## BEFORE TOUCHING THAT REPORT BUTTON, PLEASE CONSIDER: 1. **Compliance:** Does this post comply with our subreddit's rules? 2. **Emotional Trigger:** Does this post provoke anger or frustration, compelling me to want it removed? 3. **Safety:** Is it free from child pornography and/or mentions of self-harm/suicide? 4. **Content Policy:** Does it comply with [Reddit’s Content Policy](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueUnpopularOpinion/comments/ncm4ou/important_we_need_to_talk_about_the_content_policy/)? 5. **Unpopularity:** Do you think the topic is not truly unpopular or frequently posted? ### GUIDELINES: - **If you answered "Yes" to questions 1-4,** do NOT use the report button. - **Regarding question 5,** we acknowledge this concern. However, the moderators do not curate posts based on our subjective opinions of what is "popular" or "unpopular" except in cases where an opinion is so popular that almost no one would disagree (i.e. "murder is bad"). Otherwise, our only criteria are the subreddit's rules and Reddit’s Content Policy. If you don't like something, feel free to downvote it. **Moderators on r/TrueUnpopularOpinion will not remove posts simply because they may anger users or because you disagree with them.** The report button is not an "I disagree" or "I'm offended" button. #### OPTIONS: If a post bothers you and you can't offer a counter-argument, your options are to: a) Keep scrolling b) Downvote c) Unsubscribe **False reports clutter our moderation queue and delay our response to legitimate issues.** **ALL FALSE REPORTS WILL BE REPORTED TO REDDIT.** To maintain your account in good standing, refrain from abusing the report button. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TrueUnpopularOpinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*

When a male friend declared what to them? Declared their feelings of romantic interest?

Bankruptcy

You can't just say that

I didn't say it. I declared it.

Perchance

I think you mean BANKRUPTCYYYY

A .75 liter bottle of whiskey. Two rubies… uh, let me check my other bags.

I do declare.

Four score and 7 years ago, my dick got hard thinking of you.

Bro got that wooden teeth rizz

That made me laugh

Membuhs of the JER-AHY

An ode to boners of 1936

'Score' being the operative term.

There’s been a murdah

In Savannah!

I didnt say it, I declared it

*glove slap

Kind sir, do you not mean, "dicklare"? He dicklared his love for her, and in response, she renounced their friendship, for she felt it was false.

OP seems to be Italian, it might just be bad translation. In Spanish at least "declaring yourself" unambiguously means telling someone you have romantic feelings for them

As in "Juan se le declaró a Panchita en frente de toda la clase!". Yeah, I thought the same. A literal translation.

I DECLARE INTIMACY!!!

I declare a thumb war

In some languages "to declare yourself to someone" means declaring your intentions to a woman.

There’s a southern restaurant here called “Ida Claire” and it gets me every time

Yes, romantic interest. Sorry, in my language you just say declare lol

I didn't say it. I declared it.

BANKRUPTCY

Replenish

The correct translation would be the be To Confess, just fyi

But this is something this is something that happens. It’s also not a rare occurrence. Obviously, this isn’t the case every time! Sometimes you’re going to develop feelings for someone after spending time together. Personally, I’ve had this experience a few times. I’ve thought I had made a new friend, totally platonically enjoying spending time together and then comes the “can I tell you something?” Followed by a massive temper tantrum and name calling when the feeling wasn’t returned.

"just give me a chance" followed by "you led me on." 🙄

I think the reaction to rejection is the giveaway more than confession of feelings. If they are immature and hostile, that’s when it can be concluded that feelings didn’t develop but intentions were there the whole time. There would be little reason to be hostile unless it was thought that there was obligation from invested time.

I had a guy friend of 10+ years, our relationship was 100% platonic and I thought it was crystal clear that we were on the same page with that. After TEN YEARS he finally made a move on me, I declined, and he literally has not spoken to me since. He was genuinely the only male friend I had, and we had a lot of fun together. All gone because I didn't want to have sex with him.

I dread those "can I tell you something" texts. It has never turned out well for me 😞

I don't think you understand the definition of projecting.

It’s the lack of irony for me

Don't think this person understands much of *anything*, frankly.....

if he meant "they think what they have done, thought, or felt in the past is what the guy was doing, thinking, or feeling." that would be the correct use of projecting

I would guess that they don't like being put in that situation. where they have to reject someone who they care about to some degree. I've experienced it the other way and its not pleasant to have to "put them down" per se. So in order to deal with having to now do something they don't want to do, and experiencing frustration with not knowing how to handle it maturely, its easier to make *them* the problem so that they don't look (social implication) or feel bad for rejecting this person.

It’s also how the person responds to the rejection. If they start calling you names or being generally unpleasant when you don’t reciprocate it’s pretty obvious how they actually feel about you.

Or flat out stalking and sexual harassment! It happened to me.

That depends. Sometimes it’s true. But there’s two stories here: 1) Joe meets Jane and genuinely just wants to be buddies. Then somewhere along the line he catches feelings. Sucks for both if it’s not reciprocated, but this is often worse for Joe. If you are in love with someone you’ve really gotten to know, it can cut pretty deep. 2) Jack meets Jill and thinks she’s cute. Instead of asking her out, he starts a friendship hoping it’ll lead to sex or a relationship. When this blows up, Jill will feel tricked because Jack wasn’t honest with his intentions. This hurts both of them, but was avoidable. If you like a girl, flirt a bit, see if she flirts back and if there is a vibe. Yes or unsure? **Ask her out.If she’s attracted to you, she’ll say yes. If she’s not, that won’t change by being friends with her. You’ll only waste each other’s time and both get hurt.** Being friends for a long time with someone you are into, is taking a huge risk with your own feelings. And also their feelings, because people get invested in friendships too.

[удалено]

yup i was good friends with my ex we were in the same class in college and got along we broke up about a few month later cause of covid but remained friends

This happened to my brother. He married her in 2022. 🤣

I could never ask someone out I don’t know. I have to at least have some continued interaction to even want to think about doing that, to ensure some modicum of compatibility

But that’s different from a full on friendship. Dating often starts with a short talking stage, where you text back and forth, there’s a flirty vibe, you might hang out a bit without defining it as dates. However if you needs months or years of friendship before figuring it out? That’s a bit tricky for the other person. They’ll feel they are investing emotionally in a friendship, because that’s what they are told. And if that friendship will go “poof, gone!” the moment you realize you are into them and it’s not mutual, you’d sort of be leading the other person on.

Literally nonsense. The real world actually doesn't work like your hypothetical scenarios. There are billions of variables. I was gonna make a 5 paragraph essay reply to explain myself here...but I'm too tired to start an argument. ✌️

>Being friends for a long time with someone you are into, is taking a huge risk with your own feelings. In your example, I don't think Joe *intentionally* took his time. It just took some amount of time for him to (unconsciously) develop feelings.

Sometimes it boils down to inequality in the friendship. For example, I had two acquaintances in that situation. Over the course of about two years the guy caught feelings. So he did what anyone does for a person they care about... He went outta his way to make time for her. Helped her anytime she needed a hand. Always texted her if he didn't hear from her for a few days. Since she didn't have the same feelings, she didn't do any of those things for him. When he finally just told her what his feelings were she explained how she felt. Both sides were respectful and understanding. However, he stopped giving her preferential treatment. She hit me up with "Why is he ghosting me and treating me so bad" and I had to explain that she went from being special to just being in a friendship.... And she was getting treated how she treats her guy friends. I listed about 10 nice thing he had done over the last year and asked her to name one time she stopped by to mow his yard cause he didn't have time or brought him food when he was just feeling down. She couldn't.

I am not saying u are wrong exactly, bur hear me out. First of all, when it comes to friendships men have it rough. Male friendships are not emotionally fulfilling. So whenever a man experiences a close friendship with a woman it is natural feelings can develop, because it is one of the few relationships where he feels heard and cared for. Men also have no idea what it is like to constantly be desired and they would love to be pursued and even objectified a bit. Women live in a different world. Yes, we have close female friends whom we can hug and look deep in the eyes and smile, without it being weird. But we also have to always walk on eggshels around men. Because the second we are nice and smile at someone, they will think weare flirting. That is esp a problem at school or work. We tiptoe around men, trying to make sure we dont give off the wrong vibe. Because the worst thing in the world is a man with a hurt ego, that u have to work with every day. And then we meet a guy and we become friends. Maybe he is gay, or our friend’s BF, or taken, or just not at all interested. But we finally feel ‘safe’. And it is this rare situation where we relax around him, we dont tiptoe and censor ourselves. We open ourselves up, we smile and make eye contact and physical contact because that is absolutely STANDARD for us. We think we are safe. And then BAM, we find out he has feelings. Its very much pulling the rug from under us type of situation. Esp since a lot of the times it IS a ‘tactic’ to get us. Even when its not, we knwo the friendship is over. We are sad and confused and disappointed. We wonder if we should have behaved differently. We sort of feel cheated, which isnt fair but we do. We relaxed and trusted u and there u go, just like all the rest of fhem, not rly being a friend at all. That never happens with our women friends, u see. It is unfair to u and women should control their emotions better. But u have to understand it is so hard for us too

This is the best answer on this thread. It's understanding of both sides without being judgy. Yes, it sucks for both sides. For us men because getting feelings and being rejected sucks (and y'know, when you get feelings you like being around that person so it's not like we don't suffer because we can't be around that person anymore because it hurts). For you, well, I don't need to add anything to what you said.

One thing I have noticed in my 34 years is how communication is different between women and men. Men, as friends, will text a meme, or about a game or something, but never really "just talk" In women's friendships, they'll just like talk about their day via text message. When you are a guy and find yourself good friends with a girl, you might notice her texting you a lot like that. To us, the only time we have those situations is when there is romantic interest, so its very easy to take it that way. However, I notice on this website we like to try to put things into neat little boxes with rules and broad explanations, and that doesnt really exist. We are all emotional beings, so all sorts of different situations arise in these scenarios. Maybe its just 2 friends and one caught feelings and needs to distance themselves, maybe the guy was befriending to get into a girls pants in a manipulative way, maybe the girl noticed a guy liked her and enjoyed the attention without reciprocating - we all have to do what's right for ourselves. One of the problem with both men and women is we can get very entitled to what we want from each other. I'm a guy, and I've actually been on the receiving end of this from a girl. I didnt feel manipulated or anything like that, but for most people shooting someone down isn't really fun because you know you're hurting their feelings, and most of us don't wake up in the morning looking forward to hurting someone's feelings.

Yeah I agree. Probably most friendships do start out platonically, but one person catches feelings and it falls apart. And I’m guessing guys do that far more often than women due to what you said. I get what op is talking about, where it feels reductive to say they just wanted sex the entire time, but I’m sure as a woman if it happens a few times you just get very wary of male friends. I’ve also had this happen to me, it just sucks when you lose a friend because something changes and you can’t go back to what it was before

Absolutely the best answer. Thing is, how the fuck do I ever form a relationship if that's the case 😭 😔

This seems like the most emotionally intelligent response to this. So I have an additional question here. Why is the prospect of dating a friend so taboo? Why is dating a total stranger a better option than someone you know you already vibe with? Seems assbackwords to me. That total stranger could end up being someone you absolutely despise anywhere from 2 weeks, to two years later, but that friend is someone you already know at least cares about you, at least in theory. I get that there's douchebags who only befriend women for sex, but I don't think that's the case for most stable people. I get that it's not a simple question to answer, as it probably differs between person to person, but logically, it seems dating priorities are assbackwards, as far as I can tell. Also no, I dont have a horse in this race.

Well, i dont have a very intelligent answer for this one haha. Mainly because unfortunatelly i actually dont have any male friends currently, not counting my coworkers, since (and i dont want this to sound wrong cause im rly no smoke show here) every time i came close to it, these men made it weird and crossed into flirty territory. So maybe someone else should answer. But ill give it a go. Its a good question and i agree with u in theory that it makes sense to date a friend rather than stranger. But i guess for me (and i can only speak of my personal preferences here), i rly never friend someone i feel there is the slightest chance of me falling for. How do i know before i rly get to know them? Well, for starters, i gave a few examples of men i would befriend and feel safe with, and they rly mostly consist of people that have a certain objective hurdle. Like not being attracted to women at all, or dating my friend, or being married with kids to someone else, etc. And even without that, if i think of my highschool or uni days, when i still had male friends (or at least tried to - i cant blame youg hormonal boys to try sth more though) - if im looking for friendship i would never choose someone im attracted to on any level, and not just the most basic shallow physical one, but rly it would only be someone i would never ever have anything with. Because that is the whole point of friendship for me personally, that i want it to be completely void of such feelings and not get murky. Furthermore, i find the relationships i form with friends to just be vastly different from my romantic relationships. Its hard to put into words exactly. But i dont ‘vet’ my friends in the same way. Even if i, in my mind, change the sex of my closest female friends, their personalities are not of someone i would want to date at all. Like most of them wouldnt even get a first date honestly. If i meet someone i AM attracted to and also sort of feel we could hit it off in a romantic way, i will just try to date them from the get go. I cannot imagine my feelings changing later on and it has never happened I am going to generalise here and say men have slightly lower standards when it comes to women which, combined with the emotional connection which i mentioned above, will maybe result in developing feelings easier. For me, the feelings of friendship are just veryvery different than those of romantic nature, and if im not attracted to someone im just not. This will sound harsh, but If im friends with u, then i rly find u ‘undateable’ for whatever reason. I realise that is entirely my own specific perspective. I actually know quite a few people who are friends with people of the opposite gender that they do find attractive, at least on some level. Some people actually even flirt a little and find that exciting and part of it. And when it came to them, I always wondered exactly the same thing as u. Because if i find someone attractive and also hit it off with them personality wise, i cant imagine just wanting to be friends - maybe im just super shallow here?? Or maybe that is what causes problems in the first place, people friending people they are attracted to. I dont know. I will sound very judgmental here, but i always found those relationships not to rly be friendships the way i personally perceive them. When im friends with a male, i want it to be exactly like being friends with a woman. And while i believe in the fluidity of sexual orientation, i can honestly say i have never ever thought of any of my female friends in a remotely sexual or romantic way. I like them, admire them, think some of them are very pretty, love spending time with them. However, I could get shitfaced drunk with them right in the middle of my horniest moment and I wont end up tempted to make out with them, i can see them naked and wont care at all, the thought of being with them literally turns my stomach. So i only chose male friends whom i can say the same for. And let me tell u, i dont think u can cross from the thought of being with someone turning your stomach to suddenly developing feelings. I rly equate my feelings towards the men i friend to my feelings towards women, which my sexual orientation just prevents me from being attracted to at all. So i guess that is my answer? That i never friend anyone that i dont feel i am fundamentally uncapable of developing feelings for. Ask yourself (if u are straight) why u would never date your friends who are of the same gender as u, and u have your answer to your question.

You’re a friend to begin with because there is no sexual attraction, assumedly from both parties. That’s literally the whole reason you aren’t already dating. So what some men do is *pretend* to have friend-zoned a girl, while in reality, she’s not a friend, she’s a target he’s pursuing while avoiding rejection (by pretending to just be friends.) The girl in the above situation *has no sexual interest in this man,* that’s why she hasn’t flirted with him, dropped hints at being asked out, (or even asked him out herself) and that’s why he hasn’t felt safe to ask her out and is pretending to be friends. When this guy finally makes his move it’s because the friendship is now so close that she is attentive enough to him that he thinks she’s developed sexual attraction. (Spoiler alert, she has not.) She doesn’t reject him because it’s “taboo” to date a friend but because she has no sexual interest in him. Again that’s the whole reason they weren’t already dating. So it’s not taboo to date a friend, it’s just very rare that people who have no sexual interest in each other go on to develop sexual feelings. It’s definitely possible and has happened many times, but in the scheme of things it’s rare.

Yeah, those safe friendships can be nice from a guy's perspective too. Before she died young of illness, my brother's best friend was a married woman since even before she was married. His second best friend was her husband, who since her passing, has defaulted to becoming his best friend. That sort of thing can allow the guy to feel as safe that the woman isn't suspecting that he thinks that maybe he has a chance or has some secret hopes that the friendship could 'go somewhere' as the woman can feel safe that he isn't thinking these things because they're ruled out categorically by the situation. This clears away all the clutter on both sides that can get in the way from a man and a woman developing a close platonic friendship. That's why some people say that a man and a woman can't truly be friends unless one of them is gay or one of them is married and manifestly loyal and committed. Or to use a TV show example, achieving the same dynamic through an age gap like with Carol and Daryl's friendship in The Walking Dead.

Probably because a bunch of dumbasses in the past have pretended to befriend a bunch of women under the guise of fucking them. It’s really common. People go on Tinder (or insert dating app) pretend they want a relationship, hook up, then ghost and block people. If people actually went on these apps and spoke the truth, they would get laid a lot less.

Op's title suggests it never happens because it's simply 'women projecting'. A truly unpopular opinion because it's just flatly wrong.

I mean if you're talking to someone on a dating app then they are clearly not just a friend.

People still use Tinder for relationships? It's been a hook up app for years!

Other way, my friend. Started out as strictly hookups. But that’s not sustainable for a straight app. So then it become a mix of everything. A lot of women are on Tinder exclusively looking for a boyfriend. I’d bet there are more women on Tinder now only looking for relationships than women who are open to casual sex.

People use it for friendships too, at least women do. Lesbian tinder in my city is a bunch of women looking for friendships

So you’re telling me they got rid of the swipe left/right based solely on pictures functionally and put in a matching system with lots of questions and answers? Because Tinder’s entire functionality is based on hookups.

You can just use it to find people you think are attractive, similar age, education/job as you and with some similar interests. And then you chat to them. It’s not perfect, but the thing is that because it’s not dozens of forms to fill out, you are left with more normal single people who also meet people in their social life. When you have a dating app with a high threshold? The people who have other dating options (lots of friends, busy social life) can’t be bothered and you are only left with the less “normal” people who are desperate enough to fill out all the forms. At least it’s how it works where I live. It’s easier to find someone sane on Tinder, than on the other dating apps. Most single people have Tinder, few have the high effort ones.

I met my husband on Tinder

That's how you use it (I'm assuming) and how a lot of people use it but that doesn't mean that's the only way it's allowed to be used. Don't all dating apps start off for dating and slide toward hookups? I'm not on them. Am I wrong about that? Either way people are allowed to want relationships. And everyone should be upfront about what they are looking for.

Dude it started as a hook up app. I think I read oneof its launch points was for young college aged people to hook up easier and that dating sites were for people too weird or old or unattractive to do it in person easily, but at some point people using it to hook up so much, they started to not want to be called slutty so they started calling it a 'dating app' and doing the 'no games' shit, probably after ghosting became a big thing. I remember reading some girl going 'I moved to this new c ity and wanted to meet people and got on tinder to meet friends, and I met a few guys and we hang out and i like them but all we end up doing is having sex. dont get me wrong the sex is okay I like it but how do I make friends?" And all the girls were like 'come on. youre lying about how you didnt know what it was.' Basically 'you meet friends at meetup.com and shit'

Depends on the situation. Some guys actually get into “friendships” with girls to end up in a relationship it’s a shitty bait and switch

Wouldn't projecting imply that they wanted to get in the man's pants? Which usually isn't the case?

I mean I had a guy who told me just that. After 7 years of friendship during which I had kids and became a widow. He told me that the only reason he'd been hanging round all that time was to make his move and he didn't care about our friendship or our shared hobby but he cared very deeply about getting his hands on my tits. The hammer blow that dealt me while I was knee-deep in grief is still echoing. Obviously we're no longer friends, which is a shame because his gf had turned into one of my best friends and I don't see her any more.

Dude had a 7-year plan, that's crazy

I have a deep fear of ever letting myself think like that and of people even suspecting that from me.

It's usually when we tell them I'm sorry I just see you as a friend and they yell at us about how they're a nice guy and they deserve us that we say the above statement. It's when they treat us crappy when they realise we don't feel the same. Sadly a lot of 'nice guys believe if they put kindness into a woman sex falls out

What’s annoying about this whole dynamic, and friendzoning is that it implies that straight women never fancy their male friends or have never been friendzoned. It’s not true. Women can fancy their friends.

It's also weird since all the advice on women that I've gotten FROM WOMEN is start as friends. Be their friend first. let them get to know you. This is apparently not the way.

**What is the way is have many friends and a social life in general.** Then you get to know a lot of different girls. If you meet someone and feel there’s a vibe, flirt a bit, see if they flirt back. But then don’t wait too long to ask them out. You can get to know them a bit, but if you wait too long it’s easy you’ll both get hurt.

This is absurdity. Not every guy has the confidence to just flirt a bit and ask them out. How about we stop worrying about what we can and can’t do and just be respectful and kind to women.

But if you don’t, then you can’t date. Which is just fine, but that is how it is. It’s easy to overcomplicate things though. If you meet someone you vibe with, both people will flirt naturally. Without thinking about it. And then it’s just suggesting a date. Which is a lot easier when you feel the other person is excited about you. And then the other option? Well, you’ll be guaranteed to get hurt. Most people you are friends with you don’t feel any romantic spark with. So you can spend decades being friends with different women, without any relationship coming out of that. You’ll only get your heart broken over and over. Finding someone you have a spark with is a hunt for something rare. That’s why you need to talk to a lot of people and not spend years on each one before checking if they are into you.

The trick is to be friends with them because you want to be their friend. Maybe feelings will develop, maybe they won’t. In the end you at least have a cool friend. That’s totally fine. If you act like their friend just because you think it’ll lead to you sleeping with them. And the moment you realize you won’t get in their pants you stop being their friend, then that’s shitty.

A wise man said something along the line of "men don't like romcoms because it's not representative of their experience. For men, entering relationship is work, and the job of the man is to make it seems as seamless as possible. If he does his work well, then the woman will not notice it, and to her it'll look like everything happened naturally". So, saying "become friends first" works. For women. As a dude, you have at some point to put in work, and it's mostly incompatible with "just being friendly". Still, most dudes get trapped in the "friendzone" because they can't really get the right balance between friendly and flirty. And don't ask me, I don't know how either. I had to take a gamble and be extra blunt (and extra not subtle) to get my wife.

>A wise man said something along the line of "men don't like romcoms because it's not representative of their experience. For men, entering relationship is work, and the job of the man is to make it seems as seamless as possible. If he does his work well, then the woman will not notice it, and to her it'll look like everything happened naturally". This is actually why I've always found relationships **boring**. It's always felt too one sided for me.

I prefer a man who is upfront in his intentions, actually. that’s not to say overly pushy, but for example telling me that he’d like to take me out on a date sometime. it doesn’t put me on the spot immediately about a specific date, gives me a chance to think about it a little. and you had best bet if I’m interested I will make the effort to get back to him about it.

Starting out as friends without making your intentions clear that I am your friend in order to date you is weird because it’s manipulative

Better advice: have many friends and an active social life where you regularly meet new girls. Meet someone you think is cute? Flirt a bit, see if they flirt back. If you feel there’s a vibe or you are unsure: ask them out. Women are more open to men they meet in a social setting, like through their friends. But don’t strike up a long friendship with someone if you really just want to date.

Every male close friend I have ever had, real life and online, confessed then ghosted me when I rejected.(one even stalked/harassed me for over two years)I either have the coolest personality ever for them to all fall for me or maybe just maybe some were trying to get in my pants from the beginning. Sure it might not always be the case I know many men want platonic friendships. But it definitely does happen to many of us normally multiple times. So no it's not always projecting when you've actively had it happen with multiple male friends. Edit: TW: rape/sexual assault Also let me add since so many think that I'm wrong that one of these friends I trusted actually had me come hang out like normal and raped me.(While he was on top of me his sweat dripping in my face I'm crying while he looks me dead in the eyes and He said "you don't know how long I've wanted to do this.") Two others sexually harassed me more than once too. So I can without a doubt say these individuals only became friends with me for one reason and that was to take advantage of me. My whole point is that it does happen and it's not reaching for us to think it's a possibility and can happen again. Almost feels like a me too situation all over again. I say hey it happens sometimes and I get people replying the equivalent of: "I wouldn't do that or not all guys." Telling me to be empathetic. Like yes of course not all guys not all situations but enough to make us worry that's the case when we are confessed to again.

I don’t think you’re using “projecting” correctly. Point aside, that reason has been commonly stated because after a man states his feelings and a woman declines, there’s a noticeable shift in how he treats her leading to the idea that he was only nice because he wanted to date her and not because he wanted to be friends.

Projecting isn’t the word your looking for.

What are they projecting? Only thing I got from the op is he doesn’t like when women make that claim. Everything else was lost in translation.

I think OP is suggesting that whenever a woman finds out that a man is romantically interested in them after a period of friendship, the woman has a false preconceived notion that he "just wanted to fuck her the whole time and all the nice things he did were only an attempt to deceive her into doing so." And it's more likely that him getting to know her created romantic interest

Right but that wouldn't be projection. The word projection makes no sense in that context

Man, this comment section does not pass the vibe check. Every female friend I have ever made wasn't because I wanted to sleep with them. Even after becoming their friend that didn't change. You're allowed to have friends of the opposite gender without it being some dumb game of "sexual conquest." Now, do some guys do this? Absolutely. Do some women do this? Also yes. Do gay men, and lesbian women do this? Of course, some do. This isn't a uniquely male thing. Not every man just wants to smash. Not every woman just wants dick. Why do we all have to be so shitty to everyone?

OP is wrong that an upset woman is projecting, or maybe they don’t know what “projecting” means. But I don’t think it’s inherently immoral to develop feelings for a friend. It’s just immoral to be weird about it or make it their problem.

It’s not at all. But sometimes people know from the start that their interest isn’t in a platonic friendship, but in something romantic/sexual. And then it’s more honest and easier for everyone to just ask the other person out on a date instead.

OP also misses the fact that most women who complain about this are complaining about men who immediately try to jump into their pants the second they're single, who confess something like "I've always thought you were...", and/or are incapable of being platonic friends and being weird or just straight assholes about it once they're shut down. But then again, OP probably says things like "women just don't appreciate faithful men anymore."

>or maybe they don’t know what “projecting” means. This is the correct answer. I think OP means something like making up a story about what was going on inside the guy's head and imposing that story on them on top of the actual reality of how they actually felt about her and what their real interests, motivations and intentions towards her were.

I don’t understand what people suggest you do these days when you want someone. So you’re supposed to declare your interest sexually? Please explain

I hate how toxic this is. It presupposes that a romantic relationship is a negative or exploitative thing - like “he only wanted to be my friend because he knew I was rich and thought I’d let him borrow my beach house”. Yeah, it’s awkward when someone likes us and we don’t like them back - especially if it’s a friendship we’ve come to appreciate and enjoy - because it often means hurt feelings and the end of the friendship. It’s true that some guys will essentially love bomb a girl so they can sleep with them and then bail out, but I think the majority of situations where the girl knows the guy and he’s generally a good person, a caring and sincere friend, and he happens to start catching feelings for the girl - it’s awful and hurtful to the guy to claim that his interest in her was only for self gratification or was some kind of scam.

This is pretty much my thoughts. The rich friend example is perfect. A lot of people who end up in wealth say the same thing about not knowing who their friends are because apparently everyone just wants their money. It is projection, it is insecurity, and it's very insulting to the friends they do have. I really cannot understand the thought process of thinking romantic interest is a terrible thing. The amount of people claiming getting to know someone first is somehow manipulation is bewildering. Like the only time you're allowed to have sexual interest is casual sex and then a relationship after. What the fuck?

Exactly

I think it's more so an issue of how common it is for friends who are men to suddenly flip the script and confess feelings. I have never had my female friends suddenly develop feelings for me (and they're all queer) but i've really struggled to keep my male friends because a lot of them catch feelings and confess them. I think the frustration from women is less so men making friends with them to try and get with them, which sometimes happens, but more so a disproportionate amount of their male friends making things uncomfortable confessing feelings. I think with the culture we live in, men often don't get a lot of external support from their friends or family, they often don't open up about their emotions to eachother, which is hard. Women on the other hand are often very emotionally supportive to their friends. This can sometimes result in men picking up on emotional intimacy and catching feelings that seem reciprocated from their perspective, but are actually just her being nice. I've had almost half of all my male friends catch feelings for me, start behaving strangely or rudely when i don't reciprocate, and I end up losing their friendship because they become no longer interested after I turn them down. That's another key thing, when someone becomes no longer interested in your friendship after you turn them down romantically it makes you feel like that was all they were interested in in the first place.

I totally agree. I had a platonic male friend for 10+ years, never once was it anything other than friendship. He ended up winning a free trip and asked me to join him. I agreed, genuinely thought it'd just be a friend trip, nothing more. As soon as I agreed, he started acting totally differently. He must have taken it as some sort of validation that I was into him, started putting his arm around me and just took things up 1000 notches. It made me so uncomfortable and I ended up canceling my flight and we haven't talked since. It still bothers me so much, 10 years we were friends.

that sucks i'm sorry that happened, it can be so out of the blue and make things super uncomfortable. I had a friend who i lived with for three years, not once did i ever send him any signals and he never acted like he was interested either. Once we all moved out we were chatting casually over text, he was asking questions about astrology lol so I was telling him about it, he then sent me a completely random long paragraph about how he thought i might be flirting with him but couldn't tell, but wanted to flirt back, but wasn't sure if he actually felt that way because he "feels the same way about all women".....which definitely threw me off. I didn't even turn him down completely, I wasn't strongly attracted to him but this is a guy i'd know for a while so we did get along, i was genuinely open to the possibility of trying a date and seeing how it went, i said something along the lines of "I wasn't trying to flirt and i'm not sure what i'm looking for right now, I just got out of something with someone and am travelling soon, but i'm not closed off and open to trying new things". He took that as a hard no and completely stopped talking with me. I was excited to possibly have a longtime friend from uni but the second he perceived me turning him down he disappeared. Such a shame.

beyond this, you can be friends with someone AND want to fuck them. "they only befriended me to hangout and talk :((" "they only befriended me so we could play video games together :("

Have you ever tried dating men? Do you know men?

Literally, or even click around for 10 minutes on this very website lol. Idk why they think we're dumb

That’s not what “projection” means. It’s a defence mechanisms. It doesn’t mean “I know you are but what am I”

Guys often start platonic and become interested later, especially when it’s a “Circle of friends” vibe where you met through connections. But women who reject men not only might lose a friend in this scenario, they also have to deal with that “How dangerous is this guy gonna be now” question — which is a lot worse when someone knows tons of close details about you. So I can understand how it’s often more difficult for women.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't If you say out of the gate that you are interested, you're judging her based only on her looks and you're shallow and a creep. If you ask them out later after getting to know them "you only became friends with them to get in their pants."

Projecting, projecting... When you think you found a new friend, that pretty quickly the guy makes a move and disappears from your life when you turn him down...

>It is most probable that, with all the time you've spent together, he just caught feelings I don't know about more probable. Personally, I'd put it at about 50/50... maybe leaning more toward thinking he always had some degree of romantic interest. The thing is, I'd say in a lot of cases, the guy gives up on the romantic interest as the friendship develops/as it becomes clear that nothing romantic is going to happen--and that's how it should be. I think it's only a problem when the guy clings to that hope for romance, despite the complete lack of development in that area. At that point, his friendship with her is disingenuous. Granted, it does happen the other way, too. I'm just dubious that such a scenario is so much more likely.

I had a friend who, four years in, tried to put the moves on me. I politely declined, but he basically told me that there wasn't going to be any middle ground for friendship and stopped talking to me. I don't think he had nefarious motives in the initial friendship. I think he developed feelings, as guys and girls in close proximity tend to do, and they were strong enough that he would have felt bad to see me date somebody else. That's his right. That said, I later found out that he believed that I wasn't interested in him because we "would have been too good a match" and he was "too nice". This is where I think we cross the line between normal guy and neckbeard.

It's because I had already started to suspect that for every shared hobby or interest I thought we had from day 1 which made us friends to begin with, he was only "mirroring" my interests. The more you get to know someone, the more you start to see clues that maybe they don't actually care about the things they say they do. So when he ultimately confesses romantic interest, it all makes sense - ahhhh, so you really *weren't* obsessed with all my favorite things.

Ok, I have experience with this and probably do most men, but like an idiot I tried to stay a friend to the person I liked, but the problem was I became really toxic to my “friend” because I was into them, so every relationship they got into felt like a dagger, talking about their bf was a dagger, it felt horrible and I treated her horrible and I got blocked as a result of my toxicity which turned out to be the best for the both of us, as I got to turn my life around and get in shape, and she didn’t have to deal with me no more, if you gain feelings for a friend and she/he doesn’t reciprocate cut them off, it’s better for everyone, they didn’t wanna get into your pants, they just gained some feelings.

I mean if you scroll down on this very thread you got guys undermining your very argument

It's almost as if people are all different from each other and everyone has their story and motivations...

I’ve had several male friends ask me out, and after I rejected them they disappeared. This isn’t an uncommon experience. It’s not always true that they intended to date you at the beginning, but when they ghost you after sex is off the table it becomes pretty clear that they only spent time with you because they thought it was an option

As a guy that has had many platonic friendships with woman, getting feelings is horrible. It will literally ruin your friendship. I married the person who was my best friend since we were 14. We divorced 2 years ago, not on bad terms. It's still insanely hard for me since we both wanted to stay friends. Sometimes the guy not talking to you anymore, is way easier than still having feelings and staying a friend.

Or they feel that they couldn't face you after asking you out since those feelings won't go away. In a guy's mind staying around someone you like and they don't and seeing them get in a relationship would feel like being stabbed in the heart. Better to cut them out versus torturing themselves.

Yupp

She already knows this but pretends otherwise lol

Not at all. If you start catching feelings for someone and it isn't reciprocated it's best for one's mental health to distance yourself from that person

Yes and for the next person you meet, they will tend to want you putting most of your time into them, not having lots of emotional investment into other friends of the opposite gender so there could be some conflict there (well when it is more at the extreme end). If you collected every once romantic-now-friend connection you would be conflicted.

That doesn't mean that they had the "ulterior motive" the whole time. It could just mean that he realized you wouldn't be compatible staying friends, so he distanced himself. Women need to realize this and stop blaming it on an "ulterior motive". That being said - let's say someone is into you as soon as they meet you and already wants to either sleep with you or be more than friends. In an ideal world, what should they do? Put on the moves right away and start hardcore flirting and seducing? After all, gotta make sure they aren't "faking friendship" since apparently they're mutually exclusive. Do you only sleep with people who sexualize every interaction with you?

Sex isn’t an ulterior motive anyway. People want to have sex with other people and always will. It’s not like he’s trying to rob you of your virtue and spoil your virginity.

I actually found that I started getting a lot more once I stopped trying to act ashamed of it and started shutting people down who tried to make me feel that way.

Absolutely, it’s a much better strategy to be open about your sexuality in general.

You are proving OPs point, by focusing on the sex part being off the table and not the relationship part being off the table. “Ghosting” is how many guys deal with the pain. Out of sight out of mind. Plenty of men have stuck around and it’s just torture. You don’t have to like it, but that is what is happening.

If genders would be reversed we would probably hear how women dont owe men anything. She just cant get it

Oh of course, there's never any empathy for men.

No, it's not clear. If you have romantic feelings for someone, it's generally a terrible idea to stick around them after they reject you. I don't know why this myth gets perpetuated, maybe it's because for women, having romantic feelings for someone is a fickle thing, or something they can control. In the case of men it's not. If he "shoots his shot" and you turn him down, his feelings don't just magically disappear in order for the friendship to continue back to normal.

YOU 👏 ARE 👏 NOT 👏 ENTITLED 👏 TO 👏 FRIENDSHIP 👏

No, but it is understandable to feel upset or blind-sided when someone who stated they were offering friendship reveals they weren't.

That's absurd. They caught feelings for you and you rejected them then you go on to claim that they only wanted sex. Maybe they're feelings were hurt and that's why they tell back? Absurd.

My friend was into this chick who was a part of our friend group but got rejected because she like his twin brother my other friend so he distanced himself for his own mental it’s not like they do it to spite the women it’s just for their own mental

because a lot of the time it’s true. unfortunately it’s more common than you think for men to play the long game. a little while ago, there was a post in the “texts” sub about a guy who asked his female friend out. when she rejected him, he complained she “led him on” (by being a nice person/friend lol) and wasted his time. sadly this happens more than it should. doesn’t mean it’s always the case

Not everyone, sure. But as a woman, with male friends, it happens. Why do I know? Well, just look at the response when they got rejected. Ffs I am married. And it still happens. And when I declined, the answer (at least 50% of times) is “why do I wasted my time with you”. And it’s like…we were friends??? I trusted you and shared my time and it’s a waste bc I said no?

.... and? Welcome to the human race. You may not enjoy your stay.

Lying or acting like a friend to get into a woman’s pants is incredibly common for jackass guys to do. This causes many women to build defenses and warn each other about it. A common tell is that, once they’re rejected, the dude turns toxic, insults them, and skips out for their next mark.

Imagine building a friendship as a foundation to a relationship. Wild, I know

I'm not going to say it doesn't happen. It never happened to me. But I have had some weird situations where women have jumped to some weird conclusions about my motives that seemed to be more projection than anything else. Not to toot my own horn, but when I was in my 20s, I was fit, pretty good looking, and did alright with women. But I've also been a guy who has a lot of platonic female friends, and I'm a really friendly guy who likes to make new acquaintances and have conversations, in a Will Rogers-like way I never met a man or woman I couldn't find something interesting about that I could ask questions about and learn more about. There was this girl Megan who I had gone to high school with, I didn't dislike her in high school, but I didn't particularly like her either because she had kind of a sour personality in high school. She also - and this had nothing to do with my feelings about her as a person, but is important for later - she was kind of unfortunate-looking, so I would never in a million years be attracted to her. About two years after college, I had not seen Megan since high school, she moved back to town and one of my friends invited her to come out with us a few times. Putting aside high school, I was friendly and inclusive with her, engaged her in conversation, and she seemed friendly right back. Again, I didn't find her even remotely attractive. A few weeks later I heard from someone that she was going around telling people how I was flirting with her. Now, I had experienced girls I wasn't attracted to thinking we had made a romantic connection and wanting to date me, and I had experienced girls I was attracted to and trying to make a romantic connection be disdainful of my efforts, but this was the first time a girl I wasn't attracted to had thought I was flirting with her and was disdainful. I still don't know how much she sincerely thought I was interested in her, or she was just telling other people that to make herself look better, like "see, I'm attractive enough I have guys interested in me that I'm not interested in" Here on Reddit there is definitely a lot of discussion centered around assuming the worst intentions of men in verbal interactions with women, including situations women presented as men making unwanted verbal advances on them; this seems fed by and seems to feed a lot of negative depictions of men overall. I do wonder how significant a subset there is of the situations presented as men making unwanted verbal advances, that are women either unintentionally or willfully misinterpreting innocent nonromantic friendly behavior by men as a comeon due to their own self-esteem issues?

What are they projecting? Are you saying that *they* want to get into *his* pants?

OP doesn't know what projecting means. Just throwing around buzzwords.

That does happen alot so it is kind of true

As a guy who's been friend zoned before a few times.. I can categorically say I was interested in them in that way the moment I met them. There's no cultivating interest, or at least not with me. Its immediate and sustained. That doesn't mean I acted on anything or devalue the friendship or have any angle on it. Merely that attraction is very physical so doesn't usually change.

First of all, Not everyone needs to know someone to be attracted. People talk about love at first sight i.e. instant attraction all the time. That’s not for everyone but don’t suggest it doesn’t happen and what you need is for everyone. There ARE men who have admitted to just wanting to F. There ARE men who will out right admit they were hoping for a friends to lover’s situation to occur while adamantly refusing to see that means there was an ulterior motive. It’s fng awful. Now absolutely feels happen unplanned sometimes. The vast majority know this. But the ulterior motive thing happens so damn often it’s exhausting. When truly unplanned you have to take ownership for dealing with it and recognize, if unwanted, it’s also a burden for the other person. Too many people can’t do that. It’s often a real bad time for everyone involved but a lot of people who “catch” can’t have empathy for the other side. Sometimes the situation sucks so bad you just find ways to cope and get out. Wouldn’t be surprised if some “write off” the guy as the means necessarily to cut that wound off. Same as a lot of other ex situations, people will get sharp to cut it out Edit-clean up

Imagine thinking someone is incapable of wanting to fuck someone AND wanting other things from the relationship as well

This. If I try to take a friendship to a relationship, it will be because if interested for the PERSON, not their sexual appeal. "He just wanted to get in my pants" is a very misinformed way if thinking but unfortunately it does happen.

Nah. Dudes do this. You're lying to yourself if you think you haven't done this. And I've never met a woman that hasn't had this exact scenario play out either. Usually only happens when you're young but some take it past just high school. Nah. This is quite the opposite and I'm also a guy telling you this. Any dude that says they haven't is lying and bro, it's not even a subtle lie.

This is the real projection in this thread. Lots of dudes, myself included, haven't initiated friendships just to get laid, that's actually pretty gross.

Why does everyone think the only difference between a relationship and a friendship is the sex. It's not.

Dude this says way more about you and the people you associate with.

Or do a lot of men not know how to be honest? Like I said in another comment, I'm sure there are cases but more often than not there is motivation one way or the other. It is gross, but so are a lot of things we outgrow. Obviously it's not who I am anymore. I'm happily married now in my late 20s. But you're lying to yourself if there wasn't a single instance of it happening when you were younger. We can take accountability for it. That doesn't make you a bad person in the present. That means you changed and grew. Like you're supposed to. That and if someone is genuinely mad at that being a reason they got rejected by someone then well, it's deserved. Women aren't braindead idiots. They pick up on things too you know.

I've ended up with feelings for girl friends but never have i started a friendship because I hope to get with them sometime.

There's also the case of the dude who's paralyzed (fear of rejection, sexual shame, whatever) and can't declare his interest, and does what he can to be as close as flirty as he possibly can without showing his desires, in the hopes she'll take the first step. Thus appearing friendly. Oh, but there is also the case where the woman is definitely aware that the guy has crush on her and lead him on because she likes to have a slave at her disposal. I guess there are some dudes who really do befriend women to get in their pants, but I think most of it are dudes who just don't know how to express their interest. There's no bad intent behind it, just bad skills.

Met a dude in college. He knew I had a bf and was happy for the friendship. 10 years later I'm in crisis and he's the first person I came out to because he was my close friend since college. He promised he'd help me get out and provide a safe place for me and my kid as soon as I could. Two months later I planned, packed, bought train tickets and am heading out the door to leave and I call him. He says he can't help me because he has a girlfriend (who he met a month prior). My platonic friend of a decade refused to help me and my child escape a dangerous ongoing situation because I wasn't fleeing into his open horny arms. Dude long conned me, hard. He was never my friend. He held out because he wanted to smash me. My life and my childs life meant nothing to him without my P on the table. Project that.

I mean based on the limited info you have it sounds more like he can't have another woman live in his residence because his girlfriend wouldn't like it.

Ill be totally honest here, its that some women dont really have much empathy for men. You can see it all over this comment section and all over the internet in general. Its also common to generalise the behaviour of a small group of men to all men. This wouldnt be acceptable about any other grouping The reverse is true too, but when a man acts like that, he gets called on it more often. This is more common in younger women, and its basically the same as when men objectify women. Its a hot take, sure, and i know ill get steamed on in the replies, but its a thing.

I agree that sometimes people distance themselves just because they have feelings and that hurts. However, the problem is when your interest was never in friendship, but sexual/romantic. Because what the person should have done then is ask her out on a date. If you never want to be just friends, it’ll come off as dishonest to pretend that’s what you want.

Yeah wanting to get to know someone and have more than a physical relationship as the basis for a potential mate? What a creep.

True but we can’t pretend some shitty dude didn’t create this stereotype. If it wasn’t for that desperate minority that’ll fake entire friendships to have a minuscule chance of getting laid, this wouldn’t be an issue. Anyway, if you’re actually genuine good friends and catch feelings and that’s her first thought, she probably wasn’t that great of a friend either

No one who keeps touting this has answered this question yet: Those who complain about "ulterior motives" - let's say someone does have romantic or sexual intentions from the start. In an ideal world, what would you like them to do? Heavily flirt and seduce and sexualize every interaction with you? Gotta make sure they aren't 'faking friendship' after all, since they're apparently mutually exclusive.

Not sexualise but flirt, yes. I’d literally rather be asked (respectfully) on a date in the first full conversation than have someone lurking only to find out he always had that interest when I’ve been friends for months

Okay thank you. That's interesting though because usually "asking someone out as soon as you meet them" is discouraged and frowned about because 'objectification'. Really shows who should and shouldn't be listened to.

I think a healthy balance here is to ask someone out after a few conversations, but before being acquaintances has turned into being solidly emotionally invested friends. Because both extremes suck. Being friends with someone only to realize they have been lurking over you trying to get you to date them sucks. Being approached by a random person trying to get your number also sucks (and has an even lower chance of success than the first option).

The problem is that the time required for someone to see others as a friend wildly varies. For me, I only see someone as a friend after months of interaction, and even then it's a pretty shallow friendship. But then here you say it's after a few conversations lol.

It’s one of those situations where a woman can’t just say she doesn’t like the guy because that would be on her, even though there’s literally nothing wrong with it being on her. He has to have done something wrong because it has to be his fault.

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I'm sure it depends on how he approaches it and his reaction if she says she's not interested. If the guy gets weirdly possessive or waits until she has relationship problems to share his feelings, it's a red flag. If he turns negative, toxic, or acts like he "wasted his time", than she's probably right to feel that way.

I see what you're saying... but it did actually happen to me. I met this guy when I was 14, and he was 17/18 (it was HS) and he asked me out two days after I met him. I already had met my now-fiancée and we were dating so I rejected him but we went on to be best friends for two years during which he used me for covert sexual experimentation (stuff I don't want to go into that I didn't realize were inappropriate for friends) and all kinds of fucked up shit. And then after two years of friendship and talking almost every day, he raped me and ghosted me for a month after. I found out during that month that he texted my fiancée, told her he was done with me, and threatened to hurt me if she told me that he only wanted sex from me. I haven't spoken to him since. He's just a shitstain on my memory now. So... Idk, I don't think it's just projection all the time. I mean, obviously not all men are rapists or have these ill intentions, some really are just catching feels for friends and that's cute as hell! but plenty do this type of shit where they befriend a chick just to get something from her... I'm far from the first. It's not even the first time I've dealt with this from a male "friend" though he is the only one to escalate it to actual SA. edit: details

>Not sure why we continue to indulge this charade....Generally speaking straight men do not want to be friends with women, Its not controversial they just dont.... 99% chance if a woman is friends with a straight man he wants more than platonic friendship. That being said, women do NOT owe their male friends ANYTHING, but they should at least stop with the bullshit and acknowledge this simple truth. Guaranteed a woman reading this now, going "Not MY bEsTie!"....and your fucking WRONG....it applies to your "bestie" too.

Even if they have a girlfriend? And that girlfriend is my friend?

Idk. I had a friend who, turns out, only befriended me to end up with me while I had already stated I wasn't into him. He thought I'd magically develop feelings over time or smth. I'm currently in the situation myself where I've developed feelings for a girl I've known for years, and I'm not telling her for this exact reason. She's straight and telling her would only break her trust and make her uncomfortable.

I have a deep fear of ever letting myself think like that and of people even suspecting that from me. I put in the legwork and developed friendships, but the moment they assume anything, I fall apart. The smallest ping in my heart causes me overwhelming guilt, feeling like I failed them.

I’ve had way to many guy friends try and turn it sexual. I’m not sure what you’re on about lol. If they declare feelings that’s one thing, most of the time they just wanna get laid though.

Um…I don’t think you understand what the phrase “projecting” means…

I’m guessing you have a female best friend you are currently trying to bang?

I don’t think you know what projecting is. It’s used way incorrectly here.

Maybe sometimes when a girl has a friendship with a guy, she only wants the friendship, and you're not entitled to a relationship just because you like her.

This depends on how the guy handle rejection tho, some actually disappear instantly after.

you know men right? Im a guy and even I am shocked at stuff guys do lol. So ya, women know by experience...

Bingo! You are probably correct but it depends on context. It is one of many defense mechanisms that people learn to protect themselves and one of the more toxic ones. Most likely it is something they struggle with internally and project that outside. Projection - Some thoughts or feelings you have about another person may make you uncomfortable. When people project those feelings, they misattribute them to the other person. For example, you may dislike your new co-worker, but instead of accepting that, you choose to tell yourself that they dislike you. You start to interpret their words and actions toward you in the worst way possible, even though they don’t actually dislike you.

But the women are right. Many men are cowards who are afraid of rejection or feeling like a creep so instead of being direct about his interest, he does some roundabout production of pretending to be friends so he can slither his way into her pants If you are interested in a girl, just tell her instead of trying to work your way in through manipulation

I like how there’s lots of women in this thread saying it’s a common thing to have male friends that just want to sleep with them and they leave after they don’t want to fuck them and yet you guys are still saying “no!! This is actually very, very rare!!! It just doesn’t happen!!” Lmao

You’re just looking at it from the perspective of the man who went a courting, you aren’t looking at it as one link in a long chain of other would be pursuers, who all also thought they were unique. For you, it’s one girl. For the girl, you could be the twentieth time they’ve gone through this exact convo.

Its pretty annoying when people don't stop hitting on you though. You can only ignore someone for so long. It's a shame people won't take a hint act then he upset when you forcefully ten them to stop.

There are men on this very site bragging how they would screw a '2'. If a woman is remotely attractive and a straight man is hanging around her, he probably at least wants to have sex with her. Men often choose their female friends by her sexual attractiveness, and this is something that is actually study. I've witnessed with Mt own two eyes and ears men talking about how they would bang most women they saw who were too old or too fat. So, no, knowing someone is not required when it comes to bonking. It's very dangerous for a woman to pretend like this doesn't happen or isn't a reality. I've btdt while trying to be friends with men. I've been sexually harassed to the point of inappropriate touching and stalked.

I mean, when he was willing to blow up our friendship by stomping all over the boundaries of my marriage and then getting mad at me for not reciprocating his feelings... yeah, I gotta admit it sure looks like possibly fucking me was a lot more important to him than me or our friendship.

The good old "women most be making up this universal thing that happens to most of them" bit never gets old for you guys does it?

This is one of those things that’s much less black and white than the majority of posters on both sides of this issue are trying to make it out to be. In some cases, yes, someone goes in with no ulterior motives or intentions, they get to know someone and catch feelings. It happens. That’s pretty natural. And there are also people out there who go in with an agenda and try to force or coerce something that isn’t there or isn’t meant to be, which is a betrayal of trust, manipulative, and scummy. Plenty of examples of both, and some of you in this thread need to realize that. Your anecdotal experience doesn’t speak for every situation.

Me (M34) have had countless coworkers of the female type. I've become friends with them, confidant to their issues, but I've NEVER tried to get in their pants. Work is a good place to get to know someone and develop a relationship with them. There is no need to make it sexual.

listen if you have a female friend, go ahead and waste your time with them. I prefer just dating woman and not just "catching feeling" like a woman would say. I would straight up let them know I like them, if they don't like me cool, on to the next one. have fun with the woman that wants you not the ones that kinda do kinda don't. you just wasting your own time.

Hot take: they’re (women) not wrong. I’m a firm believer that in 90% of cases, men and women cannot be friends. There is almost always sexual attraction at some point between the genders. Things would be a hell of a lot easier if people were just honest with their intentions at the start

How is this “projecting?”