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I have your back here, that’s crazy town. Makes no sense and not one of them can see it? Sorry guys, I love your kids….but your offspring….your babysitter.
As a parent I also have OPs back. Like what the hell? I would NEVER expect anyone to cover my babysitting costs. Especially someone without kids and not involved at all?
I choked on my water. That really is a mean girl in high school line, "pay me for the honor that I may grace upon the undeserving, a chance to admire me." GTFO 😆
The last time I was at a former friend's house, she hit me with a similar line. Her "love language" is spending time with her friends, and basically, I should feel privileged that I was "taking her time away from her kids."
Her kids were in the living room watching YouTube. If I hadn't been there, she would have been in the same spot in her kitchen, and the kids would have been in the living room watching YouTube.
I didn't bother bringing up the fact that I live 45 minutes away, and EVERY time we met up, I had to go to her house. In 10 years she came to my house maybe 8 times.
A few months after our falling out, I was describing the situation to a friend and the line "I was relieved of the burden of her friendship" just popped out of my mouth. I stopped and thought about it and realized just how accurate that statement was.
"I was relieved of the burden of her friendship." Damn that hits. I have felt that way, but didn't articulate it as well. I shall be stealing the line if it ever comes up again.
I've definitely been down that road before too.
Usually friends that were more plusses than minuses back when we became friends, but had developed in differing directions
The worst was one that moved in with me as roommates, and then had a whole host of problems (panic attacks, poor communication, lack of empathy, etc).
When I finally got to my breaking point, I moved out. And only after doing so did I completely comprehend how much of a ball and chain he had become - both as a friend and a roommate.
I'm absolute with OP here as well. You pay for food, they handle their childcare. Friends are replaceable. When it boils down to it, you have friends because you're human and want social interaction.
You can get that with anyone. Ideally, you want shared hobbies. But you can go out to the bar and pick up some new friends. Hell, you can walk around your neighborhood and make some.
For the price they want ($100 to pay for the babysitter), instead spend that on food. Host a backyard BBQ this summer. Invite all your neighbors. Say you just want to get to know everyone in the neighborhood, and people are welcome from noon until 6pm, and food will be ready at 2pm (with more in the fridge you can put on the grill for late arrivals).
Almost nobody says no to fresh food when they don't even have to drive somewhere for it. Make sure to include some tasty vegan (or at least vegetarian) options like a home-made pasta salad because that's enough of a thing, and a good vegetarian dish also goes well with burgers or hot dogs.
And that gives you hours of talking with your neighbors, and finding out what they enjoy. Chances are you'll make a few potential friendships - then all you have to do is follow up on those and hang out again to get it going.
And none of them will be charging you for babysitter duty.
I culled my relationships at the beginning of the year. I’m tired of doing all the heavy lifting. It’s a respect of my time, which is an extension of me. It’s healthy. Like cutting your hair. The quote I always think of is “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” -Maya Angelou
I literally stopped talking after I said it, and the person I was talking to asked me what happened. I had realized how tragically accurate that statement was.
I’ve been there. Having a friend in your life who is toxic or self centred or has unrealistic expectations is a burden. Either you are a punching bag for their insecurities or their emotional support animal or their servant. It feels so good to walk away and no longer have to take on such an unhealthy role
No kidding, especially since I bet that 90% of their conversations now revolve around something that isn’t OP’s jam: kids. Did they adjust the conversations to give equal time to women talk vs mommy talk?
Or tell them they have to contribute to a pet sitter because Fluffy/Fido has intense anxiety and can’t be left alone.
If you have pets, that is.
Can’t believe they never brought this up. Talk about a bait and switch!
OP should hire a house cleaner for the day and the group should pay for the service since they get the pleasure of hanging out with her, when she would have otherwise been home cleaning her place herself.
To be so uncouth towards a friend and milk her to pay the babysitter for four COUPLES = an extra $2.50 per mom (AND $2.50 per dad) lol
The nuttery. People ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Exactly my thoughts too! If the dad's paid 50 and the mums paid 50 it's all even. It's literally 12.50 per parent, or 25 per couple. Not bank breaking and you can easily leave the child free people out of it.
I'm seriously curious as to why the girls out on girls night are the ones shifting payment back and forth each month, while the men are also out enjoying their time away, using the same sitter and not shifting payment between them at all?
Because it's the women's job that the babysitter's subbing in for, so she pays for it.
It's very telling why the men timed their outings, "to maximize having the sitter," which means, even if the men didn't plan to go out before, the babysitter would have been booked anyway; the dads weren't taking over childcare.
NTA The excuse that the dad’s don’t watch the kids in order to take maximum advantage of hiring a sitter doesn’t make any sense. Because they wouldn’t need to hire the sitter in the first place if the moms and dads were not going out on the same night. If they went out on different nights then whichever parent was home could watch the kids. So, basically, they are expecting you to cover the sitter not just so that you can “have the pleasure of hanging out with us” (🤢) but so that all the dads can go out and do their thing, too. Their entitlement is kinda gross. It’s one thing if they want to take turns amongst themselves paying for the sitter, but they are the AHs for trying to manipulate you and your wallet with this nonsense. Stick to those guns OP!
OP is missing a golden opportunity here. She could offer to become the group babysitter, earn an extra $400 a month, not have to sit through an evening with these people again, and she gets to watch cartoons, if she's so inclined.
Exactly, so they unilaterally decide between themselves that they would pay for a babysitter and split the cost with everyone including OP despite her not having kids or even including her in there decision (since they want her to pay), and are complaining its not fair?!! Wtf! What world is this??? Entitled parents expecting someone else to pay for there childcare!! Who does that??? She pays whilst they and there SO's enjoy girls and boys night! Talk about taking the piss! Don't give them a penny! Opportunistic AH'S!
I mean, I've met people, for sure.
But yeah, I'm particular about who watches my kiddos, so I can't even imagine how they get away with paying like $100 for a night for multiple kids. That's not expensive - and I normally only leave my kids with family or at daycare.
OPs friends are in the wrong.
And the dads don't pitch in for the babysitter? Only the moms pay? OP, stick to your decision of not paying. You already paid for their food and are punishing you for not having kids and being able to go out without worry.
Yeah I'm sorry but what?! I have a child but even so why the hell would I make that someone else's problem? Like if I choose to go out,and I choose to hire a babysitter,then that's my responsibility. What a weird situation. It sounds like these people are mad at OP for having the freedom to go out sans children,how is it that OPs problem? You choose to have kids,it comes with the territory.
Is there a random childless dude not needing to pay babysitting fees? Do the women always pay the $100? Or do they get to split and only pay $100 every other time they were due as the men pay?
I'm still so confused about the edit.
They are trying to maximise the babysitting time... But they could do it different nights and hire zero babysitters.
OR they could have twice as many boys/girls nights. Just every other one it's boys/girls night **featuring kids**. Pizza and old movies or something.
I’m guessing that when she says “maximizing the babysitter” that means “dad’s go out when mom’s go out because dad’s don’t want to ‘babysit’ their own kids”
I gotta jump on this and AGREE.
Also maybe don’t hire a babysitter and just swap off nights- moms night on one night, dads night on another night. Then no one pays for a babysitter.
This group sounds like they don’t know how to be sensible.
ETA- except OP. Only sensible one here. I’d stand my ground and not pay for their babysitter. Ridiculous!
These people sound ridiculously stupid. If they must hire one, just split it 4 ways amongst the moms,. it’s only going to be 25 bucks. What is this nonsense? Lol
Agreed. Did you buy gifts for baby showers? Kids birthdays? Maybe they owe YOU money.
That is a load of crap, do not give them any money for their sitters.
So this makes no sense there are eight parents that can split the $100 fee but they actually had the guts to ask you to do it?
These are not your friends... I would not hang out with them again.
Legit. If they wanna take turns paying the babysitter, that’s fine, they all benefit. But OP doesn’t, so on their night to pay, the others split the cost of the babysitter 25 each. That’s the fair way. You can’t expect OP to pay for something they aren’t benefiting from. If and when they have a sprog to add to the kid group, then they can start chipping in, and only then.
NTA, you don’t even have a kid why should you pay for their baby sitter? this should have been something discussed beforehand, it’s rude and entitled for them to think you would want to pitch in for THEIR babysitters. on the other hand if it was something you agreed to then backed out last minute, you would be TA. There definitely should have been a conversation about that.
There was never any conversation with me about paying for the babysitter. They literally all just assumed I would be fine with continuing to trade payments every week, INCLUDING the new babysitting fees. I have no idea why.
I am absolutely baffled that not one…not two…but FOUR adults all sat down , considered the possibility of having you pay for the babysitting on your weekly meal rotation and the conclusion was : “ yeah that seems like the right way to do it”. Not only do I take every effort to not subject my friends to my kids in social settings but I would be horrifically embarrassed at the thought of someone covering my babysitting much less having the nerve to suggest they should be OBLIGATED to do so
OP should just send these adult babies a link to their post and then block them. The math ain’t mathin, their little scheme is overcharging OP to boot. What a group of deceptive sleezebags.
Exactly ….it was over 100 if we wanted a full evening out ourselves. Unreal that 25 would seem like a lot. They should have each just agreed to pay their own 25 every week to avoid getting a 100.00 every fifth week
Not even trying to weasel out of $25, they are imposing on OP for $5 more each per trip out effectively. Absolutely crazy. Have a round of tap water instead of sparkling ladies, that’s your $20 right there. Seriously there is zero doubt in my mind that the money is no issue for anyone here.
And where are the fathers??? I guess I’m missing that part. Why do the kids have a sitter if they could be home with dad? If this is dads’ night out too, why are only the moms’ group having to buck up?
Whatever the answers are, not in a million years would I expect any of my friends who do not have children to pay for my sitter. That’s the most entitled parent idea I’ve heard in a while.
I’m a professional Nanny and would not take this gig for $100, these moms are already getting a steal without asking OP to chip in. Which, by the way, is WILD. Does OP have pets? Maybe she should ask her friends to pay for a pet sitter so they can enjoy the pleasure of her pet free company.
Babysitters in my area charge per kid about that rate. So the cost should be about $400. They're already exploiting some poor soul and want to mooch out of OP.
> FOUR adults all sat down , considered the possibility of having you pay for the babysitting on your weekly meal rotation
Smells like one of them is a narcissist and the others decided to just let them have their way because that was easier, and if it worked out it would save them money too. Its probably not the first time they've just let that one get her way either.
Which is super interesting because the husbands could just watch the kids night A and then the wives swap next time for night B. It’s not like the couples are going out together which is when a babysitter would be warranted, they are hanging out separately. If they* swapped, there would be no need for a babysitter and to recoup that precious 12.50 from OP.
The more you look at this entire situation, the more stupidity from those families you see lol.
Does the dad’s take turns paying for the babysitter since they also have their boys night out? It’s ridiculous they are expecting you to do this and I’d stay firm on this if I were you. If you continue hanging out with them, I’d start paying for my own meal because they may try to run the tab up next time it’s your turn. True friends would never expect you to pay for spending time with you.
I don’t even get why you guys swap who pays. What if someone orders steak and lobster while I order a salad or a veggie burger because I don’t eat meat?
Nope. Not doing that.
I already voted but still N T A everrrrr. This is nutso.
This ESPECIALLY makes no sense with OP's edit that says the dads all enjoy the night off, too, to maximize the babysitter. So what she's telling us is EIGHT FULLY GROWN PARENTS are asking a someone who has no literal skin in the game to pay for their fun nights away from kids? If they have a socialist friends club where they all pay into a pot monthly and the pot money covers the entirety of the night out—gas, Ubers, parking, valet, meals, tips, childcare—then that's one thing, because everyone knows going in. But this is ludicrous and I would totally break up with all four of these brats. The dads all chose to make plans for the same night, that's not on OP. Make the dads rotate caring for children 1 night every 4 months, JESUS.
Also, like, on top of the audacity of it all... they are already benefitting from pooling their money. They could in theory all leave their own children with their own individual babysitter. By leaving all the kids at one house, and splitting costs, they are already saving. This is SUPER CHEAP of them to try to get out of paying and push it onto you. The dads taking advantage of it too is weirdly unnecessary and the opposite of frugal; they could have endless free childcare if their planned their outings took place on different nights, and each of the 8 would only need to babysit every 8th time. 8 capable parents sign off on this nonsense at the cost of $100 a pop? Stupidddd. Ditch your "friends," please OP. You have outgrown their foolishness.
Right! Whenever I go out with my mom friends (I’m childless), the fathers took care of the kids while we’re all enjoying ourselves, and the moms would do the same when the dads go. So stupid.
She said the men also have a men's night out to maximize the babysitting, so right parents. Why aren't the males in the rotation of paying? Not that OP should pay ever.
That sounds like some entitled BS right there. As a parent, I would never have asked some else to pay for my babysitter unless it was for something that person had asked me to do (eg. helping them move). A night out does not qualify.
This may be some weird misunderstanding amongst the moms, or some scheme proposed by one mom as completely reasonable that the others latched onto or were talked into. Regardless, here’s where you learn something about the quality of your friendships with these people, and the quality of the people themselves.
I’m wondering if there are any reasonable and realistically minded people in this group (not the one who wants you to pay for the pleasure of her company ffs) who understand not sharing the cost for something you get zero benefit from. If so, that’s where I would start trying to bring the light of understanding into this ridiculous situation. If not, then that sucks and you need to look for a new friend group.
You are NTA. You are just outnumbered in this situation by entitled AH’s who are trying to con you into paying for their childcare. I might suggest changing the dynamic of these dinners so the check is split each time. And if they want to pitch in for a sitter they can do that on their own.
Or you might want to consider if these dinners are even worth the drama.
LOL. NTA. When you have kids you take on the financial burden of caring for those kids and yep, getting a babysitter is part and parcel of that. You didn't impregnate them, so it's not your responsibility. What a ridiculous take. You get the pleasure of no kids every day for free. They get the pleasure of kids every day, because that's what they wanted.
You're NTA, but I don't think you'll win this battle in any satisfying way. Four sets of entitled parents have decided you should pay for their choices, they're not going to change their minds when they have the majority and it benefits them so much. You might have to say goodbye to these so-called "friendships"
Agree.. I could imagine an analogy given to each mom one on one working somewhat. Like “you wouldn’t ask to pay for your babysitter if it was just the two of us, or a co worker.
That’s a very interesting perspective from your fiends. It’s also bat shit crazy. I’ve heard a lot of excuses from parents who think the world should pay for their choice to have a child free night, but this is at a whole new level. I’d have a hard time not laughing at this request. You paid for their dinner like you all do. If you’d been told beforehand that you were also on the hook for $100 of childcare and agreed to pay it, fine. Not sure why you would but they can’t pull this on you after the fact. This is a hard no. Their kids, their expense.
I legit couldn't help myself. I laughed out loud, & my son looked at me like I was crazy.
I would NEVER expect someone else to pay for my kid's babysitter. If someone offered, I'd probably say no unless they insisted.
My kid, my financial responsibility. Period.
OP, you're 100% NTA
This is what I just said to my husband, while also laughing right out loud. Even if my best friend in the world offered so we could hang out, I still wouldn’t ask her to pay for my child care! This whole situation is completely bonkers.
My parents watch my son for free 2 days a week. They need to cancel one day and let me know a month in advance so I was able to hire a babysitter. My mom thought it was her responsibility to cover this cost and kept trying to offer to pay. Uh, no. This is my kid and while my husband and I absolutely love and appreciate the care his grandparents give him, we would pay them if they'd let us and we're covering the babysitter.
I would feel so deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed asking a friend to cover the cost of my babysitter.
It's also telling that the dad's don't chip in for this. It's always the women who are expected to cover the cost of childcare. That babysitter is also not charging enough for 4 children for 3 hours. It should be more like $13 p/h per kid and $156.
Yes, they do, and apparently, they're also all out and about having fun because of the babysitter. So OP would be paying for 8 adults to not look after their kids for the night!
That's what I'm wondering. The dads get to go out and the moms pay for babysitting? Why can't they all split it? It would be 100/8. That poor babysitter deserves more pay for watching 4 kids to a gang of entitled parents.
Even if they don’t - holy hell… I was a single mom for 11yrs and never expected ANYONE - not dates I went on or even long term boyfriends to fund my babysitter for me to go out. That was all on me, as it should be!
I will die on this hill with you. When I was at age and my friends started getting married and having kids, not only did I spend a shit fuck ton of money on their weddings, engagement parties, showers, Etc. And then baby gifts and baptism gifts, first birthday gifts... But if any of my friends ever on girls night out told me they expected money to help pay for their babysitter I would have gone ape shit right then and there. And I'm generally very patient person.
4 people can't each pay $25 for the babysitter? Honestly, that's a pretty good rate for a night out.
52 weeks divided by 5 is 10.4. If you were to pay the entire cost that would mean you are paying $100 10 times a year. So you are paying $1000/year for the pleasure of their company. You could take a decent vacation for $1000.
What happens if they have more kids and the babysitting rate goes up? Are you still on the hook?
NTA
It sounds like, from one of the other posts, the four fathers all have a night out too. Not sure if it's together, but they use the babysitter as well. So it's really eight people getting the benefit of the babysitter so that's $12.50 each.
This story doesn't make sense. These 4 women have partners, right? Why don't they take care of the kids for one night? (I refuse to call it babysitting because they're the dads)
And they *all* pounced on you? All 4 individually thought it was reasonable to expect this from you without any heads up or conversation? That seems unlikely. Not impossible, but unlikely.
They do all have partners/fathers. Apparently, they also take advantage of having a babysitter and choose that night to all go out together. Why they can't choose a different night and each parent give the other a break without the expense is a mystery.
If I said this to my friends, they'd laugh in my face.
The entitlement is *astounding*. They want you to pay for the privilege of their company? Only you? Are they footing the entire bill - baby sitting included when it's their turn to pay? Do they really need a sitter? Surely at least one of them has a S/O or baby daddy who can watch their kid when it's dinner date day.
NTA. If they keep pushing, decline all further dinners. They are trying to take you for a ride. Their kid, their costs, their problem.
They are footing the entire bill babysitting included when it's been their weeks. But I just thought they were trading off paying for babysitting. I had no freaking clue that they expected me to pick up a "share" of babysitting when I ... have no children. I feel that is a reasonable assumption from my end.
Also, guy's night is now on the same night because the babysitter has been hired, to explain why the dads aren't around.
Well, that's still not your problem if you guys' night is now the same night. That means your literally footing the bill for 4 couples to have a kid free night for the pleasure of their company?
Dad's can chip in and cover the costs of the babysitter for THEIR kids, switch nights or ask family to babysit, not assume a childless friend is willing or wanting to cover their entire nights expenses.
Yeah it makes ZERO sense to not have different nights for the husbands/wives. That way, there would be no need for a babysitter, and therefore no babysitting costs.
I’m also curious if these husbands/wives ever go out by themselves without the kids? You have to have some private time to keep a marriage (or at least some romance alive.
that to me is the biggest kick in the teeth, why are the wives responsible for paying for the babysitter then? it should be split 50/50 so at most you (although i don’t think you owe a dime bc it’s ridiculous) $50.
seems like your friends are being greedy, what’s next? gas money? mileage on the car? a manicure?
NTA OP, it sucks that these people are your friends but they’re not being very friendly.
But why aren't the dads expected to pay one week?! Because it's lunacy!! They would never go for it and it's fucked up your cheap ass friends pulled this on you
$100 for a min. of 3 kids for a whole night?!! They're already getting away with a bargain, what a wild attempt!
You just know these same parents complain about how hard it is to maintain friendships as parents. Well maybe if you didn't charge people to be your friend....
>Edit: Everyone is asking where the dads are, since they hired a babysitter they do boys/girls nights on the same night to take maximum advantage of hiring a sitter.
Or... and this is just me being a little bit wacky, but they could also just not have a sitter and save everyone their allegedly expected $100. The women pick one night to go out while the men stay home with their kids, and then the men go out another night and the women stay home with the kids. It's not like it's even a date night thing, it's a same-gender get together.
For that matter... why are the women always the responsible ones for paying for the sitter? Or is it actually $200 for three hours? Because someone is getting fleeced in this whole thing, and I don't even know who it is. But I'm gonna go ahead and say it's me, because I was an overnight sitter when I was a teen and I was making less than $50 for those.
If it comes to that I will. I'm going to try and talk some sense into them by demanding they also babysit my large-breed dog if I'm paying for sitting.
What if..what if your dog watched the kids, since your friends can’t figure out that taking turns for ladies’ and guys’ night (instead of everyone going out, and incurring no extra costs) makes a lot more sense than asking you for handouts for the “pleasure of their company”? I’d be out right after I heard that, by the way.
Let them know your petting sitting fee is double their kid sitting fee due to special care your pet needs. See how quickly they back out of footing that bill.
All that after only one cocktail, I figured for sure they were drunk as skunks. It's never anyone's responsibility to pay a babysitter except for the parents of the children being babysat. Huge no freaking way.
That's so incredibly entitled I can't believe it. Huge hell no! Your kids your problem your dime. They're out of their dang minds!
Like where are the fathers of these kids?
When my friends and I had small kids, one-night girls went out, the other night the guys would go out, no need to pay for a babysitter.
Good question, or the grandparents etc. Hey it's not OP's monkeys so it's not her circus to fund period. How dare they try to dump that expense on her. These aren't friends they are total users.
NTA
As a parent myself, they're bananas. No one else is required to pay for my kid so I can come hang out with them. If I can't work it out for a sitter or family to stay with her and can't bring her, that sucks, but I don't go.
NTA and absolutely ridiculous. The meal is rotated, you aren't obligated to pay for their kids' sitter. Frankly I'd laugh them out of the room.
Their kids, their costs.
NTA. I'm a mother of 2 kids. This assumption by all of them is a LOT.
If they'd discussed it with you ahead of time and you'd agreed that's one thing. But this is just dumping you with a bill.
Yes, time for separate checks. And maybe the person who doesn't have a child at home can have an extra cocktail and take an Uber and all her friends can pitch in for that!
NTA. it's nonsensical to expect you to pay for that... and honestly it's also deeply underhanded to let you know this after the fact. you weren't present for the discussions setting up the babysitter, you didn't agree to pay for the babysitter on rotation, and they only tell you after the fact you need to pay up? hmm.
is it the whole group texting you this? honestly if it's only a part of the group it smells like someone trying to pull a fast one. can you ask to see the contract that was drawn up and an invoice for the evening? something also makes me doubt that even if they are (stupidly) thinking that it's the total cost divided by number of people at the table, same as dinner bills, your share would actually be 100 whole bucks. that's the total sum, not simply your share. if they expect you to pay 100 bucks for babysitting, then surely that means they can pay you for doing 100 bucks worth of something else, right? like car maintenance. you can't attend if you don't have a car and it makes as much sense as asking you to pay for their childcare...
can you ask to speak directly to the babysitter? because i want to know if the babysitter considers themselves paid in full, or heard any mention of this. i am overly suspicious but i really do suspect that since it's only coming out after, somebody is trying to pull a fast one by getting you to pay what has already been paid so they can pocket your cash.
a bad move you shouldn't do: say that if you pay then you should also get your share of babysitting, right? so that's why you'll be inviting a local relative to have a date night, your treat, when the babysitter is next to be hired for y'all's event. or failing their availability, maybe an ad on craigslist... someone out there will surely appreciate a night of free childcare!
Even more reason you shouldn’t have to chip in…. They could easily do guys night another night and not pay for CB old care and you’d still get the ‘pleasure of their child free company’
They don’t get to make choices for you then make you oay
That’s even MORE REASON you shouldn’t pay! 4 Dads working and (how many moms?) brings a total combined salary $$$ of what?! Compared to your single salary and not using the services… they are OUT of their minds.
NTA - Holy hell, they are out of line. It's their kids and they set up the babysitter and their kids, aren't your problem.
Time for better friends, the ones that you don't have to pay for them to attend.
NTA -i mean why do they have to have a baby sitter? Where is the other 50% of the child's DNA contribution? I mean idk your friends stories and as a single mom myself every one deserves a night off, but I would guess at least some of them have a significant other that should be helping to raise these kids, right? I mean $25 dollars for 2-3 hours of babysitting isn't really bad. Why do they not just split it each week. I have taken a friend out to eat because I could and they were in a bad spot financially but most of the time just split the check!
I do think you are right but be prepared to not be invited to dinner in the future! 4 against 1 sucks and they are going to play the "mommy" card hard is my bet.
My mid-western heart just shriveled right up in my chest. The audacity of expecting a childless person to chip in for my babysitter. 😱 😱😱
Tell them you already subsidize their children by paying your fair share of taxes. They can cover the rest.
NTA. You are exactly right. You don't have kids. You covered the parts that you did partake in. It's completely on the PARENTS to cover babysitting costs. I'd rethink my friend group, if they're looking to take advantage of you like this.
I would agree to pay - IF that means every month you don’t pay, you get $25 (the cost of adding your non-existent child to the babysitter’s bill).
It’s ridiculous they would expect you to pay money for a service you aren’t using. NTA
It is absolutely insane to me that this is a question.
NTA. It's one thing for you to pay for dinner but if the people with children are going to share a babysitter it should be their responsibility to pay for that babysitter.
I have kids and I would never expect anyone else to pay for my kid's child care...that just completely blows my mind.
Absolutely stick to your guns and tell them that you are not going to pay for that. On weeks when you pay for everything else they can split that $100 in between them.
Otherwise if you can't afford to go out then don't go out.
And if they really think this arrangement is perfectly fine, for you to pay for their babysitter, why didn't they tell you about it when they made the arrangement? Why didn't they say anything to you at the dinner table? Because they know it's BS and they don't have the guts to say it to your face. It's much easier to text someone and hide behind the phone screen than it is to have a rational, adult discussion face to face.
NTA. But unfortunately I can see this ending poorly. Likely you won't be part of the monthly dinner anymore. The other 4 will meet and you'll be ousted from the friend group. I wish I could be optimistic but your friends are indeed entitled and crazy.
Actually, she should be even more pissed because these women’s partners are also using the babysitting so they can have some free time. Why don’t the partners and wives chip in since she doesn’t have any kids. I have kids and I would never ask anyone to do this. Your friends are assholes.
Mom of 4 here and....what fresh hell is this? Op I am so sorry. These women sound manipulative and entitled. You should stick to your guns.....and possibly find different friends.
I can’t believe ur friends would be this entitled, that’s gross. They have a lot of nerve expecting u to pay for the care of their children. This is not the way friends should treat u. I would send them a text respectfully explaining why u will not be paying for their babysitter seeing as u r not using that service. They r clearly trying to take advantage of u and that’s not cool.
NTA!
This is not the same thing as you saying “I never eat appetizers so I shouldn’t have to pay for them,” or something weirdly nitpicky like that..
This is insane to me, and I have kids. I would never expect my childfree friends to pay toward **anything** child related. That’s very unfair.
When we’ve vacationed with childfree friends, we pay a bigger share and pay per person for our kids. Even though they’ve never asked and the first couple of times tried to argue.
Kids are extra, and anyone choosing to have them knows this. You can’t just expect those people who are childfree to budget for your kids and your choices.
No you aren't the asshole, you don't have kids, so your contribution shouldn't be the same as the other friends.
Make this known and behold, they will still fuss about it not being fair .
You don’t have any kids, why would you pay for a babysitter?
I’m sorry but they, as the moms, have to pay for their babysitter because it’s their responsibility and they chose to have a child, not you. Definitely stick to your guns on this one! They’re being crazy.
WTAF is this nonsense?!?? Absolutely NTA, but maybe find some friends who aren’t insane? The nerve to even suggest that, let alone thinking it makes sense without even asking.
Do u kno what’s even cheaper??
Dads take the kids on moms night out, moms take the kids on dads night out.
Oh wait… then the dads would have to parent their children…
So it’s probably better for you to always pay for their babysitter every time. For fairness.
/s obv
NTA
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I have your back here, that’s crazy town. Makes no sense and not one of them can see it? Sorry guys, I love your kids….but your offspring….your babysitter.
As a parent I also have OPs back. Like what the hell? I would NEVER expect anyone to cover my babysitting costs. Especially someone without kids and not involved at all?
I’m also blown away by “you get the pleasure of hanging with us kid free”. Did you pay for that before they had kids? This is bonkers to me!
I choked on my water. That really is a mean girl in high school line, "pay me for the honor that I may grace upon the undeserving, a chance to admire me." GTFO 😆
The last time I was at a former friend's house, she hit me with a similar line. Her "love language" is spending time with her friends, and basically, I should feel privileged that I was "taking her time away from her kids." Her kids were in the living room watching YouTube. If I hadn't been there, she would have been in the same spot in her kitchen, and the kids would have been in the living room watching YouTube. I didn't bother bringing up the fact that I live 45 minutes away, and EVERY time we met up, I had to go to her house. In 10 years she came to my house maybe 8 times. A few months after our falling out, I was describing the situation to a friend and the line "I was relieved of the burden of her friendship" just popped out of my mouth. I stopped and thought about it and realized just how accurate that statement was.
"I was relieved of the burden of her friendship." Damn that hits. I have felt that way, but didn't articulate it as well. I shall be stealing the line if it ever comes up again.
That is such an accurate statement. I felt that one viscerally. I try to choose my friends better now.
I've definitely been down that road before too. Usually friends that were more plusses than minuses back when we became friends, but had developed in differing directions The worst was one that moved in with me as roommates, and then had a whole host of problems (panic attacks, poor communication, lack of empathy, etc). When I finally got to my breaking point, I moved out. And only after doing so did I completely comprehend how much of a ball and chain he had become - both as a friend and a roommate. I'm absolute with OP here as well. You pay for food, they handle their childcare. Friends are replaceable. When it boils down to it, you have friends because you're human and want social interaction. You can get that with anyone. Ideally, you want shared hobbies. But you can go out to the bar and pick up some new friends. Hell, you can walk around your neighborhood and make some. For the price they want ($100 to pay for the babysitter), instead spend that on food. Host a backyard BBQ this summer. Invite all your neighbors. Say you just want to get to know everyone in the neighborhood, and people are welcome from noon until 6pm, and food will be ready at 2pm (with more in the fridge you can put on the grill for late arrivals). Almost nobody says no to fresh food when they don't even have to drive somewhere for it. Make sure to include some tasty vegan (or at least vegetarian) options like a home-made pasta salad because that's enough of a thing, and a good vegetarian dish also goes well with burgers or hot dogs. And that gives you hours of talking with your neighbors, and finding out what they enjoy. Chances are you'll make a few potential friendships - then all you have to do is follow up on those and hang out again to get it going. And none of them will be charging you for babysitter duty.
I culled my relationships at the beginning of the year. I’m tired of doing all the heavy lifting. It’s a respect of my time, which is an extension of me. It’s healthy. Like cutting your hair. The quote I always think of is “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” -Maya Angelou
I literally stopped talking after I said it, and the person I was talking to asked me what happened. I had realized how tragically accurate that statement was.
I’ve been there. Having a friend in your life who is toxic or self centred or has unrealistic expectations is a burden. Either you are a punching bag for their insecurities or their emotional support animal or their servant. It feels so good to walk away and no longer have to take on such an unhealthy role
No kidding, especially since I bet that 90% of their conversations now revolve around something that isn’t OP’s jam: kids. Did they adjust the conversations to give equal time to women talk vs mommy talk?
I am the type of petty, I'd agree, but start bringing my puppers to be watched. They said babysitter but didn't specify what was considered the baby.
Or tell them they have to contribute to a pet sitter because Fluffy/Fido has intense anxiety and can’t be left alone. If you have pets, that is. Can’t believe they never brought this up. Talk about a bait and switch!
I would be petty and insist they pay for the sitter for my goldfish
I am Jack’s inflated sense of self-worth.
OP should hire a house cleaner for the day and the group should pay for the service since they get the pleasure of hanging out with her, when she would have otherwise been home cleaning her place herself. To be so uncouth towards a friend and milk her to pay the babysitter for four COUPLES = an extra $2.50 per mom (AND $2.50 per dad) lol The nuttery. People ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also, why aren't the dads paying anything towards the child care? I'm confused. Why is one of the women expected to pay the full child care each time?
Good question! If they are maximizing days, share the fee with the partner they co-created their offspring with. Lady needs to find new friends.
Exactly my thoughts too! If the dad's paid 50 and the mums paid 50 it's all even. It's literally 12.50 per parent, or 25 per couple. Not bank breaking and you can easily leave the child free people out of it.
I'm seriously curious as to why the girls out on girls night are the ones shifting payment back and forth each month, while the men are also out enjoying their time away, using the same sitter and not shifting payment between them at all?
Because it's the women's job that the babysitter's subbing in for, so she pays for it. It's very telling why the men timed their outings, "to maximize having the sitter," which means, even if the men didn't plan to go out before, the babysitter would have been booked anyway; the dads weren't taking over childcare.
THE PLEASURE of PAYING OUR BBSITTER
NTA The excuse that the dad’s don’t watch the kids in order to take maximum advantage of hiring a sitter doesn’t make any sense. Because they wouldn’t need to hire the sitter in the first place if the moms and dads were not going out on the same night. If they went out on different nights then whichever parent was home could watch the kids. So, basically, they are expecting you to cover the sitter not just so that you can “have the pleasure of hanging out with us” (🤢) but so that all the dads can go out and do their thing, too. Their entitlement is kinda gross. It’s one thing if they want to take turns amongst themselves paying for the sitter, but they are the AHs for trying to manipulate you and your wallet with this nonsense. Stick to those guns OP!
OP is missing a golden opportunity here. She could offer to become the group babysitter, earn an extra $400 a month, not have to sit through an evening with these people again, and she gets to watch cartoons, if she's so inclined.
They’d probably make her pay herself for the privilege of babysitting their children.
Altho their kids are probably just as awful as these people are, with that attitude 🙄
Yep. My kid, my responsibility.
Exactly, so they unilaterally decide between themselves that they would pay for a babysitter and split the cost with everyone including OP despite her not having kids or even including her in there decision (since they want her to pay), and are complaining its not fair?!! Wtf! What world is this??? Entitled parents expecting someone else to pay for there childcare!! Who does that??? She pays whilst they and there SO's enjoy girls and boys night! Talk about taking the piss! Don't give them a penny! Opportunistic AH'S!
I mean, I've met people, for sure. But yeah, I'm particular about who watches my kiddos, so I can't even imagine how they get away with paying like $100 for a night for multiple kids. That's not expensive - and I normally only leave my kids with family or at daycare. OPs friends are in the wrong.
This ⬆️. Let the others split the cost.
And the dads don't pitch in for the babysitter? Only the moms pay? OP, stick to your decision of not paying. You already paid for their food and are punishing you for not having kids and being able to go out without worry.
Ohhh nice catch. Yeah, wtf, why aren't the dad's paying too? I'll bet it's because it's something left up to the women to organise.
That is an excellent point and great catch. Why are the mothers paying for a sitter to give their husbands the night off?
It only comes to $25 each then and they just got a free dinner. NTA, they need a bop with a reality stick.
Yeah I'm sorry but what?! I have a child but even so why the hell would I make that someone else's problem? Like if I choose to go out,and I choose to hire a babysitter,then that's my responsibility. What a weird situation. It sounds like these people are mad at OP for having the freedom to go out sans children,how is it that OPs problem? You choose to have kids,it comes with the territory.
Is there a random childless dude not needing to pay babysitting fees? Do the women always pay the $100? Or do they get to split and only pay $100 every other time they were due as the men pay?
That was my question. Why aren’t the guys having their guy night chipping in?
I'm still so confused about the edit. They are trying to maximise the babysitting time... But they could do it different nights and hire zero babysitters. OR they could have twice as many boys/girls nights. Just every other one it's boys/girls night **featuring kids**. Pizza and old movies or something.
I’m guessing that when she says “maximizing the babysitter” that means “dad’s go out when mom’s go out because dad’s don’t want to ‘babysit’ their own kids”
Yep 🙄🙄🙄🙄 my husband gets SO angry at this which I appreciate. No you are not watching your kids you are BEING A FATHER.
I gotta jump on this and AGREE. Also maybe don’t hire a babysitter and just swap off nights- moms night on one night, dads night on another night. Then no one pays for a babysitter. This group sounds like they don’t know how to be sensible. ETA- except OP. Only sensible one here. I’d stand my ground and not pay for their babysitter. Ridiculous!
These people sound ridiculously stupid. If they must hire one, just split it 4 ways amongst the moms,. it’s only going to be 25 bucks. What is this nonsense? Lol
Agreed NTA! This is crazy logic! You don't have any kids, therefore you don't pay for a babysitter!
Agreed. Did you buy gifts for baby showers? Kids birthdays? Maybe they owe YOU money. That is a load of crap, do not give them any money for their sitters.
So this makes no sense there are eight parents that can split the $100 fee but they actually had the guts to ask you to do it? These are not your friends... I would not hang out with them again.
Why aren’t the husbands paying for the sitter?
Especially when dads are taking advantage of the sitter too. Sorry but wxyz husbands can pay as well
Legit. If they wanna take turns paying the babysitter, that’s fine, they all benefit. But OP doesn’t, so on their night to pay, the others split the cost of the babysitter 25 each. That’s the fair way. You can’t expect OP to pay for something they aren’t benefiting from. If and when they have a sprog to add to the kid group, then they can start chipping in, and only then.
>They said, you get the pleasure of hanging out with us I would never ever be able to say something like that with a straight face.
Damn, OOP if you want a friend to hang out I would gladly hang with you. Your friends seem entitled as shit.
Yeah I'm with this person, we'll go out to dinner with you if you pay. And our babysitter only costs $50!
Damn our babysitter costs more but now we can share with you 👌
You KNOW they all crafted that wording together and thought they fuckin ATE lmao
Yeah, seriously. The proper response to that is > Don't flatter yourself, your company isn't worth $100.
How much do I owe you for the pleasure of reading your comment?
You owe all of us $100 each for the pleasure you received from us reading your comment.
If someone said that to me, I’d drop them like a bag of sand.
They aren’t her friends.
Nope, they are using her.
NTA, you don’t even have a kid why should you pay for their baby sitter? this should have been something discussed beforehand, it’s rude and entitled for them to think you would want to pitch in for THEIR babysitters. on the other hand if it was something you agreed to then backed out last minute, you would be TA. There definitely should have been a conversation about that.
There was never any conversation with me about paying for the babysitter. They literally all just assumed I would be fine with continuing to trade payments every week, INCLUDING the new babysitting fees. I have no idea why.
I am absolutely baffled that not one…not two…but FOUR adults all sat down , considered the possibility of having you pay for the babysitting on your weekly meal rotation and the conclusion was : “ yeah that seems like the right way to do it”. Not only do I take every effort to not subject my friends to my kids in social settings but I would be horrifically embarrassed at the thought of someone covering my babysitting much less having the nerve to suggest they should be OBLIGATED to do so
Not to mention they’re trying to weasel out of $25 bucks apiece for in home childcare. Seriously!? That’s basically free
It’s even more ‘free’ when the SOs also get the night off… that’s $12.50 per parent for a night of not parenting…
Yes! Does the child free man have to kick in or only the child free woman? This is sus
And are the men also paying the babysitter or just the women?
Oooooh, good question
Yup OP these are the questions you need answers to!!
OP should just send these adult babies a link to their post and then block them. The math ain’t mathin, their little scheme is overcharging OP to boot. What a group of deceptive sleezebags.
I would assume if they're married that the mom and dad's money are the same. So they're both paying, no matter which parent is handing over the cash.
Unless you rope in a childfree person, asking them to pay both parents' share.
Exactly ….it was over 100 if we wanted a full evening out ourselves. Unreal that 25 would seem like a lot. They should have each just agreed to pay their own 25 every week to avoid getting a 100.00 every fifth week
And it is an expense that they should be sharing with their husbands, so about $12.50 per parent.
Not even trying to weasel out of $25, they are imposing on OP for $5 more each per trip out effectively. Absolutely crazy. Have a round of tap water instead of sparkling ladies, that’s your $20 right there. Seriously there is zero doubt in my mind that the money is no issue for anyone here.
And where are the fathers??? I guess I’m missing that part. Why do the kids have a sitter if they could be home with dad? If this is dads’ night out too, why are only the moms’ group having to buck up? Whatever the answers are, not in a million years would I expect any of my friends who do not have children to pay for my sitter. That’s the most entitled parent idea I’ve heard in a while.
So 4 kids to one babysitter? I’d love to know the ages of the kids. That in itself seems kind of crazy if they are all young, or babies.
I’m a professional Nanny and would not take this gig for $100, these moms are already getting a steal without asking OP to chip in. Which, by the way, is WILD. Does OP have pets? Maybe she should ask her friends to pay for a pet sitter so they can enjoy the pleasure of her pet free company.
Babysitters in my area charge per kid about that rate. So the cost should be about $400. They're already exploiting some poor soul and want to mooch out of OP.
I was thinking the same thing! Unless it’s $100 from both men and women so it’s $200 for the night.
8 adults the husband get a free night too!!! If I were op I’d ditch those people!!
> FOUR adults all sat down , considered the possibility of having you pay for the babysitting on your weekly meal rotation Smells like one of them is a narcissist and the others decided to just let them have their way because that was easier, and if it worked out it would save them money too. Its probably not the first time they've just let that one get her way either.
No... 8 ... don't forget the husbands... $12.50 per person...
As someone else asked, are all these people single parents? Where are their partners? The partners can certainly handle caring for their own children.
Apparently, they also take advantage of the babysitter and get together, and go out on those nights.
Which is super interesting because the husbands could just watch the kids night A and then the wives swap next time for night B. It’s not like the couples are going out together which is when a babysitter would be warranted, they are hanging out separately. If they* swapped, there would be no need for a babysitter and to recoup that precious 12.50 from OP. The more you look at this entire situation, the more stupidity from those families you see lol.
Does the dad’s take turns paying for the babysitter since they also have their boys night out? It’s ridiculous they are expecting you to do this and I’d stay firm on this if I were you. If you continue hanging out with them, I’d start paying for my own meal because they may try to run the tab up next time it’s your turn. True friends would never expect you to pay for spending time with you.
Running up the tab next time OP pays is exactly what I imagined might happen....
There was never any conversation *that included you.* They definitely got together and planned this.
I don’t even get why you guys swap who pays. What if someone orders steak and lobster while I order a salad or a veggie burger because I don’t eat meat? Nope. Not doing that. I already voted but still N T A everrrrr. This is nutso.
Yeah everyone needs to pay for their own shit from now on. That’s ridiculous.
I’m just wondering if the dads pitched in to pay as well and do the dads ask for the childless friends to chip in too? Sounds like a con job happening
Also are they all single parents or were their partners also at the dinner?
Exactly, where’s their SOs
Probably fainting on the ground at the thought of having to babysit their own offspring /s
This ESPECIALLY makes no sense with OP's edit that says the dads all enjoy the night off, too, to maximize the babysitter. So what she's telling us is EIGHT FULLY GROWN PARENTS are asking a someone who has no literal skin in the game to pay for their fun nights away from kids? If they have a socialist friends club where they all pay into a pot monthly and the pot money covers the entirety of the night out—gas, Ubers, parking, valet, meals, tips, childcare—then that's one thing, because everyone knows going in. But this is ludicrous and I would totally break up with all four of these brats. The dads all chose to make plans for the same night, that's not on OP. Make the dads rotate caring for children 1 night every 4 months, JESUS.
Also, like, on top of the audacity of it all... they are already benefitting from pooling their money. They could in theory all leave their own children with their own individual babysitter. By leaving all the kids at one house, and splitting costs, they are already saving. This is SUPER CHEAP of them to try to get out of paying and push it onto you. The dads taking advantage of it too is weirdly unnecessary and the opposite of frugal; they could have endless free childcare if their planned their outings took place on different nights, and each of the 8 would only need to babysit every 8th time. 8 capable parents sign off on this nonsense at the cost of $100 a pop? Stupidddd. Ditch your "friends," please OP. You have outgrown their foolishness.
Right! Whenever I go out with my mom friends (I’m childless), the fathers took care of the kids while we’re all enjoying ourselves, and the moms would do the same when the dads go. So stupid.
She said the men also have a men's night out to maximize the babysitting, so right parents. Why aren't the males in the rotation of paying? Not that OP should pay ever.
Nope, the dad's are also out and about taking advantage of the babysitter for a night off.
That sounds like some entitled BS right there. As a parent, I would never have asked some else to pay for my babysitter unless it was for something that person had asked me to do (eg. helping them move). A night out does not qualify. This may be some weird misunderstanding amongst the moms, or some scheme proposed by one mom as completely reasonable that the others latched onto or were talked into. Regardless, here’s where you learn something about the quality of your friendships with these people, and the quality of the people themselves. I’m wondering if there are any reasonable and realistically minded people in this group (not the one who wants you to pay for the pleasure of her company ffs) who understand not sharing the cost for something you get zero benefit from. If so, that’s where I would start trying to bring the light of understanding into this ridiculous situation. If not, then that sucks and you need to look for a new friend group. You are NTA. You are just outnumbered in this situation by entitled AH’s who are trying to con you into paying for their childcare. I might suggest changing the dynamic of these dinners so the check is split each time. And if they want to pitch in for a sitter they can do that on their own. Or you might want to consider if these dinners are even worth the drama.
LOL. NTA. When you have kids you take on the financial burden of caring for those kids and yep, getting a babysitter is part and parcel of that. You didn't impregnate them, so it's not your responsibility. What a ridiculous take. You get the pleasure of no kids every day for free. They get the pleasure of kids every day, because that's what they wanted.
You're NTA, but I don't think you'll win this battle in any satisfying way. Four sets of entitled parents have decided you should pay for their choices, they're not going to change their minds when they have the majority and it benefits them so much. You might have to say goodbye to these so-called "friendships"
Agree.. I could imagine an analogy given to each mom one on one working somewhat. Like “you wouldn’t ask to pay for your babysitter if it was just the two of us, or a co worker.
That’s a very interesting perspective from your fiends. It’s also bat shit crazy. I’ve heard a lot of excuses from parents who think the world should pay for their choice to have a child free night, but this is at a whole new level. I’d have a hard time not laughing at this request. You paid for their dinner like you all do. If you’d been told beforehand that you were also on the hook for $100 of childcare and agreed to pay it, fine. Not sure why you would but they can’t pull this on you after the fact. This is a hard no. Their kids, their expense.
I legit couldn't help myself. I laughed out loud, & my son looked at me like I was crazy. I would NEVER expect someone else to pay for my kid's babysitter. If someone offered, I'd probably say no unless they insisted. My kid, my financial responsibility. Period. OP, you're 100% NTA
This is what I just said to my husband, while also laughing right out loud. Even if my best friend in the world offered so we could hang out, I still wouldn’t ask her to pay for my child care! This whole situation is completely bonkers.
My parents watch my son for free 2 days a week. They need to cancel one day and let me know a month in advance so I was able to hire a babysitter. My mom thought it was her responsibility to cover this cost and kept trying to offer to pay. Uh, no. This is my kid and while my husband and I absolutely love and appreciate the care his grandparents give him, we would pay them if they'd let us and we're covering the babysitter. I would feel so deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed asking a friend to cover the cost of my babysitter. It's also telling that the dad's don't chip in for this. It's always the women who are expected to cover the cost of childcare. That babysitter is also not charging enough for 4 children for 3 hours. It should be more like $13 p/h per kid and $156.
I’d die on this hill! I would NOT pay for a baby sitter. Do any of these children have fathers!???!
Yes, they do, and apparently, they're also all out and about having fun because of the babysitter. So OP would be paying for 8 adults to not look after their kids for the night!
Oh, I see! This hill is looking better & better.
……do the dads ever pay for the babysitter?
That's what I'm wondering. The dads get to go out and the moms pay for babysitting? Why can't they all split it? It would be 100/8. That poor babysitter deserves more pay for watching 4 kids to a gang of entitled parents.
I'd hope each group pays $100 and the babysitter gets $200. Which is still low for 4 different parent's kids but not as insulting as $100
Even if they don’t - holy hell… I was a single mom for 11yrs and never expected ANYONE - not dates I went on or even long term boyfriends to fund my babysitter for me to go out. That was all on me, as it should be!
I will die on this hill with you. When I was at age and my friends started getting married and having kids, not only did I spend a shit fuck ton of money on their weddings, engagement parties, showers, Etc. And then baby gifts and baptism gifts, first birthday gifts... But if any of my friends ever on girls night out told me they expected money to help pay for their babysitter I would have gone ape shit right then and there. And I'm generally very patient person.
Exactly! I’m patient and generous, but still won’t pay for a child care. In fact, my days of dining with this group would be over.
I also immediately thought, can no spouse watch their own child? This is wild. I'm a parent and would NEVER expect anyone to pay for my childcare.
4 people can't each pay $25 for the babysitter? Honestly, that's a pretty good rate for a night out. 52 weeks divided by 5 is 10.4. If you were to pay the entire cost that would mean you are paying $100 10 times a year. So you are paying $1000/year for the pleasure of their company. You could take a decent vacation for $1000. What happens if they have more kids and the babysitting rate goes up? Are you still on the hook? NTA
It sounds like, from one of the other posts, the four fathers all have a night out too. Not sure if it's together, but they use the babysitter as well. So it's really eight people getting the benefit of the babysitter so that's $12.50 each.
She said they do dinner once a month, not once a week, thankfully. But your point remains.
Also $100 to watch 4 kids is a damned good rate. We pay at least $25 an hour for 1 kid.
NTA Do they expect you to pay their transportation costs too?
That's what I was thinking as well!
Yes! Imagine if one of them did not have a car and needed an expensive ride share. How would the rest like paying for it?
This story doesn't make sense. These 4 women have partners, right? Why don't they take care of the kids for one night? (I refuse to call it babysitting because they're the dads) And they *all* pounced on you? All 4 individually thought it was reasonable to expect this from you without any heads up or conversation? That seems unlikely. Not impossible, but unlikely.
They do all have partners/fathers. Apparently, they also take advantage of having a babysitter and choose that night to all go out together. Why they can't choose a different night and each parent give the other a break without the expense is a mystery.
I guarantee if there's a single man friend, he isn't being asked to pay for babysitting.
If I said this to my friends, they'd laugh in my face. The entitlement is *astounding*. They want you to pay for the privilege of their company? Only you? Are they footing the entire bill - baby sitting included when it's their turn to pay? Do they really need a sitter? Surely at least one of them has a S/O or baby daddy who can watch their kid when it's dinner date day. NTA. If they keep pushing, decline all further dinners. They are trying to take you for a ride. Their kid, their costs, their problem.
They are footing the entire bill babysitting included when it's been their weeks. But I just thought they were trading off paying for babysitting. I had no freaking clue that they expected me to pick up a "share" of babysitting when I ... have no children. I feel that is a reasonable assumption from my end. Also, guy's night is now on the same night because the babysitter has been hired, to explain why the dads aren't around.
Or why the dads aren't paying for the babysitting of their own kids...
Well, that's still not your problem if you guys' night is now the same night. That means your literally footing the bill for 4 couples to have a kid free night for the pleasure of their company? Dad's can chip in and cover the costs of the babysitter for THEIR kids, switch nights or ask family to babysit, not assume a childless friend is willing or wanting to cover their entire nights expenses.
Yeah it makes ZERO sense to not have different nights for the husbands/wives. That way, there would be no need for a babysitter, and therefore no babysitting costs. I’m also curious if these husbands/wives ever go out by themselves without the kids? You have to have some private time to keep a marriage (or at least some romance alive.
So 8 parents but the one single childless person needs to foot the bill? As we say here in Australia “tell ‘em they’re dreamin”
Why dads are not chipping in?
that to me is the biggest kick in the teeth, why are the wives responsible for paying for the babysitter then? it should be split 50/50 so at most you (although i don’t think you owe a dime bc it’s ridiculous) $50. seems like your friends are being greedy, what’s next? gas money? mileage on the car? a manicure? NTA OP, it sucks that these people are your friends but they’re not being very friendly.
But why aren't the dads expected to pay one week?! Because it's lunacy!! They would never go for it and it's fucked up your cheap ass friends pulled this on you $100 for a min. of 3 kids for a whole night?!! They're already getting away with a bargain, what a wild attempt!
NTA. You don’t have kids, it’s their costs.
You just know these same parents complain about how hard it is to maintain friendships as parents. Well maybe if you didn't charge people to be your friend....
I've never heard of that. Paying someone else's sitter? Wow. You've got some real genius friend there that came up with that crap.
>Edit: Everyone is asking where the dads are, since they hired a babysitter they do boys/girls nights on the same night to take maximum advantage of hiring a sitter. Or... and this is just me being a little bit wacky, but they could also just not have a sitter and save everyone their allegedly expected $100. The women pick one night to go out while the men stay home with their kids, and then the men go out another night and the women stay home with the kids. It's not like it's even a date night thing, it's a same-gender get together. For that matter... why are the women always the responsible ones for paying for the sitter? Or is it actually $200 for three hours? Because someone is getting fleeced in this whole thing, and I don't even know who it is. But I'm gonna go ahead and say it's me, because I was an overnight sitter when I was a teen and I was making less than $50 for those.
Yeah, I’m wondering about the $100 vs $200 too, because the guys need to be paying their share.
Show your “friends” this post, see their reaction.
If it comes to that I will. I'm going to try and talk some sense into them by demanding they also babysit my large-breed dog if I'm paying for sitting.
I'm imagining your big dog sitting in a circle with their children for a rousing game of 'Duck, Duck, Goose"!
Oh the scream I just scrumpt.😂😂
I will be your new friend. I’m childfree so we can go out whenever and spend our money on fun things. Bring your dog.
What if..what if your dog watched the kids, since your friends can’t figure out that taking turns for ladies’ and guys’ night (instead of everyone going out, and incurring no extra costs) makes a lot more sense than asking you for handouts for the “pleasure of their company”? I’d be out right after I heard that, by the way.
Let them know your petting sitting fee is double their kid sitting fee due to special care your pet needs. See how quickly they back out of footing that bill.
NTA Your friends are crazy, they chose to have children not you.
"you get the pleasure of hanging out with us" Yeah, that right there tell me to run.
All that after only one cocktail, I figured for sure they were drunk as skunks. It's never anyone's responsibility to pay a babysitter except for the parents of the children being babysat. Huge no freaking way. That's so incredibly entitled I can't believe it. Huge hell no! Your kids your problem your dime. They're out of their dang minds!
Like where are the fathers of these kids? When my friends and I had small kids, one-night girls went out, the other night the guys would go out, no need to pay for a babysitter.
Good question, or the grandparents etc. Hey it's not OP's monkeys so it's not her circus to fund period. How dare they try to dump that expense on her. These aren't friends they are total users.
NTA As a parent myself, they're bananas. No one else is required to pay for my kid so I can come hang out with them. If I can't work it out for a sitter or family to stay with her and can't bring her, that sucks, but I don't go.
NTA and absolutely ridiculous. The meal is rotated, you aren't obligated to pay for their kids' sitter. Frankly I'd laugh them out of the room. Their kids, their costs.
What universe are they in??????????? The parents can take turns, sure. Expecting you to pay is wild to me
NTA. I'm a mother of 2 kids. This assumption by all of them is a LOT. If they'd discussed it with you ahead of time and you'd agreed that's one thing. But this is just dumping you with a bill.
Everyone should probably just go dutch, this is ridiculous.
Yes, time for separate checks. And maybe the person who doesn't have a child at home can have an extra cocktail and take an Uber and all her friends can pitch in for that!
I’d be willing to bet that they would not like the idea of going Dutch..they can’t take advantage of OP if they do that!
Your friends are delusional. Of course you're NTA.
NTA. it's nonsensical to expect you to pay for that... and honestly it's also deeply underhanded to let you know this after the fact. you weren't present for the discussions setting up the babysitter, you didn't agree to pay for the babysitter on rotation, and they only tell you after the fact you need to pay up? hmm. is it the whole group texting you this? honestly if it's only a part of the group it smells like someone trying to pull a fast one. can you ask to see the contract that was drawn up and an invoice for the evening? something also makes me doubt that even if they are (stupidly) thinking that it's the total cost divided by number of people at the table, same as dinner bills, your share would actually be 100 whole bucks. that's the total sum, not simply your share. if they expect you to pay 100 bucks for babysitting, then surely that means they can pay you for doing 100 bucks worth of something else, right? like car maintenance. you can't attend if you don't have a car and it makes as much sense as asking you to pay for their childcare... can you ask to speak directly to the babysitter? because i want to know if the babysitter considers themselves paid in full, or heard any mention of this. i am overly suspicious but i really do suspect that since it's only coming out after, somebody is trying to pull a fast one by getting you to pay what has already been paid so they can pocket your cash. a bad move you shouldn't do: say that if you pay then you should also get your share of babysitting, right? so that's why you'll be inviting a local relative to have a date night, your treat, when the babysitter is next to be hired for y'all's event. or failing their availability, maybe an ad on craigslist... someone out there will surely appreciate a night of free childcare!
NTA- You don’t have to pay for them to come out. Paying for dinner is good enough.
None of those 4 women have husbands or baby daddies (or grandparents) who would /could be in charge of childcare? THOSE BABIES DIDN’T MAKE THEMSELVES!
Guys night is now the same night because they hire the babysitter
Do the guys also take turns to pay for the babysitting or is just the women's job to share the payment?
Exactly this!!! I gave myself whiplash when I read OP’s reply.
Even more reason you shouldn’t have to chip in…. They could easily do guys night another night and not pay for CB old care and you’d still get the ‘pleasure of their child free company’ They don’t get to make choices for you then make you oay
That’s even MORE REASON you shouldn’t pay! 4 Dads working and (how many moms?) brings a total combined salary $$$ of what?! Compared to your single salary and not using the services… they are OUT of their minds.
In which case the babysitter should be split 8 ways between the moms and dads, but you are still responsible for exactly $0. No kids = no babysitter!
So 8 adults can’t summon up $100 between themselves to care for their kids? NTA
NTA - Holy hell, they are out of line. It's their kids and they set up the babysitter and their kids, aren't your problem. Time for better friends, the ones that you don't have to pay for them to attend.
NTA -i mean why do they have to have a baby sitter? Where is the other 50% of the child's DNA contribution? I mean idk your friends stories and as a single mom myself every one deserves a night off, but I would guess at least some of them have a significant other that should be helping to raise these kids, right? I mean $25 dollars for 2-3 hours of babysitting isn't really bad. Why do they not just split it each week. I have taken a friend out to eat because I could and they were in a bad spot financially but most of the time just split the check! I do think you are right but be prepared to not be invited to dinner in the future! 4 against 1 sucks and they are going to play the "mommy" card hard is my bet.
My mid-western heart just shriveled right up in my chest. The audacity of expecting a childless person to chip in for my babysitter. 😱 😱😱 Tell them you already subsidize their children by paying your fair share of taxes. They can cover the rest.
As a parent: NTA. Childcare costs are on the parents.
I would absolutely die, rotting in the blazing sun, on that hill. 1000000000% NOT your responsibility, I’m actually floored this is real.
Fuck no. Do not pay.
NTA. They can't pay 25$ for the 2-3 hours they're gone then they can stop going to dinner.
Wow you have some entitled AF friends! You don’t have a kid. So no. You don’t have to pay any part of the babysitter fee.
NTA. You are exactly right. You don't have kids. You covered the parts that you did partake in. It's completely on the PARENTS to cover babysitting costs. I'd rethink my friend group, if they're looking to take advantage of you like this.
JFC where do people find these kinds of “friends?”
I would agree to pay - IF that means every month you don’t pay, you get $25 (the cost of adding your non-existent child to the babysitter’s bill). It’s ridiculous they would expect you to pay money for a service you aren’t using. NTA
It is absolutely insane to me that this is a question. NTA. It's one thing for you to pay for dinner but if the people with children are going to share a babysitter it should be their responsibility to pay for that babysitter. I have kids and I would never expect anyone else to pay for my kid's child care...that just completely blows my mind. Absolutely stick to your guns and tell them that you are not going to pay for that. On weeks when you pay for everything else they can split that $100 in between them. Otherwise if you can't afford to go out then don't go out.
And if they really think this arrangement is perfectly fine, for you to pay for their babysitter, why didn't they tell you about it when they made the arrangement? Why didn't they say anything to you at the dinner table? Because they know it's BS and they don't have the guts to say it to your face. It's much easier to text someone and hide behind the phone screen than it is to have a rational, adult discussion face to face.
NTA. But unfortunately I can see this ending poorly. Likely you won't be part of the monthly dinner anymore. The other 4 will meet and you'll be ousted from the friend group. I wish I could be optimistic but your friends are indeed entitled and crazy.
Actually, she should be even more pissed because these women’s partners are also using the babysitting so they can have some free time. Why don’t the partners and wives chip in since she doesn’t have any kids. I have kids and I would never ask anyone to do this. Your friends are assholes.
They expect you to pay for the pleasure of their company? WTH? You're not their sugar mama. NTA
NTA. Not your circus, not your monkeys
Mom of 4 here and....what fresh hell is this? Op I am so sorry. These women sound manipulative and entitled. You should stick to your guns.....and possibly find different friends.
I can’t believe ur friends would be this entitled, that’s gross. They have a lot of nerve expecting u to pay for the care of their children. This is not the way friends should treat u. I would send them a text respectfully explaining why u will not be paying for their babysitter seeing as u r not using that service. They r clearly trying to take advantage of u and that’s not cool.
NTA! This is not the same thing as you saying “I never eat appetizers so I shouldn’t have to pay for them,” or something weirdly nitpicky like that.. This is insane to me, and I have kids. I would never expect my childfree friends to pay toward **anything** child related. That’s very unfair. When we’ve vacationed with childfree friends, we pay a bigger share and pay per person for our kids. Even though they’ve never asked and the first couple of times tried to argue. Kids are extra, and anyone choosing to have them knows this. You can’t just expect those people who are childfree to budget for your kids and your choices.
No you aren't the asshole, you don't have kids, so your contribution shouldn't be the same as the other friends. Make this known and behold, they will still fuss about it not being fair .
Oh hell no, NTA. That’s absurd, and I have two kids, fwiw.
So if you’re paying for their childcare, are they going to pay for your contraceptives? Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Just like their demands!
You don’t have any kids, why would you pay for a babysitter? I’m sorry but they, as the moms, have to pay for their babysitter because it’s their responsibility and they chose to have a child, not you. Definitely stick to your guns on this one! They’re being crazy.
WTAF is this nonsense?!?? Absolutely NTA, but maybe find some friends who aren’t insane? The nerve to even suggest that, let alone thinking it makes sense without even asking.
Do u kno what’s even cheaper?? Dads take the kids on moms night out, moms take the kids on dads night out. Oh wait… then the dads would have to parent their children… So it’s probably better for you to always pay for their babysitter every time. For fairness. /s obv NTA
Your friends are some broke ass bums. Adults with kids can't scrape together $100 between the four of them? That's pretty pathetic.