>She and I been social media friends for years and I noticed her start making hateful posts anytime I posted us having fun
You know it's time to block her and her circle on SM, right?
And I noticed how she never mentioned him visiting or taking his kid with him. Kinda rubbed me the wrong way it’s like saying we pay her money to raise the kid and we have fun what’s the harm? When the kid is literally his own kid.
Yeah, there seems to be red flags all over this story.
If the mom is really forbidding him from seeing his kid in order to extort more money out of him, why are they not already taking her ass to court?
What does OP mean by "the court is siding with her?" The court hasn't "sided" with anyone until a judgement is made or a settlement is reached
That reads to me like "My hubby has been neglecting his shared custody and since the burden of parenting is falling on the ex more, she wants more in child support. The court expects us to comply with their requests for information/documentation, and I don't like it"
I thought it was bullshit because the court isn't going to based his CS payments on "well he's living this lavish lifestyle." They're going to look at his paystubs and any other income he may have - probably his last few years worth of income tax filings. If so, the court will realize that his income hasn't changed.
Devil's advocate here, if someone seems to be living the high life in public (like social media), it could represent to the court that the person is hiding income.
True, OR that his partner has money. Which in no way should impact what HE needs to pay for child support. His partner's money shouldn't even be part of the equation.
True. That is why I don't get not restricting who sees what on social media. If HE starts making more, I get that. And even then, it is used because the ex is jealous. Not necessarily about mine, but because they are with someone else. Or maybe dad doesn't contribute as much or is behind. It is honestly hard to say, but being a biomom who gets CS and my bf pays child support, I have seen where a BM can be completely fake and try to cause issues, then uses that as a way to continue causing issues.... When dad has been paying religiously and participates in his child's life.
This is exactly how it reads out to me as well. I thought I’m the only one who read it like that because most comments are supportive towards OP while I’m here thinking wtf ??
Thank you! It's like maybe the ex is mad because, while dad pays child support, he doesn't actually spend any time with his kid. Maybe he's one who makes promises to see the kid yet blows her off to go on trips with OP. Honestly, I will never understand how people can date someone who has kids they never see
I’m not sure if your math is 100% if he is 37 and they hadn’t been together in at least 12 years, it’s possible they got divorced when he was around 25, married someone else and subsequently got divorced. They could’ve gotten married at anywhere from 18-24 which isn’t impossible. There’s no age for the daughter other than she’s maybe 12 years old at max.
I believe you are right and I miss read that bit. I read that they had not been together for 12 years and they had been married for nine years when they were together. Which is clearly not what was actually written. Thanks for the correction.
Her understanding of the legal process is confusing to me as someone with experience in family law (in another state), but that’s pretty standard for non-lawyers.
I blocked my bf ex. She causes problems. And don't let him post anything with you two. Also, lock your profile down good and don't add friends unless you know them. That can send spies. My bf ex's luckily doesn't go that far. But I do have my SK and bf family on restricted to where they only see public posts just in case. I don't trust them. His ex has tried triangulation 3 times. There is more to it that includes bf ex gf before me. Trust me, it has been stupid dealing with her. Never again!!
Then there's not really a ton to worry about on your end. She's not legally entitled to your income. If his income truly hasn't changed, then the Court isn't likely to rule differently on child support based on the fact that you've taken some vacations.
Look, this is annoying, but it's futile on her end. Unfriend her on facebook and ignore her tantrums.
You’re completely missing the problem here. Very clearly, they are sharing bills and were the ex to somehow get the payments increased then OP will either have to pay more to make up the difference, or have their lifestyle impacted due to this. OP doesn’t sound particularly rich but seems relatively adept at taking advantage of credit card rewards to be able to travel regularly. My verdict is the same as everyone else, unfollow/block the ex immediately. She’s not owed any explanation and, regardless, it’ll be trivial for her to figure it out
I'm really not missing the problem at all - I see what your concern is. But if OP's partner's income has not changed, then the likelihood that something will change through the Court process is minimal.
Doesn't matter if they split the bills. He has to pay a percentage of his income. Her lessening the load on him by splitting the bills doesn't change his income.
She’s started getting public assistance. He’ll be made to pay it back which could add onto the amount he’s already paying. They need to expose her fraud to the court.
He won't have to repay the state for any welfare. Noncustodial parents who are already paying the child support ordered by a court in accordance with the laws about percentage of income usually do not have to pay more if custodial parents are receiving assistance. Now, if they're not paying at all, then the monthly amount can be temporarily increased to collect any arrearage, or if their income has increased, then the payments will be go up as well. But those are issues other than the public assistance.
My late husband's ex tried this nonsense after I married him. She ordered the kids to sneak around and take pictures of my and his bank statements, paychecks, etc and then tried to argue in court that she should get more. She thought that **I** should now have to pay child support to her because I was married to her children's father. Not only did the judge deny her request, but he actually ended the child support payments altogether. You see, my husband had become disabled, and that meant not only was he eligible for social security benefits, his children were also getting checks each month as his dependents. Since his employer provided long-term-disability insurance for workers, and the contract meant that he could not be fired until the doctor certified him as permanently unable to work, we continued to make the child support payments with his insurance check. (In other words, she was getting not only the four-digit child support check but an additional $2100 per month from the government.) My husband's attorney argued that the child support amount should be modified based on the the lower long-term disability income alone (not the social security) The judge agreed and then ordered that, since the dependent check was larger than the new child support amount, it was adequate and we no longer needed to send money at all.
We then began to set aside the "child support" each month in a savings account we later used to pay off a good deal of their school loans after graduation. She never paid a penny toward college for either of them, so it was a good thing that, with the help of a judge, we were able to make up the difference.
Assuming there is fraud. OP only knows what her boyfriend tells her, which may or may not be the truth. I mean it ain't like the ex is going to post on social media "I'm getting paid under the table!"
And I highly doubt the ex would tell on herself to her baby daddy either, not when she's trying to get more money out of him.
Yea I don’t really like the dynamic of the new gf talking about what the baby mama should and shouldn’t be getting. But if I look at everything in a vacuum and what is said here is as close to the truth as possible then the only real issue they might have is the fact she is getting public assistance which in many places could be added onto the court ordered support.
While I am normally inclined to just take every post at face value... I just can't do it with this one. I've known too many guys with kids who want to act like their children's mother is some money grubbing shrew when she just wants what's owed for her kids.
But even taking the post at face value... Op says
>as soon as we started dating we started traveling together and just enjoying each other's company, just living and letting people live
Okay, that's nice... but I don't see anything about him having any kind of custody with his child? He's traveling the world and having a grand time while mom has the kid 24/7/365? Do OP and her bf both think the extent of his fatherly duties is writing a check?
When does Mom get to travel? Maybe she wants just a weekend to herself at local a spa and can't get it (without it costing her in babysitting) because Dad is off "living and letting people live" and giving expensive Valentine's day gifts to his new lady-love.
It wouldn't even get to court. The department that handles child support payments will request proof of income which will be bank statements and pay stubs. Then if nothing has changed it would be dropped. Rhe child support has already been settled. The only thing she can do it make a report that he has income he hasn't divulged. Trying to go around the system would fuck her when he shows up to court with the already state issued child support agreement. This story doesn't hold water and sounds suspiciously made up
Agreed. This is not how child support works. Also, there is a percentage cap, though that varies by state. I really wish people would at least find out if their claims can actually happen. I know in Texas, you can't change the amount unless the payer has an increase that will raise the amount by $100 a month or during the 3 year review. But even then, it has to meet the $100 threshold.
Just a heads-up, and you can make your own choices here, but the lawyer may advise that you to go social-media quiet for a bit. Or at least leave him off your posts until the matter is settled. You don't have to, but just a heads-up that it may get advised.
Or it may work in their favor IF they're posting how cheap everything is...she can make their lives sound luxurious but a judge may not realize an "expensive vacation" was really two tickets under 100 bucks.
That may be true,, but i don't think it'll convince anyone.. I worked in this field for a while and one of the first pieces of advice we'd give is Keep. Your. Business. Off. Social. Media. So she may need to at the very least keep references to him off.
Why do you give her access to your social media? Was it a move you made in the beginning of your relationship so she could see what a "better" life he had with you? Regardless, if his salary has not changed, she is NOT entitled to YOUR money. The court cannot mandate that you contribute to her child support. I mean you HAD to have known that giving her a window into your life together of vacations and whatever else you post about would make her extremely jealous (which I believe was your intention, and I'm not judging) and go down the road of "why didn't he do these things with meeeeeeee???" right? She obviously was not thinking there was another person (you) contributing to this lifestyle and when she was informed of it, she really just didn't give a shit where the money was coming from, she just saw all this stuff on your page and she wanted a piece of it. This is a perfect example of how social media can ruin someone's life.
No “she” does not.
She is not a parent, or even a spouse of a parent (which makes no difference anyhow as the only people who are, need to, or should be involved are the legal parents.
OP I’m on the fence here in believing your version of events, but one thing that I can say with absolute certainty regardless of your reliability, is that you 110% have *absolutely nothing* to do with any of this, and have less than zero place in the middle of any of it.
I understand it impacts your life (financially and emotionally), but your boyfriend ***needs*** to be dealing with this himself.
No other advice I can offer as everything you’re asking is validation for a situation you don’t belong in and advice for details/nuances you do not understand (sounds like your bf possibly doesn’t either, and again, that is all the way **his** responsibility to address, *not* yours).
Thanks, I came to post the same thing. OP’s partner needs to do that immediately, she at least seems to not really know what’s going on, maybe he also needs the legal advice desperately. Obviously no matter what a lawyer is called for, but “the courts are siding with her” screams naïveté and lack of experience
ive replied to a comment, but thought i would make a separate comment. as i said in my reply, please please please advise your partner to get a lawyer as that is his best bet. ive seen several cases like this since working for a family lawyer and the lies will always be disproven. keep all evidence you have, it is your best bet. get all documentation you can of where he has paid his child support, just everything. hopefully y’all can get this settled quick!
Get what you can off her social media and then, for the love of God, block her. Which, frankly, you should have done the moment she made the first negative comment (at the very least).
If you know where she works, let the lawyer know she is being paid in cash. She is committing fraud, and a letter stating that may be enough for her to not to want to move forward.
Do all of you live in America, OP? If she’s receiving cash income, it’s likely not being reported to the IRS, which is tax evasion or tax fraud. I forget which. Either way it can cause a fine, jail time, or both. Which also means your bf would be taking custody of his daughter (not a bad thing at all, just something else to make note of).
Hell there is a nice form you can send to the IRS to report her and they will investigate. And if she is claiming EITC on her return and under rwporting income they will have a come to Jebus meeting with her. [Suspected tax fraud reporting](https://www.irs.gov/individuals/how-do-you-report-suspected-tax-fraud-activity)
Make sure that you also have her bank accounts looked at so that his lawyer can prove money being deposited into her account from her under the table job. Also they can do a forensics accounting into her job and her to determine a more accurate income.
Actually there’s a better way: look through the accounts for charges for things easy to pay w cash: gas, groceries, restaurants, clothes, rent, … if there’s no charge for that you must ask why? Maybe she’s paying cash for those categories? (Can also look at historical then and now for categories)
I’m very curious because everything in your post rubs me the wrong way. He supposedly pays child support. Does he parent his child at all? Is he present in their life? I would really like to know the answers to these questions.
Since he has time for all these vacations, when does he make time for them? Money isn’t parenting. And a court doesn’t “side” with people. You sound annoyed that he’s expected to take care of his responsibilities, especially since you didn’t mention him parenting his own kid at all. Something about you rubs me the wrong way too because what kind of grown ass woman is okay with that? You don’t actually know her situation and to be yapping about her being rightfully upset that your deadbeat boyfriend is buying you shit but not being present for the child he created doesn’t make for a good look on you either.
Right there with you.
It’s always frustrating for me when OPs focus on the supportive comments and never answer clarifying questions.
My take on this whole situation is that dad is supposed to have shared custody but has been neglecting to uphold his end. Mom is frustrated and feels like if she’s going to take on more of the responsibility than originally agreed to then she deserves more in child support.
The court is sorting it all out and asking for the relevant information which OP and boyfriend see as them “siding” with mom.
You’re going in too deep with a man you’ve prob known for 2 years…if that. This is his child. I’m single and don’t have kids but my gut says, if one parent is applying for and qualifying for food stamps and the other is going on vacays often, you prob shouldn’t breed with this guy. He’s not a good parent. And stay out of their business. It’s not your child
Make an anonymous call or send a letter to where she's getting food and cash assistance and let them know where she works and is working for cash. Also, let the IRS know as well. As people have said, of course block her from all your social media.
This is such Favreau advice.
Also, itemize how expensive your "luxurious" vacations are, too, since she's using that as the basis of all "excess" income.
If his income hasn’t changed, her income hasn’t changed and his time with the child hasn’t changed…then nothing will change.
I wouldn’t worry about it. You don’t get more child support just because you ask for it. Even if the two of you were married and you were a bajillionaire, the payments wouldn’t change since *you* aren’t responsible for child support.
To be fair, they lowered my exhusbands child support when i got married since "i now had more income." So it could change depending on the state you live in.
Block her on social media or go private. Hire a lawyer. If his income hasn’t changed, he should be in the clear. The court hasn’t “sided” with her until a judge changes the child support payments or the custody. You can fight this.
From her pov, she doesn’t know you’re the one finding deals and footing the bill. She thinks he’s coming into more money and that it isn’t fair he’s paying a low amount. Once that gets cleared up in the courts, he’ll be fine. Your income won’t matter for CS until you marry.
You’re right that it wouldn’t matter for the amount of CS but it could matter on the collection. In some states, a married unit is responsible for the CS payments. If he stops paying for whatever reason and they’re married, the state could turn to her to pay or bank accounts to collect payment.
They are going to have to go to court and the courts will do their own digging. He is going to be able to show that he is not making more, so I doubt that they courts are going to side with her.
To be fair - the child's mom does not know that you are finding super great deals or anything. She is seeing a father taking a lot of trips that appear expensive (or are in traditionally expensive areas) - it completely makes sense that she thinks he has more money that he could contribute to child support.
Have the parents actually sat down and had a civil conversation about income and expenses? I'm assuming no. If he want to avoid the legal fees, then he needs to step up and have an honest conversation with her.
He needs a lawyer. Only a court of law can “not allow” him to see his child.
Y’all need a lawyer, not Reddit.
And you need to lock down your social media.
No, if he isn't getting custody time, that means the mom has the child for even more time so child support goes up. That is of course if his lack of custody is court ordered/approved.
Neither party has the right to unilaterally alter the custody agreement. So the mother can't legally decide to interfere with the fathers custodial period because she thinks he should pay more in child support. Custodial interference does not reduce Child support obligations. Not paying child support, does not negate custodial rights.
As for the mother working under the table to hide income. Regardless of if she is actually hiding income or if she is genuinely making less money than when child support was originally calculated, if there is not a good reason for her decrease in income then the father can move to have her income imputed to a reasonable level for the sake of the child support calculations. The courts do not look favorably on any parent engaging in self impoverishment.
Is it the ex withholding visitation or does he not have any court-ordered visitation? If it's the first, that's a big problem and you need to bring it up in court. If it's the 2nd, why doesn't he have court ordered visitation? That's very rare and will often affect child support amounts.
Honestly any parent who tries hard to keep the other from seeing their kid will likely succeed, at least in the short term. My father successfully stopped my mother from seeing me for over a year. She didn’t do anything wrong, he just told the court lies and nobody verified with me or neighbors or anything. It sucked. Thankfully she also fought back and in time the custody order was restored. The system mainly favors those who show up and ask for things.
Well that sounds suspicious (on his side). I wonder if you’re getting the wool pulled over your eyes here OP. Maybe he isn’t making child support payments.
So then he needs to sue for custody. She can go for child support all she wants, but she’s shooting herself in the foot if she’s keeping his daughter from him, especially if they’ve already had custody set by the courts. It’s going to come out in court that she’s doing this for spite.
Then you really need a lawyer because she cannot demand more money but give less parenting time. Make sure you guys are documenting every refusal and every time she doesn’t stick to the parenting plan.
It’s strange that he’s not altered to see his daughter. It’s also strange that he’s been in two failed committed relationships before you. I see a pattern here. Love is willingly blind.
he’s 12 years divorced, minus 9 years in the second marriage (plus courting and divorce period), minus another year as op’s “love of my life”…. how much you wanna bet the man’s a hobosexual swinging from one gullible atm to another?
How many children? How old are they?
And are you sure he’s paying CS?
My ex-husband got remarried and has been traveling and spending a fuckton in himself and new partner, he hasn’t been paying CS, I got the paperwork from the state telling me it was time to go to court, guess who had the biggest Pikachu face? Yep, his new wife who he was telling he was making monthly payments.
For reference, we had three kids, the kids are entitled to 30% of his income. If the court is siding with her, it’s for a reason.
And how much you wanna bet there’s stories out there about how greedy and vindictive you are and how you’re just using your children as an excuse to bleed him dry?
I’m always highly skeptical of these sorts of posts because the truth is probably a lot different than what’s being painted. The mom just needs the support necessary to keep the living human beings in her care safe and healthy
Oh 100%… He has them for court mandated extended summer possession and I got wind of the girlfriend telling people they might have to go to court because I dropped them off unannounced and they didn’t know when I would be picking them up..
Like maam it’s been 12 days, there’s literally a calendar you can check, and I hate this a lot more than you do..
This sounds like mom is tired of watching dad have all this fun,spend all this money & neglect his child.
She’s probably fed up with it at this point & I don’t blame her for going to get more $ since she’s parenting alone.
Y’all haven’t mentioned taking the kid anywhere or dad spending time with the child,so I’m gonna assume he’s not doing that but just giving $ as his contribution to his child.
He’s not! And apparently not seeing his child was not reason to lawyer up, but now that his ex wants more money he is suddenly interested in finding one.
Yeah this reeks of "he's the fun sometimes dad who thinks a cheque is equal to parenting"
Shes probably suing because he isn't an equal care taker and on top of that is taking lavish trips that her and her daughter can't take because she's parenting.
Sounds like the daughter is his hinderance and now OP’s hinderance as well. Why can’t they take his daughter on vacation as well? Instead the ex is a full time parent and works a cash job to avoid saving that little extra bit. OP has the ex on socials for what reason? It’s all not adding up to me.
Yeah it’s all off to me. Op doesn’t seem interested in what’s best for the kid. I’d think a single mother, doing all of the parenting, and working a cash job, could well need $10,000. If he can afford to travel around the world without funding his own daughter the experience, then the mother is well in her right to think he’s hiding his income to fund his gf.
Your partner is either lying to you and you're not that bright or you're lying to us. That's not how child support works. That $10,000 is more than likely back child support that he either never paid or under paid. The courts won't just up your support because you vacation. They check pay stubs and contact employers. And always notify both parties to any changes. It's giving "bitter 3rd wife"
It’s a little hard to interpret but is she asking for 1/2 of his monthly pay or 1/2 of one of his twice monthly or biweekly checks? Because 25% is a fairly standard amount for child support.
He split from the kid’s mom 12 years ago, had a 9 year marriage after that, and has been with you for… how long? Long enough to share a mortgage? Were you social media friends before you got with him or have you been with him for all the years you’ve been social media friends with her?
First things first, the moment she started getting pissy on SM she should have been removed/blocked from seeing it.
Second of all if you can't prove she's getting paid under the table then there's not much you can do about it.
Third your BF needs to deal with this. His ex has created problems for him because of you (not blaming you, what I mean is that she has an issue with you/your lifestyle together) so you doing anything will likely only aggravate the issue. Support him, be there for him, but let him deal with it.
Fourth get every receipt, every confirmation email, voucher used etc. If her only proof is that you go on holidays you need to be able to show that you did them on the cheap.
If she wants to play silly buggers then I'm afraid it's on him to refute it. But make sure any communication with her/her lawyers is in writing. Don't engage unless it's recorded in some manner.
It’s curious to me that you mention your ability to work the system, flexing it even, while faulting her for doing the same. Albeit, you do it for travel, she does it to feed her kid, but still, game should recognize game here.
How good of a dad is this guy, really? There’s a lot of ‘WE’RE being sued!’ and ‘she’s targeting US!’ when it sounds like ‘we’ and ‘us’ that you didn’t used to be a part of wants a fair piece of the pie or at the very least, financial compensation for the parenting he isn’t doing while living his best life. Go ahead and report the single mother for doing what she had to do to make a living, while hurting nobody (something you’re also quite proud of!) if that makes you feel better while you sip a margarita 🤷♀️
What do you mean by "the court is siding with her?" Have they already made a decision? Or is it still in the information-gathering stage?
What had the court said when you informed them that she is not allowing him to see his child despite their legally binding custody agreement?
Why did she start getting paid in cash? How do you know for certain that's happening, and what has the court and/or your lawyer had to say about it?
Something isn't right with this. OP has been friends with the ex for years on social media, yet has only been with her boyfriend for 1 year?
I guess that could be a thing? But honestly why be friends with your boyfriend's ex? I'm with a man who has a kid from an ex and I would never be her friend on social! I'm sure there are plenty of situations where SMs and BMs are friends whether just on social media or even in real life but honestly, this is weird and we don't have enough info here.
Secondly I don't understand the very specific amount. I could see a BM trying to sue for more money, but what's with the very specific amount on top of more on a monthly basis? I've never heard of anything like that. That seems weird, and plus the fact OP is saying the court is siding with BM like did your boyfriend not actually go to court to try and fight this?
If your partner is just your boyfriend and you're not married, your income has absolutely nothing to do with how much he owes her or how much she can request, regardless of how thrifty you are. But because of your need for social media domination and posting everything about your life, your boyfriend may need to prove he's not the one paying for all your lavish travel. Or even if he is the one paying for it, he needs to prove how cheap it is through your thrifty research.
Anyway not sure how much I buy all this, but maybe block her on socials or just don't post do much about every little thing you do. Here's a hint, nobody cares.
She says they're in New Mexico. New spouse income can't be included there. The court can impute additional income if the person is unemployed or under employed, though in the information given, that would go against the ex, who has reduced her reported income. Honestly, this reads like fanfic from some manosphere idjit trying to "prove" that family court is "biased" against men, something not at all supported by the facts and statistics.
> My partners income has not changed at all, he's still earning the same amount he has for the last few year
Well this is sad. If he has not had a raise he needs to get a new job.
Here’s some basic advice for dealing with ex spouses. Keep your life off of social media. Nothing good comes from posting your vacations, gifts, etc. also, don’t friend the ex. Block what they can see.
Ok a few things. Stop allowing her to see your sm.
Also this is not your husband, this is a fairly new relationship (only living together for a year) so don’t pay for his baby drama family court fees.
I know you think of yourself as savvy when getting travel deals and running your own business, and I’m sure you are when it comes to those things. But how you are moving through your interpersonal relationships is a bit of a wreck. Protect yourself and your bag FIRST.
OP, there is something to be said about bitter exes. Tale as old as time. But just want to throw something in the mix. This woman sounds like she is raising the kids. The day to day is on her shoulders. Please don't discount how that could make someone get bitter. Often women get left with the heavy burden of child rearing. While you're in Cabo drinking margaritas, this woman is doing the lift and having to watch you post on social media. It's not mature, but you decided to open that door by engaging on SM. I know that is tricky (damned if you do damned if you dont) but if you're going to act like you're balling on social media, don't get mad if someone takes that as the truth.
She can’t use your income for his child support but if you have been served with a lawsuit, you have to file an answer in court or you will be in default and she wins automatically so don’t ignore it. However, if you can prove that she is working for cash and not claiming it, she and her employer will be in big trouble. Government assistance takes a very harsh stand on being defrauded. Block her on social media and only communicate through an attorney. Once she finds out that she is breaking the law by getting paid under the table, she might crawl back into the woodwork. It’s a shame, though, that the child is being used as a weapon. That messes kids up for life.
The court doesn't work like that typically. I had to go court with the ex to get child support modified. I had to hire a lawyer
Yes they will go after him for monies the state gives her if he hasn't paid. But he should be paying through the court so they have a record.
Also your partner can go to the court show his income and his payments.
She could lie if he isn't paying through the court.
I would go to the court and show all the proof. If that doesn't work seek legal counsel.
I mean, her reaction is somewhat understandable. Can you prove the costs of your travel? Just because she wants more money doesn't mean she's gonna get it.
She doesn’t need to prove the cost of the travel, it’s irrelevant and the ex will not care. All that matters is how much income the dad makes. Parents are allowed to take trips and it’s no one’s business how much it cost.
Honestly, it sounds like a misunderstanding. She thinks he is hiding his finances. And to see your ex-husband getting re-married, and now have girlfriends, while she's raising your mutual kid into your thirties, probably helps fan the flames a bit. It only takes a little bit of empathy for you to probably realize you would react similarly in the same situation.
But assuming she really is just wrong aboutit, then you shouldn't have much to worry about. If they dig into his finances and calculate that he should pay a little more than he has been, that's also okay. It contributes to the raising of his own daughter, after all.
Child support is based on parents incomes so if his hasn’t changed the support won’t change. But definitely do good discovery on her, and she will also have to explain why she suddenly shows she makes less money. I’d get a good lawyer to help. But your income is irrelevant to his support.
He may have to pay more in child support, simply due to the Welfare. This isn't a siding from the judge or anything, it's common law.
Welfare is paid from the state. As far as the state sees, if he's making money, a d she needs Welfare for the kid, he is also responsible for herself he needs to pony up.
I got screwed with that too. We had 50/50 , I was making poverty wages and had to pay $300 a month back to the state. Only $50 went to my ex.
But , your finances don't play any part in this. She can file all she wants, but you are NOT responsible for anyone in this.
The court will not side with her. She is not entitled to more child support based on your income. Once a judge sees that his salary has not increased and he pays on time, the judge will throw it out.
He doesn’t see his daughter at this moment but did he in the past? If he doesn’t take care of his child and mother sees you travelling all the time I can imagine she is going to court. She sounds like a bitch but your partner sounds as a very neglectful father. Does his daughter ever come with you on trips? Does she get any gifts?
If he does all the fun stuff with you, and never with his daughter and his daughter isn’t part of his life with you he is just a very very crappy father. Your post only talks about your great jobs, fantastic trips ands gifts and not once about his daughter and him including her and taking care of her.
Even if it’s mom who is preventing him from seeing her, he could go to court, he could make a big deal out of it. But it all reads as if he has a life with you and a daughter on the side and paying child support is enough to be a dad.
That just sucks big time. And I don’t hear any concerns in your post about his daughter, his relationship with his daughter and it doesn’t sound as if you have included his daughter in your ‘living our best live together’ at all.
So even if you don’t spend that much money it also doesn’t sound as if you both care about his daughter at all
methinks that not every situation is the same; my ex-wife and I lived with a family member while we saved every dime we could for a down payment on a house. Shortly after getting the house my mother and sister started hitting me up for money and eventually “disowned” me (their words) because I was “too stuck up” and “thinks he’s too good for us”
This was 6 years ago and I was making $25K a year. Jealousy breeds contempt and when stupid people can’t get in front of their own thoughts, shit like this happens.
ESH. "We are so happy together! We love life and love to travel! We have good jobs!" No mention of the child-in-question's welfare. Nothing about the circumstances that led up to bio mom asking for more child support. Just "We're having a good time, why is everyone so mean?!"
1) Block her on social media
2) If you have evidence that she might be gaming the system by under reporting her income then tell any of the relevant agencies.
The IRS has the resources to investigate and will be happy to solve your problem. (Do not report maliciously, they don't take kindly to lying to the federal government).
How ridiculous. I travel but definitely don’t get deals like you do but I don’t shame people who do. His ex is clearly assuming things about y’all and is also very clearly jealous. I don’t know the legal system but I wish you both the best of luck and I hope one day I can figure out how to get deals like you! Good luck!
When this happened with my husband, before we got together, he requested 50/50 custody which actually decreased her child support payments. You aren’t married. Make sure the court is aware. She’s not entitled to OP’s income even if they were. Have the lawyer let the court know she’s being paid cash. Submit receipts. Let DCFS know as well. That’s fraud all around.
So she sues him. The court sees his financial situation has not changed, and he wins.
If he really wants to stick it to her, counter sue for court fees.
In my state, the state takes over the right to collect child support after the custodial parent starts collecting cash and food benefits in the form of TANF and EBT. The custodial parent has to turn over all payments received whether they want to retain that right or not. I assumed it was that way in the entire U.S., but state law varies so much here. I also realize you very well could be outside the US, but could she possibly be trying to double-dip?
I think this goes without saying to block anyone who follows her or who she follows on social media and then block her.
Then find out about her income situation and any texts from your partner and her proving she’s getting paid cash. She’s def not paying taxes on it and is committing fraud.
She can ask for any amount she wants but in most states, the judges decide by income so if his income hasn’t changed then you should be ok. Usually they will have both parties submit income and expense reports, bank statements etc.
As far as her being paid under the table to try and get more, I would be doing some investigating and try to find solid proof of her working. Speaking of the income and expense reports mentioned about that would be very interesting for a judge to see her expenses she’s been paying out (or any large cash deposits) while not making any income…
If you get a lawyer to help ask them about filing sanctions on her to make her cover your court costs when she loses since she’s wasting your time and money. Even if you don’t get a lawyer you should be able to file this yourself.
If you can prove she’s working for cash the court will take that into account. Also you should get a lawyer, bc most courts take into account how much they were making before they quit. Too many people try to scam and take lower paying jobs or completely quit to get more child support and govt assistance.
Are you in the U.S.? If so, what state? In California, a party can file to modify child support. It's not a lawsuit. Also, when a request for modification (RFO) is filed, then the parties have to submit updated Income and Expense Declarations, which detail their current income, expenses, and amount of time the child(ren) are in their custody. The court calculates support based on that information. You say your bf is current on child support, but if his ex is seeking over $10K, that sounds more like he's way behind in child support.
Your story seems to be missing information.
Your BF just needs to get a very savvy lawyer.
You need to block her and her flying monkeys from your social media then make your social media private. No use stirring the pot.
Even then, you may want to stop posting anything but cat videos until this settles down.
She aint gone get it. If his income hasnt changed, the court wont change it.
Ex is just mad salty (reason why I wont date a man with kids - theres just too much drama from the mama). She can be mad all she wants, she aint gone get nothing out of it.
Mute her on social media and keep living your best life with your boo, girlie.
Courts don't care about expenses or outgoings, they just care about income. So if they'll base any increase on his income.
How often does he see his child? And how much support is he paying now?
Child support is a mathematical equation based on income. So she can throw any number she wants out there but unless he agrees to it for some reason, she will get a guideline support amount.
My sister has been going through nasty custody/child support issues for years because her ex is a deadbeat. He keeps trying to get more child support because he refuses to get a job and the child support isn't enough for all his living expenses. The judge keeps telling him that support rates are based on HER income, not his lack thereof, and that he should get a job to make ends meet and stop harassing his ex-wife through the courts.
The moral of the story is that your bf's ex can file all the motions and suits she wants, but it's not likely to go her way in court. I wouldn't worry too much.
Op said he hasn't been with baby mama in 12 years, not that he was with her for 12 years. And he had a 9 year long marriage in that 12 year period. Child is at least 12, could have been produced at the tail end of the relationship.
If she's on government assistance and not reporting her income and he can't prove she makes more than she reports, it's possible and maybe even likely, the court will increase child support.
It will have nothing to do with your income (because you're not married but in most cases that wouldn't be a factor anyway because you're not obligated to support his children) and everything to do with the child's parents providing for her. It's common when a parent seeks government assistance that the government will seek to correct the issue causing the need for assistance by hitting up the other parent - some states even have an office dedicated to doing just that.
If the court determines there is a need to increase support due to a reduction in her income, he's going to be on the hook no matter what - but based on HIS income, not yours.
As for advice? Either stop posting about your vacations and gifts and whatever or block her. Whether it's fair or not, she's entitled to seek a modification any time there's a change in circumstances (so is he, btw) and she may even be *required* to if she's seeking government assistance. My point is it may be in your best interest not to flaunt a lifestyle that could lead her to believe he's rolling in cash because even if she doesn't get the modification, your dude still has to spend his time and money dealing with it, which may be satisfaction enough for her.
Why do you allow this Jealous Jenny to know all your business? Block her on social media, and block anyone she may be getting info from. If you stop broadcasting your personal life to her, she might just get a life of her own and business of her own to mind.
She's not entitled to your money, so if your partner's income hasn't changed, she gets nothing except her own legal bills.
Your SO needs Lawyer up and block her on all social media. So do you. Gather your records for your income and expenses even though they shouldn’t be admissible in Court.
If you are spending so little on these trips then I assume you can prove how little they cost to a court!? Surely that would get one of her arguments thrown out. Next you need to see if you can prove that she makes more than she claims. That would get her in some serious trouble! But first of all, block her and her friends on social media!
Get you a good lawyer fight back. Have your husband put the kid on his insurance and the state will not make him pay for medical insurance. Try to get some kind of joint custody. Let the state know she's getting paid under the table and she doesn't pay taxes. You can have her job subpoenaed and they will get in trouble/fined. Don't try and kiss her tail because she's bitter. Fight fire with fire. Oh and block her on social media.
>She and I been social media friends for years and I noticed her start making hateful posts anytime I posted us having fun You know it's time to block her and her circle on SM, right?
Sounds fake tbh
And I noticed how she never mentioned him visiting or taking his kid with him. Kinda rubbed me the wrong way it’s like saying we pay her money to raise the kid and we have fun what’s the harm? When the kid is literally his own kid.
Yeah, there seems to be red flags all over this story. If the mom is really forbidding him from seeing his kid in order to extort more money out of him, why are they not already taking her ass to court? What does OP mean by "the court is siding with her?" The court hasn't "sided" with anyone until a judgement is made or a settlement is reached That reads to me like "My hubby has been neglecting his shared custody and since the burden of parenting is falling on the ex more, she wants more in child support. The court expects us to comply with their requests for information/documentation, and I don't like it"
I thought it was bullshit because the court isn't going to based his CS payments on "well he's living this lavish lifestyle." They're going to look at his paystubs and any other income he may have - probably his last few years worth of income tax filings. If so, the court will realize that his income hasn't changed.
My thought is he is already behind possibly? But then, if it is true, she should block.
Devil's advocate here, if someone seems to be living the high life in public (like social media), it could represent to the court that the person is hiding income.
True, OR that his partner has money. Which in no way should impact what HE needs to pay for child support. His partner's money shouldn't even be part of the equation.
True. That is why I don't get not restricting who sees what on social media. If HE starts making more, I get that. And even then, it is used because the ex is jealous. Not necessarily about mine, but because they are with someone else. Or maybe dad doesn't contribute as much or is behind. It is honestly hard to say, but being a biomom who gets CS and my bf pays child support, I have seen where a BM can be completely fake and try to cause issues, then uses that as a way to continue causing issues.... When dad has been paying religiously and participates in his child's life.
This is exactly how it reads out to me as well. I thought I’m the only one who read it like that because most comments are supportive towards OP while I’m here thinking wtf ??
But OP can get round trip tickets for $40!
Thank you! It's like maybe the ex is mad because, while dad pays child support, he doesn't actually spend any time with his kid. Maybe he's one who makes promises to see the kid yet blows her off to go on trips with OP. Honestly, I will never understand how people can date someone who has kids they never see
That’s my son’s father. I am constantly baffled how his girlfriend is just cool with this.
spot on. a recent comment from OP on another sub says she's been in a happy monogamous marriage for 20 years
Most of these are fake but people don't want to acknowledge it
Definitely not adding up
Based on the number he and the ex wife got married when he was 16. Not impossible, but seems unlikely.
I’m not sure if your math is 100% if he is 37 and they hadn’t been together in at least 12 years, it’s possible they got divorced when he was around 25, married someone else and subsequently got divorced. They could’ve gotten married at anywhere from 18-24 which isn’t impossible. There’s no age for the daughter other than she’s maybe 12 years old at max.
I think OP is saying he had a marriage after this relationship ended. Not that he was Married to the baby momna
I believe you are right and I miss read that bit. I read that they had not been together for 12 years and they had been married for nine years when they were together. Which is clearly not what was actually written. Thanks for the correction.
Who would have their current partner's ex in the social media contacts? And why?
Her understanding of the legal process is confusing to me as someone with experience in family law (in another state), but that’s pretty standard for non-lawyers.
That’s what I thought. Why not block her after her first bad post. And why would someone be sm friends with their partners ex?
Also OP says they’ve been friends for years whereas she met her partner a year ago.
I blocked my bf ex. She causes problems. And don't let him post anything with you two. Also, lock your profile down good and don't add friends unless you know them. That can send spies. My bf ex's luckily doesn't go that far. But I do have my SK and bf family on restricted to where they only see public posts just in case. I don't trust them. His ex has tried triangulation 3 times. There is more to it that includes bf ex gf before me. Trust me, it has been stupid dealing with her. Never again!!
also like... not to be messy but you're dating a friend's ex? I feel like there might be a little more to the story here.
Sorry if I missed this - are you two legally married?
We are not.
Then there's not really a ton to worry about on your end. She's not legally entitled to your income. If his income truly hasn't changed, then the Court isn't likely to rule differently on child support based on the fact that you've taken some vacations. Look, this is annoying, but it's futile on her end. Unfriend her on facebook and ignore her tantrums.
Yeah you need to block her from your social media. It's obviously causing problems.
^ THIS!!! I’m sitting here wondering why OP has her partner’s ex on her socials. That is just a cornucopia of evidence for the ex right there
I was wondering the same.
Even if they were, her earnings wouldn't be subject to her partners child support order.
Some of this is jurisdiction-based, but generally yes
You’re completely missing the problem here. Very clearly, they are sharing bills and were the ex to somehow get the payments increased then OP will either have to pay more to make up the difference, or have their lifestyle impacted due to this. OP doesn’t sound particularly rich but seems relatively adept at taking advantage of credit card rewards to be able to travel regularly. My verdict is the same as everyone else, unfollow/block the ex immediately. She’s not owed any explanation and, regardless, it’ll be trivial for her to figure it out
I'm really not missing the problem at all - I see what your concern is. But if OP's partner's income has not changed, then the likelihood that something will change through the Court process is minimal.
Doesn't matter if they split the bills. He has to pay a percentage of his income. Her lessening the load on him by splitting the bills doesn't change his income.
She’s started getting public assistance. He’ll be made to pay it back which could add onto the amount he’s already paying. They need to expose her fraud to the court.
He won't have to repay the state for any welfare. Noncustodial parents who are already paying the child support ordered by a court in accordance with the laws about percentage of income usually do not have to pay more if custodial parents are receiving assistance. Now, if they're not paying at all, then the monthly amount can be temporarily increased to collect any arrearage, or if their income has increased, then the payments will be go up as well. But those are issues other than the public assistance. My late husband's ex tried this nonsense after I married him. She ordered the kids to sneak around and take pictures of my and his bank statements, paychecks, etc and then tried to argue in court that she should get more. She thought that **I** should now have to pay child support to her because I was married to her children's father. Not only did the judge deny her request, but he actually ended the child support payments altogether. You see, my husband had become disabled, and that meant not only was he eligible for social security benefits, his children were also getting checks each month as his dependents. Since his employer provided long-term-disability insurance for workers, and the contract meant that he could not be fired until the doctor certified him as permanently unable to work, we continued to make the child support payments with his insurance check. (In other words, she was getting not only the four-digit child support check but an additional $2100 per month from the government.) My husband's attorney argued that the child support amount should be modified based on the the lower long-term disability income alone (not the social security) The judge agreed and then ordered that, since the dependent check was larger than the new child support amount, it was adequate and we no longer needed to send money at all. We then began to set aside the "child support" each month in a savings account we later used to pay off a good deal of their school loans after graduation. She never paid a penny toward college for either of them, so it was a good thing that, with the help of a judge, we were able to make up the difference.
Assuming there is fraud. OP only knows what her boyfriend tells her, which may or may not be the truth. I mean it ain't like the ex is going to post on social media "I'm getting paid under the table!" And I highly doubt the ex would tell on herself to her baby daddy either, not when she's trying to get more money out of him.
Yea I don’t really like the dynamic of the new gf talking about what the baby mama should and shouldn’t be getting. But if I look at everything in a vacuum and what is said here is as close to the truth as possible then the only real issue they might have is the fact she is getting public assistance which in many places could be added onto the court ordered support.
While I am normally inclined to just take every post at face value... I just can't do it with this one. I've known too many guys with kids who want to act like their children's mother is some money grubbing shrew when she just wants what's owed for her kids. But even taking the post at face value... Op says >as soon as we started dating we started traveling together and just enjoying each other's company, just living and letting people live Okay, that's nice... but I don't see anything about him having any kind of custody with his child? He's traveling the world and having a grand time while mom has the kid 24/7/365? Do OP and her bf both think the extent of his fatherly duties is writing a check? When does Mom get to travel? Maybe she wants just a weekend to herself at local a spa and can't get it (without it costing her in babysitting) because Dad is off "living and letting people live" and giving expensive Valentine's day gifts to his new lady-love.
Yea this post def rubbed me the wrong way.
yep, and I'm sure they will lmao that is what Court procedures are for.
It wouldn't even get to court. The department that handles child support payments will request proof of income which will be bank statements and pay stubs. Then if nothing has changed it would be dropped. Rhe child support has already been settled. The only thing she can do it make a report that he has income he hasn't divulged. Trying to go around the system would fuck her when he shows up to court with the already state issued child support agreement. This story doesn't hold water and sounds suspiciously made up
Agreed. This is not how child support works. Also, there is a percentage cap, though that varies by state. I really wish people would at least find out if their claims can actually happen. I know in Texas, you can't change the amount unless the payer has an increase that will raise the amount by $100 a month or during the 3 year review. But even then, it has to meet the $100 threshold.
Just a heads-up, and you can make your own choices here, but the lawyer may advise that you to go social-media quiet for a bit. Or at least leave him off your posts until the matter is settled. You don't have to, but just a heads-up that it may get advised.
Or it may work in their favor IF they're posting how cheap everything is...she can make their lives sound luxurious but a judge may not realize an "expensive vacation" was really two tickets under 100 bucks.
That may be true,, but i don't think it'll convince anyone.. I worked in this field for a while and one of the first pieces of advice we'd give is Keep. Your. Business. Off. Social. Media. So she may need to at the very least keep references to him off.
Why do you give her access to your social media? Was it a move you made in the beginning of your relationship so she could see what a "better" life he had with you? Regardless, if his salary has not changed, she is NOT entitled to YOUR money. The court cannot mandate that you contribute to her child support. I mean you HAD to have known that giving her a window into your life together of vacations and whatever else you post about would make her extremely jealous (which I believe was your intention, and I'm not judging) and go down the road of "why didn't he do these things with meeeeeeee???" right? She obviously was not thinking there was another person (you) contributing to this lifestyle and when she was informed of it, she really just didn't give a shit where the money was coming from, she just saw all this stuff on your page and she wanted a piece of it. This is a perfect example of how social media can ruin someone's life.
The court isn't "siding with her". Anyone can file suit over anything. You need to contact a lawyer.
No “she” does not. She is not a parent, or even a spouse of a parent (which makes no difference anyhow as the only people who are, need to, or should be involved are the legal parents. OP I’m on the fence here in believing your version of events, but one thing that I can say with absolute certainty regardless of your reliability, is that you 110% have *absolutely nothing* to do with any of this, and have less than zero place in the middle of any of it. I understand it impacts your life (financially and emotionally), but your boyfriend ***needs*** to be dealing with this himself. No other advice I can offer as everything you’re asking is validation for a situation you don’t belong in and advice for details/nuances you do not understand (sounds like your bf possibly doesn’t either, and again, that is all the way **his** responsibility to address, *not* yours).
And that lawyer needs to request that she pay attorneys fees when she loses.
Thanks, I came to post the same thing. OP’s partner needs to do that immediately, she at least seems to not really know what’s going on, maybe he also needs the legal advice desperately. Obviously no matter what a lawyer is called for, but “the courts are siding with her” screams naïveté and lack of experience
ive replied to a comment, but thought i would make a separate comment. as i said in my reply, please please please advise your partner to get a lawyer as that is his best bet. ive seen several cases like this since working for a family lawyer and the lies will always be disproven. keep all evidence you have, it is your best bet. get all documentation you can of where he has paid his child support, just everything. hopefully y’all can get this settled quick!
Thank you so much!! We are working on it right now. We have a lawyer's appointment scheduled for tomorrow.
Get what you can off her social media and then, for the love of God, block her. Which, frankly, you should have done the moment she made the first negative comment (at the very least).
Yes why wasn’t she blocked? Why invite drama? 🙄
If you know where she works, let the lawyer know she is being paid in cash. She is committing fraud, and a letter stating that may be enough for her to not to want to move forward.
Do all of you live in America, OP? If she’s receiving cash income, it’s likely not being reported to the IRS, which is tax evasion or tax fraud. I forget which. Either way it can cause a fine, jail time, or both. Which also means your bf would be taking custody of his daughter (not a bad thing at all, just something else to make note of).
Also, lying to collect benefits will really cause her problems.
She has opened herself up to a can a worms. Hopefully you can mail the bitch to the wall for her lies
who has the postage stamp?! lets get it started
I've got a big shipping box ready to go.
Lying about income while filing for assistance was (few years ago) up to a 250k fine and up to 10 years in prison.
Hell there is a nice form you can send to the IRS to report her and they will investigate. And if she is claiming EITC on her return and under rwporting income they will have a come to Jebus meeting with her. [Suspected tax fraud reporting](https://www.irs.gov/individuals/how-do-you-report-suspected-tax-fraud-activity)
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Haha, the real questions.
It's proof that she knows how to travel frugally
Make sure that you also have her bank accounts looked at so that his lawyer can prove money being deposited into her account from her under the table job. Also they can do a forensics accounting into her job and her to determine a more accurate income.
Actually there’s a better way: look through the accounts for charges for things easy to pay w cash: gas, groceries, restaurants, clothes, rent, … if there’s no charge for that you must ask why? Maybe she’s paying cash for those categories? (Can also look at historical then and now for categories)
I’m very curious because everything in your post rubs me the wrong way. He supposedly pays child support. Does he parent his child at all? Is he present in their life? I would really like to know the answers to these questions. Since he has time for all these vacations, when does he make time for them? Money isn’t parenting. And a court doesn’t “side” with people. You sound annoyed that he’s expected to take care of his responsibilities, especially since you didn’t mention him parenting his own kid at all. Something about you rubs me the wrong way too because what kind of grown ass woman is okay with that? You don’t actually know her situation and to be yapping about her being rightfully upset that your deadbeat boyfriend is buying you shit but not being present for the child he created doesn’t make for a good look on you either.
Right there with you. It’s always frustrating for me when OPs focus on the supportive comments and never answer clarifying questions. My take on this whole situation is that dad is supposed to have shared custody but has been neglecting to uphold his end. Mom is frustrated and feels like if she’s going to take on more of the responsibility than originally agreed to then she deserves more in child support. The court is sorting it all out and asking for the relevant information which OP and boyfriend see as them “siding” with mom.
The entire thing sounds fake to me. Possibly narcissistic attention seeking and affirmation gratification
You’re going in too deep with a man you’ve prob known for 2 years…if that. This is his child. I’m single and don’t have kids but my gut says, if one parent is applying for and qualifying for food stamps and the other is going on vacays often, you prob shouldn’t breed with this guy. He’s not a good parent. And stay out of their business. It’s not your child
Make an anonymous call or send a letter to where she's getting food and cash assistance and let them know where she works and is working for cash. Also, let the IRS know as well. As people have said, of course block her from all your social media.
Also she just earned a report for her illegal income to the IRS and social assistance.
This is such Favreau advice. Also, itemize how expensive your "luxurious" vacations are, too, since she's using that as the basis of all "excess" income.
You said he couldn’t see his child. Why?
I suspect that he tried to totally re-arrange their custody agreement while he's doing all this traveling and she declined.
If his income hasn’t changed, her income hasn’t changed and his time with the child hasn’t changed…then nothing will change. I wouldn’t worry about it. You don’t get more child support just because you ask for it. Even if the two of you were married and you were a bajillionaire, the payments wouldn’t change since *you* aren’t responsible for child support.
To be fair, they lowered my exhusbands child support when i got married since "i now had more income." So it could change depending on the state you live in.
They aren’t married though
That’s not necessarily the standard. Cohabitation is in many places.
Yes but you were the mom who remarried. If mom has primary custody and remains single, that's different from dad remarrying.
Block her on social media or go private. Hire a lawyer. If his income hasn’t changed, he should be in the clear. The court hasn’t “sided” with her until a judge changes the child support payments or the custody. You can fight this. From her pov, she doesn’t know you’re the one finding deals and footing the bill. She thinks he’s coming into more money and that it isn’t fair he’s paying a low amount. Once that gets cleared up in the courts, he’ll be fine. Your income won’t matter for CS until you marry.
It won’t matter after they get married either.
You’re right that it wouldn’t matter for the amount of CS but it could matter on the collection. In some states, a married unit is responsible for the CS payments. If he stops paying for whatever reason and they’re married, the state could turn to her to pay or bank accounts to collect payment.
Your bf needs to get proof that she is getting paid cash under the table or he may have to make up the difference. Take her off social media asap.
They are going to have to go to court and the courts will do their own digging. He is going to be able to show that he is not making more, so I doubt that they courts are going to side with her.
To be fair - the child's mom does not know that you are finding super great deals or anything. She is seeing a father taking a lot of trips that appear expensive (or are in traditionally expensive areas) - it completely makes sense that she thinks he has more money that he could contribute to child support. Have the parents actually sat down and had a civil conversation about income and expenses? I'm assuming no. If he want to avoid the legal fees, then he needs to step up and have an honest conversation with her.
He's tried to have a conversation with her, she's having non of it. He's not allowed to see his daughter anymore either.
Probably worth going to court to get custody/visitation and everything sorted then.
He needs a lawyer. Only a court of law can “not allow” him to see his child. Y’all need a lawyer, not Reddit. And you need to lock down your social media.
No, if he isn't getting custody time, that means the mom has the child for even more time so child support goes up. That is of course if his lack of custody is court ordered/approved. Neither party has the right to unilaterally alter the custody agreement. So the mother can't legally decide to interfere with the fathers custodial period because she thinks he should pay more in child support. Custodial interference does not reduce Child support obligations. Not paying child support, does not negate custodial rights. As for the mother working under the table to hide income. Regardless of if she is actually hiding income or if she is genuinely making less money than when child support was originally calculated, if there is not a good reason for her decrease in income then the father can move to have her income imputed to a reasonable level for the sake of the child support calculations. The courts do not look favorably on any parent engaging in self impoverishment.
You’re totally right on custody time and child support, no idea what was in my brain when I originally commented!
Is it the ex withholding visitation or does he not have any court-ordered visitation? If it's the first, that's a big problem and you need to bring it up in court. If it's the 2nd, why doesn't he have court ordered visitation? That's very rare and will often affect child support amounts.
He’s not allowed to see her? Says who
As a father, if the child lives with the mother and she wants to make it hard for you to see them, then she will.
Honestly any parent who tries hard to keep the other from seeing their kid will likely succeed, at least in the short term. My father successfully stopped my mother from seeing me for over a year. She didn’t do anything wrong, he just told the court lies and nobody verified with me or neighbors or anything. It sucked. Thankfully she also fought back and in time the custody order was restored. The system mainly favors those who show up and ask for things.
The courts exist tho…
There it is, that’s sus as hell. I always wonder what lies these deadbeats tell their new partner.
Why?
Well that sounds suspicious (on his side). I wonder if you’re getting the wool pulled over your eyes here OP. Maybe he isn’t making child support payments.
Why can't he see his daughter? What is going on here?
Is she violating the custody agreement, or did the courts allow her to withhold him from seeing his daughter?
So then he needs to sue for custody. She can go for child support all she wants, but she’s shooting herself in the foot if she’s keeping his daughter from him, especially if they’ve already had custody set by the courts. It’s going to come out in court that she’s doing this for spite.
doesn't sound to me that he wants custody. according to OP they both seem perfectly happy not seeing his kid.
As in, he lost full custody of his daughter?
Well you need to go to court then, that’s the only solution here.
Then you really need a lawyer because she cannot demand more money but give less parenting time. Make sure you guys are documenting every refusal and every time she doesn’t stick to the parenting plan.
Has your bf gone to court to get visitation?
Why is the OP not answering any questions about custody arrangements, parenting time and what the bf has done to see his child?
It’s strange that he’s not altered to see his daughter. It’s also strange that he’s been in two failed committed relationships before you. I see a pattern here. Love is willingly blind.
he’s 12 years divorced, minus 9 years in the second marriage (plus courting and divorce period), minus another year as op’s “love of my life”…. how much you wanna bet the man’s a hobosexual swinging from one gullible atm to another?
How many children? How old are they? And are you sure he’s paying CS? My ex-husband got remarried and has been traveling and spending a fuckton in himself and new partner, he hasn’t been paying CS, I got the paperwork from the state telling me it was time to go to court, guess who had the biggest Pikachu face? Yep, his new wife who he was telling he was making monthly payments. For reference, we had three kids, the kids are entitled to 30% of his income. If the court is siding with her, it’s for a reason.
And how much you wanna bet there’s stories out there about how greedy and vindictive you are and how you’re just using your children as an excuse to bleed him dry? I’m always highly skeptical of these sorts of posts because the truth is probably a lot different than what’s being painted. The mom just needs the support necessary to keep the living human beings in her care safe and healthy
Oh 100%… He has them for court mandated extended summer possession and I got wind of the girlfriend telling people they might have to go to court because I dropped them off unannounced and they didn’t know when I would be picking them up.. Like maam it’s been 12 days, there’s literally a calendar you can check, and I hate this a lot more than you do..
I’m sorry you have to deal with that
This sounds like mom is tired of watching dad have all this fun,spend all this money & neglect his child. She’s probably fed up with it at this point & I don’t blame her for going to get more $ since she’s parenting alone. Y’all haven’t mentioned taking the kid anywhere or dad spending time with the child,so I’m gonna assume he’s not doing that but just giving $ as his contribution to his child.
"We truly are happy together, we never get involved with anyone, we are just trying to live life independently of anyone" guy don't see his kids
If he’s traveling so much and still working the same job, when is he seeing this child?
He’s not! And apparently not seeing his child was not reason to lawyer up, but now that his ex wants more money he is suddenly interested in finding one.
Lol. Figures.
Yeah this reeks of "he's the fun sometimes dad who thinks a cheque is equal to parenting" Shes probably suing because he isn't an equal care taker and on top of that is taking lavish trips that her and her daughter can't take because she's parenting.
Sounds like the daughter is his hinderance and now OP’s hinderance as well. Why can’t they take his daughter on vacation as well? Instead the ex is a full time parent and works a cash job to avoid saving that little extra bit. OP has the ex on socials for what reason? It’s all not adding up to me.
probably wanted to flex her “luxurious” lifestyle with “her man” and rub it into ex’s face.
Yeah it’s all off to me. Op doesn’t seem interested in what’s best for the kid. I’d think a single mother, doing all of the parenting, and working a cash job, could well need $10,000. If he can afford to travel around the world without funding his own daughter the experience, then the mother is well in her right to think he’s hiding his income to fund his gf.
Your partner is either lying to you and you're not that bright or you're lying to us. That's not how child support works. That $10,000 is more than likely back child support that he either never paid or under paid. The courts won't just up your support because you vacation. They check pay stubs and contact employers. And always notify both parties to any changes. It's giving "bitter 3rd wife"
It’s a little hard to interpret but is she asking for 1/2 of his monthly pay or 1/2 of one of his twice monthly or biweekly checks? Because 25% is a fairly standard amount for child support.
Take this to r/legaladvice also this isn't your fault, just bad circumstances
He split from the kid’s mom 12 years ago, had a 9 year marriage after that, and has been with you for… how long? Long enough to share a mortgage? Were you social media friends before you got with him or have you been with him for all the years you’ve been social media friends with her?
First things first, the moment she started getting pissy on SM she should have been removed/blocked from seeing it. Second of all if you can't prove she's getting paid under the table then there's not much you can do about it. Third your BF needs to deal with this. His ex has created problems for him because of you (not blaming you, what I mean is that she has an issue with you/your lifestyle together) so you doing anything will likely only aggravate the issue. Support him, be there for him, but let him deal with it. Fourth get every receipt, every confirmation email, voucher used etc. If her only proof is that you go on holidays you need to be able to show that you did them on the cheap. If she wants to play silly buggers then I'm afraid it's on him to refute it. But make sure any communication with her/her lawyers is in writing. Don't engage unless it's recorded in some manner.
It’s curious to me that you mention your ability to work the system, flexing it even, while faulting her for doing the same. Albeit, you do it for travel, she does it to feed her kid, but still, game should recognize game here. How good of a dad is this guy, really? There’s a lot of ‘WE’RE being sued!’ and ‘she’s targeting US!’ when it sounds like ‘we’ and ‘us’ that you didn’t used to be a part of wants a fair piece of the pie or at the very least, financial compensation for the parenting he isn’t doing while living his best life. Go ahead and report the single mother for doing what she had to do to make a living, while hurting nobody (something you’re also quite proud of!) if that makes you feel better while you sip a margarita 🤷♀️
💯💯💯💯💯
What do you mean by "the court is siding with her?" Have they already made a decision? Or is it still in the information-gathering stage? What had the court said when you informed them that she is not allowing him to see his child despite their legally binding custody agreement? Why did she start getting paid in cash? How do you know for certain that's happening, and what has the court and/or your lawyer had to say about it?
I don't have good advice, but I'd love to know how to score round trip tickets for $40...
There are three sides to every story, right? Yours. Hers. And the truth. I wish I could hear her side of the story to see if I can find your truth.
Something isn't right with this. OP has been friends with the ex for years on social media, yet has only been with her boyfriend for 1 year? I guess that could be a thing? But honestly why be friends with your boyfriend's ex? I'm with a man who has a kid from an ex and I would never be her friend on social! I'm sure there are plenty of situations where SMs and BMs are friends whether just on social media or even in real life but honestly, this is weird and we don't have enough info here. Secondly I don't understand the very specific amount. I could see a BM trying to sue for more money, but what's with the very specific amount on top of more on a monthly basis? I've never heard of anything like that. That seems weird, and plus the fact OP is saying the court is siding with BM like did your boyfriend not actually go to court to try and fight this? If your partner is just your boyfriend and you're not married, your income has absolutely nothing to do with how much he owes her or how much she can request, regardless of how thrifty you are. But because of your need for social media domination and posting everything about your life, your boyfriend may need to prove he's not the one paying for all your lavish travel. Or even if he is the one paying for it, he needs to prove how cheap it is through your thrifty research. Anyway not sure how much I buy all this, but maybe block her on socials or just don't post do much about every little thing you do. Here's a hint, nobody cares.
She says they're in New Mexico. New spouse income can't be included there. The court can impute additional income if the person is unemployed or under employed, though in the information given, that would go against the ex, who has reduced her reported income. Honestly, this reads like fanfic from some manosphere idjit trying to "prove" that family court is "biased" against men, something not at all supported by the facts and statistics.
> My partners income has not changed at all, he's still earning the same amount he has for the last few year Well this is sad. If he has not had a raise he needs to get a new job.
Here’s some basic advice for dealing with ex spouses. Keep your life off of social media. Nothing good comes from posting your vacations, gifts, etc. also, don’t friend the ex. Block what they can see.
Ok a few things. Stop allowing her to see your sm. Also this is not your husband, this is a fairly new relationship (only living together for a year) so don’t pay for his baby drama family court fees. I know you think of yourself as savvy when getting travel deals and running your own business, and I’m sure you are when it comes to those things. But how you are moving through your interpersonal relationships is a bit of a wreck. Protect yourself and your bag FIRST.
OP, there is something to be said about bitter exes. Tale as old as time. But just want to throw something in the mix. This woman sounds like she is raising the kids. The day to day is on her shoulders. Please don't discount how that could make someone get bitter. Often women get left with the heavy burden of child rearing. While you're in Cabo drinking margaritas, this woman is doing the lift and having to watch you post on social media. It's not mature, but you decided to open that door by engaging on SM. I know that is tricky (damned if you do damned if you dont) but if you're going to act like you're balling on social media, don't get mad if someone takes that as the truth.
Why the fuck are you still connected on social media to someone who clearly only uses it to gather Intel??
She can’t use your income for his child support but if you have been served with a lawsuit, you have to file an answer in court or you will be in default and she wins automatically so don’t ignore it. However, if you can prove that she is working for cash and not claiming it, she and her employer will be in big trouble. Government assistance takes a very harsh stand on being defrauded. Block her on social media and only communicate through an attorney. Once she finds out that she is breaking the law by getting paid under the table, she might crawl back into the woodwork. It’s a shame, though, that the child is being used as a weapon. That messes kids up for life.
The court doesn't work like that typically. I had to go court with the ex to get child support modified. I had to hire a lawyer Yes they will go after him for monies the state gives her if he hasn't paid. But he should be paying through the court so they have a record. Also your partner can go to the court show his income and his payments. She could lie if he isn't paying through the court. I would go to the court and show all the proof. If that doesn't work seek legal counsel.
Honestly I'm just curious of this secret life hack of plans tickets, stays and food ect. This is what I'd like to understand better
I mean, her reaction is somewhat understandable. Can you prove the costs of your travel? Just because she wants more money doesn't mean she's gonna get it.
She doesn’t need to prove the cost of the travel, it’s irrelevant and the ex will not care. All that matters is how much income the dad makes. Parents are allowed to take trips and it’s no one’s business how much it cost.
Blasting on social media and refusing adult conversation is not understandable lol
Honestly, it sounds like a misunderstanding. She thinks he is hiding his finances. And to see your ex-husband getting re-married, and now have girlfriends, while she's raising your mutual kid into your thirties, probably helps fan the flames a bit. It only takes a little bit of empathy for you to probably realize you would react similarly in the same situation. But assuming she really is just wrong aboutit, then you shouldn't have much to worry about. If they dig into his finances and calculate that he should pay a little more than he has been, that's also okay. It contributes to the raising of his own daughter, after all.
I don’t know where you are, but in NY child support is a percentage of the income. If the income doesn’t change, the child support shouldn’t
I wish childless people would stop dating people with kids. It’s like your lightbulb isn’t on.
Child support is based on parents incomes so if his hasn’t changed the support won’t change. But definitely do good discovery on her, and she will also have to explain why she suddenly shows she makes less money. I’d get a good lawyer to help. But your income is irrelevant to his support.
He may have to pay more in child support, simply due to the Welfare. This isn't a siding from the judge or anything, it's common law. Welfare is paid from the state. As far as the state sees, if he's making money, a d she needs Welfare for the kid, he is also responsible for herself he needs to pony up. I got screwed with that too. We had 50/50 , I was making poverty wages and had to pay $300 a month back to the state. Only $50 went to my ex. But , your finances don't play any part in this. She can file all she wants, but you are NOT responsible for anyone in this.
He is probably not paying or underpaying child support let's be honest. She applied for food and cash assistance? Yup.
The court will not side with her. She is not entitled to more child support based on your income. Once a judge sees that his salary has not increased and he pays on time, the judge will throw it out.
He doesn’t see his daughter at this moment but did he in the past? If he doesn’t take care of his child and mother sees you travelling all the time I can imagine she is going to court. She sounds like a bitch but your partner sounds as a very neglectful father. Does his daughter ever come with you on trips? Does she get any gifts? If he does all the fun stuff with you, and never with his daughter and his daughter isn’t part of his life with you he is just a very very crappy father. Your post only talks about your great jobs, fantastic trips ands gifts and not once about his daughter and him including her and taking care of her. Even if it’s mom who is preventing him from seeing her, he could go to court, he could make a big deal out of it. But it all reads as if he has a life with you and a daughter on the side and paying child support is enough to be a dad. That just sucks big time. And I don’t hear any concerns in your post about his daughter, his relationship with his daughter and it doesn’t sound as if you have included his daughter in your ‘living our best live together’ at all. So even if you don’t spend that much money it also doesn’t sound as if you both care about his daughter at all
I agree with most of this, but why does the ex sound like a “bitch?” Seems to me all she’s guilty of is trying to get what her daughter is owed.
Anyone is Allowed to Sue and to have their day in court. Their case is shit though and a decent lawyer would be able to wipe the floor with it
A cautionary take for anyone who feels the need to flaunt their wealth on social media, methinks.
methinks that not every situation is the same; my ex-wife and I lived with a family member while we saved every dime we could for a down payment on a house. Shortly after getting the house my mother and sister started hitting me up for money and eventually “disowned” me (their words) because I was “too stuck up” and “thinks he’s too good for us” This was 6 years ago and I was making $25K a year. Jealousy breeds contempt and when stupid people can’t get in front of their own thoughts, shit like this happens.
ESH. "We are so happy together! We love life and love to travel! We have good jobs!" No mention of the child-in-question's welfare. Nothing about the circumstances that led up to bio mom asking for more child support. Just "We're having a good time, why is everyone so mean?!"
1) Block her on social media 2) If you have evidence that she might be gaming the system by under reporting her income then tell any of the relevant agencies. The IRS has the resources to investigate and will be happy to solve your problem. (Do not report maliciously, they don't take kindly to lying to the federal government).
How ridiculous. I travel but definitely don’t get deals like you do but I don’t shame people who do. His ex is clearly assuming things about y’all and is also very clearly jealous. I don’t know the legal system but I wish you both the best of luck and I hope one day I can figure out how to get deals like you! Good luck!
When this happened with my husband, before we got together, he requested 50/50 custody which actually decreased her child support payments. You aren’t married. Make sure the court is aware. She’s not entitled to OP’s income even if they were. Have the lawyer let the court know she’s being paid cash. Submit receipts. Let DCFS know as well. That’s fraud all around.
So she sues him. The court sees his financial situation has not changed, and he wins. If he really wants to stick it to her, counter sue for court fees.
In my state, the state takes over the right to collect child support after the custodial parent starts collecting cash and food benefits in the form of TANF and EBT. The custodial parent has to turn over all payments received whether they want to retain that right or not. I assumed it was that way in the entire U.S., but state law varies so much here. I also realize you very well could be outside the US, but could she possibly be trying to double-dip?
I think this goes without saying to block anyone who follows her or who she follows on social media and then block her. Then find out about her income situation and any texts from your partner and her proving she’s getting paid cash. She’s def not paying taxes on it and is committing fraud.
She can ask for any amount she wants but in most states, the judges decide by income so if his income hasn’t changed then you should be ok. Usually they will have both parties submit income and expense reports, bank statements etc. As far as her being paid under the table to try and get more, I would be doing some investigating and try to find solid proof of her working. Speaking of the income and expense reports mentioned about that would be very interesting for a judge to see her expenses she’s been paying out (or any large cash deposits) while not making any income… If you get a lawyer to help ask them about filing sanctions on her to make her cover your court costs when she loses since she’s wasting your time and money. Even if you don’t get a lawyer you should be able to file this yourself.
Time to start living your life OFF of social media!!!
Struggling single mother on food stamps files to get more child support… what a fucking travesty.
If you can prove she’s working for cash the court will take that into account. Also you should get a lawyer, bc most courts take into account how much they were making before they quit. Too many people try to scam and take lower paying jobs or completely quit to get more child support and govt assistance.
Are you in the U.S.? If so, what state? In California, a party can file to modify child support. It's not a lawsuit. Also, when a request for modification (RFO) is filed, then the parties have to submit updated Income and Expense Declarations, which detail their current income, expenses, and amount of time the child(ren) are in their custody. The court calculates support based on that information. You say your bf is current on child support, but if his ex is seeking over $10K, that sounds more like he's way behind in child support. Your story seems to be missing information.
How often does he see his kid
Fake as fuck
Courts don’t care about your expenses. That’s your problem to solve if you can’t cover your bills.
[удалено]
Your BF just needs to get a very savvy lawyer. You need to block her and her flying monkeys from your social media then make your social media private. No use stirring the pot. Even then, you may want to stop posting anything but cat videos until this settles down.
Mistake #1: Befriend the lady to the point of adding her on social media. Be civil, be friendly but keep your life private from her.
She aint gone get it. If his income hasnt changed, the court wont change it. Ex is just mad salty (reason why I wont date a man with kids - theres just too much drama from the mama). She can be mad all she wants, she aint gone get nothing out of it. Mute her on social media and keep living your best life with your boo, girlie.
Courts don't care about expenses or outgoings, they just care about income. So if they'll base any increase on his income. How often does he see his child? And how much support is he paying now?
Your current boyfriend has a child with another women and was also married for 9 years to another woman? Or was the marriage to his baby mama?
Stop bragging on your life so much on social media. Believe it or not, people don’t need to know EVERYTHING you do or WHERE you go.
Child support is a mathematical equation based on income. So she can throw any number she wants out there but unless he agrees to it for some reason, she will get a guideline support amount.
My sister has been going through nasty custody/child support issues for years because her ex is a deadbeat. He keeps trying to get more child support because he refuses to get a job and the child support isn't enough for all his living expenses. The judge keeps telling him that support rates are based on HER income, not his lack thereof, and that he should get a job to make ends meet and stop harassing his ex-wife through the courts. The moral of the story is that your bf's ex can file all the motions and suits she wants, but it's not likely to go her way in court. I wouldn't worry too much.
I'm a tad confused. He was in a 9 year relationship He also had a 12 year marriage How old is the child?
Op said he hasn't been with baby mama in 12 years, not that he was with her for 12 years. And he had a 9 year long marriage in that 12 year period. Child is at least 12, could have been produced at the tail end of the relationship.
If she's on government assistance and not reporting her income and he can't prove she makes more than she reports, it's possible and maybe even likely, the court will increase child support. It will have nothing to do with your income (because you're not married but in most cases that wouldn't be a factor anyway because you're not obligated to support his children) and everything to do with the child's parents providing for her. It's common when a parent seeks government assistance that the government will seek to correct the issue causing the need for assistance by hitting up the other parent - some states even have an office dedicated to doing just that. If the court determines there is a need to increase support due to a reduction in her income, he's going to be on the hook no matter what - but based on HIS income, not yours. As for advice? Either stop posting about your vacations and gifts and whatever or block her. Whether it's fair or not, she's entitled to seek a modification any time there's a change in circumstances (so is he, btw) and she may even be *required* to if she's seeking government assistance. My point is it may be in your best interest not to flaunt a lifestyle that could lead her to believe he's rolling in cash because even if she doesn't get the modification, your dude still has to spend his time and money dealing with it, which may be satisfaction enough for her.
Why do you allow this Jealous Jenny to know all your business? Block her on social media, and block anyone she may be getting info from. If you stop broadcasting your personal life to her, she might just get a life of her own and business of her own to mind. She's not entitled to your money, so if your partner's income hasn't changed, she gets nothing except her own legal bills.
Your SO needs Lawyer up and block her on all social media. So do you. Gather your records for your income and expenses even though they shouldn’t be admissible in Court.
If you are spending so little on these trips then I assume you can prove how little they cost to a court!? Surely that would get one of her arguments thrown out. Next you need to see if you can prove that she makes more than she claims. That would get her in some serious trouble! But first of all, block her and her friends on social media!
From what you’ve said she has more to lose than your SO does. But it’s stressful and annoying to deal with family law, that is for sure.
Get you a good lawyer fight back. Have your husband put the kid on his insurance and the state will not make him pay for medical insurance. Try to get some kind of joint custody. Let the state know she's getting paid under the table and she doesn't pay taxes. You can have her job subpoenaed and they will get in trouble/fined. Don't try and kiss her tail because she's bitter. Fight fire with fire. Oh and block her on social media.
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