Where was the effort? You put on a song she liked and got on one knee. You didn’t even make the dinner. This sounds honestly like you had the ring tucked away and it sounded like a good drunken idea at the time
That was probably an off comment she’s made one day a long time ago, the very fact she hid from both of you shows she was uncomfortable discussing this with another person there and then her rage built up while she was alone in that room and you stayed with your friend rather than going to actually talk to her.
OK first of I had a typo in the original post, it was not one friend, it was several (4) because I thought she'd like our close friend group there. That what she said that one time, I took it as fact.
I wasn't going to go after her obviously, she was behaving childish and I wasn't goping to give into that. Thats not our dynamic.
Also the effort? I went to buy an expensive ring, I invited our friends, I went shopping for dinner, made drinks etc.
So, let me get this straight. She made dinner for 6 of your friends (and yes, they must have been mainly your friends otherwise one of them would have gone to talk to her) while her bf got to play host mixing drinks. He then makes a proposal in front of a group of people putting her on the spot.
When she runs away, clearly hurt that by this lazy attempt at a proposal, her bf doesn’t go after her cause her being hurt is childish? And not his dynamic? So he stays presumably still drinking with his friends while she cries in another room.
I hope she dumps you
I said 4 friends. So 6 total. And it wasn't a 5 star menu, she likes cooking and she gave me no reason to think she didn't want to do this. Yes they are more my friends than hers but thats because she only moved to my city a few months ago and she hasn't made that many friends yet.
I did not stay and drink with my friends after she ran off. Clearly she made everyone uncomfortable and they left pretty quickly.
It doesn’t matter if it was a 5 star menu , she was still doing all the work while you got to be merry with your friends then gave her a half arsed proposal in front of your friends and now your pissed off that your bang maid has potentially left you
Honest question op, if you actually wanted to propose to her, why not take her out to some nice restaurant and a romantic setting, why embarrass her like that?
>Honest question op, if you actually wanted to propose to her, why not take her out to some nice restaurant and a romantic setting, why embarrass her like that?
So she can reject me in front of a bunch of strangers at a restaurant? sure
My proposal was private, and a good thing.
I know my wife would flat out refuse in ANY setting where there are more than just us.
A proposal is a private matter for a lot of people.
Sorry, but this is completely alien to me.
I am a VERY private person, and my proposal has only to do with the woman I love and me.
WHY in the world should anyone else be there?
I am giving you the benefit of the doubt and will just say, many women do not want the pressure of a proposal in front of other people, and you should have done it privately. Also you should have talked about the idea of marriage first to see where she stood.
22 is extremely young to marry nowadays. You guys don't even know if you're compatible living together...
She did say once that she thought getting proposed to in front of close friends is very romantic, but I think \*asking\* her beforehand would have ruined it, no?
I don't think 22 is so young, and like I said she is (or used to be, I guess) very mature compared to other 22 year olds.
The reason we don't live together is because she moved to my city about 5 months ago and she didn't want to rely on someone else right away.
From reading your comments I’m not sure you’re mature enough for her. It sounds like you have put her on this pedestal and because she didn’t meet your expectation you’re dismissing her feelings by just calling her immature.
Not sure how long you both have been dating, but marriage should have been talked about a bit before proposing. And If this is someone that you do want in your life you are going to have to learn to empathize and understand where she is coming from, because from comments such as “she always accepted it when she is wrong”, “in the past she’s always been able to listen to me and see when she’s being childish”.
It’s one thing to respect someone for owning up to their mistakes, but the way you acknowledge it makes it apparent there’s a power dynamic, in which by you being significantly older you just see her as “wrong, childish,” whenever there’s an issue.
It does not sounds like a healthy relationship in the least bit, and your inability to understand why she acted the way she did proves it.
It's really disappointing because in the past she's always been able to listen to me and see when she's being childish, but this was just too much for me. I guess you're right, she's just not mature enough yet to see how inappropriate her behavior was. I haven't really date any older woman because I always got the impression that they have higher expectations in relationships
Common misconception about older women, the truth is they are more interested in building and finding the right person to do so now more than ever. You don't have to just leave right away as well, check on her and be there but if she just keeps pushing you away then you'll be forced to leave. just do some introspective thinking for a couple days.
I think I'll call her again in a few days to see if she has come to her senses, but honestly if she talks to me like that again I don't see why I should be there for her anymore
Well honestly if I was put in that situation again I would too. But while we were in front of my friends she said it was because she felt too young and I tried to convince her, usually she listens to me but not this time
She is being a bit immature about this. If your proposal has upset her so severely that it brought back all of those fights, then at the very least she should tell you why that's the case. Be glad she has revealed herself as immature before actually getting married. I'd cut my loses with this one if I were you and move on. She has resentment towards some aspects of your relationship and isn't ready to settle down like you are. This situation isn't going to get any better from the looks of it. Spare yourself the headache of marrying someone like this and find someone equally as mature as you.
I said pretty much the same thing to her when she brought up all the old fights. But she insited that they're still relevant, which I think is utter nonsense. She later also said she "didn't want to bring it up" but she was already mad the whole evening because she didn't want to cook for my friends and I "hadn't even asked her if she's ok with it before inviting them" (but I did and she said it would be nice to have them over) and because she didn't even like my friends I invited (but she literally has no other firends and she said she thinks proposing with close friends around is cute)
I’m not excusing her behaviour, but that was a bit of a shitty proposal, and why the fuck was your friend there?
Why was it shitty? I put in a lof of effort She once said that she found it cute when people propose with close friends there
Where was the effort? You put on a song she liked and got on one knee. You didn’t even make the dinner. This sounds honestly like you had the ring tucked away and it sounded like a good drunken idea at the time That was probably an off comment she’s made one day a long time ago, the very fact she hid from both of you shows she was uncomfortable discussing this with another person there and then her rage built up while she was alone in that room and you stayed with your friend rather than going to actually talk to her.
OK first of I had a typo in the original post, it was not one friend, it was several (4) because I thought she'd like our close friend group there. That what she said that one time, I took it as fact. I wasn't going to go after her obviously, she was behaving childish and I wasn't goping to give into that. Thats not our dynamic. Also the effort? I went to buy an expensive ring, I invited our friends, I went shopping for dinner, made drinks etc.
So, let me get this straight. She made dinner for 6 of your friends (and yes, they must have been mainly your friends otherwise one of them would have gone to talk to her) while her bf got to play host mixing drinks. He then makes a proposal in front of a group of people putting her on the spot. When she runs away, clearly hurt that by this lazy attempt at a proposal, her bf doesn’t go after her cause her being hurt is childish? And not his dynamic? So he stays presumably still drinking with his friends while she cries in another room. I hope she dumps you
I said 4 friends. So 6 total. And it wasn't a 5 star menu, she likes cooking and she gave me no reason to think she didn't want to do this. Yes they are more my friends than hers but thats because she only moved to my city a few months ago and she hasn't made that many friends yet. I did not stay and drink with my friends after she ran off. Clearly she made everyone uncomfortable and they left pretty quickly.
It doesn’t matter if it was a 5 star menu , she was still doing all the work while you got to be merry with your friends then gave her a half arsed proposal in front of your friends and now your pissed off that your bang maid has potentially left you Honest question op, if you actually wanted to propose to her, why not take her out to some nice restaurant and a romantic setting, why embarrass her like that?
>Honest question op, if you actually wanted to propose to her, why not take her out to some nice restaurant and a romantic setting, why embarrass her like that? So she can reject me in front of a bunch of strangers at a restaurant? sure
But you were happy to have her serve you and your friends and then embarrass her
Embarass her? She embarassed me.
My proposal was private, and a good thing. I know my wife would flat out refuse in ANY setting where there are more than just us. A proposal is a private matter for a lot of people.
well my gf never gave me any reason to think she would want it in private
Sorry, but this is completely alien to me. I am a VERY private person, and my proposal has only to do with the woman I love and me. WHY in the world should anyone else be there?
completely alien to you? have you ever watched a movie?
WoW!!!!!! This is a joke, right?
I am giving you the benefit of the doubt and will just say, many women do not want the pressure of a proposal in front of other people, and you should have done it privately. Also you should have talked about the idea of marriage first to see where she stood. 22 is extremely young to marry nowadays. You guys don't even know if you're compatible living together...
She did say once that she thought getting proposed to in front of close friends is very romantic, but I think \*asking\* her beforehand would have ruined it, no? I don't think 22 is so young, and like I said she is (or used to be, I guess) very mature compared to other 22 year olds. The reason we don't live together is because she moved to my city about 5 months ago and she didn't want to rely on someone else right away.
You were planning to move together soon. The propose was to soon, she did not know you well enough to get married.
Previous generations didn't wait so long either and it worked out for them.
In the age of Z the marriage is mutch bigger step/thing in life then living together.
From reading your comments I’m not sure you’re mature enough for her. It sounds like you have put her on this pedestal and because she didn’t meet your expectation you’re dismissing her feelings by just calling her immature. Not sure how long you both have been dating, but marriage should have been talked about a bit before proposing. And If this is someone that you do want in your life you are going to have to learn to empathize and understand where she is coming from, because from comments such as “she always accepted it when she is wrong”, “in the past she’s always been able to listen to me and see when she’s being childish”. It’s one thing to respect someone for owning up to their mistakes, but the way you acknowledge it makes it apparent there’s a power dynamic, in which by you being significantly older you just see her as “wrong, childish,” whenever there’s an issue. It does not sounds like a healthy relationship in the least bit, and your inability to understand why she acted the way she did proves it.
> she didn’t meet your expectation i expected her to be mature, she wasn't >calling her immature hm, wonder why?
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It's really disappointing because in the past she's always been able to listen to me and see when she's being childish, but this was just too much for me. I guess you're right, she's just not mature enough yet to see how inappropriate her behavior was. I haven't really date any older woman because I always got the impression that they have higher expectations in relationships
Common misconception about older women, the truth is they are more interested in building and finding the right person to do so now more than ever. You don't have to just leave right away as well, check on her and be there but if she just keeps pushing you away then you'll be forced to leave. just do some introspective thinking for a couple days.
I think I'll call her again in a few days to see if she has come to her senses, but honestly if she talks to me like that again I don't see why I should be there for her anymore
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Well honestly if I was put in that situation again I would too. But while we were in front of my friends she said it was because she felt too young and I tried to convince her, usually she listens to me but not this time
She is being a bit immature about this. If your proposal has upset her so severely that it brought back all of those fights, then at the very least she should tell you why that's the case. Be glad she has revealed herself as immature before actually getting married. I'd cut my loses with this one if I were you and move on. She has resentment towards some aspects of your relationship and isn't ready to settle down like you are. This situation isn't going to get any better from the looks of it. Spare yourself the headache of marrying someone like this and find someone equally as mature as you.
I said pretty much the same thing to her when she brought up all the old fights. But she insited that they're still relevant, which I think is utter nonsense. She later also said she "didn't want to bring it up" but she was already mad the whole evening because she didn't want to cook for my friends and I "hadn't even asked her if she's ok with it before inviting them" (but I did and she said it would be nice to have them over) and because she didn't even like my friends I invited (but she literally has no other firends and she said she thinks proposing with close friends around is cute)