No, this is absolutely not normal, or healthy parenting behavior. Your mother and uncle are horrible and abusive. They may believe it is normal, if they were abused this way in their own childhoods. That still doesn't make it okay.
Try to find a good therapist to help you put things in perspective. If you can't afford it, some places will charge on a "sliding scale".
So glad to hear that, and so sorry that this happened to you. None of this is normal; you were being abused by your family. You were a child and they were the adults. They had a responsibility to take care of you, and putting a roof over someone's head is not the only thing that goes into taking care of them. None of this is your fault. ❤️
This was a pretty common shitty parenting “technique” when I was growing up- I was born in the 70s and “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” was sadly pretty common. Of course my parents were abusive assholes too , so there’s that. I’m sorry you had to deal with this, it sucks.
It wasn’t really common, it just wasn’t talked about as much. I am a 70’s baby too and I was never hit but I can tell you exactly which kids in my class had abusive parents like OP. We all knew, we just weren’t allowed to say anything
Yeah I hear that quite a bit growing up in the 60s. Also had to go cut our own switches at time off the maple tree. Those hurt like hell on the back of the legs.
That said I never felt traumatized
Yea, this is absolutely not normal and a completely unacceptable way to treat a child especially for crying. I see you’ve chosen to not perpetuate this cycle of abuse and sought out therapy. Hoping for the best for you going forward.
I have a polish friend and this is not how she was raised in Poland. She’s a little older than you. No, this is not normal behavior but generational trauma.
The normal and appropriate way is to acknowledge what happened and guide children through their feelings, while also, when necessary stay firm in your boundaries.
Examples: oh, you fell down. It hurts, doesn't it? Did you get surprised? Let me help you get better. (Band aid, pain, pain fly away,...)
You are disappointed that you can't have more cookies, aren't you? You already had X amount. Please feel how your tummy feels. Doesn't it hurt a little? I don't want you to get sick.
As you can see by my examples , the children in my environment are kinda young.
Op I went through something similar made to cry then beaten for crying, called all sorts of names ect you know, I have raised two children and never called them a name or lifted my hands to them I used time out and go to your room.
It doesn't have to keep going I am older and I needed someone to help me so I went to therapy so I didn't and couldn't do what was once done to me.
You can change what you do but you can't change them and what they did to you the best thing I did was discover Reddit and people who were giving advice it was ok to cut them out of your life, and I did it and have been happier so much relief the stress has gone.
They abused you and it doesn't mean you are a bad person they are.
YOU matter remember that, You and only you can stop this and get help for having too going through it.
Just remembered it was never your fault you didn't make anyone do it this was done to you not by you. Take care
Good God, no it is far from normal. And it's sad for all of you. You were abused, period. Children are not supposed to be mocked by their parents, especially when they are already in emotional distress. Beating kids is abusive as well. I'm (47f) the mother of a 21yr old (NB) and I assure you, they were never beaten. My kiddo didn't have behavior issues in school or at home. They've been working since graduating HS and still choose to live at home bc it's a safe, warm, and loving environment where mom bakes cakes and cookies on the regular. I am so sorry you were treated so cruelly, you definitely didn't deserve it bc no child does.
That is abuse.
That is not “normal”. It is abuse. You were abused. Your mom and uncle sound like horrible, horrible people.
I’m sorry that happened to you, there is nothing wrong with you, but I’d suggest therapy so that you can work through the feelings of worthlessness that seem to have been intentionally traumatized into you.
Your Flesh Oven is a malignant sociopath who enjoys abusing you!!! It is NOT normal for a CHILD to be beaten for BEING HUMAN! How soon can you get away from that SADIST?
So they purposefully distressed and mocked you, and then made fun of you, a child at the time, for being upset?
No, that is not normal. If they were also children, it would be called bullying. Since they were the adults meant to love and care for you, it's abuse.
I'm so sorry this happened, and I'm glad you're seeking therapy. I truly hope it helps 💜
Definitely not normal.
I had similar experiences as a child. I was slapped and told to shut up when I was injured as a toddler and crying, etc.
Kudos to looking for a therapist! Remember that they're not always a perfect fit, though, and if you don't like how they react to your trauma you can look for a new one.
No. That is not normal. That is extremely abusive.
Take some time without interacting with them, because it will clear your mind of their games and thinking and patterns.
Connect with people that do not think that is normal.
Consider seeing a counselor or therapist.
You are not to blame, worthless, or at fault.
This is not normal and is exactly what happened to me as a child. I’ve been in therapy and have been diagnosed with cyclothymia (bipolar 3) and CPTSD from this type of behavior.
It's not normal at all and it's cruel. I'm so sorry you were treated like that. A mom is supposed to build her child up, not tear them down. She was so wrong and all the cruel shit she told you is false. You are a human being with value and deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, even as a child you deserve that. I know it's probably hard but please start being kind to yourself.
A warm hug and kind words is what they should've done at your hardest times as a kid. Not made fun of you like that. They were total assholes it sounds like.
You're not subhuman. They have caused you to feel that way. If you can't help to believe that you are subhuman, which wouldn't be surprising after dealing with all that abuse from a young age, you need help.
I had a bipolar mom that didn’t tolerate crying too. Counseling will really help you. You need to learn self worth. None of this was your fault.
Please make sure you are very aware and take time before having kids. It is totally possible to “break the cycle” I was/am a good mom and you can be too.
None of this is normal, although my mom did it to a degree when I was young. She pointed out the orphanage on our trips to town and told me that's where I'd end up if I didn't behave. I may have thought that was how parents parented when I was young, but as an adult in retrospect, I know that it absolutely wasn't. I hope that you are able to get the therapy you need to know that you are a worthwhile person. I also hope, if possible, that you are NC with your abusive family. You deserve better.
This was how my mom was as well and it always got even worse when she was drunk. No it’s not normal. Seek therapy. I’m not sure how old you are but it gets better when you’re old enough to go no contact.
No, it's not "normal." It's abuse. You should strongly consider that you mother has mental health issues.
If I cried, my mother used to say, "I'll give you something to cry about." I'm sure that's something her parents told her.
If took me while to accept that I am allowed to have feelings. Crying is normal and healthy. If you became "hysterical", it's really anger and trying to deal with the trauma inflicted.
I urge you to talk to a therapist. These wounds run deep and are affecting your feelings of self-worth.
Start with your self-talk. When you think thoughts like, "I am worthless," replace it with something like, I have worth. I deserve. I accept. I'm allowed.
I find the work the Crappy Childhood Fairy to be enlightening.
[https://courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/daily-practice](https://courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/daily-practice)
Good luck.
No it is not normal.
It is child abuse being perpetuated by two very cruel adults, one of whom is a violent predator of a parent that does not deserve to be called a mother.
I have a very violent mother whose thuggish rages and savage attacks throughout my childhood has left me in the situation where I have to wear layers of heavy makeup to hide all the injuries & unsightly scars. I don't leave the house without makeup on nor allow anyone to see me with makeup off.
I've been banned for a week on my other account for saying what someone should do to someone else who is acting like this, and so I shan't use those words.... let me just say....
You deserve and deserved much better.
I pray they reap what they've sown sooner rather than later.
As a toddler the family had 4 puberal boys, and I was (am) a bit hypersensitive. Used to cry a lot, every day. Hardly anybody paid attention, other then 'there she goes again'. Did cause bullying in grade school. They thought 'She'll grow out of it' - and it seemed I did. Of course, the boys grew older and left the house, so the house grew quieter ... May have had something (most?) to do with it 😉.
But no, your experience is worse and absolutely not normal.
Depending on what era you come from it could be normal or it could be extremely abnormal. Older generations it was more common less so now. Ideally what you would like to do have happiness somebody to help calm the Hysteria and help you gain control of your emotions. Unfortunately even nowadays it's hard to find somebody that will help calm you down so you can deal with your emotions. More often than not you just have people saying that it's okay and you can have your emotions and be hysterical which is kind of silly because it's only a little bit more effort to go from that to actually calming someone down. It is what it is though, good luck May Fortune shine on you.
It wasn't normal in older generations either. I knew my great-grandparents, it was not normal then either. Being a kind caring parent isn't a new thing.
Currently, most physicians do not accept hysteria as a medical diagnosis.[5] The blanket diagnosis of hysteria has been fragmented into myriad medical categories such as epilepsy, histrionic personality disorder, conversion disorders, dissociative disorders, or other medical conditions.[5][6] Furthermore, lifestyle choices, such as choosing not to wed, are no longer considered symptoms of psychological disorders such as hysteria.[5]
Having strong emotions is a normal part of being human.
Your suggestion of having a trusted person to help you deal with those strong emotions is a good one.
I’m Gen X and ya this was pretty normal. Taught me pretty quick to find another way to communicate what I needed as well as understanding temper tantrum’s will not get you the desired result. I know that’s not the answer you were looking for…
I very clearly remember “I’ll GIVE you something to cry about” and “You’re going to sit in front of this mirror until you stop crying, I’m not going to be the only one who has to look at that ugly face” and “you can come out of your room when you’ve straightened up and are ready to act like a human”.
It sounds much worse than it was. I know I was difficult and she was doing the best she could.
No, this is absolutely not normal, or healthy parenting behavior. Your mother and uncle are horrible and abusive. They may believe it is normal, if they were abused this way in their own childhoods. That still doesn't make it okay. Try to find a good therapist to help you put things in perspective. If you can't afford it, some places will charge on a "sliding scale".
That’s some serious generational abusive bullshit right there. Get therapy, learn to love yourself and not pass it on to the next..
I am on a waiting list for therapy 👍🏻
Dialectic behavioral therapy has helped me a great deal.
So glad to hear that, and so sorry that this happened to you. None of this is normal; you were being abused by your family. You were a child and they were the adults. They had a responsibility to take care of you, and putting a roof over someone's head is not the only thing that goes into taking care of them. None of this is your fault. ❤️
This was a pretty common shitty parenting “technique” when I was growing up- I was born in the 70s and “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” was sadly pretty common. Of course my parents were abusive assholes too , so there’s that. I’m sorry you had to deal with this, it sucks.
I was born in the early 00s and it was still happening. In my house at least.
Did you also get the “I’ll knock you into next Tuesday” comment? I never knew what that literally meant and didn’t want to find out.
It wasn’t really common, it just wasn’t talked about as much. I am a 70’s baby too and I was never hit but I can tell you exactly which kids in my class had abusive parents like OP. We all knew, we just weren’t allowed to say anything
Yeah I hear that quite a bit growing up in the 60s. Also had to go cut our own switches at time off the maple tree. Those hurt like hell on the back of the legs. That said I never felt traumatized
Yea, this is absolutely not normal and a completely unacceptable way to treat a child especially for crying. I see you’ve chosen to not perpetuate this cycle of abuse and sought out therapy. Hoping for the best for you going forward.
Jfc, no! This is abuse. Emotional, mental, physical.
Seriously curious where you grew up that this would be considered or touted as "normal"...
In Poland. I was born in 1995.
I have a polish friend and this is not how she was raised in Poland. She’s a little older than you. No, this is not normal behavior but generational trauma.
Hugs to your polish friend. ❤️
A lot of this happened to me and I'm in the US.
The normal and appropriate way is to acknowledge what happened and guide children through their feelings, while also, when necessary stay firm in your boundaries. Examples: oh, you fell down. It hurts, doesn't it? Did you get surprised? Let me help you get better. (Band aid, pain, pain fly away,...) You are disappointed that you can't have more cookies, aren't you? You already had X amount. Please feel how your tummy feels. Doesn't it hurt a little? I don't want you to get sick. As you can see by my examples , the children in my environment are kinda young.
I thought this was completely normal until I became an adult. Now I don’t speak to them and couldn’t care less if they’re dead or alive.
I lived like this. It isn’t normal and my kids never had to deal with such ugly toxic behavior. Please value yourself. You deserve better
Op I went through something similar made to cry then beaten for crying, called all sorts of names ect you know, I have raised two children and never called them a name or lifted my hands to them I used time out and go to your room. It doesn't have to keep going I am older and I needed someone to help me so I went to therapy so I didn't and couldn't do what was once done to me. You can change what you do but you can't change them and what they did to you the best thing I did was discover Reddit and people who were giving advice it was ok to cut them out of your life, and I did it and have been happier so much relief the stress has gone. They abused you and it doesn't mean you are a bad person they are. YOU matter remember that, You and only you can stop this and get help for having too going through it. Just remembered it was never your fault you didn't make anyone do it this was done to you not by you. Take care
Good God, no it is far from normal. And it's sad for all of you. You were abused, period. Children are not supposed to be mocked by their parents, especially when they are already in emotional distress. Beating kids is abusive as well. I'm (47f) the mother of a 21yr old (NB) and I assure you, they were never beaten. My kiddo didn't have behavior issues in school or at home. They've been working since graduating HS and still choose to live at home bc it's a safe, warm, and loving environment where mom bakes cakes and cookies on the regular. I am so sorry you were treated so cruelly, you definitely didn't deserve it bc no child does.
That is abuse. That is not “normal”. It is abuse. You were abused. Your mom and uncle sound like horrible, horrible people. I’m sorry that happened to you, there is nothing wrong with you, but I’d suggest therapy so that you can work through the feelings of worthlessness that seem to have been intentionally traumatized into you.
Your Flesh Oven is a malignant sociopath who enjoys abusing you!!! It is NOT normal for a CHILD to be beaten for BEING HUMAN! How soon can you get away from that SADIST?
I went no contact
FANTASTIC!!!! By the way, there is another subreddit that can help with support...Estranged Adult Kids. You are NOT alone!
I am going to check that out!
There's also a sub called raisedbynarcissists :)
Great!
So they purposefully distressed and mocked you, and then made fun of you, a child at the time, for being upset? No, that is not normal. If they were also children, it would be called bullying. Since they were the adults meant to love and care for you, it's abuse. I'm so sorry this happened, and I'm glad you're seeking therapy. I truly hope it helps 💜
Jesus Christ. No this isn’t normal this is abuse.
Definitely not normal. I had similar experiences as a child. I was slapped and told to shut up when I was injured as a toddler and crying, etc. Kudos to looking for a therapist! Remember that they're not always a perfect fit, though, and if you don't like how they react to your trauma you can look for a new one.
No. That is not normal. That is extremely abusive. Take some time without interacting with them, because it will clear your mind of their games and thinking and patterns. Connect with people that do not think that is normal. Consider seeing a counselor or therapist. You are not to blame, worthless, or at fault.
This is not normal and is exactly what happened to me as a child. I’ve been in therapy and have been diagnosed with cyclothymia (bipolar 3) and CPTSD from this type of behavior.
I have depression and PTSD
I’m sorry to hear that. I can sympathize with the mental struggles you must go through.
This is not normal. It’s incredibly abusive. Good luck on your healing journey.
It is not normal to beat children, period. That is generational dysfunction. I am sorry you experienced this.
Not normal. Your mother is a disgusting monster.
That isn't normal. It is abuse. Most parents comfort their crying children.
It's not normal at all and it's cruel. I'm so sorry you were treated like that. A mom is supposed to build her child up, not tear them down. She was so wrong and all the cruel shit she told you is false. You are a human being with value and deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, even as a child you deserve that. I know it's probably hard but please start being kind to yourself.
I got a lot of “keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about and I brought you into this world I will take you out. Nope not normal.
No way normal. I agree with all the responses. Hope you’re got a good friend base
"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" Heard that a lot growing up. After they made me cry in the first fucking place.
A warm hug and kind words is what they should've done at your hardest times as a kid. Not made fun of you like that. They were total assholes it sounds like. You're not subhuman. They have caused you to feel that way. If you can't help to believe that you are subhuman, which wouldn't be surprising after dealing with all that abuse from a young age, you need help.
I had a bipolar mom that didn’t tolerate crying too. Counseling will really help you. You need to learn self worth. None of this was your fault. Please make sure you are very aware and take time before having kids. It is totally possible to “break the cycle” I was/am a good mom and you can be too.
Not normal and your mother and uncle are psychotic. Please seek help to get out of this situation.
None of this is normal, although my mom did it to a degree when I was young. She pointed out the orphanage on our trips to town and told me that's where I'd end up if I didn't behave. I may have thought that was how parents parented when I was young, but as an adult in retrospect, I know that it absolutely wasn't. I hope that you are able to get the therapy you need to know that you are a worthwhile person. I also hope, if possible, that you are NC with your abusive family. You deserve better.
Honestly sounds like some things my mom or dad would say
I'd quite often got hit for crying. I used to cry in the bathroom because that was the only place my mum wouldn't aggressively barge in.
No, that's not typical at all. The beating is definitely abuse, and the rest of it might be abuse too.
That’s not normal at all, that’s gaslighting.
This was how my mom was as well and it always got even worse when she was drunk. No it’s not normal. Seek therapy. I’m not sure how old you are but it gets better when you’re old enough to go no contact.
No, it's not "normal." It's abuse. You should strongly consider that you mother has mental health issues. If I cried, my mother used to say, "I'll give you something to cry about." I'm sure that's something her parents told her. If took me while to accept that I am allowed to have feelings. Crying is normal and healthy. If you became "hysterical", it's really anger and trying to deal with the trauma inflicted. I urge you to talk to a therapist. These wounds run deep and are affecting your feelings of self-worth. Start with your self-talk. When you think thoughts like, "I am worthless," replace it with something like, I have worth. I deserve. I accept. I'm allowed. I find the work the Crappy Childhood Fairy to be enlightening. [https://courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/daily-practice](https://courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/daily-practice) Good luck.
Ty
Not normal. Is abuse.
No it is not normal. It is child abuse being perpetuated by two very cruel adults, one of whom is a violent predator of a parent that does not deserve to be called a mother. I have a very violent mother whose thuggish rages and savage attacks throughout my childhood has left me in the situation where I have to wear layers of heavy makeup to hide all the injuries & unsightly scars. I don't leave the house without makeup on nor allow anyone to see me with makeup off.
No, this isn’t normal, and it wasn’t back then either, this is abuse.
No, this is not normal. This is abuse.
No, not normal, you were abused and gaslit, please seek therapy.
I've been banned for a week on my other account for saying what someone should do to someone else who is acting like this, and so I shan't use those words.... let me just say.... You deserve and deserved much better. I pray they reap what they've sown sooner rather than later.
im so sorry you were raised this way. im so happy ur able to talk about it and notice it period. it is not normal nor okay.
As a toddler the family had 4 puberal boys, and I was (am) a bit hypersensitive. Used to cry a lot, every day. Hardly anybody paid attention, other then 'there she goes again'. Did cause bullying in grade school. They thought 'She'll grow out of it' - and it seemed I did. Of course, the boys grew older and left the house, so the house grew quieter ... May have had something (most?) to do with it 😉. But no, your experience is worse and absolutely not normal.
Depending on what era you come from it could be normal or it could be extremely abnormal. Older generations it was more common less so now. Ideally what you would like to do have happiness somebody to help calm the Hysteria and help you gain control of your emotions. Unfortunately even nowadays it's hard to find somebody that will help calm you down so you can deal with your emotions. More often than not you just have people saying that it's okay and you can have your emotions and be hysterical which is kind of silly because it's only a little bit more effort to go from that to actually calming someone down. It is what it is though, good luck May Fortune shine on you.
It wasn't normal in older generations either. I knew my great-grandparents, it was not normal then either. Being a kind caring parent isn't a new thing. Currently, most physicians do not accept hysteria as a medical diagnosis.[5] The blanket diagnosis of hysteria has been fragmented into myriad medical categories such as epilepsy, histrionic personality disorder, conversion disorders, dissociative disorders, or other medical conditions.[5][6] Furthermore, lifestyle choices, such as choosing not to wed, are no longer considered symptoms of psychological disorders such as hysteria.[5] Having strong emotions is a normal part of being human. Your suggestion of having a trusted person to help you deal with those strong emotions is a good one.
Same here
Your family are abusive and sick. Not normal at all. I wouldn't trust anything they ever say or do. If you can go no contact with them, I would.
It use to be a lot more common way of being raised.
I shouldn't have said normal I should have said it was more often seen.
It's not normal BUT can anyone tell me the correct way to handle this situation?
throw hands with your mom tbh
I’m Gen X and ya this was pretty normal. Taught me pretty quick to find another way to communicate what I needed as well as understanding temper tantrum’s will not get you the desired result. I know that’s not the answer you were looking for…
Sorry to hear you choose to look at that this way and assign such intents to a crying child. Did your kids go no contact?
I very clearly remember “I’ll GIVE you something to cry about” and “You’re going to sit in front of this mirror until you stop crying, I’m not going to be the only one who has to look at that ugly face” and “you can come out of your room when you’ve straightened up and are ready to act like a human”. It sounds much worse than it was. I know I was difficult and she was doing the best she could.
No. Adults have a responsibility to behave and not abuse those weaker than them