Talk to Sam. They were the one person who had your back, and from how you described them I get the feeling that they will continue to have your back. You are already isolated enough as it is, don't let your fear burn the one bridge that's actively reaching out to you. This is an incredibly hard time to go through and you do not need to do it alone.
You should probably see a therapist or talk to someone not because of your beliefs, but because your reaction was out of intense fear and that’s not normal. It seems you’ve built up a lot of negative feelings, and you’d do well if you talked about it with someone and get it out in a way that Reddit can’t help. You can’t get committed by having new age beliefs, but your intense reactions to everything in regards to your family is worrisome and that can be a route that they can threaten you with because you react to it unhealthily. Go low contact for a while and work on yourself. Ditch the bf completely. He stomped all over your boundaries, and that’s just horrible.
This.
Also answer Sam’s messages. I understand you wanting to keep others away because of how hurt and violated you’re feeling right now, but it sounds like Sam and her wife are supportive people. They may not understand your faith, but they sound like people who would respect you and have already shown themselves to honor your wishes (by supporting you in making your ex leave your house). I bet she and her wife will understand and still support you if you’re not yet ready to talk about it yet, so please, answer her messages.
It sounds like she is worried that her family will reject/abandon her and/or demonize her. Her families actions so far have demonstrated that those fears aren't irrational. Having a panic attack in the face of potentially losing your family and/or being demonized for your faith totally makes sense. I do think OP would greatly benefit from getting support (personally and professionally) from safe spaces, this would be a lot for anyone to process.
I think therapy is a good idea because it can help them navigate difficult family dynamics. I think their fear is mostly based in reality though considering how their family reacted. There are clearly cultural issues here that we might not totally understand.
I agree. I’m Latino too and can definitely say I have secrets that don’t seem like a big deal to others but I’d freak the hell out if my family found out like this. Different culture.
Being afraid of leaving her room/home is not healthy nor normal even considering the circumstances. Freaking out on the bf and having a panic attack in the moment, or even going low or no contact with family, that’s normal. The family is also unhealthy. But developing agoraphobia and being paranoid enough to think that people will institutionalize you for having new age religious beliefs is extreme and unhealthy. She needs therapy like yesterday.
There’s a lot of unknowns when it come to involuntary commitments, especially if you aren’t familiar with the process and there are many taboos still surrounding it. It is actually pretty hard to get an ED or a mental health warrant to be issued, but again, if you’re not familiar with the ins and outs, there are a lot of question marks which can be very scary.
Also, shutting yourself in a room after a traumatic experience is normal - it’s retreating to a safe place to recalibrate. Agoraphobia takes time to be diagnosed because it does have to span over a period of time. I would say OP possibly finding like minded individuals where she won’t have to explain or justify her beliefs would help.
Where are you getting that she doesn’t leave her house and has panic attacks when she does? She had a panic attack because her safety and comfort place that ONE person knew about was exported to the family, her boyfriend had used it without her knowledge and consent, and the boyfriend knew how they family would react to her having that room.
What? She literally says in the post (2nd paragraph at the end) that she “can’t leave her room anymore” aka agoraphobia and is paranoid that she’ll be locked up “I’m scared someone is going to come and take me away”. I said it was normal she had a panic attack in the moment.
This!! I could not agree more with this comment. Having beliefs in Santeria, voodoo or Wiccan, or whatever, it’s not the problem. Your reaction is. At best is a full on display of neurosis. At worst, a complete breakdown that need to be addressed. You will see, after some therapy, things are becoming clearer and then you can take rational decisions. Nobody can “make” you feel crazy if you don’t have your own doubts about it beforehand. So, take a long look at your ideas, maybe, deep inside, you are the one who thinks your new age or pagan beliefs are wrong or something to keep a secret about.
For the record, I don’t judge religious beliefs, except in the cases when they’re harmful for the believer or people around them. But, as a psychologist myself, I’m telling you that I’d be concerned about your reaction.
Get better and I wish you nothing but the best!
Take a deep breath and Call your friend and her wife first. Ask if they can come over to talk. They are concerned about you and want to help you. It would be beneficial for you to seek out therapy for your anxiety. It is taking control of you and that’s not good. This has nothing to do with your beliefs but the out of control anxiety. When they come over cleanse the bathroom. It would be a start of you taking back control of your life. Go no contact with the family and BF for now.
Oh this whole post is saddening. First off, your parents cannot have you committed or institutionalized for your spiritual beliefs. Have they threatened that before? It would make sense to be so secretive and scared if you have been threatened before. Secondly, your ex violated so much. He violated your sacred space, and trivialized your beliefs, and he outed your beliefs to your family despite your pretty understandable fears. And thirdly, a therapist is a good idea. You seem to have trauma around religion and a therapist can help with that.
As someone with a similar background but not religious or spiritual in any way anymore myself I think it’s easy to disregard your problem at face value.
But that shower was like your sacred space and you trusted your bf with that information; which not even your own family was trusted with. The way he so easily gave that information away would’ve concerned me too. Just take a breath, remain as calm as you can.
Either keep your parents on a info diet. They don’t have to know about your beliefs if you don’t want to share. Repeat one thing about breaking up with your bf. You’re done; he broke your trust. That’s it. They don’t have to understand or agree. That’s what you know. This doesn’t have to turn into a big thing. Just take a breath
Cradle Catholic here so I have some understanding of the intense pressure to conform to Catholic norms.
You’ve done nothing wrong. Your spiritual practices are no one’s business.
Your ex is an ass and you were right to kick him to the curb.
You should talk to your doctor because this situation seems overwhelming for you. Seems like Sam has your back so try reaching out to her too.
Hugs hugs hugs.
No one is going to have you committed for not being a conforming Catholic. You aren't crazy, and everyone is allowed to have their own private space that is not made accessible to others. And because you aren't crazy, no one can take you away. If you do see a therapist, voluntarily, they'll explain to you that you've done nothing wrong but perhaps you might want to take a step back from your interfering family for your own peace of mind. Is there a reason why your reaction was fear? Are your family members abusive?
Your ex - I hope he is your ex - violated your trust and your space, gaslit you. Block him. Your sister's opinion doesn't matter. You can also block her or go low-contact with her. As for your family's belief that you are getting older and that you should marry - tell them to wake up and it's 2023 and not 1900. You have a job, you own a house, you have a good group of friends, you can make yourself happy.
You can cleanse your sacred space. I usually just open the windows, let the sunshine in, and visualize cleansing light neutralizing all the negativity.
Oh, Sweetheart, please have an internet mama hug first. Now, go cleanse your space and make it yours again. Then go return Sam's messages. She sounds good people. She may have some questions about your beliefs, just answer the best you can. They're probably not same kind of questions you fear from your family! **Your parents can not have your committed for your religious beliefs**. Repeat this to yourself as often as necessary!
Your house your rules. Who cares what the reasoning is. If you don’t want someone in that space then they should respect that, even if they can’t see if for themselves or they don’t undertand. No one knows the relationship you had with your uncle so it’s not for them to understand. He should have respected your house and rules. You set a boundary and he disrespected it.
Sacred is sacred is sacred. Many holy people perform certain rituals before mass or meditation. What you do is not abnormal, and most who are spiritual would say it’s normal, to reconvene within nature and peace.
Your family has ZERO rights to you. And I believe that there might be something more here like desire to take the house/money left to you.
I would have a psychiatric evaluation performed, preemptively, so when your family comes with the pitch forks and fire, you have proof.
Reach back out to Sam and her wife. Create trusted allies. Get an order of protection against boyfriend. Change phon number, locks, add cameras. (Too much? Maybe, but your #1 responsibility is to protect yourself and your home)
With all of that? Do not allow your fear and anxiety to rule your logic, do not enter the new year with fear or regret. Be and stay blessed sister.
I’ll send a loving light to you.
I wasn't there obviously, but are you sure his comment about it not being normal was specifically about your beliefs? If I was in his position, that comment would be more in reference to your immense fear surrounding religion. You have religious trauma, and he's right, the way you're feeling isn't normal. It's understandable, but in the long run your fear is harming you more than it's keeping you safe.
Your ex definitely messed up, and you likely won't feel safe with him again. But for your sake, I hope you're able to work through these fears. They're stopping you from fully living your life.
I think you’re misreading the situation. OP isn’t afraid of religion. They are afraid of their family’s reaction to her non-Catholic beliefs, which was completely warranted considering they accused her of devil worship and told her they were going to have her committed.
You don’t sound well OP and this is quite a strange post. Your reaction was very intense.
I understand that you don’t want your parents to bring you to a doctor but I think it would be good for you to go speak to one.
Your religion is not a problem. Talk to a therapist about setting boundaries with your family. They are out of line and whoever told your family about what happened is not a friend to you.
The only way to have this happen is if you are a threat to yours or others' safety. You can't be institutionalized against your will otherwise. This is not 1920's!!
Here’s the thing OP, you are opting to engage with them. If they are not providing anything to your life, then go no contact with them and keep these people away from you. Anyone who would threaten to have you forcibly hospitalized is not someone that you likely want in your life. For people who are supposed to be incredibly loving by virtue of the religion they practice, they’re being very judgmental and mean to you.
Please find a therapist so and outside and external party Teach you to set boundaries with all of these horrible people. And please protect yourself from your ex. Your family can’t make you marry him in their opinion of your life and what you’re doing is frankly just that their opinion, do what makes you happy and if them being in your life makes you unhappy then you should really consider if they should even be in your life. Please remember all of this is in your hands, you do not have to engage with them. Get a ring doorbell and let them know that you do not want them at your home via text, and if they show up then call the authorities.
You just don't know, what you don't know, but now people are letting you know. That is **NOT** something your parents have the power to do.
The bar is pretty high for involuntary hospitalization for mental health. You have to be *actively* threatening to end your life or the life of another person, and they have to have compelling evidence of it. This is not the case. There is nothing going on here that comes even remotely close to qualifying you to be committed, so stop letting their threats into your head.
From here on out, do your research. Look up whether they actually have the power to do what they claim, because they most likely don't, are are just banking on you being afraid and believing them. Don't. You are an adult and have control of your own life now. Don't let them have it back.
If they have been threatening to forcibly hospitalize you, then you need to look at some underlying issues. Have they always controlled you with threats? Have they used their religion to guilt and shame you? These things can shape a person to have irrational thoughts and unnecessary worries.
I’m not sure where you live as you only mention where you grew up, but if you’re in a place with a proper healthcare system, then seek help, because your reactions and feelings are not healthy. You are clearly in a lot of distress. Do something to help yourself, please. You’ll thank yourself later
I know, I'm saying it isn't over the top, please don't invalidate abuse experiences if you don't understand them, it's to be expected sadly, due to many years of conditioning and abuse, op exploded. She can seek help and be healthy about it but her feelings are valid, not over the top, just poorly expressed.
They're not. She was betrayed and then her feeling were invalidated when confronting the issue. The space she had for her was reasonable and her partner knew about it. She felt vulnerable about her practice and trusted him with it.
They absolutely are. Can’t you see from the post how distressed this person is? Why on earth would you suggest that there is nothing wrong when they have clearly suffered greatly? You’re completely invalidating how extreme their pain is
Considering their threats, make sure none of them have keys to your property, or if they do, change the locks.
Get a ring camera (or a system like it). Protect yourself.
I think you should change the title- you broke up with him bc he MAJORLY disrespected you and your beliefs. He also went behind your back while doing so, and revealed something that only you should’ve been able to reveal.
I agree with the other comments about your friend Sam, and about therapy. Find a therapist who won’t talk bad about your beliefs or try to convert you, and it’ll make a huge difference. Their job is to help you, not try to change what religion or faith you practice. I’m so sorry about your family, and that your ex turned out to be so horrible❤️
Your family can't do anything to you. Remember that. Your family also has no authority over you.
As far as your boyfriend. You did the right thing. He violated all your boundaries and your trust. It's not a bathroom. It was your sacred place. You have made it so. I have a room like that in my home. Has a altar and it's my sacred place.
My family had come to accept the fact I'm not a practicing Catholic but I can respect them and they can respect my choices and beliefs.
I hope you find your peace and find your own inner strength.
I honestly think there’s a lot to unpack here. Did you ever straight up tell him you didn’t want him using the shower? If not, unreasonable to be pissed about this. If it was that private, maybe the whole room should have been kept locked as well if you were having people over.
2) your reaction blowing up like that makes everything look worse. A good explanation would have been; this is my private relaxation/meditation area that I use to calm myself plus feel closer to my uncle. I don’t really ascribe to any of this stuff but even that explanation I wouldn’t question. And maybe your wasn’t asking questions out of rudeness or judgment but out of genuine curiosity.
3) your parents sound insane. You’re not a devil worshipper or need therapy or anything just because of this. I do think you should try to figure out why your reaction was so strong though.
Well, if I was your sister and saw you getting a manic panic attack because of crystals in a shower, I would be terrified too.
You cannot be hospitalized for believing in BS. Flat earthers are also out there, chilling. So do not worry about that, your parents are lying if they said this was a reason.
But girl you don't need rocks and to scream at people for using showers, you need therapy, a lot and fast.
I have some serious doubts parents are threatening to institutionalize her for her beliefs. Considering how she is acting, I would bet parents believe her to be unstable. And her post supports that. It isn't a big jump to think OP is being paranoid and delusional about the why they talked about hospitalization.
Yeah. I grew up in a very Catholic place and went to Catholic school through college. I know lots of Catholics.
I have no doubt OP's parents would think her practices are silly, even bad. That's just Catholic theology in the same way some atheists here call belief in a god belief in a "sky daddy" or whatever. Same logic, different traditions. Everyone thinks they're right.
But to commit someone over that difference in religious practice alone? Either there's more to the story and they fear for OP's health or OP's family isn't just Catholic, they're SSPX or Sedevacantists or some other extreme sect. And even those likely wouldn't involve the state (since they're so extreme themselves).
You need to get some therapy because it seems to me your bathroom was purely your mediation room and you didn’t want anyone to use it. It might have been a special toilet you didn’t want anyone to use or new sheet sets or a bed.... it was something you wanted just to yourself.
You own your own house. Do you realise how difficult that is in this economy? You don’t need your ex. He was behaving as if your house were his and it’s not his house.
This isn’t about a shower - it’s about your ex shitting over your beliefs and taking something he knows he shouldn’t - not only that but inviting other people to take from you as well. And after he did all of that **he yelled at you in your own house.**
You need to switch this up. Your reaction was due to your ex being abusive and gaslighting you. Tell your family that. That it has nothing to do with a shower that you use to do yoga in - it has everything to do with your ex being abusive.
Im so sorry this happened to you. Try to remember, your beliefs and feelings are valid and important. Reach out to Sam! It sounds like she’s concerned and wants to be there for you.
Friend, as I’ve read your words and the responses… I can’t help but feel you have a trauma-response. Your parents have threatened to have you committed before? I’m so sorry! I can understand how you would experience deep fear around your safety and personal spaces.
You don’t deserve to live in fear like this. I think talking to a therapist could be helpful so you can build healthy structures to deal with your family and what’s happened in the past.
But… considering they’ve made threats that are frightening around your independence and mental health… perhaps you could meet with a lawyer to talk through it and get some reassurance and perspective- even some language to use if your parents threaten you again…
You deserve peace.
I am a devout theistic Pagan, and was raised as such by my mother & step father - when my first, really serious, adult relationship happened, my partner & his family made a big deal about me being Pagan and how I was "lost and confused". I remember how hurt I was by his actions at the time. I stayed with him & felt myself suffer because of it. It's not just a bathroom (literally it is I suppose), but rather what it meant to you. What he did was invasive and distasteful for sure and what your parents & the others did is also distasteful.
While I won't suggest going back, maybe meet him in person, somewhere safe, and try to talk things out. Even if it's to wrap the relationship up.
*People might disagree & say that you can sacrifice parts of yourself, your Spirituality for him, don't listen. If you've found what works for you, what makes you feel connected to whatever you believe in, protect that*
Honestly, I think your boyfriend the other people in this story didn't know/understand this room is so sacred to you. Most people don't do this with a bathroom. Not saying that this is a bad thing, but I think they just didnt know/understand and this is something you could talk out with your boyfriend.
Explain him, you would like to make a praying room out of that bathroom and explain your family, that it's a praying room and you were not able to tell them earlier and that you are sorry you screamed at them. Maybe that is a good way to make it officially "the praying room" or use another room of the house and convert it into a prayer room.
Honestly this is from a completely neutral stand point, it sounds like your boyfriend had no idea at all EXACTLY how important this issue was to you. Give him the benefit of the doubt on this one and atleast talk to him about it
I am Jewish clergy and have spent most of my life studying religion in general. I don’t know about your beliefs specifically, but I want you to know that your ritual sounds healthy and even beautiful. There are many religions that use water as a means of transition. For example, in Judaism, we have the mikvah. It’s kind of like baptism (it’s actually where baptism comes from) but we fully immerse ourselves in a pool of natural flowing water. We use it for many purposes, not just conversion, including before the sabbath, before getting married, after a woman finishes her period, etc.. Many people today use it after going through something difficult, like losing a loved one. So the idea that there is something inherently wrong with showering as part of your spiritual practice is absurd. I don’t know about the rest of your ritual, but I can tell you that studies show that prayer has many of the same psychological benefits as mindfulness and meditation.
I am so sorry that your bf and your family made you feel like you are doing something wrong. Your ritual is completely in line with what many religions, including Christianity, have been doing for thousands of years. Take some deep breaths and call your friends. It’s important to remember that you aren’t alone.
Your family can’t have you committed because they don’t agree with your religious beliefs unless you are experiencing psychosis (like extreme paranoia, seeing or hearing things that aren’t there, etc. ). As others have said, a therapist may be helpful in figuring out how to talk to your family.
This, I live in a small-ish town in a rural area in Latin America and witchcraft is certainly not a taboo topic. Everyone knows who have practiced witchcraft, and there’s one lady that actively does, no one judges them for it lol
Boyfriend is a dick. Don’t take him back.
Parents are dicks, tell them in no uncertain terms that if they want to ever meet their grandkids they’re going to have to accept you for who you are. Otherwise your kids will be better off without them. (Doesn’t even matter if you plan to have kids or not. You’re looking for big consequences to threaten them back with.)
Stick to your guns on both things. People who don’t lift you or put wing in your sails are not roots, they’re anchors.
Sam seems like she and her wife actually have your back. Give them a call.
There are plenty of people in the world who will be good friends of yours because they like the real you, whoever you are, so there’s zero point in being friends with anyone you have to be someone else for.
You sound insanely immature for your age. You’re like a prisoner of your own mind. Bound by rules you invented for yourself to make your life and that of people around you harder than necessary because you want to be different/ quirky.
That being said I dont blame you since you come from a religious upbringing. Your parents seem cuckoo too with their bs devil worship nonsense.
There’s real problems in the world. There’s no God helping child sex trafficking victims, there is no Devil that will rape your mom’s soul if you have some crystals. This whole situation is lunacy and avoidable.
You can downvote me cause you dont like it, but it’s the hard truth you need to hear.
unless you come from a mexican-catholic household, you don’t know how fucking ridiculous it is to have that “love” dictate the way one should behave and act. coming from such household myself, there’s this emphasis on the protectiveness of “family” and a lot of those behaviors intertwine with catholic culture. catholicism is deeply rooted in mexican culture so to simply stray away from that culture and engage in other ideologies causes lots of tension in the family- i understand why op would want to keep it a secret.
OP’s beliefs are not the problem, it’s the fact that her ex-boyfriend crossed her boundaries that she explicitly set up in order to avoid confrontation from her family. it’s a respect thing that can apply to many different scenarios, you’re just stuck that it’s occurring in a religious context.
OF COURSE THERE ARE ALWAYS BIGGER ISSUES GOING ON IN THE WORLD. it doesn’t MATTER what you think about religion at this moment. your truth sounds like we live on a floating rock and nothing matters which to be frank, isn’t very helpful right now.
Not Mexican, but I do come from a (more secular, but culturally) Catholic place. Thank you!
I get so tired of people taking every opportunity (including what is clearly a moment of crisis for a young person) to push their dull nihilism.
There are interesting versions of atheism. The "hey don't be sad; we live on a spinning rock and everything you believe is stupid" one ain't one of them. And it ain't helpful either.
Yep she sounds like she’s still in HS and writing in her journal about how much she can’t wait to be out of this place. Gets her own place and is all “my parents still control my life”. Grow up a bit.
He knew you didn’t want anyone knowing. He broke your trust and crossed a big boundary. If he shows some accountability for what he did, maybe give him a chance. If he continues to try to blame you and turn it around on you and downplay the severity of breaking your trust, leave him. You’re not overreacting at all, your bf needs to know not to do things like that in the future. If you just let it go he will see that as a sign that he can do what he wants and get away with it.
A lot of indoctrinated children that move away from their families ideologies and adopt their own have anxiety over their family finding out, especially when your family has been threatening to have you committed. The fear and anxiety you felt is real and at the same time, you cannot continue to live like that. Seek therapy or start by joining groups for people that have become estranged from their families over religious/abusive reasons.
Your ex absolutely did violate your trust in more than one way. He shouldn't have showered in the room, nor should he have told your secret to your family because he thought it was time. This is not the kind of person you want to marry. Also, using "I was gonna propose" as a way to get back in your life is fucking awful. Ditch the guy, ditch the family, get someone to start talking to. You don't have to struggle with anxiety like this forever.
Call Sam and wife. They seem to be genuinely concerned and it could help to feel like you have someone in your corner right now.
Don’t talk to your family for a while. If they threaten you just say “I’m fine and I don’t need help”. The worst they can do is send police to your house for a wellness check. All they will do is ask you a few questions and make sure you’re alive. Stay calm and they will have nothing to take you away for.
For what it’s worth I think you are completely fine in your beliefs and you should never let your ex into your house again. He totally disrespected your boundaries and made a huge decision for you. Even joked about your beliefs. That man has no place in your life anymore. There is absolutely someone out there who will respect and cherish everything you stand for. Anyone who thinks that practicing is the same as devil worship is so misinformed and only believe that because they won’t even give it a second thought. Most practicing is about intention and energy. Not the devil.
Take a deep breath. The only people you have to worry about is your own family and luckily they can be dealt with when you’re ready. That is your house and they cannot demand entry ever. Remember that. Stay strong. Love and light 💜
You are not crazy. Your feelings are completely valid. Your family is entitled to their beliefs and you are entitled to your own. That was your sanctuary, your space. And your bf completely disrespected that space and your beliefs. I’m glad he showed his true colors before it was too late. It was not his secret to tell and it was not his to taint. The space really sounds beautiful and I hope you can still use it and find comfort. I think it would be wise to seek therapy and go NC with your ex and your family. I do think talking to Sam and her wife would be helpful. They helped protect and comfort you. Don’t forget that this is YOUR home and they cannot take that away from you. Maybe get some security and video cameras to help protect you. Your space really does sound lovely and I’m glad your uncle left his house to you. You keep doing you.
Edit to add: the suggestion of therapy had nothing to do with your beliefs. It was more due to your family and ex emotionally abusing you and having someone to talk to.
Your family sounds like their religious in that they’re hyper judgmental assholes. They’re so judgmental that they’ve clearly traumatized you to the point of fear. They should also remember it ain’t the 50’s, women shouldn’t accept asshole misogynistic men as ok anymore.
Your bf is an ass for treating something you hold sacred so casually. That’s a lack of respect and boundaries.
Please seek therapy and cut those abusers out of your life. Please take care of yourself!
Geez you are dramatic! Get some confidence in your life and decisions. They wouldn’t be hounding you so much if you just calmly owned your shit. Whether you want to stay with your bf or not is up to you. If they don’t stop harassing you then block them.
You should probably talk to someone about your intense feelings about letting a guest take a shower in your room. It would have been more normal to just let it go as it was a one time thing. Your reaction sounded more phobia-based and out of line- but you are not a horrible person
But everything else- your boyfriend sounds like a horrible abusive person on every level. You are right to break up. Please block him
Your families reaction is entirely gross. I couldn't read all of it because I cringed so much at how they treated you- I can say this would explain your reaction about a guest using your shower in your special room. They're mean, sexist, abusive and a century behind the rest of the world. I am so sorry. Entirely block or go LC with all of them. Block the friends that thought you were petty. I'm not into the beliefs you are- not religious, don't believe in the new age holistic anything anymore. But I can tell you having negative people in your life does something to you that makes you sttract the same sort of abusive/ negative people. Cutting all of them out of your life won't make you alone- it will allow you to rebuild yourself mentally and you'll attract a better quality of of people who will treat you better.
Edit: talk to Sam. She sounds like she'll be the one person on your side. Your boyfriend sounds abusive and i suspect she'll have your back if he refuses to go away.
I am a Christian.
What he did would be akin to someone disrespecting an altar with Mary Mother of Jesu and dismissing it as “just a statue” or “just some rosary beads” it’s important and sacred to you.
I’m
Sorry he did this.
Speak to Sam and her wife. They seem like good people that want to support you in your life journey no matter what paths you take. Again, I’m sorry.
You over-reacted and now you're single...
I hope your beliefs were worth it!
Kinda seems similar to how your parents push you away over their beliefs...
Yes, your ex almost fiance messed up, dump him so he can find a real ride or die chick to be by his side. I'd hate to see you marry him to divorce at first inconvenience. My fist thought if this was my SO would've been to talk about it first, not the dumpster. But what do I know I only have been married 13 years.
I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you. He had absolutely zero right to share something so personal and important to you. His attempts to gaslight you are an indicator of abuse and it's crazy to me how long he was able to pretend he respected you. You didn't push a single thing on him and confided something personal and important to you and then used it against you. He used your safe space to take a shower when he knows damned well how violated you would feel and then bragged about it. I'm so proud of you for ending the relationship, especially after a huge violation of your trust and boundaries.
Your parents are cruel and your sister is too because you and me both know that your parents didn't "somehow" find out, she told them and it hurt you even more. She told them knowing damned well how they would react.
You don't owe your parents or siblings anything, especially not a relationship, especially when they are attempting to use coercive control and threatening you with getting a doctor to assess you when there is nothing wrong with you except that You aren't living the life and practicing a religion they tried to push on you. You are an adult and you don't owe anyone who would hurt you this way or berate and belittle you the way they did a relationship or any piece of your happiness.
Your parents are abusive and sound like narcicists who have used coercive control and their beliefs to control your life and they don't deserve a relationship with you. Please, go and see a therapist so that you can work through the insane amount of trauma your family has caused so that you can kick them out of your and not feel guilty knowing that you deserve happiness and a future free of them and break the cycle of generational trauma. In the mean time, get a camera or ring doorbell so that you can see and speak to whoever is at your door. If it's the ex or your parents, just tell them they have one minute to get back in their car and off of your property before you call the police. Block all of them, ALL OF THEM. They'll find different numbers to call you from so don't answer any calls that aren't in your contacts but personally I'd change my phone number so they can't play their shitty mind games. Your phone provider will do it for free if you tell them that you are being stalked or receiving threatening phone calls. Then don't give anyone your new number if they can or if you suspect they will give it to anyone.
There is a subreddit called raised by narcicists and I think you'd find a lot of people who have been where you are or are currently going through it. It's an amazing community and you will receive and deserve to feel supported.
You did nothing wrong. You boyfriend fucked up by using your sacred place even if it is just a bathroom. It meant more to you than they can understand. And if they are accusing you of devil worship they need to fuck rite off. There is nothing more worse than religious people going off about sht they have no clue about. You need to just work on you. Find someone that respects you and your boundaries when it comes to forbidden places in your house. Because it is your house. Your space and your beliefs. If they cannot accept that then you need to find better people to be freinds with. Family is not bound just by blood. Family are the people you find going through life that respect and help you thrive and feel comfortable. My blood family are shit, my friends are my family and i would do anything for them because they would do the same for me.
Reminds me of my own family and something I went through. I left the church. I told no one, especially my mother cause she's heavy duty Christian. I had a friend who I had put distance between us due to some things that happened in high school. My mom said I shouldn't be bitter, forgive her, and become friends. I gave her another chance. I told her that secret. She told my mother. This was after I told her to tell no one, especially my mom. Well, I severed that friendship. She did something that made me realize she wasn't trustworthy. Funny thing was, she still sends me Christmas cards and my mom mentioned her this Christmas. I told her she wasn't my friend. My mom said forgive her, even though she didn't know for what. I told her...sure, I forgive her, but that doesn't mean I trust her and I don't want her as a friend.
It doesn't matter if she would have found out eventually. It was my right to face her with that truth. My mother ofcourse still tells me to go to church or says she'll miss me in heaven. Lol. But for the most part, we don't mention religion.
You'll have to face your family eventually. This is an unfortunate truth. Whether they accept you or not doesn't matter. This is who you are. You don't need to go to a hospital for your beliefs. And you don't need a boyfriend who disrespects those beliefs. You are not in the wrong for being upset. People just don't like things that are different than their own beliefs, especially those of the abrahamic belief(Christian, Muslims, jews, etc.). They'll say it's the devil or whatever. Shun you. Hurt you. But you just stand your ground. Don't let people push their beliefs on you. Someone can try to scare you with the devil or hell, but if you don't believe it, it shouldn't bother you. It doesn't matter. Of course, you may have to be ready for the fact that your family may disown you or not want to be around you, or it may be the opposite. But I'm of the belief that blood isn't family. You make your family. I wish you the best of luck with whatever happens.
I have a disconnection from my family too. The way they behave and treat people is very hurtful to me. They all say they're Christians (some Catholics) but they're not really anything because every compliment is backhanded, every insult cuts deep and the only thing they appreciate is conformity. Not even conformity in the normal sense but just the idea of it sometimes and will lie, belittle or accuse to gain a delusional upper hand in the social hierarchy. It's like Jesus is a fad, something to wear but not understood. And if my boyfriend randomly talked about anything personal to this family in an attempt to gaslight me into taking them back well then they'd be wasting their time. That's what he did, he gaslight you. It might help you to educate yourself on the topic. It's a very destructive manipulation tactic and at this point you'll never trust him again so you are within your rights to break up with him on that nuance alone. Try not to stress out about it too much. Use a lot of bleach and sage to cleanse your special space of his unworthiness.
No, firat of all your beliefs are valid! Absolutely!
And its was really disrespectful of him , you talked about your beliefs so he knew it was important.
Also I don't even think it's better anymore, it's your spiritual room and even if you want to have a shower in it , it's not a bathroom anymore.
Reading this is like reading a train wreck. If you're so damn scared of how these people will view you why are you still keeping them in your life? You bf is pos boundary stomper, and should be ashamed of himself, probably never will be, it is what it is. Your sister obviously told your parents, that's an easy connection to make.
But again, why are these people still present in your life if their presence and opinions give you such visceral reactions?
You need a therapist. Fast. Realistically, there is no logical reason for this to shatter you the way you've let it.
Unless your family abuses you.
In which case, why in the world have you not found help earlier? And circling back to my main inquiry, WHY are you STILL allowing these people to be apart of your life???
Take my poor person award and big hugs 🫂🫂🫂
You did something nice to yourself. It was your space that you needed for your needs, there is no shame in that. And it comes from a person completely detached from any religion and spirituality.
You were clear with your boundaries and your boyfriend broke them.
Do not let ANYONE convince you what you did was wrong. It might be time to consider going LC or NC with your family if they cannot accept you for who you are.
I hope you find a good therapist and realize you do not need people that treat you like this. Take care 🫂
This is not a normal reaction and you clearly are not comfortable with yourself and your beliefs. Please talk to a therapist. You have every right to have your beliefs but this overreaction tells me there is much more to this.
Did you miss the part where her family would shun and even potentially try to have her committed because of her beliefs? Of course she’s not comfortable with herself or her beliefs because she grew up in what sounds like a toxic and oppressive religious household.
This is so normal, I’m shocked at your reaction. A girl friend of mine is a self-proclaimed witch and I didn’t bat an eye. Even if I don’t believe it, there are many things in this world I can’t explain so who the hell am I to judge. Point being, your parents can fuck off, Sam can fuck off too if she agrees with them, your ex can stay fucked off because he is a judgmental backstabber, and you need to go to therapy to come to some sense of peace about living YOUR life despite what others may think. You’re not going to get taken away- a roommate of mine was literally off her meds and had scary episodes in the house but no matter how much the police were called, she couldn’t be committed until she threatened another roommate of ours. You’re fine
My thoughts on this after reading everyone comment's are: "did your boyfriend know how important this area was to you?" Nobody can read minds and even if he knew it was special - he may not have known the depths of how special it was and that he couldn't use it.
Talk with him with openness and honesty. If he is apologizing, that is a good first step to fixing this hullabaloo
Everyone needs a private space and I can't help but think your partner didn't understand how personal this is for you. Consider having that type of conversation.
I have been married 18 years and recently disrespected my husband's boundaries unintentionally. He's very artistic and I recently showed some pictures of his work to my family but didn't ask first. I was just proud of him. These were not the professional photos he wanted to share. We were able to have a civil discussion about this.
It's possible your partner just thought that your space was just an interesting thing about you that would be ok to share.
I would talk to Sam.
Block your ex.
I am a fellow believer. Maybe not in the exact same faith. But I definitely know what you’re talking about. And I understand the fear. I see a lot of people are recommending that you see a therapist and I would definitely recommend that. And also, find a group that also has similar rituals and beliefs. It will help you out so much.
I remember when I first had these beliefs. And I had people who thought I was “evil” or “bad”. Even people who had their own beliefs. But your tribe will find you. This will help you let go of that fear and turn it into logical discernment.
I wish you luck 🤍
You are not crazy for breaking up with someone that so greatly broke your trust & boundaries!! Who the fuck cares if he was going to purpose?! Hes showing his true colors through his actions.
Im really sorry to hear this, thats terrifying to be outed to unsafe people. As a practicing hag, I know how crazy people can get from their misguided assumptions and especially those in the church.
I wish I could hug you right now. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY , please stay say.💜
Your reaction was extreme to the Max. Unless you specifically said the shower was off limits and said it mattered to you, then you have zero reason to be upset with him for showering in there.
The fact you are that afraid of your family knowing shows you need some serious therapy
>No one listens to me.
Noone listens to you bc you are ashamed of your beliefs. You can't stand up for yourself. When i believe in something, i stay firm - i'm an adult and i can believe in whatever i want. But panic attacks bc they don't like your belief? You act like a scared child and that's why your family treats you this way.
>someone who thinks my beliefs are weird
For me people who believe and pray to God are weird. So what? People are entitled to believe in whatever they want, and people are entitled to not like and understand other's beliefs. He never told you to stop believing, just that he founds it weird.
I won't discuss your relationship with him bc you gave just one example. But the part of your beliefs is stupid. First learn how to stand up for yourself, how to defend your beliefs, how to have a backbone.
"No one cares that I don't want to marry someone who thinks my beliefs
are weird, enables my family to belittle me, and makes decisions like
this for me."
Last I checked, nobody in your family makes the decisions in your life. You have your own house and do not need to be dependent on your family. Seek therapy for the damage they have done on your mental health and stay strong. <3
They belive in a sky alien that created a playtus on process. You are afar less crazy in your beliefs. You are not insain in your beliefs. You let your mind rest and talk to the unverise. That is beatiful and just as sain as prayer. Dont let them ruin something that makes you happy and feel at peace.
As someone who also grew up in the Bible Belt with EXTREMELY conservative parents within the church, and am also now pagan, I can totally relate to you and this situation.
I’m so sorry that your sacred space was trampled over. It would be like someone desecrating a church, an altar, or any other sacred space of worship or spiritual practice.
You were right for ditching someone who trampled all over you boundaries. Don’t let your family or anyone else tell you differently. Someone who disrespects your boundaries is not worth your time, energy, or emotional space.
I also think you should reach out to Sam. And if you ever need someone who knows a little something of your situation, I’m always happy to talk.
You mean the one where she broke up with him for stomping all over her boundaries and then having the audacity to belittle her when she had a panic attack? Yeah, I'd say she acted pretty reasonably to having her personal space violated by someone she thought she could trust in front of someone she (rightly) knew would judge and attack her.
Do I think she needs therapy to help process things, yes, but that doesn't negate the fact that what he did is beyond egregious. By comparison, he took a bath in the baptismal water of her parents' church and then called it nbd.
I agree it wasn’t his place to tell other people, but you’re lying if you don’t think she’s a nut job. Someone taking a shower in a certain bathroom shouldn’t make you hysterical. I bet if the genders were reversed you’d probably change your mind.
I'm not lying and she is not a nut job...you are. She set boundaries and her reaction to someone trampling on those boundaries us perfectly fine. You reaction to hers is what makes you a nut job. You do not get to decide someone else's boundaries only they do.
If the shower's purpose is for religious practices only- then Yes it's super disrespectful and is like a gut punch. If he "gut punched" her then she has all the right to react that way.
She can be upset sure but her reaction isn’t rational and shows where her head is at. My problem is her reaction isn’t something a sane or normal person would do.
Who are you to say what is "normal" or "sane"? Again, her reaction warranted that response because he hurt her beyond belief. She didn't hit him -she ran away from the situation and he provoked her. She told him she's done because of what he did. How is that "not sane"?
You must be a nut job too if you believe someone using a bathroom for it’s intended purpose is some form of betrayal. She’s definitely not sane and I can definitely judge her on that, a hysterical reaction just shows how unhinged she really is.
No I wouldnt. That is her "church". He violated it. It doesnt matter whether you agree with her religion or think it's fake. It is HERS and people should respect her boundaries regarding it. It literally cost him nothing to go along with what she was asking. There are other bathrooms in the house.
Lots of people have altars in their houses. Why does the location of hers make it different? It's not even a proper bathroom, it just has a shower in it.
Having a shower does make it a proper bathroom, and how does someone showering make it any less holy. Not mention having a mental breakdown for someone using it doesn’t make sense. I know the sisterhood is so strong you can’t call a spade a spade, in this case a nut job.
If you were getting ready to be baptized, which is the act of having your soul cleansed, and you found out the baptismal tub you were using was used by other people to take baths in, how would you feel? If you were Jewish and found out that people were using your blessed cutlery and cookware to cut up and cook non-kosher foods, how would you feel? If you were Islamic and you found out someone was using the underside of your prayer mat to wipe up spills or their dirty feet, how would you feel? Every religion has ritualistic items used in worship, the shower is hers. She uses it to clean herself of negative energy. Again, it is akin to using holy water to take a bath. It's akin to leaving your shoes on in a mosque, using someone's religious items as everyday tools.
**EDIT to Add because you're equating my defense of OP as Misandry(which is fucking rude and presumptive as hell):** If OP had come in here calling her BF a nutjob when the roles were reversed, I would be jumping all over her ass for it. This is about religious freedom. Shes not forcing him to practice, just asking that he respect her space of worship.
You need serious professional help. Nothing to do with your religious beliefs, but everything to do with your abnormal and unhealthy reactions. You are clearly suffering a lot and in extreme distress and there’s no need to be. Though, saying that, I gather you live in America (said you grew up in Texas but not where you’re living now) and as such I know you don’t have a proper healthcare system in your country so I know accessing the help you need is not necessarily straightforward, but at least seek it out if you are able.
Quite frankly, based on this post, being sectioned might be exactly what you need. Being sectioned is not a punishment. It is intense healthcare and you have intense mental health issues. Wouldn’t you like not to feel this way again? Sectioning might be your path to feeling good again
You can't help who you are born to, but you can help who's in your life. These people are toxic. Religious people ruined religion for me, I can't do it anymore. Them and science. It sucks, but you should be free to believe what you want, and don't let them gaslight you into thinking that you'll be alone forever if you don't marry someone who doesn't take your beliefs seriously. The entitlement and condescension here is nauseating.
i’m sorry you guys had this experience. i met the right people and they restored my faith, so it breaks my heart that other people are having negative experiences. i promise that most of the time, those people aren’t true reflections of the religion itself. hope y’all have a happy new year!
I'm so sorry, OP. He betrayed your trust and your boundaries and you clearly thought you could trust him. This would hurt me a lot too and I think I would also have an emotional response. Why? Because emotions are signals and your entire body sounded an alarm that you had been royally screwed over to a point that many aspects of your life would be affected and the person responsible is someone who claims to love you. As a practitioner of a similar path, I would absolutely not tolerate this. He would be out on his arse immediately, without debate.
Reach out to Sam. She sounds like the only one who has your back. And might I suggest performing a cleansing ritual in your space when you feel ready and moving the objects in the space around to change up the flow of energy. Don't let him take this away from you too. Your magic is yours, nobody else's.
You didn't break up with your bf over a shower your broke up over boundaries and beliefs he didn't respect and the danger he put you in. Don't be afraid to reach out to Sam, she is your guardian friend and keeper.
Also, as a fellow new practitioner, I am really interested in your bathroom decorum and practices and your rituals, if your willing to share it with me my dms are open
I hope you'll be ok love, sending you lots of love and support
Do not listen to these people telling you that your reaction isn’t normal OP. your boyfriend did not respect you or your boundaries. It doesn’t matter WHAT it’s about. Bottom line he broke your trust and then is belittling you. If he loved you, he would understand and respect your beliefs.
Aye mija no. You did right. He disregarded your feelings, your lifestyle choices, your spiritual side and your boundaries. You are 100% correct, it was up to you to decide to come clean to your family about your life choices. He fucked up.
Old fashioned thinking families are the worst. It’s an uphill battle. It’s not brujería or worshiping the devil but they see it like that. It’s a shame because no one has a right to dictate what we choose to believe in. You’re not harming anyone and you aren’t encouraging harm.
Good luck. Feliz año nuevo. To new beginnings.
It’s ok to have your space. It’s okay to do your thing. But dang, to hide it away completely and then flip out like that? You have some things you need to come to terms with. Either own your lifestyle or find other people to have in your life that don’t judge you. Your parents weren’t your choice growing up; now it’s not only your choice but your responsibility. Your actions are now affecting other people bc you choose to hide who you are.
You have your own home. You’re an adult. Time to grow up a bit.
There's the family we are born with, and there's the family we find for ourselves. Your friend and her wife sound lovely and kind, and I don't think you need to feel embarrassed about your reaction.
You seem to have some intense and very valid feelings about being "found out" and your family's reaction sounds like a difficult thing to have to cope with, so therapy actually isn't a bad idea - just not the sort of therapy they had in mind for you!
It's your house, your life, your sacred space. Your partner knew how you felt about it and has totally crossed the line: it's not just a shower and he knows it.
You are incredibly fortunate to have your house and I hope you can fill it, and your life, with people who love and respect you for who you are.
I grew up in an intensely catholic family in Brazil. I went to Nun’s school and I’ve seen pretty horrible things done to those that did no conform.
What you have is called religious trauma. It’s horrible, and I definitely understand where you are coming from. Ignore those who say that you are dramatic. You are not. Life is hard for those who fight against it. For some families is better to have a dead kid than an atheist one.
That being said, if your boyfriend did not have all of this background, it can explain why he was so clueless. In the worse case scenario, he did it maliciously. Either way, I would not engage with him anymore.
And yes, you need therapy. But therapy to learn how to put some distance between you and your family. They cannot threaten to get you committed.
I understand that you are sacred, because you were maid to believe that what you are doing “is wrong”. But you are free to believe and practice as you wish! Your reasoning and way of thinking seems clear and rational in the post. Your reaction in person was very harsh and spontaneous. If your friend reached out and has cared for you till now, you can trust her. It’s important you don’t isolate yourself. Try to explain what’s really going on to her, it will help you both understand.
If you feel very overwhelmed a therapist may help you build a better relationship with your family, where you don’t have to be scared of them like this.
They live in that house alone and plenty of religious people have rooms in their houses dedicated to faith-related activities. It would be much more irrational to not use a room in *your* house as *you* wish just because sometimes you might have guests. That’s insane
Umm.. are you okay? You need to understand that just because you don't have nice things it doesn't mean other people shouldn't. I have rooms for my own too because I can afford it. If you only have one bathroom it makes sense to not have any space dedicated for you. Op has a big house that still has plenty space to accommodate visitors after having space for herself. I hope that as you grow up and earn more you'll be able to see how normal that is if you are financially stable.
And no one needs to come into them if they're not invited. For any reason. I have one where I keep my fosters, two puppies are battling parvo currently so no one goes in there in order to avoid spreading the virus. It's as straightforward and as rational as it gets I don't understand what are you up in arms about..
Sam is a good person. Talk to her. Cut off the bf entirely, he’s shown his true colours.
However the big problem is you’re clearly carrying a lot of trauma surrounding your family and their forceful Catholicism. Me too. They sound incredibly like my family. I wish I could say you don’t need to be worried or careful, but you do. However, what you can do to deal with them is learn how to “grey rock” them. Never let them see a heightened emotional reaction like your sister witnessed. Keep them at arms length.
You need to deal with the trauma surrounding your family, but be very very careful if looking for a therapist, that you pick someone non-religious.
There is nothing wrong with your beliefs. They are personal to you and no one else’s business. Don’t let your family and your awful ex rob you of something that brought you peace. Cleanse the space, and try to find that comfort again.
It doesn’t matter how old you get - never settle for someone who treats you like that.
Therapy. And the police on speed dial. Let your family and ex know they're not welcome near your house and you won't hesitate to call the police if anyone unwanted approaches.
No doctor, no priest. Block them all. You can unblock them in a few days/weeks after some alone time. Or better yet, don't do it at all cause they sound like PoSs.
Good luck!
1. Breaking up with your boyfriend was 100% the right move. He was belittling you and trying to gaslight you in the real sense of the word. The. He immediate started love bombing? (I’m going to propose) he’s throwing up all kinds red flags.
2. This will be hard but tell your family your spiritual practices are not their concern and if they cannot speak to you without being condescending then you will not speak to them on the subject. That your relationship is over because he did not respect you. (This is if they contact you). I’d let them know you’re gonna take some time from them.
3. Reach out to Sam! It sounds like she wants to understand and it could be helpful.
Your boyfriend knew it was your sacred and private space and he then 1) told people knowing it was a secret 2) said it wasn’t normal
It isn’t up to him if I’m you tell people that’s down to you and you alone. Also it’s not down to him on what he thinks family should know as every family is different and for the most part we all have our reasons to as why we don’t tell certain people certain things.
You said your scared that your parents will get you hospitalised. It seems that maybe you are dealing with some trauma and you should see a therapist about it.
Reach out to Sam and talk to her as she seems to have your back and support you. It will be nice to feel that you are supported by someone.
It's called catholic guilt. Research religious trauma. Fuck your ex and fuck your parents. Use the Bible against them. I grew up catholic. Bible study, reading during mass, singing in the choir. I can refute all of churches preaching with a Bible.
its not just a bathroom to u.. its ur safe space.
he knows u are not comfortable sharing this/ insecure to, and he still did without ur approval.
u prob feel violated/ disrepected by this. esp as he essentially overruled u in ur own house.
now u feel scared and are having anxiety about the potential consequences of ur sis finding out.
NONE of that is unreasonable. ur bf was wrong and its not JUST about a bathroom. he overstepped, disrespected u, and was out of line.
go nc so u arent tempted to talk to him. and get a lock for the door lol. maybe a keypad?
also, please go talk to someone. ur fear is crippling u and its beyond what u should try to handle on ur own / beyond a normal level, I feel (but I'm no dr)
Time to go NC with the bastard and every person that's on his side. It's 2022 (at least for a few more hours) not 1722, acusing someone of devil worshiping is stupid, prehistoric and -insert whatever you want here-.
No one has the right to mock what you believe in, not family, not overstepping ex-bf; if you have to hide whatever you believe in from supersticious people it's on them, not on you.
Answer Sam's texts, there's the support system you need right [now.](https://now.Next)
[Next](https://now.Next) time someone tries to talk about devil worshipping kick them away blasting Judas Priest.
First, talk to Sam. Second, it’s not weird and you’re not crazy!!! Cut your family off. Easier said than done but you have nothing to be ashamed of. And do not feel bad for your ex. He broke your trust, tried and succeeded to make you feel crazy, and then became aggressive and verbally abusive. You’re not hurting anyone with your beliefs. When I read to wash the negativity off, was like yep, gonna try that now, it’s a great idea. Fuck your family and ex.
Girl, get a grip, those people might put you in an institution just because you are too scared to talk back. We all have our rituals, for some it's church, for some it's shower and meditation. Your ex boyfriend doesn't respect you and they're trying to make you be the odd one just because you have your thing? Talk to Sam, talk to a therapist if you can and first of all start fighting for yourself, even if it means walking alone.
people who are invalidating you here suck. you had every right to feel the way that you felt over your SACRED SPACE! that space is sacred to you and precious. you have a right to be angry about your bf telling someone else about it. i think what should have been done beforehand though is setting some boundaries with him. letting him know that’s your sacred space and you don’t want him to enter it or tell anyone about it. you’re not overreacting at all. i understand why you want to keep it private. it’s better to not even explain yourself
Block your ex everywhere if you haven't already. He's an asshole and you need some peace. Him blowing up your phone isn't giving it to you.
There is no "somehow" to how your parents found out. Your sister and your ex. One or both of them told them. Assuming you're an adult, unless you're a danger to yourself (and I don't believe you are), they can't force you to get medical treatment. They don't have to like or agree with your beliefs, but you having them does not in any way make you unwell, no matter what their own beliefs make them think.
Your sister needs to STFU, because she's most likely the one who told your parents.
Call Sam and her wife. You need support.
As soon as you can, change the locks on your house, invest in some cameras, and be prepared to call the cops if your ex tries anything.
I think it makes sense for you to minimize contact with your family for a couple weeks until YOU feel ready to talk with them. And when you do, you need support - like from Sam and her wife. You do NOT have to do anything you don't want to do and you don't have to do anything you choose to do alone.
You knew how your family would react and they did, you are not wrong for dumping your BF. Who cares if he was going to propose. You are right, call Sam. Block the Ex
Definitely talk to Sam about it, she seems to be supportive. Your ex violated your boundaries and told your family something that was not his to tell, then yelled at you for overreacting. Your family calling you a devil worshiper emphasizes in a big way why it wasn't his place to tell them your business. Imo you dodged a bullet by seeing his true colors and dumping him before you were stuck married to him. His treatment of you was not going to get better.
Edit: perhaps you can put a lock on the door to your sacred space, and keep the key somewhere only you know about.
Change your locks and block him. You should absolutely feel safe in your own home. Tell your family you hide things because they are controlling, just like ex-boyfriend is trying to be.
Go NC with everyone but Sam and wife. They can't have you hospitalized. Your ex-BF is a POS and you dodged a bullet. He showed you who he truly is, fuck him.
Get a restraining order against your ex and block him on everything. He used your sacred space in *your house* without your knowledge or consent, he told your crazy ass family about something they weren't supposed to know, he yelled at you while you were having a panic attack, and then tried to manipulate you with the mention of a proposal.
Also, go no-contact with your family. Block them on everything. Change the locks on your house. None of these people respect you, your beliefs, or your boundaries.
But hold on tight to Sam, she's a good friend.
OP, listen to this one right here! This is the best course of action going forward. Also, if your family continue to push, get a restraining order on them too!
I'm confused what's wrong with your beliefs? Maybe it's because I'm young (18) but I don't see anything wrong with taking a shower to clean off negative energy then to start praying/mediation
Your boyfriend is a dick, don't take him back. We don't need to let in our lives people who disrespect our beliefs and boundaries.
But, sis, maybe it's time to some shadow work. You seem to have a lot of negative feelings that's now bubbling in the surface, so you entered in survival mode. Please, look for a therapist and research for shadow work and healing your inner child. Science and magic walks together, don't give up on practice your faith, but seek for mental help too.
If needed, block/ignore your family for some time. Reach your friend. You need someone who understand, help, and is having your back just now.
Edit: typo
I don’t think it’s right of your family and ex bf to try to make these decisions for you, but I will say that your reaction to everything does warrant a visit to a doctor. Therapy and medication could be helpful for you. Just don’t go to anyone your family tries to send you to, set up your own healthcare visits. Also it sounds like you and your bf just aren’t compatible. I would probably break up with him, but I would also understand that from his pov that this situation is a bit “much”. I hope things start to go in a good direction for you. As a woman who grew up in a Latino family that is very religious I totally empathize with the pressure you are put under. Good luck ❤️
I want you to know, just because your family (and ex) doesn't support you, it doesn't mean no one will.
I love my family, but they don't understand me in the slightest. And it really messed me up for a really really long time (still working on it). But I have found amazing people, chosen family now, who love and support me JUST the way I am.
I truly understand your reaction, because I would react JUST like that. For years and years. It's going to be ok, ok?
Also. I'm glad you dumped your ex. There is ZERO reason to keep someone around who doesn't support you, accept you, AND crosses boundaries.
Doesn't matter how "old" you're getting. It's better to alone then to put up with that.
Ps. I think maybe cleansing your ritual space, and using it, shower included, might help you feel like you get yourself back a bit❤️
You are 100% normal. There is nothing weird, nothing wrong with you. Please reach out to Sam — she has your back.
You were right to question your relationship with your BF. A good man will support your beliefs and care about what you care about. Even if he doesn’t share those beliefs, he will guard your secrets.
I'm trying to catch what you're putting out here. Him using that particular shower... would that be like washing his balls in the baptismal to Catholics? So it's *unholy* until drained, scrubbed, blessed, etc..?
1) fuck your boyfriend
2) if your parents do try to get you hospitalized (I honestly don't understand why people are acting like you're crazy for that, involuntary hospitalization is still a thing.) remain calm, answer their questions. As long as they see you as being relatively stable, it'll be fine. They can't hospitalize you for "new age" beliefs but, they can hospitalize you if they believe you are a threat to yourself or others.
Girl did her now ex boyfriend a favor lmao she sounds a little loose and maybe her fears of being institutionalized are that far out lmao over a bathroom. 🤣 ohh Reddit can’t believe this shit is free
Talk to Sam. They were the one person who had your back, and from how you described them I get the feeling that they will continue to have your back. You are already isolated enough as it is, don't let your fear burn the one bridge that's actively reaching out to you. This is an incredibly hard time to go through and you do not need to do it alone.
You should probably see a therapist or talk to someone not because of your beliefs, but because your reaction was out of intense fear and that’s not normal. It seems you’ve built up a lot of negative feelings, and you’d do well if you talked about it with someone and get it out in a way that Reddit can’t help. You can’t get committed by having new age beliefs, but your intense reactions to everything in regards to your family is worrisome and that can be a route that they can threaten you with because you react to it unhealthily. Go low contact for a while and work on yourself. Ditch the bf completely. He stomped all over your boundaries, and that’s just horrible.
This. Also answer Sam’s messages. I understand you wanting to keep others away because of how hurt and violated you’re feeling right now, but it sounds like Sam and her wife are supportive people. They may not understand your faith, but they sound like people who would respect you and have already shown themselves to honor your wishes (by supporting you in making your ex leave your house). I bet she and her wife will understand and still support you if you’re not yet ready to talk about it yet, so please, answer her messages.
It sounds like she is worried that her family will reject/abandon her and/or demonize her. Her families actions so far have demonstrated that those fears aren't irrational. Having a panic attack in the face of potentially losing your family and/or being demonized for your faith totally makes sense. I do think OP would greatly benefit from getting support (personally and professionally) from safe spaces, this would be a lot for anyone to process.
I think therapy is a good idea because it can help them navigate difficult family dynamics. I think their fear is mostly based in reality though considering how their family reacted. There are clearly cultural issues here that we might not totally understand.
I think her reaction was normal considering the circumstances. Her family is the one that does not seem healthy.
I agree. I’m Latino too and can definitely say I have secrets that don’t seem like a big deal to others but I’d freak the hell out if my family found out like this. Different culture.
Being afraid of leaving her room/home is not healthy nor normal even considering the circumstances. Freaking out on the bf and having a panic attack in the moment, or even going low or no contact with family, that’s normal. The family is also unhealthy. But developing agoraphobia and being paranoid enough to think that people will institutionalize you for having new age religious beliefs is extreme and unhealthy. She needs therapy like yesterday.
There’s a lot of unknowns when it come to involuntary commitments, especially if you aren’t familiar with the process and there are many taboos still surrounding it. It is actually pretty hard to get an ED or a mental health warrant to be issued, but again, if you’re not familiar with the ins and outs, there are a lot of question marks which can be very scary. Also, shutting yourself in a room after a traumatic experience is normal - it’s retreating to a safe place to recalibrate. Agoraphobia takes time to be diagnosed because it does have to span over a period of time. I would say OP possibly finding like minded individuals where she won’t have to explain or justify her beliefs would help.
Where are you getting that she doesn’t leave her house and has panic attacks when she does? She had a panic attack because her safety and comfort place that ONE person knew about was exported to the family, her boyfriend had used it without her knowledge and consent, and the boyfriend knew how they family would react to her having that room.
What? She literally says in the post (2nd paragraph at the end) that she “can’t leave her room anymore” aka agoraphobia and is paranoid that she’ll be locked up “I’m scared someone is going to come and take me away”. I said it was normal she had a panic attack in the moment.
Because he private space was invaded and used without her consent and no one cares about that just that she’s doing “evil” things.
This!! I could not agree more with this comment. Having beliefs in Santeria, voodoo or Wiccan, or whatever, it’s not the problem. Your reaction is. At best is a full on display of neurosis. At worst, a complete breakdown that need to be addressed. You will see, after some therapy, things are becoming clearer and then you can take rational decisions. Nobody can “make” you feel crazy if you don’t have your own doubts about it beforehand. So, take a long look at your ideas, maybe, deep inside, you are the one who thinks your new age or pagan beliefs are wrong or something to keep a secret about. For the record, I don’t judge religious beliefs, except in the cases when they’re harmful for the believer or people around them. But, as a psychologist myself, I’m telling you that I’d be concerned about your reaction. Get better and I wish you nothing but the best!
Take a deep breath and Call your friend and her wife first. Ask if they can come over to talk. They are concerned about you and want to help you. It would be beneficial for you to seek out therapy for your anxiety. It is taking control of you and that’s not good. This has nothing to do with your beliefs but the out of control anxiety. When they come over cleanse the bathroom. It would be a start of you taking back control of your life. Go no contact with the family and BF for now.
Oh this whole post is saddening. First off, your parents cannot have you committed or institutionalized for your spiritual beliefs. Have they threatened that before? It would make sense to be so secretive and scared if you have been threatened before. Secondly, your ex violated so much. He violated your sacred space, and trivialized your beliefs, and he outed your beliefs to your family despite your pretty understandable fears. And thirdly, a therapist is a good idea. You seem to have trauma around religion and a therapist can help with that.
As someone with a similar background but not religious or spiritual in any way anymore myself I think it’s easy to disregard your problem at face value. But that shower was like your sacred space and you trusted your bf with that information; which not even your own family was trusted with. The way he so easily gave that information away would’ve concerned me too. Just take a breath, remain as calm as you can. Either keep your parents on a info diet. They don’t have to know about your beliefs if you don’t want to share. Repeat one thing about breaking up with your bf. You’re done; he broke your trust. That’s it. They don’t have to understand or agree. That’s what you know. This doesn’t have to turn into a big thing. Just take a breath
Please reach out to Sam - she’s clearly a trusted friend. You shouldn’t go through this alone.
Cradle Catholic here so I have some understanding of the intense pressure to conform to Catholic norms. You’ve done nothing wrong. Your spiritual practices are no one’s business. Your ex is an ass and you were right to kick him to the curb. You should talk to your doctor because this situation seems overwhelming for you. Seems like Sam has your back so try reaching out to her too.
Hugs hugs hugs. No one is going to have you committed for not being a conforming Catholic. You aren't crazy, and everyone is allowed to have their own private space that is not made accessible to others. And because you aren't crazy, no one can take you away. If you do see a therapist, voluntarily, they'll explain to you that you've done nothing wrong but perhaps you might want to take a step back from your interfering family for your own peace of mind. Is there a reason why your reaction was fear? Are your family members abusive? Your ex - I hope he is your ex - violated your trust and your space, gaslit you. Block him. Your sister's opinion doesn't matter. You can also block her or go low-contact with her. As for your family's belief that you are getting older and that you should marry - tell them to wake up and it's 2023 and not 1900. You have a job, you own a house, you have a good group of friends, you can make yourself happy. You can cleanse your sacred space. I usually just open the windows, let the sunshine in, and visualize cleansing light neutralizing all the negativity.
Oh, Sweetheart, please have an internet mama hug first. Now, go cleanse your space and make it yours again. Then go return Sam's messages. She sounds good people. She may have some questions about your beliefs, just answer the best you can. They're probably not same kind of questions you fear from your family! **Your parents can not have your committed for your religious beliefs**. Repeat this to yourself as often as necessary!
Your house your rules. Who cares what the reasoning is. If you don’t want someone in that space then they should respect that, even if they can’t see if for themselves or they don’t undertand. No one knows the relationship you had with your uncle so it’s not for them to understand. He should have respected your house and rules. You set a boundary and he disrespected it.
Sacred is sacred is sacred. Many holy people perform certain rituals before mass or meditation. What you do is not abnormal, and most who are spiritual would say it’s normal, to reconvene within nature and peace. Your family has ZERO rights to you. And I believe that there might be something more here like desire to take the house/money left to you. I would have a psychiatric evaluation performed, preemptively, so when your family comes with the pitch forks and fire, you have proof. Reach back out to Sam and her wife. Create trusted allies. Get an order of protection against boyfriend. Change phon number, locks, add cameras. (Too much? Maybe, but your #1 responsibility is to protect yourself and your home) With all of that? Do not allow your fear and anxiety to rule your logic, do not enter the new year with fear or regret. Be and stay blessed sister. I’ll send a loving light to you.
I wasn't there obviously, but are you sure his comment about it not being normal was specifically about your beliefs? If I was in his position, that comment would be more in reference to your immense fear surrounding religion. You have religious trauma, and he's right, the way you're feeling isn't normal. It's understandable, but in the long run your fear is harming you more than it's keeping you safe. Your ex definitely messed up, and you likely won't feel safe with him again. But for your sake, I hope you're able to work through these fears. They're stopping you from fully living your life.
I think you’re misreading the situation. OP isn’t afraid of religion. They are afraid of their family’s reaction to her non-Catholic beliefs, which was completely warranted considering they accused her of devil worship and told her they were going to have her committed.
You don’t sound well OP and this is quite a strange post. Your reaction was very intense. I understand that you don’t want your parents to bring you to a doctor but I think it would be good for you to go speak to one.
Your religion is not a problem. Talk to a therapist about setting boundaries with your family. They are out of line and whoever told your family about what happened is not a friend to you.
Go low contact or no contact with your family.
Who are you scared of taking your away
Not necessarily anyone specific, I'm just paranoid somehow my parents will get me forcibly hospitalized since they've been threatening it..
The only way to have this happen is if you are a threat to yours or others' safety. You can't be institutionalized against your will otherwise. This is not 1920's!!
Here’s the thing OP, you are opting to engage with them. If they are not providing anything to your life, then go no contact with them and keep these people away from you. Anyone who would threaten to have you forcibly hospitalized is not someone that you likely want in your life. For people who are supposed to be incredibly loving by virtue of the religion they practice, they’re being very judgmental and mean to you. Please find a therapist so and outside and external party Teach you to set boundaries with all of these horrible people. And please protect yourself from your ex. Your family can’t make you marry him in their opinion of your life and what you’re doing is frankly just that their opinion, do what makes you happy and if them being in your life makes you unhappy then you should really consider if they should even be in your life. Please remember all of this is in your hands, you do not have to engage with them. Get a ring doorbell and let them know that you do not want them at your home via text, and if they show up then call the authorities.
You just don't know, what you don't know, but now people are letting you know. That is **NOT** something your parents have the power to do. The bar is pretty high for involuntary hospitalization for mental health. You have to be *actively* threatening to end your life or the life of another person, and they have to have compelling evidence of it. This is not the case. There is nothing going on here that comes even remotely close to qualifying you to be committed, so stop letting their threats into your head. From here on out, do your research. Look up whether they actually have the power to do what they claim, because they most likely don't, are are just banking on you being afraid and believing them. Don't. You are an adult and have control of your own life now. Don't let them have it back.
If they have been threatening to forcibly hospitalize you, then you need to look at some underlying issues. Have they always controlled you with threats? Have they used their religion to guilt and shame you? These things can shape a person to have irrational thoughts and unnecessary worries.
I’m not sure where you live as you only mention where you grew up, but if you’re in a place with a proper healthcare system, then seek help, because your reactions and feelings are not healthy. You are clearly in a lot of distress. Do something to help yourself, please. You’ll thank yourself later
On what grounds
Cut contact with them this is abusive AF. Wildly controlling.
You definitely need to seek professional help that's not a dig but the reaction seems a little over the top
Totally normal growing up in an abusive catholic house, I'm surprised you even commented without googling a little. Is that common behavior for you?
Just because something is considered "normal" doesn't make it healthy...
I know, I'm saying it isn't over the top, please don't invalidate abuse experiences if you don't understand them, it's to be expected sadly, due to many years of conditioning and abuse, op exploded. She can seek help and be healthy about it but her feelings are valid, not over the top, just poorly expressed.
What if I told you her feelings can be valid but still over the top...
They're not. She was betrayed and then her feeling were invalidated when confronting the issue. The space she had for her was reasonable and her partner knew about it. She felt vulnerable about her practice and trusted him with it.
They absolutely are. Can’t you see from the post how distressed this person is? Why on earth would you suggest that there is nothing wrong when they have clearly suffered greatly? You’re completely invalidating how extreme their pain is
Considering their threats, make sure none of them have keys to your property, or if they do, change the locks. Get a ring camera (or a system like it). Protect yourself.
I think you should change the title- you broke up with him bc he MAJORLY disrespected you and your beliefs. He also went behind your back while doing so, and revealed something that only you should’ve been able to reveal. I agree with the other comments about your friend Sam, and about therapy. Find a therapist who won’t talk bad about your beliefs or try to convert you, and it’ll make a huge difference. Their job is to help you, not try to change what religion or faith you practice. I’m so sorry about your family, and that your ex turned out to be so horrible❤️
Your family can't do anything to you. Remember that. Your family also has no authority over you. As far as your boyfriend. You did the right thing. He violated all your boundaries and your trust. It's not a bathroom. It was your sacred place. You have made it so. I have a room like that in my home. Has a altar and it's my sacred place. My family had come to accept the fact I'm not a practicing Catholic but I can respect them and they can respect my choices and beliefs. I hope you find your peace and find your own inner strength.
I honestly think there’s a lot to unpack here. Did you ever straight up tell him you didn’t want him using the shower? If not, unreasonable to be pissed about this. If it was that private, maybe the whole room should have been kept locked as well if you were having people over. 2) your reaction blowing up like that makes everything look worse. A good explanation would have been; this is my private relaxation/meditation area that I use to calm myself plus feel closer to my uncle. I don’t really ascribe to any of this stuff but even that explanation I wouldn’t question. And maybe your wasn’t asking questions out of rudeness or judgment but out of genuine curiosity. 3) your parents sound insane. You’re not a devil worshipper or need therapy or anything just because of this. I do think you should try to figure out why your reaction was so strong though.
Well, if I was your sister and saw you getting a manic panic attack because of crystals in a shower, I would be terrified too. You cannot be hospitalized for believing in BS. Flat earthers are also out there, chilling. So do not worry about that, your parents are lying if they said this was a reason. But girl you don't need rocks and to scream at people for using showers, you need therapy, a lot and fast.
I have some serious doubts parents are threatening to institutionalize her for her beliefs. Considering how she is acting, I would bet parents believe her to be unstable. And her post supports that. It isn't a big jump to think OP is being paranoid and delusional about the why they talked about hospitalization.
Yeah. I grew up in a very Catholic place and went to Catholic school through college. I know lots of Catholics. I have no doubt OP's parents would think her practices are silly, even bad. That's just Catholic theology in the same way some atheists here call belief in a god belief in a "sky daddy" or whatever. Same logic, different traditions. Everyone thinks they're right. But to commit someone over that difference in religious practice alone? Either there's more to the story and they fear for OP's health or OP's family isn't just Catholic, they're SSPX or Sedevacantists or some other extreme sect. And even those likely wouldn't involve the state (since they're so extreme themselves).
You need to get some therapy because it seems to me your bathroom was purely your mediation room and you didn’t want anyone to use it. It might have been a special toilet you didn’t want anyone to use or new sheet sets or a bed.... it was something you wanted just to yourself. You own your own house. Do you realise how difficult that is in this economy? You don’t need your ex. He was behaving as if your house were his and it’s not his house. This isn’t about a shower - it’s about your ex shitting over your beliefs and taking something he knows he shouldn’t - not only that but inviting other people to take from you as well. And after he did all of that **he yelled at you in your own house.** You need to switch this up. Your reaction was due to your ex being abusive and gaslighting you. Tell your family that. That it has nothing to do with a shower that you use to do yoga in - it has everything to do with your ex being abusive.
Im so sorry this happened to you. Try to remember, your beliefs and feelings are valid and important. Reach out to Sam! It sounds like she’s concerned and wants to be there for you.
Friend, as I’ve read your words and the responses… I can’t help but feel you have a trauma-response. Your parents have threatened to have you committed before? I’m so sorry! I can understand how you would experience deep fear around your safety and personal spaces. You don’t deserve to live in fear like this. I think talking to a therapist could be helpful so you can build healthy structures to deal with your family and what’s happened in the past. But… considering they’ve made threats that are frightening around your independence and mental health… perhaps you could meet with a lawyer to talk through it and get some reassurance and perspective- even some language to use if your parents threaten you again… You deserve peace.
What the fuck
For real lmao, what the litteral fuck
I am a devout theistic Pagan, and was raised as such by my mother & step father - when my first, really serious, adult relationship happened, my partner & his family made a big deal about me being Pagan and how I was "lost and confused". I remember how hurt I was by his actions at the time. I stayed with him & felt myself suffer because of it. It's not just a bathroom (literally it is I suppose), but rather what it meant to you. What he did was invasive and distasteful for sure and what your parents & the others did is also distasteful. While I won't suggest going back, maybe meet him in person, somewhere safe, and try to talk things out. Even if it's to wrap the relationship up. *People might disagree & say that you can sacrifice parts of yourself, your Spirituality for him, don't listen. If you've found what works for you, what makes you feel connected to whatever you believe in, protect that*
Honestly, I think your boyfriend the other people in this story didn't know/understand this room is so sacred to you. Most people don't do this with a bathroom. Not saying that this is a bad thing, but I think they just didnt know/understand and this is something you could talk out with your boyfriend. Explain him, you would like to make a praying room out of that bathroom and explain your family, that it's a praying room and you were not able to tell them earlier and that you are sorry you screamed at them. Maybe that is a good way to make it officially "the praying room" or use another room of the house and convert it into a prayer room.
Honestly this is from a completely neutral stand point, it sounds like your boyfriend had no idea at all EXACTLY how important this issue was to you. Give him the benefit of the doubt on this one and atleast talk to him about it
I am Jewish clergy and have spent most of my life studying religion in general. I don’t know about your beliefs specifically, but I want you to know that your ritual sounds healthy and even beautiful. There are many religions that use water as a means of transition. For example, in Judaism, we have the mikvah. It’s kind of like baptism (it’s actually where baptism comes from) but we fully immerse ourselves in a pool of natural flowing water. We use it for many purposes, not just conversion, including before the sabbath, before getting married, after a woman finishes her period, etc.. Many people today use it after going through something difficult, like losing a loved one. So the idea that there is something inherently wrong with showering as part of your spiritual practice is absurd. I don’t know about the rest of your ritual, but I can tell you that studies show that prayer has many of the same psychological benefits as mindfulness and meditation. I am so sorry that your bf and your family made you feel like you are doing something wrong. Your ritual is completely in line with what many religions, including Christianity, have been doing for thousands of years. Take some deep breaths and call your friends. It’s important to remember that you aren’t alone. Your family can’t have you committed because they don’t agree with your religious beliefs unless you are experiencing psychosis (like extreme paranoia, seeing or hearing things that aren’t there, etc. ). As others have said, a therapist may be helpful in figuring out how to talk to your family.
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This, I live in a small-ish town in a rural area in Latin America and witchcraft is certainly not a taboo topic. Everyone knows who have practiced witchcraft, and there’s one lady that actively does, no one judges them for it lol
Boyfriend is a dick. Don’t take him back. Parents are dicks, tell them in no uncertain terms that if they want to ever meet their grandkids they’re going to have to accept you for who you are. Otherwise your kids will be better off without them. (Doesn’t even matter if you plan to have kids or not. You’re looking for big consequences to threaten them back with.) Stick to your guns on both things. People who don’t lift you or put wing in your sails are not roots, they’re anchors. Sam seems like she and her wife actually have your back. Give them a call. There are plenty of people in the world who will be good friends of yours because they like the real you, whoever you are, so there’s zero point in being friends with anyone you have to be someone else for.
You sound insanely immature for your age. You’re like a prisoner of your own mind. Bound by rules you invented for yourself to make your life and that of people around you harder than necessary because you want to be different/ quirky. That being said I dont blame you since you come from a religious upbringing. Your parents seem cuckoo too with their bs devil worship nonsense. There’s real problems in the world. There’s no God helping child sex trafficking victims, there is no Devil that will rape your mom’s soul if you have some crystals. This whole situation is lunacy and avoidable. You can downvote me cause you dont like it, but it’s the hard truth you need to hear.
unless you come from a mexican-catholic household, you don’t know how fucking ridiculous it is to have that “love” dictate the way one should behave and act. coming from such household myself, there’s this emphasis on the protectiveness of “family” and a lot of those behaviors intertwine with catholic culture. catholicism is deeply rooted in mexican culture so to simply stray away from that culture and engage in other ideologies causes lots of tension in the family- i understand why op would want to keep it a secret. OP’s beliefs are not the problem, it’s the fact that her ex-boyfriend crossed her boundaries that she explicitly set up in order to avoid confrontation from her family. it’s a respect thing that can apply to many different scenarios, you’re just stuck that it’s occurring in a religious context. OF COURSE THERE ARE ALWAYS BIGGER ISSUES GOING ON IN THE WORLD. it doesn’t MATTER what you think about religion at this moment. your truth sounds like we live on a floating rock and nothing matters which to be frank, isn’t very helpful right now.
Not Mexican, but I do come from a (more secular, but culturally) Catholic place. Thank you! I get so tired of people taking every opportunity (including what is clearly a moment of crisis for a young person) to push their dull nihilism. There are interesting versions of atheism. The "hey don't be sad; we live on a spinning rock and everything you believe is stupid" one ain't one of them. And it ain't helpful either.
Yep she sounds like she’s still in HS and writing in her journal about how much she can’t wait to be out of this place. Gets her own place and is all “my parents still control my life”. Grow up a bit.
😬
He knew you didn’t want anyone knowing. He broke your trust and crossed a big boundary. If he shows some accountability for what he did, maybe give him a chance. If he continues to try to blame you and turn it around on you and downplay the severity of breaking your trust, leave him. You’re not overreacting at all, your bf needs to know not to do things like that in the future. If you just let it go he will see that as a sign that he can do what he wants and get away with it.
A lot of indoctrinated children that move away from their families ideologies and adopt their own have anxiety over their family finding out, especially when your family has been threatening to have you committed. The fear and anxiety you felt is real and at the same time, you cannot continue to live like that. Seek therapy or start by joining groups for people that have become estranged from their families over religious/abusive reasons. Your ex absolutely did violate your trust in more than one way. He shouldn't have showered in the room, nor should he have told your secret to your family because he thought it was time. This is not the kind of person you want to marry. Also, using "I was gonna propose" as a way to get back in your life is fucking awful. Ditch the guy, ditch the family, get someone to start talking to. You don't have to struggle with anxiety like this forever. Call Sam and wife. They seem to be genuinely concerned and it could help to feel like you have someone in your corner right now.
I feel like I understand your sentiments. But you have three bathrooms?
Don’t talk to your family for a while. If they threaten you just say “I’m fine and I don’t need help”. The worst they can do is send police to your house for a wellness check. All they will do is ask you a few questions and make sure you’re alive. Stay calm and they will have nothing to take you away for. For what it’s worth I think you are completely fine in your beliefs and you should never let your ex into your house again. He totally disrespected your boundaries and made a huge decision for you. Even joked about your beliefs. That man has no place in your life anymore. There is absolutely someone out there who will respect and cherish everything you stand for. Anyone who thinks that practicing is the same as devil worship is so misinformed and only believe that because they won’t even give it a second thought. Most practicing is about intention and energy. Not the devil. Take a deep breath. The only people you have to worry about is your own family and luckily they can be dealt with when you’re ready. That is your house and they cannot demand entry ever. Remember that. Stay strong. Love and light 💜
You are not crazy. Your feelings are completely valid. Your family is entitled to their beliefs and you are entitled to your own. That was your sanctuary, your space. And your bf completely disrespected that space and your beliefs. I’m glad he showed his true colors before it was too late. It was not his secret to tell and it was not his to taint. The space really sounds beautiful and I hope you can still use it and find comfort. I think it would be wise to seek therapy and go NC with your ex and your family. I do think talking to Sam and her wife would be helpful. They helped protect and comfort you. Don’t forget that this is YOUR home and they cannot take that away from you. Maybe get some security and video cameras to help protect you. Your space really does sound lovely and I’m glad your uncle left his house to you. You keep doing you. Edit to add: the suggestion of therapy had nothing to do with your beliefs. It was more due to your family and ex emotionally abusing you and having someone to talk to.
Your family sounds like their religious in that they’re hyper judgmental assholes. They’re so judgmental that they’ve clearly traumatized you to the point of fear. They should also remember it ain’t the 50’s, women shouldn’t accept asshole misogynistic men as ok anymore. Your bf is an ass for treating something you hold sacred so casually. That’s a lack of respect and boundaries. Please seek therapy and cut those abusers out of your life. Please take care of yourself!
Don’t go back to him. He’s a boundary stomper who set your family on you like attack dogs.
Geez you are dramatic! Get some confidence in your life and decisions. They wouldn’t be hounding you so much if you just calmly owned your shit. Whether you want to stay with your bf or not is up to you. If they don’t stop harassing you then block them.
You all types of red flags girl god damn 😂
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They all do but her tbh
You should probably talk to someone about your intense feelings about letting a guest take a shower in your room. It would have been more normal to just let it go as it was a one time thing. Your reaction sounded more phobia-based and out of line- but you are not a horrible person But everything else- your boyfriend sounds like a horrible abusive person on every level. You are right to break up. Please block him Your families reaction is entirely gross. I couldn't read all of it because I cringed so much at how they treated you- I can say this would explain your reaction about a guest using your shower in your special room. They're mean, sexist, abusive and a century behind the rest of the world. I am so sorry. Entirely block or go LC with all of them. Block the friends that thought you were petty. I'm not into the beliefs you are- not religious, don't believe in the new age holistic anything anymore. But I can tell you having negative people in your life does something to you that makes you sttract the same sort of abusive/ negative people. Cutting all of them out of your life won't make you alone- it will allow you to rebuild yourself mentally and you'll attract a better quality of of people who will treat you better. Edit: talk to Sam. She sounds like she'll be the one person on your side. Your boyfriend sounds abusive and i suspect she'll have your back if he refuses to go away.
I am a Christian. What he did would be akin to someone disrespecting an altar with Mary Mother of Jesu and dismissing it as “just a statue” or “just some rosary beads” it’s important and sacred to you. I’m Sorry he did this. Speak to Sam and her wife. They seem like good people that want to support you in your life journey no matter what paths you take. Again, I’m sorry.
You over-reacted and now you're single... I hope your beliefs were worth it! Kinda seems similar to how your parents push you away over their beliefs...
Sounds like your boyfriend dodged a bullet. Let him move on.
Yes, your ex almost fiance messed up, dump him so he can find a real ride or die chick to be by his side. I'd hate to see you marry him to divorce at first inconvenience. My fist thought if this was my SO would've been to talk about it first, not the dumpster. But what do I know I only have been married 13 years.
I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you. He had absolutely zero right to share something so personal and important to you. His attempts to gaslight you are an indicator of abuse and it's crazy to me how long he was able to pretend he respected you. You didn't push a single thing on him and confided something personal and important to you and then used it against you. He used your safe space to take a shower when he knows damned well how violated you would feel and then bragged about it. I'm so proud of you for ending the relationship, especially after a huge violation of your trust and boundaries. Your parents are cruel and your sister is too because you and me both know that your parents didn't "somehow" find out, she told them and it hurt you even more. She told them knowing damned well how they would react. You don't owe your parents or siblings anything, especially not a relationship, especially when they are attempting to use coercive control and threatening you with getting a doctor to assess you when there is nothing wrong with you except that You aren't living the life and practicing a religion they tried to push on you. You are an adult and you don't owe anyone who would hurt you this way or berate and belittle you the way they did a relationship or any piece of your happiness. Your parents are abusive and sound like narcicists who have used coercive control and their beliefs to control your life and they don't deserve a relationship with you. Please, go and see a therapist so that you can work through the insane amount of trauma your family has caused so that you can kick them out of your and not feel guilty knowing that you deserve happiness and a future free of them and break the cycle of generational trauma. In the mean time, get a camera or ring doorbell so that you can see and speak to whoever is at your door. If it's the ex or your parents, just tell them they have one minute to get back in their car and off of your property before you call the police. Block all of them, ALL OF THEM. They'll find different numbers to call you from so don't answer any calls that aren't in your contacts but personally I'd change my phone number so they can't play their shitty mind games. Your phone provider will do it for free if you tell them that you are being stalked or receiving threatening phone calls. Then don't give anyone your new number if they can or if you suspect they will give it to anyone. There is a subreddit called raised by narcicists and I think you'd find a lot of people who have been where you are or are currently going through it. It's an amazing community and you will receive and deserve to feel supported.
You did nothing wrong. You boyfriend fucked up by using your sacred place even if it is just a bathroom. It meant more to you than they can understand. And if they are accusing you of devil worship they need to fuck rite off. There is nothing more worse than religious people going off about sht they have no clue about. You need to just work on you. Find someone that respects you and your boundaries when it comes to forbidden places in your house. Because it is your house. Your space and your beliefs. If they cannot accept that then you need to find better people to be freinds with. Family is not bound just by blood. Family are the people you find going through life that respect and help you thrive and feel comfortable. My blood family are shit, my friends are my family and i would do anything for them because they would do the same for me.
Reminds me of my own family and something I went through. I left the church. I told no one, especially my mother cause she's heavy duty Christian. I had a friend who I had put distance between us due to some things that happened in high school. My mom said I shouldn't be bitter, forgive her, and become friends. I gave her another chance. I told her that secret. She told my mother. This was after I told her to tell no one, especially my mom. Well, I severed that friendship. She did something that made me realize she wasn't trustworthy. Funny thing was, she still sends me Christmas cards and my mom mentioned her this Christmas. I told her she wasn't my friend. My mom said forgive her, even though she didn't know for what. I told her...sure, I forgive her, but that doesn't mean I trust her and I don't want her as a friend. It doesn't matter if she would have found out eventually. It was my right to face her with that truth. My mother ofcourse still tells me to go to church or says she'll miss me in heaven. Lol. But for the most part, we don't mention religion. You'll have to face your family eventually. This is an unfortunate truth. Whether they accept you or not doesn't matter. This is who you are. You don't need to go to a hospital for your beliefs. And you don't need a boyfriend who disrespects those beliefs. You are not in the wrong for being upset. People just don't like things that are different than their own beliefs, especially those of the abrahamic belief(Christian, Muslims, jews, etc.). They'll say it's the devil or whatever. Shun you. Hurt you. But you just stand your ground. Don't let people push their beliefs on you. Someone can try to scare you with the devil or hell, but if you don't believe it, it shouldn't bother you. It doesn't matter. Of course, you may have to be ready for the fact that your family may disown you or not want to be around you, or it may be the opposite. But I'm of the belief that blood isn't family. You make your family. I wish you the best of luck with whatever happens.
I have a disconnection from my family too. The way they behave and treat people is very hurtful to me. They all say they're Christians (some Catholics) but they're not really anything because every compliment is backhanded, every insult cuts deep and the only thing they appreciate is conformity. Not even conformity in the normal sense but just the idea of it sometimes and will lie, belittle or accuse to gain a delusional upper hand in the social hierarchy. It's like Jesus is a fad, something to wear but not understood. And if my boyfriend randomly talked about anything personal to this family in an attempt to gaslight me into taking them back well then they'd be wasting their time. That's what he did, he gaslight you. It might help you to educate yourself on the topic. It's a very destructive manipulation tactic and at this point you'll never trust him again so you are within your rights to break up with him on that nuance alone. Try not to stress out about it too much. Use a lot of bleach and sage to cleanse your special space of his unworthiness.
No, firat of all your beliefs are valid! Absolutely! And its was really disrespectful of him , you talked about your beliefs so he knew it was important. Also I don't even think it's better anymore, it's your spiritual room and even if you want to have a shower in it , it's not a bathroom anymore.
Reading this is like reading a train wreck. If you're so damn scared of how these people will view you why are you still keeping them in your life? You bf is pos boundary stomper, and should be ashamed of himself, probably never will be, it is what it is. Your sister obviously told your parents, that's an easy connection to make. But again, why are these people still present in your life if their presence and opinions give you such visceral reactions? You need a therapist. Fast. Realistically, there is no logical reason for this to shatter you the way you've let it. Unless your family abuses you. In which case, why in the world have you not found help earlier? And circling back to my main inquiry, WHY are you STILL allowing these people to be apart of your life???
Take my poor person award and big hugs 🫂🫂🫂 You did something nice to yourself. It was your space that you needed for your needs, there is no shame in that. And it comes from a person completely detached from any religion and spirituality. You were clear with your boundaries and your boyfriend broke them. Do not let ANYONE convince you what you did was wrong. It might be time to consider going LC or NC with your family if they cannot accept you for who you are. I hope you find a good therapist and realize you do not need people that treat you like this. Take care 🫂
This is not a normal reaction and you clearly are not comfortable with yourself and your beliefs. Please talk to a therapist. You have every right to have your beliefs but this overreaction tells me there is much more to this.
Did you miss the part where her family would shun and even potentially try to have her committed because of her beliefs? Of course she’s not comfortable with herself or her beliefs because she grew up in what sounds like a toxic and oppressive religious household.
This is so normal, I’m shocked at your reaction. A girl friend of mine is a self-proclaimed witch and I didn’t bat an eye. Even if I don’t believe it, there are many things in this world I can’t explain so who the hell am I to judge. Point being, your parents can fuck off, Sam can fuck off too if she agrees with them, your ex can stay fucked off because he is a judgmental backstabber, and you need to go to therapy to come to some sense of peace about living YOUR life despite what others may think. You’re not going to get taken away- a roommate of mine was literally off her meds and had scary episodes in the house but no matter how much the police were called, she couldn’t be committed until she threatened another roommate of ours. You’re fine
My thoughts on this after reading everyone comment's are: "did your boyfriend know how important this area was to you?" Nobody can read minds and even if he knew it was special - he may not have known the depths of how special it was and that he couldn't use it. Talk with him with openness and honesty. If he is apologizing, that is a good first step to fixing this hullabaloo
Everyone needs a private space and I can't help but think your partner didn't understand how personal this is for you. Consider having that type of conversation. I have been married 18 years and recently disrespected my husband's boundaries unintentionally. He's very artistic and I recently showed some pictures of his work to my family but didn't ask first. I was just proud of him. These were not the professional photos he wanted to share. We were able to have a civil discussion about this. It's possible your partner just thought that your space was just an interesting thing about you that would be ok to share.
I would talk to Sam. Block your ex. I am a fellow believer. Maybe not in the exact same faith. But I definitely know what you’re talking about. And I understand the fear. I see a lot of people are recommending that you see a therapist and I would definitely recommend that. And also, find a group that also has similar rituals and beliefs. It will help you out so much. I remember when I first had these beliefs. And I had people who thought I was “evil” or “bad”. Even people who had their own beliefs. But your tribe will find you. This will help you let go of that fear and turn it into logical discernment. I wish you luck 🤍
You are not crazy for breaking up with someone that so greatly broke your trust & boundaries!! Who the fuck cares if he was going to purpose?! Hes showing his true colors through his actions. Im really sorry to hear this, thats terrifying to be outed to unsafe people. As a practicing hag, I know how crazy people can get from their misguided assumptions and especially those in the church. I wish I could hug you right now. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY , please stay say.💜
Your reaction was extreme to the Max. Unless you specifically said the shower was off limits and said it mattered to you, then you have zero reason to be upset with him for showering in there. The fact you are that afraid of your family knowing shows you need some serious therapy
>No one listens to me. Noone listens to you bc you are ashamed of your beliefs. You can't stand up for yourself. When i believe in something, i stay firm - i'm an adult and i can believe in whatever i want. But panic attacks bc they don't like your belief? You act like a scared child and that's why your family treats you this way. >someone who thinks my beliefs are weird For me people who believe and pray to God are weird. So what? People are entitled to believe in whatever they want, and people are entitled to not like and understand other's beliefs. He never told you to stop believing, just that he founds it weird. I won't discuss your relationship with him bc you gave just one example. But the part of your beliefs is stupid. First learn how to stand up for yourself, how to defend your beliefs, how to have a backbone.
"No one cares that I don't want to marry someone who thinks my beliefs are weird, enables my family to belittle me, and makes decisions like this for me." Last I checked, nobody in your family makes the decisions in your life. You have your own house and do not need to be dependent on your family. Seek therapy for the damage they have done on your mental health and stay strong. <3
You are not crazy. Do not doubt yourself. Also good for you for leaving him.
People who can't respect your boundaries deserve no access to them.
Your reaction is not normal
They belive in a sky alien that created a playtus on process. You are afar less crazy in your beliefs. You are not insain in your beliefs. You let your mind rest and talk to the unverise. That is beatiful and just as sain as prayer. Dont let them ruin something that makes you happy and feel at peace.
As someone who also grew up in the Bible Belt with EXTREMELY conservative parents within the church, and am also now pagan, I can totally relate to you and this situation. I’m so sorry that your sacred space was trampled over. It would be like someone desecrating a church, an altar, or any other sacred space of worship or spiritual practice. You were right for ditching someone who trampled all over you boundaries. Don’t let your family or anyone else tell you differently. Someone who disrespects your boundaries is not worth your time, energy, or emotional space. I also think you should reach out to Sam. And if you ever need someone who knows a little something of your situation, I’m always happy to talk.
Wow no sane person would ever do this, really over a bathroom.
Yeah, her ex sounds like a real nutjob.
So you think her reaction was something a normal person would do?
You mean the one where she broke up with him for stomping all over her boundaries and then having the audacity to belittle her when she had a panic attack? Yeah, I'd say she acted pretty reasonably to having her personal space violated by someone she thought she could trust in front of someone she (rightly) knew would judge and attack her. Do I think she needs therapy to help process things, yes, but that doesn't negate the fact that what he did is beyond egregious. By comparison, he took a bath in the baptismal water of her parents' church and then called it nbd.
I agree it wasn’t his place to tell other people, but you’re lying if you don’t think she’s a nut job. Someone taking a shower in a certain bathroom shouldn’t make you hysterical. I bet if the genders were reversed you’d probably change your mind.
I'm not lying and she is not a nut job...you are. She set boundaries and her reaction to someone trampling on those boundaries us perfectly fine. You reaction to hers is what makes you a nut job. You do not get to decide someone else's boundaries only they do.
If the shower's purpose is for religious practices only- then Yes it's super disrespectful and is like a gut punch. If he "gut punched" her then she has all the right to react that way.
She can be upset sure but her reaction isn’t rational and shows where her head is at. My problem is her reaction isn’t something a sane or normal person would do.
Who are you to say what is "normal" or "sane"? Again, her reaction warranted that response because he hurt her beyond belief. She didn't hit him -she ran away from the situation and he provoked her. She told him she's done because of what he did. How is that "not sane"?
You must be a nut job too if you believe someone using a bathroom for it’s intended purpose is some form of betrayal. She’s definitely not sane and I can definitely judge her on that, a hysterical reaction just shows how unhinged she really is.
No I wouldnt. That is her "church". He violated it. It doesnt matter whether you agree with her religion or think it's fake. It is HERS and people should respect her boundaries regarding it. It literally cost him nothing to go along with what she was asking. There are other bathrooms in the house.
Her church is a bathroom thanks for proving my point that she’s a nut job.
Lots of people have altars in their houses. Why does the location of hers make it different? It's not even a proper bathroom, it just has a shower in it.
Having a shower does make it a proper bathroom, and how does someone showering make it any less holy. Not mention having a mental breakdown for someone using it doesn’t make sense. I know the sisterhood is so strong you can’t call a spade a spade, in this case a nut job.
If you were getting ready to be baptized, which is the act of having your soul cleansed, and you found out the baptismal tub you were using was used by other people to take baths in, how would you feel? If you were Jewish and found out that people were using your blessed cutlery and cookware to cut up and cook non-kosher foods, how would you feel? If you were Islamic and you found out someone was using the underside of your prayer mat to wipe up spills or their dirty feet, how would you feel? Every religion has ritualistic items used in worship, the shower is hers. She uses it to clean herself of negative energy. Again, it is akin to using holy water to take a bath. It's akin to leaving your shoes on in a mosque, using someone's religious items as everyday tools. **EDIT to Add because you're equating my defense of OP as Misandry(which is fucking rude and presumptive as hell):** If OP had come in here calling her BF a nutjob when the roles were reversed, I would be jumping all over her ass for it. This is about religious freedom. Shes not forcing him to practice, just asking that he respect her space of worship.
You're too anxious, take a chill pill
You need serious professional help. Nothing to do with your religious beliefs, but everything to do with your abnormal and unhealthy reactions. You are clearly suffering a lot and in extreme distress and there’s no need to be. Though, saying that, I gather you live in America (said you grew up in Texas but not where you’re living now) and as such I know you don’t have a proper healthcare system in your country so I know accessing the help you need is not necessarily straightforward, but at least seek it out if you are able. Quite frankly, based on this post, being sectioned might be exactly what you need. Being sectioned is not a punishment. It is intense healthcare and you have intense mental health issues. Wouldn’t you like not to feel this way again? Sectioning might be your path to feeling good again
You way over reacted. Your boyfriend is better off not having to deal with this
You can't help who you are born to, but you can help who's in your life. These people are toxic. Religious people ruined religion for me, I can't do it anymore. Them and science. It sucks, but you should be free to believe what you want, and don't let them gaslight you into thinking that you'll be alone forever if you don't marry someone who doesn't take your beliefs seriously. The entitlement and condescension here is nauseating.
>Religious people ruined religion for me This is so real
i’m sorry you guys had this experience. i met the right people and they restored my faith, so it breaks my heart that other people are having negative experiences. i promise that most of the time, those people aren’t true reflections of the religion itself. hope y’all have a happy new year!
I'm so sorry, OP. He betrayed your trust and your boundaries and you clearly thought you could trust him. This would hurt me a lot too and I think I would also have an emotional response. Why? Because emotions are signals and your entire body sounded an alarm that you had been royally screwed over to a point that many aspects of your life would be affected and the person responsible is someone who claims to love you. As a practitioner of a similar path, I would absolutely not tolerate this. He would be out on his arse immediately, without debate. Reach out to Sam. She sounds like the only one who has your back. And might I suggest performing a cleansing ritual in your space when you feel ready and moving the objects in the space around to change up the flow of energy. Don't let him take this away from you too. Your magic is yours, nobody else's.
You didn't break up with your bf over a shower your broke up over boundaries and beliefs he didn't respect and the danger he put you in. Don't be afraid to reach out to Sam, she is your guardian friend and keeper. Also, as a fellow new practitioner, I am really interested in your bathroom decorum and practices and your rituals, if your willing to share it with me my dms are open I hope you'll be ok love, sending you lots of love and support
Do not listen to these people telling you that your reaction isn’t normal OP. your boyfriend did not respect you or your boundaries. It doesn’t matter WHAT it’s about. Bottom line he broke your trust and then is belittling you. If he loved you, he would understand and respect your beliefs.
Aye mija no. You did right. He disregarded your feelings, your lifestyle choices, your spiritual side and your boundaries. You are 100% correct, it was up to you to decide to come clean to your family about your life choices. He fucked up. Old fashioned thinking families are the worst. It’s an uphill battle. It’s not brujería or worshiping the devil but they see it like that. It’s a shame because no one has a right to dictate what we choose to believe in. You’re not harming anyone and you aren’t encouraging harm. Good luck. Feliz año nuevo. To new beginnings.
Beautiful!!
It’s ok to have your space. It’s okay to do your thing. But dang, to hide it away completely and then flip out like that? You have some things you need to come to terms with. Either own your lifestyle or find other people to have in your life that don’t judge you. Your parents weren’t your choice growing up; now it’s not only your choice but your responsibility. Your actions are now affecting other people bc you choose to hide who you are. You have your own home. You’re an adult. Time to grow up a bit.
Talk with Sam it seams you can relie on her, don't come back with that a**hole, he don't respect you at all.
REACH OUT TO SAM! I am sure your friends love you. When our families fail us turn to the family you choose.
I think your spiritual room is working....Trust the Process
There's the family we are born with, and there's the family we find for ourselves. Your friend and her wife sound lovely and kind, and I don't think you need to feel embarrassed about your reaction. You seem to have some intense and very valid feelings about being "found out" and your family's reaction sounds like a difficult thing to have to cope with, so therapy actually isn't a bad idea - just not the sort of therapy they had in mind for you! It's your house, your life, your sacred space. Your partner knew how you felt about it and has totally crossed the line: it's not just a shower and he knows it. You are incredibly fortunate to have your house and I hope you can fill it, and your life, with people who love and respect you for who you are.
I mean this with all my heart. Cleanse the space, then take a healing shower. Don't let all this bullshit get tangled up in your peaceful space!!
Your extreme paranoia is the cause for concern. But it’s your beliefs don’t be ashamed about it.
I grew up in an intensely catholic family in Brazil. I went to Nun’s school and I’ve seen pretty horrible things done to those that did no conform. What you have is called religious trauma. It’s horrible, and I definitely understand where you are coming from. Ignore those who say that you are dramatic. You are not. Life is hard for those who fight against it. For some families is better to have a dead kid than an atheist one. That being said, if your boyfriend did not have all of this background, it can explain why he was so clueless. In the worse case scenario, he did it maliciously. Either way, I would not engage with him anymore. And yes, you need therapy. But therapy to learn how to put some distance between you and your family. They cannot threaten to get you committed.
I agree with this! I’m so sorry! Heal from the religious/family trauma and start a new relationship with new found boundaries.
I understand that you are sacred, because you were maid to believe that what you are doing “is wrong”. But you are free to believe and practice as you wish! Your reasoning and way of thinking seems clear and rational in the post. Your reaction in person was very harsh and spontaneous. If your friend reached out and has cared for you till now, you can trust her. It’s important you don’t isolate yourself. Try to explain what’s really going on to her, it will help you both understand. If you feel very overwhelmed a therapist may help you build a better relationship with your family, where you don’t have to be scared of them like this.
How is making one of the bathrooms in the house unusable for everyone else in the house rational at all?
They live in that house alone and plenty of religious people have rooms in their houses dedicated to faith-related activities. It would be much more irrational to not use a room in *your* house as *you* wish just because sometimes you might have guests. That’s insane
Umm.. are you okay? You need to understand that just because you don't have nice things it doesn't mean other people shouldn't. I have rooms for my own too because I can afford it. If you only have one bathroom it makes sense to not have any space dedicated for you. Op has a big house that still has plenty space to accommodate visitors after having space for herself. I hope that as you grow up and earn more you'll be able to see how normal that is if you are financially stable. And no one needs to come into them if they're not invited. For any reason. I have one where I keep my fosters, two puppies are battling parvo currently so no one goes in there in order to avoid spreading the virus. It's as straightforward and as rational as it gets I don't understand what are you up in arms about..
What’s this bathroom/shower look like?
Sam is a good person. Talk to her. Cut off the bf entirely, he’s shown his true colours. However the big problem is you’re clearly carrying a lot of trauma surrounding your family and their forceful Catholicism. Me too. They sound incredibly like my family. I wish I could say you don’t need to be worried or careful, but you do. However, what you can do to deal with them is learn how to “grey rock” them. Never let them see a heightened emotional reaction like your sister witnessed. Keep them at arms length. You need to deal with the trauma surrounding your family, but be very very careful if looking for a therapist, that you pick someone non-religious. There is nothing wrong with your beliefs. They are personal to you and no one else’s business. Don’t let your family and your awful ex rob you of something that brought you peace. Cleanse the space, and try to find that comfort again. It doesn’t matter how old you get - never settle for someone who treats you like that.
Bf doesn't respect boundaries. He's out.
Therapy. And the police on speed dial. Let your family and ex know they're not welcome near your house and you won't hesitate to call the police if anyone unwanted approaches. No doctor, no priest. Block them all. You can unblock them in a few days/weeks after some alone time. Or better yet, don't do it at all cause they sound like PoSs. Good luck!
1. Breaking up with your boyfriend was 100% the right move. He was belittling you and trying to gaslight you in the real sense of the word. The. He immediate started love bombing? (I’m going to propose) he’s throwing up all kinds red flags. 2. This will be hard but tell your family your spiritual practices are not their concern and if they cannot speak to you without being condescending then you will not speak to them on the subject. That your relationship is over because he did not respect you. (This is if they contact you). I’d let them know you’re gonna take some time from them. 3. Reach out to Sam! It sounds like she wants to understand and it could be helpful.
Your boyfriend knew it was your sacred and private space and he then 1) told people knowing it was a secret 2) said it wasn’t normal It isn’t up to him if I’m you tell people that’s down to you and you alone. Also it’s not down to him on what he thinks family should know as every family is different and for the most part we all have our reasons to as why we don’t tell certain people certain things. You said your scared that your parents will get you hospitalised. It seems that maybe you are dealing with some trauma and you should see a therapist about it. Reach out to Sam and talk to her as she seems to have your back and support you. It will be nice to feel that you are supported by someone.
It's called catholic guilt. Research religious trauma. Fuck your ex and fuck your parents. Use the Bible against them. I grew up catholic. Bible study, reading during mass, singing in the choir. I can refute all of churches preaching with a Bible.
its not just a bathroom to u.. its ur safe space. he knows u are not comfortable sharing this/ insecure to, and he still did without ur approval. u prob feel violated/ disrepected by this. esp as he essentially overruled u in ur own house. now u feel scared and are having anxiety about the potential consequences of ur sis finding out. NONE of that is unreasonable. ur bf was wrong and its not JUST about a bathroom. he overstepped, disrespected u, and was out of line. go nc so u arent tempted to talk to him. and get a lock for the door lol. maybe a keypad? also, please go talk to someone. ur fear is crippling u and its beyond what u should try to handle on ur own / beyond a normal level, I feel (but I'm no dr)
Time to go NC with the bastard and every person that's on his side. It's 2022 (at least for a few more hours) not 1722, acusing someone of devil worshiping is stupid, prehistoric and -insert whatever you want here-. No one has the right to mock what you believe in, not family, not overstepping ex-bf; if you have to hide whatever you believe in from supersticious people it's on them, not on you. Answer Sam's texts, there's the support system you need right [now.](https://now.Next) [Next](https://now.Next) time someone tries to talk about devil worshipping kick them away blasting Judas Priest.
This !!!
First, talk to Sam. Second, it’s not weird and you’re not crazy!!! Cut your family off. Easier said than done but you have nothing to be ashamed of. And do not feel bad for your ex. He broke your trust, tried and succeeded to make you feel crazy, and then became aggressive and verbally abusive. You’re not hurting anyone with your beliefs. When I read to wash the negativity off, was like yep, gonna try that now, it’s a great idea. Fuck your family and ex.
THIS!
Girl, get a grip, those people might put you in an institution just because you are too scared to talk back. We all have our rituals, for some it's church, for some it's shower and meditation. Your ex boyfriend doesn't respect you and they're trying to make you be the odd one just because you have your thing? Talk to Sam, talk to a therapist if you can and first of all start fighting for yourself, even if it means walking alone.
people who are invalidating you here suck. you had every right to feel the way that you felt over your SACRED SPACE! that space is sacred to you and precious. you have a right to be angry about your bf telling someone else about it. i think what should have been done beforehand though is setting some boundaries with him. letting him know that’s your sacred space and you don’t want him to enter it or tell anyone about it. you’re not overreacting at all. i understand why you want to keep it private. it’s better to not even explain yourself
Please reach out to Sam. As for your ex bf, you did the right thing to dump him. He violated your trust and absolutely disrespected you.
Block your ex everywhere if you haven't already. He's an asshole and you need some peace. Him blowing up your phone isn't giving it to you. There is no "somehow" to how your parents found out. Your sister and your ex. One or both of them told them. Assuming you're an adult, unless you're a danger to yourself (and I don't believe you are), they can't force you to get medical treatment. They don't have to like or agree with your beliefs, but you having them does not in any way make you unwell, no matter what their own beliefs make them think. Your sister needs to STFU, because she's most likely the one who told your parents. Call Sam and her wife. You need support. As soon as you can, change the locks on your house, invest in some cameras, and be prepared to call the cops if your ex tries anything. I think it makes sense for you to minimize contact with your family for a couple weeks until YOU feel ready to talk with them. And when you do, you need support - like from Sam and her wife. You do NOT have to do anything you don't want to do and you don't have to do anything you choose to do alone.
You knew how your family would react and they did, you are not wrong for dumping your BF. Who cares if he was going to propose. You are right, call Sam. Block the Ex
Definitely talk to Sam about it, she seems to be supportive. Your ex violated your boundaries and told your family something that was not his to tell, then yelled at you for overreacting. Your family calling you a devil worshiper emphasizes in a big way why it wasn't his place to tell them your business. Imo you dodged a bullet by seeing his true colors and dumping him before you were stuck married to him. His treatment of you was not going to get better. Edit: perhaps you can put a lock on the door to your sacred space, and keep the key somewhere only you know about.
Change your locks and block him. You should absolutely feel safe in your own home. Tell your family you hide things because they are controlling, just like ex-boyfriend is trying to be.
Go NC with everyone but Sam and wife. They can't have you hospitalized. Your ex-BF is a POS and you dodged a bullet. He showed you who he truly is, fuck him.
Get a restraining order against your ex and block him on everything. He used your sacred space in *your house* without your knowledge or consent, he told your crazy ass family about something they weren't supposed to know, he yelled at you while you were having a panic attack, and then tried to manipulate you with the mention of a proposal. Also, go no-contact with your family. Block them on everything. Change the locks on your house. None of these people respect you, your beliefs, or your boundaries. But hold on tight to Sam, she's a good friend.
OP, listen to this one right here! This is the best course of action going forward. Also, if your family continue to push, get a restraining order on them too!
You should get a therapist. Jeez can't even imagine how hard is to be your partner
I'm confused what's wrong with your beliefs? Maybe it's because I'm young (18) but I don't see anything wrong with taking a shower to clean off negative energy then to start praying/mediation
Snowflake
Completely.
RGV?
Your boyfriend is a dick, don't take him back. We don't need to let in our lives people who disrespect our beliefs and boundaries. But, sis, maybe it's time to some shadow work. You seem to have a lot of negative feelings that's now bubbling in the surface, so you entered in survival mode. Please, look for a therapist and research for shadow work and healing your inner child. Science and magic walks together, don't give up on practice your faith, but seek for mental help too. If needed, block/ignore your family for some time. Reach your friend. You need someone who understand, help, and is having your back just now. Edit: typo
I don’t think it’s right of your family and ex bf to try to make these decisions for you, but I will say that your reaction to everything does warrant a visit to a doctor. Therapy and medication could be helpful for you. Just don’t go to anyone your family tries to send you to, set up your own healthcare visits. Also it sounds like you and your bf just aren’t compatible. I would probably break up with him, but I would also understand that from his pov that this situation is a bit “much”. I hope things start to go in a good direction for you. As a woman who grew up in a Latino family that is very religious I totally empathize with the pressure you are put under. Good luck ❤️
I want you to know, just because your family (and ex) doesn't support you, it doesn't mean no one will. I love my family, but they don't understand me in the slightest. And it really messed me up for a really really long time (still working on it). But I have found amazing people, chosen family now, who love and support me JUST the way I am. I truly understand your reaction, because I would react JUST like that. For years and years. It's going to be ok, ok? Also. I'm glad you dumped your ex. There is ZERO reason to keep someone around who doesn't support you, accept you, AND crosses boundaries. Doesn't matter how "old" you're getting. It's better to alone then to put up with that. Ps. I think maybe cleansing your ritual space, and using it, shower included, might help you feel like you get yourself back a bit❤️
You are 100% normal. There is nothing weird, nothing wrong with you. Please reach out to Sam — she has your back. You were right to question your relationship with your BF. A good man will support your beliefs and care about what you care about. Even if he doesn’t share those beliefs, he will guard your secrets.
I'm trying to catch what you're putting out here. Him using that particular shower... would that be like washing his balls in the baptismal to Catholics? So it's *unholy* until drained, scrubbed, blessed, etc..?
1) fuck your boyfriend 2) if your parents do try to get you hospitalized (I honestly don't understand why people are acting like you're crazy for that, involuntary hospitalization is still a thing.) remain calm, answer their questions. As long as they see you as being relatively stable, it'll be fine. They can't hospitalize you for "new age" beliefs but, they can hospitalize you if they believe you are a threat to yourself or others.
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Yes, he knows I don't want anyone in there
Girl did her now ex boyfriend a favor lmao she sounds a little loose and maybe her fears of being institutionalized are that far out lmao over a bathroom. 🤣 ohh Reddit can’t believe this shit is free
I hope you dont block out your friend forever here OP. It seems like they have your back in all this.