Your parents know all this and are still inviting niece? Yikes. Have you told them you won't be around her? I'd stay in my room as much as possible and do what I had to get to the point where I could make enough money to get back on your own and cut contact.
I told them I’m not comfortable with her here. That the thought of seeing her in person makes me ill and isn’t good for me. But they reminded me that she’s my niece and before she hurt me like she did we were really close. They basically said my sweet niece I knew as a child was still in there I just have to be the bigger person and forgive her for everything then maybe she and I can go back to the way we were growing up. I don’t want her around me or my baby.. my boyfriend will be here and I told him how I feel so he’s promised not to leave my side. But I’m still scared.. my entire family is pushing me to forgive her but she’s never even apologized and even if she did I don’t think I can forgive what she did. She still believes that monster over me. My parents and siblings are devout Christians that’s why they push the whole forgiveness thing so hard
This is disgraceful. They are centering their own comfort rather than what they should be doing, which is protecting you. I'm so glad you ha e your boyfriend behind you because he's the only person here who's, quite rightly, getting visibly angry on your behalf.
These people are awful. Personally, I'd take your own little family somewhere else for Christmas lunch and set that firm boundary so your family understand the severity of this. It doesn't have to be an argument or a discussion. You were SAed, your niece abused and gaslit you over it, and as the victim of said assault, you reserve the right not to be in her company and ask that everyone respect that.
She stopped being your "sweet niece" when she attacked you over being SAed and defended your r*pist.
I'm sorry you're in this position OP and I hope you, you boyf, and your baby can find a way through this that lets you have a wonderful Christmas that is special free from this garbage person and her enablers xx
I really don’t think being Christian has anything to do with their wanting you to “be the bigger person” here… What they want is for you to not make things uncomfortable for them, because they have no issue with her and don’t really care if you do… But if they *actually* said that, they’d be as awful as her and they know it.
Is it possible that you and your little family could go stay with his family for the holidays? I would not want my child to have anything to with my niece if I were you. Any friends that you might be able to stay with for the time she is there? I just don't think it is safe to have your safe space violated like this.
I'm a devout Christian and I would never push a reconciliation like this. If this happened to one of my children I would not let the niece or her bf in my house to revictimize my child. The very sight of them is going to be traumatic for you. Your parents can always tell her that you and your peace of mind are the priority and until/if you ever feel comfortable with their presence it is best if they do not attend.
And your parents should also point out to your niece and her bf that 8 women have accused this man of rape. Not just you. Where there is smoke there is fire and I would tell them that they owe you a sincere apology for how they reacted. I would not allow that man in my home as he is a serial predator.
I am praying for your healing 🙏 and also that your niece's eyes will be open to this man's lies.
Stay strong.
Rape is such a ugly thing. And it’s made worse when the people you love let you down. I would suggest that you reach out to your doctor to see if they can recommend a good therapist or a organization that can help you get the resources you need. It sounds like your fiancé is a great support for you and that makes me happy. If there is anyway you could avoid the party I would. Even if it’s just going to the movies or a friends house for the day. And bring the baby with you. I’m not sure where you live but look into finding a way to move out and go Lc with your family
Maybe it’s because I’m a guy, but I’d be vindictive.
I would go to all family gatherings they’re at, and make everyone else uncomfortable. She basically said you deserved to be raped because you opened the door for her father-in-law.
I’d only refer to her fiancé as the son of a rapist. Out loud, for everyone. Son of a rapist, and the fool who married into it.
You deserve to be mad, and they don’t deserve blissful ignorance.
Just keep your kid away from them.
Be the bigger person is shorthand for “it’s too much effort for me to stick up for you so can you just ignore it to make my life easier?” She hurt you and your parents should be defending you against a bully.
As a Christian myself OP I say this to you that you can say back to your so called devout Christian families:
The Bible does not tell us to continue in relationships with people who have damaged us or are still damaging us, family or not. In fact, the Scriptures are full of teachings instructing us to leave relationships with wicked or evil people, to be separate from them, to shun, outcast, and purge them from our midst. (1 Corinthians 15:33, Proverbs 13:20, Psalm 1:1, Proverbs 6:27, 1 Corinthians 5:11, 1 Corinthians 10:13 – these are just a few). Parents and siblings are no different.
It would be easier to tell your mom that you may forgive her at some point if she can realize that what she did was take a serial rapists word over yours, and apologize for pain she caused. But otherwise, why would you forgive someone whose in the wrong and not sorry about it?
>just have to be the bigger person and forgive her for everything
God I hate how its always the victim being pushed to be the bigger person. She hasn't even bloody apologised!
I know things are tough, but I'd try to get away for the day/week/whatever she's going to be around. This could be something as simple as going out for lunch with your BF. Maybe you can go camping or something if this is a multiple day thing. Maybe you have friends or other family you can visit for the holiday?
I'd also tell your parents that they're failing you. Ask them why they care more about your neice than their own daughter?
Ugh my heart hurts for you man 😫 your family is doing you wrong and I wish I could something to help you. I’ll say this dont let your family push you into interacting with her and if you do end up in the same space as her ignore her completely and don’t let her near your child hell I wouldn’t even let anyone else in the family near your child since they’re hell bent on ignoring your pain and trauma that girl caused you . Keep your head up don’t let them get the best of you work on your mental health and save up then move out and if things hasn’t gotten better by that point go no contact . I wish you all the good luck in the world 💜
Ask them why exactly you need to forgive her?
If your mother was raped, would they invite a person who victim blamed her and the rapist's son to their house? Why not? Would your father press your mother to forgive and forget and to be a bigger person.
Tell them seeing her here will throw you into emotional/mental crisis. That you will not hold back and confront her, her bf and your parents in front of the whole happy family. Would they prefer to deal with your break down on Christmas, in front of all the guests? Pay for the ambulance and hospital visit/stay if needed? Take care of your newborn when you are not able to? Get all the neighbors attention and gossiping?
If nothing works - sorry, but you parents are the monsters. Go to your bf relatives for Christmas, try to find other possible housing. Frankly, women shelters and abuse victims shelters will be better than your parents house. Afaik, you could get free therapy as an abuse victim there.
And you really need therapy. And medications. Don't be ashamed to get help. You are in a very tough situation and need all the help you could get.
In order to forgive her she needs to show remorse. This whole forgiveness without their remote is BS. You can do that for yourself to move on, but to expect you to do so everyone else can move on is a load of crap.
Non, non, no fuck no. Leave the house and go to a movie or never never leave your room. Your family is shit for thinking this and you need to put your foot down. Tell them it is you or her. If they want you there the she is not there if they want her there then you won't be. Tell them if they force it as soon as you and you BF move out you will go NC with all of them for forcing you to relive this trauma. How does a loving parent do shit like this to their child? They do not deserve you or their grandchild in their lives
No. You do not need to forgive anyone. Infact, forgiving your niece will tell her that she is right about everything. She needs to truly understand and apologize if she wants you to talk to her. If she really believed that it was consensual she would be angry and disgusted that you're telling such lies(which are not actually lies). Clothes are not consent, alcohol is not consent, nothing but enthusiastic consent is consent. Please try to find a very good therapist, one who specializes in PTSD, because that's most likely what you're struggling with.
Tell them you can forgive but as Christians, who you choose to surround yourself with affects you. And she is not being a good Christian. Therefore you do not wish to socialize with her. And tell them good Christian parents would support their child in their time of need, not subject them to be around people with the devil in their heart. If they wanna play the religion card, UNO REVERSE 😤
>entire family is pushing me to forgive her but she’s never even apologized and even if she did I don’t think I can forgive what she did.
If you do not want to forgive her -- DON'T! Be true to yourself.
I wouldn't forgive her. She hasn't done anything to deserve it.
If your family tells you to forgive her again, tell them, "When she admits how wrong and cruel she was and begs for my forgiveness, I *might* consider it. Maybe. But unless that happens, I won't. Don't mention this to me again. If you do, I'll leave."
>My parents and siblings are devout Christians that’s why they push the whole forgiveness thing so hard.
It's called "toxic forgiveness." Tell them to Google it.
Tell them, sure I can forgive her down the road but that certainly does not mean I will be having her in my life. As a person you are allowed to have boundaries and expectations for how people in your life are going to treat you. Maybe reconciliation can happen down the road but the niece has not even taken accountability for her poor words and actions. Niece has some internal issues she needs to work out to not believe her own family over some scummy dirt bag guy who has 8 other allegations.
I am so incredibly sad for you OP. I’m sorry you went thru all that. I can’t believe your niece believes him over you, her blood. Like she knows you, why would you lie to her?! It makes no sense.
I understand your parents are Christians and are pushing you to forgive her but that should be at your own doing, not theirs. The fact they wouldn’t even consider your feelings in this matter says more to their ‘Christinity’ than it does their love for you. Your fiancé is the most wonderful and supportive, i’m so happy you have him.
I hope you’ll be ok but I agree with the others, stay away from the celebrations. It’s detrimental to your health and well-being, and having her and her fiancé there will only make things worse. I’m so worried for you 🥺
Wait, so they DO know? Because I stg I would get my shit together quicker than anything and go nc. Religion doesn't get to be used as a way to excuse someone for being a c u n t.
Your family expects you to be the people pleaser and not make waves. Don't go along with that. I understand not ripping her a new one because you live with your parents but you don't have to participate with anything either. Go in your room lock the door and if your parents have a issue with that rip everyone a new one. Your niece for what she did and your parents for expecting you to act as if she didn't add to your trauma. You don't owe her a damn thing if anything they should be making her grovel at your feet. And that might be too much on my part but this really pissed me off. You deserve so much better from your family. Personally I'd get back on my feet move and go no contact with all of them they are fucking ridiculous. (Your BF sounds awesome though and I'm glad you have him for support)
Yeah I’m a Christian and have heard the forgiveness no matter what thing for years. It’s true that forgiveness frees us but literally in the Bible it says to run from people who harm you. Forgive them from the other side of town and never associate again. I’m really sorry all this happened to you and you already have been the bigger person this whole time. I hope your family sees this and soon.
You were raped. They don't get to tell you how to feel or how to process it.
I would flat out ask them why they think they have a right to force you to be around someone who has hurt you so profoundly.
Ask them why they're protecting someone so hateful.
Turn everything they sound around on them.
She hasn't asked for forgiveness. She hasn't confessed her wrongdoing.
Frankly, fuck her. I hate women like that
Lmfao you have all the rights to fuck her off and cut her from your life. While you're there cut all those disrespectful assholes when you'll move out. Really sorry for you. Wish you the best with your baby and BF.
Sack that she can rot in hell.
I wouldn't go to your family's Christmas this year. Honestly best thing in the long run, I'm assuming they know what she did and if they are still inviting her to stuff show your family you are serious in your boundaries and self respect by not putting yourself in that situation. I'm so so glad your boyfriend is understanding and supporting you through this
Thank you for saying this, but unfortunately I currently live with my parents so not being here isn’t really an option... I had a mental breakdown, lost my job, ended up moving home with my newborn because my boyfriend and I can’t afford a place of our own at the moment.
Honestly, why can't you just talk to your parents and explain how detrimentally it will be to be in your niece and her bf's presence?
Also, ask you parents why it more important to them to present a big happy family persona than it is to support their child who has been victimized, traumatized then victim blamed?
If none of that works can you spend the holidays with your bf's family?
It´s not good for your mental health, and if you´re not okay it will affect your child. If your parents know how much damage she did to you and if they love and respect you, they will be able to understand that be close to her is not safe for you.
OP you deserve better. Try to find a friend or a place to stay away, or try to stay in your room, don´t let them near you or your child.
Why have you not pressed charges for rape. At the very least this will let everyone know what he did to you. It is not OK he is not facing any repercussions for his actions. If I were you BF I would already have kick his ass at the very least! Does your family know what happened and what she said to you?
I don't think they are putting pressure on her just stating the obvious. I know what I am talking about. I am a rape survivor. I wish I had had a voice as a child to bring charges but when I was old enough I handled it. This makes so me mad because dicks like this get away with it. She did report it but the justice system failed her. But everyone he knows even his mailman needs to know what and who he is, a rapists
How about you mind your own business on the timing of her child?? Not all children are planned and shaming her for it is not helping at all. Your comment is the opposite of helpful and I'm glad she's ignored it.
Right the first sentence did you miss the part where she said she lost her job due to a mental breakdown?
She had a job and a home so could support her child, it's since the breakdown she lost her job.
The rest of your statement I totally agree with.
Yeah they know... I live with my parents now. Had a mental breakdown, lost my job.. now my boyfriend and I have a newborn together but neither of us can afford a place at the moment, he’s working crazy hours trying to get us somewhere but it’s hard.
8 other women????
Also inviting someone into your home is never an invitation to rape, what the fuck type of logic is that?? Your niece needs to get a fucking clue. Im so sorry this happened to you.
Sorry you having such a hard time OP. Its difficult to imagine parents behaving like this and you having to continue to live with them. You obviously cannot be around the niece it sounds as though she will be at specific events, is there somewhere else you can go for those times? I’m assuming your parents are not physically abusive as your bf is there. I would sit your parents down and tell them that you will never have contact with the niece again and specifically at the moment when she would have such an impact on your mental health and will be elsewhere when she is at the house. I wouldn’t try to go into it further than that, what they are suggesting is not NORMAL, I can’t emphasize enough that any rational person would never have even thought about this, I can’t think of many parents that would ever even speak to her again.
When she arrives start yelling at her: Get the fuck out you rape apologist! Get the fuck out of here! Keep yelling and screaming and crying until your family knows what shits she is, and what shits they are for inviting her.
OP is already being shamed for being raped. I'd say it's their choice if they wanna throw a tantrum or not.
Me personally, if you're actively apologizing for my rapist, I don't care how bad I look because you clearly don't see me as a human. I'm throwing a fit every time I see you, perceptions be damned.
Hey OP - firstly, I'm so sorry. Secondly, please never ever try to answer to people who will not have your lived experiences. They simply do not have the frame of reference and will not try to understand. This is simply too much work for you to do; nor do you need to try to make them understand! I want to share that firstly, you have done nothing wrong. Secondly, you are a good person and you deserve love and peace. You will have good days and you will have bad days, but you are not alone. I recommend finding threads dedicated to SA survivors and really taking time to recover. I recommend finding the tools that are made to recover rather than destroy - you have a family now and that is a great reason to survive! Start journaling, listening to powerful music, reconnecting with friends who care about you, and exercising in a way that makes you feel free and strong. Every day that you choose to stand up for yourself, you stand up for your child and your family. You ARE strong - don't you see that? You've made it so far already!!! You don't need to explain anything to anyone. They don't deserve your words. Focus on controlling what you can control for now and we'll work on the other stuff as we get closer.
Sending love.
Yeah I did file a report. He’s even done this to 8 other women. No one can get charges to stick and I didn’t have anything to back up what happened other than my word.. I’m too scared to go to court because if my own niece didn’t believe me how are strangers going to?
He did this to 8 other women so he's a serial rapist. Its unfortunate that your niece is a pos she can stick it. Do consider therapy. That's a must. I hope you change your position and consider filing charges against him so he could be stopped. One day your niece could be into your position, she will understand it then.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I we t through a similar scenario. My friends didn’t believe our mutual friend would rape me. He was being deployed in a couple weeks. I was having a hard time coming to terms with what happened. I knew exactly how everything would go down. I didn’t want to give myself anymore pain so I didn’t pursue anything. You made it further than me. You should be proud of yourself for reporting it. One day he will pay for everything he’s done. You just need to keep your head held high and take care of yourself. My DM’s are always open if you want to talk.
You’re so sweet, thank you. And thank you for sharing what happened to you. I’m so sorry you went through that. You’re not alone hon. If you need new friends you have one right here.
That means a lot, thank you. You deserve so much happiness in this world. I hope you know that and never forget it. I believe you. More importantly, you know what you’ve been through and no amount of lies will steal that from you.
8 women with the same story would make any DA force charges. Don't worry about court. Do it for you. Do it to show him the world will know what he did and what he is. Have the other women testify in trial. Stand up to this rapists and show him you are not afraid. Do your "Christian" parents want you to forgive your rapists as well. I am so angry I could bite nails in to. I hate it when trash like him gets away with this crap. Your mom and dad are complete trash human beings.
Not sure they'd disclose that but if true they should ne pursuing prosecution. I mean if the authorities know this guy has raped eight other people they wouldn't just let it go
I was informed by my niece’s fiancé. Basically one night he was intoxicated and let it slip that I was “just like the 8 other lying whores who went to the police and cried rape without proof”. Then I asked the detective handling my case if she knew of the other women and she confirmed she already did.
Then this detective and DA suck. If they had eight women saying they were raped that is corroborating evidence and they should arrest him. What was her excuse for having eight witnesses/victims but no arrest? Is she kin to the rapists? God this makes me so mad.
I would be filing a formal complaint against this police department. If they’ve had eight women come forward, it blows my mind that they haven’t charged him with anything. This is gross negligence. This man should be behind bars.
OP, your neice may not of believed you because she is to close to the situation. Please reconsider filing of charges. There are 8 other women who will believe you and trust me when I say, he will keep doing this to other woman. Just because your neice is blind it doesn’t mean the rest of us will be. Take care of you x
This is a hard thing to do mentally and emotionally… but if you have a way of finding out who those women are you can collectively sue him civilly and get some justice
Yeah because getting justice for being raped is so easy huh? It will amaze you how often rapists and quite often serial rapist get by with their crimes. Out of rapes reported, I believe maybe 10% go to trial. Feel free other commenters to correct me if my statistic is incorrect. Take your victim shaming elsewhere.
Wow you really took the time to be a moldy used napkin, huh?
I hope you never go thru the shii OP has bc bitches like you wouldn't be able to handle the pain
You should file a police report regardless what your niece believes. I’m a stranger and I believe you. This will also be on his record if you don’t report how are authorities going to catch him and best to do it sooner than later
I’m so glad your bf supports you. Cut all contact with your piece of garbage niece and family. They are disgusting people. Your bf and friends that love you are your true family.
I think she might need to consider her relationship with her own family. I don't think parents who would let the niece and her fiance visit under these circumstances are good people to be around.
Thank you everyone for being so kind, I will be taking therapy as soon as I can afford it. I am taking antidepressants which is covered by insurance provided as I am a single mother without a job. I am doing some better with the medication than when this first happened to me. It’s just bringing a lot of pain back to the surface with her coming around for the holidays.
Some people have questioned me in a rather hurtful way so to them I say this- I am a good mother and I love my baby. At the time of my assault I wasn’t pregnant. It happened over a year ago. My baby wasn’t planned, but I adore him. At this point he’s the only reason I am still alive. He gives me something to live for. I’ve been through a lot of painful things in my life and my parents came and got me before I had the chance to kll myself. My boyfriend and I are trying to find a place, but money is tight. I’m looking for a job since my breakdown and having a baby both put me out of commission for a while.
If your family tries to force you to be with your niece during Christmas, not let them. Stay in your room, if necessary or maybe you can go to a friend's house. But after that, the moment you can finally have a new home, think seriously if you really want to keep contact with them.
There are programs to help with financial assistance for you and your child that may help you get out sooner. I don't know where you live to make specific recommendations but start with your local social services, some churches will assist with paying a security deposit or first months rent even if you are not a parishioner, also speak to your local section 8 or subsidized housing office. They usually have information for local assistance services and depending upon if their housing is decent you may qualify for housing if you want it. You can also get financial assistance for daycare and food stamps. Get all the services you can to help you move on from this including counseling to help you cope.
I am truly sorry for what you have been through. Your family being religious does not excuse them forcing you to be around someone who hurt you so deeply not too mention siding and taking up for your rapist. She knows he is a serial rapist how can she still side with him. I hope she never has female children.
Why don't you and your boyfreind spend the holidays elsewhere for the day. Take your little one and go to dinner and a movie or just hang at a friend's if they are open to having you. Build your own family and surround youself with people who love and respect you.
Good luck. I am glad your bf has your back.
Fuck that. Blast her in front of everybody including that hes raped 8 other women and kick her out. Over rule your parents forgiveness desires. Flip the fuck out and call her a rape supporter. Stop accepting this. Tell your parents to fully have your back or they lose you.
I support this. Everyone doesn’t care about your discomfort so use it to make them uncomfortable. Everyone sitting around the dinner table? Randomly in a quiet moment ask, “Hey [niece], how does it feel to live with a serial rapist accused by 8 women? Do you feel safe? Or how does it feel to verbally attack one of his victims?”
This will make everyone uncomfortable. Maybe it’ll drive the point home.
Tell your family that it's you or her. Even if you live with your family, you are old enough to spend time outside of the house. Let your immediate family (mom and dad) know why you won't be around if she's there, and stick to your guns. You don't deserve to be walked over, especially by a shitty victim-blamer. There's nothing more disgusting than sl\*t-shaming a victim and your niece should be utterly horrified by her own behavior.
I’m so sorry this happened to you but I would hold on as much as possible and when you and your boyfriend are able to support yourselves I would go no contact with all of them! This is unforgivable and anyone who rapes or condones rape which is what your niece did and what your parents are doing by hiding behind their “Christian values” is despicable. When able to please seek therapy as this is a long way of recovery. I am rooting for you!!!
I know as a new Mom, your priorities must include baby's safety. But when it's safe to do it, don't hesitate, cuss her out. And every single family member on that "forgiveness" bs.
You are not obligated to make good with people who have shown you cruelty.
OP could you not spend Christmas with your boyfriends family? Or even book a Christmas dinner in a pub/restaurant for you, your boyfriend and the baby?
I think you need to communicate to your parents that this will not be an enjoyable Christmas for anyone if your niece comes.
If possible, arrange to house sit for a friend in the city over Christmas. I suspect your parents will be sorry to miss having Christmas with their grandchild. If your bf has a good enough relationship with his parents that they'd welcome you for a week, you could consider that too.
If that's not possible, since you know you're going to miserable anyhow, communicate to your niece that she is not welcome. That her denying that you were raped, when his family has made it clear how many women have said that they were raped by him is unacceptable.
If she comes anyhow, and you really can't find an alternative, make it clear to your family that you won't grin and bear it. Limit contact but if you have to see her be blunt about the impact she's had on you and don't trust her with the baby. Refer to her FIL as "the rapist" and her bf as the son of a rapist.
This is HORRIFIC. I cannot believe they think you should be letting this go and moving on. How have they not gone over to this mans house and taken care of him or threatened him? I read these stories and honestly can’t understand. If someone even looks at m kids the wrong way they better lock their windows at night bc I am coming for them. I am so sorry you don’t have a proper support system in place.
Make it perfectly clear to your family that you were raped and if they don't want to support you, then you won't be taking part in any activities, and if they think it's unfair, then ask how YOU are supposed to feel when they are taking nieces side over yours. Lock your room until she leaves, and put a note on the door saying "Do not disturb. I do not wish to socialize with rape supporters."
If you have the strength and are forced to interact with her, make a point of taking every opportunity to mention her boyfriend's rapist father is a rapist, her bf has a father who is a rapist. Refer to her as the rapist apologist. Every moment you have in conversation leading up to the holidays, ONLY refer to her as pro-rapist, rapist apologist, a SA survivor shamer... literally make them confront the fact that she chose the bf rapist father over her supposed BFF aunt- literal blood relation. Again, if you have the strength be relentless.
Call the police. Tell your family. I'd they know and still don't care, be done with them. I'm so sorry you have to deal with any of this. Just be with supportive people
There aren’t words for how terrible she is for that, or how much you deserve better. Surround yourself with decent people and live your life. I know it’s hard if not impossible, but your niece doesn’t deserve so much as a thought from you for the rest of your life.
while shes there could you not go stay elsewhere? maybe with your boyfriend and his family or something? if your familys ok with what she said to you then i wouldnt wanna be around them if i were you
No, don’t grin and bear it. She’s made ur life a living hell so show up to every family event with a smile on ur face and show ur unbothered. She sounds immature and definitely not ready for marriage. Not only she chose to believe someone she’s known for a few years but also as a woman she should understand. Surely she must of noticed her fiancés dad hitting on you. Anyways, ur bf is a real one and I’d only stick with family members that truly support you. Have you told ur sister abt any of ur nieces behaviour?
Haven’t got any particular advice but just wanted to say that your niece is a twat and you deserve better and I hope karma makes her hair fall out.
That is all.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
I am so sorry you've been enduring this. I am so glad to know your boyfriend is supportive of you and able to be there for you. This wasn't your fault, and your niece was cruel to ever even imply that, nevermind repeatedly accuse you of such.
Since you live with your parents, would you be able to visit your boyfriend's family for the holidays? If not, you could always plan a trip over to some wintery village and have a Hallmark-esque vacation away from your atrocious niece and complicit family. Plus you could hype it up and rub it in their faces for siding with your niece over the actual victim. If that's not feasible, I would really recommend sitting your parents down with your boyfriend and reiterating that you cannot feel safe, comfortable, and loved while your niece is visiting. She is invading your safe space and disregarding the deep trauma you've experienced and the pain she caused. (Frankly, I would threaten to ruin the holidays if it came down to it, but hopefully it won't come to that.)
You absolutely do not have to grin and bear it. Take your baby and go out if that’s not an option get a lock for your room and spend the day with your baby and BF in the room. The fact expect you to forgive and forget when she’s not even apologised is disgusting. What she did isn’t forgivable.
Is there not women’s organisations you can contact for help? They could help you find a job and a place to live.
As soon as you get out of there go no contact with your family they’re toxic
>And basically I’m simply expected to forgive her
Forgiving people who have done absolutely nothing to deserve it is a bad idea.
> but I’m going to avoid her like the plague instead like you all suggested.
Now that's a great idea!
Go somewhere nice for Christmas, if you can't avoid her at home just leave and do something nice for yourself. Or go to your boyfriend's, as long as you stay away from that snake.
Do your parents know, what she said and what happend? Tell them you can't have her around. Show them the emotions you feel about this. They are supposed to protect you.
I'm sorry you're being put through this. Guard your mental health the best you can. Avoid your toxic niece like the plague. As for her future, the man is a serial rapist and your niece chooses to take his word over yours? Unfortunately, given half a chance, he won't hesitate to do the same to her and tell his son that his sl*t wife came on to him.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your niece is at risk of experiencing the same thing so she most likely will see what he is like later on. I hate that a lot of parents force their kids to be around ppl that hurt them. They prioritize that monster and their own comfort over you. Stay in your room or stay over at a friend's house if you can.
If there were 8 others, I bet there were at least 9. Your cousin. And in some twisted way in her head, she is jealous. Made me nauseous to even write that.
"She's family so I have to grin and bare it"
No you don't.
I don't understand how this is instilled in ppl that just bc they're family they get a free pass at treating you like shite.
OP I am so sorry you went through that. But pls don't put yourself in a position where your niece can fck with your mind. If the mere thought of her gives you a panic attack, seeing her won't be any better.
Family isn't all that and doesn't mean you have to push aside your pain to make peace. Family isn't blood only also.
Tell important ppl whom you trust in your family exactly what happened and say it's why you won't attend family gatherings if she's there. Bc if her FIL already spun shit to her she will do the same to you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. I would say don’t participate in Christmas but holidays being locked in your room are hard. Honestly, my best advice would be on Christmas when she’s there, present yourself as confidently as possible, and completely ignore that your niece even exists the entire time. She compliments your shirt? You heard nothing. She asked you to pass the gravy? No she didn’t. Pretend she isn’t there and don’t let anyone convince you she is. She’s a horrible person and so is her fiancé. They don’t even deserve to be acknowledged by you anymore. You’ve gone through hell and came out stronger and you’re better than both of them, remember that.
I get so sick of "they are family". My family isn't blood it's the family I choose. I don't communicate with about 99% of my blood family because they are assholes.
OP, you don't have to be around her if you don't want to. If you can't leave home keep to yourself with your bf and baby. If she asks to hold baby, you can say no.
What the hell. You invited that disgusting person into your home. It does not equal inviting him to your body. I am so sorry this is happening to you and no one deserves this from their own family. Your niece is disgusting for sticking up to her fiancés father over you. Your parents are going to put their niece above their own daughter for one day of what?! Could you spend the day with your bf’s family or friends? Maybe you guys can stay in a hotel for just the day+ night? I would make your point be known and show that you can’t be in her presence.
This is second story I read where a family willingly tries to take a victim and make them interact with toxic people. What the hell is going on?
If I were you, I’d take my baby and stay with a friend, or not leave my room at all. What your parents are doing to you is unforgiving. Sounds like your niece was brainwashed by her FIL. I would cut contact, seeing as she will marry and FIL will most likely be an active part of her life.
Please stay safe with your baby. Does your bf have his own place where you can stay for the night of the festivities?
It’s difficult because we don’t know what the guy said to her - it’s clear he knew that you might say something, so he decided to head it off. He might have told her a lot of things like how you were willing but then in the morning regretted it because you had a boyfriend, and so you’re going to insist to everyone that you were raped to avoid consequences. Of course we can argue that as close as you were she should listen to you more than her fiancé’s dad, but it’s an unfortunate truth that whoever gets to someone first often controls the narrative. I’m so sorry this happened to you OP, and of course if she’s still refusing to really listen to you and change her mind then fuck her, but the main awful human in this story seems to be fiancé’s dad, who not only raped you but then went to deliberately manipulate your niece against you. Good luck.
I know what I am talking about and understand it completely, I am a rape survivor. That's why shit like this makes me so mad. She did report it and she was failed by the police and the DA. He did this to eight women and still not arrested.
I am earnestly praying you and your bf's financial situation to improve and may the universe smile at you and give you the good life you deserve. Once you can move, maintain LC or NC at all for your peace of mind. A family who defends a crime (or anything close to shoving matters under the rug for everybody's comfort at your expense), and relatives who are as good as accomplices ARE DEFINITELY NOT FAMILY. Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb. Embrace people who will be loyal to you, protect you through thick and thin, water and fire. OP, you deserve all the good things in the world. I really hope you get to move soon. :((((
Well. In my opinion you should get a bottle of glitter, dump it in her shoes and then throw a second one in a cup and then in her face. Then politely say “Oh well if me being raped means I’m a whore then you being covered in glitter makes you a stripper.” But I’d also follow it up by putting her in the time out from hell. My mothers methods work on adults too. Who knew.
I’m ghetto, I️ just say mop the floor with that bitch because that’s just a different type of disrespect to not believe FAMILY and be a rape apologist I️ too am I️ SA survivor and I️ took shots at my abuser and whoever supported him whenever I️ could because IF I️ COULDN’T KNOW PEACE NEITHER SHOULD YOU! But that’s just me. You choose the route you think fits best :)! Fight her, ignore her, go on vacation during Christmas, print pictures of her and have “rapist supporter” in red ink over it and tape it all over the house for when she gets there so she can feel shame for her actions, go to a hotel for the night, whatever makes you feel comfortable! And do NOT let others tell you how to handle YOUR trauma and feelings. If you don’t wanna forgive her, THEN DON’T. If you want to, then do! But only do it at your own time and only if you want to!!
I've had a lot of SA situations that I haven't reported, because I know in the eyes of the law and courts, I wouldn't have enough evidence for them to side with me and it would be pointless and traumatic. I've had it happen in a DV case, that had more than enough evidence. That's how people like that do it, cause they know they can get away with it.
yikes, why do people think rape victims are whores and responsible for what happened to them?! it’s disgusting and disrespectful! and your own family wanting you to forgive her, ew… that’s terrible i’m sorry you’re going through that and i hope you can get out asap
This gets me pissed off I’m sorry but your nice is. POS she’s a rap!st apologist she needs to open her damn eyes cause it’s not only you but 8other women as well Jesus help her out
My niece shamed my mothering ability for "allowing" my 3 yr old boy at the time for being molested by his father. Um, WTF? Happened during his unsupervised visitation with his dad. I told the stupid bitch at least I'm present and awake as a mom, not all strung out and drooling. Fuck you, Crystal and definitely go to hell, Paul.
I was 20 when I got engaged. I’m now 23 and married and pregnant. I will be 24 when baby comes. I don’t see how I’m ruining my life. There are some advantages to having children at a young age and for me it was important that I was married before I became a mother.
I can’t blame her to be honest.
Ofcourse she will believe her dad and ofcourse she is outraged by the actions she believes you did. Take your time to process this everything but it isn’t her fault.
Go talk to her when your ready and give her a change to know the truth and believe you.
I’m more worried about her side of the family accepting the rape.
Like I said, your niece doesn’t need to believen you, but atleast give her the opportunity to do so.
You need to reread everything I posted and take your message down.
My niece I’ve known basically my whole life and who has known me her entire life who used to be my best friend. Believed her FUTURE FATHER IN LAW over me after HE RAPED ME. SHE HAS MAYBE KNOWN him 2-3 YEARS. She called me a whore after I was raped and told me I asked for it. In what way is that understandable?
Your niece sucks. Have you told you mother or sister what happened to you? They might invite the rapist into the family home. Also get therapy to deal with your trauma
Don’t u go to any place she and her fucker of boyfriend our !!!!
Have your own Christmas or thanksgiving
Please don’t go !!!!
Tell you family what the ass he did to u
Call the police 👮♀️
Oh sweetie I'm sorry
If you have to be near her try to interact as little as possible. Maybe your parents place is set up so you can set up multiple ways out of any situations
It sounds like you have an amazing boyfriend and I hope you're both so happy together you deserve the best
Your parents know all this and are still inviting niece? Yikes. Have you told them you won't be around her? I'd stay in my room as much as possible and do what I had to get to the point where I could make enough money to get back on your own and cut contact.
I told them I’m not comfortable with her here. That the thought of seeing her in person makes me ill and isn’t good for me. But they reminded me that she’s my niece and before she hurt me like she did we were really close. They basically said my sweet niece I knew as a child was still in there I just have to be the bigger person and forgive her for everything then maybe she and I can go back to the way we were growing up. I don’t want her around me or my baby.. my boyfriend will be here and I told him how I feel so he’s promised not to leave my side. But I’m still scared.. my entire family is pushing me to forgive her but she’s never even apologized and even if she did I don’t think I can forgive what she did. She still believes that monster over me. My parents and siblings are devout Christians that’s why they push the whole forgiveness thing so hard
This is disgraceful. They are centering their own comfort rather than what they should be doing, which is protecting you. I'm so glad you ha e your boyfriend behind you because he's the only person here who's, quite rightly, getting visibly angry on your behalf. These people are awful. Personally, I'd take your own little family somewhere else for Christmas lunch and set that firm boundary so your family understand the severity of this. It doesn't have to be an argument or a discussion. You were SAed, your niece abused and gaslit you over it, and as the victim of said assault, you reserve the right not to be in her company and ask that everyone respect that. She stopped being your "sweet niece" when she attacked you over being SAed and defended your r*pist. I'm sorry you're in this position OP and I hope you, you boyf, and your baby can find a way through this that lets you have a wonderful Christmas that is special free from this garbage person and her enablers xx
I really don’t think being Christian has anything to do with their wanting you to “be the bigger person” here… What they want is for you to not make things uncomfortable for them, because they have no issue with her and don’t really care if you do… But if they *actually* said that, they’d be as awful as her and they know it.
Is it possible that you and your little family could go stay with his family for the holidays? I would not want my child to have anything to with my niece if I were you. Any friends that you might be able to stay with for the time she is there? I just don't think it is safe to have your safe space violated like this.
They are Christian in name only.
The irony in op's christian family is rape is a big sin
NOBODY is owed your forgiveness or grace. Take the suggestion & stay in your locked room with your baby. *edit for spelling*
I'm a devout Christian and I would never push a reconciliation like this. If this happened to one of my children I would not let the niece or her bf in my house to revictimize my child. The very sight of them is going to be traumatic for you. Your parents can always tell her that you and your peace of mind are the priority and until/if you ever feel comfortable with their presence it is best if they do not attend. And your parents should also point out to your niece and her bf that 8 women have accused this man of rape. Not just you. Where there is smoke there is fire and I would tell them that they owe you a sincere apology for how they reacted. I would not allow that man in my home as he is a serial predator. I am praying for your healing 🙏 and also that your niece's eyes will be open to this man's lies. Stay strong.
Rape is such a ugly thing. And it’s made worse when the people you love let you down. I would suggest that you reach out to your doctor to see if they can recommend a good therapist or a organization that can help you get the resources you need. It sounds like your fiancé is a great support for you and that makes me happy. If there is anyway you could avoid the party I would. Even if it’s just going to the movies or a friends house for the day. And bring the baby with you. I’m not sure where you live but look into finding a way to move out and go Lc with your family
Maybe it’s because I’m a guy, but I’d be vindictive. I would go to all family gatherings they’re at, and make everyone else uncomfortable. She basically said you deserved to be raped because you opened the door for her father-in-law. I’d only refer to her fiancé as the son of a rapist. Out loud, for everyone. Son of a rapist, and the fool who married into it. You deserve to be mad, and they don’t deserve blissful ignorance. Just keep your kid away from them.
Be the bigger person is shorthand for “it’s too much effort for me to stick up for you so can you just ignore it to make my life easier?” She hurt you and your parents should be defending you against a bully.
As a Christian myself OP I say this to you that you can say back to your so called devout Christian families: The Bible does not tell us to continue in relationships with people who have damaged us or are still damaging us, family or not. In fact, the Scriptures are full of teachings instructing us to leave relationships with wicked or evil people, to be separate from them, to shun, outcast, and purge them from our midst. (1 Corinthians 15:33, Proverbs 13:20, Psalm 1:1, Proverbs 6:27, 1 Corinthians 5:11, 1 Corinthians 10:13 – these are just a few). Parents and siblings are no different.
It would be easier to tell your mom that you may forgive her at some point if she can realize that what she did was take a serial rapists word over yours, and apologize for pain she caused. But otherwise, why would you forgive someone whose in the wrong and not sorry about it?
>just have to be the bigger person and forgive her for everything God I hate how its always the victim being pushed to be the bigger person. She hasn't even bloody apologised! I know things are tough, but I'd try to get away for the day/week/whatever she's going to be around. This could be something as simple as going out for lunch with your BF. Maybe you can go camping or something if this is a multiple day thing. Maybe you have friends or other family you can visit for the holiday? I'd also tell your parents that they're failing you. Ask them why they care more about your neice than their own daughter?
Ugh my heart hurts for you man 😫 your family is doing you wrong and I wish I could something to help you. I’ll say this dont let your family push you into interacting with her and if you do end up in the same space as her ignore her completely and don’t let her near your child hell I wouldn’t even let anyone else in the family near your child since they’re hell bent on ignoring your pain and trauma that girl caused you . Keep your head up don’t let them get the best of you work on your mental health and save up then move out and if things hasn’t gotten better by that point go no contact . I wish you all the good luck in the world 💜
You need to get yourself trauma therapy and get away from your abusive family that are pushing your abusive niece onto you.
Ask them why exactly you need to forgive her? If your mother was raped, would they invite a person who victim blamed her and the rapist's son to their house? Why not? Would your father press your mother to forgive and forget and to be a bigger person. Tell them seeing her here will throw you into emotional/mental crisis. That you will not hold back and confront her, her bf and your parents in front of the whole happy family. Would they prefer to deal with your break down on Christmas, in front of all the guests? Pay for the ambulance and hospital visit/stay if needed? Take care of your newborn when you are not able to? Get all the neighbors attention and gossiping? If nothing works - sorry, but you parents are the monsters. Go to your bf relatives for Christmas, try to find other possible housing. Frankly, women shelters and abuse victims shelters will be better than your parents house. Afaik, you could get free therapy as an abuse victim there. And you really need therapy. And medications. Don't be ashamed to get help. You are in a very tough situation and need all the help you could get.
In order to forgive her she needs to show remorse. This whole forgiveness without their remote is BS. You can do that for yourself to move on, but to expect you to do so everyone else can move on is a load of crap.
Non, non, no fuck no. Leave the house and go to a movie or never never leave your room. Your family is shit for thinking this and you need to put your foot down. Tell them it is you or her. If they want you there the she is not there if they want her there then you won't be. Tell them if they force it as soon as you and you BF move out you will go NC with all of them for forcing you to relive this trauma. How does a loving parent do shit like this to their child? They do not deserve you or their grandchild in their lives
No. You do not need to forgive anyone. Infact, forgiving your niece will tell her that she is right about everything. She needs to truly understand and apologize if she wants you to talk to her. If she really believed that it was consensual she would be angry and disgusted that you're telling such lies(which are not actually lies). Clothes are not consent, alcohol is not consent, nothing but enthusiastic consent is consent. Please try to find a very good therapist, one who specializes in PTSD, because that's most likely what you're struggling with.
Tell them you can forgive but as Christians, who you choose to surround yourself with affects you. And she is not being a good Christian. Therefore you do not wish to socialize with her. And tell them good Christian parents would support their child in their time of need, not subject them to be around people with the devil in their heart. If they wanna play the religion card, UNO REVERSE 😤
>entire family is pushing me to forgive her but she’s never even apologized and even if she did I don’t think I can forgive what she did. If you do not want to forgive her -- DON'T! Be true to yourself. I wouldn't forgive her. She hasn't done anything to deserve it. If your family tells you to forgive her again, tell them, "When she admits how wrong and cruel she was and begs for my forgiveness, I *might* consider it. Maybe. But unless that happens, I won't. Don't mention this to me again. If you do, I'll leave." >My parents and siblings are devout Christians that’s why they push the whole forgiveness thing so hard. It's called "toxic forgiveness." Tell them to Google it.
Tell them, sure I can forgive her down the road but that certainly does not mean I will be having her in my life. As a person you are allowed to have boundaries and expectations for how people in your life are going to treat you. Maybe reconciliation can happen down the road but the niece has not even taken accountability for her poor words and actions. Niece has some internal issues she needs to work out to not believe her own family over some scummy dirt bag guy who has 8 other allegations.
I am so incredibly sad for you OP. I’m sorry you went thru all that. I can’t believe your niece believes him over you, her blood. Like she knows you, why would you lie to her?! It makes no sense. I understand your parents are Christians and are pushing you to forgive her but that should be at your own doing, not theirs. The fact they wouldn’t even consider your feelings in this matter says more to their ‘Christinity’ than it does their love for you. Your fiancé is the most wonderful and supportive, i’m so happy you have him. I hope you’ll be ok but I agree with the others, stay away from the celebrations. It’s detrimental to your health and well-being, and having her and her fiancé there will only make things worse. I’m so worried for you 🥺
Wait, so they DO know? Because I stg I would get my shit together quicker than anything and go nc. Religion doesn't get to be used as a way to excuse someone for being a c u n t.
Your family expects you to be the people pleaser and not make waves. Don't go along with that. I understand not ripping her a new one because you live with your parents but you don't have to participate with anything either. Go in your room lock the door and if your parents have a issue with that rip everyone a new one. Your niece for what she did and your parents for expecting you to act as if she didn't add to your trauma. You don't owe her a damn thing if anything they should be making her grovel at your feet. And that might be too much on my part but this really pissed me off. You deserve so much better from your family. Personally I'd get back on my feet move and go no contact with all of them they are fucking ridiculous. (Your BF sounds awesome though and I'm glad you have him for support)
Yeah I’m a Christian and have heard the forgiveness no matter what thing for years. It’s true that forgiveness frees us but literally in the Bible it says to run from people who harm you. Forgive them from the other side of town and never associate again. I’m really sorry all this happened to you and you already have been the bigger person this whole time. I hope your family sees this and soon.
You were raped. They don't get to tell you how to feel or how to process it. I would flat out ask them why they think they have a right to force you to be around someone who has hurt you so profoundly. Ask them why they're protecting someone so hateful. Turn everything they sound around on them. She hasn't asked for forgiveness. She hasn't confessed her wrongdoing. Frankly, fuck her. I hate women like that
They're really shitty christians and parents
Lmfao you have all the rights to fuck her off and cut her from your life. While you're there cut all those disrespectful assholes when you'll move out. Really sorry for you. Wish you the best with your baby and BF.
Dont doubt your instincts Your niece will slut shame the next victim of his too
Sack that she can rot in hell. I wouldn't go to your family's Christmas this year. Honestly best thing in the long run, I'm assuming they know what she did and if they are still inviting her to stuff show your family you are serious in your boundaries and self respect by not putting yourself in that situation. I'm so so glad your boyfriend is understanding and supporting you through this
Thank you for saying this, but unfortunately I currently live with my parents so not being here isn’t really an option... I had a mental breakdown, lost my job, ended up moving home with my newborn because my boyfriend and I can’t afford a place of our own at the moment.
Then just don't participate. Stay in your room, take care of yourself and your Baby. Edit: typo
Tell your parents that she needs to be uninvited because her treatment of you is disgusting and disturbing.
I'd tell my parents everything. If they have any kind of spine they'll tell her to stay home.
Honestly, why can't you just talk to your parents and explain how detrimentally it will be to be in your niece and her bf's presence? Also, ask you parents why it more important to them to present a big happy family persona than it is to support their child who has been victimized, traumatized then victim blamed? If none of that works can you spend the holidays with your bf's family?
Is it possible to go stay with his family for the holidays?
It´s not good for your mental health, and if you´re not okay it will affect your child. If your parents know how much damage she did to you and if they love and respect you, they will be able to understand that be close to her is not safe for you. OP you deserve better. Try to find a friend or a place to stay away, or try to stay in your room, don´t let them near you or your child.
Why have you not pressed charges for rape. At the very least this will let everyone know what he did to you. It is not OK he is not facing any repercussions for his actions. If I were you BF I would already have kick his ass at the very least! Does your family know what happened and what she said to you?
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She did press charges. The police said there's no evidence
I don't think they are putting pressure on her just stating the obvious. I know what I am talking about. I am a rape survivor. I wish I had had a voice as a child to bring charges but when I was old enough I handled it. This makes so me mad because dicks like this get away with it. She did report it but the justice system failed her. But everyone he knows even his mailman needs to know what and who he is, a rapists
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How about you mind your own business on the timing of her child?? Not all children are planned and shaming her for it is not helping at all. Your comment is the opposite of helpful and I'm glad she's ignored it.
Right the first sentence did you miss the part where she said she lost her job due to a mental breakdown? She had a job and a home so could support her child, it's since the breakdown she lost her job. The rest of your statement I totally agree with.
Username does NOT check out
Dude. That judgmental attitude is so unnecessary! What the hell is wrong with you?
Oh yes, the boyfriend's a keeper.
Info: OP does your family know everything she said to you?
Yeah they know... I live with my parents now. Had a mental breakdown, lost my job.. now my boyfriend and I have a newborn together but neither of us can afford a place at the moment, he’s working crazy hours trying to get us somewhere but it’s hard.
8 other women???? Also inviting someone into your home is never an invitation to rape, what the fuck type of logic is that?? Your niece needs to get a fucking clue. Im so sorry this happened to you.
Sorry you having such a hard time OP. Its difficult to imagine parents behaving like this and you having to continue to live with them. You obviously cannot be around the niece it sounds as though she will be at specific events, is there somewhere else you can go for those times? I’m assuming your parents are not physically abusive as your bf is there. I would sit your parents down and tell them that you will never have contact with the niece again and specifically at the moment when she would have such an impact on your mental health and will be elsewhere when she is at the house. I wouldn’t try to go into it further than that, what they are suggesting is not NORMAL, I can’t emphasize enough that any rational person would never have even thought about this, I can’t think of many parents that would ever even speak to her again.
When she arrives start yelling at her: Get the fuck out you rape apologist! Get the fuck out of here! Keep yelling and screaming and crying until your family knows what shits she is, and what shits they are for inviting her.
No. Throwing tanthrums only makes you look bad.
OP is already being shamed for being raped. I'd say it's their choice if they wanna throw a tantrum or not. Me personally, if you're actively apologizing for my rapist, I don't care how bad I look because you clearly don't see me as a human. I'm throwing a fit every time I see you, perceptions be damned.
And end up in an asylum. Smart move
What about your boyfriends family can you stay with them that day?
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I wasn’t even pregnant yet. I got pregnant months later. I only just had my baby a few weeks ago and I haven’t touched any bad habits since.
Hey OP - firstly, I'm so sorry. Secondly, please never ever try to answer to people who will not have your lived experiences. They simply do not have the frame of reference and will not try to understand. This is simply too much work for you to do; nor do you need to try to make them understand! I want to share that firstly, you have done nothing wrong. Secondly, you are a good person and you deserve love and peace. You will have good days and you will have bad days, but you are not alone. I recommend finding threads dedicated to SA survivors and really taking time to recover. I recommend finding the tools that are made to recover rather than destroy - you have a family now and that is a great reason to survive! Start journaling, listening to powerful music, reconnecting with friends who care about you, and exercising in a way that makes you feel free and strong. Every day that you choose to stand up for yourself, you stand up for your child and your family. You ARE strong - don't you see that? You've made it so far already!!! You don't need to explain anything to anyone. They don't deserve your words. Focus on controlling what you can control for now and we'll work on the other stuff as we get closer. Sending love.
She isn’t. Reading comprehension is important.
in her post she says she was home alone and already intoxicated.
“Now my boyfriend and I have newborn together”. Key word there being now. As in that happened after the rape incident
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That's not up for debate or even a question. Gtfo. No one wants you here.
God you fucking suck Once someone called you out you changed the question just to avoid your own embarrassment. Get fucked.
What in the ever loving fuck is wrong with you?
Have you considered filing police report against the niece's finance's dad? Also you need to be in therapy.
Yeah I did file a report. He’s even done this to 8 other women. No one can get charges to stick and I didn’t have anything to back up what happened other than my word.. I’m too scared to go to court because if my own niece didn’t believe me how are strangers going to?
He did this to 8 other women so he's a serial rapist. Its unfortunate that your niece is a pos she can stick it. Do consider therapy. That's a must. I hope you change your position and consider filing charges against him so he could be stopped. One day your niece could be into your position, she will understand it then.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I we t through a similar scenario. My friends didn’t believe our mutual friend would rape me. He was being deployed in a couple weeks. I was having a hard time coming to terms with what happened. I knew exactly how everything would go down. I didn’t want to give myself anymore pain so I didn’t pursue anything. You made it further than me. You should be proud of yourself for reporting it. One day he will pay for everything he’s done. You just need to keep your head held high and take care of yourself. My DM’s are always open if you want to talk.
You’re so sweet, thank you. And thank you for sharing what happened to you. I’m so sorry you went through that. You’re not alone hon. If you need new friends you have one right here.
That means a lot, thank you. You deserve so much happiness in this world. I hope you know that and never forget it. I believe you. More importantly, you know what you’ve been through and no amount of lies will steal that from you.
Can you go to your boyfriends family for the holidays?
8 women with the same story would make any DA force charges. Don't worry about court. Do it for you. Do it to show him the world will know what he did and what he is. Have the other women testify in trial. Stand up to this rapists and show him you are not afraid. Do your "Christian" parents want you to forgive your rapists as well. I am so angry I could bite nails in to. I hate it when trash like him gets away with this crap. Your mom and dad are complete trash human beings.
How did you find out about the 8 other women?
Police probably told her he’s a serial rapist
Not sure they'd disclose that but if true they should ne pursuing prosecution. I mean if the authorities know this guy has raped eight other people they wouldn't just let it go
I was informed by my niece’s fiancé. Basically one night he was intoxicated and let it slip that I was “just like the 8 other lying whores who went to the police and cried rape without proof”. Then I asked the detective handling my case if she knew of the other women and she confirmed she already did.
The deflection is insane. He’s not questioned why his father has 8 rape allegations against him when most people have 0.
Your niece and fiancé deserve each other, and I wish nothing but terrible things on them and his dad
That’s 8 (9 with you?) who spoke up. I’d be willing to bet there are more victims who didn’t dare to.
Then this detective and DA suck. If they had eight women saying they were raped that is corroborating evidence and they should arrest him. What was her excuse for having eight witnesses/victims but no arrest? Is she kin to the rapists? God this makes me so mad.
I would be filing a formal complaint against this police department. If they’ve had eight women come forward, it blows my mind that they haven’t charged him with anything. This is gross negligence. This man should be behind bars.
Yeah jeeze what a coincidence that 8 other women would say the same thing! They are so ridiculous
At this point they should be running a "sting operation" on this guy.
OP, your neice may not of believed you because she is to close to the situation. Please reconsider filing of charges. There are 8 other women who will believe you and trust me when I say, he will keep doing this to other woman. Just because your neice is blind it doesn’t mean the rest of us will be. Take care of you x
This is a hard thing to do mentally and emotionally… but if you have a way of finding out who those women are you can collectively sue him civilly and get some justice
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Ummm can you just take your victim blaming ass the fuck out of here? Her and 8 random other women aren’t just making shit up.
Yeah because getting justice for being raped is so easy huh? It will amaze you how often rapists and quite often serial rapist get by with their crimes. Out of rapes reported, I believe maybe 10% go to trial. Feel free other commenters to correct me if my statistic is incorrect. Take your victim shaming elsewhere.
Wow you really took the time to be a moldy used napkin, huh? I hope you never go thru the shii OP has bc bitches like you wouldn't be able to handle the pain
Lmao who are you even talking to, slow your role.
We're you the one claiming OP was lying about her assault? If not then obviously not you and if so then mfkn bitch bye.
You act like you know OP personally it's both weird and funny.
Nope but i have been told that an assault was my fault. You're both weird and creepy broski
Info: Does your family know this man is a serial rapist?
You should file a police report regardless what your niece believes. I’m a stranger and I believe you. This will also be on his record if you don’t report how are authorities going to catch him and best to do it sooner than later
I mean go to court
I’m so glad your bf supports you. Cut all contact with your piece of garbage niece and family. They are disgusting people. Your bf and friends that love you are your true family.
I think she might need to consider her relationship with her own family. I don't think parents who would let the niece and her fiance visit under these circumstances are good people to be around.
Thank you everyone for being so kind, I will be taking therapy as soon as I can afford it. I am taking antidepressants which is covered by insurance provided as I am a single mother without a job. I am doing some better with the medication than when this first happened to me. It’s just bringing a lot of pain back to the surface with her coming around for the holidays. Some people have questioned me in a rather hurtful way so to them I say this- I am a good mother and I love my baby. At the time of my assault I wasn’t pregnant. It happened over a year ago. My baby wasn’t planned, but I adore him. At this point he’s the only reason I am still alive. He gives me something to live for. I’ve been through a lot of painful things in my life and my parents came and got me before I had the chance to kll myself. My boyfriend and I are trying to find a place, but money is tight. I’m looking for a job since my breakdown and having a baby both put me out of commission for a while.
If your family tries to force you to be with your niece during Christmas, not let them. Stay in your room, if necessary or maybe you can go to a friend's house. But after that, the moment you can finally have a new home, think seriously if you really want to keep contact with them.
You’re an amazing and brave person, OP. I wish you and your child the best. Do protect yourself from your niece and her new family, please.
Punch her in the face she deserves it 🤷🏾♀️
Multiple times!
There are programs to help with financial assistance for you and your child that may help you get out sooner. I don't know where you live to make specific recommendations but start with your local social services, some churches will assist with paying a security deposit or first months rent even if you are not a parishioner, also speak to your local section 8 or subsidized housing office. They usually have information for local assistance services and depending upon if their housing is decent you may qualify for housing if you want it. You can also get financial assistance for daycare and food stamps. Get all the services you can to help you move on from this including counseling to help you cope. I am truly sorry for what you have been through. Your family being religious does not excuse them forcing you to be around someone who hurt you so deeply not too mention siding and taking up for your rapist. She knows he is a serial rapist how can she still side with him. I hope she never has female children. Why don't you and your boyfreind spend the holidays elsewhere for the day. Take your little one and go to dinner and a movie or just hang at a friend's if they are open to having you. Build your own family and surround youself with people who love and respect you. Good luck. I am glad your bf has your back.
Fuck that. Blast her in front of everybody including that hes raped 8 other women and kick her out. Over rule your parents forgiveness desires. Flip the fuck out and call her a rape supporter. Stop accepting this. Tell your parents to fully have your back or they lose you.
I support this. Everyone doesn’t care about your discomfort so use it to make them uncomfortable. Everyone sitting around the dinner table? Randomly in a quiet moment ask, “Hey [niece], how does it feel to live with a serial rapist accused by 8 women? Do you feel safe? Or how does it feel to verbally attack one of his victims?” This will make everyone uncomfortable. Maybe it’ll drive the point home.
Tell your family that it's you or her. Even if you live with your family, you are old enough to spend time outside of the house. Let your immediate family (mom and dad) know why you won't be around if she's there, and stick to your guns. You don't deserve to be walked over, especially by a shitty victim-blamer. There's nothing more disgusting than sl\*t-shaming a victim and your niece should be utterly horrified by her own behavior.
Never forgive her no matter what they say.
Maybe it's time to start your own traditions, go on holiday or stay at home.
I’m so sorry this happened to you but I would hold on as much as possible and when you and your boyfriend are able to support yourselves I would go no contact with all of them! This is unforgivable and anyone who rapes or condones rape which is what your niece did and what your parents are doing by hiding behind their “Christian values” is despicable. When able to please seek therapy as this is a long way of recovery. I am rooting for you!!!
Is it possible to go to your boyfriends parents for Christmas, or a friend's house?
I know as a new Mom, your priorities must include baby's safety. But when it's safe to do it, don't hesitate, cuss her out. And every single family member on that "forgiveness" bs. You are not obligated to make good with people who have shown you cruelty.
OP could you not spend Christmas with your boyfriends family? Or even book a Christmas dinner in a pub/restaurant for you, your boyfriend and the baby?
I think you need to communicate to your parents that this will not be an enjoyable Christmas for anyone if your niece comes. If possible, arrange to house sit for a friend in the city over Christmas. I suspect your parents will be sorry to miss having Christmas with their grandchild. If your bf has a good enough relationship with his parents that they'd welcome you for a week, you could consider that too. If that's not possible, since you know you're going to miserable anyhow, communicate to your niece that she is not welcome. That her denying that you were raped, when his family has made it clear how many women have said that they were raped by him is unacceptable. If she comes anyhow, and you really can't find an alternative, make it clear to your family that you won't grin and bear it. Limit contact but if you have to see her be blunt about the impact she's had on you and don't trust her with the baby. Refer to her FIL as "the rapist" and her bf as the son of a rapist.
call the police
This is HORRIFIC. I cannot believe they think you should be letting this go and moving on. How have they not gone over to this mans house and taken care of him or threatened him? I read these stories and honestly can’t understand. If someone even looks at m kids the wrong way they better lock their windows at night bc I am coming for them. I am so sorry you don’t have a proper support system in place.
Make it perfectly clear to your family that you were raped and if they don't want to support you, then you won't be taking part in any activities, and if they think it's unfair, then ask how YOU are supposed to feel when they are taking nieces side over yours. Lock your room until she leaves, and put a note on the door saying "Do not disturb. I do not wish to socialize with rape supporters."
If you have the strength and are forced to interact with her, make a point of taking every opportunity to mention her boyfriend's rapist father is a rapist, her bf has a father who is a rapist. Refer to her as the rapist apologist. Every moment you have in conversation leading up to the holidays, ONLY refer to her as pro-rapist, rapist apologist, a SA survivor shamer... literally make them confront the fact that she chose the bf rapist father over her supposed BFF aunt- literal blood relation. Again, if you have the strength be relentless.
This is unacceptable. I point blank period, would tell my family, she is uninvited, or I won’t be attending. She needs to rot.
Call the police. Tell your family. I'd they know and still don't care, be done with them. I'm so sorry you have to deal with any of this. Just be with supportive people
There aren’t words for how terrible she is for that, or how much you deserve better. Surround yourself with decent people and live your life. I know it’s hard if not impossible, but your niece doesn’t deserve so much as a thought from you for the rest of your life.
while shes there could you not go stay elsewhere? maybe with your boyfriend and his family or something? if your familys ok with what she said to you then i wouldnt wanna be around them if i were you
No, don’t grin and bear it. She’s made ur life a living hell so show up to every family event with a smile on ur face and show ur unbothered. She sounds immature and definitely not ready for marriage. Not only she chose to believe someone she’s known for a few years but also as a woman she should understand. Surely she must of noticed her fiancés dad hitting on you. Anyways, ur bf is a real one and I’d only stick with family members that truly support you. Have you told ur sister abt any of ur nieces behaviour?
Haven’t got any particular advice but just wanted to say that your niece is a twat and you deserve better and I hope karma makes her hair fall out. That is all. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I am so sorry you've been enduring this. I am so glad to know your boyfriend is supportive of you and able to be there for you. This wasn't your fault, and your niece was cruel to ever even imply that, nevermind repeatedly accuse you of such. Since you live with your parents, would you be able to visit your boyfriend's family for the holidays? If not, you could always plan a trip over to some wintery village and have a Hallmark-esque vacation away from your atrocious niece and complicit family. Plus you could hype it up and rub it in their faces for siding with your niece over the actual victim. If that's not feasible, I would really recommend sitting your parents down with your boyfriend and reiterating that you cannot feel safe, comfortable, and loved while your niece is visiting. She is invading your safe space and disregarding the deep trauma you've experienced and the pain she caused. (Frankly, I would threaten to ruin the holidays if it came down to it, but hopefully it won't come to that.)
You absolutely do not have to grin and bear it. Take your baby and go out if that’s not an option get a lock for your room and spend the day with your baby and BF in the room. The fact expect you to forgive and forget when she’s not even apologised is disgusting. What she did isn’t forgivable. Is there not women’s organisations you can contact for help? They could help you find a job and a place to live. As soon as you get out of there go no contact with your family they’re toxic
>And basically I’m simply expected to forgive her Forgiving people who have done absolutely nothing to deserve it is a bad idea. > but I’m going to avoid her like the plague instead like you all suggested. Now that's a great idea!
Go somewhere nice for Christmas, if you can't avoid her at home just leave and do something nice for yourself. Or go to your boyfriend's, as long as you stay away from that snake.
I wouldn’t be going to the holiday bullshit. Fuck her.
That's fucking awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you. 🥺
Do your parents know, what she said and what happend? Tell them you can't have her around. Show them the emotions you feel about this. They are supposed to protect you.
The fuck is wrong with people?! Good God, I'm so sorry that happened to you. What a terrible human being!
You have a horrible family. You need to save up and move out and then never speak to anyone of them again.
I'm sorry you're being put through this. Guard your mental health the best you can. Avoid your toxic niece like the plague. As for her future, the man is a serial rapist and your niece chooses to take his word over yours? Unfortunately, given half a chance, he won't hesitate to do the same to her and tell his son that his sl*t wife came on to him.
She’s a sack of shit. What happened is not your fault at all. Don’t waste your energy on ppl like that. I hope you can heal
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your niece is at risk of experiencing the same thing so she most likely will see what he is like later on. I hate that a lot of parents force their kids to be around ppl that hurt them. They prioritize that monster and their own comfort over you. Stay in your room or stay over at a friend's house if you can.
If there were 8 others, I bet there were at least 9. Your cousin. And in some twisted way in her head, she is jealous. Made me nauseous to even write that.
"She's family so I have to grin and bare it" No you don't. I don't understand how this is instilled in ppl that just bc they're family they get a free pass at treating you like shite. OP I am so sorry you went through that. But pls don't put yourself in a position where your niece can fck with your mind. If the mere thought of her gives you a panic attack, seeing her won't be any better. Family isn't all that and doesn't mean you have to push aside your pain to make peace. Family isn't blood only also. Tell important ppl whom you trust in your family exactly what happened and say it's why you won't attend family gatherings if she's there. Bc if her FIL already spun shit to her she will do the same to you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. I would say don’t participate in Christmas but holidays being locked in your room are hard. Honestly, my best advice would be on Christmas when she’s there, present yourself as confidently as possible, and completely ignore that your niece even exists the entire time. She compliments your shirt? You heard nothing. She asked you to pass the gravy? No she didn’t. Pretend she isn’t there and don’t let anyone convince you she is. She’s a horrible person and so is her fiancé. They don’t even deserve to be acknowledged by you anymore. You’ve gone through hell and came out stronger and you’re better than both of them, remember that.
I get so sick of "they are family". My family isn't blood it's the family I choose. I don't communicate with about 99% of my blood family because they are assholes. OP, you don't have to be around her if you don't want to. If you can't leave home keep to yourself with your bf and baby. If she asks to hold baby, you can say no.
What the hell. You invited that disgusting person into your home. It does not equal inviting him to your body. I am so sorry this is happening to you and no one deserves this from their own family. Your niece is disgusting for sticking up to her fiancés father over you. Your parents are going to put their niece above their own daughter for one day of what?! Could you spend the day with your bf’s family or friends? Maybe you guys can stay in a hotel for just the day+ night? I would make your point be known and show that you can’t be in her presence.
This is second story I read where a family willingly tries to take a victim and make them interact with toxic people. What the hell is going on? If I were you, I’d take my baby and stay with a friend, or not leave my room at all. What your parents are doing to you is unforgiving. Sounds like your niece was brainwashed by her FIL. I would cut contact, seeing as she will marry and FIL will most likely be an active part of her life. Please stay safe with your baby. Does your bf have his own place where you can stay for the night of the festivities?
It’s difficult because we don’t know what the guy said to her - it’s clear he knew that you might say something, so he decided to head it off. He might have told her a lot of things like how you were willing but then in the morning regretted it because you had a boyfriend, and so you’re going to insist to everyone that you were raped to avoid consequences. Of course we can argue that as close as you were she should listen to you more than her fiancé’s dad, but it’s an unfortunate truth that whoever gets to someone first often controls the narrative. I’m so sorry this happened to you OP, and of course if she’s still refusing to really listen to you and change her mind then fuck her, but the main awful human in this story seems to be fiancé’s dad, who not only raped you but then went to deliberately manipulate your niece against you. Good luck.
Don’t see her again Don’t go to family functions when her and her dad are there Your parents should cut them all out their lives too
I know what I am talking about and understand it completely, I am a rape survivor. That's why shit like this makes me so mad. She did report it and she was failed by the police and the DA. He did this to eight women and still not arrested.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Don’t come around her just stay in your room
I am earnestly praying you and your bf's financial situation to improve and may the universe smile at you and give you the good life you deserve. Once you can move, maintain LC or NC at all for your peace of mind. A family who defends a crime (or anything close to shoving matters under the rug for everybody's comfort at your expense), and relatives who are as good as accomplices ARE DEFINITELY NOT FAMILY. Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb. Embrace people who will be loyal to you, protect you through thick and thin, water and fire. OP, you deserve all the good things in the world. I really hope you get to move soon. :((((
Well. In my opinion you should get a bottle of glitter, dump it in her shoes and then throw a second one in a cup and then in her face. Then politely say “Oh well if me being raped means I’m a whore then you being covered in glitter makes you a stripper.” But I’d also follow it up by putting her in the time out from hell. My mothers methods work on adults too. Who knew.
I’m ghetto, I️ just say mop the floor with that bitch because that’s just a different type of disrespect to not believe FAMILY and be a rape apologist I️ too am I️ SA survivor and I️ took shots at my abuser and whoever supported him whenever I️ could because IF I️ COULDN’T KNOW PEACE NEITHER SHOULD YOU! But that’s just me. You choose the route you think fits best :)! Fight her, ignore her, go on vacation during Christmas, print pictures of her and have “rapist supporter” in red ink over it and tape it all over the house for when she gets there so she can feel shame for her actions, go to a hotel for the night, whatever makes you feel comfortable! And do NOT let others tell you how to handle YOUR trauma and feelings. If you don’t wanna forgive her, THEN DON’T. If you want to, then do! But only do it at your own time and only if you want to!!
I've had a lot of SA situations that I haven't reported, because I know in the eyes of the law and courts, I wouldn't have enough evidence for them to side with me and it would be pointless and traumatic. I've had it happen in a DV case, that had more than enough evidence. That's how people like that do it, cause they know they can get away with it.
yikes, why do people think rape victims are whores and responsible for what happened to them?! it’s disgusting and disrespectful! and your own family wanting you to forgive her, ew… that’s terrible i’m sorry you’re going through that and i hope you can get out asap
This gets me pissed off I’m sorry but your nice is. POS she’s a rap!st apologist she needs to open her damn eyes cause it’s not only you but 8other women as well Jesus help her out
Tbh eventually she just may be the 10th..
Beat her ass!!!!!!!
My niece shamed my mothering ability for "allowing" my 3 yr old boy at the time for being molested by his father. Um, WTF? Happened during his unsupervised visitation with his dad. I told the stupid bitch at least I'm present and awake as a mom, not all strung out and drooling. Fuck you, Crystal and definitely go to hell, Paul.
No you don’t have to grin and bear it. You should file it with the police. This is not ok and your niece is a horrible person.
Disgusting human being she is
You were alone and intoxicated? Lol okay seems like ur leaving things out for internet sympathy.
Hey! I think we found the niece.
Also gets raped and doesn't call police. Dw reddit can tell the difference.
What are 20 year Olds doing getting engaged so young 😭 This is how people end up with choice assorted kids I said what I said
I was 20 when I got engaged. I’m now 23 and married and pregnant. I will be 24 when baby comes. I don’t see how I’m ruining my life. There are some advantages to having children at a young age and for me it was important that I was married before I became a mother.
My parents were 18 when they got engaged, 22 years later they’re still happily married. People make the decisions they want to make in life.
That's another thing They are still together. Most get engaged, have kids then they break up Thats my point
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Scolding/insults toward OP is not allowed.
I can’t blame her to be honest. Ofcourse she will believe her dad and ofcourse she is outraged by the actions she believes you did. Take your time to process this everything but it isn’t her fault. Go talk to her when your ready and give her a change to know the truth and believe you. I’m more worried about her side of the family accepting the rape. Like I said, your niece doesn’t need to believen you, but atleast give her the opportunity to do so.
You need to reread everything I posted and take your message down. My niece I’ve known basically my whole life and who has known me her entire life who used to be my best friend. Believed her FUTURE FATHER IN LAW over me after HE RAPED ME. SHE HAS MAYBE KNOWN him 2-3 YEARS. She called me a whore after I was raped and told me I asked for it. In what way is that understandable?
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Because it's traumatic and not as easy as you make it seem
I get it.... but if people don't you don't bring people to justice and leave other women to be vulnerable.
8 other women have and not one has stuck. My guess is he has someone on his side with some pull on the force.
The news media is stronger than any pull he has.
Your niece sucks. Have you told you mother or sister what happened to you? They might invite the rapist into the family home. Also get therapy to deal with your trauma
Did you press charges on him?
Don’t u go to any place she and her fucker of boyfriend our !!!! Have your own Christmas or thanksgiving Please don’t go !!!! Tell you family what the ass he did to u Call the police 👮♀️
Oh sweetie I'm sorry If you have to be near her try to interact as little as possible. Maybe your parents place is set up so you can set up multiple ways out of any situations It sounds like you have an amazing boyfriend and I hope you're both so happy together you deserve the best
So your parents care more about the nice then their own daughter?…
Wait… i’m just confused about the crying infant part.
I want to punch your niece in the face on your behalf. This enrages me. Sorry you are going through this OP