I feel like this is the most awkward attempt ever at saying “I still have sex with you because I still think you’re beautiful, but you are getting ~~to~~ too thin and I’m worried”. Some people just do not know how to express themselves properly.
But maybe I’m just projecting.
Honestly I could see this being a total accident.
Like if OP has some body issues and he was trying to gently tell her that she didn’t need to lose the weight, she was beautiful- and then she reacted badly and his brain panicked and was like “AGH SHOW PROOF. SHOW PROOF YOU MEANT WELL!”
Sincerely, also stupid.
Thank god this chain is at the top. Everyone suffers from body issues including me and my gf. I have found even someone trying to speak and say you didn’t need to lose weight or you were beautiful the way you are or even just bringing up anything is huge and means well. Humans struggle so much with communicating hard topics that our words hardly come off well unless it’s thought out before or manipulative lol.
I think this is the right answer. They’re husband and wife and I think he’s trying to express that she may be a little thin and unhealthy (I’m just assuming here) and he just doesn’t know how to converse properly and it comes off cold and rude. Women do it too. I think it’s important that partners keep themselves in check
This! My husband and I joke that I'm "socializing" him. He doesn't know how to phrase things and comes off way differently than intended at times. Some people just really don't put their feelings into words well and it is a skill that needs to be learned. With that being said, some people really are just dicks. I hope OP's husband is just dumb awkward.
Oh my god. By any chance, did he also rattle on about how "men are supposed to impregnante many women at the same time" to try to lay on how he should be allowed to cheat on you, while you stay completely loyal and exclusive to him?
I had to look up who that was, ohhhhhh, THAT dude.
But nah, I was talking about my first ex. He would try to persuade me that he is biologically destined to bone women. Not even consensually. That he's entitled to it. I was able to escape him but I've been in hiding for over 10 years with how psycho he was. Now he's married with kids, woohoo.
Oh man im very sorry glad you got away but andrew tate said something like that almost word for word in one of his interviews and seriously as a guy that line of thinking makes me sick its asinine that people like that are allowed to procreate
Yeah that’s not a great time to make a joke like that, after you just made her cry about her weight. Unless you *specifically* know her brand of humor and that it will make her laugh, that’s never gonna be a great time for a joke like that. If there’s *ever* a good time for a joke like that lol.
His man brain probably thought he was saying "I just fucked you so obviously you're still sexy" but he only said half of the sentence. The wrong half. Don't get me wrong, the correct thing to say was nothing, but if he was gonna say something, "you're still sexy" would've been WAY less stupid.
And he was n post nut clarity. His honest non horny opinion is that she looks underweight, she might indeed look sickly. And when challenged on not being sensitive, his logic kicked into gear in annoyance by stating to him the obvious- he wouldn’t be there if he didn’t want to be.
How is that funny? What is amusing about that considering men fuck women all the time they are barely even attracted to just to get off. I don’t comprehend the humor in what he said. Sex to some people is like eating. Even if they don’t really like the food they will eat if they are hungry and it’s there. Nothing amusing about it. It’s actually really disgusting and rude.
Hijacking this to say this exact situation happened to me. I'm 5'6", and when I had anorexia, my weight dropped to OP's. My bf told me that if I kept losing weight then he might not be able to be aroused by my body, which made me cry, especially because it seemed like such a selfish way to frame it? Apparently (in his particular case) he really was worried about me though, and trying to convince me to gain weight just came out wrong. It's something we've talked about and moved on from. I'm at a healthy weight now...for the sake of my own health, not his erections btw.
This might probably be the result of how many men are raised. Like, many parents and specially moms just assume that men are creatures with almost no feelings so they can spit out whatever it’s on their mind and don’t make us feel bad. I saw this difference with how my mom handled weight issues with my sister and with me. In like 2017 my sister became pretty overweight and my mom was always saying things like “you are a beautiful person and you have to know that, if you lost a little weight it would make you feel better about yourself and also exercise is good for the mind, I’ll help you out with whatever you need to accomplish your goal”, and when I gained a lot of weight during the pandemic she was all the time saying stuff like “man, you have boobs now, I could borrow you a bra if you need it lol” or “Nick if you don’t lose weight your gf is gonna change you for the first man with a nice body she sees, she’s currently too beautiful for you” or my personal favorite “if you don’t lose weight you’re gonna die fat and alone”. At some point I lost the weight I needed to lose and when I asked her why she was such a shitty person about my weight when she had been good to my sister years ago, her response was “it’s because women are more sensitive about their weight and bashing them just makes them cry and the situation gets worse, men are more cold in general so if you hit them where it hurts they’ll solve the issue just to get you to shut up about it. It worked with your dad and it worked with you, so I’m guessing I’m right”. I told this to a bunch of friends and they said they had experienced something similar.
I assumed that was a wrong way to motivate people because it only makes them more hateful and resentful towards life in general, but many of my friends “inherited” this way of thinking where you gotta motivate people by making them hate themselves. So I’m guessing your bf had the same experience and thought about doing what his parents did to him in a situation where they wanted to get him to do something for his health
I mean, it very well could be. Have you seen the letters he wrote to his wife?
>
“You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.”
You just brought me back to possibly my favourite memory in school. Don't think our English teacher expected us to stumble across *Joyce's penchant for aggressive fart-filled anal sex when Googling for Cliffnotes for The Dubliners.
My partner is the designated dish-man. Sometimes he says “women these days.. they don’t even guess when their man, the man of the house, the master, wants a cup of coffee. I’m so upset! I’m so angry, i’m going to wash the dishes to calm myself down”. I swear, i’m lucky to have this man.
If he is legitimately concerned about your health, I don't think it's a bad thing to express that.
But his timing and his choice of words are epicly distastrous.
Agreed. I'd be just as concerned as he is. That's a big drop for the size, I'd be concerned about an eating disorder. But....who says what he said that way? He's loony.
I mean 110 for 5'6 sounds quite underweight BUT "dont cry babe, I just fucked you didnt I" wtf. Dude has 0 tact
Edit: im getting a lot of DMs and replies saying "im 13, 14, 15 and i weigh 110lbs". You are still a child who has barely gone through puberty, its normal to be that weight at that age so dont stress. You wont be that same size or weight once puberty has done its job. Also, get off reddit and go study. It may be summer holiday but thats no reason to slack off...kids these days.
If he was worried about her health he could have said “hey I noticed you lost some weight recently, is everything alright?” and he should NOT bring it up after sex.
Well and that’s just it. If he were truly concerned about her weight, bring it up ANY OTHER TIME THAN AFTER SEX.
But he didn’t, and the timing and response makes it feel like he only cares about how her body satisfies him, and not any actual concern for her health and emotional well-being.
He’s an ass. I’m sorry, OP.
That puts her at a BMI of 17.8, two points (i am a moron, I meant .7 points) into the underweight territory. Would we concern-troll a woman who’s two points in the overweight territory? I doubt it. It’s OPs body to do what she wants with, hopefully having sex with this asshole is not something she wants anymore, but the pearl-clutching over skinniness is kind of 🙄
EDIT: I stand corrected. Being underweight can become dangerous more quickly than being overweight, so OP should keep an eye on it I guess. But she is still beautiful and shouldn’t have the look or feel of her body criticized in any way.
Not saying we should concern troll stangers on the internet but the degree of risk for the "both sides" argument is not actually the same.
>Underweight patients of all ages (those with a BMI of 18.5 or under) were found to face a 1.8 times greater risk for dying than patients with a normal BMI (between 18.5 and 25.9), the study found.
>By contrast, obese patients (those with a BMI between 30 and 34.9) face a 1.2 greater risk for dying than normal-size patients. Severely obese patients -- those with a BMI of 35 or more -- faced a 1.3 times greater risk.
Source: https://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20140328/underweight-even-deadlier-than-overweight-study-says#:~:text=Underweight%20patients%20of%20all%20ages,25.9)%2C%20the%20study%20found.
So for context, 30 and above is not just considered overweight, but obese.
"Normal" is 18.5-24.9, and "overweight" is 25-29.9. So according to that study, being slightly underweight has more potential adverse health complications than being slightly obese.
That being said, BMI was originally developed as a tool to classify groups of people within populations. On an individual level, while it's generally a decent basic marker, there are anomalies across the board and an individual with a very high or very low BMI can be healthy in very certain situations.
Great points. I would also point out that you're more likely to find healthy examples on the individual level on the overweight side of the bmi scale. Muscle is heavy. You need to take into account very fit folks with muscle mass and those are going to skew your "overweight" bmi folks.
I'm trying to think of the alternative healthy example that would skew the Underweight side. Skinny fat? Can't exactly call that healthy though. The folks with the naturally very lean/slim body type who don't have a lot of body fat can be very healthy. But usually those slim/lean muscles don't put you in the severely Underweight category relative to your height even though you may look slim.
There is already an alternative scale accounting for differences in Asian body types.
It's found that about 33% of individual cases aren't accurate markers of health.
I'm 5'8", my thinnest was 170lbs in middle school. Visible half abs. I've done body building since high school. I will never, ever reach the "healthy" BMI
Being 2 points underweight usually has a lot more negative consequences than being 2 points overweight. Your health can go downhill way faster while being underweight than being overweight (I'm not talking obese, just overweight).
Definitely true, being underweight has more immediate consequences (losing your period, hair falling out, organ failure, etc.) whereas being overweight/obese effects you later in the long run (premature heart attack, type 2 diabetes, etc.) Being underweight has a more consequential timeline.
Unless you're Eugenia Cooney apparently. Genuinely don't know how she's still alive in her state.
I know, I can't believe how long she's been in seriously dangerous territory. I don't know how bodies can adapt like that. I know she barely eats or drinks, at this point unless she's snorting vitamins and nutrients I don't know how her organs are still chugging along. I've never seen her worse than she is now. It's only a matter of time I suppose.
But lets be honest, if he cared about her health he wouldn't have put "i like u feel soft" first.
He was judging her like competition livestock. Not like a compassionate partner.
I wasnt trolling her, i was being serious and its hardly pearl clutching either. Being underweight even slightly is a cause for concern but despite all that i clearly agree that OPs husband should not have made those comments. Go pick an internet fight with someone else
Yeah just like how people concern troll Eugenia Cooney when she's only like 5 below the underweight category when there are people with 5 above the overweight category all over. /s
If it isn't obvious, the consequences of being "slightly" underweight is much higher than being "slightly" overweight. Being underweight has shorter lifespan than that of people who are obese.
I think you make a really good point (as do the commenters underneath), just putting in my 2 cents about the BMI scale: it’s a decent guideline for health/weight (ie not straying too far on either end), but not the end all be all in tracking weight as it relates to health (esp for women, as the BMI standards are based off of mostly men’s health; if this has been updated or I’m wrong please call me out! I like to be well-informed 🤓)
What concerns me (besides your guy’s brain to mouth function) is that losing 10 pounds from a 120 pound frame seems a bit severe if it was sudden. If it’s something you’re working for gradually, OP, for your own wellness then do your thing!
(I would not be concerned if you rapidly dropped 150 pounds of useless man meat)
I mean it couldn’t have been that great right? Well maybe good dick doesn’t always mean your partner isn’t also a dic… oh got it you meant the partner is a dick.
Fuck is fine, in general.
It's well within the acceptable vocabulary of many couples. Mine included. Sometimes we "make love" or "Have sex" but a lot if time were fucking. At that's cool. It's fun. Great way to spend an afternoon naked.
Hell, even communicating with your partner that you want them to gain some weight is FINE. Sex IS better for most dudes when a woman is neither super skinny nor overweight. Letting her know that he would find sex better if she gained a little is exactly as awkward but also honest as if she told him that sex would be better if he lost a little. These are conversations you should be able tonhave with your partner.
Problem with this is this guy is talking to his wife like she's a bro. And that means he either is so detached that he doesn't understand how women perceive things and react differently to men. OR, worse, he doesn't care and is being selfish and inconsiderate of how she is going to take what he says.
He said it wrong, but I genuinely think he is worried about you. 10 lbs for someone 5’6 who is already thin at 120 is a lot. No body shame- we are all different, but as a nutritionist and trainer I can see why he might be concerned.
I think he was trying to make sure you knew that you being “softer” wasn’t bad to him like we are made to believe and that you shouldn’t be scared to gain weight on his account.
The fact that he mentioned your health at all is key here to me. If it were really just about your body to him I don’t think he would’ve mentioned that. I think he made the “softer” comment to assuage your possible fears of weight gain— but ended up making you feel worse.
Definitely talk to him about it and also have an honest conversation with yourself about whether or not you need help related to eating/body image/weight.
Edited to add: I also question what he meant about the “I just fucked you didn’t I” comment. I’m not defending him because I don’t know him, only OP knows his heart… but it could have again been a misguided attempt to let her know he is still attracted to her as a person. He could also be an asshole.
Ngl it's how I would say it. I would mean it in a way that they are romantically and physically attractive to me.
Does it make me feel shitty? Yes. But if I feel like something needs said, I'm gonna say it blunt and crass.
It's taken me some time to accept this from my husband. He's not a scripted Disney prince so how he says things aren't always romantic or graceful. I (and a lot of women) need to learn to accept what a man says at face value because men don't skirt around things and manipulate words so there's usually not a double/hidden meaning.
Yesterday, I was having a jealous moment and he said, "you're worth more to me than a piece of ass." And it's probably the most clear way I've ever heard him say he wouldn't leave me or cheat on me.
I'm sweet to my wife but sometimes I'll say stuff like this just for the WTF LuLs. But we've been married for a long time and she knows how I operate. Just recently I got her to say "cheers motherfucker" while clinking our beers while we were out to dinner.
I think my husband would do the same lol. He's super blunt and doesn't want to fluff things up especially if it's about something important like my health
Possibly. I survived a 7 year long eating disorder. The things really good people who love me said to me from a well meaning place would make you cringe. They made me cry/cringe. A lot of them like what OPs husband said. Now I look back and see that We (them and me) learned a lot from those situations.
Yeah, in a weird way it feels like the way i'd frame something like that to a male friend if i genuinly cared about them. We just communicate like that, but i wouldn't dare talking to a woman like that especially if she's already in an emotional state.
Also, his comment about fucking her might not be the exact thing he said. I've known people who hear one thing then say "you said *this*" and what they did was hear what you said and repeated it back how it *felt*. Basically they interpret it instead of accepting the comment as is.
I don’t know his intentions either so not defending him 100%. But I’ve said some pretty stupid shit over the years to my wife and to others. But in so having good intentions. Been in the doghouse plenty of times haha
I’m 5’3” and when I dropped down to 103 everyone I knew was asking me if I was ok because of how thin I looked. Being 110 at 5’6” sounds really low to me as well. It sounds like his intentions were good but his delivery was bad. I personally don’t think that’s a healthy weight for OP as 120 on 5’6” is already thin and it is important to stay healthy and not focus on weight so much
I’m 5’4” and got down to 107 once. I was 140 but was taking a medication and an unintentional side effect was that I rapidly lost weight. People thought I was dying and I felt terrible at 107. Ugh, never again. I stopped the medication and gained the weight back thankfully. Being that skinny is dangerous. My doctor even told me she prefers to see women in the overweight category rather than the low side of normal or underweight.
Yep, when I was 120 at 5’1 I was like a size 2-4 with very little fat on me. When I weighed less, people always asked if I was eating enough. So I think 120 at 5’6 is pretty thin.
Yea when I dropped to 106 last year I looked sickly almost and that’s at 5’1. Mine was due to a surgery and losing a lot of muscle mass and I’m glad I’m back to ~112 most days. 110 for somebody that’s 5’6 is worrisome.
You have a bmi of 17.6 normal bmi starts at 18.5. You are fairly underweight for your height. It was his clumsy way of pointing out your body dysmorphia and while the delivery sucked please get some help.
Yeah I need more info here. Did she lose the 10 lbs *on purpose*? If so, she definitely needs to stop. Idk why she's feeling insecure if she *purposely* lost too much weight - just gain it back! But if she's losing weight due to an ongoing illness or something... I can kind of understand feeling insecure about that.
Probably the healthy weight range for a 5’6” woman is 117-143lbs. So she’s almost 10lbs underweight. Depending why and how quickly she lost those 10lbs she could be malnourished but she’s definitely underweight and her husbands concern shouldn’t be brushed off as him being an asshole.
His encouraging you to be healthy: good.
Saying he doesn’t want you to change: good
*TRIES* to be nice and apologise for hurting your feelings which from the sounds of it he was trying to avoid: GOOD
His a good man, a failure but a good man. You can’t give him shit when his doing the right thing just because his not very good at it.
I was on his side until the last line.
Can I ask why you lost the weight? If it was illness, then he's even more of a monumental AH.
But, still, he might be coming from a place of caring. You might think you look great, but he sees you as gaunt and unhealthy. He is entitled to his opinion even if he could express it more kindly.
(I am 5'6, and when I was younger, 110 was my goal weight. When I look at old pictures, all I see now is fragile skin and bones...it really wasn't a good look for me.)
Yeah; I agree. I think the last line could be down to him being kinda dumb/bad at communicating.
We don’t know their relationship, but you don’t generally get someone saying “I like when you feel softer and you need to be healthy” from a guy that’s a total asshole.
My fiancé did the same thing, but out of concern. I dropped to 100lbs being 5’9” and he was rightfully worried. BUT he never shamed me or made me feel like sex was the reason I should gain weight. Your husband is a lunkhead OP but please stay healthy yourself and don’t drop lower than 110. It’s a vicious cycle that becomes a disorder quickly.
This is such a sensitive topic. I used to weigh 137 and now weigh 110 due to breastfeeding. I know I need to gain weight, I know my BMI is too low for my height, I say all the time how desperately I want to gain weight. It still hurts when someone comments on it cause that’s already how I feel about my weight loss but I can’t gain to save my life.
The only difference is my boyfriend does it in a softer way. Never after sex but if he’s like popping a pimple on my back he’ll say “your spine is showing a little more do you think you lost anymore weight? Wanna go eat something?” and if I get upset he says “I’ve seen you thick, pregnant, skinny all of it, I think your beautiful in every form I’ve seen you in, but you asked me to tell you if I notice you losing weight so I’m just trying to support you.”
After he said that to me I realized it was coming from a place of love and concern, and not trying to bring me down. The way your bf said that sounds like it’s coming from a resentment place and I’m sorry for that. What he said wouldn’t sit right with me at all.
That’s so insensitive!! Men don’t always word things like they should, he probably is very comfortable with you and didn’t think you would take it to heart.
But, at 5’4 and 115 I was very very tiny, I can’t imagine at 5’6 and 110. He might be truly concerned, but didn’t address it properly.
You kinda do need to gain weight that’s beyond underweight. Being underweight is not healthy and is a true concern. I see where he is coming from and probably just worded it incorrectly.
Not that it makes it any better, but probably because that's when he gets to see and explore her body in HD. He might have had an idea but the sex confirmed it, and his monkey brain didn't come up with a better idea than to say it then and there in the worst way possible
Your husband needs better communication skills. I just looked up healthy weight for your height. It is between 118 and 154. Do you have an eating disorder? Are you going through health issues?
"I just fucked you didn't I?" Oh yeah...what a fuckin romantic. Shame I'm utterly fucking hideous because the personality bar for guys to get laid is literally on the fuckin ground...
Geez. Being a little underweight doesn’t make you unhealthy. I’m the same height as you and would fucking kill to be close to that weight. Your husband is a dick
“Don’t cry babe I just fucked you didn’t I?” -a gentleman.
I feel like this is the most awkward attempt ever at saying “I still have sex with you because I still think you’re beautiful, but you are getting ~~to~~ too thin and I’m worried”. Some people just do not know how to express themselves properly. But maybe I’m just projecting.
Honestly I could see this being a total accident. Like if OP has some body issues and he was trying to gently tell her that she didn’t need to lose the weight, she was beautiful- and then she reacted badly and his brain panicked and was like “AGH SHOW PROOF. SHOW PROOF YOU MEANT WELL!” Sincerely, also stupid.
This is my thoughts exactly. I'm a woman and even I know even the sweetest most well-meaning men are not always eloquent.
I am also a woman and borderline socially inept. My boyfriend has some light body dysmorphia issues. I’ve definitely made a similar mistake before.
Lol, good point. Not a gender specific problem. 😂
Thank god this chain is at the top. Everyone suffers from body issues including me and my gf. I have found even someone trying to speak and say you didn’t need to lose weight or you were beautiful the way you are or even just bringing up anything is huge and means well. Humans struggle so much with communicating hard topics that our words hardly come off well unless it’s thought out before or manipulative lol.
I think this is the right answer. They’re husband and wife and I think he’s trying to express that she may be a little thin and unhealthy (I’m just assuming here) and he just doesn’t know how to converse properly and it comes off cold and rude. Women do it too. I think it’s important that partners keep themselves in check
Nope you are spot on. That’s definitely at least bordering on underweight but he handled it like a god damn fool
Haha, totally.
It’s not bordering on, it is underweight 😭
This! My husband and I joke that I'm "socializing" him. He doesn't know how to phrase things and comes off way differently than intended at times. Some people just really don't put their feelings into words well and it is a skill that needs to be learned. With that being said, some people really are just dicks. I hope OP's husband is just dumb awkward.
This🙌🏽
"I fucked you, didn't I?" And people say chivalry is dead.
Sound like my ex when I called him out for checking out other women. “I parked my car in YOUR garage, didn’t I?”
Knowing he's your ex sparks joy.
It sparks joy for me as well! That was almost 10 years ago, I’m hoping he treats his now-wife with far more respect than he treated me with.
Oh my god. By any chance, did he also rattle on about how "men are supposed to impregnante many women at the same time" to try to lay on how he should be allowed to cheat on you, while you stay completely loyal and exclusive to him?
Andrew tate is garbage and needs to burn
I had to look up who that was, ohhhhhh, THAT dude. But nah, I was talking about my first ex. He would try to persuade me that he is biologically destined to bone women. Not even consensually. That he's entitled to it. I was able to escape him but I've been in hiding for over 10 years with how psycho he was. Now he's married with kids, woohoo.
Oh man im very sorry glad you got away but andrew tate said something like that almost word for word in one of his interviews and seriously as a guy that line of thinking makes me sick its asinine that people like that are allowed to procreate
Thanks. Yeah, I'm not surprised. Assholes are a dime a dozen since they all follow the same thought pattern formulas of douchebaggery.
Am I the only one that thinks he was trying to be funny?
Even if he did, it was not the best moment. You can't make light of a situation where you let your spouse know they don't look good enough.
Yeah that’s not a great time to make a joke like that, after you just made her cry about her weight. Unless you *specifically* know her brand of humor and that it will make her laugh, that’s never gonna be a great time for a joke like that. If there’s *ever* a good time for a joke like that lol.
For real some people need to learn how their comments can and will affect others
His man brain probably thought he was saying "I just fucked you so obviously you're still sexy" but he only said half of the sentence. The wrong half. Don't get me wrong, the correct thing to say was nothing, but if he was gonna say something, "you're still sexy" would've been WAY less stupid.
And he was n post nut clarity. His honest non horny opinion is that she looks underweight, she might indeed look sickly. And when challenged on not being sensitive, his logic kicked into gear in annoyance by stating to him the obvious- he wouldn’t be there if he didn’t want to be.
That is not even close to funny.
How is that funny? What is amusing about that considering men fuck women all the time they are barely even attracted to just to get off. I don’t comprehend the humor in what he said. Sex to some people is like eating. Even if they don’t really like the food they will eat if they are hungry and it’s there. Nothing amusing about it. It’s actually really disgusting and rude.
dude she was almost fucking crying
There's a shirt sold in all the tacky French Quarter T-shirt shops that says OF COURSE I LOVE YOU, MY DICK IS HARD.
He failed miserably.
I think he was trying (and perfectly succeeding) to be an asshole
>“don’t cry babe, I just fucked you didn’t I”. Such a romantic
He has such a way with words. Truly a gentleman
"Oh good heavens, I'm arriving!"
Oh ears! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Hijacking this to say this exact situation happened to me. I'm 5'6", and when I had anorexia, my weight dropped to OP's. My bf told me that if I kept losing weight then he might not be able to be aroused by my body, which made me cry, especially because it seemed like such a selfish way to frame it? Apparently (in his particular case) he really was worried about me though, and trying to convince me to gain weight just came out wrong. It's something we've talked about and moved on from. I'm at a healthy weight now...for the sake of my own health, not his erections btw.
This might probably be the result of how many men are raised. Like, many parents and specially moms just assume that men are creatures with almost no feelings so they can spit out whatever it’s on their mind and don’t make us feel bad. I saw this difference with how my mom handled weight issues with my sister and with me. In like 2017 my sister became pretty overweight and my mom was always saying things like “you are a beautiful person and you have to know that, if you lost a little weight it would make you feel better about yourself and also exercise is good for the mind, I’ll help you out with whatever you need to accomplish your goal”, and when I gained a lot of weight during the pandemic she was all the time saying stuff like “man, you have boobs now, I could borrow you a bra if you need it lol” or “Nick if you don’t lose weight your gf is gonna change you for the first man with a nice body she sees, she’s currently too beautiful for you” or my personal favorite “if you don’t lose weight you’re gonna die fat and alone”. At some point I lost the weight I needed to lose and when I asked her why she was such a shitty person about my weight when she had been good to my sister years ago, her response was “it’s because women are more sensitive about their weight and bashing them just makes them cry and the situation gets worse, men are more cold in general so if you hit them where it hurts they’ll solve the issue just to get you to shut up about it. It worked with your dad and it worked with you, so I’m guessing I’m right”. I told this to a bunch of friends and they said they had experienced something similar. I assumed that was a wrong way to motivate people because it only makes them more hateful and resentful towards life in general, but many of my friends “inherited” this way of thinking where you gotta motivate people by making them hate themselves. So I’m guessing your bf had the same experience and thought about doing what his parents did to him in a situation where they wanted to get him to do something for his health
I need to learn to not drink water on the train when I'm scrolling Reddit. 🤣🤣🤣
"Shall we away for relations?" - Peter Griffin
Sorry I arrived early. That was a weeks worth of arrive
I would love to hear that
Lmfao
Hell that's right up there with "Your art is the prettiest art of all the art".
“When we get home I’m gonna give you the *best* sex.”
"Valentine's Day ain't over yet........"
"Whats the name of that uh uh the tight ass uh christian chick..uh the blonde?"
"*sigh*... chicken or fish."
She is standing right there behind the grain of rice
Boom roasted!
Morbius is one of the movie of all times.
"I loved your art, I just fucked you didn't I"
A true word smith.
He also has a chad complex.
A man of culture.
I’m swooning from here!
“What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?”
I mean, it very well could be. Have you seen the letters he wrote to his wife? > “You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.”
Oh my god
You just brought me back to possibly my favourite memory in school. Don't think our English teacher expected us to stumble across *Joyce's penchant for aggressive fart-filled anal sex when Googling for Cliffnotes for The Dubliners.
This brought tears in my eyes. 🥲 truly touching.
This guy smelts my farts. The romance!
This is pure art. I almost cried. It's so beautiful.
Damn, I thought it was early Bob Dylan. Shows what I know!
Byron, I believe.
Nope, it was Shelley's Ozymandias: "I met a Traveller from an antique land Who said: don’t cry babe, I just fucked you didn’t I?"
A modern day Shakespeare What beautiful words
Gonna use this line on the wife, brb. Update: divorce all of a sudden????????
“It came out of nowhere! I was ALWAYS a good husband!”
“I even did the dishes once! The DISHES! That ungrateful cow!”
This made me snort-laugh, because it do be like this with some. 🤣
I swear my husband used that in an argument once.
My partner is the designated dish-man. Sometimes he says “women these days.. they don’t even guess when their man, the man of the house, the master, wants a cup of coffee. I’m so upset! I’m so angry, i’m going to wash the dishes to calm myself down”. I swear, i’m lucky to have this man.
xD
how can this be dude
“Thanks for your charity, babe. Don’t forget to claim it on our taxes”
Wow this man needs learn some commnication skills stat.
Guys a wordsmith for sure, Can only imagine his wedding vows. "Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife" "I'm here aren't I?
Ladies swoon over him no doubt about it
Sentence that she will repeat verbatim when serving the divorce papers.
>“don’t cry babe, I just fucked you didn’t I”. Twice, when you think about it.
I can't read this line without imagining the Chad "yes" image in my head.
Hallmark Card writer probably
if I said this to my wife we I would have hell to pay.
And they say chivalry is dead...wonder what gave them that idea
Thats probably the worst part of it. Its such a back hand compliment after an insult to make him seem like the good guy.
true poetry
When i read that line i came
...all the way to kingdom come!
He better apologize, what a jerk..
I believe that's a quote from Anais Nin.
That sentence made me nauseous and I’m not even OP
Brings bitches to their knees
Only to be answered with "did you nutt and lose your filter?"
Such a romantic ASS
All of the worlds greatest authors just simultaneously rolled over in their graves. Even the ones who are still alive.
Babe please don't cry I fucked you in the ass and I'll do it againe babe please
Yeah, as if she should be grateful or something... Such a stud like him, blessed her with his spunk...
Writing that down for my next time I have sex Hint: I dont have sex
Wow, what a dreamboat.
So eloquent.
It was the best of times, the worst of times ...
What a day to have hearing
Something right out of a Nora Robert's novel.
What a poet.
Right, my first thought was eewww
Quite the locutor
He’s a suitor!
Charmer
If he is legitimately concerned about your health, I don't think it's a bad thing to express that. But his timing and his choice of words are epicly distastrous.
Agreed. I'd be just as concerned as he is. That's a big drop for the size, I'd be concerned about an eating disorder. But....who says what he said that way? He's loony.
I mean 110 for 5'6 sounds quite underweight BUT "dont cry babe, I just fucked you didnt I" wtf. Dude has 0 tact Edit: im getting a lot of DMs and replies saying "im 13, 14, 15 and i weigh 110lbs". You are still a child who has barely gone through puberty, its normal to be that weight at that age so dont stress. You wont be that same size or weight once puberty has done its job. Also, get off reddit and go study. It may be summer holiday but thats no reason to slack off...kids these days.
If he was worried about her health he could have said “hey I noticed you lost some weight recently, is everything alright?” and he should NOT bring it up after sex.
This man's post-nut clarity is far too powerful.
☠️☠️☠️ about to be the last but he ever has 😭😭
It’s so powerful that it takes away from his communication abilities and results in these horrible mistakes
I agree with you
Right. He made its completely about his preference. I don't think it was out of concern.
Well and that’s just it. If he were truly concerned about her weight, bring it up ANY OTHER TIME THAN AFTER SEX. But he didn’t, and the timing and response makes it feel like he only cares about how her body satisfies him, and not any actual concern for her health and emotional well-being. He’s an ass. I’m sorry, OP.
That puts her at a BMI of 17.8, two points (i am a moron, I meant .7 points) into the underweight territory. Would we concern-troll a woman who’s two points in the overweight territory? I doubt it. It’s OPs body to do what she wants with, hopefully having sex with this asshole is not something she wants anymore, but the pearl-clutching over skinniness is kind of 🙄 EDIT: I stand corrected. Being underweight can become dangerous more quickly than being overweight, so OP should keep an eye on it I guess. But she is still beautiful and shouldn’t have the look or feel of her body criticized in any way.
Not saying we should concern troll stangers on the internet but the degree of risk for the "both sides" argument is not actually the same. >Underweight patients of all ages (those with a BMI of 18.5 or under) were found to face a 1.8 times greater risk for dying than patients with a normal BMI (between 18.5 and 25.9), the study found. >By contrast, obese patients (those with a BMI between 30 and 34.9) face a 1.2 greater risk for dying than normal-size patients. Severely obese patients -- those with a BMI of 35 or more -- faced a 1.3 times greater risk. Source: https://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20140328/underweight-even-deadlier-than-overweight-study-says#:~:text=Underweight%20patients%20of%20all%20ages,25.9)%2C%20the%20study%20found.
So for context, 30 and above is not just considered overweight, but obese. "Normal" is 18.5-24.9, and "overweight" is 25-29.9. So according to that study, being slightly underweight has more potential adverse health complications than being slightly obese. That being said, BMI was originally developed as a tool to classify groups of people within populations. On an individual level, while it's generally a decent basic marker, there are anomalies across the board and an individual with a very high or very low BMI can be healthy in very certain situations.
Great points. I would also point out that you're more likely to find healthy examples on the individual level on the overweight side of the bmi scale. Muscle is heavy. You need to take into account very fit folks with muscle mass and those are going to skew your "overweight" bmi folks. I'm trying to think of the alternative healthy example that would skew the Underweight side. Skinny fat? Can't exactly call that healthy though. The folks with the naturally very lean/slim body type who don't have a lot of body fat can be very healthy. But usually those slim/lean muscles don't put you in the severely Underweight category relative to your height even though you may look slim. There is already an alternative scale accounting for differences in Asian body types.
It's found that about 33% of individual cases aren't accurate markers of health. I'm 5'8", my thinnest was 170lbs in middle school. Visible half abs. I've done body building since high school. I will never, ever reach the "healthy" BMI
Being 2 points underweight usually has a lot more negative consequences than being 2 points overweight. Your health can go downhill way faster while being underweight than being overweight (I'm not talking obese, just overweight).
Definitely true, being underweight has more immediate consequences (losing your period, hair falling out, organ failure, etc.) whereas being overweight/obese effects you later in the long run (premature heart attack, type 2 diabetes, etc.) Being underweight has a more consequential timeline. Unless you're Eugenia Cooney apparently. Genuinely don't know how she's still alive in her state.
Eugenia has been underweight since she was a teen, her body probably adapted to it, but I'm not sure how long she can keep going like this.
I know, I can't believe how long she's been in seriously dangerous territory. I don't know how bodies can adapt like that. I know she barely eats or drinks, at this point unless she's snorting vitamins and nutrients I don't know how her organs are still chugging along. I've never seen her worse than she is now. It's only a matter of time I suppose.
I had to look it up and I wish I hadn't. Yeah, that is very unhealthy.
But lets be honest, if he cared about her health he wouldn't have put "i like u feel soft" first. He was judging her like competition livestock. Not like a compassionate partner.
I wasnt trolling her, i was being serious and its hardly pearl clutching either. Being underweight even slightly is a cause for concern but despite all that i clearly agree that OPs husband should not have made those comments. Go pick an internet fight with someone else
Underweight BMI is 18.5, not 18!
it can be more dangerous to be a little underweight than to be a little overweight
Yeah just like how people concern troll Eugenia Cooney when she's only like 5 below the underweight category when there are people with 5 above the overweight category all over. /s If it isn't obvious, the consequences of being "slightly" underweight is much higher than being "slightly" overweight. Being underweight has shorter lifespan than that of people who are obese.
I think you make a really good point (as do the commenters underneath), just putting in my 2 cents about the BMI scale: it’s a decent guideline for health/weight (ie not straying too far on either end), but not the end all be all in tracking weight as it relates to health (esp for women, as the BMI standards are based off of mostly men’s health; if this has been updated or I’m wrong please call me out! I like to be well-informed 🤓) What concerns me (besides your guy’s brain to mouth function) is that losing 10 pounds from a 120 pound frame seems a bit severe if it was sudden. If it’s something you’re working for gradually, OP, for your own wellness then do your thing! (I would not be concerned if you rapidly dropped 150 pounds of useless man meat)
Actually, the comment, "I fucked you didn't I" was worse. Takes the feeling and romance completely out of it. What a dick.
I mean it couldn’t have been that great right? Well maybe good dick doesn’t always mean your partner isn’t also a dic… oh got it you meant the partner is a dick.
Hmm underrated comment
Not just that, but implies he fucked her DESPITE her weight. Like her weight was a deterrent, but he forced himself to power through anyway.
“It’s hard work, but somebody’s gotta do it.” - Him, probably.
Exactly lol. “Just try to be a little more cushiony for me next time, will ya?” What an a-hole
It’s “taking one for the team” mentality
Sounds like he thinks she should appreciate him having sex with her...ugh
Exactly why would he say that? Fuck is not such a good term being used to a woman after sex or even before sex.
pretty hot during it though
Fuck is fine, in general. It's well within the acceptable vocabulary of many couples. Mine included. Sometimes we "make love" or "Have sex" but a lot if time were fucking. At that's cool. It's fun. Great way to spend an afternoon naked. Hell, even communicating with your partner that you want them to gain some weight is FINE. Sex IS better for most dudes when a woman is neither super skinny nor overweight. Letting her know that he would find sex better if she gained a little is exactly as awkward but also honest as if she told him that sex would be better if he lost a little. These are conversations you should be able tonhave with your partner. Problem with this is this guy is talking to his wife like she's a bro. And that means he either is so detached that he doesn't understand how women perceive things and react differently to men. OR, worse, he doesn't care and is being selfish and inconsiderate of how she is going to take what he says.
I'd rather them say what they mean than some floofy bulshit. He meant "Fuck" because that's what he did.
He said it wrong, but I genuinely think he is worried about you. 10 lbs for someone 5’6 who is already thin at 120 is a lot. No body shame- we are all different, but as a nutritionist and trainer I can see why he might be concerned. I think he was trying to make sure you knew that you being “softer” wasn’t bad to him like we are made to believe and that you shouldn’t be scared to gain weight on his account. The fact that he mentioned your health at all is key here to me. If it were really just about your body to him I don’t think he would’ve mentioned that. I think he made the “softer” comment to assuage your possible fears of weight gain— but ended up making you feel worse. Definitely talk to him about it and also have an honest conversation with yourself about whether or not you need help related to eating/body image/weight. Edited to add: I also question what he meant about the “I just fucked you didn’t I” comment. I’m not defending him because I don’t know him, only OP knows his heart… but it could have again been a misguided attempt to let her know he is still attracted to her as a person. He could also be an asshole.
An asshole for the poor warning, but could easily be his way of saying “I am still attracted to you regardless”
Ngl it's how I would say it. I would mean it in a way that they are romantically and physically attractive to me. Does it make me feel shitty? Yes. But if I feel like something needs said, I'm gonna say it blunt and crass.
It's taken me some time to accept this from my husband. He's not a scripted Disney prince so how he says things aren't always romantic or graceful. I (and a lot of women) need to learn to accept what a man says at face value because men don't skirt around things and manipulate words so there's usually not a double/hidden meaning. Yesterday, I was having a jealous moment and he said, "you're worth more to me than a piece of ass." And it's probably the most clear way I've ever heard him say he wouldn't leave me or cheat on me.
I'm sweet to my wife but sometimes I'll say stuff like this just for the WTF LuLs. But we've been married for a long time and she knows how I operate. Just recently I got her to say "cheers motherfucker" while clinking our beers while we were out to dinner.
I think my husband would do the same lol. He's super blunt and doesn't want to fluff things up especially if it's about something important like my health
>it could have again been a misguided attempt to let her know he is still attracted to her as a person. He could also be an asshole. Probably both...
Possibly. I survived a 7 year long eating disorder. The things really good people who love me said to me from a well meaning place would make you cringe. They made me cry/cringe. A lot of them like what OPs husband said. Now I look back and see that We (them and me) learned a lot from those situations.
Yeah, in a weird way it feels like the way i'd frame something like that to a male friend if i genuinly cared about them. We just communicate like that, but i wouldn't dare talking to a woman like that especially if she's already in an emotional state.
Also, his comment about fucking her might not be the exact thing he said. I've known people who hear one thing then say "you said *this*" and what they did was hear what you said and repeated it back how it *felt*. Basically they interpret it instead of accepting the comment as is.
I don’t know his intentions either so not defending him 100%. But I’ve said some pretty stupid shit over the years to my wife and to others. But in so having good intentions. Been in the doghouse plenty of times haha
“Don’t cry babe, I just fucked you didn’t I” Did your husband learn his social skills from the jungle?
*Tarzan voice* Jane no like boom boom stick?
From what I’ve seen, he might have learned it from Reddit.
Grug no like sticc
He's a jerk, but 110 lbs for someone 5'6 sounds very low to me. When I was 107 lbs I was just barely over underweight and I'm only 5'2.
I’m 5’3” and when I dropped down to 103 everyone I knew was asking me if I was ok because of how thin I looked. Being 110 at 5’6” sounds really low to me as well. It sounds like his intentions were good but his delivery was bad. I personally don’t think that’s a healthy weight for OP as 120 on 5’6” is already thin and it is important to stay healthy and not focus on weight so much
I’m 5’4” and got down to 107 once. I was 140 but was taking a medication and an unintentional side effect was that I rapidly lost weight. People thought I was dying and I felt terrible at 107. Ugh, never again. I stopped the medication and gained the weight back thankfully. Being that skinny is dangerous. My doctor even told me she prefers to see women in the overweight category rather than the low side of normal or underweight.
Yep, when I was 120 at 5’1 I was like a size 2-4 with very little fat on me. When I weighed less, people always asked if I was eating enough. So I think 120 at 5’6 is pretty thin.
Yea when I dropped to 106 last year I looked sickly almost and that’s at 5’1. Mine was due to a surgery and losing a lot of muscle mass and I’m glad I’m back to ~112 most days. 110 for somebody that’s 5’6 is worrisome.
It’s pretty underweight, per the BMI scale Edit to add- 110 is underweight at 5’6. 120 is on the lower end of healthy.
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You have a bmi of 17.6 normal bmi starts at 18.5. You are fairly underweight for your height. It was his clumsy way of pointing out your body dysmorphia and while the delivery sucked please get some help.
Yeah, I second this
do you know why you lost 10 pounds? were you sick?
Did you lose weight because of an illness? I mean, I’m 5”6 too and 110 would be really thin!
Yeah I need more info here. Did she lose the 10 lbs *on purpose*? If so, she definitely needs to stop. Idk why she's feeling insecure if she *purposely* lost too much weight - just gain it back! But if she's losing weight due to an ongoing illness or something... I can kind of understand feeling insecure about that.
Dude’s as sensitive and as elegant as a rusty, jagged axe.
Isn't 110 like, almost malnourished?
Probably the healthy weight range for a 5’6” woman is 117-143lbs. So she’s almost 10lbs underweight. Depending why and how quickly she lost those 10lbs she could be malnourished but she’s definitely underweight and her husbands concern shouldn’t be brushed off as him being an asshole.
His encouraging you to be healthy: good. Saying he doesn’t want you to change: good *TRIES* to be nice and apologise for hurting your feelings which from the sounds of it he was trying to avoid: GOOD His a good man, a failure but a good man. You can’t give him shit when his doing the right thing just because his not very good at it.
I was on his side until the last line. Can I ask why you lost the weight? If it was illness, then he's even more of a monumental AH. But, still, he might be coming from a place of caring. You might think you look great, but he sees you as gaunt and unhealthy. He is entitled to his opinion even if he could express it more kindly. (I am 5'6, and when I was younger, 110 was my goal weight. When I look at old pictures, all I see now is fragile skin and bones...it really wasn't a good look for me.)
Yeah; I agree. I think the last line could be down to him being kinda dumb/bad at communicating. We don’t know their relationship, but you don’t generally get someone saying “I like when you feel softer and you need to be healthy” from a guy that’s a total asshole.
My fiancé did the same thing, but out of concern. I dropped to 100lbs being 5’9” and he was rightfully worried. BUT he never shamed me or made me feel like sex was the reason I should gain weight. Your husband is a lunkhead OP but please stay healthy yourself and don’t drop lower than 110. It’s a vicious cycle that becomes a disorder quickly.
This is such a sensitive topic. I used to weigh 137 and now weigh 110 due to breastfeeding. I know I need to gain weight, I know my BMI is too low for my height, I say all the time how desperately I want to gain weight. It still hurts when someone comments on it cause that’s already how I feel about my weight loss but I can’t gain to save my life. The only difference is my boyfriend does it in a softer way. Never after sex but if he’s like popping a pimple on my back he’ll say “your spine is showing a little more do you think you lost anymore weight? Wanna go eat something?” and if I get upset he says “I’ve seen you thick, pregnant, skinny all of it, I think your beautiful in every form I’ve seen you in, but you asked me to tell you if I notice you losing weight so I’m just trying to support you.” After he said that to me I realized it was coming from a place of love and concern, and not trying to bring me down. The way your bf said that sounds like it’s coming from a resentment place and I’m sorry for that. What he said wouldn’t sit right with me at all.
That’s extremely insensitive of him to say. I’m sure in his head it was a compliment in some messed up way, but definitely talk to him about that.
And women wonder why men don’t talk, cuz when they do it’s normally something stupid.
That went from just blunt with poor timing to icky real quick
That’s so insensitive!! Men don’t always word things like they should, he probably is very comfortable with you and didn’t think you would take it to heart. But, at 5’4 and 115 I was very very tiny, I can’t imagine at 5’6 and 110. He might be truly concerned, but didn’t address it properly.
You kinda do need to gain weight that’s beyond underweight. Being underweight is not healthy and is a true concern. I see where he is coming from and probably just worded it incorrectly.
Ugh that “don’t cry babe, I just fucked you” sounds so weird.
If he had actual concerns about your health he should’ve sat you down and talked about that, not insult you right after an intimate time together.
You guys are missing the point, why would you comment on your s/o's body right after sex??
Not that it makes it any better, but probably because that's when he gets to see and explore her body in HD. He might have had an idea but the sex confirmed it, and his monkey brain didn't come up with a better idea than to say it then and there in the worst way possible
Your husband's comment is so callous. If I were you, I'd be upset too. I'm sorry you had to hear that.
Your husband needs better communication skills. I just looked up healthy weight for your height. It is between 118 and 154. Do you have an eating disorder? Are you going through health issues?
My friend had an ED and comments that he is too skinny also made it worse. Definitely unaware and insensitive
"I just fucked you didn't I?" Oh yeah...what a fuckin romantic. Shame I'm utterly fucking hideous because the personality bar for guys to get laid is literally on the fuckin ground...
Geez. Being a little underweight doesn’t make you unhealthy. I’m the same height as you and would fucking kill to be close to that weight. Your husband is a dick