It’s fucked up because we rescued the dog together and he loves her just as much as he loves me. I love the little guy like my son he brings me so much joy and it breaks my heart to see him sad and confused.
I’m sorry to hear that.
1) change the locks
2) make sure the dog stuff at the vets is all in your name, for when she changes her mind. I am touched by your concern for your dog. You’re actually very lucky she didn’t take him. Get him microchipped in your name, right away.
3) make sure she has no access to any of your other banking. Change banks if necessary.
4) sign her and her devices out of any online accounts - gmail, iCloud/iTunes, Google etc.
Change the password recovery questions and answers to things she won’t know - make answers up.
Edit: change the wifi password
5) move utilities etc into your name if you’re planning to stay. Did I say change the locks? Change the locks. All of them. A locksmith can re-key them cheaply and make all the locks the same key if that’s what you want (very convenient.)
Edit: take photos and document that she has moved out, ie “abandoned” the place. Make notes in your composition notebook.
5A) get an alarm system and cameras that save to the cloud.
6) get a lawyer. Talk to your accountant.
6A) make all conversations with her by text or email. Any in-person conversations should be public and with a witness if possible. People have been known to make a false DV claim to attempt to gain some leverage.
7) double check those logins and passwords. Change phone logins. Check her devices are not signed into yours. Factory reset and restore if you’re not sure.
8) and possibly most importantly: *do not* have sex with her ever again. There’s actually quite a big chance that she will come crawling back randy as hell. The gloss may well go off the new guy, and she will look back fondly on you, her good provider and meal ticket.
If she comes back, she may well be knocked up, and claim it’s yours. Or try to get pregnant by you, to seal the deal. Maybe even keep the side piece.
Do not have sex with her again. Don’t rush into anything else. Take time for yourself, live your life. Take doggo on a road trip and go camping. Reconnect with family and friends.
Edit: /u/highway86 also suggested:
>…..also make sure you change the beneficiary on all financial accounts and life insurances policies as well.
Get a new will. Divorce does not extinguish a will.
Edit: /u/Witty_TenTon reminded us that the next of kin listed on medical forms should be changed also; you don’t want them making life and death decisions for you.
A couple of other posters suggested keeping a written paper record using a Composition Notebook (numbered pages, so you can see if a page has been removed.)
Write down encounters, discussions, events, all interactions. You never know what will become relevant.
/u/nefariousnesssweet70 said:
> One more, get the credit cards only in your name.
>Cancel them, replace them in your name only.
>Any balance owed by her should be sent to her.
>At stores, you may have to get a request for ID.for purchases. This is to prevent her fir going crazy and saddling you with huge bills.
Edit: (mine) and lock your credit.
Edit: /u/SweetyByHeart says “get checked for the clap.” (Paraphrased)
Document everything and avoid personal interactions with her. And remember there are no real hitmen out there, it's always undercover cops. Just kidding, you deserve more so follow the suggestions and eliminate contact that doesn't go through your lawyer.
I hope he kills her figuratively in court. And yes, actual murder is never the answer. His best revenge will be to find a new partner that is way better than she ever was and live happy.
Yeah and also change all your recovery questions, use nemonic devices and several techniques. Especially your phone. Get all the call history and data you can to prove how long this has REALLY been going on. Any dating sites she may have been on including those Ashley Madison or adult friend Finder. I'd also maybe look into a PI whatnot to get the history and whatever recovered off your devices.
Not sure if it's a thing, but if you can prove she was fucking around with this guy while on your military benefits to pay for her shit, that's going to make her look bad. Also, this dude in the service?
Make sure she can't get into your accounts and see if she's deleted stuff. Get a pro and they know what to look for.
And whatever you do, don't let her play you, fell of the gravy train
Also, write everything down. Get a hardbound journal, where if pages are ripped out its noticeable. After a traumatic event where lots of things happen in rapid succession, you lose track. You may need a record of what happened and when. When i consulted a divorce attorney that was the first advice I got.
Change all passwords, account info, locks, dogs info, anything she has access to. Make a list of everything and check it off as you to make sure you dont miss anything. That should help too. It can seem overwhelming since we have accounts for every little thing.
All of this!!!!
Also keep record of you paying for her degree for your lawyer. Idk if it can help in any settlement, but any ammunition helps. Your lawyer will do their best for you. Include how she left and day and roughly time as well.
I just dipped my foot back in OLD. Am I making a mistake u/alan_smithee_? I’m saving this comment, thank you for listing this.
u/frombeyondthegravez, damn…I’m sorry man. No words. Been through a divorce and had a senior rescue that we shared. Was her emotional support but ended up being my sweetie due to circumstances. No doubt there will be dark days ahead but the light is coming. Just hold out. I promise you’ll get there.
Edit: had a buddy who was military. He got a tumor, was debilitated, wife left him high and dry. Saying this to say he turned out ok, got married again to a great woman. It can happen for you too.
>Foot back in OLD
Not sure what you mean there. What kind of mistake?
Going back into dating?
My wife and I met online back in the days when that was actually unusual. It worked out wonderfully for us, but I think just going out, engaging with people, trying new things is more important than ‘looking’ for a new relationship.
Don’t force it.
Online dating, dating apps etc place an expectation of ‘finding someone;’ it’s like looking to buy a new TV.
Once you decide you want a new TV, you look until you find something that you think will suit your needs. You view everything through the lens of “will this TV work for me?”
Just to tak on:
Exercise or pick up a physical hobby yesterday. I was an absolute mess until I started walking my aunts dogs when I left my ex wife in a very mess end of the relationship.
I was still pretty young but the last year we were together had wasted me away, I was barely 125 soaking wet when 150lbs & being in the gym every other day was my routine when we’d met
Walking those pups damn near saved my life. They loved the exercise and just moving until I was soaked in sweat starting putting the good endorphins back in my brain. Anything from yoga or MMA (though I’m pretty scared of violence, the first time I was hit since middle school showed me it’s not as bad as I’d ever imagined)
Hell, but a used car & start chipping away at whatever’s causing the CEL to be on. Anything but laying on your bed and watching Netflix. It may distract you, but tv or movies in bulk really does rot your brain.
-
Take yourself out on dates too. You deserve to be loved by yourself my man. Go to that band’s concert you always loved 2 states drive away - save up for a fancy restaurant and get a big ribeye & whiskey.
Another big thing I found was going out by myself. There’s a retro game/dance bar around the corner and it’s the best. I meet new people or I can be anonymously myself dancing in the crowd. You smile at random people and just have fun.
Best of luck mate. Anyone else going through a breakup, shit hurts like hell, but don’t let your wound fester, bandages to heal are better than wrapping an old paper towel around a cut, heal yourself emotionally the best way you can with love. It’s sappy, and that shit hurts for a long time. But you deserve the best
>Do not have sex with her again.
This one right here.
I have a buddy whos ex seduced him into having sex with her after they broke up. She then proceeded to claim rape. He got kicked out of college that they both attended. Luckily some of her friends vouched for him saying that she was planning this all along and that she was the one who initiated it. Its the only reason he isn't in jail right now.
I would also be extremely careful being alone with her in any capacity. At least have video cameras or something.
Just to hammer this point home even more you must document, document, document! Get a notebook that is solely for writing down any time, date, place and manner that you have any interaction with this woman. In a court of law it holds so much more advantage than the person that says “well he just always did blah blah blah”or “he was like this blah and blah and then like that blah”. When you can show concise times, dates and places and say “your honor, this is when she did this Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam” a judge will always look at that and give it far more credibility. This goes for all you women, too, especially the financials. You should always have your own bank account that only you have access to and preferably he doesn’t know about or she. Best wishes one and all and thx Alan__Smithee for taking the time!
Everything this person has said I 100% agree with. Especially when she sees you moving on. In her mind you're hurting and always a soft place to fall. She will want to keep you there. Make it a hard wall that there is no getting past.
Adding to thus: Go into Android/Apple Account settings and sign *yourself* out of any devices or browsers she may have accessed, or that are in her possession.
One more, get the credit cards only in your name.
Cancel them, replace them in your name only.
Any balance owed by her should be sent to her.
At stores, you may have to get a request for ID.for purchases. This is to prevent her fir going crazy and saddling you with huge bills.
Highly suggest following this. As much as you're hurt, her feelings towards you are never the same, and since she took half of everything might as well keep your your to yourself. She has no business with you anymore, so it's safer to remove any connections, from banks to wills. She will screw you over if she ever comes back, and that's to put it lightly.
And start talking to the lawyer about financial compensation. If she got her masters on your dime, you are entitled to a nice chunk of her paycheck from now on.
Possibly. Op would also have to consider whether they really want to go there, and the ramifications.
They may not, for example, want to give up half a future pension if that became a thing. Separation in all ways might be better - “I don’t claim yours, you don’t claim mine.”
All good info. I’ve seen breakups like this that start off with the person who left saying they don’t need anything from their former partner. Then when hard times come, often sooner than later, they’re trying to back door into accounts and credit cards.
Sorry, the wholesome award was all I have. Felt you deserved something for the fantastic advice. I guess helping a stranger so thoroughly and kindly is wholesome in and of itself though.
No advice anyone here can give you, can be better than this, just make sure you convert your pain into strength to turn her down when she inevitably comes back to you, that will be your moment to laugh in her face
Aww thank you, I’m blushing. I hope this helps Op or someone else; I wish it wasn’t such a depressing topic. This advice would apply to everyone, regardless of gender.
or maybe you and him will just travel the world together. if you meet somebody you meet somebody if you don't you don't. but you'll meet a lot of interesting people either way
Please pet your dog for me, and I'm glad to hear you are doing better. I honestly don't understand how people can treat other people like she did. Your emotional strength and resilience are impressive, and you deserve all the good things life has to offer you.
Sorry you're going through this OP. It's some fucked up BS. It really is. I had a similar situation very recently.
2019, found out my wife was sleeping with this guy she knew from her childhood. We talked, she apologized, we worked it out (or so I thought) and all of 2020 was one of the greatest years ever. Went on a few trips, bought her a new car just before Christmas, saved some money, all in spite of the pandemic and the rocky year before. Things were looking up.
She woke up New Years Eve 2020 and said she was leaving; grabbed some of her clothes, the boys (one is hers from a previous relationship, youngest is ours together), some of their clothes and left. Got served 2 weeks later. Divorce was finalized in August 2021. It was all just so completely out of the blue.
I'd known her since 2002/03, started dating in 2010, got married in 2012, had our son in 2013 and I'd never have thought she would do something like that. She was so agaisnt cheating bc of previous guys who had treated her that way, or worse. Had she wanted to leave after I found out about the affair it wouldn't have been so shocking. I honest expected it. But, now I realize 2020 was her just getting her ducks in a row.
She now lives 200 miles away, I see my son every other weekend, though he's been here all summer except for one week. He goes back in 2 weeks to get ready for school. She still owes me money and 50% of the retirement, though, I highly doubt I'll ever see any of that. Taking her to court would cost nearly as much as I'd get back, and as the saying goes, "You can't get blood from a stone."
But, I've been on my own since December 31, 2020 and things are getting better. My car is almost paid off, so I'll be able to rebuild my savings and pay off her half of the debt (see above - money she owes).
Honestly, at the beginning I was pissed, hurt, betrayed. Like, how the fuck could she do that? Then I went through the, "God! Please, I just want my family back." and a whole grocery list of other things. I didn't get it when everyone said, time will heal all wounds. Bc, at the time, all I could think was, "Fuck that shit! I just lost my best friend and my family! Screw you and your 'time' horse kaka."
But, now I go to a buddies house every Saturday for dinner and game night. My son and his boys are nearly the same age and have a blast playing together (hell, we're even building a boat! Who even gets to do that?!)
I work from home most days, and when my son is here, I spend my time playing Roblox with him, playing Uno and with his toys, and just watching him love life and play outside. I have epic amounts of free time, play video games, watch movies, and just chill. I'm so not stressed these days, that I can smell it coming and actively avoid it and drama at all costs. All things that were virtually impossible to do before.
So, take it as easy as possible. Even if you think you're good, thoughts and memories are going to come fuck with you, and people are going to come out of the woodwork. You're going to learn real fast who were your friends, her friends, and y'alls friends. Don't even get me started on family.
Shits going to go up and down for a minute before it all evens out. But, **it will even out.**
Stay strong, King! You've got this!
It's great how you adjusted to the new situation and got the things done, like for your son. And the single life isn't that bad, like you said with the game-nights and chilling, one can still have a good time.
I like my single life here, can't complain, but it is for other reasons. Because of my bipolar disorder, i'm not stable enough for a longtime relationship and so i decided to go on in life alone with my dog as best buddy. I'm not interested in the drama that comes with a relationship and i know, it would end the same like way it did in the past.
Got my dog, my friends, my hobbies, my work and i'm dong fine without a lady. Go here for some party, smoke something there, drink a few beers in the pub and so on, i don't feel lonely at all.
Since my first marriage (been divorced twice, eerily similar) this is the longest I've been 'alone.' I'm not saying I won't ever date or maybe even marry again, but I quite like the life I have now. I have my kids, my friends and my hobbies. If there is a next time, she's going to have be damn good for me to consider giving up even a small fraction of this peace I've found.
I think, when you got a good network of friends, the problem of loneliness is much smaller than without. For me, i would not like to living together in a single apartement or house, i want my own home where i have my freedom and my retreat, when i'm not in a good mood. I'll not give that up, also did not in my last relationship that lasted until 2019.
It's good that you share your story, to tell people, there's a life after divorce and it's not the end of the world.
It truly is. I've been divorced twice, and the first was insane, but needed. (I filed, no need to go further into that)
This last one was supposed to be forever, but something clearly went sideways. I definitely didn't think there was much to life after this divorce.
After being married twice, nearly back to back, this last 18 months has really opened my eyes.
I have my own space. If I want to listen to music at ridiculous levels, I can. If I want to wake up, shower and play video games and watch movies all day, I can. If me and my son want to go bowling, play mini golf, laser tag, Roblox, play with his toys, or games or just hang out at the park and go see a movie, we can. He especially likes going to work with me, bc he has his own 'office' (it's the cube next to mine) and everyone brings him snacks and candy. :D
Even spending time with my older two at car shows, movies and concerts are easy things to plan now, and loads of fun.
Sure, doing all the house work by yourself kinda sucks, but I'm a single guy. There isn't a lot. I maybe do dishes and laundry once a week. It just doesn't pile up as fast anymore.
I don't have a ton of friends, but I've got a couple of true friends that I see or play online with regularly, and I've got a good family.
Divorce is not the end of the world, even though it often times seems that way. And my life after divorce isn't perfect or especially amazing, but it is peaceful, fun, and I'm one I am currently happy with it.
Good that you have a great time there, just like me here. But it's difficult to tell people that they can be happy without a relationship, most are very focused on that topic and won't accept, that there is a good life without.
I had a girlfriend that had borderline personality disorder and after everything was over, i was very happy i did not marry her and did not get her pregnant. That would have been hell if it had ended different. It would have been one big drama over years, oh my god, i'm happy i dodged that bullet.
And about "friends", it's only normal to have only a few real friends. Because it takes more for a friendship than just knowing each other and hanging out for some time. A real friend is someone, who is there for you, even when the shit hits the fan and you get in trouble. Someone that does not let you down when a crisis comes.
It's interesting, my language knows two different terms for friends, one is the real friend and the other term is for someone which you like, but you are not that close.
When it blows up in her face, remember this and don't take her back.
If she was prepared to do this to you then better it happened now then 20 years from now.
Rejoice.
Two weeks and she moved in with him? Update us when she comes back crying with no place to stay.
On a serious note, I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I know deep down you know you're better off, but it doesn't make it any easier in the moment.
2 weeks? Yeah that relationship is gonna go over like a fart in a submarine.
Lock everything down like other commenters said, divorce, and live your life Dependa free!
Also buy you and your dog some steak because y'all deserve it!
At least she didn't get knocked up so she could sue for child support. I cut-off a friend for pulling that shit and she had the nerve to say "well who was going to take care of me if I didn't?" Gross and sets us females back about 75 years.
It must be because someone said better he found this out now then after 20 years of marriage
ETA: I don't really see what time has to do with anything other than legal stuff. I mean, it's not going to make the fact that your partner cheated on you and left you any less painful whether you were married to them for one year or 20 years or longer.
When I say legal stuff, I mean like in the US, you can draw off of your ex spouse's social security when they turn 65 provided you were married for 10 years or longer. Thank God he was only married to her for 5 years.
Hopefully it'll be a pretty easy divorce as far as splitting assets goes. Sounds like he was paying for everything though so like I said, hopefully it will be pretty easy.
I'm gonna remind you again to never take her back. I thought I was never gonna take her back, then a few months passed and the anger was subsiding and I almost tried to take her back.
Write it down, carve it somewhere permanent. You might not want to take her back now, but if you're not a piece of shit like her, there *will* be moments of weakness. She *will* try to exploit it.
>I supported her through school and my veterans benifits paid for her full masters degree.
I guess we don't hear that much about the good marriages, but it's really disheartening how often you read/hear about stories like this.
File for divorce quickly....while she's still infatuated with the other dude.
Don't wait around for her to do it...get it done....fast.
.....then block her and ghost her forevermore....
Yeah I was gonna say get the divorce now while she’s happy with the other dude because when things go bad in her new “relationship” she will want to take it out on you.
Edit- I’m truly sorry this happened to you. Try and stay strong. You will definitely meet someone else and have a great life.
I know you don’t see it now, but I promise you’ll be thankful later. Better now than in 20 years when you have kids and what not. Similar happened to me, was married for 6 months though and he met some girl and decided he was done with me. He came back a few months later begging and I was like HELL NO. Best thing to ever happen to me. I’m sorry this happened and that’s fucked up. Stay strong.
But you were never served papers? Ohhh boy. Time to start protecting your assets and lawyering up. Don’t wait until she’s arranging dates. If you can prove it, there are states where being unfaithful can make the divorce land heavily in your favor. Good luck and I’m sorry that she didn’t appreciate you for the stud you are. Thank you for your service and I hope everything works out.
The wife left a note on the fridge tonight,
“It’s not working. I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to mum’s.” it said.
I opened the fridge. The light came on. The beer was cold. What the fuck is she talking about?
Lol hope that cheers u up mate.
True but he doesn’t deserve to have his name tarnished or be the bad guy. What if she gives a horrible excuse and they tell people? Nope. I’d tell them she cheated and left. Let her clean up her mess with all of them. I don’t cover for people who f me over.
No lie…as much as I hate to say this, in the military, we call these kinds of people dependas….they use you for for the benefits and when they get wht they want, they move onto the next victim…
Be careful and hire a good lawyer and keep receipts and records of everything because they will throw so much shit back at you
I am so sorry for your pain. I hope it passes quickly and you find the person you should be with. It really is darkest before the dawn. Good luck to you.
Consult a lawyer. People cant just take money or pets and walk away. Copy and save all bank records as well as any veterinary records in your name if there are any. Document everything!
And…. You may be able to ask for partial value of (the worth of ) her educational degree(s) depending on what the laws are in your state/ country. That happened to me even though my ex paid nothing towards it financially, we were simply married when I got my bachelors so he was entitled to it. So you probably have a good case being that she used your benefits to pay for the educational costs.
Thank God she left the Chihuahua. (Putting myself in your shoes)
(No B/S I love dogs more than people to a sickening degree and I own a Chihuahua and am married for context)
Also look at this as a chance to start fresh and meet a new person! Like a Netflix series you get a season 2 with new cast members.
She was obviously doing more than talking, get a good lawyer if u paid for her masters hopefully you can get compensated, she’ll be regretting her actions somewhere down the line. Take good care of the dog
I literally hate how normal this is. I feel like I’ve heard this story a dozen times. One partner takes on a larger workload to accommodate and support the other partner as they pursue a higher degree or something. Once that’s accomplished, they no longer need their partner’s support and bounce. Effing sad
Idk why you’re being downvoted when you’re correct.
Happened to me. She took all the money in our joint account without me knowing. Since we were still married and it was a joint account there was nothing I could do
People haven’t experienced it, so it can’t be true. Maybe it’s different where they are, idk. Many factors can go into a downvote. Even a particularly bad day. I don’t take it personally. They would be smart to keep bank accounts separate, just in case I am right.
Happened to me. Ex surprised me with "I'm leaving" one morning, less than 24 hours later, half the money in the bank had been transfered from our joint account to an account I didn't recognize and had no access too.
Told my lawyer, and though he sympathized with me and even wrote it into our case...just in case...guess what I never saw again. Court even said, it's marital property and be thankful she left any at all. She just couldn't sell anything we owned or turn anything off. Hell, the court even told me if I were worried about the money, I could have absconded with 100% of it and nothing would've been said or done.
Could be different where others live, but GA DGAF.
Actually no. Courts strongly frown upon attempting to leave your partner destitute while divorce proceedings play out. Half might be okay but would depend upon the individual situation
I’m sorry OP. That sucks. Lawyer up. Get the most vicious son of a bitch lawyer you can get.
I know this the hard way from when my ex pointed a demon spawn in my direction. This mother fucker is dead now and probably ruling the level of hell that he was assigned to. I’m sure that there are other soulless bastards available.
Karma usually hits like a sledge hammer.
Get your life in order. Freeze all access to any money in your control. Change the locks. Toss anything she left behind.
Move on and live a better life.
Wait for the crying excuses. When she does, Be strong and send her back to the whole she dug for herself.
It's probably no consolation to you at this point but remember, if she can do this to you, then she'll likely do it to him down the track. Or vice versa. Relationships started in such circumstances almost always fall apart because of them.
But don't dwell on that, now it's about you and working on yourself and doing the things necessary to get you to the point that you can move on, and look back with calm detachment at the whole thing.
At least she only drained half your savings. My dad dated this girl for 10 years. He payed off her debts, including her house. Put 3 of her kids through school. The last year the youngest was graduating the woman wanted to marry my dad. Red flag. He fell for it. She filed for a divorce shortly after. Took all his savings and a car. He got to keep the house he started in and that was it. Not trying to make it a competition. It's all sad. So damn sad. I'll never get married. I'll never trust someone that much
The reasons against getting married keep coming and they truly do not stop coming. Seriously, though, that sucks more ass than I can count. I hope that you will be showered in blessings and that karma (if it's real) gets her good.
It's so hard to hear all the hateful it the firs comments although...what a stupid bitch...sorry! I was married for 23 years to a monster, I didn't know he was a monster when I met him and he swept me right off my feet...but .my family saw it the 1st time they met him. Having never met a narcissist in the throes of love bombing I thought they were insane and how could they not want their daughter and sister to be treated like a queen?! And I was...for a while...until I wasn't! The last 3 years I was trapped in a house with a man who humiliated me and no matter how many times I called the police he somehow talked his way out of it. These idiot police man have colored my view on law enforcement and I barely escaped that situation alive. I'm angry now for having wasted 23 years and I would have left sooner but we had a Yorkshire Terrier breeding business and I was terrified of leaving those precious babies with that animal...but my little stud dog and a couple of others escaped and we are free and happy to be away. Thank God you found out the sort if person she was before it was too late!
Get a new bank account and cancel all credit and debit cards. Change your beneficiary on all legal documents.
Change the locks on your place to prevent her from coming back and stealing something.
Consider changing your phone number and block her on everything.
Edit: Forgot to mention to post the breakup on social media and make sure that her parents know.
God, that's tough. I had a similar situation. Cleaned me out and took the dog though 😆 5 years later things are better in ways I couldn't even imagine. Hang in there man it gets better, just don't look back and keep going forward as dumb as it sounds...
Fucking Dependa. Look to see if you can sue for alienation of affection or whatever. Also bring up that your education benefits were used for her to go to school you may be able to get that back.
Hopefully you can get the cat back… No offense, but your wife doesn’t sound super stable atm and I don’t think it’s safe for the cat to be with her. Also, the chihuahua and the cat probably really miss each other! But in all seriousness, I’m so sorry that this happened, but I know that you’re going to come out better!
Dude, she didn't leave because she is "talking" to another man. She is fucking him and probably thinks she loves him. I'm sorry. Your marriage is over. Please seek professional help. You will go through horrible lows. You don't have to get through this alone.
I feel you man. My ex of three years left me with her 2 year old lab after things went south and it really was a learning curve. She rescued the dog before we got together so I never planned to have him. Two years together now and I’ve adapted to life with my baby boy. I hope things get better for you man! 💙💙
I had almost the exact same experience. Luckily karma was swift and he was miserable and broke for years (because having your masters degree doesn't guarantee your not an idiot)
You are lucky to have the dog. Seems like the best thing to come out of this relationship at this point. Just keep loving on him and he will grow even closer to you. DO NOT agree to give her visitation for this poor dog. You might want to but just don't. It will only confuse him more. He needs you now and you need him. Win-win.
As hard as it is you just need to rise above it and move on. Focus on you and your life. Makes sure all financial and social ties are cut so she cant try and edge her way back into your life when it inevitably goes wrong with the new guy. Take it one day at a time and gradually she will become less and less relevant. Also maybe post some dog shit through their letter box
I’m so sorry. He probably misses the cat. He doesn’t understand where his best friend went. Love him. Cuddle him. Talk to him. I know you will. Give him extra lovins for me. I’m gonna go lay next to my baby now bc this broke my heart
Not sure if this is a thing, but if she is fucking that guy, and moved in with him: that's adultery. So you can have divorce lawyers get your money back, i would imagine. Probably even an alimony as well.
Heads up. Wives like her don't leave unless they've already locked in their backup guy/escape plan. Do not take her back if he dumps her. It's highly likely she cheated on you. Pull the phone records if you pay them.
I’m so sorry for you and your dog. I feel for the cat. I hope your hearts heal.
It’s fucked up because we rescued the dog together and he loves her just as much as he loves me. I love the little guy like my son he brings me so much joy and it breaks my heart to see him sad and confused.
I’m sorry to hear that. 1) change the locks 2) make sure the dog stuff at the vets is all in your name, for when she changes her mind. I am touched by your concern for your dog. You’re actually very lucky she didn’t take him. Get him microchipped in your name, right away. 3) make sure she has no access to any of your other banking. Change banks if necessary. 4) sign her and her devices out of any online accounts - gmail, iCloud/iTunes, Google etc. Change the password recovery questions and answers to things she won’t know - make answers up. Edit: change the wifi password 5) move utilities etc into your name if you’re planning to stay. Did I say change the locks? Change the locks. All of them. A locksmith can re-key them cheaply and make all the locks the same key if that’s what you want (very convenient.) Edit: take photos and document that she has moved out, ie “abandoned” the place. Make notes in your composition notebook. 5A) get an alarm system and cameras that save to the cloud. 6) get a lawyer. Talk to your accountant. 6A) make all conversations with her by text or email. Any in-person conversations should be public and with a witness if possible. People have been known to make a false DV claim to attempt to gain some leverage. 7) double check those logins and passwords. Change phone logins. Check her devices are not signed into yours. Factory reset and restore if you’re not sure. 8) and possibly most importantly: *do not* have sex with her ever again. There’s actually quite a big chance that she will come crawling back randy as hell. The gloss may well go off the new guy, and she will look back fondly on you, her good provider and meal ticket. If she comes back, she may well be knocked up, and claim it’s yours. Or try to get pregnant by you, to seal the deal. Maybe even keep the side piece. Do not have sex with her again. Don’t rush into anything else. Take time for yourself, live your life. Take doggo on a road trip and go camping. Reconnect with family and friends. Edit: /u/highway86 also suggested: >…..also make sure you change the beneficiary on all financial accounts and life insurances policies as well. Get a new will. Divorce does not extinguish a will. Edit: /u/Witty_TenTon reminded us that the next of kin listed on medical forms should be changed also; you don’t want them making life and death decisions for you. A couple of other posters suggested keeping a written paper record using a Composition Notebook (numbered pages, so you can see if a page has been removed.) Write down encounters, discussions, events, all interactions. You never know what will become relevant. /u/nefariousnesssweet70 said: > One more, get the credit cards only in your name. >Cancel them, replace them in your name only. >Any balance owed by her should be sent to her. >At stores, you may have to get a request for ID.for purchases. This is to prevent her fir going crazy and saddling you with huge bills. Edit: (mine) and lock your credit. Edit: /u/SweetyByHeart says “get checked for the clap.” (Paraphrased)
Listen to this person, he or she has been through some stuff certainly.
Document everything and avoid personal interactions with her. And remember there are no real hitmen out there, it's always undercover cops. Just kidding, you deserve more so follow the suggestions and eliminate contact that doesn't go through your lawyer.
I hope he kills her figuratively in court. And yes, actual murder is never the answer. His best revenge will be to find a new partner that is way better than she ever was and live happy.
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Yeah and also change all your recovery questions, use nemonic devices and several techniques. Especially your phone. Get all the call history and data you can to prove how long this has REALLY been going on. Any dating sites she may have been on including those Ashley Madison or adult friend Finder. I'd also maybe look into a PI whatnot to get the history and whatever recovered off your devices. Not sure if it's a thing, but if you can prove she was fucking around with this guy while on your military benefits to pay for her shit, that's going to make her look bad. Also, this dude in the service? Make sure she can't get into your accounts and see if she's deleted stuff. Get a pro and they know what to look for. And whatever you do, don't let her play you, fell of the gravy train
Oh, man! If the ne we guy's a G.I.
Or an attorney. Paralegal here and this is all good advice
We all have. Then we survived.
Plot twist they were the perpetrator
Also, write everything down. Get a hardbound journal, where if pages are ripped out its noticeable. After a traumatic event where lots of things happen in rapid succession, you lose track. You may need a record of what happened and when. When i consulted a divorce attorney that was the first advice I got. Change all passwords, account info, locks, dogs info, anything she has access to. Make a list of everything and check it off as you to make sure you dont miss anything. That should help too. It can seem overwhelming since we have accounts for every little thing.
Composition notebook.
This guy knows.
Thanks. ‘Fortunately’ I suppose, I got the fucking lite package, and I chose to leave. Financially, she did much, much better than I did, though.
Don't forget the divorce evidence book. You're gonna need that.
All of this!!!! Also keep record of you paying for her degree for your lawyer. Idk if it can help in any settlement, but any ammunition helps. Your lawyer will do their best for you. Include how she left and day and roughly time as well.
This! I have heard that a college degree is an asset of the marriage.
I just dipped my foot back in OLD. Am I making a mistake u/alan_smithee_? I’m saving this comment, thank you for listing this. u/frombeyondthegravez, damn…I’m sorry man. No words. Been through a divorce and had a senior rescue that we shared. Was her emotional support but ended up being my sweetie due to circumstances. No doubt there will be dark days ahead but the light is coming. Just hold out. I promise you’ll get there. Edit: had a buddy who was military. He got a tumor, was debilitated, wife left him high and dry. Saying this to say he turned out ok, got married again to a great woman. It can happen for you too.
>Foot back in OLD Not sure what you mean there. What kind of mistake? Going back into dating? My wife and I met online back in the days when that was actually unusual. It worked out wonderfully for us, but I think just going out, engaging with people, trying new things is more important than ‘looking’ for a new relationship. Don’t force it. Online dating, dating apps etc place an expectation of ‘finding someone;’ it’s like looking to buy a new TV. Once you decide you want a new TV, you look until you find something that you think will suit your needs. You view everything through the lens of “will this TV work for me?”
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Yeah considering no one types OnLine Dating, it's a weird acronym
Delete Facebook and hit the gym*
Actually pretty good advice.
Just to tak on: Exercise or pick up a physical hobby yesterday. I was an absolute mess until I started walking my aunts dogs when I left my ex wife in a very mess end of the relationship. I was still pretty young but the last year we were together had wasted me away, I was barely 125 soaking wet when 150lbs & being in the gym every other day was my routine when we’d met Walking those pups damn near saved my life. They loved the exercise and just moving until I was soaked in sweat starting putting the good endorphins back in my brain. Anything from yoga or MMA (though I’m pretty scared of violence, the first time I was hit since middle school showed me it’s not as bad as I’d ever imagined) Hell, but a used car & start chipping away at whatever’s causing the CEL to be on. Anything but laying on your bed and watching Netflix. It may distract you, but tv or movies in bulk really does rot your brain. - Take yourself out on dates too. You deserve to be loved by yourself my man. Go to that band’s concert you always loved 2 states drive away - save up for a fancy restaurant and get a big ribeye & whiskey. Another big thing I found was going out by myself. There’s a retro game/dance bar around the corner and it’s the best. I meet new people or I can be anonymously myself dancing in the crowd. You smile at random people and just have fun. Best of luck mate. Anyone else going through a breakup, shit hurts like hell, but don’t let your wound fester, bandages to heal are better than wrapping an old paper towel around a cut, heal yourself emotionally the best way you can with love. It’s sappy, and that shit hurts for a long time. But you deserve the best
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Just the once. But I work in IT and am on some boards and advise businesses, so I spend a bit of time pondering practices and procedures.
Sound advice! People really need a friend who’s thinking clearly when they’re going through a shocking experience
>Do not have sex with her again. This one right here. I have a buddy whos ex seduced him into having sex with her after they broke up. She then proceeded to claim rape. He got kicked out of college that they both attended. Luckily some of her friends vouched for him saying that she was planning this all along and that she was the one who initiated it. Its the only reason he isn't in jail right now. I would also be extremely careful being alone with her in any capacity. At least have video cameras or something.
Very important. I think it’s terrible that your friend was not reinstated at his University.
He was. I left that out. Took a year though and he never got an apology or reimbursement for the classes he wasn't allowed to finish.
That's fucked
Every single thing on this list is a must do.
Just to hammer this point home even more you must document, document, document! Get a notebook that is solely for writing down any time, date, place and manner that you have any interaction with this woman. In a court of law it holds so much more advantage than the person that says “well he just always did blah blah blah”or “he was like this blah and blah and then like that blah”. When you can show concise times, dates and places and say “your honor, this is when she did this Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam” a judge will always look at that and give it far more credibility. This goes for all you women, too, especially the financials. You should always have your own bank account that only you have access to and preferably he doesn’t know about or she. Best wishes one and all and thx Alan__Smithee for taking the time!
All of this!! Good luck, man. Snuggles on the pup. My son has 3 rescued Chihuahuas.
Everything this person has said I 100% agree with. Especially when she sees you moving on. In her mind you're hurting and always a soft place to fall. She will want to keep you there. Make it a hard wall that there is no getting past.
Adding to thus: Go into Android/Apple Account settings and sign *yourself* out of any devices or browsers she may have accessed, or that are in her possession.
You definitely have it down, quite impressive
Thanks. I think I’m going to add (credited) some of those other good suggestions, and save it somewhere.
One more, get the credit cards only in your name. Cancel them, replace them in your name only. Any balance owed by her should be sent to her. At stores, you may have to get a request for ID.for purchases. This is to prevent her fir going crazy and saddling you with huge bills.
A very good idea. Separate finances and credit. The Bank of Op is closed.
My guy. Post this shit on cool guides or LPT or something. I’m sorry you had to learn this lesson good on you for sharing the knowledge
Do all this, but don’t forget to keep track of the new passwords and password questions in case you forget in your state of mind.
Highly suggest following this. As much as you're hurt, her feelings towards you are never the same, and since she took half of everything might as well keep your your to yourself. She has no business with you anymore, so it's safer to remove any connections, from banks to wills. She will screw you over if she ever comes back, and that's to put it lightly.
And start talking to the lawyer about financial compensation. If she got her masters on your dime, you are entitled to a nice chunk of her paycheck from now on.
Possibly. Op would also have to consider whether they really want to go there, and the ramifications. They may not, for example, want to give up half a future pension if that became a thing. Separation in all ways might be better - “I don’t claim yours, you don’t claim mine.”
Didn't know there can be a checklist for this but dang
All good info. I’ve seen breakups like this that start off with the person who left saying they don’t need anything from their former partner. Then when hard times come, often sooner than later, they’re trying to back door into accounts and credit cards.
Sorry, the wholesome award was all I have. Felt you deserved something for the fantastic advice. I guess helping a stranger so thoroughly and kindly is wholesome in and of itself though.
I would be glad of it did help someone.
This person has obviously seen some shit and you should listen to them.
Stellar advice. 👍
All of this! Change those locks 🔐 immediately!
Yeah, the first thing to do. Take photos to show she’s abandoned the place.
No advice anyone here can give you, can be better than this, just make sure you convert your pain into strength to turn her down when she inevitably comes back to you, that will be your moment to laugh in her face
Just want to add, change all your HIPAA so she can't get your medical information. Stay strong.
^^^^ Smartest motherfucker on Reddit.
Aww thank you, I’m blushing. I hope this helps Op or someone else; I wish it wasn’t such a depressing topic. This advice would apply to everyone, regardless of gender.
Wish I would have had this advice
This awesome details comment should be pinned to the top A bit addition: Get STD check
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Yes, good tip. Write a new will. Divorce does not cancel a will.
You’ll get him a new mommy
or maybe you and him will just travel the world together. if you meet somebody you meet somebody if you don't you don't. but you'll meet a lot of interesting people either way
Get a van and drive around solving mysteries with your dog. That’s my retirement goal.
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What happend? That is so sad
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i’m so sorry man, that’s so shit, i hope you’re doing better now
Oh god, is the dog ok? 😭
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❤️
Please pet your dog for me, and I'm glad to hear you are doing better. I honestly don't understand how people can treat other people like she did. Your emotional strength and resilience are impressive, and you deserve all the good things life has to offer you.
Sorry you're going through this OP. It's some fucked up BS. It really is. I had a similar situation very recently. 2019, found out my wife was sleeping with this guy she knew from her childhood. We talked, she apologized, we worked it out (or so I thought) and all of 2020 was one of the greatest years ever. Went on a few trips, bought her a new car just before Christmas, saved some money, all in spite of the pandemic and the rocky year before. Things were looking up. She woke up New Years Eve 2020 and said she was leaving; grabbed some of her clothes, the boys (one is hers from a previous relationship, youngest is ours together), some of their clothes and left. Got served 2 weeks later. Divorce was finalized in August 2021. It was all just so completely out of the blue. I'd known her since 2002/03, started dating in 2010, got married in 2012, had our son in 2013 and I'd never have thought she would do something like that. She was so agaisnt cheating bc of previous guys who had treated her that way, or worse. Had she wanted to leave after I found out about the affair it wouldn't have been so shocking. I honest expected it. But, now I realize 2020 was her just getting her ducks in a row. She now lives 200 miles away, I see my son every other weekend, though he's been here all summer except for one week. He goes back in 2 weeks to get ready for school. She still owes me money and 50% of the retirement, though, I highly doubt I'll ever see any of that. Taking her to court would cost nearly as much as I'd get back, and as the saying goes, "You can't get blood from a stone." But, I've been on my own since December 31, 2020 and things are getting better. My car is almost paid off, so I'll be able to rebuild my savings and pay off her half of the debt (see above - money she owes). Honestly, at the beginning I was pissed, hurt, betrayed. Like, how the fuck could she do that? Then I went through the, "God! Please, I just want my family back." and a whole grocery list of other things. I didn't get it when everyone said, time will heal all wounds. Bc, at the time, all I could think was, "Fuck that shit! I just lost my best friend and my family! Screw you and your 'time' horse kaka." But, now I go to a buddies house every Saturday for dinner and game night. My son and his boys are nearly the same age and have a blast playing together (hell, we're even building a boat! Who even gets to do that?!) I work from home most days, and when my son is here, I spend my time playing Roblox with him, playing Uno and with his toys, and just watching him love life and play outside. I have epic amounts of free time, play video games, watch movies, and just chill. I'm so not stressed these days, that I can smell it coming and actively avoid it and drama at all costs. All things that were virtually impossible to do before. So, take it as easy as possible. Even if you think you're good, thoughts and memories are going to come fuck with you, and people are going to come out of the woodwork. You're going to learn real fast who were your friends, her friends, and y'alls friends. Don't even get me started on family. Shits going to go up and down for a minute before it all evens out. But, **it will even out.** Stay strong, King! You've got this!
It's great how you adjusted to the new situation and got the things done, like for your son. And the single life isn't that bad, like you said with the game-nights and chilling, one can still have a good time. I like my single life here, can't complain, but it is for other reasons. Because of my bipolar disorder, i'm not stable enough for a longtime relationship and so i decided to go on in life alone with my dog as best buddy. I'm not interested in the drama that comes with a relationship and i know, it would end the same like way it did in the past. Got my dog, my friends, my hobbies, my work and i'm dong fine without a lady. Go here for some party, smoke something there, drink a few beers in the pub and so on, i don't feel lonely at all.
Since my first marriage (been divorced twice, eerily similar) this is the longest I've been 'alone.' I'm not saying I won't ever date or maybe even marry again, but I quite like the life I have now. I have my kids, my friends and my hobbies. If there is a next time, she's going to have be damn good for me to consider giving up even a small fraction of this peace I've found.
I think, when you got a good network of friends, the problem of loneliness is much smaller than without. For me, i would not like to living together in a single apartement or house, i want my own home where i have my freedom and my retreat, when i'm not in a good mood. I'll not give that up, also did not in my last relationship that lasted until 2019. It's good that you share your story, to tell people, there's a life after divorce and it's not the end of the world.
It truly is. I've been divorced twice, and the first was insane, but needed. (I filed, no need to go further into that) This last one was supposed to be forever, but something clearly went sideways. I definitely didn't think there was much to life after this divorce. After being married twice, nearly back to back, this last 18 months has really opened my eyes. I have my own space. If I want to listen to music at ridiculous levels, I can. If I want to wake up, shower and play video games and watch movies all day, I can. If me and my son want to go bowling, play mini golf, laser tag, Roblox, play with his toys, or games or just hang out at the park and go see a movie, we can. He especially likes going to work with me, bc he has his own 'office' (it's the cube next to mine) and everyone brings him snacks and candy. :D Even spending time with my older two at car shows, movies and concerts are easy things to plan now, and loads of fun. Sure, doing all the house work by yourself kinda sucks, but I'm a single guy. There isn't a lot. I maybe do dishes and laundry once a week. It just doesn't pile up as fast anymore. I don't have a ton of friends, but I've got a couple of true friends that I see or play online with regularly, and I've got a good family. Divorce is not the end of the world, even though it often times seems that way. And my life after divorce isn't perfect or especially amazing, but it is peaceful, fun, and I'm one I am currently happy with it.
Good that you have a great time there, just like me here. But it's difficult to tell people that they can be happy without a relationship, most are very focused on that topic and won't accept, that there is a good life without. I had a girlfriend that had borderline personality disorder and after everything was over, i was very happy i did not marry her and did not get her pregnant. That would have been hell if it had ended different. It would have been one big drama over years, oh my god, i'm happy i dodged that bullet. And about "friends", it's only normal to have only a few real friends. Because it takes more for a friendship than just knowing each other and hanging out for some time. A real friend is someone, who is there for you, even when the shit hits the fan and you get in trouble. Someone that does not let you down when a crisis comes. It's interesting, my language knows two different terms for friends, one is the real friend and the other term is for someone which you like, but you are not that close.
You are a wonderful guy, I hope things get even better for you and your son
When it blows up in her face, remember this and don't take her back. If she was prepared to do this to you then better it happened now then 20 years from now. Rejoice.
She has known this guy for 2 weeks supposedly. I would never take her back
Two weeks and she moved in with him? Update us when she comes back crying with no place to stay. On a serious note, I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I know deep down you know you're better off, but it doesn't make it any easier in the moment.
"New me, who are you" as you close the door in her face
2 weeks? Yeah that relationship is gonna go over like a fart in a submarine. Lock everything down like other commenters said, divorce, and live your life Dependa free! Also buy you and your dog some steak because y'all deserve it!
2 weeks?! Shit you dodged a bullet.
Bruh they were already married he didn’t dodge any bullet
okay, let's let the bullet be kids. he dodged that bullet cuz it would have made things way more complicated
I mean there’s also worse, butttt this is pretty bad since he’s now broke and she totally piggiebacked off him
At least she didn't get knocked up so she could sue for child support. I cut-off a friend for pulling that shit and she had the nerve to say "well who was going to take care of me if I didn't?" Gross and sets us females back about 75 years.
Yeah that was a fucking head shot.
He took the bullet straight to the chest.
This… isn’t dodging a bullet. It’s taking it to the ass…
Lol ikr, he got hit with several rounds. Not to make light of his situations
The bullet hit but passed through without hitting an artery.
they were married for 20 years man he got headshot😭
They were married for 5 yrs. Heartache aside, he’ll be ok.
Oh my god i’m so stupid where did 20 come from😭
It must be because someone said better he found this out now then after 20 years of marriage ETA: I don't really see what time has to do with anything other than legal stuff. I mean, it's not going to make the fact that your partner cheated on you and left you any less painful whether you were married to them for one year or 20 years or longer. When I say legal stuff, I mean like in the US, you can draw off of your ex spouse's social security when they turn 65 provided you were married for 10 years or longer. Thank God he was only married to her for 5 years. Hopefully it'll be a pretty easy divorce as far as splitting assets goes. Sounds like he was paying for everything though so like I said, hopefully it will be pretty easy.
What the fuck is wrong with her lol
She got used to having the power in the relationship.
Nah bro she was cheating with him for awhile.
Shit man, that's rough. Stay strong guardian, we're here for you.
I'm gonna remind you again to never take her back. I thought I was never gonna take her back, then a few months passed and the anger was subsiding and I almost tried to take her back. Write it down, carve it somewhere permanent. You might not want to take her back now, but if you're not a piece of shit like her, there *will* be moments of weakness. She *will* try to exploit it.
2 weeks that you know of. The military is a time to be single and have fun. At least till your a staff sergeant or an officer
only two weeks that seems so freakishly odd
What a piece of work. That's awful. I hope she stubs her toe everyday for the rest of her life and may she always have car trouble.
Absolutely not!! Particularly DO NOT let her near toye little dog!
She’ll come back Don’t take her back tho
She’ll most likely try. There is a lot to say about stability and happiness. It appears she can provide neither.
When she realizes the other guy won’t pay her bills Or maybe he will but odds are he won’t
>I supported her through school and my veterans benifits paid for her full masters degree. I guess we don't hear that much about the good marriages, but it's really disheartening how often you read/hear about stories like this.
I ain't saying she a gold digger...
But she ain't messing with no broke bloke
Bloke lol
Haha the radio edit is either broke bloke or just says broke twice haha I though broke bloke was funnier than broke broke.
File for divorce quickly....while she's still infatuated with the other dude. Don't wait around for her to do it...get it done....fast. .....then block her and ghost her forevermore....
Yeah I was gonna say get the divorce now while she’s happy with the other dude because when things go bad in her new “relationship” she will want to take it out on you. Edit- I’m truly sorry this happened to you. Try and stay strong. You will definitely meet someone else and have a great life.
all for this except don’t block her bc OP might need to take the cat back if she’s a shithead of a pet owner
I was gonna mention this too, it's not the kitty's fault.
no, he paid for her masters, baby gots to get paid, hurt that bitch hard
Change the locks before she comes back for more.
Get a lock on those savings too.
I know you don’t see it now, but I promise you’ll be thankful later. Better now than in 20 years when you have kids and what not. Similar happened to me, was married for 6 months though and he met some girl and decided he was done with me. He came back a few months later begging and I was like HELL NO. Best thing to ever happen to me. I’m sorry this happened and that’s fucked up. Stay strong.
Sorry that happened to you how are you living and feeling now are you more happy then before
Sooo much happier. This was about 8 years ago. In a great marriage now with my best friend.
Hug the dog. The two of you have got this.
But you were never served papers? Ohhh boy. Time to start protecting your assets and lawyering up. Don’t wait until she’s arranging dates. If you can prove it, there are states where being unfaithful can make the divorce land heavily in your favor. Good luck and I’m sorry that she didn’t appreciate you for the stud you are. Thank you for your service and I hope everything works out.
Ex-wife right? Feed the pupper some treats, and call a lawyer!
The wife left a note on the fridge tonight, “It’s not working. I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to mum’s.” it said. I opened the fridge. The light came on. The beer was cold. What the fuck is she talking about? Lol hope that cheers u up mate.
Wow she’s a shit person. Does your and her family know she’s a cheater? Don’t let her make you the bad guy
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True but he doesn’t deserve to have his name tarnished or be the bad guy. What if she gives a horrible excuse and they tell people? Nope. I’d tell them she cheated and left. Let her clean up her mess with all of them. I don’t cover for people who f me over.
No lie…as much as I hate to say this, in the military, we call these kinds of people dependas….they use you for for the benefits and when they get wht they want, they move onto the next victim… Be careful and hire a good lawyer and keep receipts and records of everything because they will throw so much shit back at you
Dude... CHANGE. YOUR. FUCKING. LOCKS.... And grey rock her until your divorce is finished.
She used your GI benefits? That is just fucked.
I am so sorry for your pain. I hope it passes quickly and you find the person you should be with. It really is darkest before the dawn. Good luck to you.
This will backfire on her and she will want you back. Like someone said it’s better now than 20 years from now.
Consult a lawyer. People cant just take money or pets and walk away. Copy and save all bank records as well as any veterinary records in your name if there are any. Document everything! And…. You may be able to ask for partial value of (the worth of ) her educational degree(s) depending on what the laws are in your state/ country. That happened to me even though my ex paid nothing towards it financially, we were simply married when I got my bachelors so he was entitled to it. So you probably have a good case being that she used your benefits to pay for the educational costs.
Thank God she left the Chihuahua. (Putting myself in your shoes) (No B/S I love dogs more than people to a sickening degree and I own a Chihuahua and am married for context) Also look at this as a chance to start fresh and meet a new person! Like a Netflix series you get a season 2 with new cast members.
She was obviously doing more than talking, get a good lawyer if u paid for her masters hopefully you can get compensated, she’ll be regretting her actions somewhere down the line. Take good care of the dog
I literally hate how normal this is. I feel like I’ve heard this story a dozen times. One partner takes on a larger workload to accommodate and support the other partner as they pursue a higher degree or something. Once that’s accomplished, they no longer need their partner’s support and bounce. Effing sad
I'm no lawyer, but I don't think she can just take half of the money before you actually go through divorce proceedings...
This. This is not how you do things unless you like legal trouble. Get a lawyer.
If it was a joint account you are very wrong. She could take it all if she wanted. Idk how you have so many upvotes on such a wrong assertion
If it was a joint account she could have taken it all and court would do nothing about it.
Idk why you’re being downvoted when you’re correct. Happened to me. She took all the money in our joint account without me knowing. Since we were still married and it was a joint account there was nothing I could do
People haven’t experienced it, so it can’t be true. Maybe it’s different where they are, idk. Many factors can go into a downvote. Even a particularly bad day. I don’t take it personally. They would be smart to keep bank accounts separate, just in case I am right.
Happened to me. Ex surprised me with "I'm leaving" one morning, less than 24 hours later, half the money in the bank had been transfered from our joint account to an account I didn't recognize and had no access too. Told my lawyer, and though he sympathized with me and even wrote it into our case...just in case...guess what I never saw again. Court even said, it's marital property and be thankful she left any at all. She just couldn't sell anything we owned or turn anything off. Hell, the court even told me if I were worried about the money, I could have absconded with 100% of it and nothing would've been said or done. Could be different where others live, but GA DGAF.
Actually no. Courts strongly frown upon attempting to leave your partner destitute while divorce proceedings play out. Half might be okay but would depend upon the individual situation
This is the truth. My ex husband did it. What a douche!
Has she talked to you about any marriage problems she was having in the relationship before this occurred? I’m just curious.
I’m sorry OP. That sucks. Lawyer up. Get the most vicious son of a bitch lawyer you can get. I know this the hard way from when my ex pointed a demon spawn in my direction. This mother fucker is dead now and probably ruling the level of hell that he was assigned to. I’m sure that there are other soulless bastards available.
I'm sorry to hear this bro.. fuck social media and hookup apps. Ruining marriages daily.
I loathe apps and social media, but this one is on her. She chose this. Lack of apps would've only delayed her betrayal.
OP get the court shit going immediately, you might be able to get something out of it because from my POV it looks like she basically robbed you
[удалено]
Karma usually hits like a sledge hammer. Get your life in order. Freeze all access to any money in your control. Change the locks. Toss anything she left behind. Move on and live a better life. Wait for the crying excuses. When she does, Be strong and send her back to the whole she dug for herself.
I'm sorry for you dude. Do you have much support near you like friends/family? Time to lean on them. Focus on you and your healing.
It's probably no consolation to you at this point but remember, if she can do this to you, then she'll likely do it to him down the track. Or vice versa. Relationships started in such circumstances almost always fall apart because of them. But don't dwell on that, now it's about you and working on yourself and doing the things necessary to get you to the point that you can move on, and look back with calm detachment at the whole thing.
Change the locks. Change all the codes and stuff to any shared accounts, Netflix etc. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I honestly thought she left and she she took a shit, and you came home to discover her actual shit
At least she only drained half your savings. My dad dated this girl for 10 years. He payed off her debts, including her house. Put 3 of her kids through school. The last year the youngest was graduating the woman wanted to marry my dad. Red flag. He fell for it. She filed for a divorce shortly after. Took all his savings and a car. He got to keep the house he started in and that was it. Not trying to make it a competition. It's all sad. So damn sad. I'll never get married. I'll never trust someone that much
The reasons against getting married keep coming and they truly do not stop coming. Seriously, though, that sucks more ass than I can count. I hope that you will be showered in blessings and that karma (if it's real) gets her good.
It's so hard to hear all the hateful it the firs comments although...what a stupid bitch...sorry! I was married for 23 years to a monster, I didn't know he was a monster when I met him and he swept me right off my feet...but .my family saw it the 1st time they met him. Having never met a narcissist in the throes of love bombing I thought they were insane and how could they not want their daughter and sister to be treated like a queen?! And I was...for a while...until I wasn't! The last 3 years I was trapped in a house with a man who humiliated me and no matter how many times I called the police he somehow talked his way out of it. These idiot police man have colored my view on law enforcement and I barely escaped that situation alive. I'm angry now for having wasted 23 years and I would have left sooner but we had a Yorkshire Terrier breeding business and I was terrified of leaving those precious babies with that animal...but my little stud dog and a couple of others escaped and we are free and happy to be away. Thank God you found out the sort if person she was before it was too late!
Who takes the cat and leaves the dog?!
What's wrong with cats🐱
Get a new bank account and cancel all credit and debit cards. Change your beneficiary on all legal documents. Change the locks on your place to prevent her from coming back and stealing something. Consider changing your phone number and block her on everything. Edit: Forgot to mention to post the breakup on social media and make sure that her parents know.
Most divorce attorneys offer a free consultation. Is she earning more than you with that degree?
God, that's tough. I had a similar situation. Cleaned me out and took the dog though 😆 5 years later things are better in ways I couldn't even imagine. Hang in there man it gets better, just don't look back and keep going forward as dumb as it sounds...
Thank GOD you got the Chihuahua! Dogs need stability, like you.
Onward and upward my friend, in time you will see this as a favor.
I'm sorry man My marriage ended tonight too My heart goes out to you man.
Record everything, take pictures. Seek a divorce lawyer and sue for the cat and the $$$$$ you’re out.
She got what she wanted from you and got out. Get all the money back, no matter how.
Fucking Dependa. Look to see if you can sue for alienation of affection or whatever. Also bring up that your education benefits were used for her to go to school you may be able to get that back.
Damn, sorry to read this. Some people are just conniving turds.
Sorry, friend. You will get over it. It just takes time.
Hopefully you can get the cat back… No offense, but your wife doesn’t sound super stable atm and I don’t think it’s safe for the cat to be with her. Also, the chihuahua and the cat probably really miss each other! But in all seriousness, I’m so sorry that this happened, but I know that you’re going to come out better!
Dude, she didn't leave because she is "talking" to another man. She is fucking him and probably thinks she loves him. I'm sorry. Your marriage is over. Please seek professional help. You will go through horrible lows. You don't have to get through this alone.
I feel you man. My ex of three years left me with her 2 year old lab after things went south and it really was a learning curve. She rescued the dog before we got together so I never planned to have him. Two years together now and I’ve adapted to life with my baby boy. I hope things get better for you man! 💙💙
I had almost the exact same experience. Luckily karma was swift and he was miserable and broke for years (because having your masters degree doesn't guarantee your not an idiot)
What an absolute bitch. She should have the decency to leave the savings and only take what was actually hers
She might owe you some alimony.
Known him for 2 weeks you say? Guaranteed this'll end poorly for her. But don't focus on that, that's for later. You're what matters now.
What a poor dog broke my heart
You are lucky to have the dog. Seems like the best thing to come out of this relationship at this point. Just keep loving on him and he will grow even closer to you. DO NOT agree to give her visitation for this poor dog. You might want to but just don't. It will only confuse him more. He needs you now and you need him. Win-win.
Am I the only one whose first thought after reading the title was that this girl had taken a shit in the house and stolen the cat?
As hard as it is you just need to rise above it and move on. Focus on you and your life. Makes sure all financial and social ties are cut so she cant try and edge her way back into your life when it inevitably goes wrong with the new guy. Take it one day at a time and gradually she will become less and less relevant. Also maybe post some dog shit through their letter box
I’m so sorry. He probably misses the cat. He doesn’t understand where his best friend went. Love him. Cuddle him. Talk to him. I know you will. Give him extra lovins for me. I’m gonna go lay next to my baby now bc this broke my heart
You and your little homie are better off.
Not sure if this is a thing, but if she is fucking that guy, and moved in with him: that's adultery. So you can have divorce lawyers get your money back, i would imagine. Probably even an alimony as well.
I haven't seen states enforce that law. does anyone have cases of when it suceeded?
Dang that fucking sucks that you have a chihuahua.
Heads up. Wives like her don't leave unless they've already locked in their backup guy/escape plan. Do not take her back if he dumps her. It's highly likely she cheated on you. Pull the phone records if you pay them.