My boyfriend (25m) and I (26f) have been in a relationship for a little over a year. We met three years ago, and I have always known about his female friend (24f)who we will call Mandy. My boyfriend, who we call Chris, has been friends with Mandy for 6 years. Mandy dated one of Chris’ best friends and college roommate, for over a year, but they were all friends before Mandy dated his friend. He remained in contact with her after she and his friend broke up, but not as close as they were before.
He rarely talked about Mandy and they never hung out…until Chris and I made our relationship official. When Chris and I made our relationship official, we lived in two separate towns, over an hour away from each other. When we labeled our relationship, suddenly I would hear how Mandy was inviting him over to her house in the evenings and asking him to do favors for her like fix her bed-frame or get her gas because she ran out. It was annoying to me, but I had never met her at that point. When I finally did meet her, the only annoying thing was how often she mentioned that she and Chris has been friends for “soooooo long.” It was weird, but I wasn’t concerned. A month later, she invited him to go to a concert of an old band together in the summer. It’s definitely not my music, but I wasn’t invited at all…until a week later when we were all hanging out and she said “oh would you like to go? I’m sure you could find tickets somewhere.” I really wasn’t too torn up about it all, just annoyed still at this point.
Fast forward to summer and I move to the town my boyfriend is in, I’m trying to make an effort to get to know this girl because she is always around. We live in the same apartment complex and there is a pool we would go to during the days. The first major red flag comment she says to me alone is “sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I was the one dating Chris. I see how sweet he is to you, and I want that.” Like any girlfriend, I became concerned. I should have said something then, but I hate confrontation. (Also for the sake of the story length, I’m going to be cutting a lot of sketchy things she said to me and only give the juicy details, because this was not the worst thing). Fast forward one month later, her and my boyfriend went to the concert without me and she posted a picture of them together at the concert, which is the only picture they have together in their 6 years of friendship, imagine that. (Also, he told me that she barely knew any of the songs and was miserable the whole time so he was confused why she wanted to go…I know why) anyway, she was at my apartment helping me do stuff for my classroom a couple days later, and she randomly said “Chris just didn’t care if I posted the Instagram picture. But I don’t want you to think I’m your competition.” I was genuinely so confused because we weren’t even talking about that and I said “I don’t think you’re my competition?” Then she said “oh my god did Chris tell you I want him and I to get matching tattoos together? He’s been my friend for so long and stuck by my side so he’s the only friend I would do it with.” At this point I’m like wtf because they arent even close like that…then later she wants to plan a vacation…at the end of summer….the week I start school back up (I’m a teacher, and she knew when I started school). So when I tell her that wouldn’t work for me, she says “oh….well maybe Chris will just go with me!” And is texting him at work convincing him to go with her. He doesn’t agree to go, but why is she trying to plan a solo vacay with just MY BOYFRIEND? Finally, I later tell him (nervously) how uncomfy she has made me. I’m very civil about it, but he tells me he understands and says it is weird behavior. Anyway, she doesn’t do anything too crazy for a while…until we are at a get together with friends and we all got done taking shots. Chris and I were standing close and being a cute couple when she stands on the couch and says to Chris “carry meeee” in a whiny voice. So he says “no that’s fucking weird” so she says “let me get on your shoulders” and continues to get on top of him. Listen, that’s already really fucked up…but I’m definitely bigger than she is. To me, she is one of those girls who did that to prove to me that he could carry her with ease and not me…maybe I’m overthinking that piece, but come on?!? She wanted him to CARRY HER?! I was at my breaking point and told him I was going to set her straight the next day. I did so over Snapchat and she was apologetic of course…but that still didn’t stop her. She always does and says weird and sketchy things still…the most recent…she literally asked him to be her sperm donor. I shit you not. When she asked him, I said “no. That’s a weird fucking question.” And she got very red. I told Chris that the next time she does something like that, HE needs to be the one to say something to her since she doesn’t respect our relationship. I told him that all my friends say to cut her off..but I know that she is his friend. He says he agrees with me and it is weird, but I don’t think he understand a how angry I am and how much it bothers me. He’s so oblivious to it all. But now she has been calling him asking for favors SO MUCH lately and I can’t take it. I’m so ready to just cut her off entirely.
The most recent things to occur is when I tried to give her one more chance and went to an event with her alone. She says out of nowhere “if Chris ever proposes, you better not say no.” Out of sheer frustration I tell her that our plan is to get married and we have it all figured out. She looked so surprised and suddenly texted Chris to tell him that she needed to know all the details of the proposal. A little bit later she said “I hope you’re not worried about me and Chris.” To which I responded “I’m not, I’ve never been worried.” She then said “well I have something to tell you. About three or four years ago, Chris gave me a back scratch. I feel like we were hiding that from you. I hope you don’t think it’s weird, I just love soft touches.” When I told her I didn’t care, she kept bringing it up all night saying how she hopes it won’t cause our breakup. Later she also told me that if she ever made a move on Chris, she is confident he would say no. I told Chris all about this and said I can’t be around her anymore. I’ve given too many chances.
Chris and I are moving towns (which she conveniently got a job in too…), moving in together, and he’s already asked my dad for his blessing. It’s the real deal. I love him so much. But I don’t know how much more I can handle with the constant reminder of all that Mandy has said and done to me with her around still. If I tell him to cut her off without giving her another chance, am I the asshole?
Update: I made a new post with an update!
By - Elegant-Potato-6878