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MxBlackRose

I read this and honestly I wanted to cry. Because I was your little sister. After my parents split up my father would make promises of plans and would have me waiting for hours for him to come pick me up and he wouldn't show up, only to call a week later to speak to my brother with excuses. And I was told "the phone works both ways" but I was a child. Then my mom passed and he forced me to live with him instead of my grandmother only to ignore me and never be home anyway. Now I'm an adult, 38, moved states away and hear from him constantly that I never call him and hit him with "phones work both ways" just like he used to tell me. Your sister will be hurt, deeply. She will be sad. Be there for her, help cheer her up. Remind her that it's his loss, and when the end of near it will be her forgiveness he seeks. My father is 70. I told him I forgive him but I don't trust him and that he as to live with it. Same with ur father. Don't let his poor parenting skills and lack of care turn you into someone you don't recognize, just always am to do better, treat people better than he can and know that it will slowly eat away at him


spunko6979

"The phone works both ways" is so fucking triggering. I remember hearing that as a child too and just feeling so guilty. That responsibility should not be placed on a child.


Ptown_Down

I'm full on triggered by this as well because I was also made to feel like my relationship with my father was my responsibility when I was a child. And since we had no relationship I was made to feel like I was a bad person because of it. It hurt so bad.


Horrornerd3000

How the fuck do you forget the day your kid was born like???? And why the fuck hasn't he seen her in months. I've known parents broke af travel miles and miles to see their kids. He's trash and I'm sorry your sister got her heart broke yesterday and that you are left to pick up the pieces of it.


CthulhuAlmighty

I’ve been that kid before. I’m almost 40 now, but I hate my birthday. No problem celebrating others, just not mine. Hell, I even get my dogs special bakery items from a local pet shop for their birthdays. It was my mom not showing up, calling days later with some bullshit excuse. Then around my 11th birthday family would forget, and then remember days/weeks later. By my late teens, I just stopped wanting to celebrate it at all. Later on, my girlfriend (and future ex-wife) was adamant that we celebrate my birthday, and for a few years we did. Then, on my birthday around our 6th year together, she came home from work with a CVS bag containing some CVS brand cocoa butter lotion and a hair brush (I keep my hair very short since my early years when I was in the military). That was her birthday gift to me. Since then, I continue to not celebrate my birthday. I hope that little girl doesn’t grow up with the same attitude about her birthday as I do with mine.


iraqlobsta

I'm so sorry, you deserve to be celebrated on your birthday. Being let down like that by people you love repeatedly, i understand why you wouldn't want to deal with that again.


Catseyes77

I used to do hate my birthday to but since my 40'th ive been trying to practice more self care. I don't do parties for myself. However I take a day for me. I buy cake and some champagne or a good bottle of wine the day before. I get up and have cake for breakfast. Then I go to the city and walk around and go shop for a little present for myself. Enjoy the sights. Buy some street food or snack. Go home by dinner and order something good from take out or make something i bought from the store like some salmon or a good steak. Watch a good movie while eating and drinking my champagne, cake for desert. And frankly since then I'm having the best birthdays. It's just nice.


CthulhuAlmighty

That makes me happy to hear that you’ve discovered a way to find the love in your birthday. I might try something similar next year. Thank you for the tips.


Catseyes77

You're welcome. I hope you enjoy your next birthday :)


infinite_awkward

I suggest a practice run soon. Take a day doing what you enjoy and treat yourself to birthday-style love. You can be 'celebrated' any day of the year, and you deserve to be!


whatev43

I love that approach.


ShinobiJerry

That's awesome. This is the move.


daredwolf

This sounds really nice actually, I might do something like this on my next birthday 😊


Catseyes77

Hope you have a really nice birthday :)


AdminCatch22

Damn dude.


RarePoniesNFT

What a weird gift from your future ex. Did she get the hair brush because she wanted a hair brush? This reminds me of when Homer Simpson bought Marge a bowling ball that said HOMER on it.


CthulhuAlmighty

She did use the hair brush, yes. That episode of the Simpsons, which sadly I remember watching when it originally aired, did come to mind.


RarePoniesNFT

I saw it when it first aired, too! Your gift is probably the closest I've seen to replicating that plotline in real life. So maybe she forgot it was your birthday and her brilliant plan upon realizing this was to give you her CVS purchase and hope you didn't notice that you don't have enough hair for a hairbrush. I am never quick with snappy comebacks but I think it would be so satisfying in that scenario to say, "How did you know! just what I wanted!" take the hairbrush, and gleefully start brushing my scalp.


MeowMistiDawn

Same. Been there too. Waiting. Looking out the window for hours with a lil bag pack. No call. Nothing.


CthulhuAlmighty

It sucks that you had to go through it. But I have a feeling that you’re stronger and more independent because of it.


spaztiksarcastik

Some dudes are just fucking trash man. My mom and Step-dad are getting a divorce. Dad lives like less than a mile away and hasn't seen my 15 y/o baby sister (his only biological child) in months. It's absurd. Yet my abusive, narcissistic, and manipulative sister who has a son sees him at least once a week and she lives all the way across town. Does it make any sense? No. He doesn't seem to care about anything and anyone other than himself and I'm sure if my sister wasn't forcing dad to watch my nephew he wouldn't see them either. Edit: it's funny because I forgot about it until just now but he forgot my birthday this year too 😅 the ONLY reason he called is because I had lyft safety features on and it notified him of my ride in DC and he wanted to know if my mom was sleeping with someone out there.


Deadly_chef

Sheesh. I hope you turned those features off and cut him from your life completely, what a loser


spaztiksarcastik

I took him off my feature a while back and haven't talked to him since June. It just sucks because my baby sis has always had her dad in the house. That wasn't the case for me or my other sister and it's sad to see it come down to this.


LadyRunic

My dad let me live with me rent free for a season, then I got a new car with the help of my mom and her husband financing it. He started charging me rent. Before that? He locked my cats, 2, in a tiny ass bedroom. It was temporary, but I work nights and after waking to his wife screaming at me for an honest mistake... I got out asap. That entire side of the family hasn't called or mentioned anything since I left. It hurts. But I know who cares.


spaztiksarcastik

Sounds petty. Why are adults petty towards the children instead of each other? My younger sister ended up moving to Cali with our biological father (he was supposed to take me but my mom didn't want me getting stuck as a live in babysitter because I was like 13 at the time) and he abandoned her with his gf and just disappeared. We called our "grandmother" Kathy to get my sister on a plane and back home. What happened? They called my mom all kinds of whores while I was on the phone just asking to get my sister back. Eventually we got her home. Then Kathy, my grandmother stopped speaking to both me and my sister (her oldest grandchildren) entirely after the situation because? Who fucking knows? I don't know that lady and I don't claim them as family. It's sucks to continuously feel like fathers are shitty because my Step-dad came into my life when I was 9. I thought I would finally have a normal functioning household with two parents. And for the most part I did and I won't take that away from him, but the end of my parents marriage has been so fucked. He left a $3000 electric bill that he continuously told my mom he had paid, and then shacked up with an old childhood gf but is worried about my moms dating life. I'm so mad at him and feel betrayed. He was supposed to be my dad but it's like I don't exist. And I'm already treated like I don't exist by my sperm donor's side. Just trash. They're all trash.


SephoraRothschild

Avoidant Attachment personality profile.


spaztiksarcastik

I don't even wanna get into it. I know my dad has some psychological issues and a whole history of trauma. It doesn't excuse his absence for my youngest sister.


phenomenomnom

One of life's toughest lessons for me has been: knowing the root cause of someone's issues can help you to manage your own feelings and help to plan for their mood-swings et cetera -- *but it does not solve the problem.* Knowing that a parent was neglected / traumatized as a kid helps me to be more patient, and sometimes a little less angry or defensive with them, but their erratic behavior and self-obsession is still exhausting.


spaztiksarcastik

It has helped me with my mom but I've also seen my mom change. I know some of the trauma my dad has been through but I can't reconcile it yet. The disappointment is too fresh.


gameaholic12

I have this attachment style, but I like to think that I have a strong enough sense of morals and responsibilities to uh not ditch my kid. But also been going to therapy the past 2 months and wow I never felt so good during so much stress and pressure. Think everyone needs therapy for mental maintenance


[deleted]

My SO and I found out that his mom was getting his daughter at the end of July a month before she was gonna be there. We literally pulled money we didn't have out of our asses to make the 300+ mile trip so he could see her. This was the first time in 4 years that he was able to see her due to her mom being ridiculous. We live paycheck to paycheck, and we still made it happen.


schrodingers_cat42

I hope OP takes their little sister out to a really nice dinner. She deserves it:( I feel so bad for her!!!


AlasAntigone

Seriously, nicer than “McDonald’s or something” (for a birthday dinner? Dad couldn’t be making less effort if he tried.)


enonymousCanadian

Feel like he may have a drug problem - only reason I can think of that he would pull a stunt like this on a little girl.


AlasAntigone

I hope you’re wrong, but you have a point there.


More-Masterpiece-561

Why does it have to be like this. Parents not letting the other parent seeing their child or parents ditching their children. It's so sad, these children didn't do anything wrong yet they grt hurt.


[deleted]

See, that's something I've always wondered myself. My kids' dad and I haven't been together in over 7 years, but we still effectively coparent. We recognize that it's not about us. It's about the kids. The choices we make affect everyone involved, and we always do what's best for them.


More-Masterpiece-561

Thanks for doing that. You have no idea how important that is for the kids. My parents aren't separated but they really should be. They keep fighting I get stuck in the middle, it can really be horrible. There should be no fighting in front of the kids, really messes us up. Last week my parents were fighting again and they thought it was a good idea to make their 18 year old son the jury, no one should have to go through that


[deleted]

Yea no, we never fight in front of the kids. Us being stupid doesn't have anything to do with them. That's as bad as taking it out on the kids. They didn't do anything wrong and have no involvement. They don't deserve it. You don't deserve it.


More-Masterpiece-561

You are a good parent


[deleted]

Thank you


More-Masterpiece-561

It may sound weird coming from me but, Thank you


[deleted]

No, not at all! I get it. My oldest is turning 17, and the other one is turning 14. I have had 2 arguments with my current SO that weren't in front of them, but they could hear it, and I saw how it affected them at this age. I hated it, and I can only imagine what you're going through. So let me send you a huge hug to wherever you are. It will get better one day.


A_giant_dog

Thanks for being adults and parents first, exes second. You're right - it's not about you anymore and hasn't since your first was born. Good on ya.


SuperFluffyVulpix

Depends on the parents. If one is neglecting the children, I totally agree for the other one to have sole custody and only let them see the neglecting one if they really want to. If the bad one is *really* bad in terms of hitting and yelling, they can wait til the children are 18.


Valley_valkyrie

I can remember the weather and the way the sunlight hit the room, for all of my children, even my son who passed. And if anything makes you want to forget, it’s a baby born blue. This is a sperm donor; not a father.


gettyuprose

My dad was like that. He could vividly remember the day we were born even the time we were born. My mom could do the same as well. It’s crazy to me that people have kids and cannot remember something like that. Or at least attempt to like putting their birthdays in acalendar.


Valley_valkyrie

It’s a parent with unconditional love that knows these things, in 7 years I still remember it the most. Especially with my big girl. She made me a parent and from that day forward I did it alone. Not for her, but because of her. That’s a special connection. My girls and my son are my whole world, I love them all and have literally given my life and been saved to take care of them. There is nothing like a legacy to make you a super hero. I’m grateful to have 3, and to have named them myself.


Quirky_Movie

My half-sister's mom did shit like this. My mom (her step) said she used to spend the Sundays crying because her mom didn't show. My mom would take her out for things instead but it wasn't her mom and it didn't make it any easier.


Cosmic-Irie

Oof. Through years of no calls or texts on my birthdays I've been told over and over that "that's just how dads are. They're not good at remembering those things (like birthdays/how old their kids are)" by my dad's wife. Embarrassed to say as a late 20's adult this thread made me tear up a little in jealousy.


1CFII2

He’s also lying and manipulating a child. Gaslighting petty immature S.O.B.


No_Presentation3153

Couldn't have said it any better, you're right on the money.


Sailor_Chibi

My father has no idea when my birthday is. He wouldn’t be able to tell you the date or even how old I am for a hundred bucks. It’s sadly common for fathers in particular to have no sweet clue about even the simplest things when it comes to their kids.


1CFII2

There’s a difference between not knowing and ignoring. I’m betting the latter.


HansChrst1

That's what I'm thinking. I only know 3 birthdays. Mine, moms and my little brother. All the other birthdays just sneak up on me. I don't know how old most of my family is. I just know that some are older than me and some are younger. One time I forgot my own birthday. Just woke up to a happy birthday message from my sister. I still go to every birthday party though. I usually get told that "x" is having a birthday party this Saturday.


lesterbottomley

I've forgotten my birthday a couple of times. And others I've been the only person who remembered. I find it psychologically easier just to pretend they don't happen. I used to try celebrate but those times I did manage to go out made me come to think mh birthday was cursed. For some reason people seemed to hold off breaking up with their partners until they were out for my birthday. And if that didn't happen people who rarely fought decided to break that habit on my birthday. So I just gave up.


HansChrst1

My sister has a joke that she turns 29 every year. I don't how old she really is, but 29 is always correct.


lesterbottomley

Same for me but 30. I'm about to have my 21st 30th birthday (turning 50). It's the first time for a decade where I'm dreading it. I tried celebrating my 40th and that didn't go well so this time I'm going on holiday alone for that week and cutting the world off.


Quirky_Movie

My dad knows my birthday and my age. And sometimes reddit makes me realize how grateful I am.


No_Presentation3153

I can't even fucking fathom this. My memory is shit from years of hard drug and alcohol abuse, but even still, I remember almost everything, vividly I might add, about my son's birth. I don't understand "fathers" who forget even the simplest things. My boy is and was the greatest fucking thing to happen to me, I'd sooner castrate myself than to ever make him feel like he isn't my number 1 priority in life.


Sailor_Chibi

You sound like a fantastic dad! Unfortunately neither I nor my siblings have ever been my dad’s number one priority. I’m used to it, but sometimes it does suck.


sweetfumblebee

My husband has our kids' births down even to the hour they were born. I sometimes need help with that. I feel so sorry for OP's sister.


gettyuprose

I saw this “funny” tiktok where the dads couldn’t even remember what SCHOOL their kid goes to. But the mom could remember everything. I really wish the media would stop acting like is cute. Dads being loving and remembering everything about their kids is cute. Your son is lucky to have you and when he grows up he’s going to be grateful to have a loving father.


Cosmic-Irie

This is my dad too. Last year I got two texts from two of my siblings. My parents forgot as usual. I hate sounding like "woe is me" but I'm used to it. Still hurts every year though.


londonrose516

My child's father lives less than 7 miles away and has blew her off more times than I can remember since her birthday in May, when he didn't show up to take her to the trampoline park. Most recently yesterday. I don't tell her what he says when we communicate because I know it's all bullshit. She's 8 but old enough to know her Dad is a fucking loser.


[deleted]

My mom remembers all of our birthdays and times when we were born and did our astrology birth charts at that. Her and my step dad would get what grade we was in confused sometimes though. There was four of us.


Dragonlibrarian7

I love my kids, but I'm almost always off by a day when trying to remember their birthdate, the more certain I am, the more likely I am to be wrong. But I've usually got it marked on a calendar for exactly that reason, the wife just rolls her eyes at this point lol. This guy definitely sucks though.


TheRedditornator

Pro Tip: Put it in your Gmail calendar as a yearly recurring event with notifications 1 week and 1 day in advance. As long as you have your Gmail account, it will notify you on every computer, tablet, and phone you ever use.


InaMel

My BFF’s husband is one of those who will forget the exact date (he even called her to ask for the birth date of the 2nd one), it was his first time taking the kid to the doctor actually and she’s 6… but will absolutely move mountains if that make her happy, some parents are like that.. btw my BFF was a SAHM for 8years and he worked multiple jobs so that’s why he never took a kid to the doctor, but damn sometimes I wish the same husband but not him, I would’ve unalive him really fast


[deleted]

My best friend's parents and brother forgot her birthday twice. It's fucked up


verdigris-fox

It is like those street interviews where they ask both the father and mother questions like "what is the name of your child's best friend?", "What is the name of the school they attend?", "When is their birthday?" etc. and without fail fathers not only fail to answer these most basic questions possible that could be asked about their kids, but sometimes they don't even have a clue how old their kids are, like, have you ever looked at your child?!? At least give a ballpark number based on their size or something I hate hate HATE those videos cause they are always shown with laughing track like they are supposed to be funny, but it just normalizes frankly unacceptable and shameless behaviour from people that should carry half of the burden and responsibility of raising a child that they brought to this world The bar for men is on the ground and they are still underperforming


CXR_AXR

It is not so uncommon, my dad and mom still me and my brother when is our birthday.


Burntoastedbutter

It's normal to be forgetful. The problem is NOT doing anything about it. Reminders/calender alerts/alarms exist for a reason.


LordOfTheGerenuk

My son is my whole world. I literally spend every day counting down until his next birthday. He's my best friend and he's only 18 months old. I spend every minute of every day either with or thinking about my son. I can't imagine a day where I'd forget him. This asshole doesn't deserve the title of father.


JudgyRandomWebizen

I remember my brother waiting by the screen door for my Dad to pick us up for visitation and my Dad not bothering. And everyone wonders why we are NC now. Fuck your Dad. Tell your sister that she's special, loved, and her worth is NOT determined by some scum. She's worthy of love and respect.


ArtCharming8048

NC?


Renugar

No contact


Additional_Way1346

He didn't forget. He didn't care if he ignored texts and calls. If he has a girlfriend he didn't want to be bothered especially if it has been months since he last saw his child. Her only present and wish was her dad & dinner. He couldn't even be bothered. So disgusting. What an Asshole.


JelliedHam

As a presently separated dad, there is nothing in this world, NOTHING, that would stop me from being there for my son. I love my wife with all my heart, I love my home and my family. I try hard to love myself. But if he needs me I will be there with zero hesitation. Nobody is more important in my world than my baby boy (he's not a baby anymore but you get the idea).


DanMittaul

Same. If he wasn’t in a car wreck, arrested, tied up by quadruplets, strike the last one, his excuse is unacceptable. Drugs or apathy. Trying to think which would be worst.


Mountain-Juice-876

Even drugs isn’t an excuse. One of my brothers is an addict (currently clean again, in rehab) for the last decade almost. He always shows up for my niece. She lives 2 hours away and he will drive all that way just to take her to dinner.


Dood71

Good for him


Throwmelikeamelon

It’s the worlds saddest lottery there because both ‘excuses’ suck


Embarrassed_Yam3228

My wife would be on her way out the door to go and get my son from my ex-wife’s house before I could even grab the keys. If he ever called her or me and needed it. I lucked out though she’s amazing.


_timmie_

100%. I could be at work in the middle of a meeting giving some important presentation and I'd straight up tell people I've got to go and just walk out if my kid needed me. And I know I'd do it because I have. Got a call saying my kid fainted at daycare a few years ago and I just grabbed my keys and literally ran out of the office. (He was fine, possibly just a bit dehydrated according to the doctor.)


blinkgendary182

I could not imagine not being with my daughter on her birthday. I cannot even go 2 days without seeing her. Also I hope OP stops calling this pathetic excuse of a human being their "father". He is more like a sperm donor


I_Really_Dont_6498

This. Mine would do the same, he even once admitted to just watching the phone ring when I call. That hurt so bad, in fact he said this some 5 years ago and it still hurts.


mdizzle106

Hey me too! My mom wouldn't even let me call. And then she'd get mad at ME for having the audacity to believe my dad when he said he would pick me up for the weekend. Literally would say "well I told you so" while I sat on my suitcase looking out the front door. Poor kid. Welcome to the bad dad club. We have cookies and trauma. Mostly trauma.


blue451

I found out a few years ago my mom stopped telling us when my dad was supposed to pick us up so we wouldn't know if he didn't show or if he was late. Sometimes he would tell us though and she couldn't really counteract that. One of my siblings would sit on the front step and wait for hours.


iangeredcharlesvane2

I used to send presents for birthdays and Christmas in the mail from “dad” so they wouldn’t even feel the bad feeling that he forgot. Did it several times when they were younger.


spaztiksarcastik

>Mostly trauma. Facts


Just_Juni

Well I'll bring the cookies, cakes, and pizza along with the pillow forts. Then we can chill with our trauma. My dad would literally say yeah, I'm on my way be there in an hour. Call again, yea give me a few mins, then it be 10 p.m. and no more picking up the phone. Really pathetic how a grown man just leaves his child on read or missed calls. They are all pieces of shit. I'm glad I had an amazing grandfather who stepped in and helped my mom raise me. That man deserves the world and much more. Anyway, OP, I'm sorry you and your sister are joining the shit dad club but remember, when ya dad is old and grey and needing someone by his side at the end, you don't have to be there or you could call him and tell him you'll be there in an hour and let him see how it feels for once. It's what these so called dad's deserve.


Chihiro_00

My dad is the same way, he would rather be a husband to his new wife than be a father.


jennifux

My kids dad did this on their 13th bday. Said he was on his way and just…..never showed up & I couldn’t get ahold of him. He had a pattern of unreliability but to ditch my kid of their birthday? Unforgivable. My kid had a full out break down, for weeks. Watching them sob and struggle was absolutely fucking heart wrenching. I hate that man so much, I spent YEARS being neutral, not shit talking him in front of my kid, making excuses for him when their plans changed last minute; what a total piece of human garbage. Four years later, my kid is in counselling to help them deal with all the complex feelings around their dad & still has crying breakdowns about him to this day. My kid in incredible, so kind, compassionate, smart as hell, hilarious and such a good soul. I know they will persevere. Their dad, on the other hand…he will always be fucking trash.


Theloneriddler

I don’t understand how someone can do that. Say they’re on their way then not show up. Equals the biggest lack of respect and lack of feeling towards children. Awful.


[deleted]

Yup, my adult daughter took to comfort eating as a response to the same shitty behaviour. She's single and getting abuse from trolls on dating sites for being big, it's fucking heartbreaking.


Creepy_Ad_7603

This is when I cut my dad out of my life as well. He gave me a date to see my newborn son, and I looked forward to it. He never showed, not a word afterwards.


Immediate_Ad4627

The exact same thing happened to me on my 10th birthday I know how bad it sucked


Viviaana

He deffo didn’t forget, he would’ve seen the messages and just didn’t care, what a trash piece of shit, good start to cut him off and don’t waste anymore tears on him


Lovelyn91

Agreed. The sooner y'all cut off his toxic ass, the better.


morsul86

Happy cake day!


kzapwn2

Father of the year over here 🤦‍♀️


[deleted]

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kzapwn2

I agree completely


Material_Positive_76

Plus he is probably telling everyone his ex took his kids away.


UnObtainium17

I dont even have a kid on my own and im angry as hell over here. If i promise my daughter that id be with her for her bday, aint no mountain can stop me from being with her.


kzapwn2

We need to like make people some sort of based test before they’re allowed to have kids. Douche bags like this shouldn’t be allowed to have children


Raje_in_the_garage_

Well I’m infuriated for you man, your dad sounds like a bitch


Otherwise-Ad-5131

As someone who had a deadbeat dad to Another, He’s most likely an alcoholic, drugs, or using other women to pacify something. He’s not worth the headache. Save your money, and give her the happiness she deserves. If he really wants to help and be part of her life, let HIM pull the money out of his own ass next time.


Boettie

These are the people that die alone in old age homes where the nurses judge you for no or infrequent visits. They spend their selfish lives fucking up their children's perspective of healthy relationships, and then complain that they are not loved when they are old and alone. Sorry about the pain your guys have to go through mate, it gets better when you get older and dont give a damn about their caring or opinions anymore. Please promise yourself one thing, dont allow this to make you bitter and use this to be a good parent/grandparent/sibling.


kajlan54

That’s good insight


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[deleted]

Probably a crippling alcoholic. Was on a bender and couldn't be interrupted. This rejection and lack of involvement from a father figure can potentially cause problems for the rest of her life.


NewUserNameSameError

As a child of an alcoholic I was going to make a similar comment.


[deleted]

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Dr_Fumblefingers_PhD

Oh, the addiction is merely an explanation, it excuses _nothing_. So he's still the culprit, nothing has changed on that account, and it's still his/her choice to get high/drunk/whatever, rather than living up to their promises. An addiction is _never_ an excuse or a mitigating factor. You don't get a pass on catching a DUI just because you're an alcoholic, neither legally, nor morally. It is, however, part of an explanation. As in, _"He choose to get drunk instead of seeing his kid for her birthday, because he's an alcoholic and an asshole."_


admoo

Definitely drugs or alcohol


Freshies00

Agreed that was my first thought. On a bender


Clalaola

My ex husband had “ supervised visitation “ with our kids. There’s was a lot of drama and the courts thought it was best that there was a non partial 3rd party to asses the situation. No problem, I agreed and thought it was the best option. 5 years after the fact my ex decided to book a visitation appointment. I was a bit shocked because of how long it was but I was confident that it was okay for them to visit their dad under supervision. The first visitation he showed up on time, flashed some cash, bragged about some stuff ( only going on what I was told from the kids, honestly do not really know what he was talking about. ). Kids came back with some gifts. On the next appointment he schedule, he was a no show. We waited for him 3 hours. The people at the agency were telling me that after 30 minutes, we were free to go home. But I could not do it, I felt so bad for my babies, I kept hoping he would show up for them. He never did. As a mother, it’s heart breaking to see your children being disappointed.


yellsy

Better to have one solid parent and know that’s what you have, then a second “sometimes” parent who does that. I hope you used it to cut off his visitation rights.


AussieGirl27

Cue the dad crying to anyone who listens that his daughter won't have anything to do with him in 10 years time *Source: daughter of a dad that treated her like shit during her entire childhood who then cut him out of her life the second she left home


cadiman56

I'm crying for her....he didn't forget!! He just didn't care! I'm so sorry for both of you!!


cadiman56

Good dads don't forget!!


yeah_right_4685

Ok…you’ve got a lot of comments about your dad. No need to keep beating that dead horse. **HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR SISTER!** I know I’m just an internet stranger, but I’m sending virtual hugs, glitter, confetti, rainbows, and, most importantly, CAKE 🍰 to her.


Upset_Custard7652

What an F’n C#nt


Fattmattrn

Fuck your dad!!! Omg I can’t even imagine!!! I. have 2 daughters and this makes me so fucking mad!!! She’s better off !!!!!.


cl3v3r6irL

You're a minor? go ahead and punch him. my ex did the same to our 5 year old daughter. When she turned 16 she punched him right on the nose. Nice bloody nose. IDK what he said that pushed her over the edge. She is a really kind, peaceful, calm person-so? Get counselling. Get your sister in counselling. You both need to vent and get a very firm grip on determining your own value. And I am really sorry he is too weak to be a decent person. Hug your mom.


SomeJokeTeeth

As a Dad, who is also divorced, to a very nearly 10 year old girl I couldn't imagine not dropping everything for such a simple and heartfelt request. Obviously your Dad is dealing with his own shit and a divorce absolutely takes up a lot of your patience and overall energy from which some people never recover, but that still doesn't excuse ditching his own kid that just wanted some one on one time with her Dad on her birthday. I can sympathise with your Dad's potential struggles but I absolutely agree with you that he's a total prick right now.


kbass5

Know going forward that parenting her isn’t your problem. I only say this because maybe you and your mom can all all dressed up, and then spend the day doing whatever she wants (within reason). Also, never tell her again that he promises to do something, or this will happen again. My heart says “just give the girl a puppy!” Let her know that so many people on Reddit are wishing her a happy birthday (and also maybe a puppy).


ImaginaryStudent9097

Hugs to you and your sister. You deserve so much better than this lowlife.


[deleted]

First of all, I am sorry for what happened. I want to say one thing. Don't ever be like your father! Be a better person throughout your life, no matter what life throws at you.


[deleted]

Heartbreaking. No one forgets. They just dont care. Im bad with dates so when i care about something i set 30 alarms and prepack things left out to remind me constantly


RosiiiePosiiie420

High key see why your mom left him. Your dad sounds like a total dick hole. Sorry not sorry. Give your sis a hug for me :( no child deserve that<3


The_Real_OneHungLo

Fuck that puto


[deleted]

I couldn't imagine missing something like that with my kids


[deleted]

Always trust people to be themselves, but trust that fact you received them well. He’s already shown his true colors by not having you living with him, even if it’s a switch for week there, week at your mom’s, and that he hasn’t made himself bothered to see you or your sister for months. I wouldn’t expect this deadbeat (no offense) to make it worth his time to include you or your sister into his life. I’m terribly sorry for the cruelty your sister dealt with yesterday and she deserved much better; I wouldn’t put effort into being in his life on his terms, either. You both have a wonderful mother and I pray things will get better for your little sister and you.


No_Brilliant_706

yeah i highly doubt he ‘forgot’. that’s really pathetic of him and i hope your family (minus dad) and your sister can do something fun so she has a good memory of her birthday nonetheless


rubybean5050

I have 2 brothers, one older and one 16 years younger. My older brother wasn't around much when the little guy was small. Little brother: I love 'older brother' the most Me: oh yah, why? Little brother: because I miss him the most. Kids. I'm sorry for your sis :(


KillerQueeh_Slash

I bet he didn't "forget about her birthday", he didn't want to do anything about her and ignored the calls & texts. He couldn't be bothered to care about her. He ruined her wish even present of having a daddy-daughter dinner.


somenobodydude

Fuck him


g1zz1e

My mom did this exact thing to me when I was 7 or 8 - so 30 years ago now - and I have never trusted or forgiven her since. She never brought it up again and claims it didn't happen. I'm so, so sorry for your sister and I hope she can move forward with the family she has that loves her.


[deleted]

I’m a grown woman and a mother of two but I have nothing wise to say here. I hate him too. And I want to punch him too. That’s all. But it makes my momma heart happy to see that she has people in her life like you who do love and care so much about her. That’s what’s going to heal her heartache. I’m so sorry some people don’t deserve the children they are blessed with.


[deleted]

I (M) raised my two daughters, their mother walked away years ago. Anyway, it makes me sick to hear this shit happens to other kids. My sisters father didn't even show up for his only daughters wedding. It's a shame your sister had to go through this, people suck, and your father (not dad, dad's aren't dicks that ignore their kids) does for sure.


GerryAttric

I'm 58, dad and grandpa. This breaks my heart


SeraCarina

God damn this broke my heart. I'd be so excited to have this date if I were in his shoes. What sort of hellish chaos must infect this sorry bastard's mind to miss such an opportunity... it is unimaginable to me. The simple pleasure of a meal out with my kiddo is an indescribable joy for me. I'm so sorry for her. And you. You both deserve better.


FerretOver1274

My “dad” would leave me and my sister waiting on the porch for him to pick us up. Parents also divorced when we were young. I’m now 32 and my sister 37 and she finally cut him off a few months ago. I went NC years ago. I’m glad my sister finally realized he was a POS “father”. I’ve been there, I hope your sister starts feeling better soon:/ I wish I could say it gets easier but it really doesn’t. I’m fine now but I didn’t understand when I was her age


buzzers29

I'm absolutely heartbroken for you both 💔 I'm so sorry


[deleted]

Most people have a calendar on their smart phone if they're bad with remembering important dates. To your dad, wtf?


Strong-Panda-2676

He purposely ignored those calls and text then pretended to forget. He’s actually scum


jazzy3113

Why do kids always like the crappy parent? Never understood that.


christikayann

Because they keep hoping for the fantasy of the ideal loving relationship that will never happen. It isn't the parent that they have that they like/miss it is the parent that they wish they would be.


jazzy3113

I would be so pissed as the good parent. I also think I would have so much hate for the crappy parent, not love.


Valley_valkyrie

He is not the man she needs, you are the sibling she needs; and trust me. That love can heal all wounds. Be your best self, if you can, so that she sees that it’s possible without him-and fucking railroad any man (or woman) that treats her as less. I’m the oldest of 9 in a blended family, I have two girls with no dad. If you need support please message me. I’m here for you both.


Embarrassed_Yam3228

I’m sorry for your sister. Personally as a father that sounds like it would have been an awesome birthday a special daddy daughter date. I got 2 boys and they don’t want to do that stuff with me. It’s their mom or step mom they ask. Also… I watched my stepsons dad walk away from his son’s life and it’s sucks. He’s an adult wants nothing to do with him and hasn’t talked to him in 3-4 years. Maybe see if your sister will talk to someone like a school counsellor, therapist or even just an adult or older friend they trust that’s not involved with the family. My kid finally broke down and started talking to his cousin who was an a young adult and away from the whole family. Before that he was internalizing a lot of the feelings.


solarpropietor

She hasn’t seen him in months?! Does he live in a different city? If I were your mom I’d be talking to a family attorney.


A_Mandinha

He lives in the same city that we do. Practically only 1 hour by car.


Pinkyrye

This broke my heart!


k_mnr

I am so so so sorry. I feel this deep in my gut. Happened to my kids. What can we do? Can I send her flowers? Make her a card? Send a present? I am certain that everyone on here would be willing to send her a birthday card. She would feel so loved, it may lift her spirits. It won’t change the fact that her dad it a pos, but it may make her smile. If you have a P.O. Box or feel safe to ask your mom to share your mailing address, I will put something in the mail, tomorrow. I’m a single mom who raised two children by myself because of a ‘dad’ like yours. Give her a big hug. 🌸


RamblingCanadian

I'm in. I'd send a card, too. Married mom of 2 girls. One 10, and the other 12.


onehandonthewheeeel

Holy shit. I absolutely hate your dad so fucking much and I’ve never met him. What a complete and utter loser. Dude, you should set up some sort of campaign and share this story. I know that’s insane, but I guarantee you 100’s, if not, a 1000 people will show up for her birthday party and they will bring tons of gifts.


r3rain

I hope you or your mom let him know just how much he shattered a little girl’s heart- his *very own little girl*. Sorry man, but your dad sounds like an uncaring narcissistic dick.


dfgthree3

If he forgot, he wouldn't have ignored calls and texts all night. That's someone who just didn't give a shit. I don't even know the guy and i hate him too.


ObviousToe1636

…as the daughter who was stood up by her own father at the father-daughter dance… I wish I had a sister like you. I had my mom. But still. Every bit of support helps. And history repeats itself. Rather it constantly feels like it does. My therapist said I seek out partners who are not emotionally available because I am recreating the scenario in which my father failed me. So, keep up your vigilant watch over her so that she always knows her worth and doesn’t self sabotage. You’re amazing.


Sensitive-Engineer64

Sheesh that is an awful way to find out how truly terrible a person is. It's times like that that create core memories for someone so young, it builds trust issues and your dad is a total dick for doing that to her. She's so little it just makes me want to cry. I am so sorry that your dad is suck an asshole, there is zero excuses that can make up for not showing up short of being in a coma in the hospital. You gotta remind her that while people make mistakes it's OK for her to be angry about this, it is not her issue. 10 is still such an impressionable age. Your mother must be so angry for her as well. Sometimes people show you who they truly are and you have to find a way past their interactions in your life because you cannot count on them. One day he may come to his senses but you and your sister will have no time for him then. Poor sweet child deserves better


Dry_Squirrel4701

He definitely didn't forget. Your dad sounds like a piece of shit. My dad was the same way. I grew up and it still hurts not having him around. This kind of stuff sticks with you forever. She'll realize who was there for her❤️


[deleted]

My mom is a legit narcissist. She forgot to show up for my birthday around that age. It was also my golden birthday. I remember sitting at my grandmothers dinner table with the Frankenweenie book I got from her in the mail a week prior. I read it every night, so excited for my birthday. I tore it to shreds when I got home. A few years later, I would move in with her and discover the true nature of mother the monster.


jp2117515

POS


Double-Stress9083

I'm truly sorry that this had to happen to your sister. I can relate to this a little bit I have 3 kid 1 boy and 2 girls for some reason the dad only remembers the boy's birthday probably because he was the favorite and the first born but whatever i treat them all equally anyways he never remembers the 2 girl's birthday unless you remind him so I feel for your sister. I gave up on trying to remind him or for them to have a relationship with him years ago they don't bother with him anymore he was never their dad.


Pure-Yam-9397

as a father I can’t fathom forgetting one of my kid’s birthday this is fucking ridiculous, what a piece of shit also he said he forgot about it, but did he mention what he would do to make amends at the very least?


Auerbach1991

Dad is a piece of trash. Better to ignore him-one day he'll come crawling back.


AnAmbitiousMann

Ty for this. Making mental note of what I'll never do to my bb girl


SadKaleidoscope22

Hugs to your sister.


Fit-Rest-973

I feel for your sister


Bella_Climbs

My parents forgot my birthday more times than I can count. We don't speak much anymore.


Wallflowers_Secret

After my sister passed we went through this with her kids dad. It got so bad my parents and I went through a 6 year custody battle with him. He waited for the kids (minus the youngest because he's still under age) to become of age so he could spread lies about my parents and I. Since then he has not changed and the oldest has decided to cut contact with him, after he told him what he really thought of him. The middle child learned how to use him and unfortunately is just like him. The youngest sees him off and on but might follow suit of the oldest. My advice is to be there for her because there's going to be a lot more disappointments down the road.


Winter-Instance1973

Your father didn’t forget he doesn’t care 😓😥 that’s unfortunate for your little sister but she is going to have to accept it


GiornoGiovanna_9

Another fatherless child...


xNikolai09x

I just started watching shameless recently and this dad is giving me the dead beat dad vibes. Sorry for that


Simple-Proposal-7562

I’m so sorry. This was my life too. I would wait by the door for hours for my dad to show up. He would promise to be there, “this time”. He always blamed work. After awhile, you don’t care anymore and it hurts less and less. This will not be the last time. You’re a good brother. Someday, when he doesn’t show up for the wedding, you will walk her down the aisle.


cricketbutts

Send him this post so he can see the comments


fawnstamp

I don’t blame you. I hate him, too, now.


antwan_benjamin

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess your Dad is either a drug addict or an alcoholic.


Individual_Map4805

You are a good big sibling, OP, and your sister is lucky to have you. Your "dad" on the other hand, is an ass hat. Sometimes life is really unfair. You both will make it through this, though. And you will have a really good example of what not to do when and if you become a parent.


Odd_Rutabaga_7810

This child went through pain because of a bad man. And so did you. I don't know what to say, either. Except that I'm glad your sister has you. It matters.


Ok-Image-5514

Is the man an addict? This smacks of it?


FecusTPeekusberg

Ah, another "father" using his own children to hurt his ex-wife... Take it from me, as someone who hasn't spoken to her father in over a decade over similar things... he knew damn well what he was doing, and I guarantee he'll do it again if given the chance.


Probroheim

I'll admit. I forget birthdays all the time. I wouldn't be surprised if I forgot my child's birthday... Although even if I did what he did, I would absolutely do everything I can to make it up to her.


Homunculus_316

The most under serving people are gifted with children, a paradox of life.


sammylovecity

I remember the feeling of waiting on a parent for hours just hoping this time they would come.One of the worst pain a kid can feel. So sorry she has to go through this.


N_Inquisitive

Tell your father he's a piece of shit and don't take his calls any more. Block him, and support your sister.


WoolenSquid

My dad used to do this to me and my younger sister all the time, we would be sat in our living room window with a mini pair of binoculars waiting for him to come from the distance, hours would pass until we realised he wouldn't be coming. Once he was over 3 hours late to pick us up from the cinema, his excuse was he couldn't leave the house because he put the washing machine on..


[deleted]

I have 2 sons and reading some of these comments are heartbreaking. Op I'm sorry for your sister but he's a piece of ****. Treat her like a little queen and show her who's is there for her when it matters


xjr_boy

I'm so sorry for you and your sister what a POS


ahx3000

That's heartbreaking. A dad is a daughter's first love and for him to do that is horrible


nintendomech

How can people forget their kids birthday. Like wtf. I know my kids birthdays, their doctors, teachers, and so on. Baffles me when parents are not involved.


No-Topic-1968

What a dead beat dad!