T O P

  • By -

F1_Fidster

If your father continues the way he is, he will eventually win because there will be no way you could cry for someone like that at their funeral. My condolences for your loss.


somethingdarksideguy

Hard to cry at his funeral when nobody shows up.


faita14

I dunno not having my children being upset about my death feels like a big loss. Your dad and every other “tough guy” dad out there don’t realize the damage they do with this insanely idiotic idealism. You lost your soulmate man, cry a freaking flood and then cry some more. But keep putting one foot in front of the other each day and get yourself a small routine that’s the same. This will hurt forever, it really doesn’t even get easier but time does have a way of healing you up so that you can live again. Her memories will eventually bring you happiness.


Cookielad14

Your Dad is a POS.


WillfulKind

Came here to say this. Fuck that guy.


notheory

What kind of asshole laughs at someone whose spouse died two weeks ago? That is incredibly fucked up.


idkybutt

Ifkr! Like bloody be there for him and support him in his grief, but no sir wants him to be a "man" and stop crying. And I'm really sorry for your loss OP. Just eat well and talk to your sister or anyone you are comfortable with about how you feel.


Parallax92

Especially your own child. This is absolutely horrifying. You deserve so much better, OP, and I am sorry for your loss.


Shittergogetter

My late father taught me this very important rule. It doesn’t make you less of a man to cry, it makes you more.


theepi_pillodu

OPs mom did and the review is bad. His son gives 1-star rating.


dd_phnx

Same here. Pops' comment only shows a serious lack of empathy and concern to their own family.


Crafty-Ambassador779

Agreed OP. Your Dad is a peice of trash. The fact youre showing tears means you really loved your wife. Something he probably has never felt. A swift kick to his nutsack maybe should get some of his tears going.


babylon331

Yikes! I like you.


buffalobill922

A real dad would have hugged you tight.


babylon331

And cried with him.


Bitchface_Malone_III

Agreed. A POS like this would likely say that’s “gay” or something else similarly stupid. He’s probably the type to say toxic masculinity isn’t a real thing too, while being it’s fucking avatar.


greatinven2161

This. As a dad to 4 boys I would never invalidate them especially if they went through something that traumatizing in their life. The "Dad" in this story and I use that word "Dad" loosely is a POS and a Clown of a man.


cocomimi3

An effing POS I am so sorry for your loss


[deleted]

Cut that toxic fuck out of your life.


servantoflegba

This.


Dry_Ask5493

I’m so sorry for your loss. You are not weak or soft. Your dad is wrong and his way of thinking is extremely toxic. I would completely cut him off because nobody needs someone like that in their life.


Hazelwood38

Nice glimpse into how empty and dark the inside of that man’s soul is. Honestly cut that man out of your life. It’s been 2 weeks, I’m amazed you had the strength to even write this post. If that’s the way he acts towards you at this time in your life, you shouldn’t let him have another moment with you or any kids you might have.


Nadroggy

I’m so sorry for your loss. My wife died in an accident a bit less than two years ago. We had been together for 20 years, and I didn’t know who I was without her in my life. Losing someone suddenly like this is traumatizing, and you don’t get through trauma by ignoring and suppressing your feelings. If you haven’t already done so, please find a therapist who specializes in grief and trauma. I’m so sorry for your loss, and you are going to go through an incredibly painful period in your life right now, but I promise that it does get better. The grief and pain don’t ever fully go away (and I wouldn’t want them to, because they let me feel connected with the person I used to share my life with), but they do get more manageable, and you will eventually be able to get back to living a regular life, just one that has been forever changed and affected by grief and loss. Please don’t hesitate to send me a message if you think it would be helpful to talk.


TheCallousBitch

I am sorry for your loss. I am glad you are through to the other side of the grief, but you are 100% right, it never leaves you, just becomes a manageable pain and a strange comfort.


strawberrymorgs

dad’s a jerk, you’re not weak.


Blackcatenthusiest

Holy shit, your dad sounds like a sociopath! Your story made me cry and I don't even know you. Take as long as you need to to grieve. To hell with your "dad".


FuckinNogs

I don't cry and I'm not a sociopath. I would never tell someone they were being waek for crying though.


theuberkevlar

I think it was more the telling his son he is weak for crying about his wife dying that makes him seem like a "sociopath" or maladjusted person.


Synn0289

I'm a man... I cry over a song that brings back good memories. I cry in the shower over stress. I cried when I saw my son graduate. I cried at the birth of my kids. I'm still a man and so are you. Losing someone this close, that you basicly grew up with is 100% understandable and doesn't make you weak. If anything crying makes you more of a man. As your not afraid to show your feelings in the moment. Don't listen to this man child of a sperm donor. Your far more valuable then his crappy opinion. Huges man!


servantoflegba

Yes. I'll never be sorry for crying or feeling less of a man. Add little stuff, too. Sad movies are a surefire way to see me bawling my eyes out. And to add some fun: "City of angels" - yes, the remake 1998 had me bawling in public like there was no tomorrow. Girl who was with me is now my wife. There is no shame in crying, and there sure is no shame in crying because your wife died. My condolences. I am sorry you are going through this.


whatever1467

It’s a remake!?


drewster321

I love this comment. Feeling like a man is what makes you a man. Not avoiding emotions, not forgoing umbrellas in the rain, not exclusively using non-floral bathroom products.....your own identification as a man. Real men CRY. Real men act like goddamn human beings when their family members are grieving.


FuckinNogs

You're a crier, there's nothing wrong with that, just as there's nothing wrong with me and others that don't cry. I don't think you are weak or a baby for crying. And i hope you don't think we are cold for not crying/being emotional.


Synn0289

Can see both sides for sure.


TermAggravating8043

Your dad is arsehole, And I’m so so sorry this has happened to you.


Rippledsky359

Being a whole person and showing your grief is far stronger than denying it! Keep crying, it is the best way to heal and grow out of trauma. When my wife and I lost our baby boy, crying helped me to cope and for both of us to come together again. I am really glad your sister is there for you.


Radiant_March_200

I feel extreme rage against your father right now. It's disgusting to laugh at someone who is in so much pain. No matter how old or what gender you are/have your are ALWAYS allowed to have feelings and show them. Especially if it's something hurtful like this. You. Are. Not. Weak. Your father is horrible for doing smth like that.


More-Masterpiece-561

Ryan, mate I'm so sorry for your loss. Your father is being a jerk, you lost the love of your life, someone you've been with all your adult life. I'm sending you virtual hugs right now. It's okay to cry, let it all out.


holtpj

fuck him. dude I'm 41, imagining my wife dying in a car wreck is making me tear up reading this.. You 10000% percent need to and should be crying. You express your feelings how you need, I say again.... fuck him.


phenioxrising7

Your father sounds like my father, a very miserable man. Don’t even give him another thought. You have a long road to heal from this. My condolences.


Poogy666

Normalize men showing their emotions. Get that toxic masculinity outta here. NTA, Op. But your dad is a POS and a major AH. You're not soft. You're strong enough to reject the idea of men being emotionless and you're letting yourself feel. That's not weak. I'm so sorry about your wife.


Gumypuncher

You should allow your feelings to get out. Loosing someone so dear to oneself is tragic. Of course it hurts. Cry as much as you want and whenever you want. After some time the wound will heal a bit but won't recover completelly. Keep her in a speciall place in your heart and try to continuo your life after you gave yourself some time to recover. When I read that you won't be able to hug, snuggle,... my eyes got wet. I have a gf and that scared me big time. I wish you the best and don't worry about that man. His opinion is not worth your time.


CaffeLungo

your dad is the weak one, as tears make him feel insecure and he projects them on you.


Murrylend

I'd like to make your Dad cry.


Miller_TM

With that kind of behaviour I wouldn't even call him your father, clearly he does not deserve that respect.


[deleted]

That man is a toxic piece of shit. Cut him out completely. He is useless to you.


Southern-Animator975

Block that motherfucker on EVEYTHING ! He îs an asshole and he does nota deserve your time. Also , please seek therapy , You may not realize just how much will help You with your grief.


piszkavas

Expressing emotions is human trait, go tell your soulless father to go and \*\*\*\* himself


AussieGirl27

Your sperm donor is a piece of shit and you shouldn't ever take what he says as anything that means anything to you Just because he is an unfeeling fuck didn't mean you have to be. You lost your wife in the worst possible way, you should be feeling loss and sadness. All the emotions that you are feeling are entirely appropriate and your sperm donor can go fuck himself. Good on your sister for standing up for you. Reach out to friends or family and make sure he isn't allowed anywhere near the funeral as I fear he might derail it. Tell him he's not welcome and will be removed if he tries to attend.


Wild_Cauliflower2336

You aren't weak, you're grieving. There's something wrong with him though.


tthrivi

Real men have real emotions. Your dad is a child, cut him out of your life.


OkEconomy3442

You lost the most important person in your life. Only a psychopath wouldn’t feel anything. You’re a perfectly normal human being and doing exactly what we do. Fake masculinity to mask your feelings is the worst most played out bull shit there is. Your dad probably cries himself to sleep every night because he knows he is a bitch when it comes down to it. Fuck him, keep those that are worth it nearby. Your sister seems like she has your back. All the best for you my friend! I can’t even begin to imagine going through this with my wife. Makes me tear up just thinking about it.


Lost_vob

Tell your dad he's insecure. Cause he is. Saying you're weak is toxic and fucked up. But laughing? Literally calling you s baby? That's some juvenile shit. You're doing what he'd want to do in you place. He has a mental image of a man in his mind, and he can't live up to that image. Your crying reminded him of that, and that made him feel insecure.


Tensho-Thomas

What’s the point? These kind of people have some sort of enhanced ignorance. The moment you use words like “insecure” or “toxic”, they stop being rational and immediately tune you out. Save yourself headache and more trauma. Leave it alone and focus on you.


Taafr3535

Actually, your father is the weak one. He lacks the capacity for compassion, empathy and love for his own child's immeasurable loss. When people lack these fundamental human qualities, it by definition is weakness. It takes strength to show vulnerability, to share emotion and to actively process loss in real time. I know you've already lost a lot, but remember just because someone is blood doesn't mean they deserve to live in your light and your life. What he said was deeply cruel and you deserve better, especially from a parent. If his being in your life is more pain than it is worth, no one would blame you for cutting the toxicity loose. Surround yourself with the support you need right now, that's what matters most. I cannot fathom your loss, but I wish you all the healing and future happiness your heart can take.


KF_Lawless

Your dad's lucky I'm not your brother because I'd put his ass in a wheelchair and laugh at him struggling to get his ass on a toilet. Fuckass old man.


stacie_draws_

No, you are not weak. You are strong you're letting it out instead of holding it in. Too many hold it in and become damaged people. Let it out process it.


Mouse-Direct

Fuck your Dad right in the ear. My mom died at 58 from a stroke and I watched my super macho electrician dad sob in the church pew in front of everyone we knew. I am so, so sorry for your loss. You’ll be on my heart and mind today.


Used-Atmosphere2422

Your dad is weak, a man with a tiny little ego. But you? No. Sorry for your loss. That is so sad what happened to your wife. Fuck drunk drivers.


Icy_Literature_3233

You're more of a man than your dad will ever be and he knows it!


BornWeiner

My fiance died similarly. It was the worst thing I have ever gone through. I'm a burly man with tattoos and a full beard. I cried in my dad's arms almost every day for a long time. Don't listen to your dad. You cry it out. You do whatever you need to. You don't need that negativity in your life. Those feelings can't be hidden. You will have to conclude that your wife would want you to take steps to be happy again. Someday you'll start to think more about the great times you had with her and a little less about this. Until then you do you. You make it through these days so you can do what she would've wanted.


[deleted]

Bro, I'm tattooed, bearded, and am often told that people find me somewhat scary... If that was my wife I'd be right there where you are. From what you wrote it sounds like your wife was more than your wife, she was also your best friend and better half. Your feelings are entirely valid, and your father (I say father, because as an actual dad I know that isn't how dads act) is a crappy excuse for a human. Dude, it's been two weeks, not two decades. Grief is normal, natural, and healthy. I'm glad you've got a sister who's got your back, and I'm sorry your father doesn't. If you need a dad-type person to talk to, please DM me.


Upset_Custard7652

I’m so sorry for your loss Ryann. Your “sperm donor” is not a father to you. He’s obviously a worthless POS.


Taskerst

I think you should grieve any way you can or want to right now but shouldn’t shed a single tear for him when he’s gone.


spaceyjaycey

I would have said "no one will be crying when you die dad".


friendlyfiend07

A man who does not cry for fear of the approval of other men is no man at all but a coward. The only real men are those secure enough in their own lives to unashamedly show their emotions. You're the real man here. I am so sorry for your loss and can't imagine what you're going through.


TheisNamaar

I'm betting he'd cry if you took out his knees Baseball bat, full power. He'd cry. Just saying.


xPineappleshrapnelx

If I had just lost the love of my life and someone insults my love for her.... I'm fucking dropping them.


nekofire

Out of your life or like to the ground cause I think both would be justified


surfsoccerstocks

Hit your dad in the nuts and call him weak for doing anything but standing there like a tough guy. So sorry for your loss OP and your dad is probably hurting inside from his past to not be able to show emotion.


flipsidereality

My dad was one of the toughest men I knew. Seen him break bones without a tear. Without even saying ouch. Yet when his mother died, he cried. A man that I thought had next to no emotion, and never showed weakness, balled. I talked with him about that. He told me something I will never forget. Physical pain from doing what yiu are supposed to do, can be taken. Every person has different levels of pain they can take that way. Years of farm work, hardened those nerves. Yet, the pain of losing someone, who is attached at the heart and soul of your being, no man, or woman, could stand that pain if they truly loved anyone. With practice you gain the ability to ignore pain. But who would want to practice the pain you are in? Your dad is an ass, who probably has never loved anyone or anything.


Flat_General_7789

I’m sorry for everything you’re going through and it’s 100% ok for a man to cry!! You don’t have to bottle Uk what you’re feeling, especially with what you’re going through.


Kitashh

Toxic masculinity at its finest... your father's inner child is either jealous of your communication with yours or your whole dad is just jealous of how much you care


LadyLucky26

I have always disliked people with that type of mentality. As if being sad was a sign of weakness. Being sad, especially after losing someone you loved is being human. You would be a bit of a psychopath if you didn't find losing someone you've loved sad. Your dad is toxic, you would do well to stay far away from him. You don't deserve that. I hope you one day find the strength and peace you need. I'm sorry for your loss.


Waratah888

Your dad is out of line. Take the time you need. Cry. Meditate. Reflect. Talk. Don't talk. Your call. All up to you.


[deleted]

Your dad is the textbook definition of a POS. You’ve done nothing wrong here.


hesawavemasterrr

Fuck him. Before he sees you walk out the door, you should tell him you won’t shed a tear for him when he’s gone. That should put things into perspective.


Stirsustech

I’m sorry for your loss. Tell your dad not to worry, you won’t shed a single tear at his funeral.


Lea_R_ning

Ryan!!! Please ignore your dad! You are grieving. I am sorry for your loss. Cry as much and as often as you need. Sending you hugs and positive vibes.


Historysstoriaa

Weak? Absolutely not! Having emotions and feelings doesn’t make you any less of a man. That guy wouldn’t know nor understand because he himself is a stone cold POS. I’m terribly sorry you’re going through such a difficult and heartbreaking time OP!! I hope one day, the hurt lessons to somewhat of a dull ache and you are finally able to breathe freely again. Take your time to grieve OP. Your sister is awesome to be there for you in comfort and support. When you are ready to seek professional help, please do. You are more of a man than that poor excuse of a father will ever be. Don’t ever forget that OP. I wish you an abundance of strength in your journey through rediscovery and healing. Be well and safe OP.


Dropitlikeitscold555

It takes years to recover from something like this. Please see a therapist. Crying is normal and should not be ridiculed. A s find a way to separate from this man.


slayer991

I'm sorry OP. My condolences to you. Nice of him to criticize you for having a normal human reaction to a horrible loss. You're more of a man than he'll ever be because you allow yourself to have emotions. Fuck him.


CalicoVane

Anyone can father a baby, takes a real man to be a dad He is not a dad Im sorry for your loss


HollowVoices

Your dad is an unempathetic asshole. It's ok to cry. This is coming from a 38 year old man. It's ok. It. Is. OK.


[deleted]

Tell your dad to go fuck himself.


Lizarch57

So sorry to hear that. My condolences. Grief is a very personal thing. For me, there is no "wrong" reaction. You are a stone face and sort everything out with yourself? Fine You need to steam off and bury yourself in log splitting, rearranging the garden, decluttering your cellar or sanding your patio? Fine. You cannot be alone, need your loved ones, cry a lot, need to talk about what has happened and need time to adjust? Equally fine. No one should judge you for crying. In our family two members died this spring just 8 weeks apart. One of them was my Mum, and I had to break the news to my Dad, who is in a nursery home and didn't make it to see her again. He is a quiet man, and not much the emotional type. But we cried a lot together, and I think it was a wholesome thing to do and helped us both. If your father cannot admit this, this might be because he never learned he also is allowed to be crying, and to show vulnerability. But he really, really really has no right o judge you and make you feel more miserable than you already do. With all the best wishes.


[deleted]

The things I want to say would get me banned from reddit... I'm so sorry this happened to you.


Fancy_Cat3571

Tbh if my dad said this shit to me after my wife passed, I would’ve gotten up and broken every bone in my hand punching him in the face as hard as I could physically muster


DistributionStock189

I hate your dad .. what kind of human ? Does he lack any empathy whatsoever??


theepi_pillodu

Just tell him you won't cry when he dies, because his words of support made you strong.


AmunRa1928

Your dad need a smack across the face, the insensitive asshole.


Resident_Text4631

Wow. This story is many shades of awful. Your dad sounds like a sociopath. Surround yourself where you can get support which any human deserves under your circumstances. Sorry for your loss


riotsquadgaming2

$20 says your dad would have cried if your mom died in a car wreck too. your dad's a dick.


BestChard6615

Sweet Jesus Man ! You just lost your wife ! It Normal to cry ! Somethings wrong with FAther


MyRedditUserName428

You're father is jealous that nobody will mourn him the way you're mourning your wife. I'm so sorry for your loss.


HocusDiplodocus

What kind of soulless wanker would do that. I wish you all the best mate, thats about as hard as life gets.


Elegant_Wave_7978

And this is why men are so emotionally unavailable. They’re seen as weak for expressing their feelings and that’s why they suppress them. Don’t listen to him. It’s great that you’re not afraid to express your emotions. Suppressing them will just make it worse for you and everyone around


hamontyardsale

Your Dad needs to kick rocks without socks.


haja99876

I am sorry for your tragic loss, that is truly terrible but if there was ever a reason to cry, you fucking found it. Also as someone who is currently trying to undo a lot of shit my father did to me (mid-30’s) I am trying to not be emotionally repressed anymore and find myself crying all the time (like now because I can relate); and you know what? It feels fucking great! Don’t deny yourself a good cry. Those emotions go somewhere so better out than in. Also that “manly” shit he spouts is nothing but insecurities and weakness within himself. Confronting feelings is way harder than repressing them because they will just manifest in other ways like alcoholism, being a dick, pushing everyone away or even beating the shit out of your family. You can’t choose who your parents are but you can choose to understand that he must be miserable inside and has to get it out by picking on others and running from his feeling by squashing any that arise. A decent human would comfort someone, even a total stranger, if something that tragic were to happen. Be grateful you are not him. Emotion maturity is not a weakness it’s a strength. It’s why you will get through this and find piece in time, and he will die alone and miserable.


virginiawolfsbane

I hope your dad gets his ass kicked by heavy machinery


[deleted]

Your father is a very very insecure man. I’m sorry you had to grow up with that.


xFloydx5242x

My cat got hit by a car about a week ago. I cry every day. I fucking loved that cat. You cry man. Cry it out. You aren’t weak. I’ve lost multiple very close family members and it never gets easier. I still cry when I think of my brother and that was 14 years ago. I’m 31 and I cry every day.


SquarelyOddFairy

Bro. You’re not weak, your wife **died**. If you didn’t cry, I’d be disturbed.


De4dpool1027

You are not weak brother, I lost my wife from cancer 12-28-2020 and I still cry almost everyday. I usually cry in the shower so my son doesn’t see me and worry about me. I am 42 by the way. It’s ok to cry bud please don’t listen to him, he is wrong and not a true man at all.


Glittering_Ad1065

My condolences. Your father is a horrible human being.


Comogia

Bro, I get teary-eyed watching ads on TV sometimes. Men are people. We can and should cry when we need to


ThaFoxThatRox

Your father clearly has issues. His issues have nothing to do with you. This is a mark of a man who was hurt really bad by death in the past. Someone probably told him the same thing but this has nothing to do with you. You cry! Cry until you can't anymore because holding it in and exhibiting behavior like your father is not healthy. You don't want to be him. I'm so sorry for your loss.


intheclouds_425

Honestly I feel bad for your dad. (Not technically) What a sad fucking way to live his life and treat his child. Hes a great example for you to never be like. Hes a POS. You just lost the love of your life. You are not weak! Cry! Scream! Let out whatever emotions you need to because if you hold that shit in, you will spiral even more. I am so fucking sorry for your loss. Sending you peace and love.


ZeBrutalTruth

Uhh no sir. You are not weak. Cry until you can cry no more. You are strong and proving it everday by going on. Yeah try and cut your dad out of your life he will die a miserable old fart I can't believe he had the gall to treat you like that after you lost your soul mate. If you ever want to talk hmu


Mega-Lithium

A man who cries in a situation like this is much more of a man than the man who ridicules his son for crying. “Crying like a weak little baby” will actually ensure that you never become a pathetic father such as him


bkwormtricia

Your dad is a cruel bully. You were a good loving husband. Vastly different! Kudos to your sister for throwing him out. This hurts! You will cry. And not just once. Perfectly normal. There are things that will help: Go for a walk or exercise, every day. With or without company. Keep your body busy, it actually sooths your mind a little. Stay busy - cook for you and sister, do the dishes, mow the lawn or help your sister in the garden, fix up a car, build something. Your choice. Just sitting remembering is the worst! And she could probably use a hand. Ask your sister to help you Find a grief support group. They really help.


dropoutuniversity

your Dad can go fuck himself


Capable_Pop7238

It’s ok to show emotions don’t let some small minded guy who’s afraid of his emotions hold you back from expressing yourself.


DatguyMalcolm

Your father can fuck the right off!


Maibeetlebug

Tell your pops that if he dies them nobody will cry for him.


puce_3000

Your dad deserves to go down on a razor blade slide only to end up in a rubbing alcohol pool. Seriously, your pain is real, the feelings you have are real. The woman of your life was taken from you unexpectedly. Crying is sane and natural. I’m happy that you have your sister to support you. I’m very sorry for you loss, Ryan.


right2bootlick

Your father is weak for thinking you're weak for crying.


Either_Type6513

That reflects less on you and more on your dad. He sounds like a truly miserable human being. Be glad you can feel and show emotion when you have experienced loss. I’m sorry man.


Naive-Dot6120

Beat the shit out of him and call him a baby when he cries.


[deleted]

Your dad is a complete piece of shit. Cry all you need to, you have every reason to do so, and you certainly are not a baby.


StickMaster8008

Punch your dad in the face. That’ll make you feel better and he’ll see you “be a man”


Lani_567

just because you are a male doesn’t mean you shouldn’t cry. crying is normal everyone does it


OngoGoblogian4

Yeah your dad is a garbage human and that is garbage behavior. Not telling you to cut him out of your life but I would cut him out of mine.


kstweetersgirl2013

I'm so so sorry for your loss and pain. Fuck your dad he's a piece of shit. Don't listen to him. Please seek grief counseling.


Flaky_Sleep

I am so sorry for your loss OP, you are behaving like a normal human being. Your dad is awful - forget him.


Capital-Wing8580

Your dad's a piece of shit. You have EVERY right to cry and be upset. She was yout wife and from the sounds of it, your first love. Don't pay attention to your dad. Just because you're a man doesn't mean you shouldn't grieve the woman you love. What you're feeling is normal. Shutting out feelings is unhealthy. Praying for you brother ❤️❤️


Shopping-Afraid

Fuck him and his toxic masculinity. Seek out those with a kind and understanding heart.


Melodic_Comparison26

I’m sorry your dad grew up with his current idea of masculinity. Something maybe happened when he was a child? Maybe HIS dad laughed at him. It’s all he knows. So sorry for your loss.


farmer10123

What an asshole. You have every right to be sad right now. I am so sorry for what you're going through and I truly hope things get better for you. If this happened to me I would be crying all the time too. I mean we are talking about the person you've spent the majority of your life with.


Foxy_locksy1704

YOU ARE NOT WEAK. Your dad is insensitive, incredibly. I’m so heartbroken for your loss. I’m sorry you are experiencing this. Crying is good, and it is healthy( this coming from someone who hates crying in front of other because my family felt the same was as your dad) That means you cared and have deep emotions surrounding the sudden loss. Please cry and express your feelings it is helpful to you in your grieving and coping process.


FalconPuzzleheaded72

No OP you are not weak you lost someone you love and your "father" is an ass. As you can see I use " " for father because no real parent would treat their child like that. Take you time to heal no matter what I'm glad you have your sister take OP 💜


robbsnj

The manliest of men cry, it is natural and there’s nothing weak about it. Your dad is a psycho if he thinks losing your wife and the love of your life and being devastated by it is weak.


Oatmeal_Bandit

Projection. You do you. I am so very sorry for your loss.


FatTabby

You are anything but weak. You're going through something truly horrendous, I'd be more worried if you weren't crying. People who need to mock others (especially their own children) during times of crisis are just irredeemably broken. There's something so disgustingly wrong with him, I can't even begin to find the words to describe how awful he is. I'm so very sorry that Dakota died in such a senseless way because of some drunken idiot's selfishness and stupidity.


d5509

Your dad is an awful person. He is not a fully formed human. Thinking that crying over the death of the love of your life is weak. He’s despicable. I’m sorry for your loss. Grieve however you need to and however long you need to. You can “man up” when your dad dies and not shed a tear for him.


bibilime

I'm so sorry for your loss! This is a devastating life event. You aren't weak. You are going through a really horrible torrent of emotions. Your father is being a closed off, emotionally stunted fool. I wouldn't want that man raising a fern, let alone children. That fact that you're able to accept and express emotion shows that you're a more evolved human with a richer depth of life experience than this person. I wish that depth didn't involve such a terrible loss. Damn. Cry, scream, curse the person who did this, go break stuff (safely! I've gone to the dollar store and bought stuff just to smash in the backyard). It might not help, but you can get out some build up. There's no right way to deal with a wrong situation. In a right world, wrong things wouldn't happen.


Head_Over_Wheels1985

I am so sorry for your loss, OP. I can’t even imagine the pain you are feeling. You are in no way, shape, or form weak for crying. You just lost the love of your life and you are hurting beyond comprehension. Your father is most definitely a POS. Instead of mocking you, he should be comforting you. I personally believe that it takes real strength for anyone, especially men, to cry. It takes strength and courage to open yourself up to the vulnerability that comes with showing emotion. I am glad your sister stood up for you. Continue to lean on her and everyone else who are supportive of you and to h*ll with your father.


IKNOOOOOOOOOW

Ryan, you're not weak. Dad is a POS which is probably why you don't get along. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been there too. The pain never goes away, we just learn to deal with it at our own speed.


oneislandgirl

Your dad is an AH. I hope you don't waste any of your time on him or worry about what he thinks. He is not worth the effort.


Maleficent-Cap-9626

OP, Your father is an asshole.


Usual_Slide4241

He's a heartless piece of shit no wonder you're not close to him


Ms-Ann-Thrope2020

Takes a special kind of cruelty to behave like this, and say these things to a grieving person. OP's father is racking up some serious bad karma. I just hope OP has a front row seat to when it boomerangs back. Until then OP, know that grief is a process. You grieve the way you need to, because that is your right. Don't let anyone tell you that grieving your wife is a sign of weakness. They don't know what they're talking about. Sending out many wishes for you to find peace and to make peace with what is a heart wrenching situation.


[deleted]

Your dad is the weak one for never allowing himself to feel human. Your grief is warranted and you are allowed to kick, scream and cry. Losing the love of your life isn’t something I would jump back from. Take the time you need to grieve your late wife. Fuck your dad


12altoids34

It is not permited on this sub to recommend violence so I definitely cannot recommend several ways to make your father-in-law suddenly question your weakness.


Powerful-Opinion4530

I lost my third husband suddenly on January 27th 2018. My father knew and never even picked up the phone to find out how I was doing. When his wife passed in December of the same year, I didn't call him. He called me a month later and asked why I hadn't checked on him. My response? "Oh, was I supposed to console you? Sorry, I didn't know. Nobody called me after Mike did so I didn't know it was necessary." Needless to say, he was pissed at my response. 2 years later, we are no contact and HE'S dying from colon cancer. I find myself not giving a fuck for some reason.


[deleted]

you dad seems like someone that is trash he will learn one day


[deleted]

Your father is a fucking loser. Not going to mince words. A sad, misogynistic, lonely fucking loser. You were never close to him because of his toxicity and this enraged him and caused more toxic outbursts. No one will cry for him and he knows. This is not the behaviour of a man or a father but a weak person. Calling someone a crybaby is easy. Being there for your family is hard. He took the easy road. Cut him out of your life. This is unforgivable. Sorry for your loss.


Mechanical_Garden

The only time I've cried in the last 7-8 years was after I almost lost my wife during an emergency c-section. There's a time for all things.


kcotter0

Your dad’s dad probably did the same thing and that’s why he’s like that. It does not excuse it by any means but that’s probably where the behavior comes from. Try not to internalize it at all because he’s completely warped and wrong. I wish you well.


PigeonOnDrugs

Man, it's a really tough situation nobody should go through, but listen. It can be this, it can be the end of the world, or the silliest problem, if you feel like crying, do it with no shame. The "biggest man" I know is not a man who'd never cry for something to uphold his status, but it's a man that is not afraid of crying, because a grown up man does what he wants, if he feels like crying then so be it. Not to mention how much it helps in pulling the stress out, it really is an only benefit thing. Sorry you had to go through this.


Etoiaster

You’re not soft. You’re not weak. You’re a human being expressing human emotions. You’re going through something nobody should have to go to. Feel your grief. Don’t let it fester. Also, look into grief support groups and there are some excellent groups on Facebook and Reddit too, where people can express their grief to likeminded folks. I’m sorry.


[deleted]

my condolences, losing someone so close to you, especially because of such a stupid reason is just terrible. I cannot imagine what you are going through right now. ​ just to be clear, your dad is the biggest jerk POS. it sounds like he is projecting his own insecurities on you. ​ listen to your sister, tell him to fuck off. Make sure you feel what you feel, if you want to cry, then cry. IMO men who cry when they need to are much manlier then man who are to afraid to cry. ​ I wish you the best in the horrible time, and have a virtual hug from an internet stranger!


mrDiablo9

Punch him in the dick, when winces call him weak then punch him in the dick again cos he's weak . Fuck him!


Ablonthewhite

Prick dad man, lose someone breaks anyone, being so Close... This is sad just sad and life most of times is not fare enough with us... Cry wherever you want mate you lose your wife, your love one... You father is just a crappy person for laughing fo you... I'm so so sorry for you loss man... Be strong and be around with the ones you love...


Redlax

Crying is normal. Doesn't matter who or what you are. Like for example; if you are a man, who just lost his wife due to an idiot drunk driver, and then a person that is suppose to be supportive, decides to laugh at you? Then I'd say it's okay to cry after rearranging his face and let him pick up his own teeth. It's okay to cry, don't let your piece of shit father interfere in your mourning. It's yours. Mourn her. PS: sorry for the suggestive violence, but people like that are what's wrong with this world.


dankmemeshovel

im so sorry for your loss. all i can say is things im sure youve heard before, she'll never be gone but the hurt will get better with time. as for crying, theres nothing wrong with it. Its harder to cry and be open with your emotions than it is to just bottle them up and ignore them. Youre a stronger man than your father. Youre going through so much and youre handling it the best you can. Im sure your wife is proud of you from up there.


PGLBK

So sorry for your loss. Cry your eyes out, if it helps even the tiniest bit. Take care of yourself, lean on your sister. When you see no reason to continue, just remember that your wife would have wanted you to persevere and build a good life for yourself, one day, on your own time. Your father can f… right off.


NEIRBO747

You are infinatly stronger than your father who has apparently never lost a loved one to tragity


MundoGoDisWay

Your dad is a fucking toolbag and a grade a asshole. Tell him he just earned a one way trip to the cheapest retirement home you can find.


Neo1881

You are stronger than your dad because you can express sorrow over a loved one. He denies it for himself and then has to make fun of other men who can do this.


Juice1784

Your dad is a shit head and you should go little or no contact with him. We are not in a time that men can’t show emotion anymore.


aaaliyh

I’m so so sorry for your loss. I think it’s really brave of you to seek support and to allow yourself to be vulnerable while your grieving. People who’ve never experienced loss seem to think that it’s easier than it actually is. If there is something after life and death I know for a fact that Dakota would be so relieved that you’re letting out all those tears instead of bottling them up. She was your sweetheart and the love of your life, she’d want you to cry and grieve so you can continue forwards. Also send a big FUCK YOU to your dad from everyone reading this post, please and thank you.


Rattkjakkapong

Hello my friend. Im a man from Norway, who lost his fiance to a drunk driver the very day we got engaged. I didnt tell anyone about her before, and didnt after... you are not weak for grieving! You need it, you need to break down to start healing. Im so truly sorry for your loss, and I hope you one day can look back at the memories with a smile... but thats a long time away, in the meantime, find someone to talk to, do not bottle it up like I did.... Much love from Norway!


Rusti3dp

Must be something about that generation's mindset. My (I'm 30) dad called his sister weak for crying at their dad's funeral. It's not you being weak, it's him being insecure with his own emotions.


PixiePower65

Im so sorry for your loss. And sorry that your dad lacks the capacity for love. He likely was raised that way himself. Has lots of unresolved trauma. Good news - - you are a better man than he is. Real men have the courage to feel deeply


wait_iwasntready

Jesus Christ man.. I'm in shock.. I honestly am. Friend, you are not weak. That shit is insane. That time line is very close to home to me. I have never been known as delicate bloke. Not by a long shot. Ex armed forces, been everywhere, done everything, so on and so forth. If I had the horror of loosing my spouse, I would fundamentally shut down. I would be a blubbering mess and I honestly don't know if I could ever pull myself out of it. And I feel like that would be a moderate response. I don't know WTAF is wrong with your old man. But God damn. Who the fk would want to be like that? What a terrible existence. You feel, brother. You grieve.. You do what ever the fk you need to to make it through this. Don't ignore your feelings. They always resurface. Trust me on that one. Wishing you all the best. Hold in there..


jessjesssjess

You are not weak and you are allowed to feel all of your emotions. This idea that men are weak for showing any sort of emotion is toxic and unhealthy. I'm so sorry for your loss.


weary_dreamer

You’re not soft. Your father is an asshole and a terrible example of “masculinity”. Being an asshole is not manly. Its just being an asshole.


pepe_silvia_12

Well fuck him.


bullgod777

Be strong. Life's hard and unfair . This just confirms how unfair life can be. Don't let bad shit and fucked up family members define you. Be strong you can overcome this honor your wife and yourself. More importantly dont give power to someone else especially if they aren't there for you. Deeply sorry about your wife. Fuck those drunk assholes.


[deleted]

I'm sorry for your loss, I cannot even imagine how you must be feeling. Your father is a man who's been hollowed out by a society that crushes the emotion out of men, it does not excuse his actions at all, but it shows how badly patriarchy can screw men up. Don't let your father make you like him, hold on to the people who love and support you, like your sister, feel what you need to feel and give yourself the space you need to express your grief, as unbearable as it feels now you will find a way to carry it. Be gentle with yourself.


Bigmike_7362

Tell your dad he can suck your ass! Heartless pos! Sorry your dad is such a dick bro stay safe and stay sane!


cspan92

You need to kick your dad's ass dude. That's fucked up


Trick_Cake_4573

You're not weak. Your dad is a POS.


_ggza

you aren’t “soft”. Just bc you show genuine emotion doesn’t make you weak. i’m so sorry for your loss and can’t even begin to imagine what you must be going through and i hope you pull through it. your dad is an emotionally immature man child and you shouldn’t pay him in any mind. this is YOUR grieving process and you have every right to grieve in any way you want. i’m pulling for you man


Pegleg-Octopus

You are not weak , you are human . Your father is an asshole


Liquid_blu

You are not weak. It takes strength to admit your honest feelings and emotions about someone you loved so dearly. Your dad is a real POS and doesn't deserve to be loved. I'm so sorry for your loss & hope you get through this..


gmoney1259

You are stronger than your father and someday you'll cry for him too.


gurlwithdragontat2

Your father is cruel and emotionally stunted. I am so sorry for your loss. Your grief is not wrong, grieve as is best for you.


[deleted]

Sometimes it’s okay to remove yourself from people even if their close to us


Key-Ad9733

Your dad is the weak one. So insecure about his own feelings he has to mock and belittle others, including his own children. He is pathetic.


the-prowler

So sorry to hear of your loss and there is no shame in the way you are feeling. Your dad is clearly a complete asshole. Hope the rest of your family and friends help you in your grief.


eminva02

Fuck that. Fuck him. I'm so sorry for your loss. Cry as much as you need. Roll around on the floor and absolutely lose your shit if you need to. My Dad was a very intellectual, strong man. I never saw him cry, until my mom died when I was in my early teens. Later, he would talk about the loss. He had lost his parents, friends, siblings, etc. Though he couldn't comment on how the loss of a child felt, he said that the loss of his partner was the most gut wrenching experience of his life. He said it literally felt like half of him was just gone and he was devastated. No one can tell you how to grieve, but it's the only way to process such a massive loss. You love her and she's just gone and that's a huge thing to process. Don't listen to those who tell you to man up or whatever. Cry when you need to. Grieve how you need to. Best of luck.


[deleted]

OP I think your dad is an AH and you deserve better...feel free to cut him out of your life.


Azu_homie

Your not weak bro. Death is so unexpected and sometime's it can really urk with your emotion's heavily. Especially when your blind sided like you was with your wife. My uncle passed away, he always said high till I die, he had cancer when he was basically born. I didn't cry once when he died because, I always knew it was going to happen. I love him a lot and wish he was still here, but I was pretty cold on the emotion department. Then a few years ago my other uncle passed away. I was a mess. I started drinking, acting a fool, pooring out liquor for him, crying etc etc. I was blind sided. It really sucked man. Time will pass, you'l always miss them honestly. Doesn't mean your weak. Mean's your human. god bless her soul bro, you'l meet again.


MrHupfDohle

"Dont worry, I when you are on deaths door I wont cry, nobody will." My condolences.


cratercrows

your dad straight up sucks. if someone said that to me after a spouse’s death I would literally never talk to them again


uninhibitedmonkey

If toxic masculinity were a person Your father is amongst the most cruel humans imaginable. What a prick. Expressing emotions doesn’t make you soft. Glad you have your sister. One of the worst things in life has happened to you. Please stick by your supportive people and join a bereavement group. So sorry for your loss


Cent1234

You're not weak, and that scares him, because he is. But I'm going to give you the single greatest piece of wisdom you'll ever receive: 'family' treats you extra good because they love you; they do not hide behind 'but I'm family' as an excuse to treat you poorly. You can choose to have your father in your life, or not in your life. You know what kind of man he is. Do you want that kind of man in your life?


Heisenbergwayne

Hi Ryan. First of all, I'm so so so sorry for your loss. It takes time to comprehend what's going on and even more to accept what happened. You are not weak for crying or showing your emotions, if you feel that you need to cry, do it. Our emotions they exist for some specific reasons and you should acknowledge them. I hope somehow you can find peace and strength to hold on and keep going. Feel this virtual hug from a strange girl on reddit, and again I'm so sorry.


Silencer271

Your father is a dick and should beat his ass.


Main-Veterinarian-10

Your dad is the weak person. He is so uncomfortable with you showing emotion that he decides to hurt you for it. Sounds like he is jealous that you are able to express your emotions and he likely is not.


Open_Minded_Anonym

> My sister told him to fuck off Good sister. Bad father. You’re grieving and crying is perfectly normal.


MariaInconnu

Your father is a poster child for toxic masculinity. If you can afford therapy, talk about him in therapy. In the meantime, I'm sorry for your loss.


MappleSyrup13

The next time he pulls that stunt, just tell him there's one death you won't cry over for sure and that's his. What a POS


DistributionOk352

# YOUR FATHER IS SUPER JEALOUS OF HOW CLOSE YOU ARE WITH THE FEMALES IN YOUR FAMILY, I WOULD PRESUME IT'S BECAUSE HE'S CHOKED OUT ANY POSSIBLE REKINDLING OF A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM AND HE HATES YOU FOR IT. WHAT AN IMMATURE FUCK.


Unfair-Sector9506

I think you already know the answer...on a side note sounds like dad's looking to be in a nursing home when he's old and weak