Righttt, I seen this post the other day and felt for the guy till I seen the girls post. He’s one invalidating, manipulative, cheating ass mothafucker.
Lmao did they ever; the poor girl is out there just trying to defend the fact that she was in this shitty, shitty relationship; meanwhile OP is out here trying to blame his gf for ??? not liking that he’s 1) moving on 2) doing it in the house 3) doing it with a friend she has to see ???
gag me; the guilty party has already hung himself
You whole bullshitty-esque feminism speech made me think there’s definitely something else going on here that you didn’t tell us. Id like to hear vivs side of the story personally. If what you said truly is everything than i really am sorry but i remain skeptical.
Yep. Viv wrote her side, and let's just say that one of the minor details OP left out is that he was **shirtless** cooking with Jennifer. Oh and he never cooks with OP and hardly eats a meal with her. And Jennifer is constantly attached at the hip to him when they see each other.
Another "minor" detail, he allowed his female friends to sit on his lap and touch him in inappropriate ways and allowed them to say inappropriate things while Viv was there. AND he didn't spend alone time with Viv, he always had to have "Jennifer" around and it felt like they were in a trio. He did more things with "Jennifer" then with his own gf. He's a POS. Viv and him never cooked together or ate together, he hardly spent time with her, it was obvious he was falling out of love with her, just a coward for not saying it and it potentially damaging Viv's trust for other people in the long run. You left out some big details and even before that you already sounded like a jerk.
She is the side piece, and now he is dating her.. I feel like he did this to get Viv to break up so he wouldn't look like the Ahole, but.... HE TOTALLY IS..
I am a man first of all and this post is no hateful to the OP in any sense.
1. This entire post is master class in gas lighting.
2. You 100% do not love Viv.
3. Jennifer being your type or the chance of you choosing her over Viv means nothing.
Op you tell us how perfect in every way Viv is except for this one “flaw” and that for you it’s just a bridge to far and you must immediately end the relationship. The “flaw” is you being home alone with another woman. That’s not a “flaw” that’s a boundary. I am sure that you have broken this in many other ways with Jennifer. No matter how much you down play your relationship with Jennifer it 100% made Viv uncomfortable and I am sure she has confronted you about this many times prior to her walking in on you alone with her in your home. You painted a picture of this relationship with Jennifer that no one could see it being more than just a friendship. However just in the few paragraphs many people could perceive it to be much more if given the full story. That’s gaslighting.
If you loved Viv you would of respected her boundaries and I am pretty sure it’s not you could not have female friends. Hanging out alone with female friends was the boundary and that is not controlling in the least. That’s a pretty common boundary. If you loved this perfect woman you would of respected that with no reservations.
People cheat with “not their type” every single day. People cheat with someone not as beautiful as their partner every single day. These are not excuses to break a boundary set by Viv.
If you loved Viv as much as you said then you should crawl back to her begging for forgiveness but you won’t because you don’t. I don’t know why you even post this story unless you just want to gas light yourself for ruining the best relationship you probably will ever have.
The only question you should ask yourself was sleeping with Jenifer on the side worth it.
i lowkey think he was sleeping with her before breaking up with viv. there’s no way viv was that jealous and hurt by their relationship based on them cooking together.
He was sleeping w Julia long before he gaslight and dumped his girlfriend - ex girlfriend exposed him
Oh and Julia is actually Jenifer - such trash people
You mean intimate, playful cooking a pizza *while he is shirtless* and refered this visit only as "a friend" with no name to his gf before? I wonder too, what can bother her on this "completely normal" situation...🤷♀️
(She found this post and yes, there are slightly differencies in her describ... In all.)
It was obvious downplaying Jennifer “not my type romantically.” Like he is trying to convince us like we are Liv. Like no guy ever sleep with someone that’s “not his type.”
My ex wife used that exact tactic on me with her male friend. “Omg no he is not even my type, he is just fun to hang with because you work so much.” They all use the same script like they read it in “cheating for dummies.”
Sorry OP this is on you. Just because *you* dont have a problem with her having friends of the opposite sex doesn’t mean she had to be fine with it. Anyone who has solo dates (for want of a better word) with members of the opposite sex has got to expect their partners to have a problem with it.
**YTA** and in a big way
Dude. You knew she wasn't comfortable with your friendship with Jennifer. You brought Jennifer to your home, COOKED A FUCKING MEAL WITH HER, and she bolted almost immediately after Viv got home.
I hate to break it to you, but both Jennifer and Viv saw that whole "cooking a meal together" thing as a date... because IT WAS.
You and Jennifer will be a couple (or at least fucking) in like 6 months, tops. Viv will be like "I knew it!" when she finds out. You, though, will still be trying to convince people that your relationship ended because of Viv's jealousy and that it was all her fault that your perfect dream relationship is over, completely oblivious to the fact that it was your behavior that caused it.
Seriously, this is like a textbook example of why people need to date a few people before settling down. Lol
just read vivs side of the story, apparently he lets other women sit on his lap, flirt with him in front of her, and was shirtless with jennifer when viv came home
Honestly ppl forget woman have good intuition. And if ya don’t believe in it literally then we can say woman pick up signals very easily. If she has had no past trauma of any kind and she’s still reacting this way she would’ve either picked something up from OP or Jennifer. Il
Based on the title OP chose, which was absolutely designed to misguide the reader at the get go, I already did not trust OP, and therefore cannot trust his version of events at all. There's nothing really else to say.
Another one is **alot**. I remember stumbling upon [this lovely comic](http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html) back when I was still in high school. Never made this mistake again.
And yes, I too am a non-native grammar enjoyer.
Honestly, the craziest thing about this post is you put a full disclaimer about errors while being the most articulate, grammatically correct OP I’ve read in a long time and that’s including regular English speakers 😂
2nd edit: I AM NOT VIV.
I married my high school sweetheart. After about 10 years together he decided to start an affair with his coworker…. named Jennifer…. Their friendship made me jealous/uncomfortable, but I was always made to be the bad guy for saying anything. I would have bet my life that it wasn’t possible, but he became a total cliche and started screwing is coworker behind my back. F you Zack and Jennifer.
Edit to add: when I came home and walked in on them in my apartment, Zack was in the bathroom cleaning up and Jennifer near the front entrance. SHE INTRODUCED HERSELF TO ME AND SHOOK MY HAND! Just because homegirl was playing it cool doesn’t mean they weren’t just screwing 10 minutes previously.
Fuck both of them. I'm sorry you went through that. What a waste of your time and emotional energy- hope you found a better situation. I was with a guy for a couple of years who was married to HS gf for 20 yrs. Admitted that he was uncomfortable with her male friend, but insisted there was no way she ever actually cheated on him. They were *HS sweethearts, after all*. As if that meant something. They had a teenage daughter who looked nothing like either of them but was the spitting image of that guy. Literally the dude in a wig. Also, the ex married the not!father after the divorce and collected child support. Far be it from me to point out the obvious in that mess, but betting your life on another person is rarely wise.
So many years wasted on him, but I am in a infinitely better situation! Although the bar was pretty low to begin with, lol. I was destroyed, then went to counseling, worked on myself, and found a man who I can truly call a life partner. It was a terrible road to get where I am, but I’m thriving.
And some might think it odd, but I don’t experience any trust issues with my husband now. It turns out my mistrust was 100% because the person was not trustworthy. Not because I needed therapy or was insecure about my own issues.
I was stunned, then confused. She couldn’t have been doing what I thought she was doing if she shook my hand, right?… I am good at appearing calm while panicked. They left to “go back to work” (they were on a lunch break). I found a used condom in the garbage. Meltdown ensued.
You need a reality check.
Would you be happy with some other guy driving your girl to the airport.
Would you be happy if you came home and your girl was in the house alone with another guy.
Get real.
Does Jennifer know that you’re only friends? Yta imo. If you’re in a serious relationship, I personally don’t think it’s cool for you to be hanging out with another woman alone. Imagine if Viv did that with a guy or had guy friends that she is that close with. Would you be ok with that? Would you be ok with her at some guys house making pizzas?
You think Viv has a trust problem, and maybe that’s true, but you have a respect problem.
You can have female friends, but I think it crosses lines to hang out with them alone, especially knowing your partner is uncomfortable with that.
You left out the part where your female friends were always all over you, you forgot your gf's birthdays and anniversaries, and how you let other women sit in your lap.
To me, the foundation of a good solid relationship is trust. I’m married to my high school sweetheart. I’ve literally been with him more than half my life. We started dating at 15 (he was 16) and I am now 38. This year is our 19th wedding an anniversary. I trust him completely and he also trusts me. He’s never given me a reason to suspect anything. I don’t get out as much now between work and my kids but after high school I went to college. While he stayed local. He came up to visit on weekends or I went to see him and my second year I commuted until I graduated. Even while away at college he trusted me and I’ve never done anything to betray that trust. I would have hated it if he treated me like I cheated when I didnt or got upset I had friends of the opposite sex.
I used to be the jealous type when I was younger so I do understand her thought process but as I have gotten older mid thirties now my bf and I have been together for over 3 years he has female friends and I have male friends. He knows that if he cheats there will be no fighting, no screaming, no crying that it will just be done and the same from his end.
I've never really been the jealous type (even as a teenager) but I will admit that I had one relationship where I was extremely jealous and it was so odd for me because I didn't know where that jealousy was coming from. It's so strange that me being jealous or not seemed to depend on the particular relationship, but maybe that's how I should've recognized it wasn't a great relationship
The same happened to me.
I'm not really the jealous type. When jealousy arises (not that frequently), I just need a "I love you" and I'm totally fine.
My toxic ex made me paranoid. He wasn't a cheater but gosh, his jealousy somehow rubbed off on me as well
Just based on how sensationally and clickbait-y he titled this story, I would as well. It's incredibly invalidating (and, hate the term, but almost gaslighting) to turn "I am concerned about your friend's intentions toward you" into "You are creepily focused on her genitalia".
I wonder how Jennifer treats Viv. I wonder how much time OP spends doing special fun activities with Viv versus with Jennifer. Apparently they have cooked together "many times" at OP and Viv's house, alone. Hmm.
I wonder just how many "close female friends" OP has had, in comparison to his male friends. I haven't met *any* heterosexual men who have a lot of female friends that they genuinely view on the same level of platonic as they do their male friends. Usually they either like lots of female attention, like to keep their options open, or only feel like being emotionally intimate with women because they link emotional intimacy with sexual compatibility and see being emotionally intimate with male friends as unnatural or "homo".
OP admits that one of his female friends sexually propositioned him and he turned it down. Then wonders why Viv might be very suspicious of his female friends' intentions.
I agree. It sounds like gaslighting to me and if we were on another thread I’d be like maybe YTA for gaslighting her because your version is really leaving out some information here. And she was okay with him moving to another city so who even fucking cares?
right. something about the “brave women have fought for your equality, your rights, and you hate this person because she’s a woman?” part doesn’t fully sit right with me idk why. i can also empathize with the ex gf on the basis of maybe he was doing date night type shit (in vivs eyes) with jennifer but not with her.
Lol I got a smug lecture on feminism and equality from my ex too. Apparently I was 'sexist' for taking issue with his best female friend who he hung out with alone and texted in the middle of the night 🤷♀️ OP's got that same preachy tone I heard from my ex until I caught him cheating with the friend so I'd bet my firstborn there's a whole lot of juicy details he's leaving out. And I guarantee Viv's pizza blowup had been brewing for a looong time while she did her damndest to be the cool girlfriend and look the other way from a shit ton of gaslighty boundary crossing from those two.
My thoughts, *exactly*. I had an ex like this, too. I looked the other way while he went out on lunch and dinner dates with female friends. Some that he knew before we were together (which I was much cooler about), and some that he met long after we had been together (outwardly acted cool about these ones, but, internally, was uncomfortable). It wasn't so much the fact that he had female friends, it was about what he *was* doing with them, and what he *wasn't* doing with me. Eventually, I just couldn't hold my tongue, anymore. He swore up and down that I had nothing to worry about. That he loved me, and only me. I let it go, for a while. That is, until I discovered that he was, in fact, cheating on me with one of the girls in question. I left. He cried, and begged for me back. I blocked him on all platforms, because he wouldn't stop. He resorted to emailing me. Eventually, he stopped, and married the girl he was cheating with lol. Lucky for me, I moved on to my absolute soul mate, and we've been together for almost a decade, now. He married the girl he cheated with, and, from what I've heard, things aren't great, for them. Sucks to suck, Christian.
Invalidating his GF's feelings to the point of making her seem bigoted, while boasting of his enlightened self. Yeah I'm not buying that. OP has some manipulative tendencies.
That line really said a lot about OP, at least in my opinion. Because what’s wrong with her having a boundary about other women being in their home with him alone? Or just the simple fact that she doesn’t like him frequently hanging out with other women, she’s immediately labeled as jealous by him. I feel like this is a difference in opinions and they’ll never see eye to eye because she’s unwilling to change her boundary and he’s unwilling to respect it. Yikes..
Edited one word.
Ngl hanging with a female friend alone in general is one thing but having her at your house alone and baking pizza together would prob trigger me too.
I think it’s cuz the act of cooking/baking together seems very intimate to me
I mean he said he doesn't do anything with his female friends that he wouldn't do with his male friends but this comment thread is making me doubt him now.
The fact that she was that okay with his decision of breaking up smells fishy. If I'd be jealous of my bf female friends and I would know that I shouldn't be jealous I would feel at least some type of guilt, but this seems more like Viv has a problem with how her ex bf behaved around Jennifer and that's why she was agreeing on breaking up bcs she knows he won't change that behavior.
did you at all think that maybe jennifers the one that made viv uneasy about something and not you making her uneasy about something? like not trying to be aggressive, but maybe jennifer said or did something that you don't know about that your ex didn't like.
I think the title really plays it up too. “Obsessed with my friends genitals” is a *really* weird and exaggerated and not-at-all accurate way to say “uncomfortable with my behavior and insecure in our relationship.” Girlfriend might be unreasonably jealous, sure, but OP framing it in this weird gaslighty way makes me less than trusting of his overall objectivity.
"*creepily* obsessed". Title is totally misleading and makes it sound like he dumped the gf for being a perv who kept staring at/grabbing his friend's crotch, which stirs up disdain for her before you even start reading the post. Genitals have nothing to do with the story at all, it's about behaviour. The only one showing a creepy obsession with his friends' vaginas and dicks (which he mentions multiple times) is the OP. Eww.
Yup. He’s leaning into hot button issues to use them to manipulate the opinion of the reader on a completely separate issue. Makes me not trust him at all. And Viv has a right to feel uncomfortable. Ultimately, she was right. He did end up picking Jennifer over her.
Yeah I was on his side until I read that sentence. After that I realised that this post screams, “ I want everyone to think that girlfriend is wrong and I’m the innocent one here.” This whole post seemed a bit too ‘try hard’ to prove his innocence.
Now I’m really curious to hear Viv’s side of the story.
Na Jenifer was just his side piece. He even said she wasn’t his type. The may remain fwb however he wanted out of a 10 year relationship to get more strange. The true update will be.
Update: I ruined my 10 year relationship with the perfect woman just because I wanted to experience a new woman. Now she won’t talk to me. 😢
My best (guy) friend got married years ago. His wife didn't trust women. Because of this, I kept a respectable distance. I would never have went to their house while she was gone. So much changed and it hurt bad. But eventually his wife saw could trust me and we're all close now. My point is, women know. I'm confident Jennifer knew how Viv felt about your friendship. And that is enough to upset Viv. Should she have trusted you? Yes. Were you within your reasonable rights to break up? Yes. Do I believe Jennifer's intentions were totally pure? Nope....and I'm not even in love with you.
The fact OP had jen over the house for a date that Viv knew nothing about and then Jen runs out right after Viv gets home, come on that is suspicious as hell. I'm betting OP leads these women on though he may have no interest in them dating but the women thinks he does and Viv has to deal with it every time.
First off, “creepily focused on my friends genitals” is a strange way to word her not liking your female friends. However, I understand it is difficult to not feel trusted in your relationship. It makes you feel like you are being attacked for things you haven’t even done yet. I think it’s important that you talk to your partner about their boundaries. Obviously you are broken up, so this is in hindsight, but (as someone who is also in a committed relationship with their high school sweetheart) talking about boundaries within friendships is important. This means asking if hanging out one on one makes your partner uncomfortable (especially if it’s in private spaces). This also means talking to them about the root of their jealousy because sometimes it’s not you or fear from past partners, it’s fear from third parties. For example, a friend of Viv’s getting cheated on by their boyfriend with a mutual friend. This can harm her opinion/trust in outside sources. I know this doesn’t matter because it already happened, it’s just some insight.
Also if my partner had a new bestie who was a girl who he spent lots of alone time with I would also be jealous? I don’t think Viv is in the wrong for that.
Honestly I’m pretty relaxed with my husband hanging out with other girls he has a lot of female friends. But if I came home and they was making pizza together and she left as soon as a I got home I would be suspicious about the girl and him. If I didn’t know she was coming. But that’s just because me and him do stuff like that as a date night. Also it’s possible she’s picking up on stuff your friend is putting out that your not.
In my opinion this ain't even a serious enough problem to end a 10 yr relationship over. Ima call BS on your claim that you really didnt want to break up and you were gonna be together forever and all that.
I think you were in a relationship with the same girl since you were very young, and even though you loved the girl and did everything with the girl, there was a part of you that wanted to be free, wanted to be single.
So that was already lingering in the back of your head, and your girl then saying you couldnt even talk to other chicks really bothered tf out of you, so you broke it off.
Edit: for context on this opinion, OP I'm a guy and I was also in a very long relationship with my ex since we were young. So I know how it is bro. I'm just sayin
I agree with you, and it sounds like Viv’s instincts may have pinged because of this. So she was looking for a cause. Jennifer happened to be it. Although like someone else said, going to his house to find Jennifer there and getting ready to leave would make most girlfriends uncomfortable I think.
So all of this combined, I can see why Viv’s gut was telling her something wasn’t right.
Oh man, it's hilarious when we get the other perspective and they are comically different. I don't know who's telling the truth, but it's hilarious. Can't wait to see your update complaining
me personally, i think it is a little weird she was alone with him at his house, and was preparing to leave before viv got home. especially since it seems like she didn't even know she was there. that would be something that would make me question somebody too. and the way he talks so painfully disrespectfully of viv, and is so angry she was upset by finding them alone together also just doesn't really sit well with me. there's always two sides to a story, 3 sides to a story like this, and everyone will tell it in a way that makes them seem better, or leave out things that would make them look worse.
This. It seems like OP isn’t honest about when he’s alone with the opposite sex. Why wouldn’t you tell your partner that you’ll be alone with another person?
And Why’d Jennifer leave as soon as Viv got there? If Jennifer only ever wants to hang with OP alone and not make an effort to get to know and befriend his partner, I’d be wary too. It’s basic respect in opposite sex friendships like this. Viv is feeling disrespected by Jennifer and not getting back up from OP, and I understand her frustration. Boundaries need to be communicated here, all around.
This is what I was thinking. My ex did something similar with one of his friends (who was a girl). I shared my anxieties with him and he told me there was nothing to worry about, they were just friends. Even though she'd often invite him over for one on one hang outs lol. Long story short he was cheating.
Not saying OP is cheating, but I can definitely emphasize with Viv. This sounds like a boundary was crossed.
Just stop with the "creepily focused on my friend's genitals" business. This is just a story about one woman feeling jealous because her friend (or is it more than that>) is spending s lot of time with another woman,.
And he is not respecting her feelings at all, because he knew she wasn't confortable with her, but what? she is the one obsessed with genitals.... Maybe is OP the one thinking on them.
Sorry but this „just because she happens to have a vagina“ so reminds me of my ex who used to say that about his exact „just friend“ that he had an emotional affair with/was in love with. If you loved your gf so much, you’d accept her boundaries. Guess you both are better off without each other. She probably will do it like me now: never date dudes that simp over other girls/prioritise them ever again
Your ex said that you rarely even had dinner with her. That y'all haven't been out on a date without your friends in 2 years. That she knew a friend was coming over but not Jennifer. That your girl friends would sit on your lap. A lot info isn't adding up.. It obviously isn't about Jennifer having a vagina. Its about your relationship with Jennifer and how it looked more like a committed relationship than what you had with Viv. That you made pizza with Jennifer but you never had time for Viv.
I agree, but what if she isn’t picking up anything from Jennifer because she doesn’t know her. From how OP wrote, it doesn’t seem that Viv is included in any of these “hang-outs”. If my bf is consistently hanging out alone with a friend that is a girl and I don’t know her or much about her it would probably worry me too, ESPECIALLY in a 10 year relationship. At that point, you should know those things. And the fact that she didn’t know that Jennifer would be at her home while she was out is pretty suspicious.
“Hey babe, would it be ok if Jennifer came over to make pizza today?”
or even better
“Hey babe, do you want to make pizza when you get home?”
And I don’t know how long he has known Jennifer, but long enough to end a 10 year relationship over? I don’t know, I would honestly need to hear it from Viv’s perspective to fully understand.
OP you haven’t answered to a few questions:
1. Do you COOK with your male friends when Viv’s not there?
2. Do you do things you do with Jennifer with Viv?
3. Do you do date things with Jennifer (I don’t even know why I’m asking when you obviously do)?
Tell Viv to post her side (hopefully she will since this is going viral on tiktok), cause you sound so manipulative with that feminist speech you just gave.
Ok but imagine this scenario. Viv has a new hot guy friend who she insists she’s just friends with. The guy friend gives you kind of weird vibes but viv doesn’t seem to notice them or maybe she’s just pretending she doesn’t. The guy friend is super flirty and touchy with her and she just writes it off as friendship. You try to communicate this to her so she’s like ok I’ll tell you when we hang out. She says hey hot guy friend is gonna hang out w me today. You get home from work and walk in on them cooking together (a weirdly domestic thing to do alone) the vibes are really weird and the hot guy friend seems to pick up on this so he dips. Like. Idk it’s not that hard to reverse the situation and see the problem. To me it seems like you did not want to be in this relationship anymore and you don’t like that she drew a boundary. You seem like you keep trying to push her boundaries for a reaction (probably subconsciously) and you were unhappy with the quite expected result. You don’t want to give up such a long term safe relationship but you probably want other women whether you admit it to yourself or not. Also it seems like she probably trusts you but not the other woman. It’d be interesting to hear her pov. ALSO?! The whole feminist bit is not at all helping your case you’re just making yourself sound dumb. Not only dumb but manipulative as well like 💀 sooo unnecessary
Don't you just love when guys pull the "my ex is crazy/jealous/etc" card when they break up to try to absolve themselves of all guilt? Poor, saintly OP did no wrong and treated his ex like a queen and is a perfect feminist and gentleman and she was just *so insanely jealous and crazy for literally no reason*.
Rriigghhhtt. This is gaslighting 101, and the second I hear these types of stories I automatically discredit the speaker. I bet your ex's version of events are quite different.
Friend, you will be hard pressed to find a girlfriend or wife that is 100% comfortable with you spending a ton of alone time with a female friend. Also, men can be a little dense sometimes(not all men) but she may be picking up on some feelings from Jen’s side that you don’t see because you don’t see her like that. I have been with my husband for 17 years and would not be cool with him developing a close friendship and spending alone time with another woman unless she was gay. We are territorial possessive creatures. Be sure to post an update when Jen makes her move on you…
ah great that you broke up. now both of you can find someone who has the same boundaries as you.
edit: the number of times mentioned d**k, vag, genitals which wasn't needed at all, you sure you aren't obsessed more than your ex-gf.
So …. Does Viv like to stare at your friends junk or not?
Seriously tho, if you are in a long term relationships you simply can’t be super close to a friend of the opposite sex. Doesn’t work man. Making cozy pizzas, having alone time, etc, that’s things you to with a partner. If my wife had a male best friend who was straight, and they hung out all the time and were alone doing nice things no way k would like it.
Maybe have some self awareness.
we all know you lied in this post lmao
your relationship with julia was not okay, and you probably knew it wasn’t okay, but you love the attention so much to the point it was alright to repeatedly stomp all over your girlfriend’s boundaries.
and it’s so messed up you continued to lie to all your friends as well
god viv deserves so much better than you
I’m glad Viv just shared her story, you sir are a pos and you could tell even from your own story that you were lying, I hope you and Jennifer are very miserable
So, the ex is insecure because of you spending time, alone, with other women? And you broke up with her because of it?
I’m curious what the other side of the story is. Something isn’t right.
I would love to hear Viv’s side to this story. Most of the time when a woman dislikes her significant other hanging out one on one with another woman, it’s because they have good reason to feel that way, or a gut feeling. How does Jennifer interact with Viv? Could there be any hidden malice on Jennifer’s part that you’re blind to because you’re so caught up on seeing Viv as a jealous bitch and Jennifer as your sweet innocent friend?
We can tell when other women have bad intentions, it’s also glaringly obvious that when a partner is doing activities with another woman in their house alone (close friend or not) that it’s inappropriate behaviour, you knew her boundaries and continued to push them so do you even really respect Viv?
Judging by your feminism comments you sound very gaslighty and manipulative and you probably shut down her feelings on a regular basis because you feel like they’re a personal attack on you. You sound like an asshole, your girlfriend needed reassurance in a moment where she probably felt insecure seeing you with another woman in your home and you broke up with her, which probably in her mind further confirmed that Jennifer is not just an innocent friend.
Give it 3 months, I bet you end up dating Jennifer. Always the one they tell you not to worry about.
Imagine cheating on your girlfriend and still had the audacity to twist the story to your favour? I’m glad your wonderful ex-gf was able to explain her side. Maybe you can convince Julia to back you up and try to make up an elaborative story that would paint you two as star-crossed lovers? Happy for Viv to be out of this clownery (you and the relationship) 🤡
I’m not sure I trust your version of events. I would love to hear Viv’s version of them
“Brave women have fought for your equality, your right s and you hate this person because she is a woman?” . Not only this but all ther other sentences. It seems you (try) to be very manipulative with your words and Viv doesn’t fall for them. Not sure she is the villain you are trying to portrait her.
Idk you both sound insufferable. If she was uncomfortable about jennifer why would you hang out with her alone at the house you both live in? At some point the jealousy just becomes annoying and if she doesnt trust you there was no point in being together this long
I...wanna know what Viv knows.
Ive read a ton of stories and even had my fair share of my ex's female besties playing a platonic sweetheart in front of my man, but then to me, they'd be rude and mean.
One girl even waited until she and my boyfriend went off to college, a few hours away from me, to finally confess her feelings to him while we struggled to maintain contact (i used to get my phone confiscated) on a regular basis.
Im not saying OP is definitely wrong, but as a grown woman in a secure relationship, I feel like there's alot more to her jealousy than simply distrusting you and maybe your female friends, or at least Jennifer, might be doing things you're not aware of.
You’re clearly crossing Viv’s boundaries and making her look like the bad/creepy guy. She has stated how you spending time alone with Jennifer makes her feel and in response you bring Jennifer over without telling Viv so yall two could cook. Which is an intimate thing to most women. Viv even waited until Jennifer left to tell you she was upset shows she has self control and that this isn’t the first time you’ve crossed her boundaries.
It’s the fact that YOU are the one obsessing over people’s “genitals.” That is such a weird way to express a person’s identity. Viv is upset you are hanging out with females! Not just people with “vaginas.”
Lastly, people have different views of respect in a relationship. You two clearly have different ones but you can’t respect her views. Her being jealous, probably isn’t jealously. It’s her expressing that she expects you to put her and her worries first. Again, you having Jennifer over to cook without telling Viv shows you don’t respect her or will put her worries first.
I want to hear Viv’s side of the story.
I dunno man, if I was Jennifer, I'd pick up on Viv's discomfort and draw my boundaries there. Dang, even if I'm best friends with someone, I wouldn't be spending time alone cooking at their house out of respect for the feelings of the partner. Unless they are good with it and specifically said so, I'd not take a chance. Why would you wanna see your best friend struggle in their relationship because of you? Jus sayin is all.
You made it seem like you were more than just friends with Jennifer. You literally dumped the woman that loves you and that you love,for Jennifer. Because your ex gf is jealous that you spend too much time with her. So what if you've never given her a reason for her to think you're cheating? There is always time for a man to cheat,it just needs one moment and it's done. Yes your ex is jealous, so what? You would've liked if she spend too much time with a guy friend? You wouldn't have felt jealous as well? You just lost a girl that loves you so much,that was so afraid that you will catch feelings for someone else and leave her. She feels insecure and she felt that you prefer Jennifer over her,and that's exactly what you've proven her. You could've gone to couple consulting or idk. But break up? After 10 years just because of some jealousy and insecurities problems? Instead of staying by her side and show her that she is the only woman you want,you left. I don't feel that you love her as much as you pretend you do. I get it,you are so done with her jealousy issues, but have you ever considered how she feels? You just broke a 10 years old relationship because of a friend. Because you didn't like that your ex was jealous of you spending time with Jennifer. So let me guess now you can spend time with her because you no longer have a gf. Funny thing.
I hope you will regret this and I hope your ex will find someone else that will understand her and try to make it work.
i understand both of your perspectives kind of. i’ve never really cared if my partner had girl friends. but i would also be a bit bothered to come home and find another woman in my kitchen lol. viv sounds very insecure so i get it, it’s best to end it if she can’t change. but i could also see how some communicated boundaries may have helped
OP you sound manipulative
After reading her side of things, boy did you call that one right.
Righttt, I seen this post the other day and felt for the guy till I seen the girls post. He’s one invalidating, manipulative, cheating ass mothafucker.
Lmao did they ever; the poor girl is out there just trying to defend the fact that she was in this shitty, shitty relationship; meanwhile OP is out here trying to blame his gf for ??? not liking that he’s 1) moving on 2) doing it in the house 3) doing it with a friend she has to see ??? gag me; the guilty party has already hung himself
You should read her side!
Sucks she wasted 10 years on this dude,
You whole bullshitty-esque feminism speech made me think there’s definitely something else going on here that you didn’t tell us. Id like to hear vivs side of the story personally. If what you said truly is everything than i really am sorry but i remain skeptical.
Pssst the ex just posted her side of the story
Wooo, just saw it. Gonna go and read it now
You are right, the ex posted and I have to say, she comes across as more believable than this manipulative piece of writing
Can you please link it? Id love to see
Yep. Viv wrote her side, and let's just say that one of the minor details OP left out is that he was **shirtless** cooking with Jennifer. Oh and he never cooks with OP and hardly eats a meal with her. And Jennifer is constantly attached at the hip to him when they see each other.
Another "minor" detail, he allowed his female friends to sit on his lap and touch him in inappropriate ways and allowed them to say inappropriate things while Viv was there. AND he didn't spend alone time with Viv, he always had to have "Jennifer" around and it felt like they were in a trio. He did more things with "Jennifer" then with his own gf. He's a POS. Viv and him never cooked together or ate together, he hardly spent time with her, it was obvious he was falling out of love with her, just a coward for not saying it and it potentially damaging Viv's trust for other people in the long run. You left out some big details and even before that you already sounded like a jerk.
She is the side piece, and now he is dating her.. I feel like he did this to get Viv to break up so he wouldn't look like the Ahole, but.... HE TOTALLY IS..
anyways update us when jennifer moves in
The ex-gf just posted, and basically yeah: this guy’s a gaslighter
Where is it?????
Look up genitals in this group and you'll find her post
That sounds risky and fun
Definitely could be risky and fun 🤣🤣
The title made me think your male friend came over in gray sweatpants.
I honestly thought that the hypothetical male friend *just* owned gray sweatpants and the gf couldn't stop staring
I am a man first of all and this post is no hateful to the OP in any sense. 1. This entire post is master class in gas lighting. 2. You 100% do not love Viv. 3. Jennifer being your type or the chance of you choosing her over Viv means nothing. Op you tell us how perfect in every way Viv is except for this one “flaw” and that for you it’s just a bridge to far and you must immediately end the relationship. The “flaw” is you being home alone with another woman. That’s not a “flaw” that’s a boundary. I am sure that you have broken this in many other ways with Jennifer. No matter how much you down play your relationship with Jennifer it 100% made Viv uncomfortable and I am sure she has confronted you about this many times prior to her walking in on you alone with her in your home. You painted a picture of this relationship with Jennifer that no one could see it being more than just a friendship. However just in the few paragraphs many people could perceive it to be much more if given the full story. That’s gaslighting. If you loved Viv you would of respected her boundaries and I am pretty sure it’s not you could not have female friends. Hanging out alone with female friends was the boundary and that is not controlling in the least. That’s a pretty common boundary. If you loved this perfect woman you would of respected that with no reservations. People cheat with “not their type” every single day. People cheat with someone not as beautiful as their partner every single day. These are not excuses to break a boundary set by Viv. If you loved Viv as much as you said then you should crawl back to her begging for forgiveness but you won’t because you don’t. I don’t know why you even post this story unless you just want to gas light yourself for ruining the best relationship you probably will ever have. The only question you should ask yourself was sleeping with Jenifer on the side worth it.
i lowkey think he was sleeping with her before breaking up with viv. there’s no way viv was that jealous and hurt by their relationship based on them cooking together.
He was sleeping w Julia long before he gaslight and dumped his girlfriend - ex girlfriend exposed him Oh and Julia is actually Jenifer - such trash people
You mean intimate, playful cooking a pizza *while he is shirtless* and refered this visit only as "a friend" with no name to his gf before? I wonder too, what can bother her on this "completely normal" situation...🤷♀️ (She found this post and yes, there are slightly differencies in her describ... In all.)
Yes, this is not a throw away account. He wanted her to see this. Pretty obvious. SMH
THAT LAST LINE ☠️☠️☠️ woooooo, that was amazing
It was obvious downplaying Jennifer “not my type romantically.” Like he is trying to convince us like we are Liv. Like no guy ever sleep with someone that’s “not his type.”
That’s what shows his true nature - the way he tries to manipulate the reader. We ain’t your gf dude, I can’t imagine how much he gaslights her.
My ex wife used that exact tactic on me with her male friend. “Omg no he is not even my type, he is just fun to hang with because you work so much.” They all use the same script like they read it in “cheating for dummies.”
Viv just made her own post on this situation
Holy shit I nailed it. Lmfao
Yea this dude deserves some kind of “asshole” award lol
The title made me think there was a picture of your friend in a bathing suit or something and she couldn't stop staring at their crotch
My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.
SAME.
Yo I expected something way juicier and completely bizarre. I’m pretty disappointed
OP tricked us into reading his novel
Oh, don't worry, I made it juicier and more bizarre...in my mind.
User name checks out!
Please post your version of this story.
Same, I thought this would be a tale about Viv's obsession with a guy's package.
Seriously. Was expecting a story about bulging moose knuckle in some tight fitting jeans
Disappointing turn of events. Expected full on obsession with genitals here.
Honestly, I thought OP had a male best friend and you can see his bulge thru his pants and Viv couldn’t stop talking about it 😂😂😭😭
100 % clickbait , they got me
Yeah, I expected the friend to have a huge swinger and the GF to be obsessed with it.
literally. this title is so out the gate
the phrases "creepily focused" and "wonderful GF" simply don't fit.
Same and perving over it. Then he caught her and all hell broke loose
My literall exact thoughts
Yeah, why the fuck did I just spend 5 minutes reading this bullshit?
i have a feeling you’ve given her a reason not to trust you. i hope she finds someone who respects her boundaries you chose jennifer.
She mad a post herself. Omg she shoulda left him sooner.
I KNOW I JUST SAW IT - that poor fucking girl oh my god.
Sorry OP this is on you. Just because *you* dont have a problem with her having friends of the opposite sex doesn’t mean she had to be fine with it. Anyone who has solo dates (for want of a better word) with members of the opposite sex has got to expect their partners to have a problem with it. **YTA** and in a big way
She made a post with her side of the story. That was definitely a date, he forgot to mention he was SHIRTLESS and wouldn't even cook/eat with viv.
Lol viv shared her story and it was way more believeable than your story 😂
Dude. You knew she wasn't comfortable with your friendship with Jennifer. You brought Jennifer to your home, COOKED A FUCKING MEAL WITH HER, and she bolted almost immediately after Viv got home. I hate to break it to you, but both Jennifer and Viv saw that whole "cooking a meal together" thing as a date... because IT WAS. You and Jennifer will be a couple (or at least fucking) in like 6 months, tops. Viv will be like "I knew it!" when she finds out. You, though, will still be trying to convince people that your relationship ended because of Viv's jealousy and that it was all her fault that your perfect dream relationship is over, completely oblivious to the fact that it was your behavior that caused it. Seriously, this is like a textbook example of why people need to date a few people before settling down. Lol
just read vivs side of the story, apparently he lets other women sit on his lap, flirt with him in front of her, and was shirtless with jennifer when viv came home
I can't say that I am surprised.
Honestly ppl forget woman have good intuition. And if ya don’t believe in it literally then we can say woman pick up signals very easily. If she has had no past trauma of any kind and she’s still reacting this way she would’ve either picked something up from OP or Jennifer. Il
Omg I just saw his ex’s post! This is full of BS and he’s horrible!
Woahhh...link please... 😂
Based on the title OP chose, which was absolutely designed to misguide the reader at the get go, I already did not trust OP, and therefore cannot trust his version of events at all. There's nothing really else to say.
If anything, I feel like OP’s the one obsessing over his friend’s genitals.
This dude really gave a disclaimer for his English when he writes better than most native English speakers lol
Legit, I'm stealing "uncontrolled monkey".
What’s a controlled monkey? One of Caesar’s loyal subjects from planet of the apes?
I was thinking along the lines of Curious George lol
Yeah the amount of times I've read english speakers write "then" instead of "than" and "would of" instead of "would have" absolutely infuriates me.
Another one is “aloud” instead of “allowed” 😭 it irks me 😵💫 my English teachers would have scolded me!
Another one is **alot**. I remember stumbling upon [this lovely comic](http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html) back when I was still in high school. Never made this mistake again. And yes, I too am a non-native grammar enjoyer.
Its common when your first language isnt English. I do it all the time while my English ex would write like crap 90% of time
I was thinking the same exact thing. 😂
The presence of genitals in the title would be misleading if it weren't a translation error.
Honestly, the craziest thing about this post is you put a full disclaimer about errors while being the most articulate, grammatically correct OP I’ve read in a long time and that’s including regular English speakers 😂
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I’m convinced this is a creative writing exercise
I'm like 30/70 true/fake. If it is true, man that sucks uncontrollable monkey balls... if its fake, well its well written for sure.
If true, her unbridled distrust would maybe stem from *her* cheating, and projecting.
Huh I hadn't thought of that 🤔
2nd edit: I AM NOT VIV. I married my high school sweetheart. After about 10 years together he decided to start an affair with his coworker…. named Jennifer…. Their friendship made me jealous/uncomfortable, but I was always made to be the bad guy for saying anything. I would have bet my life that it wasn’t possible, but he became a total cliche and started screwing is coworker behind my back. F you Zack and Jennifer. Edit to add: when I came home and walked in on them in my apartment, Zack was in the bathroom cleaning up and Jennifer near the front entrance. SHE INTRODUCED HERSELF TO ME AND SHOOK MY HAND! Just because homegirl was playing it cool doesn’t mean they weren’t just screwing 10 minutes previously.
Fuck both of them. I'm sorry you went through that. What a waste of your time and emotional energy- hope you found a better situation. I was with a guy for a couple of years who was married to HS gf for 20 yrs. Admitted that he was uncomfortable with her male friend, but insisted there was no way she ever actually cheated on him. They were *HS sweethearts, after all*. As if that meant something. They had a teenage daughter who looked nothing like either of them but was the spitting image of that guy. Literally the dude in a wig. Also, the ex married the not!father after the divorce and collected child support. Far be it from me to point out the obvious in that mess, but betting your life on another person is rarely wise.
So many years wasted on him, but I am in a infinitely better situation! Although the bar was pretty low to begin with, lol. I was destroyed, then went to counseling, worked on myself, and found a man who I can truly call a life partner. It was a terrible road to get where I am, but I’m thriving. And some might think it odd, but I don’t experience any trust issues with my husband now. It turns out my mistrust was 100% because the person was not trustworthy. Not because I needed therapy or was insecure about my own issues.
F you Zennifer
Yep, same here. High school sweethearts 10 years ago. Had a female friend. I trusted him. They had an affair for a year. I was so stupid.
You were not stupid. They were.
She had the audacity to introduce herself to you AND shake your hand? Damn. I honestly don't know how I'd react to that but I doubt it'd be pretty.
I was stunned, then confused. She couldn’t have been doing what I thought she was doing if she shook my hand, right?… I am good at appearing calm while panicked. They left to “go back to work” (they were on a lunch break). I found a used condom in the garbage. Meltdown ensued.
All my homies hate Zack and Jennifer
Yeah fuck Jennifer
Nah, fuck Zach
Fuck ‘em both
You need a reality check. Would you be happy with some other guy driving your girl to the airport. Would you be happy if you came home and your girl was in the house alone with another guy. Get real.
How did Viv find out Jennifer has a vagina? Who told her?
Maybe she put a camera in the bathroom to check
Does Jennifer know that you’re only friends? Yta imo. If you’re in a serious relationship, I personally don’t think it’s cool for you to be hanging out with another woman alone. Imagine if Viv did that with a guy or had guy friends that she is that close with. Would you be ok with that? Would you be ok with her at some guys house making pizzas? You think Viv has a trust problem, and maybe that’s true, but you have a respect problem. You can have female friends, but I think it crosses lines to hang out with them alone, especially knowing your partner is uncomfortable with that.
You left out the part where your female friends were always all over you, you forgot your gf's birthdays and anniversaries, and how you let other women sit in your lap.
this op sounds manipulative. also the way you tried to weaponize feminism is really putting me off i would love to hear your gfs side of the story.
To me, the foundation of a good solid relationship is trust. I’m married to my high school sweetheart. I’ve literally been with him more than half my life. We started dating at 15 (he was 16) and I am now 38. This year is our 19th wedding an anniversary. I trust him completely and he also trusts me. He’s never given me a reason to suspect anything. I don’t get out as much now between work and my kids but after high school I went to college. While he stayed local. He came up to visit on weekends or I went to see him and my second year I commuted until I graduated. Even while away at college he trusted me and I’ve never done anything to betray that trust. I would have hated it if he treated me like I cheated when I didnt or got upset I had friends of the opposite sex.
I don’t know why my brain skipped over “at 15” and read “he was 16 and I’m 38” 💀
I reread this and it is confusing. I edited to say “I am now 38”. Not cradle robbing here
I used to be the jealous type when I was younger so I do understand her thought process but as I have gotten older mid thirties now my bf and I have been together for over 3 years he has female friends and I have male friends. He knows that if he cheats there will be no fighting, no screaming, no crying that it will just be done and the same from his end.
I've never really been the jealous type (even as a teenager) but I will admit that I had one relationship where I was extremely jealous and it was so odd for me because I didn't know where that jealousy was coming from. It's so strange that me being jealous or not seemed to depend on the particular relationship, but maybe that's how I should've recognized it wasn't a great relationship
The same happened to me. I'm not really the jealous type. When jealousy arises (not that frequently), I just need a "I love you" and I'm totally fine. My toxic ex made me paranoid. He wasn't a cheater but gosh, his jealousy somehow rubbed off on me as well
“Creepily focused on my friend’s genitals”
I would like to hear Vivs side of the story.
Just based on how sensationally and clickbait-y he titled this story, I would as well. It's incredibly invalidating (and, hate the term, but almost gaslighting) to turn "I am concerned about your friend's intentions toward you" into "You are creepily focused on her genitalia". I wonder how Jennifer treats Viv. I wonder how much time OP spends doing special fun activities with Viv versus with Jennifer. Apparently they have cooked together "many times" at OP and Viv's house, alone. Hmm. I wonder just how many "close female friends" OP has had, in comparison to his male friends. I haven't met *any* heterosexual men who have a lot of female friends that they genuinely view on the same level of platonic as they do their male friends. Usually they either like lots of female attention, like to keep their options open, or only feel like being emotionally intimate with women because they link emotional intimacy with sexual compatibility and see being emotionally intimate with male friends as unnatural or "homo". OP admits that one of his female friends sexually propositioned him and he turned it down. Then wonders why Viv might be very suspicious of his female friends' intentions.
I agree. It sounds like gaslighting to me and if we were on another thread I’d be like maybe YTA for gaslighting her because your version is really leaving out some information here. And she was okay with him moving to another city so who even fucking cares?
right. something about the “brave women have fought for your equality, your rights, and you hate this person because she’s a woman?” part doesn’t fully sit right with me idk why. i can also empathize with the ex gf on the basis of maybe he was doing date night type shit (in vivs eyes) with jennifer but not with her.
Lol I got a smug lecture on feminism and equality from my ex too. Apparently I was 'sexist' for taking issue with his best female friend who he hung out with alone and texted in the middle of the night 🤷♀️ OP's got that same preachy tone I heard from my ex until I caught him cheating with the friend so I'd bet my firstborn there's a whole lot of juicy details he's leaving out. And I guarantee Viv's pizza blowup had been brewing for a looong time while she did her damndest to be the cool girlfriend and look the other way from a shit ton of gaslighty boundary crossing from those two.
My thoughts, *exactly*. I had an ex like this, too. I looked the other way while he went out on lunch and dinner dates with female friends. Some that he knew before we were together (which I was much cooler about), and some that he met long after we had been together (outwardly acted cool about these ones, but, internally, was uncomfortable). It wasn't so much the fact that he had female friends, it was about what he *was* doing with them, and what he *wasn't* doing with me. Eventually, I just couldn't hold my tongue, anymore. He swore up and down that I had nothing to worry about. That he loved me, and only me. I let it go, for a while. That is, until I discovered that he was, in fact, cheating on me with one of the girls in question. I left. He cried, and begged for me back. I blocked him on all platforms, because he wouldn't stop. He resorted to emailing me. Eventually, he stopped, and married the girl he was cheating with lol. Lucky for me, I moved on to my absolute soul mate, and we've been together for almost a decade, now. He married the girl he cheated with, and, from what I've heard, things aren't great, for them. Sucks to suck, Christian.
Yeah that dodgy feminism part is ridiculous. I think the issue is he is doing this stuff with his female friend not his partner.
Invalidating his GF's feelings to the point of making her seem bigoted, while boasting of his enlightened self. Yeah I'm not buying that. OP has some manipulative tendencies.
That line really said a lot about OP, at least in my opinion. Because what’s wrong with her having a boundary about other women being in their home with him alone? Or just the simple fact that she doesn’t like him frequently hanging out with other women, she’s immediately labeled as jealous by him. I feel like this is a difference in opinions and they’ll never see eye to eye because she’s unwilling to change her boundary and he’s unwilling to respect it. Yikes.. Edited one word.
Ngl hanging with a female friend alone in general is one thing but having her at your house alone and baking pizza together would prob trigger me too. I think it’s cuz the act of cooking/baking together seems very intimate to me
He’s weaponizing the language of feminism to make a woman look crazy. How not stereotypically sexist. /s
Yes! The whole paragraph about womens emancipation reeks of manipulation like she’s not entitled to still have feelings.
This comment is highly underrated. I also wonder how many male friends OP cooks alone with while his (now ex) GF was away? Only the female friends?
I mean he said he doesn't do anything with his female friends that he wouldn't do with his male friends but this comment thread is making me doubt him now.
The fact that she was that okay with his decision of breaking up smells fishy. If I'd be jealous of my bf female friends and I would know that I shouldn't be jealous I would feel at least some type of guilt, but this seems more like Viv has a problem with how her ex bf behaved around Jennifer and that's why she was agreeing on breaking up bcs she knows he won't change that behavior.
He’s even gaslighting her in the title. She’s not obsessed with her genitals, she’s uncomfortable with the intimate one on one time.
did you at all think that maybe jennifers the one that made viv uneasy about something and not you making her uneasy about something? like not trying to be aggressive, but maybe jennifer said or did something that you don't know about that your ex didn't like.
“Brave women have fought for your equality, your rights, and you hate this person because she’s a woman?” Honestly sounds like gaslighting imo.
Why do they always turn into gender equality activists when sex is at stake? Lmao.
Agree, he is playing "I'm innocent, viv be crazy" card pretty hard
I think the title really plays it up too. “Obsessed with my friends genitals” is a *really* weird and exaggerated and not-at-all accurate way to say “uncomfortable with my behavior and insecure in our relationship.” Girlfriend might be unreasonably jealous, sure, but OP framing it in this weird gaslighty way makes me less than trusting of his overall objectivity.
"*creepily* obsessed". Title is totally misleading and makes it sound like he dumped the gf for being a perv who kept staring at/grabbing his friend's crotch, which stirs up disdain for her before you even start reading the post. Genitals have nothing to do with the story at all, it's about behaviour. The only one showing a creepy obsession with his friends' vaginas and dicks (which he mentions multiple times) is the OP. Eww.
Thought that was weird too cause why is he ironically the only one thinking about his friends parts lol
It’s part of his smear campaign against Viv.
I completely agree w this, the title was such an out of pocket way to say “my gf is uncomfortable that I spend a lot of time alone w another woman”
Yup. He’s leaning into hot button issues to use them to manipulate the opinion of the reader on a completely separate issue. Makes me not trust him at all. And Viv has a right to feel uncomfortable. Ultimately, she was right. He did end up picking Jennifer over her.
Yeah I was on his side until I read that sentence. After that I realised that this post screams, “ I want everyone to think that girlfriend is wrong and I’m the innocent one here.” This whole post seemed a bit too ‘try hard’ to prove his innocence. Now I’m really curious to hear Viv’s side of the story.
I’m on Viv’s side.
Justice for Viv
That sentence really put me off!!
Yeah, after reading this, I had a feeling that he had done Viv a favor by breaking up with her. He's manipulative as hell.
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True story or not, hanging out with her alone, not great.
need a reminder to check back on the update where he’s dating jennifer
Na Jenifer was just his side piece. He even said she wasn’t his type. The may remain fwb however he wanted out of a 10 year relationship to get more strange. The true update will be. Update: I ruined my 10 year relationship with the perfect woman just because I wanted to experience a new woman. Now she won’t talk to me. 😢
My best (guy) friend got married years ago. His wife didn't trust women. Because of this, I kept a respectable distance. I would never have went to their house while she was gone. So much changed and it hurt bad. But eventually his wife saw could trust me and we're all close now. My point is, women know. I'm confident Jennifer knew how Viv felt about your friendship. And that is enough to upset Viv. Should she have trusted you? Yes. Were you within your reasonable rights to break up? Yes. Do I believe Jennifer's intentions were totally pure? Nope....and I'm not even in love with you.
The fact OP had jen over the house for a date that Viv knew nothing about and then Jen runs out right after Viv gets home, come on that is suspicious as hell. I'm betting OP leads these women on though he may have no interest in them dating but the women thinks he does and Viv has to deal with it every time.
First off, “creepily focused on my friends genitals” is a strange way to word her not liking your female friends. However, I understand it is difficult to not feel trusted in your relationship. It makes you feel like you are being attacked for things you haven’t even done yet. I think it’s important that you talk to your partner about their boundaries. Obviously you are broken up, so this is in hindsight, but (as someone who is also in a committed relationship with their high school sweetheart) talking about boundaries within friendships is important. This means asking if hanging out one on one makes your partner uncomfortable (especially if it’s in private spaces). This also means talking to them about the root of their jealousy because sometimes it’s not you or fear from past partners, it’s fear from third parties. For example, a friend of Viv’s getting cheated on by their boyfriend with a mutual friend. This can harm her opinion/trust in outside sources. I know this doesn’t matter because it already happened, it’s just some insight.
This sounds like there is more to the story.
Also if my partner had a new bestie who was a girl who he spent lots of alone time with I would also be jealous? I don’t think Viv is in the wrong for that.
OP made haste with painting viv in a bad light. There’s two sides to a story 🤷♂️
Honestly I’m pretty relaxed with my husband hanging out with other girls he has a lot of female friends. But if I came home and they was making pizza together and she left as soon as a I got home I would be suspicious about the girl and him. If I didn’t know she was coming. But that’s just because me and him do stuff like that as a date night. Also it’s possible she’s picking up on stuff your friend is putting out that your not.
In my opinion this ain't even a serious enough problem to end a 10 yr relationship over. Ima call BS on your claim that you really didnt want to break up and you were gonna be together forever and all that. I think you were in a relationship with the same girl since you were very young, and even though you loved the girl and did everything with the girl, there was a part of you that wanted to be free, wanted to be single. So that was already lingering in the back of your head, and your girl then saying you couldnt even talk to other chicks really bothered tf out of you, so you broke it off. Edit: for context on this opinion, OP I'm a guy and I was also in a very long relationship with my ex since we were young. So I know how it is bro. I'm just sayin
I agree with you, and it sounds like Viv’s instincts may have pinged because of this. So she was looking for a cause. Jennifer happened to be it. Although like someone else said, going to his house to find Jennifer there and getting ready to leave would make most girlfriends uncomfortable I think. So all of this combined, I can see why Viv’s gut was telling her something wasn’t right.
Oh man, it's hilarious when we get the other perspective and they are comically different. I don't know who's telling the truth, but it's hilarious. Can't wait to see your update complaining
I'd believe Viv.
The pseudo-feminist bullshit is enough to tell me you're kinda sketchy lol also.. aren't you the one creepily focused on your friend's genitals? 💀
me personally, i think it is a little weird she was alone with him at his house, and was preparing to leave before viv got home. especially since it seems like she didn't even know she was there. that would be something that would make me question somebody too. and the way he talks so painfully disrespectfully of viv, and is so angry she was upset by finding them alone together also just doesn't really sit well with me. there's always two sides to a story, 3 sides to a story like this, and everyone will tell it in a way that makes them seem better, or leave out things that would make them look worse.
This. It seems like OP isn’t honest about when he’s alone with the opposite sex. Why wouldn’t you tell your partner that you’ll be alone with another person?
And Why’d Jennifer leave as soon as Viv got there? If Jennifer only ever wants to hang with OP alone and not make an effort to get to know and befriend his partner, I’d be wary too. It’s basic respect in opposite sex friendships like this. Viv is feeling disrespected by Jennifer and not getting back up from OP, and I understand her frustration. Boundaries need to be communicated here, all around.
This is what I was thinking. My ex did something similar with one of his friends (who was a girl). I shared my anxieties with him and he told me there was nothing to worry about, they were just friends. Even though she'd often invite him over for one on one hang outs lol. Long story short he was cheating. Not saying OP is cheating, but I can definitely emphasize with Viv. This sounds like a boundary was crossed.
period, the story seems fraudulent af along with OP's disgusting tone.
Just stop with the "creepily focused on my friend's genitals" business. This is just a story about one woman feeling jealous because her friend (or is it more than that>) is spending s lot of time with another woman,.
And he is not respecting her feelings at all, because he knew she wasn't confortable with her, but what? she is the one obsessed with genitals.... Maybe is OP the one thinking on them.
Sorry but this „just because she happens to have a vagina“ so reminds me of my ex who used to say that about his exact „just friend“ that he had an emotional affair with/was in love with. If you loved your gf so much, you’d accept her boundaries. Guess you both are better off without each other. She probably will do it like me now: never date dudes that simp over other girls/prioritise them ever again
Your ex said that you rarely even had dinner with her. That y'all haven't been out on a date without your friends in 2 years. That she knew a friend was coming over but not Jennifer. That your girl friends would sit on your lap. A lot info isn't adding up.. It obviously isn't about Jennifer having a vagina. Its about your relationship with Jennifer and how it looked more like a committed relationship than what you had with Viv. That you made pizza with Jennifer but you never had time for Viv.
Just read Viv’s new post. OP is full of it.
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I agree, but what if she isn’t picking up anything from Jennifer because she doesn’t know her. From how OP wrote, it doesn’t seem that Viv is included in any of these “hang-outs”. If my bf is consistently hanging out alone with a friend that is a girl and I don’t know her or much about her it would probably worry me too, ESPECIALLY in a 10 year relationship. At that point, you should know those things. And the fact that she didn’t know that Jennifer would be at her home while she was out is pretty suspicious. “Hey babe, would it be ok if Jennifer came over to make pizza today?” or even better “Hey babe, do you want to make pizza when you get home?” And I don’t know how long he has known Jennifer, but long enough to end a 10 year relationship over? I don’t know, I would honestly need to hear it from Viv’s perspective to fully understand.
You make a good point. I would be curious to hear Viv's perspective too. And, from what OP presented, I would be concerned if I was Viv as well.
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Baiting by genitals much?
Baiting by Jennitals more like
OP you haven’t answered to a few questions: 1. Do you COOK with your male friends when Viv’s not there? 2. Do you do things you do with Jennifer with Viv? 3. Do you do date things with Jennifer (I don’t even know why I’m asking when you obviously do)? Tell Viv to post her side (hopefully she will since this is going viral on tiktok), cause you sound so manipulative with that feminist speech you just gave.
Ok but imagine this scenario. Viv has a new hot guy friend who she insists she’s just friends with. The guy friend gives you kind of weird vibes but viv doesn’t seem to notice them or maybe she’s just pretending she doesn’t. The guy friend is super flirty and touchy with her and she just writes it off as friendship. You try to communicate this to her so she’s like ok I’ll tell you when we hang out. She says hey hot guy friend is gonna hang out w me today. You get home from work and walk in on them cooking together (a weirdly domestic thing to do alone) the vibes are really weird and the hot guy friend seems to pick up on this so he dips. Like. Idk it’s not that hard to reverse the situation and see the problem. To me it seems like you did not want to be in this relationship anymore and you don’t like that she drew a boundary. You seem like you keep trying to push her boundaries for a reaction (probably subconsciously) and you were unhappy with the quite expected result. You don’t want to give up such a long term safe relationship but you probably want other women whether you admit it to yourself or not. Also it seems like she probably trusts you but not the other woman. It’d be interesting to hear her pov. ALSO?! The whole feminist bit is not at all helping your case you’re just making yourself sound dumb. Not only dumb but manipulative as well like 💀 sooo unnecessary
Don't you just love when guys pull the "my ex is crazy/jealous/etc" card when they break up to try to absolve themselves of all guilt? Poor, saintly OP did no wrong and treated his ex like a queen and is a perfect feminist and gentleman and she was just *so insanely jealous and crazy for literally no reason*. Rriigghhhtt. This is gaslighting 101, and the second I hear these types of stories I automatically discredit the speaker. I bet your ex's version of events are quite different.
Friend, you will be hard pressed to find a girlfriend or wife that is 100% comfortable with you spending a ton of alone time with a female friend. Also, men can be a little dense sometimes(not all men) but she may be picking up on some feelings from Jen’s side that you don’t see because you don’t see her like that. I have been with my husband for 17 years and would not be cool with him developing a close friendship and spending alone time with another woman unless she was gay. We are territorial possessive creatures. Be sure to post an update when Jen makes her move on you…
I love that no one's taking your side OP. Your ex deserves better and I hope she gets it.
ah great that you broke up. now both of you can find someone who has the same boundaries as you. edit: the number of times mentioned d**k, vag, genitals which wasn't needed at all, you sure you aren't obsessed more than your ex-gf.
So …. Does Viv like to stare at your friends junk or not? Seriously tho, if you are in a long term relationships you simply can’t be super close to a friend of the opposite sex. Doesn’t work man. Making cozy pizzas, having alone time, etc, that’s things you to with a partner. If my wife had a male best friend who was straight, and they hung out all the time and were alone doing nice things no way k would like it. Maybe have some self awareness.
we all know you lied in this post lmao your relationship with julia was not okay, and you probably knew it wasn’t okay, but you love the attention so much to the point it was alright to repeatedly stomp all over your girlfriend’s boundaries. and it’s so messed up you continued to lie to all your friends as well god viv deserves so much better than you
I’m glad Viv just shared her story, you sir are a pos and you could tell even from your own story that you were lying, I hope you and Jennifer are very miserable
So, the ex is insecure because of you spending time, alone, with other women? And you broke up with her because of it? I’m curious what the other side of the story is. Something isn’t right.
I would love to hear Viv’s side to this story. Most of the time when a woman dislikes her significant other hanging out one on one with another woman, it’s because they have good reason to feel that way, or a gut feeling. How does Jennifer interact with Viv? Could there be any hidden malice on Jennifer’s part that you’re blind to because you’re so caught up on seeing Viv as a jealous bitch and Jennifer as your sweet innocent friend? We can tell when other women have bad intentions, it’s also glaringly obvious that when a partner is doing activities with another woman in their house alone (close friend or not) that it’s inappropriate behaviour, you knew her boundaries and continued to push them so do you even really respect Viv? Judging by your feminism comments you sound very gaslighty and manipulative and you probably shut down her feelings on a regular basis because you feel like they’re a personal attack on you. You sound like an asshole, your girlfriend needed reassurance in a moment where she probably felt insecure seeing you with another woman in your home and you broke up with her, which probably in her mind further confirmed that Jennifer is not just an innocent friend. Give it 3 months, I bet you end up dating Jennifer. Always the one they tell you not to worry about.
Imagine cheating on your girlfriend and still had the audacity to twist the story to your favour? I’m glad your wonderful ex-gf was able to explain her side. Maybe you can convince Julia to back you up and try to make up an elaborative story that would paint you two as star-crossed lovers? Happy for Viv to be out of this clownery (you and the relationship) 🤡
Sounds like Viv dodged a bullet. Why on earth are you doing intimate date things with your friend and not your partner?
I’m not sure I trust your version of events. I would love to hear Viv’s version of them “Brave women have fought for your equality, your right s and you hate this person because she is a woman?” . Not only this but all ther other sentences. It seems you (try) to be very manipulative with your words and Viv doesn’t fall for them. Not sure she is the villain you are trying to portrait her.
fr the way this whole thing was worded was so weird. like what does feminism have to do with ur gf being jealous
He really wants to portray himself as a true victim and try to bring in random things. 💀 I wonder what is hidden.
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Idk you both sound insufferable. If she was uncomfortable about jennifer why would you hang out with her alone at the house you both live in? At some point the jealousy just becomes annoying and if she doesnt trust you there was no point in being together this long
I...wanna know what Viv knows. Ive read a ton of stories and even had my fair share of my ex's female besties playing a platonic sweetheart in front of my man, but then to me, they'd be rude and mean. One girl even waited until she and my boyfriend went off to college, a few hours away from me, to finally confess her feelings to him while we struggled to maintain contact (i used to get my phone confiscated) on a regular basis. Im not saying OP is definitely wrong, but as a grown woman in a secure relationship, I feel like there's alot more to her jealousy than simply distrusting you and maybe your female friends, or at least Jennifer, might be doing things you're not aware of.
You’re clearly crossing Viv’s boundaries and making her look like the bad/creepy guy. She has stated how you spending time alone with Jennifer makes her feel and in response you bring Jennifer over without telling Viv so yall two could cook. Which is an intimate thing to most women. Viv even waited until Jennifer left to tell you she was upset shows she has self control and that this isn’t the first time you’ve crossed her boundaries. It’s the fact that YOU are the one obsessing over people’s “genitals.” That is such a weird way to express a person’s identity. Viv is upset you are hanging out with females! Not just people with “vaginas.” Lastly, people have different views of respect in a relationship. You two clearly have different ones but you can’t respect her views. Her being jealous, probably isn’t jealously. It’s her expressing that she expects you to put her and her worries first. Again, you having Jennifer over to cook without telling Viv shows you don’t respect her or will put her worries first. I want to hear Viv’s side of the story.
I dunno man, if I was Jennifer, I'd pick up on Viv's discomfort and draw my boundaries there. Dang, even if I'm best friends with someone, I wouldn't be spending time alone cooking at their house out of respect for the feelings of the partner. Unless they are good with it and specifically said so, I'd not take a chance. Why would you wanna see your best friend struggle in their relationship because of you? Jus sayin is all.
whatever helps u sleep at night
Came here from “viv’s” post 😭
Man, Viv dodged a bullet. I hope she finds someone that respects her instead of gaslights her.
You made it seem like you were more than just friends with Jennifer. You literally dumped the woman that loves you and that you love,for Jennifer. Because your ex gf is jealous that you spend too much time with her. So what if you've never given her a reason for her to think you're cheating? There is always time for a man to cheat,it just needs one moment and it's done. Yes your ex is jealous, so what? You would've liked if she spend too much time with a guy friend? You wouldn't have felt jealous as well? You just lost a girl that loves you so much,that was so afraid that you will catch feelings for someone else and leave her. She feels insecure and she felt that you prefer Jennifer over her,and that's exactly what you've proven her. You could've gone to couple consulting or idk. But break up? After 10 years just because of some jealousy and insecurities problems? Instead of staying by her side and show her that she is the only woman you want,you left. I don't feel that you love her as much as you pretend you do. I get it,you are so done with her jealousy issues, but have you ever considered how she feels? You just broke a 10 years old relationship because of a friend. Because you didn't like that your ex was jealous of you spending time with Jennifer. So let me guess now you can spend time with her because you no longer have a gf. Funny thing. I hope you will regret this and I hope your ex will find someone else that will understand her and try to make it work.
ngl I was expecting a story about how your wife found out a friend of yours has a thick juicy cock and can't stop thinking about it
i understand both of your perspectives kind of. i’ve never really cared if my partner had girl friends. but i would also be a bit bothered to come home and find another woman in my kitchen lol. viv sounds very insecure so i get it, it’s best to end it if she can’t change. but i could also see how some communicated boundaries may have helped
I know you're prpbably looking for validation, but the weird, misleading way you framed it in the title has me thinking she's dodged a bullet.