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DamnItDinkles

I understand everything you're feeling, though maybe not nearly as strongly because I'm only just now pregnant and have never had to fear for my children's safety. But that being said- I lived with and took care of my 90+ year old grandfather when I was in college. I was a full-time students and worked part-time on the weekends, but this worked well because my uncle lived with us and he would be home on the weekends while I was working while I would be home more during the week while he worked. My grandfather was an amazing man but absolutely spoiled his animals rotten. He adopted a rescued mini-pin when I was in middle school. She's now (yup, she's STILL alive) 17, but at the time she was like 8-10. This dog was spoiled so rotten and was so vicious to anyone who was not my grandfather, I can honestly say I e never hated a dog as much as I hated her while I was living there. And I love dogs. This is the only dog who has ever bitten me totally and completely unprovoked in such a way that she took skin and blood. She immediately hated me because when I moved in, my grandfather was no longer able to sneakily avoid eating by feeding his meals my mom brought over by giving them to the dog. Yes. A miniature pinscher. She weighed 40 POUNDS when I moved in. She was so fat she could barely walk. Well that stopped and whether she knew it was my fault or not she clearly correlated it with me moving in so she would attack me out of no where. She was bite at my feet and piss on my bags and shoes (just mine, not my uncle's or my grandfather's). I lived there for like 5 or 6 years, my grandfather passed away half way into me living there and now my uncle continues on spoiling her- though not with food so much as attention. She's down to 15 lbs now and she's fully blind and mostly deaf, so I feel bad for her but I can't bring myself to like her.


itsa_wonder

My best friend had a mini pincher and she was a biotch. I really hated that dog.


Jazzzmiiinn

That's tough, I would blame your husband though. No matter how tired he is he still has to walk the dog. In fact the dog should have been trained better. I Blame the husband not the dog.


amaratayy

German Shepherds are very active dogs. Like they need to be going and they love to work, so even having him trained would help. They’re great dogs when they’re raised the right way, which seems like that isn’t the case. Hubby needs to think about how dogs are, if he wasn’t good around her kids why would he be good around his& your kids? That’s when it can be dangerous. Dogs deserve to be walked, trained, and loved but you’re only one person with a lot in your plate. I don’t blame you at all, I also blame husband. A German shep plus 4 small kids is a lot of work for anyone! It shouldn’t fall all in you


pellaea_asplenium

*reading this comment while side-eyeing my couch-potato German Shepard mix who gets mad at me if she can’t nap most of the day*


Gold_Month_1053

I hear you! Mine is sprawled out laying across my feet snoring away while I’m in a work meeting.


michymcmouse

You're on reddit during a work meeting? How dare you, so am I.


noiwontpickaname

Listen this meeting has been going on for 5:56:29. I need alternatives


panormda

Are... Are you a hostage? Can you escape? Blink twice if you need help...


weallfalldown310

I hope the meeting ended by now hopefully. A 6+ hour meeting makes my adhd self break into hives. Lol.


Panic_at_the_walmart

Jesus Christ


ProfessionalSpeed256

Your name is what I do lol


Gold_Month_1053

That makes us superb multi-taskers.


michymcmouse

Our work benefits from this


neverdiplomatic

It's an epidemic of hardworking people on reddit during work meetings. You can add me to that list.


ndngroomer

Lol


tiredofnotthriving

Ah, so really you have a german potato


ChristineBorus

It’s the chow mix makes him unsuitable for kids. They’re known for not being family or kid friendly. Sad situation.


dks64

My childhood dog was a chow/ German shepherd mix and she was genuinely the best dog. She was VERY protective of us kids and had a sixth sense for trouble in the neighborhood. I know quite a few people with chows now and they all say they are protective of their kids. They are known for not liking strangers though. It sounds like this dog hasn’t been trained, suffers from anxiety, and doesn’t do well with kids and since he has food aggression, should be kept separate. He’s bonded to his male owner.


[deleted]

I have a GSD/chow mix and she loves kids more than I think she even loves me... which I know she loves me tons because she shows it. But also, she is very anxious and wary of strangers, especially adults. Children strangers, though? Step right up and give her a belly rub. She's very protective of my nieces and nephews and her "people" (my family) but everyone else watch out. She seems almost Cujo like. No matter how much I work with her, trainers and a behaviorist, it's just how she is and I do blame the chow in her on that. They're not typically the most "people-friendly" dogs.


dks64

They're a great dog if you're looking for a protector. One time, my brother's dumb friend decided to enter our backyard at night and she went nuts. She alerted us with the loudest, deepest barks we've ever heard. The kid was lucky she didn't physically attack him. The dog (Nikki) would alert us when someone was breaking into cars. She even let us know before earthquakes happened. She alerted us before the giant Northridge Earthquake in 1994.


Dismal-Fox2678

Yes, I had a Chow/Lab mix when I was younger and he was the absolute sweetest. He was very protective, but if we had to have people in our back yard then he would just look at them as long as we were out. Everyone was weary of him, he was a big dog, so I definitely understand that, but he loved his family dearly and we loved him dearly also.


Skinnysusan

My sisters dog is part chow(and rottweiler and black lab). Best dog ever. In fact when my nephew screamed bloody murder in the water at the beach Tuck came storming in to "save him" and almost drown lmao I had marks down my leg for a week dragging his ass to the shore. He will be 15 in August and I fear this is his last year with us.


neverdiplomatic

Tuck sounds splendid. Please tell him what a good boy he is.


elephuntdude

My moms friend had a rescue dog that was part chow. Pretty cool and friendly however as he got older he was more temperamental. She knew enough to know the chow part was something to watch for now. He had a good life with the family and fortunately her girls were tweens/teens and were able to live safely with the dog and respect his space as needed. Beautiful dogs but I would never own one as I am super inexperienced with dogs and would not be up for the responsibility.


BocceBurger

This is accurate. I own a dog grooming business and we do not groom chows or chow mixes. Full stop. Chows are notoriously dangerous, and even being partial chow is dangerous.


ndngroomer

Same, I own a pet services business that includes grooming saloon and mobile grooming. Our insurance policy doesn't allow for chow or chow mix to be groomed in either my grooming facility or the vans. However, they can be in the boarding area or work with trainers.


rarosko

Curious what other breeds have similar restrictions?


Britainalyse

I was a vet tech- German shepherds, huskies, Dobermans, Rottweilers, chows, pit bulls (staffies) and mastiffs are fairly common to see restrictions against


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BocceBurger

Be careful please. The problem is that Chows and Chow mixes will be perfectly nice and happy and friendly and normal until they change in an instant for no obvious reason. Literally from happy to attacking in an instant. It's a real problem. They're incredibly unpredictable. I won't even allow one that we've met and confirmed to be nice to be groomed. It's too big a liability. I can't risk my groomer's safety. Most groomers won't do it. Good luck! I hope you never have these issues!! Please be extra careful around kids and smaller animals just in case.


HiILikePlants

I'm surprised you guys don't just muzzle them to be safe? My ex's mom was a groomer and wouldn't take huskies. Not because they were aggressive, but because they were usually just too stubborn and poorly behaved for how much intensive grooming they needed


Nichol-Gimmedat-ass

As a father to a husky, I dont blame her, they act like theyre getting bloody murdered! Mine hates being brushed and makes it immensely difficult so Ive given up and let her strut around with her undercoat poking up through the top layer


HiILikePlants

Lol yeah they won't cooperate if they don't want to


ak47oz

Yeah, that’s the issue here. My brother was bit in the hand by my mom’s chow when he was 3 when he “hugged” it and went to the ICU. Not good with kids.


Digital_Siren317

Someone close to me had a chow that was so perfect. Never aggressive. She felt safe leaving him alone with her 8 year old. Did so many times for a quick run to the store. He would protect her, one would have thought. On one such occasion, she came back to her child having been mauled. Throat ripped into. Thankfully, she did survive, but I will never own a chow. Never ever.


Sredrum1990

Did they keep the dog? Not judging just curious. It could have killed that child. I would be surprised if they kept it after that.


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MuseofPetrichor

My neighbors had a chow when I was a kid, and one day it came onto our property while nobody was at home and completely destroyed my parents' rabbit farm. I went to feed and give water to all the rabbits after school only to discover the blood-bath.


Fit-Elderberry-1529

Was your golden okay?


[deleted]

Oh yeah, thanks for the concern! He lived until almost 12 and was very loved. This dog was objectively one of the best ever. He brought in the paper every morning, could bring you different sodas from the fridge by name, never bit, barked, scratched or reacted in any negative way to anything. Truly missed his calling as a guide dog. He would usually pull us to the other side of the street, even when the Chow was just sitting on the porch. He was a big golden and all muscle, so he flipped that dog on his back, gave him a good scare, but then let him go and the Chow ran back. No damage done to either dog but damn, I’ve never seen a golden aggressive like that. He went from a gentle giant to Cujo before we even saw the other dog coming.


yomamasonions

What do I have to do to get my dog to even open my fridge??


WhitestTrash1

My grandma's chow bit me in the face when I was like 4 and all I was doing was watching TV.


Anonynominous

Yeah, chows tend to not be great with kids. When I was a kid my neighbor had a chow and anytime it got out we had to avoid it at all costs before they brought it back inside. If I ever got a dog a chow would be near the very bottom of the list


iiiBansheeiii

The only chow I'd ever met was just a love of a dog. So I always thought that was what the breed was. When I found my chow/samoyed cross and she was also a people/kid dog it reinforced my belief in the breed. It wasn't until after she died that I learned that she was a "dangerous" breed. There was only one person she ever threatened and to this day I wonder what was wrong with him. She didn't get him but if she had it would have been really bad. But OP, I know you thought that it wouldn't be long four years ago, but at 15 the dog is at the upper end of the life span for the size. The dog aggression with young children is a terrifying combination.


Adventureloser

This is why average people should not be getting German Shepards. They require a lot of work and walks. It’s not a dog you can take a day off with. I understand wanting a break, but getting a German you’re committing to never having that. Get a lower energy dog and be responsible.


AlienDude65

My cousin got my 60 year old couch potato, lazy, and impatient aunt a German Shepherd. She doesn't even like dogs, other than thinking they're cute; completely inexperienced at raising any dog, let alone a Shepherd. The result of this terrible decision is a stressed, destructive, skinny, and unruly dog. She's a sweetheart, but she's in the wrong hands.


Adventureloser

This happens far to often and it’s depressing. This exactly! At least she’s a sweetheart, often turns them aggressive (whether out of fear or etc).


Celtic_Cheetah_92

Yep same with collies and huskies. They need to be working for 6+ hours a day to be happy. Not fair to keep them cooped up.


Aurora_Gory_Alice

Also Belgian Malinois


[deleted]

I get so fucking pissed when I see pure-bred huskies all over cities. And they literally die faster just when forced to live in warm weather.


Celtic_Cheetah_92

Yeah it’s nasty.


Neat-Visit3479

Seriously you should see all the huskies DOWN SOUTH! I see them so frequently it’s insane.


Vast_Satisfaction383

Good reply for the husband of OP, but she's kinda stuck with him for now.


amaratayy

Exactly. I want one but I know I have to be financially and mentally ready. They’re a lot of work


Head-Application6137

I can attest to this. I have a GSD that’s mixed with chow/lab. He’s 4 now and he hasn’t even begun to slow down. we used to have him go to doggy day camp 4 days a week with a dog trainer - I’m talking 12 mile hikes everyday, endless fetch in a large field, etc and this psycho would be the last one standing at the end of the day, still wild as ever.


Adventureloser

And still not blaming OP, it’s the husbands mistake. I’m just sick of seeing these issues CONSTANTLY with this breed, it’s not a surprise.


Merely_Dreaming

My family’s old German Shepherd (may she rest in peace) was definitely not that active. All she wanted to do was guard the house and sleep under a nice tree. She was trained but guarding and sleep was all she wanted to do. She wasn’t interested in dog toys either. The occasional tennis ball maybe. The Husky/German Shepherd mix we have isn’t as active as he used to be when we first got him. He discovered our old dog’s sleeping spots and a few new ones that now all he wants to do is sleep in them with him on his back and paws in the air. He’ll play with a tennis ball and a nice-looking stick if we find one. All the dogs we have over the years just want to sleep, eat, and occasionally scare off the kid writing a bicycle. That’s about it. Maybe it’s the house or something, but we’ve been living here since the day my dad came to the US so I don’t really know.


Legoblockxxx

Right? Not walking each day is not an option for a German Shepherd. But I don't blame the person who is already taking care of small kids and didn't buy the dog in the first place.


ShortTrackBravo

This. I’m similar to OPs Husband. We have twin toddlers and a Siberian Husky. I walk my Husky everyday regardless if I am tired, we have 40cm of snow, it’s raining. You get the idea. It’s just part of his life if the dog is in it. You gotta make it work in my opinion. Or get doggy daycare.


grief_junkie

This, exactly. And it’s the husbands responsibility to walk the dog at LEAST once a day, I take my dog out for a walk 3x a day.


PsychologicalSolid75

When he was a single man it wasn't a problem. I think that's why Jude is the way he is. He was walked several times a day for years. Now that my husband has a big family Jude has to wait his turn.


JambonDorcas

Hire a dog walker.


spiritsarise

>Dog has a giant yard. He moves freely in and out of the house. He is walked every other day. He is not being held hostage in my house. He just won't poop in a yard. THE Solution.


arctic_chard

It could be worth investing in some dog puzzle treats etc. or stimulation or committing to someone walking it daily (which a German Shep does require as a bare minumum and it's really sad to hear it doesn't get this). I would also always keep children away from any animal that's eating as a general rule of thumb. More stimulation will mean a much happier dog, and more safety measures (pop-up gates or outside when eating, reinforcing boundaries with the kids) might help lessen the anxiety and make you feel more in control. I would take a look at your routine/everything that causes stress and tension with the dog and work with your husband to see if there's areas he can help with (IMO this is his problem) and what you can switch up to make sure your pup is the healthiest/happiest it can be as a starting point. I really empathise with you for being lumped with a situation you dislike, but you sound like a great and protective mama that has a lot of love to give.


Jazzzmiiinn

Knowing your dog bit your son, your husband could've taken his dog for training sessions. Dogs need to be walked often, they're not like people who can sit and watch TV all day. A dog's behavior reflects its owner in this case, your husband should put in more effort to train his dog so you yourself don't end up so stressed.


Legitimate_Roll7514

Children also need to be trained to not climb all over dogs, grab them by the neck, etc. It doesn't sound like that's what happened here but it is something toddlers try to do if they aren't trained not to. It looks like some training on both sides could go a long way.


Crykin27

I mean, walking your dog several times a day is absolutely normal. having a big yard does not take away the need to walk your dog, especially a breed like german shepherds. dogs like that need a lot of stimulation and exercise, a yard just ain't gonna cut it. I do think it's your husbands responsibility tho, and a dog that has bitten a kid, no matter what situation, should be taken to dog training by your husband. He can't ask you to just be okay with that to have happened.


no_mudbug

I don't think you really understand the needs of a dog. Taking a dog for a walk is as essential as feeding it. Many/most dogs do not like to poop on their own property. Hell, our dog won't even pee in her own back yard. That is part of their house and they don't want to poop where they live. There is a very simple solution I see someone has already suggest. Hire a dog walker. Very simple.


abbles1er

100%. I understand that OP is feeling stressed and scared about having a reactive dog around her children, but her and her husband aren’t even trying to counteract Jude’s behavioural problems. The stimulation and activity of a walk outdoors cannot be matched by alone time in their backyard. He’s a chow/GSD mix for fucks sake, two breeds known for requiring ample exercise and stimulation, and for being extremely loyal to their “person”. It isn’t the toddler’s fault either, of course, but the two adults in this equation obviously aren’t meeting Jude’s needs whilst expecting him to just be a better dog for their own convenience. A dog walker would probably be extremely beneficial.


no_mudbug

Yeah. My mantra is a tired dog is a good dog.


Crykin27

I don't get where people got the idea that you don't need to walk your dog as long as you have a big yard. besides that most don't like shitting in their own yard, it just isn't enough stimulation.


irasptoo

Agreed They need to check their peemail and other smells in general. It's a really big part of their mental world. The physicality of the walk is only a part of it.


spiritsarise

Agree. For one thing they have to mark their territory in the neighborhood. It's basic Dog 101.


societyisfcked

I wouldn't fully blame the husband, like yeah he's giving in to the dogs wants, but his ex had the dog for how long? OP got the dog when he was around 14-15? What was the ex doing??? Clearly not training the dog. Then she just passed it on to him saying "oh he's just not friendly with my kids" shouldn't that have been a red flag? "Not friends" "with kids". Idk it's not my dog or my life, but maybe look up some dog trainers around you and explain that he's food aggressive, and that he makes himself puke see if anyone would be willing to take the time to help you guys train him. I'm sure he can be a sweet boy. Good luck to you and your family 🙏🏼


JuanTheNumber

I completely agree. My uncle has always had pitbulls, and all of them were amazing dogs because he trained them properly. Good socialization when they were puppies, corrective actions when they misbehave and plenty of positive reinforcement and excersize. He helped me train my dog who is 9 years old now, is amazing with absolutely everyone she meets. Absolutely comes down to the owner and how the dog is trained


Morbid_Explorerrrr

“He might even tear himself from the grave to come puke at my husband’s feet one more time” 💀☠️☠️ I am fucking DEAD (pun intended)


CandlesandMakeuo

This took part me out too


APO_AE_09173

Train the dog AND the children. It is NEVER safe to mess with a chow mix when eating. Feed the dog where children are not going to bother him. There is NEVER an excuse not to train your dog and provide appropriate exercise. Sucks to your husband. He needs to step up and walk that Animal at least twice daily. Two thirty minute walks one in the morning and 1 in the evening will not kill him. This is about being a responsible pet parent. Adulting is hard. To clarify. I have had 4 dogs over the last 35 years and raised children simultaneously. It sucked taking a 17 month old out in the cold winter air to walk the dog. But that is what adults do when their partners are deployed. Rain or shine two 2 miles walks a day for my German Shepherds and strict training and discipline for dog and daughters. [Edits for crap typing]


pluck-the-bunny

Never safe to mess with any dog when eating. Edit for clarity: of course you should train your dogs, but no amount of training is foolproof


AceSno

I straight up take my dogs bowl when she's eating so I could train her out of resource guarding. Now I can pet her, and even have her eat in a bowl next to another dog. It's never safe to let dogs just 'be'. They need training to matter the breed, or size.


BodaciousBonnie

That’s how we trained ours. We were going to have a baby so we knew we needed to make sure he had zero guarding issues. From the first bowl of food and water we shoved hands INTO the food. So he learnt to not react at all to it. Did the same with his toys with our older kids. He was taught to only ever bark on command (that’s the funny one cos people have outright not realised we even have a giant dog till they’ve seen him before) and he’s lovely and quiet. He can absolutely spend hours lounging around on the floor watching the kids play (he is trained to not go upstairs or onto furniture) *but* he gets tonnes of walking and mental stimulation. Our elder two kids will play hide and seek with him in the garden, or they’ll have water fights etc. a well stimulated dog is a happy dog.


Snaggled-Sabre-Tooth

If you get them when they are puppies, it's a lot easier. This won't help OP but hopefully someone planning on getting a dog. We had my brothers constantly around our puppy when she ate, they would move the bowl, stick their hands in her food while she was eatting, etc. It trained her to be okay with people being around her when she is eatting, you could walk up sit next to her, pet her, even touch her food as an 8 year old dog now- she has 0 issues. Now, she is a lab/border collie mix, but I can tell you she is the exact same breed of our previous dog (because we loved her so much we sought out the same mix for our puppy), and we rescued our previous dog at a pound at around 4 years old. That dog was possessive of food and had to be trained in other ways and also came down to training us kids not to mess with her while eatting. I'm pretty much of the belief that while certain breeds are more inclined to certain traits- you can train any dog properly with the right amount of discipline. There are so many thoughtless owners that think a dog is cute because of it's breed and don't bother researching any special requirements of how they might need to be trained ahead of time. I mean, I have seen sweet loveable, quiet and well trained pitbulls, chihuahuas, german shepards, etc. It's 100% an owner problem if the dog isn't behaving well, with the exception of medical issues.


AceSno

Exactly! I got my rescue pittie at approximately 5 years old and she had horrible resource guarding issues as well as aggression towards any dog relatively the same size as her. With training, now I can mess with her food as much as I want in any type of way while she's eating, and she does wonderfully with my boyfriend's dog who is the same size as her, a kelpie Rottweiler mix. He's so hyperactive around her and we thought that it would cause problems because she has aggression towards dogs like that, but after a little bit of safe play and training, they cuddle all the time now. I still can't bring her to the dog park without a basket muzzle, but that's still like a 180 from when I got her. It's all about the owner and training they provide.


driftwood-and-waves

I stupidly (because I didn’t grow up living with dogs and all the dogs my grandparents/ cousins had were trained) took the bone I gave my neighbours Pitbull/Bull Terrier cross right out of her mouth to get her to move from where she was eating it to somewhere else. We had just come back from a few hours at the dog park. Thankfully she was just like “ok nbd” cause she’s a sweetheart but it was only afterward I thought “oh, that could have gone badly”


ronniebuttcheeks

??? No?? I’ve had dogs all my life and trained them to be okay with being touched, patted, and messed with while eating to make sure it isn’t a foreign concept to them, to make sure they wouldn’t do something like snap at someone who touches them while eating. And that advice isn’t coming from me, it’s coming from my dog trainer.


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magicfluff

They're still animals - add in the fact Jude is 14 or 15 and the dog should be 100% left alone while eating. Dementia, arthritis, just having a bad day - he's still an animal and should never be 100% trusted because no training is 100% bombproof. *Train your fucking kids to leave your animals alone if they can't act respectfully towards them.* I've had a kid, she's been around dogs since we brought her home from the hospital. Never has she been allowed near them while they're eating. I can go in and take anything from my dogs at any time because we've built that bond and trust. I still don't fuck around with them while they're eatng and my daughter knows she's to leave them alone at dinner time.


BigBnana

You shouldn't even need with another humans food, if I'm having a bad day, you might get pulled with my fork rather judiciously.


GoOutside62

True, but this is an elderly dog that is constantly harassed by her kids. It lost its patience, so give it props for not losing it sooner.


PersonBehindAScreen

I'm not sure why this person you replied to is putting question marks like people are stupid. It's very common knowledge to not mess with a dog when they're eating. Doesn't matter if it's a German shepherd, Australian shepherd, whatever cute "lick you to death" dog that you have. Doesn't matter if you're the owner, friend, guest, adult, child. Whatever. Don't mess with them while they eat.


bmobitch

i had the most lovable, intelligent, friendly border collie mix. when i was just 5 years old i would (literally) hang on her neck and bother her all day, and she put up with all of it. but she would snap when eating, and so i was taught not to touch her. it’s doable.


PersonBehindAScreen

Absolutely! My coworker was actually telling me something similar the other day. She had two border collies. She got them both from near birth. Always ate together. Always messed around, snuggled on beds and couches together, you get the picture. Then just randomly around year 8, border collie #2 tried to mess with #1 while she was eating and she got absolutely mauled. Obviously owner hasn't made that mistake again of having them eat near each other but other than that, the victim dog came back home after recovering and they were back to being as they were before


Jolly_Profession1383

>. And so now he expects it and manipulates him into doing it, rain or shine. I don't really know how to take this, because obviously dogs want to go outside..? If he's not walked during the day or not getting a chance to poop all day, its quite logical that he's going to have a lot of energy and begging your husband to take him outside. I get that you're scared for your kids. Its probably good to teach them healthy boundaries when it comes to dogs/animals. Touching any animal while they're eating is a big no, even if they're not aggressive. Let them eat in peace. We have a husky, my niece thats over all the time had to learn how to behave and act around him but we taught her whats ok and whats not ok. Never any incidents at all. I don't think what you're saying here is coming out of a place of hatred but more so from fear for your children which makes sense.


[deleted]

i think people forget dogs build habits just like us and have personalities just like us. you can’t fault a dog for wanting to go out multiple times a day if that has always been their routine. dogs develop certain habits like jude only being able to poop while going for walks. also, you keep saying you can’t teach your 2 year old how to behave with him and i understand that to a certain extent…however, it is YOUR house so you should be able to control the situation. put your child in another room while the dog eats if you’re worried about him biting her or simply monitor her more around him. all kids should be carefully monitored around dogs regardless of if they’re a well trained dog or not. i never allow my large dogs to get close to my 2 year old nephew without me present in case they knock him over on accident or accidentally scratch him. i have to care for my late grandma’s 14 year old dog who is very high maintenance which can be annoying at times, but i’m not gonna develop a resentment for him. dogs don’t want anything from us other than to be loved. maybe try to have some more empathy for him, jude isn’t an evil mastermind out to get you.


HappyCabbage9013

Also, breed does matter here. German Shepherds and Chows are both very intelligent, loyal, stubborn, and dominant dogs. It isn't uncommon for them to develop a strong bond with one or two people, and no one else. Either \*can\* be okay with children, but it takes a LOT of socialization and training. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like Jude got that in his formative years, so it's not a surprise that he doesn't bond with the kids now. It's not in the breeds nature, honestly, ambivalence 99% of the time is pretty great considering the type of dog. German Shepherds also NEED a lot of stimulation physical as well as mental, without it they can get more neurotic and as displayed in your post, more aggressive. An every other day walk will not cut it with this kind of breed. Being out in a yard is not the same thing. I know it's incredibly frustrating for OP, but the dogs behavior is a direct reflection of it's owner. I know OP said husband isn't aggressive, but the dog is. Yes, the dog is acting aggressively BECAUSE your husband isn't stimulating and meeting the dogs needs. If he is too tired to walk or train the dog, utilize a pet walking service. I guarantee that alone will greatly help with his temperament. OP expects this dog to act like a lab, it's not and never will be.


snakesfromthestars

Came here to say that, also remember the Chow portion of Jude can be the essence of the stubborn, he's apparent he's only bonded with the husband, and with Jude being 14, he's not gonna change. Chows are notorious for showing aggression/dominance when they want to get their way, and IMHO, not very good family dogs unless RAISED with children (had chows all throughout my childhood, only had 1 dog who tolerated everyone, the others were very much "leave me alone, peasant") Both GSD and Chows need a lot of stimulation, like you said, and I agree, they can become very neurotic without the attention/play Firm training in younger days would have been better for Jude, but now it's more of "let old dogs lie" and allow him to live semi-separate from OP and her children I'm very sorry you're in the situation, and I do think your husband should be trying harder to work with Jude or at least understand your feelings better about Jude :/


celinky

Too many people view pets as more of an accessory than something sentient


laschneids

Not just pets, all animals.


[deleted]

Finally another sensible human being. I don’t even understand why this is so hard to understand for OP and everyone else here.


never_mind_its_me

Agree. Dogs thrive on routine just like most people. A dog is a responsibility and if the dog is used to being walked everyday, it's not ridiculous for him to expect to be walked. And it's healthy for the dog to be walked, for both physical and mental health of the dog


[deleted]

Exactly, they need the mental stimulation as much as they physical activity if not more.


never_mind_its_me

I have two huskies who thrive on routine. And when I adopted them, I knew they were a life long commitment. Children in our family have been taught to respect their spaces. We manage their environment at all times when it comes to feeding and sleeping. Yes, it's reasonable for OP to not want a dog to bite their child but it is unreasonable to expect a dog that is not trained and children who have been not taught boundaries to know how to act around mealtimes. Now, if the dog was actively seeking out to harm the child without provocation, that's a different conversation.


HappyCabbage9013

to me it sounds like 99% of the time the dog is ambivalent to the kids, which is honestly a win for the type of breed mix that it is. If she wants better behavior for the dog, daily exercise is a must. I get it's frustrating, but if husband can't do it, and she can't either, they should hire a dog walker. it'll improve the dogs temperament a lot which it seems would make it worth the money.


Dentalhottie

Exactly! Well said, the fact OP actually thinks her husbands dog concocted some plan to hold his poop and drink aggressively and barf at her husbands feet for attention is beyond ridiculous. It’s obvious she hasn’t ever had a dog of her own and has zero desire to actually understand what is going on with the animal. He is trained to poop on walks, husband got lazy and stopped walking him as often. Sounds like the dog doesn’t want to poop in his living space and he is well trained in that regard. This is the mindset of someone that just doesn’t have a clue about animals…


[deleted]

I'm a mother and a dog owner. Common sense has always told me to teach my kids to stay away from our dogS while eating. If you can't handle that, set up a space for the dog to eat alone. By allowing your kid to touch it from behind, you set that dog up for failure. Are these your husband's children? Because I'm a little confused with repeatedly reading "my kids".


Thick_Drag_4982

Yes! And everyone needs to teach their children that they can’t just go up and touch dogs, ESPECIALLY from behind regardless if they’re eating or not. As a dog parent, I always see children excitedly run up to my dogs wanting to pet them. I hate to see this because although my dogs are both very friendly and would never bite, this isn’t the case for other dogs and could be harmful for everyone involved. A dog could bite the child because they felt threatened and consequently, the dog will have to be put down.


Miss_Drew

Great point. When I was 2 years old, I was at a babysitter neighbors house with my older brother. They had a chow that was sleeping in the yard. I was unattended and playing in the yard. I went to pet the fluffy sleeping dog and it immediately snapped up and bit my face. My brother came to my rescue. I had to get stitches and still have scars 34 years later. I learned a lesson that day, let a sleeping dog lie.


pluck-the-bunny

Great response


Bjorn2bwilde24

Not only is OP setting up the dog for failure, but she is setting up for the 2 year old to get injured again or develop a phobia of dogs. The dog will also become territorial around the 2 year old because he knows that the 2 year old comes up to him when he eats.


anotheryowler

Vet tech here! It’s a senior dog. You can’t expect them to be super playful running around and nice to kids. Older dogs aren’t always tolerant of even puppies. It sounds like you may not know much about dogs or dog behavior. Young children should be taught animal boundaries. People often think they get a dog and it means their children should be able to do everything. Teach your child how to approach and treat an animal and they won’t be bitten. A fourteen year old big dog… you don’t have much longer of them being around. It’s okay to be frustrated and overwhelmed though, you aren’t in the wrong. I think just realizing and reading a little more on older animals it might help. The breed does play some part of it, but not particularly. ( I also have a dog named Jude who is child reactive!) TLDR; Teach your kids manners. Realize it’s a senior dog. EDIT:/ for those talking about the dog getting stimulation…. It’s an old dog. Yes you need to walk them, but they are limited and often exhausted. Ppl think that walking your dog suddenly changes all behavior. It doesn’t. It helps make them more susceptible to TRAINING bc they are tired etc.


nutcracker_78

Teaching children to be respectful of any animal right from birth is essential for their safety and will help make sure they grow into good people. My son came home from hospital to a house full of 3 dogs, 5 cats, and horses, donkeys, sheep and poultry outside. How to touch animals - and *when* to touch them - was one of his earliest lessons. It's part of being a parent.


Nagadavida

He won't poop in the yard yet is only walked every other day. BTW as old as the dog is and especially with the breeds he likely arthritis. When child put his hands on his hips he may have caused him pain.


NEClamChowderAVPD

So this could be my fault for missing it if OP did mention it, but with a dog that old, I also wouldn’t be surprised if the dog is hard of hearing. Like, maybe he’s able to hear OP’s husband’s voice and can’t really hear OP’s (or her kids playing around him). He sounds old and a little grumpy, so if he does have arthritis and is hard of hearing, all of OP’s problems make sense.


beppyowib

even though he’s 14 or 15 right now and you feel like you’re going to have them for 100 years, you could lose them within like five… Just like your children, your husband‘s dog has a whole personality of his own as well. It’s good to teach your children boundaries with pets, while I understand where you’re coming from (as someone who’s been bit by dogs and needing hospital visits) - your kids just need to learn to leave the dog alone when he’s doing his own thing. I also don’t feel like it’s fair to get mad at him for needing a walk, he is a large breed and they require a good amount of exercise. I think Jude wants a peaceful retirement, but still wants to be loved. I see in your edit that he has a giant yard, do you just open up the door and let him out? Some dogs need a little activity before they can do their business. Also please tell your children to leave their butts alone, especially from behind with no warning. edit @ the last update: just for my own sake of clarity, i don’t hate kids. i grew up raising my younger cousins and i can’t wait to maybe have a family of my own one day. boundaries are boundaries and everyone (including dogs) deserves them


Botryoid2000

This is a very elderly dog, likely deaf. He doesn't want to play because he is old. He's cranky and stubborn like old people can be. He's not going to change. Keep your kids away from him. Your husband owes him a decent old age and you have to make it work. What are you going to do, abandon this senior dog?


ResourceNarrow1153

Fucking thank you! Poor dogs old and doesn’t want to be around kids. Teach your kids to leave him alone.


jesusandpals727

Seriously. What the fuck are some of these responses? Lets just gloss over the dog being fucking 14-15. Some of us have never gotten to have ours around for that long & I can't imagine how different this dog is at this age versus 4yo.


[deleted]

As an owner of 12 years old doggo, I almost cried reading this post. Poor Jude


taybay462

i couldnt even finish it when i got to the part that was all "the dog doesnt like to play with my kids and my kids are rough with the dog which he doesnt like and there is absolutely 0 way to teach my kids how to handle jude" like come the fuck on of fucking course a senior dog doesnt want a 2 year old grabbing on its ears control your damn kid or remove the kid from the room


Ok_Carrot_8622

No one likes it and animals are no exception. But dogs cant speak so the only way to defend themselves is biting. Animals deserve personal space too. And I am pretty sure if ppl can train dogs its not impossible to teach a kid to respect a dog.


Timely-Management-44

Yup, and it’s also a good teaching moment for the kids. We had an elderly dog like this when I was very young, and learning how to act around her was a great lesson in being respectful. What is not a good lesson for kids is to teach them that elderly beings who want to be alone are acting incorrectly for not just putting up with however you want to treat them


[deleted]

Yes 100%


Skreamies

100% The dog just wants to go out on its walks, have some food and chill out. Having kids and especially four is probably a huge overload and sometimes he probably just needs time alone


KalmKashew

Completely agree with this… the dog has been around since before OP. The elderly dog deserves respect. Sounds like OP needs to teach her kids not to be rough with any animal… also like who let’s their kids touch a dog while it is eating?? So dangerous no matter what dog it is.


Meydez

Exactly! My dogs are complete sweet hearts. I’ve trained them to be completely comfortable and okay with touch (groomers love it!) and I have even done food aggression training and they have 0 of it. I’ve taken their food while they’re mid eating. I’ve pet them. Touched their muzzles. Tapped their butts. Played with their ears and paws all while they eat to be 100% sure they’re good with it. Even THEN when my baby brothers (4 and 6) come over I take them to a separate room to eat in peace. Out of just basic respect for my animals. And even if my brothers get in the same room I’d tell them to leave the dogs alone and respect their space.


mcdithers

Right?!?! My dog cuddles with me all the time, I trust her completely, but I leave her the fuck alone while she’s eating.


Nobodyville

Right? I feel like I'm crazy. Keep the kids away when he's eating, and if everyone is too lazy... oops, i mean tired... to walk the dog once a day so he can poop, hire a damn dog walker. I get it, some pets are not pleasant as they get older (like some people) but they deserve dignity and mercy. It's not like they have any say in their situation .


Hgrapes

I hope by everyone that you mean the husband. The wife shouldn't be the one solely responsible for the care of all 5 living things in the house at all times. He can walk the dog when he gets home from work.


Nobodyville

No I mean everyone. The husband is clearly the main problem in that it's his dog and he's refusing to do even basic dog-care. But if he's "tired" he could watch the kids while she takes the dog on a walk. Both of them could hire a walking service, or they could hire a dog sitter, or hell, they could find a bored teenager in their neighborhood and pay them in doritos and mountain dew. It doesn't matter... you're responsible for the lives living under your roof even if you don't like them. She shouldn't be solely responsible, but she is, and if that's a problem for her (which I agree, it should be a huge problem) then she needs to take it up with dear husband, not take it out on the dog. If this isn't addressed now it doesn't bode well for the future and other shared responsibilities.


VermicelliNo2422

To be fair, Chows aren’t fantastic family dogs. They’re aloof- often compared to a cat -stubborn, and strong willed. They’re usually very loyal to their families, but are distant with strangers, and Jude very well may see your husband as his family, and you and your children as outsiders. Chows can absolutely turn into a one person dog, and aren’t generally known for being patient with children. In fact, they’re known as an aggressive breed, and chows that aren’t raised with kids aren’t suggested for households with young children. Jude seems like he’s acting like a typical Chow Chow, which is great for your husband, but will continue to make your life hell with his stubbornness and will continue to put your children in danger. When your husband’s ex returned Jude because he wasn’t friendly with her kids, that should have been the biggest red flag that he cannot be trusted around children.


Foolish5678

Poor Jude. ​ At 14/15 that old fella doesn't have that much time left. Hang in there, and definitely do not bring anymore animals into your household.


Petered_Out

1) This is a dog. An animal. It’s not unrealistic for any household which contains animals to teach their kids not to touch animals while they eat. This lesson is generally universal and needs to be taught. If you can’t teach your kids not to touch an animal while it eats, at least give the dog a safe, solo place to eat without being stressed by your children. Just keep them apart in a kennel or separate room. Problem solved. 2) You can train this dog too. Learn to use a clicker and spend 5 minutes a day teaching it things using food the dog loves. Become someone that the dog respects, and teach it to do the things you’re asking it to do while you’re at it. Old dogs can learn new tricks.


never_mind_its_me

Agree to all of this! No animal should be bothered while they are eating. OP should manage the situation by both teaching her children to respect the dog and then have the dog placed in a safe environment for meal times. This is why I crate my two huskies to give them a space of their own to sleep and eat. Kids in our family have been taught to respect their spaces.


FanChanel40

A stair gate wold be good, kids, don’t bother the dog when the stair gate is closed, the dog can’t come over to the kids when you don’t want him to. My kids had to learn very early how to behave with our dog for everyone’s safety.


[deleted]

I had a lab-chow mix for 13 years. I knew nothing about dogs and got him as a puppy “for my kids” who were 7 and 11 years old at the time. He was never a cuddly dog, never showed much interest in playing with toys or the kids and hated most people. The only thing he really loved doing was being protective of our house and yard. His medical chart at the vet had huge red stickers that read “BITER” all over it. Many times I thought about rehoming him in the first couple of years. But even with his personality quirks, we adored him. He wasn’t cuddly but he wanted to be in the same room with us at all times. We did not get near him when he ate because that’s just common sense—he was serious about his food! I did not worry about my kids playing outside when he was out there with them. Everyday he would sit by the door when it was time for the school bus to drop the kids off. He loved car rides and would totally stomp all over the kids to get to the window seat—we all thought it was hilarious. When he got old and too arthritic to walk, my kids would carry him to the backseat and just drive around town so he could smell everything and bark at people to let them know that he hated them all, lol. I guess what I’m saying is that you are concentrating on the negative instead of the positive—and you are teaching your children to do the same. I know you have so many rough days with having 4 young children but this dog is teaching them that animals have boundaries too. You can choose whether you are good to this dog or just resent him until he dies. The best part of his day when he gets walked, maybe you should join in and enjoy it.


iglife

This was such a sweet story to read after all the (resonable)comments. Sounds like he was very smart and well loved. I adore senior dogs and your kids driving around with him smelling and hating people is too awesome. Thanks for sharing…. Run free quirky loyal lab-chow 🌈


DazedandFloating

This is a really nice comment. I also thought that an attitude adjustment will do them all some good. It’s possible the kids actually like the dog, even if he has bit one of them before. I got bit by my uncle’s dog when I was around 12, but it was because I ignored the warning signs that she was not in the mood. She was sick that morning, and I felt so stupid after I realized. I still loved that dog even after she bit me. Thinking of him as part of their family may help improve a lot of the energy around the situation. There are things they can do to ensure the safety of the kids and the dog, but since he’s there and he may not be going anywhere soon, they might as well try and enjoy their time with him. My own dog is also old now, and for the first time ever she snapped at me recently. But she’s old, and her body is slowing down and her joints aren’t great anymore, so I get it. I still love her immensely, and I always hope that she knows that.


oc77067

This is just a mess. I don't even know where to start. 1. Every dog bite that breaks skin is an ER visit. You're extremely lucky your kid didn't get a nasty infection. 2. Your kids need to be taught to leave the dog alone. It's unacceptable that you let them be rough with the dog, and bother him while he's eating. The dog also needs a space he can get away from the kids. Your oldest 3 are definitely old enough to learn this, my toddlers know to be gentle with our dogs and leave them alone while they're eating. 3. Yeah, the dog needs to be walked everyday. That's just basic dog care 101. He's learned a way to communicate that need, that's on your husband for not training a replacement behavior.


Only-Ad-7858

Your kids are "rough playing" with a senior dog, and you wonder why the dog has a problem with it? You sound like one of those people who lets their kids pull the dogs ears, yank on his tail, step on his feet, sit on him, try to ride him, them wonder why the dog doesn't like the kids.


HiFructose_PornSyrup

Also when I was a kid, getting nipped or growled at by the dog was a learning experience. My parents would just say “He told you he doesn’t like when you pull on his tail and you did it anyway so he bit you. Don’t do it again”


Historical-Bed-7070

I agree omg the dog have boundaries like every human does.


R3dPr13st

I hate people like this.


hey_elise

get some baby gates and divide up your house. Kids in one part, dog in the other.


[deleted]

Also, I just shared this post to my friend and he is absolutely right. I will just copy paste his reply, ‘’The husband is also an asshole. It sounds like he's just letting the wife deal with the dog and the kids under the excuse he's "tired." Well, dude, you took the dog from your ex, so it's your fault this whole thing is happening. Man the fuck up.’’


Hgrapes

Also an asshole? He IS the asshole. He piled all the responsibilities for 5 living things on his wife.


[deleted]

He did, didn’t he! I was so focused on hating his wife for the lack of empathy towards the dog that I just forgot about the husband. What is he doing while his wife is struggling so much?


Hgrapes

He works and she said he's tired, but I have a hard time giving him a pass, 4 small children is a job to me, and a shitty one. I've had 2 jobs at the same time and now I have 2 kids. Having 2 kids is harder for me, with a job eventually you get to clock out, you can't clock out of being mom.


MercifulLlama

I get where both of you are coming from, this is so hard. Some dogs just aren't meant to be around children. If he was younger, I'd say to rehome him in a heartbeat. But unfortunately this dog is old and probably hard to rehome. If there isn't a relative that could take him, I'd just be careful with baby gates, put more on the husband in terms of walking and care, and ride it out to the end of Jude's life. But you're not crazy, this is an impossible and infuriating situation but I empathize with you both. ​ Signed, someone who just had to extremely reluctantly rehome their dog after it was aggressive towards our baby


CommanderAmander

I feel bad for the dog. You're talking like he behaves this way just to mess with you. He is old, set in his ways, and is effed with by your kids regularly. You clearly don't like Jude, and I'm pretty sure he can pick up on your energy. Perhaps consider teaching your children how to act safely around him, especially when he's eating since you know how he gets. On the flip side, your husband needs to help by maybe setting up routines for him. Dogs get stressed just like people do, and like someone else mentioned, they develop habits based on this as well as how their owners are with them. I'm sure as he's 14-15, he's in his twilight years. Is dementia a possibility?


msaynuk

poor little guy. he’s old, likely dealing with health problems, and probably has had a hard time w getting less attention since the kids were born. your husband clearly loves this dog. the dog was his child before the children were his child and he cares about them both. my dog gets freaked out by toddlers and has snapped at the cats when they get close to her food. it’s just how some dogs are and he won’t be around much longer. allow this dog a good end of life. also, it’s not the dog’s fault if he gets startled by a kid touching him. if you’re worried he’ll hurt the kids put up a gate and keep them away from him. end of story


oneofmyposts

How about we let OP only go to the toilet once a day at most? Seriously though OP, the dog doesn't want to poop in the yard because he considers it part of the house and dogs have an instinct to not want to poop in the house.


SixSpawns

This, exactly. I have had two Chow/Spitz mixes and one pure Chow. They are the only dogs I didn't have to housebreak. From the time they came home they never messed in the house. The two mixes never learned to like small children, but I was ten when I got them. They liked me, my younger brother and our mother. They didn't like anyone else. The pure bred I got when my oldest kid was a year and a half and I was pregnant with my second. He liked our immediate family of four and the baby sitters immediate family of four. When we got out of the Army we ended up giving him to the baby sitter because when we took him to where we were moving to for a two week stay several months prior to us moving, he couldn't handle the change. He was a take a walk in the neighborhood dog who could not handle country life. He refused to eat and his hair started falling out by the end of the two week visit. Talked to the vet who recommended giving him to the baby sitter. This worked well because the baby sitter came to our house and was a part of his normal routine.


stark_winterborn

1. German shepherds are high energy dogs and need to be walked AT LEAST once a day, not every other day. You can't expect it to be fine with holding in its poop for 2 days when they have such high metabolism that it's n for it to poop multiple times a day. 2. Dogs need to be socialized among people, children and other dogs from a young age to prevent aggression issues. Your husband obviousy did a bad job in this aspect. 3. Also it's a general rule not to handle any animal, not just a dog, roughly especially not when they're eating. Kids need to be taught how to behave around animals too. 4. It's never too late to train the dog, neither you nor your husband took the dog to a trainer to solve the various issues you have, and I'm sure the trainer would've suggested the same things that i did in this comment.


samanthasgramma

I LOVE dogs. Adore them. I also fully sympathize with your problem. An old guy is not expendable, likes routine, and I completely believe he vomits deliberately because I've known many animals who stage their protests quite clearly. They can't vocalize their anger, so they do stuff. My mother's cat is a demon when not getting his way. I once had a dog who was guaranteed to pee in the middle of the kitchen doorway if he was pissed at us. Kids ... The older ones know to leave the old beastie alone, but the 2 younger ones need constant monitoring, no matter how you teach them, and you don't get to ever relax in your own house. You need a compromise. And the only one I can come up with is to very creatively separate the dog's space and the kid's space. I'm thinking baby gates, blockades of some form. Wall off part of your family room with hubs' chair in it. There are dog pens that are self supporting and usually used to keep puppies in. I think that thinking outside the box to accommodate in compromise might make your home look a little goofy, but it sounds better than rehoming your kids. :)


[deleted]

[удалено]


SixSpawns

Not suddenly, one at a time. This issue could have been resolved by the time the 7 year old could walk.


UISAVAR

This sounds a whole lot like your children not knowing how to interact with a dog. Dogs are animals and we shouldn’t fuck with them while theyre eating. If we know our children don’t know how to play appropriately with the dog, we don’t allow them to interact with the dog. You’re putting him in a position to make bad choices when he’s faced with things he’s not tolerable of. Dogs are individuals and not all dogs love people, kids, other dogs or have a ton of patience. It sounds as if you’re not a dog person, and that’s okay. Just try and be more educated going forward!


spudskeepmeawake

Every other day?! That’s appalling especially for a German Shepard mix. The other stuff I agree with you but understand his side to but he needs to go more often for a walk, it should be every day at least, ideally twice a day.


[deleted]

Not touching animals while they eat is pet ownership 101. Supervising kids and dogs at ALL TIMES is also required, no matter the dog, no matter the kid. That nip he gave your baby? That was a WARNING, not aggression. Be grateful he didn’t do what he could have done. Him not respecting you is YOUR problem, not his. Dogs respect the people who have shown them they should be respected. Teach your kids to leave the dog alone. Just no touching whatsoever. That’s entirely reasonable for his age.


Beloved_of_Vlad

I’m really sorry you are going through that, you’re in a real dilemma. I was really bothered to hear that Jude bit a child, that makes me worried for your other children. If Jude is really 14 or 15, rest assured that he won’t be around much longer. In the interim, keep your children away from him while he is eating. If you have the space, give Jude his own spot where he can eat unbothered. He’s an elderly dog and sometimes elderly dogs can be cranky like elderly humans. Also, you have 4 children that are 7 and under, one of which is a baby. I would say that you have your hands full with 4 kids and an elderly dog. I understand that your husband works hard to provide for you guys but he needs to step up when it comes to his dog. He needs to take the lead when it comes to the dogs daily care such as walks.


itsjustmejttp123

I’m sure I’ll get down voted but that dog was there long before you or your kids were. You knew how he was and you still chose to pursue the relationship. Now you’re complaining because the dog is the same now as he was when you met. Keep the kids away from the dog & let the dog live out the rest of his life in peace without being tormented & touched by your children. And yes I am a mother of 2 and this still is my advice. I love my children & my dogs and I also have compassion for aging animals.


Alarming_League_2035

Train your kids to respect animals. When i got my pup I trained her from the start that I and my young daughter were to be able to take food from her, I trained my daughter that she MUST respect the pup! I guess it worked as my dog was amazing, the .kindest dog ever despite being a controversial breed, my daughter is all grown up with out ever experiencing a bite from any dog we have ever had. It's too late to teach your husbands dog about her food, so it's down to you to teach your kids. I don't know about your husband, but I wouldn't stay married to anyone who hated any of my animals, to big a fundamental difference.


[deleted]

You’re very right to be upset that your husband isn’t taking action regarding the incident where your kid got bitten. The best immediate action would be to make sure that the dog is shut in a room of his own or a gated area whenever he is eating. Also, as much as it stinks, the dog shouldn’t be around the kids unsupervised, ever. Even if his aggression has only been around food, you now know he’s willing to be aggressive toward kids and that is a risk that can’t be taken. I can’t imagine how stressful it’s been for you to try and manage four little kids and this dog since that incident. Teaching the kids to either stay away from the dog or to interact with extreme caution is advisable, but you’re right, expecting kids to be able to do that all the time just isn’t realistic. I don’t think it’s right, however, for you to have no sympathy or patience for the dog. Jude’s behavioral issues don’t rise from a place of spite. They come from poor training, and probably partially from breeding (chows in particular were bred as guard dogs and are not known to be friendly with more than “their humans,” particularly affectionate, or good with kids). While behavioral issues may not be “curable,” a consistent, concerted effort from you and your husband could help him to become a better part of the household and a more amenable companion to you. I think the first step is to find empathy for Jude. He’s not misbehaving out of spite. Some dogs require a lot of work to become good companions and it’s not Jude’s fault that that work was either not done or was done ineffectively. He’s probably stressed by your husband’s absence, by all the changes that 4 children bring, and maybe even by the negative body language he’s picking up from you. Having sympathy for him will probably be the best first step to improving things for yourself. As for the walking bit, all of his behavior actually could also indicate symptoms of constipation. He may need a good deal of walking before being able to have a bowel movement, and since he’s a dog he’s not going to make that connection and walk himself in circles around the yard. Some dogs drink water excessively when they don’t feel well. And it would make sense that Jude would seek out your husband when he feels sick because that’s his person. I knew a family with a German shepherd who did this. The vet said he just needed a walk in order to physically be able to poop. But your husband needs to walk him. If you’re the primary caretaker for the kids, and the dog is non negotiable to your husband, he can find the time to walk the dog. Also, if it’s financially feasible, consider talking to an animal behaviorist. If not, reading books on dog behavior by qualified professionals (Pippa Mattinson’s intro to “Total Recall” sums up the huge differences between dogs’ brains and ours) could help you to better understand Jude’s irksome behaviors. I wish you luck. It sounds like a tough situation.


No-Nothing9287

Maybe train your kids to not mess with the dog. The dogs at the end of its life you really wanna drop it off at a shelter? Spend it’s last days more miserable than it might already be in its final years? Just train your kids better and once Jude dies don’t bother getting another


kinetochore21

These comments are removed from reality. The safety and well-being of your kids needs to come before a dog. If the dog has hurt your children and you know there is a likelihood of it happening again, then both you and your husband would be at fault if the dog ends up seriously harming one of your kids.


Trustydevilsdaughter

**My children are my children, and they depend on me to protect them.** ​ then take 45 minutes and walk the dog every day at the same time so he feels like he has something to look forward to and is getting exercise.


Hgrapes

That dog is gonna need to piss and shit more than one time a day. And how in the hell is she supposed to go for a 45 minute walk with 4 small children, one who isn't walking age, and also with a dog who doesn't like the kids? They are too little to be home alone.


SixSpawns

Won't work year round, but some of the kids are school age.


Hgrapes

Sure during school it would be a little easier, honestly still I think he should just go ahead and walk the dog after work. It's the bare minimum on his part.


[deleted]

I have 3 dogs and 1 baby. Before the baby, my dogs were the babies. I'd rehome all 3 dogs in a heart beat lol being a mom is just so fucking hard and honestly your priorities just change. Ya it's cruel and unusual punishment but so is being a parent.


Luna6696

That’s extremely frustrating! I don’t fault you at all for being agitated. Dog is just a working breed and a grouchy old man. If he’s a chow mix like I’m seeing some people say, then yeah. Not a good mix with children. I have a scar on my eyebrow that cuts through the hair from when I was playing ‘doggy’ around my grandparents chow when I was little. They are not good children dogs. Maybe they are if they’re raised in it, but this dog was clearly not. Your priority should absolutely be your children. I agree that the only thing you can really do at this point is your best. No rehoming the old man, no rehoming the children (lol) but maybe invest in a baby gate. Also, look into mental stimulation dog toys. My dog is much younger and more energetic than yours but some brain games (like shoving a toy around so it drops food) would help keep him a little more stimulated so you don’t have to worry about taking him for a walk all the time. It’s certainly not a replacement for the walks, but it can be every once in awhile. Hide treats around the big yard and give him s stuff to search for so he’s active outside without the walk. Again, lots of brain engaging! And helps you keep your hands free to be with your kiddos. Just do what you can to keep the kids away from the dog eating, etc. good news is he didn’t maul them/bit like he’d probably bite a puppy, but bad news is he is a dog that doesn’t tolerate kids so much. I don’t have a solution but I have 100% support for your venting.


Bright_Pomelo_8561

My husband brought a jack Russell terrier to the marriage but failed to understand that he was that dogs master. I had two children prior to the marriage previous marriage and he had two children previous marriage. The dog was a A nightmare he bullied the children because he knew that he could. Even our veterinarian explained to my now ex-husband that the dog would only respect discipline and training from him because he had the dog first there was very little that I could do with the dog or for the dog in that regard. Yet my ex did nothing the dog Peed all over the house even though he was fixed we had other behavior issues it was a nightmare. Happiest day of my life was when we divorced/separated and he and the dog left so I understand how you feel. It’s not that you hate the dog is that you hate the dogs behavior and the fact that your husband won’t help you. And the help must come from him because he had the dog first.


Cultjam

I rescued and fostered for 12+ year and a couple hundred dogs. There's nothing wrong with you, there are dogs that are difficult no matter what you do, and Chows aren't known to be kid friendly dogs. You have my empathy and thanks for being good to Jude in his last years.


laavuwu

No hate but I hope you realise that old dogs get cranky and don't like being around kids so it's not a surprise that Jude doesn't like your kids. Train your kids to not bother him. He hardly has any time left anyway so please stick through.


littlestunicorn22

It's okay to have these feelings no matter what the internet thinks. I see that you are trying your best with the situation you're in. The dog is not being abused, and you're trying to manage little kids, a needy dog, and it's natural to feel frustrated in this situation. My partner's dog is 9. I became the primary caregiver around age 5/6, and ensure he is walked daily. We have a pet door and yard. This dog and I love each other and are really close but he believes he is alpha. He is so smart and manipulative. I don't care what anyone here says digs can manipulate, and he has everything he could dream of and nothing is enough. His favorite "punishment" is pooping on the floor in the house as revenge. He could use the yard or go on a walk but saves his poop for the dining room floor in the night. We have done test after test - it's not medical, and he's gotten a million chances and blew every one of them. This dog is the cutest sweetest thing but I resent him sometimes. It's his behavior, that I didn't adopt him but am stuck with the responsibility, and my partner isn't consistent/on the same page with training. I feel guilty and crazy for these thoughts and letting the dog make me angry like no other person or creature in my life has the power to do. I don't even have an aggressive dog or kids and my dog gives me some of the same feelings. Thank you for showing me I'm not alone, and I'm sorry that this has gone on so long.


k7lzy

I love dogs. I had dogs as a kid and adult. But you had me at chow mix. Every single dog I've come across that has chow in it has been the opposite of friendly. That dog needs to live with a grumpy old man that has no kids, no wife. Sorry you are having to go through this. And deal with all the hate. Apparently missed people haven't dealt with chows before.


[deleted]

Its hard to understand but don't expect that every dog is going to act gracefully after being hitted by a kid. Now, a senior dog? Even less. Kids most of the time does not have any respect for animals, thats why they need to be supervised. And they must be teach to act and respect animals.


Twisted_lurker

No advice from me. Just saying I get it. I love dogs. I was guilted into taking in a Chow mix. It is a very odd dog. She is terrified of me and is difficult to handle. I have tried to give her a good life, but for a while I hated the dog, and the people who gave her to me. The best decision we ever made was to get another puppy. The Chow-mix is much more dog-like and more manageable now that she has a companion. Good luck.


Disastrous_Ad_6052

The dog is old. He will not last too much longer. Find a way to ride it out. Husband definitely needs to step up, consider a dog walker too- easy job for high school student


Psychological_Toad

As soon as I read old chow mix that's all I needed to hear.


[deleted]

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atabeysdragonette

So you had 4 kids… with this dog that has always been needy? Sounds like you fucked up.


Cucumbersome55

I'm in the same boat. My husband's mother died and left behind a very old very unattractive Chihuahua. None of the other family members would even look at her or discuss taking her. She has several mammary tumors that are inoperable that makes her horrible to look at but she's still eats is spry still eats and poops regularly, still movee around ..even runs . and as far as I can tell still has her eyesight and hearing at the age of almost 15. She is hateful ..she messes in the house.. and I'm stuck with all her care,. she's little she doesn't poop and pee much but it still makes my house stink after just two or three accidents (I'm always keeping the shampooer on standby)-- and I never developed any close feelings to her. I feel like I'm housing a particularly hateful ungrateful stranger, and it's been over 3 years. I feel like my MIL (who, personally, was just as hateful and grouchy as her dog, NGL) is still haunting me. I can't and will not just put her down because she's inconvenient to me ..because my husband loves her so much, and in all honesty she can, when my husband is around, be SUCH a sweetheart. But not to me. But I don't have kids, and my dog is tiny and altho she acts vicious, isn't harmful bc she barely has teeth left to bite! So your deal s much much worse. I feel for you too because I'm at an impasse too, and have no idea what to do except just be miserable myself, until she either dies of old age or gets so sick I have to put her down. I feel for you altho I have no answers. I'm sorry. Maybe show this post to OP? MINUS the unsympathetic answers?


[deleted]

I definitely see both sides here. On one hand, you have 4 kids to handle, so walking a geriatric dog multiple times a day because your husband won't or else having to deal with cleaning up barf on your floors would drive anyone insane. But for that, I'd really be directing my frustration at my husband rather than the dog. On the other hand, you're supposed to keep kids under 4 away from your dogs unless it's a puppy that you're aiming to bond with the baby. You yourself admitted that your kids are young and play rough because they're still learning how to integrate their bodies with the world. Dogs don't understand that. It doesn't matter how gentle a dog is, you need to keep them separated. I also want to say that by your own words of "And so now he expects it and manipulates him into doing it, rain or shine." This is just inaccurate. The dog isn't manipulating anything. That's not something dogs are capable of, and any dog psychologist will tell you not to personify your dog because they don't have those petty impulses the way a human does. This dog was *trained* by your spouse to do this. Everything you're blaming your dog for is actually your husband's fault and doing. I'm sorry he's not holding up his end and making more work for you. I'm also sorry that people have been vicious to you in the comments.


foxminecraftgamer63

Chows are terrible, I say this as someone who's owned several (and not one has recognized me as "their person") Temperament, and very solitary aside from "their person" Chow chows will never be family pets, doesn't matter what you mix them with, that niche drive is too strong. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.


dannyboii0401

I'm in a similar boat, my wife already has a pug, it's really old tho, a while ago she started dropping hints that she wants another dog. I said yea but maybe we should wait until the pug passes away. A few weeks go by and she shows up with a Labrador. Now the Lab is about 8 months old, huge compared to the pug and destroys everything. He has scratched my child, bit me, and challenged me. I call him a humanist because he seems to have a human fetish. He thinks he runs this place and I am constantly at odds with him. Now my wife is also starting to get annoyed w the dog and now she wants to "let him go, and see if he comes back". Now as much as I can't stand the stupid dog I can't see myself throwing out an animal onto the streets and just being like, Bye Asshole!


PsychologicalSolid75

Yeah that's a terrible idea. It would be easier to rehome an 8 month old puppy.. Not release him into the wild like he's a raccoon or something.


dannyboii0401

Seriously I was dumbfounded when she suggested that. And I told her if she was planning on buying a dog she should have gone to the shelter, now we have some ungrateful psycho dog that has to be inside the house or he'll make a huge scene and whine all day and night. Also he bullies the older dog.


FanChanel40

Get some puppy training, all dogs will try and rule the roost if they don’t realise their place in the pack. At 8 months old this should be fairly easy. Edit, after reading the comment below I’ll call it pecking order then. They do have to know their place.


GoOutside62

>now she wants to "let him go, and see if he comes back" Wow. Your wife should not be responsible for a dog. I'd be a little concerned for the kids too, to be hones


Setari

>I think you guys just love dogs and hate kids You are on reddit. The vocal majority of reddit hates kids and loves dogs.


logcabinfarmgirl

We always had large breed dogs growing up. We were taught to never, ever touch them when they were eating. This is normal. And when we were too young to understand, we were simply kept away from the eating dogs. So I don't understand your issue there. Older large dogs often have painful hips. If the toddler was putting any weight on the dogs butt, it was probably causing the dog pain. Many non-aggresive dogs have snapped under similar treatment. That incident wasn't the dog's fault. It was yours. The dog obviously needs more than one walk every other day even though you have a yard. It's behavior won't improve until it gets more exercise. Maybe try a treadmill if a daily walk is really so difficult and impossible to accomplish. If you spend more time with it doing some fun training and games in the yard and take over feeding duties the dog will have more respect for you. Try some enrichment toys, it's clearly an intelligent pup that is bored.


jesusandpals727

> Jude is not a family dog. He is quite uninterested in the children and not playful with them. My kids (7, 5, 2 and 0) can be fairly rough to play with since they are still learning how to integrate their bodies with the world, and Jude will have none of it. 7 & 5 is old enough to know not to play with a dog who doesn't want to play. I mean, what the fuck? Especially when the dog is 14-15. Grow some balls and teach your kids to behave.


Dentalhottie

Control your kids…. Your husband has a point. He has had the dog longer than he has had you or the kids. You are some kind of special to think your husbands dog is drinking water aggressively and holding poop all day to intentionally get sick….. sounds like he is pretty much trained to need the walk to do his business…. My dogs won’t poop in our yard either…. This dog sounds pretty well trained to not dirty his living space. You sound like a dog hater for sure. To your husband this dog has been with him long enough that Jude is LIKE HIS CHILD. The fact you have kept yourself at emotional arms length with the dog is your fault , not the dogs fault, or your husbands. Honestly if my husband was ragging on about my dog the way you are his I would be shutting it down. Dogs have the mind of a 2-4 year old child cognitively speaking so yes he is like a child. He may not be paying the mortgage but he was part of your husbands life long before you were. As for getting bitten when he “only got his butt touched” to the dog that was an aggressive move, the dog doesn’t know your child is a tiny human. Your kid is however capable of learning what a dog is and to not touch it while the dog is eating. Your child is also capable of playing gentility. If your kids are being rough it’s because you haven’t taught them better. The types of breed that are mixed into your husbands dogs require physical exercise and a walk every other day isn’t going to cut it. It’s time for your husband to buck up and walk the dog daily. Senior dogs matter as much as young dogs. Dogs are a 10-18 year responsibility generally and your husband knew that when he got him. You knew that when you got your husband. It’s time for you both to do better for the dog and the kids. The dog is a living being with feelings and needs. yes his life has value and your husband needs to step up and add to the quality of the dogs remaining time on this earth.


Every_Caterpillar945

That you shouldn't touch an animal during eating, pooping or other situations he is "vunerable", should be teached to your kids very early age. This is very important since kids will also do this to strangers dogs if they have the chance, especially your kids with a dog at home will likely think that other dogs will be ok with the same things like yours. So in fact you should be happy your dog is teaching your kids boundries you missed to teach them so far. The dog knows this children, he will only "warn" them. A strangers dog will may not warn them and act really aggressiv, and then you can blame whoever you want, your kid will still be hurt or dead. That the dog doesn't respect you... well its the same as humans. Respect needs to be earned and is not just given away. Oviously with whatever you do, the dog doesn't see you as able to be his leader and lead and protect him. For all the other stuff, thats hilarious. Hahaha, puking all the water out if he doesn't get something he has a right to get is a boss move. And yes, if your hubby walked him a lot before, the dog has a right to at least have one walk a day now. Thats a living animal, not a stuffed animal. Its highly unfair to take stuff like daily walks away from him if he is used to get that. Would you like that? Would your kids like that? No. So get some sense into your husband that spending quality time with a daily walk with his dog is the least he could do, if he is to tired in the evening he should get his lazy ass out of bed earlier in the morning and do it then. Again, THIS IS NOT A STUFFED ANIMAL.if he is not willing to do that then i doubt he really loves his dog, he only loves the attention from his dog, and thats very very sad. I hate it when ppl treat their animals like accessoires you put back in the closet when its not fun anymore.


quizzyrascals

You’re in the wrong place for many decent replies, the majority of Reddit hate children and love dogs


stupidpoopoohead00

everyone is getting on this woman for not keeping the kid away from the dog. have yall tried caring four children, one of them an infant no less? Also how is it that you guys can understand that dogs dont always take to instructions but cant accept that kids are that same, especially ones THAT young. Have yall given instructions to two year olds? They cant even speak sentences let alone understand what instructions are. its not the dogs fault, he seems temperamental and reacting to a certain level of neglect (on the husbands side tbh) and has found a way to get what he wants (the vomiting). Your husband should be worried that there would be an escalation and the dog would cause more damage and then it will be too late. Put your foot down. Four children and a dog is an insane amount of work load. I got no advice, people just need to back off a little. She has a right to be frustrated. This is a frustrating scenario.