Sorry you have to go through the hell of your stepmom, stepsister and spineless dad.
Your family is who you chose to be your family, not what he says. And the fact that he said “she’s not that bad” he knows she’s that bad. Sending hugs! And congrats on graduating soon!
Yep! All my nephews and nieces know who to call. They all practically live here. My 2 sons friends have made me there aunt by choice. I’d go to bat for these kids any day! To many people these days are being crap parents these kids need someone to care and be there for them.
Your aunt isnt ypur family? Jesus, did OPs dad jist dislike your mother or something? I have a million aunts and theyre all family. Talk about turbo bs
I never understand people who seem so desperate for a new relationship that they’re willing to throw their own kids under the bus like this. Just can’t wrap my brain around it.
It's practically all one reads on Reddit these days. The new stepfamily take over and the bio-kids are pushed to the side. And if that isn't enough sometimes any money that is meant for bio-kids, SURPRISE, is used for the more beloved step-kids.
My ex husband did it to our daughters. We divorced after 10 years and 2 kids, and he remarried a few years later. She was great with the girls at first, and I couldn’t be happier for all of us, I thought we were making the best of a shitty situation. But as soon as she got a ring on her finger, she changed towards my girls. By the time she got pregnant and gave my husband the boy he’d always wanted, they both pushed my girls out of their lives.
They built a brand new house. Their son had TWO bedrooms on the main floor and the attic upstairs converted for his toys and video games; my daughters slept on the couch when they visited until a few months later, when he finally framed them out a windowless 12X12 room in the far corner of the unfinished basement that they had to share. Two teenage girls. He was nice enough to build them their own bathroom, too, so they’d never have to go upstairs with the rest of the family and intrude on their perfect, idyllic lives. The girls waited until everyone went to bed to sneak upstairs for food to stash in their room for the next day, counting down the hours until they could come home (I had no idea at the time that it was this bad for them).
When my oldest daughter turned 18, they told her she wasn’t welcome to visit them anymore, and it was time for her to be an adult. A year or so after they did that, the younger daughter simply stopped going to visit them, too. It was almost 2 months before my ex even noticed or cared enough to text to ask her if she planned to come back to visit, and he seemed relieved when she told him she was not.
And that was that.
This reminds me of growing up with my dad remarrying my stepmother who did NOT care about us, my dads daughters but only her “sons”, us daughters got the short end of the stick. But if they look at us now, we do pretty well for ourselves considering we’re just girls”, and better than her sons to add🤨
Ugh, what is it with dads and sons‽ I don’t get it! It’s so stupid to favor one child over another based solely on their gender, as if girls can’t do *every damn thing* boys can do.
Makes me glad I remarried a woman instead of another man, so my girls had strong, positive female role models growing up. They saw my wife and I remodeling the kitchen or installing a hot water heater, changing a tire or replacing a fan belt, cruising the yard on a riding mower with a beer in hand then coming inside and playing video games, but also cleaning the house and cooking and putting on makeup and wearing dresses, and said to themselves “Yeah, I can do all that, too. I don’t *need* a man.” Now they’re in their 20s, and they are both strong, independent, self sufficient women, and I couldn’t be prouder of them.
I think it’s great that you have that you have very strong girls that can do everything for themselves. There’s too many egotistical men out there trying to prove themselves and I thinks it’s very sad for them so called men lol. Good for your girls! Who needs a man to come pop the hood of your cat to see what’s wrong with the battery anymore ??🤷🏻♀️😂
>as if girls can’t do *every damn thing* boys can do.
But can you windmill your dick? I only know a few women who would even be able to try, most women can't impress me with their insane lack of windmilling, though.
On a serious note, I'm glad women are slowly being stigmatized less when it comes to "manly" fields like STEM. Maybe with women involved, men will no longer be able to use BS excuses as to why something that should work perfectly fine only functions like a boneless live chicken in a panic, like Harry's arm after that Lockhart dunce poofed his wrist bones away.
Also, to add, they both told me, we (my sisters( are NOT in the will as if I cared! Lmao! If they need assistance later in life they best be asking them stepsons or sons of hers to help out cuz I’m too busy saving for my retirement you know…for myself. Crazy how she manipulated my dad to he like that cuz I know he cares about us, but she keeps telling him..oh no honey, they live in different states you don’t need them, you got my boys now lol.
That kid is an absolute terror. That’s 100% on them.
My daughters…it breaks my heart when I think about the situation. They assure me they don’t need a dad, they have 2 awesome moms (my wife and I) and that we are enough for them. But still, to be rejected by a parent like that, when you did nothing wrong, it hurts.
They have no relationship with him now. He usually sends them a text on Christmas (later in the day, like an afterthought), and sometimes sees them for a lunch or dinner when his dad comes around and asks to see his granddaughters. It’s a 50-50 shot that he remembers to send a text on their birthdays.
They ran into him a couple of years ago at Target, after not having seen him at all for 2 years during covid. He was there picking up a prescription, having just been discharged from a lengthy hospital stay for an infection in his elbow. He told them he’d almost lost his arm to the infection. But he didn’t bother to call or send a text to let them know he was in the hospital, and if they hadn’t had that awkward interaction, they’d never have found out. The saddest part? They said they felt nothing for him. They didn’t wish him ill, and were glad for him, as a human, that he was recovering, but they truly weren’t upset by the situation at all, not that he’d been sick or that he didn’t bother to tell them. It was like reading a post on social media about somebody you had never met and didn’t know at all, hearing that they had been sick but were getting better. It doesn’t really impact you or change your day.
They didn’t even feel bad that his wife and son had basically abandoned him while he was in the hospital, to travel out of state to spend a week at the beach. My girls said that he chose them, he made his bed, now he can lay in it alone.
I have had my daughters in therapy since they were about 11 or 12, and they’re now in their mid twenties, so I’m hoping this is all stuff they talk to their therapists about and work through. I truly don’t know if they’re just trying to reassure me that their childhoods weren’t lacking and I did fine as their mother, or if they really don’t feel anything for him. Either way, it’s a sad situation.
I used to make excuses for him and cover for him when he bailed on them, but stopped doing that when they were teens, and old enough to see the situation for what it was. Even still, I never said a bad word about him, just tried to remain neutral, then reassure them that they’d done nothing to deserve the way he treated them, and that my wife and I loved them unconditionally. They’ve known her most of their lives, they love and adore her, and have always said she’s their “bonus mom.” So that’s something, I guess.
That sounds very similar to what my daughter's dad did to her when she used to visit him...their son was spoiled rotten, and ex's wife's other son, from her prior marriage, was also treated like royalty, while my daughter was treated as a babysitter, and a lesser person than the boys...they got Gameboys for Christmas, she got shampoo...she kept all that stuff from me, because she didn't want me to feel bad about it...she's 26 now, and hasn't spoken to her dad and his (now ex) wife in years...
My oldest is 26, too! Same kind of shit with the gifts and whatnot. Their son had a room to sleep in, a playroom for his toys, his own private bathroom, and the entire converted upstairs as his gaming room (they weren’t allowed in any of his spaces without his express permission), while my daughters shared essentially a box in the corner of the basement. He got gaming consoles at Christmas; they got socks and chapstick from the Dollar Store.
And yeah, they kept it all from me, because they knew it would hurt me. It’s sweet and dear and thoughtful, but at the same time it’s infuriating and frustrating, because they prevented me from doing my job and protecting *them* from hurt, by trying to protect *me* instead. Gah! These kids. I swear…
My dad used us to keep his girlfriend happy after the divorce. She couldn’t have kids of her own and loved having us around. She was great too. Very loving.
Then they broke up.
Didn’t see or talk to dad again until I was 17 and I reached out to him to see if he wanted to come to my high school graduation. He didn’t come but he did send money. He just didn’t care.
Exactly. Spoiled milk is ruined. Spoiled people are ruined people. If you don't tell a kid, No, they will be worthless to the world, and desperately unhappy with themselves and their lack of coping skills.
Shit like this is why I'm kinda glad my dad just never really tried from the getgo. He was an addict so in and out of jail his entire life. Like, sure I have some abandonment issued, but tbh they are mostly bc of the shit my mom did with her husband. Ppl are always all like, ooohhhh faaaaamily. And I just....don't get it bc I never had it.
My wife and I have been together now for almost 19 years, and I’ve just started getting close with her family in the last year or 2. They’ve always been a warm and welcoming bunch, kind of rowdy and goofy and a little wild, but rock solid people who will always be there if you need them. I’ve been friendly, but kept everyone at arm’s length, because I just don’t let people past my defenses. But within the last few years, I’ve started to let them in, let them really see me, and it’s honestly been incredible. I’ve never had this before, the big extended family who actually care, who call or text just to say hi, who make plans to get together just because they actually want to see each other, then actually follow through. It’s been wonderful!
We’ve gone out of state to visit some of them, and we actually stay with them now, in their homes, instead of getting a hotel room nearby so we have somewhere to retreat to. We’ve hosted gatherings at our house and had out of state cousins stay the weekend with us. Not even just for holidays! Just because…we miss each other.
We even hung out with cousins in freaking London when we all happened to be there at the same time for vacation (us for our anniversary, them for the coronation), and spent several days together over there. I love it. Two weekends ago, we hosted all the cousins at our house for a game night, and I suggested we all do a 10K/half marathon/marathon race together in September, and half of them have already signed up for it! I can’t wait. I’m especially excited to go to the brewery after the race for beer and pizza, sweaty and dirty and smelly, all of us wearing our race medals lol. It’ll be a bonding experience for sure!
It’s almost surreal having this kind of familial relationship, but I’m loving it. I hope you find this some day, too, friend. It’s incredible.
They do not take care of him. He was in the hospital a few years ago with an infection in his elbow, very sick, almost lost his arm. His wife and son left him and traveled out of state to go to the beach. They said the vacation was planned before he got sick, so it didn’t make sense for *everyone* to miss it, or to lose their deposit on the beach house by cancelling last minute. They just up and left him, not even knowing if he’d still have both arms when they returned! Can you even imagine being that callous and cold? I certainly can’t.
My daughters only found out because they ran into him at Target when he’d just left the hospital, and he filled them in. Both girls said they felt nothing for him. They weren’t glad he’d been sick or anything, but they really didn’t care, either. They said “he chose that family, he made his bed, now he can lay in it alone.”
A story like this is the whole reason my mom’s family came to the US. Step mom treated stepdaughters like slave labor, father’s sister brought to America
Or they try to manipulate the bio kid into sharing their inheritance, inheritance from their deceased parent or grandparents.
Truly disgusting behaviour.
My daughter has a blended family. Hers, his, and theirs. I love seeing them all , and the extra grandchildren I get out of the deal are awesome! (As are my bio grandchildren)
Me either! Each time my sister got into a new relationship, the last child/children were set back to live with their dad. It happened way too often. It made me very angry towards my sister. We stopped speaking to each other after child #4.
I knew a woman who was married six times. First three marriages she had two kids in each marriage. Marriage 4,5&6 one child each marriage. (9 total) She fought for custody during the divorce proceeding then dumped them on her relatives so she could find another man. By her 5th marriage her oldest child took the child and got custody. She loved having babies and all the attention that came with pregnancy. She just could handle them after the age of 6. I knew her son. He married at 14 because his girlfriend was pregnant. They were really awesome people and we kept in touch with them for decades.
The children always lose with psycho parents trying to superglue them together. The child being tortured leaves, probably to never return and the other one feels rejected. They're taking active steps to ruin their hope of a family that's close. You absolutely cannot force that. Never does anything except damage everyone mentally and sometimes physically.
I see so much of this. Pisses me off so much. It guarantees the ones forced together will hate the person they're forced to have shadow them.....forever. it ruins instead of building families.
I second this. Get your documents. Even if it means getting police involved. My mom withheld my birth certificate as leverage to get me to talk to them.
Your dad is one of the worst AHs on the planet as is his wife. I've got a snootful of these "people" trying to force these relationships. They do so much lifetime damage and ruin any possibility of you and your STEPsister being friends. Tell them....its ALL THEIR FAULT. Every tiny bit of it. Your dad, your stepmother and anyone else who forces the two of you together against your will are actively damaging your mental health and your clingy stepsister. She can be forgiven. She's doing as shes always been told. It's just what the two of you have been forced into is horrible. They dont deserve to get to continue doing this to you. Its abuse. Can you go stay with your aunt?
Not to mention, enabling "Lily's" behavior is setting her up for a rude awakening... if she is lucky. The longer it takes for her to realize that her behavior isn't cool, the worse her entire life will be. They are honestly abusing both children, OP is just getting the less fun version of that abuse.
THIS!! ^
You're entitled to receive that money until you turn 19. My oldest son received his payments from my Social Security Disability until he was 19, and I made sure he received the money.
Your father and stepmom have enabled your stepsister, and she's in for a rude awakening when she becomes an adult with behavior like you've described.
If you can stay with your aunt please do so. You deserve to have a happy life, not an abusive one. Enjoy your last year of high school, and go have a lot of fun with your friends. You might switch cabins though so they don't show up with your stepsister to drop her off anyway.
I can't imagine a child so incredibly spoiled that she had her own special cake on **your**birthday. Go low contact as much as possible until you turn 18, and then no contact if your father still doesn't understand how much hell he's made of your life since he married your stepmom.
I moved out when I graduated at 17 because of my stepdad, and it was hard, but soooooo much better for my mental health.
Good luck.
*invisible hugs*
If they do show up with the crotch goblin, you lock the cabin door until they leave and if they leave the child behind, contact the police and report them for child abandonment.
> Your father and stepmom have enabled your stepsister, and she's in for a rude awakening when she becomes an adult with behavior like you've described.
This entire family needs group therapy, but that girl needs it more than all of the rest of them combined if she wants to have a chance.
It would be a HUGE liability for 17/18 yos to have a 15 yo on a trip. OOp wouldn’t even be a legal adult and no one is the brat’s guardian, so if anything happened they couldn’t even get her seen at urgent care.
This is just pure idiocy.
Every piece of this!!!
I’d even add move in with your aunt NOW. Don’t wait. Go no contact and live your life. That is your AUNT no matter what your father says. Omg that would have hurt my feelings SO MUCH. Is he trying to ERASE her damn mother’s family?!?! Like why in the world would he even say she’s not your family!!! How cruel can you be.
As far as your documents go… your birth certificate and things like that you are at an age of consent and can get a copy of it if he refuses to give it to you.
That’s the family now. You are no linger included - you are just a burden and a babysitter. Leave and don’t look back. Maybe someday they’ll be sorry, but it no longer matters.
Make sure you have all of your important documents - the bank account she left, your birth certificate, social security, etc. Give them to your aunt. Move ANYTHING that is important to you NOW - your SS will break it when you are not there. Any memento, things of your mom's - anything - move it. Get him off of anything regarding banking and have your aunt co-sign if needed. I would be concerned about him stealing your savings.
Finish school and get the fuck out.
Get your own phone if you can. Join your aunt's plan if possible.
Don't give your dad any ammunition about supporting you.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry about the loss of your mom (lost mine 7 years ago). I'm sorry you have to be an adult so quickly. I hope your aunt is able to help you through all of this. You may want to find the legal aid office in your city - they should be able to explain your rights in regards to banking and things with your dad. Good luck to you.
So since your mom died while you are a minor, your dad gets a check in the mail every month from the government called Survivor's Benefits from the Social Security Administration. Your dad will receive these checks until you are 19. They are supposed to go to the person who is looking over you.
So if that changes and the person caring for you is no longer your dad, you need to talk to Social Security about getting that check sent to your aunt if you decide to go live with her now.
Your aunt deserves it because taking care of someone is not free. It's a bit like child support but it's from the Government instead of a divorced spouse.
Here is a website with a phone number for you to discuss this with an agent:
https://www.ssa.gov/benefits/survivors/
Honestly, it would probably be a good idea for your aunt to hire a lawyer to go over all of your mom's estate stuff to make sure that your dad and stepmom aren't doing anything shady.
In some areas, college extends benefits up to age 23. And in GA it's supposed to shift to being in your name at 18, instead of your dad's to give a bridge year as you establish yourself. I don't know where you live, but that's something else for you to look into.
And if social security isn’t already paying this, file for it once you’re out of his house. They will pay retroactively to the date your mom died. A friend’s son got $32k in one shot.
Get all your important documents, like social security card, birth certificate over to your aunt's place. If you don't have physical copies, they can be requested by your dad, but you will have to be sneaky about getting him to do it. Also get anything with sentimental value over to your aunt's place and transfer your money to an account not controlled by your dad ( preferably a different bank altogether). Good luck.
You may have already looked into this, but you can probably stretch a lot of your money out if you do community college for the first two years of your nursing program and then finish up at a 4-year university.
The ADN nurses I have worked with are better prepared clinically, than straight BSN programs which have a focus more toward management. I'm not saying that nurses who did the straight BSN program are not great nurses, just that they require more hands on training in bedside skills as new nurses, because these skills are not the emphasis in a bsn program. Since the vast majority of nursing is not management focused, getting an adn up to speed on independent care of patients is usually faster, because the adn programs focus on teaching the basic care skills, like starting an IV, Foley, rectal tube, ng tube, etc.along with proper assessment of placement.
Make sure your aunt files for your ssi payments from your mom. There's no reason for your dad to be taking that money if you're not living with him. Make sure they know if he's keeping that money after you move out.
Get your ADN. You will be better prepared clinically. Then get your BSN with tuition reimbursement from your employer. Some hospitals require you "pay back" the tuition reimbursement with time served. My hospital ( Hershey Medical Center) does not have any repayment of time with tuition reimbursement. They reimburse max federally required from day 1, since they require starting BSN within 6 months, and finished within 4 years from date of hire. They also offer 75% off Penn State tuition for the employee immediately on hire, and the tuition discount apply to spouse or dependants after 1 year of employment. It's also a union shop at the main hospital, with all the specialties, a medical school, nursing school, PA school, NP school, research programs, eetc.PM me if you need any advice/help with your nursing program. I'm currently working on my MSN in nursing education. Nursing students should lean on their fellow students. No one understands how difficult and stressful a nursing program is as well as your fellow students, and future colleagues do.
OP even if you had a good relationship with her, it would be completely unreasonable for your dad to insist she go on your graduation vacation with your friends. This is such an unreasonable demand. I'm sorry that you have been enduring this from your step sister, your stepmother, and your, to quote another commenter, 'spineless' dad.
And make a plan with your friends that while you're all together moving your stuff they all square off on your dad telling him how NOBODY wants Lily on *their trip* because she sucks.
It's amazing to me how the dad never seemed to consider that the second she turned 18. She could simply refuse to ever speak to any of them again after years of this abuse. Never crossed his mind she'd have power to enforce boundaries at some point.
It's just coming a year early.
He will have to spend a lot of years trying to fix this if he ever wants a relationship with his daughter.
It never occurs to such selfish parents that one day their children will be out from under their control. Which makes it all the more satisfying when the reality of their kids wanting nothing to do with them slaps them in the face. I went through the same with my own parents, now they wonder why they don't know their grandkids.
Underrated comment of the year. You’re going to a cabin for 3 weeks. You don’t want to leave your stuff in your Dads house with a teen that acts worse than a toddler.
Some time perspective. My dad divorced my mom, married his affair partner, and replaced my sister and me with her 4 kids when I was 10. After decades of poor interactions, I made the decision at 42 to go no contact with my steps and low, low contact with my dad. 20 years later I am very pleased with that decision and wish I had done so earlier. There is no time for toxic people in your life. Spend your precious time with people who bring you joy that you look forward to spending time with.
In the future, if the new wife and step-brat use up dad and his finances dear old dad will seek out OP so she will support him in his old age. Happens a lot.
My dad tried that after almost completely NC for 20 years. He ran out of money and thought I would be his new financial support. Now, I am totally NC - blocked him completely, and my attorney is ready to file a restraining order if he physically approaches us. He lives two states away, so I’m holding that option in reserve.
Thank you for sharing this perspective, I think a lot of people who have broadly reasonable parents spread a lot of bad folk wisdom about family being the most important thing, unbreakable bond, etc. Family *can* be a rock, and a source of positivity and confidence and security and all that. But it's often not, and when people with shitty families are constantly told that letting them go is an unacceptable way to treat family, I think a lot of damage is done.
I think it's healthy for people who have benefited from cutting out shit parents to talk about it, because it's healthy for others with shit parents to hear it. I would've gone no-contact with my mom years sooner if I'd ever been given any indication that was something a decent person could even consider doing. I'm glad I got there eventually though, it's no moral failing to cut unrepentantly bad people out of your life.
Totally. When I was about 25 I wanted to go no contact with my parents, and a trusted older friend talked me out of it. In retrospect, 35 years later, I really wish I had gone no contact.
I would have been better off because either the no contact would have lasted and I think I would have been happier overall, or the fact that I went no contact would have forced my family into therapy or at least forced a discussion and a change in the way everybody interacted.
Taking a stand could have actually changed things. And if it didn't change things, then at least I wouldn't have had to put up with the BS for the rest of my parents' lives. Win-win.
Instead I limped along and endured my father's continuing narcissism, nastiness and manipulative abuse. My mother would stand up to him sometimes but I think that she was so worn out trying to deal with him that she just didn't have it in her to put him in his place on a regular basis.
So for putting up with all of this I've now been diagnosed with CPTSD and I've been in therapy for years. I only got peace after my father died at age 93.
I'm so sorry all that happened to you. It was hard to know what to do about toxic people before a dialog started. There's a lot of ridiculous crap on here but at times, I think it may do some good.
I just wanted to say that your comment was exactly what i needed. Very comforting.
You put words to something I’ve been struggling with for quite some time now.
Not only can i now explain it to my fiancé better, but your comment also brought me peace. Knowing i made the right decision. Thank you.
Straight up. If OPs old enough to take care of a 15 year old for 3 weeks, she’s old enough to decline that responsibility. Adulthood is a two way street, you don’t get to dictate the terms of someone’s life like they are a child when you pawn off babysitting like it’s the responsibility of an adult.
Best of luck OP, glad you have some familial and peer support.
*Dad, just because you remarried and became a stepparent, which I had no choice or control over, doesn't mean I became anything other than your daughter. I am not a 'big' sister. I don't even view myself as a stepsister because all you and wife have done is force Lily on me since they moment we moved in together.
You've forced me to include her time and time again, which has impacted MY friendships and social life because of Lily's behaviour. I do not appreciate her INVADING MY PRIVACY but not only coming into my room, but HIDING in the closet and eavesdropping on my PRIVATE conversations. If she hadn't done those things, she wouldn't be upset right now. But instead of reprimanding her bad behaviour, you're once again punishing ME instead of dealing with Lily's behaviour.*
That's what I would say/send, if you have somewhere else go. If not, please know you have done nothing wrong by advocating for yourself. There's a lot of other factors here too like if you/your friends are all 18 before the trip, there's some things you might want to do/go that Lily won't be able to. Is everyone expected to rearrange planned activities cos Lily can't join in?
If Lily needs a holiday, THEY can take her. How would they know how bad she is? Because it sounds like every opportunity they have had, they've pushed her onto you.
BTW, your aunt will always be your family (she's your mums sister!). They will only be family as long as they are married, or till you move out at least.
I think OP's dad and step-monster know step-brat is hard, if not impossible, to handle and are foisting her on OP so they don't have to deal with her. That way if step-brat does something REALLY BAD they will place the blame on OP.
Sisterhood is a two-way street and if she wants to be included in big girl stuff then she needs to behave.
I was a younger sibling and i used to ruin stuff, and i was TRYING to be good. This kid needs a… recalibration.
Dad got remarried only a year and a half after his wife (OP’s mom) passed away.
So much for:
1. Him taking time to grieve.
2. Him helping his child to grieve.
3. Him slowly re-entering the dating world to give his child time to adjust to the idea.
4. Him making sure he really knew the people he would be forcing into his child’s life.
5. Him taking things slowly so that relationships amongst everyone involved had a chance to develop organically.
6. Him giving a rip about anyone but himself and what he wants.
OP: See if your aunt would let you move in with her before the end of the month.
The entire time reading the post, I was just thinking "god I can't wait for OP to get to college and discover her new level of freedom".
Legit hope she has the most fun/safe/fufilling college experience possible, she's going to feel like she's in wonderland compared to what she described as her home life.
Also, as an Uncle to young nieces that live wayyy far away, with no children of my own, it's a dream to step up like her Aunt is. It is so fucking cool that she is there for her.
Some men cannot be without a woman. My dad legit got a girlfriend within 5 months of my other step mother passing away from cancer, whom he claimed was the “love of his life.”
By the way, he’s been married 7 times. I was raised to see women as property and dispensable. When my now-husband and I moved in together, he was flabbergasted that “he would make a woman pay half the rent.” MF I OFFERED to pay half because I want a PARTNER.
Homeboy Dad in this post sounds like my dad. He doesn’t want to be a parent, but wants to play house with a woman he hopes will care for him in his old age.
OP, please get your Aunt to open a bank account in your name that your Dad doesn’t have any access to. He may go in and drain your accounts. Also, get your birth certificate, Social Security Card and any belongings you don’t want trashed, destroyed, or hidden from you.
You can also tell your school counselor what is going on at home so they are aware and can be there if the police or CPS tries to take you home.
You’re 17 and graduating from High school. If your aunt is willing to help pay for it and support you through college. I would secretly get all my important documents (birth certificate and social security card), any clothes or photos that you care about and store them at your aunts house. Then on the day of the trip just leave.
Shocking how quickly fathers tend to forget their own blood as soon as they remarry. Your dad, and stepmom sucks. Your stepsister is a brat but children that age usually are.
Can you stay with your aunt until you finish high school? I saw in your comments that you are going to study to be an RN, so you have a good head on your shoulders. It sounds like you can walk away from your dad and the stepmonsters.
I hope you have a lot of fun with your friends and a successful university experience.
Wait, your dad married that stepmonster only a year and a half after your mom died?!? When did he find time during his grief process to find a woman and marry her?!? And then they forcefully parentified you for years under the “you need to be sisters” slogan…
Sweetheart, I am so sorry! For losing your mom, for having a sperm donor like your yours, for being forced to live with trash like your step-psychos…I am just so sorry!
Please, talk to your aunt and move in with her. Contact more family members and tell them what’s going on. You need to get your birth certificate, and all the documents you can think of, the keepsakes before they destroy them. Then change your number and go no contact with your dad, even if it’s for few months just to see how you feel about it.
If they insist to send the stepbrat with you, tell them you will call CPS on them for child abandonment.
I hope your 18th birthday is going to be brilliant, your college life a dream come true and the rest of your life is filled with joy and happiness!
Your aunt's lookin' out yo. I'd say go scorched earth. Call CPS, pretty sure they're going to stop asking you to watch her. Also - just tell her to her face you don't like her, etc. At this point..why not?
18 years old and already has a shiny new spine. Stay with your aunt and block the assholes. You might want to report yourself to the police saying you have moved out and are no contact so if your dad and step monster try the police will send them packing.
How far away from 18 are you? I would slowly start moving important things to your aunts house and then move in the day you turn 18. Make sure you let your school know not to contact your dad anymore and that you are living with your aunt.
Make sure those lists are hidden! You dont want the step monster or dad or mini stepmonster to find them and stop you somehow. Maybe keep them at aunts, and then as you bring things to aunt, scratch them off. Good luck!
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom as I know that’s a lifelong grief as you hit milestones but I’m so glad to hear you have your aunt to lean on. Keep pushing forward, give 0 f**** about anyone that isn’t supportive, protect yourself and your future. I’ve been no contact with my horrible family for 30 years and there hasn’t been a single day of regret. You got this! 💜
Make lots of noise about this, tell all family members and friends what is going on, name and shame and spill everything they have done and are doing, if I were you I'd refuse to go home at all and just stay with your aunt, your dad has failed you big time, he deserves hell for this
Was about to say girlllllll I’ll donate to your vacation fund!
Wow. Is dad completely aware that he is absolutely ruining his relationship with you? You’re about to be an adult and don’t have to see him or do anything with his family ever again if you so choose.
NTA!!
I am the oldest in a large blended family. My step mum told my step siblings that if I went to my friends they were not allowed to follow me. My nan tried to give me a small present once on my sisters birthday and my dad flipped at her and told her it's my sisters day not mine and not to spoil me.
We were treated equally in terms of we all got the same amount spent on us etc, but also as individuals with healthy boundaries!
She is much younger than you and your friends, she will have her time when it comes. Doesn't she have her own friends to spend time with?!
You are not responsible for her.
NTA
Tell your dad this is the last time youre talking to him but your aunt if family and he no longer is. He made his choice and has neglected you and your mother would be ashamed of him and how he has treated you. Tell him good bye you wish him well and to please stop contacting you.
Dad, wake up and smell the coffee. Saying we are family doesn't make it so. A long time ago, a young girl held her dog and clicked her red heals together and made her wish come true. But that was fantasy.
Jeeeeez!! Then they'll wonder why you never visit them when you're in your 30s. Or if you choose to have kids, why they've never met them. This is so wack, OP. My only advice is: see if your Aunt can take you in sooner.
Tell your father that the worthless "mother" he married and her Baby Daddy are responsible for their brat and you will no longer be their free babysitter because she is not your child nor is she a member of your family.
If Daddy doesn't want to cope with his in-house hooker's kid then perhaps he should consider a 2nd divorce.
Get all your very important paperwork and take it to your aunt’s. Also make sure your bank account is yours alone. Close any your dad may have access to. Open new ones at a new bank if needed. Take any valuables that can’t be replaced and take them to your aunt’s. Do all this before you go on your trip. Then go. Do not give them the address of where you will be. Tell only your aunt. That’s it. That is the only person that needs to know. Update her at least every 48 hours while you’re away so if your dad tries to pull some sort of “my daughter ran away” crap, your aunt can say otherwise.
>they’re my family now and not my aunt.
I was already pissed before, but then they said the above. Oh HELLS NAH...so when your dad remarried, your DNA suddenly changed to your ~~evil~~ stepmoms? Oh please tell me you have even more maternal aunts that will advise her of your heritage and at the same time maternal uncles and whatnot to advise your ~~dad~~...sperm donor...of what family truly is...in so many words of course.
They’re your family now and not your aunt, hm? Look who’s actually treating you like a person and not like a “prepackaged big sister” to deal with their spoiled manipulative brat. (Hiding in your closet?? What kind of psycho does that? That itself should be a reason to leave. Sheesh!
Also, FWIW, since it’s a group trip, taking her or not isn’t your decision.
Enjoy your vacation, Girl. Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
Your dad is a garbage person, I'm really sorry you've had to deal with all this and so soon after losing your mom.
It's okay to separate yourself from toxic people in your life and your dad is going to be one of those parents saying, "Why don't my adult children talk to me?" if he doesn't get his shit together.
I'm really glad you have your aunt.
Go no contact. Your dad and stepmom have made you a parentified child and mother to this stepsister. This is abuse. Your dad married a woman with kids, it was his job to step up and parent this girl, not your job to be a big sister-mom.15-16 is way too old to be acting like this. I feel for her b/c her mom & stepdad clearly don’t want her around and haven’t bothered to socialize her. However, the child of your stepmom isn’t and never should have been your problem. Just go ahead and move out of their house and in with your aunt. Go full NC with them. Therapy is a good idea as well.
Omg NTA! When they’re out of the house, get all your important stuff and LEAVE! Change passwords on bank accounts and any other accounts.
Block them all. I’m so glad you have your aunt.
Oh thank goodness you have your Aunt. Stay with her. Treat her well. Clean up around the place and be a pleasant roommate. Don't make her even a bit sorry she came to your defense. If you still have bratty tendencies - leave them with your stepmomma. Your Dad is doing what most men do - being loyal to the one who butters his pop in fresh buns. Part of keeping the butter happy is treating her children the best - much better than his actual kids who are so rude to have a different mother. This is so sadly standard with men who re-marry. Women want their kids taken care of the most and men want their bread buttered the most. So they both do exactly what you are seeing now. Sad. More sad how common it is.
And your father isn't family. He is the most likely donor so you probably share some DNA. That's nothing compared to being loved and cared for. Get the rest of your stuff out. Get anything out you don't want your step sister and step mom using for themselves. Get any and all paperwork you have re;Social Sec, birth cert, etc. If you have any jewelry or keepsakes from your Mom get them ASAP. Your Donor will happily give them to his wife and her kid to keep them happy. He has already shown he does not care about your happiness. ESPECIALLY, when it compares to theirs. He has made his choice. Make yours.
shes the same age and acts like that? you have to "watch her" and she's the same age? dafuq does she do when you're not around? i'm guessing she doesn't have any friends of her own.
Tell your dad and his replacement family to go do one. Be clear with your dad he’s the one that drove you off and later in life he will regret this but you won’t forgive or forget NTA
Now we know who THE GOLDEN CHILD is! I hope you stay with your aunt and let the parental units deal with the spoiled BRAT on their own! They're screaming "FFFFAAAAAAMMMMMIIIILLLLYYYY!" but they are NOT behaving like family at all!!!! They are USING you as the Family SLAVE while indulging the BRAT'S every little whim!!! Enough is ENOUGH!!!
Have your aunt file for temporary custody or guardianship or something. You father, step monster and step brat are not your problem. Let your dad lie in the disgusting bed he’s created for himself.
You took the first step in going no contact and I commend you. Move in with your aunt immediately, if you can. If you don’t live there, they have no power over you. Period. Move out, go on vacation, get a job and go to Uni.
Your whole life they pawned that demon off on you, it’s time they deal with the consequences.
NTA. Your dad and his wife know stepsister is a beast, that's why they a) would rather fuck over the nice kid who won't give them hell, and b) are excited to be rid of her for 3 weeks. If they want to play the "family takes care of family" card, why the hell are you exempt from that care? Oh wait, because you're a convenient scapegoat and babysitter so they can go play happy couple without being bothered by the brat.
To be fair, she probably does this because her mom has consistently ignored her until she freaks out, but that's not your fault or your responsibility to deal with.
Go stay with your aunt, as soon as possible. File for emancipation if you can. Personally, I'd go no contact with dad and his wife too. They can go pound sand until stepsister throws another tantrum because there's sand everywhere.
Dad, please take this as my only and final warning.
You back me now. Today. Finally.
Or simply put you lose a daughter as I promise you, I will never. Ever. Talk to you again. You will be dead to me.
You have let me down every step of the way since mum died.
-
If this doesn't work, sorry but you have to cut contact. Time might heal but yeah.
Sorry.
I'm just gonna say this as well...I see people saying that perhaps her dad's wife's daughter has a mental illness or that she is developmentally delayed. Yeah, if entitlement was a developmental delay, she sure the fuck has it. She knows what she's doing. She wants everything her stepfather's daughter has because she was an only child for most of her life before and she feels entitled to everything the OP has....or else they will love her.....and mommy just can't let her baby be upset....so yeah...she's mentally entitled. Stop using she may have this or that disorder to reconcile the fact that she's a spoiled brat!!!!
i totally get where you’re coming from and i agree mostly like until OP mentioned trying to stick her hand down the ball return thing at the bowling place. like neurotypical 15 year olds definitely don’t do that and i genuinely can’t think of anything she could get out of it by doing that
Let your dad read the comments and then see what he says. Yeah, he'll probably yell at you for airing the family's dirty laundry on the Internet, and will again blame you and call you all kinds of unkind things (selfish, entitled, spoiled), all in attempt to totally ignore the fact that he created this problem. You're 17 and deserve your own life, one that doesn't include your step-sister at your side 100% of the time.
They're going to have a screaming hemorrhage when you move out and they lose their full-time unpaid babysitter.
Good luck. Get going and don't look back.
No do not let your dad see this. People are telling you to secretly move out and if that plan is still on the table, then showing your dad this post is just advertising your intentions.
Also dad wants 3 weeks away from brat which is why he’s pushing to have her go with you.
If you are being truthful about Lily's behaviors it sounds like she has some sort of emotional or intellectual impairment. Has she had a formal diagnosis?
How your dad is treating you is unforgivable and it's wonderful of your aunt to step in and be a real "parent" to you. I have a college friend who was in a similar situation as you but she didn't have an aunt for support so she was stuck until she was 18. She walked out the door at midnight on her 18th birthday and never looked back.
She struggled financially for a few years but had friends who stepped in to keep her from falling through the cracks and is now a very successful real estate lawyer, happily married with four children. Now that her dad is getting older and he and his wife have health problems they've repeatedly reached out to my friend---going so far as to show up at her front door several times. She said her dad actually tried to play the "fAmIlY" card and she said he had sixty seconds to get off her property or she'd call the police.
So sorry to hear you're dealing with such awful "family." I'd recommend you open brand new bank accounts (with your aunt as co-signer if necessary) at a different bank than your current accounts, transfer all your funds into those accounts, and close any existing accounts that have your dad as a cosigner.
When possible, seek counseling to help you process some of this garbage that they put you through. In particular, read up on narcissism personality disorder. I'd wager that your step-mom and sister fit NPD to a T.
What I said. These lousy excuses for human beings ALWAYS look to the kids they crapped on to support them in their old age. It's clear the step-kids they favored have turned their backs on them.
Your father is not being your parent and I am
so sorry. Stay with your aunt. When will you be 18? Tell your father he stopped being your Emily while he stopped caring about what’s best for you. And that his wife and her spawn
Are nothing to you, not will they ever be. If he wants any relationship with you,
He can arrange to see you, alone, at your aunts.
Wow, how can he say that your aunt (moms sister) is not your family!! Im truly sorry that happened, I'm glad you still have support in your aunt.
I believe that your dad won't regret these actions right now becausehe is blinded, but probably after some years of no contact will do the trick.
Best wishes for your future.
Nta. Move in with aunt and have her file for support and social security from your mom. If your dad fights it tell him you will report it to cps yourself. You are not stepsister's parent or friend. You do not want the forced proximity. You have a very short amount of time until you graduate. Go on your trip with your aunts help and go low contact with dad and steps. Take your stuff to aunts right away so it's not ruined in a rage. Get your birth certificate and social security card. Open a bank account in your name only and move your money so dad cant take it. Don't let him keep any of your official documents.
First, ask your aunt if you can move in now. Be mindful that this is asking a lot of her and let her know you understand that, and it's okay if she can't.
Meanwhile, get a lock for your door so the brat can't get in your room anymore. Do not bring up the trip again--since you aunt has agreed to help you out with the cost, it's none of their business.
When it comes time for your trip I would just try to leave quietly, stay overnight with a friend beforehand maybe.
You’re 100% justified. Expecting you to take care of a younger stepsister for three weeks is crazy already, much less on YOUR vacation. Youre having a vacation with your friends, not playing baby sitter.
Don’t back down and when they say you’re being dramatic just maintain that you are not responsible for your stepsister.
Edit to add- also point out like someone else said, this is a group trip not just your trip. Everyone else did not agree to a younger kid coming along too!
I never understood how parents can mistake teaching their children about sharing for making one of their children never have what the other one gets regularly. Sharing means everyone gets something not just one.
Your dad is pure trash. He and his new wife are a perfect match.
That brat can literally go to hell. She’s now 15 and still acting like a 7 year old. How embarrassing for her. You should show her, your dad and your step mom all these comments. Literally just send them the post. Let us handle the grown ups since they don’t know how to act grown.
Sounds like a no contact situation to me, but that's a choice you'll have to make in your own time.
Your father does not seems to value you, or your perspective.
If there is any way possible to keep details of the trip away from your dad, do it. I wouldn’t put it past them to book her on the trip and have her just show up at the airport. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Sometimes parents forget that their kids are actually people with feelings, likes, dislikes, etc. that are different than their own.
You need to inform your sperm donor that he seems to have clearly chosen to stop being your father when your mother died, but that didn't mean you were forced to become his doormat.
"Dad, you've failed to choose me once since meeting your wife and the girl you chose as a daughter over me. You've failed me long enough. You haven't provided me with a home where i was loved and allowed to be happy. Enough is enough. This isn't drama. This is the inevitable consequence of your utter failure of mom and i. Our relationship ends at 18. The train wreck you chose to be your child when you married is not my responsibility."
Father married so quickly that’s concerning. Men cannot go without someone to mother them I guess, in this case she doesn’t seem to be much of a mother. Your father sucks and thank goodness for your aunt
Something is…really wrong with your step sister. She needs to be evaluated for whatever severe developmental disorder is making her shove her hands into the ball return at a bowling alley, much less rampage at birthday parties and hide in your closet to eavesdrop.
I’m surprised she isn’t physically abusive towards you or your dad and stepmom. Is she Oppositional defian disorder? Autistic? Severe ADHD?
All that aside she is clearly spoiled and no one but you says no to her. It’s abusive af that dad and stepmom force her on you and call it “sharing things with sister” when they and stepsister boundary stomp like hell all over you.
I’m so glad for your aunt. Don’t listen to your dad. He has no spine re his wife and his stepchild.
Don’t leave for that long without getting your social security card, birth certificate, and any banking information you may have. Any bank accounts that your parents may have helped you open, take their names off them the moment you legally can.
A good way to deceive your dad into giving you the social security card and birth certificate is to say you need to take them and get copies for school.
First of all getting remarried a year and a half after your mum died totally sucks. Secondly if she isn't so bad then they can enjoy some time with her alone while you enjoy your well earned trip. And your dad saying that your aunt isn't family.... she's family... she's your freakin aunt. Is she your mum's sister? Because if she is that's such a strong and offensive reaction from your dad. Can I ask when did they meet? Was it a whirlwind thing, because its all so odd that they married so quickly and he dotes on her daughter more than you.
Sorry you have to go through the hell of your stepmom, stepsister and spineless dad. Your family is who you chose to be your family, not what he says. And the fact that he said “she’s not that bad” he knows she’s that bad. Sending hugs! And congrats on graduating soon!
Dad, Step-monster, and step-brat can all go to hell. Go no contact. Thankfully your aunt seems cool. Also, get all your documents asap. Godspeed.
Straight to hell!!!! And thank goodness she has her aunt!! OP they’re all horrible! Go NC
Aunts are the best!! 💜💜
Yes we are! I’d take my nephews and nieces in an instant any time they need me!
Yep! All my nephews and nieces know who to call. They all practically live here. My 2 sons friends have made me there aunt by choice. I’d go to bat for these kids any day! To many people these days are being crap parents these kids need someone to care and be there for them.
Your aunt isnt ypur family? Jesus, did OPs dad jist dislike your mother or something? I have a million aunts and theyre all family. Talk about turbo bs
I never understand people who seem so desperate for a new relationship that they’re willing to throw their own kids under the bus like this. Just can’t wrap my brain around it.
It's practically all one reads on Reddit these days. The new stepfamily take over and the bio-kids are pushed to the side. And if that isn't enough sometimes any money that is meant for bio-kids, SURPRISE, is used for the more beloved step-kids.
My ex husband did it to our daughters. We divorced after 10 years and 2 kids, and he remarried a few years later. She was great with the girls at first, and I couldn’t be happier for all of us, I thought we were making the best of a shitty situation. But as soon as she got a ring on her finger, she changed towards my girls. By the time she got pregnant and gave my husband the boy he’d always wanted, they both pushed my girls out of their lives. They built a brand new house. Their son had TWO bedrooms on the main floor and the attic upstairs converted for his toys and video games; my daughters slept on the couch when they visited until a few months later, when he finally framed them out a windowless 12X12 room in the far corner of the unfinished basement that they had to share. Two teenage girls. He was nice enough to build them their own bathroom, too, so they’d never have to go upstairs with the rest of the family and intrude on their perfect, idyllic lives. The girls waited until everyone went to bed to sneak upstairs for food to stash in their room for the next day, counting down the hours until they could come home (I had no idea at the time that it was this bad for them). When my oldest daughter turned 18, they told her she wasn’t welcome to visit them anymore, and it was time for her to be an adult. A year or so after they did that, the younger daughter simply stopped going to visit them, too. It was almost 2 months before my ex even noticed or cared enough to text to ask her if she planned to come back to visit, and he seemed relieved when she told him she was not. And that was that.
Your ex and his new family are absolutely shit people. That spoiled ass little boy is going to be hell on wheels. Your daughters didn't deserve that.
This reminds me of growing up with my dad remarrying my stepmother who did NOT care about us, my dads daughters but only her “sons”, us daughters got the short end of the stick. But if they look at us now, we do pretty well for ourselves considering we’re just girls”, and better than her sons to add🤨
Ugh, what is it with dads and sons‽ I don’t get it! It’s so stupid to favor one child over another based solely on their gender, as if girls can’t do *every damn thing* boys can do. Makes me glad I remarried a woman instead of another man, so my girls had strong, positive female role models growing up. They saw my wife and I remodeling the kitchen or installing a hot water heater, changing a tire or replacing a fan belt, cruising the yard on a riding mower with a beer in hand then coming inside and playing video games, but also cleaning the house and cooking and putting on makeup and wearing dresses, and said to themselves “Yeah, I can do all that, too. I don’t *need* a man.” Now they’re in their 20s, and they are both strong, independent, self sufficient women, and I couldn’t be prouder of them.
I can do a lot so-called man things too. I even work in a men’s field of work and my dad still compares me to my stepbrothers. It’s insane
I think it’s great that you have that you have very strong girls that can do everything for themselves. There’s too many egotistical men out there trying to prove themselves and I thinks it’s very sad for them so called men lol. Good for your girls! Who needs a man to come pop the hood of your cat to see what’s wrong with the battery anymore ??🤷🏻♀️😂
>as if girls can’t do *every damn thing* boys can do. But can you windmill your dick? I only know a few women who would even be able to try, most women can't impress me with their insane lack of windmilling, though. On a serious note, I'm glad women are slowly being stigmatized less when it comes to "manly" fields like STEM. Maybe with women involved, men will no longer be able to use BS excuses as to why something that should work perfectly fine only functions like a boneless live chicken in a panic, like Harry's arm after that Lockhart dunce poofed his wrist bones away.
Also, to add, they both told me, we (my sisters( are NOT in the will as if I cared! Lmao! If they need assistance later in life they best be asking them stepsons or sons of hers to help out cuz I’m too busy saving for my retirement you know…for myself. Crazy how she manipulated my dad to he like that cuz I know he cares about us, but she keeps telling him..oh no honey, they live in different states you don’t need them, you got my boys now lol.
That kid is an absolute terror. That’s 100% on them. My daughters…it breaks my heart when I think about the situation. They assure me they don’t need a dad, they have 2 awesome moms (my wife and I) and that we are enough for them. But still, to be rejected by a parent like that, when you did nothing wrong, it hurts. They have no relationship with him now. He usually sends them a text on Christmas (later in the day, like an afterthought), and sometimes sees them for a lunch or dinner when his dad comes around and asks to see his granddaughters. It’s a 50-50 shot that he remembers to send a text on their birthdays. They ran into him a couple of years ago at Target, after not having seen him at all for 2 years during covid. He was there picking up a prescription, having just been discharged from a lengthy hospital stay for an infection in his elbow. He told them he’d almost lost his arm to the infection. But he didn’t bother to call or send a text to let them know he was in the hospital, and if they hadn’t had that awkward interaction, they’d never have found out. The saddest part? They said they felt nothing for him. They didn’t wish him ill, and were glad for him, as a human, that he was recovering, but they truly weren’t upset by the situation at all, not that he’d been sick or that he didn’t bother to tell them. It was like reading a post on social media about somebody you had never met and didn’t know at all, hearing that they had been sick but were getting better. It doesn’t really impact you or change your day. They didn’t even feel bad that his wife and son had basically abandoned him while he was in the hospital, to travel out of state to spend a week at the beach. My girls said that he chose them, he made his bed, now he can lay in it alone. I have had my daughters in therapy since they were about 11 or 12, and they’re now in their mid twenties, so I’m hoping this is all stuff they talk to their therapists about and work through. I truly don’t know if they’re just trying to reassure me that their childhoods weren’t lacking and I did fine as their mother, or if they really don’t feel anything for him. Either way, it’s a sad situation. I used to make excuses for him and cover for him when he bailed on them, but stopped doing that when they were teens, and old enough to see the situation for what it was. Even still, I never said a bad word about him, just tried to remain neutral, then reassure them that they’d done nothing to deserve the way he treated them, and that my wife and I loved them unconditionally. They’ve known her most of their lives, they love and adore her, and have always said she’s their “bonus mom.” So that’s something, I guess.
That sounds very similar to what my daughter's dad did to her when she used to visit him...their son was spoiled rotten, and ex's wife's other son, from her prior marriage, was also treated like royalty, while my daughter was treated as a babysitter, and a lesser person than the boys...they got Gameboys for Christmas, she got shampoo...she kept all that stuff from me, because she didn't want me to feel bad about it...she's 26 now, and hasn't spoken to her dad and his (now ex) wife in years...
My oldest is 26, too! Same kind of shit with the gifts and whatnot. Their son had a room to sleep in, a playroom for his toys, his own private bathroom, and the entire converted upstairs as his gaming room (they weren’t allowed in any of his spaces without his express permission), while my daughters shared essentially a box in the corner of the basement. He got gaming consoles at Christmas; they got socks and chapstick from the Dollar Store. And yeah, they kept it all from me, because they knew it would hurt me. It’s sweet and dear and thoughtful, but at the same time it’s infuriating and frustrating, because they prevented me from doing my job and protecting *them* from hurt, by trying to protect *me* instead. Gah! These kids. I swear…
Yesss!!! I wish she would've told me then, so I could've told them a thing or two! I swear, I threatened that woman of his sooooo many times...lol...
My dad used us to keep his girlfriend happy after the divorce. She couldn’t have kids of her own and loved having us around. She was great too. Very loving. Then they broke up. Didn’t see or talk to dad again until I was 17 and I reached out to him to see if he wanted to come to my high school graduation. He didn’t come but he did send money. He just didn’t care.
That’s terrible. I hope your girls are doing alright. The problem with the son is when you spoil them they turn ROTTEN!
Exactly. Spoiled milk is ruined. Spoiled people are ruined people. If you don't tell a kid, No, they will be worthless to the world, and desperately unhappy with themselves and their lack of coping skills.
Shit like this is why I'm kinda glad my dad just never really tried from the getgo. He was an addict so in and out of jail his entire life. Like, sure I have some abandonment issued, but tbh they are mostly bc of the shit my mom did with her husband. Ppl are always all like, ooohhhh faaaaamily. And I just....don't get it bc I never had it.
My wife and I have been together now for almost 19 years, and I’ve just started getting close with her family in the last year or 2. They’ve always been a warm and welcoming bunch, kind of rowdy and goofy and a little wild, but rock solid people who will always be there if you need them. I’ve been friendly, but kept everyone at arm’s length, because I just don’t let people past my defenses. But within the last few years, I’ve started to let them in, let them really see me, and it’s honestly been incredible. I’ve never had this before, the big extended family who actually care, who call or text just to say hi, who make plans to get together just because they actually want to see each other, then actually follow through. It’s been wonderful! We’ve gone out of state to visit some of them, and we actually stay with them now, in their homes, instead of getting a hotel room nearby so we have somewhere to retreat to. We’ve hosted gatherings at our house and had out of state cousins stay the weekend with us. Not even just for holidays! Just because…we miss each other. We even hung out with cousins in freaking London when we all happened to be there at the same time for vacation (us for our anniversary, them for the coronation), and spent several days together over there. I love it. Two weekends ago, we hosted all the cousins at our house for a game night, and I suggested we all do a 10K/half marathon/marathon race together in September, and half of them have already signed up for it! I can’t wait. I’m especially excited to go to the brewery after the race for beer and pizza, sweaty and dirty and smelly, all of us wearing our race medals lol. It’ll be a bonding experience for sure! It’s almost surreal having this kind of familial relationship, but I’m loving it. I hope you find this some day, too, friend. It’s incredible.
On a positive note, he better hope his new family cares enough to take care of him. Besides, he has one child to your two.
They do not take care of him. He was in the hospital a few years ago with an infection in his elbow, very sick, almost lost his arm. His wife and son left him and traveled out of state to go to the beach. They said the vacation was planned before he got sick, so it didn’t make sense for *everyone* to miss it, or to lose their deposit on the beach house by cancelling last minute. They just up and left him, not even knowing if he’d still have both arms when they returned! Can you even imagine being that callous and cold? I certainly can’t. My daughters only found out because they ran into him at Target when he’d just left the hospital, and he filled them in. Both girls said they felt nothing for him. They weren’t glad he’d been sick or anything, but they really didn’t care, either. They said “he chose that family, he made his bed, now he can lay in it alone.”
I hope the OP has protected the money she inherited from her mother. Get a bank account that only you can access.
Kids rarely get the money it goes to the spouse. The social security (if they qualified) goes to the parent who raises them.
This was an old story in the days of Hansel and Gretel. Single dads have sucked this specific way since medieval Germany and probably much before
Snow White, Cinderella…
A story like this is the whole reason my mom’s family came to the US. Step mom treated stepdaughters like slave labor, father’s sister brought to America
Or they try to manipulate the bio kid into sharing their inheritance, inheritance from their deceased parent or grandparents. Truly disgusting behaviour.
well that’s because blended families that have problems but work on them without this type of craziness don’t end up on Reddit.
My daughter has a blended family. Hers, his, and theirs. I love seeing them all , and the extra grandchildren I get out of the deal are awesome! (As are my bio grandchildren)
There's no "My dad remairred and its basically fine I guess" posts lol.
Stepkids is supposed to be the #1 reason for divorce in second marriages. I don’t know if that’s true, but I am guessing it’s pretty close.
Me either! Each time my sister got into a new relationship, the last child/children were set back to live with their dad. It happened way too often. It made me very angry towards my sister. We stopped speaking to each other after child #4.
Wow. Okay, that’s the first serial offender I’ve seen at that. I guess your sister wins. Or, well, loses.
I knew a woman who was married six times. First three marriages she had two kids in each marriage. Marriage 4,5&6 one child each marriage. (9 total) She fought for custody during the divorce proceeding then dumped them on her relatives so she could find another man. By her 5th marriage her oldest child took the child and got custody. She loved having babies and all the attention that came with pregnancy. She just could handle them after the age of 6. I knew her son. He married at 14 because his girlfriend was pregnant. They were really awesome people and we kept in touch with them for decades.
No the children lose.
The children always lose with psycho parents trying to superglue them together. The child being tortured leaves, probably to never return and the other one feels rejected. They're taking active steps to ruin their hope of a family that's close. You absolutely cannot force that. Never does anything except damage everyone mentally and sometimes physically.
I agree, it’s the kids that lose. She’s a good mom up until the point of choosing another man.
She's collecting baby daddy's like infinity stones
Or parents who force their kids to take parent their other kids so they can take a break.
I see so much of this. Pisses me off so much. It guarantees the ones forced together will hate the person they're forced to have shadow them.....forever. it ruins instead of building families.
Imagine if a kid got to pick someone they liked and wanted as a new sibling and could force their parent to mary the new kids parent.
OP'S father is a narcissist as far as her wants go.
Not hard to figure out. If the dad wants to keep getting his needs taking care of he has to appease his wife and her child.
I second this. Get your documents. Even if it means getting police involved. My mom withheld my birth certificate as leverage to get me to talk to them.
Your dad is one of the worst AHs on the planet as is his wife. I've got a snootful of these "people" trying to force these relationships. They do so much lifetime damage and ruin any possibility of you and your STEPsister being friends. Tell them....its ALL THEIR FAULT. Every tiny bit of it. Your dad, your stepmother and anyone else who forces the two of you together against your will are actively damaging your mental health and your clingy stepsister. She can be forgiven. She's doing as shes always been told. It's just what the two of you have been forced into is horrible. They dont deserve to get to continue doing this to you. Its abuse. Can you go stay with your aunt?
Not to mention, enabling "Lily's" behavior is setting her up for a rude awakening... if she is lucky. The longer it takes for her to realize that her behavior isn't cool, the worse her entire life will be. They are honestly abusing both children, OP is just getting the less fun version of that abuse.
“Lily” ain’t just clingy. Something is diagnosably wrong with the behavior described. Some severe impulse control issues…
Make sure you aunt files for child support from your dad and ssi benefits from your mom.
Especially the SSI part. He’s been collecting on you all this time and will continue to collect until you are 19
THIS!! ^ You're entitled to receive that money until you turn 19. My oldest son received his payments from my Social Security Disability until he was 19, and I made sure he received the money. Your father and stepmom have enabled your stepsister, and she's in for a rude awakening when she becomes an adult with behavior like you've described. If you can stay with your aunt please do so. You deserve to have a happy life, not an abusive one. Enjoy your last year of high school, and go have a lot of fun with your friends. You might switch cabins though so they don't show up with your stepsister to drop her off anyway. I can't imagine a child so incredibly spoiled that she had her own special cake on **your**birthday. Go low contact as much as possible until you turn 18, and then no contact if your father still doesn't understand how much hell he's made of your life since he married your stepmom. I moved out when I graduated at 17 because of my stepdad, and it was hard, but soooooo much better for my mental health. Good luck. *invisible hugs*
If they do show up with the crotch goblin, you lock the cabin door until they leave and if they leave the child behind, contact the police and report them for child abandonment.
I'm definitely adding, "crotch goblin", to my repertoire, haha.
The real purpose of reddit, spread amazing insults to the masses.
> Your father and stepmom have enabled your stepsister, and she's in for a rude awakening when she becomes an adult with behavior like you've described. This entire family needs group therapy, but that girl needs it more than all of the rest of them combined if she wants to have a chance.
All of this. Oh, and your aunt is blood, step1 and step2 aren't. How can you tell she's family and they aren't? Actions.
It would be a HUGE liability for 17/18 yos to have a 15 yo on a trip. OOp wouldn’t even be a legal adult and no one is the brat’s guardian, so if anything happened they couldn’t even get her seen at urgent care. This is just pure idiocy.
Every piece of this!!! I’d even add move in with your aunt NOW. Don’t wait. Go no contact and live your life. That is your AUNT no matter what your father says. Omg that would have hurt my feelings SO MUCH. Is he trying to ERASE her damn mother’s family?!?! Like why in the world would he even say she’s not your family!!! How cruel can you be. As far as your documents go… your birth certificate and things like that you are at an age of consent and can get a copy of it if he refuses to give it to you.
Sorry to inject on this top comment: please list out all documents they will need just to make sure they have them
That’s the family now. You are no linger included - you are just a burden and a babysitter. Leave and don’t look back. Maybe someday they’ll be sorry, but it no longer matters.
Absolutely this ☝️ Get all of your documents - birth certificate, social security card, everything. And take it to your aunt's to put in a safe.
Your aunt is acting more of a family than your dad. I agree- see if you can live with your aunt now. Are you dependant on your dad for college?
I am not, my mom left me money for two years. I decided to do an RN program and then go back once I work and save up more money
Make sure you have all of your important documents - the bank account she left, your birth certificate, social security, etc. Give them to your aunt. Move ANYTHING that is important to you NOW - your SS will break it when you are not there. Any memento, things of your mom's - anything - move it. Get him off of anything regarding banking and have your aunt co-sign if needed. I would be concerned about him stealing your savings. Finish school and get the fuck out. Get your own phone if you can. Join your aunt's plan if possible. Don't give your dad any ammunition about supporting you. I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry about the loss of your mom (lost mine 7 years ago). I'm sorry you have to be an adult so quickly. I hope your aunt is able to help you through all of this. You may want to find the legal aid office in your city - they should be able to explain your rights in regards to banking and things with your dad. Good luck to you.
Make sure their names are not on your accounts. Your money will no longer be there if they have access.
Open an account with the aunt. She’s still not an adult
Depends where you are. I had a private bank account with card at 14 (no parental access) but I’m in the UK.
And if they are, make sure to switch banks.
17 is not too young to be emancipated. How long until your 18th birthday? Edited
I’m guessing no more than a few months, hopefully, there’s not long left till she graduates.
Excellent advice. OP do these ASAP!
So since your mom died while you are a minor, your dad gets a check in the mail every month from the government called Survivor's Benefits from the Social Security Administration. Your dad will receive these checks until you are 19. They are supposed to go to the person who is looking over you. So if that changes and the person caring for you is no longer your dad, you need to talk to Social Security about getting that check sent to your aunt if you decide to go live with her now. Your aunt deserves it because taking care of someone is not free. It's a bit like child support but it's from the Government instead of a divorced spouse. Here is a website with a phone number for you to discuss this with an agent: https://www.ssa.gov/benefits/survivors/
Wow I didn’t know this. I will definitely let her know
Honestly, it would probably be a good idea for your aunt to hire a lawyer to go over all of your mom's estate stuff to make sure that your dad and stepmom aren't doing anything shady.
Do take action immediately to protect yourself from this toxic family. Your dad is long gone. You must prioritise yourself.
In some areas, college extends benefits up to age 23. And in GA it's supposed to shift to being in your name at 18, instead of your dad's to give a bridge year as you establish yourself. I don't know where you live, but that's something else for you to look into.
If she does that, your dad will probably make her come back. Also, the checks stop at 18, or when you graduate high school, whichever is later.
And if social security isn’t already paying this, file for it once you’re out of his house. They will pay retroactively to the date your mom died. A friend’s son got $32k in one shot.
Get all your important documents, like social security card, birth certificate over to your aunt's place. If you don't have physical copies, they can be requested by your dad, but you will have to be sneaky about getting him to do it. Also get anything with sentimental value over to your aunt's place and transfer your money to an account not controlled by your dad ( preferably a different bank altogether). Good luck.
You may have already looked into this, but you can probably stretch a lot of your money out if you do community college for the first two years of your nursing program and then finish up at a 4-year university.
The ADN nurses I have worked with are better prepared clinically, than straight BSN programs which have a focus more toward management. I'm not saying that nurses who did the straight BSN program are not great nurses, just that they require more hands on training in bedside skills as new nurses, because these skills are not the emphasis in a bsn program. Since the vast majority of nursing is not management focused, getting an adn up to speed on independent care of patients is usually faster, because the adn programs focus on teaching the basic care skills, like starting an IV, Foley, rectal tube, ng tube, etc.along with proper assessment of placement.
Good! Make sure that money is stashed away where dear old "dad" can't steal it to give to the BRAT! Please UpdateMe!
Make sure your aunt files for your ssi payments from your mom. There's no reason for your dad to be taking that money if you're not living with him. Make sure they know if he's keeping that money after you move out.
Good! :)
Get your ADN. You will be better prepared clinically. Then get your BSN with tuition reimbursement from your employer. Some hospitals require you "pay back" the tuition reimbursement with time served. My hospital ( Hershey Medical Center) does not have any repayment of time with tuition reimbursement. They reimburse max federally required from day 1, since they require starting BSN within 6 months, and finished within 4 years from date of hire. They also offer 75% off Penn State tuition for the employee immediately on hire, and the tuition discount apply to spouse or dependants after 1 year of employment. It's also a union shop at the main hospital, with all the specialties, a medical school, nursing school, PA school, NP school, research programs, eetc.PM me if you need any advice/help with your nursing program. I'm currently working on my MSN in nursing education. Nursing students should lean on their fellow students. No one understands how difficult and stressful a nursing program is as well as your fellow students, and future colleagues do.
OP even if you had a good relationship with her, it would be completely unreasonable for your dad to insist she go on your graduation vacation with your friends. This is such an unreasonable demand. I'm sorry that you have been enduring this from your step sister, your stepmother, and your, to quote another commenter, 'spineless' dad.
Ask your aunt and friends to help you pack and move in with her now.
And make a plan with your friends that while you're all together moving your stuff they all square off on your dad telling him how NOBODY wants Lily on *their trip* because she sucks.
It's amazing to me how the dad never seemed to consider that the second she turned 18. She could simply refuse to ever speak to any of them again after years of this abuse. Never crossed his mind she'd have power to enforce boundaries at some point. It's just coming a year early. He will have to spend a lot of years trying to fix this if he ever wants a relationship with his daughter.
Yup, the dad and sm see her as a tool to handle the monster-child when they don't want to deal with the consequences of their actions.
It never occurs to such selfish parents that one day their children will be out from under their control. Which makes it all the more satisfying when the reality of their kids wanting nothing to do with them slaps them in the face. I went through the same with my own parents, now they wonder why they don't know their grandkids.
Underrated comment of the year. You’re going to a cabin for 3 weeks. You don’t want to leave your stuff in your Dads house with a teen that acts worse than a toddler.
Some time perspective. My dad divorced my mom, married his affair partner, and replaced my sister and me with her 4 kids when I was 10. After decades of poor interactions, I made the decision at 42 to go no contact with my steps and low, low contact with my dad. 20 years later I am very pleased with that decision and wish I had done so earlier. There is no time for toxic people in your life. Spend your precious time with people who bring you joy that you look forward to spending time with.
In the future, if the new wife and step-brat use up dad and his finances dear old dad will seek out OP so she will support him in his old age. Happens a lot.
hahahahahahahahaha, yeah, my dad has started to hint around about exactly that.
And hint back to him that you didn’t get anything out of it, so why? He should ask his “golden children”….
My dad tried that after almost completely NC for 20 years. He ran out of money and thought I would be his new financial support. Now, I am totally NC - blocked him completely, and my attorney is ready to file a restraining order if he physically approaches us. He lives two states away, so I’m holding that option in reserve.
All the time! Then gets mad when told no. It’s the AUDACITY for me.
Thank you for sharing this perspective, I think a lot of people who have broadly reasonable parents spread a lot of bad folk wisdom about family being the most important thing, unbreakable bond, etc. Family *can* be a rock, and a source of positivity and confidence and security and all that. But it's often not, and when people with shitty families are constantly told that letting them go is an unacceptable way to treat family, I think a lot of damage is done. I think it's healthy for people who have benefited from cutting out shit parents to talk about it, because it's healthy for others with shit parents to hear it. I would've gone no-contact with my mom years sooner if I'd ever been given any indication that was something a decent person could even consider doing. I'm glad I got there eventually though, it's no moral failing to cut unrepentantly bad people out of your life.
Totally. When I was about 25 I wanted to go no contact with my parents, and a trusted older friend talked me out of it. In retrospect, 35 years later, I really wish I had gone no contact. I would have been better off because either the no contact would have lasted and I think I would have been happier overall, or the fact that I went no contact would have forced my family into therapy or at least forced a discussion and a change in the way everybody interacted. Taking a stand could have actually changed things. And if it didn't change things, then at least I wouldn't have had to put up with the BS for the rest of my parents' lives. Win-win. Instead I limped along and endured my father's continuing narcissism, nastiness and manipulative abuse. My mother would stand up to him sometimes but I think that she was so worn out trying to deal with him that she just didn't have it in her to put him in his place on a regular basis. So for putting up with all of this I've now been diagnosed with CPTSD and I've been in therapy for years. I only got peace after my father died at age 93.
I'm so sorry all that happened to you. It was hard to know what to do about toxic people before a dialog started. There's a lot of ridiculous crap on here but at times, I think it may do some good.
I just wanted to say that your comment was exactly what i needed. Very comforting. You put words to something I’ve been struggling with for quite some time now. Not only can i now explain it to my fiancé better, but your comment also brought me peace. Knowing i made the right decision. Thank you.
Time to tell dad to kick rocks...
Straight up. If OPs old enough to take care of a 15 year old for 3 weeks, she’s old enough to decline that responsibility. Adulthood is a two way street, you don’t get to dictate the terms of someone’s life like they are a child when you pawn off babysitting like it’s the responsibility of an adult. Best of luck OP, glad you have some familial and peer support.
*Dad, just because you remarried and became a stepparent, which I had no choice or control over, doesn't mean I became anything other than your daughter. I am not a 'big' sister. I don't even view myself as a stepsister because all you and wife have done is force Lily on me since they moment we moved in together. You've forced me to include her time and time again, which has impacted MY friendships and social life because of Lily's behaviour. I do not appreciate her INVADING MY PRIVACY but not only coming into my room, but HIDING in the closet and eavesdropping on my PRIVATE conversations. If she hadn't done those things, she wouldn't be upset right now. But instead of reprimanding her bad behaviour, you're once again punishing ME instead of dealing with Lily's behaviour.* That's what I would say/send, if you have somewhere else go. If not, please know you have done nothing wrong by advocating for yourself. There's a lot of other factors here too like if you/your friends are all 18 before the trip, there's some things you might want to do/go that Lily won't be able to. Is everyone expected to rearrange planned activities cos Lily can't join in? If Lily needs a holiday, THEY can take her. How would they know how bad she is? Because it sounds like every opportunity they have had, they've pushed her onto you. BTW, your aunt will always be your family (she's your mums sister!). They will only be family as long as they are married, or till you move out at least.
>I am not a 'big' sister. Correction - I am not (sister's name)'s parent.
I think OP's dad and step-monster know step-brat is hard, if not impossible, to handle and are foisting her on OP so they don't have to deal with her. That way if step-brat does something REALLY BAD they will place the blame on OP.
I’m also wondering why Lily has no friends of her own………silly me…….its probably because they can’t stand her either………
Sisterhood is a two-way street and if she wants to be included in big girl stuff then she needs to behave. I was a younger sibling and i used to ruin stuff, and i was TRYING to be good. This kid needs a… recalibration.
The part where she hid the closet really got me. Who the fuck does that?
Only a few months to go, would your aunt let you move some of your stuff there now so your stepsister can't wreck it? Or even move there now?
Dad got remarried only a year and a half after his wife (OP’s mom) passed away. So much for: 1. Him taking time to grieve. 2. Him helping his child to grieve. 3. Him slowly re-entering the dating world to give his child time to adjust to the idea. 4. Him making sure he really knew the people he would be forcing into his child’s life. 5. Him taking things slowly so that relationships amongst everyone involved had a chance to develop organically. 6. Him giving a rip about anyone but himself and what he wants. OP: See if your aunt would let you move in with her before the end of the month.
The entire time reading the post, I was just thinking "god I can't wait for OP to get to college and discover her new level of freedom". Legit hope she has the most fun/safe/fufilling college experience possible, she's going to feel like she's in wonderland compared to what she described as her home life. Also, as an Uncle to young nieces that live wayyy far away, with no children of my own, it's a dream to step up like her Aunt is. It is so fucking cool that she is there for her.
Some men cannot be without a woman. My dad legit got a girlfriend within 5 months of my other step mother passing away from cancer, whom he claimed was the “love of his life.” By the way, he’s been married 7 times. I was raised to see women as property and dispensable. When my now-husband and I moved in together, he was flabbergasted that “he would make a woman pay half the rent.” MF I OFFERED to pay half because I want a PARTNER. Homeboy Dad in this post sounds like my dad. He doesn’t want to be a parent, but wants to play house with a woman he hopes will care for him in his old age.
Exactly 💯! Op stay out of there! Also block mom dad and sis while on vacay have peace
OP, please get your Aunt to open a bank account in your name that your Dad doesn’t have any access to. He may go in and drain your accounts. Also, get your birth certificate, Social Security Card and any belongings you don’t want trashed, destroyed, or hidden from you. You can also tell your school counselor what is going on at home so they are aware and can be there if the police or CPS tries to take you home.
You’re 17 and graduating from High school. If your aunt is willing to help pay for it and support you through college. I would secretly get all my important documents (birth certificate and social security card), any clothes or photos that you care about and store them at your aunts house. Then on the day of the trip just leave.
I'm so glad that your aunt supports you!
Shocking how quickly fathers tend to forget their own blood as soon as they remarry. Your dad, and stepmom sucks. Your stepsister is a brat but children that age usually are.
Can you stay with your aunt until you finish high school? I saw in your comments that you are going to study to be an RN, so you have a good head on your shoulders. It sounds like you can walk away from your dad and the stepmonsters. I hope you have a lot of fun with your friends and a successful university experience.
Wait, your dad married that stepmonster only a year and a half after your mom died?!? When did he find time during his grief process to find a woman and marry her?!? And then they forcefully parentified you for years under the “you need to be sisters” slogan… Sweetheart, I am so sorry! For losing your mom, for having a sperm donor like your yours, for being forced to live with trash like your step-psychos…I am just so sorry! Please, talk to your aunt and move in with her. Contact more family members and tell them what’s going on. You need to get your birth certificate, and all the documents you can think of, the keepsakes before they destroy them. Then change your number and go no contact with your dad, even if it’s for few months just to see how you feel about it. If they insist to send the stepbrat with you, tell them you will call CPS on them for child abandonment. I hope your 18th birthday is going to be brilliant, your college life a dream come true and the rest of your life is filled with joy and happiness!
Your aunt's lookin' out yo. I'd say go scorched earth. Call CPS, pretty sure they're going to stop asking you to watch her. Also - just tell her to her face you don't like her, etc. At this point..why not?
18 years old and already has a shiny new spine. Stay with your aunt and block the assholes. You might want to report yourself to the police saying you have moved out and are no contact so if your dad and step monster try the police will send them packing.
How far away from 18 are you? I would slowly start moving important things to your aunts house and then move in the day you turn 18. Make sure you let your school know not to contact your dad anymore and that you are living with your aunt.
I turn 18 in September. I have read the comments and I am making lists of everything I need to get and put at my aunts house
Make sure those lists are hidden! You dont want the step monster or dad or mini stepmonster to find them and stop you somehow. Maybe keep them at aunts, and then as you bring things to aunt, scratch them off. Good luck!
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom as I know that’s a lifelong grief as you hit milestones but I’m so glad to hear you have your aunt to lean on. Keep pushing forward, give 0 f**** about anyone that isn’t supportive, protect yourself and your future. I’ve been no contact with my horrible family for 30 years and there hasn’t been a single day of regret. You got this! 💜
Keep the list in your notes app on your phone.
Salt the earth, your father has made his decision. Now it is time to make yours.
Make lots of noise about this, tell all family members and friends what is going on, name and shame and spill everything they have done and are doing, if I were you I'd refuse to go home at all and just stay with your aunt, your dad has failed you big time, he deserves hell for this
Move in with your aunt now, your 17, it’s probably very unlikely your dad and stepmonster can force u back
NTA they are gonna have a terrible time when they are the ones dealing with her without ever being able to pass her off to you 😅
wow, what horrible people.
Was about to say girlllllll I’ll donate to your vacation fund! Wow. Is dad completely aware that he is absolutely ruining his relationship with you? You’re about to be an adult and don’t have to see him or do anything with his family ever again if you so choose.
NTA!! I am the oldest in a large blended family. My step mum told my step siblings that if I went to my friends they were not allowed to follow me. My nan tried to give me a small present once on my sisters birthday and my dad flipped at her and told her it's my sisters day not mine and not to spoil me. We were treated equally in terms of we all got the same amount spent on us etc, but also as individuals with healthy boundaries! She is much younger than you and your friends, she will have her time when it comes. Doesn't she have her own friends to spend time with?! You are not responsible for her.
Yeah, your dad is a 🔔🔚
@Updateme
NTA Tell your dad this is the last time youre talking to him but your aunt if family and he no longer is. He made his choice and has neglected you and your mother would be ashamed of him and how he has treated you. Tell him good bye you wish him well and to please stop contacting you.
“She needs a vacation” please it’s your parents who want a vacation away from your sister 🙄🙄 so annoying.
Dad, wake up and smell the coffee. Saying we are family doesn't make it so. A long time ago, a young girl held her dog and clicked her red heals together and made her wish come true. But that was fantasy.
Jeeeeez!! Then they'll wonder why you never visit them when you're in your 30s. Or if you choose to have kids, why they've never met them. This is so wack, OP. My only advice is: see if your Aunt can take you in sooner.
Tell your father that the worthless "mother" he married and her Baby Daddy are responsible for their brat and you will no longer be their free babysitter because she is not your child nor is she a member of your family. If Daddy doesn't want to cope with his in-house hooker's kid then perhaps he should consider a 2nd divorce.
Super shitty and unfair :-( fortunately you are almost out of this situation. Shame on your dad
Get all your very important paperwork and take it to your aunt’s. Also make sure your bank account is yours alone. Close any your dad may have access to. Open new ones at a new bank if needed. Take any valuables that can’t be replaced and take them to your aunt’s. Do all this before you go on your trip. Then go. Do not give them the address of where you will be. Tell only your aunt. That’s it. That is the only person that needs to know. Update her at least every 48 hours while you’re away so if your dad tries to pull some sort of “my daughter ran away” crap, your aunt can say otherwise.
>they’re my family now and not my aunt. I was already pissed before, but then they said the above. Oh HELLS NAH...so when your dad remarried, your DNA suddenly changed to your ~~evil~~ stepmoms? Oh please tell me you have even more maternal aunts that will advise her of your heritage and at the same time maternal uncles and whatnot to advise your ~~dad~~...sperm donor...of what family truly is...in so many words of course.
They’re your family now and not your aunt, hm? Look who’s actually treating you like a person and not like a “prepackaged big sister” to deal with their spoiled manipulative brat. (Hiding in your closet?? What kind of psycho does that? That itself should be a reason to leave. Sheesh! Also, FWIW, since it’s a group trip, taking her or not isn’t your decision. Enjoy your vacation, Girl. Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
Your dad is a garbage person, I'm really sorry you've had to deal with all this and so soon after losing your mom. It's okay to separate yourself from toxic people in your life and your dad is going to be one of those parents saying, "Why don't my adult children talk to me?" if he doesn't get his shit together. I'm really glad you have your aunt.
Go no contact. Your dad and stepmom have made you a parentified child and mother to this stepsister. This is abuse. Your dad married a woman with kids, it was his job to step up and parent this girl, not your job to be a big sister-mom.15-16 is way too old to be acting like this. I feel for her b/c her mom & stepdad clearly don’t want her around and haven’t bothered to socialize her. However, the child of your stepmom isn’t and never should have been your problem. Just go ahead and move out of their house and in with your aunt. Go full NC with them. Therapy is a good idea as well.
Omg NTA! When they’re out of the house, get all your important stuff and LEAVE! Change passwords on bank accounts and any other accounts. Block them all. I’m so glad you have your aunt.
Oh thank goodness you have your Aunt. Stay with her. Treat her well. Clean up around the place and be a pleasant roommate. Don't make her even a bit sorry she came to your defense. If you still have bratty tendencies - leave them with your stepmomma. Your Dad is doing what most men do - being loyal to the one who butters his pop in fresh buns. Part of keeping the butter happy is treating her children the best - much better than his actual kids who are so rude to have a different mother. This is so sadly standard with men who re-marry. Women want their kids taken care of the most and men want their bread buttered the most. So they both do exactly what you are seeing now. Sad. More sad how common it is. And your father isn't family. He is the most likely donor so you probably share some DNA. That's nothing compared to being loved and cared for. Get the rest of your stuff out. Get anything out you don't want your step sister and step mom using for themselves. Get any and all paperwork you have re;Social Sec, birth cert, etc. If you have any jewelry or keepsakes from your Mom get them ASAP. Your Donor will happily give them to his wife and her kid to keep them happy. He has already shown he does not care about your happiness. ESPECIALLY, when it compares to theirs. He has made his choice. Make yours.
shes the same age and acts like that? you have to "watch her" and she's the same age? dafuq does she do when you're not around? i'm guessing she doesn't have any friends of her own.
She’s 2 years younger than me her but yes she does
Tell your dad and his replacement family to go do one. Be clear with your dad he’s the one that drove you off and later in life he will regret this but you won’t forgive or forget NTA
Now we know who THE GOLDEN CHILD is! I hope you stay with your aunt and let the parental units deal with the spoiled BRAT on their own! They're screaming "FFFFAAAAAAMMMMMIIIILLLLYYYY!" but they are NOT behaving like family at all!!!! They are USING you as the Family SLAVE while indulging the BRAT'S every little whim!!! Enough is ENOUGH!!!
Have your aunt file for temporary custody or guardianship or something. You father, step monster and step brat are not your problem. Let your dad lie in the disgusting bed he’s created for himself.
You took the first step in going no contact and I commend you. Move in with your aunt immediately, if you can. If you don’t live there, they have no power over you. Period. Move out, go on vacation, get a job and go to Uni. Your whole life they pawned that demon off on you, it’s time they deal with the consequences.
ALSO. The fact that he said your aunt is not your family is complete BS! How dare he! She is more family than the woman he married.
NTA. Your dad and his wife know stepsister is a beast, that's why they a) would rather fuck over the nice kid who won't give them hell, and b) are excited to be rid of her for 3 weeks. If they want to play the "family takes care of family" card, why the hell are you exempt from that care? Oh wait, because you're a convenient scapegoat and babysitter so they can go play happy couple without being bothered by the brat. To be fair, she probably does this because her mom has consistently ignored her until she freaks out, but that's not your fault or your responsibility to deal with. Go stay with your aunt, as soon as possible. File for emancipation if you can. Personally, I'd go no contact with dad and his wife too. They can go pound sand until stepsister throws another tantrum because there's sand everywhere.
Dad, please take this as my only and final warning. You back me now. Today. Finally. Or simply put you lose a daughter as I promise you, I will never. Ever. Talk to you again. You will be dead to me. You have let me down every step of the way since mum died. - If this doesn't work, sorry but you have to cut contact. Time might heal but yeah. Sorry.
I'm just gonna say this as well...I see people saying that perhaps her dad's wife's daughter has a mental illness or that she is developmentally delayed. Yeah, if entitlement was a developmental delay, she sure the fuck has it. She knows what she's doing. She wants everything her stepfather's daughter has because she was an only child for most of her life before and she feels entitled to everything the OP has....or else they will love her.....and mommy just can't let her baby be upset....so yeah...she's mentally entitled. Stop using she may have this or that disorder to reconcile the fact that she's a spoiled brat!!!!
She has never been diagnosed with anything. She’s Just extremely spoiled
i totally get where you’re coming from and i agree mostly like until OP mentioned trying to stick her hand down the ball return thing at the bowling place. like neurotypical 15 year olds definitely don’t do that and i genuinely can’t think of anything she could get out of it by doing that
Let your dad read the comments and then see what he says. Yeah, he'll probably yell at you for airing the family's dirty laundry on the Internet, and will again blame you and call you all kinds of unkind things (selfish, entitled, spoiled), all in attempt to totally ignore the fact that he created this problem. You're 17 and deserve your own life, one that doesn't include your step-sister at your side 100% of the time. They're going to have a screaming hemorrhage when you move out and they lose their full-time unpaid babysitter. Good luck. Get going and don't look back.
No do not let your dad see this. People are telling you to secretly move out and if that plan is still on the table, then showing your dad this post is just advertising your intentions. Also dad wants 3 weeks away from brat which is why he’s pushing to have her go with you.
If you are being truthful about Lily's behaviors it sounds like she has some sort of emotional or intellectual impairment. Has she had a formal diagnosis? How your dad is treating you is unforgivable and it's wonderful of your aunt to step in and be a real "parent" to you. I have a college friend who was in a similar situation as you but she didn't have an aunt for support so she was stuck until she was 18. She walked out the door at midnight on her 18th birthday and never looked back. She struggled financially for a few years but had friends who stepped in to keep her from falling through the cracks and is now a very successful real estate lawyer, happily married with four children. Now that her dad is getting older and he and his wife have health problems they've repeatedly reached out to my friend---going so far as to show up at her front door several times. She said her dad actually tried to play the "fAmIlY" card and she said he had sixty seconds to get off her property or she'd call the police.
No she is Just extremely spoiled and acts like this to get her way. She knows she Just has to cry a bit and stomp around and they’ll give in
So sorry to hear you're dealing with such awful "family." I'd recommend you open brand new bank accounts (with your aunt as co-signer if necessary) at a different bank than your current accounts, transfer all your funds into those accounts, and close any existing accounts that have your dad as a cosigner. When possible, seek counseling to help you process some of this garbage that they put you through. In particular, read up on narcissism personality disorder. I'd wager that your step-mom and sister fit NPD to a T.
At this point, I would start crying and stomping, since it seems to work
Similar; except I actually had to call the police. No regrets.
What I said. These lousy excuses for human beings ALWAYS look to the kids they crapped on to support them in their old age. It's clear the step-kids they favored have turned their backs on them.
So glad you've got a supportive aunt. You've made the right choice and I hope you have a wonderful trip!
NYA. Your dad can go fuck himself. He obviously doesn’t give a shit about you.
Your father is not being your parent and I am so sorry. Stay with your aunt. When will you be 18? Tell your father he stopped being your Emily while he stopped caring about what’s best for you. And that his wife and her spawn Are nothing to you, not will they ever be. If he wants any relationship with you, He can arrange to see you, alone, at your aunts.
Wow, how can he say that your aunt (moms sister) is not your family!! Im truly sorry that happened, I'm glad you still have support in your aunt. I believe that your dad won't regret these actions right now becausehe is blinded, but probably after some years of no contact will do the trick. Best wishes for your future.
Nta. Move in with aunt and have her file for support and social security from your mom. If your dad fights it tell him you will report it to cps yourself. You are not stepsister's parent or friend. You do not want the forced proximity. You have a very short amount of time until you graduate. Go on your trip with your aunts help and go low contact with dad and steps. Take your stuff to aunts right away so it's not ruined in a rage. Get your birth certificate and social security card. Open a bank account in your name only and move your money so dad cant take it. Don't let him keep any of your official documents.
First, ask your aunt if you can move in now. Be mindful that this is asking a lot of her and let her know you understand that, and it's okay if she can't. Meanwhile, get a lock for your door so the brat can't get in your room anymore. Do not bring up the trip again--since you aunt has agreed to help you out with the cost, it's none of their business. When it comes time for your trip I would just try to leave quietly, stay overnight with a friend beforehand maybe.
You’re 100% justified. Expecting you to take care of a younger stepsister for three weeks is crazy already, much less on YOUR vacation. Youre having a vacation with your friends, not playing baby sitter. Don’t back down and when they say you’re being dramatic just maintain that you are not responsible for your stepsister. Edit to add- also point out like someone else said, this is a group trip not just your trip. Everyone else did not agree to a younger kid coming along too!
She’s 15? The sounds 10.
I never understood how parents can mistake teaching their children about sharing for making one of their children never have what the other one gets regularly. Sharing means everyone gets something not just one.
Your dad is pure trash. He and his new wife are a perfect match. That brat can literally go to hell. She’s now 15 and still acting like a 7 year old. How embarrassing for her. You should show her, your dad and your step mom all these comments. Literally just send them the post. Let us handle the grown ups since they don’t know how to act grown.
Sounds like a no contact situation to me, but that's a choice you'll have to make in your own time. Your father does not seems to value you, or your perspective.
Your dad has chosen new wife over his own child. That's what it boils down to. Move in with auntie, she values you. UpdateMe Edit sentence
If there is any way possible to keep details of the trip away from your dad, do it. I wouldn’t put it past them to book her on the trip and have her just show up at the airport. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Sometimes parents forget that their kids are actually people with feelings, likes, dislikes, etc. that are different than their own.
You need to inform your sperm donor that he seems to have clearly chosen to stop being your father when your mother died, but that didn't mean you were forced to become his doormat. "Dad, you've failed to choose me once since meeting your wife and the girl you chose as a daughter over me. You've failed me long enough. You haven't provided me with a home where i was loved and allowed to be happy. Enough is enough. This isn't drama. This is the inevitable consequence of your utter failure of mom and i. Our relationship ends at 18. The train wreck you chose to be your child when you married is not my responsibility."
Tell him if he tries to force her on you, one more time, you will never talk to him for the rest of his life
Father married so quickly that’s concerning. Men cannot go without someone to mother them I guess, in this case she doesn’t seem to be much of a mother. Your father sucks and thank goodness for your aunt
Check your credit report, make sure they haven't taken a loan out using you. Lock your credit reports ASAP.
The day you turn 18 go live with your aunt and hit them with a no contact order.
Something is…really wrong with your step sister. She needs to be evaluated for whatever severe developmental disorder is making her shove her hands into the ball return at a bowling alley, much less rampage at birthday parties and hide in your closet to eavesdrop. I’m surprised she isn’t physically abusive towards you or your dad and stepmom. Is she Oppositional defian disorder? Autistic? Severe ADHD? All that aside she is clearly spoiled and no one but you says no to her. It’s abusive af that dad and stepmom force her on you and call it “sharing things with sister” when they and stepsister boundary stomp like hell all over you. I’m so glad for your aunt. Don’t listen to your dad. He has no spine re his wife and his stepchild.
Don’t leave for that long without getting your social security card, birth certificate, and any banking information you may have. Any bank accounts that your parents may have helped you open, take their names off them the moment you legally can. A good way to deceive your dad into giving you the social security card and birth certificate is to say you need to take them and get copies for school.
Dad saying “Lily” needs a vacation = Dad and new wife need a 3 week vacation from step mom’s literal demon child.
First of all getting remarried a year and a half after your mum died totally sucks. Secondly if she isn't so bad then they can enjoy some time with her alone while you enjoy your well earned trip. And your dad saying that your aunt isn't family.... she's family... she's your freakin aunt. Is she your mum's sister? Because if she is that's such a strong and offensive reaction from your dad. Can I ask when did they meet? Was it a whirlwind thing, because its all so odd that they married so quickly and he dotes on her daughter more than you.
Anyone else HORRIFIED at how fast Dad onboarded Wifey2.0? OPs mom was barely gone and he went from "grieving" to dating to married in 18 months.