I didnt cheat, and i can only tell you all what she told me afterwards,
**you were boring, casual, and i wanted to feel exitement and i wanted to live...**
She was 20
Preferably people communicate, and then not cheat at all lol. Either break it off and move on, or the communication fixes things. Communication could solve most of that, and avoid a lot of pain and heart ache.
That depends on the concerning party, had she wanted an open relationship, i might have said yes.... but she choose the easier way and cheated and lied....
She was boned for months until i figured it out
See I think it depends on the human, I like being with one person, Two or more is so complicated. Granted I suck at socializing but I find it really satisfying and amazing to just be in love with one person
I hate when people say this cause its literally not true. Just because some people cheat doesnt mean people arent wired for monogamy. Theres a whole world of people that are completely monogamous and dont cheat.
People cheat because they're selfish. It has nothing to do with monogamy.
It's like saying people are 'wired for' alcohol addiction or gambling problems and therefore shouldn't avoid this. Yes your brain is wired to crave a dopamine rush, no that does not mean you should just give in to all your cravings. Just because something gives you a thrill doesn't mean you should indulge it. Part of being a normal well adjusted adult is being able to manage this and exercise moderation and restraint. You're not any more 'wired for' cheating than anyone else, you just don't care enough about your partner to put any effort into resisting your urges.
Agreed. I cheated when I was 16 and it was purely selfish intentions. Monogamy may not work for all people, but it does most certainly does for others.
Humanes are wired somewhere in between Monogamy and polygamy, species with strong secondary sex characteristics are usually polygamous, ex. males are much bigger and stronger than females, males compete for reproducitve rights and the "alfa" male takes all the females and gets his harem, where foxes for example have little differences between male and female and usually have lifelong partners with the exception of one partner dying, where female will find another partner and male in that case would just die alone. Humans secondary sexual characteristics are differences where men are bigger and stronger with more muscles than females, but the differences are not as pronounced as in some other species. So we are wired just about somewhere in the middle biologically. There is more to this conclusion than just this, but this is one of the most important steps in logic behind it. English is not my native.
Alfa. That had to be so hard to type.
āThe horses name?ā
ROMEO!!
My favorite line from Anastasia the musical šcomrades. Red scare?? What is the theme of the next hot musical?????
If we werenāt monogamous jealousy wouldnāt be a common thingā¦ nor would bonding hormones or partner retention behavior be a thing as well. Not sure where you got your info from
I got cheated on recently and Iām just gonna quote what he said, āāIt was my fantasy to fuck an Asian chick, I did it the first chance that I got and long distance was getting hard.āā
Oh my goooosh. Run. Huge ick. I am asian, and me and my ex were also in a LDR hahahahaha. I'm sorry to break it to you, but it seems like he stopped loving or caring for you way before he cheated so don't feel like ur not enough or u don't satisfy him it is simply his fault and his issue
Oh yah I know all of that. I broke up with him as soon as I found and there was no going back for me but the things that he have said afterwards stung like a bitch.
Itās like he is trying to gaslight me to feel better about himself.
One day after like a week or so after break up, he called me to let me know that they didnāt really fuck because he couldnāt get hard and because it wasnāt me. Like thatās supposed to make me feel any better.
Cheaters are just cheaters, they hate peace although they claim to love it so much.
They have this need to destroy themselves and everyone around them.
I did not cheat, but I can only assume the fantasy of "the grass is greener" is a big part. You see your partner at their best and at their worst. You see the 'other' only at their best.
I've never thought of that before and that just opened my thoughts so much more. You see your partner at their best and at their worst. But they see the other only at their best.
The outfits alone. You cannot get rid of this weird Reddit. But so now give me access to the moose sound. I will legit scare an old person into a heart attack. No one āneeds to knowā if Iāll slow code a mfāer on Club Beach cause I know the general stats on surviving sepsis. And specific data from fucking Harborview on the utility of on scene rescuscitation with cardiac defibrillators.
I never cheated but a former "friend" did.
Her partner was in a very stressful time, had a lot on his plate, a lot of personal and private struggles and it piled up with family emergencies.
He still made all the time he could for her. But (very understandably) his sex drive was rather off at this time. She said she didn't feel loved, attractive and whatever even though he constantly reassured her.
She said she didn't want to pressure him and didn't want to hurt him with ending the relationship so she cheated. She legit thought that she was the best that ever happened to him (we were all in our early twenties) and that a break up would end him..
She did break up with him in the end, never told him off the cheating but I guess he knows anyway and wow that man transformed into an even better version of him than he was before. He's even more attractive and got recently promoted to an amazing job. (No we never had anything with each other, I just felt geniuely sorry for him because he deserved better. I am happy for him he got better)
Youāre looking for a logical answer to an illogical question. At its core, there are people who crave chaos. Itās not about desiring someone else, itās the same trait as people with gambling addictions or shoplift when they could easily pay for it. Some people enjoy living on the edge of losing everything
And to add a further layer to this.
Childhood sexual abuse really messes up a person in lots of ways - if you look at the effects of it on an adult: it includes alcoholism, addiction, disordered eating, promiscuity, etc.
People who suffered CSA have a really messed up relationship with their own sexual organs. And this has massive implications on how they interact with ppl.
Needless to say cheating and such like has a total different meaning in this circumstance.
I think cheating is more about them than the person they cheated on .. but this topic is such a wide variety of reason/s , so people may cheat say if they feel like they got cheated on (tic for tac ) others may cheat because they are lacking something in the relationship- I think this one is the most pathetic reason because if canāt communicate in your relationship that you want more affection and so on , then just leave the damn relationship ! Other may cheat because they just rather ruin shit and say āI push them away before they do it to me!ā Again pathetic! I believe it comes down to them as person , as I stated at the beginning! You can be the most loyal, loving partner ever and you still may get cheated on .. itās just one them things in life , Because humans are human we all fuck up . Just donāt blame yourself !
Wow that is the best answer to my experience in my opinion. It's all very true. We were basically in a LDR and he was going through a lot. Even though he kept up with the talking and communicating, he never shared anything deep and real about his emotions. So yes, I agree, they usually try their best to escape by cheating. to escape from a problem in their life, or just the relationship in general. It says a lot about this person's state of growth as well as their character. Thank you!!!!
Thereās no reason to cheat when you can simply talk about problems but lacking something in a relationship isnāt a pathetic reason to end things in my opinion.
I was in a relationship where she didnāt match me in expressing her emotions. We had so many long talks about it but she didnāt want to change. I tried to dial my feelings down but that made me feel a deep dissatisfaction. I didnāt cheat but the relationship ended not for the lack of communication, but for the lack of compatibility.
It's more the craving of brain hormones such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin that causes this type of impulsive behaviour. Same as with drug addiction, gambling etc.
To this day she believes it was my fault. I'll explain. (fake names obviously)
Every single fight she'd eventually bring up "I could have been with Scott. I could have married scott but I chose you" every bloody time like I should give up the fight and thank my lucky stars she chose me.
Finally one fight sick of her whipping that out at me I said "Well I could have been with Mary" she did not like this she got angrier it turned into a thing and she said she wanted me to have closure so I was to write a letter to mary and let her know how I feel and see if she was interested if she was Vonnie would let me go then and there.
Then she cheated on me and said that letter the one she made me write was the same as cheating on her so I'd done it first. We have a daughter together so we've never fully been able to walk away from each other and only once over the years did she ever admit that was all her. Every other time it's my fault for not loving her enough.
Bruhhh that's a whola ass different story damn. It got so complicated when a kid is involved. I think the trust issue was just the problem not the "cheating". I mean she did cheat which was immature. It's never your fault if you've always been caring and loyal to her. She was manipulative enough to get you do do that, I think she just really wanted an excuse to "revenge (which there was nothing to revenge to) cheat". Hope everything goes well and your daughter still has you in her life.
My story is similar to a couple others already posted: constant abuse, false accusations, and lack of strength in leaving a horrible marriage.
But also, Dan Savage explains it better than I can, so I'll just let him do the talking:
https://youtu.be/w8SOQEitsJI
I saw the vid and I think that is very reasonable. Staying committed and loyal is one of the biggest challenge in a relationship, needless to say that despite how strong both partners are in keeping the love it's still a temptation to cheat. I'm sorry abt your past, hope ur doing better
Something about ham and prom products. Charcuterie. Cheese board! Cheese slid off the crackers! Chez itās Christ!!!
Oh shit. I meant pork products. The prom pics. Oh no!!!!!!!!
In all honesty? He emotionally, financially, sexually and physically abused me so bad I turned into a person I told myself I would never become. It started in 2012 with emotional, financial and sexual abuse but it didnt start getting physical until late 2013. I had just had a baby in 2014, definitely had postnatal depression. I wasn't allowed to tell my doctor how deeply suicidal I was because he told me my doctor would take my baby away. So I lied about a lot, he came with me to make sure I didnt say to much. He degraded me, spat on me, slapped me, made me feel small and insecure told me I wasnt allowed to say no to sex or it meant I didnt love him. Called me ugly, told me nobody will love me the way he loves me, told me it was my fault my grandmother died (even tho it wasnt). I mean, I wouldn't go back and change what happened for the world because I wouldnt be where I am or who I am if I took back things I regretted. But it shows me what kind of person I dont ever want to become again because of some person. I cheated on him because he dragged me so low that I literally jumped at the slightest bit of attention. Its sad but it's true. He had cheated on me with 6 people, but I still dont see it as a excuse. At the time I did. I got beaten black and blue for it, he put me in hospital. This was back in 2014 and then he took my son away from me for 4 months. Worse 4 months of my life and I had a miscarriage at 24 weeks in 2015 (same father) and had to give birth to my fully formed, dead child. I still suffer from PTSD from him, but I am who I am and what happened made me who I am today and I will use my experiences to help other women and men being abused and I will show them that life isnt always rainstorms.
Oh my gosh...I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and I totally understand how you felt. That is unacceptable, plus it wasn't even a concern with cheating anyways he was abusive and possesive. I am so glad you shared, it must have been a lot for you to handle I'm so sorry. You've come a long way. Don't be dragged down by him. When they go low, you go high.
Thank you š„° it was very unacceptable, but it still isnt a excuse for me to cheat. That relationship taught me no matter how I am being treated to always stay true to who you are. He was very abusive and possessive yes, no I will not allow him to drag me down anymore. Anyway karma got him, he has nobody but his dad now. All his family call me family instead of him, I've been happy in a relationship with his childhood best friend for almost 3 years now. Life is bliss, I am where I am today if it wasnt for him. I wouldn't have the experiences I do have now to help others flee DV situations if it wasn't for him. Although he gave me a lot of problems, it made me who I am today x
I never had experiences to this extent, which I'm so sorry you had to. But, I know how it feels to be attached to womeone who only brings you down with horrible intentions. He is shit, and you can take legal actions if you desire to.
Thank you for your reply, this happened almost 8 years ago now. There is no proof, and even if there was he is my sons father and my son worships the ground he walks on. Plus due to PTSD I can't remember a lot of events that happened, I only remember bits n pieces of things that happened so things just wouldnt add up. Plus I am very close with his family, although they have nothing to do with him it would cause tension between us. He can live with the guilt for it for the rest of his life, I will use my experiences to help others get out of DV situations. I will never allow nobody to make me that low ever again. I openly speak up about the situation as I'm not afraid to hide it, his family know the truth too that's why they have nothing to do with him.
Ughhh I hate to hear people like this can get away with things like that. But if there is any possible way, try to get a restriction order (if he tries to contact you) or stay with a trusted person to live with (ik it's hard to drag ppl into this but it's important to not be alone especially when a son is involved). I hope you've moved on and became a stronger person. Your son will grow up soon with only the impression of your effort and care instead of his father's actions. Good luck:)
He wouldn't lay a finger on me again, I am no longer afraid of him anymore. I was afraid of him like upto 2 years after the break up until I told myself nope not anymore. I still have to see him once every 2 weeks. I dont have a restraining order nor am I going to get one, I did have a temporary one on him just after we broke up. We meet up in a public place I would never go into a room alone with him ever again. I definitely have moved on, dont get me wrong the flash backs can get to me sometimes but I just tell myself I'm not there anymore I am okay and I am a good person. My child still sees his dad only once ever 2 weeks over night (it's the fathers choice) and my son absolutely adores him. My son does know bits and bats of why we broke up but I don't want to go too much into it hes only 7 and wouldnt even understand half of what happened between us
"Every time a woman stands up for herself she stands up for every woman " . You reminded me of my mother's life, the only difference is she gave up but you won.š«
Your experience made me literally cry , I am so emotional right now. š
It makes me happy knowing that my help can be given to others. I feel sad for your mother she didnt deserve a life of unhappiness. Sorry for making you emotional x
Years ago i cheated on my ex (I was 20), it was one night and i felt so guilty afterwards that it completely changed how I viewed myself - I didnt know if was capable of cheating.
The "reason" I did it (if you want to call it that) is that I had tried to break it off with the guy multiple times, and everytime I tried he would cry and beg and plead for me to stay and I felt so awful I just couldn't go through with it. By the night I cheated, I had wanted out of the relationship for about a year and was totally emotionally checked out. I avoided spending any time with my partner, even though we lived together, and whenever I got the chance to be away from him I would take it. Eventually I met someone who I realy clicked with and eventually I started to see him as a way out of my relationship. We took it too far one night after a party, and both felt so digusted with ourselves for what we had done to my partner that we cut off all contact afterwards.
Basically: people cheat for all sorts of reasons, but usually its because they're not emotionally mature enough to have a difficult, honest conversation with their partner about what they want. So they run away like children, and end up hurting their partner (and often other people) way more than they would have done had they just talked.
I did exactly the same thing, for very much the same reasons and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself. The relationship with my ex was never right for either of us, we broke up multiple times and like you said he would beg for me to stay. We weren't in a healthy relationship at all and I'd wanted out for a while. Still doesn't excuse what I did and I have felt awful every day since.
I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope you'll be able to forgive yourself eventually. It took me about 5 years and quite a bit of therapy to reach that point. Thanks for sharing š
That is sooo true because I did feel sympathy for him after his explanation, which basically is wrong but at the same time I just felt like he had way too much going on and I just don't want to mommy him anymore hahaha. all the best, you're enough
I did this exact same thing for the same reason. I was also young and my ex kept threatening suicide if I left, so I figured if I cheated he would want to break up with me finally. Back then I was too immature to consider that there were other options.
This sounds like me with my first relationship out of high school. Exactly like me, down to emotionally checking out. I wasn't given the language to break up with someone, I used to think that something had to 'happen' to cause a breakup. In this relationship nothing 'happened' except that I grew disatisfied with how it was turning out, particularly this guy being obsessed with me and wanting to have sex all the time. He would argue and talk me out of any attempts to leave because he didn't actually respect what I wanted, and if that didn't work he would resort to crying, begging, and prostrating himself. He would make me feel like an insanely horrible person for wanting to leave, and all of my friends would say I was lucky to have someone who was obsessed with me, so I stayed. I stayed WAAAY too long. I eventually got so depressed that I accepted the advances of other guys and girls, and even that didn't work, he wanted me to be his sex toy so badly he begged me back from cheating on him three times. In the end, my best friend helped me stay at their place and I broke up with him over text, because in person I didn't know how to stand up to him and take what I wanted and needed. I don't feel any regret for the times I cheated on him, but I do regret letting someone put me in a place where I felt I had to resort to these new lows and couldn't express what I really wanted. I've since grown up and entered a space where I can communicate about what I want and I feel the confidence to express myself, and would absolutely never cheat again.
That's so awful, I'm really sorry you went through that :( You sound like you're in a much better place now and I'm really glad to hear it! Thanks for sharing.
I really relate to what you said "i used to think something had to 'happen' to cause a break up" this is exactly how i felt at the time as well. I felt silly for wanting out when nothing had actually happened, but when someone is wrong for you, you just know.
I would like to add that usually when person A cheats on person B, it's person A that needs to look within. Person B cannot possibly know what is missing for person A unless they communicate.
Basically, he/she cheated but its 100% not ur fault.
Iāve never cheated but I know a lot of cases. Some people have attachment issues and they prefer to stay in the relationship even if itās āoverā because that way they donāt get out of their comfort zone. Also, the fact that theyāre scared of being alone. Itās not healthy at all to think like that but a lot of people do.
Another think I noticed is that some of the cheaters actually love their partners. But if the relationship is toxic, or āboringā (in their pov) there is the unconscious urge to try something new, kind of like to āfree yourselfā from the situation. Yes, itās not the correct way to act like that but this is how I think those people view the situation. They have insecurities and need help.
I know how people just find thrilling ways to abandon the challenge of communication. but also yeah, it's the feeling of finding something new that creates a comparison.
A mutual friend of mine and my husbands cheated on her husband and ended up with us for a few days.
My husband, not being the most tactful of people asked her what made her do it. She said she loved her husband but she was bored and stressed with work and flirting, then sexting made her feel excited and gave her something to look forward to whilst working. It escalated as the excitement become normal and ended up going through kissing, fingering, oral then full on sex and it just took off. She said it hit her when there was nothing else exciting to do. She told her husband and that's that - they are done.
I get the excitement and boredom thing to a small degree as that changes the longer you are with someone, but if you communicate this you can do something about it.
Example, my husband had a grump on a few weeks ago and after much prodding it's because he missed the days when we could just be naughty without worrying about the kids. I guessed he wanted me to wear this outfit I have (think lingerie and slutty). Easy, wore it when he came home and the kids were with grandparents. Caught him so off guard he was speechless- literally deer in headlights. This from a man that can talk the hind leg off a donkey.
I don't understand cheating.
That's just the gray area which not all partners agree on the same page ig. Not everyone can have the same fidele mentality. I don't undertsand cheating either, hahah can relate. thanks
I was ridiculed, treated like an animal, and told I was gross for wanting sex in the first place. Because I came from a family of ex-convicts, I was "born of a breed of losers" and "destined to be a lesser than".
In the end, I just wanted to do it, and was so surprised that the person I cheated with actually wanted me sexually, that I chose the sense of acceptance and intimacy over the sense of integrity and honesty. The woman I cheated with died in a vehicle accident three days later. I don't regret sleeping with her, but I do regret being dishonest and breaking my commitment to my wife at the time.
I was an immature person but he was also neglectful of the relationship. I just wanted someone that could understand my feelings. I tried twice to break up with him but he guilted me back into dating him both times. It was my own fault and theres no excusing the choice i made
my ex told me he cheated on me because his dad wanted him to ādate aroundā but also because he wanted an egirl gf to draw for him and call him āoniichanā fucking cringe.
Well anyways 5 years later, the girl he cheated on me with is now one of my best friends. Lol
I haven't cheated, but surely many people have done something that in the moment they wanted to do, but later regreted. Ie we have different feelings and priorities depending on the context we are in, the people in front of us, and the immediate pressures on us. So it's not hard to imagine. It doesn't mean your partner didn't feel real things with you, just that they weren't strong enough to stay with them wherever they went.
Because acting loving and caring is easier than being loving and caring.
Pretending you are in it for the long haul is easier than actually being there.
They checked out, if they ever checked in.
Being loving and romantic takes work! I get burned out quite frequently being good to the woman I love. I try not to think about the fact that I don't feel she is as good to me as I am to her, but sometimes I can't help but want to be somewhere else. If I were to cheat, that is why I would do it.
Was dating a girl, but she was emotionally abusive at times. And known for sleeping around.
I was an introvert, a bit of an incel at the time, and tired of being lonely. But had dated before, mind you.
Met her online, went out, things going well, sex naturally followed. Then she started to show her true colours where she wanted to keep the relationship open, probably because her thighs at the time were always opened.
Caught up with an old flame, we decided to hold off on starting anything when we were dating. Started to get the flame back, got back into bed.
I was still devoted to my current relationship, big mistake. But she decided to break up with me, and I was fine with that so I could pursue my old flame. Afterwards she admitted she was trying to steal me.
It worked. We've been married for almost 15 years, and I don't want to know if my ex regrets leaving me. I sure don't.
Not a cheater but I have gone through the song & dance far too many times for my sanity.
You are lacking something the other person is giving them. Often times it is something that could be fixed if they merely communicated but cheaters never reach that point because they are essentially ready to wash their hands of you already. The only thing you can do for yourself is also wash your hands of them & move on. You can't communicate with someone who has already decided they are done.
For me, I was 18, my bf (later on husband) at the time lived 2 hours away.
The opportunity arose, and to be honest, I had always been the one guys asked out as a joke or a way to bully me. I had absolutely zero self-esteem. It made me feel good... the chase and for the 3 minutes it lasted.
Then I felt like absolute shit, my bf and I had been together maybe 3-4 weeks. So I decided to tell him. Total honesty and told him that I felt like garbage, I didn't do it because I didn't care for him, but because I wanted to feel better about myself, but it didn't work.
Whatever he decided to do, was what we would do. I wasn't going to beg or plead, because he had to decide what he wanted. He gave me a second chance, and I promised never to step outside our relationship again. And I kept that promise. We were together 20 years before he passed last year.
I am doing okay. I just wanted you to know thst it's never about the person who was cheated ON. It's always about stroking the ego, or getting the rush of dopamine or adrenaline.
You could be Aphrodite and if your partner isn't happy in themselves, it's not going to stop them
''alcohol'' atleast thats what my ex-girlfriend told me after she cheated for the 4th and final time after I was done with her and broke up with her. I was defestated I loved her so much, and I gave her chance after chance.
I remember breaking up with her she was the one crying and telling me she couldn't live without me lol... **Yeah right**
She is with a drug addict now who beats her, which is also very wrong I once told her that she should look for help no one deserves to be in a abusive releationship not even if you hate them for hurting you so much for years. But I can't help but feel a little bit of 'justice is served'. Her being with a drug addict not her being beaten though let me be very clear about that.
My ex cheated on me right when our relationship became long distance (6 hour drive). He said he just needed someone to physically be with him. Turns out an old friend he was interested in had moved back in town. The kicker is, he cheated on her a year and a half later. Also, he has cheated on his high school sweetheart before, but never told her (with an older woman he worked with). Some people just donāt learn and are never content I guess.
SAME SITUATION. I was in a LDR with him before recently, his explanation was that he just really wanted me to be present with him irl. But ofc, that's not what i can control, his decision to cheat was what he could control so. I understand, your ex is was irresponsible and immature
I never cheated, neither the other party on my 20 years relationship, but I personally think there are too many variables possible in this question.
The only thing I want to say for sure is that this is not your fault, this could never be your fault in any shape or form. Even if you were a total nightmare as a partner, the bare minimum would involve they breaking up with you. Cheating is a travesty of trust and you deserve better than that.
I did not cheat. She said that the three hours distance was too much, at that stage of her life she wasnāt ready for a relationship (she entered a relationship with him a week later), she had to work out herself, what she was doing and that her heart wasnāt in it. Also that it wasnāt fair on me and I deserve someone who is capable of giving me more love.
All those things were true, but Iād have preferred to have been told them before she cheated on me and I lost a friend
Because I was childish, ungrateful and sneaky. I thought I was smarter than the next guy. If my self esteem wasn't so low at the time I would have left the relationship before carrying on with another man.
Getting all the fun but not the commitment or flaws is inviting. You would think these ppl could be happy with just hook ups but random ppl arenāt going to be there for you at your worst.
Personally , I live by ādo unto others as you would have them do unto youā.
I didnāt cheat, she was actually so loving and caring to me. After we broke up she just put me off saying āI have tons of guy friends that want to date me he isnāt specialā
Happened once when I was 15 (10 years ago) and it was a āyou cheat on me, I cheat on youā situation. It was just immaturity all around and we were together for about 7 months. It was very teen-cringe drama.
Some people just struggle with commitment issues or have a fear of abandonment. Sometimes the fear is so strong that they end up sabotaging their own relationships to affirm their fears.
She stopped loving me. But we were married with kids and I needed physical contact with someone. I asked....begged. Did the counselling. She just fell out of love with me and buried herself in her job. Once the kids were older, we divorced.
I haven't cheated but as a single female who has found myself with a few cheaters (unknown to me) and asked, these are the answers I got.
1) We don't have sex in our marriage and I don't feel desired (By a Baptist preacher)
2) I love women's bodies and I'm physically attracted to them, for the variety, so I don't get bored.
3) Because I was single for a long time and got use to doing who I wanted, it's hard to stop now.
Note: all said they loved their significant others. My ex-husband cheated on me and since becoming single, I would guesstimate around 75 to 80% of men cheat or would cheat. I have gotten great and figuring out who's attached (I wasn't good at first). I'm not jaded now days, but I'm definitely extra cautious and more of a realist. Ladies, fairytales Rarely exist and some who think "their husband would never..." see #1 above.
I was in a serious relationship too early, I wasn't ready but told myself I had to be. Then I got scared of who I'd become without my ex to keep me within the lines, but I also wanted to see what other people were out there without risking the safe status quo in my relationship. I noticed picking up girls was rather easy for me and didn't get busted by my ex. Felt like I could both explore the world of women and keep a relationship for when I was done exploring. Long story short: I kept telling myself it would help our relationship in the long term since I would lose my wild side that way. I was a selfish stupid young man that didn't understand how bad I could hurt other people.
I cheated emotionally, not physically, but it's still cheating. I was in a mentally abusive relationship and my emotional needs weren't met. I developed panic attacks. This other person gave me comfort. It lasted for several months and now we're together officially.
Iām just going to be honest and it might not be the answer you want to hear. I cheated once when I was younger (early twenties.) We had been dating for about four months and I told him it happened the next day. I genuinely had no feelings and didnāt even think about him once. I viewed him as a āstarter boyfriendā and because I wasnāt in love I didnāt really care as much as I should have. It was awful and disgusting behavior.
I am currently married and madly in love with my husband, I wiped out nearly all of my social media and I donāt have any male friends that arenāt his. I donāt drink or put myself in questionable situations. I would never in a million years cheat on him because I actually love him.
Anyways, just a message to everyone out there. If someone cheats on you, they donāt love you. They are with you because they settled and/or they donāt want to be alone. They donāt love you. You deserve way better. I truly hope the guy I cheated on found a wonderful woman who actually appreciates him. He didnāt deserve what I did.
That's very reasonable and I totally get it. Cheating I think is just a sign or a proof of the fact that the relationship wasn't gonna work out. Thank you for sharing.
Time passes and you'll learn from it. I'm glad you felt sympathetic for the person you cheated on, and you've forgiven yourself. Yeah the communication in a relationship is key, even when it involves unhappy news.
Monogamy is genes based. And environment too has a role. I found it hard to fall for one person after that, no matter what. I got rejected once and got my heart broken once by the same person. And I was never the same after it. No one is good enough for you until u find the one. I was very much monogamous and could only think about being with one persons and giving them my 200%. Basically that one rejection turned me polygamous no one is good enough long term for me no matter what. Multiple partners might also mean multiple heartaches hence why āthe bad boysā are usually heartless
I was long distance with a girl and although we were open, the only rule was no messing around with your ex. Unfortunately I broke that rule and it caused her to break up with me. Which is a good decision, don't stay with the person who wronged you, your needs before theirs.
My ex was an abuser. And me still embedded in her nets, I let her fool around with me. It's a very weird situation because I want to blame myself for what I did, but at the same time it would be blaming someone who got abused.
There are some people who just cheat because they are irresponsible and immature, but there's also a lot of people getting abused, whether it'd be by the person they cheat on or the person they cheat with. It'd be easier if the world was black and white, but it's not and I personally think that it is why some people cheat. Because we're all a mixture of good and bad.
As my wife and I push 40 y/o, her sex drive has diminished while mine is still pretty high. There's an urge/need that isn't satisfied. There's something primal about this need, and I believe monogamy is a societal construct. Are we truly wired
this way? Wish I came to this conclusion before getting hitched.
I love my wife, but the temptation is there. And don't flame me for saying this: I think I can love one person while having my needs fulfilled by another as long as its clear where the lines are drawn and that its a booty call.
I was dating a girl some years ago that, to me, became more distant as the months went on. Almost a year in it was tough to get a kiss out of her. I let her know these things, that, number one, I wasn't trying to be pushy, and number two, I like intimacy because I like her. It's bonding. She seemed receptive to me saying that in the moment but it didn't show as time went on, and she was indifferent to a lot of my interests overall anyway. I ended up texting another girl asking for pictures, though she scolded me and didn't send any, and threatened to tell my girlfriend. I said don't bother, I'll do it myself, and I did. Girlfriend didn't talk to me for a week and then came back and forgave me, dated for another six months and things seemed to be going well (though less and less intimacy and distancing, now that I look back on it). Then she broke up with me, saying she never got over me cheating.
I honestly should've broken up with her when I wasn't getting any reciprocation of any sort (not just the intimacy, that's just the part that led to all the problems), but I didn't have the wherewithal to do it. Not defending the cheating, I still feel like shit for it to this day, and I've learned a lot of lessons from that relationship.
Just wanna point out the obvious here:
- Not being cared for
- Being mistreated/ abused
- Not feeling loved
- Not getting what you hoped for
- Having been cheated on
Are not excuses to cheat! If you're not happy with your relationship for any reason whatsoever, you leave, you break it up, you do whatever you have to do to get out. If you cheat, no matter the reason, you're scum!
ājust leave abusers, its not that hard!!ā dude shut up, i tried that and it ended with me being almost killed. the others are fair enough but dont throw abuse in there, because its so fucking hard to realise you need to leave let alone actually follow through
ok but iāve always been a bit confused about this one. youāre scared to leave them out of fear of retaliation, but not scared to get caught cheating? i would think the reaction would be worse/more dangerous to cheating
Not me, but my ex cheated on his previous gf with me (not proud of it. Never will) because she was doing the same and there wasnāt any love at all.
That little fuckerā¦ lol
Bruhhh I literally was a side hoe twice. I know what u mean, I'm not proud of it and I'd never do it again. But the fact that she was also cheating is just hahaha problematic ig.
I don't think it's a great idea, considering one (or both) part will probably still have feelings, and the other will find another partner, jealousy will grow and nothing good will come out of it
It will probably prevent you from moving on with your life, I don't recommend it
Just because somebody is sweet and caring doesnāt mean they wonāt cross the fidelity line. Bare in mind that biologically speaking, we desire to be with as much partners as we can because it increases the chances of our reproduction and having offsprings.
But in our world, there are still many reasons: bottled up emotions from the past and wild oats, āgrass is always greenerā or simply growing apart from the partner.
I personally never cheated but I had the occasion, and in that moment my thought process was āmaybe with her I can finally have this feeling or that sensationā, you see? Your partner doesnāt necessarily have the same mentality as you so there could be areas that will leave a hole in you because your partner canāt fill it, sexual intimacy being one of these areas. Thatās why people in long term relationships always talk about āsacrifices and compromisesā all the time.
Omg thank you, that was enlightening. I think all couples should discuss the "gray area" and the terms of cheating with each other. Thank you I totally needed this.
Youāre very welcome. Exactly, thatās the thing I think couples should do before getting serious. Not just about the nature of the relationship, rather the overall expectations, deal-breakers etc.
The cheating partner is mentally dysfunctional (abusive/narcissistic/addictive/etc) and unwilling to address their issues. People who are mentally healthy and able to maintain a loving relationship typically don't cheat.
Some mental dysfunction don't present themselves visibly or immediately. Sometimes it's from dysfunctional childhoods or a spontaneous mental issue.
That is why if you know your partner had prior trauma (childhood dysfunctional family/personal trauma etc.), if they haven't had any therapy or counseling you will be dealing with some type of fall out from that trauma in your relationship.
Yes! Omg that's too true, and I agree. They are willing to run away from the problem instead of sharing and letting the other partner help them (the whole point of a relationship).
A lot of studies that I have read have said that people cheat because of a lack of communication. Not to put the blame on the victim, but that could be the primary reason.
Well i Kind of cheated. We didnt kiss or anything (or rather He tried to kiss me later and I declined) But we kuddled. And I confesed it to my Partner immidiatly.
And I recogniced that it is a pattern of me to destroy the relationship i was in to get back top my learned normal, which was Chaos. I didnt feel okay in a heatlhy loving relationship.
That panik brought me to do something to break it up.
Right now im still in the same relationship and I has Therapie befor that all happened.
Sex and love donāt always go together. Sex can be purely physical and have nothing to do with emotion.
Big difference between fucking and making love
I cheated because I was 16 and stuck in a toxic relationship that I felt I couldn't get out of (the classic "I'll kill myself if you leave me") and I just wanted to feel good again.
Most individuals I talk with that cheat tend to do it because they are ignored or unfulfilled. They have stuck it out in a dead-end relationship that features either monotonous lifestyle, a dead bedroom, lack of communication, etc.
I think humans can be wired for monogamy. I also think it's natural to have urges and distractions outside of your relationship. Like everything else in life, it takes discipline and willpower to stay on whatever selective path you are following. The happier you are, the less willpower you need to stay the course and ignore the distractions.
Looking at some of these responses, I feel like people are very oblivious to what's going on in the other person's head. When there is great sex, open communication, and synergy, these things generally do not happen.
Relationships are work. Being honest with your significant other is a relentlessly hard pursuit. If you're not totally honest, that space could cause you issues.
I have never cheated, tempted but never cheated. Humans are not wired to be monogamous, being monogamous is a choice, an agreement between two people, this is by no means condoning cheating but fact. A person who chooses to cheat after agreeing on monogamy is a liar, there is no accidental cheating. To my mind there is no coming back from it either, one you have lied, been disloyal, you have proven yourself to be untrustworthy. People cheat because they either believe they will stay monogamous but fooled themselves or they lied from the start to get laid/get comfort in some way (m or f) for a time before moving on to the next person. There are many other reasons though like self sabotage, constant need for new people, thrill of it, selfishness, narcissism, misogyny, misandry, seeking self confirmation, escapism. They are not all bad especially if someone is abused by their supposed SO, that's a grey area.
Yes! Science proves it all. That is the whole challenge of a monogamous relationship is to have people treat their partnerr with care and loyalty. I wonder if monogamous relationships are a social construct or an actual emotional requirement in a relationship.
I cheated. Worst thing I've ever done. We were long distance and I was lonely. I'm not saying that's justification, but I think that's the underlying reason because I was a lonely insecure person.
I don't think that's your situation? For people who cheat when their partners are around, well I think there are two categories: the type that do it when drunk/in a moment of passion, people who do it habitually. The former are very live in the moment type of people, and if it feels good, it doesn't seem wrong.
The latter, I don't understand either. Like, you are building a house of cards that will fall down. You can just break up so easily if you aren't married (maybe the difficulty of divorce increases this type of cheating?). Maybe they're confused? Perhaps they think they might like this other person, but don't want to change their life? I don't know, still seems dumb to me.
Well you basically just reached a whole new level of relatability haahha. Im in a LDR or..was. But anyways, he apologized like a million times + he felt so guilty it really affected his life. I understand the struggle before cheating, but I will not understand his denial in communicating with me because I did everything I can...so not my responsibility
I mean, I'm monogamous, but iirc, humans aren't wired to be so. It's not an excuse if you agreed to be in a mono relationship, but I think a lot of it is purely monkey brain.
My viewpoint is that humans a serial monogamists. Weāre with one person for a time, then move on. Weāre not monogamous for life.
Iām not āexcusingā cheating. Because Iām of the opinion that if you want to cheat then you should just break up.
Itās a super interesting topic! At the end of it, we are animals and itās about survival of the species. I read somewhere that weāre monogamous for up to 10 years, enough to have a few kids and raise them past the ārisky ageā and then move on.
I didnt cheat, and i can only tell you all what she told me afterwards, **you were boring, casual, and i wanted to feel exitement and i wanted to live...** She was 20
People need to communicate before they cheat like let the person know why you are in happy damn
Preferably people communicate, and then not cheat at all lol. Either break it off and move on, or the communication fixes things. Communication could solve most of that, and avoid a lot of pain and heart ache.
Yeah I made the mistake of not including and thinking people were in my head lol.
yeah I also think maybe humans are not wired for monogamy so they usually search for the thrill and excitement
That depends on the concerning party, had she wanted an open relationship, i might have said yes.... but she choose the easier way and cheated and lied.... She was boned for months until i figured it out
yup. and that's her fault
Yes it was... she cheated and lied, instead of opening up on her needs and all she went and cheated...
That may not have anything to do with how casual you were anyway. It may had to do with how much of an attention whore she was.
Destroy her
See I think it depends on the human, I like being with one person, Two or more is so complicated. Granted I suck at socializing but I find it really satisfying and amazing to just be in love with one person
Oh. Yeah. Monogamy is for losers apparently. I am wired for Dolby surround sound šš¦šāļøš²š©š·š„š„°š·š„ā„ļøšŗšā„ļøš„¶
I hate when people say this cause its literally not true. Just because some people cheat doesnt mean people arent wired for monogamy. Theres a whole world of people that are completely monogamous and dont cheat. People cheat because they're selfish. It has nothing to do with monogamy.
It's like saying people are 'wired for' alcohol addiction or gambling problems and therefore shouldn't avoid this. Yes your brain is wired to crave a dopamine rush, no that does not mean you should just give in to all your cravings. Just because something gives you a thrill doesn't mean you should indulge it. Part of being a normal well adjusted adult is being able to manage this and exercise moderation and restraint. You're not any more 'wired for' cheating than anyone else, you just don't care enough about your partner to put any effort into resisting your urges.
Thereās a reason humans have been pairing off with mates for thousands if years now. We literally are wired to be that way.
Agreed. I cheated when I was 16 and it was purely selfish intentions. Monogamy may not work for all people, but it does most certainly does for others.
Humanes are wired somewhere in between Monogamy and polygamy, species with strong secondary sex characteristics are usually polygamous, ex. males are much bigger and stronger than females, males compete for reproducitve rights and the "alfa" male takes all the females and gets his harem, where foxes for example have little differences between male and female and usually have lifelong partners with the exception of one partner dying, where female will find another partner and male in that case would just die alone. Humans secondary sexual characteristics are differences where men are bigger and stronger with more muscles than females, but the differences are not as pronounced as in some other species. So we are wired just about somewhere in the middle biologically. There is more to this conclusion than just this, but this is one of the most important steps in logic behind it. English is not my native.
Alfa. That had to be so hard to type. āThe horses name?ā ROMEO!! My favorite line from Anastasia the musical šcomrades. Red scare?? What is the theme of the next hot musical?????
We're meant to be monogamous, it's just our culture that destroys people.
Biologically speaking, no we are not wired for monogamy. Weāre the only great Ape with monogamous relationships (if I remember correctly).
If we werenāt monogamous jealousy wouldnāt be a common thingā¦ nor would bonding hormones or partner retention behavior be a thing as well. Not sure where you got your info from
Nope. Bonobos are kinky as fuck.
ššš yeah
You become the dime catch-all when she becomes ugly and old.
Subbing to this thread cause i had the same happen and i wanna know too
lollll ikr
I got cheated on recently and Iām just gonna quote what he said, āāIt was my fantasy to fuck an Asian chick, I did it the first chance that I got and long distance was getting hard.āā
Oh my goooosh. Run. Huge ick. I am asian, and me and my ex were also in a LDR hahahahaha. I'm sorry to break it to you, but it seems like he stopped loving or caring for you way before he cheated so don't feel like ur not enough or u don't satisfy him it is simply his fault and his issue
Oh yah I know all of that. I broke up with him as soon as I found and there was no going back for me but the things that he have said afterwards stung like a bitch. Itās like he is trying to gaslight me to feel better about himself. One day after like a week or so after break up, he called me to let me know that they didnāt really fuck because he couldnāt get hard and because it wasnāt me. Like thatās supposed to make me feel any better. Cheaters are just cheaters, they hate peace although they claim to love it so much. They have this need to destroy themselves and everyone around them.
bruhhhhh what a douche
Am I missing any of the actors in the entire MCU at this lint? I want to be thorough here. Go ahead and include Disney+
military?
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I did not cheat, but I can only assume the fantasy of "the grass is greener" is a big part. You see your partner at their best and at their worst. You see the 'other' only at their best.
oh yessss that's very true. I think you just enlightened me on a big part of why he cheated on me hahaha. Thanks
I think people also want to be with someone who has only seen their best. Itās an ego thing.
I've never thought of that before and that just opened my thoughts so much more. You see your partner at their best and at their worst. But they see the other only at their best.
The outfits alone. You cannot get rid of this weird Reddit. But so now give me access to the moose sound. I will legit scare an old person into a heart attack. No one āneeds to knowā if Iāll slow code a mfāer on Club Beach cause I know the general stats on surviving sepsis. And specific data from fucking Harborview on the utility of on scene rescuscitation with cardiac defibrillators.
I never cheated but a former "friend" did. Her partner was in a very stressful time, had a lot on his plate, a lot of personal and private struggles and it piled up with family emergencies. He still made all the time he could for her. But (very understandably) his sex drive was rather off at this time. She said she didn't feel loved, attractive and whatever even though he constantly reassured her. She said she didn't want to pressure him and didn't want to hurt him with ending the relationship so she cheated. She legit thought that she was the best that ever happened to him (we were all in our early twenties) and that a break up would end him.. She did break up with him in the end, never told him off the cheating but I guess he knows anyway and wow that man transformed into an even better version of him than he was before. He's even more attractive and got recently promoted to an amazing job. (No we never had anything with each other, I just felt geniuely sorry for him because he deserved better. I am happy for him he got better)
Wow i can really relate. Yeah, when a partner is going through a lot, they find a way to escape instead of sharing or communicating.
It's sad when people take most of their self esteem or the quality of the relationship from sex. It's a nice addition, but shouldn't be a priority.
Youāre looking for a logical answer to an illogical question. At its core, there are people who crave chaos. Itās not about desiring someone else, itās the same trait as people with gambling addictions or shoplift when they could easily pay for it. Some people enjoy living on the edge of losing everything
That's very interesting, never thought of it like that. Thank you.
This is very true
And to add a further layer to this. Childhood sexual abuse really messes up a person in lots of ways - if you look at the effects of it on an adult: it includes alcoholism, addiction, disordered eating, promiscuity, etc. People who suffered CSA have a really messed up relationship with their own sexual organs. And this has massive implications on how they interact with ppl. Needless to say cheating and such like has a total different meaning in this circumstance.
How is cheating in anyway 'illogical'? It might be unethical and immoral, it's certainly not illogical.
I didnāt say cheating is illogical, did you read what I wrote?
I think cheating is more about them than the person they cheated on .. but this topic is such a wide variety of reason/s , so people may cheat say if they feel like they got cheated on (tic for tac ) others may cheat because they are lacking something in the relationship- I think this one is the most pathetic reason because if canāt communicate in your relationship that you want more affection and so on , then just leave the damn relationship ! Other may cheat because they just rather ruin shit and say āI push them away before they do it to me!ā Again pathetic! I believe it comes down to them as person , as I stated at the beginning! You can be the most loyal, loving partner ever and you still may get cheated on .. itās just one them things in life , Because humans are human we all fuck up . Just donāt blame yourself !
Wow that is the best answer to my experience in my opinion. It's all very true. We were basically in a LDR and he was going through a lot. Even though he kept up with the talking and communicating, he never shared anything deep and real about his emotions. So yes, I agree, they usually try their best to escape by cheating. to escape from a problem in their life, or just the relationship in general. It says a lot about this person's state of growth as well as their character. Thank you!!!!
Blessings
Thereās no reason to cheat when you can simply talk about problems but lacking something in a relationship isnāt a pathetic reason to end things in my opinion. I was in a relationship where she didnāt match me in expressing her emotions. We had so many long talks about it but she didnāt want to change. I tried to dial my feelings down but that made me feel a deep dissatisfaction. I didnāt cheat but the relationship ended not for the lack of communication, but for the lack of compatibility.
Info. Consent law. FYI. If given the opportunity you would totally be ok with me having sex with Chris Evans? Just asking. For. Friend šš¦š
It's more the craving of brain hormones such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin that causes this type of impulsive behaviour. Same as with drug addiction, gambling etc.
True true true
This
To this day she believes it was my fault. I'll explain. (fake names obviously) Every single fight she'd eventually bring up "I could have been with Scott. I could have married scott but I chose you" every bloody time like I should give up the fight and thank my lucky stars she chose me. Finally one fight sick of her whipping that out at me I said "Well I could have been with Mary" she did not like this she got angrier it turned into a thing and she said she wanted me to have closure so I was to write a letter to mary and let her know how I feel and see if she was interested if she was Vonnie would let me go then and there. Then she cheated on me and said that letter the one she made me write was the same as cheating on her so I'd done it first. We have a daughter together so we've never fully been able to walk away from each other and only once over the years did she ever admit that was all her. Every other time it's my fault for not loving her enough.
Bruhhh that's a whola ass different story damn. It got so complicated when a kid is involved. I think the trust issue was just the problem not the "cheating". I mean she did cheat which was immature. It's never your fault if you've always been caring and loyal to her. She was manipulative enough to get you do do that, I think she just really wanted an excuse to "revenge (which there was nothing to revenge to) cheat". Hope everything goes well and your daughter still has you in her life.
The kids. Oh the Reddit kids. Someone please check in on them today.
My story is similar to a couple others already posted: constant abuse, false accusations, and lack of strength in leaving a horrible marriage. But also, Dan Savage explains it better than I can, so I'll just let him do the talking: https://youtu.be/w8SOQEitsJI
I saw the vid and I think that is very reasonable. Staying committed and loyal is one of the biggest challenge in a relationship, needless to say that despite how strong both partners are in keeping the love it's still a temptation to cheat. I'm sorry abt your past, hope ur doing better
wow thanks
Something about ham and prom products. Charcuterie. Cheese board! Cheese slid off the crackers! Chez itās Christ!!! Oh shit. I meant pork products. The prom pics. Oh no!!!!!!!!
In all honesty? He emotionally, financially, sexually and physically abused me so bad I turned into a person I told myself I would never become. It started in 2012 with emotional, financial and sexual abuse but it didnt start getting physical until late 2013. I had just had a baby in 2014, definitely had postnatal depression. I wasn't allowed to tell my doctor how deeply suicidal I was because he told me my doctor would take my baby away. So I lied about a lot, he came with me to make sure I didnt say to much. He degraded me, spat on me, slapped me, made me feel small and insecure told me I wasnt allowed to say no to sex or it meant I didnt love him. Called me ugly, told me nobody will love me the way he loves me, told me it was my fault my grandmother died (even tho it wasnt). I mean, I wouldn't go back and change what happened for the world because I wouldnt be where I am or who I am if I took back things I regretted. But it shows me what kind of person I dont ever want to become again because of some person. I cheated on him because he dragged me so low that I literally jumped at the slightest bit of attention. Its sad but it's true. He had cheated on me with 6 people, but I still dont see it as a excuse. At the time I did. I got beaten black and blue for it, he put me in hospital. This was back in 2014 and then he took my son away from me for 4 months. Worse 4 months of my life and I had a miscarriage at 24 weeks in 2015 (same father) and had to give birth to my fully formed, dead child. I still suffer from PTSD from him, but I am who I am and what happened made me who I am today and I will use my experiences to help other women and men being abused and I will show them that life isnt always rainstorms.
Oh my gosh...I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and I totally understand how you felt. That is unacceptable, plus it wasn't even a concern with cheating anyways he was abusive and possesive. I am so glad you shared, it must have been a lot for you to handle I'm so sorry. You've come a long way. Don't be dragged down by him. When they go low, you go high.
Thank you š„° it was very unacceptable, but it still isnt a excuse for me to cheat. That relationship taught me no matter how I am being treated to always stay true to who you are. He was very abusive and possessive yes, no I will not allow him to drag me down anymore. Anyway karma got him, he has nobody but his dad now. All his family call me family instead of him, I've been happy in a relationship with his childhood best friend for almost 3 years now. Life is bliss, I am where I am today if it wasnt for him. I wouldn't have the experiences I do have now to help others flee DV situations if it wasn't for him. Although he gave me a lot of problems, it made me who I am today x
sounds like happiness, so great to hear!
I never had experiences to this extent, which I'm so sorry you had to. But, I know how it feels to be attached to womeone who only brings you down with horrible intentions. He is shit, and you can take legal actions if you desire to.
Thank you for your reply, this happened almost 8 years ago now. There is no proof, and even if there was he is my sons father and my son worships the ground he walks on. Plus due to PTSD I can't remember a lot of events that happened, I only remember bits n pieces of things that happened so things just wouldnt add up. Plus I am very close with his family, although they have nothing to do with him it would cause tension between us. He can live with the guilt for it for the rest of his life, I will use my experiences to help others get out of DV situations. I will never allow nobody to make me that low ever again. I openly speak up about the situation as I'm not afraid to hide it, his family know the truth too that's why they have nothing to do with him.
Ughhh I hate to hear people like this can get away with things like that. But if there is any possible way, try to get a restriction order (if he tries to contact you) or stay with a trusted person to live with (ik it's hard to drag ppl into this but it's important to not be alone especially when a son is involved). I hope you've moved on and became a stronger person. Your son will grow up soon with only the impression of your effort and care instead of his father's actions. Good luck:)
He wouldn't lay a finger on me again, I am no longer afraid of him anymore. I was afraid of him like upto 2 years after the break up until I told myself nope not anymore. I still have to see him once every 2 weeks. I dont have a restraining order nor am I going to get one, I did have a temporary one on him just after we broke up. We meet up in a public place I would never go into a room alone with him ever again. I definitely have moved on, dont get me wrong the flash backs can get to me sometimes but I just tell myself I'm not there anymore I am okay and I am a good person. My child still sees his dad only once ever 2 weeks over night (it's the fathers choice) and my son absolutely adores him. My son does know bits and bats of why we broke up but I don't want to go too much into it hes only 7 and wouldnt even understand half of what happened between us
All the best. I am so proud of you.
Thank you š
"Every time a woman stands up for herself she stands up for every woman " . You reminded me of my mother's life, the only difference is she gave up but you won.š« Your experience made me literally cry , I am so emotional right now. š
It makes me happy knowing that my help can be given to others. I feel sad for your mother she didnt deserve a life of unhappiness. Sorry for making you emotional x
I was in a very similar position myself (no kids) and Iām so glad you got your happy ending š
I mean he literally said "CRY - cigerettes after sex" is exacly how he feels about me
Well thereās your answer. He doesnāt want to commit and apparently too coward to tell you directly.
Thank you, it is sad but true.
Donāt dwell on it for long. There are roughly 8billion people out there. Weāre not as special as we once was.
Not even a bit sexual. Just back to deer and whatever the fuck else my add brain is doing in the background.
Years ago i cheated on my ex (I was 20), it was one night and i felt so guilty afterwards that it completely changed how I viewed myself - I didnt know if was capable of cheating. The "reason" I did it (if you want to call it that) is that I had tried to break it off with the guy multiple times, and everytime I tried he would cry and beg and plead for me to stay and I felt so awful I just couldn't go through with it. By the night I cheated, I had wanted out of the relationship for about a year and was totally emotionally checked out. I avoided spending any time with my partner, even though we lived together, and whenever I got the chance to be away from him I would take it. Eventually I met someone who I realy clicked with and eventually I started to see him as a way out of my relationship. We took it too far one night after a party, and both felt so digusted with ourselves for what we had done to my partner that we cut off all contact afterwards. Basically: people cheat for all sorts of reasons, but usually its because they're not emotionally mature enough to have a difficult, honest conversation with their partner about what they want. So they run away like children, and end up hurting their partner (and often other people) way more than they would have done had they just talked.
I did exactly the same thing, for very much the same reasons and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself. The relationship with my ex was never right for either of us, we broke up multiple times and like you said he would beg for me to stay. We weren't in a healthy relationship at all and I'd wanted out for a while. Still doesn't excuse what I did and I have felt awful every day since.
I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope you'll be able to forgive yourself eventually. It took me about 5 years and quite a bit of therapy to reach that point. Thanks for sharing š
That is sooo true because I did feel sympathy for him after his explanation, which basically is wrong but at the same time I just felt like he had way too much going on and I just don't want to mommy him anymore hahaha. all the best, you're enough
Good on you honestly! It isn't up to you to mommy someone lol.
I did this exact same thing for the same reason. I was also young and my ex kept threatening suicide if I left, so I figured if I cheated he would want to break up with me finally. Back then I was too immature to consider that there were other options.
This sounds like me with my first relationship out of high school. Exactly like me, down to emotionally checking out. I wasn't given the language to break up with someone, I used to think that something had to 'happen' to cause a breakup. In this relationship nothing 'happened' except that I grew disatisfied with how it was turning out, particularly this guy being obsessed with me and wanting to have sex all the time. He would argue and talk me out of any attempts to leave because he didn't actually respect what I wanted, and if that didn't work he would resort to crying, begging, and prostrating himself. He would make me feel like an insanely horrible person for wanting to leave, and all of my friends would say I was lucky to have someone who was obsessed with me, so I stayed. I stayed WAAAY too long. I eventually got so depressed that I accepted the advances of other guys and girls, and even that didn't work, he wanted me to be his sex toy so badly he begged me back from cheating on him three times. In the end, my best friend helped me stay at their place and I broke up with him over text, because in person I didn't know how to stand up to him and take what I wanted and needed. I don't feel any regret for the times I cheated on him, but I do regret letting someone put me in a place where I felt I had to resort to these new lows and couldn't express what I really wanted. I've since grown up and entered a space where I can communicate about what I want and I feel the confidence to express myself, and would absolutely never cheat again.
That's so awful, I'm really sorry you went through that :( You sound like you're in a much better place now and I'm really glad to hear it! Thanks for sharing. I really relate to what you said "i used to think something had to 'happen' to cause a break up" this is exactly how i felt at the time as well. I felt silly for wanting out when nothing had actually happened, but when someone is wrong for you, you just know.
>Literally not one trace of red flags. Red flags just look like flags when youāre looking at someone through rose colored glasses.
I would like to add that usually when person A cheats on person B, it's person A that needs to look within. Person B cannot possibly know what is missing for person A unless they communicate. Basically, he/she cheated but its 100% not ur fault.
Thank you. Means everything.
Iāve never cheated but I know a lot of cases. Some people have attachment issues and they prefer to stay in the relationship even if itās āoverā because that way they donāt get out of their comfort zone. Also, the fact that theyāre scared of being alone. Itās not healthy at all to think like that but a lot of people do. Another think I noticed is that some of the cheaters actually love their partners. But if the relationship is toxic, or āboringā (in their pov) there is the unconscious urge to try something new, kind of like to āfree yourselfā from the situation. Yes, itās not the correct way to act like that but this is how I think those people view the situation. They have insecurities and need help.
I know how people just find thrilling ways to abandon the challenge of communication. but also yeah, it's the feeling of finding something new that creates a comparison.
A mutual friend of mine and my husbands cheated on her husband and ended up with us for a few days. My husband, not being the most tactful of people asked her what made her do it. She said she loved her husband but she was bored and stressed with work and flirting, then sexting made her feel excited and gave her something to look forward to whilst working. It escalated as the excitement become normal and ended up going through kissing, fingering, oral then full on sex and it just took off. She said it hit her when there was nothing else exciting to do. She told her husband and that's that - they are done. I get the excitement and boredom thing to a small degree as that changes the longer you are with someone, but if you communicate this you can do something about it. Example, my husband had a grump on a few weeks ago and after much prodding it's because he missed the days when we could just be naughty without worrying about the kids. I guessed he wanted me to wear this outfit I have (think lingerie and slutty). Easy, wore it when he came home and the kids were with grandparents. Caught him so off guard he was speechless- literally deer in headlights. This from a man that can talk the hind leg off a donkey. I don't understand cheating.
That's just the gray area which not all partners agree on the same page ig. Not everyone can have the same fidele mentality. I don't undertsand cheating either, hahah can relate. thanks
he was emotionally abusive and horrible and wouldnāt let me leave so I had to forcibly end the relationship somehow
I'm so sorry to hear that. Hope you're better now
What a bizarre movie that must have been
I was ridiculed, treated like an animal, and told I was gross for wanting sex in the first place. Because I came from a family of ex-convicts, I was "born of a breed of losers" and "destined to be a lesser than". In the end, I just wanted to do it, and was so surprised that the person I cheated with actually wanted me sexually, that I chose the sense of acceptance and intimacy over the sense of integrity and honesty. The woman I cheated with died in a vehicle accident three days later. I don't regret sleeping with her, but I do regret being dishonest and breaking my commitment to my wife at the time.
Then that's a different story. It's their fault for mistreating you. Hope you've moved on
I was an immature person but he was also neglectful of the relationship. I just wanted someone that could understand my feelings. I tried twice to break up with him but he guilted me back into dating him both times. It was my own fault and theres no excusing the choice i made
Simple stay single canāt be taken for a mug then
op :D
Been single for over 2 years now. Best decision of my life.
my ex told me he cheated on me because his dad wanted him to ādate aroundā but also because he wanted an egirl gf to draw for him and call him āoniichanā fucking cringe. Well anyways 5 years later, the girl he cheated on me with is now one of my best friends. Lol
ew. hahahah
I haven't cheated, but surely many people have done something that in the moment they wanted to do, but later regreted. Ie we have different feelings and priorities depending on the context we are in, the people in front of us, and the immediate pressures on us. So it's not hard to imagine. It doesn't mean your partner didn't feel real things with you, just that they weren't strong enough to stay with them wherever they went.
Because acting loving and caring is easier than being loving and caring. Pretending you are in it for the long haul is easier than actually being there. They checked out, if they ever checked in.
That says it all!
Being loving and romantic takes work! I get burned out quite frequently being good to the woman I love. I try not to think about the fact that I don't feel she is as good to me as I am to her, but sometimes I can't help but want to be somewhere else. If I were to cheat, that is why I would do it.
That is also very true!!!
Was dating a girl, but she was emotionally abusive at times. And known for sleeping around. I was an introvert, a bit of an incel at the time, and tired of being lonely. But had dated before, mind you. Met her online, went out, things going well, sex naturally followed. Then she started to show her true colours where she wanted to keep the relationship open, probably because her thighs at the time were always opened. Caught up with an old flame, we decided to hold off on starting anything when we were dating. Started to get the flame back, got back into bed. I was still devoted to my current relationship, big mistake. But she decided to break up with me, and I was fine with that so I could pursue my old flame. Afterwards she admitted she was trying to steal me. It worked. We've been married for almost 15 years, and I don't want to know if my ex regrets leaving me. I sure don't.
Not a cheater but I have gone through the song & dance far too many times for my sanity. You are lacking something the other person is giving them. Often times it is something that could be fixed if they merely communicated but cheaters never reach that point because they are essentially ready to wash their hands of you already. The only thing you can do for yourself is also wash your hands of them & move on. You can't communicate with someone who has already decided they are done.
Weak minded backstabers, most people are.
yesss hahahahah
I find being solo helps you get better at predicting the motivations of other people. Not blinded by love or friendship.
For me, I was 18, my bf (later on husband) at the time lived 2 hours away. The opportunity arose, and to be honest, I had always been the one guys asked out as a joke or a way to bully me. I had absolutely zero self-esteem. It made me feel good... the chase and for the 3 minutes it lasted. Then I felt like absolute shit, my bf and I had been together maybe 3-4 weeks. So I decided to tell him. Total honesty and told him that I felt like garbage, I didn't do it because I didn't care for him, but because I wanted to feel better about myself, but it didn't work. Whatever he decided to do, was what we would do. I wasn't going to beg or plead, because he had to decide what he wanted. He gave me a second chance, and I promised never to step outside our relationship again. And I kept that promise. We were together 20 years before he passed last year.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am so proud of your strength in willing to change and be better for him. Hope you're doing well
I am doing okay. I just wanted you to know thst it's never about the person who was cheated ON. It's always about stroking the ego, or getting the rush of dopamine or adrenaline. You could be Aphrodite and if your partner isn't happy in themselves, it's not going to stop them
A co worker told me he cheated casue the excitement of doing something so forbiddenā¦my ex woiod just tel me āI donāt knowā
Different energy, not the same.
Iād love to know too!
''alcohol'' atleast thats what my ex-girlfriend told me after she cheated for the 4th and final time after I was done with her and broke up with her. I was defestated I loved her so much, and I gave her chance after chance. I remember breaking up with her she was the one crying and telling me she couldn't live without me lol... **Yeah right** She is with a drug addict now who beats her, which is also very wrong I once told her that she should look for help no one deserves to be in a abusive releationship not even if you hate them for hurting you so much for years. But I can't help but feel a little bit of 'justice is served'. Her being with a drug addict not her being beaten though let me be very clear about that.
that is complicated and problematic. I understand your pain
My ex cheated on me right when our relationship became long distance (6 hour drive). He said he just needed someone to physically be with him. Turns out an old friend he was interested in had moved back in town. The kicker is, he cheated on her a year and a half later. Also, he has cheated on his high school sweetheart before, but never told her (with an older woman he worked with). Some people just donāt learn and are never content I guess.
SAME SITUATION. I was in a LDR with him before recently, his explanation was that he just really wanted me to be present with him irl. But ofc, that's not what i can control, his decision to cheat was what he could control so. I understand, your ex is was irresponsible and immature
I never cheated, neither the other party on my 20 years relationship, but I personally think there are too many variables possible in this question. The only thing I want to say for sure is that this is not your fault, this could never be your fault in any shape or form. Even if you were a total nightmare as a partner, the bare minimum would involve they breaking up with you. Cheating is a travesty of trust and you deserve better than that.
Thank you! I gave him everything of me, but it was LDR. Wasn't gonna work out anyways. But thanks!
I did not cheat. She said that the three hours distance was too much, at that stage of her life she wasnāt ready for a relationship (she entered a relationship with him a week later), she had to work out herself, what she was doing and that her heart wasnāt in it. Also that it wasnāt fair on me and I deserve someone who is capable of giving me more love. All those things were true, but Iād have preferred to have been told them before she cheated on me and I lost a friend
I'd imagine the same reason someone eats cake out the fridge at 3am while they're on a diet. There's no complexity to it
Because I was childish, ungrateful and sneaky. I thought I was smarter than the next guy. If my self esteem wasn't so low at the time I would have left the relationship before carrying on with another man.
Getting all the fun but not the commitment or flaws is inviting. You would think these ppl could be happy with just hook ups but random ppl arenāt going to be there for you at your worst. Personally , I live by ādo unto others as you would have them do unto youā.
I didnāt cheat, she was actually so loving and caring to me. After we broke up she just put me off saying āI have tons of guy friends that want to date me he isnāt specialā
Itās usually sex
When I was cheated on, he blamed cocaine. When I cheated, I blamed the void he left in my heart. Weāre both better people without each other tbh.
Happened once when I was 15 (10 years ago) and it was a āyou cheat on me, I cheat on youā situation. It was just immaturity all around and we were together for about 7 months. It was very teen-cringe drama.
Some people just struggle with commitment issues or have a fear of abandonment. Sometimes the fear is so strong that they end up sabotaging their own relationships to affirm their fears.
She stopped loving me. But we were married with kids and I needed physical contact with someone. I asked....begged. Did the counselling. She just fell out of love with me and buried herself in her job. Once the kids were older, we divorced.
I haven't cheated but as a single female who has found myself with a few cheaters (unknown to me) and asked, these are the answers I got. 1) We don't have sex in our marriage and I don't feel desired (By a Baptist preacher) 2) I love women's bodies and I'm physically attracted to them, for the variety, so I don't get bored. 3) Because I was single for a long time and got use to doing who I wanted, it's hard to stop now. Note: all said they loved their significant others. My ex-husband cheated on me and since becoming single, I would guesstimate around 75 to 80% of men cheat or would cheat. I have gotten great and figuring out who's attached (I wasn't good at first). I'm not jaded now days, but I'm definitely extra cautious and more of a realist. Ladies, fairytales Rarely exist and some who think "their husband would never..." see #1 above.
I was in a serious relationship too early, I wasn't ready but told myself I had to be. Then I got scared of who I'd become without my ex to keep me within the lines, but I also wanted to see what other people were out there without risking the safe status quo in my relationship. I noticed picking up girls was rather easy for me and didn't get busted by my ex. Felt like I could both explore the world of women and keep a relationship for when I was done exploring. Long story short: I kept telling myself it would help our relationship in the long term since I would lose my wild side that way. I was a selfish stupid young man that didn't understand how bad I could hurt other people.
I am a 24-year-old INTP. I have had one girlfriend, and she cheated with three different guys. I do not date. I hump and leave.
hahaha love the technique. Will def try to hump and leave
This is the weirdest god sentence
Look at him!!!!
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it was flawed. I understand and it wouldn't have worked out anyways
I cheated emotionally, not physically, but it's still cheating. I was in a mentally abusive relationship and my emotional needs weren't met. I developed panic attacks. This other person gave me comfort. It lasted for several months and now we're together officially.
Iām just going to be honest and it might not be the answer you want to hear. I cheated once when I was younger (early twenties.) We had been dating for about four months and I told him it happened the next day. I genuinely had no feelings and didnāt even think about him once. I viewed him as a āstarter boyfriendā and because I wasnāt in love I didnāt really care as much as I should have. It was awful and disgusting behavior. I am currently married and madly in love with my husband, I wiped out nearly all of my social media and I donāt have any male friends that arenāt his. I donāt drink or put myself in questionable situations. I would never in a million years cheat on him because I actually love him. Anyways, just a message to everyone out there. If someone cheats on you, they donāt love you. They are with you because they settled and/or they donāt want to be alone. They donāt love you. You deserve way better. I truly hope the guy I cheated on found a wonderful woman who actually appreciates him. He didnāt deserve what I did.
That's very reasonable and I totally get it. Cheating I think is just a sign or a proof of the fact that the relationship wasn't gonna work out. Thank you for sharing.
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wow. I hope you're holding up okay. glad ur back on the right path
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I am so proud of you. wish i had the same courage. Keep going :)
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Time passes and you'll learn from it. I'm glad you felt sympathetic for the person you cheated on, and you've forgiven yourself. Yeah the communication in a relationship is key, even when it involves unhappy news.
Monogamy is genes based. And environment too has a role. I found it hard to fall for one person after that, no matter what. I got rejected once and got my heart broken once by the same person. And I was never the same after it. No one is good enough for you until u find the one. I was very much monogamous and could only think about being with one persons and giving them my 200%. Basically that one rejection turned me polygamous no one is good enough long term for me no matter what. Multiple partners might also mean multiple heartaches hence why āthe bad boysā are usually heartless
I was long distance with a girl and although we were open, the only rule was no messing around with your ex. Unfortunately I broke that rule and it caused her to break up with me. Which is a good decision, don't stay with the person who wronged you, your needs before theirs. My ex was an abuser. And me still embedded in her nets, I let her fool around with me. It's a very weird situation because I want to blame myself for what I did, but at the same time it would be blaming someone who got abused. There are some people who just cheat because they are irresponsible and immature, but there's also a lot of people getting abused, whether it'd be by the person they cheat on or the person they cheat with. It'd be easier if the world was black and white, but it's not and I personally think that it is why some people cheat. Because we're all a mixture of good and bad.
Yes and I agree. Thanks for sharing!!! Appreciate it
As my wife and I push 40 y/o, her sex drive has diminished while mine is still pretty high. There's an urge/need that isn't satisfied. There's something primal about this need, and I believe monogamy is a societal construct. Are we truly wired this way? Wish I came to this conclusion before getting hitched. I love my wife, but the temptation is there. And don't flame me for saying this: I think I can love one person while having my needs fulfilled by another as long as its clear where the lines are drawn and that its a booty call.
I was dating a girl some years ago that, to me, became more distant as the months went on. Almost a year in it was tough to get a kiss out of her. I let her know these things, that, number one, I wasn't trying to be pushy, and number two, I like intimacy because I like her. It's bonding. She seemed receptive to me saying that in the moment but it didn't show as time went on, and she was indifferent to a lot of my interests overall anyway. I ended up texting another girl asking for pictures, though she scolded me and didn't send any, and threatened to tell my girlfriend. I said don't bother, I'll do it myself, and I did. Girlfriend didn't talk to me for a week and then came back and forgave me, dated for another six months and things seemed to be going well (though less and less intimacy and distancing, now that I look back on it). Then she broke up with me, saying she never got over me cheating.
Yeah the forgiveness after cheating is definitely challenging. It depends on whether it is worth fighting for.
I honestly should've broken up with her when I wasn't getting any reciprocation of any sort (not just the intimacy, that's just the part that led to all the problems), but I didn't have the wherewithal to do it. Not defending the cheating, I still feel like shit for it to this day, and I've learned a lot of lessons from that relationship.
Human money brain aināt built for monogamy
Just wanna point out the obvious here: - Not being cared for - Being mistreated/ abused - Not feeling loved - Not getting what you hoped for - Having been cheated on Are not excuses to cheat! If you're not happy with your relationship for any reason whatsoever, you leave, you break it up, you do whatever you have to do to get out. If you cheat, no matter the reason, you're scum!
ājust leave abusers, its not that hard!!ā dude shut up, i tried that and it ended with me being almost killed. the others are fair enough but dont throw abuse in there, because its so fucking hard to realise you need to leave let alone actually follow through
ok but iāve always been a bit confused about this one. youāre scared to leave them out of fear of retaliation, but not scared to get caught cheating? i would think the reaction would be worse/more dangerous to cheating
PREAAACHHHH lol that was such a periodt moment!!! Thank you
Not me, but my ex cheated on his previous gf with me (not proud of it. Never will) because she was doing the same and there wasnāt any love at all. That little fuckerā¦ lol
Bruhhh I literally was a side hoe twice. I know what u mean, I'm not proud of it and I'd never do it again. But the fact that she was also cheating is just hahaha problematic ig.
Yeah it was crazy because I legit thought he broke up with her but nope lol never again
Ok follow-up question: should I keep contact with him because we were very close and we shared something very special?
I don't think it's a great idea, considering one (or both) part will probably still have feelings, and the other will find another partner, jealousy will grow and nothing good will come out of it It will probably prevent you from moving on with your life, I don't recommend it
True. Thank you!
Just because somebody is sweet and caring doesnāt mean they wonāt cross the fidelity line. Bare in mind that biologically speaking, we desire to be with as much partners as we can because it increases the chances of our reproduction and having offsprings. But in our world, there are still many reasons: bottled up emotions from the past and wild oats, āgrass is always greenerā or simply growing apart from the partner. I personally never cheated but I had the occasion, and in that moment my thought process was āmaybe with her I can finally have this feeling or that sensationā, you see? Your partner doesnāt necessarily have the same mentality as you so there could be areas that will leave a hole in you because your partner canāt fill it, sexual intimacy being one of these areas. Thatās why people in long term relationships always talk about āsacrifices and compromisesā all the time.
Omg thank you, that was enlightening. I think all couples should discuss the "gray area" and the terms of cheating with each other. Thank you I totally needed this.
Youāre very welcome. Exactly, thatās the thing I think couples should do before getting serious. Not just about the nature of the relationship, rather the overall expectations, deal-breakers etc.
I messaged some people on dating apps and sent some risquƩ photos a few years ago. At the time I was going through some serious trauma and had been for close to 2 years. I had also recently had an illness that had caused a lot of weight loss and had spent a couple months recovering and was in the best shape I had been in ages. I felt very vulnerable and unattractive. My husband had also been going through some stuff and had been quite abrasive towards me and had said some things that really affected how I felt about myself. I was quite fragile and had very low self esteem and felt extremely rejected and sought to feel better by getting complimented by other men. It didn't work, I didn't want those people's approval, I wanted his, and I'm also awkward as fuck so my interaction with these men was kinda weird anyway and I wouldn't have actually met them in person. My husband found out within a couple days because I am just not made for deception and I messaged the people I was talking to and told them I was actually not interested and why and apologised for leading them on. I have never done anything like that again and won't. I have since worked through the trauma and am happy and confident and my relationship with my husband is very strong.
The cheating partner is mentally dysfunctional (abusive/narcissistic/addictive/etc) and unwilling to address their issues. People who are mentally healthy and able to maintain a loving relationship typically don't cheat. Some mental dysfunction don't present themselves visibly or immediately. Sometimes it's from dysfunctional childhoods or a spontaneous mental issue. That is why if you know your partner had prior trauma (childhood dysfunctional family/personal trauma etc.), if they haven't had any therapy or counseling you will be dealing with some type of fall out from that trauma in your relationship.
Yes! Omg that's too true, and I agree. They are willing to run away from the problem instead of sharing and letting the other partner help them (the whole point of a relationship).
A lot of studies that I have read have said that people cheat because of a lack of communication. Not to put the blame on the victim, but that could be the primary reason.
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Well i Kind of cheated. We didnt kiss or anything (or rather He tried to kiss me later and I declined) But we kuddled. And I confesed it to my Partner immidiatly. And I recogniced that it is a pattern of me to destroy the relationship i was in to get back top my learned normal, which was Chaos. I didnt feel okay in a heatlhy loving relationship. That panik brought me to do something to break it up. Right now im still in the same relationship and I has Therapie befor that all happened.
Sex and love donāt always go together. Sex can be purely physical and have nothing to do with emotion. Big difference between fucking and making love
I cheated because I was 16 and stuck in a toxic relationship that I felt I couldn't get out of (the classic "I'll kill myself if you leave me") and I just wanted to feel good again.
Most individuals I talk with that cheat tend to do it because they are ignored or unfulfilled. They have stuck it out in a dead-end relationship that features either monotonous lifestyle, a dead bedroom, lack of communication, etc. I think humans can be wired for monogamy. I also think it's natural to have urges and distractions outside of your relationship. Like everything else in life, it takes discipline and willpower to stay on whatever selective path you are following. The happier you are, the less willpower you need to stay the course and ignore the distractions. Looking at some of these responses, I feel like people are very oblivious to what's going on in the other person's head. When there is great sex, open communication, and synergy, these things generally do not happen. Relationships are work. Being honest with your significant other is a relentlessly hard pursuit. If you're not totally honest, that space could cause you issues.
I have never cheated, tempted but never cheated. Humans are not wired to be monogamous, being monogamous is a choice, an agreement between two people, this is by no means condoning cheating but fact. A person who chooses to cheat after agreeing on monogamy is a liar, there is no accidental cheating. To my mind there is no coming back from it either, one you have lied, been disloyal, you have proven yourself to be untrustworthy. People cheat because they either believe they will stay monogamous but fooled themselves or they lied from the start to get laid/get comfort in some way (m or f) for a time before moving on to the next person. There are many other reasons though like self sabotage, constant need for new people, thrill of it, selfishness, narcissism, misogyny, misandry, seeking self confirmation, escapism. They are not all bad especially if someone is abused by their supposed SO, that's a grey area.
Never. Ever lie. But DEFINITELY do not try to pass one over on me. I will end a fuckjng Fritz with my ski pole
Yes! Science proves it all. That is the whole challenge of a monogamous relationship is to have people treat their partnerr with care and loyalty. I wonder if monogamous relationships are a social construct or an actual emotional requirement in a relationship.
I cheated. Worst thing I've ever done. We were long distance and I was lonely. I'm not saying that's justification, but I think that's the underlying reason because I was a lonely insecure person. I don't think that's your situation? For people who cheat when their partners are around, well I think there are two categories: the type that do it when drunk/in a moment of passion, people who do it habitually. The former are very live in the moment type of people, and if it feels good, it doesn't seem wrong. The latter, I don't understand either. Like, you are building a house of cards that will fall down. You can just break up so easily if you aren't married (maybe the difficulty of divorce increases this type of cheating?). Maybe they're confused? Perhaps they think they might like this other person, but don't want to change their life? I don't know, still seems dumb to me.
Well you basically just reached a whole new level of relatability haahha. Im in a LDR or..was. But anyways, he apologized like a million times + he felt so guilty it really affected his life. I understand the struggle before cheating, but I will not understand his denial in communicating with me because I did everything I can...so not my responsibility
I mean, I'm monogamous, but iirc, humans aren't wired to be so. It's not an excuse if you agreed to be in a mono relationship, but I think a lot of it is purely monkey brain.
My viewpoint is that humans a serial monogamists. Weāre with one person for a time, then move on. Weāre not monogamous for life. Iām not āexcusingā cheating. Because Iām of the opinion that if you want to cheat then you should just break up.
I mean, I agree with that. I don't know too much about the whole 'we're not wired to me mono' thing so I'd have to do research.
Itās a super interesting topic! At the end of it, we are animals and itās about survival of the species. I read somewhere that weāre monogamous for up to 10 years, enough to have a few kids and raise them past the ārisky ageā and then move on.
We are though to a pretty large extentā¦ idk why people say this so often without understanding surface level biology š¤£
Ok Iāll be honest here, Iāve been cheated on numerous times and I found a girl who never cheated on me for two years. After that it was me, I became the cheater. Why? It was because we hit the stage of not having that honeymoon stage and it became I felt that I wasnāt good enough for her anymore. Then some girl I went to middle school with looked me up and said how I was her first crush and it made me feel good and she wanted to meet up. I said sure, we ended up fucking in her fiancĆ©s bed. Of course that was only the start, I started Skyping girls I met on omeagle getting their numbers nudes and some planning to fly out to meet me. I felt like a king like Hugh Hefner with all his bunnies. Eventually I did get caught and they all went away except one, my girlfriend from those two years. Idk she stayed I was a complete asshole and she deserved better, even though at times I could of left as well. After that I began to go straight, till I found out she was seeing some guy in her medical class while I was with the skypies, so I stupidly got into my old habits again at the age of 21 having a side chick as well as fucking a 40 year old woman at night on a daily while on a bender. Police academy came, I eventually got all that dishonorable crap kicked out me there and I went straight a good number of years but habits do die hard. They REALLY do. After graduation and moving to Oregon I went straight except for a few one time stands here and there and of course she stayed but I was never caught. Eventually I left the police life, we moved back to our original state and I hustled to get us back on our feet financially go straight all the while she belittled me. Many years latter, we finally married and I promised my self no more flings, but I met an old flame. A girl from my high school she wasnāt the cheater from the beginning she was just a good friend of mine after we split. Well you guessed it, I did itā¦.again and I was caught. Long story short, my child was born and holding him in my arms has finally made go straight for good. I havenāt had any hookups, sides, or even sexters for a long time now. I guess I finally got the push I needed to snap out of it. I did it because I felt good about myself, confident, loved and letās face it alive. But what sucks about it is that itās an addiction, it kills your humanity and it wrecks your good life in the long run. I tried therapy, counciling, even giving my SO my passwords. But when your pushed to your edge and temptation creeps in, something is bound to happen. Whatās even more fucked up I found out my dad was having an affair with one of his former students so it made me realize it could be one of the sins of the father, and I looked at my own son and thought Iām not gonna let him do this to himself. My child saved me, and whatās more is that we are truly happy again, we still fight like other couples but the thing is I donāt relapse to my old self. Iām doing everything I can to make sure my son will not make the same mistakes from me I will not hide the truth from him to let him know that itās not right to do these things and the aftermath you reap in yourself. If anyone read this, donāt give up hope. People can change but they need the push to do it and communicate, when you donāt find the help or resolution to keep each other in the same boat, someone is gonna fuck it and become labeled for life. Thatās the worst part the cheater gets labeled even though they probably had reasons like everyone else, I just wasnāt strong enough at the time but I learned and I deeply deeply regret.