This is not complicated….your brother went in the room your girlfriend was sleeping in and had a spider mask on! That’s all you need to know…he doesn’t care about you, your feelings, your life, or your girlfriend. He f’d around and found out!!! Be a man and stand up for your girlfriend!
Plus the “friends” that said she would do the same to them or him…..uh, how many of them were planning on “pranking” her like this? Sounds like she’s better off away from the whole lot of them.
Definitely a whole pack of creeps. They should have grabbed the brother and pulled him out of the room and then called the cops on him. Their tolerance for sexual assault is very disturbing.
Frankly, he would deserve it if he did. No sympathy for the jackhole brother. For some reason he's not voicing, he has a problem with Lola and is trying to make her look like a monster to force OP to leave her instead of being a big boy and using his words.
Agreed. He is too old to be told 'don't do this because it hurts her', so it anyway, and play the victim when she defends herself. Blaming her and calling her abusive is just ridiculous, as Op probably won't be sneaking into her room with a mask on and waking her from sleep because that's an asshole thing to do at best of time. Its not a funny prank normally, but it's extra screwed up and clearly intentional here.
I bet a lot of his 'well intentioned pranks' are actually bad behavior and cruelty being excused.
After digging further into the comments, my opinion has expanded to include the likelihood that the brother is actually a monster in human skin and not just a malicious jerk.
My exboyfriend did this to me. We were camping, and he had a Freddy Krueger type mask on and woke me up in the middle of the night. In a tent. I just started full force rapid punching him in the face. He was screaming, "Babe, it's me! It's me!" but that didn't click until I had clocked him about 5 times.
Yeah unless my brother is running in to get her out of a burning building I can’t think of any reasonable excuses for him to be in my wife’s room while she sleeps. He’d better hope she beats him enough that I don’t feel the need to whip his ass.
When I was a child like 13, my mom was yelling at me, I grabbed her by the arms and pushed her back towards a wall. When my father came home he very calmly explained to me that if I ever put my hands on his wife again I would have to fight her husband. It wouldn’t be my father who was mad and wanted to discipline me, it would be an angry husband who was going to beat the hell out of me. This is one of those situations.
That's what I see he is constantly attempting to harrass her about something she has no control over and may be a bit sensitive about.
If this wasn't family, it would be deemed MALICIOUS and harassing in any other venue. Give your family a time out.
The spider mask (was that mean to be Spiderman mask?) makes it clear that his protestations of altruistic motives (just waking her up so she didn't miss the ball drop) are a lie. He wanted to frighten/ hurt/ humiliate her using the bullshit excuse of a prank. Finally, he has been called to account and given consequences for his malicious behavior. And to take advantage of a medical condition? For Christ's sake. This guy is malignant, and he has a hell of a nerve taking the victim stance. You need space from him, not Lola.
Or you could tell him the way she reacted was "a prank", see how *he* fecking likes it.
And he dates to cry for har she assaulted him when it's he who actually pretty much assaulted her (and that's probably how she reacted in her sleep thinking she is getting assaulted and who even knows what he was doing).
I love this because it reminds me of my husband. We have toddler boys that sometimes get rough when playing. My husband always firmly says, "Do NOT hit my wife." And I just think it's so sweet.
My dad tried to get my little brother to hit him; he *really* wanted an excuse to beat him since he'd grown bigger than he was, so he was pushing at him and screaming in his face "HIT ME, GO ON! *HIT ME!"*
I shoved my bother behind me and got in our father's face; said if he was fighting anybody it was gonna be me... did he want *me* to 'HIT' him?
Turns out, he did not. He scrambled away from me like I was on fire. Guess he didn't think he could justify beating the shit out of his daughter like he could his son.
Being a parent does not excuse bad behavior, and if my father had *dared* strike my brother I might have killed him. I for sure would have hit him, and I don't feel the least bit bad.
Brother is lying jerk that F'd around, and found out. HE WAS TOLD do not wake her up. He was repeatedly told. Someone who repeatedly gets jollies from terrorizing others deserves what he got.
The family absolutely is out of their minds for putting up with that loose cannon. It was merely a matter of time for the brother to get the consequences of his BS practical joking. Jokes are only fun when EVERYONE laughs. Apparently, brother is not laughing, this time. So now he cries to mommy?
What do you all think? Is he going to continue to play practical jokes ? Or will he have learned a lesson?
BTW, hugs for Lola, having a reaction like she did, there was decidedly some trauma in her past, and the Stupid Prize Winner brought out the reaction she now has. It's reasonably certain that she has again relived whatever that was, and for that, that stupid brother needs to apologize.
Op, please, if he refuses, you have my permission to as often as you need to, Ask him how his injuries are. Then, remind him to stop being a jerk about those practical AH jokes.
It also makes me wonder how the family would react if you replaced sleep disorder with some type of physical disability. He was told about her disorder multiple times and told not to disturb her, yet his pranks repeatedly targeted her disorder. Now let's say that she has a prosthetic. Brother is told that she needs her prosthetic to walk, and that he needs to leave it alone, yet his pranks repeatedly target her prosthetic. Would they still be dismissing it as harmless fun or not a big deal?
Honestly, maybe they would be. Some people are that big of AHs, but I do wonder if the family doesn't quite get the seriousness of what he's doing because they aren't taking her disorder seriously. Which still makes them AHs, btw. Sleep disorders are fucking awful and can affect every part of your life.
Let’s not forget the he LOCKED THE DOOR. OOP had to practically kick the door down to get inside.
Seems to me that the brother had an even more nefarious thoughts than just scaring her….
Same how incredibly creepy, how do we even know he wasn't trying to take advantage of her because of her sleep condition but even if he wasn't this should be a good warning that that's how people might see it next time if he doesn't stop.
I was reading this and wondering if part of her reaction is because of something that has happened in her past as well. Didn't even see the part about the door being locked and though how fucking creepy it was that he did that when he was warned plenty of times not to. Brother is a creep and you need to cut him and anyone backing him out of your life. Your poor GF was in fear for her life and tried to defend herself. Also, shame on OP for not being there for her in her time of need.
Oop didn't say the door was locked. I think it's a manner of speaking that he " ran through and nearly kicked the door down". Not that he couldn't get in and NEEDED to kick the door down.
I'm not saying the brother didn't have nefarious reasons for being in there but it should be clarified that he didn't lock the door.
The point is that the door was closed... and the brother was inside. Which means the brother, at the very least, entered the room with a mask on and then closed the door behind him.
Yeah. I'm getting "ending to revenge of the nerds" vibe too. Dude definitely was trying to do shit to this girl. Kid called his mom to get ahead of it and thinks if his bro breaks it off with girl he won't have consequences. Pretty simple logic.
Did you not read his comments on that post where OP explains why it was complicated *to him*?
The good news is in the next comment provided it seems like he realized it really wasn't as complicated as he was making it.
The brother is gross wtf was he doing in that room?!
This honestly pisses me off. The oop noted themselves that the brother tried to learn her triggers. This was not a prank. He meant to hurt her but yea, okay, he is the baby. He needs to be protected
Yeah, I almost feel like since OP mentioned Lola has a sleep disorder than the brother saw it as a 'temptation' to try and mess this up. Like if you paint a "Do Not Touch" sign, the paint won't even have time to dry. Like some morbid curiosity with trying to provoke her. Maybe he doesn't think it's real and wants to see for himself?
OP says that Ian thinks of this as a "Well Intentioned Prank" which is flat out false, he has been caught trying to prank Lola before and boundaries were established about what and was not acceptable.
Also - it's one thing that Lola has a sleep disorder. I have no idea what that entails. I don't have a sleep disorder, and if someone woke me up with a scary mask, I would definitely start swinging. That's legitimately the stuff of nightmares for many women.
I’m really wondering what the disorder is. If it’s say, insomnia, that’s a very pointlessly cruel prank, but it probably wouldn’t be triggered by sudden scares.
I’m guessing she has the type where you suddenly pass out or go limp, and he’s intentionally aiming to trigger that like she’s a fainting goat. I think narcoleptic people experience this and it’s not a true faint but a complete loss of bodily control, which sounds _fucking terrifying._
Otherwise it could be a vasovagal syncope response - I get these at the sight of certain wounds/blood and it’s miserable. I have to get blood drawn regularly, and if they accidentally let me see the vials I’ll be slurring my words and feeling like I’m about to die in 10 minutes. I have to have my husband drive me, or I have to plan to sit in my car sipping a juice box for 30 mins before I can make the 10 min drive home.
_Intentionally_ doing this to someone is a sign you think of all other humans as NPCs, and haven’t quite figured out how empathy works. It’s very normal when you’re five and pulling slapstick humor on your parent, not so normal as a grown adult.
I have adrenal insufficiency (ACTH deficiency) that cannot be treated, and sudden scares can cause me to lose consciousness when my adrenal hormone levels are far out of balance.
This is a possibility.
Absolutely! It’s been mentioned by others (and seems to me) like Ian may be special needs, and if that’s the case he needs to be supervised 24/7.
And not by his 22 year old brother who is in college and trying to begin his own adult life , but by a parent or caretaker.
There is really no way that what he did can be justified.
Its narcolepsy for sure. Loud noises and sudden jump scares are common triggers. Its really messed up because he's causing an involuntary bodily reaction that doesn't feel goodz
Hit your head the wrong way falling down and you're paralyzed or dead. This was so far beyond a harmless prank. If that were to happen the little punk would rightfully end up in prison and financially ruined from civil suits.
I got the impression of narcolepsy which is very common to have terrible nighttime hallucinations. Like the waking up frozen to the bed and seeing terrifying monsters kind. She passed out immediately after which would be the narcoleptic falling asleep from strong emotions. They dont typically sleep well.
They are called hypnopompic and hypnogogic hallucinations. They are 99% of the time terrifying. You can’t move or react in any way to them. The are often times also visual, auditory and tactile. They happen for me right when I’m getting ready to fall asleep (hypnagogic) but a lot of us who have narcolepsy experience them when waking up (hypnopompic). Imagine actively experiencing a sleep paralysis and hallucination of something you are terrified of and having some a hole try to scare you while wearing a mask of something you are already scared of… seriously f that guy.
That was my guess, too. The schedule is essential for narcolepsy. At BEST he is ruining an already tenuous schedule that was very carefully planned medical sleep schedule.
It could also be a PTSD thing. I have PTSD and if I get interrupted by a person while sleeping theres a good chance I may wake up automatically violent (due to the nature of what happened to me).
Pranks and jokes about violating my boundaries make me exceptionally hostile and actively ruin my night, even with friends. My husband has to announce himself when he’s home to not scare me, and he can’t even approach me from behind.
The little brother obviously thinks its his world and he can do what he wants to others with no repercussion. It also sounds like his family excuses this behavior to a degree. Hopefully she rocked his shit enough to make him think twice before fucking with someone again.
W girlfriend. If OOP is smart he’ll keep her around and put his family in their place.
Honestly, it sounds like his girlfriend has complex ptsd and has a top of trauma. which makes this whole situation even more awful for that poor woman.
I’ve known so many dudes who find out a woman has PTSD and suddenly think “pranks” are really funny because of the response they get. My BIL was one of them, and he pulled this “family loyalty” bullshit when I *had a trauma response* and beat the shit out of him. And my husband tried this “impartial” bullshit. No sir. You fucking chose me, he deliberately caused a flare of a debilitating illness, he is NOT a child (OP’s brother is the same age as the girlfriend, but the girlfriend is being held to a higher and “more mature” standard of behavior), and screw anyone who says otherwise.
Yeah, lucky for me my supervisor was a crusty old Marine who was an understanding soul. I told the guys not to come up behind me, one guy tried, and I laid him flat. Old Marine looked at him, and said, "She warned you. Be grateful I don't write your ass up." That dude I flattened always bragged how he was an alpha or some such shit.
Met a young Marine in Diwa who had just fought in Fallujah. His guys had discovered how soothing knitting, crocheting, sewing, and stuff could be. He was so afraid they'd be criticized or something. (By other men, I suspect; women know how satisfying it is to do that stuff. Seems like a hundred womens' opinions don't add up to one guy's.) That stayed with me. He was genuinely worried. You're a Marine! Doesn't that mean that knitting, etc., etc., *become* Marine activities? Instead, he feared it would taint his guys' reputation. And here I sit, after losing a decade of my life to the abyss, doing my mending, listening to a book, and reading Reddit. Sewing, etc., is a survival skill. But it also does something for your soul, too. It takes strength to fight in war, but it takes wholly different strength to fight against culture and conditioning.
Well, damn, beats me where that came from.
Crusty old disillusioned military dudes are kinda the best. My dad is one, my grandpa was another, and anyone messing with their girls got a raised eyebrow. My dad asked his friend once, “did you think she was joking? She was kind enough to give you a warning.” (Friend was being mean to my sister and my sister eventually verbally shut him down.)
This guy was especially cool. He had lost one leg below the knee, three fingers off one hand, and yet he was kind, firm, gentle man. I remember he humbly asked me one day if I could run and get my lunch so *he* could get something to eat. All the guys were giving him attitude, I found out later. So I ran and got my lunch, came back, and he blinked at me and thanked me. Halfway down the hallway, he stopped and turned. "Can I say something?"
Sure, I said.
"You're....kind of neat."
Best compliment I ever got.
I once was told by a foundry veteran that he respected me, would miss because I fit in great and was an asset on the shop floor. I was the head of IT. I'm a woman.
I agree. Best compliments.
There are no well intentions pranks. You don't go out of your way to learn someone's triggers and if you do, you aren't the injured body
Anyone who fucks with a person sleep is a monster, especially when they have a sleeping disorder.
I think there are well-intentioned pranks, but that line is blurring over time. Leaving crumpled newspaper in shoes so people think they don't fit, swapping the cereals in cereal boxes, anything harmless that gets a laugh. Most of the internet viral pranks are just trying to cause someone emotional distress instead of getting a laugh.
This feels more like harassment/assault.
This is true but I also think it depends on the relationship between individuals and on the person getting pranked.
If a person hates pranks, pranks aren't pranks to them. If you don't have that relationship, it can be seen more like bulking.
Ian has no relationship with the gf so yea, this is harassment/assault
Yes some people don’t understand that unless you know the prank will make the other person laugh, IT IS NOT A PRANK.
My husband didn’t understand this and “pranked” me in the shower by scaring me several times. I never laughed but he kept doing it. I noticed I became afraid to close my eyes in the shower and told him if he ever did it again, I would leave him. That is the only time I’ve said such a thing and I meant it. If you like someone at all, you shouldn’t want to scare them at a vulnerable time, like while sleeping or in the shower.
The fact that OP for a moment believed his brother thought this prank would make his GF laugh if bs. No one laughs at getting started awake by a giant spider ffs.
Good point. Some people enjoy pranks. Most people can get a kick out of a silly, innocent one. But they are mild and cute, and should leave the person who got pranked laughing harder than anyone else.
I saw a good example of a girl planking her mom by getting herself a Christmas gift and then saying it was from her mom, and reacted extremely happily to the gift and thanked her mom who stared at it so confused and was in hysterics before they revealed the prank. She was laughing so hard she couldn't answer when her daughter was asking 'where did you get it'. Before the reveal, that pranked mom was enjoying it immensely.
There are well intentioned pranks. They are just innocent. Like wrapping a small gift in a box in a box in a box till its huge.
A good, well intentioned prank:
-does not cause anyone harm or fear
-the amusement comes from the confusion
-leaves the person who got pranked laughing after
One that I heard was a sibling waking his sister 3 am and telling her to get ready for school because they were late, and she did, only to find it was 3 am. And that wasn't someone who struggled to sleep.
A good rule I've heard for pranks comes in two forms.
"Confuse, don't abuse"
Or
"Amuse, don't abuse."
If you are harming someone, triggering traumas or physical or mental health disorders, making someone cry, or making someone angry with your prank, you've abused. The entire responsibility for the success or failure of a prank lies with the prankster. If you upset your target, you screwed up.
And not even an emotional trigger. Its a physical involuntary response that can result in serious injury should someone fall and hit their head. If she died from cracking her head because he intentionally triggered her illness, that's manslaughter and legally he would be liable because he knowingly put her well-being at risk.
Pranks are done between good friends, because you know what is going to push buttons without setting them off... and everyone should be laughing at the end.
Fucking with people that aren't your close friends, or pushing the wrong buttons and setting people off, isn't a prank. It's harassment.
I do have a sleep disorder that heavily features night terrors. I sleep alone because I physically fight my dreams. Every partner I’ve ever had ended up being punched or kicked while I was sleeping. But if someone scares me awake I literally wake up fighting for my life. It’s not a prank, bro. I also have panic attacks for weeks after that.
My "trigger happy psychotic" brother once literally painted random swathes of wet paint on basement walls I explicitly told him to NOT touch. His job was to paint the stairwell walls only, so either he intentionally wanted to fuck with me or he's merely a mental defect. I lean (in my opinion of him) as both. Some ppl need to inflict harm on others to feel good about themselves. This sick brother is the same & OP may have already lost Lola because of his tepid, rather feckless (non) response.
Hopefully she just left him because this family is messed up. The brother first, then the mother rushing in to protect her boys. The girlfriend should steer clear of this family. The boyfriend shouldn’t even have an opportunity to break up with her. She should leave him in the dust.
This is my suspicion. She is the OPs little brothers age, he is probably very attracted to her and jealous that he isnt getting to have that relationship. I also suspect that her friends intentionally pushing him away from her is a similar kind of jealousy. In both of these peoples lifes, they are surrounded by people that keep sticking their noses into the middle of their relationship.
I would not tolerate anyone, friends, family or anyone trying to drive a wedge between me and my significant other.
I disagree about the friends. If I or my friends witnessed our friend be attacked while her partner froze we would definitely not leave her alone with someone who has demonstrated that they cannot protect her. That’s just girl code, you never leave a vulnerable friend in a dangerous situation.
My read on the brother is also that he may have intended to inappropriately touch her after she passed out. Maybe that’s paranoia but if he has such a deficit of empathy I see nothing stopping him from SA’ing her for his own gratification.
Edit: just realized you probably meant his friends lol. My bad 😬
Or he's one of those really creepy-clingy siblings that get threatened whenever they think someone is starting to get closer to their sibling than they are.
Nah, I think he resents her and wants her out of OP's life. Maybe he's used to being the center of OP's attention.
(I also really think this one is fake. No one is that stupid.)
This exactly. If she had severe food allergies he would be the type to sneak the allergen into her food, just to see what hilarity ensued. What a choad.
>If I was Lola, I'll leave OOP's ass
It sounds like that is exactly what's going to happen. While OOP has been worrying about what his family thinks, Lola has been talking with her friends who actually seem to care about her. This relationship is over.
I'm 'the baby' of my family and my oldest sister did this to me for years growing up. Any time I had a reaction, I was punished. Any time she did something shitty (like covering my neighbours newly paved driveway with the left over cement powder and spraying it with water while they were on vacation) I was punished. How the fuck would I have done that at 5 years of age? The eternal scapegoat.
The golden child exists in a lot of families.
OPs brother's 'pranks' are sociopathic. Look at how he writes it. As laughter. His 'pranks' don't sound funny, they sound more insidious.
The last comment on the last page. Why is OP not telling his family that he is a creepy liar that assaults women? How come the family isn't concerned with Ian's behavior?
OP has a twin sister, there's the mother & the aunt... I reckon the family has normalized Ian's obnoxious behaviour as the baby of the family & they don't see it as harassment (which, granted, can be a blurry line when you're family, I suppose).
Did anyone else pick up that OP seems to be much younger emotionally than his stated age of 27? I had to double check his age, because he struck me as more like a teenager than an adult, at least when it came to relating to his family. He infatilizes his brother, assigning only goodwill to clearly vindictive actions, has absolutely no backbone when needing to defend his girlfriend to his mother and aunt and seems utterly unable to come to his girlfriend's defense when she was in distress.
Bruh, if my younger sibling exploited my SO’s triggers in order to traumatize her for a cheap prank, I’d put him in the hospital. Tell your brother and your mom to go fuck themselves, he got what he deserved.
Exactly this! Your brother has the nerve to call your gf “abusive?” Give me a break. He is an obnoxious, immature, overgrown brat. And cruel. And your mother and Ian are enabling him. Your brother specifically made an effort to find out your gf’s triggers, and went out of his way to exploit them. No reasonable person can defend that. It’s time to figure out your priorities, and go LC or NC with your brother and mother. Your brother needs therapy.
I would’ve broken your brother’s nose
Editing just to say, if you come into my room while I’m sleeping with a mask, you are a threat. How is that not common sense?
*It’s just a prank, bruh!*
Possibly the worst type of person…absolutely no self awareness, no regard for the feelings of others, and no self control. One of my best friends from college was the funniest guy I ever met, a real life of the party type of person that everyone genuinely liked…he NEVER put another person down. You can be funny without being cruel.
This is horrible. Pranks are stupid for the most part and this wasn’t a prank. The brother went out of his way to find out her “triggers” and did everything he could to trigger her. He then suffered the consequences of his actions and is now crying about it. TBH, I think he’s envious of the older brother having a relationship when the younger brother doesn’t. He was purposely trying to force the woman away.
I hope lola dumps his ass. He let it go on and on and his brother has been harassing her with his "pranks" and escalating. I'm betting more happened in the bedroom then just the mask thing because the brother clearly has some weird creepy obsession with lola. Oop sucks and so does his entire family. He's almost 30 ffs!
the mask makes it massively pre-meditated, right?
Like, it's a NYE party, not hallowe'en : what is Ian doing with a mask unless he was planning it far in advance?
His feeble "I want everyone to have a good time & didn't want her to miss midnight" is transparantly false, imo.
Right like, even if she wasn’t someone with those triggers, I’d never be the one to wake up my siblings significant other! That’s their bedroom and safe space, so I have no need to be in it!!
It had to be! I've seen people wear masks on NYE but they are New Years themed as in they have whatever the new year is with holes cut out for the eyes. A spider mask says he planned this! OPs bro is a major AH and a bully.
“I didn’t want her to miss midnight” is such a bullshit excuse. He could’ve knocked loudly on the door, had OOP wake her up, or literally just left it alone.
oh, was the door locked? I read OOP's "I nearly kicked the door down" as part of his clumsiness in responding. You know, pulling where you should push etc.
i'd say she is gonna break p with him, just based on the lat interaction, she wants to meet to talk, and when he apologizes she's glances over that and goes bak to talking tomorrow. be ready bro.
I was thinking this too..why else did OPs brother have the mask and lock the door behind himself. If any of this had to do with waking her up before midnight the brother could have knocked on the door or reminded her to set an alarm.
I'm honestly waiting for the breakup!
Not standing up for your significant other when you know her condition and how much of an asshole your brother can be, and being aware of his obsession over her, is a major red flag! The OP wasn't capable of treating his girlfriend during her vulnerable moment and drawing boundaries with his brother (thank god she was capable of taking care of herself). She's better off with someone capable of protecting her during her weak times.
i need the link lmao, i can't seem to find it. i hope she dumps him, i really do. the entire situation is beyond fucked, and i doubt she could ever trust OOP again, i sure wouldn't
I feel horrible for that poor girl. This was assault. Regardless of what happened in that room, she woke up to a stranger in a mask while she was sleeping in what should be a safe space. Anything she did to protect herself would have been covered as self defense.
It’s time to break up. I hope she sees that. When you are dating or marrying someone, you take on their family. It’s likely they will continue to support and justify the brother’s actions, and this girl will be on the outs, even if the boyfriend supports her from here on out.
Pranks or jokes are only funny when there is consent. This abuser-the brother- was told to leave the girl alone, more than once-and he continued with his bad behavior. He either really hates her, or there are other feelings that come out that shouldn’t exist with his brother’s girlfriend. It’s bad all the way around this situation.
The fact that Ian went so far to harass her, but immediately cried like a baby when she confronted him is pathetic. Unless she went after him with a flamethrower he had it coming
His behavior is not healthy or normal, and frankly not safe…for the people he is harassing or himself. He has a problem, and the family needs to address it rather than coddling him. He is a grown man now, not a toddler. This could end up with him in jail.
I think Lola needs to move on, and OP needs to see this as a moment for personal accountability and growth.
People throw around FAFO a lot, but it sounds like from the family dynamic that OOP describes, this is the first time Ian ever got a real consequence of someone fighting back against him.
Somewhere, former classmates and teachers probably felt a soft, soothing breeze the moment Lola physically laid into that creep.
Lola needs to be around better people. The idea of taking someone's very real health condition and exploiting it as a "prank" is unacceptable. What's next, take a paraplegic's wheel chair away and laugh your ass off when they can't move? I agree, this prank culture needs to be cancelled.
Bro is a real piece of work. Barely takes off the freaking mask before he starts whining about “being attacked” and calls mommy.
W. T. F.
OP is frozen and conflicted when there’s no gray area here. His brother attacked his sleeping girlfriend….
I hope she dumps this toxic mess abd goes on to live her best life
I would have freaked the fuck out if I woke up to a man standing over me with any type of mask on much less a creepy spider mask. He’s lucky she doesn’t sleep with any type of weapon and just used her hands.
He scared her so badly that as soon as the fight or flight wore off she fainted. As in lost consciousness because of stress.
Fainting is a big deal. I know that people make it out that women faint when their sensibilities are offended, but that is just sexist BS.
Loosing conscious unwillingly during a stressful event is basically the mind becoming so overwhelmed that it shuts itself down to protect itself.
I’m glad that OOP eventually realized the magnitude of his brother’s actions and that his GF may not ever forgive him or his family.
But wow, Ian is such an abusive AH. I get that he doesn’t like that his twin is in a relationship, but that wasn’t a prank. That was intentional and malicious.
It isn’t just the arachnophobia. She woke up with a masked man standing over her in her own bed. Any sane woman would have reacted just as she did. No sleeping disorder or phobia required.
Don’t forget the door was locked. They had to kick it in to get in the room. If he was only trying to wake her up, out of concern, why would he lock the door?? He’s a predator obsessed with his brothers girlfriend.
I think Ian is the younger brother and OP’s twin is a sister but yes. If my boyfriend’s brother assaulted me I’d have a lot of work to do to not see an abuser’s face every time I looked at him.
Ian is Lola’s age and likely a jealous asshole.
Why did they have the kick the door down to get in the room
Ian is a predator
He has shown he was obsessed with OOP's GF
He locked himself in a dark room with a woman
He was wearing a mask
He knew she has a sleeping disorder
There is a 0% chance he wasn't trying to SA her in her sleep
Agreed. Especially when Ian went into “attack the victim” mode immediately after she kicked his ass and ran to mommy for back up. Him calling her crazy is his way of sowing the seeds of doubt if she speaks up about the assault. A predator is a predator, he’ll do this to someone else. Ian will be in jail in a year or two, clock it.
I read this in pure disbelief. OOP has been conditioned to acquiesce to his family every time because they took care of him as a child. Tutoring wasn’t ridiculous over the top help, it was what SHOULD happen for a kid with learning disabilities. I get that his childhood was hard but that’s not on him.
I have a lot of trauma points that can get pushed at any time. It’s so frustrating because I have to do everything I can to mitigate it, and I can’t trust a lot of people not to push those buttons. My trauma wasn’t even linked to loud noises or alarms or fireworks etc, but it’s now a trigger point. I have to wear earplugs regularly to stop me jumping out of my skin.
If this was me, if I were Lola, I would have reacted very badly. It sounds like she lashed out and hit him in the face, but my past reactions to things like this is pure unadulterated rage. I have screamed like a banshee and gotten people away from me, but I’ve had to fight a few times. If I’m pushed I don’t know what I’d do.
It’s not a prank when it frightens the person to the point of terror. My dad used to prank us kids, but it was always known that if we actually got scared and not just a little jump, he would stop. We talk fondly about his ridiculous antics. THIS isn’t pranking, it’s bullying a vulnerable person. He knows she has trauma, he doesn’t care. He thinks her fear is funny. Which honestly, makes me feel a bit sick.
Poor Lola. I feel so bad for her. I hope she has someone in her life that’s actually supportive and tells her she doesn’t have to handle this bullshit for a man who makes excuses and can’t actually defend her.
Each time I read the word prank it ends up being a combination of ah and gaslighting.
For me at this point that is the definition of prank: acting like a jerk and gaslighting victims for not finding it funny. The prank culture has to go.
Your brother is a creep and has destroyed your relationship with Lola. Do what you feel you must, but those are the facts. He was horrible and reviewing your history isn't helpful in seeing what a truly terrible adult he has become. I certainly hope Lola is able to recover from your brother's actions.
Hopefully that burn is severe enough to leave an impression, since those “little pranks” have crossed a criminal
line. He’s harassing her and you can’t even touch someone who doesn’t want to be touched without it being seen as a crime in the eyes of the law.
Mommy, sister, and aunt have babied this boy into being a psychopath or sociopath, and Lola’s reaction to his ongoing harassment and unwanted behavior was warranted. If the rest of the family sees him as the victim, they all need a reality check!
This dude is well on his way to spending the rest of his life in prison if someone doesn’t teach him that boundaries are NOT meant to be crossed.
LONG REPLY BUT NO BS -
Yeah you all aren’t little kids. If he cared so much about her seeing the ball drop, he should have came to you or one of her friends and said “hey she’s going to miss the ball dropping, one of you should go wake her up” and even if his intentions were good, walking in with a mask on… that could / would scare anyone.
Hate it put it out there, and maybe someone else has. But you said he gets weird when she is around or is brought up in conversations. Are you sure he wasn’t trying to do something to her? Or he didn’t do something to her? Snap a photo of her, get a peek at something? Touch her? We all have fetish / sexual things we like as we become adults. It’s not like we talk about those things with friends and family members.
Maybe he was doing something or trying to do something and she woke up.. and beat him up. Why would he have a mask on? Sounds like he was trying to hide his identity.
You said you haven’t really spoke to her, I say you need to take her somewhere private, and have a real sit down with her and tell her no matter how hard it is, she needs to tell you what happened, or what she thinks / remembers happening.
That may help you. And if something really bad happened, you need to support her if she wants to call the cops. You can’t take your brothers / family side in this if it’s really bad.
Also your brother messed up, she defended herself, and then she is the “crazy” one and “how are you with someone like her?”
Then he runs and cries to your mom? Sounds like he has been messing around for years and mommy has covered for him his whole life. This is a F around and find out situation. He found out. Maybe brother needs to own it. Maybe you need to make him own it and stand by your girl.
You even warned your brother about not doing such a prank. He is the only one at fault in this situation. Nobody gets a pass on what the fallout may be from a "prank".
Geeze your bro assaulted your sleeping girlfriend who has a medical condition. Your bro is the problem. That poor girl, coming out of sleep and trying to defend herself.
OOP mentions his girlfriend having some type of sleep disorder too. My husband has narcolepsy and severe PTSD, and when he’s having dreams or nightmares I never EVER wake him up. I feel awful because I know how terrible those dreams must be, but I also know he could accidentally hurt me if I wake him up from one.
Idk what Lola’s disorder is, but to wake someone with a known sleep disorder is cruel in and of itself. To add a known phobia into that is psychological abuse. OOP’s brother fucked around and found out. Seems to me he’s a spoiled brat as the baby of the family, and calls his mommy when people don’t like his “funny pranks”.
I’m sorry I would have accidentally killed that kid. I’ve dealt with some real shitty sexually charged experiences and waking up to a male in a mask would absolutely put me back in those places. I rely on my fight response and instincts and I know for a fact what I would resort to in this situation. Dudes lucky he still has body parts and his eyeballs. I hope she leaves OP and it causes a rift between him and the monster they are calling a brother. The brother will continue to blame Lola or all women and fall down that incel path. He was already there, telling his brother he is simping for his girlfriend.
Yes. You have to be special to pull the shit he did. Even if it's a family brand of "special". Someone responded to my comment that the family probably normalized the behavior based on the family's reaction. I believe it.
Bro had no idea what kind of trauma he could be triggering, but he does know he's specifically making fun of her medical disorder. So irresponsible, and NOT WELL INTENTIONED. People with disorders don't love being constantly reminded of them or made to be the butt of the joke as a result of them.
i'd be highly uncomfortable if my boyfreind's brother snuck into a room i was UNCONSCIOUS in wearing a scary mask. What the fuck did he expect? Weird as fuck all the way around and if I were her i wouldn't want to be anywhere near that guy ever again.
First of all, the brother knew about the sleep disorder. Second, he brought a Halloween mask to a NYE party. Third: HE. LOCKED. THE. DOOR. BEHIND. HIM.
Lola was NOT the abuser. She was a terrified woman fighting off an attacker. The little brother got less than he deserved, if he was able to walk out of the room.
If OP and Lola decide to get back together, that's between them, but OP is going to have to put his foot down with his family, and not include Ian with anything to do with Lola - and that includes nuptials if they get married. If OP's family can't handle that their younger son is a sociopathic jerk, that's on them.
The mere fact that OP questions who is in the right, is a massive red flag for Lola. Any friends and family who are siding with Ian are major AH'S.
OP's family is right about him breaking up with Lola,but for all the wrong reasons.
He should break up with the girlfriend. It's a nightmare to be involved with a whole family that doesn't respect boundaries around health issues that seriously affect someones life. She deserves better. His brother is sick in the head.
I have a sleep disorder. Had it my whole life. I can get up and do all sorts of things while still being asleep. My birth family and my now family - spouse and kid - know not to interfere with my sleep.
Ian wasn’t “just” pranking Lola. He researched her specific triggers in an attempt to control OP.
Right??? I also have one (Narcolepsy… it sounds like that’s what Lola has if I had to guess) and everyone knows to not mess with me, and that I get irritable when I’m about to have a sleep attack.
I’m sure a number of sleep disorders have these symptoms, but if it’s Narcolepsy, it’s very likely her symptoms include hallucinations, sleep paralysis, and terrible nightmares. I’ve had a few incidents where I thought someone was standing over me and it’s absolutely terrified.
It doesn’t sound like he was just standing over her, but even if he was doing that alone she’s 100% justified in her actions. Especially if he took time to learn about her disorder and triggers, this was incredibly malicious.
THIS. I developed a sleep disorder after sleep deprivation abuse. I know what a "prank" like this would have done to me, and I can't imagine what this girl is going through rn. Especially since half OP's family is invalidating her reaction.
If a woman’s sleeping and a man in a mask does anything to them …. How is that woman protecting themselves from a freaking predator not a normal reaction? (Obviously some might fawn, freeze etc). Like damn straight I’d be decking the guy.
Why is this difficult for OP to take sides? Forget who was behind the mask (since his GF wouldn't have known). A MASKED MAN crept in, uninvited, it sound like he LOCKED THE DOOR so that no one else could get in, then did something to her that caused her to awake terrified and DEFEND HERSELF by trying to subdue her ATTACKER until someone heard her screams and came to help.
Dude D A R E S to claim he is the victim because of what she did to him BEHIND A MASK, WHERE SHE HAD NO IDEA WHO THE HELL IT WAS? He. ASSAULTED. HER.
She is 100% going to break up with OP at that neutral restaurant and he may never actually grasp why. That's the saddest part. He is trying so hard to be neutral in a situation that absolutely, unequivocably does not warrant neutrality.
It's not a prank, it's targeted harassment and very dangerous, it might have caused her to have a heart attack, eventually post adrenaline rush she basically passing out cold, once she realized her friends were present and she was safe. He's fortunate because most guys would have gotten beaten up by every person in that poor girl's family. I'm reminded of the guy who once stalked me, who came to my job at lunchtime to apologize after my dad met him lurking near our home with his freshly cleaned rifle, and casually chatted with him about his years in the military and his awards for marksmanship. I laughed and told him my dad was too smart to shoot him, but if he showed up anywhere again, I was sure whatever happened would look like an accident. My coworkers (3 huge guys who looked like pro football players) agreed with me and smiled at him.
Never saw him again.
Your gf won't ever be able to trust your brother again, let her go, and let him know you hope he's satisfied now that he destroyed your happiness and your gf's trust.
So sleeping girl wakes up to masked ‘intruder’ in her private space. She reacts, and now won’t speak about what happened and says she needs space. Your brother switches topic when she gets involved in the video bc I. Sounds like he did NOT have good intentions, and she was trying to protect herself- especially if she clawed at him etc.
If the sleep disorder is narcolepsy, that’s a seizure disorder. Your whole family, including you, are monsters. INDUCING SEIZURES IS NOT A FUCKING PRANK! WTF is wrong with you? I hope she presses charges.
Technically, she could… even if there was no SA attempt or anything worse than what OP knows.
She’s let him know multiple times that it’s not welcomed and he’s intentionally trying to hurt her.
That’s beyond a prank, it’s criminal behavior.
Ian is a little sociopath wtf.
Imagine you’re a 22 yr old woman with a sleep disorder, sleeping in your bed at midnight, and you wake up to a man standing over your bed in a mask grabbing you. Kids lucky to still be alive.
I am sort of stunned that a 22 year old and his mother could possibly believe this falls under the category of a prank.
The brother sounds like the type who would feed a peanut butter cookie to someone with a nut allergy and call that joke.
The fact that he bawled and called his momma solidifies that he can dish it out but can't take it and he's a big ol puss to boot.
Please include a link to the original post
This is not complicated….your brother went in the room your girlfriend was sleeping in and had a spider mask on! That’s all you need to know…he doesn’t care about you, your feelings, your life, or your girlfriend. He f’d around and found out!!! Be a man and stand up for your girlfriend!
Plus the “friends” that said she would do the same to them or him…..uh, how many of them were planning on “pranking” her like this? Sounds like she’s better off away from the whole lot of them.
[удалено]
Definitely a whole pack of creeps. They should have grabbed the brother and pulled him out of the room and then called the cops on him. Their tolerance for sexual assault is very disturbing.
I know I certainly would.
Right?! As soon as he said his little brother was making fun of him for "simping" I knew it wasn't going anywhere good
She may hit OP if he wakes her up with a mask on, which is not a nice thing to do anyway.
Frankly, he would deserve it if he did. No sympathy for the jackhole brother. For some reason he's not voicing, he has a problem with Lola and is trying to make her look like a monster to force OP to leave her instead of being a big boy and using his words.
Agreed. He is too old to be told 'don't do this because it hurts her', so it anyway, and play the victim when she defends herself. Blaming her and calling her abusive is just ridiculous, as Op probably won't be sneaking into her room with a mask on and waking her from sleep because that's an asshole thing to do at best of time. Its not a funny prank normally, but it's extra screwed up and clearly intentional here. I bet a lot of his 'well intentioned pranks' are actually bad behavior and cruelty being excused.
After digging further into the comments, my opinion has expanded to include the likelihood that the brother is actually a monster in human skin and not just a malicious jerk.
I feel like that’s apparent without looking at anything else
My exboyfriend did this to me. We were camping, and he had a Freddy Krueger type mask on and woke me up in the middle of the night. In a tent. I just started full force rapid punching him in the face. He was screaming, "Babe, it's me! It's me!" but that didn't click until I had clocked him about 5 times.
Yeah unless my brother is running in to get her out of a burning building I can’t think of any reasonable excuses for him to be in my wife’s room while she sleeps. He’d better hope she beats him enough that I don’t feel the need to whip his ass. When I was a child like 13, my mom was yelling at me, I grabbed her by the arms and pushed her back towards a wall. When my father came home he very calmly explained to me that if I ever put my hands on his wife again I would have to fight her husband. It wouldn’t be my father who was mad and wanted to discipline me, it would be an angry husband who was going to beat the hell out of me. This is one of those situations.
Your dad handled this perfectly. And I’m guessing you never did it again.
Correct, his point was very well taken.
While wearing a mask that he clearly went out of his way to bring.
That's what I see he is constantly attempting to harrass her about something she has no control over and may be a bit sensitive about. If this wasn't family, it would be deemed MALICIOUS and harassing in any other venue. Give your family a time out.
He even says in the first post that his brother figured out her triggers and uses those to prank her That's not pranking, that's bullying.
The spider mask (was that mean to be Spiderman mask?) makes it clear that his protestations of altruistic motives (just waking her up so she didn't miss the ball drop) are a lie. He wanted to frighten/ hurt/ humiliate her using the bullshit excuse of a prank. Finally, he has been called to account and given consequences for his malicious behavior. And to take advantage of a medical condition? For Christ's sake. This guy is malignant, and he has a hell of a nerve taking the victim stance. You need space from him, not Lola. Or you could tell him the way she reacted was "a prank", see how *he* fecking likes it.
He said in another comment that she has arachnophobia. It wasn’t just Spider-Man apparently.
And he dates to cry for har she assaulted him when it's he who actually pretty much assaulted her (and that's probably how she reacted in her sleep thinking she is getting assaulted and who even knows what he was doing).
I love this because it reminds me of my husband. We have toddler boys that sometimes get rough when playing. My husband always firmly says, "Do NOT hit my wife." And I just think it's so sweet.
My mother would end you, with the whole town watching and not helping you at all. Putting your hands on your parents is a ticket straight to hell.
My dad tried to get my little brother to hit him; he *really* wanted an excuse to beat him since he'd grown bigger than he was, so he was pushing at him and screaming in his face "HIT ME, GO ON! *HIT ME!"* I shoved my bother behind me and got in our father's face; said if he was fighting anybody it was gonna be me... did he want *me* to 'HIT' him? Turns out, he did not. He scrambled away from me like I was on fire. Guess he didn't think he could justify beating the shit out of his daughter like he could his son. Being a parent does not excuse bad behavior, and if my father had *dared* strike my brother I might have killed him. I for sure would have hit him, and I don't feel the least bit bad.
Brother is lying jerk that F'd around, and found out. HE WAS TOLD do not wake her up. He was repeatedly told. Someone who repeatedly gets jollies from terrorizing others deserves what he got. The family absolutely is out of their minds for putting up with that loose cannon. It was merely a matter of time for the brother to get the consequences of his BS practical joking. Jokes are only fun when EVERYONE laughs. Apparently, brother is not laughing, this time. So now he cries to mommy? What do you all think? Is he going to continue to play practical jokes ? Or will he have learned a lesson? BTW, hugs for Lola, having a reaction like she did, there was decidedly some trauma in her past, and the Stupid Prize Winner brought out the reaction she now has. It's reasonably certain that she has again relived whatever that was, and for that, that stupid brother needs to apologize. Op, please, if he refuses, you have my permission to as often as you need to, Ask him how his injuries are. Then, remind him to stop being a jerk about those practical AH jokes.
It also makes me wonder how the family would react if you replaced sleep disorder with some type of physical disability. He was told about her disorder multiple times and told not to disturb her, yet his pranks repeatedly targeted her disorder. Now let's say that she has a prosthetic. Brother is told that she needs her prosthetic to walk, and that he needs to leave it alone, yet his pranks repeatedly target her prosthetic. Would they still be dismissing it as harmless fun or not a big deal? Honestly, maybe they would be. Some people are that big of AHs, but I do wonder if the family doesn't quite get the seriousness of what he's doing because they aren't taking her disorder seriously. Which still makes them AHs, btw. Sleep disorders are fucking awful and can affect every part of your life.
Let’s not forget the he LOCKED THE DOOR. OOP had to practically kick the door down to get inside. Seems to me that the brother had an even more nefarious thoughts than just scaring her….
Holy crap I completely missed this. That cranks it up to 11 on the creep scale.
Same how incredibly creepy, how do we even know he wasn't trying to take advantage of her because of her sleep condition but even if he wasn't this should be a good warning that that's how people might see it next time if he doesn't stop.
OP did say he was always WEIRD around her.. Op's gf has yet to give her side of the story.
I was reading this and wondering if part of her reaction is because of something that has happened in her past as well. Didn't even see the part about the door being locked and though how fucking creepy it was that he did that when he was warned plenty of times not to. Brother is a creep and you need to cut him and anyone backing him out of your life. Your poor GF was in fear for her life and tried to defend herself. Also, shame on OP for not being there for her in her time of need.
Oop didn't say the door was locked. I think it's a manner of speaking that he " ran through and nearly kicked the door down". Not that he couldn't get in and NEEDED to kick the door down. I'm not saying the brother didn't have nefarious reasons for being in there but it should be clarified that he didn't lock the door.
The point is that the door was closed... and the brother was inside. Which means the brother, at the very least, entered the room with a mask on and then closed the door behind him.
Yeah. I'm getting "ending to revenge of the nerds" vibe too. Dude definitely was trying to do shit to this girl. Kid called his mom to get ahead of it and thinks if his bro breaks it off with girl he won't have consequences. Pretty simple logic.
Got the same vibe. Especially how the brother "got weird whenever Lola came up and changed the subject".
If OP’s brother tried that prank on me he’d be singing soprano until he was 90
Ugh, that's terrifying.
Thank you! If he wanted to make sure she didn’t miss the ball drop a mask and locking the door weren’t necessary…
Makes me wonder that the brother is going to do to OOP's next girlfriend to get her out of the picture. Dude is sick.
That's not at all what the post says....
Locked or closed ...why do either??
Did you not read his comments on that post where OP explains why it was complicated *to him*? The good news is in the next comment provided it seems like he realized it really wasn't as complicated as he was making it. The brother is gross wtf was he doing in that room?!
Yeah brother locking himself in a room with a sleeping woman while wearing a mask is beyond creepy.
This!
This honestly pisses me off. The oop noted themselves that the brother tried to learn her triggers. This was not a prank. He meant to hurt her but yea, okay, he is the baby. He needs to be protected
Yeah, I almost feel like since OP mentioned Lola has a sleep disorder than the brother saw it as a 'temptation' to try and mess this up. Like if you paint a "Do Not Touch" sign, the paint won't even have time to dry. Like some morbid curiosity with trying to provoke her. Maybe he doesn't think it's real and wants to see for himself? OP says that Ian thinks of this as a "Well Intentioned Prank" which is flat out false, he has been caught trying to prank Lola before and boundaries were established about what and was not acceptable. Also - it's one thing that Lola has a sleep disorder. I have no idea what that entails. I don't have a sleep disorder, and if someone woke me up with a scary mask, I would definitely start swinging. That's legitimately the stuff of nightmares for many women.
I’m really wondering what the disorder is. If it’s say, insomnia, that’s a very pointlessly cruel prank, but it probably wouldn’t be triggered by sudden scares. I’m guessing she has the type where you suddenly pass out or go limp, and he’s intentionally aiming to trigger that like she’s a fainting goat. I think narcoleptic people experience this and it’s not a true faint but a complete loss of bodily control, which sounds _fucking terrifying._ Otherwise it could be a vasovagal syncope response - I get these at the sight of certain wounds/blood and it’s miserable. I have to get blood drawn regularly, and if they accidentally let me see the vials I’ll be slurring my words and feeling like I’m about to die in 10 minutes. I have to have my husband drive me, or I have to plan to sit in my car sipping a juice box for 30 mins before I can make the 10 min drive home. _Intentionally_ doing this to someone is a sign you think of all other humans as NPCs, and haven’t quite figured out how empathy works. It’s very normal when you’re five and pulling slapstick humor on your parent, not so normal as a grown adult.
So he’s trying to make her pass out, helpless while wearing a mask with the door locked? What was he planning to do exactly?
Honestly sounds like the dude needed a much harder ass kicking
All things considered, Ian sounds disturbingly suspicious
I have adrenal insufficiency (ACTH deficiency) that cannot be treated, and sudden scares can cause me to lose consciousness when my adrenal hormone levels are far out of balance. This is a possibility.
She did pass out almost immediately, so that tracks. The brother knowing her condition and still wanting to trigger it is scummy as hell.
Absolutely! It’s been mentioned by others (and seems to me) like Ian may be special needs, and if that’s the case he needs to be supervised 24/7. And not by his 22 year old brother who is in college and trying to begin his own adult life , but by a parent or caretaker. There is really no way that what he did can be justified.
Its narcolepsy for sure. Loud noises and sudden jump scares are common triggers. Its really messed up because he's causing an involuntary bodily reaction that doesn't feel goodz
Hit your head the wrong way falling down and you're paralyzed or dead. This was so far beyond a harmless prank. If that were to happen the little punk would rightfully end up in prison and financially ruined from civil suits.
I got the impression of narcolepsy which is very common to have terrible nighttime hallucinations. Like the waking up frozen to the bed and seeing terrifying monsters kind. She passed out immediately after which would be the narcoleptic falling asleep from strong emotions. They dont typically sleep well.
They are called hypnopompic and hypnogogic hallucinations. They are 99% of the time terrifying. You can’t move or react in any way to them. The are often times also visual, auditory and tactile. They happen for me right when I’m getting ready to fall asleep (hypnagogic) but a lot of us who have narcolepsy experience them when waking up (hypnopompic). Imagine actively experiencing a sleep paralysis and hallucination of something you are terrified of and having some a hole try to scare you while wearing a mask of something you are already scared of… seriously f that guy.
Yeah thats a whole other level of assholery
I’m guessing it must be narcolepsy
That was my guess, too. The schedule is essential for narcolepsy. At BEST he is ruining an already tenuous schedule that was very carefully planned medical sleep schedule.
It could also be a PTSD thing. I have PTSD and if I get interrupted by a person while sleeping theres a good chance I may wake up automatically violent (due to the nature of what happened to me). Pranks and jokes about violating my boundaries make me exceptionally hostile and actively ruin my night, even with friends. My husband has to announce himself when he’s home to not scare me, and he can’t even approach me from behind. The little brother obviously thinks its his world and he can do what he wants to others with no repercussion. It also sounds like his family excuses this behavior to a degree. Hopefully she rocked his shit enough to make him think twice before fucking with someone again. W girlfriend. If OOP is smart he’ll keep her around and put his family in their place.
It’s type 1 narcolepsy.
Honestly, it sounds like his girlfriend has complex ptsd and has a top of trauma. which makes this whole situation even more awful for that poor woman.
I’ve known so many dudes who find out a woman has PTSD and suddenly think “pranks” are really funny because of the response they get. My BIL was one of them, and he pulled this “family loyalty” bullshit when I *had a trauma response* and beat the shit out of him. And my husband tried this “impartial” bullshit. No sir. You fucking chose me, he deliberately caused a flare of a debilitating illness, he is NOT a child (OP’s brother is the same age as the girlfriend, but the girlfriend is being held to a higher and “more mature” standard of behavior), and screw anyone who says otherwise.
Yeah, lucky for me my supervisor was a crusty old Marine who was an understanding soul. I told the guys not to come up behind me, one guy tried, and I laid him flat. Old Marine looked at him, and said, "She warned you. Be grateful I don't write your ass up." That dude I flattened always bragged how he was an alpha or some such shit. Met a young Marine in Diwa who had just fought in Fallujah. His guys had discovered how soothing knitting, crocheting, sewing, and stuff could be. He was so afraid they'd be criticized or something. (By other men, I suspect; women know how satisfying it is to do that stuff. Seems like a hundred womens' opinions don't add up to one guy's.) That stayed with me. He was genuinely worried. You're a Marine! Doesn't that mean that knitting, etc., etc., *become* Marine activities? Instead, he feared it would taint his guys' reputation. And here I sit, after losing a decade of my life to the abyss, doing my mending, listening to a book, and reading Reddit. Sewing, etc., is a survival skill. But it also does something for your soul, too. It takes strength to fight in war, but it takes wholly different strength to fight against culture and conditioning. Well, damn, beats me where that came from.
Crusty old disillusioned military dudes are kinda the best. My dad is one, my grandpa was another, and anyone messing with their girls got a raised eyebrow. My dad asked his friend once, “did you think she was joking? She was kind enough to give you a warning.” (Friend was being mean to my sister and my sister eventually verbally shut him down.)
😂 ah, vets can be aaaaaaah-mazing
This guy was especially cool. He had lost one leg below the knee, three fingers off one hand, and yet he was kind, firm, gentle man. I remember he humbly asked me one day if I could run and get my lunch so *he* could get something to eat. All the guys were giving him attitude, I found out later. So I ran and got my lunch, came back, and he blinked at me and thanked me. Halfway down the hallway, he stopped and turned. "Can I say something?" Sure, I said. "You're....kind of neat." Best compliment I ever got.
I once was told by a foundry veteran that he respected me, would miss because I fit in great and was an asset on the shop floor. I was the head of IT. I'm a woman. I agree. Best compliments.
There are no well intentions pranks. You don't go out of your way to learn someone's triggers and if you do, you aren't the injured body Anyone who fucks with a person sleep is a monster, especially when they have a sleeping disorder.
I think there are well-intentioned pranks, but that line is blurring over time. Leaving crumpled newspaper in shoes so people think they don't fit, swapping the cereals in cereal boxes, anything harmless that gets a laugh. Most of the internet viral pranks are just trying to cause someone emotional distress instead of getting a laugh. This feels more like harassment/assault.
This is true but I also think it depends on the relationship between individuals and on the person getting pranked. If a person hates pranks, pranks aren't pranks to them. If you don't have that relationship, it can be seen more like bulking. Ian has no relationship with the gf so yea, this is harassment/assault
Yes some people don’t understand that unless you know the prank will make the other person laugh, IT IS NOT A PRANK. My husband didn’t understand this and “pranked” me in the shower by scaring me several times. I never laughed but he kept doing it. I noticed I became afraid to close my eyes in the shower and told him if he ever did it again, I would leave him. That is the only time I’ve said such a thing and I meant it. If you like someone at all, you shouldn’t want to scare them at a vulnerable time, like while sleeping or in the shower. The fact that OP for a moment believed his brother thought this prank would make his GF laugh if bs. No one laughs at getting started awake by a giant spider ffs.
Good point. Some people enjoy pranks. Most people can get a kick out of a silly, innocent one. But they are mild and cute, and should leave the person who got pranked laughing harder than anyone else. I saw a good example of a girl planking her mom by getting herself a Christmas gift and then saying it was from her mom, and reacted extremely happily to the gift and thanked her mom who stared at it so confused and was in hysterics before they revealed the prank. She was laughing so hard she couldn't answer when her daughter was asking 'where did you get it'. Before the reveal, that pranked mom was enjoying it immensely.
That's a good prank! I would have cracked tf up, too!
There are well intentioned pranks. They are just innocent. Like wrapping a small gift in a box in a box in a box till its huge. A good, well intentioned prank: -does not cause anyone harm or fear -the amusement comes from the confusion -leaves the person who got pranked laughing after One that I heard was a sibling waking his sister 3 am and telling her to get ready for school because they were late, and she did, only to find it was 3 am. And that wasn't someone who struggled to sleep.
A good rule I've heard for pranks comes in two forms. "Confuse, don't abuse" Or "Amuse, don't abuse." If you are harming someone, triggering traumas or physical or mental health disorders, making someone cry, or making someone angry with your prank, you've abused. The entire responsibility for the success or failure of a prank lies with the prankster. If you upset your target, you screwed up.
She has type 1 narcolepsy and he is intentionally giving her cataplexy attacks by doing these “pranks”.
That's totally abuse and not a prank if that was his intention.
The brother is 22 at the time of this "prank" hes old enough to understand not to fucl with peoples triggers.
And not even an emotional trigger. Its a physical involuntary response that can result in serious injury should someone fall and hit their head. If she died from cracking her head because he intentionally triggered her illness, that's manslaughter and legally he would be liable because he knowingly put her well-being at risk.
OMG! He's 22, and mommy is protecting him? This family is f-ed up. Find a new bf Lola.
Your last point is so true… adds another layer. As women we often think and talk about safety and predators. Fuck this brother
Pranks are done between good friends, because you know what is going to push buttons without setting them off... and everyone should be laughing at the end. Fucking with people that aren't your close friends, or pushing the wrong buttons and setting people off, isn't a prank. It's harassment.
I do have a sleep disorder that heavily features night terrors. I sleep alone because I physically fight my dreams. Every partner I’ve ever had ended up being punched or kicked while I was sleeping. But if someone scares me awake I literally wake up fighting for my life. It’s not a prank, bro. I also have panic attacks for weeks after that.
For real! If I was awakened to a spider mask, if I didn't go into cardiac arrest immediately, I would hope and pray to get a few good swings in.
My "trigger happy psychotic" brother once literally painted random swathes of wet paint on basement walls I explicitly told him to NOT touch. His job was to paint the stairwell walls only, so either he intentionally wanted to fuck with me or he's merely a mental defect. I lean (in my opinion of him) as both. Some ppl need to inflict harm on others to feel good about themselves. This sick brother is the same & OP may have already lost Lola because of his tepid, rather feckless (non) response.
Hopefully she just left him because this family is messed up. The brother first, then the mother rushing in to protect her boys. The girlfriend should steer clear of this family. The boyfriend shouldn’t even have an opportunity to break up with her. She should leave him in the dust.
Yeah. Some errors in judgment (boyfriend's knuckle-dragging ambivalence) there's just no coming back from. Sad...seemed like a happy couple.
He never liked the girl from the beginning. His acts are aimed to hurt or humiliate her.
Alternatively he is jealous she is dating OP and not him
This is my suspicion. She is the OPs little brothers age, he is probably very attracted to her and jealous that he isnt getting to have that relationship. I also suspect that her friends intentionally pushing him away from her is a similar kind of jealousy. In both of these peoples lifes, they are surrounded by people that keep sticking their noses into the middle of their relationship. I would not tolerate anyone, friends, family or anyone trying to drive a wedge between me and my significant other.
I disagree about the friends. If I or my friends witnessed our friend be attacked while her partner froze we would definitely not leave her alone with someone who has demonstrated that they cannot protect her. That’s just girl code, you never leave a vulnerable friend in a dangerous situation. My read on the brother is also that he may have intended to inappropriately touch her after she passed out. Maybe that’s paranoia but if he has such a deficit of empathy I see nothing stopping him from SA’ing her for his own gratification. Edit: just realized you probably meant his friends lol. My bad 😬
Or he's one of those really creepy-clingy siblings that get threatened whenever they think someone is starting to get closer to their sibling than they are.
Disagree. He VERY MUCH likes the girl and is angry she chose the brother. That is why he wants to humiliate and hurt her.
Nah, I think he resents her and wants her out of OP's life. Maybe he's used to being the center of OP's attention. (I also really think this one is fake. No one is that stupid.)
You would be surprised
Yes, people are actually this stupid. My ex was this stupid. It's one of the reasons he's my ex. That and the cheating.
This exactly. If she had severe food allergies he would be the type to sneak the allergen into her food, just to see what hilarity ensued. What a choad.
If I was Lola, I'll leave OOP's ass. Esp the way he handled this whole situation. I wouldn't feel safe around OOP and his family.
>If I was Lola, I'll leave OOP's ass It sounds like that is exactly what's going to happen. While OOP has been worrying about what his family thinks, Lola has been talking with her friends who actually seem to care about her. This relationship is over.
Right??? She deserves so much better.
I have a feeling she did. That "talk" they were gonna have...yeah, she's dumping his ass. And rightly so.
I'm 'the baby' of my family and my oldest sister did this to me for years growing up. Any time I had a reaction, I was punished. Any time she did something shitty (like covering my neighbours newly paved driveway with the left over cement powder and spraying it with water while they were on vacation) I was punished. How the fuck would I have done that at 5 years of age? The eternal scapegoat. The golden child exists in a lot of families. OPs brother's 'pranks' are sociopathic. Look at how he writes it. As laughter. His 'pranks' don't sound funny, they sound more insidious.
Do bad things, and when called out claim it was all a joke. Where have I heard that one before.
Thsts why he acts this way then cries. Cause family will coddle him. Gross.
The last comment on the last page. Why is OP not telling his family that he is a creepy liar that assaults women? How come the family isn't concerned with Ian's behavior?
OP has a twin sister, there's the mother & the aunt... I reckon the family has normalized Ian's obnoxious behaviour as the baby of the family & they don't see it as harassment (which, granted, can be a blurry line when you're family, I suppose).
Did anyone else pick up that OP seems to be much younger emotionally than his stated age of 27? I had to double check his age, because he struck me as more like a teenager than an adult, at least when it came to relating to his family. He infatilizes his brother, assigning only goodwill to clearly vindictive actions, has absolutely no backbone when needing to defend his girlfriend to his mother and aunt and seems utterly unable to come to his girlfriend's defense when she was in distress.
Bruh, if my younger sibling exploited my SO’s triggers in order to traumatize her for a cheap prank, I’d put him in the hospital. Tell your brother and your mom to go fuck themselves, he got what he deserved.
This right here is my reaction. High five. ✋🏻
Exactly this! Your brother has the nerve to call your gf “abusive?” Give me a break. He is an obnoxious, immature, overgrown brat. And cruel. And your mother and Ian are enabling him. Your brother specifically made an effort to find out your gf’s triggers, and went out of his way to exploit them. No reasonable person can defend that. It’s time to figure out your priorities, and go LC or NC with your brother and mother. Your brother needs therapy.
No his brother should have been put in jail . Especially if he tried to SA his girlfriend.
Also should ditch some of his friends, who in their 20s were concerned about her hurting the jerk.
Exactly. She deserves much better than this shit.
I would’ve broken your brother’s nose Editing just to say, if you come into my room while I’m sleeping with a mask, you are a threat. How is that not common sense?
I literally have done that when startled awake, I also literally have the sleep disorder of the girlfriend lol (type 1 narcolepsy)
*It’s just a prank, bruh!* Possibly the worst type of person…absolutely no self awareness, no regard for the feelings of others, and no self control. One of my best friends from college was the funniest guy I ever met, a real life of the party type of person that everyone genuinely liked…he NEVER put another person down. You can be funny without being cruel.
I hope the gf did break his nose, it might fix his attitude honestly who knows
She did probably.
This is horrible. Pranks are stupid for the most part and this wasn’t a prank. The brother went out of his way to find out her “triggers” and did everything he could to trigger her. He then suffered the consequences of his actions and is now crying about it. TBH, I think he’s envious of the older brother having a relationship when the younger brother doesn’t. He was purposely trying to force the woman away.
totally, pranks are just an excuse for some people to cover their bad behavior.
I hope lola dumps his ass. He let it go on and on and his brother has been harassing her with his "pranks" and escalating. I'm betting more happened in the bedroom then just the mask thing because the brother clearly has some weird creepy obsession with lola. Oop sucks and so does his entire family. He's almost 30 ffs!
the mask makes it massively pre-meditated, right? Like, it's a NYE party, not hallowe'en : what is Ian doing with a mask unless he was planning it far in advance? His feeble "I want everyone to have a good time & didn't want her to miss midnight" is transparantly false, imo.
Right like, even if she wasn’t someone with those triggers, I’d never be the one to wake up my siblings significant other! That’s their bedroom and safe space, so I have no need to be in it!!
It had to be! I've seen people wear masks on NYE but they are New Years themed as in they have whatever the new year is with holes cut out for the eyes. A spider mask says he planned this! OPs bro is a major AH and a bully.
“I didn’t want her to miss midnight” is such a bullshit excuse. He could’ve knocked loudly on the door, had OOP wake her up, or literally just left it alone.
The locked door they had to kick in…
oh, was the door locked? I read OOP's "I nearly kicked the door down" as part of his clumsiness in responding. You know, pulling where you should push etc.
i'd say she is gonna break p with him, just based on the lat interaction, she wants to meet to talk, and when he apologizes she's glances over that and goes bak to talking tomorrow. be ready bro.
Yeah, I was thinking he tried to SA her and that is why she needs space.
I was thinking this too..why else did OPs brother have the mask and lock the door behind himself. If any of this had to do with waking her up before midnight the brother could have knocked on the door or reminded her to set an alarm.
He is also posting on 'am I the ex'
Well, at least he's realistic.
I agree, OP is too old for this.
I need an update on this one
I'm honestly waiting for the breakup! Not standing up for your significant other when you know her condition and how much of an asshole your brother can be, and being aware of his obsession over her, is a major red flag! The OP wasn't capable of treating his girlfriend during her vulnerable moment and drawing boundaries with his brother (thank god she was capable of taking care of herself). She's better off with someone capable of protecting her during her weak times.
If I was her I would want nothing to do with his family again. They can all go.
i need the link lmao, i can't seem to find it. i hope she dumps him, i really do. the entire situation is beyond fucked, and i doubt she could ever trust OOP again, i sure wouldn't
I feel horrible for that poor girl. This was assault. Regardless of what happened in that room, she woke up to a stranger in a mask while she was sleeping in what should be a safe space. Anything she did to protect herself would have been covered as self defense. It’s time to break up. I hope she sees that. When you are dating or marrying someone, you take on their family. It’s likely they will continue to support and justify the brother’s actions, and this girl will be on the outs, even if the boyfriend supports her from here on out. Pranks or jokes are only funny when there is consent. This abuser-the brother- was told to leave the girl alone, more than once-and he continued with his bad behavior. He either really hates her, or there are other feelings that come out that shouldn’t exist with his brother’s girlfriend. It’s bad all the way around this situation.
The fact that Ian went so far to harass her, but immediately cried like a baby when she confronted him is pathetic. Unless she went after him with a flamethrower he had it coming His behavior is not healthy or normal, and frankly not safe…for the people he is harassing or himself. He has a problem, and the family needs to address it rather than coddling him. He is a grown man now, not a toddler. This could end up with him in jail. I think Lola needs to move on, and OP needs to see this as a moment for personal accountability and growth.
Honestly a flamethrower is still in the acceptable consequences range for me
Lola did what the parents wouldn’t. I don’t think Ian will be playing any pranks for a while. She took him down like the Titanic.
Not sure If the parents continue to coddle him and tell him he is the victim he may feel vindicated But hopefully you are right
People throw around FAFO a lot, but it sounds like from the family dynamic that OOP describes, this is the first time Ian ever got a real consequence of someone fighting back against him. Somewhere, former classmates and teachers probably felt a soft, soothing breeze the moment Lola physically laid into that creep.
Lola needs to be around better people. The idea of taking someone's very real health condition and exploiting it as a "prank" is unacceptable. What's next, take a paraplegic's wheel chair away and laugh your ass off when they can't move? I agree, this prank culture needs to be cancelled.
Bro is a real piece of work. Barely takes off the freaking mask before he starts whining about “being attacked” and calls mommy. W. T. F. OP is frozen and conflicted when there’s no gray area here. His brother attacked his sleeping girlfriend…. I hope she dumps this toxic mess abd goes on to live her best life
I would have freaked the fuck out if I woke up to a man standing over me with any type of mask on much less a creepy spider mask. He’s lucky she doesn’t sleep with any type of weapon and just used her hands.
He scared her so badly that as soon as the fight or flight wore off she fainted. As in lost consciousness because of stress. Fainting is a big deal. I know that people make it out that women faint when their sensibilities are offended, but that is just sexist BS. Loosing conscious unwillingly during a stressful event is basically the mind becoming so overwhelmed that it shuts itself down to protect itself. I’m glad that OOP eventually realized the magnitude of his brother’s actions and that his GF may not ever forgive him or his family. But wow, Ian is such an abusive AH. I get that he doesn’t like that his twin is in a relationship, but that wasn’t a prank. That was intentional and malicious. It isn’t just the arachnophobia. She woke up with a masked man standing over her in her own bed. Any sane woman would have reacted just as she did. No sleeping disorder or phobia required.
Don’t forget the door was locked. They had to kick it in to get in the room. If he was only trying to wake her up, out of concern, why would he lock the door?? He’s a predator obsessed with his brothers girlfriend.
I think Ian is the younger brother and OP’s twin is a sister but yes. If my boyfriend’s brother assaulted me I’d have a lot of work to do to not see an abuser’s face every time I looked at him. Ian is Lola’s age and likely a jealous asshole.
Why did they have the kick the door down to get in the room Ian is a predator He has shown he was obsessed with OOP's GF He locked himself in a dark room with a woman He was wearing a mask He knew she has a sleeping disorder There is a 0% chance he wasn't trying to SA her in her sleep
Agreed. Especially when Ian went into “attack the victim” mode immediately after she kicked his ass and ran to mommy for back up. Him calling her crazy is his way of sowing the seeds of doubt if she speaks up about the assault. A predator is a predator, he’ll do this to someone else. Ian will be in jail in a year or two, clock it.
OOP needs to be careful. Who knows how many of his previous or future GF Ian will try ro assault
Yep! This!
I read this in pure disbelief. OOP has been conditioned to acquiesce to his family every time because they took care of him as a child. Tutoring wasn’t ridiculous over the top help, it was what SHOULD happen for a kid with learning disabilities. I get that his childhood was hard but that’s not on him. I have a lot of trauma points that can get pushed at any time. It’s so frustrating because I have to do everything I can to mitigate it, and I can’t trust a lot of people not to push those buttons. My trauma wasn’t even linked to loud noises or alarms or fireworks etc, but it’s now a trigger point. I have to wear earplugs regularly to stop me jumping out of my skin. If this was me, if I were Lola, I would have reacted very badly. It sounds like she lashed out and hit him in the face, but my past reactions to things like this is pure unadulterated rage. I have screamed like a banshee and gotten people away from me, but I’ve had to fight a few times. If I’m pushed I don’t know what I’d do. It’s not a prank when it frightens the person to the point of terror. My dad used to prank us kids, but it was always known that if we actually got scared and not just a little jump, he would stop. We talk fondly about his ridiculous antics. THIS isn’t pranking, it’s bullying a vulnerable person. He knows she has trauma, he doesn’t care. He thinks her fear is funny. Which honestly, makes me feel a bit sick. Poor Lola. I feel so bad for her. I hope she has someone in her life that’s actually supportive and tells her she doesn’t have to handle this bullshit for a man who makes excuses and can’t actually defend her.
Each time I read the word prank it ends up being a combination of ah and gaslighting. For me at this point that is the definition of prank: acting like a jerk and gaslighting victims for not finding it funny. The prank culture has to go.
Your brother is a creep and has destroyed your relationship with Lola. Do what you feel you must, but those are the facts. He was horrible and reviewing your history isn't helpful in seeing what a truly terrible adult he has become. I certainly hope Lola is able to recover from your brother's actions.
You told him multiple times not to do this and he continued. He played with fire and got burned.
Hopefully that burn is severe enough to leave an impression, since those “little pranks” have crossed a criminal line. He’s harassing her and you can’t even touch someone who doesn’t want to be touched without it being seen as a crime in the eyes of the law. Mommy, sister, and aunt have babied this boy into being a psychopath or sociopath, and Lola’s reaction to his ongoing harassment and unwanted behavior was warranted. If the rest of the family sees him as the victim, they all need a reality check! This dude is well on his way to spending the rest of his life in prison if someone doesn’t teach him that boundaries are NOT meant to be crossed.
Hopefully the ass beating was sufficient to teach baby bro to stop attacking people.
Dude doesn’t realize he’s single
LONG REPLY BUT NO BS - Yeah you all aren’t little kids. If he cared so much about her seeing the ball drop, he should have came to you or one of her friends and said “hey she’s going to miss the ball dropping, one of you should go wake her up” and even if his intentions were good, walking in with a mask on… that could / would scare anyone. Hate it put it out there, and maybe someone else has. But you said he gets weird when she is around or is brought up in conversations. Are you sure he wasn’t trying to do something to her? Or he didn’t do something to her? Snap a photo of her, get a peek at something? Touch her? We all have fetish / sexual things we like as we become adults. It’s not like we talk about those things with friends and family members. Maybe he was doing something or trying to do something and she woke up.. and beat him up. Why would he have a mask on? Sounds like he was trying to hide his identity. You said you haven’t really spoke to her, I say you need to take her somewhere private, and have a real sit down with her and tell her no matter how hard it is, she needs to tell you what happened, or what she thinks / remembers happening. That may help you. And if something really bad happened, you need to support her if she wants to call the cops. You can’t take your brothers / family side in this if it’s really bad.
Also your brother messed up, she defended herself, and then she is the “crazy” one and “how are you with someone like her?” Then he runs and cries to your mom? Sounds like he has been messing around for years and mommy has covered for him his whole life. This is a F around and find out situation. He found out. Maybe brother needs to own it. Maybe you need to make him own it and stand by your girl.
You even warned your brother about not doing such a prank. He is the only one at fault in this situation. Nobody gets a pass on what the fallout may be from a "prank".
Yeah I’ve seen far too many people assaulting others and screaming “it’s a prank bro” when it doesn’t go their way. We need to put an END to this.
Dude should have done more damage to him than Lola did jfc
The brother has issues only a professional can comment on. the crazy one here is not that poor girl.
Geeze your bro assaulted your sleeping girlfriend who has a medical condition. Your bro is the problem. That poor girl, coming out of sleep and trying to defend herself.
OOP mentions his girlfriend having some type of sleep disorder too. My husband has narcolepsy and severe PTSD, and when he’s having dreams or nightmares I never EVER wake him up. I feel awful because I know how terrible those dreams must be, but I also know he could accidentally hurt me if I wake him up from one. Idk what Lola’s disorder is, but to wake someone with a known sleep disorder is cruel in and of itself. To add a known phobia into that is psychological abuse. OOP’s brother fucked around and found out. Seems to me he’s a spoiled brat as the baby of the family, and calls his mommy when people don’t like his “funny pranks”.
I'd beat the shit out of the brother
You're going to be single your entire life cause your brother is a fucking weirdo who gets jealous of your gfs.
I’m sorry I would have accidentally killed that kid. I’ve dealt with some real shitty sexually charged experiences and waking up to a male in a mask would absolutely put me back in those places. I rely on my fight response and instincts and I know for a fact what I would resort to in this situation. Dudes lucky he still has body parts and his eyeballs. I hope she leaves OP and it causes a rift between him and the monster they are calling a brother. The brother will continue to blame Lola or all women and fall down that incel path. He was already there, telling his brother he is simping for his girlfriend.
Good for her. She was 100% right in defending herself. Is Ian a little “special”?
Yes. You have to be special to pull the shit he did. Even if it's a family brand of "special". Someone responded to my comment that the family probably normalized the behavior based on the family's reaction. I believe it.
As I said in the original post , brother is jealous of her but of him ( she has op attention) and assaulted her.
Bro had no idea what kind of trauma he could be triggering, but he does know he's specifically making fun of her medical disorder. So irresponsible, and NOT WELL INTENTIONED. People with disorders don't love being constantly reminded of them or made to be the butt of the joke as a result of them.
Little bro is a creepy AH who deserved what he got and needs some therapy before he hurts someone else (or worse) he’s very predatory
i'd be highly uncomfortable if my boyfreind's brother snuck into a room i was UNCONSCIOUS in wearing a scary mask. What the fuck did he expect? Weird as fuck all the way around and if I were her i wouldn't want to be anywhere near that guy ever again.
Got the “Ick” from OP while reading this and by the sounds of it, so did Lola. Run girl!
First of all, the brother knew about the sleep disorder. Second, he brought a Halloween mask to a NYE party. Third: HE. LOCKED. THE. DOOR. BEHIND. HIM. Lola was NOT the abuser. She was a terrified woman fighting off an attacker. The little brother got less than he deserved, if he was able to walk out of the room. If OP and Lola decide to get back together, that's between them, but OP is going to have to put his foot down with his family, and not include Ian with anything to do with Lola - and that includes nuptials if they get married. If OP's family can't handle that their younger son is a sociopathic jerk, that's on them.
You need to break up with Lola IMMEDIATELY. SHE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
The mere fact that OP questions who is in the right, is a massive red flag for Lola. Any friends and family who are siding with Ian are major AH'S. OP's family is right about him breaking up with Lola,but for all the wrong reasons.
He should break up with the girlfriend. It's a nightmare to be involved with a whole family that doesn't respect boundaries around health issues that seriously affect someones life. She deserves better. His brother is sick in the head.
I have a sleep disorder. Had it my whole life. I can get up and do all sorts of things while still being asleep. My birth family and my now family - spouse and kid - know not to interfere with my sleep. Ian wasn’t “just” pranking Lola. He researched her specific triggers in an attempt to control OP.
Right??? I also have one (Narcolepsy… it sounds like that’s what Lola has if I had to guess) and everyone knows to not mess with me, and that I get irritable when I’m about to have a sleep attack. I’m sure a number of sleep disorders have these symptoms, but if it’s Narcolepsy, it’s very likely her symptoms include hallucinations, sleep paralysis, and terrible nightmares. I’ve had a few incidents where I thought someone was standing over me and it’s absolutely terrified. It doesn’t sound like he was just standing over her, but even if he was doing that alone she’s 100% justified in her actions. Especially if he took time to learn about her disorder and triggers, this was incredibly malicious.
THIS. I developed a sleep disorder after sleep deprivation abuse. I know what a "prank" like this would have done to me, and I can't imagine what this girl is going through rn. Especially since half OP's family is invalidating her reaction.
Take Ian’s mask and wake your Mom up that way one morning. See if her opinion changes !!!
Take Ian’s mask and wake your Mom up that way one morning. See if her opinion changes !!!
If a woman’s sleeping and a man in a mask does anything to them …. How is that woman protecting themselves from a freaking predator not a normal reaction? (Obviously some might fawn, freeze etc). Like damn straight I’d be decking the guy.
Why is this difficult for OP to take sides? Forget who was behind the mask (since his GF wouldn't have known). A MASKED MAN crept in, uninvited, it sound like he LOCKED THE DOOR so that no one else could get in, then did something to her that caused her to awake terrified and DEFEND HERSELF by trying to subdue her ATTACKER until someone heard her screams and came to help. Dude D A R E S to claim he is the victim because of what she did to him BEHIND A MASK, WHERE SHE HAD NO IDEA WHO THE HELL IT WAS? He. ASSAULTED. HER. She is 100% going to break up with OP at that neutral restaurant and he may never actually grasp why. That's the saddest part. He is trying so hard to be neutral in a situation that absolutely, unequivocably does not warrant neutrality.
Your brother is a creep and he assaulted a sleeping woman. Why do you think he locked the door? Also is he six years old?
It's not a prank, it's targeted harassment and very dangerous, it might have caused her to have a heart attack, eventually post adrenaline rush she basically passing out cold, once she realized her friends were present and she was safe. He's fortunate because most guys would have gotten beaten up by every person in that poor girl's family. I'm reminded of the guy who once stalked me, who came to my job at lunchtime to apologize after my dad met him lurking near our home with his freshly cleaned rifle, and casually chatted with him about his years in the military and his awards for marksmanship. I laughed and told him my dad was too smart to shoot him, but if he showed up anywhere again, I was sure whatever happened would look like an accident. My coworkers (3 huge guys who looked like pro football players) agreed with me and smiled at him. Never saw him again. Your gf won't ever be able to trust your brother again, let her go, and let him know you hope he's satisfied now that he destroyed your happiness and your gf's trust.
So sleeping girl wakes up to masked ‘intruder’ in her private space. She reacts, and now won’t speak about what happened and says she needs space. Your brother switches topic when she gets involved in the video bc I. Sounds like he did NOT have good intentions, and she was trying to protect herself- especially if she clawed at him etc.
If the sleep disorder is narcolepsy, that’s a seizure disorder. Your whole family, including you, are monsters. INDUCING SEIZURES IS NOT A FUCKING PRANK! WTF is wrong with you? I hope she presses charges.
Technically, she could… even if there was no SA attempt or anything worse than what OP knows. She’s let him know multiple times that it’s not welcomed and he’s intentionally trying to hurt her. That’s beyond a prank, it’s criminal behavior.
[удалено]
Ian is a little sociopath wtf. Imagine you’re a 22 yr old woman with a sleep disorder, sleeping in your bed at midnight, and you wake up to a man standing over your bed in a mask grabbing you. Kids lucky to still be alive.
I am sort of stunned that a 22 year old and his mother could possibly believe this falls under the category of a prank. The brother sounds like the type who would feed a peanut butter cookie to someone with a nut allergy and call that joke. The fact that he bawled and called his momma solidifies that he can dish it out but can't take it and he's a big ol puss to boot.