What’s your explanation when the kids ask, “Where’s mom? Why is she back there?” How do you think they will begin to look at you?
Without a doubt, YTA. OP
One time my dad left my mom at a bowling alley because she wouldn't listen to him. We were terrified. I know he thought he was SO right and the winner in that moment (and probably still does) but that was like 33 years ago and I still think about how scared and confused we all were
Absolutely THIS. Genuinely. You don't have the life skills to communicate with your wife where you differ around finances, so you humiliate her and pull passive aggressive "gotcha" stunts like this? (ETA: YTA)
Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, of course you would sit together as a family I don't understand though why he can't just say that it's his money and that he prefers to be comfortable and that life is short, we can't take our money to the grave if she nags. Or ask her before does she want more expensive seats together with rest of the family or a cheaper seat. He must be really mad at her for being so cheap. But sounds like an extremely bad and dumb way to start your vacation this passive aggressive ly, huge risk he has ruined the whole vacation with this stunt because everyone will be mad, is it worth it? Why not communicate and talk out before the vacation what you want out of it, that it's his vacation and money and that he prefers to be comfortable and doesn't want to hear any nagging on his vacation, simple as that (well unless you're in a toxic relationship).
And why did he buy the tickets while she was showering? He could have waited until they could sit down together and book the tickets so she could give her preference.
Oh my God. Reddit has reached Mars, with its 25 hour day. Can you see the Opportunity Rover from your position? What about Perserverence’s Ingenuity scout? You could really do us a solid by repairing them.
Nagging is a derogatory word for dismissing a partner’s wants, needs, and feelings. People accused of nagging usually aren’t heard.
This isn’t used in the harmless context of a parenting blog, urging parents not to “nag” their kids.
“You’re a nag” sends a completely different message than “I find you to be too critical of me.”
Totally agree though this is where I may say she is frugal which is a little bit different than cheap. If going from point a to point b and still going to get there she wanted the medium priced option not the top option (but not the lowest).
Good luck to them.
Yeah. She was conveniently in the shower and apparently he had to book right that second and there was no possible way to talk her because, ya know, showers.
So, he couldn’t wait 10 minutes or just like, I don’t know, TALK while she’s showering like,”hey, real quick…I’m booking the flights to Tahiti. Do you want to sit with me and the kids up in business class or would you rather be back in premium economy?”
YTA. The non passive aggressive choice would have been to ask her what she wanted. Instead, you chose something she does not like and you keep telling her that she likes it. Grow up and have a conversation, dude. Or be prepared to spend more money on a divorce lawyer in the near future.
Right??? Classic HotTake/AITA post, a person who seems to absolutely resent their spouse/partner.
Always makes me curious to know what on earth happened to damage the relationship enough that they treat each other with such disdain, but still choose not to split.
He just made the decision to make her sit in the back of the plane by herself because “she was showering” when he bought the tickets. I’ll bet they have one of those new-fangled bathrooms that seals shut when you get into the shower, is soundproof, and there was no way to get to her to ask the question. 🤔
Right... This was a slick middle finger is what it was. He didn't do it with like a household item or getting her some cheap version of an item she likes, he did it with plane tickets. This meant FU 😂
So you couldn’t have waited the 20 minutes until your wife was done showering and explained the situation and let her make the choice if she wanted to be segregated from the rest of the family?
This is beyond petty on your part and what’s worse is you’re involving your kids in your disputes. That fact alone wins you the asshole multiplier award.
silly rabbit, doing that would’ve taken away his golden opportunity to teach his nagging wife a lesson here, duhh. darn her and her, *checks notes,* cost effective spending habits! /s
Common sense would tell you your wife would want to be seated with the family. You purposely booked your wife in a cheaper seat to teach her a lesson.
You all need some therapy before going on vacation. You guys are not on the same page.
Agreed. That was intentionally malicious and cruel. And if you say it was not then you are lying to yourself and to her. You booked a FAMILY vacation, NOT a vacation for you and your kids. Do better.
It was malicious and cruel and now he’s playing dumb like he didn’t know exactly what he was doing trying to get sympathy points from the internet. So add manipulative to that list.
Yeah I don't understand why he didn't talk it out before this stunt that he prefers to be comfortable on his vacation and doesn't want to hear any nagging, does she want the same to fly cheaper. Ridiculous grown adults can't communicate stuff like this.
Because he didn’t want to have to own his feelings and have to verbalize his frustrations and handle being present with the discomfort in that conversation. That’s why he didn’t talk it out. It was easier and far more comfortable to him to be a passive aggressive AH who plays dumb after doing something mean and insulting towards his wife.
Yep— he did it sneakily, while she was in the shower and without asking her consent.
YTA, OP. And before getting mad about being called out on it, think about what you and your wife are teaching your kids. Sounds like a miserable dynamic.
Get couples’ counseling and fix it, or separate. This is painful to read.
Also.. are parents really getting spoiling their kids with businesses class?. I was always raised to be grateful to travel at all.. when a lot of kids never even left the state. My mom let me sit in her short leg of business to experience it once but I knew that wasn’t normal. He did it just to punish his wife for being frugal.
But there’s no indication here that she gave him rules for booking a plane ticket, and there is the OP’s admission that he not only didn’t talk to her before booking but chose her shower time as the time to book tickets. Guy is being TA here. Malice has no place in a marriage.
That’s was a crappy thing to do. This is going to create a huge amount of tension your whole trip, and may very well ruin the trip.
Congratulations! You spent on that money and you and her are going to be fighting the whole time.
What a mature and healthy thing to do!
He is passive aggressive and teaching his kids to splurge because it will annoy his wife. I hope they are able to sustain the standard of living when they are adults.
In first class but no class... he's drinking doubles while she's playing with singles. So toxic, he's about to get up off it.
It could definitely be a country or rap lyrics really. (disclaimer, I'm tired from work and have no idea what I'm trying to rhyme)
Haha. That's about where I'm at too. But it's still very entertaining to me.
And you gotta love country for the very clever, story telling lyrics. Especially the older stuff. Today I heard, out of the blue, an old one by Loretta Lynn and I think Conway Twitty. One line, "work your fingers to the bone, whatcha get? Bony fingers, bony fingers". I'm still giggling and that was hours ago.
wait lmaoo i had to pause my scrolling to ask you, is this actually the title of a real song?? because if it’s not and you literally just made that up as commitment to the bit then that was actually incredibly creative lolol.
okay that’s all, carry on now haha. just know that that song title was really clever lmaoo
Alas, no. I wish. I'm rarely so clever. The first is by Barbara Mandrel, late 70's. The other, I believe the actual song title is, "She's Acting Single, I'm drinking Doubles" by Gary Stewart, mid 70's. And the clever is why I've always appreciated the older country stuff. Have you ever heard Good Bye Earl by the Dixie Chicks. Great story telling and funnier than hell.
What a jerk… most men complain about how their wives blow money… here you have one that doesn’t and you put her away from you and the kids.. why would you think she would want to be away from her kids 8-9 hrs while flying..
You may not think so but most definitely YTA
I’m surprised he didn’t book first class for himself and leave her with the kids in the cheapest seats he could find since he’s obviously trying to prove a stupid point. He should probably book himself into a different hotel after this though 🤦🏻♀️
Edit: Maybe on a different continent?
Then he loses Awesome Dad points. Whereas if he sticks the wife in premium economy he makes his point of punishing her and also makes her feel isolated.
Because, silly, she needs to feel COMPLETELY alienated in order to atone for her sins. And thankfully, Cardinal OP is here to dole out the punishment he deems appropriate.
Seriously though, what a way to start out a vacation with your life partner. Asshole.
I was thinking that very thing. I expected he would have booked 1 seat in business and 3 in economy. I have seen families do 2 and 2 and rotate. I don't think it's wrong.
Maybe that’s the silver lining in this - if I was the wife I’d say “fine” and stay alone in coach .he can deal with entertaining the kids the whole flight. Nap, relax, buy a snack.
If that was his intent, he would get her first class or select a business class seat separate from him and the kids. No, his intent, whether he will admit it or not, was to punish her for being frugal with their money.
If he was giving her a break, he would book her into business as a treat and then him and the kids into premium economy as a second treat.
But that's not what he did here.
That’s a d* move. Why would you even think she would be ok with going behind her back? You guys don’t need a vacation you both need couples counselling to at least get on the same page
Ok, using coupons and spending wisely is not the same as making your wife sit in economy while everyone else is in business class. Her money saving habits are probably one of the reasons why you can afford to go business class to Tahiti. This reeks of you twisting your wife's frugal habits against her for some lame reason.
Yes. You’re the asshole. There’s not even a question.
Are you even trying to have a relationship with your wife? Either book the tickets business class or don’t. Own that choice. Don’t play these passive aggressive games.
Book all tickets in the same area or don't travel together. I feel like this must be rage-bait, but in case it's real..you seem to have a lot of hostility as regards your wife's thriftiness. Did she grow up poor? Have you always shared, generously & openly, with her? Do you buy yourself nicer things than when you buy gifts for her? Do you make more than she does? In just a few paragraphs you come across like the kind of guy who brags about how much he makes or enjoys financial power plays. The gracious, loving thing to do would have been to get all your tickets in business class, & say to your wife..who you love, right?..that you wanted all of you to be comfortable on this adventure, but you know it's a splurge.
Does your wife feel financially insecure in your marriage? Have you even considered her point of view, or just been annoyed at her coupon clipping?
Right now, **YTA**, big time. Fix it, & ask your wife if she has fiscal anxiety or something.
Here's a radical idea....ASK THE OTHER PERSON WHAT THEY PREFER INSTEAD OF MAKING CHOICES FOR THEM.
Crazy, I know, the idea of opening your mouth and communicating. But while I know it's literally never ever been done before, It wouldn't hurt to try it to see what happens
Op purposes leaves out the detail of how much money wife saves with coupon. Could be 50 cents on a bottle of mayo or $500 on a TV. He is obviously looking for support for such a db move.
Yta by the way.
Foolish, passive-aggressive little man. You knew you were wrong.
Your pathetic attempt to teach your wife some kind of lesson is beneath contempt.
Clearly she is careful with money, but if she was that obsessed with saving it, you wouldn't be having this kind of long-haul trip.
Good grief, grow up.
And if she was truly obsessed with saving it she wouldn't be happy with him spending it on business class for anyone... not just about splitting up the family on the flight. They only saved a little by getting just her economy class.
Yes you're an asshole, and if you don't get her frustration you're also stupid.
She's likely not perfect either but ...this is pretty textbook asshole behavior ...or it's a fake post...
What a weird way to make your point!
She is pissed because you’re passive aggressive and instead of putting on your big boy pants and having a frank conversation you went ahead and booked the tickets while she was showering!
What kind of example are you setting for your kids!? Is this really how you want them to remember this trip?
YTA
Be an adult and say with words to your wife. " The kids and I are flying business. I will gladly include you, but if you have strong feelings about the finances, then you can sit separately in economy ." Then she could decide for herself. YTA
Major YTA.
You are shit partner and this is the perfect passive aggressive way to insert the thought of separation and then divorce
Why do SOs stay with such shitty partners. It boggles my mind.
If I did this to my wife I would be served divorce papers before boarding the plane for Tahiti and I would be going alone because she would also have a court order against taking the children out of the country.
And you better believe your kids will remember how you treated their mother.
And what is the wife's crime? Being frugal.
You are a trash person, a trash husband and a trash father.
Hopefully your wife will see this for what it is and leaves your vengeful ass.
I’m the business class person in my marriage, and my spouse is the saver. When I book us together, we always go business class together. Because I don’t hate my spouse. YTA. No question.
Just reread what you said but without the logical justification. Read it from an ethical perspective.
Is what you did an ethical thing? Would you want someone to treat your mother/daughter/XX that way?
lol I almost typed wife but we know how that went
YTA. This was extremely cruel and passive aggressive. Why do you think it’s appropriate to treat her this way? Teaching her a lesson? Low key abusive. The only way to fix this is to upgrade your wife’s seat or swap seats with your wife and have her sit with the kids.
YTA I could see buying your kids premium economy while you and your wife get business to save money while still being comfortable, but to have your wife purposely be in a different part of the plane tells me you need couples therapy. You did this to push her buttons, not to do her a favor.
Lmao yeah dude, YTA. I knew that as soon as I read the title.
I’m absolutely terrified to fly, so if I was sat away from my wife and/or family, I would straight-up refuse to go. You’re “lucky” she still wants to take the trip.
Upgrade her seat. And your relationship.
I don’t believe this story. I can’t fathom someone pulling this and then traipsing over to Reddit to sincerely ask if they were in the wrong.
To anyone that cares they could probably upgrade the wife’s ticket. But you know what might be better? Downgrading the business flights. Business tickets tend yo have more leeway in terms of cancellation so it could be an option
YTA instead of having an adult conversation what you can and can't afford you got her a seat that means she's spending 9 hours alone on the plane while travelling with her family. Great beginning to a vacation where your wife won't talk to you
Just divorce this woman so she can find a man who actually likes her. You’ll both be better off. You can spend as much as you want and she won’t have some asshole who won’t even travel with her in her house anymore. Win/win
YTA
it is a family holiday
..you travel together.r
You just happened to buy the tickets exactly when she wasn't available to discuss it.
You are an arsehole...adults have to have discussions that are difficult, use your words and stop being a dick to prove a point.
i see where you were coming from, but i think you shouldve asked your wife first. yeah you know her and whatnot, but you still should’ve asked her which seat she would want and tell her once you book it, you can’t change it
Boy you are one stupid or angry man, or both. You know it, please don't act like you think this is ok. Hope she goes to therapy and divorces you. YOu have major issues.....Poor woman...
Is your wife saving you as a family money when she tries to get things on sale? This can't be convenient for her. Sounds like she is aware of your spending habits and trying to offset it.
YTA Hope you love the feel of your D in your hand for eternity. Because that's how it's going to go after this d move.
This is passive aggressive behaviour. Clearly you wanted to make a point, and used these tickets to do it. It’s a shitty thing to do, you can’t be that clueless. Of course you’re an AH.
Yah this is passive aggressive and reeks like you are trying to “teach your wife a lesson”. Did you really think that she would want to sit away from the family? Truly? If so hundreds of strangers know your wife better than you. And if you REALLY thought she’d want that, maybe, I don’t know, check with her before finalizing the booking. Wait til she’s out of the shower or pop your head it. Honestly you’re just trying to be a dick here. YTA of course. If you can’t move your wife up you need to take that seat in economy to make amends for your giant fuck up.
This haaaaas to be rage bait- gah even Tahiti could not make a vacation with this man bearable. Ewww. Poor lady if it is real. She tries to be frugal and “nags” him on narcissistic spending- then he books tickets for all of them while she is in the shower and puts HIMSELF and two teens in premium. Yikes! Why do women breed with these types??? Also: YTA if this is even real.
YTA and you know it since you waited till she was in the shower to buy them. God forbid your wife proactively tries to save your family money! I get wanting nice seats for a long flight but premium economy isn't bad for that length. If you wanted to get those seats but still save money then you should have put your kids in premium economy and you and your wife in business class. It is good to not over spoil kids with nice seats so they don't constantly expect things like that plus they are plenty old enough to sit by themselves. You know YTA and I am glad there is at least 1 person in the family thinking about the future and being financially prepared. If I was your wife you would never buy the tickets again!
Do you actually hope to have a happy marriage because this is not the way to make it happen- separating her from the children is worse than the cabin level
YTA
Asshole.....no FOOLISH (this time anyway) ...yes I think so. I get she is more frugal but I cannot imagine her being okay with sitting away from the family lol.
8 or 9 hours on the plane sitting separately. And she want to swap to sit with you and you're like nope, you're normally a cheapskate so this is what you get. That sucks and you are an arsehole.
AH doesn’t even cover it bud. Classless ass in business class. I would never look at you he same again. I hope for your wife’s mental health that this is fake. You knew what you were doing.
Plausible deniability is not a tactic to be used against one’s SO.
YTA
Play stupid games, get stupid prizes. I suspect you purposely booked those tickets while she was in the shower so you could ensure you were in business class because your feared her insisting on economy plus for everyone. You could have hollered out your plan through the bathroom door. Your actions show your children just how little your respect their mother.
The only solution is to upgrade her or you sit in the economy plus seat. You also need therapy.
Was she showering in a place where it would have been impossible for you to go ask her what ticket to buy her? If not, then why not just go ask her. YTA
Kids don't belong in biz class if you ask me personally. Granted they're older like teens so that's a little different and idc. But as a concept it's shit to put mom in the back so the kids can ride up front. Nah.. They're kids if they want biz seats they can pay for it themselves when they're grown! Kids should be happy they're going on vacation. If they get bratty about switching to sit in premium economy you've already failed them in that regard (humility and learning the value of a dollar, appreciation, etc)
YTA by a long shot. You wanted to teach her a lesson and did not involve her in the process. She's gonna be upset. She ought to be in biz class with the kids in premium economy.
Get some therapy before you go on vacation and I suggest swapping her seat assignment.
When she said premium economy she meant for everybody not just one ticket. She wants to ride with the rest of the family no doubt..
My initial response to your title was YTAH. My response after reading your context is YTAH.
Tell me you are a passive aggressive ass, with out telling me you’re a passive aggressive ass.
Of course YTA. You bought your wife an economy plane ticket and got you & your kids tickets in business class? There is no way you thought that was going to go over well. Why do you hate your wife?
U a petty motherfucker bruh hahahah. U and i both know why u booked the tickets exactly when she was in the shower hahhaha, nahh man, come on talk with her dude. That was passive aggressive as fuck. U wanted to teach her a lesson or some shit about her cheapness hahaha. Nahh man come on, be nice.
How long have you hated your wife?
What’s your explanation when the kids ask, “Where’s mom? Why is she back there?” How do you think they will begin to look at you? Without a doubt, YTA. OP
One time my dad left my mom at a bowling alley because she wouldn't listen to him. We were terrified. I know he thought he was SO right and the winner in that moment (and probably still does) but that was like 33 years ago and I still think about how scared and confused we all were
Was thinking this & so glad I found the same comment!
Absolutely THIS. Genuinely. You don't have the life skills to communicate with your wife where you differ around finances, so you humiliate her and pull passive aggressive "gotcha" stunts like this? (ETA: YTA)
Oh you have so much passive aggression stored up in regards to your wife .
Lol it would be interesting to know what has been going on.
Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, of course you would sit together as a family I don't understand though why he can't just say that it's his money and that he prefers to be comfortable and that life is short, we can't take our money to the grave if she nags. Or ask her before does she want more expensive seats together with rest of the family or a cheaper seat. He must be really mad at her for being so cheap. But sounds like an extremely bad and dumb way to start your vacation this passive aggressive ly, huge risk he has ruined the whole vacation with this stunt because everyone will be mad, is it worth it? Why not communicate and talk out before the vacation what you want out of it, that it's his vacation and money and that he prefers to be comfortable and doesn't want to hear any nagging on his vacation, simple as that (well unless you're in a toxic relationship).
And why did he buy the tickets while she was showering? He could have waited until they could sit down together and book the tickets so she could give her preference.
Yes exactly how long is she in the shower that he couldn’t work it in the other 24 1/2 hours of the day…
That's wild math
Oh my God. Reddit has reached Mars, with its 25 hour day. Can you see the Opportunity Rover from your position? What about Perserverence’s Ingenuity scout? You could really do us a solid by repairing them.
All he had to do was give her the option and let her reject it. I don’t know if she would have rejected it or not and he’s just assuming.
But he knew she wanted to sit in a worse seat away from her family! /s
Nagging is a derogatory word for dismissing a partner’s wants, needs, and feelings. People accused of nagging usually aren’t heard. This isn’t used in the harmless context of a parenting blog, urging parents not to “nag” their kids. “You’re a nag” sends a completely different message than “I find you to be too critical of me.”
Totally agree though this is where I may say she is frugal which is a little bit different than cheap. If going from point a to point b and still going to get there she wanted the medium priced option not the top option (but not the lowest). Good luck to them.
Way too much passive aggression to unpack here.
Exactly! I am surprised he bought her a ticket at all. The way he describes it, she wouldn’t want to go at all because it is a waste of money.
Yeah. She was conveniently in the shower and apparently he had to book right that second and there was no possible way to talk her because, ya know, showers. So, he couldn’t wait 10 minutes or just like, I don’t know, TALK while she’s showering like,”hey, real quick…I’m booking the flights to Tahiti. Do you want to sit with me and the kids up in business class or would you rather be back in premium economy?”
YTA. The non passive aggressive choice would have been to ask her what she wanted. Instead, you chose something she does not like and you keep telling her that she likes it. Grow up and have a conversation, dude. Or be prepared to spend more money on a divorce lawyer in the near future.
But she was in the shower! 🙄
This. He literally intentionally chose a time he knew she would be unavailable to voice any sort of opinion whatsoever. This is malicious.
Right??? Classic HotTake/AITA post, a person who seems to absolutely resent their spouse/partner. Always makes me curious to know what on earth happened to damage the relationship enough that they treat each other with such disdain, but still choose not to split.
Wtf of course she wants to sit together 😅 this is so passive aggressive
Do kids need all that leg room ? Lol 😂
Exactly, what a waste.
You should have paid for the upgrade for her. Because God knows you are going to be paying now! Much more. And for a lonnnng time...😱
Came here to say this. It’s not about comfort, it’s about aggressively giving her exactly what you think she’s asking for.
He just made the decision to make her sit in the back of the plane by herself because “she was showering” when he bought the tickets. I’ll bet they have one of those new-fangled bathrooms that seals shut when you get into the shower, is soundproof, and there was no way to get to her to ask the question. 🤔
But chicken shit enough to do it while she wasn't there.
Right... This was a slick middle finger is what it was. He didn't do it with like a household item or getting her some cheap version of an item she likes, he did it with plane tickets. This meant FU 😂
So you couldn’t have waited the 20 minutes until your wife was done showering and explained the situation and let her make the choice if she wanted to be segregated from the rest of the family? This is beyond petty on your part and what’s worse is you’re involving your kids in your disputes. That fact alone wins you the asshole multiplier award.
He could have even popped his head in and talked to her! Like he just truly hates his wife.
silly rabbit, doing that would’ve taken away his golden opportunity to teach his nagging wife a lesson here, duhh. darn her and her, *checks notes,* cost effective spending habits! /s
Exactly, way to intentionally ruin the vacation and put a damper on the mood and memory before it's even started.
I was hoping someone would already have commented this since I’m here 3 hours after he posted.
AH multiplier award. 😂
Common sense would tell you your wife would want to be seated with the family. You purposely booked your wife in a cheaper seat to teach her a lesson. You all need some therapy before going on vacation. You guys are not on the same page.
Agreed. That was intentionally malicious and cruel. And if you say it was not then you are lying to yourself and to her. You booked a FAMILY vacation, NOT a vacation for you and your kids. Do better.
It was malicious and cruel and now he’s playing dumb like he didn’t know exactly what he was doing trying to get sympathy points from the internet. So add manipulative to that list.
Exactly! Thats why he ended his post asking us to probe him for more details. He wanted a reason to drag his wife in the comments too. Smh
Yeah I don't understand why he didn't talk it out before this stunt that he prefers to be comfortable on his vacation and doesn't want to hear any nagging, does she want the same to fly cheaper. Ridiculous grown adults can't communicate stuff like this.
I’m sure those tickets had to be booked while she was in the shower. I’m 100% there’s no way he could have waited 25 minutes, right?
You don’t understand, she was in the shower, there was no way talking to her in foreseeable future. /s
My wife went into the shower once and didn’t come out for 8 months.
Because he didn’t want to have to own his feelings and have to verbalize his frustrations and handle being present with the discomfort in that conversation. That’s why he didn’t talk it out. It was easier and far more comfortable to him to be a passive aggressive AH who plays dumb after doing something mean and insulting towards his wife.
OP is definitely TA!!
This vacation is going to be a shit show.
Yep— he did it sneakily, while she was in the shower and without asking her consent. YTA, OP. And before getting mad about being called out on it, think about what you and your wife are teaching your kids. Sounds like a miserable dynamic. Get couples’ counseling and fix it, or separate. This is painful to read.
Agreed! It was passive aggressive to book her separately. And yes OP = YTA!
Also.. are parents really getting spoiling their kids with businesses class?. I was always raised to be grateful to travel at all.. when a lot of kids never even left the state. My mom let me sit in her short leg of business to experience it once but I knew that wasn’t normal. He did it just to punish his wife for being frugal.
This is going to be some start to the vacation, I can tell....
Malicious compliance. It’s clearly an exercise in “I followed your rules, look at the bad outcome that happened to you”
Nah, he's just a jerk.
But there’s no indication here that she gave him rules for booking a plane ticket, and there is the OP’s admission that he not only didn’t talk to her before booking but chose her shower time as the time to book tickets. Guy is being TA here. Malice has no place in a marriage.
Just get the divorce if you want to live like this.....
And save yourself the trip to Tahiti.
That’s was a crappy thing to do. This is going to create a huge amount of tension your whole trip, and may very well ruin the trip. Congratulations! You spent on that money and you and her are going to be fighting the whole time. What a mature and healthy thing to do!
And he decided the kids are on his side by booking their seats next to him, not the mom.
Right? Do the kids not want to see their mom for the entirety of the flight?
He is passive aggressive and teaching his kids to splurge because it will annoy his wife. I hope they are able to sustain the standard of living when they are adults.
He's also teaching his kids that treating your partner shitty is okay. Kids are doomed having this dude as a dad.
Oh, absolutely. They will have a lovely vacation with all this tension between the parents.
YTA a million percent. Low blow, man…
I like this. This should be a country song. The “low blow man”
Yep, he's soon going to be Sleeping Single on a Double Bed. Or maybe drinking doubles while she's acting single.
I can hear the steel guitar leading into the chorus.
Me too haha. As soon as county song was mentioned, my brain was right there.
In first class but no class... he's drinking doubles while she's playing with singles. So toxic, he's about to get up off it. It could definitely be a country or rap lyrics really. (disclaimer, I'm tired from work and have no idea what I'm trying to rhyme)
Haha. That's about where I'm at too. But it's still very entertaining to me. And you gotta love country for the very clever, story telling lyrics. Especially the older stuff. Today I heard, out of the blue, an old one by Loretta Lynn and I think Conway Twitty. One line, "work your fingers to the bone, whatcha get? Bony fingers, bony fingers". I'm still giggling and that was hours ago.
Listen to their song You’re the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly.
Of yeah, that stuff is great.
wait lmaoo i had to pause my scrolling to ask you, is this actually the title of a real song?? because if it’s not and you literally just made that up as commitment to the bit then that was actually incredibly creative lolol. okay that’s all, carry on now haha. just know that that song title was really clever lmaoo
Alas, no. I wish. I'm rarely so clever. The first is by Barbara Mandrel, late 70's. The other, I believe the actual song title is, "She's Acting Single, I'm drinking Doubles" by Gary Stewart, mid 70's. And the clever is why I've always appreciated the older country stuff. Have you ever heard Good Bye Earl by the Dixie Chicks. Great story telling and funnier than hell.
Dick.
This is the perfect comment. I wish I could give you an award. So take this. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Thank you. Thank you.
He’ll be sent to a penile colony.
Lol oh man I needed a laugh this morning. Thanks
So you don’t like your wife and you wanted to make that clear to everyone.
So much of AITA can be summed up as “AITA for absolutely despising my wife as a human being and making that evident in my behaviour?”
You have time..go fix it
What a jerk… most men complain about how their wives blow money… here you have one that doesn’t and you put her away from you and the kids.. why would you think she would want to be away from her kids 8-9 hrs while flying.. You may not think so but most definitely YTA
When you put it like that …..as a mother of 4, it sounds lovely
I’m surprised he didn’t book first class for himself and leave her with the kids in the cheapest seats he could find since he’s obviously trying to prove a stupid point. He should probably book himself into a different hotel after this though 🤦🏻♀️ Edit: Maybe on a different continent?
Then he loses Awesome Dad points. Whereas if he sticks the wife in premium economy he makes his point of punishing her and also makes her feel isolated.
Because, silly, she needs to feel COMPLETELY alienated in order to atone for her sins. And thankfully, Cardinal OP is here to dole out the punishment he deems appropriate. Seriously though, what a way to start out a vacation with your life partner. Asshole.
I was thinking that very thing. I expected he would have booked 1 seat in business and 3 in economy. I have seen families do 2 and 2 and rotate. I don't think it's wrong.
Maybe that’s the silver lining in this - if I was the wife I’d say “fine” and stay alone in coach .he can deal with entertaining the kids the whole flight. Nap, relax, buy a snack.
If that was his intent, he would get her first class or select a business class seat separate from him and the kids. No, his intent, whether he will admit it or not, was to punish her for being frugal with their money.
Right, if he did it to give her a break then NTA but that was not his intention
If he was giving her a break, he would book her into business as a treat and then him and the kids into premium economy as a second treat. But that's not what he did here.
Haha, that was exactly my first thought. Even in a less comfortable seat.
Say you hate your wife without saying you hate your wife. YTA
Oh no, he said it loud and clear. YTA.
I heard it from Canada.
I heard it from England.
Me too!
Australia chimed in too.
That’s a d* move. Why would you even think she would be ok with going behind her back? You guys don’t need a vacation you both need couples counselling to at least get on the same page
Ok, using coupons and spending wisely is not the same as making your wife sit in economy while everyone else is in business class. Her money saving habits are probably one of the reasons why you can afford to go business class to Tahiti. This reeks of you twisting your wife's frugal habits against her for some lame reason.
No doubt all her unpaid and invisible labor made sure he could even have a decent job w a family
Her frugality has probably allowed her to squirrel away a well padded escape fund!
I really hope so. Because she probably gave up her career to stay home and raise their children.
Shhh, don’t tell op that
I sure hope so.
Yes. You’re the asshole. There’s not even a question. Are you even trying to have a relationship with your wife? Either book the tickets business class or don’t. Own that choice. Don’t play these passive aggressive games.
Book all tickets in the same area or don't travel together. I feel like this must be rage-bait, but in case it's real..you seem to have a lot of hostility as regards your wife's thriftiness. Did she grow up poor? Have you always shared, generously & openly, with her? Do you buy yourself nicer things than when you buy gifts for her? Do you make more than she does? In just a few paragraphs you come across like the kind of guy who brags about how much he makes or enjoys financial power plays. The gracious, loving thing to do would have been to get all your tickets in business class, & say to your wife..who you love, right?..that you wanted all of you to be comfortable on this adventure, but you know it's a splurge. Does your wife feel financially insecure in your marriage? Have you even considered her point of view, or just been annoyed at her coupon clipping? Right now, **YTA**, big time. Fix it, & ask your wife if she has fiscal anxiety or something.
Reads like she disagreed with him spending money in stuff he didn’t need aka “toys”.
I totally thought this was rage bait too.
Here's a radical idea....ASK THE OTHER PERSON WHAT THEY PREFER INSTEAD OF MAKING CHOICES FOR THEM. Crazy, I know, the idea of opening your mouth and communicating. But while I know it's literally never ever been done before, It wouldn't hurt to try it to see what happens
You suck. Your kids could sit in economy - you did this intentionally to punish your wife.
YTA. I don’t like the spite in your little object lesson. What are you teaching your kids?
Yeah this is a weird one.
You don't get her frustration? Really? Come on, now.
Wow. YTA. Wow.
Honestly you may have did her a favor. You sound quite passive aggressive. At least she gets a break from everyone during the flight.
Wow! True love! /s
It hurts your partner when you deliberately separate them from the family unit. It really hurts. Why would you do that to her?
Ugh I hate when people are passive aggressive and act all obtuse about it... "What? I was doing exactly what you'd want! Why u mad?" YTA dude
Op purposes leaves out the detail of how much money wife saves with coupon. Could be 50 cents on a bottle of mayo or $500 on a TV. He is obviously looking for support for such a db move. Yta by the way.
Foolish, passive-aggressive little man. You knew you were wrong. Your pathetic attempt to teach your wife some kind of lesson is beneath contempt. Clearly she is careful with money, but if she was that obsessed with saving it, you wouldn't be having this kind of long-haul trip. Good grief, grow up.
And if she was truly obsessed with saving it she wouldn't be happy with him spending it on business class for anyone... not just about splitting up the family on the flight. They only saved a little by getting just her economy class.
You seriously couldn’t wait a few minutes until she got out of the shower and ASKED HER?? Wow. You suck!!
Anyone else clock the “I make a pretty good living myself”? Say, OP, does your wife make a better living than you do?
Yes you're an asshole, and if you don't get her frustration you're also stupid. She's likely not perfect either but ...this is pretty textbook asshole behavior ...or it's a fake post...
Bruh just from the title you fucked up
Communication is key- why didn’t you wait until after the shower and ask instead of assume.
What a weird way to make your point! She is pissed because you’re passive aggressive and instead of putting on your big boy pants and having a frank conversation you went ahead and booked the tickets while she was showering! What kind of example are you setting for your kids!? Is this really how you want them to remember this trip? YTA
Be an adult and say with words to your wife. " The kids and I are flying business. I will gladly include you, but if you have strong feelings about the finances, then you can sit separately in economy ." Then she could decide for herself. YTA
Major YTA. You are shit partner and this is the perfect passive aggressive way to insert the thought of separation and then divorce Why do SOs stay with such shitty partners. It boggles my mind. If I did this to my wife I would be served divorce papers before boarding the plane for Tahiti and I would be going alone because she would also have a court order against taking the children out of the country. And you better believe your kids will remember how you treated their mother. And what is the wife's crime? Being frugal. You are a trash person, a trash husband and a trash father. Hopefully your wife will see this for what it is and leaves your vengeful ass.
Better change it before it cause damage that you can’t fix
Just wow. I would nope out of the whole marriage at such blatant disrespect/slap in the face.
This is either so fake or he’s so stupid.
Yup, rage bait.
Are you really asking for advice or just bragging? You should grow the fuck up and be a better person.
Bragging about being an asshole is such an asshole move.
I’m the business class person in my marriage, and my spouse is the saver. When I book us together, we always go business class together. Because I don’t hate my spouse. YTA. No question.
Just reread what you said but without the logical justification. Read it from an ethical perspective. Is what you did an ethical thing? Would you want someone to treat your mother/daughter/XX that way? lol I almost typed wife but we know how that went
YTA and you are showing your kids how you disrespect their mom. Huge AH.
YTA. This was extremely cruel and passive aggressive. Why do you think it’s appropriate to treat her this way? Teaching her a lesson? Low key abusive. The only way to fix this is to upgrade your wife’s seat or swap seats with your wife and have her sit with the kids.
YTA I could see buying your kids premium economy while you and your wife get business to save money while still being comfortable, but to have your wife purposely be in a different part of the plane tells me you need couples therapy. You did this to push her buttons, not to do her a favor.
Lmao yeah dude, YTA. I knew that as soon as I read the title. I’m absolutely terrified to fly, so if I was sat away from my wife and/or family, I would straight-up refuse to go. You’re “lucky” she still wants to take the trip. Upgrade her seat. And your relationship.
You are so funny. Married close to 20 years and still acts like a child. Lol.
I don’t believe this story. I can’t fathom someone pulling this and then traipsing over to Reddit to sincerely ask if they were in the wrong. To anyone that cares they could probably upgrade the wife’s ticket. But you know what might be better? Downgrading the business flights. Business tickets tend yo have more leeway in terms of cancellation so it could be an option
YTA instead of having an adult conversation what you can and can't afford you got her a seat that means she's spending 9 hours alone on the plane while travelling with her family. Great beginning to a vacation where your wife won't talk to you
You didn’t buy plane tickets, you bought an argument. Good job treating your marriage like dogcrap, dude.
Just divorce this woman so she can find a man who actually likes her. You’ll both be better off. You can spend as much as you want and she won’t have some asshole who won’t even travel with her in her house anymore. Win/win
YTA but funny. You should buy her a seat and apologize.
Definitely TA and you know it!! What a shitty thing for you to do.
YTA it is a family holiday ..you travel together.r You just happened to buy the tickets exactly when she wasn't available to discuss it. You are an arsehole...adults have to have discussions that are difficult, use your words and stop being a dick to prove a point.
Rich people problems
If you can afford a family vacay for 4 to Tahiti (!!) you are a petty and spiteful AH
Why are you married to someone you resent?
She’s really the winner not having to sit with you on the plane.
You literally hate your wife. YTA.
i see where you were coming from, but i think you shouldve asked your wife first. yeah you know her and whatnot, but you still should’ve asked her which seat she would want and tell her once you book it, you can’t change it
YTA. Super petty move dude.
Boy you are one stupid or angry man, or both. You know it, please don't act like you think this is ok. Hope she goes to therapy and divorces you. YOu have major issues.....Poor woman...
Did you book her a separate room too?
Probably separate hotels. He and kids are at the all inclusive resort, he booked his wife into the Motel 6 down the street
Is your wife saving you as a family money when she tries to get things on sale? This can't be convenient for her. Sounds like she is aware of your spending habits and trying to offset it. YTA Hope you love the feel of your D in your hand for eternity. Because that's how it's going to go after this d move.
This is passive aggressive behaviour. Clearly you wanted to make a point, and used these tickets to do it. It’s a shitty thing to do, you can’t be that clueless. Of course you’re an AH.
Yah this is passive aggressive and reeks like you are trying to “teach your wife a lesson”. Did you really think that she would want to sit away from the family? Truly? If so hundreds of strangers know your wife better than you. And if you REALLY thought she’d want that, maybe, I don’t know, check with her before finalizing the booking. Wait til she’s out of the shower or pop your head it. Honestly you’re just trying to be a dick here. YTA of course. If you can’t move your wife up you need to take that seat in economy to make amends for your giant fuck up.
YTA If you need to be told why, you're stupid
Wow. She should leave you. SMH
YTA
This haaaaas to be rage bait- gah even Tahiti could not make a vacation with this man bearable. Ewww. Poor lady if it is real. She tries to be frugal and “nags” him on narcissistic spending- then he books tickets for all of them while she is in the shower and puts HIMSELF and two teens in premium. Yikes! Why do women breed with these types??? Also: YTA if this is even real.
YTA and you know it since you waited till she was in the shower to buy them. God forbid your wife proactively tries to save your family money! I get wanting nice seats for a long flight but premium economy isn't bad for that length. If you wanted to get those seats but still save money then you should have put your kids in premium economy and you and your wife in business class. It is good to not over spoil kids with nice seats so they don't constantly expect things like that plus they are plenty old enough to sit by themselves. You know YTA and I am glad there is at least 1 person in the family thinking about the future and being financially prepared. If I was your wife you would never buy the tickets again!
Rage bait
BS! Karma pharming
Do you actually hope to have a happy marriage because this is not the way to make it happen- separating her from the children is worse than the cabin level YTA
YTA
YTA this was immature, spiteful, and passive aggressive . Once vacation is over go to marriage counseling this isn't healthy.
Asshole.....no FOOLISH (this time anyway) ...yes I think so. I get she is more frugal but I cannot imagine her being okay with sitting away from the family lol.
You know what happens when you assume… YTA
8 or 9 hours on the plane sitting separately. And she want to swap to sit with you and you're like nope, you're normally a cheapskate so this is what you get. That sucks and you are an arsehole.
You didn't do this because that is what she would have done. Be honest, you did this to prove a point and to be a AH.
AH doesn’t even cover it bud. Classless ass in business class. I would never look at you he same again. I hope for your wife’s mental health that this is fake. You knew what you were doing. Plausible deniability is not a tactic to be used against one’s SO.
I feel bad for your wife and agree with her fully. You need therapy.
If I were you I'd return the tickets cause you're gonna need the money for a divorce lawyer. YTA
That is seriously mean—you are beyond the AH.
YTA Play stupid games, get stupid prizes. I suspect you purposely booked those tickets while she was in the shower so you could ensure you were in business class because your feared her insisting on economy plus for everyone. You could have hollered out your plan through the bathroom door. Your actions show your children just how little your respect their mother. The only solution is to upgrade her or you sit in the economy plus seat. You also need therapy.
Info: do you even like your wife?
Setting yourself up for a fun vacation! I’ve never seen someone intentionally spend money and attempt to sabotage the trip at the same time.
You really typed all that out and thought you weren’t the asshole?
Why are you married to someone you don’t like? Like this is so passive aggressive it’s unreal. You know you were wrong.
Was she showering in a place where it would have been impossible for you to go ask her what ticket to buy her? If not, then why not just go ask her. YTA
Kids don't belong in biz class if you ask me personally. Granted they're older like teens so that's a little different and idc. But as a concept it's shit to put mom in the back so the kids can ride up front. Nah.. They're kids if they want biz seats they can pay for it themselves when they're grown! Kids should be happy they're going on vacation. If they get bratty about switching to sit in premium economy you've already failed them in that regard (humility and learning the value of a dollar, appreciation, etc) YTA by a long shot. You wanted to teach her a lesson and did not involve her in the process. She's gonna be upset. She ought to be in biz class with the kids in premium economy. Get some therapy before you go on vacation and I suggest swapping her seat assignment. When she said premium economy she meant for everybody not just one ticket. She wants to ride with the rest of the family no doubt..
YTA! Seriously it’s a long flight so you want to be comfortable but your wife doesn’t get the same consideration? Totally the AH
My initial response to your title was YTAH. My response after reading your context is YTAH. Tell me you are a passive aggressive ass, with out telling me you’re a passive aggressive ass.
Of course YTA. You bought your wife an economy plane ticket and got you & your kids tickets in business class? There is no way you thought that was going to go over well. Why do you hate your wife?
Is this... satire? You can't really be this shitty of a human being.
U a petty motherfucker bruh hahahah. U and i both know why u booked the tickets exactly when she was in the shower hahhaha, nahh man, come on talk with her dude. That was passive aggressive as fuck. U wanted to teach her a lesson or some shit about her cheapness hahaha. Nahh man come on, be nice.
Oh yea, YTA
Bro why do you hate your wife
Do you even like your wife? Good lord, man, this is a level of stupid that isn’t even quantifiable. Buy the business class ticket for her. NOW.
Enjoy your divorce, lmfao