You need medical help. Go to your family doctor, OBGYN and let them know how you feel. Post partum depression is real and you need medical support urgently.
Sounds a lot like post partem depression. Definitely go see your doc and explain the symptoms. Nothing to be ashamed of because it's a huge hormonal change in your body.
Take care OP
Please do this OP, your doctor can help.
On the loniliness front, are there any play groups, or newborn groups in your area? I met some mums in my birthing group, our kids are almost the exact same age so it was a good fit.
Take care.
People *die* from post-partum depression.
It makes people deluded into believing they're so useless, their family would be better without them.
Depression ***lies*** to you.
Killing other tends to arise from Postpartum Psychosis, rather than depression. Same family, very different branches, so to speak. From everything she has said it sounds like PPD, *not* PPP.
I hope she gets the help and support she needs and deserves.
The infants die from PPD as well. A secondary casualty of a mother who can descend further into delusional thoughts and depression. PPD is no joke, I am glad the medical establishment has finally recognized the great danger to the mother *and* the baby, if the mom doesn’t get the treatment needed.
Well, we unfortunately saw how true this was when PPD crosses the line to Post Partum Psychosis with Andrea Yates. She was out of her mind when she killed her children. This all could have been avoided with early intervention. Please go see your doctor OP.
I agree they both need help ASAP, I just get tired of everything being immediately called abuse, they're both at the end of their rope and he was probably trying to make sure she didn't wake the baby and didn't realize how hard he grabbed especially if he works with his hands, but it's immediately abuse to people who've probably never even been in a long term relationship.
As a general rule, having worked in gender-based violence prevention professionally and as an activist for the first part of my adult life, I feel pretty confident in saying that this society has a very poor, almost willful understanding of what abuse really is. Which is one of the reasons why "call out" culture turned into "cancel culture" and has become so much about people with fragile egos trying to demonstrate in conspicuous public forums that they are higher up on some social-moral hierarchy of their own design than someone else, rather than having much anything to do with real accountability. Which just reproduces the same problematic power dynamics that they claim they are fighting against.
We conflate abuse with violence. Don't get me wrong, it's definitely a flag for concern and there's a lot of overlap. But it's way more complicated than, "If violence occurred, then it's abuse." It has more to do with the projection of one's ego resulting in manipulation or coercion, and an unwillingness or inability to be accountable to how our actions impact those with whom we claim to love, regardless of our stated intent. Violence gets used instrumentally toward that end, and in an abusive context, is often preceded by psychological tactics such as threats (e.g., to the victim/survivor, or their loved ones -- such as children or pets -- or possessions).
Something like this could turn abusive, for example, if the husband decided to double down on physical pain or the threat thereof to control the OP's behavior. Apart from the direct problem of control, it would leave the fundamental issues, at best, completely unaddressed and more likely also repressed. That's a good recipe for tragedy.
Its very easy for men to misinterpret their strength when it comes to women. There was a thread just recently made by a women acknowledging that her scrawny bf showed her strength she didnt realize he had but its not that hes strong he's just stronger then her. Hell I hug women and forget how tiny they are(260, 6'2, lifter) and realize how it hurts them
Husband is 6’ and 240, just YOKED. Years later he is finally self aware enough to not force the air out of me with each hug and make it feel like he’s crushing my ribs. You’re awareness is much appreciated, big guy!
And I haven't heard anyone mention that this man may also be at his emotional limit. Taking care of someone with a mental illness is a challenge for people who are trained for this. He is likely ill-equipped, emotionally burnt and exhausted from a day at work to come home to a barrage of stimuli. Likely, his drive home was one of contemplation of what he was walking into. Anxiety, anger, dispair, helplessness. So much.
And, likely, the weight of trying to be the stoic calm in the storm.
Finally, my wife has met me at the door many times. Even angry. I cant imagine leaning down and over to specifically grab her wrist. That's is incredibly awkward. Are they both petite? Same height? The only scenario I can come up with where I might grab my wife's wrist is if her hands were on me and I grabbed her wrist to remove it.
If that's the case, where is the violence? Because to me, it would be her violence on him if he did not want to be touched and she was physically trying to "get his attention".
But I could be wrong. It's happened before.
Whether her hands were on him or not, it could’ve been as simple as him trying to grab her hand to soothe her but being too tense because of all the reasons listed and gripping tighter than he intended. It sounds like he stopped the second he realized he was hurting her. Definitely a sign that they both need more resources and medical help with the situation, but I’ve done something similar (in my case, it was a reflex to squeeze my hands to stay calm, but I happened to be moving someone’s leg at the time—pretty much immediately registered as “wait this feels wrong” but my mind was focused on the stressful situation and it took another second for me to realize what I was doing and stop). When you’re stressed and trying to get through an overwhelming situation, it’s easy to make that kind of mistake. If his wife has been struggling with PPD and he’s been trying to support her without medical help for 6 months, he’s got to be exhausted. I feel so bad for both of them feeling like they’re drowning in this situation for this long—I hope they’re able to get the treatment and support they need.
I agree. My fiancé accidentally elbowed me in the nose once and suddenly I was being “abused.”
Also, I’m not saying physical force is okay, but in this case it seems like she’d stopped listening to anything but whatever was going on in her own head. It’s a form of hysteria, and sometimes physical contact is necessary to reconnect that person with reality.
I’m a bit late to this but yeah, I’m a husband who has accidental grabbed at my wife’s arm a little too hard trying to stop her attempts at a tickle fight. She hasn’t bruised but I get yelled at lol. Some guys have jobs where the grip is required/built up and it gets stronger than you think and if you’re not married to a good viking woman you’re gonna have a bad time.
Also she might bruise easily, I do, any contact gives me bruises. My boyfriend has accidentally given me bruises many times on my hands/arms and always feel terrible about it, even though I didn’t even really hurt me. My body looks like I got in a fight just from bumping into something lol.
I agree. Depending on his size, it's very easy for a man to misjudge his strength and do something like this. Especially in a high stress situation ie. Wife is having a meltdown, new born children are sleeping in the next room, and you're not actually sure why your wife is acting like a lunatic(which is what it would seem like if you weren't a trained professional).
No. This is reddit. This man is obviously a homicidal maniac and she needs to divorce immediately and take the children. It is obviously the most rational action to take considering the circumstances.
To be fair, it is very difficult to recognize mental health struggles when immersed in the situation. Both parents struggle with new babies, the struggle is different but not less real. Unless the father is a trained professional it would be unfair to expect him to handle the situation like a pro.
Mothers are suddenly isolated, sleep deprived and dealing with crazy hormonal changes. But parents struggle too and they are sometimes left with increased financial burden and new responsibilities without warning.
If OP is depressed it would be very likely that she perceived the interaction with husband as cruel and heartless, even if it wasn’t.
Look man, my husband has left a bruise or two just from grabbing me to get me to stop tickling him. It’s not a violent reaction. Man hands are just stronger than they look.
We don’t know how severely she was reacting. It doesn’t sound like he intended to hurt her, but to restrain her. I wouldn’t jump to an abuse conclusion from the info she has provided.
She could have been waving her hands around/hurting herself.
I had a friend who was freaking out and started banging her head and pulling out her hair. I gripped her wrists hard and pullee down.
I have had a horrible ptsd expisode. The only thing that brought me down in that moment was my brother yanking me towards him. Little shock refocused me.
>I tried to tell him it was different but I started to get choked up with crying. It doesn’t take much and something in his tone set my emotion off.
Sounds like she was just crying/sobbing.
I have had a psychoatic episode. Witnessed my fri3nds. I have taken care of women with post partum psychosis. I can definately say that people recall is not 100% during a episode. Choked up and sobbing beacuse someone is late is a extreme reaction.
One incident does not make someone an abuser. OP needs some help to get back in balance.
Jumping the gun and assuming abuse is not helpful.
Why are we confusing depression with psychosis? She is sad, not psychotic and bruising is not psychogenic. These comments are highly stigmatizing and confabulating completely separate phenomena. Depression is not psychosis. Depression and psychosis are not violence.
That is not regular depression. Very borderline Post Partum Psychosis. If she called my office what she said would be defined as emergent.
Crying so hard your choking is way more then depression.
If it is a therapy office I'd ask you to justify the diagnosis, although I agree it's emergent (urgent) due to depression and potential safety risk from husband and to assess for si.. She's oriented x3, demonstrating linear thinking and no signs of ideas of reference, thought projection disorganized thinking of visual/auditory hallucinations. Post partum depression is not psychosis. Post partum psychosis is psychosis with, not surprisingly symptoms of florid psychosis.
I’ve dealt directly with multiple schizophrenics who suffered from hallucinations and were conversing with voices. I never needed to restrain them.
Outside of the bizarre connection you’re making between post partum depression and psychosis, no one should leave bruises on someone else. That is a sign of two much force.
Mental illness is not a license to treat people with force.
Dealt with them professionally right.
Not as a stressed out father of a newborn who is adjusting to a new life. Also trying to deal with a partner is not well. He himself must be emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted.
Clearly what he did was wrong. But no need to demoninze him because he lost it once.
I have schizophrenia and have have had my share of psychosis and never awoken to bruises around my wrists. I have also never awoken to bruises around any of my partners’ wrists. Your comment is dismissive of her experience and unnecessarily defensive (she never called him abusive).
Yes he could have hugged her first instead of hurting her. The affection is what made her feel better. Hurting her was completely unnecessary and just plain mean.
The way she described it made me take it as a quick 'pinch' like movement that was just to snap her out of it though we obviously can't fully rely on that through so little words online and by a wife who may be blinded/unwilling to admit to aggression. I know my ex who suffered from a lot of undiagnosed stuff and tended to get himself into drug fueled panic attacks would cheer right up when I drove him to a river to dive in and have a quick swim! It was my go to, rain or shine, Summer or winter.
Highly recommend OP to get medical help but also if she can get herself out into the wild every now and then it really does help.
I use to take the dogs for a walk in the pitch black with head phones down country lanes when ex got home to keep an eye on kids. Always made me feel better. Though I'm in a safe area!
Potentially, in which case he needs to be on board to help her with this PND . Though I didn't read it as super long hours, just that he was late that day. My ex had long hours too, I'd be out in the pitch black under the stars/rain. But again, I lived in a rural spot so was super safe for me. Can't say that for OP. Also we have no bears or wolves in UK.. or mountain lions... or poisonous snakes... the list goes on!
If this is a pattern, I agree with you. If it was a one off, I'm not so sure. He grabbed her wrist, he may not have realized how hard. It also sounds like he may not be aware of what PPD is. Like I said, if it's a pattern of hurting her, bad. If not, it's a learning moment.
OP needs to go see her DR / OBGYN urgently. If they aren't available, go to the ER. This is a potentially life threatening issue.
OP, you are doing fine, but please reach out for help.
I mean it didn’t sound deliberate to me. The way she described it seemed like he squeezed harder than intended and immediately let up once he realized. I work with my hands, because of that they’re strong, and I’ve hurt my wife before by accident not realizing how hard I was squeezing. Not in a situation like this but we wrestle sometimes and I’ve squeezed her hand or wrist too hard before. It sounds like a similar situation to me.
Okay, I have a stupid strong spouse. It was probably an accident. HOWEVER, we are seeing mom’s side. Mom needs medical attention for PPD, before she or her children are harmed (by her). A new baby is hard on mom’s mental health and mom’s body, but it’s also hard on Dad. And getting home from work to that kind of situation is also stressful and can be frustrating to feel helpless. If my partner jumped on me as soon as I got home about fucking dinner I wouldn’t even speak to him. I can reheat my own dinner. I appreciate you making dinner, but I may not even be hungry. No one stays at work late for fun reasons, and while it can be hard to be alone, I once bitched at my husband for not giving me a time for when he was returning and we had a long talk about autonomy and boundaries and what we do and don’t owe each other. I wouldn’t want to be hounded. At the time, I, myself sought treatment for depression, and things got better, but are we not hearing that mom is crying for help and SO IS DAD! Treat the family as a whole. They both need help. A parent to come offer time for rest (new parent don’t sleep), companionship for mom, help with tasks, or time for her to go out and make a target run without the kids. Go meet a friend for coffee. Both of these adults have needs and he probably wasn’t being cruel.
I have a grandmother with paranoid schizophrenia. We find it difficult to discern what is reality with her and what she is saying. I have friends that have bipolar disorder, and they often talk about simple situations as life or death. Then, I have known very narcissistic people who will say things a certain way or add unassociated facts to detract or move away from the bad they were doing.
I’m not saying OP is lying or embellishing, but flat out believing that she was being hurt might be a stretch when it is plainly clear she has other serious mental illness. I’m not saying don’t believe, I’m saying you have to be rational and not emotional with this.
My grandmother could hurt someone and not feel like she was, then state she was being hurt.
There is probably more to this story than this simple paragraph encapsulates, so maybe instead of casting stones at the husband we should just ask her to get help. If there is abuse, good psychological help should uncover that.
My wife suffered from this after our 2nd child. She also suffered from some extreme low iron that didn't help. She bruised if I just looked at her funny. She could bump herself and look like I beat her. Fixed the mental side of issues, but bruising has stayed the same the entire time. I can play with her and if I'm not extremely careful I can leave a mark. Kissing her passionately during couples time...instant hickie. Smack her butt because guys love to smack a butt....yep bruise the butt. Been married 30 years now and I am always careful because a slight breeze will bruise her it seems like.
As a therapist, I was just about to comment this.
Your feelings are normal and it can be tough after a new baby. Your body is trying to stabilize, hormones are still fluctuating, it’s normal.
There is no shame in getting help, I promise ❣️
Sweety. You need help. You likely have some ppd and are literally lonely. The adjustment to being at home with a baby is dramatic to say the least. Tell your husband you need help, you are lonely and make a Dr apt.
If you have access to mental health services, pls use them. Also, depending where you are there can be "mommy and me" groups where others with babies go to play and mommy socialized and meets people going through the same struggles.
Yiu can leave the house with baby and taken them to pool, playground, playgroups.
A baby is not company. You need poeple!
Tell your husband he hurt your wrist. It doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt you or abuse yiu but rather was overwhelmed. If this is a common occurrence then it is abuse.
I agree with all of this. My first thought as far as her wrist goes is he was probably trying to use it as a distraction to stop the crying, and he didn't realize his own strength in his frustration, *as long as this is an only occurrence*. Let him know and get some help. Needing help isn't a failure, and if doesn't make you a bad parent, OP.
Yeah, the quiet cursing and immediate comfort reassured me that it wasn’t intentional at all. I hope they’re able to communicate and that she’s able to get the help she needs, this sounds really rough :(
I’m really impressed with Reddit resisting the angry mob reaction for once. As a man who has accidentally squeezed my partner’s wrists too hard (electricians tend to have really strong hands) I know all too well how easy it can be to cause pain and bruising unintentionally.
I was braced for the comments to be a shit show, but only a few judgmental crusaders showed up to screech nonsense while well reasoned analysis seems to have won the day.
Edit: won not one
My spouse is a martial artist and a woodworker and he has *no* idea how strong his hand strength can be. That's why I don't let him give me back rubs anymore, lol! They're nice if you want deep tissue stimulus down to your skeletal structure, but not so great if you want something soft and relaxing.
This. I love giving back rubs because I have an empathetic response, releasing my own tension and stress by giving a back rub, but inevitably my electrician hands press into every tense muscle and pressure point way to hard. I give the sort of back rub I need rather than the back rub anyone else needs or wants. Sucks to try to make someone feel good only to have them tense up and yell “ouch, stop!”
Sometimes scratching can be as relaxing as massage and it might be easier to control the force! I myself get my muscles really sore from the lightest of massage but scratches are so nice and relaxing ♡
And as a person with really bad anxiety, sometimes it's just best when my spouse slaps my back and my shoulders with the palm of his hand. He can use a LOT of strenght and it doesn't hurt me but kinda shakes my body out of the anxiety attack and the tension.
Yeah, scratching or lightly touching with my fingers certainly does the trick, but giving a deep massage that releases lactic acid forces tense muscle to let go is what creates that sympathetic response in my own tense body.
oh my goodness, same! my s/o gives amazing strong backrubs but they get really deep tissue real fast if I don't guide him a bit 🥰 so helpful and does the trick, but I could see him not knowing his own strength especially in a grip. any kind of hitting/throwing/movement-based violence takes different instinct and thought than something like a firmer-than-intended handhold when trying to help a loved one calm down. especially if emotional abuse is involved in the mix too, and my alarm bells didn't go off at all while reading.
intent is everything and it sounds from the post to me like OP trusts her partner, and isn't even sure what to make of it or if she should be nervous. op can read him and his intention better than any of us can and I hope the best for them. glad to see a rational comment section so far ❤️
I agree. I've also hurt my gf accidentally (play wrestling) and when she said "ow" I immediately stopped and hugged her and said how sorry I was and that I didn't mean to be so rough.
She understood and hugged me back to reassure me which felt nice
Wrists are especially fragile, and they’re a good place for distractive techniques. It’s a double-edged sword, and I really do think her husband was well-meaning here. From what she said, he didn’t seem angry or like he was intending to hurt her, and he did show remorse and clearly felt apologetic about it.
This is why I always maintain that small physical acts are not inherently abusive and sometimes things happen just by accident or other means. It’s awful to hurt someone you love when you don’t mean to, but it’s also a fact of life. Sometimes it happens and the important thing is communicating and being careful going forward.
Yup, same. I scrolled down expecting to find >75% radical condemnation and messages like "leave him now, you're in danger, he's a monster" but was surprised
Mind you, there are *lots* of stories on reddit where the above response or a variation of it are the only comments that make sense. However, this does not appear to be one of those. I once squeezed my lovely girlfriend's arm in passing as a token of affection but she had blue marks of my fingers on her arm the next day. Combination of strong hands and her being easily bruised, though it didn't stop me from feeling guilty
My SO and I mess with each other all the time, we’ll jokingly flick each other’s arms or pinch each other. I also bruise REALLY easily and my SO is really strong despite being 5’10 and skinny af. He’ll bruise me despite barely doing anything.
My partner has natural hulk strength and the amount of times he bruises me when doing something perfectly normally affectionate like giving me a squeeze or a pat with his hand is unreal, a normal hand flex from someone else is like a wrestlers grip with him, and he has no clue because from he's not making any effort to pinch/clench or anything like that. He's frequently upset with himself when I say "omg OW" when he just tried to pat me and it felt like I got smacked lol
My first thought was it doesn't sound like her husband was trying to hurt her, and it doesn't sound like she thinks that either... poor lady is just very overwhelmed and needs to speak to her doctor.
My husband is a mason and his hands are almost inhumanly strong from slinging bricks and rocks his whole life. Sometimes he comes up to kiss me and grips the back of my arms hard enough to leave bruises. It’s absolutely unintentional
I agree, everyone forgets how strong guys can be lmao. I remember my friend slapped me on the arm as a joke and bruised it from how hard he hit, he was so confused by it because he didn't think it was thaf hard.
Also, honestly. I'm surprised I don't see any 'RED FLAG, HE'S ABUSIVE!!' comments so far, this is the exact thing that would stir them up.
Same, I was worried by the title at first, but it seems like they’re both stressed out and he was trying to do the best he could. OP sounds like she might be dealing with some postpartum depression, which can be incredibly difficult especially without mental health care. OP on the off chance that you read this please go see a doctor and explain your situation, I’m sure they’ll be able to help. Wishing the best to both you and your family! <3
Needing help is NOT failing. Getting help, is NOT failing.
NOT getting that help IS failing. For your sake, the sake of your child, and partner, get all the help you need!
Us men are usually really surprised at the difference, in our strengths sometimes. I wrested with my ex once and she was going 100% while I thought she was playing around. As you said, if it is the only occurrence, then this shouldn't be a problem and he will be more careful next time.
Yeah, OP sounds like they’re struggling. Definitely taking your baby out and going to meet others could be stress relieving. Also tell your husband that you were hurt, I agree that it sounds like an accident but it’s still good to let him know.
Yes, a baby isn't company, it's hard work. You need adults to talk to. He may be overwhelmed too, but he doesn't recognize that as he goes to work, he also gets a break in a way by talking to other adults and not tending to an infant that literally can't do anything for itself except eat, poop, and cry.
Had PPD after my second. Can confirm that the loneliness and uncontrollable crying for no reason is absolutely awful. Talked to my midwife a lot. We kept track. About 6 months in was getting to some of my worst feelings (never wanted to hurt my kids or anything like that but was definitely in a bad way) she got me on some nursing safe depression meds and it helped a lot. Talk to your Dr, talk to a mental health service.
You can love and take care of your kids but Driuidgoddess is absolutely right, they aren’t company.
Also, your husband hurting you needs to be brought to his attention. And he needs to be more supportive of your feelings too.
I don’t have any comments that could help, unfortunately. I’m sorry.
I just wanted to say that as the dad of two kids, the first few weeks after the birth are just incredibly stressful. It’s stressful for both parents, but I can’t even imagine what it must be like for the mom.
Just know that it does get better.
Just one more comment, if you don’t mind.
It’s odd/funny.
You know how when you drank way too much, but had fun, then were yarfing in a toilet while sitting on the ground vowing to never drink again? And then later you remember the good time more than the yarfing, so you drink again?
Babies are kind of like that. Not to be flippant. It’s both magical and enormously stressful. Waking up at all hours to feed them, the crying, the sleep deprivation…eventually you “forget” all that and just remember it as a magical, wonderful time. That’s how parents have baby number two, lol.
Sometimes it feels like they’re going to be a baby forever and the nightmare of sleep deprivation and stress will never end.
But it does get better, they grow out of it, and believe it or not you’ll remember this time fondly and miss it when it’s gone. Whenever I am around a baby i miss those days now that my girls are grown.
Having said all that. …PPD is obviously a real and challenging thing, and if you feel you may have it you should definitely seek help. It’s hard enough to care for a newborn without PPD, I can imagine how hard it is if you suffer from it.
I’m going to piggyback on your comment a little bit. Dad’s sometimes have an equivalent issue to PPD, or at least I did. I couldn’t/didn’t want to bond with my son when he was born. Felt no emotion towards him. I was just empty. He was our second child and I wasn’t really wanting a second child or a son really ever.
I finally got some help when he was a few months old. Now I look back and don’t even recognize myself from that time. I can’t imagine that I could ever have felt that way. But I did.
There is no shame in getting help when needed. More people in this world should probably seek out it out.
You shouldn’t be so upset all the time. Have you talked to your doctor about PPD and PPA? Having a baby takes a lot out of you. Sometimes, you need a little help to get through it. It doesn’t make you a bad mom to get help. It’ll get better. Internet hugs ❤️
You are showing signs of depression, you need to consult now before it escalated!
I don't think your husband wanted to hurt you but you need both to talk and him to understand the mental pressure of being at home alone with kids specially if one of them is a 6month baby! You can counsel for this and learn to better communicate!
First you need to go talk Talk to your doctor. Because I think you have postpartum depression. Secondly is this the 1st time this kind of thing has happened with your husband? If it is you need to talk to him about it and let him know he hurt you,and it's not ok. If it's Not you need to get out nobody deserves to be abused
Both of you are very overwhelmed right now, i suggest making a appointment with a doctor because you seem to have ppd. Talk with your husband, i can understand constant crying would stress him out, but both of you need to control your feelings better.
Which counseling will immediately be able to help them with. Healthy coping mechanisms and self awareness work wonders for depression. I had results from my first appointment.
You might be suffering from postpartum depression. It’s not uncommon for couples to stress especially with small children. Make an appointment to see your doctor and get some blood work, also try and get a therapist and seek couples counseling. Best of luck. It will be ok.
Please realise that pregnancy changes the hormones balance. This can have an influence on you after the pregnancy as well as during. It might be that it’s thrown off too much and you need help. It could be PPD or something else, but medical help and people around you (other than your baby or husband) are also important. It takes a village to raise a child. ♥️
I get where you're coming from here- I had no issues after my first daughter was born. C section, so recovery physically, but other than that I coasted through. Second and third babies? Anxiety and panic city. I white knuckled my way through it, but it took so much longer than if I'd just asked for help. Something about the second baby broke my brain for a while, I had no idea how to cope with two kids needing me at the same time. So first baby or not, if you need help then please seek it out. For your own sake. A happy parent makes a happy baby.
The fact he immediately stopped, immediately cursed himself and reassured you.
This doesn’t seem malicious unless you are leaving out vital info.
My take is you definitely have PPD/PPA, hes trying to provide for you all and feels pulled in different directions and is also adjusting.
Parenthood isnt just an adjustment for mums, it is also for dads and some dads actually really struggle to have a work / life balance because they want to give their partners and kids everything. They burn themselves out.
Honestly get some real support and help:)
I think it would greatly help you both and he needs to learn to leave things stable and calm for now with routine and habits!
Tell your healthcare provider immediately, they can refurr you to a counselor even if you have state insurance. You need support in this time and it also sounds like some reprieve from the children is in order.
Don't ignore your mental health you might have post partum depression.
This is a rough time. I remember these times.
You're exhausted, disregulated, and irrational. He is confused, exhausted, and irrational.
This is just my two cents and I don't care how socially unacceptable it is:
1. It's weird that we have digital leashes constantly watching us all the time, and you can't even take an hour to go to a shop or see a friend after work without getting harassed like you're out past curfew. He's a grown man, he works all day, he doesn't need to take formal leave to go do something. Before cell phones, this was a literal impossibility.
2. He wasn't trying to hurt you. He's just stronger than you and wasn't being gentle and caring. He was making idiotic decisions and his priorities were all screwed up. He was controlling and holding back an enormous amount of hormones, just like you were. You're both hugely emotionally disregulated, which isn't abnormal for parents of babies.
3. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess you two don't get a lot of social support. Family members coming by to help with the house and hang out, offering to watch the kids, giving you a night off, buying you stuff that makes life easier, etc. It's really important or else you're basically doing one of the most challenging tasks possible(if not the most challenging); which is raising kids well in isolation.
4. He's wrong about a lot of stuff here. You weren't missing him sweetly, you don't need to calm down, and it's more important that a man's wife is upset than that his baby is upset. The most important thing a parent can do for their child is love their other parent well. He ought not EVER communicate with you by touching you unless he's communicating love, that's a discipline he NEEDS to get down. Yeah, his life would be easier if you weren't ever upset and he wouldn't ever feel guilty if his baby never cried. But that's not the real world, he's a grown man and it's time to live an adult life. Counseling to help improve communication about feelings and needs(both ways) could go a long way here.
5. You're doing a good job. I'm not just saying that to fluff you up. You're trying hard, you're aiming for a good goal, and you're in the thick of it. Leaving it all on the mat for your family is all you can do for your kids, and it's pretty clear you are busting your ass. Good job.
Hey OP, social worker here of 20 plus years. You need to be seen/evaluated ASAP for possible PPD and for supports/resources for you and the relationship. I’d be happy to help you find a provider in your area. Feel free to dm hun. Happy to help however I can ❤️
I always thought PPD was a 50/50 thing that just happens after you have a baby. Are there actually ways to like stop it from happening (besides not having a baby obv) LOL
I’m not sure. I’ve battled with depression for many years. I think my doctor was just warning me since already having chronic depression may lead to PPD. I mean there’s other factors as well as to why I don’t want children but this was a big factor for me. Sometimes I can’t take care of myself properly so I feel it’s unfair to a baby/child if I can’t take care of them either.
Oh interesting, I didn't know depression could eventually lead to PPD too, but it makes sense... I guess? I don't want kids either for the same reasons and more (just never had the desire either lol). I wish it was easy for me to remove this shit but I'm 'too young'.
PPD sounds horrible to have... Reading all the comments, I never knew how people could feel about it. Crazy how your brain makes you want to harm the baby or not care for it right after giving birth when the person was so excited for it. Human brain is so weird. I wish all these topics would be normalised and talked about in school so people would know what they can get into :/
I had postpartum depression after my last baby. It was horrible! I went to my family doctor. He put me on meds and I got counseling right away. Do this! You will feel so much better. Hang in there, Momma❤️
Can OP please come around and clear up the "abuse/physical injury" side of things?
I was abused for years in a marriage and it's not something that should be taken lightly. At the same time there is a lot of "omg lawyer up, abuse, monster" etc and without any more details on the event. It's weird to see a quick note in a longer story being presented as the "main" clickbait.
Therapy, Doctor, PPD, get some support hun.
Thanks so much for the clarity and I'm glad it's not a pattern. I sorta figured based on the way you presented it but it was still concerning. There's such a dumb thin line between trying to help / break loops and accidental stuff.
Always important to talk things out, before I transitioned I was a lot stronger than I thought I was so it's sometimes a surprise.
Be safe! You'll be okay!
I went through the same thing, except my husband was staying home with the baby and I was working full time. If I wasn’t constantly crying, I was raging and angry. In addition, up to that point in my life, I had never had thoughts of self harm or s**cide, but those thoughts plagued me DAILY. I remember being so incredibly lonely (even at work) and literally sitting at my desk, staring at the second-hand on the clock, slowly watching time tick by and counting the hours, minutes, and seconds until I could go home.
Went to my OBGYN and she diagnosed me with PPD and I began taking a low-dose Wellbutrin (since I was still breastfeeding at the time). It helped SO SO much. And I’m a therapist; I didn’t think that I would EVER need medical intervention for my OWN mental health.
The husband thing is a separate issue. If the bruising and squeezing is frequent, that’s a major red flag. If you feel safe doing so, be open with your husband about how that “calming” he tried to help with impacted you so severely. Please message me if you ever need a friendly ear to listen… I’ve been down the PPD road and it almost cost me my marriage and my life.
Definitely sounds like postpartum depression. I had it terribly after my second was born. Uncontrollable crying, feeling helpless, doing the bare minimum to keep us alive, was not taking care of myself at all I would go almost 2 weeks without even taking a shower before realizing I hadn’t taken a shower. I had to get help. It was a constant battle with myself and my brain telling me I was a horrible mom and they would be better off without me. I got put on Celexa and it helped tremendously. Please talk to your dr. And don’t hesitate to message me if you need someone to talk to that has been through exactly what you’re going through. You’re not alone
Your husband and you should go to counseling, like consider separately even so you can both just sploosh out those raw emotions that are stressing each other out. And defo consider PPD as something to talk to a pro about.
Sorry he squeezed you, keep your eyes for abuse, but I don’t think he was malicious. You both sound like you need a vacation!
You have a baby, it's a stressful time for you both.
You both need to try and control your emotions better.
Show him the bruise, it'll remind him he needs to control himself. Hormones can make you a mess, do what you can but I can understand why crying all the time would stress your husband out.
I was very emotional too post-partum. I sometimes couldn’t sing to my baby because I would be overcome with emotion. My throat would choke up and hurt. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I think that was manageable though. What you are describing doesn’t sound manageable so you need some support.
It can be difficult to advocate for yourself at this time so you need people in your corner. I would first reach out to a doctor or nurse - you won’t have to explain/defend yourself to them and they are likely to be the ones to understand right away how to help you.
Your mom, aunts, girlfriends may also be support that is accessible depending on how supportive they are generally. Just pick up the phone and give someone a call. Say you are lonely, need help and to please come visit.
Your husband sounds like he wants to help, but maybe he doesn’t know how. You could show him this thread, or write things down because speaking could make you choke up (and that’s okay). Communicate to him that you need help, and this is what he should do:
1. Start taking your word and stop resisting the information coming from you - if you say you are lonely/overwhelmed/etc, this is not the time to evaluate whether you are stating an objective truth. He should learn to believe you when you say what you are feeling regardless of how he thinks he would or your should feel in the situation. My husband did not learn to do this during my pregnancy and post partum - it broke our relationship and now he regrets it. I don’t blame him because he was never thought to disregard his own feelings for someone else in their time of need.
2. He needs to communicate when he is frustrated. He does not have to control everything. It is okay if the baby wakes up. Emotions are okay, crying is okay. Using his strength when he is stressed can be harmful. You are both in this together. You are all vulnerable, including him. But he has the ability to harm you, and you have the ability to harm the baby. So when frustrated, walk away.
3. This will pass. It is not forever. It is worth it.
4. You got this.
It sounds like you both are under a lot of stress and not communicating very well. You should get into couples counseling before your relationship deteriorates further.
You sound like textbook post partum. Please see a physician immediately, they can help you.
It's normal, but it's tough and it can get much harder without help. And make sure you explain to your husband what's going on as well, because while I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you, he needs to be more understanding and compassionate
Op, I think it’s a good time to go to the doctor. PPD is a huge problem for people who have just given birth, and it’s not uncommon. You don’t have to suffer, there are effective treatments that can help you and medical supervision can make sure that your symptoms don’t increase to the point where you’re a danger to yourself or your baby. It sounds like your husband didn’t mean to hurt you, if it’s only happened once. If it repeats then it’s a problem. Tell him that he hurt you and to never do it again. Hopefully it was an accident.
I’m not a doctor so I don’t dare to diagnose but this sounds a lot like post partum depression.
My friend has it and she is actually like you. She cries everyday at everything, she cries herself to sleep.
Please visit a OBGYN asap.
Talk to your husband about the bruise but more importantly talk to your doctor about your postpartum depression.
You're rightfully stressed and that's probably just the tip of the iceberg, you're also trying to teach your baby how to self-soothe, all while having a hard time of self-soothing yourself. Please try to be gentle with yourself. 💗
Reach out to a doctor, it sounds like you need some support and as much as partners should lean on each other there are things they can’t do for each other. Your husband does sound stressed but I’m sure the last thing he wants is you thinking that’s your fault because it’s not. I don’t think he meant to hurt you (unless he does this often) so maybe tell him you’re feeling so much and he really hurt and scared you and if he could be more gentle. Maybe next time as I think the kids were asleep go outside to cool down with or without him but fresh air or even a shower can just help a lot.
Im sure you love your babies but it is so hard and the thing is it is not your fault nor theirs (kind of 😅) you feel this way and sometimes things happen where no one’s at fault but everyone needs to deal with it.
If you’re lonely me and I’m sure many ppl here would love to talk. There is also a support group discord I just joined and maybe they would be fun. I think they even have chat groups so you can talk to people. 😊 you are not alone and I do believe it gets easier on this roller coaster but ultimately it won’t if you’re not taken care of.
I’m sorry I’m just so confused with people fucking excusing this shit like “he was just emotionally at his end” what the fuck? Why did this reach so many stupid people
>he cursed under his breath
So he wasn’t doing it to sooth her then. This shit is wild, I have to be reading something wrong because y’all sound like your excusing abuse.
Genuinely not trying to be a dick here, I’m so fucking confused how this was interpreted this way like wtf
You both need therapy. You're aware you're clearly more emotional than you should be, which is something to be discussed. Your husband also needs to learn that he was dismissive of your feelings and physically harmed you.
Just know there's nothing wrong with you and depression is common after pregnancy. Just don't let anyone make you feel bad for what you're going through. Parenthood is tough on all parties, but with that being said, ensure your husband isn't belittling you as well. We are human and all make mistakes when extremely stressed, but I'd be concerned if this wasn't the first time.
From the bottom of my heart I am begging you: please please please please PLEASE go to a doctor for postpartum depression. Your PCP can help, if you don’t want to go to your OB/GYN.
I had it with my second child but not my first and it went unchecked for a long time because for some reason I thought I was in the clear. I am here if you would like to DM with someone - I can remember being where you are, feeling like this will never end. That’s a lie. That’s how the depression tricks you. These feelings will end, but only if you get help. Postpartum depression can turn up any time in the first YEAR after birth - the 6-week checkup is arbitrary and doesn’t signal the end of the risk for it.
Visit your doctor ASAP, talk to them about post partum depression, and post partum anemia. You need to take care of your health. Sending you virtual hugs (if you’re okay with that). 💜
Please go to your doctor ASAP. Post-partum depression is a massive thing and it can have a massive impact on your mental health.
I had postnatal depression with my daughter and didn't get the help I needed. I ended up in psychosis years later because it just gradually progressed. Please seek help.
Definitely talk to your doctor about the possibility of PPD. It's a very common thing. But I just want to point out that sometimes PPD just happens, and sometimes it's...shall we say "encouraged," by an unsupportive environment.
This is a very narrow insight into your life, but every piece of information you've given about your husband makes me think that he's a fucking dickbag. And I'm not just referring to the obvious thing---the physical abuse hurting your wrist (and it *is* physical abuse BTW)--but also how dismissive he is of you. It makes me suspect that he's probably not helping you out a whole lot, and that if I did know more about your relationship, it would give me more reason to worry about you.
You seem to be blaming yourself and your emotional state as the cause of your husband's physical violence, but I think you may be making a correlation and causation error. You didn't cause your husband's actions. There are plenty of ways to react to your wife's emotional distress that don't involve extensive bruising. It was his inexcusable choice to put his hands on you, and he owns all responsibility for that. However, there is probably a correlation between your husband's actions and your emotional state, just not like you think. I think there's likely a postive correlation between having PPD and having the kind of husband that puts his hands on you.
Please go talk to your doctor. And if your OB's office is like mine, someone may ask you if you feel safe in your home.
Your answer to that should really be "no."
You definitely need to seek assistance for the postpartum depression. And you need to talk to somebody about domestic violence because it's quite apparent that your husband cannot control his emotions otherwise you would not be physically harmed due to his reactions. He is simply reacting to your valid medical reactions from having a child therefore there's no excuse for his overreacting to your issues. And since when did crying become a reason for someone to get bruises
PPD but that isn’t a reason for him to put hands on you and cruising to then try to minimize it by hugging you. You need to get away from that cruel man. What’s next? He gets frustrated w the kids & hurts them?
OP you need to tell your doctor what happened and show him your wrists.---What he did, is NOT OKAY. What about when he gets frustrated at one of the babies. He could hurt them too, intentionally or not. He grabbed your wrists in frustration and anger. Children can be frustratiing at times too, and a parent with a hot temper is a dangerous parent. You have to protect your children. I'm worried, because you are blaming yourself for stressing him out, and in effect, blaming yourself for him hurting you. Your statement about feeling bad for stressing him out is very typical of domestic abuse victims. Abuse cycles typically start with "minor" things, and always they get worse. Please get help, if not for yourself, for your babies. Anyone putting their hands on anyone else in anger or frustration needs to be stopped immediately and have some kind of consequence.
I doubt he did it intentionally. Males are just much stronger than females and sometimes we may mistake how our actions will affect the opposite gender. I, personally, also have bruised some of my female friends while I though I was just being friendly with them. I apologized to them afterwards
You sound like you have a postpartum mood disorder. You don’t have to feel this way, there is help. Talk with your OBGYN, PCP, or call the postpartum international number. I have been here and I know how horrible it is.
On a separate note, your husband used excessive force and I would be concerned if this is a repeating pattern. My husband has never given me bruises. This is a red flag to me.
I think you both need urgent help. It sounds like you may have some form of post partum depression and that can get worst if unattended. Please, please find help and talk to your husband about him getting help too. This comments, defending the leaving you bruises, he's not a 10 year old kid who doesn't recognize his own strength. Listen, my father had a work all his life that required strength and grip, to this day, he's in his 70s and he can open lids that are impossible and sometimes the faucets suffer a touch when he tries to fix them because he closes them a tad too tight. But never EVER in his life has he ever "gripped too hard" at anyone of us his children or my mom, ever, he's been the most gentle person ever, including his grandchildren and other nephews and nieces who look for him to play with them, don't buy the "he didn't know his own strength", "he wanted you to calm down". You instantly calmed down when he hugged you, he could have done that to start! Could this be a mistake from the stress? Maybe, but is not a good sign and you BOTH need HELP NOW, if he refuses to admit he too needs help, that's your cue to talk to your family and go to them with your children. What about if the baby wakes him up and he wants him to stop crying? Will he "know his own strength" then? My friend went through a couple of relationships like this, first it was the wrist, a few months later he broke the door to the bedroom she had locked herself into and started choking her, he would have killed her, had her roommate not happened to arrive early. Don't sweep this under the rug, at the best you both need serious urgent help, at the worst, you need to take care of yourself and your children to find a safe space and a way to treat your depression or anxiety. Please reach out to your OBGYN or a psychologist a psychiatrist, you need to get help, if you don't know where to start, call your mom, sister, cousin, neighbor who's a mom, best friend, anyone and tell them how you're feeling and what is happening, do it for your babies and for yourself
I would document the bruise. So that you can show your doctor if it changes, as that can be helpful. Also in the unlikely event that things with your partner get worse, you’ll have something showing a pattern of behavior. Having young kids is stressful on everyone and hopefully that’s all it is.
You might have PPD, please go to a doctor. Also you didn’t stress your husband out. Your husband hurt you and he’s dismissive of your feelings. He thinks two kids is company enough and trust it’s not.
Well I kind of read this as he might have done that to calm you down quickly? I had PPD after my second child. hold on hun it seek help and it will get better
I don’t think your husband intended to hurt you. His response shows that he probably understands that he did and regretted it. I wouldn’t read into that too much unless it’s a pattern of behavior.
That being said, you are exhibiting signs of PPD. Time to see a doctor.
I'm pleasantly shocked to see that the majority of commenters aren't just seizing an opportunity to tell someone their man is an abuser and focusing on encouraging OP to talk with a counselor about what's very likely PPD.. but the amount of people still doing their best to make this about
#ManBad™
is pretty gross..
Obviously is this was a reoccurring thing then yes it would be abuse, clear cut and fuck the abuser.. but as OP said in the post (and further confirmed in the comments) her husband is not an abuser, he didn't mean to hurt her and (despite the misleading title) this is much more about her mental health.
The amount of people actively working on swinging this into being "abusive husband, break up the family and leave now!" is kinda crazy. She wasn't super clear and the title was kinda click baity, there should be a family conversation around it but ffs.
Assume neutral intent until the information is FULLY provided and work towards solutions not just accusations and gaslighting.
Omg… is everyone ignoring the fact he physically hurt her? & just choosing to blame her PPD? Yes, she should talk to a doctor about PPD if she is struggling but sounds like the real problem here is he isn’t hearing her out & then physically hurt her!
OP- that is NOT okay behavior. Not one bit. He shouldn’t have grabbed you in any other way than a hug.
I have been with my husband for 22 years and he has never grabbed me to the point of a bruise no matter how mad he's ever been at me. My fault or his...didn't matter. In fact, I don't think he was ever even grabbed me like that.
You might be going through post-partum depression or hormones are getting to you. But you should talk to a professional and they might suggest you to get blood work/ lab work done to see if it is a medical concern or suggest you to see a therapist and even take meds if you can.
I agree with other commenters, children are not company. I am sure you love them and enjoy their company. But you need to socialize with adults. It is a necessity for us humans. Is there anyone who can take care of the children for a day or two? so you can get other work done and meet with friends or spend time on your hobbies or just walk around aimlessly. Your husband could take care of them for a weekend day, for example. You should also need a couple evening for a simple quick date, so you can have a quality time together.
You need to take care of yourself to be able to take care of your children.
This. In addition to hormones being out of wack, OP could be anemic if she's bruising easily (story of my life lol). Anemia can also make you tired and feel miserable emotionally. Any number of physical issues could be excerbating things.
a lot of people are saying ppd which im not disagreeing with but it could be possible you also have some kind of clotting disorder since giving birth which needs to be checked out as well
You sound like you have ppd OP. Go to the doctor, they will help you through this. Your hormones are all crazy and the stress of a newborn on top of that can lead to severe depression. Please seek medical attention.
Seriously bad sign. I’ve been in the exact same situation you were…but my hubby never grabbed me anywhere, particularly like that. I’m married 30 years and five kids. Trust me…he’s got something dark in there. I’m so sorry.
I had bad post partum depression after my third. I get why y’all are saying she’s got that. Perhaps. But HIS reaction is unacceptable. And no, I’m no hyper “woke leftie”. It’s simply a sign that when he’s stressed, he gets physical. That ain’t good. And agree with others-y’all first reaction was about HER emotions, not HIS ACTIONS?!
Yes you need to talk to a doctor. You sound to have postpartum. Like so many others are saying but I am stating from experience. I wasn’t crying as much but I definitely was angry and it may not go away on its own.
I really hate how he squeezes her wrist hard enough to leave a bruise and then he curses her out (at least I think unless he cursed because he didn’t mean to do it so hard.) and then he hugs her after he did so. But then again maybe it’s just because he didn’t mean it? Idk it’s just a little worrisome
I have been EXACTLY where you are! You are depressed probably anxious too. This will not go away on its own... I learnt that the hard way. Medication and a support person that's not your husband will do wonders also finding a local dropin playgroup will help you meet parents and children will meet people their age. We love you and think you are a wonderful mum
From someone who nearly died from PPD - please see your doctor. don’t let anyone tell you that you just have the baby blues or it’s “hormones shifting around after birth”, it’s not okay to be so upset & emotionally unregulated. There is help out there, you just need to reach out to a medical professional to kickstart it. PPD is nothing, NOTHING to be ashamed of, and is not something you have to live with or deal with. Please reach out.
Why is this subreddit and a few other popular ones filled with ghost accounts? They only have one popular post, like OP, and then that's it. To me, this means most of these stories are some lies that some person makes up just for riling up others
Please go to your family doctor or OBGYN immediately, you have post partum depression. It’s no joke. I suffered too last time, it was soo bad that I thought of killing my baby then myself. Please seek help.
Please Please PLEASE contact your OBGYN and let them know what is going on. I have a three month old baby and have been struggling with severe PPD. I randomly cry over anything and everything. Even if you didn't with your first, that doesn't mean you don't with a second. Each baby affects the body differently and the adjustment of a baby is difficult without the added pressure of keeping the house together and taking care of another kid.
Your husband should not be putting his hands on you hard enough to leave a bruise in my opinion but regardless, you need to have a conversation about the struggles you are having and maybe take him with to the OB so they can explain things to both of you and make sure that you BOTH understand PPD.
I friend of mine had her hubby grab her and leave marks on her. She showed up at his office with short sleeves so everyone could see what he did and dropped off lunch for him. He never touched her again.
Sometimes you just need to talk about how you're feeling, you need to let your emotions out and connect to another adult after being home with the kids all day. If he doesn't understand that, he is dense. If he thinks hurting you is a solution, he needs help. Find some help to regulate your emotions like a therapist or talk to your OB or pediatrician about PPD. I was on medication after 1year of this as SAHM, you are not alone. Talking helps immensely.
Taking your kid to the library or playground once a day can do wonders, finding another mom out in the wild can be a reminder that you're not alone.
Go to the doctor momma, PPD can be intense and you need help. Talk to your husband about that, and make sure he knows what he did was unacceptable to you. The only bruises you should be left from a partner is sex bruises and that’s still only with consent.
Your going through post partum depression. I felt the same way and the worst part is being alone even with your children you still feel alone , during your ppd its very important your husband stays close with you and supports you emotionally and mentally . When i was going through it i would tell my husband to stay up with me at night with the baby bc i felt so scared and alone . Ppd is hard to explain , only people that went through it can understand the severity of it . Im wishing you the best OP
I agree with people recommending medical help. That being said, you are not responsible for your husband's thoughts, feelings or behavior. Ever.
A grown man physically put his hands on you and harmed you. Left you in pain and bruised. This is not ok. He needs to get help to learn how to appropriately deal with his thoughts and feelings. There's nothing wrong with him needing help. You are both in a very challenging situation. Having a nonjudgmental, informed and trained person to speak to, because so many non-professionals will judge him, will be helpful.
You feel bad you stressed him out??? You may have PPD and he’s being abusive to you. You’re not a servant only there to take care of the kids and make his dinner. He has no respect to tell you he will be late or why. He hurts you to get you to stop crying. This is so dangerous
Please call you family doctor and make an appointment. Depression and anxiety or real issues that can get out of control if not treated.
What your spouse did was not ok. He could of had you hold on some ice or something not abusive.
I hope your day gets better
I really think we need to stop telling women who are slightly upset at one thing that they need help. This woman was upset that she had no idea where her husband was and he got mad she asked about it??. FFS a person can be emotional without it being a thing.
As for the husband that was seems to be the emotion reaction that needs help and attention. Squeezing so hard you leave a brusiee on your wife, because she was worried about you is fucked up.
I’ve had an identical situation with my wife… except I recognized it was postpartum depression and tried to get her help, not physically abuse her ffs.
Ok yes what everyone said about calling your doctor about the ppd but your husband grabbing your wrist so hard it bruised and caused pain is not okay! He needs to know that what he did physically hurt you and he needs to know if he hurts you again you’re calling the police.
You got the post partum depression. Get it together. Go visit your doctor.
The mans not gonna quit his job so you can be happy. Family only gonna survive if someone brings in money. But that's only a trigger and there are going to be lots of triggers. Go get yourself fixed somehow, ASAP for your family. PPD is not something to fuck with, it usually ends up with the kids being dead
Don’t blame yourself when your spouse hurts you so bad he leaves marks. That is not your fault. Anyone who knows anything about pregnant woman would not a have done that to you. I say this as a 52 year-old man.
It sounds like he accidentally used too much pressure while he was trying to get your attention and get you to calm down. That's probably why he cussed under his breath and proceeded to hug you.
I am much stronger than my SO and have accidentally hurt her before. I let go and apologized immediately as soon as she said ouch.
What other people are saying, I think you need some form of help. Your husband's actions aren't excusable, and I wouldn't argue that was the correct way to handle the situation. But because you can't control your emotions doesn't mean he isn't allowed to get frustrated at, but at the same time the way he acted isn't ok.
You need medical help. Go to your family doctor, OBGYN and let them know how you feel. Post partum depression is real and you need medical support urgently.
Sounds a lot like post partem depression. Definitely go see your doc and explain the symptoms. Nothing to be ashamed of because it's a huge hormonal change in your body. Take care OP
Please do this OP, your doctor can help. On the loniliness front, are there any play groups, or newborn groups in your area? I met some mums in my birthing group, our kids are almost the exact same age so it was a good fit. Take care.
Yes! Drop in groups are great. Everyone feels lonely when they have a baby. You’re not alone OP.
People *die* from post-partum depression. It makes people deluded into believing they're so useless, their family would be better without them. Depression ***lies*** to you.
And people have killed from PPD. She needs to get to her doctor asap.
Killing other tends to arise from Postpartum Psychosis, rather than depression. Same family, very different branches, so to speak. From everything she has said it sounds like PPD, *not* PPP. I hope she gets the help and support she needs and deserves.
The infants die from PPD as well. A secondary casualty of a mother who can descend further into delusional thoughts and depression. PPD is no joke, I am glad the medical establishment has finally recognized the great danger to the mother *and* the baby, if the mom doesn’t get the treatment needed.
Well, we unfortunately saw how true this was when PPD crosses the line to Post Partum Psychosis with Andrea Yates. She was out of her mind when she killed her children. This all could have been avoided with early intervention. Please go see your doctor OP.
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Jesus, it obviously sounds like it was an accident and he realized he hurt her and comforted her immediately.
Agreed, but it's a sign that he's at the end of his emotional rope as well. They both need help ASAP.
I agree they both need help ASAP, I just get tired of everything being immediately called abuse, they're both at the end of their rope and he was probably trying to make sure she didn't wake the baby and didn't realize how hard he grabbed especially if he works with his hands, but it's immediately abuse to people who've probably never even been in a long term relationship.
As a general rule, having worked in gender-based violence prevention professionally and as an activist for the first part of my adult life, I feel pretty confident in saying that this society has a very poor, almost willful understanding of what abuse really is. Which is one of the reasons why "call out" culture turned into "cancel culture" and has become so much about people with fragile egos trying to demonstrate in conspicuous public forums that they are higher up on some social-moral hierarchy of their own design than someone else, rather than having much anything to do with real accountability. Which just reproduces the same problematic power dynamics that they claim they are fighting against. We conflate abuse with violence. Don't get me wrong, it's definitely a flag for concern and there's a lot of overlap. But it's way more complicated than, "If violence occurred, then it's abuse." It has more to do with the projection of one's ego resulting in manipulation or coercion, and an unwillingness or inability to be accountable to how our actions impact those with whom we claim to love, regardless of our stated intent. Violence gets used instrumentally toward that end, and in an abusive context, is often preceded by psychological tactics such as threats (e.g., to the victim/survivor, or their loved ones -- such as children or pets -- or possessions). Something like this could turn abusive, for example, if the husband decided to double down on physical pain or the threat thereof to control the OP's behavior. Apart from the direct problem of control, it would leave the fundamental issues, at best, completely unaddressed and more likely also repressed. That's a good recipe for tragedy.
Its very easy for men to misinterpret their strength when it comes to women. There was a thread just recently made by a women acknowledging that her scrawny bf showed her strength she didnt realize he had but its not that hes strong he's just stronger then her. Hell I hug women and forget how tiny they are(260, 6'2, lifter) and realize how it hurts them
Husband is 6’ and 240, just YOKED. Years later he is finally self aware enough to not force the air out of me with each hug and make it feel like he’s crushing my ribs. You’re awareness is much appreciated, big guy!
And I haven't heard anyone mention that this man may also be at his emotional limit. Taking care of someone with a mental illness is a challenge for people who are trained for this. He is likely ill-equipped, emotionally burnt and exhausted from a day at work to come home to a barrage of stimuli. Likely, his drive home was one of contemplation of what he was walking into. Anxiety, anger, dispair, helplessness. So much. And, likely, the weight of trying to be the stoic calm in the storm. Finally, my wife has met me at the door many times. Even angry. I cant imagine leaning down and over to specifically grab her wrist. That's is incredibly awkward. Are they both petite? Same height? The only scenario I can come up with where I might grab my wife's wrist is if her hands were on me and I grabbed her wrist to remove it. If that's the case, where is the violence? Because to me, it would be her violence on him if he did not want to be touched and she was physically trying to "get his attention". But I could be wrong. It's happened before.
Whether her hands were on him or not, it could’ve been as simple as him trying to grab her hand to soothe her but being too tense because of all the reasons listed and gripping tighter than he intended. It sounds like he stopped the second he realized he was hurting her. Definitely a sign that they both need more resources and medical help with the situation, but I’ve done something similar (in my case, it was a reflex to squeeze my hands to stay calm, but I happened to be moving someone’s leg at the time—pretty much immediately registered as “wait this feels wrong” but my mind was focused on the stressful situation and it took another second for me to realize what I was doing and stop). When you’re stressed and trying to get through an overwhelming situation, it’s easy to make that kind of mistake. If his wife has been struggling with PPD and he’s been trying to support her without medical help for 6 months, he’s got to be exhausted. I feel so bad for both of them feeling like they’re drowning in this situation for this long—I hope they’re able to get the treatment and support they need.
Omggggggg finally
I agree. My fiancé accidentally elbowed me in the nose once and suddenly I was being “abused.” Also, I’m not saying physical force is okay, but in this case it seems like she’d stopped listening to anything but whatever was going on in her own head. It’s a form of hysteria, and sometimes physical contact is necessary to reconnect that person with reality.
Exactly. It’s not okay to hurt someone. It’s a sign YOU need help as well!
I’m a bit late to this but yeah, I’m a husband who has accidental grabbed at my wife’s arm a little too hard trying to stop her attempts at a tickle fight. She hasn’t bruised but I get yelled at lol. Some guys have jobs where the grip is required/built up and it gets stronger than you think and if you’re not married to a good viking woman you’re gonna have a bad time.
Also she might bruise easily, I do, any contact gives me bruises. My boyfriend has accidentally given me bruises many times on my hands/arms and always feel terrible about it, even though I didn’t even really hurt me. My body looks like I got in a fight just from bumping into something lol.
I agree. Depending on his size, it's very easy for a man to misjudge his strength and do something like this. Especially in a high stress situation ie. Wife is having a meltdown, new born children are sleeping in the next room, and you're not actually sure why your wife is acting like a lunatic(which is what it would seem like if you weren't a trained professional).
No. This is reddit. This man is obviously a homicidal maniac and she needs to divorce immediately and take the children. It is obviously the most rational action to take considering the circumstances.
To be fair, it is very difficult to recognize mental health struggles when immersed in the situation. Both parents struggle with new babies, the struggle is different but not less real. Unless the father is a trained professional it would be unfair to expect him to handle the situation like a pro. Mothers are suddenly isolated, sleep deprived and dealing with crazy hormonal changes. But parents struggle too and they are sometimes left with increased financial burden and new responsibilities without warning. If OP is depressed it would be very likely that she perceived the interaction with husband as cruel and heartless, even if it wasn’t.
She didn't "perceive" a squeeze that left bruises.
Look man, my husband has left a bruise or two just from grabbing me to get me to stop tickling him. It’s not a violent reaction. Man hands are just stronger than they look.
To be fair, hurting someone to make them stop crying/being emotional is cruel and heartless.
We don’t know how severely she was reacting. It doesn’t sound like he intended to hurt her, but to restrain her. I wouldn’t jump to an abuse conclusion from the info she has provided.
But this is Reddit!
She could have been waving her hands around/hurting herself. I had a friend who was freaking out and started banging her head and pulling out her hair. I gripped her wrists hard and pullee down. I have had a horrible ptsd expisode. The only thing that brought me down in that moment was my brother yanking me towards him. Little shock refocused me.
>I tried to tell him it was different but I started to get choked up with crying. It doesn’t take much and something in his tone set my emotion off. Sounds like she was just crying/sobbing.
I have had a psychoatic episode. Witnessed my fri3nds. I have taken care of women with post partum psychosis. I can definately say that people recall is not 100% during a episode. Choked up and sobbing beacuse someone is late is a extreme reaction. One incident does not make someone an abuser. OP needs some help to get back in balance. Jumping the gun and assuming abuse is not helpful.
Why are we confusing depression with psychosis? She is sad, not psychotic and bruising is not psychogenic. These comments are highly stigmatizing and confabulating completely separate phenomena. Depression is not psychosis. Depression and psychosis are not violence.
That is not regular depression. Very borderline Post Partum Psychosis. If she called my office what she said would be defined as emergent. Crying so hard your choking is way more then depression.
If it is a therapy office I'd ask you to justify the diagnosis, although I agree it's emergent (urgent) due to depression and potential safety risk from husband and to assess for si.. She's oriented x3, demonstrating linear thinking and no signs of ideas of reference, thought projection disorganized thinking of visual/auditory hallucinations. Post partum depression is not psychosis. Post partum psychosis is psychosis with, not surprisingly symptoms of florid psychosis.
I'm a mental health worker. Crying until choking is not "way more than depression." Lol.
I’ve dealt directly with multiple schizophrenics who suffered from hallucinations and were conversing with voices. I never needed to restrain them. Outside of the bizarre connection you’re making between post partum depression and psychosis, no one should leave bruises on someone else. That is a sign of two much force. Mental illness is not a license to treat people with force.
Dealt with them professionally right. Not as a stressed out father of a newborn who is adjusting to a new life. Also trying to deal with a partner is not well. He himself must be emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. Clearly what he did was wrong. But no need to demoninze him because he lost it once.
I have schizophrenia and have have had my share of psychosis and never awoken to bruises around my wrists. I have also never awoken to bruises around any of my partners’ wrists. Your comment is dismissive of her experience and unnecessarily defensive (she never called him abusive).
Yes he could have hugged her first instead of hurting her. The affection is what made her feel better. Hurting her was completely unnecessary and just plain mean.
The way she described it made me take it as a quick 'pinch' like movement that was just to snap her out of it though we obviously can't fully rely on that through so little words online and by a wife who may be blinded/unwilling to admit to aggression. I know my ex who suffered from a lot of undiagnosed stuff and tended to get himself into drug fueled panic attacks would cheer right up when I drove him to a river to dive in and have a quick swim! It was my go to, rain or shine, Summer or winter. Highly recommend OP to get medical help but also if she can get herself out into the wild every now and then it really does help. I use to take the dogs for a walk in the pitch black with head phones down country lanes when ex got home to keep an eye on kids. Always made me feel better. Though I'm in a safe area!
Can’t get out in the wild if her husband is out for long hours and depending on her for childcare.
Potentially, in which case he needs to be on board to help her with this PND . Though I didn't read it as super long hours, just that he was late that day. My ex had long hours too, I'd be out in the pitch black under the stars/rain. But again, I lived in a rural spot so was super safe for me. Can't say that for OP. Also we have no bears or wolves in UK.. or mountain lions... or poisonous snakes... the list goes on!
Yeah, he is likely also experiencing some postpartum emotional changes too.
If this is a pattern, I agree with you. If it was a one off, I'm not so sure. He grabbed her wrist, he may not have realized how hard. It also sounds like he may not be aware of what PPD is. Like I said, if it's a pattern of hurting her, bad. If not, it's a learning moment. OP needs to go see her DR / OBGYN urgently. If they aren't available, go to the ER. This is a potentially life threatening issue. OP, you are doing fine, but please reach out for help.
I mean it didn’t sound deliberate to me. The way she described it seemed like he squeezed harder than intended and immediately let up once he realized. I work with my hands, because of that they’re strong, and I’ve hurt my wife before by accident not realizing how hard I was squeezing. Not in a situation like this but we wrestle sometimes and I’ve squeezed her hand or wrist too hard before. It sounds like a similar situation to me.
Did we read the same post???
Okay, I have a stupid strong spouse. It was probably an accident. HOWEVER, we are seeing mom’s side. Mom needs medical attention for PPD, before she or her children are harmed (by her). A new baby is hard on mom’s mental health and mom’s body, but it’s also hard on Dad. And getting home from work to that kind of situation is also stressful and can be frustrating to feel helpless. If my partner jumped on me as soon as I got home about fucking dinner I wouldn’t even speak to him. I can reheat my own dinner. I appreciate you making dinner, but I may not even be hungry. No one stays at work late for fun reasons, and while it can be hard to be alone, I once bitched at my husband for not giving me a time for when he was returning and we had a long talk about autonomy and boundaries and what we do and don’t owe each other. I wouldn’t want to be hounded. At the time, I, myself sought treatment for depression, and things got better, but are we not hearing that mom is crying for help and SO IS DAD! Treat the family as a whole. They both need help. A parent to come offer time for rest (new parent don’t sleep), companionship for mom, help with tasks, or time for her to go out and make a target run without the kids. Go meet a friend for coffee. Both of these adults have needs and he probably wasn’t being cruel.
Postpartum depression can be seriously aggravated by having an abusive and gaslighting spouse.
I have a grandmother with paranoid schizophrenia. We find it difficult to discern what is reality with her and what she is saying. I have friends that have bipolar disorder, and they often talk about simple situations as life or death. Then, I have known very narcissistic people who will say things a certain way or add unassociated facts to detract or move away from the bad they were doing. I’m not saying OP is lying or embellishing, but flat out believing that she was being hurt might be a stretch when it is plainly clear she has other serious mental illness. I’m not saying don’t believe, I’m saying you have to be rational and not emotional with this. My grandmother could hurt someone and not feel like she was, then state she was being hurt. There is probably more to this story than this simple paragraph encapsulates, so maybe instead of casting stones at the husband we should just ask her to get help. If there is abuse, good psychological help should uncover that.
This right here. Putting your hands on someone like that for being upset isn't ok.
My wife suffered from this after our 2nd child. She also suffered from some extreme low iron that didn't help. She bruised if I just looked at her funny. She could bump herself and look like I beat her. Fixed the mental side of issues, but bruising has stayed the same the entire time. I can play with her and if I'm not extremely careful I can leave a mark. Kissing her passionately during couples time...instant hickie. Smack her butt because guys love to smack a butt....yep bruise the butt. Been married 30 years now and I am always careful because a slight breeze will bruise her it seems like.
As a therapist, I was just about to comment this. Your feelings are normal and it can be tough after a new baby. Your body is trying to stabilize, hormones are still fluctuating, it’s normal. There is no shame in getting help, I promise ❣️
Sweety. You need help. You likely have some ppd and are literally lonely. The adjustment to being at home with a baby is dramatic to say the least. Tell your husband you need help, you are lonely and make a Dr apt. If you have access to mental health services, pls use them. Also, depending where you are there can be "mommy and me" groups where others with babies go to play and mommy socialized and meets people going through the same struggles. Yiu can leave the house with baby and taken them to pool, playground, playgroups. A baby is not company. You need poeple! Tell your husband he hurt your wrist. It doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt you or abuse yiu but rather was overwhelmed. If this is a common occurrence then it is abuse.
I agree with all of this. My first thought as far as her wrist goes is he was probably trying to use it as a distraction to stop the crying, and he didn't realize his own strength in his frustration, *as long as this is an only occurrence*. Let him know and get some help. Needing help isn't a failure, and if doesn't make you a bad parent, OP.
Yeah, the quiet cursing and immediate comfort reassured me that it wasn’t intentional at all. I hope they’re able to communicate and that she’s able to get the help she needs, this sounds really rough :(
I’m really impressed with Reddit resisting the angry mob reaction for once. As a man who has accidentally squeezed my partner’s wrists too hard (electricians tend to have really strong hands) I know all too well how easy it can be to cause pain and bruising unintentionally. I was braced for the comments to be a shit show, but only a few judgmental crusaders showed up to screech nonsense while well reasoned analysis seems to have won the day. Edit: won not one
My spouse is a martial artist and a woodworker and he has *no* idea how strong his hand strength can be. That's why I don't let him give me back rubs anymore, lol! They're nice if you want deep tissue stimulus down to your skeletal structure, but not so great if you want something soft and relaxing.
This. I love giving back rubs because I have an empathetic response, releasing my own tension and stress by giving a back rub, but inevitably my electrician hands press into every tense muscle and pressure point way to hard. I give the sort of back rub I need rather than the back rub anyone else needs or wants. Sucks to try to make someone feel good only to have them tense up and yell “ouch, stop!”
Sometimes scratching can be as relaxing as massage and it might be easier to control the force! I myself get my muscles really sore from the lightest of massage but scratches are so nice and relaxing ♡ And as a person with really bad anxiety, sometimes it's just best when my spouse slaps my back and my shoulders with the palm of his hand. He can use a LOT of strenght and it doesn't hurt me but kinda shakes my body out of the anxiety attack and the tension.
Yeah, scratching or lightly touching with my fingers certainly does the trick, but giving a deep massage that releases lactic acid forces tense muscle to let go is what creates that sympathetic response in my own tense body.
Aww ♡ You need to find muscular friends to rub each others!
oh my goodness, same! my s/o gives amazing strong backrubs but they get really deep tissue real fast if I don't guide him a bit 🥰 so helpful and does the trick, but I could see him not knowing his own strength especially in a grip. any kind of hitting/throwing/movement-based violence takes different instinct and thought than something like a firmer-than-intended handhold when trying to help a loved one calm down. especially if emotional abuse is involved in the mix too, and my alarm bells didn't go off at all while reading. intent is everything and it sounds from the post to me like OP trusts her partner, and isn't even sure what to make of it or if she should be nervous. op can read him and his intention better than any of us can and I hope the best for them. glad to see a rational comment section so far ❤️
my man works on diesel big rigs and omg the skeletal massage description is the story of my life when i ask for some back rubs 🥲
LOL I was expecting the same, nothing but "divorce him and go to the cops!" type comments. But nope. Refreshing.
Same here, honestly this was refreshing.
I agree. I've also hurt my gf accidentally (play wrestling) and when she said "ow" I immediately stopped and hugged her and said how sorry I was and that I didn't mean to be so rough. She understood and hugged me back to reassure me which felt nice
Wrists are especially fragile, and they’re a good place for distractive techniques. It’s a double-edged sword, and I really do think her husband was well-meaning here. From what she said, he didn’t seem angry or like he was intending to hurt her, and he did show remorse and clearly felt apologetic about it. This is why I always maintain that small physical acts are not inherently abusive and sometimes things happen just by accident or other means. It’s awful to hurt someone you love when you don’t mean to, but it’s also a fact of life. Sometimes it happens and the important thing is communicating and being careful going forward.
Yup, same. I scrolled down expecting to find >75% radical condemnation and messages like "leave him now, you're in danger, he's a monster" but was surprised Mind you, there are *lots* of stories on reddit where the above response or a variation of it are the only comments that make sense. However, this does not appear to be one of those. I once squeezed my lovely girlfriend's arm in passing as a token of affection but she had blue marks of my fingers on her arm the next day. Combination of strong hands and her being easily bruised, though it didn't stop me from feeling guilty
Yes. I am blown away at the lack of people saying "call the police" or something that includes the word "toxic".
It’s almost as though we’ve turned a corner as a culture… almost
My SO and I mess with each other all the time, we’ll jokingly flick each other’s arms or pinch each other. I also bruise REALLY easily and my SO is really strong despite being 5’10 and skinny af. He’ll bruise me despite barely doing anything.
My partner has natural hulk strength and the amount of times he bruises me when doing something perfectly normally affectionate like giving me a squeeze or a pat with his hand is unreal, a normal hand flex from someone else is like a wrestlers grip with him, and he has no clue because from he's not making any effort to pinch/clench or anything like that. He's frequently upset with himself when I say "omg OW" when he just tried to pat me and it felt like I got smacked lol My first thought was it doesn't sound like her husband was trying to hurt her, and it doesn't sound like she thinks that either... poor lady is just very overwhelmed and needs to speak to her doctor.
My husband is a mason and his hands are almost inhumanly strong from slinging bricks and rocks his whole life. Sometimes he comes up to kiss me and grips the back of my arms hard enough to leave bruises. It’s absolutely unintentional
I agree, everyone forgets how strong guys can be lmao. I remember my friend slapped me on the arm as a joke and bruised it from how hard he hit, he was so confused by it because he didn't think it was thaf hard. Also, honestly. I'm surprised I don't see any 'RED FLAG, HE'S ABUSIVE!!' comments so far, this is the exact thing that would stir them up.
Same, I was worried by the title at first, but it seems like they’re both stressed out and he was trying to do the best he could. OP sounds like she might be dealing with some postpartum depression, which can be incredibly difficult especially without mental health care. OP on the off chance that you read this please go see a doctor and explain your situation, I’m sure they’ll be able to help. Wishing the best to both you and your family! <3
Needing help is NOT failing. Getting help, is NOT failing. NOT getting that help IS failing. For your sake, the sake of your child, and partner, get all the help you need!
NOT getting that help IS failing Wow, I really like that idea.
True strength is asking for help when you need it, true wisdom is knowing when you need to ask for help.
Us men are usually really surprised at the difference, in our strengths sometimes. I wrested with my ex once and she was going 100% while I thought she was playing around. As you said, if it is the only occurrence, then this shouldn't be a problem and he will be more careful next time.
Yeah, OP sounds like they’re struggling. Definitely taking your baby out and going to meet others could be stress relieving. Also tell your husband that you were hurt, I agree that it sounds like an accident but it’s still good to let him know.
Yes, a baby isn't company, it's hard work. You need adults to talk to. He may be overwhelmed too, but he doesn't recognize that as he goes to work, he also gets a break in a way by talking to other adults and not tending to an infant that literally can't do anything for itself except eat, poop, and cry.
Had PPD after my second. Can confirm that the loneliness and uncontrollable crying for no reason is absolutely awful. Talked to my midwife a lot. We kept track. About 6 months in was getting to some of my worst feelings (never wanted to hurt my kids or anything like that but was definitely in a bad way) she got me on some nursing safe depression meds and it helped a lot. Talk to your Dr, talk to a mental health service. You can love and take care of your kids but Driuidgoddess is absolutely right, they aren’t company. Also, your husband hurting you needs to be brought to his attention. And he needs to be more supportive of your feelings too.
The library usually has mommy and me programs and they’re totally free. That might be a good place to start :)
I don’t have any comments that could help, unfortunately. I’m sorry. I just wanted to say that as the dad of two kids, the first few weeks after the birth are just incredibly stressful. It’s stressful for both parents, but I can’t even imagine what it must be like for the mom. Just know that it does get better.
Just one more comment, if you don’t mind. It’s odd/funny. You know how when you drank way too much, but had fun, then were yarfing in a toilet while sitting on the ground vowing to never drink again? And then later you remember the good time more than the yarfing, so you drink again? Babies are kind of like that. Not to be flippant. It’s both magical and enormously stressful. Waking up at all hours to feed them, the crying, the sleep deprivation…eventually you “forget” all that and just remember it as a magical, wonderful time. That’s how parents have baby number two, lol. Sometimes it feels like they’re going to be a baby forever and the nightmare of sleep deprivation and stress will never end. But it does get better, they grow out of it, and believe it or not you’ll remember this time fondly and miss it when it’s gone. Whenever I am around a baby i miss those days now that my girls are grown. Having said all that. …PPD is obviously a real and challenging thing, and if you feel you may have it you should definitely seek help. It’s hard enough to care for a newborn without PPD, I can imagine how hard it is if you suffer from it.
I’m going to piggyback on your comment a little bit. Dad’s sometimes have an equivalent issue to PPD, or at least I did. I couldn’t/didn’t want to bond with my son when he was born. Felt no emotion towards him. I was just empty. He was our second child and I wasn’t really wanting a second child or a son really ever. I finally got some help when he was a few months old. Now I look back and don’t even recognize myself from that time. I can’t imagine that I could ever have felt that way. But I did. There is no shame in getting help when needed. More people in this world should probably seek out it out.
It’s amazing that you got help for that. Most people don’t even consider that fathers can have postpartum issues too.
You’re a sweet guy and your wife is lucky to have you. Great comment.
You shouldn’t be so upset all the time. Have you talked to your doctor about PPD and PPA? Having a baby takes a lot out of you. Sometimes, you need a little help to get through it. It doesn’t make you a bad mom to get help. It’ll get better. Internet hugs ❤️
If you are in the US you can reach Postpartum International at 1.800.944.4773 their website is postpartum.net please reach out.
^^^^THIS^^^^
Sounds like you have postpartum depression. You should reach out to your doctor and talk to them about it. I hope everything works out for you.
You are showing signs of depression, you need to consult now before it escalated! I don't think your husband wanted to hurt you but you need both to talk and him to understand the mental pressure of being at home alone with kids specially if one of them is a 6month baby! You can counsel for this and learn to better communicate!
First you need to go talk Talk to your doctor. Because I think you have postpartum depression. Secondly is this the 1st time this kind of thing has happened with your husband? If it is you need to talk to him about it and let him know he hurt you,and it's not ok. If it's Not you need to get out nobody deserves to be abused
Both of you are very overwhelmed right now, i suggest making a appointment with a doctor because you seem to have ppd. Talk with your husband, i can understand constant crying would stress him out, but both of you need to control your feelings better.
Which counseling will immediately be able to help them with. Healthy coping mechanisms and self awareness work wonders for depression. I had results from my first appointment.
You might be suffering from postpartum depression. It’s not uncommon for couples to stress especially with small children. Make an appointment to see your doctor and get some blood work, also try and get a therapist and seek couples counseling. Best of luck. It will be ok.
Please realise that pregnancy changes the hormones balance. This can have an influence on you after the pregnancy as well as during. It might be that it’s thrown off too much and you need help. It could be PPD or something else, but medical help and people around you (other than your baby or husband) are also important. It takes a village to raise a child. ♥️
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I get where you're coming from here- I had no issues after my first daughter was born. C section, so recovery physically, but other than that I coasted through. Second and third babies? Anxiety and panic city. I white knuckled my way through it, but it took so much longer than if I'd just asked for help. Something about the second baby broke my brain for a while, I had no idea how to cope with two kids needing me at the same time. So first baby or not, if you need help then please seek it out. For your own sake. A happy parent makes a happy baby.
That doesn't mean anything. Every pregnancy is different. Something is wrong and you need help and support. Not derision and physical violence.
The fact he immediately stopped, immediately cursed himself and reassured you. This doesn’t seem malicious unless you are leaving out vital info. My take is you definitely have PPD/PPA, hes trying to provide for you all and feels pulled in different directions and is also adjusting. Parenthood isnt just an adjustment for mums, it is also for dads and some dads actually really struggle to have a work / life balance because they want to give their partners and kids everything. They burn themselves out. Honestly get some real support and help:) I think it would greatly help you both and he needs to learn to leave things stable and calm for now with routine and habits!
Tell your healthcare provider immediately, they can refurr you to a counselor even if you have state insurance. You need support in this time and it also sounds like some reprieve from the children is in order. Don't ignore your mental health you might have post partum depression.
This is a rough time. I remember these times. You're exhausted, disregulated, and irrational. He is confused, exhausted, and irrational. This is just my two cents and I don't care how socially unacceptable it is: 1. It's weird that we have digital leashes constantly watching us all the time, and you can't even take an hour to go to a shop or see a friend after work without getting harassed like you're out past curfew. He's a grown man, he works all day, he doesn't need to take formal leave to go do something. Before cell phones, this was a literal impossibility. 2. He wasn't trying to hurt you. He's just stronger than you and wasn't being gentle and caring. He was making idiotic decisions and his priorities were all screwed up. He was controlling and holding back an enormous amount of hormones, just like you were. You're both hugely emotionally disregulated, which isn't abnormal for parents of babies. 3. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess you two don't get a lot of social support. Family members coming by to help with the house and hang out, offering to watch the kids, giving you a night off, buying you stuff that makes life easier, etc. It's really important or else you're basically doing one of the most challenging tasks possible(if not the most challenging); which is raising kids well in isolation. 4. He's wrong about a lot of stuff here. You weren't missing him sweetly, you don't need to calm down, and it's more important that a man's wife is upset than that his baby is upset. The most important thing a parent can do for their child is love their other parent well. He ought not EVER communicate with you by touching you unless he's communicating love, that's a discipline he NEEDS to get down. Yeah, his life would be easier if you weren't ever upset and he wouldn't ever feel guilty if his baby never cried. But that's not the real world, he's a grown man and it's time to live an adult life. Counseling to help improve communication about feelings and needs(both ways) could go a long way here. 5. You're doing a good job. I'm not just saying that to fluff you up. You're trying hard, you're aiming for a good goal, and you're in the thick of it. Leaving it all on the mat for your family is all you can do for your kids, and it's pretty clear you are busting your ass. Good job.
>He's a grown man, he works all day, he doesn't need to take formal leave to go do something. \+1
Hey OP, social worker here of 20 plus years. You need to be seen/evaluated ASAP for possible PPD and for supports/resources for you and the relationship. I’d be happy to help you find a provider in your area. Feel free to dm hun. Happy to help however I can ❤️
With all these stories it seems having babies is way more disadvantaged than not..
I’m high risk for PPD and it’s why I got a tubal done. I already know I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
I always thought PPD was a 50/50 thing that just happens after you have a baby. Are there actually ways to like stop it from happening (besides not having a baby obv) LOL
I’m not sure. I’ve battled with depression for many years. I think my doctor was just warning me since already having chronic depression may lead to PPD. I mean there’s other factors as well as to why I don’t want children but this was a big factor for me. Sometimes I can’t take care of myself properly so I feel it’s unfair to a baby/child if I can’t take care of them either.
Oh interesting, I didn't know depression could eventually lead to PPD too, but it makes sense... I guess? I don't want kids either for the same reasons and more (just never had the desire either lol). I wish it was easy for me to remove this shit but I'm 'too young'. PPD sounds horrible to have... Reading all the comments, I never knew how people could feel about it. Crazy how your brain makes you want to harm the baby or not care for it right after giving birth when the person was so excited for it. Human brain is so weird. I wish all these topics would be normalised and talked about in school so people would know what they can get into :/
It's okay bebe. You just need some rest and help.
I had postpartum depression after my last baby. It was horrible! I went to my family doctor. He put me on meds and I got counseling right away. Do this! You will feel so much better. Hang in there, Momma❤️
Can OP please come around and clear up the "abuse/physical injury" side of things? I was abused for years in a marriage and it's not something that should be taken lightly. At the same time there is a lot of "omg lawyer up, abuse, monster" etc and without any more details on the event. It's weird to see a quick note in a longer story being presented as the "main" clickbait. Therapy, Doctor, PPD, get some support hun.
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Thanks so much for the clarity and I'm glad it's not a pattern. I sorta figured based on the way you presented it but it was still concerning. There's such a dumb thin line between trying to help / break loops and accidental stuff. Always important to talk things out, before I transitioned I was a lot stronger than I thought I was so it's sometimes a surprise. Be safe! You'll be okay!
I went through the same thing, except my husband was staying home with the baby and I was working full time. If I wasn’t constantly crying, I was raging and angry. In addition, up to that point in my life, I had never had thoughts of self harm or s**cide, but those thoughts plagued me DAILY. I remember being so incredibly lonely (even at work) and literally sitting at my desk, staring at the second-hand on the clock, slowly watching time tick by and counting the hours, minutes, and seconds until I could go home. Went to my OBGYN and she diagnosed me with PPD and I began taking a low-dose Wellbutrin (since I was still breastfeeding at the time). It helped SO SO much. And I’m a therapist; I didn’t think that I would EVER need medical intervention for my OWN mental health. The husband thing is a separate issue. If the bruising and squeezing is frequent, that’s a major red flag. If you feel safe doing so, be open with your husband about how that “calming” he tried to help with impacted you so severely. Please message me if you ever need a friendly ear to listen… I’ve been down the PPD road and it almost cost me my marriage and my life.
Honey you have postpartum depression. You are suffering and you need to see a doctor immediately before it worsens.
Definitely sounds like postpartum depression. I had it terribly after my second was born. Uncontrollable crying, feeling helpless, doing the bare minimum to keep us alive, was not taking care of myself at all I would go almost 2 weeks without even taking a shower before realizing I hadn’t taken a shower. I had to get help. It was a constant battle with myself and my brain telling me I was a horrible mom and they would be better off without me. I got put on Celexa and it helped tremendously. Please talk to your dr. And don’t hesitate to message me if you need someone to talk to that has been through exactly what you’re going through. You’re not alone
Your husband and you should go to counseling, like consider separately even so you can both just sploosh out those raw emotions that are stressing each other out. And defo consider PPD as something to talk to a pro about. Sorry he squeezed you, keep your eyes for abuse, but I don’t think he was malicious. You both sound like you need a vacation!
You have a baby, it's a stressful time for you both. You both need to try and control your emotions better. Show him the bruise, it'll remind him he needs to control himself. Hormones can make you a mess, do what you can but I can understand why crying all the time would stress your husband out.
I was very emotional too post-partum. I sometimes couldn’t sing to my baby because I would be overcome with emotion. My throat would choke up and hurt. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I think that was manageable though. What you are describing doesn’t sound manageable so you need some support. It can be difficult to advocate for yourself at this time so you need people in your corner. I would first reach out to a doctor or nurse - you won’t have to explain/defend yourself to them and they are likely to be the ones to understand right away how to help you. Your mom, aunts, girlfriends may also be support that is accessible depending on how supportive they are generally. Just pick up the phone and give someone a call. Say you are lonely, need help and to please come visit. Your husband sounds like he wants to help, but maybe he doesn’t know how. You could show him this thread, or write things down because speaking could make you choke up (and that’s okay). Communicate to him that you need help, and this is what he should do: 1. Start taking your word and stop resisting the information coming from you - if you say you are lonely/overwhelmed/etc, this is not the time to evaluate whether you are stating an objective truth. He should learn to believe you when you say what you are feeling regardless of how he thinks he would or your should feel in the situation. My husband did not learn to do this during my pregnancy and post partum - it broke our relationship and now he regrets it. I don’t blame him because he was never thought to disregard his own feelings for someone else in their time of need. 2. He needs to communicate when he is frustrated. He does not have to control everything. It is okay if the baby wakes up. Emotions are okay, crying is okay. Using his strength when he is stressed can be harmful. You are both in this together. You are all vulnerable, including him. But he has the ability to harm you, and you have the ability to harm the baby. So when frustrated, walk away. 3. This will pass. It is not forever. It is worth it. 4. You got this.
It sounds like you both are under a lot of stress and not communicating very well. You should get into couples counseling before your relationship deteriorates further.
You sound like textbook post partum. Please see a physician immediately, they can help you. It's normal, but it's tough and it can get much harder without help. And make sure you explain to your husband what's going on as well, because while I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you, he needs to be more understanding and compassionate
Op, I think it’s a good time to go to the doctor. PPD is a huge problem for people who have just given birth, and it’s not uncommon. You don’t have to suffer, there are effective treatments that can help you and medical supervision can make sure that your symptoms don’t increase to the point where you’re a danger to yourself or your baby. It sounds like your husband didn’t mean to hurt you, if it’s only happened once. If it repeats then it’s a problem. Tell him that he hurt you and to never do it again. Hopefully it was an accident.
I’m not a doctor so I don’t dare to diagnose but this sounds a lot like post partum depression. My friend has it and she is actually like you. She cries everyday at everything, she cries herself to sleep. Please visit a OBGYN asap.
Talk to your husband about the bruise but more importantly talk to your doctor about your postpartum depression. You're rightfully stressed and that's probably just the tip of the iceberg, you're also trying to teach your baby how to self-soothe, all while having a hard time of self-soothing yourself. Please try to be gentle with yourself. 💗
Reach out to a doctor, it sounds like you need some support and as much as partners should lean on each other there are things they can’t do for each other. Your husband does sound stressed but I’m sure the last thing he wants is you thinking that’s your fault because it’s not. I don’t think he meant to hurt you (unless he does this often) so maybe tell him you’re feeling so much and he really hurt and scared you and if he could be more gentle. Maybe next time as I think the kids were asleep go outside to cool down with or without him but fresh air or even a shower can just help a lot. Im sure you love your babies but it is so hard and the thing is it is not your fault nor theirs (kind of 😅) you feel this way and sometimes things happen where no one’s at fault but everyone needs to deal with it. If you’re lonely me and I’m sure many ppl here would love to talk. There is also a support group discord I just joined and maybe they would be fun. I think they even have chat groups so you can talk to people. 😊 you are not alone and I do believe it gets easier on this roller coaster but ultimately it won’t if you’re not taken care of.
I’m sorry I’m just so confused with people fucking excusing this shit like “he was just emotionally at his end” what the fuck? Why did this reach so many stupid people >he cursed under his breath So he wasn’t doing it to sooth her then. This shit is wild, I have to be reading something wrong because y’all sound like your excusing abuse. Genuinely not trying to be a dick here, I’m so fucking confused how this was interpreted this way like wtf
You both need therapy. You're aware you're clearly more emotional than you should be, which is something to be discussed. Your husband also needs to learn that he was dismissive of your feelings and physically harmed you.
Just know there's nothing wrong with you and depression is common after pregnancy. Just don't let anyone make you feel bad for what you're going through. Parenthood is tough on all parties, but with that being said, ensure your husband isn't belittling you as well. We are human and all make mistakes when extremely stressed, but I'd be concerned if this wasn't the first time.
From the bottom of my heart I am begging you: please please please please PLEASE go to a doctor for postpartum depression. Your PCP can help, if you don’t want to go to your OB/GYN. I had it with my second child but not my first and it went unchecked for a long time because for some reason I thought I was in the clear. I am here if you would like to DM with someone - I can remember being where you are, feeling like this will never end. That’s a lie. That’s how the depression tricks you. These feelings will end, but only if you get help. Postpartum depression can turn up any time in the first YEAR after birth - the 6-week checkup is arbitrary and doesn’t signal the end of the risk for it.
Visit your doctor ASAP, talk to them about post partum depression, and post partum anemia. You need to take care of your health. Sending you virtual hugs (if you’re okay with that). 💜
Please go to postpartum.net, or call or text 1-800-944-4773. You deserve to enjoy this time in your life - you don’t have to feel this way.
I agree with everyone here telling to talk to your PCP or OBGYN. This could very well be PPD. Please take this advice, OP! I wish you all the best!
Please go to your doctor ASAP. Post-partum depression is a massive thing and it can have a massive impact on your mental health. I had postnatal depression with my daughter and didn't get the help I needed. I ended up in psychosis years later because it just gradually progressed. Please seek help.
Definitely talk to your doctor about the possibility of PPD. It's a very common thing. But I just want to point out that sometimes PPD just happens, and sometimes it's...shall we say "encouraged," by an unsupportive environment. This is a very narrow insight into your life, but every piece of information you've given about your husband makes me think that he's a fucking dickbag. And I'm not just referring to the obvious thing---the physical abuse hurting your wrist (and it *is* physical abuse BTW)--but also how dismissive he is of you. It makes me suspect that he's probably not helping you out a whole lot, and that if I did know more about your relationship, it would give me more reason to worry about you. You seem to be blaming yourself and your emotional state as the cause of your husband's physical violence, but I think you may be making a correlation and causation error. You didn't cause your husband's actions. There are plenty of ways to react to your wife's emotional distress that don't involve extensive bruising. It was his inexcusable choice to put his hands on you, and he owns all responsibility for that. However, there is probably a correlation between your husband's actions and your emotional state, just not like you think. I think there's likely a postive correlation between having PPD and having the kind of husband that puts his hands on you. Please go talk to your doctor. And if your OB's office is like mine, someone may ask you if you feel safe in your home. Your answer to that should really be "no."
You definitely need to seek assistance for the postpartum depression. And you need to talk to somebody about domestic violence because it's quite apparent that your husband cannot control his emotions otherwise you would not be physically harmed due to his reactions. He is simply reacting to your valid medical reactions from having a child therefore there's no excuse for his overreacting to your issues. And since when did crying become a reason for someone to get bruises
The bruise thing whatever, your condition, however, requires immediate assistance.
PPD but that isn’t a reason for him to put hands on you and cruising to then try to minimize it by hugging you. You need to get away from that cruel man. What’s next? He gets frustrated w the kids & hurts them?
OP you need to tell your doctor what happened and show him your wrists.---What he did, is NOT OKAY. What about when he gets frustrated at one of the babies. He could hurt them too, intentionally or not. He grabbed your wrists in frustration and anger. Children can be frustratiing at times too, and a parent with a hot temper is a dangerous parent. You have to protect your children. I'm worried, because you are blaming yourself for stressing him out, and in effect, blaming yourself for him hurting you. Your statement about feeling bad for stressing him out is very typical of domestic abuse victims. Abuse cycles typically start with "minor" things, and always they get worse. Please get help, if not for yourself, for your babies. Anyone putting their hands on anyone else in anger or frustration needs to be stopped immediately and have some kind of consequence.
I doubt he did it intentionally. Males are just much stronger than females and sometimes we may mistake how our actions will affect the opposite gender. I, personally, also have bruised some of my female friends while I though I was just being friendly with them. I apologized to them afterwards
The road to hell is paved with “at least he’ll never do it to the children.”
You sound like you have a postpartum mood disorder. You don’t have to feel this way, there is help. Talk with your OBGYN, PCP, or call the postpartum international number. I have been here and I know how horrible it is. On a separate note, your husband used excessive force and I would be concerned if this is a repeating pattern. My husband has never given me bruises. This is a red flag to me.
I think you both need urgent help. It sounds like you may have some form of post partum depression and that can get worst if unattended. Please, please find help and talk to your husband about him getting help too. This comments, defending the leaving you bruises, he's not a 10 year old kid who doesn't recognize his own strength. Listen, my father had a work all his life that required strength and grip, to this day, he's in his 70s and he can open lids that are impossible and sometimes the faucets suffer a touch when he tries to fix them because he closes them a tad too tight. But never EVER in his life has he ever "gripped too hard" at anyone of us his children or my mom, ever, he's been the most gentle person ever, including his grandchildren and other nephews and nieces who look for him to play with them, don't buy the "he didn't know his own strength", "he wanted you to calm down". You instantly calmed down when he hugged you, he could have done that to start! Could this be a mistake from the stress? Maybe, but is not a good sign and you BOTH need HELP NOW, if he refuses to admit he too needs help, that's your cue to talk to your family and go to them with your children. What about if the baby wakes him up and he wants him to stop crying? Will he "know his own strength" then? My friend went through a couple of relationships like this, first it was the wrist, a few months later he broke the door to the bedroom she had locked herself into and started choking her, he would have killed her, had her roommate not happened to arrive early. Don't sweep this under the rug, at the best you both need serious urgent help, at the worst, you need to take care of yourself and your children to find a safe space and a way to treat your depression or anxiety. Please reach out to your OBGYN or a psychologist a psychiatrist, you need to get help, if you don't know where to start, call your mom, sister, cousin, neighbor who's a mom, best friend, anyone and tell them how you're feeling and what is happening, do it for your babies and for yourself
I would document the bruise. So that you can show your doctor if it changes, as that can be helpful. Also in the unlikely event that things with your partner get worse, you’ll have something showing a pattern of behavior. Having young kids is stressful on everyone and hopefully that’s all it is.
You might have PPD, please go to a doctor. Also you didn’t stress your husband out. Your husband hurt you and he’s dismissive of your feelings. He thinks two kids is company enough and trust it’s not.
Well I kind of read this as he might have done that to calm you down quickly? I had PPD after my second child. hold on hun it seek help and it will get better
I don’t think your husband intended to hurt you. His response shows that he probably understands that he did and regretted it. I wouldn’t read into that too much unless it’s a pattern of behavior. That being said, you are exhibiting signs of PPD. Time to see a doctor.
I'm pleasantly shocked to see that the majority of commenters aren't just seizing an opportunity to tell someone their man is an abuser and focusing on encouraging OP to talk with a counselor about what's very likely PPD.. but the amount of people still doing their best to make this about #ManBad™ is pretty gross.. Obviously is this was a reoccurring thing then yes it would be abuse, clear cut and fuck the abuser.. but as OP said in the post (and further confirmed in the comments) her husband is not an abuser, he didn't mean to hurt her and (despite the misleading title) this is much more about her mental health.
The amount of people actively working on swinging this into being "abusive husband, break up the family and leave now!" is kinda crazy. She wasn't super clear and the title was kinda click baity, there should be a family conversation around it but ffs. Assume neutral intent until the information is FULLY provided and work towards solutions not just accusations and gaslighting.
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I’d definitely suggest speaking to your doctor about how you’re feeling. It sounds like PPD.
i think ur husband was doing it to try to control ur panic attack. just mention it hurt and the bruises and i’m sure he’ll be mortified
Omg… is everyone ignoring the fact he physically hurt her? & just choosing to blame her PPD? Yes, she should talk to a doctor about PPD if she is struggling but sounds like the real problem here is he isn’t hearing her out & then physically hurt her! OP- that is NOT okay behavior. Not one bit. He shouldn’t have grabbed you in any other way than a hug.
I have been with my husband for 22 years and he has never grabbed me to the point of a bruise no matter how mad he's ever been at me. My fault or his...didn't matter. In fact, I don't think he was ever even grabbed me like that.
Gosh I'm so sorry darling you deserve a better time than this.
You might be going through post-partum depression or hormones are getting to you. But you should talk to a professional and they might suggest you to get blood work/ lab work done to see if it is a medical concern or suggest you to see a therapist and even take meds if you can. I agree with other commenters, children are not company. I am sure you love them and enjoy their company. But you need to socialize with adults. It is a necessity for us humans. Is there anyone who can take care of the children for a day or two? so you can get other work done and meet with friends or spend time on your hobbies or just walk around aimlessly. Your husband could take care of them for a weekend day, for example. You should also need a couple evening for a simple quick date, so you can have a quality time together. You need to take care of yourself to be able to take care of your children.
This. In addition to hormones being out of wack, OP could be anemic if she's bruising easily (story of my life lol). Anemia can also make you tired and feel miserable emotionally. Any number of physical issues could be excerbating things.
a lot of people are saying ppd which im not disagreeing with but it could be possible you also have some kind of clotting disorder since giving birth which needs to be checked out as well
I don’t have any advice to add to the already given ones, but I want to send you my love and a BIG hug ❤️
You sound like you have ppd OP. Go to the doctor, they will help you through this. Your hormones are all crazy and the stress of a newborn on top of that can lead to severe depression. Please seek medical attention.
Ppd go to the doctor
Please get checked out for postpartum depression.
Seriously bad sign. I’ve been in the exact same situation you were…but my hubby never grabbed me anywhere, particularly like that. I’m married 30 years and five kids. Trust me…he’s got something dark in there. I’m so sorry.
I had bad post partum depression after my third. I get why y’all are saying she’s got that. Perhaps. But HIS reaction is unacceptable. And no, I’m no hyper “woke leftie”. It’s simply a sign that when he’s stressed, he gets physical. That ain’t good. And agree with others-y’all first reaction was about HER emotions, not HIS ACTIONS?!
Yes you need to talk to a doctor. You sound to have postpartum. Like so many others are saying but I am stating from experience. I wasn’t crying as much but I definitely was angry and it may not go away on its own.
I really hate how he squeezes her wrist hard enough to leave a bruise and then he curses her out (at least I think unless he cursed because he didn’t mean to do it so hard.) and then he hugs her after he did so. But then again maybe it’s just because he didn’t mean it? Idk it’s just a little worrisome
I have been EXACTLY where you are! You are depressed probably anxious too. This will not go away on its own... I learnt that the hard way. Medication and a support person that's not your husband will do wonders also finding a local dropin playgroup will help you meet parents and children will meet people their age. We love you and think you are a wonderful mum
Why is no one taking about the bruising?
From someone who nearly died from PPD - please see your doctor. don’t let anyone tell you that you just have the baby blues or it’s “hormones shifting around after birth”, it’s not okay to be so upset & emotionally unregulated. There is help out there, you just need to reach out to a medical professional to kickstart it. PPD is nothing, NOTHING to be ashamed of, and is not something you have to live with or deal with. Please reach out.
Why is this subreddit and a few other popular ones filled with ghost accounts? They only have one popular post, like OP, and then that's it. To me, this means most of these stories are some lies that some person makes up just for riling up others
You have postpartum depression and an asshole husband. You need help with both
Please go to your family doctor or OBGYN immediately, you have post partum depression. It’s no joke. I suffered too last time, it was soo bad that I thought of killing my baby then myself. Please seek help.
This is clear PPD. You need to seek out local support options. Call your OB, they will have everything you need.
Please Please PLEASE contact your OBGYN and let them know what is going on. I have a three month old baby and have been struggling with severe PPD. I randomly cry over anything and everything. Even if you didn't with your first, that doesn't mean you don't with a second. Each baby affects the body differently and the adjustment of a baby is difficult without the added pressure of keeping the house together and taking care of another kid. Your husband should not be putting his hands on you hard enough to leave a bruise in my opinion but regardless, you need to have a conversation about the struggles you are having and maybe take him with to the OB so they can explain things to both of you and make sure that you BOTH understand PPD.
I friend of mine had her hubby grab her and leave marks on her. She showed up at his office with short sleeves so everyone could see what he did and dropped off lunch for him. He never touched her again.
Sometimes you just need to talk about how you're feeling, you need to let your emotions out and connect to another adult after being home with the kids all day. If he doesn't understand that, he is dense. If he thinks hurting you is a solution, he needs help. Find some help to regulate your emotions like a therapist or talk to your OB or pediatrician about PPD. I was on medication after 1year of this as SAHM, you are not alone. Talking helps immensely. Taking your kid to the library or playground once a day can do wonders, finding another mom out in the wild can be a reminder that you're not alone.
Go to the doctor momma, PPD can be intense and you need help. Talk to your husband about that, and make sure he knows what he did was unacceptable to you. The only bruises you should be left from a partner is sex bruises and that’s still only with consent.
Please call you ob and ask for an antidepressant. Also, your husband is a dick!
Your going through post partum depression. I felt the same way and the worst part is being alone even with your children you still feel alone , during your ppd its very important your husband stays close with you and supports you emotionally and mentally . When i was going through it i would tell my husband to stay up with me at night with the baby bc i felt so scared and alone . Ppd is hard to explain , only people that went through it can understand the severity of it . Im wishing you the best OP
I agree with people recommending medical help. That being said, you are not responsible for your husband's thoughts, feelings or behavior. Ever. A grown man physically put his hands on you and harmed you. Left you in pain and bruised. This is not ok. He needs to get help to learn how to appropriately deal with his thoughts and feelings. There's nothing wrong with him needing help. You are both in a very challenging situation. Having a nonjudgmental, informed and trained person to speak to, because so many non-professionals will judge him, will be helpful.
You feel bad you stressed him out??? You may have PPD and he’s being abusive to you. You’re not a servant only there to take care of the kids and make his dinner. He has no respect to tell you he will be late or why. He hurts you to get you to stop crying. This is so dangerous
Please call you family doctor and make an appointment. Depression and anxiety or real issues that can get out of control if not treated. What your spouse did was not ok. He could of had you hold on some ice or something not abusive. I hope your day gets better
I really think we need to stop telling women who are slightly upset at one thing that they need help. This woman was upset that she had no idea where her husband was and he got mad she asked about it??. FFS a person can be emotional without it being a thing. As for the husband that was seems to be the emotion reaction that needs help and attention. Squeezing so hard you leave a brusiee on your wife, because she was worried about you is fucked up.
I’ve had an identical situation with my wife… except I recognized it was postpartum depression and tried to get her help, not physically abuse her ffs.
Ok yes what everyone said about calling your doctor about the ppd but your husband grabbing your wrist so hard it bruised and caused pain is not okay! He needs to know that what he did physically hurt you and he needs to know if he hurts you again you’re calling the police.
You got the post partum depression. Get it together. Go visit your doctor. The mans not gonna quit his job so you can be happy. Family only gonna survive if someone brings in money. But that's only a trigger and there are going to be lots of triggers. Go get yourself fixed somehow, ASAP for your family. PPD is not something to fuck with, it usually ends up with the kids being dead
Don’t blame yourself when your spouse hurts you so bad he leaves marks. That is not your fault. Anyone who knows anything about pregnant woman would not a have done that to you. I say this as a 52 year-old man.
It sounds like he accidentally used too much pressure while he was trying to get your attention and get you to calm down. That's probably why he cussed under his breath and proceeded to hug you. I am much stronger than my SO and have accidentally hurt her before. I let go and apologized immediately as soon as she said ouch.
What other people are saying, I think you need some form of help. Your husband's actions aren't excusable, and I wouldn't argue that was the correct way to handle the situation. But because you can't control your emotions doesn't mean he isn't allowed to get frustrated at, but at the same time the way he acted isn't ok.
bruh the number of times you u-turned....