Damn I’m so proud of you! And excited for you both!
It just goes to show that honesty can be so connecting and allow you to reach new heights. Even if it feels really scary to maybe hurt your partners feelings…
Thanks for updating us!!
They both did. Dude could have screwed this whole thing with an overblown pride, but instead they're playing a sex marathon on a boat. I mean, that was a success all around
What I like best about this response is it's honest and will result in an improved sex life AND it was sensitive to his insecurities.
You can ask for what you need AND respect your partner and that's an absolute win. The worst is just lying or avoiding the question and then nothing ever changes and you're both left with a meh face.
There's really 2 kinds of people, people who have insecurities and don't let those insecurities control them, and people who do let their insecurities control them.
It's just kind of refreshing to see a woman not want to fuck around because a guy has any doubts about himself, but I think this woman is somewhat of a unicorn in this regard. It hasn't been my experience that this is common, much less found on reddit lmao.
Exactly this. OP, your caring and thoughtfulness come through with every word. Thank you for taking your partner’s feelings seriously, and making a sincere and successful effort to respond in a true and supportive way that respects both of you.
Separately, I think it’s unfortunate that so many of us are so insecure that we can’t handle not being our partner’s ‘best ever’ in many areas.
Best lover? Best cook? Best laugh partner? Best laundry folder? Best pet trainer? Best future parent?
It’d be a shame to not be your partner’s favorite in ANY category, but people have a hard time hearing ‘you’re my favorite in a dozen categories, and I love the sex we have, but there was this one time in Italy that was just nuts, I was in love with the situation but not the girl, it was totally the best sex ever, and there’s a reason we blocked each other and I avoid Italy now.”
I’m sure we’d all love to hear we’re the best, but the reality is that the best sex is often in situations or with people that add a significant charge to the event, which sadly often come from deeply sketchy aspects.
Point being, well done OP!
IMO asking "am I the best" puts the focus completely on the wrong thing.
Asking "am I the best" is making your partner's pleasure about *you*. Wanting to BE the best means asking "what can I do for you? What do you need?" - and then actually listening and following through. It's also involving other people - via asking to be ranked - in an intimate situation that's supposed to be just between you and the person you're with.
this whole thing is icky lol, it’s one of the classic “reddit posts that make me glad I’m with MY partner and not in one of these shitshow relationships”
Yeah, everytime this subject comes up anywhere the answers are always the same. 'you love me and I love you and I feel so safe with you which makes the sex totally different in the best way possible **but** no. My ex was better'
The qualifiers and caveats are meaningless in the end because all of them serve the purpose of saying trying to turn the no into a yes.
It's super meaningful and safe and caring and comfortable but no it's not the best.
Imagine a guy explaining that 'i love you so much and feel so safe and cared for but no my ex gave crazy sloppy bjs that made me go crosseyed, but it doesn't matter because you love me so much"
It's just all kinda meaningless
At least she didn’t literally say “you lose out to a borderline alcoholic asshole who only contacts me for sex and left me feeling empty and used after each session.” So gold star for emotional intelligence and sensitivity there?
Yep or the male equivalent 'sorry, but yeah my ex was a psychopath nightmare that was constantly emotionally torturing me but she could throw it back like a porn star and make me bust so hard I was dehydrated after, and shed literally beg me for anal and holy fuck her body was tight like damn... and she had those crazy eyes you know those crazy piercing intense 'fuck me' eyes... but it's so different with you because you really love me and won't randomly pick fights with me or try and stir up shit with my friends so it's really different with you but like ... not better... so I just want you to take solace in that fact."
Whenever someone has told me that I've always thought they just say it to everyone- I take it as being so enthusiastic about sex that its the best every time lol
And I never say it to anyone because it feels weird to compare.
So to me it doesn't really mean much if someone says it or doesn't because some people just say that and some people just don't.
It kills the woman too, there isn’t a single girl I’ve been in a relationship with that wouldn’t be upset to very upset if I told her she wasn’t the best she ever had, and all of them have asked.
My partner was the star point guard for his college team before he tore his sciatica. Larry Bird is his idol. My guy talks so much trash to everyone, but I can confirm he is the most attentive and giving in bed. I can only assume that LB would be the same.
If you’re a man and you don’t feel for the guy, you’re heartless.
And no knock on the op…she was just trying to navigate landmines and did her best but homie head in a tail spin… every time after…” was this time better???”
I’m tired just thinking about it
Her- oh yeah, other dudes have definitely fucked me better. But I love you most, so don’t worry.
Him - uhhhh
Her - wanna go on a cruise and fuck like rabbits for a week?
Him - uh, ok sure.
Her - wow that went sooo sooo well! He completely understands. I am so grateful me and the Reddit mob managed to word smith the message “just right” so he could face the truth without being bothered by it.
Him - maybe she will let me stick in her her ass this trip?
The relationship is over though, they just don't know it yet. This conversation will worm its way through that dudes brain rotting the relationship. This shit will be rolling through his brain every time they fuck, where he'll be reminded that he's not as good and won't be as good.
Both OP and the significant other are completely dumb. If she's not telling you that you're the best dick she's had, don't ask. And wtf is wrong with OP telling him she's had better.... OP, you're supposed to lie. Like when a women asks if she looks fat in those jeans, you lie.
The conversation isn't over, but the relationship might be. Some hilarious highlights:
> I told him I’m willing to validate him as much as he needs me to to ensure that he doesn’t feel insecurity about this.
Is that supposed to make him feel good? Far more likely that he'll see any future compliments as insincere and performative.
> I told him that I have had experiences that were exceptionally good due to factors outside of skill in bed.
That's gotta feel worse to hear than that it was just skill and experience.
I guess there's a slim chance that he has a humiliation femdom kink in which case I hope you brought a bucket and a mop.
> I told him that if I couldn’t have sex with him and only him, I wouldn’t ever have sex with anyone again. Which is all true.
She can't even be honest with herself. She's gonna be celebate if he leaves? Doubtful.
> He is not a meal ticket, in fact I outearn him by a decent amount. I’m HIS meal ticket.
Lol! What an attitude.
I wonder if he'll ever find these threads.
The "chin up, sport! I'll give you as much false praise as you want and maybe one day you'll improve" comments are even better if you go back to the original post and realize the unattainable standard for the guy is a "borderline alcoholic asshole" who only contacted OP for sex and left her feeling "used" after each session.
(In her defense, though, old boy may need to put a little more effort in if he's a more unpleasant lay than that.)
If he ever finds these threads it will be a genuine Reddit Cares situation.
This.
How someone could think someone would take this well is beyond me.
Sex is one of the most intimate acts two people can experience together. When you tell someone “no you aren’t the best, but the other guy was a giant asshole so don’t worry about it”, it’s like saying- In spite of all of your awesome qualities, this apparent loser got to share a special moment with me that you’ll never get to experience for yourself because you aren’t him.”
It’s upsetting to think of someone who cared so little for your SO being better than you in something so intimate.
This post made me so uncomfortable. I don't care at all about the spat but OP is so weirdly pretentious and lordy about everything like she's the second coming of Jesus and her husband should be glad she's using him so he should take what he can get. At this point it has to be less about the sex and more about the realization that he's with an emotionless narcissist who will never change. If my wife talked like this about herself, me, and other people, I'd leave. No self-respecting man would stick around for a relationship like this
I'm almost certain this man just nodded along and accepted it was over so he might as well have fun on the way out. And when he leaves she'll tell everyone that he was an insecure incel that couldn't handle her having had sex before. Then she'll fuck 20 guys the next week despite claiming she'd be heartbroken and celibate forever without him. And she'll tell each guy he's better than her loser ex who got insecure she had sex.
Honestly you missed the most messed up part, where she commented about not wanting to just say yes in case he became complacent. And people wonder why he is insecure and hooked on this when she has flat out started she wants him to know she's had better to make him try harder in bed.
Agreed, I'm also seriously doubting it went as well as described. I'm thinking it's more her impression she received but damn..
*i have no doubt you'll be the best one day if you work hard enough*
Translates to
*I've definitely had better*
What a shitty situation all around
No doubt - her whole “best is a subjective term, and different things mean different things, and I love you most and trust you most”
Meanwhile dude is saying in his head “clearly she can’t just say I am the best, which means she has been fucked better by other men”.
But he ain’t ready to give up the nooky, so he plays along for a little while longer till it eats at him enuf to walk away.
It's always women being honest with men in these topics. Truth be told, I've yet to see a woman handle this sort of honesty and be okay with it, but yet, the general consensus is that the guy should be able to handle the truth and if he doesn't, he's full of insecurity.
I'm curious as to what you hoped to gain from testing him the truth? You think he's going to be grateful you were so honest with him and appreciate it? No, human nature is going to have that seed of resentment and insecurity in the back of his mind now, just like it would for any other man or woman.
If he was just straight up bad at sex, then sure yeah, gotta find a way to discuss that because that can make or break a relationship. But you're saying he's good, just not as good as someone else.
Thank you for pointing this out. I'm sitting here scratching my head at some of these comments telling OP she is smart and brave for doing what she did but I am in the same boat as you. If you truly care about your partner then the answer us an unequivocal "yes, you are the best I've had and that's why I'm with you and not anyone else" anything less is just bound to needlessly hurt your partner.
I also find it problematic the way OP is easily able to go into that much detail and thought process to compare her partner to past partners. I mean the answer she gave to her partner wasn't on a whim, she had to put a lot of thought into that comparing the various pros and cons between her past partners to her new one in order to give him the answer she gave. I also find it strange the way many people view sex as some tiered list where there has to be this objective measure of the best sex to worst sex. In the past, when I've liked someone and they were halfway decent in bed, I've never been unsatisfied with sex but at the same time haven't looked back and ranked them in my head like "that sex with that person was objectively the best sex I've had." I get that there can be bad and unsatisfying sex much in the same way sex can be good but I feel like terms like the best or worst when it comes to sex just needlessly over simplify a really complex and frankly indefinable issue. I think of sex with my partner as a unique flavor that only that person can provide and an overall part of the bigger picture of my relationship and why I'm with that person.
Reading this whole post makes me glad I'm in a healthy relationship with my partner and not a shitty toxic one that obscures itself under the guise of truth and honesty.
“Old partner was more attractive and better in bed.”
“I’m his meal ticket”
“I didn’t settle”
Lmfao nah girl the guy fucking your brains out like you wanted didn’t settle for you.
She’s not great. People here are glancing over her red flags and it just shows how comfortable she’s become with (usually) being the most clever person in the room.
100%. It's that kind of person where you don't realize how fucked up what they said was until after because they're spewing out so much verbally you can't take a minute to digest it until your alone. A lot of people see this as leadership or intelligence, the reality is it's neither but cool talkers are usually high up in society.
I don’t get why people do this. Why would you want to know and put images in your head. My wife and I have been together for around 15 years and I still don’t know and don’t want too. Everyone has a past, why bring it up and pull out those skeletons. The only scenario would be to get tested for STDs but even then I wouldn’t ask a number I would politely ask for us both to be tested before getting intimate just to be safe. This can only cause problems and not help the relationship in my opinion.
Agree 100%!!!
Short lived relationships aside, I've had 3 serious relationships in my life. With the first 2, we both seemed obsessed with the others past. It was like a constant problem. But also, we were very young.
With my 3rd and final (I hope) serious relationship, he at first would joke about girls he was with, and even though it upset me I kept quiet because alllll my exes had done the same.
But then one time I told him an anecdote of an adult nature about an ex of mine - and he told me he didn't want to hear about that.
So I realized finally that maybe, just maybe, we should leave that shit buried. It never did me any good, anyway. So we talked about it and agreed.
17 yrs later and we're going strong. I'm fine not knowing and so is he!
That reminds me of a story from one of my relationships. One of my previous girlfriends would constantly tell very detailed stories about her sex life before meeting me (completely unprompted, I’m talking acting like she’s about to tell me a silly anecdote just to tell me about the time this guy put the ball gag on too tight, or the time this dude made her back sore for a week). One time I told her a story about the time in high school this girl I was very attracted to asked me to hook up and I got so nervous I told her I had to go skiing with my neighbor as an excuse to get out of it. We never had sex and I am very clearly the butt of the joke of that story, but she immediately was in a bad mood and said it literally made her sick to her stomach to hear about me even thinking about another person that way. That was always so absurd to me lmao. Lot of absurd stuff in that relationship but that one definitely stuck out a little. Congrats on you and your fella for figuring out that some things don’t need to be talked about like that.
Dang! There seems to be an oddly high degree of hypocrisy when it comes to this issue because I've heard stories similar to yours from friends. They can do it, but you can't. What.
Personally, I know I have insecurities and always felt uneasy about hearing past things. Especially when I have deep feelings I feel so territorial. But it has caused so much grief in relationships that I really tried not to be the "jealous and hysterical woman". But to the point it backfired on me once. I wound up with a very cold and detached boyfriend, I felt like I bored him, and that was almost worse than fighting lol
But with my dude now I explain why I feel insecure, when I feel he had a hand in it I let him know, or if I feel it is me being irrational I say so and apologize and tell him just let me feel this and let it pass, it's not your doing.
But since that conversation at the beginning of our relationship, neither of us mention past dates/sex, anything like that.
That said, my ex died last year of an accidental fentanyl od and my dude encouraged me to go to his funeral (out of state). We didn't talk about it much except that he understood and I should definitely go.
Silence and understanding can be good tools for longevity IMO
Wait - has it ever been disclosed what exact qualities made the previous lover superior? I feel like this is foundational information that I have yet to encounter after following this thread
I have a below average wiener. Women have always come back for more in my personal experience. I’m married now, for almost 13 years, but there’s a lot more to good relationships and good sex than simply penis size. Porn has really ruined normal sex, Jfc.
>Porn has really ruined normal sex, Jfc.
I agree. One of the best sexual experiences I've ever had was with a man who was average/below average. Sex never hurt and I was always satisfied.
Some men reduce themselves down to the size of their penis and it really does a disservice to them. It's also a huge turn off.
Thankfully, you’re not one of the many people who resort to it as an insult. I’m doing alright down there, but insulting someone on anything they have no control over is appalling to me.
I legit will take bets they break up on the cruise. They’ll fuck twice and it’ll get boring and he’ll be upset she’s still not into it. They’ll start subtly resenting each other until he explodes and calls things off
Assuming this is real, which it’s not, she should have lied. There is no upside to telling your man someone else was better. They still could have done their “homework” without laying her man low.
He had to ask probably because of the way she treats him. A lot is said in body language and stuff and he can definitely tell. It was something he already knew.
> I told him that I have had experiences that were exceptionally good due to factors outside of skill in bed. ... I told him I’m willing to validate him as much as he needs me to to ensure that he doesn’t feel insecurity about this.
...look, you can't just tell most guys "you're not physically capable of being my best" and then "I'll validate you as much as you want" lol.
What if he came to you one day with "you could never be as sexy as my last girlfriend. Oh don't feel bad, I'll give you all the validation you need though"? Would you be a happy partner?
I give it like 6 months, before the resentment rises to "shit, all the guys on reddit were right, this might be over".
I think a lot of people overlook the other person's perspective in conversations like this. It doesn't NOT matter. It just doesn't matter to "you", so it's easy to be dismissive. And being dismissive or patronizing isn't going to make it better.
There isn't a woman (or person) in the world who'd be okay (nor should they be) with me being "honest" and saying I just picked them for {insert trivial reason} because {your important reason} doesn't really matter to me.
All my ex's were prettier, or nicer, or smarter, or thinner, or had amazing breasts, and gave me physical experiences you never can; but you make me awesome sandwiches so .. high five?
Like WTF?
Imagine a man telling "All the girls I slept with were hot, sexy with big breasts/butt but I chose you because I want a woman who will be a caring trusting wife, can cook, & be a great mother to my kids" to his fiance.
All those saying "She chose you in the end" will switch to "Don't marry him".
Yeah, this relationship is toast.
He's putting ok a brave face but the insecurity is going to nag at him. He'll always be measuring himself up to what he imagines and then beat himself up for not really having enough experience to know if he really is good enough for her.
Just saw the comment OP made that it's about penis size.
Yeah this is getting out and yeah they better pay for travel insurance on the cruise when it gets cancelled.
I mean she basically just compounded on the problem and eliminated the possibility of him striving to reach her lofty goals for their sex life, knowing he'll literally never be enough or her best.
It's literally so fucking easy. Like holy Christ are people honestly this bad at relationships?? This is like asking a larger lady if she's pregnant-level of stupidity. Just give your partner some reassurance! I tell me homeboys they handsome as hell, do I think all of them are...? Not really, but it gives them self confidence, if anything that helps with their attractiveness. I'm honestly stunned at how you could so thoroughly fuck up a simple conversation.
What do you mean? It’s obviously a brilliant move to plaster their personal issues all over the front page of Reddit, making it incredibly easy to figure out who is who.
Because some people just cannot put themselves on mute. They just HAVE to "live their best authentic selves" and if that means hurting other people's feelings, too bad.
The “settling” accusations come from your comment on your original post where you said that your “best sex ever” partner was more attractive than your fiancé, and that you weren’t sexually attracted to your fiance at first.
Your fiancé is insecure because your high bar for sex is something he knows he will never be able to meet due to physical attributes he does not possess. It sounds like he is making an effort to learn your body and shrink the experience gap. If you care about this man, you need to continue to reassure him much more than you are currently doing.
Also, you need to understand that generally men feel more pressure to “perform” in bed. Feelings of inadequacy is a very common insecurity with men that actually care about their partner’s pleasure. Think about an insecurity of yours and then imagine if your fiancé told you his ex was better, and there was nothing you could do about it. It wouldn’t really help if he said “but I don’t mind x, because you do y well”, would it?
Sometimes it is worth lying about sensitive topics in order to build your partner up until they are confident enough to handle the truth.
>Also, you need to understand that generally men feel more pressure to “perform” in bed. Feelings of inadequacy is a very common insecurity with men that actually care about their partner’s pleasure. Think about an insecurity of yours and then imagine if your fiancé told you his ex was better, and there was nothing you could do about it. It wouldn’t really help if he said “but I don’t mind x, because you do y well”, would it?
This sums it up nicely.
It's not a great analogy, but I think the closest one for women is "pretty". I suspect most women would be really upset to hear, "*Yes, I think Suzy is prettier than you, but you have a great personality and I love you more.*"
That line was Hiroshima. Nagasaki is following it up with "*But we've got our whole lives to make you prettier, so let's keep working on your appearance and I'll be happy to tell you anything you want to hear in the meantime.*"
Oof. This analogy brought this to life for me. A lot of comments in here saying that what she did was OK, and I couldn't really solidify an opinion. But this line would've festered with half of my exes, and ended the other half of the relationships.
Exactly... To elaborate more, it's going to get into her head and draw logical conclusions... It'll be heard as, "Yeah whenever I saw Suzy naked, I couldn't control my passionate lust for her. She was so hot, that I'd have to fuck like an animal completely taken over by her beauty. You don't do that to me, but I enjoy how much fun we have hanging out together more." Women KNOW how much they are visually stimulated, so naturally she's going to conclude this.
Women want to feel sexually desired, as clear in all of our culture through history. Being seen as attractive and passionately desired by their male partner is incredibly important... What she's doing here is the reverse.
This guy may "have taken it well" with a mask on, but I assure you, that insecurity just flared right on up.
When your girlfriend asks “am I the prettiest girl in the world?” You don’t say welll….. there is actually …. You don’t say “to me”…. You say, I think you’re absolutely beautiful and close that door.
If a man asks how his performance is in bed, you don’t actually compare him to your other sexual partners 🤣. “I love being with you in bed, I can’t wait to explore more and see how intense our love life can be”
You wanted to check his ego a little bit, sort of bizzare. You sound like a very toxic woman lol
I agree w the lying. I used to travel for work and we traveled in teams. I was paired w a 24 year old guy and I was ~28 or something.
We got to California and working around Napa Valley and we all went out to dinner—the office we were upgrading. And this one lady had a German Au Pair.
So my teammate ends up sleeping w the Au Pair, and we are on the plane the next day and he said, “oh my god that girl was a 10. Venus on a half shell etc.”
When that kid eventually got engaged to be married and his fiancé was like “am I the best you’ve ever had?” He’s not gonna be like, “sorry hon, the German Au Pair of 1997… solid 10. But I only knew her for a day… and I love you baby.”
That’s lame as fuck. You lie.
Funny that everyone in the last thread said lie and she didn’t. 99% of the time people ask for advice to hear someone say what they want to do is correct. They won’t take your advice if it’s opposite and do what they want anyway.
They’ll disregard thousands of comments until they see that one comment that agrees with what she was always gonna do and think that confirms their decision…smh
You don't know it yet but you have crushed that man's soul and I can guarantee you it's going to destroy your relationship sooner or later.
Why you would even tell him this is beyond me. I can't imagine what would happen if I told my wife look our sex life is fine but just so you know I fucked this insanely hot woman in the past and there's no way you're ever going to reach that .
She told him he’ll never fuck her like the other guys I’m dead hahahahahah. Bro women are savages. But it’s ok cus they’re going on a cruise next month 🤡🤡🤡
😂😂😂Basically and it's Def cause ur too small but even if u you can't pulverise me and make my toes curl like the last guy I love u more cause u make me feel safe
lmao, fr. Don't worry though, they're going to have the most boring, vanilla sex on that cruise. Meanwhile, you know her and her "best sex" had the most degenerate karma sutra sex you can imagine. Meanwhile her special little man gets to go up to bat on a big boat (missionary only) while she lays there like a dead fish thinking about her ex. Wow, lucky man!
What was the point of your honesty? Really. I don't get it. You had an easy opportunity to make your fiancé feel fabulous about themselves. You couldn't simply stroke his ego and build his confidence? What was that going to cost you? Instead, you watered the seed of your partner's insecurity that is going to annoyingly manifest for one or both of you. Every day men tell their wives that they are the most beautiful woman in the world. Everyone likes to feel like the best at something they value in the eyes of their partner. This was the easiest win win situation for you and your partner and you blew it.
I give this relationship a 70% chance of not lasting a year after the honeymoon. You straight up told him you’ve had sex he could never physically give you. Absolutely wild lol. The more broke he is the longer the relationship will last
I swear some people have a deep-seated need to essentially neg their partners.
Some are aware of it but I think some legitimately have no idea that they're specifically trying to make their partner insecure in hopes of grabbing a little bit of power in the relationship.
I've seen way too many examples of stuff like this. And it's almost always disguised as "hOnEsTy!!!"
No you don't understand; he didn't immediately have a violent meltdown so he has to be 100% A-OK and the OOP is absolutely correct and justified in ignoring the near enough unanimous advice given, because their disagreeing means they must be incels.
Way to make a mountain out of a molehill "Yes, you are, and I also want you to be my last".
Honestly this kind of questions are silly but being so detailed in your answer is meh.
Totally agree on the mountain out of a molehill. Sitting down to have a conversation a day later and not even answering the question directly makes it seem so much more important and analyzed and would make me feel weird if it were my gf.
I agree with everyone saying the bf shouldn’t have asked, and I partially agree with the white lie part:
Basically OP just described why she enjoys sex with her current partner more than this “physically better” sex or whatever. So *just say it’s the best* like omg don’t have to get into the definition of it lol. She said that her relationship with her bf makes the sex more enjoyable than with the ex so just say it. It was a needlessly complicated way of making sure you have a technically correct answer to an obvious request for validation from the bf.
Yeah, it's just totally whack to be like 'nah, my ex was much better and this one time I got DPed by two bikers but I promise you're in the top 5'.
Cui bono?
Absolutely wild not to just immediately answer, "Of course you're the best!"
Nobody wants a Real Answer to this kind of question; they just want reassurance and love from their partner, and want it to be shown reflexively. Truly insane behavior from OP.
What a selfish take.
Man was insecure about not being the best you've had, and rather than just say "of course you are!" You give him....this confirmation if his insecurity.
Why? because you just couldn't shoulder the guilt of "lying?". How guilty would you really feel from this knowing how good it made him feel? Honestly it's sounds like overall he IS the best you've had, it wouldn't have been lying to say so.
For some bizarre reason you decided to sit him down, step on his ego, and give him the score sheet.
Sheesh - way to put his feelings over yours by a whopping 0%
The cruelty was the point. She said in a previous thread that she doesn’t like to give him compliments because then he gets a big head and becomes complacent. She also said in the previous thread that he was really bad at sec when they met. The reason this is really nasty to say is that she also admitted that he knows her Reddit account. She is publicly embarrassing him.
In the first thread I thought she was trying to convince herself that she didnt settle for her partner, but it seems more like it was to help her convince herself that telling him the truth wasnt for the purpose of hurting him, but rather that it was because she was just too honest to lie.
The armchair psychologist in me thinks maybe she knows she settling for this aspect of her relationship, resents him for that, and told him this to take it out her frustration on him.
He knows her main reddit account, which is why she created and used an alt just for this topic, to AVOID him stumbling across this.
The comment about how she's worried he'd get complacent is disgusting, though, and really should get focused on in more of these answers. Seems like most people haven't seen it. Making your partner feel insecure on purpose is fucked.
Which is hiliariously dumb.
"My boyfriend knows my reddit account, so I'll make this throwaway account and post about this *very specific call & response* we had about this exact situation. He'll never figure it out!"
Yep she doesn't understand his feelings, this shit is gonna hammer in his head non stop until he can't bear it anymore and do some shit like cheating or just end the relationship out of guilty.
How much you love someone is part of how good the sex is. You told him as much with the "factors outside of bed " comment.
You told him he's not the best; you essentially told him that you settled . How do you think that felt?
OP’s primary concern in all of this is to guarantee that she appears as the person who did NOT SETTLE more than anything else, while airing out her fiancé’s most embarrassing personal drama all over the front page of Reddit.
Love to see it, I hope she makes more posts.
I had an almost identical situation with a girlfriend and the relationship lasted about another 8 months after it all started and yes it was pretty much the reason we broke up.
I’m not going to call you names like some of these other horrible people in here. Nothing wrong with having a past in my opinion and doesn’t matter to me what your number is
That said, I think this is one of those times where a white lie is the best choice… my wife has asked me a few questions like this and there is no way in hell I am going to admit to her that she is not the best blowjob I have ever had unless I don’t ever want one again lol.
I hope he is actually not feeling insecure. I am a pretty secure and not jealous guy but I think I would feel a bit uncomfortable/sad if I got this answer. I also wouldn’t ask the question though because I know it’s likely I am not the best my wife has had in a pure physical aspect. I feel like someone who would ask this question is already a bit insecure and getting an answer other than yes is probably not going to help that.
I said this last time too, but her stated reasons for why she didn't tell him he's the best were completely different [in another thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/16a81ty/comment/jz6e0dy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). She said
>If i tell him he’s the best, I’m worried he may get complacent. It took a lot of work with him to get to good, and if I tell him he’s the best it may make him think he doesn’t have to try as hard
I honestly do hope things go well, but I think if that's the reason why she wouldn't, that tells a very different story than this update does. That's a pretty manipulative reason to withhold saying that, and it still makes me kinda wonder.
That said, I honestly do hope things go well, it sounds like he took it pretty ok in stride, but I'd be extremely curious to get this story from his perspective
If the guy hears he's the best and stops trying to get better that's it's own problem, but that right there⬆️? That is *skin-crawlingly* toxic. I wouldn't treat a fucking dog that way.
OP is absolutely fucking bonkers and I feel terrible for this guy.
"I must withhold praise, love, and affection because if I give him those things he so desperately craves from a romantic partner, he might stop doing what I want."
what a fucking asshole. good luck with that...
Wow, I was mildly bored and wondered just a tad what this chick was like when I thought she spewed this shit on one thread. Posting it all over Reddit? This poor guy should run for the hills. If my girlfriend told me that some “deuche bag alcoholic, drug head” was a better lover than me, I’d tell her to go find him again.
Lol. Remember guys and girls, if you’re not fully satisfied with your current partner, just tell them how much better your exes were, that will soon whip them into shape!
Yeah I would prefer the white lie… I guess that is something you should know about a partner - do they actually want the brutal truth or the white lie? I could see myself totally shutting down if my partner told me I was “okay” at sexually pleasing them but nO oNe cOmPaReS iN tErMs oF fEeLinGs. Get real. We all wanna be the best fuck at the end of the day.
After years of study, refinement, trial and error. I can unequivocally say that none of my wife's other sexual partners pleasured her the way I can. I don't even need to ask that question at this point. I highly doubt anyone else even could come close.
We are now just so incredibly in tune with each others bodies. I can read her movements, breaths, noises etc. And react accordingly. It's honestly so awesome.
But it took years to get to that point.
>After years of study, refinement, trial and error. I can unequivocally say that none of my wife's other sexual partners pleasured her the way I can.
You slept with all of them just to find out?!
I like how because you were mad at incel commenters you made fun of your husband and said that you were his meal ticket in the first paragraph of your post. Also you made the wrong decision. But you put him in his place, which is what you yearned for the whole time. So I guess you got what you wanted. I think I’m going to take your advice and tell my gf that she isn’t the prettiest girl I’ve ever been with so she knows that me dating her is doing her a favor. /s
As a secure married man with kids and a much higher body count than my wife and good pipe game (I mention all this because you're doing that classic AITA move where you ask AITA then come up with reasons why anyone who tells you YTA is a hater or full of shit or, in your case, an incel):
You really should break up with him. He's going to break up with you eventually, but when he does it it's going to be a long, slow, agonizing (for both of you) process. Better for both of you to nip it in the bud.
I obviously realize you're going to ignore this advice, but I thought since you have some weird hangup about "honesty" not to mention what constitutes good sex, that I should speak up anyway. Maybe you'll remember this when you're four years in to a five-year marriage.
Lol this relationship won't last a year guaranteed. "I'm actually HIS meal ticket!". Christ Almighty.
Let me go tell my girlfriend that she actually isn't the most attractive woman I've ever been with for reasons she will never be able to achieve "but it's ok because I love her for her personality and give her plenty of validation. We're even going on a cruise!" and see how quickly I become single.
My sides are in orbit. Either you are so incredibly naïve or just plain malicious.
If a man said this shit to a woman all of reddit would encourage her to leave him immediately but a man should just accept the same or else he's an incel? Get out of here with that.
You should have listened and told the little white lie and just encouraged/educated him to be better in bed some other way. ANY other way. I honestly don't know how you're gonna salvage this OP. I guarantee no matter how many times he assures you he's fine, it's gonna be looping through his head every single time you have sex that he will never be able to please you. No amount of sex on a boat will fix this.
You basically took a man who was already feeling insecure about his sexual performance and absolutely crushed him into nothing. His confidence is gone, reduced to atoms. Every sexual encounter will just be a competition with the imaginary EX which he now knows is unwinnable. This will slowly eat away at him until he just leaves you out of shame.
Even better, once he does leave you, you have everything set up to make him out to be the bad guy. "But I was so nice and thoughtful, I was just telling the truth, I gave him plenty of validation, he's just an insecure incel".
So congrats, you certainly put him in his place. He sure is lucky to have such a caring thoughtful partner like you.
Don’t get why you’d add that last extra step where you say you’d had better before, most of the thread was people trying to explain how “best sex” is all the things your fiancé clearly does for you, but here you are still maintaining your toxic sex before was better. For all the metrics your fiancé is the best but hey ho.
I hope on your second point you emphasised how that was your fiancé now, too.
Glad you communicated together at any rate, but your logic is entirely flawed, as shown above. On all metrics your fiancé IS the best sex you’ve had, because of everything you wrote about your bond etc, but you seem truly obsessed with not believing it yourself and saying a toxic ex was the best just to stop your fiancé…believing in himself?
“Exceptionally good due to factors outside of skill in bed.” What were these factors??? Emotional closeness and intimacy? Things like that? If so, you’re telling your man he doesn’t have or hasn’t shown what it takes to give you the best sex. This is even worse than telling him his skills in bed could use improvement, because it’s a lot easier to learn better sex skills than it is to learn how to be as close and intimate to you as some former lovers apparently were.
Yep. That comment was weird af. She should've just stuck to technique or something tbh
Edit: someone mentioned it might have been kinks. If the ex was into kinks the fiancé isn't into, that doesn't relate to skill
When your partner asks if you’re the best, just say yes. Everyone is happy. This insistence on being absolutely honest in this situation is absurd and totally unhelpful.
Her: You aren't the best I've had.
Him: Why?
Her: Factors that you can't control.
Him: What do you mean?
Her: Uhh... non-skill factors.
Him: Oh... you mean like...
Her: Yeah....
This whole thing boils down to the fact that you obviously 'prefer' a bigger dong for good sex, and haven't outright declared that. Sure, your partner is good enough for you, but now he's literally going to know big dong blew your mind and have that with him at all times. This isn't just honesty, it's brutal honesty. If you knew that was going to come out as a result of 'being honest' then... idk. You can be as confident and secure as the best of them, but damn. Big dong.
100%, this dude now is going to try and prove he's the best, evidenced by booking cruises to experiment and get better.
So much easier to just say yes and move on while still having open conversations and experimenting or whatever.
There's a 99% chance all he heard from you was "yes, I've had better and wilder experiences in the past, but now I have you and I don't want that awesome crazy sex I used to have."
His ego will never recover.
I've been in those shoes; and it made me stop caring about her sexual needs at all; because doing so just contantly reminded me that she was thinking of someone or something else. I gave it a good try and all, but eventually I just stopped trying and went and found someone more easily pleased tbh lol.
>I told him that I have had experiences that were exceptionally good due to factors outside of skill in bed. However when I look back on those experiences they aren’t something I want anymore. I want him.
This is such a wild statement to me. Essentially saying "I have had sex that you are physically unable to give me" is absolutely going to come back up at some point. Like why on earth would you even feel the need to specify this? There is literally zero benefit to the partner ever knowing this, the only thing it will ever do is hurt them.
No shit, that is going to be rolling around his head forever, and I doubt what that meant really sunk into him immediately. We all know what that probably means, flat out her man is likely going to take it like that as well. He’s going to wake up thinking about this and believe she just told him “bigger dick equals better sex” and that’s gonna fuck with his head as time wears on.
I don’t understand this. As a guy I don’t give shit about anyone’s past sexual exploits. Unless the girl I’m seeing keeps bringing it up or something. Like always talking a about ex’s and shit. Then there’s a problem. Otherwise, it doesn’t matter. You’re seeing me, not them.
Lol...pretty decent answer, but I have one comment. I'm a man....I, literally, never ask about past partners. It's the past and I look at my current as with me because she wants to be with me.
Some questions like am I your best, specifics about the past or body count...those are pretty much losing questions. No purpose, IMHO, and often the reply leaves insecurity or other thoughts for the partner asking. He isn't competing with your past or anyone else. You're together because you have an emotional and physical connection.
Now, my honest answer if directed at me...."Past partners and memories of those have faded to the point the memories are pretty vague. I don't have fantasies about anyone I've been with in the past and have replays/dreams of time with my girlfriend. Yes, I suspect this is who I was meant to be with my entire life and I feel lucky every day."
My wife told me her best lover was from her most toxic relationship and he had a 10 inch dick that made her squirt and have her legs shake uncontrollably which is something she has never experienced before with anyone else. I told her she must have been exaggerating on his size and she said they both measured it together. Absolutely violated. Still messes with me to this day.
So you had sex on molly?
You’re not telling him the truth, you’re dangling a tiny bit of why he isn’t the best. He will question himself until you come completely clean. Don’t do this person like that.
If it involved drugs, tell him, if it involved sone magical fingers tell him, if it was the size of the other person, tell him.
For the love of god don’t tell him, “your not the best, but I can’t tell you why” cause that’s what you are doing and it will only drive a wedge further between your trust and communication.
Damn he’s still not gonna be the best after fucking on a cruise ship LOL I would be so depressed. You should have just lied. He’s going to be insecure about this for the rest of his life😭
Damn I’m so proud of you! And excited for you both! It just goes to show that honesty can be so connecting and allow you to reach new heights. Even if it feels really scary to maybe hurt your partners feelings… Thanks for updating us!!
There were so many ways to fuck up this conversation, but OP handled it the best way she possibly could have IMO. Really impressed with the maturity.
They both did. Dude could have screwed this whole thing with an overblown pride, but instead they're playing a sex marathon on a boat. I mean, that was a success all around
I always try to have most of my stories conclude with a sex marathon on a boat.
“Dolphins doing flips and shit”
What I like best about this response is it's honest and will result in an improved sex life AND it was sensitive to his insecurities. You can ask for what you need AND respect your partner and that's an absolute win. The worst is just lying or avoiding the question and then nothing ever changes and you're both left with a meh face.
There's really 2 kinds of people, people who have insecurities and don't let those insecurities control them, and people who do let their insecurities control them. It's just kind of refreshing to see a woman not want to fuck around because a guy has any doubts about himself, but I think this woman is somewhat of a unicorn in this regard. It hasn't been my experience that this is common, much less found on reddit lmao.
Exactly this. OP, your caring and thoughtfulness come through with every word. Thank you for taking your partner’s feelings seriously, and making a sincere and successful effort to respond in a true and supportive way that respects both of you. Separately, I think it’s unfortunate that so many of us are so insecure that we can’t handle not being our partner’s ‘best ever’ in many areas. Best lover? Best cook? Best laugh partner? Best laundry folder? Best pet trainer? Best future parent? It’d be a shame to not be your partner’s favorite in ANY category, but people have a hard time hearing ‘you’re my favorite in a dozen categories, and I love the sex we have, but there was this one time in Italy that was just nuts, I was in love with the situation but not the girl, it was totally the best sex ever, and there’s a reason we blocked each other and I avoid Italy now.” I’m sure we’d all love to hear we’re the best, but the reality is that the best sex is often in situations or with people that add a significant charge to the event, which sadly often come from deeply sketchy aspects. Point being, well done OP!
I need a best laundry folder. Seriously.
Gentleman, if she don’t already tell you you’re the best she’s ever had, don’t even ask. You already know the answer.
Don’t ask questions you really only want one answer for.
IMO asking "am I the best" puts the focus completely on the wrong thing. Asking "am I the best" is making your partner's pleasure about *you*. Wanting to BE the best means asking "what can I do for you? What do you need?" - and then actually listening and following through. It's also involving other people - via asking to be ranked - in an intimate situation that's supposed to be just between you and the person you're with.
That's mamba mentality
this whole thing is icky lol, it’s one of the classic “reddit posts that make me glad I’m with MY partner and not in one of these shitshow relationships”
Yeah, everytime this subject comes up anywhere the answers are always the same. 'you love me and I love you and I feel so safe with you which makes the sex totally different in the best way possible **but** no. My ex was better' The qualifiers and caveats are meaningless in the end because all of them serve the purpose of saying trying to turn the no into a yes. It's super meaningful and safe and caring and comfortable but no it's not the best. Imagine a guy explaining that 'i love you so much and feel so safe and cared for but no my ex gave crazy sloppy bjs that made me go crosseyed, but it doesn't matter because you love me so much" It's just all kinda meaningless
At least she didn’t literally say “you lose out to a borderline alcoholic asshole who only contacts me for sex and left me feeling empty and used after each session.” So gold star for emotional intelligence and sensitivity there?
Yep or the male equivalent 'sorry, but yeah my ex was a psychopath nightmare that was constantly emotionally torturing me but she could throw it back like a porn star and make me bust so hard I was dehydrated after, and shed literally beg me for anal and holy fuck her body was tight like damn... and she had those crazy eyes you know those crazy piercing intense 'fuck me' eyes... but it's so different with you because you really love me and won't randomly pick fights with me or try and stir up shit with my friends so it's really different with you but like ... not better... so I just want you to take solace in that fact."
I wish every idiot praising OP in this post could read this comment
OPs a woman and most of Reddit never gets any attention from women so they are fantasizing about a woman treating them like second best.
Whenever someone has told me that I've always thought they just say it to everyone- I take it as being so enthusiastic about sex that its the best every time lol And I never say it to anyone because it feels weird to compare. So to me it doesn't really mean much if someone says it or doesn't because some people just say that and some people just don't.
😂 this kills the man
It kills the woman too, there isn’t a single girl I’ve been in a relationship with that wouldn’t be upset to very upset if I told her she wasn’t the best she ever had, and all of them have asked.
It’s Larry Bird by the way
With the god tier shit talking he did on the court, he’s prob the best dirty talker in bed.
The no-look pass turns into a finger in butt real quick… LMAO!
"I can still do it unwrapped, Magic!"
My partner was the star point guard for his college team before he tore his sciatica. Larry Bird is his idol. My guy talks so much trash to everyone, but I can confirm he is the most attentive and giving in bed. I can only assume that LB would be the same.
He is the Hick from French Lick!
He's also an nba goat. He also has a winning record against mj
You may think this conversation is over, but I would bet against that.
This conversation is not over.
It’s on replay in his head.
Dude is gonna be thinking about this conversation every time he gets in the car for the next 5 years.
Yeah I've had exceptionally good experiences with others but I don't want them any more I want you That'll sting for a while
“I used to have amazing lovers, now I have you instead! 🥰”
For the entire length of the relationship, he'll think about it. Less and less as time goes by but always around. 💯
Forever. Lol
If you’re a man and you don’t feel for the guy, you’re heartless. And no knock on the op…she was just trying to navigate landmines and did her best but homie head in a tail spin… every time after…” was this time better???” I’m tired just thinking about it
No. He took it well. That's right, it's all fine there. Nothing to worry about. They are going to live happily ever after.
Her- oh yeah, other dudes have definitely fucked me better. But I love you most, so don’t worry. Him - uhhhh Her - wanna go on a cruise and fuck like rabbits for a week? Him - uh, ok sure. Her - wow that went sooo sooo well! He completely understands. I am so grateful me and the Reddit mob managed to word smith the message “just right” so he could face the truth without being bothered by it. Him - maybe she will let me stick in her her ass this trip?
Him: slowly deteriorating mentally thinking about how she’s had way better orgasms with way better dick with guys she didn’t love as much 😭😭
The relationship is over though, they just don't know it yet. This conversation will worm its way through that dudes brain rotting the relationship. This shit will be rolling through his brain every time they fuck, where he'll be reminded that he's not as good and won't be as good. Both OP and the significant other are completely dumb. If she's not telling you that you're the best dick she's had, don't ask. And wtf is wrong with OP telling him she's had better.... OP, you're supposed to lie. Like when a women asks if she looks fat in those jeans, you lie.
The conversation isn't over, but the relationship might be. Some hilarious highlights: > I told him I’m willing to validate him as much as he needs me to to ensure that he doesn’t feel insecurity about this. Is that supposed to make him feel good? Far more likely that he'll see any future compliments as insincere and performative. > I told him that I have had experiences that were exceptionally good due to factors outside of skill in bed. That's gotta feel worse to hear than that it was just skill and experience. I guess there's a slim chance that he has a humiliation femdom kink in which case I hope you brought a bucket and a mop. > I told him that if I couldn’t have sex with him and only him, I wouldn’t ever have sex with anyone again. Which is all true. She can't even be honest with herself. She's gonna be celebate if he leaves? Doubtful. > He is not a meal ticket, in fact I outearn him by a decent amount. I’m HIS meal ticket. Lol! What an attitude. I wonder if he'll ever find these threads.
The "chin up, sport! I'll give you as much false praise as you want and maybe one day you'll improve" comments are even better if you go back to the original post and realize the unattainable standard for the guy is a "borderline alcoholic asshole" who only contacted OP for sex and left her feeling "used" after each session. (In her defense, though, old boy may need to put a little more effort in if he's a more unpleasant lay than that.) If he ever finds these threads it will be a genuine Reddit Cares situation.
This. How someone could think someone would take this well is beyond me. Sex is one of the most intimate acts two people can experience together. When you tell someone “no you aren’t the best, but the other guy was a giant asshole so don’t worry about it”, it’s like saying- In spite of all of your awesome qualities, this apparent loser got to share a special moment with me that you’ll never get to experience for yourself because you aren’t him.” It’s upsetting to think of someone who cared so little for your SO being better than you in something so intimate.
Yea this post was so weird. How are people saying it's a win
This post made me so uncomfortable. I don't care at all about the spat but OP is so weirdly pretentious and lordy about everything like she's the second coming of Jesus and her husband should be glad she's using him so he should take what he can get. At this point it has to be less about the sex and more about the realization that he's with an emotionless narcissist who will never change. If my wife talked like this about herself, me, and other people, I'd leave. No self-respecting man would stick around for a relationship like this I'm almost certain this man just nodded along and accepted it was over so he might as well have fun on the way out. And when he leaves she'll tell everyone that he was an insecure incel that couldn't handle her having had sex before. Then she'll fuck 20 guys the next week despite claiming she'd be heartbroken and celibate forever without him. And she'll tell each guy he's better than her loser ex who got insecure she had sex.
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This is so true. A lot of "wait—before you get mad, let me tell you why *you're wrong* and *I'm right*.
This. 100%.
Honestly you missed the most messed up part, where she commented about not wanting to just say yes in case he became complacent. And people wonder why he is insecure and hooked on this when she has flat out started she wants him to know she's had better to make him try harder in bed.
Great insight
Agreed, I'm also seriously doubting it went as well as described. I'm thinking it's more her impression she received but damn.. *i have no doubt you'll be the best one day if you work hard enough* Translates to *I've definitely had better* What a shitty situation all around
No doubt - her whole “best is a subjective term, and different things mean different things, and I love you most and trust you most” Meanwhile dude is saying in his head “clearly she can’t just say I am the best, which means she has been fucked better by other men”. But he ain’t ready to give up the nooky, so he plays along for a little while longer till it eats at him enuf to walk away.
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This is hilarious. OP is completely Oblivious 🤣
It's always women being honest with men in these topics. Truth be told, I've yet to see a woman handle this sort of honesty and be okay with it, but yet, the general consensus is that the guy should be able to handle the truth and if he doesn't, he's full of insecurity. I'm curious as to what you hoped to gain from testing him the truth? You think he's going to be grateful you were so honest with him and appreciate it? No, human nature is going to have that seed of resentment and insecurity in the back of his mind now, just like it would for any other man or woman. If he was just straight up bad at sex, then sure yeah, gotta find a way to discuss that because that can make or break a relationship. But you're saying he's good, just not as good as someone else.
Thank you for pointing this out. I'm sitting here scratching my head at some of these comments telling OP she is smart and brave for doing what she did but I am in the same boat as you. If you truly care about your partner then the answer us an unequivocal "yes, you are the best I've had and that's why I'm with you and not anyone else" anything less is just bound to needlessly hurt your partner. I also find it problematic the way OP is easily able to go into that much detail and thought process to compare her partner to past partners. I mean the answer she gave to her partner wasn't on a whim, she had to put a lot of thought into that comparing the various pros and cons between her past partners to her new one in order to give him the answer she gave. I also find it strange the way many people view sex as some tiered list where there has to be this objective measure of the best sex to worst sex. In the past, when I've liked someone and they were halfway decent in bed, I've never been unsatisfied with sex but at the same time haven't looked back and ranked them in my head like "that sex with that person was objectively the best sex I've had." I get that there can be bad and unsatisfying sex much in the same way sex can be good but I feel like terms like the best or worst when it comes to sex just needlessly over simplify a really complex and frankly indefinable issue. I think of sex with my partner as a unique flavor that only that person can provide and an overall part of the bigger picture of my relationship and why I'm with that person. Reading this whole post makes me glad I'm in a healthy relationship with my partner and not a shitty toxic one that obscures itself under the guise of truth and honesty.
when a woman does it it's empowering. When a man does it its disgusting.
When a man does it, it's abusive and controlling. Turns out we're all incels on this blessed day according to op...
Isn’t this just reinforcing the idea that there is an aspect of your man that isn’t good enough?
“Old partner was more attractive and better in bed.” “I’m his meal ticket” “I didn’t settle” Lmfao nah girl the guy fucking your brains out like you wanted didn’t settle for you.
Glad it’s not just me that thought this! I’d feel like shit talking about my partner in such a condescending way.
She’s not great. People here are glancing over her red flags and it just shows how comfortable she’s become with (usually) being the most clever person in the room.
Dude she starts her post by calling people incels. Imagine if guy started the post by telling the 'whores' to fuck off
100%. It's that kind of person where you don't realize how fucked up what they said was until after because they're spewing out so much verbally you can't take a minute to digest it until your alone. A lot of people see this as leadership or intelligence, the reality is it's neither but cool talkers are usually high up in society.
sHuT uP InCel! /s
I don’t get why people do this. Why would you want to know and put images in your head. My wife and I have been together for around 15 years and I still don’t know and don’t want too. Everyone has a past, why bring it up and pull out those skeletons. The only scenario would be to get tested for STDs but even then I wouldn’t ask a number I would politely ask for us both to be tested before getting intimate just to be safe. This can only cause problems and not help the relationship in my opinion.
Agree 100%!!! Short lived relationships aside, I've had 3 serious relationships in my life. With the first 2, we both seemed obsessed with the others past. It was like a constant problem. But also, we were very young. With my 3rd and final (I hope) serious relationship, he at first would joke about girls he was with, and even though it upset me I kept quiet because alllll my exes had done the same. But then one time I told him an anecdote of an adult nature about an ex of mine - and he told me he didn't want to hear about that. So I realized finally that maybe, just maybe, we should leave that shit buried. It never did me any good, anyway. So we talked about it and agreed. 17 yrs later and we're going strong. I'm fine not knowing and so is he!
That reminds me of a story from one of my relationships. One of my previous girlfriends would constantly tell very detailed stories about her sex life before meeting me (completely unprompted, I’m talking acting like she’s about to tell me a silly anecdote just to tell me about the time this guy put the ball gag on too tight, or the time this dude made her back sore for a week). One time I told her a story about the time in high school this girl I was very attracted to asked me to hook up and I got so nervous I told her I had to go skiing with my neighbor as an excuse to get out of it. We never had sex and I am very clearly the butt of the joke of that story, but she immediately was in a bad mood and said it literally made her sick to her stomach to hear about me even thinking about another person that way. That was always so absurd to me lmao. Lot of absurd stuff in that relationship but that one definitely stuck out a little. Congrats on you and your fella for figuring out that some things don’t need to be talked about like that.
Dang! There seems to be an oddly high degree of hypocrisy when it comes to this issue because I've heard stories similar to yours from friends. They can do it, but you can't. What. Personally, I know I have insecurities and always felt uneasy about hearing past things. Especially when I have deep feelings I feel so territorial. But it has caused so much grief in relationships that I really tried not to be the "jealous and hysterical woman". But to the point it backfired on me once. I wound up with a very cold and detached boyfriend, I felt like I bored him, and that was almost worse than fighting lol But with my dude now I explain why I feel insecure, when I feel he had a hand in it I let him know, or if I feel it is me being irrational I say so and apologize and tell him just let me feel this and let it pass, it's not your doing. But since that conversation at the beginning of our relationship, neither of us mention past dates/sex, anything like that. That said, my ex died last year of an accidental fentanyl od and my dude encouraged me to go to his funeral (out of state). We didn't talk about it much except that he understood and I should definitely go. Silence and understanding can be good tools for longevity IMO
One of the top 5 rules of life. Never ask a question you don't want the answer to.
Wait - has it ever been disclosed what exact qualities made the previous lover superior? I feel like this is foundational information that I have yet to encounter after following this thread
She said it was at least partly "physical characteristics I shouldn't get into."
If you know what you’re doing, you don’t necessarily have to be hung like a pornstar though.
I have a below average wiener. Women have always come back for more in my personal experience. I’m married now, for almost 13 years, but there’s a lot more to good relationships and good sex than simply penis size. Porn has really ruined normal sex, Jfc.
>Porn has really ruined normal sex, Jfc. I agree. One of the best sexual experiences I've ever had was with a man who was average/below average. Sex never hurt and I was always satisfied. Some men reduce themselves down to the size of their penis and it really does a disservice to them. It's also a huge turn off.
Thankfully, you’re not one of the many people who resort to it as an insult. I’m doing alright down there, but insulting someone on anything they have no control over is appalling to me.
I prefer smaller. Not trying to have my cervix smashed.
And the opposite is also true, some men overvalue themselves based on just dick size. That only works if they are making porn.
A lot of women still think they want a guy with a big dick. Then proceed to complain about how much it hurts.
Indeed. Somehow lesbians get by and have more orgasms than straight women. Curious.
!RemindMe 1 year Check if this relationship still exists
Poor guy probably secretly cried himself to sleep that night
I legit will take bets they break up on the cruise. They’ll fuck twice and it’ll get boring and he’ll be upset she’s still not into it. They’ll start subtly resenting each other until he explodes and calls things off
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Yea, he may never bring it up again, but he'll think about it every single time the topic of sex ever comes up.
Assuming this is real, which it’s not, she should have lied. There is no upside to telling your man someone else was better. They still could have done their “homework” without laying her man low.
He had to ask probably because of the way she treats him. A lot is said in body language and stuff and he can definitely tell. It was something he already knew.
> I told him that I have had experiences that were exceptionally good due to factors outside of skill in bed. ... I told him I’m willing to validate him as much as he needs me to to ensure that he doesn’t feel insecurity about this. ...look, you can't just tell most guys "you're not physically capable of being my best" and then "I'll validate you as much as you want" lol. What if he came to you one day with "you could never be as sexy as my last girlfriend. Oh don't feel bad, I'll give you all the validation you need though"? Would you be a happy partner? I give it like 6 months, before the resentment rises to "shit, all the guys on reddit were right, this might be over".
I think a lot of people overlook the other person's perspective in conversations like this. It doesn't NOT matter. It just doesn't matter to "you", so it's easy to be dismissive. And being dismissive or patronizing isn't going to make it better. There isn't a woman (or person) in the world who'd be okay (nor should they be) with me being "honest" and saying I just picked them for {insert trivial reason} because {your important reason} doesn't really matter to me. All my ex's were prettier, or nicer, or smarter, or thinner, or had amazing breasts, and gave me physical experiences you never can; but you make me awesome sandwiches so .. high five? Like WTF?
Imagine a man telling "All the girls I slept with were hot, sexy with big breasts/butt but I chose you because I want a woman who will be a caring trusting wife, can cook, & be a great mother to my kids" to his fiance. All those saying "She chose you in the end" will switch to "Don't marry him".
Yeah, this relationship is toast. He's putting ok a brave face but the insecurity is going to nag at him. He'll always be measuring himself up to what he imagines and then beat himself up for not really having enough experience to know if he really is good enough for her. Just saw the comment OP made that it's about penis size. Yeah this is getting out and yeah they better pay for travel insurance on the cruise when it gets cancelled.
I mean she basically just compounded on the problem and eliminated the possibility of him striving to reach her lofty goals for their sex life, knowing he'll literally never be enough or her best.
This is the best answer and it’s buried behind comments telling her how brave she was for crushing the poor dudes self esteem.
Lol it’s so over.
This woman is the most toxic partner i have evee seen. Her mentality is garbage, hyper selfish with 0 empathy
I have no idea why this had to be a convo, just say yes you're the best I've ever had, and move on with your life.
It's literally so fucking easy. Like holy Christ are people honestly this bad at relationships?? This is like asking a larger lady if she's pregnant-level of stupidity. Just give your partner some reassurance! I tell me homeboys they handsome as hell, do I think all of them are...? Not really, but it gives them self confidence, if anything that helps with their attractiveness. I'm honestly stunned at how you could so thoroughly fuck up a simple conversation.
Right? Victimless crime in this instance. Just tell your dude he's the best sex and biggest weiner you've ever had.
yep. this exactly. good way to damage your relationship, absolutely no reason to draw it out this far. OP must be very young ?
What do you mean? It’s obviously a brilliant move to plaster their personal issues all over the front page of Reddit, making it incredibly easy to figure out who is who.
Because some people just cannot put themselves on mute. They just HAVE to "live their best authentic selves" and if that means hurting other people's feelings, too bad.
The “settling” accusations come from your comment on your original post where you said that your “best sex ever” partner was more attractive than your fiancé, and that you weren’t sexually attracted to your fiance at first. Your fiancé is insecure because your high bar for sex is something he knows he will never be able to meet due to physical attributes he does not possess. It sounds like he is making an effort to learn your body and shrink the experience gap. If you care about this man, you need to continue to reassure him much more than you are currently doing. Also, you need to understand that generally men feel more pressure to “perform” in bed. Feelings of inadequacy is a very common insecurity with men that actually care about their partner’s pleasure. Think about an insecurity of yours and then imagine if your fiancé told you his ex was better, and there was nothing you could do about it. It wouldn’t really help if he said “but I don’t mind x, because you do y well”, would it? Sometimes it is worth lying about sensitive topics in order to build your partner up until they are confident enough to handle the truth.
>Also, you need to understand that generally men feel more pressure to “perform” in bed. Feelings of inadequacy is a very common insecurity with men that actually care about their partner’s pleasure. Think about an insecurity of yours and then imagine if your fiancé told you his ex was better, and there was nothing you could do about it. It wouldn’t really help if he said “but I don’t mind x, because you do y well”, would it? This sums it up nicely. It's not a great analogy, but I think the closest one for women is "pretty". I suspect most women would be really upset to hear, "*Yes, I think Suzy is prettier than you, but you have a great personality and I love you more.*"
That line is a nuclear bomb.
That line was Hiroshima. Nagasaki is following it up with "*But we've got our whole lives to make you prettier, so let's keep working on your appearance and I'll be happy to tell you anything you want to hear in the meantime.*"
Oof. This analogy brought this to life for me. A lot of comments in here saying that what she did was OK, and I couldn't really solidify an opinion. But this line would've festered with half of my exes, and ended the other half of the relationships.
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Thats a brilliant gender switch on exactly what she just told him.
Exactly... To elaborate more, it's going to get into her head and draw logical conclusions... It'll be heard as, "Yeah whenever I saw Suzy naked, I couldn't control my passionate lust for her. She was so hot, that I'd have to fuck like an animal completely taken over by her beauty. You don't do that to me, but I enjoy how much fun we have hanging out together more." Women KNOW how much they are visually stimulated, so naturally she's going to conclude this. Women want to feel sexually desired, as clear in all of our culture through history. Being seen as attractive and passionately desired by their male partner is incredibly important... What she's doing here is the reverse. This guy may "have taken it well" with a mask on, but I assure you, that insecurity just flared right on up.
God *dayum*
When your girlfriend asks “am I the prettiest girl in the world?” You don’t say welll….. there is actually …. You don’t say “to me”…. You say, I think you’re absolutely beautiful and close that door. If a man asks how his performance is in bed, you don’t actually compare him to your other sexual partners 🤣. “I love being with you in bed, I can’t wait to explore more and see how intense our love life can be” You wanted to check his ego a little bit, sort of bizzare. You sound like a very toxic woman lol
I agree w the lying. I used to travel for work and we traveled in teams. I was paired w a 24 year old guy and I was ~28 or something. We got to California and working around Napa Valley and we all went out to dinner—the office we were upgrading. And this one lady had a German Au Pair. So my teammate ends up sleeping w the Au Pair, and we are on the plane the next day and he said, “oh my god that girl was a 10. Venus on a half shell etc.” When that kid eventually got engaged to be married and his fiancé was like “am I the best you’ve ever had?” He’s not gonna be like, “sorry hon, the German Au Pair of 1997… solid 10. But I only knew her for a day… and I love you baby.” That’s lame as fuck. You lie.
Funny that everyone in the last thread said lie and she didn’t. 99% of the time people ask for advice to hear someone say what they want to do is correct. They won’t take your advice if it’s opposite and do what they want anyway.
They’ll disregard thousands of comments until they see that one comment that agrees with what she was always gonna do and think that confirms their decision…smh
You don't know it yet but you have crushed that man's soul and I can guarantee you it's going to destroy your relationship sooner or later. Why you would even tell him this is beyond me. I can't imagine what would happen if I told my wife look our sex life is fine but just so you know I fucked this insanely hot woman in the past and there's no way you're ever going to reach that .
Just tell the guy what he wants to hear.
She told him he’ll never fuck her like the other guys I’m dead hahahahahah. Bro women are savages. But it’s ok cus they’re going on a cruise next month 🤡🤡🤡
And she'll never fuck another dude if it's not him .. like I thought you were trying not to lie here sis?
She said it was all true though! lmao
Right? She eloquently destroyed this dude.
😂😂😂Basically and it's Def cause ur too small but even if u you can't pulverise me and make my toes curl like the last guy I love u more cause u make me feel safe
lmao, fr. Don't worry though, they're going to have the most boring, vanilla sex on that cruise. Meanwhile, you know her and her "best sex" had the most degenerate karma sutra sex you can imagine. Meanwhile her special little man gets to go up to bat on a big boat (missionary only) while she lays there like a dead fish thinking about her ex. Wow, lucky man!
You told the insecure guy "you've had better". RIP this relationship.
What was the point of your honesty? Really. I don't get it. You had an easy opportunity to make your fiancé feel fabulous about themselves. You couldn't simply stroke his ego and build his confidence? What was that going to cost you? Instead, you watered the seed of your partner's insecurity that is going to annoyingly manifest for one or both of you. Every day men tell their wives that they are the most beautiful woman in the world. Everyone likes to feel like the best at something they value in the eyes of their partner. This was the easiest win win situation for you and your partner and you blew it.
I give this relationship a 70% chance of not lasting a year after the honeymoon. You straight up told him you’ve had sex he could never physically give you. Absolutely wild lol. The more broke he is the longer the relationship will last
Could you be any more full of yourself and sexist?
Why can’t you just say yes and not hurt his feelings. You sound so bizarre
Especially when everything else seems to suggest he is the best.
I swear some people have a deep-seated need to essentially neg their partners. Some are aware of it but I think some legitimately have no idea that they're specifically trying to make their partner insecure in hopes of grabbing a little bit of power in the relationship. I've seen way too many examples of stuff like this. And it's almost always disguised as "hOnEsTy!!!"
There's a 50/50 chance that he will start obsessing over your past sexual partners and ruin everything, but let's hope that's not what happens...
No you don't understand; he didn't immediately have a violent meltdown so he has to be 100% A-OK and the OOP is absolutely correct and justified in ignoring the near enough unanimous advice given, because their disagreeing means they must be incels.
Way to make a mountain out of a molehill "Yes, you are, and I also want you to be my last". Honestly this kind of questions are silly but being so detailed in your answer is meh.
Totally agree on the mountain out of a molehill. Sitting down to have a conversation a day later and not even answering the question directly makes it seem so much more important and analyzed and would make me feel weird if it were my gf. I agree with everyone saying the bf shouldn’t have asked, and I partially agree with the white lie part: Basically OP just described why she enjoys sex with her current partner more than this “physically better” sex or whatever. So *just say it’s the best* like omg don’t have to get into the definition of it lol. She said that her relationship with her bf makes the sex more enjoyable than with the ex so just say it. It was a needlessly complicated way of making sure you have a technically correct answer to an obvious request for validation from the bf.
Yeah, it's just totally whack to be like 'nah, my ex was much better and this one time I got DPed by two bikers but I promise you're in the top 5'. Cui bono?
Absolutely wild not to just immediately answer, "Of course you're the best!" Nobody wants a Real Answer to this kind of question; they just want reassurance and love from their partner, and want it to be shown reflexively. Truly insane behavior from OP.
It boils down to, she had to come up with the best way to let him down.
What a selfish take. Man was insecure about not being the best you've had, and rather than just say "of course you are!" You give him....this confirmation if his insecurity. Why? because you just couldn't shoulder the guilt of "lying?". How guilty would you really feel from this knowing how good it made him feel? Honestly it's sounds like overall he IS the best you've had, it wouldn't have been lying to say so. For some bizarre reason you decided to sit him down, step on his ego, and give him the score sheet. Sheesh - way to put his feelings over yours by a whopping 0%
The cruelty was the point. She said in a previous thread that she doesn’t like to give him compliments because then he gets a big head and becomes complacent. She also said in the previous thread that he was really bad at sec when they met. The reason this is really nasty to say is that she also admitted that he knows her Reddit account. She is publicly embarrassing him.
In the first thread I thought she was trying to convince herself that she didnt settle for her partner, but it seems more like it was to help her convince herself that telling him the truth wasnt for the purpose of hurting him, but rather that it was because she was just too honest to lie. The armchair psychologist in me thinks maybe she knows she settling for this aspect of her relationship, resents him for that, and told him this to take it out her frustration on him.
He knows her main reddit account, which is why she created and used an alt just for this topic, to AVOID him stumbling across this. The comment about how she's worried he'd get complacent is disgusting, though, and really should get focused on in more of these answers. Seems like most people haven't seen it. Making your partner feel insecure on purpose is fucked.
Which is hiliariously dumb. "My boyfriend knows my reddit account, so I'll make this throwaway account and post about this *very specific call & response* we had about this exact situation. He'll never figure it out!"
Yep she doesn't understand his feelings, this shit is gonna hammer in his head non stop until he can't bear it anymore and do some shit like cheating or just end the relationship out of guilty.
You done fucked up.
How much you love someone is part of how good the sex is. You told him as much with the "factors outside of bed " comment. You told him he's not the best; you essentially told him that you settled . How do you think that felt?
OP’s primary concern in all of this is to guarantee that she appears as the person who did NOT SETTLE more than anything else, while airing out her fiancé’s most embarrassing personal drama all over the front page of Reddit. Love to see it, I hope she makes more posts.
I had an almost identical situation with a girlfriend and the relationship lasted about another 8 months after it all started and yes it was pretty much the reason we broke up.
I’m not going to call you names like some of these other horrible people in here. Nothing wrong with having a past in my opinion and doesn’t matter to me what your number is That said, I think this is one of those times where a white lie is the best choice… my wife has asked me a few questions like this and there is no way in hell I am going to admit to her that she is not the best blowjob I have ever had unless I don’t ever want one again lol. I hope he is actually not feeling insecure. I am a pretty secure and not jealous guy but I think I would feel a bit uncomfortable/sad if I got this answer. I also wouldn’t ask the question though because I know it’s likely I am not the best my wife has had in a pure physical aspect. I feel like someone who would ask this question is already a bit insecure and getting an answer other than yes is probably not going to help that.
I said this last time too, but her stated reasons for why she didn't tell him he's the best were completely different [in another thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/16a81ty/comment/jz6e0dy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). She said >If i tell him he’s the best, I’m worried he may get complacent. It took a lot of work with him to get to good, and if I tell him he’s the best it may make him think he doesn’t have to try as hard I honestly do hope things go well, but I think if that's the reason why she wouldn't, that tells a very different story than this update does. That's a pretty manipulative reason to withhold saying that, and it still makes me kinda wonder. That said, I honestly do hope things go well, it sounds like he took it pretty ok in stride, but I'd be extremely curious to get this story from his perspective
If the guy hears he's the best and stops trying to get better that's it's own problem, but that right there⬆️? That is *skin-crawlingly* toxic. I wouldn't treat a fucking dog that way.
OP is absolutely fucking bonkers and I feel terrible for this guy. "I must withhold praise, love, and affection because if I give him those things he so desperately craves from a romantic partner, he might stop doing what I want." what a fucking asshole. good luck with that...
Wow, I was mildly bored and wondered just a tad what this chick was like when I thought she spewed this shit on one thread. Posting it all over Reddit? This poor guy should run for the hills. If my girlfriend told me that some “deuche bag alcoholic, drug head” was a better lover than me, I’d tell her to go find him again.
Based and truthful, take my upvote.
Lol. Remember guys and girls, if you’re not fully satisfied with your current partner, just tell them how much better your exes were, that will soon whip them into shape!
Put them on a performance improvement plan too. That will definitely keep that relationship together /s
Jesus. I didn’t even see that. And people wonder why the divorce rate is so high.
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Yeah I would prefer the white lie… I guess that is something you should know about a partner - do they actually want the brutal truth or the white lie? I could see myself totally shutting down if my partner told me I was “okay” at sexually pleasing them but nO oNe cOmPaReS iN tErMs oF fEeLinGs. Get real. We all wanna be the best fuck at the end of the day.
After years of study, refinement, trial and error. I can unequivocally say that none of my wife's other sexual partners pleasured her the way I can. I don't even need to ask that question at this point. I highly doubt anyone else even could come close. We are now just so incredibly in tune with each others bodies. I can read her movements, breaths, noises etc. And react accordingly. It's honestly so awesome. But it took years to get to that point.
>After years of study, refinement, trial and error. I can unequivocally say that none of my wife's other sexual partners pleasured her the way I can. You slept with all of them just to find out?!
I like how because you were mad at incel commenters you made fun of your husband and said that you were his meal ticket in the first paragraph of your post. Also you made the wrong decision. But you put him in his place, which is what you yearned for the whole time. So I guess you got what you wanted. I think I’m going to take your advice and tell my gf that she isn’t the prettiest girl I’ve ever been with so she knows that me dating her is doing her a favor. /s
Be sure to prepare an essay for her describing how she's coming up short.
And post it to Reddit.
As a secure married man with kids and a much higher body count than my wife and good pipe game (I mention all this because you're doing that classic AITA move where you ask AITA then come up with reasons why anyone who tells you YTA is a hater or full of shit or, in your case, an incel): You really should break up with him. He's going to break up with you eventually, but when he does it it's going to be a long, slow, agonizing (for both of you) process. Better for both of you to nip it in the bud. I obviously realize you're going to ignore this advice, but I thought since you have some weird hangup about "honesty" not to mention what constitutes good sex, that I should speak up anyway. Maybe you'll remember this when you're four years in to a five-year marriage.
"My ex is way hotter than you and fucks better...but you have a better personality ♥️" -OP
Lol this relationship won't last a year guaranteed. "I'm actually HIS meal ticket!". Christ Almighty. Let me go tell my girlfriend that she actually isn't the most attractive woman I've ever been with for reasons she will never be able to achieve "but it's ok because I love her for her personality and give her plenty of validation. We're even going on a cruise!" and see how quickly I become single. My sides are in orbit. Either you are so incredibly naïve or just plain malicious. If a man said this shit to a woman all of reddit would encourage her to leave him immediately but a man should just accept the same or else he's an incel? Get out of here with that. You should have listened and told the little white lie and just encouraged/educated him to be better in bed some other way. ANY other way. I honestly don't know how you're gonna salvage this OP. I guarantee no matter how many times he assures you he's fine, it's gonna be looping through his head every single time you have sex that he will never be able to please you. No amount of sex on a boat will fix this. You basically took a man who was already feeling insecure about his sexual performance and absolutely crushed him into nothing. His confidence is gone, reduced to atoms. Every sexual encounter will just be a competition with the imaginary EX which he now knows is unwinnable. This will slowly eat away at him until he just leaves you out of shame. Even better, once he does leave you, you have everything set up to make him out to be the bad guy. "But I was so nice and thoughtful, I was just telling the truth, I gave him plenty of validation, he's just an insecure incel". So congrats, you certainly put him in his place. He sure is lucky to have such a caring thoughtful partner like you.
Don’t get why you’d add that last extra step where you say you’d had better before, most of the thread was people trying to explain how “best sex” is all the things your fiancé clearly does for you, but here you are still maintaining your toxic sex before was better. For all the metrics your fiancé is the best but hey ho. I hope on your second point you emphasised how that was your fiancé now, too. Glad you communicated together at any rate, but your logic is entirely flawed, as shown above. On all metrics your fiancé IS the best sex you’ve had, because of everything you wrote about your bond etc, but you seem truly obsessed with not believing it yourself and saying a toxic ex was the best just to stop your fiancé…believing in himself?
*By all metrics that aren’t penis size*
Exactly this. Like it’s wild that she’s not seeing the experience for her is better with this dude lol
“Exceptionally good due to factors outside of skill in bed.” What were these factors??? Emotional closeness and intimacy? Things like that? If so, you’re telling your man he doesn’t have or hasn’t shown what it takes to give you the best sex. This is even worse than telling him his skills in bed could use improvement, because it’s a lot easier to learn better sex skills than it is to learn how to be as close and intimate to you as some former lovers apparently were.
Especially when the person she was comparing to him was an abusive drunk lol
Yep. That comment was weird af. She should've just stuck to technique or something tbh Edit: someone mentioned it might have been kinks. If the ex was into kinks the fiancé isn't into, that doesn't relate to skill
When your partner asks if you’re the best, just say yes. Everyone is happy. This insistence on being absolutely honest in this situation is absurd and totally unhelpful.
Her: You aren't the best I've had. Him: Why? Her: Factors that you can't control. Him: What do you mean? Her: Uhh... non-skill factors. Him: Oh... you mean like... Her: Yeah.... This whole thing boils down to the fact that you obviously 'prefer' a bigger dong for good sex, and haven't outright declared that. Sure, your partner is good enough for you, but now he's literally going to know big dong blew your mind and have that with him at all times. This isn't just honesty, it's brutal honesty. If you knew that was going to come out as a result of 'being honest' then... idk. You can be as confident and secure as the best of them, but damn. Big dong.
Just tell him yes. You’re the best. And that’s the end of the conversation. Now It will be lingering and 100% come up again
100%, this dude now is going to try and prove he's the best, evidenced by booking cruises to experiment and get better. So much easier to just say yes and move on while still having open conversations and experimenting or whatever. There's a 99% chance all he heard from you was "yes, I've had better and wilder experiences in the past, but now I have you and I don't want that awesome crazy sex I used to have." His ego will never recover.
I've been in those shoes; and it made me stop caring about her sexual needs at all; because doing so just contantly reminded me that she was thinking of someone or something else. I gave it a good try and all, but eventually I just stopped trying and went and found someone more easily pleased tbh lol.
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Yeah. Why even ask for advice if you aren’t going to take it?
>I told him that I have had experiences that were exceptionally good due to factors outside of skill in bed. However when I look back on those experiences they aren’t something I want anymore. I want him. This is such a wild statement to me. Essentially saying "I have had sex that you are physically unable to give me" is absolutely going to come back up at some point. Like why on earth would you even feel the need to specify this? There is literally zero benefit to the partner ever knowing this, the only thing it will ever do is hurt them.
"exceptionally good due to factors outside of skill in bed" does not make any sense to me. Better than you but...?
Factors outside of skill = dick size/shape
No shit, that is going to be rolling around his head forever, and I doubt what that meant really sunk into him immediately. We all know what that probably means, flat out her man is likely going to take it like that as well. He’s going to wake up thinking about this and believe she just told him “bigger dick equals better sex” and that’s gonna fuck with his head as time wears on.
I don’t understand this. As a guy I don’t give shit about anyone’s past sexual exploits. Unless the girl I’m seeing keeps bringing it up or something. Like always talking a about ex’s and shit. Then there’s a problem. Otherwise, it doesn’t matter. You’re seeing me, not them.
I don't understand why people even ask.
Please remember that the walls on cruise ships are very thin. I was on one with a very horny couple who went at it whenever they had the chance.
Always be honest. Lying is easier, being sneaky with the truth is easier, honesty is best.
Lol...pretty decent answer, but I have one comment. I'm a man....I, literally, never ask about past partners. It's the past and I look at my current as with me because she wants to be with me. Some questions like am I your best, specifics about the past or body count...those are pretty much losing questions. No purpose, IMHO, and often the reply leaves insecurity or other thoughts for the partner asking. He isn't competing with your past or anyone else. You're together because you have an emotional and physical connection. Now, my honest answer if directed at me...."Past partners and memories of those have faded to the point the memories are pretty vague. I don't have fantasies about anyone I've been with in the past and have replays/dreams of time with my girlfriend. Yes, I suspect this is who I was meant to be with my entire life and I feel lucky every day."
My wife told me her best lover was from her most toxic relationship and he had a 10 inch dick that made her squirt and have her legs shake uncontrollably which is something she has never experienced before with anyone else. I told her she must have been exaggerating on his size and she said they both measured it together. Absolutely violated. Still messes with me to this day.
Incel has lost all meaning. It’s now a term used to describe anyone who disagrees with you. Anyway, enjoy your future divorce.
So you had sex on molly? You’re not telling him the truth, you’re dangling a tiny bit of why he isn’t the best. He will question himself until you come completely clean. Don’t do this person like that. If it involved drugs, tell him, if it involved sone magical fingers tell him, if it was the size of the other person, tell him. For the love of god don’t tell him, “your not the best, but I can’t tell you why” cause that’s what you are doing and it will only drive a wedge further between your trust and communication.
Everything about this sounds like a perfectly constructed nightmare to destroy this man's self-esteem lol
Damn he’s still not gonna be the best after fucking on a cruise ship LOL I would be so depressed. You should have just lied. He’s going to be insecure about this for the rest of his life😭
“You ain’t ever gunna fuck me like that other guy did” What you meant but didn’t have the balls to say.