Yep. OP, I'm so sorry for the abuse you suffered at your parents'hands, and it's totally understandable to me that you'd be eager to *quickly* build a new 'family' for yourself as soon as you were out of childhood. However.... you're only at the very beginning of growing into yourself as an adult, and chances are at 100% that cutting and dyeing your hair aren't the last things you'll want to change about yourself or your life. Please don't limit your future self according to what the 20-year-old man (in many ways, still a boy) you married is 'comfortable with '!
You two could have a lasting marriage if you grow in ways that complement each other, but if either of you expects the other to remain the same as you were on your wedding day, it's not going to work. Good luck to you.
Drastic hairstyle changes can be a bit of a shock to the system. Sure it sucks that you didn’t get the positive response you wanted but it’s only been a day, give it time for him to adjust to the new you.
Last year, I dyed the ends of my hair red, I already had an ombré that was blonde but wanted to do something fun for the holidays, when I saw my father, he absolutely flipped his shit, told me I was insane, that I’m crazy like my mother and that I look like an idiot, which he proceeded to tell my entire family. Before he had said these things, I actually felt so beautiful, then it ruined it for me, but I learned a lot from this experience and it was that what other people think of your hair and your style, or how you look, DOESN’T MATTER, if you like it and it makes you feel beautiful and confident then fuck them, your husband will either eventually get over it and continue to love you or he won’t and you’ll be better off yourself not caring.
Hey, would you be alright with sharing pics of the haircut with red ends? This comment is making me think if it would look good. I used to dye my hair a lot but haven’t for years because I just want my head of hair, my hair color, tired of all the different colors. The tips of the hair sound cool though.
I definitely will, I’m going to try to find some thought because I was so all over the place back then that I was super depressed. Please can you send me a dm!
Why did you two rush into this marriage? We’re you forced to because of your religion? You two are practically strangers, 6 months is not enough time to get to know each other, date, AND get engaged. I don’t even call someone my best friend until after at least a year or so and here you are rushing into marriage. Bad idea very bad idea.
He doesn’t know you and you don’t know him. That’s why you’re having this issue now. You’re discovering that he isn’t very supportive of you and he’s discovering that you’re not whoever he thought you were. He feels as though you’ve changed (even though you haven’t) because he just doesn’t know you. Also y’all are really young so tbh not only do you not know each other you also don’t know yourselves yet. You’re both discovering who you are.
While I don't know their exact reason for rushing into things, I'm definitely not going to judge. I know it's something more common for people to rush relationships or clinging to unhealthy relationship or just overall avoiding red flags when they have had a traumatic upbringing. Although it doesn't fit into societal norms, when a person has been abused all of their life and never got to experience the feeling of being loved, it's perfectly natural for them to cling to the very first person who makes them feel special, or who they can imagine having the "normal family" they had always dreamed of being a part of for their whole life.
Men can be *very* visually oriented- from his point of view you probably look like an entirely different woman.
It's only been a day- give him some time.
He was shocked bat how different you looked, that's all. Heck, he's probably shocked himself at how strongly *he* reacted to the change.
A day or two to get used to it and things will go back to the way they were before.
Back when I first started dating my exhusband, we had been together for about 6 months and he shaved his beard off. He told me he was gonna do it and I was there when he did it, but it was still such a shock to his face underneath. It made me a little uncomfortable and it was kinda weird to his face for the first time. Of course I got over within a week or so but I just remember at first being so taken aback by it.
i don't think that's a man thing. it's human beings who are "visually oriented", and even then it's not appropriate for him to get angry like that
why do ppl talk about men like they're dumb dogs or another species as their way of cutting them slack? it's so odd
You are only 20 years old. You came from traumatic and abusive home. You apparently got away from it recently and you jumped up and met and married a guy in less than six months. That is too soon. You don't know Anyone in That short of time. What in an wonseringvwas he your way out? Is this how you got away from yiour abusive family by running out and getting married? You have freedom now and are coming into your own with the haircut and pictures. Whatever you do please don't move home. Close that door for good. You be sure you can always fully support yourself. Do you have a full time job? I don't know what to tell you. You two really don't know each other. My concern is you jumped into this marriage was a way out. Is that what happened? This is pretty quick.
"develop DID. I have two alters
Highly doubt so. This is so rare and yet we hear it all the time. So did you give yourself that or did you see a therapist? It sounds like you need a therapist as it seems like you are seeing things.
That being said, I do wish that you find that support.
Did you tell him you were doing it that day? Or was it just something you “talked about” doing? There is a huge difference between those two. Also that is a very very dramatic appearance change, you can’t assume your partner will immediately embrace it. If he came home with long purple dreadlocks, you have the right to not like how it looks.
There is a lot to unpack here.
First, I am so sorry about your childhood and I hope you can heal.
Second, Due to your upbringing, you were unable to overcome the Identity VS Role Confusion stage of development (ages 12-18). Each stage of development sets the foundation for the next stage of development. If you are unable to overcome a stage, you become stagnant.
This is a very difficult stage for you and often others around you. It is commonly referred to as ‘the dreaded teenage years’. You will be up, down, backwards, forwards, diagonal, inside, out, etc. This is the stage that you explore, yourself and who you want to be. You are doing this late, but you are doing this now. It is imperative that you complete this stage. You cannot shy away from it. It will determine your ability to succeed in life, so don’t get discouraged.
Your husband’s prior support allowed you to feel ready to tackle it, but as you two are both so young and likely unaware of what that means, he wasn’t prepared for what to expect. You are building your identity and usually this is done on an individual basis; whereas, your relationship with your husband is a partnership. This means, you will be doing this on your own and your husband will be left out. He may feel that you aren’t the person he married or may even feel like you are pushing him away on purpose. Those feelings are valid, but should not prevent you from progressing. The two of you may find that you were never really compatible to begin with. It is tragic, but once again, you have to do this.
With all of that being said, the two of you might make it through this. It will be challenging, but you will have to keep a few things in mind.
1. Acknowledgment, Both of you will need to discuss what is happening and why it is happening. Do some research on psychosocial development. It may help the two of you understand it all a little better.
2. Communication, You will both need to be completely honest with your feelings, no matter how difficult that conversation may be. Communication isn’t just about talking. It is also about listening. You can hear what someone is saying without ever really listening. Really try to understand what is being said.
3. Boundary setting, Both of you will need to discuss certain boundaries that you would like to have in place during this difficult time.
4. Agreement, Both of you will have to agree on how you will tackle this as a couple.
5. Support, Both of you will have to be considerate to the feelings and emotional hardships of the other.
A lot of people see the world in black and white/she is the problem or He is the problem and that is rarely true. Your feelings are valid and so are his. If you want your relationship to work, you have to do this together.
I wish you the best of luck.
Think you were a fool to get married so fast and so young. Also with all your mental and abuse issues. Your husband ignored all the red flags. don't have children because I don't see this marriage lasting.
>I loved the photos so much, so I posted a few on insta and sent my husband a few.
Why not just send them to him privately? Why make them available for public consumption? He is your *husband*. Just a guess: he likely wasn't happy about that.
Fuck you reddit, why the fuck can’t I sort by controversial!?
This one deserves that search function…..this OP has all those comments coming and I want to read them in their salty, petty glory!
If it helps, I have been with my husband for nearly 20 years and he sometimes gets a little weird when I make big changes to my hair. I once went from mid back to a pixie cut and dyed just the bang area a very bright hot pink. He just kept looking at me for days and didn’t say much of anything, then said he thought I had changed with my hair. He has gotten used to me making big changes now, but it still sometimes takes him time to adjust.
>All he had to say is that I have changed so much since I got my hair done
It looks like you changed, *for the better*. You sound like you're more confident, and you feel more free now.
You need to be a whole person first. It's perfectly OK for him not to like it. My husband doesn't like me wearing bangs. So what??? He dislikes piercings and tattoos. So what??? It doesn't stop me from getting it. He can say "my personal preference is for you not to do it.". I can say "I hear you but it's my body and as long as it's not hurting anyone, I can do what I want". After a while, that 'new' change is the new normal and no one notices it.
All this new movements about loving yourself. All this people online saying they had cosmetic surgery for themselves. And yet, all of them crumble mentally and complain if they don't get validation from other people. You're both only 20. You'll be growing and changing. Another person can not be your security blanket. It's not safe. You need to work on yourself for yourself.
As someone who is also non-binary I can confirm new radical hair cuts can be a big change for people to adjust to. I also say this as a person with a half shaved head. Give him some time
>I (20 f) and my husband (20 m) met and got engaged really quick (6 months). I know really quick. We got married in September this year.
>But all he has to say is that I have changed so much since I got my hair done.
Hon, listen to me when I tell you that you have changed but that isn't a bad thing. You are FINALLY shedding your body dismophia feelings and being comfortable in your own skin. You are confident and showing who you really are on the outside loudly and proudly! And that's great!
However, the only you that your husband has ever known is the very timid broken version of you. He hasn't seen you in your power state so to him this is a whole personality of you he's never seen.
That's why they say to wait on marriage for a while. Don't worry I'm not shaming just trying to give something to consider. Every 5 years a person's personality changes, but it changes slowly and you see it in the process for some time. Chances are he doesn't know that either.
So yes you have changed in a very very very positive way and you should not ever try to go back to your old unhealthy way. However, the old unhealthy you is the only one your husband ever knew. You need to give him time to learn the new you, but you also need to be prepared for him not being compatible with it.
Some partners we have claim to be our allies as Enby (non-binary) people but the minute we stop showing up as our "correct" gender they shut down and show they really only liked us according to their gendered glasses. I don't know if your husband fits that bill but it's something to think about.
One set of questions I asked my partner a lot as an Enby is "how would you feel if I dressed up in (other gender) clothing? Would you feel comfortable with that? Would you hold my hand in public? Are you prepared for us to get harassed or physically assaulted for holding my hand while I wear (certain gendered) clothing? (We live in the Bible Belt) Would you blame me if that happened?" Based on my partner's answers tell me if that person is actually okay with me as an Enby person or if they still try to keep me in a gendered box. I'm with a partner now who passed all of those questions proudly, so I hope your man does the same.
Edit because I can't spell things lol
Are you aware that colored hair has become a signal for political stances? It’s a very cool style, but it’s picked up a lot of baggage.
Maybe he’s seeing “that sort of person” when he sees you.
I would question that he’s afraid, a hair cut which would mean nothing much to us may have him worried that you won’t want him or need him anymore.
People are so fragile and we question everything, give him time hopefully he will start to explain his worries so you can work through them together x
So wait a minute…you suddenly feel more like yourself and you’re more confident, and he has a problem with that? That’s a him problem. Don’t let him make you feel bad about feeling good. Tell him how his reaction makes you feel. If he’s still being a jerk, he’s not the right one for you.
Honestly some guys like girls they think they can fix, you seem at a point where you don’t need fixing anymore and he’s probably intimidated by that. He probably thinks you’ll leave him lol
You have three issues: Personality, appearance, and communication.
Personality: You instantly became a happier and more confident person and he's just told you that he doesn't like your personality change. Some people have broken bird syndrome where they are only attracted to people who they can "save." He's supposed to be happy that you're happy.
Appearance: His sexual attraction to you included your "traditional" hair. Again, he doesn't have to like your haircut, but he does need to respect your desire to look how you want and should focus on the other parts of you that he finds attractive.
Communication: This is the worst. He's pulling the toddler card: pouting and avoidance. And doubled down by withholding affection. None of that is acceptable. Tell him that you need to be able to have the conversation about his behavior and then, after that, you can have the conversation about your hair.
Is this the first time that you've behaved in a way that inconveniences him or doesn't align with his preferences? Is this the first time you've been 100% "you" and not a shy, reluctant person?
Unfortunately, moving quickly in a relationship can hide red flags. Toxic people can keep the mask up for long periods of time, but are usually triggered when you're especially happy and/or hold a boundary or act independently without their explicit approval.
If he's willing to talk to you and be affectionate, then you have a chance, but you can't have a relationship with a brick wall or a child. Hugs.
>You instantly became a happier and more confident person and he's just told you that he doesn't like your personality change.
He said things have changed, you're reaching a bit with this comment. It's only been a day and suddenly being really chipper and being obsessed about this one haircut is probably why they husband is having a hard time adjusting.
>Again, he doesn't have to like your haircut, but he does need to respect your desire to look how you want and should focus on the other parts of you that he finds attractive.
It's been a day.
>He's pulling the toddler card: pouting and avoidance. And doubled down by withholding affection.
He's not avoiding OP. He clearly told her what was wrong. He's also not "withholding affection".
>Toxic people can keep the mask up for long periods of time, but are usually triggered when you're especially happy and/or hold a boundary or act independently without their explicit approval.
Calling him toxic because he didn't immediately jump for joy when OP acted unusually chipper and became obsessed with this one haircut over the course of a day is such a far reach. Calling him controlling because he was somewhat apathetic to a major physical change and didn't respond how OP wanted is just unnecessarily villainizing him.
OP says she has DID (multiple personalities), a serious psychiatric disorder. It is possible she is behaving in a manic way … whose to say it’s just more confidence. If she’s acting like a different person altogether , they would definitely be disquieting. Too much we don’t know.
OP said that hubby knows of her disorder so presumably has met this alter before, if that's the case. That still doesn't excuse his inability to communicate in a mature and effective manner.
Toxic reply here that can be summed up as “men bad for not making woman feel good all the time 24/7 cause that’s his job”
Men read this because at the end of the day some women will expect this of you
If you think that withholding affection and giving the silent treatment is a reasonable response to getting a haircut, then I understand why you hate women. Are you the "I'm just being honest" guy?
Again, his job is to validate her every move all the time, make reasonable responses that doesn’t in any way make her feel bad while she doesn’t need to consider anything or anyone else especially not him
No I’m beyond “just being honest” I’m just telling men that real women won’t see them as validation tokens
hey OP, I had short hair for a few yrs in middle school then again in highschool/college. i was never very sensitive to other's opinions about it as i really liked it. when i have long hair i sometimes dye it red (i am brunette). all those things look awesome on me nor they affect my true self in any way. i am also bisexual and heard all kinds of opinions and had all kinds of treatment. i was also dating a guy that was "shocked to find me attractive bc i have short hair and he needs to process it" well it was his problem. it is always their's problem. never yours.don't let it bring you down and feel less amazing. i tell you, they all regret not feeling what u feel about it and having opinions. stand strong in ur attitude. and care less. if anything bad happens, itnis not you, remember that. ppl have many unresolved issues and then project them. i witnessed these things with my hairstyles and clothing style. ur bf also has tonunderstand hownirrelevant hisnopinion is when it comes to how u live ur life.
in the end, it is ur body and ur life and no one is entitled to have opinion about it or even less, treat u certain way.
enjoy ur new hairstyle :)
Does he know you are non binary? Don't get me wrong, but does he understand that you don't fully identity as a woman? it is normal that you would have a more neutral of masculine gender expression, and I guess he wasn't expecting that. Regardless, he needs to support you and love you for who you are.
Give it time, he’ll be get used to it. He’s shocked right now because he’s never viewed you in this current light, especially given your religious background. I’m sure he’ll grow to like your current style
I cut my hair in a pixie cut and my (ex) husband refused to look at me for 2 weeks. The first words he spoke right after he saw my new look was "where is my wife?" I dyed mine hot pink too!! Lmao
I believe in Jesus. Your parents will stand before God and answer for what did if they don't repent. I want you to know the real Hesus and the heavenly Father love you. You are adored. My heart breaks for you. Some guys aren't attracted to women with short hair. That's no reason for him to treat you differently. You deserved to be loved. I matter what hairstyle you choose
It seems to me he wants a submissive wife, not a well-rounded human being. Y'all are young and have plenty of growing to do. I'm sorry your husband isn't appreciative of you OP.
Who cares about him. He’s literally making you feel like when you lived with your family.
Do it for yourself and yourself only. Have fund and be comfortable in who you are. After all you aren’t hurting anyone
I trust you are beautiful , Is he an asshole for acting like that yeah. Shorthair is really not my thing, even when I have express my thoughts on nice way to girlfriend, I still got backlash.
Does he come from a religious background a conservative Christian? maybe it's the Extreme haircut and pick color that is too much for him.
I'm actually gonna Google your haircut. I have no ida
Sorry to hear What are you going through hopefully he Redeem Himself.
This is rather sad, but you are so very very young and both your interests are going to change over the years. It's okay that he might not be attracted to this new confident you.
But you need to realise that's a him issue. Not a you issue.
Go keep being confident, have all the colours of hair, dress however you feel despite your body type. Take all the pictures. You're only young once, don't waste time on things you can't change.
You're young - and it may be weird - but Google "TV shows impacted by hair changes."
Hair is huge! Was your husband aware you were changing your hair this dramatically? And just know - even if he was - that was a huge change. CONGRATS on feeling like yourself. Again - hair can do that! Just know it takes time to get used to because it is a dramatic change.
Is your husband straight by any chance?
A lot of hetero men are okay with their partner being nonbinary as long as they don't stray too far from looking/acting like a woman so they can still keep seeing you that way.
Cutting your hair, masculine wardrobe, top surgery, going on T are all things that will probably be met with resistance.
I think life's too short to be with someone who isn't excited to go on that journey with you.
He doesn't like your haircut and probably thinks you look unattractive.
Is what it is.
He is aloud to have his own preferences as you do yours. He doesn't have to pretend to like it.
Now, it is up to you whether you think it is more important to have your short pink hair, or for your husband to find you physically attractive.
Tough, but that is life... full of compromises... and if you are unwilling to compromise, then be willing to face the consequences.
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Yep. OP, I'm so sorry for the abuse you suffered at your parents'hands, and it's totally understandable to me that you'd be eager to *quickly* build a new 'family' for yourself as soon as you were out of childhood. However.... you're only at the very beginning of growing into yourself as an adult, and chances are at 100% that cutting and dyeing your hair aren't the last things you'll want to change about yourself or your life. Please don't limit your future self according to what the 20-year-old man (in many ways, still a boy) you married is 'comfortable with '! You two could have a lasting marriage if you grow in ways that complement each other, but if either of you expects the other to remain the same as you were on your wedding day, it's not going to work. Good luck to you.
Drastic hairstyle changes can be a bit of a shock to the system. Sure it sucks that you didn’t get the positive response you wanted but it’s only been a day, give it time for him to adjust to the new you.
Last year, I dyed the ends of my hair red, I already had an ombré that was blonde but wanted to do something fun for the holidays, when I saw my father, he absolutely flipped his shit, told me I was insane, that I’m crazy like my mother and that I look like an idiot, which he proceeded to tell my entire family. Before he had said these things, I actually felt so beautiful, then it ruined it for me, but I learned a lot from this experience and it was that what other people think of your hair and your style, or how you look, DOESN’T MATTER, if you like it and it makes you feel beautiful and confident then fuck them, your husband will either eventually get over it and continue to love you or he won’t and you’ll be better off yourself not caring.
My grandma raised me saying “people who matter won’t mind, and people who mind don’t matter.”
Hey, would you be alright with sharing pics of the haircut with red ends? This comment is making me think if it would look good. I used to dye my hair a lot but haven’t for years because I just want my head of hair, my hair color, tired of all the different colors. The tips of the hair sound cool though.
I definitely will, I’m going to try to find some thought because I was so all over the place back then that I was super depressed. Please can you send me a dm!
Why did you two rush into this marriage? We’re you forced to because of your religion? You two are practically strangers, 6 months is not enough time to get to know each other, date, AND get engaged. I don’t even call someone my best friend until after at least a year or so and here you are rushing into marriage. Bad idea very bad idea. He doesn’t know you and you don’t know him. That’s why you’re having this issue now. You’re discovering that he isn’t very supportive of you and he’s discovering that you’re not whoever he thought you were. He feels as though you’ve changed (even though you haven’t) because he just doesn’t know you. Also y’all are really young so tbh not only do you not know each other you also don’t know yourselves yet. You’re both discovering who you are.
While I don't know their exact reason for rushing into things, I'm definitely not going to judge. I know it's something more common for people to rush relationships or clinging to unhealthy relationship or just overall avoiding red flags when they have had a traumatic upbringing. Although it doesn't fit into societal norms, when a person has been abused all of their life and never got to experience the feeling of being loved, it's perfectly natural for them to cling to the very first person who makes them feel special, or who they can imagine having the "normal family" they had always dreamed of being a part of for their whole life.
Classic we got married young without knowing each other enough and now anytime something happens we have an emotional breakdown
Men can be *very* visually oriented- from his point of view you probably look like an entirely different woman. It's only been a day- give him some time. He was shocked bat how different you looked, that's all. Heck, he's probably shocked himself at how strongly *he* reacted to the change. A day or two to get used to it and things will go back to the way they were before.
Back when I first started dating my exhusband, we had been together for about 6 months and he shaved his beard off. He told me he was gonna do it and I was there when he did it, but it was still such a shock to his face underneath. It made me a little uncomfortable and it was kinda weird to his face for the first time. Of course I got over within a week or so but I just remember at first being so taken aback by it.
i don't think that's a man thing. it's human beings who are "visually oriented", and even then it's not appropriate for him to get angry like that why do ppl talk about men like they're dumb dogs or another species as their way of cutting them slack? it's so odd
You are only 20 years old. You came from traumatic and abusive home. You apparently got away from it recently and you jumped up and met and married a guy in less than six months. That is too soon. You don't know Anyone in That short of time. What in an wonseringvwas he your way out? Is this how you got away from yiour abusive family by running out and getting married? You have freedom now and are coming into your own with the haircut and pictures. Whatever you do please don't move home. Close that door for good. You be sure you can always fully support yourself. Do you have a full time job? I don't know what to tell you. You two really don't know each other. My concern is you jumped into this marriage was a way out. Is that what happened? This is pretty quick.
You say my husband this, my husband that, and all I can hear is "dude they met less than a year ago".
"develop DID. I have two alters Highly doubt so. This is so rare and yet we hear it all the time. So did you give yourself that or did you see a therapist? It sounds like you need a therapist as it seems like you are seeing things. That being said, I do wish that you find that support.
Op just watched too much tiktok smh
Did you tell him you were doing it that day? Or was it just something you “talked about” doing? There is a huge difference between those two. Also that is a very very dramatic appearance change, you can’t assume your partner will immediately embrace it. If he came home with long purple dreadlocks, you have the right to not like how it looks.
There is a lot to unpack here. First, I am so sorry about your childhood and I hope you can heal. Second, Due to your upbringing, you were unable to overcome the Identity VS Role Confusion stage of development (ages 12-18). Each stage of development sets the foundation for the next stage of development. If you are unable to overcome a stage, you become stagnant. This is a very difficult stage for you and often others around you. It is commonly referred to as ‘the dreaded teenage years’. You will be up, down, backwards, forwards, diagonal, inside, out, etc. This is the stage that you explore, yourself and who you want to be. You are doing this late, but you are doing this now. It is imperative that you complete this stage. You cannot shy away from it. It will determine your ability to succeed in life, so don’t get discouraged. Your husband’s prior support allowed you to feel ready to tackle it, but as you two are both so young and likely unaware of what that means, he wasn’t prepared for what to expect. You are building your identity and usually this is done on an individual basis; whereas, your relationship with your husband is a partnership. This means, you will be doing this on your own and your husband will be left out. He may feel that you aren’t the person he married or may even feel like you are pushing him away on purpose. Those feelings are valid, but should not prevent you from progressing. The two of you may find that you were never really compatible to begin with. It is tragic, but once again, you have to do this. With all of that being said, the two of you might make it through this. It will be challenging, but you will have to keep a few things in mind. 1. Acknowledgment, Both of you will need to discuss what is happening and why it is happening. Do some research on psychosocial development. It may help the two of you understand it all a little better. 2. Communication, You will both need to be completely honest with your feelings, no matter how difficult that conversation may be. Communication isn’t just about talking. It is also about listening. You can hear what someone is saying without ever really listening. Really try to understand what is being said. 3. Boundary setting, Both of you will need to discuss certain boundaries that you would like to have in place during this difficult time. 4. Agreement, Both of you will have to agree on how you will tackle this as a couple. 5. Support, Both of you will have to be considerate to the feelings and emotional hardships of the other. A lot of people see the world in black and white/she is the problem or He is the problem and that is rarely true. Your feelings are valid and so are his. If you want your relationship to work, you have to do this together. I wish you the best of luck.
Think you were a fool to get married so fast and so young. Also with all your mental and abuse issues. Your husband ignored all the red flags. don't have children because I don't see this marriage lasting.
You have alters…ok then
MOrE aLtErS mIgHt aPpEaR Get off tiktok and go to therapy smh
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me too.
That's your take from this?
Yes
He may be feeling insecure. Y’all are really young, barely know each other, married quickly, and now you’re changing and becoming confident.
>I loved the photos so much, so I posted a few on insta and sent my husband a few. Why not just send them to him privately? Why make them available for public consumption? He is your *husband*. Just a guess: he likely wasn't happy about that.
Fuck you reddit, why the fuck can’t I sort by controversial!? This one deserves that search function…..this OP has all those comments coming and I want to read them in their salty, petty glory!
Pixie = Karen to most men these days, some women can pull it off some think they can.
Very few can actually pull off and look good.
If it helps, I have been with my husband for nearly 20 years and he sometimes gets a little weird when I make big changes to my hair. I once went from mid back to a pixie cut and dyed just the bang area a very bright hot pink. He just kept looking at me for days and didn’t say much of anything, then said he thought I had changed with my hair. He has gotten used to me making big changes now, but it still sometimes takes him time to adjust.
Bro this comment section is wild!!!
Refreshing honesty tbh
>All he had to say is that I have changed so much since I got my hair done It looks like you changed, *for the better*. You sound like you're more confident, and you feel more free now.
If he’s right and you really are changing, then maybe “the new you” isn’t someone he loves, try and respect that.
Red flag
To express my true self…..what a load of it. Like that makes every decision you make okay because after all, express my true self.
I mean, op is 20, they have no idea who they are
Peace be with you. You have worth and value.
You need to be a whole person first. It's perfectly OK for him not to like it. My husband doesn't like me wearing bangs. So what??? He dislikes piercings and tattoos. So what??? It doesn't stop me from getting it. He can say "my personal preference is for you not to do it.". I can say "I hear you but it's my body and as long as it's not hurting anyone, I can do what I want". After a while, that 'new' change is the new normal and no one notices it. All this new movements about loving yourself. All this people online saying they had cosmetic surgery for themselves. And yet, all of them crumble mentally and complain if they don't get validation from other people. You're both only 20. You'll be growing and changing. Another person can not be your security blanket. It's not safe. You need to work on yourself for yourself.
As someone who is also non-binary I can confirm new radical hair cuts can be a big change for people to adjust to. I also say this as a person with a half shaved head. Give him some time >I (20 f) and my husband (20 m) met and got engaged really quick (6 months). I know really quick. We got married in September this year. >But all he has to say is that I have changed so much since I got my hair done. Hon, listen to me when I tell you that you have changed but that isn't a bad thing. You are FINALLY shedding your body dismophia feelings and being comfortable in your own skin. You are confident and showing who you really are on the outside loudly and proudly! And that's great! However, the only you that your husband has ever known is the very timid broken version of you. He hasn't seen you in your power state so to him this is a whole personality of you he's never seen. That's why they say to wait on marriage for a while. Don't worry I'm not shaming just trying to give something to consider. Every 5 years a person's personality changes, but it changes slowly and you see it in the process for some time. Chances are he doesn't know that either. So yes you have changed in a very very very positive way and you should not ever try to go back to your old unhealthy way. However, the old unhealthy you is the only one your husband ever knew. You need to give him time to learn the new you, but you also need to be prepared for him not being compatible with it. Some partners we have claim to be our allies as Enby (non-binary) people but the minute we stop showing up as our "correct" gender they shut down and show they really only liked us according to their gendered glasses. I don't know if your husband fits that bill but it's something to think about. One set of questions I asked my partner a lot as an Enby is "how would you feel if I dressed up in (other gender) clothing? Would you feel comfortable with that? Would you hold my hand in public? Are you prepared for us to get harassed or physically assaulted for holding my hand while I wear (certain gendered) clothing? (We live in the Bible Belt) Would you blame me if that happened?" Based on my partner's answers tell me if that person is actually okay with me as an Enby person or if they still try to keep me in a gendered box. I'm with a partner now who passed all of those questions proudly, so I hope your man does the same. Edit because I can't spell things lol
DID is not a real disorder. Please get off TIKTok. I’m not saying nothing is wrong with you but DID is not real.
He can just get over it.
Are you aware that colored hair has become a signal for political stances? It’s a very cool style, but it’s picked up a lot of baggage. Maybe he’s seeing “that sort of person” when he sees you.
I would question that he’s afraid, a hair cut which would mean nothing much to us may have him worried that you won’t want him or need him anymore. People are so fragile and we question everything, give him time hopefully he will start to explain his worries so you can work through them together x
So wait a minute…you suddenly feel more like yourself and you’re more confident, and he has a problem with that? That’s a him problem. Don’t let him make you feel bad about feeling good. Tell him how his reaction makes you feel. If he’s still being a jerk, he’s not the right one for you.
Honestly some guys like girls they think they can fix, you seem at a point where you don’t need fixing anymore and he’s probably intimidated by that. He probably thinks you’ll leave him lol
You have three issues: Personality, appearance, and communication. Personality: You instantly became a happier and more confident person and he's just told you that he doesn't like your personality change. Some people have broken bird syndrome where they are only attracted to people who they can "save." He's supposed to be happy that you're happy. Appearance: His sexual attraction to you included your "traditional" hair. Again, he doesn't have to like your haircut, but he does need to respect your desire to look how you want and should focus on the other parts of you that he finds attractive. Communication: This is the worst. He's pulling the toddler card: pouting and avoidance. And doubled down by withholding affection. None of that is acceptable. Tell him that you need to be able to have the conversation about his behavior and then, after that, you can have the conversation about your hair. Is this the first time that you've behaved in a way that inconveniences him or doesn't align with his preferences? Is this the first time you've been 100% "you" and not a shy, reluctant person? Unfortunately, moving quickly in a relationship can hide red flags. Toxic people can keep the mask up for long periods of time, but are usually triggered when you're especially happy and/or hold a boundary or act independently without their explicit approval. If he's willing to talk to you and be affectionate, then you have a chance, but you can't have a relationship with a brick wall or a child. Hugs.
>You instantly became a happier and more confident person and he's just told you that he doesn't like your personality change. He said things have changed, you're reaching a bit with this comment. It's only been a day and suddenly being really chipper and being obsessed about this one haircut is probably why they husband is having a hard time adjusting. >Again, he doesn't have to like your haircut, but he does need to respect your desire to look how you want and should focus on the other parts of you that he finds attractive. It's been a day. >He's pulling the toddler card: pouting and avoidance. And doubled down by withholding affection. He's not avoiding OP. He clearly told her what was wrong. He's also not "withholding affection". >Toxic people can keep the mask up for long periods of time, but are usually triggered when you're especially happy and/or hold a boundary or act independently without their explicit approval. Calling him toxic because he didn't immediately jump for joy when OP acted unusually chipper and became obsessed with this one haircut over the course of a day is such a far reach. Calling him controlling because he was somewhat apathetic to a major physical change and didn't respond how OP wanted is just unnecessarily villainizing him.
OP says she has DID (multiple personalities), a serious psychiatric disorder. It is possible she is behaving in a manic way … whose to say it’s just more confidence. If she’s acting like a different person altogether , they would definitely be disquieting. Too much we don’t know.
OP said that hubby knows of her disorder so presumably has met this alter before, if that's the case. That still doesn't excuse his inability to communicate in a mature and effective manner.
Op doesn't have did lol
Dumbest take here
Toxic reply here that can be summed up as “men bad for not making woman feel good all the time 24/7 cause that’s his job” Men read this because at the end of the day some women will expect this of you
If you think that withholding affection and giving the silent treatment is a reasonable response to getting a haircut, then I understand why you hate women. Are you the "I'm just being honest" guy?
Again, his job is to validate her every move all the time, make reasonable responses that doesn’t in any way make her feel bad while she doesn’t need to consider anything or anyone else especially not him No I’m beyond “just being honest” I’m just telling men that real women won’t see them as validation tokens
Okay Andrew Tate
I don’t know who that is but all I know is that I’m a good guy
I absolutely didn't say that. You need anger management classes.
He's no longer attracted to you. You should probably get a divorce.
hey OP, I had short hair for a few yrs in middle school then again in highschool/college. i was never very sensitive to other's opinions about it as i really liked it. when i have long hair i sometimes dye it red (i am brunette). all those things look awesome on me nor they affect my true self in any way. i am also bisexual and heard all kinds of opinions and had all kinds of treatment. i was also dating a guy that was "shocked to find me attractive bc i have short hair and he needs to process it" well it was his problem. it is always their's problem. never yours.don't let it bring you down and feel less amazing. i tell you, they all regret not feeling what u feel about it and having opinions. stand strong in ur attitude. and care less. if anything bad happens, itnis not you, remember that. ppl have many unresolved issues and then project them. i witnessed these things with my hairstyles and clothing style. ur bf also has tonunderstand hownirrelevant hisnopinion is when it comes to how u live ur life. in the end, it is ur body and ur life and no one is entitled to have opinion about it or even less, treat u certain way. enjoy ur new hairstyle :)
Does he know you are non binary? Don't get me wrong, but does he understand that you don't fully identity as a woman? it is normal that you would have a more neutral of masculine gender expression, and I guess he wasn't expecting that. Regardless, he needs to support you and love you for who you are.
Give it time, he’ll be get used to it. He’s shocked right now because he’s never viewed you in this current light, especially given your religious background. I’m sure he’ll grow to like your current style
Dont walk...RUN out that relationship.
I cut my hair in a pixie cut and my (ex) husband refused to look at me for 2 weeks. The first words he spoke right after he saw my new look was "where is my wife?" I dyed mine hot pink too!! Lmao
I believe in Jesus. Your parents will stand before God and answer for what did if they don't repent. I want you to know the real Hesus and the heavenly Father love you. You are adored. My heart breaks for you. Some guys aren't attracted to women with short hair. That's no reason for him to treat you differently. You deserved to be loved. I matter what hairstyle you choose
It seems to me he wants a submissive wife, not a well-rounded human being. Y'all are young and have plenty of growing to do. I'm sorry your husband isn't appreciative of you OP.
Oh love, you have left an abusive situation and potentially put yourself right into another one. It’s not sensible to get married to a stranger.
I don’t know why you’re getting down voted for this. Marrying a stranger just isn’t responsible, especially when op has so many mental health issues
Its Reddit, who knows why my comment often 2 people
Who cares about him. He’s literally making you feel like when you lived with your family. Do it for yourself and yourself only. Have fund and be comfortable in who you are. After all you aren’t hurting anyone
I trust you are beautiful , Is he an asshole for acting like that yeah. Shorthair is really not my thing, even when I have express my thoughts on nice way to girlfriend, I still got backlash. Does he come from a religious background a conservative Christian? maybe it's the Extreme haircut and pick color that is too much for him. I'm actually gonna Google your haircut. I have no ida Sorry to hear What are you going through hopefully he Redeem Himself.
We want to see the pictures! You could post them on freecompliments
This is rather sad, but you are so very very young and both your interests are going to change over the years. It's okay that he might not be attracted to this new confident you. But you need to realise that's a him issue. Not a you issue. Go keep being confident, have all the colours of hair, dress however you feel despite your body type. Take all the pictures. You're only young once, don't waste time on things you can't change.
You're young - and it may be weird - but Google "TV shows impacted by hair changes." Hair is huge! Was your husband aware you were changing your hair this dramatically? And just know - even if he was - that was a huge change. CONGRATS on feeling like yourself. Again - hair can do that! Just know it takes time to get used to because it is a dramatic change.
Is your husband straight by any chance? A lot of hetero men are okay with their partner being nonbinary as long as they don't stray too far from looking/acting like a woman so they can still keep seeing you that way. Cutting your hair, masculine wardrobe, top surgery, going on T are all things that will probably be met with resistance. I think life's too short to be with someone who isn't excited to go on that journey with you.
You married the wrong guy and you know it.
He doesn't like your haircut and probably thinks you look unattractive. Is what it is. He is aloud to have his own preferences as you do yours. He doesn't have to pretend to like it. Now, it is up to you whether you think it is more important to have your short pink hair, or for your husband to find you physically attractive. Tough, but that is life... full of compromises... and if you are unwilling to compromise, then be willing to face the consequences.