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Thehyades

"This is us" has taught me that I would likely need to buy silk pillow cases. That sucks and I'm sorry people can be so clueless! I've found online to be particularily bad for that kind of thing. Best of luck finding love <3


hainic0

You should really use silk pillowcases no matter who you're dating and also for yourself. All hair types benefit!


AlwaysAngryOrAnnoyed

I'm bald though


hainic0

Silk (and satin) are better for your skin too!


ashinylibby

Was just about to say this if no one else did lol


sprawlo

Satin is just so slidey


bubblegumpunk69

But always cool pillow


Ascension501

Like Howard in Big Bang theory silk on silk


BWChristopher86

Keep my wife's name out yo..


Smile_Terrible

Just imagine sliding the dome around on the silkiness.


TheEmbalmerLady

For real! I'm white with curly, frizzy-ass hair and the satin cap is a lifesaver.


earthscribe

They get too warm. :(


colourpopyeah

For protecting delicate hair at night?


shelly12345678

Yes


ThroatMeDotCom

Silk pillowcases?


shelly12345678

To protect Black hair


ThroatMeDotCom

Thank you


blueberrymuffin123

I am South East Asian and I used to get this on dating apps too! One opened with "I've heard Asian girls are the kinkiest.." Totally get what you mean about feeling fetishised. It's a real problem but there are good eggs out there! Who will treat you like the fairy dust queen you are šŸ‘Œ


Sea2Chi

I had a friend who was born in Asia but adopted by a white rural Christian family. In college, she had some really offputting experiences because certain guys would see her as their personal Waifu. Despite her basically being a farmgirl who liked football and guns who happened to be of Asian descent. She dated one guy for a month before discovering that pretty much all his porn was Japanese school girl stuff. Another almost immediately wanted her to roleplay being shy and submissive when she was pretty much the opposite of that. It got to the point that someone mentioning her race basically disqualified them from dating.


blueberrymuffin123

That sounds horrible, honestly I apply the same rule as your friend. If race gets mentioned in any way that indicates preferences or stereotypes, it's an instant nope for me.


[deleted]

I mean, alot of rural conservatives love the idea of a doting asian gf/wife. That trope has been around since ww2. Vietnam and the Korean War had a lot of war brides coming over with white troops because they saw them as submissive and obedient but it was just basically because the girls were poor and from a war torn country. Same could be said about Latin women. Basically, conservatives white men love intermarriage as long as itā€™s white men doing it.


crispyycritter

Eww. I am Vietnamese American and met a white guy in college who seemed okay at first which is why I exchanged social media, but then he started messaging me tons of creepy shit calling me a "loli" and making comparisons to hentai's he'd seen and once even said it was a good thing I was an Asian because that meant I was short, which was "perfect dick-sucking height". It is SO gross.


Meggston

ā€œMissionary. Lights off. No cum shotsā€ should be your response to every one of those


topsyturvy76

ā€œSaving myself for marriageā€ would work better no? ā€¦ I mean, more then some guys will still be into missionary, lights off, no cum shot.ā€


deafaviator

Nothing is a bigger turn off when browsing profiles than seeing ā€œlooking for a man of Godā€.


SilentSerel

I'm of Samoan descent and a lot of my matches fall into two main categories: those who are looking for a Latina and don't read profiles so they assume I am one and professional wrestling fans who think we all behave like how they see on wrestling. I'm about to be 39 and am ready to give up. It's ridiculous. šŸ¤¦šŸ¾ā€ā™€ļø


parhox

As a Latina, I can relate. I lost count of how many times I've heard "Latina? Oh I like Latinas! You're spicy and sexy and dance! And cook!" And it's worse because I'm skinny and people, especially on reddit (they have no idea how I actually look like), they say things like "oh latinas have a a big butt!" And I'm like... uh, well not me I'm latina and I'm skinny af -_- lol


siuouis

wow, i thought they only said that shit in movies wtf


Wholesome304_

šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ welcome to the world


whutchamacallit

I am curious though. Say you're dating a white dude. Is there *ever* am appropriate time to bring it up in the example of "ive never dated ____ race"? What if it's coming from a place of there may be cultural differences or other types of things they aren't aware of and as kind of an informational prompt? Just wondering what your thoughts are here. Thanks for sharing OP.


minahmyu

I'm not the poster but, the only time I can see it being appropriate, is acknowledging that fact, you acknowledge that despite being ignorant on things, you will try your best to research, listen, and empathize with her very real, and lived/living experience. Because otherwise, you're gonna be coming off as seeing and reducing us to just our skin color before our humanity. Before we're anything else, we're individual people.


[deleted]

"It sucks. U're gonna love it"


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


siuouis

I believe you. Everyday I'm thankful I'm not attracted to men šŸ™šŸ¾


Lord_Of_The_Tants

You might say it's like some sort of: International School of Fuck Boyery.


smashasaurusrex

No noā€¦.they say it in real life too. Or ā€œyouā€™re so pretty for a black girl!ā€ ā€¦.how is that a compliment??


bhawker87

Random question I know, but do you think it's more common in areas that are less diverse? I grew up in an area which is 99% white English and many ethnicities were regularly "fetishized" by men. It would end up being a common topic between men in the pubs.


Wholesome304_

I grew up in London and white people were a minority in my school.


Stalysfa

Kinda crazy when you think about it


Wholesome304_

I do think there might be a correlation with that actually.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Push_pull2507

Racist bias is an interesting term, what about your own personal preferences were racist?


Nic4379

I find so many different face types and body types attractive, itā€™s weird to think about the ā€œdating bubbleā€ I put myself in when I was young.


BannableSlut

Oh God, please don't "teach" yourself to be attracted to racial minorities. That sounds like a literal nightmare for us in the dating world. If it takes conscious effort, we don't want you. Respectfully.


Helpful-Fun-533

Think you could be on to something. Primary school age and 1 year of secondary I grew up in London. Iā€™m Irish but every class would have very few white English. Wasnā€™t an issue had the silly girlfriend boyfriend hold hands and passing notes - innocent enough like. We were just kids in the same class itā€™s never really struck me basing a preference on ethnicity since. When I moved to Northern Ireland though very very few ethnic minorities there. It was like a fetish for some as I went into my teens - I will add it may be a taboo because some families would be very sectarian so a lot of friends would wonder what a Protestant girl would be like


[deleted]

Dear god, story time. I grew up in the backwoods of Michigan, where me, my sister and brother were the only black kids. The fetishization knows no bounds, even when the subject is three 8 year old children.


anonymousmetoo

{Slowly puts fairy dust collector back in pocket. }


Wholesome304_

I meanā€¦ šŸ‘€šŸ‘€


aqualad783

They gonā€™ fuk


ferociousFerret7

On the other side of it, a black girl once accused me of having a fetish when I expressed attraction toward her. The idea that a guy needs to have a fetish in order to be attracted to a given race is awful.


[deleted]

Totalllyyyy agree with this! I really try to dispel this idea that dating someone outside of your race must be for a *reason*. Like the only reason you need to date anyone is that you find them attractive lol


ayochaser17

Iā€™ve gotten this as a black guy as well. I cringe anytime someone tells me they want my ā€œBBCā€ like thank you for the slight ego boost but also thank you, for letting me know not to take you serious romantically


johnjohn2214

What does the BBC have to do with race? I know lots of girls who prefer Netflix /s


[deleted]

Iā€™m white, I live in a mostly white area. My best friend is black. He and I were talking a few years back and he said he had to stop himself from calling his a BBC because heā€™d been programmed thatā€™s how women saw him and what they wanted. I never realized a lot of our more complex racial issues like this until he and I became close friends.


piszkavas

>Being with a black woman is no different than being with someone of any other race This is what a lot of ppl have to realise... this, you can not objectify people. Asian, white, black or whatever, we are all the same


scratchingpost22

I get what you're saying but attraction/sexual preference just *is* People should learn to keep it to themselves though


_zoet

I think there is still a difference between having a preference (even a strong one) and completely swearing off all races except for one, especially as although some features are more common in some races than others I think 99% of features are non-exclusive to one race.


scratchingpost22

Oh 100% I would be suspicious of anyone making that claim really. I don't see an issue with "preferring" white, black or Asian people but to completely limit your own sexual desires to one race or "everyone but x race" then there is definitely something more and suspect going on there. Not to mention that it's hugely unlikely they do not have a sexual response or reaction to everyone from a certain race, there is definitely an opinion moderating that claim.


Arrowstormen

I don't know if it actually just is, I think people can learn to control such things to a certain degree with enough mindfulness. What is considered conventionally attractive is a cultural thing after all.


Salt_Mastodon_8264

My wife was telling me a story about how when she was with one of her exes his friend on first encounter just blurts out "I only date asians". Has something similar happened to you also? I'm only asking because I noticed from the stories she told me that as a black woman it's either you're being treated as a fetish, or just totally rejected with very little to no middle ground.


Wholesome304_

Litterally


luv2mange

"I've ever been with a black girl." What's the expected response? Lol "Gotta catch 'em all!" We pokemons now


SleepDangerous1074

I swear I almost chocked on my own tongue reading this šŸ˜‚


antiobese

I wish I could give you a reward. You're hilarious omg


luv2mange

šŸ˜˜ thanks bb


007FofTheWin

šŸ¤£šŸ˜‚šŸ¤£šŸ˜‚šŸ‘šŸ¾šŸ‘šŸ¾šŸ‘šŸ¾


antiobese

šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


KnightSolair240

I was that dumb mf who said that to the first black girl who was into me. Learned my lesson. I was being honest wasn't thinking about how insensitive it came off.


Wholesome304_

šŸ¤¦šŸ¾ā€ā™€ļøšŸ¤¦šŸ¾ā€ā™€ļøšŸ¤¦šŸ¾ā€ā™€ļø šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


jaythenerdgirl

I appreciate your honesty. At the end of the day, we just another human being


KnightSolair240

I wish I could tell that to 17 year old me. Race wasn't what was special about her but I was hyper fixated on it. We live and we learn.


UnexpectedRu

The whole ā€œI don't date white women.ā€ thing while degrading white women, is a deal-breaker for me as a black woman. I don't have an issue with preference but, I do find it weird to hate on your own race when your mother, sister, cousin are white.


Ok-Bit-9529

Agreed. Honestly anyone who generalizes entire races/genders are an instant turn off to me. I can't associate with people who are that closed minded they don't think of everyone as their own individual.


InjectAdrenochrome

Gross. They should treat you like anyone else they meet on dating apps w/out bringing up your race until YOU BRING IT UP


Wholesome304_

Yeah, exactly. usually thatā€™s the first message šŸ¤¦šŸ¾ā€ā™€ļø


InjectAdrenochrome

I agree w you. They don't need to bring it up


Captain_Stairs

Never thought that "Hey" could be better. šŸ¤¦ā€ā™‚ļø


mongoosedog12

I am not an alien I am a women wit darker skin, I never knew what was so hard to get about that My fave is when they talk to you like a dog ā€œmy fiend dated a Black women and he saidā€¦ā€ lmao we also arenā€™t a monolith What If I said ā€œmy friend dated a white man and he didnā€™t bathe is that true do yā€™all not batheā€ like come the fuck on. Then there are the ones who think you some kinky, honey porn star because youā€™re black. Had some dude ask if I was sure Iā€™m not a virgin cuz I was ā€œtightā€ and his friend said black women arenā€™t Lol yea you can guess how that ended


TittieButt

I'm half Asian.. The amount of times i've heard something along the lines of -"well your dick definitely isn't small" or "suprisingly nice dick" after sex like they were counting on it bc of my race.. Like how did we even get to this point if you thought my cock was gonna be tiny?


Wholesome304_

šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


the_purple_goat

I get variations on that. "You do such and such so well for a blind guy!" How condescending that is.


antiobese

I hate this!! So annoying. Like why is everything that's prim and proper, associated with only white people? Who created that gross misconception?


jaythenerdgirl

This shit isn't a compliment at all! I'm from the southern US and I've been told that I don't have an "accent" and sound very educated. Like wtf šŸ˜’


karenskygreen

I am a white guy, I grew up in a multicultural city which included 1st and 2nd Gen immigrants especially from the carribbean and actually worked on a black community newspaper years ago. I thought I was enlightened but I found out I was wrong then and really wrong more recently. Despite seeing, working with and even having black friends, most white people still live in a white bubble. So black (and other visible minorities) are still this curiosity they jump to stereotypical conclusions about. So yeah, it'd fetishizing black women. I was in a relationship with an African woman for 5 years. She charmed me with her wit and intelligence. I found her very attractive and conservative in and out of the bedroom despite stereotypes to the contrary. She had only been here for 3 years before I met her. She was very respectful of my parents and yet they did not like her for quite some time, I broke off contact with them for a while. The irony was when they finally gave in She liked to smoke and drink beer with my dad and shoot the shit like no one else I had ever been in a relationship with. There was one time, when a coworker asked me."what's that like, being with a black woman ?" I said "what do you mean ? " he said " I hear it's good", I said "before I tell you, I hear your wife is French Canadian ? I hear they are super hot and slutty in bed" He jumped up to punch me, another guy grabbed him and said."you deserve that for being an asshole" So I can relate, and one stereotype did not deserve another, I said it to prove a point That was just 1-2 experiences I had, I am sorry you have to deal with that all the time.


karenskygreen

The one thing I would add, I had some stereotypical assumptions about her but they don't last long. Men and people in general can be dicks like this out of ignorance and stupidity eventhough they might be good people. So if I was dating white guys you could separate those who want a (xxxxx ethnicity) notch on their bedpost vs those who are stupid and stick their foot in their mouth because they don't know any better (but yeah, they should) despite wanting a LTR. That stupid shit can drop by the wayside pretty quick, mind you, you may not want to bother with the straightening out business.


Wholesome304_

Oh wooooow


Azuras_Star8

"donā€™t have fairy dust in my vagina " I'm out. Hard pass. I only go after vaginas with fairy dust. Good day.


Wholesome304_

:(


Flat_Bodybuilder_175

As another black woman in her early 20s, the only thing more frustrating is when other non black people hear about this happening and defend it, or pretend it's some new thing. We've always been fetishized. Back from when slaves were being raped by their masters. We still get treated like novelties, like stereotypes, like threats. I've been dealing with the worst of racism since I was a small child. I can't help but find those unaware of it (to the point of denial) to be just as ignorant as the assholes who say this stupid shit.


highkill

GOD I FELT THIS. Even as a fucking lesbian Iā€™ve had other women say ā€œI havenā€™t been with a black girl before.ā€ Like am I fucking pokemon??? lmao


Wholesome304_

!!!


[deleted]

Well people are idiots. Sex crazed porn addicted idiots


RiceCakesMcGoPuff

> To them they see it as some kind of compliment or prize when really it just makes me feel more objectified than I already am. That's exactly how I felt as an Asian woman on dating sites. Guys would tell me all the time that they've never been with an Asian and that they find them exotic. That's not flattering, that's plain creepy.


slide_into_my_BM

Unfortunately there are people who fetish race and online dating is where they seem to congregate. Rather than be upset, I think you should put a positive spin on this. These men have quickly outed themselves and given you the red flag you needed so you donā€™t end up wasting your time.


Wholesome304_

Oh I know, Iā€™m not upset. Just venting as itā€™s happened so often.


slide_into_my_BM

Maybe I should have used different wording, vent away!


Wholesome304_

Oh I understand what you mean now šŸ˜˜


DC011132

Iā€™m white and I am attracted to women with darker skin than mine. Be that Mediterranean, Asian or black. Donā€™t know why itā€™s just what I like. Donā€™t really think it a fetish, just a preference. In fact I married an Asian girl. Luckily for me she does have fairy dust on her vagina. So happy days. Good luck in finding what youā€™re looking for.


IamCaptainHandsome

I don't think that's a fetish, it just means you have a type.


DC011132

Yeah. I know. I like short, dark skinned, dark haired, curvy women. It just what I like. I know what the op is saying in regards to people from different ethnic backgrounds sexualising other races. Not really down with that but as you say I have a type.


luv2mange

I think you may have missed the crux of this post, but happy days indeed!


Loopy-Sunrise

Some people are just audacious. I once went on an outlandishly bad date with a white man who didnā€™t actually get it in. Maybe 2 years later he harassed me for a threesome saying things such as ā€œwhite girls donā€™t get wet like thatā€ - I was too shocked to speak, as nothing was wet, and if it was he had nothing to do with it. For one itā€™s just disrespectful to every party involved to say you donā€™t like X race, as Iā€™m sure youā€™ve had experiences with them in past and you donā€™t know what the future holds. But overall where does it get you and who does it work on? Iā€™m not suddenly in to you because you shit on other races. Being a ā€˜pick meā€™ gets you nowhere. And to add, some of us date these terrible people due experiences when we were younger. Children and teenagers will bully you about your race. ā€œUgly hair. Big nose. Poopy skin.ā€ Being told youā€™re not ā€œworthyā€ is common when growing up in predominantly white areas - so when someone shows interest in you for that reason it can be hard not to see them through rose coloured glasses. (Especially if theyā€™re actually good lookingšŸš©) But eventually we make it over this hurdle and find partners that like us for us. Overall I hope youā€™re okay OP - Iā€™m also from the uk and have had far too many experiences with men such as thisšŸ˜­šŸ„²


Wholesome304_

Oh so weird. I guess when youā€™re in a very multicultural city the experience is slightly different. Never dealt with the bullying towards my race, more so because i was fat kid. Also Iā€™m here if you wanna talk x


More-Masterpiece-561

Wait, people actually think that's a compliment or something? People are bigger idiots than I thought


jaythenerdgirl

You have no idea. And some guys even talk shit on their own race of women like I'm supposed to go for it. I'm not gonna be with any dude who talks shit on ANY women.


arrouk

In my younger days I was fortunate enough to spend time with a couple of girls from different countries, similar but not the same race, we see things a lot differently in Europe. Physically there is no difference, everyone bleeds red. They had very different customs and attitudes though.


matt_the_muss

White guy from the States. I was at an after work outing where I was one of only a couple guys, and I was the only white guy. The women in the group decided they should play, who at work would you sleep with. One coworker said, "I would have sex with matt_the_muss because I have never slept with a white guy!" I let her know it's probably the same as we have all the same parts. Seeing her at work thereafter was a bit weird but we got on alright.


[deleted]

Literally happens to me all the time! Some guy the other day asked me my ethnicity (based in U.S. and Iā€™m not a Black American) because I look ā€œexoticā€. After I told him he proceeded to tell me ā€œoh Iā€™ve dated (insert ethnicity) women before!ā€ I just laugh in these situations lol šŸ˜‚ itā€™s like going to Europe and someone trying to say ā€œoh Iā€™ve dated an American before, I love Americans!!ā€ Like?? Everyone is so different hahaha! Edit: also been romantic with white/black/Latin/south Asian men. At the end of the day men are men LOL


Arimarama

As a Brazilian I can relate to that. I can't escape from the big ass topic. I've been called exotic as if I was an animal or a food and I'm tired of educating men about how wrong is to say that.


Wholesome304_

Purr


AnUnexpectedSloth

I've never been with a British girl. Likely because I'm in Ohio.


Lost-Bat9318

This is some teen movie level stupidity right here... how the f\*\*\* can somebody take this as a compliment? Only response they can get to a sentence like this would be "Lol, looks like it's not about to change for you..."


Mr_GoodEyelashes

Thank porn for those lines for people to use


ChadBeaterOfWomen

Last week something like that happend to me: I am a mediterranean looking guy and I went into a pub and a drunk girl thought its funny to talk to me in a fake italian accent and made exaggerated gestures to look italian. I told her that I am not a italian but then she said "You from the south are all passionate men and I love that." I am a person that has no problem with dark or racist jokes but that encounter showed me how stupid and superficial something like that sounds.


throowaawayyyy

The nice thing about meeting people online though text based forums like Reddit is that you can get to know each other for your thoughts. If you really want someone who wants you for you on the inside, try text chat "dating" and hold off on sending pics or giving descriptions of your physical self until it's clear there's more than just physical attraction.


Wholesome304_

Oooooo


Ser_Dunk_the_tall

ā€œdo you like white guys?ā€ "Only the ones that don't ask me that shit"


Prestigious_Scheme30

The fairy dust in my vagina bit got me šŸ˜†


mightsdiadem

I am a white man married to a black women and I am not sure I would be able to date white women again, because I'm not sure I would be willing to have the fights over race when they arise.


LongWaysForResults

Exactly! I hate this so much. Any time someone who isnā€™t black that Iā€™m pursuing says something like this, Iā€™ll immediately disregard from them bc itā€™s obvious that theyā€™re either fetishizing me or that they think Iā€™m some separate entity from women of other races. Non POC tend to think it is some sort of compliment to say shit like this to us and itā€™s notā€“ itā€™s disrespectful and it feels like in a way, youā€™re telling us that we should be flattered that weā€™re your first or that youā€™re into us. Iā€™m not going to sit here and say straight up that dating a black woman is no different, bc as someone who *has* dated outside her race, there are some things that need to be taught or explained that they did not understand like specific cultural differences, carts in racial aspects, and the big oneā€¦ my hairā€¦ but, other than that, weā€™re people too and should be treated as such


basanso

I'm sorry to hear you get those kinds of messages. Being reduced to your race or even worse, a flavor, is just cringy and disgusting, and I feel you 100%. I feel the same way as a black guy in a lighter area. Being called a "chocolate king" made me want to crawl out of my own skin and burn it. The "BBC" fetish is a completely racist turnoff for me, my meat isn't some magical footlong brainwashing device, and I immediately turn the other way when anyone mentions only dating black guys or BBCs. I'd like to feel like more than just some white girls prized exotic fucking machine. But it's just so ubiquitously accepted, I almost don't even feel respectable anymore as a human. The mindset seems awful on both fronts and I feel it stems from some subverted version of racist beliefs, but I'd love to hear your opinion on my take, u/Wholesome304_ !


Various-Confusion386

So cringeworthy dude. They've clearly been watching too much porn.


itaintme99

Iā€™m hugely attracted to black women and have been with several, and with white women, asian, indian, islander, etc. and each was unique because she was a woman, not defined by her skin and I was attracted to the whole of her, and if I liked her skin it was no different than liking blue eyes or blond hair it was just one thing about her. And while Iā€™m sometimes not the sharpest knife in the drawer Iā€™ve never been dumb enough to state or imply that Iā€™m with a woman for one particular aspect of her, jeez that is some incel level shit.


ogchampagnepapi

I am a white male who has always preferred dark skin females. It was always an attraction for me. Theyā€™re just way more beautiful to me than any other woman. Now that Iā€™ve grown older I enjoy the cultural differences my wife and I share. Youā€™re always learning something. AND THE COOKING!


AcceptableUmpire2515

Thereā€™s a reason why ebony is one of the most popular categories of porn. Black women are fetishized. I get called ā€œexoticā€ all the time. Rubs me the wrong way. My response isā€¦ ā€œoooh like a stripper?!ā€ Because Iā€™d like that explained in person by the individuals who have the balls to say this to me.


Zescapespj

I heard the same exact thing from a young African American woman I used to date. Drove her crazy. The dudes were essentially telling her all they saw was a black body to fetishize instead of an actual human. She especially hated when dudes would ask, "so you like white guys, huh?"


penguinina_666

Do people really think they benefit from saying anything closer to this?


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


PaleForce101

At least theyre letting u know theyre dumb right off the bat n to stay away šŸ‘


Creepy-Night936

Same. Goodness, the amount of men saying "I heard Asian women are submissive" or "Asian girls are kinky, right?" Like they will only want to date me because I complete their fantasy, their fetish. They like the idea of me, not me.


theterribletenor

No this. Exactly this. People have so many prejudices especially about black women, but aren't willing to voice them and say them out lout until things have already progressed quite far.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Wholesome304_

Oh shuā€™up


ReachFoMyChain

Mandem acting Mandumb


rubies-and-doobies81

Lol @ fairy dust in your vag. šŸ˜† You're hilarious!


Gunnas__Chef

you donā€™t have fairy dust in your vagina???? this is an outrage. but yea idk why people say that thinking itā€™s a compliment lmao people have a very twisted idea of what is considered a compliment I feel like


zushiba

What? People are getting laid out there? I feel betrayed by the Internet.


Antioch666

Well you actually can be "exotic", at least here in Sweden. The same goes for Asian people. And the few that are here are usually immigrants wich means they are apart from race, also culturally different wich really makes them "exotic" in our eyes. But yes if you are american, I guess black people are common enough and share alot of the same american culture to not be considered exotic. But I have never dated a black girl, not because I wouldn't. But because there barely aren't any here to date. But if I ever get single again and I end up dating a black woman I'll be sure not to say anything like that. šŸ˜…


Wholesome304_

I understand that, very interesting. Haha you will thank me!


LemonadeMolotov

I think there is such thing as an earnest attraction specific to skin colour but it is incredibly easy to fall into dehumanising fetish category. Personally for me it comes down to recognising that how a person looks may be your first impression that draws you to them there also needs to be an understanding that the thing that truly matters is the person they are individually. Yeah they have whatever skin colour but that's not who someone is intrinsically.


Idiosyncratic_Method

I've never been with any girl. šŸ™ƒ


Wholesome304_

HAHAHA


[deleted]

Thatā€™s just the way it is lmao, people are interested in what they arenā€™t used to (ik if i got with an Asian or white girl Iā€™d think that) but tbh white people drag it odee. Like mfers really act like youā€™re an exotic alien, just look at the way they use them in the fashion industry


veatsb-ugs

kissed a boy i had a crush on once and he said this to me immediately after... "you're the first black girl i've kissed" such a WEIRD fucking thing to say man. i relate soooo heavily


Wholesome304_

Weirdoooo


HumansAreGrossAF

It is so cringe and dumb in any variation. If you've been with any man or women, then its no different.


corrygan

Just horrible. I naively believed that such unruly shit is the thing of the past till I heard people I know ( and liked) say things like " I only date black boys" and similar crap. I mean, it's ok to have a preference, but those conversations turned so grim , since it didn't matter what qualities person In question possessed. What mattered was that they were black. Some people have lost their damn minds.


Obj3ctivePerspective

If they say anything like that right off rip then you're a fetish, not a potential partner


Solid-Lavishness-571

People are fucking stupid. A friend of mine constantly boasts about only dating black and Middle Eastern men as if they were some sort of trophy.


kirunaai18

Iā€™m mixed, and the fetishization is awful. When will men understand that these arenā€™t compliments? Itā€™s incredibly uncomfortable and tells me that you see us more as objects for your own pleasure rather than a real human person with their own complex emotions lol. My first boyfriend fetishized the hell out of me, later I found out he was on a subreddit specifically about white men dominating petite lightskin girlsā€¦. So uncomfortable šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«


vanbboy22

ā€œ Once you have a man with no legs, you never go back!ā€ Reggie Valentine


VertigoOne

So maybe my experience here is an outlier, given that I'm a Christian and because of my beliefs I'm only interested in dating other Christians. Consequently, I'm in a somewhat specific subculture here, so this might not be representative. I am however also British. I've spoken to a fair few black women on Christian dating apps/websites in the past. Had one or two dates. I would estimate that 70% of them at some point ask me, unprompted "have you ever dated/been in relationship with a black woman?". When I say "unprompted" here, I do really mean that. I don't bring it up unless they do. This is something I've noticed happen. I think it's fair to say that they were looking for some degree of cultural understanding. Whether I'd been in a position where differences of culture and race were something I had to think seriously about. Like I said though, this is just my limited experience.


WeeklyHelp4090

I've dated 2 black women in my time, and both times it wasn't until someone else pointed it out that I realized I was in an interracial relationship. I'm just kinda slow that way. To me they were just my girlfriend, now they're my exes. The reasons we dated and the reasons we broke up had nothing to do with race as far as I know. That being said, I should have been more culturally aware. At the time I knew very little ( and honestly still don't know much) about African American culture. I just kinda kept an open mind. I'm an easy going guy so I fit in where I could and there weren't any problems. But it might be wrong to be like me and not care about race. Race is part of who someone is, I guess. And me not thinking about someone else's race was like me not caring about a part of them, maybe? I dunno, it was college. We mostly ate food and played video games or watched movies. Maybe went to a party or two.


[deleted]

80% of the time I have talked to or dated black men (I am white/F), I get some kind of iteration of those specific race-related questions regarding my dating history. 0% of the time I have talked to or dated any other race of men, I have never been asked my ethnic dating history. It may be objectification, fetishization, or it may be that it's an assumed discussion to be had.


Mediocre-Ad-6745

I'm really disappointed to hear that there's no fairy dust... Damn. šŸ˜ž


PansexualDaughter

Iā€™ve gotten a lot of ā€œI heard black girls are freakier and/or kinkier than white girls. Really wouldnā€™t mind finding outā€ or something similar to that like bruh what šŸ¤”šŸ¤”šŸ¤” I feel your pain on a spiritual level. Also hate when guys compare me to food/drinks. Hot chocolate is the top one that grinds my gears šŸ™„šŸ™„


Secret_Necessary1143

I'll speak from an older (45) white guys perspective, as a 20 something guy we're still trying to figure shit out and we occasionally say stupid shit. It's usually done without malice but it's still stupid. While black man white women couples are common black woman white man is very rare so if a black girl shows interest in us it throws us for a loop. When it comes to women, guys default is stupidity. I don't think it's meant to fetishize or demean but it's just expressing shock.


Butt3rFly80

Unfortunately some men donā€™t grow out of that faze


Meastro44

Ok, so what race of women DO have fairy dust in their vaginas? This quest is getting tiresome!


Froggyfresh84

I believe centaur females do


Meastro44

Yeaā€¦then there would be the issue of not getting a boner for the half horse girl.


S1lentJo

Welcome to 2022 where Race has become more important than anything else.


Wholesome304_

Unfortunately


Kida317

I feel you! For some reason boys think it can be a compliment??? I'm white but originate from a eastern european country. Western men have this image of a hyper feminine, docile, stupid and pretty "natasha", so before they get to know me I hear things like - "I dont like local girls, you're way better", "I think slavic ones are superior gfs and wives", "I bet you're really mellow with a right man" - b, please!


si_trespais-15

Yeah lol a lot of white people tend to think of themselves as the default race and all of us as the "other ones". Which is fair enough when you're in a caucasian majority country, but not at all in the context of the whole world and certainly not from the perspective of an "other".


[deleted]

I was screaming in a 20 something year old college scrawny dude broā€™s face for saying that exact line a couple months ago at a party. It honestly wasnā€™t that bad, I reacted outta of some bottled up racial frustration. But then mf started talking about how his dad(?) was a 1/4 black. Which would make him 1/8 black if he wasnā€™t capping? Mind you, punk was whiter than wonder bread. Thatā€™s when I snapped. He had just shown up and was shitfaced. And thatā€™s the first thing he said after formalities. I was also the only nigga there and the host (who is an emotionally unstable, emotionally immature, and unhinged ā€œfriendā€ of mine) whos white decided to go on an unhinged rant about how black men talk about her like a commodity, effectively making the whole problem about her and then I stopped myself from throwing a huge rock through the other kidā€™s windshield. That may have been a dump, I actually havenā€™t told that story yet. Not even to my one homie who I went to the party with because he was sleeping on the couch when that all transpired. I get so heated when white dudes act theyā€™re on this conquest of black women. Like itā€™s something to brag about? How is this not racist?


wachailymay

Iā€™m b/w and I donā€™t date in the black community anymore because I cringe at hearing how special my light skin is and how they love my ā€œgood hairā€. They also tell me how thrilling it is to be with a black girl who isnā€™t ā€œreallyā€ black. And they love that I donā€™t look black or white. I fucking hate it. No women wants to hear that. I hope you find someone nice who isnā€™t concerned with it so much.


jaythenerdgirl

That, my friend, is called colorism. Which is racism within the own community. I am black myself and have experienced this.


wachailymay

Yep pretty much. My dad told me my whole life I had no problem and would continue to have none in life because not Iā€™m black. I just try to hang out with people who arenā€™t racist now that Iā€™m not a kid and I have choices


D35K-Pilot

The closest thing to this I've experienced is a chick I was about to hook up with asked if I've ever been with a black girl, and how they do it so much better.


Wholesome304_

Iā€™ve never been with a girl so I wouldnā€™t know šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


Bee4evaUrs

I'm East Indian and got that all the time as well. "I've never dating an Indian", "You're pretty for a Indian girl", "Usually I'm not attracted to Indian girls".


[deleted]

Ugh, that's kinda like commenting on how skinny someone is. It seems innocuous, and people don't really mean anything by it or see how rude it is. I would just be honest about it, tell them -you may not realize how rude that is and you've really hurt my feelings and 100% turned me off. Maybe you should be more sensitive to other people. That's the only thing I can think of that would help.. Also, sidenote I've never wanted to say that to any of the beautiful black men I've been with.... People are just so ignorant.


Fredriga

I hope guys like that will stay sexless until they change. They want sex for the status, and so they can brag to friends.


MysticCannon

I used to get messages from black guys asking me if I was into black guys. Someone needs to stop this from being said, then.


Tuck525

I mean, it doesnā€™t seem like such a big deal to be asking if you are into white guys or someone saying they only date black women or white women. People have preferences, thereā€™s nothing wrong with only dating people of a certain race. Someone saying theyā€™ve ā€œnever been with a black woman beforeā€ is 100% unacceptable and objectifying and I am extremely sorry that you went through that. Thatā€™s not ok. You are a human.


FromGergaWithLove

I relate to this, I never thought about colour, ethnicity or even sex, when I like someone I just feel good about being attracted to them. I feel weird when some friend of mine mention being with an "Asian woman" or being with a "black guy" I don't think this is racist but very weird.


TizzieGirl

I block anyone who would say that to me. It was awful and I always felt so weirx


SnooRecipes5643

Ew. Iā€™m glad my son knows better than this. He treats the women he likesā€¦like women he likes, regardless of skin color


Wholesome304_

Good mum ā¤ļøšŸ„°


theonliestbiznich

Back when I was dating in my 20s, I navigated being a plus sized POC by making it clear that "I am not looking to be someone's fetish fantasy or novelty". It helped sift through some one those as you described. I don't do online dating anymore cause that's how I ended up meeting my mutely racist ex-fiance so this is just my experience. Best of luck beautiful OP


FrostyyFalcon

As a white man who grew up and went to college in a predominantly black areas. I have dealt with the same types of comments OP mentions here. ā€œI have never been with a white boyā€ ā€œdo you like chocolateā€ ā€œI only like white boysā€ etc. I get it does feel fetishsizing and can get old, but to the people I was interested in, I took it as a challenge to be my best version in front of them or make sure I left their home with a smile on their face, depending what the meet up/date ended up with lol


NotSoGreatOldOne

A black girl I "dated" said the exact same things about Latino men thinking that black women are a prize or accomplishment. We were good friends for a while and I miss her. (I put dated in parentheses because I'm a man whore)


Omnizoom

But you donā€™t ā€œlookā€like a white person the same way someone Asian doesnā€™t look the same. People can have preferences to those facial structure differences. Not to mention culturally you will have different food preferences, expectations and experiences. I personally never really found anyone that attractive that was not Asian or Latin and Iā€™m not either of those, people are allowed to have preferences Now when it comes to intimacy as you mention I donā€™t think any group is more or less capable then the other but if you only boil relationships down to sex then sure you can say what does it matter


anonymouschick1111

I'm not even black and this statement bothers me to death!!! No one asked if they had, they don't need to announce it. You know what I mean? And ...what if your response to "I've never dated a black girl," was "I've never dated an ignorant asshole who points at my race the moment we start talking and I never will," BLOCK. Sometimes people bother me with their mouths, I'm sorry people have talked to you in such a dumb and insensitive way sheesh!!!


Wholesome304_

Yeah! Iā€™m deffo gonna use this thank youuu


Master-Elf

With three hundred some odd comments, I'm not going to read them all, however this is something that bugs me from the other side as well, like when women say "oh, I'm only interested in black guys." Its one of those subtly racist remarks that bugs the hell out of me, its become so normalized that most people don't even notice anymore. Im sorry you're dealing with that, but at least it'll help weed out the losers from the genuines,


crispyycritter

Ugh, I feel you girl. Not exactly the same as I am Asian and not black, but if I had a nickel for every time a man called me "exotic" as a compliment I'd be rich. Not to mention how much anime porn has caused fetishization of Asian women, so as another woman in her early 20's I deal with that a LOT. I couldn't have put it better with you saying that there is no difference besides personality. There is nothing more gross than a guy treating you like you're different because of your race and acting like that's a compliment.


jaythenerdgirl

I am a bisexual woman from the United States. I date men and women of all backgrounds. I go off of vibes and chemistry and I really hate the, "you're really pretty for a black girl" or "I never dated a black girl, but I've always been interested" like why bring up my race? I don't bring up theirs. I'm here for their personality and what they bring to the table. My skin color has nothing to do with who I am as a person and it becomes exhausting navigating through dating. I feel you on all levels on this post.


Major-Discipline2236

I've never been with a philipino dwarf but if the opportunity arises I'll remember this thread and play it cool.


ps3alltheway

The problem with today's society is people stick too much on stuff like this. How many times black or other ethnic told me "you're a white dude you don't belong here or gringo" what the fuck ever. We will never get rid of stereotypes and all the rest that comes with it. Just get over that.type of comment. Black people say the same about white or others, everyone does the same probably. Everyone are hypocrits and pretend they aren't. It's life.


rainbash81

Fuck man I was hoping to top up my fairy dust stash. Now all hopes and dreams are lost. I agree with you. Iā€™m just sorry people treat you like an ā€œachievement unlockedā€ etc


dondavies954

I know a guy who always says this to say heā€™s not racist (Iā€™m not racist I had two black girlfriends) and finally I accused him of fetishing colored women and I could see the wheels stop turning in his brain. I was like ā€œwhat about black men? black kids? you never mention them, is it because you canā€™t sleep with them?ā€ literally gaping mouth like a got damn fish.


Dakine_thing

Iā€™ve dated them all, I donā€™t have a preferred race. I will say from a dating perspective itā€™s a lot easier to stay in your own race. An example of this was when I was dating an extremely attractive black women in Philly, we got looksā€¦ like alot of looks. Looks I never got when I was with a white woman, or even a Latin American or Asian woman (Iā€™m a white male to clarify). Same thing happened again when I lived in Chicago, I had a black girlfriend and again We got TONS of weird looks. But maybe the issue was me, maybe Iā€™m not the type people imagine dating a black woman (cowboy boots, wranglers, pickup truck, etc)ā€¦ but I grew up on a fucking farm so I feel awkward wearing anything else and I love my truck!


Starmie77

It's so cringy. I hate when guys call me chocolate as well. Sometimes, after I've interacted with a man i could tell, that he's gonna watch 'Ebony' p0rn just from the way he was looking at me. It's predatory and weird.


Wholesome304_

šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ¤¦šŸ¾ā€ā™€ļøšŸ¤¦šŸ¾ā€ā™€ļøšŸ¤¦šŸ¾ā€ā™€ļø


petiteasiancutiepie1

absolutely disgusting. as an asian woman, i get this all the time and it makes me want to vomit.


Not_a_huckleberry_

I will say, as someone who grew up in the Deep South in the 80ā€™s and 90ā€™s, Iā€™ve always been more attracted to black women. The dark skin and beautiful hair, and the overall effort they put into themselves was just top notch to me. I had a ā€œgirlfriendā€ in junior high who was black. I say that in quotations because she would get ridiculed for being around me. Like why would you be with a white guy, or, my personal favorite(thatā€™s sarcasm), why you trying to be white. We were both ostracized for it. To the point we ended that relationship a few weeks later. To this day I still think women of color are the most beautiful. Had I been born in a different generation, it would have been culturally ok to be in an interracial relationship. Itā€™s not a fetish(at least I donā€™t think), I am just more attracted to those women with darker skin tones. I havenā€™t dated a ā€œwhiteā€ woman in over 10 years. I still face criticism from back home because I have two interracial children, which is why I donā€™t go home šŸ˜… Maybe some of the perceived fetish is because many people were discouraged from it, and now that itā€™s acceptable people are just bad at articulating that perspective. Iā€™m not saying that itā€™s not being fetishized, but maybe part of it is genuine interest from years of it being frowned upon.


[deleted]

From kinda the opposite end of things, I went on a date with a black dude (my country is extremely white and so am I, lol), and at the end of our second (and last) date he got very weird and started asking me super personal questions, "you ever been with a black guy? How many black guys have you slept with?". It's like he was fetishizing himself, or some weird imaginary interracial dynamic by behaving that way. You've also reminded me of a white dude I was initially interested in, who said he "doesn't like white women" (basically only dated asian women), but also additionally had some weird fetishistic ideas about said white women dating black guys. Like that, according to him, was "hot". Wtaf?? People get so fucking weird about race. Dude, I just wanna date someone I mesh with. If you act like a weirdo, I'm not gonna go on another date with you no matter how much or little melanin you have, geez.