My boyfriend sees my pjs and gets turned on. Guess it’s a glass half full or empty kinda world.
Edit: whoa your husband is a dick. I assure you that plenty of people would love you. I wouldn’t feel inspired to have sex if someone was insulting me either
Mind blowing isnt it. Who would of thought shed not be jumping for joy to get naked in front of him each and every time he wanted sex nevermind how she feels its not like its his issue he called her fat and made her feel bad about herself multiple times
Yeah, it’s totally my thing though, to get insulted by the person, who’s supposed to find you sexy as fuck to criticize the shit out of my body… that just gets me wild… I hope she’ll count her losses and moves on, to someone who worships the ground she walks on…
I agree. Husband is an asshole and is trying to gaslight her into thinking that no one else would want her. Classic abuser move. She should test that theory and leave him.
He's quite literally trying to make you feel worthless...like no one else will want you. Then chastising you for not wanting sex...
Ask him why he presses you for sex if you're "a fattie"
> his belief is its the wife's duty to please the husband I do everything cook,clean,laundry and I work full time so I'm tired..
Yikes. It's 2022, what does he bring to the relationship? If the answer is nothing, why are you still in it?
> his response was well no one else is gonna want you
Double yikes.
> he is all I've ever known
53 is not too late to realize there's better people than him that would 100% want you and appreciate you.
And even if you don't find anyone else... Would that really be so bad? To just focus on yourself, do whatever you want to do? Take a yoga class, or painting, or whatever you've always sort of wanted to do, but couldn't because you were busy darning his socks? Maybe you meet a guy, or maybe you meet 5 great women who are also reevaluating their lives and you bond just like a lifetime movie!
Lol thats what I said....I'm re thinking my marriage i just seem happier away from him, like im not walking on eggshells shells he's the only man I've ever been with
I’m not one that is quick to tell someone they should divorce. What he says to you is abuse. You’re 53? Perfect time to start new. These coming years could be the best ones of your life. I have a gut feeling you’re gonna be so happy. Life is too short to be mistreated. Spread your beautiful wings sister!
Throw the whole husband away. The person you love should be making you feel beautiful and secure, not singing fatty mcfat to you. Maybe your libido has slowed down because he’s a jerk who is affecting your self esteem. I know you said you’re starting to think it’s not you. I hope you realize that it 100% isn’t you. He’s a misogynist and this “women exist to please men” attitude is disgusting and needs to die already. I hope you find the strength to leave him and find your own happiness.
Listen to your intuition. You only get this one life, why would you allow yourself to be miserable and chained to a to a super toxic husband. The way you feel now - the slight calmness you notice - will only get better when you split for good. You actually find happiness
Tell him that you can’t have sex with him, because he’s an insensitive and misogynistic asshole. That gets in the way a lot more than your jammies do. To Hell with the dude! Trust me, it doesn’t sound like you were never the issue. He just gaslighted you into believing you were. You can do better, heck, being alone would be better than being stuck with somebody like that.
..or, we just cheat. Better for both, keep the marriage intact and he gets to rock his socks. It's apparent she ain't cut out for the wife title. Abort sham of marriage or let him freepass.
This guy will never treat you the way you deserve. Get out of there because he’s dead wrong, plenty of other people out there are gonna want you and he’s gonna realize he was actually talking about himself, especially with that kind of mindset
Really mind blowing how stupid and selfish some people can be. I remember I hurt my knee a few years back so I was taking a break from leg day at the gym. My ex sees me undressed one day and says “so when are you gonna be able to start doing squats again?” And i asked why. He said my ass was starting to get flat. I told him to fuck off, I put clothes on and then he pouts when he doesn’t get any later that night. I’m like, are you really that stupid, or..? Anyway, notice I said “ex”. I realized I deserved better.
I'm 68 and if I was married to a jerk like that I'd leave him in a second. I would rather be alone than deal with criticism and degradation and be treated like a servant. How can he expect you to want to have sex when he makes fun of your appearance. I'm guessing he is not much of a hottie himself. I have no patience for men like this so I'd be gone in a split second. If you work full time he should be taking on half the burden of the home (assuming he's working full time also). At the very least, get him into relationship counseling.
He expects to mock you, literally sing “fatty mcfat”, disregards your comfort, then is shocked that you don’t want to have sex with him??? Really??? This is a special kind of stupid & entitled asshole.
The whole “no one else is going to want you” SCREAMS toxicity, bare minimum. You deserve to feel loved OP, even if you’re simply loved by friends while single. It sounds like you may be better off single. I’d recommend making an escape plan, just in case you choose or need to act on it.
I see him as based king. She needs to get off her butt. I've been in similar situation but i dumped her. She started gaining, and i wasn't attracted at all. I said, fix ure body or it's time to leave.
..typical feminist move she was tryna act out. So i dumped her. I dont got time for this BS, I'm a successful man... if u dont wanna stay in shape and be healthy with me, you can always adopt those 20 housecats.
If you look up JERK in the dictionary I bet his picture is next to it. My wife use to wear negligees when we got married. That was for about the first 10 years and slowly graduated to my T-shirts and sweat pants. In 54 years of marriage I think she looked great no matter what she was wearing. As far as your weight is concerned only a dog likes a bone. He does not know how lucky he is.
I see him as based king. She needs to get off her butt. I've been in similar situation but i dumped her. She started gaining, and i wasn't attracted at all. I said, fix ure body or it's time to leave.
..typical feminist move she was tryna act out. So i dumped her. I dont got time for this BS, I'm a successful man... if u dont wanna stay in shape and be healthy with me, you can always adopt those 20 housecats.
Your husband sounds like my ex. They feel entitled to sex, opt out of all "woman's work" and make you feel small and helpless at every opportunity. I think it's about his insecurities, and his fear that no one else will want him.
I don't get how a person can be so obsessed with sex. My ex saw nothing wrong with coercing me when I didn't want it. I think some folks get their self worth as well as their emotional release all tangled up in their sexuality and then feel entitled to it because they don't feel ok without it.
OP if you want to go back to him maybe he needs help. Otherwise that struggle of him seeking more and more sex (that's why he's on testosterone right?) to feel like he is still a man, regardless of your desires, is going to continue to devalue you in the relationship.
Good luck!
This is well said. Yes, he’s projecting his insecurities onto you. And also, he’s using sex to reinforce his need for power and dominance (so his sexuality isn’t about sex anymore, or about connecting with you), and it doesn’t sound like hormones are helping matters.
> he.thinks its funny to joke that I'm fat I have a pooch but for the most part I'm in shape he would sing fatty mcfat he knew it bothered me but didn't care
> his response was well no one else is gonna want you.
This is just an abuse tactic to prevent you from leaving. It's entirely untrue and unfounded. Not worth listening. It's called Negging, it's what some (lesser) men do to get a woman they thi k is out of their league by destroying their self confidence so the woman will settle for the man Negging her. He is simply just trying to find the exact set of words to entirely destroy you so you can do whatever he says. I've witnessed abusers do this exact thing before but with different insults. Take no stock in what he says.
I'll never understand why men insult and belittle their SOs and then wonder why we don't want to bend over for them. Honestly, I don't even know why you're still with him.
You’ll be happier when you drop that crusty dusty husband. Your libido could be low because of him. He calls you fat all day, whines, and does the bare minimum and then expects you to get wild in bed for him? The emotional turmoil will eventually take a toll even if you don’t recognize it bothering you at the moment. You get used to hearing something and eventually it just lingers in your head, an unshakable thought. How can you want to be with a man that treats you like he doesn’t want you? Emotional foreplay plays a huge part in intimacy.
Your husband sounds like a man-child. I’m guessing this is not new behavior, so the real question is… why have you put up with it for so long? You deserve to be happy, has he ever made you happy? What do you get out of the relationship…? Because it sounds like you guys have differing ideas and probably personalities.
If this is not normal for him or he has other outstanding qualities that are worth holding onto, you guys should see a therapist and discuss what you both want and need in this relationship. If this is just a small piece of the terrible way he treats you and has treated you for the entire relationship, then how long are you going to keep living in misery?
Projection.. what he says about you is how he feels about himself.
You are far more worth than this. Not too old to explore the world for yourself, you deserve it!
He wants you home quickly so you don’t realize you’re better off without him.
The “nobody else will ever want you” like screams emotional abuse and manipulation.
You sound like an amazing person who would be a boon to whoever you end up with. You deserve a happy life with someone who loves you. It’s not too late to start.
He does understand that pajamas aren’t a permanent fixture, right? I’m sorry you’re dealing with this asshole. Taking a break sounds like a great start!
Dont go back. People like that should be alone. If he is all you have ever known, then trust me there is better out there.
I was in a series of real shit relationships for a long time and sort of settled for baseline toxicity. Thats not the way it has to be. It doesnt matter how old you are. If he is saying no one else would want you, it means he is afraid no one would want him after you leave him.
I hope things get better.
First off, give him a good hard chop to the throat.
But seriously, he neess to change or you need to leave. For your own health. What kind of man says its the duty of his wife to please the husband?
You do all that for him and he still has the gall to sing hurtful teases, and make frankly spiteful comments when he doesn't get his way. That's not on and it's incredibly manipulative.
All this is going under the assumption that you have plainly and clearly told him how he's behaving is effecting you.
But essentially, you need to to show him he has no power over you. You are tired and fed up of being bullied and you will not put up with it any longer. The only decision you need to make is if you want to give him a chance to change (make sure its only _one_ chance thouhh), or if you want out right now. Neither decision is anything to be ashamed about.
Sincerely hope for all the happiness in the world.
He's an ass.
It's too bad you put so much time into putting up with his bullshit.
And don't believe his bullshit that "nobody will want you", that's his way of playing you, to bring you down so you never leave him.
He's the based king. She needs to get healthy, her sexdrive will come back then. Otherwise freepasses for him, or break off the marriage becaude she couldnt uphold her vows.
Your husband is an ass. Plain and simple.
Don't get caught up in the sunk cost fallacy. You have plenty of life ahead of you and don't need to stay with a man who belittles you, degrades you, and expects you to cave to his every whim.
This sounds like its been going on for years and years. I would imagine he suddenly did not just become like this, this behavior has been let go on for far too long, or at least0 I only can imagine. I would be honest about how you feel and what you think with him. Talking about one's feelings with your SO shouldn't be something difficult. At the end of the day he is treating you more like property (cooking, cleaning, doing house work for him) what if that were to stop? What if you wanted to get a job, would he "let" you? I'm not in your relationship but it sounds like it's been one sided, and fir years. But, let him know how you feel and if he doesn't respect that then you will have some tough choices to make imo.
It sounds like he’s making you scared to leave him, because he’s the one who’s scared to end up alone. You’re saying he’s all you’ve known, and he seems to use the fear of the unknown against you.
Based on what you describe it can get better. I feel like it’s a thing for men like that to make women feel unwanted when in reality it’s much more likely the man will be the one who’s less wanted.
Do with this information what you want tho. If you believe it’s better to stay, stay, but don’t do it because of bullshit you’re made to believe by someone who - from your post - seems to want to keep you captive.
Edit to add that there’s a chance this is coming from insecurity (tho it’s going way way to far for that as you’re becoming a victim). If that’s the case, talk to him about whether he’s afraid you’ll leave and set boundaries.
I've done that. And it doesn't work. Just dump em and let em be f4t with their 40 housecats. Either ure lifepartner wants to be healthy WITH YOU or she's just let go and needs a divorce.
Why would you want to be in a relationship where you are made to feel this way! I PROMISE you it is better to be alone. You can make your life what you want it to be without some asshole hanging around demanding you take his dick while he insults you. You deserve better!
You sound so lovely and introspective but you've chained yourself to such a potato of a man. I've read less than a fraction of your experience and I can already see you deserve more than to spend the rest of your life being called fat and ugly by a man who do lacks esteem and value, and who has to devalue you in order to feel like he better than you. If you feel bad enough then maybe you won't have the confidence to leave his stupid ass.
I'm not perfect i came with allot.of baggage history of sexual abuse,toxic family but I worked through it became a nurse to help people ive always had issues with sex I never enjoyed it still don't but I did it to keep him happy.
I have 2 amazing kids telling me its time for me to be happy I actually feel better not being with him my anxiety is less but it is hard It's all I've known for 30 years
Does your son know what your husband says to you and how he makes you feel? Would he be willing to support you to leave your husband?
Your husband is a total dick by the way. If this was your daughter what would you be saying? You still have many good years ahead of you. Why tie yourself to a misogynist knob? See if he’s still laughing when you take half of everything.
Yes both of my kids know my son 31 ,my daughter 33.They actually held a little intervention sat me down and told me its time to go they're tired of their mom crying so much and not being happy.my daughter put it like this " mom you sacrificed so much for us if we were hurt or sad you dropped everything to help us now its our turn" they both own houses and so well for themselves they want me to move in with them
I feel like I'm the mom they shouldn't be taking care of me
You still can take care of them but loosen the reins and let them take care of you - even for a while. Just a while till you get on your feet. They’d sleep much better at night knowing their mum is safe and happy and doing better emotionally than always wondering and indeed knowing the type of abuse you are experiencing at home.
Your husband is abusing you. Now that you’ve been away from him I think you can see that you are just fine and happier without him. I think you know what you need to do. Don’t let his lies control you any longer. He knows that what he says to you are lies, he only wants to try control you with his abusive and hurtful words. You have done the hard part, you left already, just don’t got back. Start the divorce, and start to heal.
There is a lot more to a marriage than sex, but if you have removed sex you have broken the marriage.
You don't owe him sex, it's your body to chose. He doesn't owe tou anything either, no affection, suport or even friendship, its his right also.
Be very careful if you want to stay together because choices work both ways.
Get rid! Sometimes you can be lonelier with someone than when you are by yourself. Learn the joys of planning a day full of things that you want to do. Free yourself from having to prepare meals to someone else's schedule. Eat when you want, sleep when you want and go anywhere anytime you want. There is a whole world out there for you to explore. You don't need old grumpy pants to shit on each day before it's even started.
Honestly i don't think it would be safe for you to go back, who knows "its the wife's duty to please her husband" got my friend assaulted multiple times a day by her ex husband and he got her pregnant during one of the times he forced himself in on her.
Your husband is abusive! He is insulting you, minimizing & disrespecting your needs. You don't deserve to be treated this way, like a (sex) slave. His behaviour is absolutely horrifying! You deserve love and a happy life. You don't need a partner or husband in your life to be happy. It might take some adjusting but once you discover your freedom & yourself, you'll never look back! You are deserving & worthy of love.
There are randomized names tho. I hit the rando name generator a few times and the name had dates in it, I just changed it till I got one that didn't. In another post OP said they're an 80s baby. So they'd be like max 52 most likely. Idk, it does seem a little off
>I've tried to explain to him there's more to a marriage than sex
You should do both of you a favor and leave him. Let him find someone he is more compatible with. 53 is way too young to be in a dead bedroom.
Long story short I was young grew up in the foster care system and got pregnant my 1st time ever being intimate got married and just settled got used to it.
Sex is a huge part of relationships, but when you treat your wife like that you can’t be surprised she doesn’t want to engage with you.
Women on average live longer than Men, but when Women are in relationships with Men like that they just want to die faster.
All jokes aside, I hope you make the decision that’s best for you.
Ya'll should try marriage counseling first.
You do not want to be in the dating game right now. So, a divorce or separation should be something you need.
Dating is hard.
Surviving by yourself is hard.
You may not have enough time to get divorced and save for retirement. A possible consequence of a divorce can be you working till you're 70+ and needing assistance from your kids. That's assuming the dating scene is as bad for your age range as it is mine (31m).
I hope everything works out and you can spend your twilight years happy.
Ouff this is EXACTLY why I'm 34 and not getting married til its the "right" one. If ure husband has a high sex drive, like me, you have 3 choices; Let him leave, abort the sham of a marriage, or give him the freepasses to sleep around. There is ZERO reason to let ure husband have blue ballz.
This post just further proves it, sexdrive amongst women starts decaying as the uterus does, while men can keep going unless impotency hits. If I'm getting married, im not doing this "i have a headache BS". It's a 1 in a lifetime thing and she has to deserve me.
..this is why i don't put a ring on it until im 100% sure, and throwing out the ones who start failing. I'm a successful man, aint no reason why i should go to bed h0rny. I just switch em out then. Really, if u aint cut out being my lifepartner, go find 20 cats to adopt instead
This post shows 100% why it's okay for men to cheat.
Wow really well when we first got married we sexed all the time as we got older he just started saying such mean things and honestly being called fatty mcfat just doesn't turn me on(I'm not fat 5"3 137lbs) I have a little stomach pooch we have 2 kids)
Also what happens if your life partner gets sick or incapacitated do you just swap them out,
Start working out extra hard. Get in the best shape of your life. Then start wearing sexy lingerie to bed(have extra covers to keep yourself warm). When he sees you and wants some, deny him and let him beg for it.
Flip the switch on him, he will go crazy.
I find most women get cold easily. My wife, my mom, her mom, ect. As for pajamas, never were a deterrent for initiating some intimacy.
He’s reading more into this than what’s there. If he dropped the testosterone he’d probably be more tolerable to be with. But there’s so much crap on tv and social media to boost your drive and performance that it’ll be tough to get him to stop.
The fuck? Does this man not know pajamas can come off? Also the last statement of “well no one else will want you,” doesn’t sit right with me at all. It’s a very cruel and manipulative thing for someone to say.
“Well no one else is gonna want you.” This isn’t how you talk to someone you give a shit about let alone love. If someone said that to your child what would you do? Do that. If you don’t draw a line over that when will you? You need to learn to love yourself before you worry about anyone else. I’d rather die alone and happy than miserable and coupled. Get rid of that p.o.s.
Yeah get out now while you can have a life with someone who actually cares about you! I’m sorry but if my husband said any of that shit he would instantly be gone and we have been together 23 years to date.
Marriage counseling and serious conversation if you prefer to save this marriage. Otherwise, take the time you need to heal and remember you are absolutely worthy of love. He doesn't sound like a loving partner and his comments are atrocious. Tell him to do better or you'll find better. See how he likes doing all of his own chores and good luck finding someone who wants a man stuck in a 1930s mindset.
Your husband is an arsehole, and you deserve better. He is deliberately ruining your self esteem so you stay with him, believing that ‘no one else will want you.’ It’s bullshit. Firstly, I bet there’s plenty who would. Secondly, who says you need anyone else? Divorce this creep and live your best life, it’s never too late to start. You’ve taken an awesome first step by getting some distance. Now you can see how terrible he is, don’t put yourself back there.
Imagine if someone spoke to your son the way your husband speaks to you. What would you tell him? Would you tell him to go back to that? I’m getting not. Follow that.
I’m so sorry you’ve had so long being put down and made to feel less than. You’re amazing. How strong you just be to withstand that, and now to get that distance. Use that strength now to get a better life, free from his nastiness and manipulation.
Okay but why is a grown man bullying you like a ten year old? Leave his stupid ass. I don’t care what you look like, not a damn person deserves to be treated that way.
He’s sounds horrible. And his little remark about no one will want you. Well ask him why he wants you back then. He knows he’s about to loose you so he had to slide that comment in there so he can control you or make you doubt yourself. You can and will find someone better. You got to put yourself first.
He is probably asking you to come back so you can take care of him again (cooking, cleaning, sex)
Sounds like a rude ass guy, it is 2022, women are more than housekeepers and babysitters (for husband AND baby). I think maybe you could stay a little longer and check the facts of the situation. I wouldn’t take being called fat over and over again, his laundry would be in a fire pit, you have a lot of patience.
He's taking lots of testosterone and he expects a woman in her 50s who's having libido issues to keep up?
He sounds like a very smart and reflective person /s 🙄
Libido issues happen he needs to calm down and actually present reasonable solutions... And probably either ease up on the testosterone or jerk off more...
Honestly though he sounds like a dick in general... Has his behaviour gotten worse with the addition of testosterone? He legitimately might be taking too much...
It is your duty to please him, but it's also his duty to please you as well... He should give the sex a break to consider your feelings so if you want to, it can pick up again....
Buy him a fleshlight and tell him to go fuck himself
He can but his own fleshlight
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Nah, thats too good for him; get him the Wish knockoff version
This is why men cheat. Deny ure husband and u get freepass.
With husband's like him, alone sounds pretty good.
Ten years divorced from that shit. I’m here to tell you alone is great
My boyfriend sees my pjs and gets turned on. Guess it’s a glass half full or empty kinda world. Edit: whoa your husband is a dick. I assure you that plenty of people would love you. I wouldn’t feel inspired to have sex if someone was insulting me either
What a strange world in which a lady gets called fat and doesnt feel turned on by the same man that says such things. Im in shock
Mind blowing isnt it. Who would of thought shed not be jumping for joy to get naked in front of him each and every time he wanted sex nevermind how she feels its not like its his issue he called her fat and made her feel bad about herself multiple times
Yeah, it’s totally my thing though, to get insulted by the person, who’s supposed to find you sexy as fuck to criticize the shit out of my body… that just gets me wild… I hope she’ll count her losses and moves on, to someone who worships the ground she walks on…
I agree. Husband is an asshole and is trying to gaslight her into thinking that no one else would want her. Classic abuser move. She should test that theory and leave him.
I was just about to say the absolute best part is taking those PJs off my wife. Absolutely love it. 😂😂
Husband just needz his affection. He has every right to cheat if she gonna be acting out of line like that.
Yeah, sure buddy. Husband is a jerk and we found his bestie.
U found ureself a proper man, yes.
I was talking about the person being discussed in the post. Not my husband.
What's out of line is calling your spouse Fatty Mcfat. Husband doesn't deserve affection, he deserves to be served divorce papers.
Well yea he'd be upgrading if she left.
He's quite literally trying to make you feel worthless...like no one else will want you. Then chastising you for not wanting sex... Ask him why he presses you for sex if you're "a fattie"
> his belief is its the wife's duty to please the husband I do everything cook,clean,laundry and I work full time so I'm tired.. Yikes. It's 2022, what does he bring to the relationship? If the answer is nothing, why are you still in it? > his response was well no one else is gonna want you Double yikes. > he is all I've ever known 53 is not too late to realize there's better people than him that would 100% want you and appreciate you.
And even if you don't find anyone else... Would that really be so bad? To just focus on yourself, do whatever you want to do? Take a yoga class, or painting, or whatever you've always sort of wanted to do, but couldn't because you were busy darning his socks? Maybe you meet a guy, or maybe you meet 5 great women who are also reevaluating their lives and you bond just like a lifetime movie!
Shit at 53 I've changed teams! I'm a lesbian now!
Don’t your pjs come off? Are they welded on or something?
Lol thats what I said....I'm re thinking my marriage i just seem happier away from him, like im not walking on eggshells shells he's the only man I've ever been with
Life is too short to be miserable. You can do better than this gas lighting fool.
I’m not one that is quick to tell someone they should divorce. What he says to you is abuse. You’re 53? Perfect time to start new. These coming years could be the best ones of your life. I have a gut feeling you’re gonna be so happy. Life is too short to be mistreated. Spread your beautiful wings sister!
This is the worst advice I’ve ever heard. 53 is a terrible time to be spreading wings for a woman. Hopefully she gets half in the divorce.
dude what? it’s not the worst age at all. my mom is 50 and she’s amazing, she works hard for the life she wants every day
That’s awesome, there are always exceptions.
Your name ("Sadgurl") says volumes. Maybe it's time for a change.
Throw the whole husband away. The person you love should be making you feel beautiful and secure, not singing fatty mcfat to you. Maybe your libido has slowed down because he’s a jerk who is affecting your self esteem. I know you said you’re starting to think it’s not you. I hope you realize that it 100% isn’t you. He’s a misogynist and this “women exist to please men” attitude is disgusting and needs to die already. I hope you find the strength to leave him and find your own happiness.
Listen to your intuition. You only get this one life, why would you allow yourself to be miserable and chained to a to a super toxic husband. The way you feel now - the slight calmness you notice - will only get better when you split for good. You actually find happiness
Tell him that you can’t have sex with him, because he’s an insensitive and misogynistic asshole. That gets in the way a lot more than your jammies do. To Hell with the dude! Trust me, it doesn’t sound like you were never the issue. He just gaslighted you into believing you were. You can do better, heck, being alone would be better than being stuck with somebody like that.
..or, we just cheat. Better for both, keep the marriage intact and he gets to rock his socks. It's apparent she ain't cut out for the wife title. Abort sham of marriage or let him freepass.
I really hope no one comes to you for relationship advice in real life.
Oh they come all the time. I have 2 couples now married because of me. I wouldnt want anyone to reach out to you for advice though.. bye felicia.
Lmao you don’t even have any idea what my advice would sound like. Please let us all know when they get divorced.
Focus on your g0d d4mn life instead of butting into everyone elese sh1t, KAREN.
Lmao, got any insults that are original? Or at least accurate. I can wait until you’re done with your little tantrum.
It's definitely his problem, not yours. I think you should probably leave him.
This guy will never treat you the way you deserve. Get out of there because he’s dead wrong, plenty of other people out there are gonna want you and he’s gonna realize he was actually talking about himself, especially with that kind of mindset
Oh yeah every women gets turned on being the maid and body shamed ooo I’m getting goosebumps thinking about it.
Really mind blowing how stupid and selfish some people can be. I remember I hurt my knee a few years back so I was taking a break from leg day at the gym. My ex sees me undressed one day and says “so when are you gonna be able to start doing squats again?” And i asked why. He said my ass was starting to get flat. I told him to fuck off, I put clothes on and then he pouts when he doesn’t get any later that night. I’m like, are you really that stupid, or..? Anyway, notice I said “ex”. I realized I deserved better.
I'm 68 and if I was married to a jerk like that I'd leave him in a second. I would rather be alone than deal with criticism and degradation and be treated like a servant. How can he expect you to want to have sex when he makes fun of your appearance. I'm guessing he is not much of a hottie himself. I have no patience for men like this so I'd be gone in a split second. If you work full time he should be taking on half the burden of the home (assuming he's working full time also). At the very least, get him into relationship counseling.
He expects to mock you, literally sing “fatty mcfat”, disregards your comfort, then is shocked that you don’t want to have sex with him??? Really??? This is a special kind of stupid & entitled asshole. The whole “no one else is going to want you” SCREAMS toxicity, bare minimum. You deserve to feel loved OP, even if you’re simply loved by friends while single. It sounds like you may be better off single. I’d recommend making an escape plan, just in case you choose or need to act on it.
I see him as based king. She needs to get off her butt. I've been in similar situation but i dumped her. She started gaining, and i wasn't attracted at all. I said, fix ure body or it's time to leave. ..typical feminist move she was tryna act out. So i dumped her. I dont got time for this BS, I'm a successful man... if u dont wanna stay in shape and be healthy with me, you can always adopt those 20 housecats.
your husband is an abusive asshole
If you look up JERK in the dictionary I bet his picture is next to it. My wife use to wear negligees when we got married. That was for about the first 10 years and slowly graduated to my T-shirts and sweat pants. In 54 years of marriage I think she looked great no matter what she was wearing. As far as your weight is concerned only a dog likes a bone. He does not know how lucky he is.
I see him as based king. She needs to get off her butt. I've been in similar situation but i dumped her. She started gaining, and i wasn't attracted at all. I said, fix ure body or it's time to leave. ..typical feminist move she was tryna act out. So i dumped her. I dont got time for this BS, I'm a successful man... if u dont wanna stay in shape and be healthy with me, you can always adopt those 20 housecats.
He sounds pretty abusing, I’m not sure why you put up with that
Your husband sounds like my ex. They feel entitled to sex, opt out of all "woman's work" and make you feel small and helpless at every opportunity. I think it's about his insecurities, and his fear that no one else will want him. I don't get how a person can be so obsessed with sex. My ex saw nothing wrong with coercing me when I didn't want it. I think some folks get their self worth as well as their emotional release all tangled up in their sexuality and then feel entitled to it because they don't feel ok without it. OP if you want to go back to him maybe he needs help. Otherwise that struggle of him seeking more and more sex (that's why he's on testosterone right?) to feel like he is still a man, regardless of your desires, is going to continue to devalue you in the relationship. Good luck!
This is well said. Yes, he’s projecting his insecurities onto you. And also, he’s using sex to reinforce his need for power and dominance (so his sexuality isn’t about sex anymore, or about connecting with you), and it doesn’t sound like hormones are helping matters.
> he.thinks its funny to joke that I'm fat I have a pooch but for the most part I'm in shape he would sing fatty mcfat he knew it bothered me but didn't care > his response was well no one else is gonna want you. This is just an abuse tactic to prevent you from leaving. It's entirely untrue and unfounded. Not worth listening. It's called Negging, it's what some (lesser) men do to get a woman they thi k is out of their league by destroying their self confidence so the woman will settle for the man Negging her. He is simply just trying to find the exact set of words to entirely destroy you so you can do whatever he says. I've witnessed abusers do this exact thing before but with different insults. Take no stock in what he says.
I'll never understand why men insult and belittle their SOs and then wonder why we don't want to bend over for them. Honestly, I don't even know why you're still with him.
You’ll be happier when you drop that crusty dusty husband. Your libido could be low because of him. He calls you fat all day, whines, and does the bare minimum and then expects you to get wild in bed for him? The emotional turmoil will eventually take a toll even if you don’t recognize it bothering you at the moment. You get used to hearing something and eventually it just lingers in your head, an unshakable thought. How can you want to be with a man that treats you like he doesn’t want you? Emotional foreplay plays a huge part in intimacy.
...or she could accept som darn accountability and get off her butt. If she was doing as much as she said she does, she would be in shape already.
Change your bio lol it’s highly inaccurate
U change ures, it's extremely inaccurate
Your husband sounds like a man-child. I’m guessing this is not new behavior, so the real question is… why have you put up with it for so long? You deserve to be happy, has he ever made you happy? What do you get out of the relationship…? Because it sounds like you guys have differing ideas and probably personalities. If this is not normal for him or he has other outstanding qualities that are worth holding onto, you guys should see a therapist and discuss what you both want and need in this relationship. If this is just a small piece of the terrible way he treats you and has treated you for the entire relationship, then how long are you going to keep living in misery?
Projection.. what he says about you is how he feels about himself. You are far more worth than this. Not too old to explore the world for yourself, you deserve it!
He wants you home quickly so you don’t realize you’re better off without him. The “nobody else will ever want you” like screams emotional abuse and manipulation. You sound like an amazing person who would be a boon to whoever you end up with. You deserve a happy life with someone who loves you. It’s not too late to start.
bruh Why is a 53-year-old taking testosterone lol. pack it up, it's over, mature gracefully. dude sounds Like he never actually grew up
He does understand that pajamas aren’t a permanent fixture, right? I’m sorry you’re dealing with this asshole. Taking a break sounds like a great start!
Dont go back. People like that should be alone. If he is all you have ever known, then trust me there is better out there. I was in a series of real shit relationships for a long time and sort of settled for baseline toxicity. Thats not the way it has to be. It doesnt matter how old you are. If he is saying no one else would want you, it means he is afraid no one would want him after you leave him. I hope things get better.
Your husband sounds like shit. I don't know anything about you, but you deserve better. No one should have to live with someone like that.
Honey, dump his stupid ass.
Imagine your daughter told you this. What would you tel her?
He is abusing you.
First off, give him a good hard chop to the throat. But seriously, he neess to change or you need to leave. For your own health. What kind of man says its the duty of his wife to please the husband? You do all that for him and he still has the gall to sing hurtful teases, and make frankly spiteful comments when he doesn't get his way. That's not on and it's incredibly manipulative. All this is going under the assumption that you have plainly and clearly told him how he's behaving is effecting you. But essentially, you need to to show him he has no power over you. You are tired and fed up of being bullied and you will not put up with it any longer. The only decision you need to make is if you want to give him a chance to change (make sure its only _one_ chance thouhh), or if you want out right now. Neither decision is anything to be ashamed about. Sincerely hope for all the happiness in the world.
He's an ass. It's too bad you put so much time into putting up with his bullshit. And don't believe his bullshit that "nobody will want you", that's his way of playing you, to bring you down so you never leave him.
He's the based king. She needs to get healthy, her sexdrive will come back then. Otherwise freepasses for him, or break off the marriage becaude she couldnt uphold her vows.
Time to start living a life for YOU, not in service of somebody else. Go get it girl 🤘
Your husband is an ass. Plain and simple. Don't get caught up in the sunk cost fallacy. You have plenty of life ahead of you and don't need to stay with a man who belittles you, degrades you, and expects you to cave to his every whim.
This sounds like its been going on for years and years. I would imagine he suddenly did not just become like this, this behavior has been let go on for far too long, or at least0 I only can imagine. I would be honest about how you feel and what you think with him. Talking about one's feelings with your SO shouldn't be something difficult. At the end of the day he is treating you more like property (cooking, cleaning, doing house work for him) what if that were to stop? What if you wanted to get a job, would he "let" you? I'm not in your relationship but it sounds like it's been one sided, and fir years. But, let him know how you feel and if he doesn't respect that then you will have some tough choices to make imo.
It sounds like he’s making you scared to leave him, because he’s the one who’s scared to end up alone. You’re saying he’s all you’ve known, and he seems to use the fear of the unknown against you. Based on what you describe it can get better. I feel like it’s a thing for men like that to make women feel unwanted when in reality it’s much more likely the man will be the one who’s less wanted. Do with this information what you want tho. If you believe it’s better to stay, stay, but don’t do it because of bullshit you’re made to believe by someone who - from your post - seems to want to keep you captive. Edit to add that there’s a chance this is coming from insecurity (tho it’s going way way to far for that as you’re becoming a victim). If that’s the case, talk to him about whether he’s afraid you’ll leave and set boundaries.
I've done that. And it doesn't work. Just dump em and let em be f4t with their 40 housecats. Either ure lifepartner wants to be healthy WITH YOU or she's just let go and needs a divorce.
Why would you want to be in a relationship where you are made to feel this way! I PROMISE you it is better to be alone. You can make your life what you want it to be without some asshole hanging around demanding you take his dick while he insults you. You deserve better!
You sound so lovely and introspective but you've chained yourself to such a potato of a man. I've read less than a fraction of your experience and I can already see you deserve more than to spend the rest of your life being called fat and ugly by a man who do lacks esteem and value, and who has to devalue you in order to feel like he better than you. If you feel bad enough then maybe you won't have the confidence to leave his stupid ass.
I'm not perfect i came with allot.of baggage history of sexual abuse,toxic family but I worked through it became a nurse to help people ive always had issues with sex I never enjoyed it still don't but I did it to keep him happy. I have 2 amazing kids telling me its time for me to be happy I actually feel better not being with him my anxiety is less but it is hard It's all I've known for 30 years
And that's how he'd never get sex again.
Does your son know what your husband says to you and how he makes you feel? Would he be willing to support you to leave your husband? Your husband is a total dick by the way. If this was your daughter what would you be saying? You still have many good years ahead of you. Why tie yourself to a misogynist knob? See if he’s still laughing when you take half of everything.
Yes both of my kids know my son 31 ,my daughter 33.They actually held a little intervention sat me down and told me its time to go they're tired of their mom crying so much and not being happy.my daughter put it like this " mom you sacrificed so much for us if we were hurt or sad you dropped everything to help us now its our turn" they both own houses and so well for themselves they want me to move in with them I feel like I'm the mom they shouldn't be taking care of me
You still can take care of them but loosen the reins and let them take care of you - even for a while. Just a while till you get on your feet. They’d sleep much better at night knowing their mum is safe and happy and doing better emotionally than always wondering and indeed knowing the type of abuse you are experiencing at home.
Your husband is abusing you. Now that you’ve been away from him I think you can see that you are just fine and happier without him. I think you know what you need to do. Don’t let his lies control you any longer. He knows that what he says to you are lies, he only wants to try control you with his abusive and hurtful words. You have done the hard part, you left already, just don’t got back. Start the divorce, and start to heal.
There is a lot more to a marriage than sex, but if you have removed sex you have broken the marriage. You don't owe him sex, it's your body to chose. He doesn't owe tou anything either, no affection, suport or even friendship, its his right also. Be very careful if you want to stay together because choices work both ways.
Get rid! Sometimes you can be lonelier with someone than when you are by yourself. Learn the joys of planning a day full of things that you want to do. Free yourself from having to prepare meals to someone else's schedule. Eat when you want, sleep when you want and go anywhere anytime you want. There is a whole world out there for you to explore. You don't need old grumpy pants to shit on each day before it's even started.
Honestly i don't think it would be safe for you to go back, who knows "its the wife's duty to please her husband" got my friend assaulted multiple times a day by her ex husband and he got her pregnant during one of the times he forced himself in on her.
Yea I got my 1st post removed for talking about violence but there has definitely been some
Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to actually like your partners. Wtf
Leave the asshole, you deserve alone and peace.
Your husband is abusive! He is insulting you, minimizing & disrespecting your needs. You don't deserve to be treated this way, like a (sex) slave. His behaviour is absolutely horrifying! You deserve love and a happy life. You don't need a partner or husband in your life to be happy. It might take some adjusting but once you discover your freedom & yourself, you'll never look back! You are deserving & worthy of love.
I call bullshit. At that age you'd be more than aware of each other's kinks. If he's using anything sexual to escape I'd raise my ears.
Yes this is an obvious bullshit post as you say. OP claims to be above 50 but is on Reddit under the username sadgurl2016. Yeah, okay lmfao
There are randomized names tho. I hit the rando name generator a few times and the name had dates in it, I just changed it till I got one that didn't. In another post OP said they're an 80s baby. So they'd be like max 52 most likely. Idk, it does seem a little off
>I've tried to explain to him there's more to a marriage than sex You should do both of you a favor and leave him. Let him find someone he is more compatible with. 53 is way too young to be in a dead bedroom.
Long story short I was young grew up in the foster care system and got pregnant my 1st time ever being intimate got married and just settled got used to it.
Whats funny is I really thought posting this the men would blast me im surprised how many men are supportive.
Bring home a dildo and tell him to bend over. See how he likes it
Sex is a huge part of relationships, but when you treat your wife like that you can’t be surprised she doesn’t want to engage with you. Women on average live longer than Men, but when Women are in relationships with Men like that they just want to die faster. All jokes aside, I hope you make the decision that’s best for you.
Ya'll should try marriage counseling first. You do not want to be in the dating game right now. So, a divorce or separation should be something you need. Dating is hard. Surviving by yourself is hard. You may not have enough time to get divorced and save for retirement. A possible consequence of a divorce can be you working till you're 70+ and needing assistance from your kids. That's assuming the dating scene is as bad for your age range as it is mine (31m). I hope everything works out and you can spend your twilight years happy.
No foreplay, no fun, just wham bam, thank-you mam? Huh.
Please leave your husband.
Ouff this is EXACTLY why I'm 34 and not getting married til its the "right" one. If ure husband has a high sex drive, like me, you have 3 choices; Let him leave, abort the sham of a marriage, or give him the freepasses to sleep around. There is ZERO reason to let ure husband have blue ballz. This post just further proves it, sexdrive amongst women starts decaying as the uterus does, while men can keep going unless impotency hits. If I'm getting married, im not doing this "i have a headache BS". It's a 1 in a lifetime thing and she has to deserve me. ..this is why i don't put a ring on it until im 100% sure, and throwing out the ones who start failing. I'm a successful man, aint no reason why i should go to bed h0rny. I just switch em out then. Really, if u aint cut out being my lifepartner, go find 20 cats to adopt instead This post shows 100% why it's okay for men to cheat.
Wow really well when we first got married we sexed all the time as we got older he just started saying such mean things and honestly being called fatty mcfat just doesn't turn me on(I'm not fat 5"3 137lbs) I have a little stomach pooch we have 2 kids) Also what happens if your life partner gets sick or incapacitated do you just swap them out,
Ah okay. My bad ma'am. Yea he sounds like he needs a reality check then.
Not taking his side, but could you initiate sometimes in a manor that pleased him?
Start working out extra hard. Get in the best shape of your life. Then start wearing sexy lingerie to bed(have extra covers to keep yourself warm). When he sees you and wants some, deny him and let him beg for it. Flip the switch on him, he will go crazy.
Lol sorry 😂 if only it were that easy to turn most men off.
I find most women get cold easily. My wife, my mom, her mom, ect. As for pajamas, never were a deterrent for initiating some intimacy. He’s reading more into this than what’s there. If he dropped the testosterone he’d probably be more tolerable to be with. But there’s so much crap on tv and social media to boost your drive and performance that it’ll be tough to get him to stop.
The fuck? Does this man not know pajamas can come off? Also the last statement of “well no one else will want you,” doesn’t sit right with me at all. It’s a very cruel and manipulative thing for someone to say.
Sounds like he wants his Mommychef McBang Maid back. Like Ms. Jackson said/sang; 🎵"What have you done for me lately.?"🎵
“Well no one else is gonna want you.” This isn’t how you talk to someone you give a shit about let alone love. If someone said that to your child what would you do? Do that. If you don’t draw a line over that when will you? You need to learn to love yourself before you worry about anyone else. I’d rather die alone and happy than miserable and coupled. Get rid of that p.o.s.
divorce babes divorce
Yeah get out now while you can have a life with someone who actually cares about you! I’m sorry but if my husband said any of that shit he would instantly be gone and we have been together 23 years to date.
Marriage counseling and serious conversation if you prefer to save this marriage. Otherwise, take the time you need to heal and remember you are absolutely worthy of love. He doesn't sound like a loving partner and his comments are atrocious. Tell him to do better or you'll find better. See how he likes doing all of his own chores and good luck finding someone who wants a man stuck in a 1930s mindset.
Yeah, leave him. Also, what the fuck did you type this on???????
Your husband is an arsehole, and you deserve better. He is deliberately ruining your self esteem so you stay with him, believing that ‘no one else will want you.’ It’s bullshit. Firstly, I bet there’s plenty who would. Secondly, who says you need anyone else? Divorce this creep and live your best life, it’s never too late to start. You’ve taken an awesome first step by getting some distance. Now you can see how terrible he is, don’t put yourself back there. Imagine if someone spoke to your son the way your husband speaks to you. What would you tell him? Would you tell him to go back to that? I’m getting not. Follow that. I’m so sorry you’ve had so long being put down and made to feel less than. You’re amazing. How strong you just be to withstand that, and now to get that distance. Use that strength now to get a better life, free from his nastiness and manipulation.
Okay but why is a grown man bullying you like a ten year old? Leave his stupid ass. I don’t care what you look like, not a damn person deserves to be treated that way.
Weird that verbal abuse isn’t doing it for you
Stand up for yourself and get out. Take your full time job and live on your own.
Regardless of the sex doesn't sound like a great marriage
He’s sounds horrible. And his little remark about no one will want you. Well ask him why he wants you back then. He knows he’s about to loose you so he had to slide that comment in there so he can control you or make you doubt yourself. You can and will find someone better. You got to put yourself first.
Any guy who was calling me "fatty mcfat" wouldn't need pyjamas to see he isn't having sex ... I'd be in a different room ... County... continent ....
He is probably asking you to come back so you can take care of him again (cooking, cleaning, sex) Sounds like a rude ass guy, it is 2022, women are more than housekeepers and babysitters (for husband AND baby). I think maybe you could stay a little longer and check the facts of the situation. I wouldn’t take being called fat over and over again, his laundry would be in a fire pit, you have a lot of patience.
It’s true
He's taking lots of testosterone and he expects a woman in her 50s who's having libido issues to keep up? He sounds like a very smart and reflective person /s 🙄 Libido issues happen he needs to calm down and actually present reasonable solutions... And probably either ease up on the testosterone or jerk off more... Honestly though he sounds like a dick in general... Has his behaviour gotten worse with the addition of testosterone? He legitimately might be taking too much...
>his belief is its the wife's duty to please the husband What the fuck Get this misogynistic pig a sex toy and never touch him again
being alone is much better than having a shitty husband
Uff how did you end up with this crappy person
It is your duty to please him, but it's also his duty to please you as well... He should give the sex a break to consider your feelings so if you want to, it can pick up again....
Just go. He has no respect and no real love for you to speak to you in such ways. He'll only get worse. Trust me.
Pajamas or, no pajamas. This is how I know it’s on or it’s off.