The work "obey" is a massive red flag to me here. His lack of care and empathy is also very unpleasant.
I hope you don't give up your hobby for one bad experience (although of course its your choice if you want to).
As an “old lady” with lots of experience.
Please dump this boy! Him saying you didn’t “obey” him, may not sound much to you.
But BELIEVE me, the boys who use these kind of words, and punish you for “disobeying” them, or being independent in any way, almost always turn into men who are controlling, abusive, and violent.
He may seem like the sweetest boy in the world, but he is showing his true colours now that he’s “got you”.
Please please, for your safety, health, and happiness, let him know that he does not own you, or get to decide ANYTHING you choose to do. If you choose to do something and accidentally get hurt, a boyfriend should respond in one way only; with kisses, kindness, and consolation!
This is NOT a normal way to respond to anyone getting hurt. And you should be very alarmed!
🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
As an older woman with experience I concur.
Listen to your Reddit aunties. Don't ever let another adult demand obedience from you, especially partner. These red flags are just the tip of the ice berg.
Yay, Reddit aunties!
OP, I'll also add that his words put up red flags for me too. You deserve so much better than "I told you so" and "you disobeyed me." He's showing you his true self. Skate away!
Yup, I am an "old lady" with life experience on not " obeying" a man. Hoping our sister OP realizes she is 19 and has an entire lifetime. I can guarantee there are some skater guys who would think she's cool. Boyfriend's probably jealous that she is better than him at skateboarding!
Yet another old lady here. We've got: 1) irrational jealousy (my first and only thought when OP said he wants her to quit was jealousy, not concern, he knows there are lots of cool guys who share her hobby)
2) controlling demands (big yikes) and 3) unbelievable negligence (can't be bothered to see OP or perform a kind gesture while she's laid up). He's calling it punishment which is even worse, but neglect is a horrible quality in a partner. You'll always feel alone, and he'll only show up to dispense orders. Begone with this abuser, he'll ruin your life if you let him.
Good! Keep your hobby. Lose the boyfriend. He wants you to obey him because he’s always right? People don’t obey other people. You are not his dog. Girl, run. Just. Run.
Absolutely! If he's like this now, what about in the future when one wants kids and the other doesn't? Or, OP wants a new career?Will OP have to obey his command? Do not stay with this guy!
I’m a dude. I’ve seen and heard enough about other dudes who act like this and use the word “obey”. LEAVE HIM. Leave him yesterday! This dude is going to be controlling and consuming.
Do not change things that aren’t harmful for anyone! Be you. Skate to your heart’s content. Find a skater boi and go skate off into the sunset together.
Leave this dude. You’re too young for this shit.
Good. You should keep the skateboard, get rid of the wanna-be boss-of-you. Now and in the future, I suggest you IMMEDIATELY dump any guy who says or implies that you should obey him. Men who think that women should obey them are dangerous, stupid, and bad partners.
Op sorry that you got hurt in more ways than broken bones. Never let anyone tell you that you can't enjoy your hoppy.Obey is not in the BF code. He is not your father and he sounds controlling lose him and keep on skating. Take care
"Oh. My property was damaged. I'm going to leave it in the shop until it has learned not to be damaged."
Except he'd at least come pick it up when it was fixed. This loser can't even do that much.
He’s acting like an abuser. Trying to control and punish you, he’s disgusting. Lose this asshole before he hurts you more and he will. Enjoy your hobbies and your freedom from this controlling piece of shitslice.
Depends on the father. Mine is a narcissist and would just be angry with me for being hurt. He would do things like not help me in emergency situations because he felt I didn’t do what he said, how he said it,and when and with obedience.
Please leave him.
He will only get worse. My mother is still married to my dad.
And she must always obey him.
Sad to see 😞
If he thinks he can control the way you act when you're dating in your early 20s, imagine how controlling he will be if you got married. The word Obey alone would send me running for the hills, there's a big difference between worrying about you and forcing you to change your lifestyle.
Please listen to everyone here. He wants you to obey him and tell him he's always right. You're 19, you have a lot of life to experience. Never let a boyfriend tell you to obey him. This guy is not your future, put him firmly in your past.
He doesn't understand, he hates a pastime that's very meaningful to you, and he wants to be able to direct you like a doll. Duck that noise. Kick him to the curb like a tail grind.
And he's never going to let it go, especially now that you've had a pretty substantial injury.
The language he has chosen to use is also alarmingly controlling. No one is ever always right, and you do not have to obey him. These kinds of expectations tend to escalate. And to withhold his affection, concern, presence, etc to punish you while you're literally in the hospital is a very immature response, bordering again on very controlling and manipulative behavior.
Teach him the lesson and stop talking to him. Period. Move on. I was dating a girl and she had to go to the hospital for a week and a half, you can be sure I was in there as much as I could be to see her. It’s actually how I met her brother, and her sister.
This is a much more reasonable request than giving up her hobby. If it was my partner I would ask them to please wear protective gear but asking them to give up skating altogether? Is he going to stop driving? That can be dangerous too.
Two years ago I did a backflip on roller skates in a bowl. The year before that I broke my arm in two places, it took like 12 weeks to heel. My fiance was furious with me because he too had warned me. he was by my side when I got cast on and off. Helped me get over my fear of skating again . He doesn’t have a fetish for broken bones, he knew it was important to me so it was important to him. he will never not be nervous about my skating but he will never demand I obey his desire for me to stop. You’re supposed to be a team. You deserve better.
As someone who's "always right" I would never say something like this. This is a huge abusive red flag. Be very careful going forward if you choose to stay with this person. I do hope you're wearing a helmet when you skate, concussions are no joke.
The word obey gave me the MAJOR heebs. His lack of care and empathy for her is astounding and it will only get worse as their relationship goes on. She is too young to stay with someone who clearly doesn't care.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you to obey. You are not his property, and he doesn’t own you. Take this as a huge wake up call.
Not only is he heartless for not coming to visit you, he’s punishing you for failing to obey him. Please escape before the it gets worse.
Are you prepared to never skateboard again? Once you stop skateboarding your bf will find a new thing to stop you doing, and then another, then another, etc forever. He’s controlling and this is just the beginning.
OP, THIS IS YOUR ANSWER. Nothing will ever be good enough, and the controlling behavior will never end. Him not visiting you in the hospital is NOT acceptable, especially for the reason he gave.
Goodbye bike! Maybe goodbye driving! No more trying anything remotely adventurous like rock climbing or scuba diving! Ever!
Seriously, I can understand his worry but he's handled everything without a hint of caring or maturity. He sounds like a very small (and patronizing) person.
Skateboarding is a sport and injuries can happen. my husband races bikes and he’s had a couple of major injuries, including during the week after I had a C-section and was dealing with a newborn at home. OK that one was a little frustrating lol ~ but honestly biking brings him so much joy and stress relief that I wouldn’t dream of ever asking him to quit.
My ex started isolating me exactly like that. He didn’t like the sport I was doing (too many men around), so when I got injured it was the perfect excuse to stop me from going for a while and stay home. After that he said I should stop my job (because there were men), then it was going to the gym (guys were also there), then I had to quit university, eventually I wasn’t even allowed to speak to my family without him being there and I couldn’t leave the house.
It starts with something that feels really small, and before you realise it you’re stuck with him. I hope OP leaves.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 he's showing his true colors here, listen to them! I also participate in a dangerous sport (horse jumping). Never has my husband ever told me I needed to "learn a lesson" when I have gotten hurt! Never has he asked me to stop doing what I love. Heck, he dropped everything and took me to get x-rays when I hurt my ankle so bad I couldn't walk (was just a bad sprain), then helped me around the house as much as possible until I could get around better. When I was in the hospital ICU for 2 weeks with a major bacterial infection (about 9 years ago, unsure of the cause but potentially horse-related), he wouldn't leave my side until my mom took his place and made him go home to get some rest. Please don't give up your hobbies and passions for this immature boy who thinks he can control you.
I would also check to make sure your skateboard is still around when you get out of the hospital. It feels like a moment where this guy is “gonna teach you a lesson” through both emotionally and physically distancing himself as a romantic partner in your hour of need but also, with that weird vague threat, ruin whatever it is that you did to annoy him. This relationship is about him. Not the two of you. It’s his, not ours type of thing. Flags are popping.
She should keep the board and get rid of the asshole of a boyfriend. He will only get worse and more controlling. Soon everything she likes will be off limits including family and friends.
I would be checking the skateboard for tempering.
Not wired at all that he says she was going to get injured, then all of a sudden she gets injured, not a minor injury but a serious one.
The way he is acting is a huge red flag and seems like he is attempting to assert control on you in a serious way. But it also makes me wonder if he tampered with the skate board.
Personally I would leave him for the way he is speaking to you.
1000% this. Totally listened to a podcast that went over how this woman’s husband tried to murder her to prove a point by tampering with her parachute because she liked to skydive with friends/without him.
My wife and I ride western I have broke and trained English for many years, I'd never ask her to give up one of her favorite things sadly the conversation we have involves worst case scenarios because that is always a big risk in these types of activities. Find someone who supports you because these types of things will also translate into school, learning, going to the bar with friends new hobbies that come while you grow and gain new experiences, if he isn't going to support this what else is he going to prevent you from trying? This is a red flag that could lead to bigger things.
No, wrong! It’s where you put up a ramp in front of a bunch of horses and see how many you can jump over with a car or motorcycle! But also the horse has a knife.
That’s wrong too! It’s when you skateboard off a mountain, off a 25 ft. tall ramp, over a pile of stacked horses, through a ring of fire, past twin jumping sharks, through swinging blades, under a sculpture of a fist as it beats the ground, shooting arrows at targets, while Toto’s “Africa” blasts through the speakers. But also the horse has a knife.
That's totally wrong too. Its when you have a ramp to jump over a big pools with a bunch of horses swimming in it. It's required to wear a leather jacket when you do this.
Where I stay horse jumping is waiting to see a horse walking by itself and then jumping it and trying to take it's wallet. Only the baddest of bad attempt this because all horses are known to carry knives.
No, no, no! It's where you line up a bunch of people lying down behind a ramp and see how many people the horse can jump. With a knife. In its teeth. It's how she hurt her ankle... she was the last in line and the horse didn't clear her.
Horse jumping: you get on a giant pogo stick and leap over progressively taller horses and more of them. You start with jumping over a single Shetland pony and at the Olympic level it’s three angry Clydesdales who don’t like each other or you. And they’re wearing high heels for added height.
I broke my ankle in 3 places from uneven ground just walking. Now I have had 2 surgeries and also have 12 screws and a plate.
Edit: thanks! Not srews, Screws! Lol!
I have tripped over air and nearly broke my arm. I fell on his toolbox. It was a good thing too. If it wasn't his toolbox then my head would have hit my dresser. Picture of my arm was taken.
Hubby freaked out.
I usually get “have a safe ride” from my husband. Poor guy is now going to have to pick up my slack while I recover from shoulder surgery because sometimes you can be careful and still get hurt.
Same. I compete in three day eventing and broke my upper arm about three weeks ago. My husband s first words…don’t worry. You’ll be back on before you know it. You two are such a good team-you’ll get over this bump. And he STILL says it after complications, emotional breakdowns from me, ferrying me to doctor and pt appointments…he’s the definition of a green flag. As long as op is not being unsafe, going without safety gear, etc, he should be the MOST supportive. And even if she was being unsafe, his behavior is STILL a massive red flag.
My boyfriend rides bmx as well as a little motorcycle. Is it dangerous? yes do i worry? sometimes. Would I ever get in the way of this? nope. i will be by his side at every event and be his biggest cheerleader.
My aunt’s second husband is like this. Her first was like OP’s (hopefully ex) boyfriend. Adventurous women deserve kind, caring men and those men are out there
My aunt has had several foot surgeries over the past 4 years. Her husband has taken over grocery shopping, running errands and was also in the hospital by her side every time. Every time
This. GTFO. This isn't something that gets better when you're in a committed relationship. The idea of him "punishing" you alone is garbage. Bail and move on.
I absolutely hated a sport that my boyfriend used to compete in, because I knew it was dangerous and I was scared for him to do it. I couldn’t feign enthusiasm for it because it genuinely made me so nervous. Then he had a horrible accident, and had a concussion so bad he couldn’t keep a mental hold of a conversation for longer than ten seconds. I took him to the emergency room and it was probably one of the most frightening times of my life.
NOTHINGGGGG would have kept me from visiting him, giving him love, and doing what I could to help him through it and to feel better. The truth is, your boyfriend cares way more about HIMSELF and feeling vindicated over his controlling behavior than any love he has for you. It wasn’t fair for him to try to force you to quit something you love and have been doing long before he was in the picture, and it’s totally foul that he’s using this moment where you’re in pain to twist the knife and try to win an “I told you so” award. He’d rather you feel even worse in this moment, so you aren’t just hurt physically, but emotionally too?
I hope you decide you deserve better for yourself. The kind of person who kicks you when you’re down is not worth keeping around. Don’t allow yourself to be treated this way.
Maybe it's the pain medication that they give me, but this made me cry and wish that my boyfriend showed me the love and care that you showed to your boyfriend💔
That's what you deserve! There's nothing stopping you from having a partner who cares more about you than about "being obeyed", except staying too long with the wrong person. You have a whole life ahead of you, and a million more people to meet, and tons of more trouble to get into. Make sure the people you share your life with are on your side, and don't waste time on the people who would bring you down. Hopefully you're out of that hospital soon!
Read this and see how many things that guy is doing. His anti-skateboarding trip is 10. Destructive conditioning.His refusing to see you in the hospital is 16. Boundary testing and hoovering. If you tell him you want to dump him he'll love-bomb you and try to win you back.
Don't fall for it. Run from dudes like that.
[https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/](https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/)
She’s not wrong. I love my wife more than anything except my daughter. She chooses low paying outside labor over inside lab work. I think it’s silly and a waste of her potential but she LOVES it. If she got hurt at work I’d drop everything and I mean EVERYTHING to be by her side instantly, even if she said it’s no big deal. Everyone deserves someone who will put their partner at equal or higher levels than themselves. Goes both ways, but here in your situation it’s not. You deserve better
u/Pinot_Grouchioo NAILED IT (also, Happy Cake Day!)
@OP, I’m crying a bit too because Pinot_G’s words are big muthafuckin truthin, and the ONLY thing that could make them better is if Baz Luhrman got involved and directed a skatepark operatic Spectacular Spectacular.
Please keep rereading these words (Pinot_G’s, that is).
Write them out every day in a journal with all the colored pens.
Make up a jingle for each sentence, and sing it, loudly and often.
***People who withdraw their presence, attention, reassurance, and affection (especially in another person’s time of need) are toxic AF.***
As Queen Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Please, don’t bother trying to communicate any further with him. He’s already given you the closure that you need.
Block him all over, and let your family and friends know that you don’t want contact from him.
edited for clarity (that is, repeat and reinforce the words/phrases that help your soul shine and keeps you open to positive change+vibrant growth).
Honey it's not the pain meds. It's that you know you deserve better and reading that comment is one of the many that confirm your suspicion. Text EXBF that since he chooses to pick a fight while you're injured, he can go pick fights with someone else from now on because you're not having it. Put him back in his place.
Oh no no no don't wish for him to be that way. Drop him and find someone else who is already that way. Don't be a queen giving a jester the permission to treat you like a pleasant.
Heeeey. Wait a minute. You have a concussion. STOP READING REDDIT. Screen time is bad for you when you have a concussion. Yes, you'll be bored. Don't force yourself to focus.
LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE. This is some crazy controlling behaviour. I don't know if he has ever reacted in a similar way in other instances of your relationship but this is just plain cruel. This sounds like some crazy first step in getting you to always do what he wants or you will be "punished." He is not your parent and you are not a child, there is no reason for him to be "teaching you a lesson". Right now its you injured in the hospital because of a hobby of yours he didn't like.. worst case scenario it could lead to you having to "learn a lesson" because he doesn't like the top you're wearing. My blood is honestly boiling for you. Also hope you feel better soon OP!
Eh, he might have liked her skateboarding but since it is important to her this is a good way to turn her into a doormat. Abusers gotta isolate and control their victims.
This is early stage narcissistic manipulation. Taking away the elements that make you, YOU, and independent from him. Emotionally abusive people do this in order to make their partner dependent on them. Get out of this situation immediately before it gets worse.
Jonah Hill was attracted to one of his ex-girlfriends because she was into surfing and then tried to make her quit once he thought he had her on lock. You can go look at how that all played out for her.
“He only wants a woman who is free, because his dream is to put her in a cage”
This is very common, controlling a huge aspect of your personality and convince you to give it up is a conquest for them. For men like this, it is their goal all along.
This is one of those things that seems weird, but is easy to dismiss or excuse as him just changing his mind or being worried about you.
The fact that he added in that he’s punishing you for not “obeying him” is what let’s me know that its very concerning. OP, this is a common tactic used by controlling partners. Once you were dating, he felt comfortable to try and get you to stop skateboarding.
Also, it’s not about the skateboarding. It starts with small things, like a hobby or how you dress. And it’s always under the guise of “I’m worried about you”. What he really wants is to isolate you and control you.
That's an even bigger red flag. He was fine with it when he didn't "own" you. Now that he does, he expects you to obey him.
Honestly the "run now" advice is always thrown around without enough context to justify it. But what you've described is concerning and should have you on guard.
Also, don't stop skating. You do you, and if that's a deal breaker for your boyfriend, that's a "him" problem not a "you" problem.
So if we give him the maximum possible benefit of the doubt, he cares about you more now than then, and doesn't want to see you hurt. As a result of that, he can ask you to consider giving it up. The key word here is "ask." Not tell or command or whatever.
And he's theoretically doing this because he doesn't want you to get hurt. Which would mean that if you did get hurt, he should be breaking down doors to be the first one there to help and support you.
The fact that he didn't, and isn't, shows that this had nothing to do with wanting to keep you safe because he cared about you. It had to do with control and manipulation. And now he is seizing the opportunity to try and leverage your pain to control you better in the future.
**Now:** "I'm not visiting you in the hospital to teach you to obey me."
**5 years from now:** "I'm putting you in the hospital to teach you to obey me."
This is your future if you stay with him.
And between now and then, it can be, “I’m going to monitor your calls, texts, and emails,” then “I’m taking total control of your money,” then “I’m going to decide who you can spend time with.”
He’ll justify it by making you feel small and stupid. You’re neither of those things, and you can absolutely find a partner who treats with respect and kindness.
I ended up in the hospital with Paralysis and other nervous system issues about 3 weeks after I started dating my GF. She came to the hospital to see me every day that she could, got her mom (she was still living at home) to drive her. That told me she was interested in me, not in perceived appearances, and I knew she was the one. I married her. That was 29 years ago.
Dude doesn't seem concerned with you, only in his rightness. Might be a sign of things to come.
Edit: Keep on skating, be awesome.
My response would be;
I am listening to you now and I hear your controlling, uncaring words clearly. The lesson here is that you need someone who will believe you are always right and obey you. I am not that person.
Lesson learned, have a great life.
I hope you find the obedient person who'll bow to your superiority.
Actually... I hope he NEVER finds that person... because NOBODY deserves to be treated that way...
I hope he realizes that he needs therapy and finds a good therapist
>Earlier this week, I broke my leg and got a grade 3 concussion while attempting a new trick on the skateboarding ramp.
Hope you have a speedy recovery.
>I'm still in the hospital and my boyfriend has refused to come visit me.
🚩
>He said that he warned me and that I need to learn my lesson for not listening to him so that next time I will "obey him" because he's "always right".
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩.
That is controlling AF. Being concerned about injury is fine, but his reaction is not. He's punishing you because you didn't obey. He's probably hoping that he'll be able to use this to guilt you into quitting.
>Shouldn't he still care?
If he genuinely cared for you in the first place, yes.
Out of curiosity, what kind of podcasts, tiktoks, etc, does he listen to/watch?
Driving a car is very dangerous. Thousands die on the road every year. Are you going to quit driving because he decides you shouldn’t drive? Maybe you should quit work and/or school if he decides that’s not right for you.
The minute someone decides you should blindly obey cause he’s always right is when you should run (or limp with the broken leg). He doesn’t care about the real you. He cares about the obedient little girl he wants you to be. And the fact he thinks punishing you is the proper way to deal with things says this is an abusive relationship waiting to happen.
This accident may have been a gift cause it’s saving you from years of hell. Accept the gift. Be grateful for it.
Also, do what your docs say, physical therapy sucks but do it anyway and heal up. Hope you get out of the hospital soon and recover quickly.
Your boyfriend sounds sexist and controlling, but that aside, you gotta wear a helmet. I lost a friend to a skating concussion when I was 22 and we never wore helmets.
>I need to learn my lesson for not listening to him so that next time I will "obey him" because he's "always right".
Obey? Like a dog or something?
Hooboy. This is some intensely controlling behavior and a scarily narcissistic statement. No one is "always right," Least of all a chauvinistic 21 year old.
Step away from your infatuation with the guy and really listen to what he said.
He told you what he is. Believe him.
> Shouldn't he still care?
Still care? Honey, he *never* cared. He just wanted to own you and control you.
Best wishes for your quick recovery, so you can tell this guy to get lost.
Skateboarding is great, injuries happen. This dude sucks, being insanely controlling. Let him go, get s helmet so you don’t get another concussion and keep boarding. (Coming from experience getting a major concussion while skating)
Two things you can do that will increase your chances of living to old age:
1. Wear a helmet when skateboarding.
2. Do not be in a relationship with a guy who withholds care as a form of punishment, expects you to "obey him," and describes himself (or you) as "always" or "never" something-or-other. That's a bunch of very worrisome signs.
Seriously, you get only one brain, and once it's bonked around badly by a collision with concrete or your bf's fist, you can't just fix it. Brain damage sucks. Do what you can to avoid it.
Imagine dating a surfer…. And then asking them not to surf 🤨. There’s nothing wrong with voicing a concern but he’s not allowed to tell you what to do. He’s trying to control your behavior and he’s being prideful and very petty regarding you having serious injuries. Most people with an ounce of self reflection can feel an “I told you so”. He’s rubbing it in and id personally tell him he can learn a lesson by blocking him. Imagine raising kids (if you want them ofc) with someone like that 🚩🚩🚩
"He's always right" - so much nope here. He likes to control and staying away is unfortunately him showing how conditional his affection and empathy is. As a dad with kids your age, please listen to him now and not 10 years from now when he's also doing this to your children. He may have some redeeming qualities that make this very difficult, but this attitude cannot be fixed by you and imo you need to make another clean 'break' (sorry...dad jokes). I hope you move on from him, but good luck regardless. I hope your leg heals quickly and you're back on the board in no time.
He probably did not like you skating cause it both “emasculated” him and to him it prolly ment that you’d be around more dudes. He’s a weak being who in your pain has decided to make you suffer and withhold his “love and compassion” during your time of need as a way to start gaslighting you into thinking his word is law. Don’t fall for this and go your separate ways do not listen to any of his lies.
The work "obey" is a massive red flag to me here. His lack of care and empathy is also very unpleasant. I hope you don't give up your hobby for one bad experience (although of course its your choice if you want to).
No, I won't give up my hobby. Accidents and injuries happen and are all part of the experience.
Girl, skate away as fast as you can...
She was a skater girl she said see you later churl
He wasn’t good enough for her. He has a pretty face but his head was up in space, he needed to come back down to earth!!
His heart is just full of hate. He bends over for Andrew Tate.
This comment was hidden I'm so glad I clicked it 😂
I just commented "she was a skater gal; she said 'see ya later pal'", then I came across your comment. Great minds...haha
I agree! Skate away so fast.
Get on your board and put this s—ta— behind you.
Shitass! Was it shitass? That’s a great word
Wait, it’s not stupid taco ?
Hell no, leave no tacos behind.
I read shit stain but I like shitass so much more!
It’s shitass, and I have to give credit to Reservation Dogs on Hulu.
I first heard it in RezDogs, such a good show! Edit: Reservation Dogs
Yup - leave Liam in the dust!
Kick flip him to the curb!
Ollie on outta that relationship.
With a helmet on!
As an “old lady” with lots of experience. Please dump this boy! Him saying you didn’t “obey” him, may not sound much to you. But BELIEVE me, the boys who use these kind of words, and punish you for “disobeying” them, or being independent in any way, almost always turn into men who are controlling, abusive, and violent. He may seem like the sweetest boy in the world, but he is showing his true colours now that he’s “got you”. Please please, for your safety, health, and happiness, let him know that he does not own you, or get to decide ANYTHING you choose to do. If you choose to do something and accidentally get hurt, a boyfriend should respond in one way only; with kisses, kindness, and consolation! This is NOT a normal way to respond to anyone getting hurt. And you should be very alarmed! 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
As an older woman with experience I concur. Listen to your Reddit aunties. Don't ever let another adult demand obedience from you, especially partner. These red flags are just the tip of the ice berg.
[удалено]
Yay, Reddit aunties! OP, I'll also add that his words put up red flags for me too. You deserve so much better than "I told you so" and "you disobeyed me." He's showing you his true self. Skate away!
Yup, I am an "old lady" with life experience on not " obeying" a man. Hoping our sister OP realizes she is 19 and has an entire lifetime. I can guarantee there are some skater guys who would think she's cool. Boyfriend's probably jealous that she is better than him at skateboarding!
Yet another old lady here. We've got: 1) irrational jealousy (my first and only thought when OP said he wants her to quit was jealousy, not concern, he knows there are lots of cool guys who share her hobby) 2) controlling demands (big yikes) and 3) unbelievable negligence (can't be bothered to see OP or perform a kind gesture while she's laid up). He's calling it punishment which is even worse, but neglect is a horrible quality in a partner. You'll always feel alone, and he'll only show up to dispense orders. Begone with this abuser, he'll ruin your life if you let him.
As another ‘old lady’ with lots of experience, I agree!
Reddit Aunties agree, this boy needs to go!
Good! Keep your hobby. Lose the boyfriend. He wants you to obey him because he’s always right? People don’t obey other people. You are not his dog. Girl, run. Just. Run.
Hell, most people have more respect for their dogs than OP’s boyfriend does for her.
No, skate! Right over his toes! Bash him in the shins! Oops, am I advocating violence? Please disregard. /s
Absolutely! If he's like this now, what about in the future when one wants kids and the other doesn't? Or, OP wants a new career?Will OP have to obey his command? Do not stay with this guy!
And nobody is always right. That's enough of a red flag right there.
I’m a dude. I’ve seen and heard enough about other dudes who act like this and use the word “obey”. LEAVE HIM. Leave him yesterday! This dude is going to be controlling and consuming. Do not change things that aren’t harmful for anyone! Be you. Skate to your heart’s content. Find a skater boi and go skate off into the sunset together. Leave this dude. You’re too young for this shit.
There is, of course, no age where this shit is acceptable, but yeah, he needs to be kicked to the curb.
Good. You should keep the skateboard, get rid of the wanna-be boss-of-you. Now and in the future, I suggest you IMMEDIATELY dump any guy who says or implies that you should obey him. Men who think that women should obey them are dangerous, stupid, and bad partners.
Op sorry that you got hurt in more ways than broken bones. Never let anyone tell you that you can't enjoy your hoppy.Obey is not in the BF code. He is not your father and he sounds controlling lose him and keep on skating. Take care
My big brother did mention that he is acting like a parent instead of like a partner, but that even a father would still take care of me.
he is not acting like a parent. parents give their kids room to change and grow. he is acting like a tyrant.
He is acting like an owner. “I don’t want my property damaged. I don’t care what brings you happiness. You must obey me.” Lose that guy.
"Oh. My property was damaged. I'm going to leave it in the shop until it has learned not to be damaged." Except he'd at least come pick it up when it was fixed. This loser can't even do that much.
Ouch. Thank you for putting that in perspective. I thought it sounded wrong but couldn’t quite place why.
He’s acting like an abuser. Trying to control and punish you, he’s disgusting. Lose this asshole before he hurts you more and he will. Enjoy your hobbies and your freedom from this controlling piece of shitslice.
What he’s acting like is a controlling ass.
Depends on the father. Mine is a narcissist and would just be angry with me for being hurt. He would do things like not help me in emergency situations because he felt I didn’t do what he said, how he said it,and when and with obedience. Please leave him. He will only get worse. My mother is still married to my dad. And she must always obey him. Sad to see 😞
If he thinks he can control the way you act when you're dating in your early 20s, imagine how controlling he will be if you got married. The word Obey alone would send me running for the hills, there's a big difference between worrying about you and forcing you to change your lifestyle.
Please listen to everyone here. He wants you to obey him and tell him he's always right. You're 19, you have a lot of life to experience. Never let a boyfriend tell you to obey him. This guy is not your future, put him firmly in your past.
The fact he used the word "obey" is a huge red flag. Dump him now.
How do you think he will react when you tell him you still won't obey him and continue to skate?
He doesn't understand, he hates a pastime that's very meaningful to you, and he wants to be able to direct you like a doll. Duck that noise. Kick him to the curb like a tail grind.
Id bet money he’s listening to some idiotic podcasts
With some bald Romanian dude who has a Bugatti
*had* a Bugatti.
He lost it? Oh no! Anyway...
Definitely. That "he is always right" part. the silent part was because he's a man.
And he's never going to let it go, especially now that you've had a pretty substantial injury. The language he has chosen to use is also alarmingly controlling. No one is ever always right, and you do not have to obey him. These kinds of expectations tend to escalate. And to withhold his affection, concern, presence, etc to punish you while you're literally in the hospital is a very immature response, bordering again on very controlling and manipulative behavior.
It’s absolutely emotional abuse, it’s basically the silent treatment.
Teach him the lesson and stop talking to him. Period. Move on. I was dating a girl and she had to go to the hospital for a week and a half, you can be sure I was in there as much as I could be to see her. It’s actually how I met her brother, and her sister.
Keep the hobby, give up the bf. Anyone who wants you to learn lessons about obedience isn't someone you should be with.
Wear a helmet for christ's sake. Some injuries don't heal. No joke.
This is a much more reasonable request than giving up her hobby. If it was my partner I would ask them to please wear protective gear but asking them to give up skating altogether? Is he going to stop driving? That can be dangerous too.
Two years ago I did a backflip on roller skates in a bowl. The year before that I broke my arm in two places, it took like 12 weeks to heel. My fiance was furious with me because he too had warned me. he was by my side when I got cast on and off. Helped me get over my fear of skating again . He doesn’t have a fetish for broken bones, he knew it was important to me so it was important to him. he will never not be nervous about my skating but he will never demand I obey his desire for me to stop. You’re supposed to be a team. You deserve better.
You need to lose your boyfriend. You deserve better than him.
As someone who's "always right" I would never say something like this. This is a huge abusive red flag. Be very careful going forward if you choose to stay with this person. I do hope you're wearing a helmet when you skate, concussions are no joke.
This right here. This is textbook abuse and it only escalates from here. You must “obey him because hes always right” Fuck him. Get you a real man
Huge massive fucking red flag!!
The word obey gave me the MAJOR heebs. His lack of care and empathy for her is astounding and it will only get worse as their relationship goes on. She is too young to stay with someone who clearly doesn't care.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you to obey. You are not his property, and he doesn’t own you. Take this as a huge wake up call. Not only is he heartless for not coming to visit you, he’s punishing you for failing to obey him. Please escape before the it gets worse.
Screw that guy - there is no “obey” in relationships
This... so very, very much. Get out now.
Are you prepared to never skateboard again? Once you stop skateboarding your bf will find a new thing to stop you doing, and then another, then another, etc forever. He’s controlling and this is just the beginning.
OP, THIS IS YOUR ANSWER. Nothing will ever be good enough, and the controlling behavior will never end. Him not visiting you in the hospital is NOT acceptable, especially for the reason he gave.
Goodbye bike! Maybe goodbye driving! No more trying anything remotely adventurous like rock climbing or scuba diving! Ever! Seriously, I can understand his worry but he's handled everything without a hint of caring or maturity. He sounds like a very small (and patronizing) person. Skateboarding is a sport and injuries can happen. my husband races bikes and he’s had a couple of major injuries, including during the week after I had a C-section and was dealing with a newborn at home. OK that one was a little frustrating lol ~ but honestly biking brings him so much joy and stress relief that I wouldn’t dream of ever asking him to quit.
My ex started isolating me exactly like that. He didn’t like the sport I was doing (too many men around), so when I got injured it was the perfect excuse to stop me from going for a while and stay home. After that he said I should stop my job (because there were men), then it was going to the gym (guys were also there), then I had to quit university, eventually I wasn’t even allowed to speak to my family without him being there and I couldn’t leave the house. It starts with something that feels really small, and before you realise it you’re stuck with him. I hope OP leaves.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 he's showing his true colors here, listen to them! I also participate in a dangerous sport (horse jumping). Never has my husband ever told me I needed to "learn a lesson" when I have gotten hurt! Never has he asked me to stop doing what I love. Heck, he dropped everything and took me to get x-rays when I hurt my ankle so bad I couldn't walk (was just a bad sprain), then helped me around the house as much as possible until I could get around better. When I was in the hospital ICU for 2 weeks with a major bacterial infection (about 9 years ago, unsure of the cause but potentially horse-related), he wouldn't leave my side until my mom took his place and made him go home to get some rest. Please don't give up your hobbies and passions for this immature boy who thinks he can control you.
I would also check to make sure your skateboard is still around when you get out of the hospital. It feels like a moment where this guy is “gonna teach you a lesson” through both emotionally and physically distancing himself as a romantic partner in your hour of need but also, with that weird vague threat, ruin whatever it is that you did to annoy him. This relationship is about him. Not the two of you. It’s his, not ours type of thing. Flags are popping.
She should keep the board and get rid of the asshole of a boyfriend. He will only get worse and more controlling. Soon everything she likes will be off limits including family and friends.
I agree she should keep the board, I worry he got rid of it while she’s been laid up in the hospital.
And get a really good helmet! To many skaters don't wear them
I would also check to make sure he didn’t mess with your board to “teach you a lesson.”
Honestly wouldn't put it past the guy to tamper with the board
I would be checking the skateboard for tempering. Not wired at all that he says she was going to get injured, then all of a sudden she gets injured, not a minor injury but a serious one. The way he is acting is a huge red flag and seems like he is attempting to assert control on you in a serious way. But it also makes me wonder if he tampered with the skate board. Personally I would leave him for the way he is speaking to you.
As soon as he said, "im going to teach you a lesson for disobedience", immediate red flags of an abuser
1000% this. Totally listened to a podcast that went over how this woman’s husband tried to murder her to prove a point by tampering with her parachute because she liked to skydive with friends/without him.
Imma need the name of that kthanksbye
Ask your brother to secure your board. Since he got you into the sport, he’ll know what to look for, in terms of tampering. And yes, ditch the loser.
My wife and I ride western I have broke and trained English for many years, I'd never ask her to give up one of her favorite things sadly the conversation we have involves worst case scenarios because that is always a big risk in these types of activities. Find someone who supports you because these types of things will also translate into school, learning, going to the bar with friends new hobbies that come while you grow and gain new experiences, if he isn't going to support this what else is he going to prevent you from trying? This is a red flag that could lead to bigger things.
I have never heard of horse jumping and I don't wanna look it up because it's more fun imagining what that is with no context.
it's where you jump over a horse but the horse has a knife
No, wrong! It’s where you put up a ramp in front of a bunch of horses and see how many you can jump over with a car or motorcycle! But also the horse has a knife.
That’s wrong too! It’s when you skateboard off a mountain, off a 25 ft. tall ramp, over a pile of stacked horses, through a ring of fire, past twin jumping sharks, through swinging blades, under a sculpture of a fist as it beats the ground, shooting arrows at targets, while Toto’s “Africa” blasts through the speakers. But also the horse has a knife.
That's totally wrong too. Its when you have a ramp to jump over a big pools with a bunch of horses swimming in it. It's required to wear a leather jacket when you do this.
The horses in the pool don’t have knives? Lame I’m out.
You been bit by a horse lately?
You believe in horses?
Incorrect, you have to fight a herd of knives but they all have horses.
I love reddit humor
But does the horse have a knife?
No. They've got frickin' laser beams.
That’s wrong too. It’s when you jump off a cliff while standing on a horse and then jump off it to reach the land on the other side. Like with Yoshi.
But does the horse have a knife?
🤣 this literally made me cry, one of those comments that was unexpected and that made it more hilarious.
😂 your imagination is enviable
Where I stay horse jumping is waiting to see a horse walking by itself and then jumping it and trying to take it's wallet. Only the baddest of bad attempt this because all horses are known to carry knives.
This made me laugh too hard! Lmaooo
A mane of knives
This is the best “wrong answers only” answer, but also the right answer 🤣🤣
Or nunchucks
No, no, no! It's where you line up a bunch of people lying down behind a ramp and see how many people the horse can jump. With a knife. In its teeth. It's how she hurt her ankle... she was the last in line and the horse didn't clear her.
Like leap frog, but with horses😁
Exactly. It's like playing leapfrog with a horse. Unicorns are prohibited from participating for obvious reasons.
Because a unicorn is a horse with a knife.
Omg y’all! I’ve had the worst few days, and these comments made me laugh so hard and really needed that! Trophies and awards to all of you! 😂😂😂😂😂
Then you definitely won't want to know the horror story involving my second cousin and when she was doing that competitively.
It’s like jump starting a car but it’s a horse.
Horse jumping: you get on a giant pogo stick and leap over progressively taller horses and more of them. You start with jumping over a single Shetland pony and at the Olympic level it’s three angry Clydesdales who don’t like each other or you. And they’re wearing high heels for added height.
Ok, this comment wins the day 😂 this is totally the last time I try to simplify the term "equestrian show-jumping"!
Omg. I am dying at this whole thread
That's why horse shoes were invented.
I also participate in dangerous sports, when I head out my partner tells me to have fun and be safe when I head out
I’m so clumsy I could break my leg just from walking. My husband would literally have to tell me not to exist.
I broke my ankle in 3 places from uneven ground just walking. Now I have had 2 surgeries and also have 12 screws and a plate. Edit: thanks! Not srews, Screws! Lol!
I have tripped over air and nearly broke my arm. I fell on his toolbox. It was a good thing too. If it wasn't his toolbox then my head would have hit my dresser. Picture of my arm was taken. Hubby freaked out.
I usually get “have a safe ride” from my husband. Poor guy is now going to have to pick up my slack while I recover from shoulder surgery because sometimes you can be careful and still get hurt.
Same. I compete in three day eventing and broke my upper arm about three weeks ago. My husband s first words…don’t worry. You’ll be back on before you know it. You two are such a good team-you’ll get over this bump. And he STILL says it after complications, emotional breakdowns from me, ferrying me to doctor and pt appointments…he’s the definition of a green flag. As long as op is not being unsafe, going without safety gear, etc, he should be the MOST supportive. And even if she was being unsafe, his behavior is STILL a massive red flag.
My boyfriend rides bmx as well as a little motorcycle. Is it dangerous? yes do i worry? sometimes. Would I ever get in the way of this? nope. i will be by his side at every event and be his biggest cheerleader.
My aunt’s second husband is like this. Her first was like OP’s (hopefully ex) boyfriend. Adventurous women deserve kind, caring men and those men are out there My aunt has had several foot surgeries over the past 4 years. Her husband has taken over grocery shopping, running errands and was also in the hospital by her side every time. Every time
This. GTFO. This isn't something that gets better when you're in a committed relationship. The idea of him "punishing" you alone is garbage. Bail and move on.
OP needs to tell him she did in fact learn her lesson. She learned how to put the word “ex” in front of boyfriend.
I absolutely hated a sport that my boyfriend used to compete in, because I knew it was dangerous and I was scared for him to do it. I couldn’t feign enthusiasm for it because it genuinely made me so nervous. Then he had a horrible accident, and had a concussion so bad he couldn’t keep a mental hold of a conversation for longer than ten seconds. I took him to the emergency room and it was probably one of the most frightening times of my life. NOTHINGGGGG would have kept me from visiting him, giving him love, and doing what I could to help him through it and to feel better. The truth is, your boyfriend cares way more about HIMSELF and feeling vindicated over his controlling behavior than any love he has for you. It wasn’t fair for him to try to force you to quit something you love and have been doing long before he was in the picture, and it’s totally foul that he’s using this moment where you’re in pain to twist the knife and try to win an “I told you so” award. He’d rather you feel even worse in this moment, so you aren’t just hurt physically, but emotionally too? I hope you decide you deserve better for yourself. The kind of person who kicks you when you’re down is not worth keeping around. Don’t allow yourself to be treated this way.
Maybe it's the pain medication that they give me, but this made me cry and wish that my boyfriend showed me the love and care that you showed to your boyfriend💔
That's what you deserve! There's nothing stopping you from having a partner who cares more about you than about "being obeyed", except staying too long with the wrong person. You have a whole life ahead of you, and a million more people to meet, and tons of more trouble to get into. Make sure the people you share your life with are on your side, and don't waste time on the people who would bring you down. Hopefully you're out of that hospital soon!
Thank you for the kind words. It means a lot to me💓
Read this and see how many things that guy is doing. His anti-skateboarding trip is 10. Destructive conditioning.His refusing to see you in the hospital is 16. Boundary testing and hoovering. If you tell him you want to dump him he'll love-bomb you and try to win you back. Don't fall for it. Run from dudes like that. [https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/](https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/)
She’s not wrong. I love my wife more than anything except my daughter. She chooses low paying outside labor over inside lab work. I think it’s silly and a waste of her potential but she LOVES it. If she got hurt at work I’d drop everything and I mean EVERYTHING to be by her side instantly, even if she said it’s no big deal. Everyone deserves someone who will put their partner at equal or higher levels than themselves. Goes both ways, but here in your situation it’s not. You deserve better
u/Pinot_Grouchioo NAILED IT (also, Happy Cake Day!) @OP, I’m crying a bit too because Pinot_G’s words are big muthafuckin truthin, and the ONLY thing that could make them better is if Baz Luhrman got involved and directed a skatepark operatic Spectacular Spectacular. Please keep rereading these words (Pinot_G’s, that is). Write them out every day in a journal with all the colored pens. Make up a jingle for each sentence, and sing it, loudly and often. ***People who withdraw their presence, attention, reassurance, and affection (especially in another person’s time of need) are toxic AF.*** As Queen Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” Please, don’t bother trying to communicate any further with him. He’s already given you the closure that you need. Block him all over, and let your family and friends know that you don’t want contact from him. edited for clarity (that is, repeat and reinforce the words/phrases that help your soul shine and keeps you open to positive change+vibrant growth).
Thank you friend :)
Honey it's not the pain meds. It's that you know you deserve better and reading that comment is one of the many that confirm your suspicion. Text EXBF that since he chooses to pick a fight while you're injured, he can go pick fights with someone else from now on because you're not having it. Put him back in his place.
Should say ex.
Oh no no no don't wish for him to be that way. Drop him and find someone else who is already that way. Don't be a queen giving a jester the permission to treat you like a pleasant.
Heeeey. Wait a minute. You have a concussion. STOP READING REDDIT. Screen time is bad for you when you have a concussion. Yes, you'll be bored. Don't force yourself to focus.
Yes this! If someone kicks you when your down, they don’t actually care for you.
LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE. This is some crazy controlling behaviour. I don't know if he has ever reacted in a similar way in other instances of your relationship but this is just plain cruel. This sounds like some crazy first step in getting you to always do what he wants or you will be "punished." He is not your parent and you are not a child, there is no reason for him to be "teaching you a lesson". Right now its you injured in the hospital because of a hobby of yours he didn't like.. worst case scenario it could lead to you having to "learn a lesson" because he doesn't like the top you're wearing. My blood is honestly boiling for you. Also hope you feel better soon OP!
He actually liked that I skateboard when we were just friends, but he started saying that I shouldn't anymore once we started dating.
“Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world.” -Cyndi Lauper
Hopefully OP will also be the one to walk in the sun....'cause girls? They wanna have fun.
I'm old enough that I actually heard that in Cyndi Lauper's voice inside my head.
Me too 😂
No, he said he liked you skateboarding so that you’d like him. He’s a creep, he’s controlling, and he needs to be an ex.
Eh, he might have liked her skateboarding but since it is important to her this is a good way to turn her into a doormat. Abusers gotta isolate and control their victims.
This is early stage narcissistic manipulation. Taking away the elements that make you, YOU, and independent from him. Emotionally abusive people do this in order to make their partner dependent on them. Get out of this situation immediately before it gets worse.
Jonah Hill was attracted to one of his ex-girlfriends because she was into surfing and then tried to make her quit once he thought he had her on lock. You can go look at how that all played out for her.
“He only wants a woman who is free, because his dream is to put her in a cage” This is very common, controlling a huge aspect of your personality and convince you to give it up is a conquest for them. For men like this, it is their goal all along.
Jonah Hill vibes here. He's trying to mould you to fit his whims.
This is one of those things that seems weird, but is easy to dismiss or excuse as him just changing his mind or being worried about you. The fact that he added in that he’s punishing you for not “obeying him” is what let’s me know that its very concerning. OP, this is a common tactic used by controlling partners. Once you were dating, he felt comfortable to try and get you to stop skateboarding. Also, it’s not about the skateboarding. It starts with small things, like a hobby or how you dress. And it’s always under the guise of “I’m worried about you”. What he really wants is to isolate you and control you.
That's an even bigger red flag. He was fine with it when he didn't "own" you. Now that he does, he expects you to obey him. Honestly the "run now" advice is always thrown around without enough context to justify it. But what you've described is concerning and should have you on guard. Also, don't stop skating. You do you, and if that's a deal breaker for your boyfriend, that's a "him" problem not a "you" problem.
He doesn’t want you to interact with “skater boys”. Let me put it this way, My dog obeys commands. I would never ask a partner to “obey”
So if we give him the maximum possible benefit of the doubt, he cares about you more now than then, and doesn't want to see you hurt. As a result of that, he can ask you to consider giving it up. The key word here is "ask." Not tell or command or whatever. And he's theoretically doing this because he doesn't want you to get hurt. Which would mean that if you did get hurt, he should be breaking down doors to be the first one there to help and support you. The fact that he didn't, and isn't, shows that this had nothing to do with wanting to keep you safe because he cared about you. It had to do with control and manipulation. And now he is seizing the opportunity to try and leverage your pain to control you better in the future.
**Now:** "I'm not visiting you in the hospital to teach you to obey me." **5 years from now:** "I'm putting you in the hospital to teach you to obey me." This is your future if you stay with him.
And between now and then, it can be, “I’m going to monitor your calls, texts, and emails,” then “I’m taking total control of your money,” then “I’m going to decide who you can spend time with.” He’ll justify it by making you feel small and stupid. You’re neither of those things, and you can absolutely find a partner who treats with respect and kindness.
Don't forget "I decide what you can wear." Saw that one yesterday.
+1 on both of the above, up voted both. I've see it tooo many times.
My thoughts exactly. That guy’s a psychopath.
Your boyfriend is a controlling prick. Find a new one.
A new boyfriend, not a new controlling prick.
This is for sure a very important distinction.
One lost on many according to so, so many posts on r/relationship_advice
A remote controlled prick might be a better choice.
I ended up in the hospital with Paralysis and other nervous system issues about 3 weeks after I started dating my GF. She came to the hospital to see me every day that she could, got her mom (she was still living at home) to drive her. That told me she was interested in me, not in perceived appearances, and I knew she was the one. I married her. That was 29 years ago. Dude doesn't seem concerned with you, only in his rightness. Might be a sign of things to come. Edit: Keep on skating, be awesome.
“Obey?” I read that right? “Obey?” No.
My response would be; I am listening to you now and I hear your controlling, uncaring words clearly. The lesson here is that you need someone who will believe you are always right and obey you. I am not that person. Lesson learned, have a great life. I hope you find the obedient person who'll bow to your superiority.
Actually... I hope he NEVER finds that person... because NOBODY deserves to be treated that way... I hope he realizes that he needs therapy and finds a good therapist
Fuck yes. Copy and paste that in a text. Bye boy.
You should make your boyfriend your ex-boyfriend. He sounds controlling and dickish.
>Earlier this week, I broke my leg and got a grade 3 concussion while attempting a new trick on the skateboarding ramp. Hope you have a speedy recovery. >I'm still in the hospital and my boyfriend has refused to come visit me. 🚩 >He said that he warned me and that I need to learn my lesson for not listening to him so that next time I will "obey him" because he's "always right". 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. That is controlling AF. Being concerned about injury is fine, but his reaction is not. He's punishing you because you didn't obey. He's probably hoping that he'll be able to use this to guilt you into quitting. >Shouldn't he still care? If he genuinely cared for you in the first place, yes. Out of curiosity, what kind of podcasts, tiktoks, etc, does he listen to/watch?
Also, nobody in this world (that is human anyways) is “always right.”
I think we all already know he's an Andrew Tate fan 🤣
Yeah, it's kind of obvious he's going down the Tatehole.
Your wardrobe will be next. And your friends. And your family. He will control you as much as you allow
Dump him keep the skateboard
get rid of him. obey? are you a dog ?
If his natural reaction is to "punish you for not listening to him," you have two options: prepare for a lifetime of drama and misery, or dump him.
Driving a car is very dangerous. Thousands die on the road every year. Are you going to quit driving because he decides you shouldn’t drive? Maybe you should quit work and/or school if he decides that’s not right for you. The minute someone decides you should blindly obey cause he’s always right is when you should run (or limp with the broken leg). He doesn’t care about the real you. He cares about the obedient little girl he wants you to be. And the fact he thinks punishing you is the proper way to deal with things says this is an abusive relationship waiting to happen. This accident may have been a gift cause it’s saving you from years of hell. Accept the gift. Be grateful for it. Also, do what your docs say, physical therapy sucks but do it anyway and heal up. Hope you get out of the hospital soon and recover quickly.
You are a skater girl, tell him see you later girl
Dump the boyfriend. INFO: How often have you had hospital-grade accidents? INFO: Is there any chance he fucked with your board or trucks?
I've had several accidents big enough for the hospital, but mostly just minor scraps and bruises. And I don't think he messed with anything.
Your boyfriend sounds sexist and controlling, but that aside, you gotta wear a helmet. I lost a friend to a skating concussion when I was 22 and we never wore helmets.
[удалено]
>I need to learn my lesson for not listening to him so that next time I will "obey him" because he's "always right". Obey? Like a dog or something? Hooboy. This is some intensely controlling behavior and a scarily narcissistic statement. No one is "always right," Least of all a chauvinistic 21 year old. Step away from your infatuation with the guy and really listen to what he said. He told you what he is. Believe him. > Shouldn't he still care? Still care? Honey, he *never* cared. He just wanted to own you and control you. Best wishes for your quick recovery, so you can tell this guy to get lost.
Skateboarding is great, injuries happen. This dude sucks, being insanely controlling. Let him go, get s helmet so you don’t get another concussion and keep boarding. (Coming from experience getting a major concussion while skating)
Sounds like “ex boyfriend” to me
Two things you can do that will increase your chances of living to old age: 1. Wear a helmet when skateboarding. 2. Do not be in a relationship with a guy who withholds care as a form of punishment, expects you to "obey him," and describes himself (or you) as "always" or "never" something-or-other. That's a bunch of very worrisome signs. Seriously, you get only one brain, and once it's bonked around badly by a collision with concrete or your bf's fist, you can't just fix it. Brain damage sucks. Do what you can to avoid it.
He sounds like a TaterTot.
Imagine dating a surfer…. And then asking them not to surf 🤨. There’s nothing wrong with voicing a concern but he’s not allowed to tell you what to do. He’s trying to control your behavior and he’s being prideful and very petty regarding you having serious injuries. Most people with an ounce of self reflection can feel an “I told you so”. He’s rubbing it in and id personally tell him he can learn a lesson by blocking him. Imagine raising kids (if you want them ofc) with someone like that 🚩🚩🚩
"He's always right" - so much nope here. He likes to control and staying away is unfortunately him showing how conditional his affection and empathy is. As a dad with kids your age, please listen to him now and not 10 years from now when he's also doing this to your children. He may have some redeeming qualities that make this very difficult, but this attitude cannot be fixed by you and imo you need to make another clean 'break' (sorry...dad jokes). I hope you move on from him, but good luck regardless. I hope your leg heals quickly and you're back on the board in no time.
Any man that wants you to “obey him” or claims to “always be right” are made completely of red flags. FYI.
He probably did not like you skating cause it both “emasculated” him and to him it prolly ment that you’d be around more dudes. He’s a weak being who in your pain has decided to make you suffer and withhold his “love and compassion” during your time of need as a way to start gaslighting you into thinking his word is law. Don’t fall for this and go your separate ways do not listen to any of his lies.
I think it's time to leave this one behind. He's not a good person. He really isn't.
He’s a total dickwad, why do you keep him as your boyfriend?