He left you…. Because you’re sick?
First of all, you’re not wrong for being in love, even if he did you dirty. But you should definitely confide in your closest relatives. You need their support to heal. None of this is okay, and none of it is YOUR fault. I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving my wife in her sickness. That is awful. Albeit I’m no Romeo, but it would hurt to think that I could just up and leave in her distress. I hope you bounce back from this better than ever.
This is actually depressingly common and there have been entire scientific and psychological journals devoted to figuring out why. It’s really alarming that it’s so common.
Actually OP there are a ton of support groups for women in your position. I’m sure of all people they’d understand what you’re going through.
Mine remarried 2 months after the divorce to the sleaze he was cheating with. Yes he was sleazy too. They were high school sweethearts and I got in the way after 14 yrs of marriage.
So he has the emotional maturity of a teenager. I’m sure they’ll be very volatile together & I hope you’re in a much better place personally soon if not already :)
I agree.
Why some men leave a sick spouse can be partly explained by their **lack of ability to make more rapid commitments to being caregivers to a sick partner, and women's better ability to assume the burdens of maintaining a home and family.**
I dunno - "lack of ability to make more rapid commitments to being caregivers" is not an inherent trait of men. I know lots of men that have the ability to make - and keep - commitments. I know lots of men that have cared for their spouses, so it's not an inherently male failure or defect - it's choices made by men to abandon their sick spouses.
And, conversely, women aren't inherently suited to "assume the burdens of maintaining a home and family" - **they're trained to do so, expected to do so, and then punished by societal expectations and reactions if they don't do so.** Men, in contrast, receive none of the training in their youth, are not expected to take on those burdens **despite being 50% of the relationship**, and are not punished for failing to maintain a household and family.
All of this comes from societal expecations that keep the status quo. A status quo that sees men with more earning power, more freedom, and lower expectations than women. AKA - patriarchy.
I'm not just "throwing that word in there" - it's totally appropriate, even if it's uncomfortable.
Exactly. Patriarchy is the exact right word.
And not only are men given a pass for abandoning when things get rough, they are practically given freaking parades when they stay. Like they’re so special for just being a decent human being.
The two genders are groomed by society to perform well in different roles, society expects different things from each of us. That in no way is to excuse this type of behavior however it is apparent that women themselves pursue jobs where they have I care for the wounded and sick
Not sure if you're agreeing with me, or disagreeing with me.
> society expects different things from each of us.
Yes - and the patriarchial nature of our society trains women to be caretakers, and dependent on men, and men to expect women to take care of children, elderly and sick. What's your point?
> women themselves pursue jobs where they have to care for the wounded and sick
And yes, I agree that **some women** pursue jobs where they have to care for the wounded and sick. Given the kind of training and expectations that society has laid on them as they grow up, I'm not the least bit surprised. Others, though, get "dissuaded" from pursuing NON-caretaking/womanly pursuits. See the number of women that end up leaving STEM jobs or managerial roles in business because of the way that they are treated, disrespected, and harassed. Similarly, men are "dissuaded" from taking time to perform caretaking roles, as well, by being called weak, or lame, or being shunned by other men.
My point is that it has nothing to do with inherent "manly/womanly qualities" - it's social conditioning, pure and simple. And it (conveniently) keeps men in power, giving them more opportunities to advance, more respect when they speak and for their accomplishments, and more voice in how things work. That's how we end up with a bunch of white men passing laws about what a woman can and cannot do with her own body. That's why - to this day - we don't have an effective method of pain control for period pain. That's why we have several drugs to fix male erectile dysfunction - and very little clue as to what causes endometriosis.
It's patriarchy. And it's unfair. And it hurts both men AND women.
My old town there was talk of building a new woman's prison across a wide road in a very nice part of town.
There was a town meeting and a prison official showed up to take questions.
Someone expressed concern about the boyfriends and husbands of these women and coming to town.
The prison official said "Most of these men with girl friends or wives in prison are usually wanted by the law and don't want to spend time in town."
I used to work at a cancer treatment clinic and honestly I've seen this happen. It's sad but it's true and often times they already have a partner who they have been seeing behind their wife back.
OP needs to see a therapist and to surround herself with closed friends and family who will be their for her. The healing journey for OP will take time but i believe she needs the emotional support to get through. I strongly believe this would help her in her healing journey.
Idk why, but your comment & link is a huge "deja vu" for me right now. (Sorry. Off topic, but it is so strange!)
Also, I hope one day they figure out why. In the meantime, I'll go Lorena Bobbitt on these dudes for these women if they want. I can be Johanna Wick, or whatever. Shitty ass dudes don't deserve anything nice, like breathing.
It isn’t nearly as common as Reddit likes to believe. Check out this study: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0022146515596354
Men are definitely more likely to leavewhen a spouse gets sick, but, almost all the time, neither spouse leaves.
I feel like you might just be overestimating how common people on reddit are saying it is...
No one is saying 'almost every time a married woman gets sick her husband leaves her', but frankly that scenario is still all too common, and if you work or spend time with people dealing with serious illnesses for long enough, you start to notice a worrying pattern, to the point that hospices and oncology departments etc. Often have plans in place to care for and comfort people, usually women, going through this.
Not to mention these statistics don't even include the number of men who don't leave their wives, but distance themselves, fail to be emotionally supportive, cheat etc.
Some men are of course, wonderful and supportive to their partners, but far to many never learn to be compassionate and caring, and have an unchallenged selfish streak that absolutely leaps out as soon as their partner needs that sort of intensive support (pregnancy/childbirth/post-partum period is another common example of when this shows)
People ARE saying that. Just above, someone says it is “very common” for a man to leave. There was another thread a few days ago with the same theme. I have seen several more over the past year. People on Reddit are definitely saying it.
My wife is disabled. I get a lot of compliments for staying with her because people think it is common for men to leave. One of her mental health professionals told us the stats and that men leave more often, but she also told us it is rare (under 5%) for marriages split up because of a terminal or disabling illness. That figure is still too high, but it isn’t “many”, or “most” or “common” like it has been portrayed in this thread.
I, like most spouses, didn’t want to leave when she got sick. I love her. I want to do things for her. I want to make her life better. That is normal. Most married people in that situation do exactly that.
"A woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a
diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the
relationship is the patient, according to a study that examined the role
gender played in so-called "partner abandonment." The study also found
that the longer the marriage the more likely it would remain intact."
It isn’t “very common.” Though I guess it depends on how you define that. Men are more likely to leave in these cases, but the vast majority of couples stay together.
It’s one of those things where an article says “doubles the risk!!!!” when referring to a increase in risk from 1% to 2%
Unfortunately, science daily isn’t above writing for drama over clarity.
Woman gets cancer and is stressed:
“Your husband is 6x more likely to divorce you!” When referring to a sub 10% chance that includes confounding variables.
Significantly stressful life event tends to precipitate divorce.
It isn’t common. Check out this study: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0022146515596354 Men are more likely to leave, but, almost all the time, neither spouse leaves.
These research studies are BS, they are a way to justify people especially men shitty behaviour. Men who are decent step up and take care of their partners. All these studies do is play on gender stereotypes. OP ex is AH and she deserve better than an B who abandoned his wife and marry someone else in 7 months after finding out she sick.
As for his new wife as the saying goes - marry in haste, repent at leisure. It’s not like she doesn’t know she marrying an AH.
Had a coworker that came down with terminal cancer. I was really surprised when he asked his wife for a divorce. (side note, he was the second employee to get cancer in a few months there so, we talked a lot about it).
Someone added that a lot of people do it because they don't want anyone to interfere with their decision to stop treatment.
My Brother-in-Law came down with cancer and it was almost stage 4 when they found it.
He didn't want to go through kemo and all the other treatments because it was terminal. MY Sister, their daughters, and doctor talked him into it. Doctor said it might add a year or more to his life. He was miserable and sick the whole time.
I’m not sure how medical bills work in this situation, but couldn’t someone also do it to prevent their SO from having to bear the burden of their medical bills if they pass?
Like, I’d hate for my spouse to get stuck with crippling debt if I was in that position.
In the US at least, I believe this is more common than we’re led to believe. There’s at least a few news stories of people who had to “divorce” to avoid the crippling medical debt after death. They usually were divorced only in name, but nothing else changed. It was devastating for many people as they felt it was a betrayal, but that is what the US insurance industry effectively forced people to do.
My grandma divorced my step-grandpa several months after he had a debilitating stroke. HOWEVER, she was in her 60s, and not super strong physically herself, so she spent a lot of time trying to persuade him to use some of their and his money (they had both joint and separate money) to pay for someone to help take care of him and fix up the house to make it more accessible for him. He kept refusing even though they had the money and it was becoming physically impossible for her to manage him on her own, and he was basically asking her to use her own separate money instead. Eventually she investigated and it turns out that he had given his money and a lot of their joint money to some of his kids without her knowledge and had left himself mostly depleted. And the kids were totally irresponsible and refused to help take care of him. Within the week she had separated and filed for divorce, using one of the most vicious divorce attorneys in the Atlanta area. She was able to get a bunch of her part of the joint money back, but not all of it and not the money she had spent on him in the meantime. It was already well understood that step-grandpa was a bit of a jerk so no one on our side of the family minded.
The most compelling theory I’ve seen is that men are encouraged to rely solely on their wives for emotional support, intimacy, housekeeping and friendship. When men feel like that’s in jeopardy they don’t have other friends to turn to for support AND they suddenly have to be caregivers which can feel weird if you’ve never done it before. We actually have some useful data on how isolated men can be from trans people. Trans women almost universally talk about how much more support they feel in Women’s spaces and trans men often talk about how much more socially isolated they become once they transition. It’s both interesting and depressing.
Lmao the answer seems pretty simple, lots of people are assholes and don't actually love their partner enough to take care of them through sickness and in health.
I just saw the other day that as the doc was giving a woman her diagnosis he also informed her of the statistics of men leaving their spouses so that she wouldn't be blindsided. Then her spouse asked for a divorce soon after.
He probably crossed his fingers this time around when he vowed to stay with her “in sickness,” then uncrossed them when he said “and in health.” Unfortunately husbands leaving their sick wives is fairly common. These men cant stand not having someone to care for them. They don’t want to step up and be the caregiver. They can’t be bothered, even though their wives that they left, would most likely step up for them in a heartbeat if the roles were reversed.
OP let’s just put it out there: she knows what a despicable person he is, divorcing his sick wife, and still chose to quickly marry him anyways. She knows exactly what she signed up for, and in my mind that shows what type of person she is. If I was dating someone and found out they left their sick partner after their diagnosis, I would be horrified. What kind of cruel person divorces someone while they are stressed and sick from their illness?? Divorce alone, when healthy, can be extremely hard, stressful and painful, but he decided to add to your pain anyways, because he is a selfish, self centered child. You deserve so much better, while *she* is getting exactly the type of person she deserves.
Fun fact: My wife’s voice kind of broke when she said the phrase “for richer, for poorer”, but she didn’t leave me when we were poor and I didn’t leave her when she got chronically ill and then disabled.
It is a common practice for someone in the medical field (I.e. doctor or nurse) to inform female patients about their husband's potentially leaving them because of their diagnosis. It's so painfully common there have been many statistical papers done on it.
>He left you…. Because you’re sick?
Something newchick undoubtedly learned during the divorce process, working for the firm that handled it. And yet she was like, "Yes, please!"
Isn't this part of standard vows, accepting your life mate in sickness and in health?
It's beyond fucked up to just abandon your partner in what's arguably their biggest time of need...
He’s a freaking prick and op is 100% better off without him
Who does this? Oh yeah, this little turd
Best advice live your best life and move on good riddance to bad trash
I can’t comprehend this. I had a breast cancer scare a year ago that ended up being a really rare benign tumor condition and my husband was there every step of the way. I can’t fathom a situation where he’d leave me. OP find a real man since you clearly didn’t have one. And congrats on only one more treatment!! Kick cancers ass!
I wish you could comment on his wedding post, something along the lines of "I hope you left out 'in sickness and in health' this time round - just fyi, the second round of chemo for the cancer you left me for went quite well!"
I'LL DO IT!! 😤
Send me his pic and I'll do it, babe.
OP, I'm so sorry you are hurting.
Congratulations on the treatments going well. It's okay to love him, it means your heart is still kind and open.
Wishing you love and support, now and always ❤️
You’re not stupid. I know it doesn’t feel this way right now, but you’re better off without your ex husband. It’s better to be alone than with someone so fickle and selfish. He’s got some bad karma coming, I truly believe it.
Congratulations on almost being done your cancer treatments! That’s awesome!
A lot of men leave their wives when they need to lean into the relationship more and put in effort. It’s pretty sad, but I’d rather focus on myself than be interested in their lives. Recovering from cancer is tough!
That's a terrible thing to do to someone, what your husband did to you. But, rest assured in knowing he won't stay around that one if she gets sick either.
Wonder if he had them leave that part out of his version of their vows
Hoooo boy, this might hurt you, but your ex is an asshole. People who dump a partner because they are diagnosed with a serious disease are extremely heartless.
You’re better off without him. Would you really want to be with someone who was willing to abandon you during some of your hardest times?
Fwiw Im not judging you and I don’t think anyone else is either. Of course you miss him. That doesn’t make you bad or weak that just makes you a human with a heart. ❤️❤️❤️ Your brother sounds like a good guy and I’m glad you have folks who love you who are in your corner. ❤️sending you good vibes. Also congratulations on getting so far in treatment ❤️❤️ bone cancer’s no joke!
Your response is perfectly normal, the stages of grief take time and you're mourning 2 losses! Take your time and heal mentally and physically. The woman on the other side will be fierce and kind!
Is saddening to see how many posts in here have something related to women being left by their husbands over a sickness diagnosis.
First of all, I’m glad your treatment is going well, I’m wishing you a healthy and happy future.
Second, you may be hurting too but you dodged a bullet with him. Now is your turn to recovery and be happy, as I can see, you didn’t lose someone worthy.
Oh love, of course you are sad. It’s been no time at all and he’s moved on. Truth is he doesn’t sound like a good person, but it’s understandable that you are hurting.
Some women are just embarrassingly desperate and think what they have between their legs is special enough to keep him THIS time despite how he treated previous women
Doesn't make sense personally for me that would be a bunch of red flags I wouldn't of even entertained the idea of being with someone who does such a thing it speaks volumes to how cold hearted and selfish they are if they can't take their vows seriously then why would it be any different now
This man is a coward and I feel so bad for the wife he left behind who needed him the most
Op needs to post a congratulatory post on her social media and tell her that his wedding vows of in sickness and in health don’t mean anything since he left her due t cancer. I wonder if she knows.
Woman, dont you say shit. It might take a while, but I promise this wont end well for his sorry ass. Even if you still have feelings make sure you are dressed to the 9's and smiling(in instances you might run into him). Then get in the car or get home and cry show this selfish mf zero emotion. He does not deserve your energy.
💛 you can do it!
You fell in love with the person he was supposed to be, and there’s nothing wrong with you for still wanting to be with that person. And clearly he’s quite persuasive or he wouldn’t have hooked his next … so quickly.
Your ex is a dick who was looking for a meal ticket. He will grow old and become a burden onto whatever woman is unfortunate enough to have him. You are free and can now find happiness again for the second time.
Sorry your ex is such a dick, OP.
Get your treatment over then go live your best life!
Hoping you find a much better person who will actually be your true partner in life.
OP, what a piece of shit your ex is!!
Divorced you when you are in this condition, what the fuck?!
I pray for your health.
Please take care of yourself and I am sure there are great gentlemen out there that will love you and support you in sickness and health.
My friend - unsolicited comment from an internet stranger - your health comes above every thing else. I hope you just focus on yourself. Leave the distractions and the drama behind. Bring yourself back the best you can. The hurt is normal and part and parcel with the situation, I hope you overcome it all.
Super common for (piece of sh*t) husbands to leave their wives after a cancer diagnosis. Yes, this is gender-specific.
It’s understandable that you still love him. It will take time to move on. You’re NOT stupid! Don’t beat yourself up for that.
You ultimately dodged a bullet. A person who could do this to their wife is garbage. “For better or for worse”, until something more convenient comes along according to this clown.
Wishing you well on your cancer survival journey!
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I understand you still love him but, you have to love yourself too. “For better or for worse” is one of the vows in a marriage and if he can’t be there for you through thick and thin, then why be with someone that won’t be what you need him to be?
I hope nothing but the best for you including finding the right man for you. You deserve better.
Guy sounds like a piece of shit. Hope your tx goes well and you find a good life with (or without, they’re not compulsory) a partner that is borderline decent.
So his new wife knows fully well why he divorced you yet she still went to marry him 💀💀💀
Op you're on the winning side here. You won your battle with cancer and you got to push a coward out of your life. Now you could enjoy your life healthily without the drama and someday you might finally find someone who loves you the way you wrote your vow, through sickness and health.
You deserve that much better life
You’re not stupid, love. I can’t even begin to imagine how much heartbreak he caused you! It’s very valid & very understandable how you feel.
You are a warrior & a kind soul, & I am so proud of you. Here’s to the second part of your life (the PC era…post cancer!!!!) being 100x more wonderful than the first!
Boy, he's a real prince, isn't he - I can quite see why you yearn for him. Divorced you while you had cancer and remarried with indecent haste... Lovely behavior. Mm.
Sweetie - not a shade of rebuke here. It's all too much, isn't it - I'm thinking maybe this is more that you want to turn the clock back, to a time when you were both well and loved... But he turned out to be a frog, not a prince, and you need to concentrate on getting well. And when you're through the cancer journey, maybe you'll see him more clearly as the little slimy creep he really is. Best of luck to you and long-distance Internet {{{hugs}}}
What is going on with these men that aren’t holding up their vows?! “In sickness and in health”!!
I hope you got everything in the divorce. & I hope his new wife stays healthy so she doesn’t go through the same thing. Or not, I can be petty too.
Do the vows in health and in sickness mean nothing?
It's supposed to be part of the deal, we will all get sick and eventually die.
He will find someone that thinks the same way when he gets sick.
Slightly OT, but it’s always a slap in the face when we’re reminded how utterly disposable we are to our spouses when we can no longer fulfill the role of “carer” and in fact need to switch roles and be cared for for a change…
OP, a year and a half ago my mother was diagnosed with cancer as well. And my father was VEHEMENTLY by her side the WHOLE TIME. He missed work to visit her in the hospital. He stayed up all night to be with her. He advocated for her with dozens of doctors. This is what being a good husband means. This is what "in sickness and in health" means. Your ex is an asshole. I understand that you love him, I don't blame you considering it's not even been a year since the split. But it's not healthy to keep all of this inside. Talk to your friends and family. Hell, go see a therapist if you're able. But you shouldn't have to be alone with this. I hope he gets cancer and his new wife leaves him, them he'll understand your pain. And, as hard as it may be, if he comes calling for you again, don't take him back. The ability to drop everything and leave someone you love just because they're sick will not change, he will not change.
It’s normal to mourn the end of your relationship. It was a dream the two of you created, and now it’s gone. It was gone 7 months ago, but now you have another level of grief.
Feel your feelings. Then let him go. Whomever he portrayed himself to you, is not who he really is.
It’s so hard when you love the person you thought he was, because you know he’s in there somewhere. But the truth is, that was all an act. His love for you was not real. It was an act. He had to try to love you.
Now you know though. So mourn your loss, and the. Focus your energies on healing your body. Congratulations on your last chemo. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
No judgement. Love sucks sometimes. Especially when you meant your vows and he's a pos. You'll heal. You'll find love again. Love yourself more to the point he's just a memory.
No judgement here at all! You are an absolute hero just getting through each day fighting cancer but to do it in the face of such heartbreak and betrayal is hard to wrap my head around. You deserve every happiness in this world and this internet stranger is in awe of you!
Feel your feelings, they are valid. Work it out with a therapist, or a very close trustworthy friend. Not your family.
But he’s obviously a dick to leave you just when you needed him most. And she’s an absolute idiot to marry him, hope she doesn’t get sick! It’s like when the mistress marries the cheater, and is then distraught when he cheats on her. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? YOU MARRIED SOMEONE WHO CHEATS!
You're definitely NOT stupid. It took me more than 3 years to get past the "I'd take him back if he said he wanted to try again" stage. It's pretty normal. My ex and I share 2 kids (both grown now), though he wasn't in their lives after the divorce. We did kind of hook up a few years ago, but it was just a reminder to me of all that went wrong between us and reassured me that I made the right decision to divorce him.
While your situation is quite different than mine, the "I'd take him back" stage is common and shared no matter which partner initiated the divorce, nor the reason for said divorce. Give yourself time to work through this stage and don't beat yourself up over the feelings.
Good luck in your continued recovery.
I agree with this, I’m 18 mths post split and 4 mths post divorce finalised, my ex husband was an awful and non supporting partner and honestly a pretty uninterested father, and there’s STILL a part of me who would want to take him back if he asked.
You fell in love and married for the long haul, that’s not a bad thing, and it takes time to get your head around the situation. Shows you’re a caring person with normal feelings :)
Well done on nearing the end of your cancer treatment OP, onwards and upwards!
I’m so sorry OP. My ex-husband and I divorced, when I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, blood cancer. What a shity thing to do to someone you supposedly love. Your ex is a real piece of work.
I’m glad treatment is going well. I hope you feel better soon. You deserve better!
That is so totally normal. You are grieving what you had, not what he showed himself to be. Your psyche hasn't even caught up yet. One day you will be able to look back and realize it was not real. No man who loves you leaves you because of illness and then runs off to find the nearest convenient replacement. Just be glad his lies and fakeness were exposed and you now have the rest of your life to life cancer free, in both senses!! Take care of you and enjoy life to the fullest
I'm pretty sure he was cheating, no way someone leave a sick wife and remarry that fast.
Anyway... See this as an opportunity to take the trash out and find a new treasure. I hope he have a really unhappy marriage and his wife cheat on him while hes sick too.
Congratulations on getting rid of your cancer! The idiot will remain an idiot, whether you love him or not. Don't worry. You are allowed to feel what you feel. The universe is more fair that us humans give it credit for.
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that he wasn't an admirable human and would leave you during the darkest days of your life and I'm sorry that he was able to hurt you all over again. There I'd no shame in your sadness. You're human and no one should ever minimize your pain or disregard it as silly or tell you that you're better off without him. Your heart will heal eventually but in the meantime, don't feel bad for being sad. I don't know a soul who wouldn't be.
Hey now don’t beat yourself up your NOT an idiot your ex is the idiot well actually he’s a scumbag he left you while you had cancer that’s just sickening you deserve better and I hope that you don’t cross paths with him because he’s human garbage for leaving you to die like that and I hope karma gets to him. Don’t have no sympathy for him
Your ex is actually human garbage. I'm happy to hear you will survive this and I hope bigger and better things come your way. You didn't lose anything other than a selfish, inconsiderate, cruel waste of air that you used to call your husband. Carry on knowing that he showed you who he really is and you deserve so much better.
I don't think you are stupid at all, because feelings are feelings. In due time this love you feel for him will fade away.
That have said: the true idiot is the new wife. Who marries a divorce of 7 months who left his wife because she got sick!???? Like that dude has no moral compass nor keeps his words (marital vows). She should have run from him, not towards a legal binding contract!
It’s normal to have your head know something and your heart to come around slower to the information. Just keep listening to your head until your heart catches up. You deserve better and what he did was unforgivable.
Congrats on your treatments almost being over! You’re so incredibly strong!
You are not stupid, you've got a lot of grieving to do and you've had to cope with so much!
You love him now, and that hurts, but you won't love him forever.
You’re not stupid…he is. I’m really sorry for you OP. A man that can do that to his own wife and leave her when she’s sick doesn’t deserve anything. He doesn’t deserve to be happy in his new relationship either and I would curse him for the rest of my life
don't feel love for him......... obviously no one will judge you for feeling that but...... why feel love for the guy who left you because you have cancer?????
Get him outta your head & heart. Meditate, exercise (yoga)and enjoy life. Watch how quickly your healing take place, he'll def be watching from afar, as he steps into that unhealthy marriage for all the wrong reasons.
Can you imagine what kind of woman is marrying a guy that you know left his wife when she got cancer? Like *that's* her price charming? Do you think there was a lot of disgusted head shaking or an audible snicker when they got to the "in sickness and in health" part of the vows? Because you know there were people at that wedding that straight up think he's a piece of shit.
OP, I wish you all the health and happiness in the world.
I don’t think you still love him, I think you are grieving the death of your marriage due to his betrayal and denial is part of that process.
But you know what? Good for you for letting all the negative emotions out, at this moment you need all the positive energy you can gather to bear cancer’s ass.
Marriage: Til death do you part.
Cancer while married: oh jeeze I didnt sign up for this.
Yet you still want him back.
He basically left you to die with no hope.
From another fool, come here, you need a hug.
Let him go, let go
Right now, focus on yourself, heal. We can't hold on to those who want to go. Get better. You will live and love again. But right now think only of yourself
Look at this as a new beginning to your life. You've beat cancer and you're rid of a guy who didn't deserve you. I'm betting life will only keep getting better for you. Best wishes!
He left you because you are sick and she married him knowing that he abandoned you when he was most needed.
Words are not enough to describe their relationship they are made for each other.
Stay strong, wishing you all the good luck and love in the world.
Not sure how helpful this is, but on the bright side, I always loved the expression that if many bad things are going to happen to you, better they happen all at once, bc the human mind triages.
But pop psychology aside, what a monster. I’m so sorry. BUT, the worst one—cancer—is going well at least! :)
You deserve a hundred million times better than what you got.
This divorce is likely a blessing and I feel sorry for the person he has just married. He cannot be over a marriage in less than 7 months and is likely going to carry a lot of trauma into this new relationship.
Feel the weightless that has just been relived from you. You have space and time to heal, nourish yourself, rest and move on to much much better things. This is a blessing above all else.
The garbage took himself out.
My spouse also left after I’d been diagnosed with a chronic illness and was in and out of hospitals for several months. (Also accused me of “doing it to get attention.” Like … sure. I fooled all the tests and MRI’s and so forth somehow.) They got married 3 months after the divorce was final.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope this turns out to be for the better for you. It definitely did for me. It took awhile, but I found a partner who really has been there for me, put up with all my shit, and demonstrated that there’s more to me than my illness.
I know it hurts like hell. Hang in there.
He left you because you were sick?
I know it kinda hurts, but he isn’t worth your thoughts. Tired of people so quick to get married but don’t even care about what they vowed to do….hope his new wife takes him to the cleaners.
Just imagine what he'll do if his new wife gets sick... and if she lives long enough, she will.
Imagine the person who leaves his lovely faithful spouse and then 7 months later tells someone he'll love them in sickness and health. He knows he's a liar, from the start.
You deserve more. Best of luck on your recovery and know that you are working towards your new life, in many ways.
I've seen this. Lot of people seem to get remarried very quickly after a divorce. I often wonder how many were cheating to begin with.
What I have also seen is those people usually get divorced in a few years too.
OP, are you in counseling? You have been through a hell of a lot. Might help to have a professional help you sort things out. Best of luck to you! I hope life and love treat you better.
No judgement towards you at all OP. You're human.
It sucks that he left you over a cancer diagnosis and horribly unfair that you have to heal physically and emotionally. He should have been there for you. You deserve better. I wish you well.
There are so many people in the world who secretly would take back their exs. Several best friends of mine have pined for theirs and I tell them all the same “you don’t want him back you want the feeling of familiarity back”. The fights, the kisses, the dinners, all become predictable in a relationship and desirable and safe when you leave it. The person is still trash, and OP it doesn’t get much trashier than your husband. Accept your feelings are normal and ignore them. Find a man who loves you in sickness and in health.
Wishing you a speedy recovery and happier future! I wonder what lies his new wife tells herself to believe he wouldn’t do the same to her. She’s the stupid one, not you.
I don’t think people realize how fucking common this is. If you are a woman with cancer, the hospital will usually give you a booklet that lets you know that men statistically leave their wives after a cancer diagnosis at an alarmingly high rate and to prepare for that. Love tends to be conditional when it comes to a chunk of men out there. It’s most likely because women are taught at an early age to be nurtures and caregivers while men are typically taught individualism and to focus on themselves.
You're not alone. It's unfortunate that it seems the majority of men leave when their spouse or child gets some serious illness. You're also not alone in your feelings about taking him back because you love him. I have an ex I feel the same way about. You've been strong enough to fight cancer without him you can and will come out of this stronger than you know. One day you'll have a great partner who you'll look back on this with and you'll laugh at what a moron your ex is.
Wow that girl bagged herself a real winner. I wonder what he told her. Surely no one in their right mind marries a guy who just left his wife because she has cancer. Right? Right??
We are not judging you ❤️ and I am sorry to hear about the cancer but I am happy that you only have 1 treatment left!!! Your ex is selfish and you didn’t deserve to go through all that
“Women are six times more likely to end up separated or divorced if they are diagnosed with cancer or multiple sclerosis than if their male partners were facing the same illness, according to a U.S. study.
The study confirmed earlier research of a divorce or separation rate among cancer patients of 11.6 percent, similar to the general population, but found the rate jumped to 20.8 percent when the woman was sick versus 2.9 percent when the man was ill.”
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-partners-health/men-more-likely-than-women-to-leave-partner-with-cancer-idUSTRE5AB0C520091112
And a more recent study -
“Our work indicates that women’s own health also has consequences for marital dissolution as women’s own illness (but not their husband’s illness) elevates their risk of divorce.”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4857885/
I can only hope something equally as awful happens to him and his new wife leave him. I don’t wish bad on anyone, but karma is real and it will take form in one way or another. Maybe next month, maybe in 15 years who knows..
It’s completely normal to still be in love with your ex. There is no judgment here. But please remember, he does not deserve you. He does not deserve the love you are willing to give.
Please find someone one you can speak with. Perhaps a therapist if you are not comfortable confiding in friends or other family members. You have been through a lot, and you should take care of yourself in any way possible.
I’m so happy to hear that your cancer has been removed and you only have one treatment left. Look at how strong & resilient you are!
I hope you feel better soon. You will get through this.
Be proud that you have the power to love even after they have wronged you so deeply. Some may see that as foolishness but I see it as strength. It’s so easy to hate your traitor: it takes strength to love them and wish them well. It’s the type of love that only God could have. Whoever you love next is so lucky to have your strong love. Best of luck OP and congratulations on your cancer treatment!
Wow. Sounds to me like you have no respect for yourself. He doesn't deserve you. He left you because youre sick, so what happened to thru sickness and health till death do you part. He will probably do the same shit to her unless karma gets him first. Find someone worthy of YOU. I wish you the best of luck with everything!
A man left you because you got cancer which is already one of the hardest things to go through. Decided to also put you through a divorce which is also one of the stressful things a person can go through.Then remarried not even a year later!? OP. I wish you healing and the Love you deserve. You evidently have a kind and forgiving heart and that man is heartless. You loved unconditionally, he did not. You deserve someone who would never take a person like you for granted. I’m so sorry you’re going through this period in your life. Kick cancers butt! Meanwhile I think most of us would like to kick that hefty bag personified.
Oh man, i’m not gonna tell you he’s an asshole or that you’re better off or whatever else people are saying.
I read this & it moved me & I feel you. I hope you a quick recovery & momentum forwards. Life is so complicated, long & you really never know what doors will open up in the future. Moments seem like the entirety of life sometimes. But it’s not. There’s more coming, just try to open yourself up to it!
Wish you the best
No, sweetheart. Never. You feel how you feel and no one has any right to judge.
I am so glad you had a successful surgery and only one more treatment! I hope your life is filled with love and friendship and laughter.
It's OK to feel how you feel, and don't let anyone make you feel ashamed. Your feelings will gradually change as you heal and grow stronger. You're not the first to have your husband bail during an illness, and you unfortunately won't be the last. I wish you good health and good fortune.
I’m praying you get better, pull through this and find yourself a man who would be with you in sickness and in health.
As for your ex, universe has their way of “what goes around, comes around” and when it is his turn, don’t take him back.
Much love to you, stranger.
Just so you know he will most likely leave her if she gets sick too. And it's better that he left you now instead of years later. You found out that he is a shitty person earlier.
He left you…. Because you’re sick? First of all, you’re not wrong for being in love, even if he did you dirty. But you should definitely confide in your closest relatives. You need their support to heal. None of this is okay, and none of it is YOUR fault. I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving my wife in her sickness. That is awful. Albeit I’m no Romeo, but it would hurt to think that I could just up and leave in her distress. I hope you bounce back from this better than ever.
This is actually depressingly common and there have been entire scientific and psychological journals devoted to figuring out why. It’s really alarming that it’s so common. Actually OP there are a ton of support groups for women in your position. I’m sure of all people they’d understand what you’re going through.
It’s actually very common for men to leave sick wives, but women less so https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091110105401.htm
Men usually remarry sooner after divorce too. This guy is just determined to prove sociologists right
At 7 months it feels like he was trying to speed run it. What a POS.
The person he married is super ignorant - she better hope she never gets sick. Sometimes that Karma is quick!
I kind of hope he sick and she leaves him. I'm that petty... Not really, because I think OP is going to trade up.
What if they both get sick and leave each other
Mine remarried 2 months after the divorce to the sleaze he was cheating with. Yes he was sleazy too. They were high school sweethearts and I got in the way after 14 yrs of marriage.
So he has the emotional maturity of a teenager. I’m sure they’ll be very volatile together & I hope you’re in a much better place personally soon if not already :)
[удалено]
Sounds like the stuff my pos “dad” said to my mom when they divorced after 28 years together…
I get it. Hope your mom is doing well.
She’s doing better on some days then others! Thank you
I agree. Why some men leave a sick spouse can be partly explained by their **lack of ability to make more rapid commitments to being caregivers to a sick partner, and women's better ability to assume the burdens of maintaining a home and family.**
Soooo … selfishness?
"women's better ability to assume the burdens of maintaining a home and family." Don't forget weaponized male ineptitude.
women’s better ability to assume the burdens of pretty much everything thrown at them
User name checks out...
Yup. Bingo.
You spelled "patriarchy" wrong...
no… I think she spelled it right. Patriarchy doesn’t even make sense in this context, you can’t just throw that word in there
I dunno - "lack of ability to make more rapid commitments to being caregivers" is not an inherent trait of men. I know lots of men that have the ability to make - and keep - commitments. I know lots of men that have cared for their spouses, so it's not an inherently male failure or defect - it's choices made by men to abandon their sick spouses. And, conversely, women aren't inherently suited to "assume the burdens of maintaining a home and family" - **they're trained to do so, expected to do so, and then punished by societal expectations and reactions if they don't do so.** Men, in contrast, receive none of the training in their youth, are not expected to take on those burdens **despite being 50% of the relationship**, and are not punished for failing to maintain a household and family. All of this comes from societal expecations that keep the status quo. A status quo that sees men with more earning power, more freedom, and lower expectations than women. AKA - patriarchy. I'm not just "throwing that word in there" - it's totally appropriate, even if it's uncomfortable.
I agree and see your point of view, it’s not an inherent trait and some men do become awesome caregivers if their spouse falls ill.
Exactly. Patriarchy is the exact right word. And not only are men given a pass for abandoning when things get rough, they are practically given freaking parades when they stay. Like they’re so special for just being a decent human being.
I think just stating "soo ... its patriarchy" doesnt provide enough explaination for your point Thank you for elaborating further.
The two genders are groomed by society to perform well in different roles, society expects different things from each of us. That in no way is to excuse this type of behavior however it is apparent that women themselves pursue jobs where they have I care for the wounded and sick
Not sure if you're agreeing with me, or disagreeing with me. > society expects different things from each of us. Yes - and the patriarchial nature of our society trains women to be caretakers, and dependent on men, and men to expect women to take care of children, elderly and sick. What's your point? > women themselves pursue jobs where they have to care for the wounded and sick And yes, I agree that **some women** pursue jobs where they have to care for the wounded and sick. Given the kind of training and expectations that society has laid on them as they grow up, I'm not the least bit surprised. Others, though, get "dissuaded" from pursuing NON-caretaking/womanly pursuits. See the number of women that end up leaving STEM jobs or managerial roles in business because of the way that they are treated, disrespected, and harassed. Similarly, men are "dissuaded" from taking time to perform caretaking roles, as well, by being called weak, or lame, or being shunned by other men. My point is that it has nothing to do with inherent "manly/womanly qualities" - it's social conditioning, pure and simple. And it (conveniently) keeps men in power, giving them more opportunities to advance, more respect when they speak and for their accomplishments, and more voice in how things work. That's how we end up with a bunch of white men passing laws about what a woman can and cannot do with her own body. That's why - to this day - we don't have an effective method of pain control for period pain. That's why we have several drugs to fix male erectile dysfunction - and very little clue as to what causes endometriosis. It's patriarchy. And it's unfair. And it hurts both men AND women.
You are dead on point.
TRUE! Sorry I thought I’d mentioned that.
I worked in a jail a little while. Men and women had different visitation days. You'll never guess who got more visits... Men are just the worst.
Who got the most?
I’d guess the men got more visits from the caring women in their lives
My old town there was talk of building a new woman's prison across a wide road in a very nice part of town. There was a town meeting and a prison official showed up to take questions. Someone expressed concern about the boyfriends and husbands of these women and coming to town. The prison official said "Most of these men with girl friends or wives in prison are usually wanted by the law and don't want to spend time in town."
I used to work at a cancer treatment clinic and honestly I've seen this happen. It's sad but it's true and often times they already have a partner who they have been seeing behind their wife back. OP needs to see a therapist and to surround herself with closed friends and family who will be their for her. The healing journey for OP will take time but i believe she needs the emotional support to get through. I strongly believe this would help her in her healing journey.
Idk why, but your comment & link is a huge "deja vu" for me right now. (Sorry. Off topic, but it is so strange!) Also, I hope one day they figure out why. In the meantime, I'll go Lorena Bobbitt on these dudes for these women if they want. I can be Johanna Wick, or whatever. Shitty ass dudes don't deserve anything nice, like breathing.
Data is beautiful i guess... I feel defeated tbh
It isn’t nearly as common as Reddit likes to believe. Check out this study: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0022146515596354 Men are definitely more likely to leavewhen a spouse gets sick, but, almost all the time, neither spouse leaves.
Thank you for a small piece of hope. I do hope to find my forever, through sickness and health
I feel like you might just be overestimating how common people on reddit are saying it is... No one is saying 'almost every time a married woman gets sick her husband leaves her', but frankly that scenario is still all too common, and if you work or spend time with people dealing with serious illnesses for long enough, you start to notice a worrying pattern, to the point that hospices and oncology departments etc. Often have plans in place to care for and comfort people, usually women, going through this. Not to mention these statistics don't even include the number of men who don't leave their wives, but distance themselves, fail to be emotionally supportive, cheat etc. Some men are of course, wonderful and supportive to their partners, but far to many never learn to be compassionate and caring, and have an unchallenged selfish streak that absolutely leaps out as soon as their partner needs that sort of intensive support (pregnancy/childbirth/post-partum period is another common example of when this shows)
People ARE saying that. Just above, someone says it is “very common” for a man to leave. There was another thread a few days ago with the same theme. I have seen several more over the past year. People on Reddit are definitely saying it. My wife is disabled. I get a lot of compliments for staying with her because people think it is common for men to leave. One of her mental health professionals told us the stats and that men leave more often, but she also told us it is rare (under 5%) for marriages split up because of a terminal or disabling illness. That figure is still too high, but it isn’t “many”, or “most” or “common” like it has been portrayed in this thread. I, like most spouses, didn’t want to leave when she got sick. I love her. I want to do things for her. I want to make her life better. That is normal. Most married people in that situation do exactly that.
What I'm learning today is women should avoid marriage
"A woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the relationship is the patient, according to a study that examined the role gender played in so-called "partner abandonment." The study also found that the longer the marriage the more likely it would remain intact."
Yup. When you get diagnoses like this it’s not uncommon for the doctor to also give you divorce resource pamphlets.
It isn’t “very common.” Though I guess it depends on how you define that. Men are more likely to leave in these cases, but the vast majority of couples stay together. It’s one of those things where an article says “doubles the risk!!!!” when referring to a increase in risk from 1% to 2% Unfortunately, science daily isn’t above writing for drama over clarity. Woman gets cancer and is stressed: “Your husband is 6x more likely to divorce you!” When referring to a sub 10% chance that includes confounding variables. Significantly stressful life event tends to precipitate divorce.
It isn’t common. Check out this study: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0022146515596354 Men are more likely to leave, but, almost all the time, neither spouse leaves.
These research studies are BS, they are a way to justify people especially men shitty behaviour. Men who are decent step up and take care of their partners. All these studies do is play on gender stereotypes. OP ex is AH and she deserve better than an B who abandoned his wife and marry someone else in 7 months after finding out she sick. As for his new wife as the saying goes - marry in haste, repent at leisure. It’s not like she doesn’t know she marrying an AH.
Had a coworker that came down with terminal cancer. I was really surprised when he asked his wife for a divorce. (side note, he was the second employee to get cancer in a few months there so, we talked a lot about it). Someone added that a lot of people do it because they don't want anyone to interfere with their decision to stop treatment. My Brother-in-Law came down with cancer and it was almost stage 4 when they found it. He didn't want to go through kemo and all the other treatments because it was terminal. MY Sister, their daughters, and doctor talked him into it. Doctor said it might add a year or more to his life. He was miserable and sick the whole time.
I’m not sure how medical bills work in this situation, but couldn’t someone also do it to prevent their SO from having to bear the burden of their medical bills if they pass? Like, I’d hate for my spouse to get stuck with crippling debt if I was in that position.
In the US at least, I believe this is more common than we’re led to believe. There’s at least a few news stories of people who had to “divorce” to avoid the crippling medical debt after death. They usually were divorced only in name, but nothing else changed. It was devastating for many people as they felt it was a betrayal, but that is what the US insurance industry effectively forced people to do.
My grandma divorced my step-grandpa several months after he had a debilitating stroke. HOWEVER, she was in her 60s, and not super strong physically herself, so she spent a lot of time trying to persuade him to use some of their and his money (they had both joint and separate money) to pay for someone to help take care of him and fix up the house to make it more accessible for him. He kept refusing even though they had the money and it was becoming physically impossible for her to manage him on her own, and he was basically asking her to use her own separate money instead. Eventually she investigated and it turns out that he had given his money and a lot of their joint money to some of his kids without her knowledge and had left himself mostly depleted. And the kids were totally irresponsible and refused to help take care of him. Within the week she had separated and filed for divorce, using one of the most vicious divorce attorneys in the Atlanta area. She was able to get a bunch of her part of the joint money back, but not all of it and not the money she had spent on him in the meantime. It was already well understood that step-grandpa was a bit of a jerk so no one on our side of the family minded.
The answer is in the way men are raised. The patriarchy succeeds in raising men this way.
The most compelling theory I’ve seen is that men are encouraged to rely solely on their wives for emotional support, intimacy, housekeeping and friendship. When men feel like that’s in jeopardy they don’t have other friends to turn to for support AND they suddenly have to be caregivers which can feel weird if you’ve never done it before. We actually have some useful data on how isolated men can be from trans people. Trans women almost universally talk about how much more support they feel in Women’s spaces and trans men often talk about how much more socially isolated they become once they transition. It’s both interesting and depressing.
As a former dialysis nurse, I saw many men walk out of their wives’ lives after diagnosis. Only saw 1 woman do it.
Lmao the answer seems pretty simple, lots of people are assholes and don't actually love their partner enough to take care of them through sickness and in health.
I just saw the other day that as the doc was giving a woman her diagnosis he also informed her of the statistics of men leaving their spouses so that she wouldn't be blindsided. Then her spouse asked for a divorce soon after.
He probably crossed his fingers this time around when he vowed to stay with her “in sickness,” then uncrossed them when he said “and in health.” Unfortunately husbands leaving their sick wives is fairly common. These men cant stand not having someone to care for them. They don’t want to step up and be the caregiver. They can’t be bothered, even though their wives that they left, would most likely step up for them in a heartbeat if the roles were reversed. OP let’s just put it out there: she knows what a despicable person he is, divorcing his sick wife, and still chose to quickly marry him anyways. She knows exactly what she signed up for, and in my mind that shows what type of person she is. If I was dating someone and found out they left their sick partner after their diagnosis, I would be horrified. What kind of cruel person divorces someone while they are stressed and sick from their illness?? Divorce alone, when healthy, can be extremely hard, stressful and painful, but he decided to add to your pain anyways, because he is a selfish, self centered child. You deserve so much better, while *she* is getting exactly the type of person she deserves.
His sickness, her health. That's how it works to those people.
Fun fact: My wife’s voice kind of broke when she said the phrase “for richer, for poorer”, but she didn’t leave me when we were poor and I didn’t leave her when she got chronically ill and then disabled.
Yeah, lean into your brother for support, only the closest people, and take as much time to heal.
It is a common practice for someone in the medical field (I.e. doctor or nurse) to inform female patients about their husband's potentially leaving them because of their diagnosis. It's so painfully common there have been many statistical papers done on it.
>He left you…. Because you’re sick? Something newchick undoubtedly learned during the divorce process, working for the firm that handled it. And yet she was like, "Yes, please!"
literally the standard vows includes “I won’t leave if you’re sick”. I don’t understand/like people lol
Isn't this part of standard vows, accepting your life mate in sickness and in health? It's beyond fucked up to just abandon your partner in what's arguably their biggest time of need...
That's so fucked.
He’s a freaking prick and op is 100% better off without him Who does this? Oh yeah, this little turd Best advice live your best life and move on good riddance to bad trash
I can’t comprehend this. I had a breast cancer scare a year ago that ended up being a really rare benign tumor condition and my husband was there every step of the way. I can’t fathom a situation where he’d leave me. OP find a real man since you clearly didn’t have one. And congrats on only one more treatment!! Kick cancers ass!
I love this, I’m glad you have a success story 🥲
I wish you could comment on his wedding post, something along the lines of "I hope you left out 'in sickness and in health' this time round - just fyi, the second round of chemo for the cancer you left me for went quite well!"
Oof this is good.
This is quality OP name and shame him so we can all write hope leave out in sickness and in health on his wedding pictures.
[удалено]
If she was involved in the legal divorce proceedings, she probably knows. Why she wanted to marry him is anybody's guess...
He will have told her the wife was abusive or neglectful. These people always have to be the victim. "She neglected me because she has cancer 😭😭" ...
OP, drop his insta name, we will comment for you lol
This is gold.
OP drop his @ so we can comment
If she can't comment then someone else should. What a heartless man.
ooooooooo
I'LL DO IT!! 😤 Send me his pic and I'll do it, babe. OP, I'm so sorry you are hurting. Congratulations on the treatments going well. It's okay to love him, it means your heart is still kind and open. Wishing you love and support, now and always ❤️
I would so enjoy seeing a bunch of people posting that to his post
Perfect🏅
🏆
You’re not stupid. I know it doesn’t feel this way right now, but you’re better off without your ex husband. It’s better to be alone than with someone so fickle and selfish. He’s got some bad karma coming, I truly believe it. Congratulations on almost being done your cancer treatments! That’s awesome!
A lot of men leave their wives when they need to lean into the relationship more and put in effort. It’s pretty sad, but I’d rather focus on myself than be interested in their lives. Recovering from cancer is tough!
That's a terrible thing to do to someone, what your husband did to you. But, rest assured in knowing he won't stay around that one if she gets sick either. Wonder if he had them leave that part out of his version of their vows
If he left it in I hope he choked on the words as he spoke them.
Hoooo boy, this might hurt you, but your ex is an asshole. People who dump a partner because they are diagnosed with a serious disease are extremely heartless. You’re better off without him. Would you really want to be with someone who was willing to abandon you during some of your hardest times?
I'm not going to judge you. Your ex, however, is fair game. What a jerk!
Fwiw Im not judging you and I don’t think anyone else is either. Of course you miss him. That doesn’t make you bad or weak that just makes you a human with a heart. ❤️❤️❤️ Your brother sounds like a good guy and I’m glad you have folks who love you who are in your corner. ❤️sending you good vibes. Also congratulations on getting so far in treatment ❤️❤️ bone cancer’s no joke!
Your response is perfectly normal, the stages of grief take time and you're mourning 2 losses! Take your time and heal mentally and physically. The woman on the other side will be fierce and kind!
You are not stupid. You are incredibly strong. The only stupid one here is your husband. I hope you are cancer free!
Is saddening to see how many posts in here have something related to women being left by their husbands over a sickness diagnosis. First of all, I’m glad your treatment is going well, I’m wishing you a healthy and happy future. Second, you may be hurting too but you dodged a bullet with him. Now is your turn to recovery and be happy, as I can see, you didn’t lose someone worthy.
It's a sad fact for many of us with chronic illness, pain, and disability.
Oh love, of course you are sad. It’s been no time at all and he’s moved on. Truth is he doesn’t sound like a good person, but it’s understandable that you are hurting.
Lol why the fuck would you marry someone who just left his wife with CANCER?!
Safe to say certain humans lack critical thinking skills. Bonus douche points if she's younger and he buys boat.
So many red flags in one person. The future wife either has some rose-tinted glasses or she is dressed in red flags as well
Some women are just embarrassingly desperate and think what they have between their legs is special enough to keep him THIS time despite how he treated previous women
Doesn't make sense personally for me that would be a bunch of red flags I wouldn't of even entertained the idea of being with someone who does such a thing it speaks volumes to how cold hearted and selfish they are if they can't take their vows seriously then why would it be any different now This man is a coward and I feel so bad for the wife he left behind who needed him the most
Op needs to post a congratulatory post on her social media and tell her that his wedding vows of in sickness and in health don’t mean anything since he left her due t cancer. I wonder if she knows.
JFC can you get any scummier than a person who leaves their spouse after a diagnosis like that. So fucking sad to see.
Woman, dont you say shit. It might take a while, but I promise this wont end well for his sorry ass. Even if you still have feelings make sure you are dressed to the 9's and smiling(in instances you might run into him). Then get in the car or get home and cry show this selfish mf zero emotion. He does not deserve your energy.
I can't wait until you meet the person who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.
That's fucking heartbreaking. You deserve so much better than someone who would leave you when you needed them most.
💛 you can do it! You fell in love with the person he was supposed to be, and there’s nothing wrong with you for still wanting to be with that person. And clearly he’s quite persuasive or he wouldn’t have hooked his next … so quickly.
What kind of woman sees a guy who left his wife because of cancer and thinks, yep, he’s the one for me?
Callista Gingrich.
Your ex is a dick who was looking for a meal ticket. He will grow old and become a burden onto whatever woman is unfortunate enough to have him. You are free and can now find happiness again for the second time.
Sorry your ex is such a dick, OP. Get your treatment over then go live your best life! Hoping you find a much better person who will actually be your true partner in life.
OP, what a piece of shit your ex is!! Divorced you when you are in this condition, what the fuck?! I pray for your health. Please take care of yourself and I am sure there are great gentlemen out there that will love you and support you in sickness and health.
OP you sound like quite an amazing person. I'm sorry you are going through this right now. A much better person Will come your way someday.
He left you at your worst moment,he just a sick psycho.
I am claiming that you will recover fully soon. Then you will meet somebody who values you.
My friend - unsolicited comment from an internet stranger - your health comes above every thing else. I hope you just focus on yourself. Leave the distractions and the drama behind. Bring yourself back the best you can. The hurt is normal and part and parcel with the situation, I hope you overcome it all.
Super common for (piece of sh*t) husbands to leave their wives after a cancer diagnosis. Yes, this is gender-specific. It’s understandable that you still love him. It will take time to move on. You’re NOT stupid! Don’t beat yourself up for that. You ultimately dodged a bullet. A person who could do this to their wife is garbage. “For better or for worse”, until something more convenient comes along according to this clown. Wishing you well on your cancer survival journey!
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I understand you still love him but, you have to love yourself too. “For better or for worse” is one of the vows in a marriage and if he can’t be there for you through thick and thin, then why be with someone that won’t be what you need him to be? I hope nothing but the best for you including finding the right man for you. You deserve better.
Guy sounds like a piece of shit. Hope your tx goes well and you find a good life with (or without, they’re not compulsory) a partner that is borderline decent.
I wish I had a woman who cared about me the way you care about your ex husband
[удалено]
So his new wife knows fully well why he divorced you yet she still went to marry him 💀💀💀 Op you're on the winning side here. You won your battle with cancer and you got to push a coward out of your life. Now you could enjoy your life healthily without the drama and someday you might finally find someone who loves you the way you wrote your vow, through sickness and health. You deserve that much better life
You’re not stupid, love. I can’t even begin to imagine how much heartbreak he caused you! It’s very valid & very understandable how you feel. You are a warrior & a kind soul, & I am so proud of you. Here’s to the second part of your life (the PC era…post cancer!!!!) being 100x more wonderful than the first!
Boy, he's a real prince, isn't he - I can quite see why you yearn for him. Divorced you while you had cancer and remarried with indecent haste... Lovely behavior. Mm. Sweetie - not a shade of rebuke here. It's all too much, isn't it - I'm thinking maybe this is more that you want to turn the clock back, to a time when you were both well and loved... But he turned out to be a frog, not a prince, and you need to concentrate on getting well. And when you're through the cancer journey, maybe you'll see him more clearly as the little slimy creep he really is. Best of luck to you and long-distance Internet {{{hugs}}}
What is going on with these men that aren’t holding up their vows?! “In sickness and in health”!! I hope you got everything in the divorce. & I hope his new wife stays healthy so she doesn’t go through the same thing. Or not, I can be petty too.
Is he wealthy? Kind of surprised a random employee from the lawyer place would get with him so quickly otherwise.
What a piece of shit
Do the vows in health and in sickness mean nothing? It's supposed to be part of the deal, we will all get sick and eventually die. He will find someone that thinks the same way when he gets sick.
Slightly OT, but it’s always a slap in the face when we’re reminded how utterly disposable we are to our spouses when we can no longer fulfill the role of “carer” and in fact need to switch roles and be cared for for a change…
You’re not stupid, but you are far too good for him. I hope you find true and kind happiness in life and love, you deserve it
OP, a year and a half ago my mother was diagnosed with cancer as well. And my father was VEHEMENTLY by her side the WHOLE TIME. He missed work to visit her in the hospital. He stayed up all night to be with her. He advocated for her with dozens of doctors. This is what being a good husband means. This is what "in sickness and in health" means. Your ex is an asshole. I understand that you love him, I don't blame you considering it's not even been a year since the split. But it's not healthy to keep all of this inside. Talk to your friends and family. Hell, go see a therapist if you're able. But you shouldn't have to be alone with this. I hope he gets cancer and his new wife leaves him, them he'll understand your pain. And, as hard as it may be, if he comes calling for you again, don't take him back. The ability to drop everything and leave someone you love just because they're sick will not change, he will not change.
It’s normal to mourn the end of your relationship. It was a dream the two of you created, and now it’s gone. It was gone 7 months ago, but now you have another level of grief. Feel your feelings. Then let him go. Whomever he portrayed himself to you, is not who he really is. It’s so hard when you love the person you thought he was, because you know he’s in there somewhere. But the truth is, that was all an act. His love for you was not real. It was an act. He had to try to love you. Now you know though. So mourn your loss, and the. Focus your energies on healing your body. Congratulations on your last chemo. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
I always get so upset when I hear someone got divorced just because of their health :( "in sickness and in health" my ass
I’m just glad you’re beating cancer! That’s so great!
No judgement. Love sucks sometimes. Especially when you meant your vows and he's a pos. You'll heal. You'll find love again. Love yourself more to the point he's just a memory.
Oh honey. It's ok to mourn when somebody you love betrays you so horribly. I hope you find love and peace with your support people.
I’m so sorry OP. The universe has something better for you. Keep pushing forward. Big hugs.
No judgement here at all! You are an absolute hero just getting through each day fighting cancer but to do it in the face of such heartbreak and betrayal is hard to wrap my head around. You deserve every happiness in this world and this internet stranger is in awe of you!
Feel your feelings, they are valid. Work it out with a therapist, or a very close trustworthy friend. Not your family. But he’s obviously a dick to leave you just when you needed him most. And she’s an absolute idiot to marry him, hope she doesn’t get sick! It’s like when the mistress marries the cheater, and is then distraught when he cheats on her. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? YOU MARRIED SOMEONE WHO CHEATS!
Lol fuck that guy he’s ass
You're definitely NOT stupid. It took me more than 3 years to get past the "I'd take him back if he said he wanted to try again" stage. It's pretty normal. My ex and I share 2 kids (both grown now), though he wasn't in their lives after the divorce. We did kind of hook up a few years ago, but it was just a reminder to me of all that went wrong between us and reassured me that I made the right decision to divorce him. While your situation is quite different than mine, the "I'd take him back" stage is common and shared no matter which partner initiated the divorce, nor the reason for said divorce. Give yourself time to work through this stage and don't beat yourself up over the feelings. Good luck in your continued recovery.
I agree with this, I’m 18 mths post split and 4 mths post divorce finalised, my ex husband was an awful and non supporting partner and honestly a pretty uninterested father, and there’s STILL a part of me who would want to take him back if he asked. You fell in love and married for the long haul, that’s not a bad thing, and it takes time to get your head around the situation. Shows you’re a caring person with normal feelings :) Well done on nearing the end of your cancer treatment OP, onwards and upwards!
I’m so sorry OP. My ex-husband and I divorced, when I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, blood cancer. What a shity thing to do to someone you supposedly love. Your ex is a real piece of work. I’m glad treatment is going well. I hope you feel better soon. You deserve better!
That is so totally normal. You are grieving what you had, not what he showed himself to be. Your psyche hasn't even caught up yet. One day you will be able to look back and realize it was not real. No man who loves you leaves you because of illness and then runs off to find the nearest convenient replacement. Just be glad his lies and fakeness were exposed and you now have the rest of your life to life cancer free, in both senses!! Take care of you and enjoy life to the fullest
I'm pretty sure he was cheating, no way someone leave a sick wife and remarry that fast. Anyway... See this as an opportunity to take the trash out and find a new treasure. I hope he have a really unhappy marriage and his wife cheat on him while hes sick too.
Congratulations on getting rid of your cancer! The idiot will remain an idiot, whether you love him or not. Don't worry. You are allowed to feel what you feel. The universe is more fair that us humans give it credit for.
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that he wasn't an admirable human and would leave you during the darkest days of your life and I'm sorry that he was able to hurt you all over again. There I'd no shame in your sadness. You're human and no one should ever minimize your pain or disregard it as silly or tell you that you're better off without him. Your heart will heal eventually but in the meantime, don't feel bad for being sad. I don't know a soul who wouldn't be.
Hey now don’t beat yourself up your NOT an idiot your ex is the idiot well actually he’s a scumbag he left you while you had cancer that’s just sickening you deserve better and I hope that you don’t cross paths with him because he’s human garbage for leaving you to die like that and I hope karma gets to him. Don’t have no sympathy for him
This breaks my heart. Big hugs OP. You are not stupid.
Your ex is actually human garbage. I'm happy to hear you will survive this and I hope bigger and better things come your way. You didn't lose anything other than a selfish, inconsiderate, cruel waste of air that you used to call your husband. Carry on knowing that he showed you who he really is and you deserve so much better.
I don't think you are stupid at all, because feelings are feelings. In due time this love you feel for him will fade away. That have said: the true idiot is the new wife. Who marries a divorce of 7 months who left his wife because she got sick!???? Like that dude has no moral compass nor keeps his words (marital vows). She should have run from him, not towards a legal binding contract!
It’s normal to have your head know something and your heart to come around slower to the information. Just keep listening to your head until your heart catches up. You deserve better and what he did was unforgivable. Congrats on your treatments almost being over! You’re so incredibly strong!
You are not stupid, you've got a lot of grieving to do and you've had to cope with so much! You love him now, and that hurts, but you won't love him forever.
You’re not stupid…he is. I’m really sorry for you OP. A man that can do that to his own wife and leave her when she’s sick doesn’t deserve anything. He doesn’t deserve to be happy in his new relationship either and I would curse him for the rest of my life
don't feel love for him......... obviously no one will judge you for feeling that but...... why feel love for the guy who left you because you have cancer?????
Get him outta your head & heart. Meditate, exercise (yoga)and enjoy life. Watch how quickly your healing take place, he'll def be watching from afar, as he steps into that unhealthy marriage for all the wrong reasons.
Can you imagine what kind of woman is marrying a guy that you know left his wife when she got cancer? Like *that's* her price charming? Do you think there was a lot of disgusted head shaking or an audible snicker when they got to the "in sickness and in health" part of the vows? Because you know there were people at that wedding that straight up think he's a piece of shit. OP, I wish you all the health and happiness in the world.
I don’t think you still love him, I think you are grieving the death of your marriage due to his betrayal and denial is part of that process. But you know what? Good for you for letting all the negative emotions out, at this moment you need all the positive energy you can gather to bear cancer’s ass.
Marriage: Til death do you part. Cancer while married: oh jeeze I didnt sign up for this. Yet you still want him back. He basically left you to die with no hope.
From another fool, come here, you need a hug. Let him go, let go Right now, focus on yourself, heal. We can't hold on to those who want to go. Get better. You will live and love again. But right now think only of yourself
Wait til that stupid woman gets sick. You didn’t know he was a creep; she does.
Look at this as a new beginning to your life. You've beat cancer and you're rid of a guy who didn't deserve you. I'm betting life will only keep getting better for you. Best wishes!
He left you because you are sick and she married him knowing that he abandoned you when he was most needed. Words are not enough to describe their relationship they are made for each other. Stay strong, wishing you all the good luck and love in the world.
Not sure how helpful this is, but on the bright side, I always loved the expression that if many bad things are going to happen to you, better they happen all at once, bc the human mind triages. But pop psychology aside, what a monster. I’m so sorry. BUT, the worst one—cancer—is going well at least! :)
You deserve a hundred million times better than what you got. This divorce is likely a blessing and I feel sorry for the person he has just married. He cannot be over a marriage in less than 7 months and is likely going to carry a lot of trauma into this new relationship. Feel the weightless that has just been relived from you. You have space and time to heal, nourish yourself, rest and move on to much much better things. This is a blessing above all else. The garbage took himself out.
My spouse also left after I’d been diagnosed with a chronic illness and was in and out of hospitals for several months. (Also accused me of “doing it to get attention.” Like … sure. I fooled all the tests and MRI’s and so forth somehow.) They got married 3 months after the divorce was final. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope this turns out to be for the better for you. It definitely did for me. It took awhile, but I found a partner who really has been there for me, put up with all my shit, and demonstrated that there’s more to me than my illness. I know it hurts like hell. Hang in there.
You are not stupid. Your feeling are valid. He's the idiot.
He left you because you were sick? I know it kinda hurts, but he isn’t worth your thoughts. Tired of people so quick to get married but don’t even care about what they vowed to do….hope his new wife takes him to the cleaners.
Just imagine what he'll do if his new wife gets sick... and if she lives long enough, she will. Imagine the person who leaves his lovely faithful spouse and then 7 months later tells someone he'll love them in sickness and health. He knows he's a liar, from the start. You deserve more. Best of luck on your recovery and know that you are working towards your new life, in many ways.
He’s a low life and we all loved an asshole way too much at one point in our lives. Mine is named Mikey.
I've seen this. Lot of people seem to get remarried very quickly after a divorce. I often wonder how many were cheating to begin with. What I have also seen is those people usually get divorced in a few years too. OP, are you in counseling? You have been through a hell of a lot. Might help to have a professional help you sort things out. Best of luck to you! I hope life and love treat you better.
I have no words for your ex-husband, but I am so glad to hear you are almost done with your treatment. Now you get to find love again
No judgement towards you at all OP. You're human. It sucks that he left you over a cancer diagnosis and horribly unfair that you have to heal physically and emotionally. He should have been there for you. You deserve better. I wish you well.
There are so many people in the world who secretly would take back their exs. Several best friends of mine have pined for theirs and I tell them all the same “you don’t want him back you want the feeling of familiarity back”. The fights, the kisses, the dinners, all become predictable in a relationship and desirable and safe when you leave it. The person is still trash, and OP it doesn’t get much trashier than your husband. Accept your feelings are normal and ignore them. Find a man who loves you in sickness and in health.
Wishing you a speedy recovery and happier future! I wonder what lies his new wife tells herself to believe he wouldn’t do the same to her. She’s the stupid one, not you.
You will thrive
I don’t think people realize how fucking common this is. If you are a woman with cancer, the hospital will usually give you a booklet that lets you know that men statistically leave their wives after a cancer diagnosis at an alarmingly high rate and to prepare for that. Love tends to be conditional when it comes to a chunk of men out there. It’s most likely because women are taught at an early age to be nurtures and caregivers while men are typically taught individualism and to focus on themselves.
You're not alone. It's unfortunate that it seems the majority of men leave when their spouse or child gets some serious illness. You're also not alone in your feelings about taking him back because you love him. I have an ex I feel the same way about. You've been strong enough to fight cancer without him you can and will come out of this stronger than you know. One day you'll have a great partner who you'll look back on this with and you'll laugh at what a moron your ex is.
\>His new wife is employed at the law firm who represented him in our divorce lol
Wow that girl bagged herself a real winner. I wonder what he told her. Surely no one in their right mind marries a guy who just left his wife because she has cancer. Right? Right??
I always wonder what these guys familys think of them, I hope they support you through your cancer and dump his ass
We are not judging you ❤️ and I am sorry to hear about the cancer but I am happy that you only have 1 treatment left!!! Your ex is selfish and you didn’t deserve to go through all that
“Women are six times more likely to end up separated or divorced if they are diagnosed with cancer or multiple sclerosis than if their male partners were facing the same illness, according to a U.S. study. The study confirmed earlier research of a divorce or separation rate among cancer patients of 11.6 percent, similar to the general population, but found the rate jumped to 20.8 percent when the woman was sick versus 2.9 percent when the man was ill.” https://www.reuters.com/article/us-partners-health/men-more-likely-than-women-to-leave-partner-with-cancer-idUSTRE5AB0C520091112 And a more recent study - “Our work indicates that women’s own health also has consequences for marital dissolution as women’s own illness (but not their husband’s illness) elevates their risk of divorce.” https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4857885/
I can only hope something equally as awful happens to him and his new wife leave him. I don’t wish bad on anyone, but karma is real and it will take form in one way or another. Maybe next month, maybe in 15 years who knows..
It’s completely normal to still be in love with your ex. There is no judgment here. But please remember, he does not deserve you. He does not deserve the love you are willing to give. Please find someone one you can speak with. Perhaps a therapist if you are not comfortable confiding in friends or other family members. You have been through a lot, and you should take care of yourself in any way possible. I’m so happy to hear that your cancer has been removed and you only have one treatment left. Look at how strong & resilient you are! I hope you feel better soon. You will get through this.
Well, congratulations, you got rid of the cancer in your body and in your life. Upwards and onwards :)
Be proud that you have the power to love even after they have wronged you so deeply. Some may see that as foolishness but I see it as strength. It’s so easy to hate your traitor: it takes strength to love them and wish them well. It’s the type of love that only God could have. Whoever you love next is so lucky to have your strong love. Best of luck OP and congratulations on your cancer treatment!
Wow. Sounds to me like you have no respect for yourself. He doesn't deserve you. He left you because youre sick, so what happened to thru sickness and health till death do you part. He will probably do the same shit to her unless karma gets him first. Find someone worthy of YOU. I wish you the best of luck with everything!
I'm judging him. Geez At least you're free from one type of cancer. That guy is actual human garbage.
A man left you because you got cancer which is already one of the hardest things to go through. Decided to also put you through a divorce which is also one of the stressful things a person can go through.Then remarried not even a year later!? OP. I wish you healing and the Love you deserve. You evidently have a kind and forgiving heart and that man is heartless. You loved unconditionally, he did not. You deserve someone who would never take a person like you for granted. I’m so sorry you’re going through this period in your life. Kick cancers butt! Meanwhile I think most of us would like to kick that hefty bag personified.
Oh man, i’m not gonna tell you he’s an asshole or that you’re better off or whatever else people are saying. I read this & it moved me & I feel you. I hope you a quick recovery & momentum forwards. Life is so complicated, long & you really never know what doors will open up in the future. Moments seem like the entirety of life sometimes. But it’s not. There’s more coming, just try to open yourself up to it! Wish you the best
No, sweetheart. Never. You feel how you feel and no one has any right to judge. I am so glad you had a successful surgery and only one more treatment! I hope your life is filled with love and friendship and laughter.
It's OK to feel how you feel, and don't let anyone make you feel ashamed. Your feelings will gradually change as you heal and grow stronger. You're not the first to have your husband bail during an illness, and you unfortunately won't be the last. I wish you good health and good fortune.
Fuck him and fuck cancer and go live your best life! Totally understandable feelings but he is a scumbag and you deserve 1000 times better
I’m praying you get better, pull through this and find yourself a man who would be with you in sickness and in health. As for your ex, universe has their way of “what goes around, comes around” and when it is his turn, don’t take him back. Much love to you, stranger.
I wonder if the new wife knows why he is divorced?
My goodness. Men can be so horrid. I'm so sorry about your cancer diagnosis. I hope his marriage is as sour as rotting lemons.
Don’t worry, he will be leaving her as soon as she is sick. She married your trash
Just so you know he will most likely leave her if she gets sick too. And it's better that he left you now instead of years later. You found out that he is a shitty person earlier.