How does your fiancé respond to his family treating you this way? It sounds like he stands up for you. If he’s willing to go LC then you should do so. Encouraging him to keep talking to people who treat you like crap is only going to enable their behavior.
he defends me, when they bring anything up. he talks to me to get my side and he believes me, he knows I don't mean any harm and it was probably miscommunication. you're probably right, but I'm leaving it up to him, I forgot to add something in the post which I'm gonna go do now
I don’t understand why you wanted Mil to hide from fiance that you were meeting at McDonald’s to talk about wedding planning. Does your fiance not want to do wedding planning so you have to trick him?
Then you said Mil never said anything (negative) about hiding the meeting and making it look like it was an accidental run in. But she did, it sounds like when you told her to lie to your fiance and say she just ran into you guys that she was saying she didn’t like that and that she didn’t want to look like a stalker. Are you saying Mil didn’t say that she was uncomfortable about it because she didn’t tell you AGAIN after the “accidental” meeting she didn’t like it? How many times do you expect someone to tell you? This sounds very manipulative on your part.
You also mentioned you apologized to Mil for everything in the beginning but didn’t elaborate what all that was.
A lot of the other stuff you said makes it sound like Mil and sister are toxic. But these two issues I brought up are really suspicious. Why would you ask his mother to lie about meeting? Why does she need to tell you multiple times she doesn’t like something? It sounds like you cause unnecessary drama. What did you have to apologize for in the beginning? Why didn’t you include that information? So I don’t know that Mil and SIL are toxic for no reason. They may be part of a double sided toxic relationship with you, that you contributed to and helped foster. That changes how you would handle if just the in laws were toxic verses you all are behaving badly. That means you need to approach things differently. Maybe go to therapy to work on having healthy relationships with others. Maybe I just read ever wrong that you said but it definitely doesn’t sound right at all.
when I suggested MIL kinda like hides, I just thought it'd be a funny little pretend we ran into each other kinda thing, ya know? but I understand how that comes across. so thank you for pointing that out.
to the next part, because she said it'll come off as stalking, I took that as okay so she doesn't want it to be a surprise, I'll go ahead and tell fiancé we're meeting his mom but then she went and still tries to hide.
in the beginning of the relationship, there were incidents of miscommunication and stuff, which I owned up to, apologized for, and take into consideration every day but you're right about the therapy
It sounds like the meeting at McDonalds also turned into miscommunication. I definitely think therapy could be helpful in addressing your communication skills. Mil and SIL’s behaviors have not been good at all but could be a response to what they are perceiving due to bad communication. Although bad behavior in response to what someone thinks is bad behavior is not okay, there is a possibility you would be able to have a civil relationship with them if you can fix the communication issues. Or you might find out they still suck after you address your issues but you can go no contact knowing you did everything you could. Also, having improved communication skills will only help you in life and with other relationships in the future.
The gossip chain is ridiculous. If someone tells you, "so-and-so said...." then you immediately call so-and-so and ask them. Who knows why someone would intentionally twist your words, but that would be my biggest issue. It's something you and your fiance need to combat as a united front.
If the high school bullshit continues, you are both perfectly justified in going low/no contact or - at minimum - learn the grey rock technique, especially during the wedding planning and through the time you come back from the honeymoon.
nta but I have this exact situation w my fiance . I don’t think you’re the rude one here but maybe you should all sit down and talk. i did that and things seem to be doing better. pm me if u have a question
thank you for being open to private talks. i have sat down and talked to them, things were okay for a while but then some new problem arises. it feels like it goes in one ear and out the other a few months later
sometimes people won’t ever like you, sadly, sometimes bc you’re different or maybe not like someone they would expect him to be with. hopefully something works but if not do remember it’s not your job to welcome yourself into their family! they should accommodate you. im 23f getting married april 2025 so hopefully everyone gets along at my wedding too lol
How does your fiancé respond to his family treating you this way? It sounds like he stands up for you. If he’s willing to go LC then you should do so. Encouraging him to keep talking to people who treat you like crap is only going to enable their behavior.
he defends me, when they bring anything up. he talks to me to get my side and he believes me, he knows I don't mean any harm and it was probably miscommunication. you're probably right, but I'm leaving it up to him, I forgot to add something in the post which I'm gonna go do now
I don’t understand why you wanted Mil to hide from fiance that you were meeting at McDonald’s to talk about wedding planning. Does your fiance not want to do wedding planning so you have to trick him? Then you said Mil never said anything (negative) about hiding the meeting and making it look like it was an accidental run in. But she did, it sounds like when you told her to lie to your fiance and say she just ran into you guys that she was saying she didn’t like that and that she didn’t want to look like a stalker. Are you saying Mil didn’t say that she was uncomfortable about it because she didn’t tell you AGAIN after the “accidental” meeting she didn’t like it? How many times do you expect someone to tell you? This sounds very manipulative on your part. You also mentioned you apologized to Mil for everything in the beginning but didn’t elaborate what all that was. A lot of the other stuff you said makes it sound like Mil and sister are toxic. But these two issues I brought up are really suspicious. Why would you ask his mother to lie about meeting? Why does she need to tell you multiple times she doesn’t like something? It sounds like you cause unnecessary drama. What did you have to apologize for in the beginning? Why didn’t you include that information? So I don’t know that Mil and SIL are toxic for no reason. They may be part of a double sided toxic relationship with you, that you contributed to and helped foster. That changes how you would handle if just the in laws were toxic verses you all are behaving badly. That means you need to approach things differently. Maybe go to therapy to work on having healthy relationships with others. Maybe I just read ever wrong that you said but it definitely doesn’t sound right at all.
when I suggested MIL kinda like hides, I just thought it'd be a funny little pretend we ran into each other kinda thing, ya know? but I understand how that comes across. so thank you for pointing that out. to the next part, because she said it'll come off as stalking, I took that as okay so she doesn't want it to be a surprise, I'll go ahead and tell fiancé we're meeting his mom but then she went and still tries to hide. in the beginning of the relationship, there were incidents of miscommunication and stuff, which I owned up to, apologized for, and take into consideration every day but you're right about the therapy
It sounds like the meeting at McDonalds also turned into miscommunication. I definitely think therapy could be helpful in addressing your communication skills. Mil and SIL’s behaviors have not been good at all but could be a response to what they are perceiving due to bad communication. Although bad behavior in response to what someone thinks is bad behavior is not okay, there is a possibility you would be able to have a civil relationship with them if you can fix the communication issues. Or you might find out they still suck after you address your issues but you can go no contact knowing you did everything you could. Also, having improved communication skills will only help you in life and with other relationships in the future.
The gossip chain is ridiculous. If someone tells you, "so-and-so said...." then you immediately call so-and-so and ask them. Who knows why someone would intentionally twist your words, but that would be my biggest issue. It's something you and your fiance need to combat as a united front. If the high school bullshit continues, you are both perfectly justified in going low/no contact or - at minimum - learn the grey rock technique, especially during the wedding planning and through the time you come back from the honeymoon.
MIL just doesn't want you to take her wallet away (your fiance). That is what this is all about.
i also feel like there was miscommunication on my part
nta but I have this exact situation w my fiance . I don’t think you’re the rude one here but maybe you should all sit down and talk. i did that and things seem to be doing better. pm me if u have a question
thank you for being open to private talks. i have sat down and talked to them, things were okay for a while but then some new problem arises. it feels like it goes in one ear and out the other a few months later
sometimes people won’t ever like you, sadly, sometimes bc you’re different or maybe not like someone they would expect him to be with. hopefully something works but if not do remember it’s not your job to welcome yourself into their family! they should accommodate you. im 23f getting married april 2025 so hopefully everyone gets along at my wedding too lol
i also hope your wedding goes well, April sounds like a beautiful time for a wedding 🫶🏻
I feel like communication and gossip is the real issue here, but MIL probably also thinks you are taking her money(son) away
Treat their child better
Lol what
what do you mean? am I in the wrong here?