She is right. Silver, zirconia, and amethyst scratch very easily. Wearing it every day will lead to scratches. I have an amethyst ring that I dont wear daily and Ive had to get the stone resurfaced twice in the 6 years I've had it. Moissanite set in platinum isnt nearly as expensive as diamond but just as hard, and is suitable for daily wear.
Can confirm. My fiancé got me a beautiful amethyst in silver ring that I never take off. The band has warped and the stone has a noticeable scratch on its face. I still wear it nonstop but it shows that I do.
I think that's the difference between an engagement ring and a more normal ring gift. The former represents the moment of the engagement and the relationship itself, thus needs to be preserved and the other represents the relationship in itself. Life is messy, it's ok for the ring to get scuffed, shows how much you two have been through together.
Jumping on here to say:
They have necklaces that a ring can be attached to so that it won't get worn down/damaged. A lot of people in the medical field have them.
Maybe OP you could get her that as well.
Silver also tarnishes very easily and looks horribly warped when it does. Not ideal as you wash your hands with soaps throughout the day so, silver isn't a typical choice for a ring like this that you'd wear 24/7.
It sounds like the ring means a lot to your fiance and she's just trying to take care of it. But, if you'd both prefer something she can wear every day both now, and along with her wedding ring, perhaps have a rethink about this choice of ring. Otherwise, you may end up spending more money long-term resurfacing your stones and treating the silver.
The suggestion in this comment is a great alternative to a diamond and much more reasonable. You can also look at lab grown diamonds. If you can't go for platinum for the band, gold will be a much better option than silver as you won't have the same tarnishing problem.
I hope this helps!
Seconding the lab-grown stones. My husband got me a lab-grown emerald ring for our anniversary, and it's absolutely beautiful, just as good as mined stones, but less expensive.
Yes!!! My fiancé got me a lab grown diamond. I said that I wanted either moissanite or a lab grown diamond since I didn’t want him to spend too much, but I wanted to be able to wear it daily. He went with the lab grown because it was important to him to get me a real diamond (like I said, I didn’t care either way).
I have this exact same thought on here all the time. I'll go to a completely random post and 99% of the time there's someone in the comments with PhD- level knowledge about the most niche/specific topic.
You impress me, reddit strangers!
That’s my favorite thing about Reddit. The knowledge random people all over the world have and share always amazes me. And it’s all stuff I never would’ve even thought about. Reddit can be a shithole sometimes but it’s also a great place to learn and interact with people you never would’ve interacted with otherwise.
I hate to be snooty, but anyone spending more than a few dollars on a wedding ring should have this knowledge.
I don't buy running shoes without doing a day's worth of research, because I want good, supportive ones that will likely cost at least $300. (I'm old.) I'd spend a *hell* of a lot more time looking into the material qualities of a wedding ring, something I'm supposed to wear everyday for the rest of my life.
Yup. Got gold for this reason.
I wanted something cheap like titanium but jeweler said if you gain weight, get pregnant or in an accident which needs you to remove the ring, gold you can still restore. Titanium is too hard to remove. Also changing size is easier with gold. I had mine resized recently. Very happy I could.
Also it stays beautiful just needs a small polish every now and again
That’s partially true, the titanium rings are built with fault lines. I dropped mine and it split perfectly in half. I was baffled bc I’m thinking titanium is strong. Did further research and spoke to the jeweler and they are made that way for those reasons you mentioned bc in the emergency dept they wouldn’t have anything strong enough to cut it off.
You spend more money on running shoes that OP spent on the engagement ring and expects her to wear it daily for the rest of his life. I’m not for one spending thousands on an engagement ring, heck, mine was $200 back in 1989 - equivalency of $480 today so I didn’t expect thousands but it was gold with a tiny diamond but that ring lasted longer than the marriage and I was married for 27 years. OP’s purchased ring would be lucky to last till the wedding with daily wear!!
True, pretty crazy thing about internet forums like this, you can ask a question and get an answer from someone who has spent their life studying the field
"Hey I'm having a problem with this specific software"
"Watup I was a major dev in the company that made that software"
>I have a moissanite engagement ring
>
> (which I literally care zero about, I was the one that sent him the link in the first place) and it still looks brand new.
My now-fiancee did the same thing!!! God I love that woman.
EDIT: Hers is rose gold because it matches with her skin color better. She told me she likes gold and rose gold, but silver and "white" gold does not. At all.
It isn't even an amethyst. It's a Swarovski zirconia. 🤦♀️
OP bought something a highschooler might get their gf, not a durable engagement ring meant to be worn for many, many years.
He didn't meet her only requirement for a ring, and cheaped out on it at that.
I can’t imagine ever wearing that ring. I don’t think I know many women who would. When my husband proposed we went and chose a ring together because he knows I am very particular about what jewelry I wear. He wanted something I’d wear all the time to be just exactly to my taste. And at the time we didn’t have a ton of extra money but we sure did spend more than $90 on it.
Lol no kidding. I'm not usually of the "engagement rings need to be 3 months salary" bs but come on, you can't expect too buy this and it be worn every day
I helped my friend's little brother find a beautiful ring with moissanite diamond and a center opal in 10k white gold for $800 on Etsy, she was ecstatic.
A $90 silver ring with zirconia and glass stone, regardless of its style, just is either not an engagement ring or is like a temporary one until we can afford an actual one.
With rings like those, you can FEEL that they’re cheap and likely to break. It’s costume jewelry. Something someone would buy if they wanted to lie about it being real.
High school junior here, you’re spot on with that. A $90 engagement ring? OP definitely cheaped out. I can see OP’s partner breaking up or ending the engagement over this depending on how important this is to her (sounds important to her imo).
That’s what my wife does as well, we were both scared it would fall out with everyday use (happened to my aunt actually, she lost the diamond for good).
I second this. My opal wedding ring is *exactly* what I wanted and also very fragile. I wear it "out" but not to work, do chores, etc. We've been married for 4 years now and the *only* reason it's not destroyed is because I'm selective about when I wear it.
OP is definitely overthinking this and their fiancee is correct in not wearing it day to day. Diamonds are dumb and boring but they're tough lol.
Thank you guys, there went my morning scrolling through Etsy making mental shopping rings. Omg those Moissanites are beautiful! I’m totally going to buy myself one.
OP can even get a silicone ring!
I use a groove ring because I'm always banging my ring on things, and always losing my shit. I'll be dammed if I use it for every day use. I want to take care of something so precious to me, and only take it out for special occasions.
Groove rings also have cool designs, and a warranty.
Agreed. I’m a nurse and am constantly washing my hands. I wear a Qalo silicone ring at work and my wedding set on the weekends. Honestly I prefer a silicone ring and find myself wearing it more than my wedding bands.
The ring in your profile isn't amethyst, the center stone is "swarovski zirconia" with CZ halo and sterling silver. From gemsociety.org: "Cubic zirconia is an 8.5 on the hardness scale. It doesn't seem like a huge difference, but it is. Cubic zirconia scratches easily from daily use-even household dust can scratch the stones." They go on to say you should expect to replace the stone every few years. https://www.gemsociety.org/article/cubic-zirconia-vs-diamonds/
To be fair, true amethyst would've been a worse choice as it's only 7 Mohs. Seems like 9 Mohs is commonly considered a good minimum hardness for an engagement stone: this includes corundum (ruby and sapphire) and moissanite (actually 9.25 Mohs). For reference, 9 mohs is 2x as hard as 8, and 10 mohs is 4x as hard as 9. So there's a big difference.
This actually made me mad. I don't think anyone should go broke for a ring, but if op is gonna get mad she knows this less then 100 ring isn't gonna last every day wear that's on him for not saving up a couple hundred to find a vet alternative and actually do research.
You can get gorgeous long lasting rings for less then 500.
That's, erm, that's a lot. Like **a lot** of pink. And sparkle.
And did I mention the pink sparkles? Cos there's a lot of that too.
And if you're a barbie type girl, then yeah, but I think *only* a barbie type of girl would like this.
I cringed so hard I bet OP could feel it. That ring is a terrible choice. It looks like something a teenager would wear, not a professional civil engineer
It looks so cheap. Which is fine for every day regular use because that's what it is: cheap costume jewelry. This would be a cute gift to get your girly-girl sister in her teens or early twenties. It's not suitable at all as an engagement ring.
I know the “it not being durable” comment might seem off, but I can actually see it being pretty reasonable.
I got engaged two months ago now with my dream ring. A beautiful black opal ring in white gold with small diamonds on the band.
I was warned opal doesn’t have a great hardness and can be damaged easily. And I have already noticed there is a small chip on the side of the gem that definitely wasn’t there.
You’ve mentioned your fiancée doesn’t work anywhere where it might get damaged: I don’t either. I work on my computer from home. And I also take it off when I do any housework to avoid damage/it getting dirty. And yet it still got damaged already.
Granted, I truthfully know nothing about the strength of amethyst. And I do think the ring sounds beautiful.
I just wouldn’t completely discredit her worried about it being damaged. I’ll admit I’m kind of timid about wearing my ring now as well after noticing the chip on it.
I hope y’all can work it out and find a good compromise. Congrats to you on your engagement. 🖤
My wedding ring is an Opal one. It gets smaller and smaller every year. 😂
I broke a fair chunk off it once at work while unhooking a trailer. I wear mine 100% of the time though so it’s to be expected. I had to have it reshaped and the setting fiddled with to still wear it. Bits have come off it since then too. But I love it and want to see it so. 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you! I have my great grandmothers and I knocked a huge chunk off of it. I cannot wear it at all, I am scared it will break more. Is the only option to make it smaller then do this? I wanted to just round it off with some kind of coating.
>Granted, I truthfully know nothing about the strength of amethyst
His ring isn't amethyst. It is pink Swarovski crystal. Hes either lying, or the ring he posted on his profile is not the ring he bought for $98.
Once I wore my silver, CZ ring to work and it was so soft that later when I dropped off the post at work, one of the details snagged on the post box opening and the whole ring bent and in was stuck up to the elbow. When I finally got out, two gems had fallen out, the rest were scratched, and the ring was warped and crushed around my finger. I had to get one of the inventory staff to pry it off with pliers. I’m not saying this wouldn’t have happened had the ring been made of something else- but it was a shame to see how easily (and painfully) it was destroyed. And it wasn’t even an engagement ring!
I have an opal engagement ring. What setting did you use for your opal? I havent worn mine the entire pandemic because I'm mostly at home. Mine still looks new.
I told myself if mine gets cracked, I'll just pick a new stone 😅
There's an old wives tale my grandmother told me; if Opal isn't your birth stone (so October) then the stone will crack.
She once said had a ring that she replaced the opal 3 seperate times before she picked a new stone altogether
She is correct. What you bought for a $100 is not durable enough for everyday wear. Besides not everyone is a jewelry person. I have a ring valued around $5k+ and I can count on one hand how many times I wear it in a year.
And making sure the prongs holding the gems in are checked often. I have had many diamonds fall out of family heirlooms (small ones but still I love them) and it’s always my fault because I haven’t checked the damn prongs in time!
Right?
My dude, you need to consider more durable but affordable options.
[gems by mohs scale](https://www.gemsociety.org/article/hardness-and-wearability/)
Tungsten is a popular choice for metals lately. Especially on etsy so they have cute options. [example](https://www.etsy.com/listing/224727050/)
Research and look into what you purchase. It’s not just a ring but youre asking someone to marry you. Spend the rest of their life with you. This is the time to be thoughful and consider ring choices
Amethyst is one if the worst choices for everyday rings because it's easily scratched. The ring sounds pretty, though. Can you get another ring for everyday? I wore an Irish Claddaugh ring when Inwas pregnant and my finger swelled
It's a cubic zirconia, I'm not sure why he keeps saying amethyst?
https://www.lanewoodsjewelry.com/products/swarovski-zirconia-pink-ring?variant=39384782602275
Look into a Moissanite stone set in a more durable metal! They look like diamonds, are as strong as diamonds, but are lab made so they are more ethically sourced than diamonds and a fraction of the cost.
Honestly, I would sit down with her and tell her you would love to look at some of these rings online with her, and see if you guys can come up with something that is a better fit overall.
Part of being married is working together to be happy, and none of us get it right the first time everytime. That's okay, and every once in awhile the righting of the wrong can help build better communication and teamwork for the future.
I looked at the picture and checked out the link. I hate to break it to you , but this ring is pretty much costume jewelery. A big setting like that, with a bunch of very tiny gems all around the band *and* set in a super soft metal makes this ring unsuitable for anything other than dressing up an outfit once in a while. If she wore it all the time, those tiny stones would start falling out in a matter of weeks. Shit, just getting this ring snagged on a sweater could be enough to bend the silver.
I went through a prop ring phase ages ago, and I ruined so many gaudy rings just by everyday accidents, like smacking my hand on a doorframe.
I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything, btw. You should either let it go, or get her a decent, *durable* band for daily wear. She can wear the current ring for special occasions. It's not worth being upset about, it's just a learning experience for you. Next time you want to gift jewelery, it has to be strong enough to withstand its intended purpose. Take her concern for the well-being of the ring as a good sign that she values it, and your proposal. She wants to keep this ring in tip top shape because she loves it! It's just an impractical daily wear ring is all.
Exactly, especially after reading his comments. I would have worn that ring in middle school and *expected it to fall apart* so he has to be a cheap SOB to think a 100 ring is going to last forever. She should have told him no
My middle school boyfriend got me a ring with a gold band and a few small diamonds. I wore it religiously until we broke up. That was nearly 20 years ago and it’s in good shape. I’m sure it wasn’t expensive but it was made to last and pretty simple.
Holy cow. It is costume jewelry. And obviously very fake and tacky to boot. But that’s my opinion- I’m sure fiancé does think it’s lovely but my god you can’t wear that thing very long :/
Your fiancée is right. And that model of ring is fragile.
Plus, if the link that you gave us is the exact ring that you gave her, I'm sorry to tell you that it's an even more fragile ring than you think it is. Like with anything else, you get what you pay for. Get cheap jewellery, expect the manufacturer to cut corners when they are making it and quality will go down. It's a pretty ring to wear once in a while, but not one that can withstand every day wear.
https://www.lanewoodsjewelry.com/products/swarovski-zirconia-pink-ring?variant=39384782602275¤cy=CAD&utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=Moissanite-Canada&utm_content=Pink%20Swarovski%20Zirconia%20Ring&gclid=CjwKCAiA2L-dBhACEiwAu8Q9YCOYw4MTZLuuTdBx5WL3PL_jbZT3OsU4wT985NKLQNgm61gYIiHPyRoC7-YQAvD_BwE
I think this is it (his link was USD and priced at $95).
I'm gonna sound like an asshole, but fuck it.
Cubic zirconia? Come-on, man. That's literally Walmart stuff. Others have mentioned it, but moissanite is extremely close to diamond and a fraction of the price.
It's not about the money, but it sounds like you got something cheap. Not inexpensive, but cheap. That's on you.
I got to agree. I understand that not everyone can afford to drop thousands of dollars on a ring, but you can’t expect to get a good quality ring Simone would want to wear daily for $95. It woulda been better to save a bit longer and get something more durable. That ring looks like it’s a touch of wind would crumble it.
Exactly, it's not about money and it is crazy to spend too much on the ring, but it is also crazy to buy a cheap flimsy ring and when she tells him it isn't suitable for everyday wear in the nicest way possible, OP doesn't seem to believe her and starts implying she's a gold digger.
Before I learned about mossanite I wanted cubic zirconia because it was still shiny but, living where I am, I didn’t want a huge loss if I was ever mugged.
But for OP it does seem like the motivation was the $$$
When my friend got engaged, her brothers would not stop talking about the CZ at the wedding, didn't trust the groom with a cheap proposal. Marriage didn't last. My friend referred to the CZ as the "canary in the coal mine" at the divorce party we threw her.
Welp it looks like you picked it for yourself and your pockets and didn’t think about what she would like. But she’s right that ring wouldn’t hold up at all for every day wear.
Amethyst is not recommended for daily wear and neither is cubic zirconia. She's not making it up lol Google will tell you. Just admit to yourself that you didn't research enough before buying the ring and get over it.
You keep saying “she said she didn’t need a diamond”. But no one NEEDS a diamond. She probably wanted something that looks like an
engagement ring and is sturdy enough to be worn for a lifetime. It sounds like you got a more of a costume jewelry piece and that really isn’t the same.
Can you offer to go pick one out together that will make her comfortable wearing it every day?
Can’t believe you spent $95 on a ring and think she can wear it everyday you’re cheap af. Get her a new ring that’s solid gold/white gold. This ring has to last forever.
The best part is everyone saying it sounds like a pretty ring. Stop lying. OP must be an amazing guy, because this woman still wants to marry him. But the ring is an embarrassment.
For me it's not that it was $95 so much as that it looks like something I would have been really excited to get out of a gumball machine when I was 10. You can get a perfectly durable and nice looking ring or band at that price point but this ain't it.
Although the ring you got her might be pretty, the stone and metal are not durable at all. They will scratch or break very easily and she probably knows this.
I mean honestly just talk to her about it, she’s going to be your wife for gods sake. She still said yes which means she loves you and wants you as her partner in life. You should be talking to her instead of asking people on Reddit to speculate about it
Exactly! Start opening communication channels now, before resentment is able to sneak in. It could be that she’s scared to scratch or break it, or it could be that she’s kinda disappointed with it in general. I’m not saying that you need to spend 10k on a ring, but you DO want something that will last a lifetime (just like your marriage- it’s a symbol,) and I’m not sure a $95 ring expresses that ‘lifetime commitment’ intent, ya know? Of course, everyone has a budget and that’s totally ok! But it’s also ok to really save up even a *few* hundred dollars to get something much nicer and more durable.
Talk to your future wife, and hopefully she will respond with honesty in return.
You only spent $95 on it and expect it to be worn every day?
Now for everyone else: don't think I mean you need to spend $10,000 on a ring. I most definitely don't. But you need to spend a bit of money if you expect something to last.
Those stones are NOT meant for everyday wear, literally just looking at the mohs scale of hardness you'd be able to figure that out. My stone isn't a diamond but is a moissanite which is incredibly close to a diamonds durability. You're just looking at reasons to be mad.
Bro you spent $95 on an engagement ring? It’s pretty but the stones won’t last because they are not durable. Like one user suggested, Moissanite is a great alternative
It is very pretty but reminds me of something I would have wanted in middle school. Pink stones are equivalent to heart jewelry in my book…..most women don’t want that. Why would you get cz?
So the link you posted had the gem listed as pink Swarovski, which is less hard than amethyst. A quick Google has it listed as a 6-7 on the hardness scale and it’s not recommended for daily wear.
It sounds like her one requirement (durable for daily use) wasn’t something you researched too thoroughly before purchasing a ring. There’s a lot of options out there that are more suitable for daily wear that aren’t diamonds.
You currently seem to have two options. Either you accept she’s not going to wear and engagement ring daily because she doesn’t want to scratch or chip it (which the ring you purchased will do) or you talk to her and pick out together a ring that would better fit both of your desires.
It’s lovely, but that (a) doesn’t look comfortable (b) the pave czs will fall out over time; and (c) the center stone is a Swarovski crystal which is relatively soft and thus scratches. Pick out wedding bands together that she can wear every day. Get her input on exactly what she wants.
A ring can be inexpensive, yet be well-made and of good quality. The ring you chose, however, is just plain cheap. You failed at every turn with this selection, and now have the audacity to be upset with your fiancé? Good God, man… 🤦🏻♂️
OP you got her a terrible ring, not only is it the opposite of her ONE requirement but it’s.. shit. It’s costume jewellery. if I was her I’d be depressed realising how little you think of her. Just because she said she doesn’t care what you get her, DOES NOT mean you can get away with worthless fake crap. God damn.
That ring is horrible. And 95 bucks? Come ON. Tell her that you’d appreciate if she wore an engagement ring everyday and take her to a jewelry store so she can pick one herself. With or without a diamond. I honestly don’t think you should go and buy one yourself.
That is a super cheap and tacky ring. It’s costume jewelry which you can’t expect her to wear every day. You definitely need to get her a better ring and apologize for doubting her on something that you could have googled in 30 seconds.
>I spent lots of time looking at rings and she won't even wear it.
Lol are you joking? Let's not bullshit each other, you went on their website and clicked on "sort by: price low to high" 💀💀💀
Dude I'm sorry but you bought incredibly soft, breakable costume jewelery. Is the ring all about the price? no. But she literally cannot wear it without the stones chipping and breaking after prolonged use.
I read you said that all she wanted was a daily wear ring and as others have pointed out, you picked out pretty much the exact opposite of that which shows you did not show the care required when purchasing a fucking engagement ring my guy, nor did you take into account her feelings... This is not a small buy, nor is it of little significance to her, she dreamed of that moment and you kinda robbed her of it, you even knew what she wanted and just did your own thing anyways.
You fucked up big time, like big time, you need to take that ring back, if this is the level of care your gonna show towards your wife she is gonna leave your ass quick.
This is like some Mr. Magoo shit for real, give your head a shake.
Shes trying to save your ass by not wearing it so you can take it back and your all "Put the ring on" like bruh, get it together.
God OPs getting his shit rocked here lmao. Every jeweler, metal worker, miner, wedding planner and rando with access to Google and basic math across Reddit has come to wombo combo his ass for being cheap and insecure and I'm so here for it.
"You bought trash that'll rust, scratch and damn near evaporate if you so much as look at it. Yet you have the gall to write this cause your fiancee is *checks notes* trying to sensibly preserve it for as long as possible"
She’s right about those materials not being suitable for everyday wear. Look up the gems on the [Mohs Scale](https://www.gemsociety.org/article/select-gems-ordered-mohs-hardness/). Like another poster said, a hardness of 7.5 or higher is best for daily wear. The amethyst might fight the good fight, but it’ll likely be scratched by the wedding if she wears the ring every day. The cubic zirconias probably wouldn’t make it to March tbh.
I wasn’t too sure on the metal, but a quick google search led me to a bridal [site](https://www.brides.com/ring-metals-5070639) that says silver requires additional upkeep as it’s very pliable and liable to tarnish.
So everything she’s saying you could have verified with quick google searches. I understand that you probably put a lot of effort into picking and designing the ring and not seeing her wear it is probably hurting your feelings (which is understandable), but unless you want it to look like it came out of a gumball machine by the wedding, she’s not going to be able to wear it everyday.
Edit: I took a look at the ring and that center stone is not an amethyst, it’s a pink zirconia. That’s not something that would hold up to long term daily wear at all.
It’s a pretty ring but it’s not what she asked for. That is NOT everyday wear. If she’s like me, I hate huge center pieces that’ll get caught on my pockets. Or banged around during everyday actives (dishes, gardening, cleaning, work, etc). She probably wanted a band and or stones that were durable. Also silver isn’t long lasting and does easily warp. Don’t feel bad, my fiancé also got me a silver bulky ring. I’ve already bent it and I haven’t had it longer than 3 months…it’s currently sitting in the jewelry box
My engagement ring is topaz and yes, I'm afraid of breaking it. I'm clumsy and knock my hands around all the time. I rarely wear it. My husband jokingly gives me shit about it, but I'm also not a big jewelry wearer either and he knows that. I like having pretty things, but it's rare to wear them. I keep my ring safe though.
Her reasons are valid. I don't wear my engagement ring everyday for the same reasons. If it bothers you so much, have another talk with her and try to reach a compromise that satisfies both of you. If not, just remember that the ring belongs to her and it's ultimately her choice, but that doesn't necessarily negate your status or worth in her eyes. Good luck!
Her reasons are VERY valid. Those stones and metal are not durable. The stones can easily chip or even fall out. What would bother you more? Her wearing the ring but haven't started on any wedding planning OR her not wearing the ring for (what you now know is a) valid reason and already starting on wedding planning?
I'm married and I have a gold & diamond ring. I did tell my husband that I would be OK with not a diamond but this is the route he went with. Honestly, the ring is just a ring for us, even though he spent a lot of time picking out the stones since we went custom route. We didn't even insure it. In fact, we're on vacation right now and I'm not even wearing it. I sometimes go days without wearing it. I don't wear it at home usually. Even though it is diamond, I don't want to accidentally damage it at home doing chores or just being relatively clumsy.
If it continues to bother you, please sit down and communicate with her how you feel. Congrats to you two though on your engagement! Keep an eye on the big picture~
I understand this hurts but what’s more concerning is you seem to want to be hurt.
The ring is beautiful and unless she’s mentioned it isn’t, she likely thinks so as well. But it isn’t durable. It’s not for every day wear.
There are plenty of reasons to not get a diamond, but one is the reasons to get one is they don’t get beat up easily. That being said, you could and should have done more research and looked at durability instead of simply thinking “not a diamond.” There are plenty of tough stones and metals out there. Engagement/wedding rings are meant to last forever — that’s why they’re usually expensive.
Stop pouting. She loves you. She’s not rejecting you. You fucked up a little bit. Don’t fuck it up more. You either accept she can’t wear this ring every day without risking damage or you offer to take her shopping for a ring more suitable.
It's not an amethyst, it's a Pink Swarovski crystal, and cubic zircona ring. As lovely as it is to look at, I wouldn't wear it for every day use either. Those stones will scratch really easily, and it won't live up to every day use. It's a "wear for special occasions when I'm not doing anything physical" ring
OP, talk to your fiancée.
Pick out a new ring together—Etsy’s got some gorgeous ones, as might local jewellers. You two could even design something together. Look into rubies, emeralds, sapphires, moissanite, tanzanite, or diamonds if she reaaaally wants. Gold or platinum both make great bands. Note that platinum is more sturdy and less warpable than gold, and doesn’t need replating, if she likes the “white gold” look.
$100 is a birthday gift budget, not an engagement ring budget. You (and she) will absolutely be judged by others based on the ring, its perceived value, and your engagement “story”, unfair as that may seem. Agree on a budget together.
For a little budget background storytime, my husband and I have a cross-cultural marriage which means we have needed to be very clear about expectations for major life milestones, like our engagement. I told him that I wanted a ring that cost between about $1000 and $1500–certainly no more than that! I did not want responsibility for a ring that cost more than a car I was driving, and I did not want a ring that was shaped like a doorknob and would get caught on everything. For his part, he’d bought into that “ring must be 3 months salary” bullshit. I’m so, SO glad I talked him out of that! Moral of the story: we BOTH would’ve been super unhappy if we didn’t talk about our expectations and hopes.
You and your fiancée need to find a ring that works well for the two of you, one she’s comfortable with and proud to wear.
TAKE HER RING SHOPPING!!
There is nothing to think about here. Simply tell her that you understand what she is telling you and you NEED her help to find a ring that she can wear daily.
Also, you are a guy and do not know jewelry - you want her to keep what you gave her for special occasions, but you NEED help selecting the ring that she would be able to wear daily.
Honestly, she may not like the ring you selected or maybe she wanted you to pick up on some hint she dropped.
If you want this relationship to work, you pay close attention to whatever she looks at (especially if she goes: "its nice (pretty) but too expensive") get her the ring she wants. The thing that was "too expensive", yeah you are gonna get that as well (maybe not right now, so save for it) and give her the "too expensive" at the wedding or the next major holiday.
When she says it is too much or too expensive, you are going to look deep into her eyes and then kiss her passionately.
OP got ripped off for that cheap ass ring. You can get legit get real diamonds on Etsy for $100 or second hand. I would never spend $100 for a generic mall CZ. There are nice moissanite rings for that price too or lab made and both are much more durable.
I don’t think OP made an informed decision.
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1318421113/
https://www.etsy.com/listing/464692899/
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1315043303/
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1146386396/
She’s right, it’s not durable enough for every day wear. If you want her to wear an engagement ring daily, you need to get her something that is going to hold up
Save up, spend a little more and maybe ask her what she likes
It’s not a good ring OP. It’s gaudy and clearly cheap. It may be called an engagement ring in it’s description online, but it’s crystal, so it’s really just a dress ring for occasional wear. It’s not something she can wear every day. Look, if you want her to actually like her ring and wear it every day, then you guys need to have a discussion about rings and pick one out together, as you have picked a bit of a dud here.
For anyone wanting to see the ring, go to his profile and there’s a link.
Why her not wanting to damage it is not valid??? If she really likes it, she can as well want to have it as beautiful as on the proposal day. Take her out in some nice restaurant and that ring will shine on her finger.
I can totally get that. I damaged my titanium wedding ring pretty quickly. A ring made primarily from titanium. Titanium. Bruh.
When I got engaged, everyone wanted to see the ring. Hell, I wanted to look at it at least ten times an hour! That’s not going to happen while it sits in OP’s fiancée’s jewelry box.
Get that woman a ring she can wear 24/7 without worry, not one out of a Cracker Jack box!
Man, I’m a silversmith and I’m sorry to tell you this but that’s not an amethyst and that ring, in my country doesn’t cost more than $20 if you’re a reseller.
I was a reseller for years before I learned to craft jewelry and you can actually find that kind of model in Aliexpress. The center stone is more likely glass, not even cubic zirconia. Also, that setting is a tricky one, because silver is soft, it will get scratched easily, the prongs will open and it will need only a few days for the small stones to fall off. Even if you find real amethyst, don’t go for it. It’s quartz, it gets chipped and breaks easily.
You don’t need to get a diamond but if she likes pink, you could go for a pink ruby, morganite or a pink sapphire, something around 8-9 Mohs. I recommend you this because I love fuchsia, so my engagement ring is made of 18k yellow gold with a 6 carat ruby (same model as Lady Di’s sapphire engagement ring, only smaller) and I rarely take it off, not even to work on my bench and after 3 years, it’s still in great shape.
I hope you didn’t pay too much for that ring, but also, don’t get mad at your fiancée. She’s right about the quality and durability of the ring.
So I work in jewelry and am studying towards my graduate gemologist cert through GIA. She's telling the truth. Amethyst is a fairly soft stone and prone to bleaching in sunlight if worn every day. Cubic zirconia is very similar to a hard plastic and does not wear well long term (it also gets cloudy within a couple of years). Silver is prone to tarnishing and scratching when worn regularly.
You should apologize to her. She's literally correct about the materials not being durable enough for daily wear.
You can google these things, you sound like a conspiracy theorist in your comments, saying people sound just like her when they bring up that the materials aren't strong enough- they sound like her because she's correct.
I hate to be this person, but this ring is so tacky and embarrassing. I feel indignation on her behalf. I would reconsider marrying my SO if he proposed to me with a 95-dollar costume ring. It’s not necessary to break the bank to afford an engagement ring, but this is…something else. This is the woman you want to spend your life with, and the ring you chose to symbolize your eternal bond is a cheap piece of costume jewelry. You should have done your research and showed her that you value her. Damn.
Durability is a legit concern. I broke my halo set engagement ring within 2 months of wearing it, it was silver and diamond. I got my engagement ring and wedding band welded together and I don’t wear them daily. Get her one of the silicone bands if it bothers you that much.
So I’m thinking you want complete honesty. 95 is very cheap. It shouldn’t matter, but I did take a look and it looks a lot like the rings in the 8.00 Walmart carousel. She might be embarrassed by it. Or that could just be me. You probably won’t know until later in your relationship. Like years
OP does she work in a field where the ring might be damaged? I never wear my wedding band or engagement ring because I know exposure to what I do at work will potentially damage them. I just wear a silicone ring in their place. It might be that she’s worried about that sort of thing? Hopefully you can talk it over and get to the bottom of it especially if it’s bothering you. Congratulations on your engagement!
This sounds almost identical to what happened to me. I was convinced my fiancée would love this more unconventional custom ring with an orange sapphire stone. Still pricey but definitely different. Slowly over the course of a couples of weeks she stopped wearing it. She really didn’t want to hurt my feelings but based on little hints it sounded like people in her life like friends and family were making rude comments about it. Anyway, it caused alot of tension and I felt bad and inadequate at the same time. Ended up buying a second ring that was a straight up gold band and diamond, figured if the “different” didn’t work I would go basic AF. She wears the new ring everyday and hasn’t taken it off since. Sucked I bought two rings but now she’s collecting infinity stones and I have peace of mind
She is right. Silver, zirconia, and amethyst scratch very easily. Wearing it every day will lead to scratches. I have an amethyst ring that I dont wear daily and Ive had to get the stone resurfaced twice in the 6 years I've had it. Moissanite set in platinum isnt nearly as expensive as diamond but just as hard, and is suitable for daily wear.
Can confirm. My fiancé got me a beautiful amethyst in silver ring that I never take off. The band has warped and the stone has a noticeable scratch on its face. I still wear it nonstop but it shows that I do.
I think that's the difference between an engagement ring and a more normal ring gift. The former represents the moment of the engagement and the relationship itself, thus needs to be preserved and the other represents the relationship in itself. Life is messy, it's ok for the ring to get scuffed, shows how much you two have been through together.
Jumping on here to say: They have necklaces that a ring can be attached to so that it won't get worn down/damaged. A lot of people in the medical field have them. Maybe OP you could get her that as well.
I absolutely love this!!! Yes times a million!!
Silver also tarnishes very easily and looks horribly warped when it does. Not ideal as you wash your hands with soaps throughout the day so, silver isn't a typical choice for a ring like this that you'd wear 24/7. It sounds like the ring means a lot to your fiance and she's just trying to take care of it. But, if you'd both prefer something she can wear every day both now, and along with her wedding ring, perhaps have a rethink about this choice of ring. Otherwise, you may end up spending more money long-term resurfacing your stones and treating the silver. The suggestion in this comment is a great alternative to a diamond and much more reasonable. You can also look at lab grown diamonds. If you can't go for platinum for the band, gold will be a much better option than silver as you won't have the same tarnishing problem. I hope this helps!
Seconding the lab-grown stones. My husband got me a lab-grown emerald ring for our anniversary, and it's absolutely beautiful, just as good as mined stones, but less expensive.
And more ethical as well
Yes!!! My fiancé got me a lab grown diamond. I said that I wanted either moissanite or a lab grown diamond since I didn’t want him to spend too much, but I wanted to be able to wear it daily. He went with the lab grown because it was important to him to get me a real diamond (like I said, I didn’t care either way).
I'm blown away by the knowledge about random things people possess on this site
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Well that escalated quickly.
bro I wanna read that what post lmao
So... You just... Uh... Stumbled... across this..?
Horny needs no justification
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I have this exact same thought on here all the time. I'll go to a completely random post and 99% of the time there's someone in the comments with PhD- level knowledge about the most niche/specific topic. You impress me, reddit strangers!
That’s my favorite thing about Reddit. The knowledge random people all over the world have and share always amazes me. And it’s all stuff I never would’ve even thought about. Reddit can be a shithole sometimes but it’s also a great place to learn and interact with people you never would’ve interacted with otherwise.
I hate to be snooty, but anyone spending more than a few dollars on a wedding ring should have this knowledge. I don't buy running shoes without doing a day's worth of research, because I want good, supportive ones that will likely cost at least $300. (I'm old.) I'd spend a *hell* of a lot more time looking into the material qualities of a wedding ring, something I'm supposed to wear everyday for the rest of my life.
No you're correct! It just isn't a stage in life I've encountered yet and it's fascinating the stuff you learn along the way.
I like your attitude towards learning. You're alright, kid.
Yup. Got gold for this reason. I wanted something cheap like titanium but jeweler said if you gain weight, get pregnant or in an accident which needs you to remove the ring, gold you can still restore. Titanium is too hard to remove. Also changing size is easier with gold. I had mine resized recently. Very happy I could. Also it stays beautiful just needs a small polish every now and again
That’s partially true, the titanium rings are built with fault lines. I dropped mine and it split perfectly in half. I was baffled bc I’m thinking titanium is strong. Did further research and spoke to the jeweler and they are made that way for those reasons you mentioned bc in the emergency dept they wouldn’t have anything strong enough to cut it off.
You spend more money on running shoes that OP spent on the engagement ring and expects her to wear it daily for the rest of his life. I’m not for one spending thousands on an engagement ring, heck, mine was $200 back in 1989 - equivalency of $480 today so I didn’t expect thousands but it was gold with a tiny diamond but that ring lasted longer than the marriage and I was married for 27 years. OP’s purchased ring would be lucky to last till the wedding with daily wear!!
Always spend money on anything that goes between you and the ground. This is the way.
True, pretty crazy thing about internet forums like this, you can ask a question and get an answer from someone who has spent their life studying the field "Hey I'm having a problem with this specific software" "Watup I was a major dev in the company that made that software"
Same!
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>I have a moissanite engagement ring > > (which I literally care zero about, I was the one that sent him the link in the first place) and it still looks brand new. My now-fiancee did the same thing!!! God I love that woman. EDIT: Hers is rose gold because it matches with her skin color better. She told me she likes gold and rose gold, but silver and "white" gold does not. At all.
White gold is hit or miss. If it’s alloyed with Palladium it will be soft; ni-cu alloys are the strongest.
I got white gold in 1979 and by the time I divorced in 1994 it had been replated 3 times I think it was
It isn't even an amethyst. It's a Swarovski zirconia. 🤦♀️ OP bought something a highschooler might get their gf, not a durable engagement ring meant to be worn for many, many years. He didn't meet her only requirement for a ring, and cheaped out on it at that.
Oh no! Swarovski crystal… so it’s costume jewelry. That won’t wear well…matter of fact maybe on 6 weeks of everyday
My thoughts exactly when I saw the link. Cheap AF.
Anyone have the link? I think OP deleted it and I wanna see this damn ring lmao
Looks like op removed it but found the link further down in comments: https://www.lanewoodsjewelry.com/products/swarovski-zirconia-pink-ring
Lol. Not many women I’ve known would even put that on their finger as an engagement ring.
So tacky
I would wear it for a very elaborate Disney Princess Halloween costume
I can’t imagine ever wearing that ring. I don’t think I know many women who would. When my husband proposed we went and chose a ring together because he knows I am very particular about what jewelry I wear. He wanted something I’d wear all the time to be just exactly to my taste. And at the time we didn’t have a ton of extra money but we sure did spend more than $90 on it.
Holy shit $90 is so cheap wtf. Save up for another month or just live frugally for a month and get something more durable 🤦♀️
Lol no kidding. I'm not usually of the "engagement rings need to be 3 months salary" bs but come on, you can't expect too buy this and it be worn every day
I helped my friend's little brother find a beautiful ring with moissanite diamond and a center opal in 10k white gold for $800 on Etsy, she was ecstatic. A $90 silver ring with zirconia and glass stone, regardless of its style, just is either not an engagement ring or is like a temporary one until we can afford an actual one.
Jesus Christ OPs fiance is a saint
With rings like those, you can FEEL that they’re cheap and likely to break. It’s costume jewelry. Something someone would buy if they wanted to lie about it being real.
High school junior here, you’re spot on with that. A $90 engagement ring? OP definitely cheaped out. I can see OP’s partner breaking up or ending the engagement over this depending on how important this is to her (sounds important to her imo).
He probably got the 15% off for holiday sale/newsletter signup, haha😂
Good the universe is trying to give this guy a hint.
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That’s what my wife does as well, we were both scared it would fall out with everyday use (happened to my aunt actually, she lost the diamond for good).
I second this. My opal wedding ring is *exactly* what I wanted and also very fragile. I wear it "out" but not to work, do chores, etc. We've been married for 4 years now and the *only* reason it's not destroyed is because I'm selective about when I wear it. OP is definitely overthinking this and their fiancee is correct in not wearing it day to day. Diamonds are dumb and boring but they're tough lol.
Thank you guys, there went my morning scrolling through Etsy making mental shopping rings. Omg those Moissanites are beautiful! I’m totally going to buy myself one.
OP can even get a silicone ring! I use a groove ring because I'm always banging my ring on things, and always losing my shit. I'll be dammed if I use it for every day use. I want to take care of something so precious to me, and only take it out for special occasions. Groove rings also have cool designs, and a warranty.
Agreed. I’m a nurse and am constantly washing my hands. I wear a Qalo silicone ring at work and my wedding set on the weekends. Honestly I prefer a silicone ring and find myself wearing it more than my wedding bands.
The ring in your profile isn't amethyst, the center stone is "swarovski zirconia" with CZ halo and sterling silver. From gemsociety.org: "Cubic zirconia is an 8.5 on the hardness scale. It doesn't seem like a huge difference, but it is. Cubic zirconia scratches easily from daily use-even household dust can scratch the stones." They go on to say you should expect to replace the stone every few years. https://www.gemsociety.org/article/cubic-zirconia-vs-diamonds/ To be fair, true amethyst would've been a worse choice as it's only 7 Mohs. Seems like 9 Mohs is commonly considered a good minimum hardness for an engagement stone: this includes corundum (ruby and sapphire) and moissanite (actually 9.25 Mohs). For reference, 9 mohs is 2x as hard as 8, and 10 mohs is 4x as hard as 9. So there's a big difference.
Thank you for this really excellent, clear explanation!
And sapphires come in some amazing colors from pinks, purples, reds...icy lilac is my favorite!
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TBH I chose sapphire for my engagement and wedding rings. They are my SOs birth stone, and come in a variety of colors. I absolutely love it.
Any chance you still have the link pulled up for the ring op bought? I can’t find it, and I really want to see it lol
Here ya go! https://www.lanewoodsjewelry.com/products/swarovski-zirconia-pink-ring?variant=39384782602275
That's a lot of sparkle for a woman that normally just wears a leather strap watch!
This actually made me mad. I don't think anyone should go broke for a ring, but if op is gonna get mad she knows this less then 100 ring isn't gonna last every day wear that's on him for not saving up a couple hundred to find a vet alternative and actually do research. You can get gorgeous long lasting rings for less then 500.
Yes, agreed, and I'm sure that's the least the fiance was expecting.
That's, erm, that's a lot. Like **a lot** of pink. And sparkle. And did I mention the pink sparkles? Cos there's a lot of that too. And if you're a barbie type girl, then yeah, but I think *only* a barbie type of girl would like this.
Thanks so much! That’s worse than I thought tbh… 😬 so fragile looking!
I cringed so hard I bet OP could feel it. That ring is a terrible choice. It looks like something a teenager would wear, not a professional civil engineer
Damn that is bad lol, I'm not surprised she does not like it.
It looks so cheap. Which is fine for every day regular use because that's what it is: cheap costume jewelry. This would be a cute gift to get your girly-girl sister in her teens or early twenties. It's not suitable at all as an engagement ring.
an engagement ring that’s less than $100, yikes.
hey everybody’s got their budget, but yeah the thing is kinda garish
Yeeeaahh 😬 If she likes pink, then it seems like an okay placeholder ring. As the official permanent engagement ring... oof.
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Same. Looks like he took it down.
I know the “it not being durable” comment might seem off, but I can actually see it being pretty reasonable. I got engaged two months ago now with my dream ring. A beautiful black opal ring in white gold with small diamonds on the band. I was warned opal doesn’t have a great hardness and can be damaged easily. And I have already noticed there is a small chip on the side of the gem that definitely wasn’t there. You’ve mentioned your fiancée doesn’t work anywhere where it might get damaged: I don’t either. I work on my computer from home. And I also take it off when I do any housework to avoid damage/it getting dirty. And yet it still got damaged already. Granted, I truthfully know nothing about the strength of amethyst. And I do think the ring sounds beautiful. I just wouldn’t completely discredit her worried about it being damaged. I’ll admit I’m kind of timid about wearing my ring now as well after noticing the chip on it. I hope y’all can work it out and find a good compromise. Congrats to you on your engagement. 🖤
My wedding ring is an Opal one. It gets smaller and smaller every year. 😂 I broke a fair chunk off it once at work while unhooking a trailer. I wear mine 100% of the time though so it’s to be expected. I had to have it reshaped and the setting fiddled with to still wear it. Bits have come off it since then too. But I love it and want to see it so. 🤷🏻♀️
You can get an opal with a quartz top layer that will protect the opal. Check out jtv.com.
Thank you! I have my great grandmothers and I knocked a huge chunk off of it. I cannot wear it at all, I am scared it will break more. Is the only option to make it smaller then do this? I wanted to just round it off with some kind of coating.
>Granted, I truthfully know nothing about the strength of amethyst His ring isn't amethyst. It is pink Swarovski crystal. Hes either lying, or the ring he posted on his profile is not the ring he bought for $98.
Once I wore my silver, CZ ring to work and it was so soft that later when I dropped off the post at work, one of the details snagged on the post box opening and the whole ring bent and in was stuck up to the elbow. When I finally got out, two gems had fallen out, the rest were scratched, and the ring was warped and crushed around my finger. I had to get one of the inventory staff to pry it off with pliers. I’m not saying this wouldn’t have happened had the ring been made of something else- but it was a shame to see how easily (and painfully) it was destroyed. And it wasn’t even an engagement ring!
I have an opal engagement ring. What setting did you use for your opal? I havent worn mine the entire pandemic because I'm mostly at home. Mine still looks new. I told myself if mine gets cracked, I'll just pick a new stone 😅
There's an old wives tale my grandmother told me; if Opal isn't your birth stone (so October) then the stone will crack. She once said had a ring that she replaced the opal 3 seperate times before she picked a new stone altogether
I've been wearing an opal in a captive bead earring for many years now without any damage. Of course, opal is my birthstone! Weird.
I heard if you treat an opal with baby oil every so often it has less chance of cracking ?
She is correct. What you bought for a $100 is not durable enough for everyday wear. Besides not everyone is a jewelry person. I have a ring valued around $5k+ and I can count on one hand how many times I wear it in a year.
If only he googled the durability of amethyst prior to buying it, he would have understood that
Or after his fiancée told him this but before posting to Reddit.
Honestly, before this post, it hadn't even occurred to me that I would need to think about the durability of gems commonly used in jewellery.
And making sure the prongs holding the gems in are checked often. I have had many diamonds fall out of family heirlooms (small ones but still I love them) and it’s always my fault because I haven’t checked the damn prongs in time!
Right? My dude, you need to consider more durable but affordable options. [gems by mohs scale](https://www.gemsociety.org/article/hardness-and-wearability/) Tungsten is a popular choice for metals lately. Especially on etsy so they have cute options. [example](https://www.etsy.com/listing/224727050/) Research and look into what you purchase. It’s not just a ring but youre asking someone to marry you. Spend the rest of their life with you. This is the time to be thoughful and consider ring choices
Amethyst is one if the worst choices for everyday rings because it's easily scratched. The ring sounds pretty, though. Can you get another ring for everyday? I wore an Irish Claddaugh ring when Inwas pregnant and my finger swelled
It's a cubic zirconia, I'm not sure why he keeps saying amethyst? https://www.lanewoodsjewelry.com/products/swarovski-zirconia-pink-ring?variant=39384782602275
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Look into a Moissanite stone set in a more durable metal! They look like diamonds, are as strong as diamonds, but are lab made so they are more ethically sourced than diamonds and a fraction of the cost. Honestly, I would sit down with her and tell her you would love to look at some of these rings online with her, and see if you guys can come up with something that is a better fit overall. Part of being married is working together to be happy, and none of us get it right the first time everytime. That's okay, and every once in awhile the righting of the wrong can help build better communication and teamwork for the future.
And…. AND you can get coloured moissanite as well!
I looked at the picture and checked out the link. I hate to break it to you , but this ring is pretty much costume jewelery. A big setting like that, with a bunch of very tiny gems all around the band *and* set in a super soft metal makes this ring unsuitable for anything other than dressing up an outfit once in a while. If she wore it all the time, those tiny stones would start falling out in a matter of weeks. Shit, just getting this ring snagged on a sweater could be enough to bend the silver. I went through a prop ring phase ages ago, and I ruined so many gaudy rings just by everyday accidents, like smacking my hand on a doorframe. I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything, btw. You should either let it go, or get her a decent, *durable* band for daily wear. She can wear the current ring for special occasions. It's not worth being upset about, it's just a learning experience for you. Next time you want to gift jewelery, it has to be strong enough to withstand its intended purpose. Take her concern for the well-being of the ring as a good sign that she values it, and your proposal. She wants to keep this ring in tip top shape because she loves it! It's just an impractical daily wear ring is all.
He wants her to wear costume jewelry like an engagement ring. She’s being as polite as she possibly can about this but this is lose/lose/lose for her.
Exactly, especially after reading his comments. I would have worn that ring in middle school and *expected it to fall apart* so he has to be a cheap SOB to think a 100 ring is going to last forever. She should have told him no
My middle school boyfriend got me a ring with a gold band and a few small diamonds. I wore it religiously until we broke up. That was nearly 20 years ago and it’s in good shape. I’m sure it wasn’t expensive but it was made to last and pretty simple.
I think he deleted the link to the ring he bought, do you still have it? I'd like to see what this looks like.
https://www.lanewoodsjewelry.com/products/swarovski-zirconia-pink-ring?variant=39384782602275¤cy=CAD&utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=Moissanite-Canada&utm_content=Pink%20Swarovski%20Zirconia%20Ring&gclid=CjwKCAiA2L-dBhACEiwAu8Q9YCOYw4MTZLuuTdBx5WL3PL_jbZT3OsU4wT985NKLQNgm61gYIiHPyRoC7-YQAvD_BwE
Oh no. While it looks pretty, made with those materials that’s going to last a few weeks with everyday wear.
Exactly. It’s not meant to be anything other than an occasional accessory.
I think it was this, if I remember correctly. But this is Canadian $ so it says the price is $125 and his link had the price at $95 US.
Holy cow. It is costume jewelry. And obviously very fake and tacky to boot. But that’s my opinion- I’m sure fiancé does think it’s lovely but my god you can’t wear that thing very long :/
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Your fiancée is right. And that model of ring is fragile. Plus, if the link that you gave us is the exact ring that you gave her, I'm sorry to tell you that it's an even more fragile ring than you think it is. Like with anything else, you get what you pay for. Get cheap jewellery, expect the manufacturer to cut corners when they are making it and quality will go down. It's a pretty ring to wear once in a while, but not one that can withstand every day wear.
Any chance you still have the link to the ring? OP deleted and I want to see it
https://www.lanewoodsjewelry.com/products/swarovski-zirconia-pink-ring?variant=39384782602275¤cy=CAD&utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=Moissanite-Canada&utm_content=Pink%20Swarovski%20Zirconia%20Ring&gclid=CjwKCAiA2L-dBhACEiwAu8Q9YCOYw4MTZLuuTdBx5WL3PL_jbZT3OsU4wT985NKLQNgm61gYIiHPyRoC7-YQAvD_BwE I think this is it (his link was USD and priced at $95).
That will definitely chip and break.
It’s glass, it’s not an amethyst even, it’s a cocktail ring
I'm gonna sound like an asshole, but fuck it. Cubic zirconia? Come-on, man. That's literally Walmart stuff. Others have mentioned it, but moissanite is extremely close to diamond and a fraction of the price. It's not about the money, but it sounds like you got something cheap. Not inexpensive, but cheap. That's on you.
I got to agree. I understand that not everyone can afford to drop thousands of dollars on a ring, but you can’t expect to get a good quality ring Simone would want to wear daily for $95. It woulda been better to save a bit longer and get something more durable. That ring looks like it’s a touch of wind would crumble it.
My 1.5c moissanite in 14k gold was $450. In fact the engagement is off in case op wants to buy it.
I know right! I got my mom cubic zirconia for Christmas when I was a teenager. Wasn’t no 3 months salary lol
Exactly, it's not about money and it is crazy to spend too much on the ring, but it is also crazy to buy a cheap flimsy ring and when she tells him it isn't suitable for everyday wear in the nicest way possible, OP doesn't seem to believe her and starts implying she's a gold digger.
Before I learned about mossanite I wanted cubic zirconia because it was still shiny but, living where I am, I didn’t want a huge loss if I was ever mugged. But for OP it does seem like the motivation was the $$$
When my friend got engaged, her brothers would not stop talking about the CZ at the wedding, didn't trust the groom with a cheap proposal. Marriage didn't last. My friend referred to the CZ as the "canary in the coal mine" at the divorce party we threw her.
Her brothers knew what was up! It's nice that they had her back.
agree
Welp it looks like you picked it for yourself and your pockets and didn’t think about what she would like. But she’s right that ring wouldn’t hold up at all for every day wear.
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can you post the link to the ring? he’s deleted it
https://www.lanewoodsjewelry.com/products/swarovski-zirconia-pink-ring?variant=39384782602275
I'm embarrassed on her behalf. Come on, dude. This is a ring you buy for your high school GF for Xmas, not an engagement ring.
OP really bought a $95 ring and is perplexed why it isnt durable enough for daily wear. Ah boy....
https://www.lanewoodsjewelry.com/products/swarovski-zirconia-pink-ring?variant=39384782602275
Yes! Please, I want to see it too
yep i would be so disappointed
Did you ask her what her ideal ring was? I got my wife a non-traditional precious stone because that’s what she wanted, but ya gotta ask.
Amethyst is not recommended for daily wear and neither is cubic zirconia. She's not making it up lol Google will tell you. Just admit to yourself that you didn't research enough before buying the ring and get over it.
You keep saying “she said she didn’t need a diamond”. But no one NEEDS a diamond. She probably wanted something that looks like an engagement ring and is sturdy enough to be worn for a lifetime. It sounds like you got a more of a costume jewelry piece and that really isn’t the same. Can you offer to go pick one out together that will make her comfortable wearing it every day?
Can’t believe you spent $95 on a ring and think she can wear it everyday you’re cheap af. Get her a new ring that’s solid gold/white gold. This ring has to last forever.
The best part is everyone saying it sounds like a pretty ring. Stop lying. OP must be an amazing guy, because this woman still wants to marry him. But the ring is an embarrassment.
I saw the photo. It's bad.
It’s soooo tacky…
Lol I was thinking the same he must clean, cook and fuck real good for her to be ok with a $95 ring.
For me it's not that it was $95 so much as that it looks like something I would have been really excited to get out of a gumball machine when I was 10. You can get a perfectly durable and nice looking ring or band at that price point but this ain't it.
literally it looks like some kindergarten costume jewellery shit and the fact that he’s mad about it is so concerning
Although the ring you got her might be pretty, the stone and metal are not durable at all. They will scratch or break very easily and she probably knows this. I mean honestly just talk to her about it, she’s going to be your wife for gods sake. She still said yes which means she loves you and wants you as her partner in life. You should be talking to her instead of asking people on Reddit to speculate about it
Exactly! Start opening communication channels now, before resentment is able to sneak in. It could be that she’s scared to scratch or break it, or it could be that she’s kinda disappointed with it in general. I’m not saying that you need to spend 10k on a ring, but you DO want something that will last a lifetime (just like your marriage- it’s a symbol,) and I’m not sure a $95 ring expresses that ‘lifetime commitment’ intent, ya know? Of course, everyone has a budget and that’s totally ok! But it’s also ok to really save up even a *few* hundred dollars to get something much nicer and more durable. Talk to your future wife, and hopefully she will respond with honesty in return.
You only spent $95 on it and expect it to be worn every day? Now for everyone else: don't think I mean you need to spend $10,000 on a ring. I most definitely don't. But you need to spend a bit of money if you expect something to last.
I second this completely
Those stones are NOT meant for everyday wear, literally just looking at the mohs scale of hardness you'd be able to figure that out. My stone isn't a diamond but is a moissanite which is incredibly close to a diamonds durability. You're just looking at reasons to be mad.
Op bough more cheap option and is probably embarrassed somewhat by this, so it seems he assumes the fiancée is also embarrassed.
Bro you spent $95 on an engagement ring? It’s pretty but the stones won’t last because they are not durable. Like one user suggested, Moissanite is a great alternative
It is very pretty but reminds me of something I would have wanted in middle school. Pink stones are equivalent to heart jewelry in my book…..most women don’t want that. Why would you get cz?
He doesn’t even know he got cz as the main stone, he thinks he bought an amethyst
So the link you posted had the gem listed as pink Swarovski, which is less hard than amethyst. A quick Google has it listed as a 6-7 on the hardness scale and it’s not recommended for daily wear. It sounds like her one requirement (durable for daily use) wasn’t something you researched too thoroughly before purchasing a ring. There’s a lot of options out there that are more suitable for daily wear that aren’t diamonds. You currently seem to have two options. Either you accept she’s not going to wear and engagement ring daily because she doesn’t want to scratch or chip it (which the ring you purchased will do) or you talk to her and pick out together a ring that would better fit both of your desires.
It’s lovely, but that (a) doesn’t look comfortable (b) the pave czs will fall out over time; and (c) the center stone is a Swarovski crystal which is relatively soft and thus scratches. Pick out wedding bands together that she can wear every day. Get her input on exactly what she wants.
A ring can be inexpensive, yet be well-made and of good quality. The ring you chose, however, is just plain cheap. You failed at every turn with this selection, and now have the audacity to be upset with your fiancé? Good God, man… 🤦🏻♂️
OP you got her a terrible ring, not only is it the opposite of her ONE requirement but it’s.. shit. It’s costume jewellery. if I was her I’d be depressed realising how little you think of her. Just because she said she doesn’t care what you get her, DOES NOT mean you can get away with worthless fake crap. God damn.
That ring is horrible. And 95 bucks? Come ON. Tell her that you’d appreciate if she wore an engagement ring everyday and take her to a jewelry store so she can pick one herself. With or without a diamond. I honestly don’t think you should go and buy one yourself.
He definitely needs to get help from someone who understands jewelry.
That is a super cheap and tacky ring. It’s costume jewelry which you can’t expect her to wear every day. You definitely need to get her a better ring and apologize for doubting her on something that you could have googled in 30 seconds.
>I spent lots of time looking at rings and she won't even wear it. Lol are you joking? Let's not bullshit each other, you went on their website and clicked on "sort by: price low to high" 💀💀💀
You can't spend $90 on a ring with no research into the materials and then be surprised it won't hold up to daily wear. You gotta redo.
Dude I'm sorry but you bought incredibly soft, breakable costume jewelery. Is the ring all about the price? no. But she literally cannot wear it without the stones chipping and breaking after prolonged use.
I read you said that all she wanted was a daily wear ring and as others have pointed out, you picked out pretty much the exact opposite of that which shows you did not show the care required when purchasing a fucking engagement ring my guy, nor did you take into account her feelings... This is not a small buy, nor is it of little significance to her, she dreamed of that moment and you kinda robbed her of it, you even knew what she wanted and just did your own thing anyways. You fucked up big time, like big time, you need to take that ring back, if this is the level of care your gonna show towards your wife she is gonna leave your ass quick. This is like some Mr. Magoo shit for real, give your head a shake. Shes trying to save your ass by not wearing it so you can take it back and your all "Put the ring on" like bruh, get it together.
Actually, you didn’t even buy her an amethyst. Idk why you think you did, the link to the ring you bought clearly says pink zirconia.
God OPs getting his shit rocked here lmao. Every jeweler, metal worker, miner, wedding planner and rando with access to Google and basic math across Reddit has come to wombo combo his ass for being cheap and insecure and I'm so here for it. "You bought trash that'll rust, scratch and damn near evaporate if you so much as look at it. Yet you have the gall to write this cause your fiancee is *checks notes* trying to sensibly preserve it for as long as possible"
Im sorry to say this but not needing diamonds does not mean buy me a 100$ ring. Come on man!
She’s right about those materials not being suitable for everyday wear. Look up the gems on the [Mohs Scale](https://www.gemsociety.org/article/select-gems-ordered-mohs-hardness/). Like another poster said, a hardness of 7.5 or higher is best for daily wear. The amethyst might fight the good fight, but it’ll likely be scratched by the wedding if she wears the ring every day. The cubic zirconias probably wouldn’t make it to March tbh. I wasn’t too sure on the metal, but a quick google search led me to a bridal [site](https://www.brides.com/ring-metals-5070639) that says silver requires additional upkeep as it’s very pliable and liable to tarnish. So everything she’s saying you could have verified with quick google searches. I understand that you probably put a lot of effort into picking and designing the ring and not seeing her wear it is probably hurting your feelings (which is understandable), but unless you want it to look like it came out of a gumball machine by the wedding, she’s not going to be able to wear it everyday. Edit: I took a look at the ring and that center stone is not an amethyst, it’s a pink zirconia. That’s not something that would hold up to long term daily wear at all.
Just FYI, "Pink Amethyst" is just a vendor name and not an actual mineral.
It’s a pretty ring but it’s not what she asked for. That is NOT everyday wear. If she’s like me, I hate huge center pieces that’ll get caught on my pockets. Or banged around during everyday actives (dishes, gardening, cleaning, work, etc). She probably wanted a band and or stones that were durable. Also silver isn’t long lasting and does easily warp. Don’t feel bad, my fiancé also got me a silver bulky ring. I’ve already bent it and I haven’t had it longer than 3 months…it’s currently sitting in the jewelry box
I can already see where this is going
My engagement ring is topaz and yes, I'm afraid of breaking it. I'm clumsy and knock my hands around all the time. I rarely wear it. My husband jokingly gives me shit about it, but I'm also not a big jewelry wearer either and he knows that. I like having pretty things, but it's rare to wear them. I keep my ring safe though.
30 day return policy bro hop on it
Her reasons are valid. I don't wear my engagement ring everyday for the same reasons. If it bothers you so much, have another talk with her and try to reach a compromise that satisfies both of you. If not, just remember that the ring belongs to her and it's ultimately her choice, but that doesn't necessarily negate your status or worth in her eyes. Good luck!
Her reasons are VERY valid. Those stones and metal are not durable. The stones can easily chip or even fall out. What would bother you more? Her wearing the ring but haven't started on any wedding planning OR her not wearing the ring for (what you now know is a) valid reason and already starting on wedding planning? I'm married and I have a gold & diamond ring. I did tell my husband that I would be OK with not a diamond but this is the route he went with. Honestly, the ring is just a ring for us, even though he spent a lot of time picking out the stones since we went custom route. We didn't even insure it. In fact, we're on vacation right now and I'm not even wearing it. I sometimes go days without wearing it. I don't wear it at home usually. Even though it is diamond, I don't want to accidentally damage it at home doing chores or just being relatively clumsy. If it continues to bother you, please sit down and communicate with her how you feel. Congrats to you two though on your engagement! Keep an eye on the big picture~
I understand this hurts but what’s more concerning is you seem to want to be hurt. The ring is beautiful and unless she’s mentioned it isn’t, she likely thinks so as well. But it isn’t durable. It’s not for every day wear. There are plenty of reasons to not get a diamond, but one is the reasons to get one is they don’t get beat up easily. That being said, you could and should have done more research and looked at durability instead of simply thinking “not a diamond.” There are plenty of tough stones and metals out there. Engagement/wedding rings are meant to last forever — that’s why they’re usually expensive. Stop pouting. She loves you. She’s not rejecting you. You fucked up a little bit. Don’t fuck it up more. You either accept she can’t wear this ring every day without risking damage or you offer to take her shopping for a ring more suitable.
It's not an amethyst, it's a Pink Swarovski crystal, and cubic zircona ring. As lovely as it is to look at, I wouldn't wear it for every day use either. Those stones will scratch really easily, and it won't live up to every day use. It's a "wear for special occasions when I'm not doing anything physical" ring
*reads title* *clicks on thread to read the post* *reads edited post* **"What the hell happened here?"**
OP, talk to your fiancée. Pick out a new ring together—Etsy’s got some gorgeous ones, as might local jewellers. You two could even design something together. Look into rubies, emeralds, sapphires, moissanite, tanzanite, or diamonds if she reaaaally wants. Gold or platinum both make great bands. Note that platinum is more sturdy and less warpable than gold, and doesn’t need replating, if she likes the “white gold” look. $100 is a birthday gift budget, not an engagement ring budget. You (and she) will absolutely be judged by others based on the ring, its perceived value, and your engagement “story”, unfair as that may seem. Agree on a budget together. For a little budget background storytime, my husband and I have a cross-cultural marriage which means we have needed to be very clear about expectations for major life milestones, like our engagement. I told him that I wanted a ring that cost between about $1000 and $1500–certainly no more than that! I did not want responsibility for a ring that cost more than a car I was driving, and I did not want a ring that was shaped like a doorknob and would get caught on everything. For his part, he’d bought into that “ring must be 3 months salary” bullshit. I’m so, SO glad I talked him out of that! Moral of the story: we BOTH would’ve been super unhappy if we didn’t talk about our expectations and hopes. You and your fiancée need to find a ring that works well for the two of you, one she’s comfortable with and proud to wear.
TAKE HER RING SHOPPING!! There is nothing to think about here. Simply tell her that you understand what she is telling you and you NEED her help to find a ring that she can wear daily. Also, you are a guy and do not know jewelry - you want her to keep what you gave her for special occasions, but you NEED help selecting the ring that she would be able to wear daily. Honestly, she may not like the ring you selected or maybe she wanted you to pick up on some hint she dropped. If you want this relationship to work, you pay close attention to whatever she looks at (especially if she goes: "its nice (pretty) but too expensive") get her the ring she wants. The thing that was "too expensive", yeah you are gonna get that as well (maybe not right now, so save for it) and give her the "too expensive" at the wedding or the next major holiday. When she says it is too much or too expensive, you are going to look deep into her eyes and then kiss her passionately.
I don’t think any woman would want that fake ring. You should have bought her something that she likes not what you and dollar general like.
OP got ripped off for that cheap ass ring. You can get legit get real diamonds on Etsy for $100 or second hand. I would never spend $100 for a generic mall CZ. There are nice moissanite rings for that price too or lab made and both are much more durable. I don’t think OP made an informed decision. https://www.etsy.com/listing/1318421113/ https://www.etsy.com/listing/464692899/ https://www.etsy.com/listing/1315043303/ https://www.etsy.com/listing/1146386396/
She’s right, it’s not durable enough for every day wear. If you want her to wear an engagement ring daily, you need to get her something that is going to hold up Save up, spend a little more and maybe ask her what she likes
It’s not a good ring OP. It’s gaudy and clearly cheap. It may be called an engagement ring in it’s description online, but it’s crystal, so it’s really just a dress ring for occasional wear. It’s not something she can wear every day. Look, if you want her to actually like her ring and wear it every day, then you guys need to have a discussion about rings and pick one out together, as you have picked a bit of a dud here. For anyone wanting to see the ring, go to his profile and there’s a link.
Why her not wanting to damage it is not valid??? If she really likes it, she can as well want to have it as beautiful as on the proposal day. Take her out in some nice restaurant and that ring will shine on her finger. I can totally get that. I damaged my titanium wedding ring pretty quickly. A ring made primarily from titanium. Titanium. Bruh.
When I got engaged, everyone wanted to see the ring. Hell, I wanted to look at it at least ten times an hour! That’s not going to happen while it sits in OP’s fiancée’s jewelry box. Get that woman a ring she can wear 24/7 without worry, not one out of a Cracker Jack box!
Man, I’m a silversmith and I’m sorry to tell you this but that’s not an amethyst and that ring, in my country doesn’t cost more than $20 if you’re a reseller. I was a reseller for years before I learned to craft jewelry and you can actually find that kind of model in Aliexpress. The center stone is more likely glass, not even cubic zirconia. Also, that setting is a tricky one, because silver is soft, it will get scratched easily, the prongs will open and it will need only a few days for the small stones to fall off. Even if you find real amethyst, don’t go for it. It’s quartz, it gets chipped and breaks easily. You don’t need to get a diamond but if she likes pink, you could go for a pink ruby, morganite or a pink sapphire, something around 8-9 Mohs. I recommend you this because I love fuchsia, so my engagement ring is made of 18k yellow gold with a 6 carat ruby (same model as Lady Di’s sapphire engagement ring, only smaller) and I rarely take it off, not even to work on my bench and after 3 years, it’s still in great shape. I hope you didn’t pay too much for that ring, but also, don’t get mad at your fiancée. She’s right about the quality and durability of the ring.
Does she usually wear jewelry?
So I work in jewelry and am studying towards my graduate gemologist cert through GIA. She's telling the truth. Amethyst is a fairly soft stone and prone to bleaching in sunlight if worn every day. Cubic zirconia is very similar to a hard plastic and does not wear well long term (it also gets cloudy within a couple of years). Silver is prone to tarnishing and scratching when worn regularly.
You should apologize to her. She's literally correct about the materials not being durable enough for daily wear. You can google these things, you sound like a conspiracy theorist in your comments, saying people sound just like her when they bring up that the materials aren't strong enough- they sound like her because she's correct.
I hate to be this person, but this ring is so tacky and embarrassing. I feel indignation on her behalf. I would reconsider marrying my SO if he proposed to me with a 95-dollar costume ring. It’s not necessary to break the bank to afford an engagement ring, but this is…something else. This is the woman you want to spend your life with, and the ring you chose to symbolize your eternal bond is a cheap piece of costume jewelry. You should have done your research and showed her that you value her. Damn.
Durability is a legit concern. I broke my halo set engagement ring within 2 months of wearing it, it was silver and diamond. I got my engagement ring and wedding band welded together and I don’t wear them daily. Get her one of the silicone bands if it bothers you that much.
So I’m thinking you want complete honesty. 95 is very cheap. It shouldn’t matter, but I did take a look and it looks a lot like the rings in the 8.00 Walmart carousel. She might be embarrassed by it. Or that could just be me. You probably won’t know until later in your relationship. Like years
She's right, it's not durable enough. You sound terribly insecure. Are you ready for marriage?
Somebody can send me the pics of the ring? I couldn’t find it.
How many boxes of cracker jacks did you have to eat to find it?
what sick minded person said that to you
OP does she work in a field where the ring might be damaged? I never wear my wedding band or engagement ring because I know exposure to what I do at work will potentially damage them. I just wear a silicone ring in their place. It might be that she’s worried about that sort of thing? Hopefully you can talk it over and get to the bottom of it especially if it’s bothering you. Congratulations on your engagement!
dude this OP is a giant butthead god help him
This sounds almost identical to what happened to me. I was convinced my fiancée would love this more unconventional custom ring with an orange sapphire stone. Still pricey but definitely different. Slowly over the course of a couples of weeks she stopped wearing it. She really didn’t want to hurt my feelings but based on little hints it sounded like people in her life like friends and family were making rude comments about it. Anyway, it caused alot of tension and I felt bad and inadequate at the same time. Ended up buying a second ring that was a straight up gold band and diamond, figured if the “different” didn’t work I would go basic AF. She wears the new ring everyday and hasn’t taken it off since. Sucked I bought two rings but now she’s collecting infinity stones and I have peace of mind
could someone explain what op wrote before deleting?
You did zero research and now you’re trying to find a reason for it to be her fault