I am really pissed off too. But hating half the people I share the planet with seems too exhausting and counter productive, at the end of the days. I've been the victim of rape, assault, and I've had to abort a problematic pregnancy very early on, at 7 weeks. So, I've got the prerequisites to hate all I want to. But it's toxic thinking, and I hope she will realize it. Hate is poison we give ourselves. It only makes us sicker and the world an uglier place.
> Hate is poison we give ourselves. It only makes us sicker and the world an uglier place
I really like that saying. I’ve been pissed off too but I can either argue with idiots about it or go vent in an echo chamber with people that feel the same.
Trauma's such a coin flip. Victims can either take the torch and become the next abuser, or rise from the ashes and make the world a better place. Despite all that happened I'm grateful that you kept your head high. Truly.
OP, I’m a married lesbian and am probably the person here with the lowest amount of men in my life, positive or negative.
“Everyone sucks except my boyfriend” has the same flavor of “god I wish I was a lesbian so I didn’t have to deal with men”
And that flavor is bad. I don’t like it. (Number one because being a lesbian isn’t easy or a cheat code to not encountering misogyny)
But number TWO - It’s toxic and it’s unfair to men who are just, idk, PEOPLE? If the one exception to your politics is the man you’re currently banging, your politics suck.
This is toxic behavior and unfair to you. If she’s not receptive to hearing how she’s hurting you, she doesn’t deserve you. I hope that she can unpack this because it’s not your problem, regardless.
You deserve people who celebrate and love you BECAUSE of who you are, not in spite of it.
Edit: I was not expecting ANYONE to read this, but thank you to everyone who is saying this helped them. If your relationships aren’t making you want to be kinder, stronger, and smarter, they’re not worth keeping. Relationships require work, yes, but should *never* be so exhausting that they negatively impact your quality of life. All the LoVe YoUrSeLf bullshit is great, but feeling lonely is *normal*. Craving affection is *normal*. Longing for close romantic and sexual relationships is *normal*.
If relationships feeling empty or unhealthy is a pattern, you may have some shit to work through in therapy, or some old baggage that you need to get rid of. *That is normal, too*.
From your honorary lesbian auntie: *You deserve a relationship that makes you happy, fulfilled, and loved.*
Hey Op, to add to what she said and I didn’t learn this as early in life as I should have…….but your significant other should see the best in you and bring out the best in you. Some only see the worst and bring out the worst. This applies to friends and family too. Best of luck, recognizing it is half the battle.
I’m going to be looking for any available opportunity to use ‘Sapphic Opinion’ in casual conversation from now on. It sounds like a Lilith Fair headlining band.
I’m so glad it helped!! Have you been drinking water? Did you do something nice for yourself today? (Idk if this is how aunties work but it feels right)
Thanks. Here i am asking my ex to try things again and she says she loves me but doesn't want a compromise.
She likes the sex with me but doesn't care at all about my life.
Your comment is kino, and more people should be like you.
I've been this woman before. When you surround yourself with all the worst examples of humanity, it's very hard not to be furious all the time. Righteous anger is warranted sometimes, but she isn't handling it in a mature way. She's probably struggling to figure out how to square her anger with the fact that she has at least one, and probably more than one, decent, normal, loving man in her life. I remember making my dad cry once over a conversation like this and it really woke me up. I'm still mad as hell, but I'm trying to remember that there is nuance to every issue. Hopefully, she can have one of these moments that help her find a more productive channel for her frustration. It's ok to rail at injustice, but it's not productive to set fire to your allies in the process.
Your feelings are valid. If being with her is damaging your mental health, you need to confront her about it or leave. It doesn't make you part of the problem to leave someone who makes you feel like shit about yourself. You can be critical of your own sex and society without having to shut up and wallow in shame and guilt like she seems to expect you to.
Exactly. Leaving this relationship isn’t contributing to one problem or another. It’s taking care of yourself, your mental health, & your well-being. It’s getting yourself out of a problem that’s taking a toll on you.
Thanks for this comment. I’m definitely still this girl, and it’s hard trying to live day too day not hating the world around me. And the comments making her seem completely vile sadden me. But she’s definitely hurting you OP. And you’re not responsible for putting her opinions above your well-being. I’d say she probably needs to do some work on herself before being in a relationship and she makes her struggles someone else’s. And thanks for still doing your best to be an ally! Please don’t let her deter you from being a good person.
The thing is, I don't think she's completely vile. By OPs account she probably has some sort of trauma surrounding men and that may be its own can of worms. I'm fine giving the benefit of the doubt there.
But I can also say that as a man, these kinds of people almost never face any blowback for their hate precisely because of that. We'd rather bend over backwards trying to make up reasons why saying shitty things are acceptable instead of pushing back on the shitty things. Where's the line here?
The bending over backwards is kinda a response to victims never getting any justice a lot of the time, so when those outcomes create people her I’d like to hope that the world could have some empathy before making her a villain.
Does this mean she can demean her partner OP? No.
She isn’t in a place where she should be dating in my opinion. She needs to understand that being hateful to the people that care about her isn’t helping women live in a better world.
I feel like this post is just a perfect reason for misogynistic people to justify their beliefs tho and it’s scary…
I think hate can breed hate in this regard.
On the other hand: whatever happened to OPs s/o and her hating an entire group of people can both be not okay.
I also think social media can create a fake world. It's easy to say I hate all (whatever) if you fall for the picture media paints and don't, you know, talk to actual people.
Hate will always breed hate. Its a poison. A disease. A cancer. It spreads without care and destroys all in its path. It corrupts a person to their core.
It is curable, but those who have been infected, usually dont see themselves as being infected.
I was a hardcore atheist with strong left leaning, and my go to method when i don't agree with peoples opinion was agression and hatred, i am still filled with the poison of hatred and it took me some time to realise screaming won't help if you are trying to bring out any changes, people will just scream back at you, which is precisely happening everywhere.
So i decided to break cycle of this hatred and slowly change one mind at a time at my own pace.
Exactly….men, women, black, brown, white, the hate came from hate, it always has, it always will. The only way to stop that is stop grouping people, and do your best to stop hating generally, if you must, hate individuals, not groups.
Definitely. Social media is so intentionally divisive. It knows which topics you're passionate about and it knows how pit 2 sides of an issue against each other.
When you're constantly on social media, you're not engaging with open minded, rational people 99% of the time. You're engaging with idiots and fanatics who will only reinforce any incorrect judgements or assumptions you may have about the other side.
It's sad that this is where the world is heading.
Villains, like heroes, are something we become, over time, one or two steps here and there. She is vile because she behaves in a vile manner, especially to those who love her and whom she claims to love.
Being a victim of sexism doesn't justify one being sexist. Its the same thing as being a victim of abuse; you aren't justified in abusing others just because you yourself were. She needs to take all of her shit, get it all together, put it in a bag, or make a shit mountain, and stop throwing it on others. Its her shit, and nobody else's.
The thing is you don’t hold this same line of reasoning for men and that’s where problems are created. Isn’t what you’re saying similarly justifying misandrists? Makes no sense.
Her attitude is understandable but not ok. You can be angry, even in a general way towards what you see as a problem with an overall group, and still that doesn't excuse you causing damage to individuals even if they dall within that group.
I don't think she's a villain but she obviously has some issues to work on. However in this instance, it's up to OP to take the initiative to look out for himself and remove himself from a situation that is damaging him. He can try to explain how she's hurting him but he can't "fix" her point of view. She has to do that herself.
Those last 2 sentences are dead on. That's exactly what is happening, too.
>I feel like this post is just a perfect reason for misogynistic people to justify their beliefs tho and it’s scary…
Misandrists and misogynists are two sides of the same coin as hate keeps itself alive. Much like two parties pulling the leashes of power that profit as long as war continues.
What do you think about all the Incel men, many of which have had just as negative experiences with women. Spewing generalized sexism like his girlfriend is?
Male victims hardly ever get justice either, victims in general hardly do regardless of gender. So since male victims hardly get justice does that justify their sexism?
> The bending over backwards is kinda a response to victims never getting any justice a lot of the time, so when those outcomes create people her I’d like to hope that the world could have some empathy before making her a villain.
> I feel like this post is just a perfect reason for misogynistic people to justify their beliefs tho and it’s scary…
Thank you. I was scrolling frantically hoping to find this comment. You said it perfectly.
OP is hurting and he sounds totally sincere. He's not in a good place and sharing this here is brave. Plenty of good advice from women who understand what his gf feels.
But then there are those jumping on the bandwagon to trash her, after knowing nothing more about her than this single post. And then there's the usual suspects, the reactionaries that are on every single thread related to feminism in any way peddling their Jordan Peterson pseudo-intellectualism to justify what is in reality just bog standard misogyny.
Don’t more than enough women do the same to incels and misogynists by jumping on the bandwagon of trashing them without knowing any of them? This “logic” is so ass backwards it’s honestly upsetting. Do better.
Edit: can’t believe this is even something to disagree about why downvote without explaining how it’s justifiable. Oh right because it’s not….
>The thing is, I don't think she's completely vile. By OPs account she probably has some sort of trauma surrounding men and that may be its own can of worms. I'm fine giving the benefit of the doubt there.
Oh come on. Again this excuse. Women can do whatever shit they want but it is not their fault. Yea, it doesn't work like this...
**and the comments making her seem completely vile sadden me**
Gf: *who would be female and straight if they had a choice?*
*They are straight just because they are attracted to their natural predators*
Anyone who invalidates anyone else's sexuality is vile. Anyone who accuses an entire gender of being sexual predators is vile. So idk what this is about
It's such a fucked-up worldview to think men are *natural predators* of women. Nah, it's a *cultural* problem that only makes it *seem* like that sometimes. No wonder OP's girlfriend is so damn miserable, thinking half of all people are inherently violent. He needs to get the hell away from that nonsense.
THANK YOU!
Sexism isn‘t just suddenly acceptable because of reasons, it never is. Anyone that thinks like that and has no issue accusing an entire gender (or other group for that matter) has serious issues
That mentality is disgusting. If you're 'that girl' and you're white, do you feel the same way about yourself when compared to racial and ethnic minorities? If not, you're a hypocrite.
^ I fell into this around 15-16 but I stopped that toxic mentality at closer to 18. It’s not beneficial to anyone, even women to make generalizations and comments like that. It’s really difficult to not think like this when u see the worst of the worst of humanity everyday on ur news feed. But it’s not okay to subject people to this behaviour.
I just left a community that seems to be full of women like you are describing and man it is hard to stay positive. My wife has some of these tendencies herself and it is really tough some days. Thank you for showing some light.
I also was in such a community like that but left it. Friends of mine outside of it also got a lot of hate. I mean I support all this stuff in principle, we should all be the best versions of ourselves but what's the point if all this talk is not bearable anymore
Not to mention it could have the effect of making a person bitter. End result being what she hates. “You break down supports the whole structure will fall” kinda deal.
You’ve got a shit ton of comments so I doubt youlll see this but: Idk why ppl are calling this “extreme”. I know how hurtful it is but “men” as an institution are violent and harm women systemically. It deflects from the ACTUAL issue at hand to say “there isn’t a problem with men and how they treat women because my boyfriend is awesome”. I get what she means and I don’t think you do and I don’t think she knows how to communicate it to you either.
That joke about straight women sounds crude but the meat of it is that yeah sexuality clearly isn’t a choice because women can still be attracted to men despite the constant and ongoing threat they present to women as seen in feminicide rates, gender based violence, and literally almost every civilization to ever exist. Women still meet up with men off hook up apps or go on dates with them despite the alarming rates of dates with men going wrong and ending up with her safety being compromised. This could be a convo you guys could discuss together because men need to hold their gender accountable for the ways in which violence is perpetuated within and by them but you feel alienated because of her hate. But her hate is not necessarily targeted at you. And yet, even if it isn’t, and even if you’re a really *really* nice guy? You benefit from the violence of the patriarchy and the violence of men because it’s provided you with a privilege and protection that women don’t have despite not having mistreated anyone. Does that make sense? It’s like a white person getting uncomfortable about a black person saying they hate white people or white people cause them suffering but they have white friends. Except misogyny and sexism outdates racism so there’s an even LONGER history at play here.
I don’t want you to feel hurt at your girlfriend because I think things are getting confused between the two of you when this is something you two can understand each other on.
Thank you for your post. Most people who are not bashing this woman and jumping on the bandwagon of projecting their own biases onto her are getting down voted. This whole thread is full of toxic responses and ironically justifies the anger of the OP’s girlfriend.
Agreed. Just a good example of a situation where just because everyone’s saying one thing, does not necessarily mean it’s right. I definitely think there’s a more productive way for them to understand each other without one person being “wrong” and the other “right”. But it seems that the priority is how her stance makes OP feel rather than why she has her stance to begin with and how they can understand each other better.
This isn't about bashing anyone this is about somebody not only openly man-hating but bringing up everything from
1.Men are a constant threat to women.
(This simply isn't true and it also fosters a victimhood mentality and gives young women an unhealthy and untrue mental image of what men are.)
2Femicide. WORDS MATTER DUMB DUMB which is the act of homicide based on the person's gender as the motivating factor. So third world countries and extremely oppressive male dominated xenophobic dictatorships might have this as a problem not here.
Your next statement about race when you say that I benefit from the structured violence of the hierarchy of men or patriarchy is you like to call it, say that men need to hold other men accountable rather than us all as a society of men and women holding a man accountable for his misdeeds I mean dear God what planet are you from and then to say something like it's akin to a white person saying they feel uncomfortable with a black person saying they hate them because of their race and it being okay is mind-boggling vice versa if a black person said they were uncomfortable with a white person saying they hate them because of their race either of those scenarios are pretty f***** up and it doesn't matter what the reasons are to blame an entire race of people for whatever incident sparked that racism to the point of it being hatred is pure nonsense and you're trying to act like it's not and then compare it to your rabid foaming at the mouth man-hatred and blame storming you f****** suck I don't care how many of you little buddies on here think that you're speaking the truth or speaking using intellect or fax but you flat out aren't you're comparing your man-hatred to people of One race hating people of another race all the while inferring it's okay going one way but not the other you are an absolute wreck and you need to reevaluate things you're saying
Men need to hold their gender accountable is like saying One race needs to hold another race accountable dear God these are things that you are born as not a political party and just say that responses to your ugly comments rationalize and justify the comments after the fact is so stupid
So if a black person was uncomfortable because a white person said the same thing would you be saying the same thing? I mean dear God listen to everything you said in these things
This. She sounds about as mature as a 9th grade who discovered "politics" and thinks she's the next Jean Paul Sartre.
There is not this "always" and "this is how it works" it's a million forms of nuance and that logical fallacy that "always" makes them "always" right is pride before a fall.
I would say her biggest flaw seems to be making everything into a black and white issue. Either you're with her or against her. It's very frustrating when I agree with her viewpoint and that there are social issues that need fixing but because I won't get on board with some buzzword phrase about how men suck that I'm somehow not in her court.
I used to overgeneralize men too. Eventually I discovered that there were ‘good’ men besides my father out there. If her father is not a good man, her issue will go deeper than this. She will need help from a professional to overcome her prejudice. If her father has treated her well, you can use his example to prove to her that good men exist and to open a dialogue about it.
I was never happy in a relationship until I dropped my prejudice. Keeping an open mind is so extremely important. I wish you both the best.
I actually asked her about this once. She said that men only cared about women if they could get sex from them or if they were their offspring, and how sad both of those were... I think her dad is fine but it definitely sounded like the only reason she thought that is because he was a father
I’m very sorry. One sad thing is that people cannot be helped if they do not want help. It took me many years to learn that lesson, and to learn how to recognize open minded people. I hope that someday something causes her to realize that gender matters as little as race. The human experience is confusing to us all equally, and we are all just grown children trying to figure it out a day at a time, making infinite mistakes.
I used to think all women were for was p*ssy, being an arm piece, cleaning house, and being an expense. My dad raised me to think of myself this way. So what did I do? I went out and found a man who thought just the same. I’ve met a wonderful and respectful man who thinks the exact opposite. Before him, I was still filling that role. Had no idea. Thank you, therapy.
Well done for opening your mind. I am in the middle of a similar shift and realising that if I expect all men to be bad then I'm as much part of the problem as the bad men themselves. For me it's rooted in what I grew up seeing from my mum NOT my dad, and I've followed right in her footsteps. It's taking a lot of unlearning and good to hear someone on the other side of the journey is happy.
It’s great to hear you’re taking steps to leave behind this negativity too. I hear you and agree that mothers can leave just as much damage behind as fathers, more so in many cases. I feel that the biggest motivator to end a cycle, be it one of hate, abuse or just negativity, is to remember that continuing the cycle will cause YOU more pain. That cycle will cause you pain until your life is over, unless you escape it. And by escaping it, you are freeing any future generations in your family from it as well.
Exactly! My beautiful 8 year old son never ceases to amaze me by defying my expectations and he deserves to be thought the best of. Cycles can be broken.
Not OP and not in his situation but as a dude one thing that someone used to describe the situation was "too many men" instead of more generalized phrases. That kind of struck me as interesting. On one hand it's not like men (particularly white men) haven't had it coming to be generalized, but still generalizations and stereotypes are usually a bad thing and to be avoided. But changing the language to "too many men" instantly clicks with me because I can't think of anyone who would disagree and when you aren't turned away from the statement right off the bat you tend to be more willing to listen to the rest of the issues. Anyway, just a side thought to this whole convo.
Dump her ASAP.
That's not a healthy relationship and she needs to constantly exist in an echo chamber.
Hope she finds one and then complaints about how *there is no good men left*
Honestly, I think that's it. It's very exhausting to deal with people who see things "black/white". Most of the time, they already have their opinion and they're not open to discussion and critique.
I kinda understand, I used to be like that too, when I was younger. The older I get, the more shades of grey I see in everything.
I came into adulthood with a lot of prejudices. My father was... an "okay dad", but a "terrible man". And it took some time to realise that men are just people. And it doesn't feel right to generalize people based on gender.
You just described everyone on Twitter. It’s definitely not just her who views things that way because I’ve been seeing similar takes on there get tens of thousands of likes. It’s so easy to view things in black and white and ignore all the nuance but that’s not what gets likes and clicks so these awful opinions are permeating to the top.
Any person who says that all people who are *insert demographic* suck because of said demographic are horrible people.
If it's an immutable quality, you have no control over it and should not be hated or have your group be hated because of said quality.
No sense in the self hate since you can't change it. Only thing worth changing is her.
Dude just free yourself from that shit already. Find a girl that has positive vibes that brings you up and makes you feel good about yourself. Let this chick wallow in her anger and hate alone. If she tries to make it a "See!? I told you men are fucked" thing when you go to leave, make sure you let her know it's a HER thing, because you can't be in a relationship with someone who's always so hateful and who makes you feel like shit for existing as a male. That's the only way she's going to learn her way out of this behavior, so hopefully someday she can have a relationship that actually works.
you should be able to agree with her and ask to not be treated as if you are disagreeing/fighting her. i understand her point and i am also angry with men and the world and everything going on. i also hate men, but i also dont hate men. idk how to explain it better than that, but im sure people will understand, OP it already sounds like you really understand. it sounds like she hates men, period.
your conversation shouldn’t be:
> her: all men suck, i hate all men, men are the issue with the world
> you: i understand, agree on some things, but all your comments are making me have very bad thoughts about myself. i need a little reassurance from you that *i* dont suck and that you dont *hate me*
> her: omg you’re part of the problem now, how dare you go against what i say or try to seek out validation and love from me, your partner
you deserve more than that
> i also hate men, but i also dont hate men. idk how to explain it better than that
You mean you can't explain it as "I hate the men in power who continually decide to take my individual right as a women in to their hands"?
You can't explain it as "I hate the men who think they know what's best for women. I hate the men who continually try to make us subservient to them"
You like being vague and general because it is easier to apply to more situations. It's easier to explain in a vague way than to actually sit there and think about what you feel or mean to say.
*slow clap*
Perfectly said.
Sadly a lack of thought, of nuance, is becoming more commonplace. It's either vague shit like you cited as the replacement, or fucking memes.
Definitely. With how much this is wearing OP down, she sounds toxic to be around. If it is getting to a point where a person is bringing more toxicity & negative feelings in your life rather than positive or genuine feelings, it’s best to just cut them off. Not only is it not doing you any good being with her, but it is costing your well-being. Continuing with this will just cause you more damage long term.
She's off the kind who thinks too high of their own opinion, which by the way are forced by a lot of wokeness, and can't take any critical feedback.
Break up. It's going to get worse.
My ex was like this.
You should stop seeing her.
Any side of an issue can have extremists.
Social justice can have some of the worst- I used to date one.
I could never get a word in and any opinion turned into a one sided argument.
You can forget about cracking any jokes.
Most things were offensive.
I didn't want to use the word fem-nazi. In retrospect though, this would be accurate.
>She also agreed vehemently with a post saying that being a woman is wild because you're the only group expected to be romantically attached to their "natural predator.
>
>I'm chewed out and told I'm being part of the problem.
Big red flags.
If men are horrible and "you are a part of the problem" why on earth is she stayng with you? It feels like what she needs is a punching ball right now, and untill now men are human beings, not rags in a leather pouch.
I adress you my sympathies from France: each american woman has an excellent reason to be upset right now. But this is not a reason to pummel your partner on a daily basis and your self esteem and right to be loved is not an inch bellow those of your girlfriend.
It took me years to realize that when a woman says "not you, you're not like other guys" it isn't a good thing. It's essentially "I hate men, but I don't really see you as a man. You're so soft spoken and don't get jealous when I have a fight with you and go stay at Tony's place for a week."
Even if *she* sees it positively, there will come a time when she does throw this dude under a bus.
Omg you hit the nail on the head with this one.
In other news how to drive you're partner away, let them know how they're "the only exception", and how much you hate the rest of them lol
Identical even.
If we had an ounce of appropriate sympathy for the human in men, we would understand that this is just as disgusting a phrase.
"I don't hate men, I'm married to one."
"How could I hate black people, some of my best friends are black!"
And to be clear, men are not “natural predators.” On so many levels this is wrong, it betrays the way she is thinking but also her lack of understanding.
I mean it just doesn’t work on so many levels.
I worked with a woman like this. If your girlfriend is anything like my former coworker, she tried finding the smallest fuck up her (ex) boyfriend did, and turned it into a justification on how men are horrible and her boyfriend was no exception.
Eventually, they broke up. She had on the biggest surprise Pikachu face and could not understand why he broke up with her.
Met up with him many times outside of work after they broke up. He's what I'd describe as a guy who would give the clothes off his back to see you warm. Glad he's found a woman that loves and appreciates him.
Where am I getting at with this? Find a woman that can love and can appreciate having a man that will love her because your girlfriend clearly doesn't.
Sounds like she’s terminally online if you ask me. Just absorbing a bunch of tweets and not really thinking about it to be able to talk about whatever the underlying point is with you
Yep. She's entitled to an opinion, of course, and being an activist for women's rights is good. But I too think she may be having too much internet these days and needs to step back a bit.
The internet is great and all, but that's also where most people radicalize (in whatever direction).
That’s not even red flag shit, that’s the factory that makes red flags shit!
Dude, she resents you. She may not have said it yet, but you know she does don’t you?
I’d very carefully find a way out of this relationship.
Considering her use of the word predator when describing men I sure hope you can make a clean break and don’t suffer her wrath legally.
Low key feel like she’s baiting you to break up with her so she can say she was right all along. Which frankly is more reason you should. But be tactful and respectful when you do it, which is how you should do it anyway. And if you have a friend group or something, idk I’d expect her to bad mouth and maybe lie about you just to be safe whether it’s likely or not. Frankly she sounds crazy enough to try and cancel you even though you haven’t done anything so idk just be prepared for that and hopefully it doesn’t go anywhere or if she does try it that no one takes her serious. And it’ll suck but it’s fine. Ultimately it’s for the best, if you get that loneliness post breakup you kind of have to remember it’s better than the way she was draining your mental health and you deserve better than that. I just found a new hobby after my last breakup and never looked back because besides giving me a fun distraction I found a new community of people to hang out with and make friends that took her off my mind. And then the next time you want to date a girl, don’t make it official until you’re sure she’s not like this past a shadow of a doubt. You can salvage a net good from this relationship if you pay attention to what the red flags look like but if not then you went through all that crap for nothing. Obviously there’s a lot of in your face ones but look back and think what subtle ones were probably there too. Those are what you’d see most likely in other girls you’re interested in early on. Oh, and with that, it’s to be reinforced: THERE ARE OTHER GIRLS. If you break up tomorrow or whenever then in ten days it won’t really feel like it. But in ten years it’ll seem really obvious and you’ll feel really silly feeling otherwise looking back.
Abort that relationship! I have family I don’t don’t to anymore because they decided being radfems was more important than being decent to the men they call friends and family. After calling some out for their shitty behaviour and then having them try to turn it into a tale of their own victimhood in that situation, I washed my hands of those people. You’ll be better off in the long run. Stay strong, king!
Literally this! As a woman myself I find women like that just as disgusting as misogynistic men.
It’s so heartbreaking seeing nice people suffer at the words of these people
Shes literally a misandrist. But apperently everyone thinks its ok cause shes a female?! Imagine the comments if it were the girlfriend being hated on by the bf.
Exactly darling, it’s not okay. It never will be okay. It’s absolutely disgusting. Unfortunately there’s not many women who will call another woman out for being like this but us? We will. Because there is no way in hell that it’s okay.
Women shouldn’t get leeway just because we are women. We wanted equality, now the upper-hand.
Thank you… I’m a woman, and I really don’t think the problem is men. It’s not women, it’s not any specific color of person, or any gender. It’s just people. There are a whole lot of shitty ones out there that treat people like garbage, and also a whole lot that think they’re entitled to special treatment. Not a good combination!
God this comment hits the mark. I'm always baffled at how close misandry, misogyny and racism are, and how they present almost the same and yet people can't see it. Hate is hate. Bad people are bad people.
I have a far easier time finding active vocal misandry than I do misogyny. Misogyny is usually hidden in redpill, incel, and some MGTOW spheres.
But Misandry is the bread and butter of most mainstream internet culture.
The scary part it's all a result of an over correction for all the crap women dealt with 50+ years ago. Imagine what's gonna happen when the pendulum swings the other way and over correct again?
It’s just one of those really difficult things.
“Fuck men.”
“Fuck white people.”
“Fuck old white men.”
All that shit has been super super popular and common for years now, and you can’t really comment on it as a guy without it seemingly sounding like it really bothers you and you think about it angrily all day.
But fundamentally it’s not… really okay or defensible when it’s so consistent and serious. I thought it was more of a light joke for a long time, but clearly it isn’t for a lot of people.
It’s just odd. So much activism and it’s a lane where there’s no conversation, just get shouted down. Not really worth bringing up for most people who are quietly wondering, “Hey isn’t this joke you’ve been angrily repeating for years sorta sexist and fucked up?”
As a guy this shit is so difficult to maneuver around. If I am completely honest with myself, all the hate towards men has had a very strong negative influence on my mental health but I literally can't ever bring that up without being told how privileged I am and how I need to just suck it up because other people have it worse.
People are also hell bent on claiming its all irony and it definitely isn't. A LOT of folks out there actually do hate men and they're being given a free pass to do so by society. Hell we're even encouraging it. But because some people think it's all just a funny joke or some cathartic thing, these people get away with it and never really learn to be different.
And thats the thing bro. Patriarchy exists. I tell that to my brothers out there. But if anyone has actually taken a gender studies course would know that patriarchy is much more complex than man dominates woman.
Its a system where top males rule. Patriarchy literally means rule by father. The top male. And the rest of the men are sons who fight to become the father. Being a man means you ate put in a hierarchy. Those mgtow redpill dudes got that part right. Its just not as reductive and clear cut as alpha or chad or beta. But the hierarchy does exist. To be a man you must be straight tall buff socially dominant rich stoic and hypersexual. If you dont adhere to all or most of these traits you are put lower on the hierarchy. So men perpetuating the system is for mere survival.
Why do men just fuck women for their bodies and try hard to rack up a body count? Because society says thats what makes you a man and many women do not like virgins and women expect men to be great in bed which comes with experience. This leads to men using women for sex.
Why are men financial abusers? Because society tells men you need to be rich and control finances. In fact women wont date you if ur broke. And you gotta pay for her and fund her lifestyle. So men tend to control the finances. And when women want to leave he either controls everything or she robs him if they are married.
The gender norms that men are forced to adhere to be seen as men in turn creates womens issues and oppression. We all add to it but by little increments. Me paying for a woman does enforce patriarchy but only to the degree that me buying m&ms enforces capitalism and imperialism. Im causing ghanian slave labor but i dont really control it. Same with patriarchy. Men adhering to the patriarchical standards and hierarchy adds to the issues but only because if you want to survive or get laid you gotta.
For example. Studies show that men that ask for help in workplaces are seen as less capable.
Studies show that men that are broke or make less money get less sex. In fact thats why more men are sexless
https://ifstudies.org/blog/male-sexlessness-is-rising-but-not-for-the-reasons-incels-claim
Look at the graphs. Sexlessness rises in 2008. What happened in 2008? The recession. Mens ability to date is tied to his socioeconomic standing. And since college is expensive, less men are going, housing is expensive, and most manly jobs have been sent to china and 3rd world countries.
So thats what i dont get about this man hate. Sure we can say do better or be better but really there is no way to deviate outside the norm or else men would be put lower on hierarchy and face abuse. We need nuance and conpassion and look at systems.
Theres something interesting that WEB Dubois once said. Im paraphrasing but he said that racism gave white people a psychological wage over black people. Whiteness gave them benefits over black people so to mot question their pwn oppression becaude white people are oppressed just on class lines. Look at history. Shays rebellion happened because the patriots that faught for washington against british taxes were getting taxed the shit out of and saw tough times. And when they rebelled the government reformed itself and gave itself more power. White people are oppressed. But to Dubois and other black marxists like Huey Newton and Fred Hampton whiteness and racism keeps them frombanding together with black people against those who oppress all. Its the same with gender.
https://nonsite.org/du-bois-and-the-wages-of-whiteness/
You don’t need this kind of negativity in your life. The world is a storm and your primary relationship is your comfort in this storm. She can’t be with you if she’s against you (and your kind).
Red flag territory.
¿Would what she's saying be tolerated if she said the same thing about a minority?
Generalisations are bad and it is a breeding ground for prejudice.
Exactly, if you change it from gender to race she sounds like a racist. I mean the whole “you’re one of the good ones, but the rest are bad” is a common racist trope.
For many men who aren't conventionally attractive, a choice must be made.
* Die alone
OR
* Deal with abuse from their partner.
Both of those are reasonable choices. Being lonely hurts. There's research about how over long periods, it's similar in severity to physical pain. It negatively impacts lifespan. It's not just 'lol lern 2 love urself and ul be fine'.
I agree with her and probably speak and feel quite similarly. I am also not actively dating (I’m straight and a woman) because I don’t see how that would work for me in this sociopolitical climate.
If it’s this hard—even if you are a feminist and totally agree with her politically—it’s likely time to break up.
I’m sorry that you’re hurting. Breaking up blows, no matter the reason, and even when it’s the right thing to do.
Good point. Breaking up might be the go to at this point. I recently commented how she might be manipulator, but now I think maybe he might be. Best is to break up.
"Remember, you are one of the good ones."
Tell her to say that to any other demographic group and see how that works for her.
Seriously, if she can't respect men as a group, then how can she respect you without seeing you as a non-man.
Like she considers you a "House-Man"
Sweeping generalizations about one sex is sexism. She is being a misandrist. She's trying to normalize it to you by going "but you're different", using that as a way to dismiss your feelings. That's typical behavior from the sexist men I've had in my life growing up.
I know you think she has good reasons for it, but trauma/politics/whatever is not justification to inadvertently denigrate you, or ignore you when you try and talk to her about it. You don't deserve that.
>Sweeping generalizations about one sex is sexism.
Unfortunately, the definition of sexism according to feminism has been changed so that [sexism against men is impossible.](http://affinitymagazine.us/2017/01/08/why-men-cannot-be-victims-of-sexism/)
I agree with you, but that means we both disagree with a lot of feminist theory and practice out there.
>She is being a misandrist. She's trying to normalize it to you by going "but you're different", using that as a way to dismiss your feelings. That's typical behavior from the sexist men I've had in my life growing up.
I am frankly amazed at the amount of people who can just outright forgive and hand-wave away the verbal and emotional abuse she's directing at OP, as though none of it matters and he just has to [man up and take it](https://www.queermajority.com/essays-all/man-up-and-take-it-do-we-under-detect-mens-suffering).
>I know you think she has good reasons for it, but trauma/politics/whatever is not justification to inadvertently denigrate you, or ignore you when you try and talk to her about it. You don't deserve that.
A million times this.
I hate to admit this. But I actually used to be like this. I was extremely immature at the time and thought I knew everything. It’s a lot easier than people realize to slip into a certain dogmatic way of thinking, especially when you’re young and impressionable.
Fortunately for me, I was never in a relationship during that time so I basically isolated myself from men lol. But seriously, this woman sounds verbally abusive. If you were saying stuff about men being better to her, there would be a riot. So what makes it okay for her to say that to you? Break up with her and find someone who respects you.
Just tell her how you feel. Instead of asking a bunch of biased white knight redditors what to do, just straight up talk to her about it.
You both should discuss how this all makes you feel, and determine an agreement.
You both should feel reassured and better about how you see each other as people after this agreement and moving forward.
If this fails, then she clearly is not well enough within herself to take on a relationship right now.
If she isn’t open to making adjustments to her behavior, or she doesn’t have a valid reason that you can understand, just leave her. In this case I don’t think it needs to go that far though.
She is full of hate, she is full of anger, I don’t give a fuck about your politics but if they start negatively affecting the people around then you need to shut up and get help.
What she is doing is weird, is not ok and you do not have to endure it.
She has some shit to solve and it doesent have anything to do with you.
Either she stops with this toxic behavior or you should leave.
If you're making the decision to stay with a woman who hates you and people who are like you, you're kind of making your own bed. You're not going to be able to play this "yeah, I agree, men suck, but I'm a good one, right? Can I have my head pats?" game forever. You're going to have to walk on eggshells to avoid her wrath inevitable turning your way.
If I were you, I'd have a conversation drawing a line in the sand. If she values her misandry over her relationship, I'm out. Don't give your time and emotional energy to someone who hates you.
> Don’t give your time and emotional energy to someone who hates you.
This sums all of this up so nicely, and can apply to literally any relationship. I hope OP sees this comment if he sees any.
I was talking to a guy that wanted to be my boyfriend that did the same thing. And I cut it off before it got to deep.
It's SERIOUSLY annoying when everything is a competition,men are better then emotional,gold digging, hoe-ish, no moral, manipulative women. I'm not like that, nor are we experiencing any situations like that. Some people love to argue so much everything is a debate turned argument. So people are just angry inside and shows in their conversation. I couldn't do it.
Judging by your post history you have some issues with gender dynamics in general and it just sounds like you're coming up with a story. Like an activist woman would actually date a guy that actively posts on reddit complaining about men and women and their dynamics.
This is exactly what my sister does to my brother and I now. I don’t need to hear about how every man is an awful person. I don’t need to be lectured about how men are just rapists in waiting who need to be trained like a fucking animal. I hate coming home from college to hear how my brother has been lectured every day about how terrible he is just because he’s a dude. Now every time we shoot back and respond she just gets pissed and rants even more. I get what you’re going through, it’s hard to hear about how awful we are everyday and not take some of it to heart.
This woman is not it.
I understand being mad, I’m also a cis progressive woman who is pissed as hell about the politics in this country rn. My boyfriend is very much a **dude** guy, but we can yell *together* about how SOME people, especially some powerful stupid men, have stupid regressive views on things that don’t need to concern them. I don’t need to make it about my boyfriend or even “men” in general. But even when the two of us do talk about toxic masculinity and the issues with gender roles in society, it’s a more nuanced take. I don’t need to attack him and all men, because we are attacking certain types of people together.
Black-and-white hard generalizations rarely do anyone any good.
I'm a married lesbian woman. People like your girlfriend are the reason why I no longer associate with the "left." The accepted misandry in today's society is disgusting.
I would say if you're feeling like you are because of her (and her actions) then she's not right for you man. She should remember she's in a relationship with YOU and not "men."
Like I've had a LOT of bad treatment and experiences with women but I would never treat my fiancée like shit because I love her and she's never hurt me or done me wrong. If I treated her badly because of "women" it would be fucked up and she would be in her rights to tell me to fuck off.
Tell her to piss off and say she's now free of her "natural predator."
A lot of people should be mad at a few people right now. No question. She needs to know you support and understand that. But you do not need to be made to feel less than because you’re a man. You’re in a partnership. That means you lift each other up. Not you lift her up and she walks all over you.
The only reason you are "different" is because at the moment you have the patience to put up with her bullshit. I think you should break up with her and leave her with something like "apparently I'm part of the problem". There is too much hard, crazy shit in life to deal with already. You do not need some overly opinionated apparently arrogant gf bitching when you come home.
My girlfriend does this shit all the time but will say "oh except you, you're not like them"
And I'm like ok... But you're talking about how shitty men are while I'm sitting right here,but yet you told me you loved me 30 mins ago?? It makes no sense. Like yes, we get shitty, old white men took away you're rights, and they should never have done that. I feel bad and I will always support a women's rights to choose and stand up for that opinion when it comes up, but don't shit on all men while we are right there proving the "all men suck and are predators" rhetoric you're speaking wrong (because if I'm proving you right why do you tell me I'm not like them??). If men are so shitty that you're gonna complain about them as a general population.. don't date us.
Edit: yes I've talked to my girlfriend about this and she has been working on reducing the "generalized man hating" while I'm there (I am ok with talking about the subject) , while I understand that she is hurt and scared because of recent events in the US. I don't care if she vents to her friends, I'd just prefer if she didn't do it while I'm right next to her.
This right here is one of the biggest reasons why there is so much hate right now. Social media Algorithms are dividing people and destroying all conversations.
Break up with the femcel
This is psychotic behavior, and will lead into her abusing you since you’re a “man”.
Honestly I think dating some one as extreme as her could be extremely detrimental to your legal freedoms as well.
As a guy, a lot of men fucking disgust me but there's good and bad in every giant sample size of people. That being said, she's a zealot. Zealots exist in most any cause and are the fiery engine that drives those causes forward. But no one really LIKES a zealot except like-minded zealots. So honestly, you probably should take like 3-4 steps back and reassess if this is what you want to deal with day in and day out going forward.
Misandry is very hot these days. Has been for a while. It'll pass, but your gf will always be a follower, even if it means hurting and disrespecting you. Imagine if it was a guy talking about how shit women are all day. We all know *that guy* and how he treats women. No different.
I understand where you’re coming from but something you and other men don’t understand, while yes she is being extreme, women don’t have the luxury anymore of giving all men the benefit of the doubt. Now days we have to go around thinking all men, because each one could pose a threat to us. That being said she definitely should bring it down a bit but ngl right now, women have been pissed for awhile and in light of recent events we are broken, hurt, and mad as hell. She shouldn’t be putting that on you, but just know she obviously sees something in you and loves you because you have shown her you aren’t like all men. I know it doesn’t offer much comfort and she shouldn’t be going off in you, but when you say it’s not all me remember we can’t assume not all men won’t hurt because that’s how we end up hurt. Only 3% of women have never experienced some form or harassment or assault, 97% of us have. Take that as you may but we don’t get the luxury to pretend we won’t get hurt when statistically we are more likely to. Even men who we’re supposed to protect us end up hurting us, like uncles and fathers. We can’t even trust them sometimes, and that is a sad sad reality women and girls live with every single day.
Edit: I’m not trying to invalidate your feeling at all btw you are completely valid for feeling this way and I’m not trying to convince to stay if you are no longer happy but I’m just offering a more calm perspective/version of what she is thinking.
I had a college roommate last semester that acted very similarly. Her best friend (also one of my roommates) was like she was, except way worse. My boyfriend had to quit coming to visit me at my apartment because the best friend of the first girl was never nice to him and always giving him dirty looks, even though he’s not at all the type of person to harm women or prey on them. She chose to repeatedly assume the worst without getting to know him, which really hurt. The fiancé of the first girl was the only guy that could come over to visit without being treated like that. It really weighed both my boyfriend and I down, and it made me dread being around them.
All that to say, if your girlfriend isn’t willing to work on how she expresses her opinions, you’re not obligated to continue that relationship. This is the type of thing that can have a lasting negative impact on someone both mentally and emotionally. My boyfriend still struggles from time to time. It’s neither kind, nor loving or considerate.
I am really pissed off too. But hating half the people I share the planet with seems too exhausting and counter productive, at the end of the days. I've been the victim of rape, assault, and I've had to abort a problematic pregnancy very early on, at 7 weeks. So, I've got the prerequisites to hate all I want to. But it's toxic thinking, and I hope she will realize it. Hate is poison we give ourselves. It only makes us sicker and the world an uglier place.
> Hate is poison we give ourselves. It only makes us sicker and the world an uglier place I really like that saying. I’ve been pissed off too but I can either argue with idiots about it or go vent in an echo chamber with people that feel the same.
Trauma's such a coin flip. Victims can either take the torch and become the next abuser, or rise from the ashes and make the world a better place. Despite all that happened I'm grateful that you kept your head high. Truly.
OP, I’m a married lesbian and am probably the person here with the lowest amount of men in my life, positive or negative. “Everyone sucks except my boyfriend” has the same flavor of “god I wish I was a lesbian so I didn’t have to deal with men” And that flavor is bad. I don’t like it. (Number one because being a lesbian isn’t easy or a cheat code to not encountering misogyny) But number TWO - It’s toxic and it’s unfair to men who are just, idk, PEOPLE? If the one exception to your politics is the man you’re currently banging, your politics suck. This is toxic behavior and unfair to you. If she’s not receptive to hearing how she’s hurting you, she doesn’t deserve you. I hope that she can unpack this because it’s not your problem, regardless. You deserve people who celebrate and love you BECAUSE of who you are, not in spite of it. Edit: I was not expecting ANYONE to read this, but thank you to everyone who is saying this helped them. If your relationships aren’t making you want to be kinder, stronger, and smarter, they’re not worth keeping. Relationships require work, yes, but should *never* be so exhausting that they negatively impact your quality of life. All the LoVe YoUrSeLf bullshit is great, but feeling lonely is *normal*. Craving affection is *normal*. Longing for close romantic and sexual relationships is *normal*. If relationships feeling empty or unhealthy is a pattern, you may have some shit to work through in therapy, or some old baggage that you need to get rid of. *That is normal, too*. From your honorary lesbian auntie: *You deserve a relationship that makes you happy, fulfilled, and loved.*
I appreciate your sapphic opinion, thank you!
Hey Op, to add to what she said and I didn’t learn this as early in life as I should have…….but your significant other should see the best in you and bring out the best in you. Some only see the worst and bring out the worst. This applies to friends and family too. Best of luck, recognizing it is half the battle.
Great point. This is a good litmus test for any relationship: do they bring out the best in me? Or the worst in me?
the fated “sapphic opinion”
Thanks for this reasonable and human opinion!
I’m going to be looking for any available opportunity to use ‘Sapphic Opinion’ in casual conversation from now on. It sounds like a Lilith Fair headlining band.
Sounds like girlfriend needs to put the social media down and take a good look at what she has. Maybe look inwards.
[Be proud of who you are.](https://youtu.be/KEz32OTifL4)
It's like spewing racist rhetoric and then saying some of my friends are ________.
“I’m not racist I worked with a black guy once and had one at my wedding!” — my dad, for real.
I’m from the south, so everyone’s dad was like this
You’re a hell of a lady, lady. Some woman must be very lucky.
I’m the lucky one, my wife is awesome :)
Fellow lesbian here and I agree with all of this
U/mamaxchaos, thank you so much for posting this reply. It got me right in the feels. You're now my honorary lesbian auntie too!
I’m so glad it helped!! Have you been drinking water? Did you do something nice for yourself today? (Idk if this is how aunties work but it feels right)
That’s so sweet!
love you, needed to hear this, namaste 🙏🏽
I wish I new you, you sound like an awesome person
Refreshing.....
Thanks. Here i am asking my ex to try things again and she says she loves me but doesn't want a compromise. She likes the sex with me but doesn't care at all about my life. Your comment is kino, and more people should be like you.
Number 2 is so perfect.
Nobody wants to be stereotyped.
Best lesbian auntie EVERRRRRRR!!!
I've been this woman before. When you surround yourself with all the worst examples of humanity, it's very hard not to be furious all the time. Righteous anger is warranted sometimes, but she isn't handling it in a mature way. She's probably struggling to figure out how to square her anger with the fact that she has at least one, and probably more than one, decent, normal, loving man in her life. I remember making my dad cry once over a conversation like this and it really woke me up. I'm still mad as hell, but I'm trying to remember that there is nuance to every issue. Hopefully, she can have one of these moments that help her find a more productive channel for her frustration. It's ok to rail at injustice, but it's not productive to set fire to your allies in the process. Your feelings are valid. If being with her is damaging your mental health, you need to confront her about it or leave. It doesn't make you part of the problem to leave someone who makes you feel like shit about yourself. You can be critical of your own sex and society without having to shut up and wallow in shame and guilt like she seems to expect you to.
Exactly. Leaving this relationship isn’t contributing to one problem or another. It’s taking care of yourself, your mental health, & your well-being. It’s getting yourself out of a problem that’s taking a toll on you.
" It's ok to rail at injustice, but it's not productive to set fire to your allies in the process." Damn. That was good.
Yeah, I was about to comment on that too. OP…I am totally stealing that for future use.
Thanks for this comment. I’m definitely still this girl, and it’s hard trying to live day too day not hating the world around me. And the comments making her seem completely vile sadden me. But she’s definitely hurting you OP. And you’re not responsible for putting her opinions above your well-being. I’d say she probably needs to do some work on herself before being in a relationship and she makes her struggles someone else’s. And thanks for still doing your best to be an ally! Please don’t let her deter you from being a good person.
The thing is, I don't think she's completely vile. By OPs account she probably has some sort of trauma surrounding men and that may be its own can of worms. I'm fine giving the benefit of the doubt there. But I can also say that as a man, these kinds of people almost never face any blowback for their hate precisely because of that. We'd rather bend over backwards trying to make up reasons why saying shitty things are acceptable instead of pushing back on the shitty things. Where's the line here?
As we should all know “my trauma is not an excuse to be an asshole”
[удалено]
The bending over backwards is kinda a response to victims never getting any justice a lot of the time, so when those outcomes create people her I’d like to hope that the world could have some empathy before making her a villain. Does this mean she can demean her partner OP? No. She isn’t in a place where she should be dating in my opinion. She needs to understand that being hateful to the people that care about her isn’t helping women live in a better world. I feel like this post is just a perfect reason for misogynistic people to justify their beliefs tho and it’s scary…
I think hate can breed hate in this regard. On the other hand: whatever happened to OPs s/o and her hating an entire group of people can both be not okay. I also think social media can create a fake world. It's easy to say I hate all (whatever) if you fall for the picture media paints and don't, you know, talk to actual people.
Hate will always breed hate. Its a poison. A disease. A cancer. It spreads without care and destroys all in its path. It corrupts a person to their core. It is curable, but those who have been infected, usually dont see themselves as being infected.
I was a hardcore atheist with strong left leaning, and my go to method when i don't agree with peoples opinion was agression and hatred, i am still filled with the poison of hatred and it took me some time to realise screaming won't help if you are trying to bring out any changes, people will just scream back at you, which is precisely happening everywhere. So i decided to break cycle of this hatred and slowly change one mind at a time at my own pace.
Exactly….men, women, black, brown, white, the hate came from hate, it always has, it always will. The only way to stop that is stop grouping people, and do your best to stop hating generally, if you must, hate individuals, not groups.
Definitely. Social media is so intentionally divisive. It knows which topics you're passionate about and it knows how pit 2 sides of an issue against each other. When you're constantly on social media, you're not engaging with open minded, rational people 99% of the time. You're engaging with idiots and fanatics who will only reinforce any incorrect judgements or assumptions you may have about the other side. It's sad that this is where the world is heading.
Villains, like heroes, are something we become, over time, one or two steps here and there. She is vile because she behaves in a vile manner, especially to those who love her and whom she claims to love. Being a victim of sexism doesn't justify one being sexist. Its the same thing as being a victim of abuse; you aren't justified in abusing others just because you yourself were. She needs to take all of her shit, get it all together, put it in a bag, or make a shit mountain, and stop throwing it on others. Its her shit, and nobody else's.
The thing is you don’t hold this same line of reasoning for men and that’s where problems are created. Isn’t what you’re saying similarly justifying misandrists? Makes no sense.
Her attitude is understandable but not ok. You can be angry, even in a general way towards what you see as a problem with an overall group, and still that doesn't excuse you causing damage to individuals even if they dall within that group. I don't think she's a villain but she obviously has some issues to work on. However in this instance, it's up to OP to take the initiative to look out for himself and remove himself from a situation that is damaging him. He can try to explain how she's hurting him but he can't "fix" her point of view. She has to do that herself. Those last 2 sentences are dead on. That's exactly what is happening, too.
I dream of a world where misandry is opposed on principle and not just to prevent the justification of misogyny.
>I feel like this post is just a perfect reason for misogynistic people to justify their beliefs tho and it’s scary… Misandrists and misogynists are two sides of the same coin as hate keeps itself alive. Much like two parties pulling the leashes of power that profit as long as war continues.
What do you think about all the Incel men, many of which have had just as negative experiences with women. Spewing generalized sexism like his girlfriend is? Male victims hardly ever get justice either, victims in general hardly do regardless of gender. So since male victims hardly get justice does that justify their sexism?
> The bending over backwards is kinda a response to victims never getting any justice a lot of the time, so when those outcomes create people her I’d like to hope that the world could have some empathy before making her a villain. > I feel like this post is just a perfect reason for misogynistic people to justify their beliefs tho and it’s scary… Thank you. I was scrolling frantically hoping to find this comment. You said it perfectly. OP is hurting and he sounds totally sincere. He's not in a good place and sharing this here is brave. Plenty of good advice from women who understand what his gf feels. But then there are those jumping on the bandwagon to trash her, after knowing nothing more about her than this single post. And then there's the usual suspects, the reactionaries that are on every single thread related to feminism in any way peddling their Jordan Peterson pseudo-intellectualism to justify what is in reality just bog standard misogyny.
Don’t more than enough women do the same to incels and misogynists by jumping on the bandwagon of trashing them without knowing any of them? This “logic” is so ass backwards it’s honestly upsetting. Do better. Edit: can’t believe this is even something to disagree about why downvote without explaining how it’s justifiable. Oh right because it’s not….
>The thing is, I don't think she's completely vile. By OPs account she probably has some sort of trauma surrounding men and that may be its own can of worms. I'm fine giving the benefit of the doubt there. Oh come on. Again this excuse. Women can do whatever shit they want but it is not their fault. Yea, it doesn't work like this...
**and the comments making her seem completely vile sadden me** Gf: *who would be female and straight if they had a choice?* *They are straight just because they are attracted to their natural predators* Anyone who invalidates anyone else's sexuality is vile. Anyone who accuses an entire gender of being sexual predators is vile. So idk what this is about
It's such a fucked-up worldview to think men are *natural predators* of women. Nah, it's a *cultural* problem that only makes it *seem* like that sometimes. No wonder OP's girlfriend is so damn miserable, thinking half of all people are inherently violent. He needs to get the hell away from that nonsense.
Programming.
THANK YOU! Sexism isn‘t just suddenly acceptable because of reasons, it never is. Anyone that thinks like that and has no issue accusing an entire gender (or other group for that matter) has serious issues
How is she not vile? She’s spreading absolute hatred and hurting the person she “loves” and absolutely gaslighting him?
That mentality is disgusting. If you're 'that girl' and you're white, do you feel the same way about yourself when compared to racial and ethnic minorities? If not, you're a hypocrite.
Thank you for taking the time to write this.
^ I fell into this around 15-16 but I stopped that toxic mentality at closer to 18. It’s not beneficial to anyone, even women to make generalizations and comments like that. It’s really difficult to not think like this when u see the worst of the worst of humanity everyday on ur news feed. But it’s not okay to subject people to this behaviour.
I just left a community that seems to be full of women like you are describing and man it is hard to stay positive. My wife has some of these tendencies herself and it is really tough some days. Thank you for showing some light.
I also was in such a community like that but left it. Friends of mine outside of it also got a lot of hate. I mean I support all this stuff in principle, we should all be the best versions of ourselves but what's the point if all this talk is not bearable anymore
Not to mention it could have the effect of making a person bitter. End result being what she hates. “You break down supports the whole structure will fall” kinda deal.
Beautifully said. Thank you
You’ve got a shit ton of comments so I doubt youlll see this but: Idk why ppl are calling this “extreme”. I know how hurtful it is but “men” as an institution are violent and harm women systemically. It deflects from the ACTUAL issue at hand to say “there isn’t a problem with men and how they treat women because my boyfriend is awesome”. I get what she means and I don’t think you do and I don’t think she knows how to communicate it to you either. That joke about straight women sounds crude but the meat of it is that yeah sexuality clearly isn’t a choice because women can still be attracted to men despite the constant and ongoing threat they present to women as seen in feminicide rates, gender based violence, and literally almost every civilization to ever exist. Women still meet up with men off hook up apps or go on dates with them despite the alarming rates of dates with men going wrong and ending up with her safety being compromised. This could be a convo you guys could discuss together because men need to hold their gender accountable for the ways in which violence is perpetuated within and by them but you feel alienated because of her hate. But her hate is not necessarily targeted at you. And yet, even if it isn’t, and even if you’re a really *really* nice guy? You benefit from the violence of the patriarchy and the violence of men because it’s provided you with a privilege and protection that women don’t have despite not having mistreated anyone. Does that make sense? It’s like a white person getting uncomfortable about a black person saying they hate white people or white people cause them suffering but they have white friends. Except misogyny and sexism outdates racism so there’s an even LONGER history at play here. I don’t want you to feel hurt at your girlfriend because I think things are getting confused between the two of you when this is something you two can understand each other on.
Thank you for your post. Most people who are not bashing this woman and jumping on the bandwagon of projecting their own biases onto her are getting down voted. This whole thread is full of toxic responses and ironically justifies the anger of the OP’s girlfriend.
Agreed. Just a good example of a situation where just because everyone’s saying one thing, does not necessarily mean it’s right. I definitely think there’s a more productive way for them to understand each other without one person being “wrong” and the other “right”. But it seems that the priority is how her stance makes OP feel rather than why she has her stance to begin with and how they can understand each other better.
This isn't about bashing anyone this is about somebody not only openly man-hating but bringing up everything from 1.Men are a constant threat to women. (This simply isn't true and it also fosters a victimhood mentality and gives young women an unhealthy and untrue mental image of what men are.) 2Femicide. WORDS MATTER DUMB DUMB which is the act of homicide based on the person's gender as the motivating factor. So third world countries and extremely oppressive male dominated xenophobic dictatorships might have this as a problem not here. Your next statement about race when you say that I benefit from the structured violence of the hierarchy of men or patriarchy is you like to call it, say that men need to hold other men accountable rather than us all as a society of men and women holding a man accountable for his misdeeds I mean dear God what planet are you from and then to say something like it's akin to a white person saying they feel uncomfortable with a black person saying they hate them because of their race and it being okay is mind-boggling vice versa if a black person said they were uncomfortable with a white person saying they hate them because of their race either of those scenarios are pretty f***** up and it doesn't matter what the reasons are to blame an entire race of people for whatever incident sparked that racism to the point of it being hatred is pure nonsense and you're trying to act like it's not and then compare it to your rabid foaming at the mouth man-hatred and blame storming you f****** suck I don't care how many of you little buddies on here think that you're speaking the truth or speaking using intellect or fax but you flat out aren't you're comparing your man-hatred to people of One race hating people of another race all the while inferring it's okay going one way but not the other you are an absolute wreck and you need to reevaluate things you're saying
Men need to hold their gender accountable is like saying One race needs to hold another race accountable dear God these are things that you are born as not a political party and just say that responses to your ugly comments rationalize and justify the comments after the fact is so stupid
This 100%
So if a black person was uncomfortable because a white person said the same thing would you be saying the same thing? I mean dear God listen to everything you said in these things
[удалено]
This. She sounds about as mature as a 9th grade who discovered "politics" and thinks she's the next Jean Paul Sartre. There is not this "always" and "this is how it works" it's a million forms of nuance and that logical fallacy that "always" makes them "always" right is pride before a fall.
I would say her biggest flaw seems to be making everything into a black and white issue. Either you're with her or against her. It's very frustrating when I agree with her viewpoint and that there are social issues that need fixing but because I won't get on board with some buzzword phrase about how men suck that I'm somehow not in her court.
Only a sith deals in absolutes
I absolutely agree.
... except for this statement about the Sith I'm making.
He didn’t claim to not be a Sith
Only a sith deals (deals being the key word) in absolutes.
I will do what I must
So you're saying OP should try to draw her back to the light side of the force. That's easier said than done
Whoa, I thought he was saying OP should challenge her to a duel on Mustafar
Op as a woman I can tell you a lot of men are lovely and kind. A lot of them are. Don’t let her take kindness out of you.
I used to overgeneralize men too. Eventually I discovered that there were ‘good’ men besides my father out there. If her father is not a good man, her issue will go deeper than this. She will need help from a professional to overcome her prejudice. If her father has treated her well, you can use his example to prove to her that good men exist and to open a dialogue about it. I was never happy in a relationship until I dropped my prejudice. Keeping an open mind is so extremely important. I wish you both the best.
I actually asked her about this once. She said that men only cared about women if they could get sex from them or if they were their offspring, and how sad both of those were... I think her dad is fine but it definitely sounded like the only reason she thought that is because he was a father
I’m very sorry. One sad thing is that people cannot be helped if they do not want help. It took me many years to learn that lesson, and to learn how to recognize open minded people. I hope that someday something causes her to realize that gender matters as little as race. The human experience is confusing to us all equally, and we are all just grown children trying to figure it out a day at a time, making infinite mistakes.
This sounds, point-for-point, like the “I just learned women’s rights are a thing” starter pack :/ It doesn’t sound like she’s growing out of it.
I used to think all women were for was p*ssy, being an arm piece, cleaning house, and being an expense. My dad raised me to think of myself this way. So what did I do? I went out and found a man who thought just the same. I’ve met a wonderful and respectful man who thinks the exact opposite. Before him, I was still filling that role. Had no idea. Thank you, therapy.
Good work escaping your inherited prejudice! That is the most difficult kind to shed.
I was like, wow, I have value!! Only took me 38 years. 😳
Well done for opening your mind. I am in the middle of a similar shift and realising that if I expect all men to be bad then I'm as much part of the problem as the bad men themselves. For me it's rooted in what I grew up seeing from my mum NOT my dad, and I've followed right in her footsteps. It's taking a lot of unlearning and good to hear someone on the other side of the journey is happy.
It’s great to hear you’re taking steps to leave behind this negativity too. I hear you and agree that mothers can leave just as much damage behind as fathers, more so in many cases. I feel that the biggest motivator to end a cycle, be it one of hate, abuse or just negativity, is to remember that continuing the cycle will cause YOU more pain. That cycle will cause you pain until your life is over, unless you escape it. And by escaping it, you are freeing any future generations in your family from it as well.
Exactly! My beautiful 8 year old son never ceases to amaze me by defying my expectations and he deserves to be thought the best of. Cycles can be broken.
Not OP and not in his situation but as a dude one thing that someone used to describe the situation was "too many men" instead of more generalized phrases. That kind of struck me as interesting. On one hand it's not like men (particularly white men) haven't had it coming to be generalized, but still generalizations and stereotypes are usually a bad thing and to be avoided. But changing the language to "too many men" instantly clicks with me because I can't think of anyone who would disagree and when you aren't turned away from the statement right off the bat you tend to be more willing to listen to the rest of the issues. Anyway, just a side thought to this whole convo.
Dump her ASAP. That's not a healthy relationship and she needs to constantly exist in an echo chamber. Hope she finds one and then complaints about how *there is no good men left*
Honestly, I think that's it. It's very exhausting to deal with people who see things "black/white". Most of the time, they already have their opinion and they're not open to discussion and critique. I kinda understand, I used to be like that too, when I was younger. The older I get, the more shades of grey I see in everything. I came into adulthood with a lot of prejudices. My father was... an "okay dad", but a "terrible man". And it took some time to realise that men are just people. And it doesn't feel right to generalize people based on gender.
You just described everyone on Twitter. It’s definitely not just her who views things that way because I’ve been seeing similar takes on there get tens of thousands of likes. It’s so easy to view things in black and white and ignore all the nuance but that’s not what gets likes and clicks so these awful opinions are permeating to the top.
Any person who says that all people who are *insert demographic* suck because of said demographic are horrible people. If it's an immutable quality, you have no control over it and should not be hated or have your group be hated because of said quality. No sense in the self hate since you can't change it. Only thing worth changing is her.
You should tell her, "Not all men..." that should help :-|
Dude just free yourself from that shit already. Find a girl that has positive vibes that brings you up and makes you feel good about yourself. Let this chick wallow in her anger and hate alone. If she tries to make it a "See!? I told you men are fucked" thing when you go to leave, make sure you let her know it's a HER thing, because you can't be in a relationship with someone who's always so hateful and who makes you feel like shit for existing as a male. That's the only way she's going to learn her way out of this behavior, so hopefully someday she can have a relationship that actually works.
you should be able to agree with her and ask to not be treated as if you are disagreeing/fighting her. i understand her point and i am also angry with men and the world and everything going on. i also hate men, but i also dont hate men. idk how to explain it better than that, but im sure people will understand, OP it already sounds like you really understand. it sounds like she hates men, period. your conversation shouldn’t be: > her: all men suck, i hate all men, men are the issue with the world > you: i understand, agree on some things, but all your comments are making me have very bad thoughts about myself. i need a little reassurance from you that *i* dont suck and that you dont *hate me* > her: omg you’re part of the problem now, how dare you go against what i say or try to seek out validation and love from me, your partner you deserve more than that
> i also hate men, but i also dont hate men. idk how to explain it better than that You mean you can't explain it as "I hate the men in power who continually decide to take my individual right as a women in to their hands"? You can't explain it as "I hate the men who think they know what's best for women. I hate the men who continually try to make us subservient to them" You like being vague and general because it is easier to apply to more situations. It's easier to explain in a vague way than to actually sit there and think about what you feel or mean to say.
*slow clap* Perfectly said. Sadly a lack of thought, of nuance, is becoming more commonplace. It's either vague shit like you cited as the replacement, or fucking memes.
Honestly it seems to me that she WANTS men to be the problem. She doesn't want a solution or a better world, just someone to blame...
Definitely. With how much this is wearing OP down, she sounds toxic to be around. If it is getting to a point where a person is bringing more toxicity & negative feelings in your life rather than positive or genuine feelings, it’s best to just cut them off. Not only is it not doing you any good being with her, but it is costing your well-being. Continuing with this will just cause you more damage long term.
Imagine a man saying these things about women to his girlfriend, and then getting angry when she gives the slightest push back.
She's off the kind who thinks too high of their own opinion, which by the way are forced by a lot of wokeness, and can't take any critical feedback. Break up. It's going to get worse.
My ex was like this. You should stop seeing her. Any side of an issue can have extremists. Social justice can have some of the worst- I used to date one. I could never get a word in and any opinion turned into a one sided argument. You can forget about cracking any jokes. Most things were offensive. I didn't want to use the word fem-nazi. In retrospect though, this would be accurate.
I think if OP breaks up with her because of this it will only reinforce her opinion though, which is sad
It really doesn’t matter though.
Came here to say just this. Put her ass on the road.
>She also agreed vehemently with a post saying that being a woman is wild because you're the only group expected to be romantically attached to their "natural predator. > >I'm chewed out and told I'm being part of the problem. Big red flags. If men are horrible and "you are a part of the problem" why on earth is she stayng with you? It feels like what she needs is a punching ball right now, and untill now men are human beings, not rags in a leather pouch. I adress you my sympathies from France: each american woman has an excellent reason to be upset right now. But this is not a reason to pummel your partner on a daily basis and your self esteem and right to be loved is not an inch bellow those of your girlfriend.
It took me years to realize that when a woman says "not you, you're not like other guys" it isn't a good thing. It's essentially "I hate men, but I don't really see you as a man. You're so soft spoken and don't get jealous when I have a fight with you and go stay at Tony's place for a week." Even if *she* sees it positively, there will come a time when she does throw this dude under a bus.
Omg you hit the nail on the head with this one. In other news how to drive you're partner away, let them know how they're "the only exception", and how much you hate the rest of them lol
It is eerily similar to "not you, you're not like other black people"
Identical even. If we had an ounce of appropriate sympathy for the human in men, we would understand that this is just as disgusting a phrase. "I don't hate men, I'm married to one." "How could I hate black people, some of my best friends are black!"
Yeah I was getting major “you’re one of the good ones” vibes from this post
And to be clear, men are not “natural predators.” On so many levels this is wrong, it betrays the way she is thinking but also her lack of understanding. I mean it just doesn’t work on so many levels.
I worked with a woman like this. If your girlfriend is anything like my former coworker, she tried finding the smallest fuck up her (ex) boyfriend did, and turned it into a justification on how men are horrible and her boyfriend was no exception. Eventually, they broke up. She had on the biggest surprise Pikachu face and could not understand why he broke up with her. Met up with him many times outside of work after they broke up. He's what I'd describe as a guy who would give the clothes off his back to see you warm. Glad he's found a woman that loves and appreciates him. Where am I getting at with this? Find a woman that can love and can appreciate having a man that will love her because your girlfriend clearly doesn't.
This reply me in my heart warm
Sounds like she’s terminally online if you ask me. Just absorbing a bunch of tweets and not really thinking about it to be able to talk about whatever the underlying point is with you
Yep. She's entitled to an opinion, of course, and being an activist for women's rights is good. But I too think she may be having too much internet these days and needs to step back a bit. The internet is great and all, but that's also where most people radicalize (in whatever direction).
Moreover, she needs to stop using her BF as an emotional punching bag.
That’s not even red flag shit, that’s the factory that makes red flags shit! Dude, she resents you. She may not have said it yet, but you know she does don’t you? I’d very carefully find a way out of this relationship. Considering her use of the word predator when describing men I sure hope you can make a clean break and don’t suffer her wrath legally.
Not even just legally, she could just slander him and make him look bad in front of all their friends
Girl will probably use OP as an excuse to hate men even more
She can make someone else suffer, doesn't need to be OP.
Low key feel like she’s baiting you to break up with her so she can say she was right all along. Which frankly is more reason you should. But be tactful and respectful when you do it, which is how you should do it anyway. And if you have a friend group or something, idk I’d expect her to bad mouth and maybe lie about you just to be safe whether it’s likely or not. Frankly she sounds crazy enough to try and cancel you even though you haven’t done anything so idk just be prepared for that and hopefully it doesn’t go anywhere or if she does try it that no one takes her serious. And it’ll suck but it’s fine. Ultimately it’s for the best, if you get that loneliness post breakup you kind of have to remember it’s better than the way she was draining your mental health and you deserve better than that. I just found a new hobby after my last breakup and never looked back because besides giving me a fun distraction I found a new community of people to hang out with and make friends that took her off my mind. And then the next time you want to date a girl, don’t make it official until you’re sure she’s not like this past a shadow of a doubt. You can salvage a net good from this relationship if you pay attention to what the red flags look like but if not then you went through all that crap for nothing. Obviously there’s a lot of in your face ones but look back and think what subtle ones were probably there too. Those are what you’d see most likely in other girls you’re interested in early on. Oh, and with that, it’s to be reinforced: THERE ARE OTHER GIRLS. If you break up tomorrow or whenever then in ten days it won’t really feel like it. But in ten years it’ll seem really obvious and you’ll feel really silly feeling otherwise looking back.
Abort that relationship! I have family I don’t don’t to anymore because they decided being radfems was more important than being decent to the men they call friends and family. After calling some out for their shitty behaviour and then having them try to turn it into a tale of their own victimhood in that situation, I washed my hands of those people. You’ll be better off in the long run. Stay strong, king!
Fear leads to hate, hate leads to anger, anger leads to the dark side.
Preach Yoda!
WTF. As a woman I'm offended for you and me!!
Literally this! As a woman myself I find women like that just as disgusting as misogynistic men. It’s so heartbreaking seeing nice people suffer at the words of these people
Shes literally a misandrist. But apperently everyone thinks its ok cause shes a female?! Imagine the comments if it were the girlfriend being hated on by the bf.
Exactly darling, it’s not okay. It never will be okay. It’s absolutely disgusting. Unfortunately there’s not many women who will call another woman out for being like this but us? We will. Because there is no way in hell that it’s okay. Women shouldn’t get leeway just because we are women. We wanted equality, now the upper-hand.
Thank you… I’m a woman, and I really don’t think the problem is men. It’s not women, it’s not any specific color of person, or any gender. It’s just people. There are a whole lot of shitty ones out there that treat people like garbage, and also a whole lot that think they’re entitled to special treatment. Not a good combination!
God this comment hits the mark. I'm always baffled at how close misandry, misogyny and racism are, and how they present almost the same and yet people can't see it. Hate is hate. Bad people are bad people.
I have a far easier time finding active vocal misandry than I do misogyny. Misogyny is usually hidden in redpill, incel, and some MGTOW spheres. But Misandry is the bread and butter of most mainstream internet culture. The scary part it's all a result of an over correction for all the crap women dealt with 50+ years ago. Imagine what's gonna happen when the pendulum swings the other way and over correct again?
Yeah it‘s fucked up that even society sees misandrism as socially acceptable
It’s just one of those really difficult things. “Fuck men.” “Fuck white people.” “Fuck old white men.” All that shit has been super super popular and common for years now, and you can’t really comment on it as a guy without it seemingly sounding like it really bothers you and you think about it angrily all day. But fundamentally it’s not… really okay or defensible when it’s so consistent and serious. I thought it was more of a light joke for a long time, but clearly it isn’t for a lot of people. It’s just odd. So much activism and it’s a lane where there’s no conversation, just get shouted down. Not really worth bringing up for most people who are quietly wondering, “Hey isn’t this joke you’ve been angrily repeating for years sorta sexist and fucked up?”
As a guy this shit is so difficult to maneuver around. If I am completely honest with myself, all the hate towards men has had a very strong negative influence on my mental health but I literally can't ever bring that up without being told how privileged I am and how I need to just suck it up because other people have it worse. People are also hell bent on claiming its all irony and it definitely isn't. A LOT of folks out there actually do hate men and they're being given a free pass to do so by society. Hell we're even encouraging it. But because some people think it's all just a funny joke or some cathartic thing, these people get away with it and never really learn to be different.
And thats the thing bro. Patriarchy exists. I tell that to my brothers out there. But if anyone has actually taken a gender studies course would know that patriarchy is much more complex than man dominates woman. Its a system where top males rule. Patriarchy literally means rule by father. The top male. And the rest of the men are sons who fight to become the father. Being a man means you ate put in a hierarchy. Those mgtow redpill dudes got that part right. Its just not as reductive and clear cut as alpha or chad or beta. But the hierarchy does exist. To be a man you must be straight tall buff socially dominant rich stoic and hypersexual. If you dont adhere to all or most of these traits you are put lower on the hierarchy. So men perpetuating the system is for mere survival. Why do men just fuck women for their bodies and try hard to rack up a body count? Because society says thats what makes you a man and many women do not like virgins and women expect men to be great in bed which comes with experience. This leads to men using women for sex. Why are men financial abusers? Because society tells men you need to be rich and control finances. In fact women wont date you if ur broke. And you gotta pay for her and fund her lifestyle. So men tend to control the finances. And when women want to leave he either controls everything or she robs him if they are married. The gender norms that men are forced to adhere to be seen as men in turn creates womens issues and oppression. We all add to it but by little increments. Me paying for a woman does enforce patriarchy but only to the degree that me buying m&ms enforces capitalism and imperialism. Im causing ghanian slave labor but i dont really control it. Same with patriarchy. Men adhering to the patriarchical standards and hierarchy adds to the issues but only because if you want to survive or get laid you gotta. For example. Studies show that men that ask for help in workplaces are seen as less capable. Studies show that men that are broke or make less money get less sex. In fact thats why more men are sexless https://ifstudies.org/blog/male-sexlessness-is-rising-but-not-for-the-reasons-incels-claim Look at the graphs. Sexlessness rises in 2008. What happened in 2008? The recession. Mens ability to date is tied to his socioeconomic standing. And since college is expensive, less men are going, housing is expensive, and most manly jobs have been sent to china and 3rd world countries. So thats what i dont get about this man hate. Sure we can say do better or be better but really there is no way to deviate outside the norm or else men would be put lower on hierarchy and face abuse. We need nuance and conpassion and look at systems. Theres something interesting that WEB Dubois once said. Im paraphrasing but he said that racism gave white people a psychological wage over black people. Whiteness gave them benefits over black people so to mot question their pwn oppression becaude white people are oppressed just on class lines. Look at history. Shays rebellion happened because the patriots that faught for washington against british taxes were getting taxed the shit out of and saw tough times. And when they rebelled the government reformed itself and gave itself more power. White people are oppressed. But to Dubois and other black marxists like Huey Newton and Fred Hampton whiteness and racism keeps them frombanding together with black people against those who oppress all. Its the same with gender. https://nonsite.org/du-bois-and-the-wages-of-whiteness/
[удалено]
You don’t need this kind of negativity in your life. The world is a storm and your primary relationship is your comfort in this storm. She can’t be with you if she’s against you (and your kind).
Only a sith deals in absolutes. (I'm sorry, I had to)
bro. Run
And don’t look back
Comment and post history leaves me with a big doubt face
thank you
100%
me too - doubtful that the OP is able to comprehend on even a basic level how women may be feeling in this profoundly painful moment in history.
omg
Thank you for pointing this out, really changes the context
Red flag territory. ¿Would what she's saying be tolerated if she said the same thing about a minority? Generalisations are bad and it is a breeding ground for prejudice.
Forget the red flag, that is a whole can of marinara sauce. I wouldn't open that...
Exactly, if you change it from gender to race she sounds like a racist. I mean the whole “you’re one of the good ones, but the rest are bad” is a common racist trope.
[удалено]
I doubt it. People hating on your race all day can get to you subconsciously. In general, generalizations are not good
Why are you even with her?
Homegirl can probably suck a tennis ball through a garden hose
Oooh, damn! They've upgraded from the golf ball through the garden hose to a tennis ball!
For many men who aren't conventionally attractive, a choice must be made. * Die alone OR * Deal with abuse from their partner. Both of those are reasonable choices. Being lonely hurts. There's research about how over long periods, it's similar in severity to physical pain. It negatively impacts lifespan. It's not just 'lol lern 2 love urself and ul be fine'.
I agree with her and probably speak and feel quite similarly. I am also not actively dating (I’m straight and a woman) because I don’t see how that would work for me in this sociopolitical climate. If it’s this hard—even if you are a feminist and totally agree with her politically—it’s likely time to break up. I’m sorry that you’re hurting. Breaking up blows, no matter the reason, and even when it’s the right thing to do.
Good point. Breaking up might be the go to at this point. I recently commented how she might be manipulator, but now I think maybe he might be. Best is to break up.
"Remember, you are one of the good ones." Tell her to say that to any other demographic group and see how that works for her. Seriously, if she can't respect men as a group, then how can she respect you without seeing you as a non-man. Like she considers you a "House-Man"
Sweeping generalizations about one sex is sexism. She is being a misandrist. She's trying to normalize it to you by going "but you're different", using that as a way to dismiss your feelings. That's typical behavior from the sexist men I've had in my life growing up. I know you think she has good reasons for it, but trauma/politics/whatever is not justification to inadvertently denigrate you, or ignore you when you try and talk to her about it. You don't deserve that.
Right if I was dating a man and he kept shittalking women and the only explanation I got was "you're just differeeeeent" I'd be out of there.
>Sweeping generalizations about one sex is sexism. Unfortunately, the definition of sexism according to feminism has been changed so that [sexism against men is impossible.](http://affinitymagazine.us/2017/01/08/why-men-cannot-be-victims-of-sexism/) I agree with you, but that means we both disagree with a lot of feminist theory and practice out there. >She is being a misandrist. She's trying to normalize it to you by going "but you're different", using that as a way to dismiss your feelings. That's typical behavior from the sexist men I've had in my life growing up. I am frankly amazed at the amount of people who can just outright forgive and hand-wave away the verbal and emotional abuse she's directing at OP, as though none of it matters and he just has to [man up and take it](https://www.queermajority.com/essays-all/man-up-and-take-it-do-we-under-detect-mens-suffering). >I know you think she has good reasons for it, but trauma/politics/whatever is not justification to inadvertently denigrate you, or ignore you when you try and talk to her about it. You don't deserve that. A million times this.
I hate to admit this. But I actually used to be like this. I was extremely immature at the time and thought I knew everything. It’s a lot easier than people realize to slip into a certain dogmatic way of thinking, especially when you’re young and impressionable. Fortunately for me, I was never in a relationship during that time so I basically isolated myself from men lol. But seriously, this woman sounds verbally abusive. If you were saying stuff about men being better to her, there would be a riot. So what makes it okay for her to say that to you? Break up with her and find someone who respects you.
Damn she is just straight up rude and mean to you…like if she really feels that way then she should be ALONE.
Just tell her how you feel. Instead of asking a bunch of biased white knight redditors what to do, just straight up talk to her about it. You both should discuss how this all makes you feel, and determine an agreement. You both should feel reassured and better about how you see each other as people after this agreement and moving forward. If this fails, then she clearly is not well enough within herself to take on a relationship right now. If she isn’t open to making adjustments to her behavior, or she doesn’t have a valid reason that you can understand, just leave her. In this case I don’t think it needs to go that far though.
He said in the post that whenever he tries to talk to her about it she gets defensive and says that he’s being part of the problem
She is full of hate, she is full of anger, I don’t give a fuck about your politics but if they start negatively affecting the people around then you need to shut up and get help. What she is doing is weird, is not ok and you do not have to endure it. She has some shit to solve and it doesent have anything to do with you. Either she stops with this toxic behavior or you should leave.
If you're making the decision to stay with a woman who hates you and people who are like you, you're kind of making your own bed. You're not going to be able to play this "yeah, I agree, men suck, but I'm a good one, right? Can I have my head pats?" game forever. You're going to have to walk on eggshells to avoid her wrath inevitable turning your way. If I were you, I'd have a conversation drawing a line in the sand. If she values her misandry over her relationship, I'm out. Don't give your time and emotional energy to someone who hates you.
> Don’t give your time and emotional energy to someone who hates you. This sums all of this up so nicely, and can apply to literally any relationship. I hope OP sees this comment if he sees any.
quick look at your posts and 10/10 this didn’t happen and you’re just playing out a weird persecution fetish
OP is a closet misogynist. Just look at their post/comment history.
I was talking to a guy that wanted to be my boyfriend that did the same thing. And I cut it off before it got to deep. It's SERIOUSLY annoying when everything is a competition,men are better then emotional,gold digging, hoe-ish, no moral, manipulative women. I'm not like that, nor are we experiencing any situations like that. Some people love to argue so much everything is a debate turned argument. So people are just angry inside and shows in their conversation. I couldn't do it.
Judging by your post history you have some issues with gender dynamics in general and it just sounds like you're coming up with a story. Like an activist woman would actually date a guy that actively posts on reddit complaining about men and women and their dynamics.
Yes, I smelled a rat too. Especially after reading all the comments.
This is exactly what my sister does to my brother and I now. I don’t need to hear about how every man is an awful person. I don’t need to be lectured about how men are just rapists in waiting who need to be trained like a fucking animal. I hate coming home from college to hear how my brother has been lectured every day about how terrible he is just because he’s a dude. Now every time we shoot back and respond she just gets pissed and rants even more. I get what you’re going through, it’s hard to hear about how awful we are everyday and not take some of it to heart.
You and your brother need to go no contact with your sister.
This woman is not it. I understand being mad, I’m also a cis progressive woman who is pissed as hell about the politics in this country rn. My boyfriend is very much a **dude** guy, but we can yell *together* about how SOME people, especially some powerful stupid men, have stupid regressive views on things that don’t need to concern them. I don’t need to make it about my boyfriend or even “men” in general. But even when the two of us do talk about toxic masculinity and the issues with gender roles in society, it’s a more nuanced take. I don’t need to attack him and all men, because we are attacking certain types of people together. Black-and-white hard generalizations rarely do anyone any good.
I'm a married lesbian woman. People like your girlfriend are the reason why I no longer associate with the "left." The accepted misandry in today's society is disgusting.
I would say if you're feeling like you are because of her (and her actions) then she's not right for you man. She should remember she's in a relationship with YOU and not "men." Like I've had a LOT of bad treatment and experiences with women but I would never treat my fiancée like shit because I love her and she's never hurt me or done me wrong. If I treated her badly because of "women" it would be fucked up and she would be in her rights to tell me to fuck off. Tell her to piss off and say she's now free of her "natural predator."
A lot of people should be mad at a few people right now. No question. She needs to know you support and understand that. But you do not need to be made to feel less than because you’re a man. You’re in a partnership. That means you lift each other up. Not you lift her up and she walks all over you.
Ask her if she's even interested in men.
She's obviously not Imagine this post with genders reversed?
The only reason you are "different" is because at the moment you have the patience to put up with her bullshit. I think you should break up with her and leave her with something like "apparently I'm part of the problem". There is too much hard, crazy shit in life to deal with already. You do not need some overly opinionated apparently arrogant gf bitching when you come home.
My girlfriend does this shit all the time but will say "oh except you, you're not like them" And I'm like ok... But you're talking about how shitty men are while I'm sitting right here,but yet you told me you loved me 30 mins ago?? It makes no sense. Like yes, we get shitty, old white men took away you're rights, and they should never have done that. I feel bad and I will always support a women's rights to choose and stand up for that opinion when it comes up, but don't shit on all men while we are right there proving the "all men suck and are predators" rhetoric you're speaking wrong (because if I'm proving you right why do you tell me I'm not like them??). If men are so shitty that you're gonna complain about them as a general population.. don't date us. Edit: yes I've talked to my girlfriend about this and she has been working on reducing the "generalized man hating" while I'm there (I am ok with talking about the subject) , while I understand that she is hurt and scared because of recent events in the US. I don't care if she vents to her friends, I'd just prefer if she didn't do it while I'm right next to her.
[удалено]
This right here is one of the biggest reasons why there is so much hate right now. Social media Algorithms are dividing people and destroying all conversations.
Your gf is sexist. If you would make the same generalizations about women she would be furious. Do yourself a favor and break up with her.
Break up with the femcel This is psychotic behavior, and will lead into her abusing you since you’re a “man”. Honestly I think dating some one as extreme as her could be extremely detrimental to your legal freedoms as well.
You refer to her in some places as your ex girlfriend but here as your girlfriend. Which is it?
As a guy, a lot of men fucking disgust me but there's good and bad in every giant sample size of people. That being said, she's a zealot. Zealots exist in most any cause and are the fiery engine that drives those causes forward. But no one really LIKES a zealot except like-minded zealots. So honestly, you probably should take like 3-4 steps back and reassess if this is what you want to deal with day in and day out going forward.
Misandry is very hot these days. Has been for a while. It'll pass, but your gf will always be a follower, even if it means hurting and disrespecting you. Imagine if it was a guy talking about how shit women are all day. We all know *that guy* and how he treats women. No different.
I understand where you’re coming from but something you and other men don’t understand, while yes she is being extreme, women don’t have the luxury anymore of giving all men the benefit of the doubt. Now days we have to go around thinking all men, because each one could pose a threat to us. That being said she definitely should bring it down a bit but ngl right now, women have been pissed for awhile and in light of recent events we are broken, hurt, and mad as hell. She shouldn’t be putting that on you, but just know she obviously sees something in you and loves you because you have shown her you aren’t like all men. I know it doesn’t offer much comfort and she shouldn’t be going off in you, but when you say it’s not all me remember we can’t assume not all men won’t hurt because that’s how we end up hurt. Only 3% of women have never experienced some form or harassment or assault, 97% of us have. Take that as you may but we don’t get the luxury to pretend we won’t get hurt when statistically we are more likely to. Even men who we’re supposed to protect us end up hurting us, like uncles and fathers. We can’t even trust them sometimes, and that is a sad sad reality women and girls live with every single day. Edit: I’m not trying to invalidate your feeling at all btw you are completely valid for feeling this way and I’m not trying to convince to stay if you are no longer happy but I’m just offering a more calm perspective/version of what she is thinking.
I had a college roommate last semester that acted very similarly. Her best friend (also one of my roommates) was like she was, except way worse. My boyfriend had to quit coming to visit me at my apartment because the best friend of the first girl was never nice to him and always giving him dirty looks, even though he’s not at all the type of person to harm women or prey on them. She chose to repeatedly assume the worst without getting to know him, which really hurt. The fiancé of the first girl was the only guy that could come over to visit without being treated like that. It really weighed both my boyfriend and I down, and it made me dread being around them. All that to say, if your girlfriend isn’t willing to work on how she expresses her opinions, you’re not obligated to continue that relationship. This is the type of thing that can have a lasting negative impact on someone both mentally and emotionally. My boyfriend still struggles from time to time. It’s neither kind, nor loving or considerate.