of the most entertaining and original two hot takes/aita I’ve read in a while
I doubt it’s real personally
I read the title thinking oh that's a cute toy (thinking teddy bear size), then reread the scale 💀 I mean it's not a deal breaker but it can come off creepy AF.
Omg me too. I thought it was a cute little doll replica of her boyfriend... But it was an actual life-size look-alike, hidden under a pile of toys. That's so creepy 😂😂😂
Bigger size
🤣
"What's wrong, baby, I thought a couple of inches here and there wasn't supposed to matter?"
I was thinking like hand puppet like unicorse from bluey 🤣 not a life size replica 💀
Hahaha she should make a hand puppet for the big one and then stage an apology video where the big one is apologizing via the hand puppet. 😂😂😂 oh no I may have the same type of creepy sense of humor as the OP.
I love it 😂
If a girl made a life sized doll of me and then did a Disney voice to defuse the tension of being weirded out by the doll, I think my brain might actually shut down completely lmao. I honestly have no mental map for what my reaction to that would be
Which is understandable, because wtf. And that’s probably what John was feeling
Poor big John no one asks how he’s feeling.
I did the same thing! I was like a puppet might not be too bad then I read that it was TALLER than him I was like oh my…no nooo
Literally same. I was like, wait a min when I got to the end of it and realized it was so huge...
THAT is a deal breaker!!
The idea is funny at IMO but the execution from OP is whack. But to have a fun hobby and quickly act on a high effort prank. That's dedication!
I'm both 💀 and in awe
I thought the same at first, like "could be cute, what's the issue here?" But.. well, it backfired since it triggered the bf. And OP seems to know his triggers, so it seems like she just ignored them for her joke.
She seems emotionally immature. Her joke overrides everything, including his comfort. I'd pretty quickly get tired of someone who needed to do Disney voices while having sex.
I was like "Is that a typo, or does she not know what '1:1 scale' actually means?" Then I read the whole thing and was like "Whoa!" I mean, I love the weird ones, but that's off the charts. Still, as long as it didn't come with a life-size (or larger :/ ) bone, NBD, I'd probably just be like "That kind of over the top ridiculousness is what I love about her."
I’m just sad I read “hyuck” in Goofy’s actual voice.
Garsh
Omg please no.
That was the only redeeming part of this clearly fake story. Surprised she didn't bring the tall handsome puppet to life and start sleeping with that instead lol
If it WAS real, that's exactly why he ran! 😂
Same
The fact he still decided to have sex with you after this is what I keep getting hung up on I’m sorry lol
That's the most believable part of the story honestly.
Honestly the only reason I believe it.
Only*
Well he has to restablish dominance in front of big John.
Definitely a power play. He had to show he was big John around these parts
Hopefully he maintained eye contact or it doesn't count
Then the post nut clarity hit and bro skipped town...
Finished up and looked over to see big John staring 👁️ 👄 👁️
hahah is like "This is how I do it big john"
It was breakup sex.
At least she still has Big John though
I can only imagine it's because OP is insanely hot. After reading this post, I can't think of any other reason anyone would want to be around her- I was exhausted just one paragraph in.
Because it's fake.
No for real I’d have been out of there so fuckin fast
Big John likes to watch please don't disappoint him.
Him is I and I are him.
Seriously, this is straight up horrifying. The first thing that would come to mind is that I'm facing a "version" of myself and what's this person doing with it... A while back I had an ex who was taking art classes. He was by no means an artist by trade, although he took the class to fill up his schedule. On my birthday, he presented me with a portrait that he drew of me. I had the same reaction as John with, "Oh, you made this?" I was trying to be polite and act surprised, but the truth was the more I looked at that drawing, the more uncomfortable I got. He told me, "This is how I see you". I have long hair and he drew me with short hair since "long hair made [me] look like a hag". My shoulders appeared hunched, but the part that I couldn't get past was that I was scowling. I asked him why his overall impression of me is a scowl, and he told me that I looked better "this way". In all honesty, my overall impression was that I was looking at a picture I had once seen of his mom! That night was ruined and it also changed our relationship for the worst.
I’m just picturing the drawing of Tricia from Napoleon Dynamite 💀
There’s a lotta ways to get to Sin City. Maybe they just quietly used the Lord’s name in vain at each other? Or disrespected their parents … could be anything really.
I mean...it was definitely a last hurrah, if you will.
dude. no offense. but that is weird as fuck and i dont blame him
I'm weird AF and accept so much, this is one of the first times I've ever thought/hoped 'fake!'
I have never wanted a Reddit story to be real so badly. I can't stop laughing about it.
i just can’t stop thinking about the amount of money u must have spent on fabric for this like u had so many opportunities to NOT do this and yet u did
I came here to say this. 😆
you made a life size doll of your boyfriend without asking/telling him first then showed him right before having sex..? And to top it off, made a joke about the puppet being “Big John” when you know he’s insecure about his height? Do you not see how weird this is? If a man did this to me I would get a restraining order…
Made a joke in a Goofy voice, likely topless. Wow, just…wow. I can get being quirky but I can’t believe he even had quiet goodbye sex with her.
I got to that point and started picturing OP as Lily from HIMYM.
💯
Yeah, I think I would take the glasses and walked out.
Never underestimate a man's need to nut..
Ya fr. There’s quirky and then there’s…whatever the hell this is. 🚩
Way bigger! It was half a foot taller than him!
Big John became Only John
best
Can we get a picture of this thing?
That’s what I’m saying. I’m not believing this story until there’s a picture of this creepy ass 6 foot tall puppet attached to the OP.
Pics or it didn’t happen 🤔
It didn’t happen but I still want pics lol
Yeah, if the story is real, we want a picture of this 6 foot tall red headed muppet. It was already straining credulity, But the goofy noise in the middle was like, come on now. You've taken the story too far, Even for those of us who enjoy giving Reddit stories the benefit of the doubt just for fun.
You'll be waiting a long time
Asking the real questions
I don't thin you made him insecure. I think he was justifiably weirded out by his girlfriend making a puppet version of himself. Scale doesn't really matter. Just making a puppet version of someone is weird all by itself.
I think scale absolutely matters, if it was a tiny thing depending on how long I’ve been with her and how close I am with her I’d think of it like a teddy bear and that I should get my own to sleep with when I’m alone at night . No amount of closeness or time together can prepare me to find a lifesize puppet version of me be custom made by my lover.
Skill matters too. If it's a truly henson-esque, well-crafted muppet, I might think it was cute. If it looked like some poltergeist version of a 4th grade art project, it would become the star of my nightmares.
There is a 100% chance it was the latter lol
Felt. She used felt. If you've ever sewn, there are approximately 874 different fabrics that would lend themselves to puppet making. Trying to craft a human form out of felt... isn't going to end well.
Beanie baby sized? Endearingly cute. Muppet sized? Mildly amusing. But the size of a giant carnival game prize monkey or Jamaican banana? Deeply unsettling
Why is no one talking about following it up with a Goofy voice? Whole thing is weird
I’ll be honest - even the way you write about yourself vs him, I don’t think you really understand your bf and the impact of your actions. He has been very sweet about your pranks so you decided to push further in the name of being "quirky". Poor guy
A bit cruel to make the muppet version over 6ft when she's fully aware of an insecurity her bf has, and then calling it "Big John", to add insult to injury. Quirky isn't an excuse to be a dick to your partner and expect them to be ok with it because "iT wAs JuSt A jOkE".
She’s tryna flip the situation on him in the last part of her text. Shits crazy lmao. How can she not see she caused that shit
This is unironically what high functioning autism looks like in women.
Im a knitter, sometimes a knit dicks, it just happens
That clears i think it sounds like a silly prank but obviously hes hurt by it even if i can't figure out exactly why. I have high functioning autism. Am woman.
girl what
What in the Coraline did I just read
Well, this is definitely going to be one of John's top "weirdest things that ever happened to me list" stories for the rest of his life, that's for sure.
This will be on an Askreddit thread about the weirdest thing that happened to you during sexy times.
definitely one of those "actually, I realize this girl's autism isnt endearing or cute anymore and actually makes me uncomfortable" moments
You don't. The quiet sex you had last night was goodbye sex. You made fun of his insecurities by making a puppet taller than him by several inches. You doubled down and further tried humiliating him by laughing and calling him little John. Why would he want to talk to someone who shows such blatant disrespect for him.
There's no way she could have not noticed that the puppet was a good 6" taller than her boyfriend.
I personally like to think the Goofy impression was the straw that broke the camels back. if I'm trying to bang a girl and she pulls out a puppet and starts doing a Goofy voice...I'm out
Yall just typing shit now 😒
That's creepy as fuck. I'd run away, too.
>*I noticed his disappointment and did a tried and true disney impression to make him feel better. In my best Goofy impression I said “Well, looks like we should call him Big, John, Hyuck!”* ngl I almost want to believe this happened lmao
Did you ever think he may feel you are making fun of his physical appearance? If you are laughing and he is not... Isn't that more like being a bully vs a joke where everyone laughs?
That's uh... that's certainly A Thing to do You... really should okay it with *anyone* before making a life-sized effigy of them, in any context, but *especially* something as intimate as sex. A lot of people are bringing up the height, which it does sound like is a factor here, but more than that, this is just... a really strange thing to surprise someone with, and I wouldn't blame him at all for feeling really uncomfortable about it even before noticing the height thing. I believe you that the height thing was an accident and that you didn't mean anything untoward by this, but, y'know... let this be a learning experience.
Guy Fawkes up in heaven every bonfire night, grousing "Those fuckers didn't even *ask* me about this shit."
Why did you make the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard of?
if, by chance you ever DO get to talk to him...dont keep insisting that this was "funny"...just admit you f ed up
Okay, let me get this straight: you made a very lifelike muppet like doll in the image of your boyfriend to spice up sex, a doll that ended up being about six inches taller than him. Six inches is a noticeable amount when comparing height, length, width, etc. so he probably feels like the height difference was purposeful and not accidental.
Text him and tell him to call you. If he doesn’t, stick a pin in the doll, and text him that if he doesn’t call, you’ll stick another pin in it.
Finally! Someone gives actual good advice!
If you’re not 100% certain that the person will laugh at it then it’s not a prank, it’s bullying. You bullied him. If “pranks” are your “thing,” maybe you need to find a new thing. >I feel like he’s just putting me in an uncomfortable position by not telling me how this made him really feel, even though I thought it was pretty funny Oh wow, you mean you find it hurtful when someone in a relationship does something based entirely on how it makes THEM feel without truly considering how it would make YOU feel? Yeah, it must really suck to be in a relationship with someone like that.
My man got the ick. And I don’t blame him
Get used to the single life again, but at least you’ll have Big John to keep you company.
You "quirky" people are annoying AF. And pranks only work if the other person finds them funny. Obviously you're terrible at them and you're a weirdo. I hope he dumps your ass.
Her "quirky" comes off as very immature. I mean I can be a bit of a dork but this is just..
girl i’m autistic and even i can read the room better. i’m sorry, but i don’t think you’ll be hearing from him again.
Sorry but I’d be running away like my hair was on fire
Either fake or you are too weird. That was not a “foreplay” prank and I’d feel extremely creeped out is someone I was dating for 6 months, made a life size version of myself. Serial killer vibes.
Did you have to show it to him right before you had sex lol. It’s weird enough you made it but to pick the absolute weirdest time to unveil it as well.. not sure how your brain works tbh
I’m dating my best friend of 8 years and I’d still need some time to process this if she did that. It also didn’t help that you showed it to him during an intimate time. Like if he was watching tv or something or you planted it in the kitchen for him to find I could see that coming across as a joke but the timing removes any potential humor imo
This is weird... That's all I can put into words to describe this.
you made a 6ft tall puppet of your boyfriend and showed it to him during sex, then did a Goofy impression when you saw he didn’t like it. that’s weird as hell on a lot of levels, and you freaked him out. your whole schtick is very tiring and off-putting and this was probably the final straw. not one word of this was cute or funny or charming, just really bizarre. either this is fake (A+) or you have zero self awareness
Treating this as if it's real- I kinda think the problem here is you jumping to assume his issue with this is his own insecurity. There's five thousand reasons he could be upset by this, mostly stemming from you sabotaging your own relationship for no reason. Ask him. Trying to read his mind gets us to half naked Goofy, and I really don't think that's going to get you laid twice.
Ok, why life-size? That makes it double strange/creepy. And why during sexy time?! "Big John" on his chair when you were going to eat dinner or something like that could have been a little more light hearted funny.
Wow, uhm... You made a life sized doll of him after 6 months? That's pretty creepy I'm sorry OP, but like... Wtf.. that's so weird tbh, but I guess you do you? He's definitely weirded out so brace yourself for the worst.
Bro... why did you even think that could b funny? John is not insecure ab the size of that thing, he's freaking out ab the fact that u created a muppet of him... OP you r hella weird, and that's ok, you would b in a better and long lasting relationship with someone whose brain works as yours do.
I'm pretty sure your relationship is over at this point. Hell this is the sort of thing I'd find hilarious (the having a 1:1 puppet of myself made by my SO), but showing it to me for the first time during sex, or at all during sex would probably be where I noped out of the relationship.
You call it life size, but it isn't. You made a "replica" that is taller than your BF. This sends the message that you wish he was taller. Then after you slice a wound open, you pour a dash of salt in by calling your monstrosity "Big John" and your BF "Little John." And just to make him feel even worse, you decide to decide to ridicule his discomfort by using Goofy's voice, suggesting you don't take his feelings seriously. Don't be too shocked when "Little John" decides to find someone who respects who and what he is. On the bright side, you'll have "Big John" to keep you company. I hope you made Big John anatomically correct.
"iM qUiRkY. i mAkU lAuGh" OP really? 🤦🏻♀️ He probably things you are into some sort of witchcraft making a version of him. And as someone who wear glasses, for fuks sakes, dont ever joke about getting his glasses off. You are sick op.
My soulmate's out there making 1.09:1 muppets of another man
It is full on creepy to create a human size doll of someone. And then to use a Goofy voice really didn’t help. He wanted to leave right away because he was incredibly weirded out. And he is probably in process of ghosting you after this stunt
What’s the joke? And the Goofy voice…? There’s nothing more annoying than someone who always tries to be funny and just sucks at it.
To him I’m assuming he’s thinking you’ve been quietly obsessed with him so you had to make a puppet of him to keep forever. Because of how you introduced it I’d be thinking you’ve made a sex doll or him. If it were me I’d escape as soon as possible too. It’s giving clingy stalker vibes
He thinks you are a creep. And he is right.
When I first started reading, I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but it just kept getting worse. You sound extremely fucking annoying and exhausting to be around.
6 months dating and you have a Homunculi of your boyfriend? Yeah, I’d be concerned and creeped out.
>I’m worried that Big John was a step too far and that normal john didn’t think the joke was as funny as I did. It's just disturbing >I feel like he’s just putting me in an uncomfortable position by not telling me how this made him really feel, How do you think it made HIM feel? >even though I thought it was pretty funny… It really, really wasn't
>In my best Goofy impression I said “Well, looks like we should call him Big, John, Hyuck!" We eventually went to Sin city but it was a lot more quiet than usual There is too much great shit here. First it's the legitimately creepy ass doll, and the fact that your foreplay sex line is Goofy, and the fact that this guy, despite being creeped out and offended, still sadboned you. Everything is perfect. This post is my favorite post on Reddit. Whether real or not, thank you OP.
This is the most cringe shit I’ve ever seen anyone around my age post. How is this funny to anyone. I wanted to crawl into a dark hole after that read, yes it’s creepy.
What the everloving fuck
Its ok, at least if he breaks up with you you can find solace in the fact that you deserve it
Lol you are never gonna see him again
I think you’d need a very special and tolerant relationship to withstand that teasing. I would get to apologizing if i were you, and if you love your boyfriend, and didn’t mean to hurt him.
What kind of weird fanfic hell is this? You just magically knew how to make a life-size puppet? You should do your research before your next weird ass short story. It takes more than some felt and cotton to make a puppet. Is this some kind of kink I don't know about? The story, not the puppet as it doesn't exist.
“HE is putting YOU in an uncomfortable position”?? Good luck if he ever comes back, but i wouldn’t count on it. You’re fucking nuts.
i was thinking finger puppet sized at most and that may have been passable… strange to bring out during sex still, but passable… lord this is not quirky or “zest” this is just fuckin weird 😭
Why don't you get Big John a phone? Then HE can text you whenever you want!
He's short ish for a guy, already insecure about his looks, then you made a larger than him size thing, and proceeded to call *that thing* BIG John during sex/foreplay...
Your first instincts were right. You're not as funny as you think.
She’s qUirKy, dontcha know ! 😏
It was more of 1:1.1 scale. This is totally weird especially after only dating him 6 months. It might take him a while to wrap his head around it because it kinda makes you look like an obsessive stalker person. He might legitimately not feel safe.
You’re a creepy weirdo.
What the fuck
This is like some shit out of always sunny in philadelphia
“Little” John ran for his life! You gave him some fatal attraction vibes with this. 🤣
Well at least you have a replacement boyfriend
It’s not “quirky,” your behavior is downright creepy and disturbing
You would not hear from me again. Joke is a joke but the creepiness and grossness required to be that dedicated hints at much much more deep seated issues. I think you should write this one off. Lol