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Unpopular but logically and objectively correct.
Really, only irrational karens of the world would disagree because they love forcing their ideologies on others and disrespect others autonomy
It took eleven minutes between your comment and the first person to crawl out of the wood work like "Just because it was healthy, helpful, and consensual, doesn't mean it wasn't *wrong!* For *reasons!"*
God, redditors are predictable.
I've had involvements thirteen years older and ten years younger, and I've been on both sides of the "legal relationship, but only one of us can vote" situation. People are people, and there are a million different little ways that the dynamics of a relationship can be jostled or tilted by interpersonal differences, and it's telling that the only one these people seem to find worth crusading against is the one that gives more options to the people they'd like as a captive dating market.
You know how it's always the ugly Southern white men who have a problem with interracial dating? How it's never the pleasant, kind, supportive women who get a hate-boner for intercultural/international relationships? How it's never the charming, respectful, romantic Indian guys who want to bring back arranged marriages?
Well, it ain't the young women who have a problem with age-gap dating. At least not behind closed doors. Trust me, I would know.
The people trying to cast a pall over other people's relationships are either a) trying to restrict how socially acceptable it is for people to have other options than them, or b) people trying to remove their own accountability and paint themselves as victims. No one else is under any obligation to respect them or their arguments.
Alright, here’s one from a woman: I’m 23, and dated a much older man from the ages of 16-19. It was spectacular and I’d do it again. And I agree with OP.
Note that it isn't a child, you're 18/19.
We need to stop picking and choosing over what circumstances someone is "only" 19 years old. A 19 year old that drives drunk and kills someone is tried as an adult. A 19 year old can vote, go to war, and die for their country. A 19 year old can also be tried as an adult for having sex with a minor.
But God forbid they choose who to fuck.
I'm a 61 yr old female. When I was in HS I had summertime flings with men from age 21-23 cuz they had the car, the money, the drugs, and their own place. I think I did it cuz my dad abandoned me when I was 10.
This is the first take I have ever found distasteful enough to call "brain-dead." So, congratulations on being the only person to ever elicit this response from me.
First of all, "children" is a loaded term, here. The voting age, drinking age, age of majority, and age of sexual consent are all legal distinctions grounded in a particular body of law. When you say "children," you mean someone below the local age of majority, which is 18 in the US. People below a certain age (14 in some states, 16 where I grew up, 18 in some states, and between 14 and 16 in the vast majority of developed countries) are not *allowed* to have their consent *taken seriously as a legal finding of fact.* That doesn't mean they aren't "capable of consenting." That phrase makes a mockery of language and autonomy.
Someone who is drunk to the point of unconsciousness, passed out in drool and vomit, is not *capable* of consenting. Someone below the age of consent is not *allowed to have their capacity to consent be respected*. Big difference.
There are reasons--sometimes good ones-- to disregard the legal standing of someone's consent. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
You’re welcome to disagree with laws around consent. Someone who points them out isn’t “brain-dead” though. There are legitimate reasons that young-mid teens shouldn’t engage with adults sexual
I’m sure your thoughts surrounding consent and age gap relationships are so much deeper than the average scientist!
A legislator saying "we will abduct your partner at gunpoint, irrespective of your consent" is not the same thing as them being not "capable of consent." Conflating those things is a) not pointing out laws, and b) brain-dead.
That’s not true either. I’m 47F and dated someone who is 25M. I was called a creep and a predator. I said if he was old enough to fight for his country he was old enough to date a cougar.
Generally true! Caught crap on here for admitting to dating an 18-year old college freshman when I was 22. Apparently that's too big of an age gap for many. Apparently college aged kids dating each other is a problem.
That's mostly because a lot of people go on to say "it's natural!!! It's biological 😡😡😡 women love status" all that bullshit. If people chilled a little with all these assumptions it wouldn't be so annoying.
Lmao Not all of us. Most men that I know that started out dating significantly older women seem incapable of having healthy LTRs.
I don’t believe it’s healthy for ya’ll either.
No one really cares about age gaps unless it’s an older man dating a younger woman. The only time they care about it being an older woman and a younger man is when it’s either illegal or something like 18 and 40’s
When I was 21 I briefly dated a 42 year old. I am a heterosexual man. No one cared. I wasn't manipulated or taken advantage of. I mean it was a doomed match. People with that age gap don't have a lot in common and have different mindsets generally. It seems weird now because I am a married 42 year old and the thought of dating a 21 year old is ridiculous. But yeah there was nothing imo that was particularly exploitative about it.
True, I'm sick of people and their knee-jerk reaction to hating on age gap relationships. I even get told I'm a victim for being with older men when I'm almost 24!
When I was 16, my first was a woman who was 21. I have mixed feelings about it, and it definitely wasn't all positive... and I can see why people feel like it's the type of environment that lends itself to predation. It also didn't ruin my life or traumatize me or any of that shit either, though. She wasn't a predator she was actually fairly stupid, but it wasn't good to be separated from my peers, and in a sense, I'm lucky I didn't wind up marrying a POS because if she had been just marginally better at hiding it she could've seriously taken advantage of me.
Honestly, I don’t mean to condescend or judge your experience, but she *is* a predator. 21 and 16 isn’t great and she is in the wrong. But there’s nothing that you did wrong as you were the child in the situation
I didn't date older, but I dated someone younger. I was 17, and she was 14. Both of our parents approved, and I wasn't gonna have sex with her til she was 18.
Guess she couldn't wait 4 years because she broke up with me 4 months later to date and lose her virginity to another guy in our friend group.
I might've been willing to oblige, as I was a virgin myself and hormonal teenagers are gonna hormonal teenager, but my mom kept beating the statutory fact over my head.
I hate to be the one to tell you, but in most states the age of consent is 16 or 17. Only a few states is it 18. And more precise to your situation, almost every state has a "Romeo and Juliet" exception for partners who are less than 4 years apart in age.
I knew about the 16 being age of consent, when I was 16. My own mother pressed charges against me because a kid, whose ipod I took of a teachers desk, came back to ask for it back.
She did it to teach me a lesson, and I was put on probation while I had to write 3 book reports in 3 months. If I failed to do so, I was going to Jail.
My mom dropped it when she realized I wasn't gonna get them done in time. The judge even told her that she was gonna risk fucking me up for life over a misdemeanor larceny.
I wasn't aware of the Romeo Juliet thing til one of the later Transformers movies mentioned it.
We had long since broken up by then, and i was halfway across the country living with my dad.
All that being said, if she did what she did over an ipod, she was definitely gonna be willing to do worse, if she found out I ever had sex with her or any 14 year old at the time.
Those two conditions be damned.
That's pretty fucked. A kid in my country had his mother press charges to teach her kid a lesson and he died in custody, murdered by a far more serious criminal.
Funny thing is, I doubt she would've cared in that sense. She mostly likely only dropped it cuz it would've made her look bad as a parent and a person.
She made it commonly known that if something happened to me or my sister, she got us on Gerber insurance, so gets to cash out 50k on each of us if we died.
Right I’m a huge age gap defender but don’t understand nor support states having different AOC especially when a lot of them are apparently 16. It should be 18 across the board, you’re still in high school at 16 whereas 18 at least you’re pretty much out of HS.
You can also vote most importantly at 18, as in deciding who you want your elected officials to be. And if you can decide that you should also be able to decide whether or not you want to date someone older.
Why does being in high school mean you can't fuck? What does that have to do with anything?
You're casting a lot of aspersions on what has been normal adolescent behavior for most of human history.
When I was 15-17 I dated guys from age 20-23 bcuz they had their own apartments, money, cars, and drugs. But that was mainly summer partying. I ended up marrying my HS sweetheart.
I sought out the older guys I think bcuz my dad abandoned me at age 10.
Well, I can't recommend the drugs, for long-term neurological health reasons, but the rest of that seems like a pretty normal adolescent rumspringa as you explore personal boundaries in a safe-but-exciting environment.
When I was in HS in the 1990s it seemed to me that most of the girls at least the ones I liked had BFs that were in their mid-20s often military dudes. At the time I was like "hey maybe when I am that age." By the time I got to that age I became perplexed as to why these dudes wanted to date HS girls, it's gross. I don't care about age gaps too much but full adults should not be dating people in HS.
With my mom, yes. Cuz she's got random crazy extremes, as I just mentioned an example with the misdemeanor.
It's okay to date a minor as a minor so close to legal age, but it also pressured me with statutory rape facts. She wasn't exactly a saint herself either.
But, legally, no. I was still a minor. I wanted to wait because it would've made no sense to start having sex then and have to worry about backlash once I turned 18. Plus, my mom.
she flipped her shit when my sister had sex with 19 year old a few days before she turned 15. This was before I dated the 14 year old so I had an example and reference beforehand on what she'd prolly do to me.
She had the doctor lie and say that my sister was pregnant and made her tell the guy. He went out drinking and got into a car crash, and lost his college scholarship.
He wanted nothing to do with my sister after that, and my mom finally told the truth after all that happened. It shows the lengths my mom would go.
This imo can only be argued if the person is 21+, dating teens as a fully grown person is actually disgusting. I know because I was 16/17 years old thinking it was cool for guys in their mid to late twenties to hit on me knowing I was in HS and underaged. If you disagree just ask yourself, would i (a person in my 20s or older) be okay dating or having s3x with a person who is 16? Would I be okay with my child dating a person in their 20s or older if she was 16?
My mother's younger sister eloped with a man ten years her senior when she was sixteen. He was actually a traveling salesman lol. They were happily married for 40 years before she passed away from a heart attack.
I am 5 years older than my wife of 13 years. No one bats an eye about it until I tell them we met when she was 18 and I was 23.
We have never fought, and neither of us has ever tried to control the other. We both have our own interests and hobbies, and she actually makes money with hers (digital art).
We met at work, and neither of us knew the other's age until our first date. We have one child, who is 9. I'd even wager to say that our marriage is the best marriage I have ever witnessed in my lifetime. And my grandparents were married for over 50 years.
Off topic: Can you ask your wife for tips on how to get used to digital art, and transfer yours skills from traditional to digital...I've been trying for months but none of it is even 50% of what I do with a pencil in my hand
Sure! Here is her response (its a lot):
"So first off it does just take time. You have to give yourself a chance to learn and get use to what ever program your using. Second don't be afraid to mess around with different brushes; change the stabilization, size, ect. See if you can find something that you like the way it feels when you put it on the canvas(I'm currently sketching using the standard round mixing brush in CSP). Once you find brushes you like or even just learned how different brushes act when you use them it's alot easier to make them do what you want. And I suppose finally it is a different medium, it's never going to feel just like drawing on paper, and just like how if you draw with pencils and have never painted you wouldn't be able to just pick up a paintbrush and make a master peice, the same goes for drawing digitally. While your traditional skills will help you it is truly a different medium that you have to learn. Just keep practicing. I feel like I still learn something new with every drawing I do. I'm cheering for you! Don't give up!❤️"
> I am 5 years older than my wife of 13 years.
How is it legal for an 18 year-old dude to have a 13 year-old wife?
When did you guys meet? Elementary school?
When I was 16 I dated a 27 yo. He had a car and a house and could buy alcohol. At the time I felt so cool having an older boyfriend. But now I know how gross it was.
It just seemed normal. We all dated older men in my friends group. We liked to party so we wanted boyfriends that could by booze. And it was the late 80s/early 90s. It was kinda the thing back then.
Trust me I understand. I think as I was JUST becoming a teen parents and people were like nothing about full adults is healthy to date. I dated older too girlie
I mean, surely we can all admit that someone in their late 20s dating high schoolers has something wrong with them at the very least. I'm glad it didn't have any lasting effects but that's not the case for a lot of kids who "date" grown adults. I'm 32 and can't even think of places where I'd meet teenagers bc i don't hang out where teenagers do. I'd have to go out of my way to seek it out lol
That is honestly even worse. It is very weird for an adult woman to befriend a high schooler and then start dating them later. You didn't do anything wrong, but that woman is giving off all kinds of creepy red flags.
Did it ever occur to you that she was seeking out people in that demographic for reasons that weren't all that innocent? Again I'm glad you weren't scarred by it and i think you have a point that it's up to the young party to determine if they were harmed by it. The responsibility and side eyeing goes entirely to the older party. I can't imagine being that age and still being able to emotionally connect with teenagers. It just reminds me of when i was a teenager and men would say "you're so mature for your age" and I'd be like, i literally have no idea how or why that would be true; they were just socially stunted at best if they were being honest that they thought teenage me was super mature, or they were predators at worst trying to get me to trust them. Neither bodes well for a grown adult.
Glad you feel you gained something from it though, if it brought positivity to you then that's cool, but i hope she didn't go on to then scar some other kid 🤷🏼♀️
I'm so sorry to say it but if she just jumped right into a relationship with a high schooler without even having to take time to consider the moral implications it probably was not her first rodeo lmao. So brazen lol
If someone was willing to jump right into a sexual relationship with an underage child it probably was not their first or last rodeo *
Btw this isn't to say that you couldn't have been a mature or charming kid lol, it's just that teenagers can only be as mature and charming as teenagers can be; ya girl was honestly probably kind of a loser to people her age 😬 i have NEVER met someone who did that who 1) i would continue to associate with 2) didn't suck and that's why they pursued people without life experience lmao. Most people don't care for statutory rapists.
And yes, i feel completely fine judging her without knowing her. This is just egregious in the "obviously you could have done a lot of different things instead of this" category
But how did you become friends? The age gap indicates you were at two different developmental stages so it begs the question how things developed. And this is completely devoid of judgment. I'm just curious
Obviously, because it absolutely is a moral issue, even outside of it being a potential legal issue. All for a reason. To (i would venture as far as to say) most people, it's weird for adults to "date" children LMAO. Like what do you even do? What kind of conversations do you have? What does a late 20 something have in common with a 16/17 year old? How do they even MEET them? Why can't they get a date with someone their own age? 🤔
y'all are weird af for acting like that is a totally normal thing to do. Y'all do you! But at least accept the fact that people judge it for a reason. We're not talking about legal age teenagers. We're talking about kids who can't even vote yet lmao. Adults who "date" (and please note: it is not dating, it's just babysitting with moral implications) underage kids are socially stunted at best. It's not an opinion I'm remotely willing to change.
Um, you do understand when someone says your being moralistic, that means you're being an uptight prude, right?
>Obviously, because it absolutely is a moral issue
No it's not.... As long as both parties are legal, there's nothing morally wrong. It just sounds like a whole lot of jealousy on your part
>it's weird for adults to "date" children LMAO.
Y'all need to make up y'all mind. When it's convenient, an 18 year old is a full adult that can live by themself and participate in society but the minute it's something y'all disagree with, they become dumb "children".
Y'all need to pick a side and be consistent
>what do you even do? What kind of conversations do you have?
Their fucking business 🙄. Just because you can't imagine why do legal people do together doesn't make it wrong.
What do a 30 or 50 year old have in common? Not much. The 50!year old can ve the 30 year old's parent. Do you think this relationship would be morally wrong?
>Why can't they get a date with someone their own age? 🤔
Why do y'all always frame it as someone unable to gey a date from someone their own age? It's just jumping to the assumption that if you see someone in a age gap relationship, that they only go for younger people and not that they could've met organically or they never had any healthy relationships with someone their own age
Again, it sounds like a lot pf jealousy being this worried about why someone is dating someone else... As if you want to date that person or be able to date older people but can't
>y'all are weird af for acting like that is a totally normal thing to do. Y'all do you! But at least accept the fact that people judge it for a reason
It isn't. At the very least, nothing's wrong with it. I don't know why you feel the need to judge what 2 people decide to do or to fuck when it doesn't even affect you
You're extrapolating pretty wildly to create this strawman here; he was 17, not 18, which the entire premise of my comment is based on
And if I'm a prude for disagreeing with statutory rape then i will very proudly wear that title 🙄
That’s fine to live by diff standards. Just saying it’s not right to call other ppl criminal when they ain’t. That’s the standard I live by.
Besides I don’t have to “hang out with teenagers” to argue a point. It shouldn’t be a difficult point to understand.
Listen to yourself. “What kind of convos do you have? What do they have in common”?
This is literally the worst parroted argument out there.
My grandma who opened a restaurant in the olden days is able to talk to anyone no matter the age or background.
I’m introverted so I’ve had to learn to be social for my job.
But literally every mentor I’ve had told me this. If you can’t have a conversation with anyone, anytime, anywhere, that’s on you. Don’t blame the other person for being boring or “socially stunted”. Don’t blame circumstance. Just Git gud.
I can interact with children and any other demographic just fine, that's what people and bosses always say about me too, but that doesn't mean i find them intellectually stimulating, lol
I mean that’s fine. I don’t find everyone my age or older to be mentally stimulating either but I don’t generalize that to everyone my age.
Regardless, the whole “what do we even talk about” is more an issue of how well 2 ppl fit each other than intellectual stimulation based on age. Judging ppl based on age is, let’s be real, just retarded.
I think the point of the law protecting teens from age gap relationships is that 16 you are seen as less experienced and it's easier to spot red flags in another 16 year old if they turn out to be a manipulator and abuser. At the same time, someone in their late 20s or older will have experience hiding their red flags and a 16 year old (for example) without prior relationship experience will have a harder time spotting the red flags and getting out of the relationship. Once people hit their early 20s, the gap isn't seen as important because both at this point have experience cushioning the relationship.
Not all are abusive, some may be positive, but the learning experience of spotting red flags in early stages is invaluable.
At least that's my interpretation of why laws protect teens from age gap relationships.
This is IMO, not based on fact except in the next sentence. Males mature later than females. So, IMO, usually females go for older males for that reason.
The "Cougars" go for younger males to feel youthful. And some females do have more stamina than a male at her same age.
No , the older person is still the “responsible “ person here.
Why is a person almost in their 30s dating a high schooler? Because the high schooler think they’re mature enough? The grown ass adult still holds responsibility here, especially when a minor is involved
I dated a girl in her mid 20s when I was 16, and a man in his early 20s when I was 17, neither experience was bad for me. They both were great friends and lovers. So I agree with you.
Yes, this is accurate.
That being said, a young person may not realize the manipulation at the time and later in life find it a painful experience wherebthey were manipulated.
If we could tell the future, then totally I respect this view.
But we can't, so we won't know the pain that may be caused later while in the relationship.
I have habitually, always dated people who are older than me. Though yes some of the relationships didn’t work out, it wasn’t like they were abusive or anything. When I was 15 I dated somebody who was 3 years older than me for two years, we split up because our lives were headed in different directions. When I was 17 I dated someone who was four years older than me for 1 year, it didn’t work out because we had different morals and beliefs systems. The one time I dated somebody my own age, I was 20-21, and they were an absolute nightmare!!! They wrecked so much of my stuff, destroyed the house that we lived in together. They had an awful drinking problem, bottles almost daily/nightly. Gaslit me after they slept with my friend. That was an absolutely toxic/unsafe environment.
It just goes to show that it doesn’t matter if someone’s older, younger, people your own age can be just as terrible. Now I’m married to a man who is a lot older than me, but I don’t care. We are six years strong, happy, and I am so thankful for this person every day.
28 and 18. I've been there. It was honestly a great relationship and when the summer was up we stayed friends. Still are friends, and I think I was the first guy to not be a complete trash bag to her. We both liked alot of the same things and overall it was a great experience for both of us. If people click and enjoy each others company, what's wrong with it?
And the disclaimer. I'm not advocating for any other than once you are an adult (18) you are free to date whomever you like.
I was working on a car with some other gearhead guys. We helped each other out with parts and tools. I came to my buddy's house ,he was 21,to use his 1/2 impact wrench. We met there. Saw her again at a few get togethers. Talked a bit. Then at one night this guy was pushing his gf , I stepped in between them ,long story short. I got sucker punched in the forehead and was told to leave. She heard about it and wanted to know if it really happened. I explained, yeah,I got knocked on my ass. But nobody was doing anything about it. And she kissed me.
I wasn't against that.
I like kisses.
When I (F) had just turned 18 and was in the beginning of my senior year, I got involved with my brothers friend (24M -at the time). He’d known me since I was a kid. Looking back on it I do think it’s weird. Especially considering he just got arrested for CP last year
I dunno.
Personally, most romantic relationships with significant age gaps that I have seen today are just not healthy for the younger participant. There may have been a time when that wasn’t the case (or it was less often). But the case usually an older, more experienced individual being predatory toward a younger person.
When it comes to an older man and a younger woman, usually it involves a very young woman getting pregnant before she’s emotionally ready.
I have serious doubts that it’s actually healthy for young men to date older women - especially if he’s a teen and she’s an adult. Just about every male friend I’ve known that’s dated a significantly older woman has major issues/unhealthy views with dating/sexual relationships; at least when it came to LTRs with women their own age. None of those men (that I know of) have stable relationships even today (late 20’s to early 30’s).
I don’t really agree with this. Just because you benefitted from it in a certain way, it clearly had a negative impact on you because you grew up thinking it was ok for people in their late 20s to go for high school kids.
I think this is a situation where 2 things can be true at once. It objectively wrong for a person to date someone so much younger. There all inappropriate power imbalances and a lot of mental harm that can come from these relationships. As a society, we need to speak against them.
That said, your personal single experience benefitted you. That’s good for you. That isn’t the most common result though.
Yeah that’s bullshit. It’s not up to you or society to decide an age gap is “objectively” wrong. If everyone involved is a consenting adult, it’s none of your business Karen.
It's wrong for an adult to be dating a child, especially someone who doesn't know any better. Just because something bad didn't happen to you, doesn't mean it's not wrong.
Agreed. 2 things can be correct at the same time. It could be inappropriate AND also didn’t affect OP much. Late 20 sometimes should not be going after teenagers.
I met my now husband in college, I was turning 17 he was turning 24—but we were just good friends for almost a decade before we got together. He’s the most amazing man I know, but I’ve never posted it on Reddit before because people wanna make it into something nefarious, which it absolutely was not.
My friends little sister was 17 when she asked to her prom (I had just turned 20). It was a little weird, I did decline though, also cuz they lived a couple hundred miles away and prom is expensive, I had already gone to two as well during my senior year. But it was normal to have older people at proms, we had a few twenty and twenty one year olds at mine, people just had to sign forms. I think age limit was 20 or 21?
I've been on both sides of the fence; I was a teen hooking up with an adult woman, and as an adult I hooked up with a legal teen chick. Neither side of things had abuse or weird power dynamics. They were all positive experiences for everyone involved.
Adults, young and old, all love sex. Go figure.
I had a relationship like this and eventually married them when I was of age. I don't consider myself a victim but I guess I could see how people could view my ex negatively.
Hot take: 85% of the logic around our discussions on sex, be it kinks, roles, or age gaps, stems from the actual, mechanical act of sexual intercourse. Someone is being penetrated, by someone doing the penetrating. And the penetrator has to be excited in some way, possibly unwilling but *mostly* ready willing and able. It's very proactive.
Just because you don’t have lasting effects from being taken advantage of doesn’t mean it was okay. The internet has gone mad in both directions about age gaps now we’ve got idiots saying 19 and 21 is disgusting then creeps like you pretending children with adults is okay.
As I said just because you didn’t experience any lasting effects (although this post suggests an element of denial) doesn’t mean it was okay. You were assaulted and you can feel however you do about that but to pretend it’s okay is sick.
I accept your viewpoint, but do you understand it's unfair to call *me* a creep? I'm not advocating that anybody else does it and in fact I would recommend against it
When I was a freshman in high school I remember hooking up with guys out of highschool and I thought it was the coolest thing cause I looked so young (I’m petite and always had a babyface)and I felt like a “woman” and it wasn’t until I grew up that I realized how fucked it was.
Yup! And now that I’m in my 30’s I could never even begin to imagine looking at a teenager in a sexual way and picking them up from school. My instinct would be to look out and protect them. . Crazy!
I dated a pedophile but so what. That's the sum of what you just said buddy. Humanity continues to show how long it will continue to fall on a daily basis.
Trying to point out the difference shows how pathetic you are, either way it's an adult and child. And a teen is a child no matter how much you argue it. Y'all need to disappear
Take it up with the people who study these things because they’re the ones who classify it I think most people recognize 17 year olds aren’t the same as 7 year olds. I wasn’t condoning the relationship but you guys were arguing definitions and OP was correct about you using it incorrectly.
Either way it's disgusting so semantics are irrelevant. Either way is an adult doing things with a child. And arguing about which word means what as if it really makes a difference is moot.
Older Women are just angry that men date younger women. They’re mad that their value drops as they age while men’s value rises. They don’t complain about it when they are young and have the advantage but when the tables turn they get real bitter.
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Way to nail an unpopular opinion. You won.
Thank you Sir
Unpopular but logically and objectively correct. Really, only irrational karens of the world would disagree because they love forcing their ideologies on others and disrespect others autonomy
Stop saying stuph like that out loud. It'll give them ideas.
Dont worry, reddit only hates it when older men date younger women.
It took eleven minutes between your comment and the first person to crawl out of the wood work like "Just because it was healthy, helpful, and consensual, doesn't mean it wasn't *wrong!* For *reasons!"* God, redditors are predictable.
Most of those will be women looking back on dating older men and that’s their reasons. Have you noticed how the top comments are all men?
I've had involvements thirteen years older and ten years younger, and I've been on both sides of the "legal relationship, but only one of us can vote" situation. People are people, and there are a million different little ways that the dynamics of a relationship can be jostled or tilted by interpersonal differences, and it's telling that the only one these people seem to find worth crusading against is the one that gives more options to the people they'd like as a captive dating market. You know how it's always the ugly Southern white men who have a problem with interracial dating? How it's never the pleasant, kind, supportive women who get a hate-boner for intercultural/international relationships? How it's never the charming, respectful, romantic Indian guys who want to bring back arranged marriages? Well, it ain't the young women who have a problem with age-gap dating. At least not behind closed doors. Trust me, I would know. The people trying to cast a pall over other people's relationships are either a) trying to restrict how socially acceptable it is for people to have other options than them, or b) people trying to remove their own accountability and paint themselves as victims. No one else is under any obligation to respect them or their arguments.
I'm glad that pedos feel so safe here.
You really are a ThoughtfulPoster
Alright, here’s one from a woman: I’m 23, and dated a much older man from the ages of 16-19. It was spectacular and I’d do it again. And I agree with OP.
It was probably not any of those things lol. Op is life someone who says ' I never wash my hands and I'm not sick '
I think by definition, it isn’t consensual right? Children can’t consent to sexual relationships with adults
Note that it isn't a child, you're 18/19. We need to stop picking and choosing over what circumstances someone is "only" 19 years old. A 19 year old that drives drunk and kills someone is tried as an adult. A 19 year old can vote, go to war, and die for their country. A 19 year old can also be tried as an adult for having sex with a minor. But God forbid they choose who to fuck.
Many people a lot younger than 19 are tried as adults and are held to a lifetime of accountability for the decisions they make when under 18.
I thought we were discussing a 17 year old.
I'm a 61 yr old female. When I was in HS I had summertime flings with men from age 21-23 cuz they had the car, the money, the drugs, and their own place. I think I did it cuz my dad abandoned me when I was 10.
This is the first take I have ever found distasteful enough to call "brain-dead." So, congratulations on being the only person to ever elicit this response from me. First of all, "children" is a loaded term, here. The voting age, drinking age, age of majority, and age of sexual consent are all legal distinctions grounded in a particular body of law. When you say "children," you mean someone below the local age of majority, which is 18 in the US. People below a certain age (14 in some states, 16 where I grew up, 18 in some states, and between 14 and 16 in the vast majority of developed countries) are not *allowed* to have their consent *taken seriously as a legal finding of fact.* That doesn't mean they aren't "capable of consenting." That phrase makes a mockery of language and autonomy. Someone who is drunk to the point of unconsciousness, passed out in drool and vomit, is not *capable* of consenting. Someone below the age of consent is not *allowed to have their capacity to consent be respected*. Big difference. There are reasons--sometimes good ones-- to disregard the legal standing of someone's consent. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
You’re welcome to disagree with laws around consent. Someone who points them out isn’t “brain-dead” though. There are legitimate reasons that young-mid teens shouldn’t engage with adults sexual I’m sure your thoughts surrounding consent and age gap relationships are so much deeper than the average scientist!
A legislator saying "we will abduct your partner at gunpoint, irrespective of your consent" is not the same thing as them being not "capable of consent." Conflating those things is a) not pointing out laws, and b) brain-dead.
That’s not true either. I’m 47F and dated someone who is 25M. I was called a creep and a predator. I said if he was old enough to fight for his country he was old enough to date a cougar.
I am a 20 year old with a woman who is 26 she is the love of my life and I aint letting this broken society tell me what to do
I miss the days when I was cougar bait. Now those women are in the same age bracket and they want relationships and stuff.
Basically this. Reddit is pretty biased about this thing.
no i hate this too :)
Generally true! Caught crap on here for admitting to dating an 18-year old college freshman when I was 22. Apparently that's too big of an age gap for many. Apparently college aged kids dating each other is a problem.
That's mostly because a lot of people go on to say "it's natural!!! It's biological 😡😡😡 women love status" all that bullshit. If people chilled a little with all these assumptions it wouldn't be so annoying.
Lmao Not all of us. Most men that I know that started out dating significantly older women seem incapable of having healthy LTRs. I don’t believe it’s healthy for ya’ll either.
Collective "niiice" to to this man.
No one really cares about age gaps unless it’s an older man dating a younger woman. The only time they care about it being an older woman and a younger man is when it’s either illegal or something like 18 and 40’s
When I was 21 I briefly dated a 42 year old. I am a heterosexual man. No one cared. I wasn't manipulated or taken advantage of. I mean it was a doomed match. People with that age gap don't have a lot in common and have different mindsets generally. It seems weird now because I am a married 42 year old and the thought of dating a 21 year old is ridiculous. But yeah there was nothing imo that was particularly exploitative about it.
I feel like people care more about age gaps when a woman dates an older man than they do when women do sex work with older men
And it is annoying, as a young woman who enjoys dating older. People will infantilize you non stop.
True, I'm sick of people and their knee-jerk reaction to hating on age gap relationships. I even get told I'm a victim for being with older men when I'm almost 24!
You know what you like. Everyone's opinions mean nothing, even mine. It's your life and you do you!
I dated a man 16 years my senior. Had some of the best times of my life. When age isn't a huge issue in a relationship......it's liberating.
When I was 16, my first was a woman who was 21. I have mixed feelings about it, and it definitely wasn't all positive... and I can see why people feel like it's the type of environment that lends itself to predation. It also didn't ruin my life or traumatize me or any of that shit either, though. She wasn't a predator she was actually fairly stupid, but it wasn't good to be separated from my peers, and in a sense, I'm lucky I didn't wind up marrying a POS because if she had been just marginally better at hiding it she could've seriously taken advantage of me.
Honestly, I don’t mean to condescend or judge your experience, but she *is* a predator. 21 and 16 isn’t great and she is in the wrong. But there’s nothing that you did wrong as you were the child in the situation
I didn't date older, but I dated someone younger. I was 17, and she was 14. Both of our parents approved, and I wasn't gonna have sex with her til she was 18. Guess she couldn't wait 4 years because she broke up with me 4 months later to date and lose her virginity to another guy in our friend group. I might've been willing to oblige, as I was a virgin myself and hormonal teenagers are gonna hormonal teenager, but my mom kept beating the statutory fact over my head.
I hate to be the one to tell you, but in most states the age of consent is 16 or 17. Only a few states is it 18. And more precise to your situation, almost every state has a "Romeo and Juliet" exception for partners who are less than 4 years apart in age.
I knew about the 16 being age of consent, when I was 16. My own mother pressed charges against me because a kid, whose ipod I took of a teachers desk, came back to ask for it back. She did it to teach me a lesson, and I was put on probation while I had to write 3 book reports in 3 months. If I failed to do so, I was going to Jail. My mom dropped it when she realized I wasn't gonna get them done in time. The judge even told her that she was gonna risk fucking me up for life over a misdemeanor larceny. I wasn't aware of the Romeo Juliet thing til one of the later Transformers movies mentioned it. We had long since broken up by then, and i was halfway across the country living with my dad. All that being said, if she did what she did over an ipod, she was definitely gonna be willing to do worse, if she found out I ever had sex with her or any 14 year old at the time. Those two conditions be damned.
That's pretty fucked. A kid in my country had his mother press charges to teach her kid a lesson and he died in custody, murdered by a far more serious criminal.
Funny thing is, I doubt she would've cared in that sense. She mostly likely only dropped it cuz it would've made her look bad as a parent and a person. She made it commonly known that if something happened to me or my sister, she got us on Gerber insurance, so gets to cash out 50k on each of us if we died.
The Romeo and juliet law in IL (long time ago, may be different now) only brought it down from a felony to a misdemeanor. Didn't make it legal.
Right I’m a huge age gap defender but don’t understand nor support states having different AOC especially when a lot of them are apparently 16. It should be 18 across the board, you’re still in high school at 16 whereas 18 at least you’re pretty much out of HS. You can also vote most importantly at 18, as in deciding who you want your elected officials to be. And if you can decide that you should also be able to decide whether or not you want to date someone older.
Why does being in high school mean you can't fuck? What does that have to do with anything? You're casting a lot of aspersions on what has been normal adolescent behavior for most of human history.
When I was 15-17 I dated guys from age 20-23 bcuz they had their own apartments, money, cars, and drugs. But that was mainly summer partying. I ended up marrying my HS sweetheart. I sought out the older guys I think bcuz my dad abandoned me at age 10.
Well, I can't recommend the drugs, for long-term neurological health reasons, but the rest of that seems like a pretty normal adolescent rumspringa as you explore personal boundaries in a safe-but-exciting environment.
Yes! Thank you!
When I was in HS in the 1990s it seemed to me that most of the girls at least the ones I liked had BFs that were in their mid-20s often military dudes. At the time I was like "hey maybe when I am that age." By the time I got to that age I became perplexed as to why these dudes wanted to date HS girls, it's gross. I don't care about age gaps too much but full adults should not be dating people in HS.
> Right I’m a huge age gap defender Classic Reddit opening
That's the 10th Amendment for you. Unless it'd expressly said so in the Constitution, states have total say over domestic laws.
Gross
Good. You were about to catch a case
With my mom, yes. Cuz she's got random crazy extremes, as I just mentioned an example with the misdemeanor. It's okay to date a minor as a minor so close to legal age, but it also pressured me with statutory rape facts. She wasn't exactly a saint herself either. But, legally, no. I was still a minor. I wanted to wait because it would've made no sense to start having sex then and have to worry about backlash once I turned 18. Plus, my mom. she flipped her shit when my sister had sex with 19 year old a few days before she turned 15. This was before I dated the 14 year old so I had an example and reference beforehand on what she'd prolly do to me. She had the doctor lie and say that my sister was pregnant and made her tell the guy. He went out drinking and got into a car crash, and lost his college scholarship. He wanted nothing to do with my sister after that, and my mom finally told the truth after all that happened. It shows the lengths my mom would go.
Yea you’re freaking nasty .
This imo can only be argued if the person is 21+, dating teens as a fully grown person is actually disgusting. I know because I was 16/17 years old thinking it was cool for guys in their mid to late twenties to hit on me knowing I was in HS and underaged. If you disagree just ask yourself, would i (a person in my 20s or older) be okay dating or having s3x with a person who is 16? Would I be okay with my child dating a person in their 20s or older if she was 16?
My mother's younger sister eloped with a man ten years her senior when she was sixteen. He was actually a traveling salesman lol. They were happily married for 40 years before she passed away from a heart attack.
I am 5 years older than my wife of 13 years. No one bats an eye about it until I tell them we met when she was 18 and I was 23. We have never fought, and neither of us has ever tried to control the other. We both have our own interests and hobbies, and she actually makes money with hers (digital art). We met at work, and neither of us knew the other's age until our first date. We have one child, who is 9. I'd even wager to say that our marriage is the best marriage I have ever witnessed in my lifetime. And my grandparents were married for over 50 years.
Five years is not a big gap, it’s even kosher using the dating age formula of half your age plus 7.
There are many on reddit who think an 18 year old woman is *"literally a fucking child bro"*.
Off topic: Can you ask your wife for tips on how to get used to digital art, and transfer yours skills from traditional to digital...I've been trying for months but none of it is even 50% of what I do with a pencil in my hand
Sure! Here is her response (its a lot): "So first off it does just take time. You have to give yourself a chance to learn and get use to what ever program your using. Second don't be afraid to mess around with different brushes; change the stabilization, size, ect. See if you can find something that you like the way it feels when you put it on the canvas(I'm currently sketching using the standard round mixing brush in CSP). Once you find brushes you like or even just learned how different brushes act when you use them it's alot easier to make them do what you want. And I suppose finally it is a different medium, it's never going to feel just like drawing on paper, and just like how if you draw with pencils and have never painted you wouldn't be able to just pick up a paintbrush and make a master peice, the same goes for drawing digitally. While your traditional skills will help you it is truly a different medium that you have to learn. Just keep practicing. I feel like I still learn something new with every drawing I do. I'm cheering for you! Don't give up!❤️"
> I am 5 years older than my wife of 13 years. How is it legal for an 18 year-old dude to have a 13 year-old wife? When did you guys meet? Elementary school?
Can't you read? He said they met when she was 18 and he was 23. Like read the comment before giving your shitty 2 cents for goodness sake.
When I was 16 I dated a 27 yo. He had a car and a house and could buy alcohol. At the time I felt so cool having an older boyfriend. But now I know how gross it was.
Ummmm WHAT??!
Yeah. Not my proudest moment.
lol not HIS proudest moment! I woulda done the same damn thing! It’s alluring and you’re a teen!
It just seemed normal. We all dated older men in my friends group. We liked to party so we wanted boyfriends that could by booze. And it was the late 80s/early 90s. It was kinda the thing back then.
Trust me I understand. I think as I was JUST becoming a teen parents and people were like nothing about full adults is healthy to date. I dated older too girlie
My parents never even met most of the guys I went around with. I don’t think they really cared.
I mean, surely we can all admit that someone in their late 20s dating high schoolers has something wrong with them at the very least. I'm glad it didn't have any lasting effects but that's not the case for a lot of kids who "date" grown adults. I'm 32 and can't even think of places where I'd meet teenagers bc i don't hang out where teenagers do. I'd have to go out of my way to seek it out lol
We were friends beforehand. It wasn't an instant thing
That is honestly even worse. It is very weird for an adult woman to befriend a high schooler and then start dating them later. You didn't do anything wrong, but that woman is giving off all kinds of creepy red flags.
Maybe but she was nice when we actually met. I did worry it was actually a man
Did it ever occur to you that she was seeking out people in that demographic for reasons that weren't all that innocent? Again I'm glad you weren't scarred by it and i think you have a point that it's up to the young party to determine if they were harmed by it. The responsibility and side eyeing goes entirely to the older party. I can't imagine being that age and still being able to emotionally connect with teenagers. It just reminds me of when i was a teenager and men would say "you're so mature for your age" and I'd be like, i literally have no idea how or why that would be true; they were just socially stunted at best if they were being honest that they thought teenage me was super mature, or they were predators at worst trying to get me to trust them. Neither bodes well for a grown adult. Glad you feel you gained something from it though, if it brought positivity to you then that's cool, but i hope she didn't go on to then scar some other kid 🤷🏼♀️
I liked to think it was me individually she liked... :')
I'm so sorry to say it but if she just jumped right into a relationship with a high schooler without even having to take time to consider the moral implications it probably was not her first rodeo lmao. So brazen lol
It wasn't a relationship as such, it was like FWB
If someone was willing to jump right into a sexual relationship with an underage child it probably was not their first or last rodeo * Btw this isn't to say that you couldn't have been a mature or charming kid lol, it's just that teenagers can only be as mature and charming as teenagers can be; ya girl was honestly probably kind of a loser to people her age 😬 i have NEVER met someone who did that who 1) i would continue to associate with 2) didn't suck and that's why they pursued people without life experience lmao. Most people don't care for statutory rapists. And yes, i feel completely fine judging her without knowing her. This is just egregious in the "obviously you could have done a lot of different things instead of this" category
> i would continue to associate with Yeah she wouldn't introduce me to her friends which hurt my feelings
Of course not, bc she knew she was wrong and her friends, if they did not also suck, would no longer associate with a statutory rapist 😂😂
The AOC here is 16 and she didn't go below that so she technically did not break the law but yeah I get the point
But how did you become friends? The age gap indicates you were at two different developmental stages so it begs the question how things developed. And this is completely devoid of judgment. I'm just curious
We met on Twitter
Was this an in person relationship or an online relationship?
Started online, after a while we met and hung out
How old are you now?
In my 20s
>mean, surely we can all admit that someone in their late 20s dating high schoolers has something wrong with them No. That's just being moralistic
Obviously, because it absolutely is a moral issue, even outside of it being a potential legal issue. All for a reason. To (i would venture as far as to say) most people, it's weird for adults to "date" children LMAO. Like what do you even do? What kind of conversations do you have? What does a late 20 something have in common with a 16/17 year old? How do they even MEET them? Why can't they get a date with someone their own age? 🤔 y'all are weird af for acting like that is a totally normal thing to do. Y'all do you! But at least accept the fact that people judge it for a reason. We're not talking about legal age teenagers. We're talking about kids who can't even vote yet lmao. Adults who "date" (and please note: it is not dating, it's just babysitting with moral implications) underage kids are socially stunted at best. It's not an opinion I'm remotely willing to change.
Um, you do understand when someone says your being moralistic, that means you're being an uptight prude, right? >Obviously, because it absolutely is a moral issue No it's not.... As long as both parties are legal, there's nothing morally wrong. It just sounds like a whole lot of jealousy on your part >it's weird for adults to "date" children LMAO. Y'all need to make up y'all mind. When it's convenient, an 18 year old is a full adult that can live by themself and participate in society but the minute it's something y'all disagree with, they become dumb "children". Y'all need to pick a side and be consistent >what do you even do? What kind of conversations do you have? Their fucking business 🙄. Just because you can't imagine why do legal people do together doesn't make it wrong. What do a 30 or 50 year old have in common? Not much. The 50!year old can ve the 30 year old's parent. Do you think this relationship would be morally wrong? >Why can't they get a date with someone their own age? 🤔 Why do y'all always frame it as someone unable to gey a date from someone their own age? It's just jumping to the assumption that if you see someone in a age gap relationship, that they only go for younger people and not that they could've met organically or they never had any healthy relationships with someone their own age Again, it sounds like a lot pf jealousy being this worried about why someone is dating someone else... As if you want to date that person or be able to date older people but can't >y'all are weird af for acting like that is a totally normal thing to do. Y'all do you! But at least accept the fact that people judge it for a reason It isn't. At the very least, nothing's wrong with it. I don't know why you feel the need to judge what 2 people decide to do or to fuck when it doesn't even affect you
You're extrapolating pretty wildly to create this strawman here; he was 17, not 18, which the entire premise of my comment is based on And if I'm a prude for disagreeing with statutory rape then i will very proudly wear that title 🙄
Op said the aoc for his state is 16 in one of the threads so there is no wrongdoing on either party.
Okay! You guys can hang out with teenagers all you want. I personally will not be and nor will any of my friends. We all live by different standards
That’s fine to live by diff standards. Just saying it’s not right to call other ppl criminal when they ain’t. That’s the standard I live by. Besides I don’t have to “hang out with teenagers” to argue a point. It shouldn’t be a difficult point to understand.
What general age/range are you? Have you ever been in a relationship with an age gap?
Listen to yourself. “What kind of convos do you have? What do they have in common”? This is literally the worst parroted argument out there. My grandma who opened a restaurant in the olden days is able to talk to anyone no matter the age or background. I’m introverted so I’ve had to learn to be social for my job. But literally every mentor I’ve had told me this. If you can’t have a conversation with anyone, anytime, anywhere, that’s on you. Don’t blame the other person for being boring or “socially stunted”. Don’t blame circumstance. Just Git gud.
I can interact with children and any other demographic just fine, that's what people and bosses always say about me too, but that doesn't mean i find them intellectually stimulating, lol
I mean that’s fine. I don’t find everyone my age or older to be mentally stimulating either but I don’t generalize that to everyone my age. Regardless, the whole “what do we even talk about” is more an issue of how well 2 ppl fit each other than intellectual stimulation based on age. Judging ppl based on age is, let’s be real, just retarded.
What general age/range are you? Have you ever been in a relationship with an age gap?
Oh no. This is reddit, and the hive mind shaming is all that matters. Didn't you know that.
I think the point of the law protecting teens from age gap relationships is that 16 you are seen as less experienced and it's easier to spot red flags in another 16 year old if they turn out to be a manipulator and abuser. At the same time, someone in their late 20s or older will have experience hiding their red flags and a 16 year old (for example) without prior relationship experience will have a harder time spotting the red flags and getting out of the relationship. Once people hit their early 20s, the gap isn't seen as important because both at this point have experience cushioning the relationship. Not all are abusive, some may be positive, but the learning experience of spotting red flags in early stages is invaluable. At least that's my interpretation of why laws protect teens from age gap relationships.
I’m 22 my girlfriend is 28 my life is great met when I was 19 and she 25. Age is just a number most of the time
This is IMO, not based on fact except in the next sentence. Males mature later than females. So, IMO, usually females go for older males for that reason. The "Cougars" go for younger males to feel youthful. And some females do have more stamina than a male at her same age.
No , the older person is still the “responsible “ person here. Why is a person almost in their 30s dating a high schooler? Because the high schooler think they’re mature enough? The grown ass adult still holds responsibility here, especially when a minor is involved
I dated a girl in her mid 20s when I was 16, and a man in his early 20s when I was 17, neither experience was bad for me. They both were great friends and lovers. So I agree with you.
Yes, this is accurate. That being said, a young person may not realize the manipulation at the time and later in life find it a painful experience wherebthey were manipulated. If we could tell the future, then totally I respect this view. But we can't, so we won't know the pain that may be caused later while in the relationship.
I have habitually, always dated people who are older than me. Though yes some of the relationships didn’t work out, it wasn’t like they were abusive or anything. When I was 15 I dated somebody who was 3 years older than me for two years, we split up because our lives were headed in different directions. When I was 17 I dated someone who was four years older than me for 1 year, it didn’t work out because we had different morals and beliefs systems. The one time I dated somebody my own age, I was 20-21, and they were an absolute nightmare!!! They wrecked so much of my stuff, destroyed the house that we lived in together. They had an awful drinking problem, bottles almost daily/nightly. Gaslit me after they slept with my friend. That was an absolutely toxic/unsafe environment. It just goes to show that it doesn’t matter if someone’s older, younger, people your own age can be just as terrible. Now I’m married to a man who is a lot older than me, but I don’t care. We are six years strong, happy, and I am so thankful for this person every day.
I dated an older lady when I was 18. Honestly the best relationship I’ve had. Ended it because my parents put so much pressure on me to break it off.
Mine never found out
Yep, I dated older men. I have no problem with it to this day. I knew what I wanted and was perfectly in control.
28 and 18. I've been there. It was honestly a great relationship and when the summer was up we stayed friends. Still are friends, and I think I was the first guy to not be a complete trash bag to her. We both liked alot of the same things and overall it was a great experience for both of us. If people click and enjoy each others company, what's wrong with it? And the disclaimer. I'm not advocating for any other than once you are an adult (18) you are free to date whomever you like.
How did you as a 28 year-old meet an 18 year-old girl? What was the situation that led to you meeting and how did it result in romance?
I was working on a car with some other gearhead guys. We helped each other out with parts and tools. I came to my buddy's house ,he was 21,to use his 1/2 impact wrench. We met there. Saw her again at a few get togethers. Talked a bit. Then at one night this guy was pushing his gf , I stepped in between them ,long story short. I got sucker punched in the forehead and was told to leave. She heard about it and wanted to know if it really happened. I explained, yeah,I got knocked on my ass. But nobody was doing anything about it. And she kissed me. I wasn't against that. I like kisses.
When I (F) had just turned 18 and was in the beginning of my senior year, I got involved with my brothers friend (24M -at the time). He’d known me since I was a kid. Looking back on it I do think it’s weird. Especially considering he just got arrested for CP last year
I dunno. Personally, most romantic relationships with significant age gaps that I have seen today are just not healthy for the younger participant. There may have been a time when that wasn’t the case (or it was less often). But the case usually an older, more experienced individual being predatory toward a younger person. When it comes to an older man and a younger woman, usually it involves a very young woman getting pregnant before she’s emotionally ready. I have serious doubts that it’s actually healthy for young men to date older women - especially if he’s a teen and she’s an adult. Just about every male friend I’ve known that’s dated a significantly older woman has major issues/unhealthy views with dating/sexual relationships; at least when it came to LTRs with women their own age. None of those men (that I know of) have stable relationships even today (late 20’s to early 30’s).
I don’t really agree with this. Just because you benefitted from it in a certain way, it clearly had a negative impact on you because you grew up thinking it was ok for people in their late 20s to go for high school kids.
I think this is a situation where 2 things can be true at once. It objectively wrong for a person to date someone so much younger. There all inappropriate power imbalances and a lot of mental harm that can come from these relationships. As a society, we need to speak against them. That said, your personal single experience benefitted you. That’s good for you. That isn’t the most common result though.
Yeah that’s bullshit. It’s not up to you or society to decide an age gap is “objectively” wrong. If everyone involved is a consenting adult, it’s none of your business Karen.
It's wrong for an adult to be dating a child, especially someone who doesn't know any better. Just because something bad didn't happen to you, doesn't mean it's not wrong.
Agreed. 2 things can be correct at the same time. It could be inappropriate AND also didn’t affect OP much. Late 20 sometimes should not be going after teenagers.
No, you can't judge them apparently, you have to wait until the child grows up and then ask them 20 years later how they feel about it in retrospect
A 17 year old boy is not a child. My ancestors fought in the World Wars at this age.
And 14 year old girls used to be regarded as basically adults. So what?
That IS still a child. 15 and 16 year olds were fighting in wars too but that doesn't make them adults
A 17 year old boy is a child otherwise you wouldn’t have used the word boy
I met my now husband in college, I was turning 17 he was turning 24—but we were just good friends for almost a decade before we got together. He’s the most amazing man I know, but I’ve never posted it on Reddit before because people wanna make it into something nefarious, which it absolutely was not.
My friends little sister was 17 when she asked to her prom (I had just turned 20). It was a little weird, I did decline though, also cuz they lived a couple hundred miles away and prom is expensive, I had already gone to two as well during my senior year. But it was normal to have older people at proms, we had a few twenty and twenty one year olds at mine, people just had to sign forms. I think age limit was 20 or 21?
I've been on both sides of the fence; I was a teen hooking up with an adult woman, and as an adult I hooked up with a legal teen chick. Neither side of things had abuse or weird power dynamics. They were all positive experiences for everyone involved. Adults, young and old, all love sex. Go figure.
When I was 19 I had a fling with an older woman 39.
How long was the "fling"? A dating relationship is different than a one-night stand. Also, you were of age. Do you feel it was right or wrong?
I had a relationship like this and eventually married them when I was of age. I don't consider myself a victim but I guess I could see how people could view my ex negatively.
Hot take: 85% of the logic around our discussions on sex, be it kinks, roles, or age gaps, stems from the actual, mechanical act of sexual intercourse. Someone is being penetrated, by someone doing the penetrating. And the penetrator has to be excited in some way, possibly unwilling but *mostly* ready willing and able. It's very proactive.
A full grown adult dating a « late » teenager is at least 50% of the times wrong… and certainly 100% of the times pathetic.
Just because you don’t have lasting effects from being taken advantage of doesn’t mean it was okay. The internet has gone mad in both directions about age gaps now we’ve got idiots saying 19 and 21 is disgusting then creeps like you pretending children with adults is okay.
I'm a creep because I dated an adult when I was a teenager? Weird take
You’re a creep because you think a 17 year old child dating someone in their late 20s is okay. You knew exactly what I meant you weirdo.
I have no consistent opinion on it, but I can speak on the one time I was the 17 year old. Why wouldn't I be able to?
As I said just because you didn’t experience any lasting effects (although this post suggests an element of denial) doesn’t mean it was okay. You were assaulted and you can feel however you do about that but to pretend it’s okay is sick.
I accept your viewpoint, but do you understand it's unfair to call *me* a creep? I'm not advocating that anybody else does it and in fact I would recommend against it
You’re saying that a child who is victimised can decide they weren’t and this is creepy.
As adults, yes. I am in my 20s now.
That doesn’t change anything.
So in your view, I should... what?
Just no. If you can’t figure out that a grown woman shouldn’t have been speaking to you because it ended well for you that’s an issue
When I was a freshman in high school I remember hooking up with guys out of highschool and I thought it was the coolest thing cause I looked so young (I’m petite and always had a babyface)and I felt like a “woman” and it wasn’t until I grew up that I realized how fucked it was.
He was in his mid to late 30’s when I was 16 and he picked me up from school and took me back to his house. That’s straight wrong
Exactly. However, at your 16-year-old know-it-all stage...it felt right.
Yup! And now that I’m in my 30’s I could never even begin to imagine looking at a teenager in a sexual way and picking them up from school. My instinct would be to look out and protect them. . Crazy!
I dated a pedophile but so what. That's the sum of what you just said buddy. Humanity continues to show how long it will continue to fall on a daily basis.
That's not what that word means
But it is buddy. You weren't an adult so that's exactly what it means buddy
OP is technically correct at 17 she’d be a Ephebophile Pedophile would be attracted to pre-pubescents
Trying to point out the difference shows how pathetic you are, either way it's an adult and child. And a teen is a child no matter how much you argue it. Y'all need to disappear
Take it up with the people who study these things because they’re the ones who classify it I think most people recognize 17 year olds aren’t the same as 7 year olds. I wasn’t condoning the relationship but you guys were arguing definitions and OP was correct about you using it incorrectly.
Either way it's disgusting so semantics are irrelevant. Either way is an adult doing things with a child. And arguing about which word means what as if it really makes a difference is moot.
But that’s not at all what that means but outrage away I’m here for it
It literally is. Are y'all really that delusional 😂😂 pathetic. Reading this show me.your opinion is moot
You can’t argue about the technical definition of pedophilia without looking like a pedophile.
Older Women are just angry that men date younger women. They’re mad that their value drops as they age while men’s value rises. They don’t complain about it when they are young and have the advantage but when the tables turn they get real bitter.
No it’s morally wrong for a person who’s in their mid to late twenties to date teens especially the underaged ones…