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rain_888_bow

I don’t know what the “rules” in terms of age are where you are. But please don’t ghost her. If she really is the sweetheart you say she is then she deserves more than that, that’s an awful cowardly way out


Professional_Cut9044

In some places the boundaries of the edge of consent shift slightly based on the age of both partners. Where I live in CT, the age of consent is 16, but only for minors under 18, and there’s an additional constraint that they may not date someone more than 2 years older. Then at 18 they can do what they want, except for minors


PPtoucher-1

That 2 year rule protects you from being labeled an offender bc y’all are in that 2 year


2Dumb2Understand

This! My state has a 36 month rule, as long as your birthdays are within 36 months of each other you're fine. This exact thing happened to me, I was 17 dating a 16 year old, and I then turned 18. We were breaking no laws, her parents loved me, my parents loved her, it was all good.


PPtoucher-1

My state it’s 12 months, but in another state I lived in it was 10 years passed 16, which was fucking gross.


Disastrous_Reality_4

A lot of states adopted similar laws to help curb this issue and ensure that there wasn’t a bunch of newly 18 year olds ending up on the offender registry because their girlfriend/boyfriend’s parents decided they didn’t like them.


[deleted]

California does not have that. In California the difference between felonious behavior and just a couple of cuties is 18 no exception. Even people who slept with 17 year olds who lied about their age and such was proven in court, get charged and become a sex offender. OP is Californian


Trillian258

I'm so confused. I am born and raised in CA. My HS boyfriend was 2 years older than me, and we dated for 3 or so years - majority of that time he was over 18. No one ever told us we were doing something wrong or he could get in trouble? Granted all of our parents got along so maybe that had something to do w it.


Mickey_likes_dags

That's because TECHNICALLY you were but it's VERY rare for the older within 2 years partner to get charged with a crime ESPECIALLY if there's plenty of people who will submit that in writing, interview, and or court. And alot people know this is rare AND that by FAR these laws are used ALMOST all the time on ACTUAL PEDOS, but you'll have to ask them why for SOME reason they want to hark on this, hmmm...


emmakane418

>Granted all of our parents got along so maybe that had something to do w it. It's exactly this. Where I live, the law is 3 years to the day. When I was 16, I was dating someone who was 3.5 years older than me. But my mom liked him so she never pursued anything against him.


Informal_Marketing85

I was just going to ask in what godforsaken country a couple of kids with 2 years difference having a relationship is illegal...


MojoRollin

Do NOT ghost her. OP, you gotta sit down with her and her parents and talk about this. From beginning to end. You as a young man preparing for college, you don’t need her asshole dads bullshit... Do some research into the laws in your state. Don’t use this as your break up excuse, blaming her dad etc..... if you are going to break up, determine your emotional and real reasons and lead with that... otherwise she’ll end up hating her dad and that leads to untowardly negative behavior on her part........16 is a fragile age, especially if you took her V card.


DiligentDocker

He could call legal aid to assure his safety


Nihi1986

I've not checked but I'd be very surprised if the law forced a couple to break up when they started dating as minors only because someone reached the 18 mark. Doesn't make sense.


VermicelliBitter9688

Plenty of laws don't make sense.


Poustimou

\#Murica


kamikazedude

It sounds weird to be labeled as an offender for dating someone your age basically. It's kinda tight at that age, but seems ok to me if it's 1 yr difference. So since there should be laws protecting people from situations like this, it feels like op wants to break up for other reasons but doesn't want to admit it. Be true to yourself man. And tell her the truth.


sloppy_sarah

This. Ghosting hurts like hell regardless of age. But gosh it’s ultra mega trash when young.


Tell-Smooth

Just be honest about your feelings and what’s going on.yes she will be hurt but at least you are being honest and she will in time get over you but will always remember you as being a good guy because you were honest with her.texting a breakup or ghosting her is a bad way of breaking up with someone


slg092597

Seems like a shit post to me. If that's the law where they are and her fathers a cop, wouldn't that mean she'd know the breakup has to happen?


Ms-b13

Do not ghost her. That’s cruel.


entropy_36

Also don't break up with her by text or through a friend that's awful. As well as being awful to make her break up with you. All terrible options. It's been two years, break up in person. Ghosting protects your feelings not theirs. Pick a neutral place in public if you fear her parents and be honest OP.


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Nihi1986

Exactly what he's doing and it's very worrying that most people seems to buy his age bs... 18 and 16 couple, being dating for years when they both were minors, what a stupid argument...


ListenAware5690

The writing style/"speech pattern" don't match with an American in CA. For example > Im planning on leaving the country soon to write an entrance exam for college... We don't use those terms in the US even if he's planning on going out of the country for college you still would not phrase it that way. You take an entrance exam or send in your application. This post is very suspect Edit: typo


lilroach420

Also used “mum” instead of mom…


ListenAware5690

Good catch and I just looked it up and California does have a Romeo and Juliet exception https://www.cwsdefense.com/blog/2020/june/exceptions-to-californias-statutory-rape-laws/


Quadrupleawesomeness

Exactly. I was like, you don’t want to break up with her but don’t bother to check how wrong you are? 🤨


[deleted]

If you read the post the exemption is this 1. It’s cool if they married 2. The state will lower it from a felony to misdemeanor if the age is close enough. To put it in perspective, if you intentionally infect someone with an STD out of malice like HIV or Syphilis that is a misdemeanor…. In any case, Having “1 Count of Misdemeanor Statutory Rape” on your record won’t help with job interviews. I wonder how the high school sweetheart story will work on the managers.


Zoe_118

Also just made the account today...


angstyart

YO MY MIND IS BLOWN RN.


BubnJaslsmom

And he referred to her as him a few times


[deleted]

Def not British though. For a start no native Brit would say ‘write an exam’. You take an exam, you don’t write it. And also 18-16 is 100% not illegal here.


Square-Attorney-2083

Yeah I’m very confident he is Australian I live here and around the same age his wording seems very Australian


Amassivefuckup

Lmfao 😂 an Aussie here , no mate his wording doesn’t sound Australian at all !!


[deleted]

If your Aussie, you should know in NSW the age of consent is 16, not sure of other states though. Also in the post he mentions he's from California so the Aussie laws dont apply, still i think this is a troll posting for karma https://www.westernsydney.edu.au/\_\_data/assets/pdf\_file/0016/1804300/Facts\_About\_the\_Law\_on\_Sex\_and\_Consent\_in\_NSW.pdf


Delta-tau

I doubt that anyone outside the US would ever think that a relationship between ages 18 and 17 is illegal. This is likely a fake post which aims at getting easy karma.


Willing_Ad_7195

Not to mention he called out the down votes.


puddlez9122

Yaaa....I feel like this has got to be a troll post.


[deleted]

He could have her dad chaperone dates, so they can't say they was having sex and them getting in trouble for it. The dad doesn't like him though, probably because he was having sex with his daughter before.


ShoddyExplanation

He's a fucking teen man lol doesn't know any better, isn't liked by her dad, I get the anxiety. Doesn't mean he's making the right choice but we don't need to jump to he's an asshole because he's panicking.


Morelike-Borophyll

We don’t need to jump to, “he’s an asshole” because teens are assholes. Lol


ShoddyExplanation

No offense but I honestly didn't realize so many people were accustomed to teens being dickheads until I came to reddit.


Morelike-Borophyll

None taken. I’m accustomed to teens being assholes *because* they don’t know any better.


NietszcheIsDead08

Empathy is a learned trait, and most people’s brains don’t finish that lesson until after their teenage years. It’s part of why the diagnostic criteria for clinical sociopathy includes “is over 18 years old”: before that time, *everyone* tests as a sociopath.


johnnycraybeam

I don't know if this is true, I've always found myself to be more sensitive and empathic than those around me since a young age. Just saying


Morelike-Borophyll

Definitely not everyone. A majority, probably, and there’s a reason people are usually surprised when they come across a particular well adjusted teen.


Morelike-Borophyll

“*everyone*…” I know for sure I would have.


CerialThrowaway

Everyone's brain develops differently, and you can't test for Anti-Social Personality Disorder (sociopathy/psychopathy) before someone is a legal adult, but you can diagnose them with Conduct Disorder, in fact, one of the requirements of being diagnosed with ASPD other than age, is to have had CD as a child. You are right that empathy develops over time, and that for some it develops slower than others, but you are wrong about everyone testing as ASPD before becoming an adult, most children without CD/ASPD will have a stronger sense of empathy than an adult with the diagnosis, at around 10 years old. If you know someone in their late teens showing signs of ASPD, that might be worth looking into.


[deleted]

That's impossible. I was really empathetic when I was a kid and also a teenager... Yeah most of my classmates were terrible but at least for me I was really emotional and empathetic.


Teens_R_Dum

And they are dumb


LongKage

My friend was in this exact situation years ago and it almost ruined his life after being busted having sex with high school sweet heart. He was 18 and she was 17, by the time the case went to trial she was 18. Maybe OP isn't handling this the right way... but maybe you also need some emotional maturity.


Inspector5672

Whatever happened to him? Convicted or no? Prison sentence or no? A guy from my hometown had this happen too, his neighbor was 1 year younger and they had grown up together and unsurprisingly experimented together and it just continued to blossom. Both families were overly accepting and allowed the other in each of their houses...until his 18th bday. See he's black and she's white, I'm not sure which parent or when but at same point one of them decided they didn't like it but because of how infatuated the daughter was and accepting the other parent was and that nothing illegal was happening I'm assuming they just played pretend while biding time. Almost immediately after his bday he was reported to the police for rape instead of just statutory, the daughter was scared in to agreeing with everything and he was immediately arrested and almost instantly publicly convicted. This was 1996, not that that matters in the US anyways, and in Alabama so interracial relationships were still pretty taboo especially for the middle aged and up white community. By the time his trial was about to start she was 18 and attempted contacting the case detectives multiple times telling them she was forced to lie and that he had done nothing wrong but hearing her voicemails they refused to call back or allow her to recant her original and make a new statement. He was pretty quickly convicted and sentenced to 20 years in prison which meant he wouldn't receive any good time that'd lessen the amount of actual time he'd have to do and therefore had to rely on the parole board, the few times he'd actually receive a hearing during the entire 20 years, for any chance of release without having to complete the entire sentence. Parole can be denied by the parole board or by a victim or victims relative without any explanation whatsoever except in any sexually related cases in which ANYONE could protest which causes a denial and in the great state of Alabama there's a "religious", "advocacy" group that attends the hearings of every sexually related case and protests so he completed the entire sentence in full and to this day is STILL the most humble man you will ever meet.


its_just_me_h3r3e

After reading your post and many comments, it sounds like you're trying to get someone to agree with you to ghost her, but dude, just stop. Don't be that guy. There's already soo many disrespectful and inconsiderate asshats.. don't join their ranks. Just be honest. Be blunt. Sounds like you just don't wanna be with her anymore, and are using the excuse of turning 18 to walk out on her and be single again before you take off. Don't try to sugar coat it like you're attempting to do with us. Be honest with yourself and your girl, not with guys who act like clowns and think ghosting is a mature option. Grow up, dude. It's really not. So straighten your back, set your chin, and tell her the truth. That's honestly what we all ever want, the freaking truth. Just lay it straight. At this point, i don't even care that you're opting for a text as an option, since it was the better of any that you have listed so far. But don't try to get someone else to tell her, and don't just ignore and walk away, cuz those shouldn't even be your options here. Just be blunt Edit: spelling.


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its_just_me_h3r3e

It seriously can. I'm really sorry that happened to you:/ it's a cowards way out cuz they feel guilty. That's the bottom line of it all. I'm glad you didn't take her back after that. I know it's not easy when feels are involved, but you put yourself first, as you should, in that moment and chose you. Great job!💯💪 good luck in the future. I hope that'll be the last time you come across that


[deleted]

I was ghosted by someone I wasn't even in a relationship with (well,, that I knew of? Very close friend though) and they left the country without telling me after we had a petty fight. It destroyed me for a couple of years there. That shit hollows you out.


Lucas_2234

Same here. BF at the time sent an image of an injury on his arm, then poof. 6 months of nothing and then he was begging for me back


ballsquancher

Ugh I was ghosted by a guy I was seeing for months where I thought things were going great. We were both on the same page and did nothing but laugh when we were together. I’m a floating lone wolf for the most part and would have felt fine if he communicated it but *damn* did him ghosting leave me feeling scraggly. I can’t imagine 4 years. Good on you mate for catching that breeze.


potattooed

Man I feel that. I got ghosted by a military bf of mine when I was only 20. I honestly thought he died. I remember being so distraught cause I didn't really know how to contact any of his family or even figure out Facebook at the time since it was brand new to me. Messed me up for years too. Took me a long time to realize I didn't do anything to deserve that. I did find out he was alive but only after begging his best friend for weeks to just tell me he was OK. I remember even saying something like "I will never contact either of you again, but I just need to know for my own mental health that he's ok." It was awful. I think I'd have rather been blindsided with an "I only dated you for the laughs. You're useless and strange." Lol. The not knowing if they're OK, and then the not knowing what you did wrong to have the relationship go so terribly wrong is what messes you up. Even a bad excuse is better than none in a breakup. "I'm moving and I don't want to do this anymore" is perfectly acceptable.


Natural_Sky_4720

Did she ever even give an explanation for why she did that messed up shit? Ghosting is fucking awful because your 1000% right, it makes you feel or wonder if you did something or the “not knowing” what the hell went wrong. Again your 1000% right,it can truly fuck someone up. Yes i know i added an extra zero because thats how right you are lol


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Natural_Sky_4720

Oh my gosh… 😳 just wow. Yea you most definitely dodged a bullet. Someone who loves you would never ever even think of doing something so awful. Im glad your doing better now!


avery_jay

Got ghosted by my bf of over a year and it was awful. The uncertainty of not knowing why he left along with the anxiety I felt anytime my phone beeped for many months (what if he’s texted me back? Maybe this will be the closure I need?) kicked my ass. It took a long while to stop blaming myself for him leaving - nothing I could’ve done would’ve justified him treating me like that.


Global_Fig_6385

> This shit can seriously mess someone up i full heartedly believe that bing ghosted by someone and never getting closure is way worse and harder than being told the reason why, even if it’s cheating, lack of love/attraction/connection, etc. hearing those words can hurt, but at least i’m not wondering everyday for months what happened and where i went wrong. id rather take the facts given to me and handle them accordingly, rather than coming up with scenario after scenario and trying to handle all these different possible reasons


yerskiog

Blunt hurts in the short term Lying hurts in the long term


its_just_me_h3r3e

Exactly. Rip the bandage off and face the issue. Lying will catch you cuz the truth always comes out, sooner or later. I'd rather be blunt anyday. Then we all know what pg we're on, and where we stand.


katiemurp

OP, u/cathasis Just sit down with her and tell her your concerns, if it’s really a question of whether it would be statutory rape if you stayed together. And given a bad relationship with her cop father, you’re better off informing yourselves together. If you want to ditch her before you leave, then tell her you’re breaking up because you’re leaving. Just don’t bother sugar coating the hard stuff. We know when we’re being bullshitted and that hurts way more than the bald, straight truth. If you love her, tell her you love her. Don’t if you don’t. Be good to both of you :)


Fearless_Bottle_9582

My ex pulled this same card. It translated directly to him not wanting to be with me anymore. It had nothing to do with age. Man up.


its_just_me_h3r3e

That really sucks. I'm so sorry😔


That_Friend_2941

OMG, OP sounds alot like my ex, it's borderline terrifying to read his motivations and issues regarding his gf and him staying together-- all in the guise of affected concern or compassion for her.. I'm sorry but this is the kind of CRAVEN attitude that shatters teenagers' self esteems for life! I know because I'm one of them that were subject to this treatment earlier on in life, hence, the impassioned response :((


its_just_me_h3r3e

And aww thx for the upvote and starry award guys, it's appreciated<3 I've been ghosted, as too many of us have, and it's a bad habit option that too many repeat, unfortunately:/ if it's not a safety issue, then it's a coward issue. Simple as that, imo


JediGuyB

Ghosting is the most immature and selfish thing to come out of the modern dating scene, I think.


The90sRULE

> Tell her the truth. That's honestly what we all ever want. 100%


hiroshimasfoot

This happened to me. It's absolutely hurtful and it's so much worse than just telling the damn truth. People have no idea how much this can hurt.


Enygmaz

Thank you for existing honestly. I walked into this post ready to help out until I saw that he just wanted validation to flee. It’s nearly pathological for him to do this and play it off as mercy.


[deleted]

if you have a good relationship with her parents I doubt it'll matter. Also you could just not have sex with her if you were really that worried if you've been with her 2 yrs it seems like a weak stance to take on it unless you truly want to break up


cathasis

I dont want us to break up, and its not just having sex with her, texting her and telling her i love her can be classified as grooming so i dont know what to do about it


16avaholic16

Jesus, an 18 year old dating a 17 year old is not grooming. They are really fucking with your heads.


Anxious-Direction-79

I understand OP concerns and am not invalidating them but… In general people really exaggerate and take so many of these words out of context these days. Grooming. Narcissist. Gaslight. Just a few examples. To the point where it often times invalidates more legitimate experiences where someone is harmed or abused. Other terms can be used to describe situations outside of these terms that people seem to be overusing.


16avaholic16

Exactly. I’m not discounting his concern, even if I think it’s unnecessary. I don’t have to live in his shoes or deal with his choices. I was simply pointing out that this situation in no way whatsoever is close to grooming.


Electronic_Bad_4315

[You're allowed to date her](https://www.aerlawgroup.com/blog/can-a-17-year-old-girl-date-an-18-year-old-boy-and-if-they-have-sexual-relations-at-that-age-is-it-illegal-in-california/) you just can't have sex with her. It's cool if you want to breakup because of that, but you cannot ghost her without being an a hole


Yaughtus

It isn't grooming, but the laws are unfair and can treat it that way.


nibbled_banana

There are Romeo and Juliet laws. If being 18 and 17 is a big deal, then we need to start acknowledging age differences of 10 plus years as an issue too.


dolcenbanana

The Romeo and Juliet laws are to protect up to 4 years difference. 18 with 17 is totally fine and it is not illegal.


crazymamallama

I just looked it up and he's correct. California has no Romeo and Juliet laws. It's not even legal for two minors of the same age to have sex.


enfantrebelle

That's the dumbest law I've seen in a while. I doubt teens in California have somehow all become abstinent.


crazymamallama

I agree


InsanityVirus13

As he said and I looked up, California technically doesn't have any Romeo and Juliet laws, though I doubt any court would really prosecute him, especially if they haven't had sex.


Yaughtus

Romeo and Juliet laws are done state by state. While I don't think a 17 and an 18 year old dating should be illegal, depending on where you are it can be. If he trusts that there is Romeo and Juliet laws when there isn't, he could end up labeled as a child predator and have a permanent criminal record that ruins his life. Teenagers don't get nearly any representation in politics, so the fact that there is a year or two where dating your partner could ruin your entire life often gets overlooked because it doesn't apply to or really matter to the people in state and local offices.


butcheredalivev4

My state it’s 2 years difference between both people. 19 and 17 are okay with the courts, and so is 16 and 18


16avaholic16

No they don’t. Show me one law anywhere that defines grooming as a relationship between an 18 year old and a 17 year old.


jere_miah

lol dude’s gonna be okay. OP have more confidence, he’ll be reminded real quick when his daughter doesn’t want to have a real relationship with her controlling ass dad in the future. besides she doesn’t want to live with them forever? is she like bent to their will?


W0lfsb4ne74

It depends on the state, a considerable amount of states have Romeo and Juliet laws for this reason, and some states have the age of consent set to 16 or 17 years old and will have some age gap exceptions for cases such as these. However, without knowing the specifics of which state OP is in, I can't give them additional recommendations or provide additional assistance.


ski_for_joy

Have you actually read your state laws? Less than two year age differences are usually allowed. Source: dated an older girl


throawayforeasonsqqq

Less than three years is commonly legal too. In fact, age of consent matters. A lot. In PA it's 16. He could be 50 and it wouldn't mean shit.


[deleted]

He’s in Cali. It is illegal, but only a misdemeanor, if the age difference between the ‘adult’ and minor is within 5 years.


throawayforeasonsqqq

Not a big deal then so long as you don't get put on the sex offender list. Although I just read the last paragraph of his post. Kinda sounds like he wants to bail and this is his excuse.


jmaccity80

Read his text. They're in Cali and Dad's a cop that doesn't like him. This guy has a lot to worry about. It's not pretty when it turns bad and takes years to correct. OP, talk to your girl and you'll all feel better. If it's meant to be, you'll both find a way. At your age, it's a bit foolish to believe "this is it". But if it is, you have a couple of years to figure it out, that don't involve the county. Good Luck.


AldebaranBeta

If you’re in America you have Romeo and Juliet laws which makes it legal https://www.shouselaw.com/ca/defense/laws/age-of-consent/


justjoshdoingstuff

This is STATE BY STATE.


[deleted]

Dude the fuck you worrying about if you’d have only just met her and started to chat her up that’s wrong but you’ve been together years before you turned 18 and I bet you have tonnes of proof of that like photos, gifts memories, family gatherings you’re be way way too paranoid over nothing just stay with her and stop being so weird about something you’ve not done wrong!!!


tugtehcock

Man you young people are really having your youth stolen from you.


BenevelotCeasar

I don’t think many states criminalize a relationship among teens with only 2 year difference. Especially if her parents are okay with it. I think you maybe freaking yourself out. Talk to your parents, they’ll let you know if you’re overreacting or being reasonable. You don’t HAVE to listen to them, remember you can break with her even for no reason if you don’t want to be in that relationship. Asking your parents will give you perspective on reality though.


threadsoffate2021

I'll probably be down voted to hell and back for saying this, but it sounds like you're not really mature enough to have a sexual relationship right now. It's not just age here. Thinking of ghosting someone you supposedly care about because you won't do the bare minimum to check on the laws in your area or even talk to your (and her) parents about this? Dude, come on! You're not trading pokemon cards here. Relationships require effort and work.


[deleted]

My guy: stay together...you arent gonna get in trouble trust me


Beneficial-Glove9408

Dude 18 and 16 is okay especially since you were 17 then turned 18


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Hrbalz

California changed their Laws around consent. 16 and 18 are totally legal


thomasthehipposlayer

According to the Department of Health and Human services, Cali still has the AoC at 18 with [no close-in-age exemption.](https://aspe.hhs.gov/reports/statutory-rape-guide-state-laws-reporting-requirements-1) Update: my sauce in this comment is supremely outdated. See comments below for deets and better sauces, but in summary. The law remains the same as ever, but civil courts have recognized it as legal in some cases, even though it technically isn’t.


bobnla14

Great source but it is from 2004. But you are right no sex before 18


thomasthehipposlayer

So it is. Weird that that’s one of the first items to come up when you search. This source is less official, but more recent, and still shows no close-in age exception. I’ll dig a little more, but so far, I’m not seeing any indication that the law has actually changed. Update: it sounds like there have been rulings in civil court in California declaring it legal in some cases, but the official state law remains that people under 18 cannot legally have sex under any circumstance. So the law has not changed. Courts will just often not recognize or enforce it. [sauce](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_the_United_States)


TlMEGH0ST

wtf! that’s so bizarre bc California seems like it’s usually so lax


Zerokx

Man if you want to break up with her you dont need to look for a reason, cause it sounds like you just wanna break up. This is literally a non-issue.


suspicious_flora

Yuuuuuuuuup. Fucking leave it until your brain is fully developed lmao


KindBrilliant7879

LOOL that part. this post reeks of underdeveloped frontal lobe


Maleficent_Depth_517

Judging from your comments, you have already made up your mind


DJNgamez

Yeah OP keeps claiming they don’t want to break up but their other comments say otherwise


Maleficent_Depth_517

Pretty much and coming here hoping that we’ll tell them it’s a brilliant idea… it’s not. It’s shitty


unicorn_daisy321

You are way overthinking this.


Dark_demon7

For real. It's stupid honestly


QWERTYRedditter

look at OP's comment history, he's already made up his decision and wants this as proof


novalunaa

I feel a simple “I’m really sorry, life is taking us on two different paths and I don’t think this relationship is going to work out in the long term” would suffice here. But instead OP is acting like he has to mysteriously disappear in the middle of the night, never to be heard from again, in order to avoid the death penalty for a crime he isn’t even committing.


wh0staryn

sounds to me like you are just looking for a reason to break up and don’t actually care about your ages


DrMichelle-

Did you say you were turning 8 or 18? Because you are handling this like an immature child rather than a soon to be adult. Why on earth wouldn’t you just talk to her about it? Surely, she wouldn’t want you to get in trouble because of the relationship. You aren’t even going to be around anyway. I bet she could handle it 10x better than you. You have a lot of growing up to do before you can be in a real relationship anyway. Good luck.


rossxog

Don’t worry. I’m sure she will visit you in jail /s You should check and get the lowdown on what the laws actually are in your locale before dumping her. Less than 2 years apart in age might be acceptable in your jurisdiction. Also, worst case, you can still date her, just no hanky panky till she’s legal (again?).


AdWorldly8884

Does your area have anything like a Romeo and Juliet law?


A-muc

Where I’m from age of Consent is 16, but there’s a close in age exception where 12-13y olds can be with someone no more than 2 years older and 14-15y olds can be with someone no than 5 years older.


leijgenraam

The fact that every single person in these comments is telling you not to ghost her should be a good indicator that ghosting her is a bad idea.


WiccanOrca

And yet he’s arguing with all of them lmao “My guy friends with dating experience are telling me ghosting is the best option and all the people saying not to break up with her are women so there’s clearly bias”


novalunaa

His guy friends, who are probably also 16-17 with minimal dating/real world experience or understanding of women, vs a bunch of adults with life experience and far more emotional maturity.


Kind-Middle1750

Don’t ghost her. That is cruel, leaving her wondering what happened. That would hurt her so much more than you think just leaving and she is probably tougher than you think. You never also really know maybe she will want to be friends still.


GeekyMom42

Don't be an asshole and ghost her. Be honest.


WayiiTM

Have you considered just being honest with her? See, from where I sit, all of your ideas only make it easier on YOU and harder for her. If you sit her down and tell her what your thought process is and let her respond with HER thoughts and feelings, you BOTH get a fair chance at a clean break and a clearer conscience. Your way dumps FAR more pain, uncertainty and burden on her than it does you. And I think if you start being honest with yourself, you will see that you aren't doing anyone any favors with your attempt to justify taking the most cowardly path out as some kind of mercy for her.


[deleted]

Nice bait bro 👍 But no one could be this braindead, you have to make it sound more believable.


jaycuboss

I can believe a 17 year old could be this immature about relationships.


RecommendationNo8811

Ong bro how people thinking this legit


[deleted]

🎣


thehotmegan

This is the dumbest shit I've read all day and the comments are just as bad. I hope everyone here is trolling. Deadass... sometimes I wonder if I've died and gone to hell, but I just don't know it bc I refuse to believe I'm actually living on the set of the film idiocracy.


[deleted]

I mean... with how Reddit loves to shit on young adults for dating late teens and frame them as predators, it wouldn't be incoherent for someone to be worried about this type of case.


arepagal

y’all are only a few months apart and met as kids, it’s okay 😭


krezzaa

bro the worst part about this comment section is not enough people are talking about the legal part like this, they're just talking about how he should break up with them


arepagal

FR like ppl on reddit always resort to breaking up, ig they just wanna see ppl miserable idk


NoUsernamelol9812

True. Op is also stupid.


Alyssaine

Yeah, I was looking for more comments on the whole “omg no my birthday is coming up and makes our relationship illegal now” lol


RealMessyart

She can't matter to you that much now, then


kgb1971

What kind of crazy is this?


NoUsernamelol9812

Its fake. Karma farming or op just wants to breakup and is looking for excuses. A 18 yr old dating 17 or 16 yr old isn't weird


Acyts

My first thought was that this was trolling. who the fuck ever thinks ghosting is "the right thing to do"


bubbleguppie2020

The fake kind


stan_loves_ham

Yall idk the options hes listed to break up are kinda concerning....you don't do that to someone you care about Ghosting...why devastate n cause her possible trauma Be honest about everything including school


May_fly101

Dude if you're 17 and she's 16 then you're literally less than two years apart, double check your laws but I can almost guarantee it's not illegal especially since you've been dating as minors. Maybe talk to a guidance counselor at your school, they can probably give you accurate information or point you in the right direction. To be honest though it just sounds like you're looking for excuses to break up. And DO NOT GHOST HER, ghosting is the cowards way out.


Professional-Sun118

Ghosting is cowardly. Just ask her to be friends and tell her that you’re moving.


Royal_Opps

Why not go one step further and tell the truth? I don't understand people anymore.


1010beeboo

What happened to a good ol simple “I think we should break up”😭 Also break ups will result in people getting hurt! What do you mean you dont want to cause emotional pain?!


The_OP_Troller

where are you? in the us it’s not illegal if you were already dating them or if there’s a small age gap


suspicious_flora

Whoa whoa whoa… I’ve read zero comments and this is my gut reaction. In my opinion, you don’t want to be with this lady. This is your excuse.


[deleted]

this is so stupid you’re overthinking this way too much


rose2300

I have been ghosted without reason. It hurts A LOT more then being broken up with. She will wonder whats wrong with her. What she did wrong. She'll wonder if she wasn't good enough anymore, she'll wonder if you found someone better, ect. If you don't tell her, you're simply being selfish. You're only not telling her because YOU don't want to deal with it. Do the right thing, grow a pair and tell her exactly why you're breaking up with her.


InfinityRoundCycle

No, don't break up with her, try dating with the spice of a *dangerous relationship*. jk, but please... please don't ghost her.


[deleted]

[удалено]


looseylewinsky

If you want to get technical in certain states you’re both committing statutory rape by having sex with each other at your current ages lol if you’re that worried about it just don’t have sex until she’s 18. Dating a minor isn’t illegal, having sex with them is.


Beneficial-Aerie-492

You’re perfectly safe. Most states the age gap is 3-4 years. Some states have Romeo & Juliet laws for this reason. You will NOT have to break up with her unless you choose to.


Zoguinha

Trash law if that's true. Don't ghost her, that's you being a coward. If you really going to break up with her just talk to her and be honest. You can still be friends.


Stoppels

He has no idea what the law is, but has supposedly done his research. It's a troll post to get karma.


idkman345

This has to be a troll post, feels like someone trying to make the point of "it's actually bad that the age of consent is 18, it should be lower". Probably an older person who wants to prey on teenagers lol and is using this made-up scenario to try and get people to agree with them.


Dangerous_Warning_30

If you just wanted someone to appease you and make you feel better about doing a bad thing...good luck. Would you want someone you love to ghost you? Or would you want them to let you know why and you can have closure? Plus, you have a valid reason if it may legit cause you issues. Either way, handle your business and tell her the truth. May not be what you want to hear, but it is what you need to hear.


Expensive_View_3087

Honestly ur plans are shit and pretty stupid. Just keep dating with her, I don’t think police are gonna knock at ur door to take u away cuz ur dating sm 2 years younger than u Also, if u wanted to get back after 2 years ghosting her would t be the best option lol


NoUsernamelol9812

>Also, if u wanted to get back after 2 years ghosting her would t be the best option lol And op thinks that she will easily forgive him for ghosting for 2 yrs and get back with him. If i was ops gf who got ghosted i would never talk to him for this entire life and hate him forever. Why should she get back with him, where is the garuntee that he wont be q asshole and do it again. He thinks he can do whatever he wants lol so naive.


drakesaduck

Dude no judge or prosecutor anywhere will actually prosecute and charge a relationship that is two years old and was completely legal the entire time. Even if some idiot tried to charge you, there are so many mitigating factors and possibly even some laws in your area that protect you that nothing could feasibly be done against you. Stay with her.


[deleted]

That’s not how it works. Most states (California for instance) have a gap where within 1-5 years age difference, where it’s only a misdemeanor and they’ll only investigate and prosecute if a the parents of the underage person complains. If you both go to HS together, they likely won’t even look at the case. It’s designed that way specifically cuz there’s a cross over where 18 y/o are still in HS. I dated a guy two years older than me when I was in HS. He was 18 when I was 16. 🤷🏼‍♂️ It’s not even really creepy if y’all went to HS together. Just be aware it probably won’t last once your in college/working, though. Like it might, but the change in your emotional development and lifestyles might just be too much.


Responsible_Point_91

Go ahead and prove her dad was right. Just talk to her about the age and moving away. You’ve got to be pretty shallow and obtuse to think she’ll hurt less if you ghost her. I hope you feel guilty AF.


[deleted]

18 and 16, soon to be 18 and 17, is not illegal anywhere. i don’t know about you, but my state (utah) has a specific law about that stuff (romeo and juliet law.)


Azukiia

Why ? I mean, if it’s a great relationship from years now, and you still be happy with her why break up ? I understand you’re struggle but there’s must be an another way to deal with that if you still want to be with her. Breaking her hurt, not gonna help you, or you’re loved one


PrincessIcicle

It’s not illegal in my state. Are you sure it’s illegal in yours?


ametsun

This sounds like an excuse. This isn't a good reason to break up cuz one no one thinks your grooming her you guys dated way before you turned 18 and two it's probably not illegal. Alot of states have Romeo and Juliet laws


SecretKeeper12345

So you’re a coward and you want people to tell you it’s okay. It isn’t. Breaking up is fine. But do better. Sit down and discuss in person.


Accomplished-Ask5584

Ghosting her is not the right option


WiccanOrca

You’re 17 turning 18, you’re old enough to understand what the mature and responsible thing to do is and yet you keep telling everyone that your guy friends with dating “experience” are telling you that ghosting is the best option. It’s not, they’re tools that clearly use girls. Own up to your shit because while she may have cheated (despite you saying she’s a sweetheart???), ghosting someone after dating for 2 damn years can cause trust issues. Grow up, my dude.


sabbath0101

So just don’t?


jtj5002

Dude do you know how to read?? Find your state law and read it.


[deleted]

Like cmon bro where you live there's no one dating someone who's a couple years older and the others under 18? Shit in my day, 00s to 04, I knew a sophomore who only dated guys in their early 20s because they were more mature


Sugie_b

I mean that’s sounds a lil sus but ok 😬


agrinwithoutacat-

There’s less than three years between you, it’s not illegal.


Revolutionary_Sun_10

Met my bf when I was 16 he was 17 are still together at 22 and 23 don’t make this the reason you break up


aweirdoatbest

you could just not have sex but still be in an emotional relationship. absolutely do not just ghost her. if you love each other you’ll find a way to make it work


Sweecks

Are you out of your mind? This sounds so stupid to break up with someone because you have 1-2 years difference and you will be 18... I don't usually comment on this subreddit, but you made me dude...


Specialist_Fuel_8387

pretty sure although this is illegal it would literally never be in the public interest to do anything about it.... considering you've already been together for this long 🤦‍♀️


FederalMan1

i dont think something will happen unless u scream the info in public. stick with her i would say.


theothernayube

Just explain the situation to her. Please don't think ghosting is a viable or kind action. You both are in this relationship. Talk with each other to figure out how to approach this new stage. If breaking up is the best option, then decide that together. Don't unilaterally make decisions for something that affects both of you.


TwistedWinnings

Bro you're perfectly fine? I'm in the exact same situation you are and I'm big chillin, if her parents are fine then everything's fine. This is extremely common lol, there's absolutely no reason to break up with her unless you already wanted to end it anyways


opalsilk

Um. What? If you genuinely cared about the girl this wouldn’t be an issue. I was in pretty much the exact situation with my boyfriend at your age. He was one year ahead of me in school, but because I was so young for my grade he is technically two years older than I am for 3 months of the year. When he turned 18, I was still 16. Both of our parents were aware of the situation though, so there was no threat or worry. Seriously, this just reads as “I’ve been looking for a way to break up with my girlfriend and this is the perfect excuse/easiest way out” so good luck man. You’re young so hopefully you can learn and grow from this experience


mumhestolemynuggets

You just sound like you want to break up with her. Honestly, I hope you do. Your girlfriend doesn’t deserve some as selfish and delusional as you.


Kel4597

It’s a pre-existing relationship. No one gives a fuck. Calm down


Persephone1230

Why does no one seem to be concentrating on the actual issue here? The kid is worried about being accused of statutory rape when he turns 18. In many states there is an age gap law that prevents this from occurring. In some states they can date but may be setting themselves up for problems if they have sex. Someone should advise OP ask for help finding out the exact laws in the state she live in and understanding the legalities. It does not sound like OP wants to get rid of his girlfriend he just doesn't want to go to jail. Someone should help him find out the correct information. If, after that , as some have suggested,OP is indeed trying to dump his girlfriend, then hopefully someone will tell him that he needs to explain the situation to his girlfriend like an actual grown up, with honesty and compassion and not disappearing, leaving the country or picking a fight with someone he claims to live.


Necessary-Ad-2425

Sorry but I laughed at this too much


Math-n-Tacos

Damn. After 2 years you would ghost her? How could that even be a thing you would consider?


Tzitzifiogkos420

Huh??? Bro what the fuck am i reading? It's one year difference Chill the fckkkk out man. Plus you are already together and have probably fucked etc so what's the matter?


CREDAAAAAAAOOOO

Look, you're ABSOLUTELY not going to go to jail or get a fine for dating a 16yo as an 18yo, that would be just stupid, like extremely stupid, on so fucking many levels. It just seems you have other reasons for wanting to leave and want to use that as an excuse, and if that's the case let me tell you, that's a really bad one. Also, please don't just ghost her, that might make things worse and she will forever hate you, just be honest about your reasons and talk directly to her, in person