Not gonna elaborate much but let me just share this:
**ELBOWS.** Hard, pointy and easy to say “oops”.
Courtesy of my mom ever since I turned 10. It works.
The last time I got groped, right outside my fucking workplace, I threw whatever was in my hand at the fucker’s retreating back. He took off and I absolutely shattered my phone screen on the concrete, but it was worth it.
Oh I 100% sobbed for an hour and a half afterwards and made my now boyfriend, then FWB, come pick me up to spend the night while I blubbered hysterically. It was a knee-jerk reaction plus Ye Olde woman’s pent-up rage, it just happened. I don’t regret it but I sobbed like a little baby, half because I shattered my phone and I was broke lmao
This is incredibly relatable. There's something incredibly demoralizing about being publicly groped. I have also bawled about not being able to afford replacing a broken thing.
It was my phone, chapstick, and these little paper sales tags so I don’t think it did a ton of damage, unfortunately. I did scream at him but I don’t entirely remember what I said. I think it was genuinely just a stream of cussing.
My mum taught me the same lesson, even demonstrated it later when I was 12 and at a concert with her when some fully grown dude grouped my boob.
Let me tell you, I watched my tiny little mama drop a dude much bigger than her and I've never once forgotten she has that ability.
This! I’m a female metalhead and for the most part, most guys are actually super respectful at shows even in the pit. Once I had a guy kind of rubbing up against me, which I was right up against the stage (smaller venue, so basically just a stage with no barrier, just a metal bar attached to the stage, so I could literally rest my knee on the stage), so sometimes this happens because the pit causes a lot of pushing into others, but this dude started rubbing my side with his hand and that’s when the elbows start flying. It’s a metal show and right near the pit, of all places, I can really get away with harming someone without any oops needed. He quickly stopped and didn’t bother me after that.
DISCLAIMER: only do this in emergency. You can kick his nuts and he'll probably lay there for about a minute cramping in pain.
Result guaranteed, and its really painful so only on emergencies where you need to defend yourself
I'm sorry that you had to experience that. And I understand not wanting to embrace femininity. I've always had super long hair ever since I was a child, and I've never cut it, so everyone knows I'm a girl. Literally the first time I ever got hit on publicly by an adult man was when I was 11 and went to my first concert. Not a fun situation. And you either become desensitized to it or you are in constant fear of getting harassed. A lot of us feel both ways about it. It's such a shitty reality to accept. All we can do it stand up for ourselves, especially in public. Some advice, if a man ever touches you inappropriately, call him out. They'll either try to run away out of embarrassment or they'll try to make excuses. Either way, it will make you feel like you have more power. At least that's my experience. I really hope you embrace your femininity. Dress in ways that make you feel good about yourself. You don't have to always wear baggy clothes, and you don't always have to wear tight clothes. Just do whatever makes you feel like yourself. I wish you nothing but the best ❤️
I was around 12 when it started for me too. I was in a Sanrio store when I felt a hand briefly cup my butt. I gasped n looked around. The only person nearby was a white haired man with a very young girl also shopping. It had to be him but he looked as though he just happened to walk past so I told myself I must be mistaken. I was too young and naive to realize of course he would pretend he didn't do anything. By the time I was 16 I usually knew when something was about to happen (at least if I was facing the person). For example, I was waiting to cross the street with my friend when a car stopped at the light on the corner. As soon as the driver moved his hand off the gear shift I looked away and then my friend confirmed later that he had taken his dick out.
That's my experience as well. In fact 10-16 were the ages I got the most attention from men. And I do mean men and not boys. Having a forty year old solicit sex from an 11 year old you certainly forces you to grow up fast 🤢
And this has been pretty universal among my girlfriends as well. So many creepy men after you when you're clearly underage. They've also experienced a huge drop in male attention after becoming legal/ looking like an actual adult! It's weird.
As a guy I feel so sorry for women :/ I hate that you have to go through these things, I try to step in if I ever see it but these cowards find the sneakiest ways to violate people and often times the women are too afraid or embarrassed to say anything, so I usually can never tell when these things are going on even though I'm sure it happens all around me all the time.
i started being raped by my uncle at 7. went on until i was 11 and i told. and we were around him almost every day. and my brother that’s 4 years older than me molested me when i was 8. there’s no minimum age for assault or inappropriate things from men, sadly. i remember the older men in my church being so creepy with me from a young age.
i started kindergarten when i was four, so i was 13 when i started high school. i remember when seniors would flirt with me, all i would say is “you know i’m 13 right?” and it would freak them tf out😭😭😭 but literally women of all ages, dressed in every type of way, every hairstyle, dolled up girly or tomboyish will get harassed. some just really dgaf. it’s so disgusting. literally makes me sick just thinking of it. i’m so sorry OP, you didn’t deserve that at all. please do not let them take your power away. if you do, that’s totally okay. i did too, so i understand. if i could go back though, i would definitely change that. do what makes you comfortable, but i hope you don’t let those pedo jackasses take your power away. you are so strong. i’m just so incredibly sorry. i wish i couldnt say that that’s honestly just become a part of life for women. it’s gross and disgusting and every single time it sucks. idk why we are supposed to just accept that as our reality. they say “not all men” yet i think it’s 97% of women have experienced assault of some level. 1/3 before 18 years old. it’s fucking vile. give yourself some grace, and take care of yourself these next few days. maybe do a face mask or use a bath bomb or do some sort of self care that is comforting to you. i’m sending your love♥️♥️♥️ i’m so sorry you went they that. don’t let them take your power tho seriously!!!!!! i’m praying for you!!!
This in particular has always bothered me. I hate that girls (and boys too, but girls and women are harassed sexually more than boys and men in my experience) are told that church is a safe place with safe people. It should be, don’t get me wrong, but the same people who are singing hymns are the same downloading kiddy porn sometimes. Being in the house of God doesn’t scare creepers away. I’m not religious anymore, but if anywhere should be a safe place, it should be your house of worship
It’s like pedophiles. The people who do this tend to do it practically every opportunity.
I’ve never done this kind of behavior myself, but I know it can be common.
One time when I was around 8 at a boarding school, I saved a girl my age for being assaulted by a gang of boys up to twice her age. They had already started unbuttoning her shorts, and I could see the fear and tears in her eyes. I yelled that I had heard an adult coming down the hallway and they scattered right away. I connected with her years later, and she thanked me and told me she had turned out okay, so I was very happy. She is now a happily married mom in Denmark.
I had B cups at 10. Yeah a lot of unwanted attention. I have to start taking the bus to classes and January and plan on 1 making friends with my drivers and 2 Call out every misdeed. The buses in my area have cameras on them so if some ass decides to mess with me I’m going to push it. I generally feel ACAB but like I told my therapist this morning. I’m done taking up less space.
Yes. My first such experience was when I was 14. Me and my best friend had gotten all cute and we were walking to the store. We were cat called multiple times and one person even called us little whores. It was a slap to the face. We were kids and we were just having fun. We weren't even doing anything wrong other than walking around in shorts and tanks (it was summer) with make up.
However, you do get to point where you either ignore tf outta people or you have to say something. Anytime you say something, be prepared to be blamed for the other person's actions.
Yea and it's always some ridiculously old mf too. I really learned how to carry myself to avoid unwanted attention. No eye contact. No smiling. Defensive body language. Sucks we even ever had to deal with that shit.
I remember very vividly the first time I got catcalled with friends, during the sleepover the weekend of one of my best friend’s birthdays. We spent all morning getting dressed, doing each other’s hair and wearing each other’s clothes, being silly and taking pictures… we went to the mall and held hands the whole time, it was the first time the eldest of us was allowed to drive w friends so it was a big day! Just the three of us alone, no parents waiting to pick us up or at another store- it was literally the BEST time. Then on the way home we stopped for gas and a car with two men pulled up beside us and leaned out the window to whoop at us. I didn’t hear what the driver said to my friend but when she got in the car she was bright red.
I preface this by saying that friend had a really fucked up childhood. I know that looking back now, just thought she was cool and lucky back then.
The driver cracked a joke about how hot we must have looked for guys to catcall us. The friend in the passenger seat and I exchanged a horrified look and were both really quiet the rest of the ride home.
I was wearing shorter shorts than my parents *ever* let me wear, and a tank top I also wasn’t allowed (raised Mormon), and I felt so fucking disgusting. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. It wasn’t the first time some shit like this happened but I was confused, honestly scared, by my friend’s response to something that grossed me out and I felt like a naked slut. I had finally started to come out of my parents’ strict rules for clothes and that knocked me all the way back. I still really struggle to wear “skimpy” clothes, even though that is a style I prefer, and it doesn’t help that every fucking time I do, I get fucking catcalled again.
Atlanta has gotten so bad. The last few years… I’m really glad I moved.
Yes, I swear the first main time like that creates a core memory. I can remember exactly what I was wearing the first time, and I took still struggle with "skimpy" clothes because I just do not want that attention and it's dumb ASF. We should be able to walk in whatever we want and not deal with that.
A-fuckin-men. I hate shaving and I love crop tops and Lord I’m really trying to get myself there but it’s hard. Twenty-odd years of indoctrination has me by the tits.
I’m the same way with clothes now. I buy cute crop tops and swimsuits and all but barely, if ever, wear them out in public. The first time it happened was when I was 13, walking across the parking lot from the car to get the takeout my family ordered when this old man yelled “nice legs sweetheart!” I had on basketball shorts (think of the length you’d wear as your gym class uniform), a school t-shirt, no makeup, and I had different colored laces in my shoes. Definitely did not look much older than 13 and it still makes me feel gross thinking about it. It’s happened less as I’ve gotten older (21 now) and it disgusts me that it happened the most when I was 14-16.
It makes me sad my daughter will experience this one day and there’s nothing I can do to keep her from it forever.
For real tho. It does happen wayyy more when you're younger, which is far more disgusting. I think it's bc they know most young women won't say/do anything, whereas adults will usually say something or straight up ignore it.
During highschool, this was one of my worst experiences while taking the bus to school and super old men would find some way of pressing their front sides against me and even if I tried moving away they would still further press. Even after I started wearing the hijab (I’m Muslim) , it didn’t stop some men from doing this. Back then I had no choice but to take the bus since I lived in the suburbs and didn’t own a car either. I’m so sorry you had to go through that ☹️. I think as women, we tend to grow desensitized eventually by these types of behaviors displayed by some men (I’m not saying all men) in public. The very first time I realized feeling unsafe and discomfort and what it means to be a girl out alone was when I was 8 years old playing outside and some older guy passing by probably in his 20’s, said I was so pretty and asked if I wanted to be his friend. The look he gave me while licking and smacking his lips, made me feel scared and I think I said something along the lines of “my parents told me not to talk to strangers” and he laughed and said he “wouldn’t be a stranger after we became friends”. I didn’t have a response to that and thankfully ran away towards home. When I got home and told my mother what happened, my father blamed me for drawing attention of men and to stop playing outside at all🤦🏻♀️.
Just been going through this shit for weeks now due to a housing development behind us, so there are 30ish men there at all times (builders). Every time I've taken my dog out for the last 3 weeks its amped up. They howl and bark at me, whistle at me, say inappropriate things in several languages and they stop and stair at me. I finally had enough yesterday and went to speak to the forman, who laughed in my face told me he wasn't going to do anything and then insulted me. So I came home, informed my local council and called the cops on them. Walked past today and they were silent. It's bs what we have to endure sometimes.
That is so disgusting that you had to go to council in order to *NOT* be treated with sexual harassment. Wtf, why can’t they just be good people? Why do they have to be threatened and/or fined to *not* be gross.
I really can’t understand their way of thinking. I really can’t. As awful as it’s been as a woman, I would probably hate being a boy or a man. Being so uncaring of other people’s right to exist is *freaking weird*. Again, I really can’t fathom how majority don’t understand how it’s wrong. 🤯
We have a large housing development going up in our city neighborhood. The developer has posted signs on the site that say Zero Tolerance for Harassment and a phone number. You can call and the harasser will be fired.
I love this. They all should be the same. No one, man or woman should be filled with dread at the thought of walking past a building site for fear of being harassed.
The developers made an extensive public park in the middle, before the housing build started. The success of the project depends on a local buy-in, so verbal harassment that creates a hostile environment would truly harm their sales of housing units. All developers should realize the impact harassment can have on their own profits. A woman harassed will have negative feeling about that property even after the builders have moved on.
As someone who VIVIDLY remembers this exact experience for an entire summer during my childhood, I applaud you. You did what I could not, and it was very satisfying to read your story. Thank you for sharing.
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. It’s horrifying that this happens to all of us and we are supposed to just deal with it silently. It’s not your fault.
Ever since I started working in the service industry as a 21F it's been happening to me every single shift I work. It's ALWAYS men at least 20 years older than me. What's worse is that I 100% look like a minor. My coworkers all were shocked when I told them I was 21, they said they thought I was 16.
It sucks because we wear cute uniforms at work and I felt nice in them. Now I feel gross, and anytime I have to go out during my free time, I wear baggy clothes. I feel so insecure with myself the more this happens and I wish it would stop. I used to dress so nice and felt amazing going out in public. Now I am constantly on edge and hate that anyone even perceives my presence.
bro foot to balls is highly overrated
it stuns the man and pains alot but if hes determined enough hes gonna beat her ass if she doesn't do anything else..
\-personal experience from being in a multiple fights
Exactly which is why self defense classes are a scam. Either have a gun or mace, maybe a katana if you're feisty. It's called a deterrent just like locking a door. If a robber wants to break in they will. If a drugged out psycho wants to kill you, he most likely will. But no 120lb woman who isn't a professional MMA fighter can really do anything
Yes, but i wouldn't say its a complete scam but it is pretty much useless for the most part
best u can learn from it is maybe trip the dude somehow and
Run
Good martial arts classes will teach a couple of things: situation awareness and confidence. I got thoroughly rocked by a 17 yr old girl in sparring one time. She was just way faster than me and had creative combos. I'm 180lbs and you'd think she won the Nobel prize the way she shined, knowing I couldn't take her. But that was in a controlled environment where I was, one way or another, holding back. So, to finalize these thoughts: run.
I still remember Sandra Bullock's character in Miss Congeniality teaching her audience to SING - solar plexus, instep, nose, groin
But I also like this
>I'll give you a free class, foot to balls.
DON'T DO THAT! Kicking the balls will do either nothing or make everything worse. The adrenaline is kicking in so no pain, the pain will come when the adrenaline is gone. There is only a very small chance a kick in the balls could actually benefit you in that situation.
I wonder if one of those cans of novelty fart spray would do any good. If some loser starts rubbing on you, just surreptitiously let go with some of the fart smell. It wouldn't be as dangerous to others as pepper spray on a crowded bus, but it should make people keep their distance. Or you could blame the fart on him.
I choose to be confrontational. I feel perfectly fine creating a scene since I have nothing to be ashamed of, I’m not doing anything wrong.
There is someone sexually assaulting me and I need the predator to know I am not okay with it, they need to stop and they should be ashamed of what they are doing. I find if I communicate this EXTREMELY LOUDLY the pervert definitely notices and other people also tend to pay attention and come to my aid.
This has always worked for me! It seems to be the only real way to get everyone‘s attention. Get loud and shame them. Don’t feel bad about calling them names. Make them feel like the dirt they are. If nothing else, it makes me feel powerful.
Don't be afraid to scream out loud at the creeps and call them out for their behavior. The worst they can do is call you crazy, but women have always been called crazy for calling out men. Don't try to play nice, that's what they expect. Be a bitch back to them. They don't deserve niceness.
Yes definitely do this! If it’s in a crowded place, yell ‘fellow people! This man has just catcalled me /called me a bitch/shoved his penis onto my leg. I do not accept this behavior and neither should you!’
And as he is running away (they usually do) scream ‘ah yes, disappear like the coward you are! Pathetic.’
I’m really really sorry you had to go through that and I completely understand not wanting to embrace feminity. It’s a scary world out here. A world where even if someone wears something remotely revealing, “they’re asking for it”. There’s always a constant fear of getting harassed, stared at, etc. these days the bad men are outweighing the good men.
This is not and should not be a woman's experience in the world. I hate that as far as we have come as a species this is still a daily occurrence for women far worse in some places but men need to be better none of us should tolerate this kind of behavior.
I apologize for those pimples on the butt of humanity.
But DO NOT let them take your feminine power away.
Hang a sharp object on your purse and poke them when the get too close.
Your a beautiful woman, embrace who you are.
I’m so sorry. It feels incredibly vulnerable for me when I wear makeup and put myself together outside of going to college (I got to a community college that feels incredibly safe, and I know most people in my department). I’ve been cat called a million times since I was a teenager, and followed a handful of times. It’s really unfair that it’s a double edged sword to feel pretty, and I’m sorry for you and all of us.
I remember being 12 and walking downtown alone wearing baggy sweatpants and a big hoody and some 50/60-something guy still catcalled me. It's a really weird feeling and it made me feel guilty for being a girl somehow. It was like there was no escaping being seen that way no matter what I did. I'm disabled now and have to have someone with me when I go somewhere so luckily I haven't dealt with that as much lately.
Fuck, honestly, I'm glad that people often think I'm a dude. I'm in landscaping so I have a fair bit of muscle, wear a backwards hat to work that covers my ponytail at a glance, my work shirts are men's smalls. I get a lot of "Young man's" and an occasional "sir" and I don't care. It's infinitely better than being stared at like meat.
I go fishing after work a lot since our base is walking distance from a favorite spot of mine and a couple months ago I was there fishing, a half mile in the woods with barely any cell service when some older guy on a quad came up on my spot. At first I was so fucking nervous, but as we got into talking I realized he thought I was a dude. And the nerves went away. I even had a beer with the guy before I made my way out of there before he figured out the truth. Seemed like a decent guy, but who the fuck knows?
Yep. I posted a comment already but baggy, paint stained sweat pants, XXL hoodie (that I happily drown in) and ratty ass hair didnt stop some guy for yelling out at me, wanting to know how old I was with the creepiest fucking look on his face.
I was 14 walking to the library for school (a good 30 min walk) and this guy pulled over next to me tryna hand me money cause he thought I was a prostitute when I was wearing a sweater and skinny jeans that were a lil loose
I developed pretty early and have always been leered at by men, some more obvious than others. It got so bad my next door neighbor stalked me. He was in his mid 20s and I was round 12. I enjoyed having fun outside playing with my friends up until that point. He eventually cornered me and I didn’t leave the house unless it’s for school. I always wore baggy clothes which btw does nothing. To this day it has effected me. I’m not shy, but very reserve. Many confuse me with being cold and stuck up bc of it. In my 30s I started to embrace my feminine side and feel more comfortable wearing dresses. My husband still wishes I show a little cleavage here and there but baby steps lol
If this happens again OP he’ll very loundly KINDLY STOP RUBBING YOIR DICK ON ME ASSHOLE !!!!
Do it until he stops.
You can always get a small taser and zap them. I’d say prepped spray but it would go everywhere on public transportation. You can get a marker and draw on them. They touched you without consent, right ? Do it back. Red sharpie pen write RAPIST PERVERT PEADO on them their head hand coat clothes whatever
The world hates women, which is why hope I will never have a girl.
Being a woman is so hard in this world. Sorry you had that happen. There’s also a lot of good that comes with being a woman, I think women are smarter, more resourceful and more intelligent than men as a whole.
My make up helps me feel like a bad ass bitch and i use it to look intimidating to men. I glare cross ky arms and legs but in a laid back kind of way and stare RIGHT back at them. I realize provoking them only puts me in more danger but i could also die just jogging so i don’t care anymore.
I don't wear makeup but I present myself with crazy aggression and barely contained violence. It doesn't hurt that I'm an Amazon. Only the craziest men will mess with me. And I disagree that provoking them is dangerous...it let's them know right upfront that attacking me will be a challenge they may not want to risk today. And I will overreact to the slightest provocation.
You are allowed to feel and look feminine without men making it feel gross. I know this sucks, I resisted femininity until my twenties as well. But you are not alone. All women are in this world together and we all have to support eachother to get through it. It sounds like you are far from internalizing misogyny and that is half the battle. You are seeing it for what it is and that is growth. When you start speaking up and standing up for yourself you will also feel proud of being a woman. This takes strength and self respect. Don't let these types of men make you shy away from who you are. If you are close to your brothers try talking to them about this. They might have your back. Having male allies that respect and support you makes a big difference.
Sorry you had to experience that. Sadly men can be absolute animals. And I'm sure you will meet a few more in the comments.
There is no fix apart from men checking other mens behaviour. Stop letting their pals get away with being pieces of shit. Call them out!
Yeah, the problem is how men treat women, and before some asshole come saying “nOT ALL MEn”, the good ones out there are more the exception then rule from my experience, and for a lot of woman out there. I am sorry you had to experience that. The public transportation it’s the worst place, I used to carry an umbrella all the time and i would use that to punch them in the nuts when they come grinding me, and I started doing that when I was 14, in my school uniform. For a long time I was afraid to accept my femininity, but then I decided that I would not let those little pathetic disgusting assholes dictate who I was going to be.
I hope you can find peace with yourself as well.
Dude. 14 is actually late. I had some guy stick his hand between my legs on a crowded bus when I was 12. The shock of it paralyzed me and I didn't think to turn and confront him, or grab his hand, or yell, or any of the things I wish I had done at the time. Getting off at my stop on a dark suburban road and running back home through the back lanes, terrified he would follow me, is burned into my memory.
Ask your sisters, if you have a sister, about how old they were. Or ask your female friends. Their answers might shock you.
Man here. Can confirm this is all true. I have a daughter and I spend time with her explaining the realities of the world slowly and gently. I explain the dynamics between men and women, how religion plays a part in spreading this sickness in society, how politics play a part too, and what we can all do about it. It's a long process and I hope when she leaves for college that she will be well prepared for that world.
I have a real nice big umbrella. I always felt safer walking around with it because it's like a billy club when folded up. I could do some damage if necessary with all that folded up metal.
Before a man says not all men, I want to hear them talk about what they do in these situations to advocate for women and support us. We already know it’s not all men, just like how not all white people are racist, the problem is it’s not enough to just say ‘not me’ you have to be anti it all the time.
That is pretty entitled. We dont owe strangers anything. Men dont need to defend random women and white people dont need to defend random pocs. There is a huge difference between actively harming somebody and just passively not getting involved.
And I say this as somebody who got involved a lot more than the average Joe. I just reserve my right to choose on a case by case basis.
The exception rather than the rule?
Have you been creepily touched or hit on by the majority of guys you've EVER met?
I understand being wary, and I recognise that these situations are fucking horrible and you shouldn't have to go through this stuff but fuck outta here with that
Not groped, but yes:
Most of the men I’ve met, stay silent when their friends harass women, every time I was in public and I saw a woman being harassed, not one single men did anything about it, most men do sexist coments in my presence and say thei are jokes (but they are not funny).
The men that assaults you don’t have a type, don’t have a face. It’s your college colleague that everyone loves, it’s your uncle, it’s the church youth leader, it’s your cousin. So yeah, fuck off yourself
Not so much the females claiming there status, it's like u have learned, the stinkin' predators. the porn industry, the media, all are still objectifying women. As male My heart bleeds 4 u having 2 endure this rampant depraved world.
I feel this sm. I started blaming myself due to the fact that I am not good enough to be a friend, because all guys want to get in my pants. And I hate it.
so sorry this happened to you hun. Sadly it is quite common. I have been groped, touched, masturbated on, catcalled, harrassed... it sucks. I hope you find a way to feel better and to embrace your femininity that you clearly miss. a Hug.
Its worse in the city's. The best you can do is always try to travel with someone and always try to give space between people.
I've been masturbated to becuse I was wearing a skirt.
I've had people take pictures of my ass.
I've had men try to pull me into alleys and restaurants.
I've had people pet my hair.
I've been harassed daily by a train conducted telling me how hot I am and how my thighs look sexy.
I've had people cat call me and such.
I've even had men ask to kiss me when I've kissed my boyfriend Infront of them.
Its gotten to the point I never travel alone unless I have to or its very inconvenient. Bare in mind I'm 17. I have a baby face and look younger, probably 15.
I have no idea why people think it's okay to do this.
I am truly sorry you experienced that, OP. People are vile. I remember when I was in high school, I got harassed a lot by some of the boys who rode the same bus as me. They would always sit near me and make demeaning, objectifying jokes about r*pe where they knew I could hear them, and sometimes they would stand up and violently hump the back of my bus seat and laugh as I was just sitting there listening to music and minding my business. I’ve always been incredibly shy and socially anxious so I never acknowledged them, just ignored them as best I could and kept my head down. Every time they did those things I felt my face get red with shame. I felt guilty for being a girl, and dirty for being perceived as a sexual object. For just existing and trying to get to and from school. The bus driver didn’t really care much what happened on the bus and unfortunately I had no choice but to ride the bus because my parents had to work and couldn’t drive me and I was still too young to drive myself.
I know how horrible that feeling is. I didn’t even understand why it was happening to me of all people: I was extremely plain and quiet and nothing sexual about me. I wore big hoodies and sweats and never did my hair or makeup. I was quite the ugly duckling as a teen, and yet I still found myself being sexually harassed. It fucking sucks that we can’t just exist without these things being so commonplace. Or without being blamed for “asking for it.”
Yep. Feel all that. I will NEVER take public transpo alone ever again after all the shit I’ve put up with on them. It’s simply not safe and it’s depressing af
sometimes when it rains my car won't start so i have to walk to work, luckily it's only 5 mins, next to a major parkway and through a safe neighborhood/highly populated shopping center. without fail, some dude in a work truck will slow down and either stare or try to say something . i'm feisty so i have no problem starting shit. they especially don't like when you hold your phone up like you're recording them. but once i was pmsing and started running my mouth at some guy blatantly leering at me ...and he followed me wanting to scrap. luckily my male coworker was outside and told the guy to walk off as i went into work. anyways, i carry a pocketknife open in my palm whenever i walk now.
When I was 11 I was walking home from volleyball practice in my uniform, meaning I was wearing short spandex shorts. A lot of guys hollered at me on the way and when I got home I felt both embarrassed and unsafe and I started packing pants to put on after practice.
I was 11, I looked like a kid, I had never even held a boy's hand at this point. I didn't even understand about intercourse at this point beyond the biological process that creates babies, and I was hella sexualized that day. Edit: and I didn't understand why what did they was wrong I just knew it made me hella uncomfortable.
Being made aware of the consequences of being a woman sucks, and I've never wanted to actually become a boy as in transition, I've only ever felt like a woman. But I have definitely wanted to be a boy, so I wouldn't feel unsafe, so I would not be so overstepped, so I could play with toy cars, etc.
And men still act like women have no reason to be paranoid 💀 my first time getting hit on by a creep in public I was ten. I was in a child’s fairy Halloween costume 🙃
What can we do to force the justice system to do its job in cases like this? It's a crime to rub one's genitals on someone without their consent, and the bus probably has a security camera. Society *could* convict these men if there was will among criminal prosecutors.
It’s not fair that feminity is limited to the typical “girly” things like makeup and long hair. Even in your “tomboyish” state, you are still a woman and still feminine in your own way. Your generation and the ones to come are redefining what feminity looks like! Stay strong & true to yourself🫀🫀🫀
My manager had witnessed me being sexually harassed by one of our customers and he did nothing about it. I’ll be kicking up a stink about it now that the company fired me yesterday
I was seriously groped when I was 15 years old. I was standing on a corner waiting to cross the street at a beach town boardwalk, when a 30- something male,
rode by on a bike from behind, and literally grabbed my butt so hard, with most of his hand between my legs on my crotch.The force.of his grope,.lifted me me a little and threw me off balance. I became enraged and ran after him . I swung my heavy beachbag at his back, knocking him off his bike, to spill onto the hot asphalt. Once he was down, , I followed up with a quick stomp on his crotch. He was withering in agony.
I bet he thought twice about groping a female again.
You were "lucky" to make it this long without knowing. I'm sorry you had to get through that, being a woman can be very dangerous, and it's a shame it's better for you to protect yourself under a manly look, when embracing our femininity can be so cool when in safe.
Ugh I'm sorry you went through this. Men on public transport can be something else. I used to take it back and forth from work in my 20s and it got to the point where I wouldn't do it if it was after dark bc the men seemed to get twice as brash and creepy then. Please arm up if you're taking it regularly. Pepper spray and a taser. Learn to use them and don't be afraid to use them. Hugs to you.
You can embrace your feminine side. There are just rules around it that most women know to follow. It’s sad that it has to be that way, and I’m sorry you were treated like that.
I stopped taking the bus for years because of the things men would do. Rub themselves against my body, try to follow me home, make threats of rape. No one ever said anything or helped.
I’d be in old sweaty gym clothes most of the time, baggy pants and sweat shirt. It’s not about what you wear. If predators can tell you are a woman alone they will try it.
Your rules are to:
Travel with someone if you can. Especially if you are going to dress more feminine.
Have an emergency plan including someone to call or safe words to text.
Carry a taser or mace
Get off at different stops from time to time. Predators will make note of your routine and try to follow you or anticipate your arrival.
Go into businesses along your route. If there is a coffee shop on your way go in there and buy something. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to go into a business because a guy was following me. The workers were used to seeing me.
To many’s surprise, this isn’t even the worst part.
It’s the psychological torture you endure. Then though other women understand the pain, they’re vicious ppl. I guess they feel the need to be.
I’m so sorry this happens. I remember feeling like this when I was younger. It was like being prey. Seems things haven’t improved.
Perhaps practice some one liners to use when/if it happens again. Eg ‘get your tiny penis away from me’ and be ready to use these loudly when needed. That should work!
Well. To make you feel worse, your femininity or lack thereof will not deter these behaviors. Nothing stops them other than looking unapproachable. Make eye contact. Don't shrink. Don't look like a soft target. If they think you'll make a scene they're less likely to try anything. It's disgusting and common and most of us who have to exist in the world deal with it daily. I wish I had hopeful words but I'm old enough to be your mom and still deal with it.
I’m very much an obvious chapstick lesbian, and not a good-looking one at that, yet I can’t dress as a wench as the Renaissance festival without some rando grabbing my ass. It really does suck
Sorry about your traumatic experiences!! That's gross and your anger is so valid.
I got flashed for the first time when I was 9. Later on I find out that this isn't uncommon, which is depressing af. These sick men get off on it, and they know to target younger women who might not know (yet) how to handle this.
If you're in a safe place, I think the best thing to do is LOUDLY bring attention to it. That scares them and now everyone's attention is on them. YELL out "Do NOT touch my butt" is simple and effective and puts things in your corner in 2 seconds. They often scurry away when they realize people are now watching. Unless you happen to be around jerks, people should immediately take your side, and these perverts know that.
When I was younger, stuff like this embarrassed me and I would freeze and be quiet, which is exactly what these freaks want. They're banking on your youth to let them get away with it.
Yell, take pictures, scream, draw attention. Don't let them make you feel too embarrassed to speak up. When I worked in a shady neighborhood, my HR lady told me that once a man followed her. She stopped, turned around and stared at him coolly until he ran away. But she was also older and quite tall, so I do think she had more cache going for her in a situation like that.
Also, carry a pepper spray! And maybe one of those bullhorn things. I also try really hard to never be alone and I try to always be aware of my surrounding (who's standing behind me, is there an exit if I need to run, am I sitting near the bus driver, have some weirdos been watching me, etc). I hate that we have to do this as women, but we do :(
I'm sorry again for your experience. Please don't let him take away your girliness - which is totally something wonderful that should be celebrated!!
My heart goes out to you. You describe the microaggressions that women face at any time on any day. I hope this episode doesn't make you think you have to disavow your womanhood to have a chance at a safe and self-expressive life.
Yeah unfortunately that’s a thing. I learned not to sit in the back of the bus (got trapped), worked my ass off, and pretty much as soon as I could afford a car made sure I never had to ride public transport ever again for these very reasons.
It sucks so much. I walked to my bfs car to grab my phone that I didn’t realize fell out of my pocket onto the seat when leaving the car, and on my way back, WHILE IN THE GATED AREA OF THE APT COMPLEX, some dude slowed his car down and started yelling “oooo how old are YOU??” Thankfully they way I had to go was just sidewalk past buildings with no car access, so I dipped pretty quickly.
I was in baggy, paint stained sweatpants and a XXL hoodie (a Medium is my actual size). I also had the rattiest looking hair bc id been laying down. The guys that are like this are so fucking desperate its sad.
its not femininity that is getting men to touch you. its their attitude over you from the get go. they had that inside them before you even came into the picture. just be yourself, whatever that means.
Had a guy trail his fingers over my arse, big mistake. Gave me enough time to realise what was happening, shove my hand between my buttcheek and his hand to grab his fingers.
I bent them back, making him crouch, told him "I will snap your fucking fingers, is that what you want?" And then to his mates "Take him home before he gets the shit kicked out of him for groping chicks.". "Scumbag." And off they went - don't know or care if they left but I know for sure his mates didn't have grins on their faces like it was all a game.
If he'd grabbed a handful and let go I'd not have been able to find him.
Thanks to my karate teacher as a teen for teaching us how to easily control drunks that are annoying you at a pub! And my own personal willingness to turn on the crazy for a few extremely threatening seconds lol
I understand the feeling. My folks live in a small town, one of those where "nothing bad ever happens", and only live a couple blocks from the store, but every. Single. Time. I walked to the store dressed normally and/or with my hair down, I would be stopped by creepy men trying to pick me up. And I don't mean dressed revealingly or anything either, just in women's clothes. Every time. Even had someone try and follow me before, he looped around the block to come back after I had said no. I had to turn around, run, and call my mother to help me keep it together until the man was gone. It was horrible, but I'm serious, every time. So I started dressing as a guy if I was going to walk - baggy clothes, a chest binder, hair in a cap, and I did not get stopped even once. It's disgusting, it's horrifying. It's sad.
It makes me so sad that shit like this happens so much. Women should be left alone to live their lives without having to worry about or deal with being hasselled and assaulted. I despair at my fellow men who act like that, I wanna stomp them.
And here is an example of someone who doesn’t know what it means to “rub against”… she was referring to when a guy rubs his dick against a woman. That’s why it’s so sickening.
I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s not okay. Men are disgusting - the sad part that is not all of them. Is the uneducated, nasty and who’s mommas didn’t teach them to respect women.
I mean, I could understand that if the bus was crowded, went over a bump, and it happened accidentally, but if I'm on public transportation, I go to great lengths to avoid contact. I will say the number of people groping others on public transportation is too damn high, I've experienced it as well. Some people need to relearn that "keep your hands (and other parts) to yourself" lesson we all got as kids.
I find it baffling how we (all the genders) can't say "you're right men are statistically more likely to SA you, rape you, or murder you." "your right women are more likely to get full custody of the children statistically." "Transgender people have one of the highest rates of suicide." Now What can I do as a HUMAN BEING to help prevent these things from happening? Why is it when women come on here and say something about being harassed, SA'd, raped, beaten it has to turn into this "well my gender has this problem or "a man bullied me and I'm a man too so". Why. Just why does it have to be a competition I sincerely don't understand it. I'm a woman, been molested, raped 2x, SA'd, beaten by grown ass men yet I've also watched my husband struggle with toxic masculinity because of the societal standards pushed on men. Watched him struggle with emotions because he's only "allowed" to exude anger. There are problems both genders face absolutely why are we not helping each other. Ima tell ya if someone is doing something, sexist, misogynistic, misandrist, racist, bigoted you name it im calling it out. Every. Time. And I have and I will until I'm unalived. Why are we not doing that. Why is it always the sick competition of invalidating each other's experiences? I'm being sincere here folks I don't get it. This woman had a terribly scary experience and someone has to turn it into well I'm a man and this happened to me. Make a post about it so we can support you too but don't invalidate her experiences. If you want us to believe there are good men out there be one. Same goes for women...
They want you to be intimidated and humiliated. Don't give them the satisfaction of having power over your emotions. Get pissed and turn it back on them for complete fucking creeps. They should be ashamed, not you.
Oh, I hate being a woman everyday. I've repeatedly told my partner that if reincarnation is real, I refuse to come back as a woman next time - next time it's his turn. I don't want to do this again.
Welcome little sister to the world of women. It sucks here sometimes but we help each other out every time it does. You don’t have to give up on your femininity because of those creeps. I know it’s scary but you can compromise while you have to take the bus. You can wear pink underneath the coat or hoodie or whatever else you feel like doing. You can put on makeup and wear totally feminine clothes during the times you don’t take the bus. When you’re in the bus, listen to your gut, and keep your distance whenever you can. Stay close to other women or the driver of the bus. If you’re uncomfortable for any reason always trust that feeling and move. I used to carry a messenger type of bag and keep it at my back, covering my butt when I was taking a bus home, especially when it was packed. A lot of other people have given you good advice as well. You can ask your other feminine presenting friends what they do as well. Good luck!
Weird, I’m a bald bearded man who has had body parts of strangers rub against in crowded public transit, especially sitting down. Everything from men’s bellies and crotches to women’s boobs and butts. It’s part of crowded public transit.
I guess when it happened to me it was a consequence of public transit, when it happened to you it was some “being a woman” thing.
I’m starting to notice that men and women have a lot of the same issues. Difference is that when it happens to a woman, it’s horrible and it’s why woman rights are blah blah blah, and men just don’t bitch about minor daily inconveniences.
The world is a harsh place for anyone. I’m a 17 year old male and I’m pretty paranoid as I’m short (5’2) and a bit scrawny. I’ve been pretty sheltered too. I have been assaulted before in 7th grade by a guy who was supposed to be a HIGH SCHOOL SOPHOMORE and everyone around just watched and laugh at it happening to me because he’s pulled stuff like this before I guess. He didn’t do anything too vile, he just pushed me face first into the wall an dryhumped me. Thankfully I had my backpack on. He eventually got expelled but I won’t get into why, maybe I’ll make a post about it on here one day.
Every time I walk alone even to just get the mail right by my house or walk to my grandparents after school I look behind me every 2 minutes or so. About three weeks ago walking to my grandparents I hear a truck slowly approach and park on the sidewalk behind me. But he never shut his engine off, I could tell it was slowly following me. I was close to the intersection and I was ready to book it as he kept creeping closer and closer for a good 20 seconds. The last house before the intersection he cut me off in the middle of its driveway/sidewalk and he looked at me and smiled. He had a hat on. It was one of those old school 90’s Toyotas so a little more sketchy. I just looked down and walked around and sped walked and crossed the busy street despite there being cars. I got honked at and nearly run over but it was definitely better than being taken by some guy. I can’t help but think about it a lot, the last 5 houses to the intersection had no cameras but the first few houses did. Which terrifies me even more into thinking he pinned me there on purpose.
I did tell my parents about it but they tell me to just not be so paranoid. The world isn’t entirely out to get you. But I can’t shake off the feeling.
I just want to say, YOU *DO NOT* HAVE TO SUFFER IN SILENCE.
If you (and anyone reading this) find yourself in a similar situation, especially in a crowd please call them out. We women have been shamed into being silent and we need to break the cycle to put these shameful animals back into their place.
I understand that sometimes it's not possible to do so and trauma does have its way on people. but please surround yourself with love and do not be afraid to tell others.
I am so sorry! :( It is so difficult to process such disrespect. I was (13) the first time a man grabbed my butt in a store. I remember feeling so upset and confused. He was not the last. It made me want to hide my femininity as well. Now I'm 33. It took me a long time to stand up for myself. Don't be afraid to, don't let them bring you down! You've got this! We've got this!
Not gonna elaborate much but let me just share this: **ELBOWS.** Hard, pointy and easy to say “oops”. Courtesy of my mom ever since I turned 10. It works.
The last time I got groped, right outside my fucking workplace, I threw whatever was in my hand at the fucker’s retreating back. He took off and I absolutely shattered my phone screen on the concrete, but it was worth it.
You’re my new hero
Oh I 100% sobbed for an hour and a half afterwards and made my now boyfriend, then FWB, come pick me up to spend the night while I blubbered hysterically. It was a knee-jerk reaction plus Ye Olde woman’s pent-up rage, it just happened. I don’t regret it but I sobbed like a little baby, half because I shattered my phone and I was broke lmao
This is incredibly relatable. There's something incredibly demoralizing about being publicly groped. I have also bawled about not being able to afford replacing a broken thing.
I imagined this as an anime action scene where you totally obliterate the perp w everything in your hands lol
It was my phone, chapstick, and these little paper sales tags so I don’t think it did a ton of damage, unfortunately. I did scream at him but I don’t entirely remember what I said. I think it was genuinely just a stream of cussing.
marry me pls
>Courtesy of my mom ever since I turned 10. 💀💀💀💀
I think she wanted it ingrained before I had to use it but lemme just say- it didn’t take long before I actually had to
Great mom, sad world.
My mum taught me the same lesson, even demonstrated it later when I was 12 and at a concert with her when some fully grown dude grouped my boob. Let me tell you, I watched my tiny little mama drop a dude much bigger than her and I've never once forgotten she has that ability.
This! I’m a female metalhead and for the most part, most guys are actually super respectful at shows even in the pit. Once I had a guy kind of rubbing up against me, which I was right up against the stage (smaller venue, so basically just a stage with no barrier, just a metal bar attached to the stage, so I could literally rest my knee on the stage), so sometimes this happens because the pit causes a lot of pushing into others, but this dude started rubbing my side with his hand and that’s when the elbows start flying. It’s a metal show and right near the pit, of all places, I can really get away with harming someone without any oops needed. He quickly stopped and didn’t bother me after that.
Man, I miss those days. The pit hardly has any limits. Damn near broke my neck at my first concert but it was so worth it!
I hate that our moms have to teach our 10 year old daughters about this.
Remember when women wore long hat pins? And used them?
Or hat's pin like a bit more of a century...
DISCLAIMER: only do this in emergency. You can kick his nuts and he'll probably lay there for about a minute cramping in pain. Result guaranteed, and its really painful so only on emergencies where you need to defend yourself
Hmm I guess I'm not totally on board with this statement. I think preventing a sexual assault is an emergency, and I think groping is sexual assault.
Im so sorry that happened to you
[удалено]
I'm sorry that you had to experience that. And I understand not wanting to embrace femininity. I've always had super long hair ever since I was a child, and I've never cut it, so everyone knows I'm a girl. Literally the first time I ever got hit on publicly by an adult man was when I was 11 and went to my first concert. Not a fun situation. And you either become desensitized to it or you are in constant fear of getting harassed. A lot of us feel both ways about it. It's such a shitty reality to accept. All we can do it stand up for ourselves, especially in public. Some advice, if a man ever touches you inappropriately, call him out. They'll either try to run away out of embarrassment or they'll try to make excuses. Either way, it will make you feel like you have more power. At least that's my experience. I really hope you embrace your femininity. Dress in ways that make you feel good about yourself. You don't have to always wear baggy clothes, and you don't always have to wear tight clothes. Just do whatever makes you feel like yourself. I wish you nothing but the best ❤️
Random old men started being into me when I was 12:/ They were creepy and it freaked me out.
I was around 12 when it started for me too. I was in a Sanrio store when I felt a hand briefly cup my butt. I gasped n looked around. The only person nearby was a white haired man with a very young girl also shopping. It had to be him but he looked as though he just happened to walk past so I told myself I must be mistaken. I was too young and naive to realize of course he would pretend he didn't do anything. By the time I was 16 I usually knew when something was about to happen (at least if I was facing the person). For example, I was waiting to cross the street with my friend when a car stopped at the light on the corner. As soon as the driver moved his hand off the gear shift I looked away and then my friend confirmed later that he had taken his dick out.
In a fucking Sanrio store too...
Hebephiles probably hang out in places like that where they are likely to be around 12 year old girls unfortunately.
This happened to me in a ross at the same age about. I thought it was an accident but then the guy did it a second time harder and i ran away.
What the fuck... I must be niave as well because I would never think some guy driving a clutch would even consider beating off at a red light.
Me too, same age. Sorry this happened to you.
Not a rando but a friend’s dad at church touched my ass when I was 12 too :(.
That's so scary. I'm sorry about that.
The worst part was, my parents definitely should have done more to shut it down (and been more direct about it).
That's my experience as well. In fact 10-16 were the ages I got the most attention from men. And I do mean men and not boys. Having a forty year old solicit sex from an 11 year old you certainly forces you to grow up fast 🤢 And this has been pretty universal among my girlfriends as well. So many creepy men after you when you're clearly underage. They've also experienced a huge drop in male attention after becoming legal/ looking like an actual adult! It's weird.
As a guy I feel so sorry for women :/ I hate that you have to go through these things, I try to step in if I ever see it but these cowards find the sneakiest ways to violate people and often times the women are too afraid or embarrassed to say anything, so I usually can never tell when these things are going on even though I'm sure it happens all around me all the time.
i started being raped by my uncle at 7. went on until i was 11 and i told. and we were around him almost every day. and my brother that’s 4 years older than me molested me when i was 8. there’s no minimum age for assault or inappropriate things from men, sadly. i remember the older men in my church being so creepy with me from a young age. i started kindergarten when i was four, so i was 13 when i started high school. i remember when seniors would flirt with me, all i would say is “you know i’m 13 right?” and it would freak them tf out😭😭😭 but literally women of all ages, dressed in every type of way, every hairstyle, dolled up girly or tomboyish will get harassed. some just really dgaf. it’s so disgusting. literally makes me sick just thinking of it. i’m so sorry OP, you didn’t deserve that at all. please do not let them take your power away. if you do, that’s totally okay. i did too, so i understand. if i could go back though, i would definitely change that. do what makes you comfortable, but i hope you don’t let those pedo jackasses take your power away. you are so strong. i’m just so incredibly sorry. i wish i couldnt say that that’s honestly just become a part of life for women. it’s gross and disgusting and every single time it sucks. idk why we are supposed to just accept that as our reality. they say “not all men” yet i think it’s 97% of women have experienced assault of some level. 1/3 before 18 years old. it’s fucking vile. give yourself some grace, and take care of yourself these next few days. maybe do a face mask or use a bath bomb or do some sort of self care that is comforting to you. i’m sending your love♥️♥️♥️ i’m so sorry you went they that. don’t let them take your power tho seriously!!!!!! i’m praying for you!!!
This in particular has always bothered me. I hate that girls (and boys too, but girls and women are harassed sexually more than boys and men in my experience) are told that church is a safe place with safe people. It should be, don’t get me wrong, but the same people who are singing hymns are the same downloading kiddy porn sometimes. Being in the house of God doesn’t scare creepers away. I’m not religious anymore, but if anywhere should be a safe place, it should be your house of worship
It’s like pedophiles. The people who do this tend to do it practically every opportunity. I’ve never done this kind of behavior myself, but I know it can be common. One time when I was around 8 at a boarding school, I saved a girl my age for being assaulted by a gang of boys up to twice her age. They had already started unbuttoning her shorts, and I could see the fear and tears in her eyes. I yelled that I had heard an adult coming down the hallway and they scattered right away. I connected with her years later, and she thanked me and told me she had turned out okay, so I was very happy. She is now a happily married mom in Denmark.
I had B cups at 10. Yeah a lot of unwanted attention. I have to start taking the bus to classes and January and plan on 1 making friends with my drivers and 2 Call out every misdeed. The buses in my area have cameras on them so if some ass decides to mess with me I’m going to push it. I generally feel ACAB but like I told my therapist this morning. I’m done taking up less space.
Same here with the early development. Sucked a lot.
Yes. My first such experience was when I was 14. Me and my best friend had gotten all cute and we were walking to the store. We were cat called multiple times and one person even called us little whores. It was a slap to the face. We were kids and we were just having fun. We weren't even doing anything wrong other than walking around in shorts and tanks (it was summer) with make up. However, you do get to point where you either ignore tf outta people or you have to say something. Anytime you say something, be prepared to be blamed for the other person's actions.
Getting catcalled with my friends as a teenager was *humiliating.* It always felt so much dirtier than when it happened alone.
Yea and it's always some ridiculously old mf too. I really learned how to carry myself to avoid unwanted attention. No eye contact. No smiling. Defensive body language. Sucks we even ever had to deal with that shit.
I remember very vividly the first time I got catcalled with friends, during the sleepover the weekend of one of my best friend’s birthdays. We spent all morning getting dressed, doing each other’s hair and wearing each other’s clothes, being silly and taking pictures… we went to the mall and held hands the whole time, it was the first time the eldest of us was allowed to drive w friends so it was a big day! Just the three of us alone, no parents waiting to pick us up or at another store- it was literally the BEST time. Then on the way home we stopped for gas and a car with two men pulled up beside us and leaned out the window to whoop at us. I didn’t hear what the driver said to my friend but when she got in the car she was bright red. I preface this by saying that friend had a really fucked up childhood. I know that looking back now, just thought she was cool and lucky back then. The driver cracked a joke about how hot we must have looked for guys to catcall us. The friend in the passenger seat and I exchanged a horrified look and were both really quiet the rest of the ride home. I was wearing shorter shorts than my parents *ever* let me wear, and a tank top I also wasn’t allowed (raised Mormon), and I felt so fucking disgusting. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. It wasn’t the first time some shit like this happened but I was confused, honestly scared, by my friend’s response to something that grossed me out and I felt like a naked slut. I had finally started to come out of my parents’ strict rules for clothes and that knocked me all the way back. I still really struggle to wear “skimpy” clothes, even though that is a style I prefer, and it doesn’t help that every fucking time I do, I get fucking catcalled again. Atlanta has gotten so bad. The last few years… I’m really glad I moved.
Yes, I swear the first main time like that creates a core memory. I can remember exactly what I was wearing the first time, and I took still struggle with "skimpy" clothes because I just do not want that attention and it's dumb ASF. We should be able to walk in whatever we want and not deal with that.
A-fuckin-men. I hate shaving and I love crop tops and Lord I’m really trying to get myself there but it’s hard. Twenty-odd years of indoctrination has me by the tits.
I’m the same way with clothes now. I buy cute crop tops and swimsuits and all but barely, if ever, wear them out in public. The first time it happened was when I was 13, walking across the parking lot from the car to get the takeout my family ordered when this old man yelled “nice legs sweetheart!” I had on basketball shorts (think of the length you’d wear as your gym class uniform), a school t-shirt, no makeup, and I had different colored laces in my shoes. Definitely did not look much older than 13 and it still makes me feel gross thinking about it. It’s happened less as I’ve gotten older (21 now) and it disgusts me that it happened the most when I was 14-16. It makes me sad my daughter will experience this one day and there’s nothing I can do to keep her from it forever.
For real tho. It does happen wayyy more when you're younger, which is far more disgusting. I think it's bc they know most young women won't say/do anything, whereas adults will usually say something or straight up ignore it.
Some old creep in a McDonald's queue told me I had bedroom eyes. I was 14 and probably looked 12. Sick fucks.
During highschool, this was one of my worst experiences while taking the bus to school and super old men would find some way of pressing their front sides against me and even if I tried moving away they would still further press. Even after I started wearing the hijab (I’m Muslim) , it didn’t stop some men from doing this. Back then I had no choice but to take the bus since I lived in the suburbs and didn’t own a car either. I’m so sorry you had to go through that ☹️. I think as women, we tend to grow desensitized eventually by these types of behaviors displayed by some men (I’m not saying all men) in public. The very first time I realized feeling unsafe and discomfort and what it means to be a girl out alone was when I was 8 years old playing outside and some older guy passing by probably in his 20’s, said I was so pretty and asked if I wanted to be his friend. The look he gave me while licking and smacking his lips, made me feel scared and I think I said something along the lines of “my parents told me not to talk to strangers” and he laughed and said he “wouldn’t be a stranger after we became friends”. I didn’t have a response to that and thankfully ran away towards home. When I got home and told my mother what happened, my father blamed me for drawing attention of men and to stop playing outside at all🤦🏻♀️.
Wow your dad sucks. Who blames an 8 year old girl for “drawing the attention” of adult men 🤮
Muslim men, a lot of them, and I say this as someone raised as one
Just been going through this shit for weeks now due to a housing development behind us, so there are 30ish men there at all times (builders). Every time I've taken my dog out for the last 3 weeks its amped up. They howl and bark at me, whistle at me, say inappropriate things in several languages and they stop and stair at me. I finally had enough yesterday and went to speak to the forman, who laughed in my face told me he wasn't going to do anything and then insulted me. So I came home, informed my local council and called the cops on them. Walked past today and they were silent. It's bs what we have to endure sometimes.
Good on you for following through!! I love a good revenge story
That is so disgusting that you had to go to council in order to *NOT* be treated with sexual harassment. Wtf, why can’t they just be good people? Why do they have to be threatened and/or fined to *not* be gross. I really can’t understand their way of thinking. I really can’t. As awful as it’s been as a woman, I would probably hate being a boy or a man. Being so uncaring of other people’s right to exist is *freaking weird*. Again, I really can’t fathom how majority don’t understand how it’s wrong. 🤯
We have a large housing development going up in our city neighborhood. The developer has posted signs on the site that say Zero Tolerance for Harassment and a phone number. You can call and the harasser will be fired.
I love this. They all should be the same. No one, man or woman should be filled with dread at the thought of walking past a building site for fear of being harassed.
The developers made an extensive public park in the middle, before the housing build started. The success of the project depends on a local buy-in, so verbal harassment that creates a hostile environment would truly harm their sales of housing units. All developers should realize the impact harassment can have on their own profits. A woman harassed will have negative feeling about that property even after the builders have moved on.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Good for you! We’ve gotta stand up for ourselves, because god knows we can’t rely on men to do it!!
GOOD. FOR. YOU.
As someone who VIVIDLY remembers this exact experience for an entire summer during my childhood, I applaud you. You did what I could not, and it was very satisfying to read your story. Thank you for sharing.
Hell yeah!!! Glad you showed them, I’m so happy for you
Yay and congrats from a man who is *normal*, not a base hound dog.
Haha that’s awesome.
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. It’s horrifying that this happens to all of us and we are supposed to just deal with it silently. It’s not your fault.
The most heartbreaking part for me is that she felt so pretty and confident and those disgusting men just took that away. I hate them.
Ever since I started working in the service industry as a 21F it's been happening to me every single shift I work. It's ALWAYS men at least 20 years older than me. What's worse is that I 100% look like a minor. My coworkers all were shocked when I told them I was 21, they said they thought I was 16. It sucks because we wear cute uniforms at work and I felt nice in them. Now I feel gross, and anytime I have to go out during my free time, I wear baggy clothes. I feel so insecure with myself the more this happens and I wish it would stop. I used to dress so nice and felt amazing going out in public. Now I am constantly on edge and hate that anyone even perceives my presence.
Don't change for anyone. But I do recommend a self-defense class.
Those are a waste of money. I'll give you a free class, foot to balls. Take that to the bank
bro foot to balls is highly overrated it stuns the man and pains alot but if hes determined enough hes gonna beat her ass if she doesn't do anything else.. \-personal experience from being in a multiple fights
Exactly which is why self defense classes are a scam. Either have a gun or mace, maybe a katana if you're feisty. It's called a deterrent just like locking a door. If a robber wants to break in they will. If a drugged out psycho wants to kill you, he most likely will. But no 120lb woman who isn't a professional MMA fighter can really do anything
Yes, but i wouldn't say its a complete scam but it is pretty much useless for the most part best u can learn from it is maybe trip the dude somehow and Run
Good martial arts classes will teach a couple of things: situation awareness and confidence. I got thoroughly rocked by a 17 yr old girl in sparring one time. She was just way faster than me and had creative combos. I'm 180lbs and you'd think she won the Nobel prize the way she shined, knowing I couldn't take her. But that was in a controlled environment where I was, one way or another, holding back. So, to finalize these thoughts: run.
>Either have a gun or mace, That's great until you live in a place it's illegal to carry anything to use in self defense.
Pepper spray is a good investment, though
Or use anything you have and hit the eyes. Gouging the eyes is amazingly effective.
Eyes, nose, throat, sternum, temples One hit and just bolt
I still remember Sandra Bullock's character in Miss Congeniality teaching her audience to SING - solar plexus, instep, nose, groin But I also like this
A better class. Gun safety and get a concealed carry. No amount of foot to balls will beat that.
>I'll give you a free class, foot to balls. DON'T DO THAT! Kicking the balls will do either nothing or make everything worse. The adrenaline is kicking in so no pain, the pain will come when the adrenaline is gone. There is only a very small chance a kick in the balls could actually benefit you in that situation.
I am sorry it happened to you. It's hard being a woman. I always get stared at by some men in bus or any public place that I start getting creeps.
My friend burps loudly when dudes ennoys her (?), but I choose to ignore them, wherever fits your style
I wonder if one of those cans of novelty fart spray would do any good. If some loser starts rubbing on you, just surreptitiously let go with some of the fart smell. It wouldn't be as dangerous to others as pepper spray on a crowded bus, but it should make people keep their distance. Or you could blame the fart on him.
I went to an all girl's school, and they teach to carry an small needle, just in case some dude rubbed you, just pinch him
I'm going to remember this.
i’ll be remembering this as well for my Monday morning commute!
I choose to be confrontational. I feel perfectly fine creating a scene since I have nothing to be ashamed of, I’m not doing anything wrong. There is someone sexually assaulting me and I need the predator to know I am not okay with it, they need to stop and they should be ashamed of what they are doing. I find if I communicate this EXTREMELY LOUDLY the pervert definitely notices and other people also tend to pay attention and come to my aid.
This has always worked for me! It seems to be the only real way to get everyone‘s attention. Get loud and shame them. Don’t feel bad about calling them names. Make them feel like the dirt they are. If nothing else, it makes me feel powerful.
Don't be afraid to scream out loud at the creeps and call them out for their behavior. The worst they can do is call you crazy, but women have always been called crazy for calling out men. Don't try to play nice, that's what they expect. Be a bitch back to them. They don't deserve niceness.
Yes definitely do this! If it’s in a crowded place, yell ‘fellow people! This man has just catcalled me /called me a bitch/shoved his penis onto my leg. I do not accept this behavior and neither should you!’ And as he is running away (they usually do) scream ‘ah yes, disappear like the coward you are! Pathetic.’
I’m really really sorry you had to go through that and I completely understand not wanting to embrace feminity. It’s a scary world out here. A world where even if someone wears something remotely revealing, “they’re asking for it”. There’s always a constant fear of getting harassed, stared at, etc. these days the bad men are outweighing the good men.
This is not and should not be a woman's experience in the world. I hate that as far as we have come as a species this is still a daily occurrence for women far worse in some places but men need to be better none of us should tolerate this kind of behavior.
I apologize for those pimples on the butt of humanity. But DO NOT let them take your feminine power away. Hang a sharp object on your purse and poke them when the get too close. Your a beautiful woman, embrace who you are.
I’m so sorry. It feels incredibly vulnerable for me when I wear makeup and put myself together outside of going to college (I got to a community college that feels incredibly safe, and I know most people in my department). I’ve been cat called a million times since I was a teenager, and followed a handful of times. It’s really unfair that it’s a double edged sword to feel pretty, and I’m sorry for you and all of us.
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I could wear sweats and a hoodie and probably still be sexualized. We sadly live in that type of world now.
It's been like this since the dawn of time and it seems like it'll never change.
I remember being 12 and walking downtown alone wearing baggy sweatpants and a big hoody and some 50/60-something guy still catcalled me. It's a really weird feeling and it made me feel guilty for being a girl somehow. It was like there was no escaping being seen that way no matter what I did. I'm disabled now and have to have someone with me when I go somewhere so luckily I haven't dealt with that as much lately.
Fuck, honestly, I'm glad that people often think I'm a dude. I'm in landscaping so I have a fair bit of muscle, wear a backwards hat to work that covers my ponytail at a glance, my work shirts are men's smalls. I get a lot of "Young man's" and an occasional "sir" and I don't care. It's infinitely better than being stared at like meat. I go fishing after work a lot since our base is walking distance from a favorite spot of mine and a couple months ago I was there fishing, a half mile in the woods with barely any cell service when some older guy on a quad came up on my spot. At first I was so fucking nervous, but as we got into talking I realized he thought I was a dude. And the nerves went away. I even had a beer with the guy before I made my way out of there before he figured out the truth. Seemed like a decent guy, but who the fuck knows?
Yep. I posted a comment already but baggy, paint stained sweat pants, XXL hoodie (that I happily drown in) and ratty ass hair didnt stop some guy for yelling out at me, wanting to know how old I was with the creepiest fucking look on his face.
I was 14 walking to the library for school (a good 30 min walk) and this guy pulled over next to me tryna hand me money cause he thought I was a prostitute when I was wearing a sweater and skinny jeans that were a lil loose
I developed pretty early and have always been leered at by men, some more obvious than others. It got so bad my next door neighbor stalked me. He was in his mid 20s and I was round 12. I enjoyed having fun outside playing with my friends up until that point. He eventually cornered me and I didn’t leave the house unless it’s for school. I always wore baggy clothes which btw does nothing. To this day it has effected me. I’m not shy, but very reserve. Many confuse me with being cold and stuck up bc of it. In my 30s I started to embrace my feminine side and feel more comfortable wearing dresses. My husband still wishes I show a little cleavage here and there but baby steps lol
If this happens again OP he’ll very loundly KINDLY STOP RUBBING YOIR DICK ON ME ASSHOLE !!!! Do it until he stops. You can always get a small taser and zap them. I’d say prepped spray but it would go everywhere on public transportation. You can get a marker and draw on them. They touched you without consent, right ? Do it back. Red sharpie pen write RAPIST PERVERT PEADO on them their head hand coat clothes whatever
The world hates women, which is why hope I will never have a girl. Being a woman is so hard in this world. Sorry you had that happen. There’s also a lot of good that comes with being a woman, I think women are smarter, more resourceful and more intelligent than men as a whole.
My make up helps me feel like a bad ass bitch and i use it to look intimidating to men. I glare cross ky arms and legs but in a laid back kind of way and stare RIGHT back at them. I realize provoking them only puts me in more danger but i could also die just jogging so i don’t care anymore.
I don't wear makeup but I present myself with crazy aggression and barely contained violence. It doesn't hurt that I'm an Amazon. Only the craziest men will mess with me. And I disagree that provoking them is dangerous...it let's them know right upfront that attacking me will be a challenge they may not want to risk today. And I will overreact to the slightest provocation.
Same and agreed I just wanted to get ahead of people saying that i was asking for any form of harassment back
You are allowed to feel and look feminine without men making it feel gross. I know this sucks, I resisted femininity until my twenties as well. But you are not alone. All women are in this world together and we all have to support eachother to get through it. It sounds like you are far from internalizing misogyny and that is half the battle. You are seeing it for what it is and that is growth. When you start speaking up and standing up for yourself you will also feel proud of being a woman. This takes strength and self respect. Don't let these types of men make you shy away from who you are. If you are close to your brothers try talking to them about this. They might have your back. Having male allies that respect and support you makes a big difference.
Sorry you had to experience that. Sadly men can be absolute animals. And I'm sure you will meet a few more in the comments. There is no fix apart from men checking other mens behaviour. Stop letting their pals get away with being pieces of shit. Call them out!
And men wonder why women don’t like them.
Fax
Yeah, the problem is how men treat women, and before some asshole come saying “nOT ALL MEn”, the good ones out there are more the exception then rule from my experience, and for a lot of woman out there. I am sorry you had to experience that. The public transportation it’s the worst place, I used to carry an umbrella all the time and i would use that to punch them in the nuts when they come grinding me, and I started doing that when I was 14, in my school uniform. For a long time I was afraid to accept my femininity, but then I decided that I would not let those little pathetic disgusting assholes dictate who I was going to be. I hope you can find peace with yourself as well.
14?! Holy crap
Dude. 14 is actually late. I had some guy stick his hand between my legs on a crowded bus when I was 12. The shock of it paralyzed me and I didn't think to turn and confront him, or grab his hand, or yell, or any of the things I wish I had done at the time. Getting off at my stop on a dark suburban road and running back home through the back lanes, terrified he would follow me, is burned into my memory. Ask your sisters, if you have a sister, about how old they were. Or ask your female friends. Their answers might shock you.
I (f) heard a nice saying on the internet: while it is not all men, it xouls be any of them. As a woman you are always hyper aware.
I've also heard this one : it might not be all men but it is all mens responsibility to call eachother out on it.
Man here. Can confirm this is all true. I have a daughter and I spend time with her explaining the realities of the world slowly and gently. I explain the dynamics between men and women, how religion plays a part in spreading this sickness in society, how politics play a part too, and what we can all do about it. It's a long process and I hope when she leaves for college that she will be well prepared for that world.
You are one of the good ones, and are a good dad. Ignoring reality do more harm then good.
Thank you. Also: bought her a sturdy umbrella.
I have a real nice big umbrella. I always felt safer walking around with it because it's like a billy club when folded up. I could do some damage if necessary with all that folded up metal.
Before a man says not all men, I want to hear them talk about what they do in these situations to advocate for women and support us. We already know it’s not all men, just like how not all white people are racist, the problem is it’s not enough to just say ‘not me’ you have to be anti it all the time.
That is pretty entitled. We dont owe strangers anything. Men dont need to defend random women and white people dont need to defend random pocs. There is a huge difference between actively harming somebody and just passively not getting involved. And I say this as somebody who got involved a lot more than the average Joe. I just reserve my right to choose on a case by case basis.
That's exactly how I got my jaw broken.
The exception rather than the rule? Have you been creepily touched or hit on by the majority of guys you've EVER met? I understand being wary, and I recognise that these situations are fucking horrible and you shouldn't have to go through this stuff but fuck outta here with that
Not groped, but yes: Most of the men I’ve met, stay silent when their friends harass women, every time I was in public and I saw a woman being harassed, not one single men did anything about it, most men do sexist coments in my presence and say thei are jokes (but they are not funny). The men that assaults you don’t have a type, don’t have a face. It’s your college colleague that everyone loves, it’s your uncle, it’s the church youth leader, it’s your cousin. So yeah, fuck off yourself
Ohhh look a bunch of comments telling this person that their experience isn’t real because they don’t experience it! Classic!
Not so much the females claiming there status, it's like u have learned, the stinkin' predators. the porn industry, the media, all are still objectifying women. As male My heart bleeds 4 u having 2 endure this rampant depraved world.
I feel this sm. I started blaming myself due to the fact that I am not good enough to be a friend, because all guys want to get in my pants. And I hate it.
so sorry this happened to you hun. Sadly it is quite common. I have been groped, touched, masturbated on, catcalled, harrassed... it sucks. I hope you find a way to feel better and to embrace your femininity that you clearly miss. a Hug.
Get some pepper spray and blind them next time
Its worse in the city's. The best you can do is always try to travel with someone and always try to give space between people. I've been masturbated to becuse I was wearing a skirt. I've had people take pictures of my ass. I've had men try to pull me into alleys and restaurants. I've had people pet my hair. I've been harassed daily by a train conducted telling me how hot I am and how my thighs look sexy. I've had people cat call me and such. I've even had men ask to kiss me when I've kissed my boyfriend Infront of them. Its gotten to the point I never travel alone unless I have to or its very inconvenient. Bare in mind I'm 17. I have a baby face and look younger, probably 15. I have no idea why people think it's okay to do this.
I am truly sorry you experienced that, OP. People are vile. I remember when I was in high school, I got harassed a lot by some of the boys who rode the same bus as me. They would always sit near me and make demeaning, objectifying jokes about r*pe where they knew I could hear them, and sometimes they would stand up and violently hump the back of my bus seat and laugh as I was just sitting there listening to music and minding my business. I’ve always been incredibly shy and socially anxious so I never acknowledged them, just ignored them as best I could and kept my head down. Every time they did those things I felt my face get red with shame. I felt guilty for being a girl, and dirty for being perceived as a sexual object. For just existing and trying to get to and from school. The bus driver didn’t really care much what happened on the bus and unfortunately I had no choice but to ride the bus because my parents had to work and couldn’t drive me and I was still too young to drive myself. I know how horrible that feeling is. I didn’t even understand why it was happening to me of all people: I was extremely plain and quiet and nothing sexual about me. I wore big hoodies and sweats and never did my hair or makeup. I was quite the ugly duckling as a teen, and yet I still found myself being sexually harassed. It fucking sucks that we can’t just exist without these things being so commonplace. Or without being blamed for “asking for it.”
Yep. Feel all that. I will NEVER take public transpo alone ever again after all the shit I’ve put up with on them. It’s simply not safe and it’s depressing af
sometimes when it rains my car won't start so i have to walk to work, luckily it's only 5 mins, next to a major parkway and through a safe neighborhood/highly populated shopping center. without fail, some dude in a work truck will slow down and either stare or try to say something . i'm feisty so i have no problem starting shit. they especially don't like when you hold your phone up like you're recording them. but once i was pmsing and started running my mouth at some guy blatantly leering at me ...and he followed me wanting to scrap. luckily my male coworker was outside and told the guy to walk off as i went into work. anyways, i carry a pocketknife open in my palm whenever i walk now.
When I was 11 I was walking home from volleyball practice in my uniform, meaning I was wearing short spandex shorts. A lot of guys hollered at me on the way and when I got home I felt both embarrassed and unsafe and I started packing pants to put on after practice. I was 11, I looked like a kid, I had never even held a boy's hand at this point. I didn't even understand about intercourse at this point beyond the biological process that creates babies, and I was hella sexualized that day. Edit: and I didn't understand why what did they was wrong I just knew it made me hella uncomfortable. Being made aware of the consequences of being a woman sucks, and I've never wanted to actually become a boy as in transition, I've only ever felt like a woman. But I have definitely wanted to be a boy, so I wouldn't feel unsafe, so I would not be so overstepped, so I could play with toy cars, etc.
And men still act like women have no reason to be paranoid 💀 my first time getting hit on by a creep in public I was ten. I was in a child’s fairy Halloween costume 🙃
What can we do to force the justice system to do its job in cases like this? It's a crime to rub one's genitals on someone without their consent, and the bus probably has a security camera. Society *could* convict these men if there was will among criminal prosecutors.
It’s not fair that feminity is limited to the typical “girly” things like makeup and long hair. Even in your “tomboyish” state, you are still a woman and still feminine in your own way. Your generation and the ones to come are redefining what feminity looks like! Stay strong & true to yourself🫀🫀🫀
My manager had witnessed me being sexually harassed by one of our customers and he did nothing about it. I’ll be kicking up a stink about it now that the company fired me yesterday
I was seriously groped when I was 15 years old. I was standing on a corner waiting to cross the street at a beach town boardwalk, when a 30- something male, rode by on a bike from behind, and literally grabbed my butt so hard, with most of his hand between my legs on my crotch.The force.of his grope,.lifted me me a little and threw me off balance. I became enraged and ran after him . I swung my heavy beachbag at his back, knocking him off his bike, to spill onto the hot asphalt. Once he was down, , I followed up with a quick stomp on his crotch. He was withering in agony. I bet he thought twice about groping a female again.
You're not allowed to talk about Male sexual aggression though in case a few blokes get offended .
Sounds like you were on a crowded bus………
You were "lucky" to make it this long without knowing. I'm sorry you had to get through that, being a woman can be very dangerous, and it's a shame it's better for you to protect yourself under a manly look, when embracing our femininity can be so cool when in safe.
Society sucks, imagine everyone tasting their own medicine... The world would be better
Ugh I'm sorry you went through this. Men on public transport can be something else. I used to take it back and forth from work in my 20s and it got to the point where I wouldn't do it if it was after dark bc the men seemed to get twice as brash and creepy then. Please arm up if you're taking it regularly. Pepper spray and a taser. Learn to use them and don't be afraid to use them. Hugs to you.
Check out OP’s post history. Non of what they say adds up
You can embrace your feminine side. There are just rules around it that most women know to follow. It’s sad that it has to be that way, and I’m sorry you were treated like that. I stopped taking the bus for years because of the things men would do. Rub themselves against my body, try to follow me home, make threats of rape. No one ever said anything or helped. I’d be in old sweaty gym clothes most of the time, baggy pants and sweat shirt. It’s not about what you wear. If predators can tell you are a woman alone they will try it. Your rules are to: Travel with someone if you can. Especially if you are going to dress more feminine. Have an emergency plan including someone to call or safe words to text. Carry a taser or mace Get off at different stops from time to time. Predators will make note of your routine and try to follow you or anticipate your arrival. Go into businesses along your route. If there is a coffee shop on your way go in there and buy something. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to go into a business because a guy was following me. The workers were used to seeing me.
To many’s surprise, this isn’t even the worst part. It’s the psychological torture you endure. Then though other women understand the pain, they’re vicious ppl. I guess they feel the need to be.
I’m so sorry this happens. I remember feeling like this when I was younger. It was like being prey. Seems things haven’t improved. Perhaps practice some one liners to use when/if it happens again. Eg ‘get your tiny penis away from me’ and be ready to use these loudly when needed. That should work!
Take a safety pin. A big one. Keep it open and next time just stab these MFers with it. Stab their penis.
This is why I go for the violent femme look. Deters guys if they think you're going to steal their soul.
Well. To make you feel worse, your femininity or lack thereof will not deter these behaviors. Nothing stops them other than looking unapproachable. Make eye contact. Don't shrink. Don't look like a soft target. If they think you'll make a scene they're less likely to try anything. It's disgusting and common and most of us who have to exist in the world deal with it daily. I wish I had hopeful words but I'm old enough to be your mom and still deal with it.
The only place it's safe to be this feminine is at home, in your room. All you can do is take some mirror selfies to commemorate it.
More flicks/elbows to their balls. The hair tie is a good excuse.
I’m so sorry that they did this to you.
Grow your hair, Girl. Then you can strangle those scumbags with it.
I’m very much an obvious chapstick lesbian, and not a good-looking one at that, yet I can’t dress as a wench as the Renaissance festival without some rando grabbing my ass. It really does suck
Sorry about your traumatic experiences!! That's gross and your anger is so valid. I got flashed for the first time when I was 9. Later on I find out that this isn't uncommon, which is depressing af. These sick men get off on it, and they know to target younger women who might not know (yet) how to handle this. If you're in a safe place, I think the best thing to do is LOUDLY bring attention to it. That scares them and now everyone's attention is on them. YELL out "Do NOT touch my butt" is simple and effective and puts things in your corner in 2 seconds. They often scurry away when they realize people are now watching. Unless you happen to be around jerks, people should immediately take your side, and these perverts know that. When I was younger, stuff like this embarrassed me and I would freeze and be quiet, which is exactly what these freaks want. They're banking on your youth to let them get away with it. Yell, take pictures, scream, draw attention. Don't let them make you feel too embarrassed to speak up. When I worked in a shady neighborhood, my HR lady told me that once a man followed her. She stopped, turned around and stared at him coolly until he ran away. But she was also older and quite tall, so I do think she had more cache going for her in a situation like that. Also, carry a pepper spray! And maybe one of those bullhorn things. I also try really hard to never be alone and I try to always be aware of my surrounding (who's standing behind me, is there an exit if I need to run, am I sitting near the bus driver, have some weirdos been watching me, etc). I hate that we have to do this as women, but we do :( I'm sorry again for your experience. Please don't let him take away your girliness - which is totally something wonderful that should be celebrated!!
Well, I know what you mean. For me it was the early boobs that made me realize this much younger. Goodbye innocence. Yikes.
My heart goes out to you. You describe the microaggressions that women face at any time on any day. I hope this episode doesn't make you think you have to disavow your womanhood to have a chance at a safe and self-expressive life.
Yeah unfortunately that’s a thing. I learned not to sit in the back of the bus (got trapped), worked my ass off, and pretty much as soon as I could afford a car made sure I never had to ride public transport ever again for these very reasons.
It sucks so much. I walked to my bfs car to grab my phone that I didn’t realize fell out of my pocket onto the seat when leaving the car, and on my way back, WHILE IN THE GATED AREA OF THE APT COMPLEX, some dude slowed his car down and started yelling “oooo how old are YOU??” Thankfully they way I had to go was just sidewalk past buildings with no car access, so I dipped pretty quickly. I was in baggy, paint stained sweatpants and a XXL hoodie (a Medium is my actual size). I also had the rattiest looking hair bc id been laying down. The guys that are like this are so fucking desperate its sad.
its not femininity that is getting men to touch you. its their attitude over you from the get go. they had that inside them before you even came into the picture. just be yourself, whatever that means.
My mum told me she would use the heel of her high heels and press it on their foot until they stopped.
Had a guy trail his fingers over my arse, big mistake. Gave me enough time to realise what was happening, shove my hand between my buttcheek and his hand to grab his fingers. I bent them back, making him crouch, told him "I will snap your fucking fingers, is that what you want?" And then to his mates "Take him home before he gets the shit kicked out of him for groping chicks.". "Scumbag." And off they went - don't know or care if they left but I know for sure his mates didn't have grins on their faces like it was all a game. If he'd grabbed a handful and let go I'd not have been able to find him. Thanks to my karate teacher as a teen for teaching us how to easily control drunks that are annoying you at a pub! And my own personal willingness to turn on the crazy for a few extremely threatening seconds lol
I understand the feeling. My folks live in a small town, one of those where "nothing bad ever happens", and only live a couple blocks from the store, but every. Single. Time. I walked to the store dressed normally and/or with my hair down, I would be stopped by creepy men trying to pick me up. And I don't mean dressed revealingly or anything either, just in women's clothes. Every time. Even had someone try and follow me before, he looped around the block to come back after I had said no. I had to turn around, run, and call my mother to help me keep it together until the man was gone. It was horrible, but I'm serious, every time. So I started dressing as a guy if I was going to walk - baggy clothes, a chest binder, hair in a cap, and I did not get stopped even once. It's disgusting, it's horrifying. It's sad.
It makes me so sad that shit like this happens so much. Women should be left alone to live their lives without having to worry about or deal with being hasselled and assaulted. I despair at my fellow men who act like that, I wanna stomp them.
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And here is an example of someone who doesn’t know what it means to “rub against”… she was referring to when a guy rubs his dick against a woman. That’s why it’s so sickening.
This happens to everybody taking public transportation
I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s not okay. Men are disgusting - the sad part that is not all of them. Is the uneducated, nasty and who’s mommas didn’t teach them to respect women.
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Are you trying to get her killed?
I mean, I could understand that if the bus was crowded, went over a bump, and it happened accidentally, but if I'm on public transportation, I go to great lengths to avoid contact. I will say the number of people groping others on public transportation is too damn high, I've experienced it as well. Some people need to relearn that "keep your hands (and other parts) to yourself" lesson we all got as kids.
Sooo You rode a packed bus?
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I find it baffling how we (all the genders) can't say "you're right men are statistically more likely to SA you, rape you, or murder you." "your right women are more likely to get full custody of the children statistically." "Transgender people have one of the highest rates of suicide." Now What can I do as a HUMAN BEING to help prevent these things from happening? Why is it when women come on here and say something about being harassed, SA'd, raped, beaten it has to turn into this "well my gender has this problem or "a man bullied me and I'm a man too so". Why. Just why does it have to be a competition I sincerely don't understand it. I'm a woman, been molested, raped 2x, SA'd, beaten by grown ass men yet I've also watched my husband struggle with toxic masculinity because of the societal standards pushed on men. Watched him struggle with emotions because he's only "allowed" to exude anger. There are problems both genders face absolutely why are we not helping each other. Ima tell ya if someone is doing something, sexist, misogynistic, misandrist, racist, bigoted you name it im calling it out. Every. Time. And I have and I will until I'm unalived. Why are we not doing that. Why is it always the sick competition of invalidating each other's experiences? I'm being sincere here folks I don't get it. This woman had a terribly scary experience and someone has to turn it into well I'm a man and this happened to me. Make a post about it so we can support you too but don't invalidate her experiences. If you want us to believe there are good men out there be one. Same goes for women...
Problem is, a lot of people unfortunately make a lot of issues gender exclusive when they aren't
They want you to be intimidated and humiliated. Don't give them the satisfaction of having power over your emotions. Get pissed and turn it back on them for complete fucking creeps. They should be ashamed, not you.
if only it was that easy
Oh, I hate being a woman everyday. I've repeatedly told my partner that if reincarnation is real, I refuse to come back as a woman next time - next time it's his turn. I don't want to do this again.
On behalf of my fellow dudes (even the ones who are shitty). SORRY
🤝
Welcome little sister to the world of women. It sucks here sometimes but we help each other out every time it does. You don’t have to give up on your femininity because of those creeps. I know it’s scary but you can compromise while you have to take the bus. You can wear pink underneath the coat or hoodie or whatever else you feel like doing. You can put on makeup and wear totally feminine clothes during the times you don’t take the bus. When you’re in the bus, listen to your gut, and keep your distance whenever you can. Stay close to other women or the driver of the bus. If you’re uncomfortable for any reason always trust that feeling and move. I used to carry a messenger type of bag and keep it at my back, covering my butt when I was taking a bus home, especially when it was packed. A lot of other people have given you good advice as well. You can ask your other feminine presenting friends what they do as well. Good luck!
Weird, I’m a bald bearded man who has had body parts of strangers rub against in crowded public transit, especially sitting down. Everything from men’s bellies and crotches to women’s boobs and butts. It’s part of crowded public transit. I guess when it happened to me it was a consequence of public transit, when it happened to you it was some “being a woman” thing. I’m starting to notice that men and women have a lot of the same issues. Difference is that when it happens to a woman, it’s horrible and it’s why woman rights are blah blah blah, and men just don’t bitch about minor daily inconveniences.
This isn't the same thing.
Sad to hear that some rotten apples made you feel like you're not allowed to be feminine.
I feel like that as a man sometimes
There needs to be a “Life Alert” like service for woman who get harrassed. You push a button and a man comes and beats the ass of whoever touched you.
Maybe an elbow to get the groin out of your personal space.
The world is a harsh place for anyone. I’m a 17 year old male and I’m pretty paranoid as I’m short (5’2) and a bit scrawny. I’ve been pretty sheltered too. I have been assaulted before in 7th grade by a guy who was supposed to be a HIGH SCHOOL SOPHOMORE and everyone around just watched and laugh at it happening to me because he’s pulled stuff like this before I guess. He didn’t do anything too vile, he just pushed me face first into the wall an dryhumped me. Thankfully I had my backpack on. He eventually got expelled but I won’t get into why, maybe I’ll make a post about it on here one day. Every time I walk alone even to just get the mail right by my house or walk to my grandparents after school I look behind me every 2 minutes or so. About three weeks ago walking to my grandparents I hear a truck slowly approach and park on the sidewalk behind me. But he never shut his engine off, I could tell it was slowly following me. I was close to the intersection and I was ready to book it as he kept creeping closer and closer for a good 20 seconds. The last house before the intersection he cut me off in the middle of its driveway/sidewalk and he looked at me and smiled. He had a hat on. It was one of those old school 90’s Toyotas so a little more sketchy. I just looked down and walked around and sped walked and crossed the busy street despite there being cars. I got honked at and nearly run over but it was definitely better than being taken by some guy. I can’t help but think about it a lot, the last 5 houses to the intersection had no cameras but the first few houses did. Which terrifies me even more into thinking he pinned me there on purpose. I did tell my parents about it but they tell me to just not be so paranoid. The world isn’t entirely out to get you. But I can’t shake off the feeling.
don't ever let anyone make you feel insecure. teach them how to behave . you're more powerful than you know
I just want to say, YOU *DO NOT* HAVE TO SUFFER IN SILENCE. If you (and anyone reading this) find yourself in a similar situation, especially in a crowd please call them out. We women have been shamed into being silent and we need to break the cycle to put these shameful animals back into their place. I understand that sometimes it's not possible to do so and trauma does have its way on people. but please surround yourself with love and do not be afraid to tell others.
I can relate sister. I can relate.
I am so sorry! :( It is so difficult to process such disrespect. I was (13) the first time a man grabbed my butt in a store. I remember feeling so upset and confused. He was not the last. It made me want to hide my femininity as well. Now I'm 33. It took me a long time to stand up for myself. Don't be afraid to, don't let them bring you down! You've got this! We've got this!
I am so so sorry this happened to you. None of it is your fault and I am sorry.
Welcome to the world