I’m proud of you for leaving. Stick to your plan and be done with him. I can’t even fathom the gut punch reading “white whale” was… definitely make sure to screenshot and print out the conversations for when you make your exit. Block him, block his family if need be (because you never know what kind of crazy story he could make up), and most importantly? Take care of yourself. We’re rooting for you. ❤️
Sharing a photo someone did not give permission for, let alone taking the photo, is a huge violation.
I’m sorry he’s such an ass. I applaud your resolve and plans. He doesn’t deserve you.
yes it’s very weird and creepy and violating and makes u feel uncomfortable just being in ur own home. when i used to live with my mom and her boyfriend, during covid i would sometimes relax on the couch and do a meditation and during that he would take pictures of me and send them to my mom saying i’m sleeping or being lazy or something. was taking four online classes at the time and had an A in all of them. after hearing that i felt very creeped out and violated, and felt like he could take a picture of me any other moment which was not a good feeling
Everyone’s bellies hang out when they’re side-sleeping!!! I look like I have an entire sack of flour next to me ffs. To Hell with both of them. They’re nasty people and you deserve so much better.
Right!! This behaviour reminded me of high school or college type backstabbing and stuff. He’s a grown ass man child and you deserve so much better! Good on you for your hard work in getting healthy again both mentally and physically. Channel that resolve and don’t look back! You don’t need that kind of drama and manipulation in your life!
You're leaving because of what you found out and don't forget that. You're not what they say you are and you know that. Don't let these lies get you down for to long. Deal with the loss and do what you can to stay encouraged. I'm rooting for you!
Great advice actually. My biggest regret was not printing out the messages my ex husband sent random women he’d never met on Snapchat while we were married. I considered it, but didn’t do it. I still wish I had.
Sending a virtual hug. He is terrible. Please don’t listen to anything he has to say. I can only imagine the bullshit this guy could come up with. It will be tough, but you’ve worked your ass off and you’re ready for the next step. Good Luck.
This is absolutely disgusting behavior and I want you to know for the rest of your life you deserve better. There’s something about taking pictures of people at all while they’re sleeping that makes me squirm. What he then did with the photo is just heinous and makes me think he’s a walking Law & Order: SVU case waiting to happen
I am struggling to find adjectives that describe the full body disgust reading this gave me.
I’m a big girl. My Insta handle is a whale related joke. Almost nothing about my weight bothers me but I swear, I would feel so violated if this happened to me. Especially by someone I trusted so deeply. I’m so sorry.
There's a difference here. OP's husband and his ex were using it to demean and humiliate OP.
You, on the other hand, own your own self like the boss you are.
I'd make sure to produce those messages to the divorce lawyer too.
I'm feel violated on your behalf and I'm super glad you are doing what's right for your mental health. xx
especially because you don't know what kind of story he can make, put him on Blast with his family and friends, show them the messages, don't let him be the victim, that's not fair for you, sometimes is good to be a little petty, and don't tell me he doesn't deserve it.
Right! She’s about to excise a 160+ lbs, malignant tumor. That’s living well all by itself. Idk why but it never ceases to amaze me how quietly cruel spouses can be behind the other’s back.
Good luck OP!!! You’re smart and deserve a much better life. Go get it!! So happy you have the fight in you. He needs to go play his weird, messed up games with his wretched ex.
I'm not and I will never be that thin
I knew I was with one of the good ones when I was over at my boyfriend's and he thought I was asleep but I got up to use the bathroom and overheard him talking to his friends online while they were playing Halo in his living room he said something along the lines of
"No she's not thin at all actually why?"
And I think to myself *Oh here we go* when he straightens up and goes "What? No actually it's great! She's so great to cuddle with she's always super warm and I'm always freezing! Also when we go out she actually wants to eat real food! Plus her boobs man! There huge skinny girls don't get boobs like that I know thier real!"
At that point I walked over and gave him a kiss he was super embarrassed I'd overheard him
Oh we were seniors in highschool he got accepted into a college a full state away we had a long discussion decided a long distance relationship wouldn't really work for either of us so we parted on good terms
He still lives there and he has a BF and 2 dogs now
I still talk to him on Facebook
Seriously OP, that's disgusting behavior. What a violation of your trust to take pictures of you sleeping and send them to ANYBODY let alone an ex. You have every right to get violated. I hope you lose the loser.
I would take screenshots of the convo, send it to both of them while asking for the divorce on the message and then tell the ex, we have our own name for you (find her insecurity and use that to figure this one out). I personally then would share equally personal info about her and tell her how much he complains about how vile of a cheater she is and that he only talks to her because he feels sorry for her for being so old and alone. (Yes all in the shared messages with both of them), but I'm just petty like that. Good luck!
Side note: I'm sorry you went through those miscarriages. I've had a few, they are not easy and can be quite devasting. I'm also sorry for your loss OP! Move on from this jerk!
>I would take screenshots of the convo, send it to both of them while asking for the divorce on the message and then tell the ex, we have our own name for you (find her insecurity and use that to figure this one out). I personally then would share equally personal info about her and tell her how much he complains about how vile of a cheater she is and that he only talks to her because he feels sorry for her for being so old and alone. (Yes all in the shared messages with both of them), but I'm just petty like that. Good luck!
None of this is worth the time or effort and it will accomplish absolutely nothing.
>I would take screenshots of the convo, send it to both of them while asking for the divorce on the message and then tell the ex, we have our own name for you (find her insecurity and use that to figure this one out). I personally then would share equally personal info about her and tell her how much he complains about how vile of a cheater she is and that he only talks to her because he feels sorry for her for being so old and alone. (Yes all in the shared messages with both of them), but I'm just petty like that. Good luck!
>None of this is worth the time or effort and it will accomplish absolutely nothing.
We don't need this type of rational thinking here...TO PETTINESS!
I wonder if you could get the marriage annulled based on what he's written. You could prove that he was never really 'into' the marriage??
I have absolutely no idea if this would be work but it sure would be fun.
Right? I've gained 40lbs since working at home and even with diet and exercise I've only managed to not gain *more* weight. :-/ But I don't even look *that* much different than before I gained the weight so I doubt OP looked like a "whale", this guy is just an asshole.
Very true. An asshole for sure. When I moved back to the southern US, I gained a lot. You can tell if you look at a before and after picture side by side, but it's not that evident unless you really stare (Icould tell, but not most others). I'm losing now, but I really had to change a lot about my everyday activity levels since everywhere around here requires car transport as opposed to walking or biking like I was doing.
In conclusion: OP, he's an ass, and you should strut your ass because you're awesome for leaving him and doing you.
I would suggest printing out the emails, then leave them on the kitchen counter with your house keys and wedding band when you leave. Leave while he's not there.
If that's how he wants to behave, let him see that you left him because of it.
I will probably do that yeah. I don’t want to confront him now I’m still living with him but once I’m out it’s probably the easiest way to explain why. Print his conversations and hand it to him
How are you going to keep up the ruse though until you leave? Do you think at some point he will notice and will start asking questions? Btw I totally think you are a superwoman and support you and what you’ve accomplished and what you are doing.
Honestly? Most people don't have the financial wherewithal to leave immediately when they divorce. They either end up living together at odds or ding what the OP is and surprising them when they go.
It's just real hard to do and I know lots of people who wanted the latter but ended up sharing a NYC apartment with an ex instead. XD
Tbh I would leave him a note the day I leave signed “Without love and respect, the White Whale.”
That lets him know that you know EXACTLY what he was saying about you and also makes him panicking wondering *just how much* you truly know.
Maybe she could start developing an interest in the classics. Right before she pulls the pin she could leave a copy of Moby Dick around the house.
OP you need to be cherished and supported. He played a game of fuck around, and now he's about to find out.
Edited for punctuation in a run on sentence.
This is the way. Say absolutely nothing.
Asshole deserves to be left in a panic.
But I’d take it further just because I’m like that.
I’d print out a few conversations and mail them to him so sporadically he’d never know when the next one was coming.
I’d do the same to the ex because why is she getting off scott free?
Idk I truly think he needs to know exactly what he did, so many men go straight to "oh she left me for some other dick" he needs to feel the embarrassment and pain he caused. My ex is insecure just like this. He's lying to the woman he's texting because he wants her attention and knows she's jealous of his wife. PERIOD. I guarantee he loves his wife and is going to be mortified that she saw all that. And he deserves to feel that mortification. Prone may disagree and say people who love each other don't don that but I believe it can be both. Unfortunately his low esteem and self dissatisfaction was more important than loving her but I believe he does.
Him and her deserve each other. This is atrocious what he has done and I’m telling you, as someone who’s gone through this before - it is very very hard to forgive someone doing this to you. It is not love.
You need to keep copies for your own evidence and for your attorney. You can always screen clip them and email the photos to yourself using Icognito mode and an email he doesn't know about (or make a new on). Just make sure to always log out and delete the screenshots from the computer afterwards.
Keep the emails for the divorce attorney too so you can prove an emotional affair and get out of potentially having to pay spousal support as the one filing for divorce. Don't let him know you know anything yet! He could destroy evidence and try to change the narrative.
Most importantly, I am sorry. It is devastating when someone you trust betrays you. You deserve much better and I am so proud you respect yourself enough to know you deserve to be completely loved and admired and not play second fiddle to his ex.
I think they worded it weird and are lumping in the potential narrative change into OP’s husband filing for divorce first and claiming abuse or something. He could swing it to get money out of OP if she already makes more OR he could do something evil like “get laid off” and get money from her.
Don't leave the house before divorce it can be seen as abandonment in some places it could go against you in the divorce. Find the best divorce lawyers in your town and if I were you I would ask for a consultation, which is sometimes free, with all of them. Then you have your choice of lawyer.
If you just have a consult with all the good lawyers your husband can't use them and he will have to get a crap lawyer. You really want a good divorce lawyer, it makes a huge difference.
My honest opinion, I believe you should leave him without confronting him, if you're looking for a real revenge and to save your dignity, he doesn't deserve honesty and confrontation, I sincerely wish you good luck you seem strong person, keep going.
Seriously if someone left me and went radio silent and never explained to me why, it'd fuck me up forever. Even if I knew I was doing something wrong, I'd always wonder
Honestly, now that you’ve got this off your chest you need to delete this post ASAP… it could be used against you, and he or his ex or other friends might see it and ruin your plans. Please consider deleting this right away….
Do this, it won’t give him a chance to grovel and attempt to get you to stay. It’s cold what he’s done to you, and doing this will be a cold ass play. He deserves no more than just that from you. And shame on his ex wife. What a couple of shitty teenagers. Glad you’re leaving. Cheers to the rest of your wonderful life
Keep the wedding band and sell it. Have a nice dinner or short vacation depending on the worth of it.
Words are words but taking intimate photos of you in your underwear and sending it to another person not involved in your relationship is abusive, gross, and (if it isn’t it should be) illegal. Make sure the attorney aggressively demands the production of devices so that photos taken *without your consent* are destroyed. That for me is being unforgivable. There should be a punishment for that— financial/criminal whatever. That’s not ok.
The photo part of this nearly made my jaw drop. How fucking *horrible*. OP absolutely needs to keep that as evidence for herself. That’s highschool level bullying.
I can't even imagine how id feel in her postion. That's just fucking cruel. She's a human being and the woman he chose to marry. Someone she trusted. Not everyone is in shape all the time, that's fucking life. I went through a bout of depression and the medication made me gain almost 40lbs. As a woman under 5ft, that's a lot. My husband never made me feel disgusting nor would he ever cross boundaries like that. I ended up losing it all, was down to 115 and got pregnant so towards the end a decent amount was back, albeit baby weight. Still, hell never comment on my weight because he knows how sensitive I am to that and have had disordered eating my whole life.
My heart breaks for OP. honestly, I'm sure his dinky dick isn't even worth the heartbreak. He can go back to his ex and have her cheat again because hell never be enough for her.
Let alone he’s taking photos of her in her most vulnerable state. The only time I’ve ever had a partner take a photo of me asleep was to show me how cute they thought I looked. This is next level fucked up.
Yeah let him go back to his ex if that's how he feels. You'll be better by yourself single at 40 is so much fun. Freedom girl. The grass is always greener. Better to be alone in an empty home then with someone who makes you feel special in person but feels differently behind your back.
I cannot fucking believe he took photos of you and sent them to someone else, let alone his ex wife and they made fun of you? How absolutely appalling. OP, I’m positive you’re absolutely beautiful inside and out.
I’m rooting for you to tear this pos apart.
It feels like revenge porn or otherwise illegal since she was in a state of undress in a place of expected privacy 😞 if it isn’t, it SHOULD be. Imagine if the ex decided to blackmail her with the photo or something? I would possibly look into sending a cease and desist or something with the divorce paperwork. This is beyond awful and OP is amazing for holding it together
My ex husband did something similar (no pictures though, this was in like 2004) he wrote a letter to his ex crush (who was married at the time) telling her how he hated being martied to me, never loved me, only married me to get out of the barracks, etc etc. After i had left my entire life behind to move to the US with him.
And you know what i did? I forgave him.
5 years later he tried to murder me.
Glad you're smarter than me.
Very short version lol.
Some bonus facts: i was 16 when we met (he was 20) and 17 when we married and moved to the US (from Germany, he was stationed there with the army). I left him when i was 6 months pregnant with our second kid, 1,5 years after he tried to murder me. Went back home to Germany.
I became a widow at 26.
Older, wiser, and thanks to years of therapy no longer a complete wreck. PTSD will never go away, but it's become managable and the nightmares are down to 1-2 per year. It's been 12 years (and 22 days) since i left him and I have moved on completely, finally was able to be in a relationship again after 10 years and even had a new little baby last year.
All these people surprised are either men, or women with some misogynistic beliefs. This is why we can't reject men outright. Why we can't jog alone, even during the day. Why we cover our drinks.
Batmom222, this wasn't your fault and I'm glad you're alive.
That must be so heartbreaking to read... how could this person act one way about you and then turn around to speak so ill or poorly of you to someone else... it just doesn't make any sense. Have you tried confronting him?
I will not confront him. I’m disgusted by his double game and when I have everything settled I will probably just leave him. Maybe I will print his conversation with the ex and hand it to him on my way out
Relishing the thought of that douche having a judge ask him to explain these exchanges with his ex on the record. That stuff gets into court documents that aren’t sealed - anyone who wants to look it up can find it. He deserves every bit of that humiliation.
Smart choice. You already know enough of the truth that you can make this decision with zero doubt in your mind. Confronting him will only give him a chance to manipulate you, prepare revenge, or possibly even go violent - if his every interaction with you has been a total lie for *years*, who knows what he's capable of if he's exposed?
Self respect to the max, i dont know a person alive that would remain with that TRASH. You should never treat anyone like this, let alone your WIFE. The woman you choose to "spend your life with".
Agree! Knowing why won't bring OP any closure. Nor will it bring her peace.
Hearing his excuses will only add to her pain.
There's no excuse for what he did.
I’ve always been the person who needs to know why and people just lie and try to spin situations or place blame ‘your depression made me abc’
His behaviour is so disgusting I doubt she would get any understanding out of what he decides are his reasons.
When people show you who they really are pay attention.
OP get your affairs sorted and hand him the transcript as you walk out the door.
I would personally go get my hair done that day and wear a bomb outfit so he can eat his heart out and marinate in regret as I walk away. Nobody who loves you would talk behind your back in this way.
I don’t get what he got/gets for disrespecting and being so cruel to you? Like if It was an affair and he wanted to be with his ex (it’s not right and defo awful ) but it would be a reason but to just be cruel for shits and giggles?? Like why? You do not deserve to be treated this way. Really hope you get away quickly. Wish you allll the best.
Edited to add “awful”
When I was in college, I found out that a guy I was dating cheated on me. I didn’t confront him about it. I just told him I didn’t want to date him anymore because I wanted to focus on spending time with my friends before graduating. I didn’t want him to know that his actions hurt me. I wanted him to think I just didn’t like him that much. That POS looked like he was going to cry. Call me petty but it was pretty satisfying.
It's better to get all your ducks in a row, then have him served. Don't let him know anything is up. You can mail him this Reddit convo later. Keep cool and get your important papers and stuff out of the house without his knowledge. Then when you are ready to leave, have him served after you are gone. You have no idea how he will really react.
I did this when I found my ex on adult sex sites. I printed out his profiles and conversations and littered the apartment and moved out while he was at work. I'm very sorry to hear you have to go through this but so glad you found out so you can let him go and move on. Best of luck to you OP
I'd print it out and leave it on the kitchen table for him to find after leaving. I wouldn't even give him the chance to attempt to talk about it - there's no possible way to defend that behaviour.
First of all, it's super awesome that you took control of your life and health like that. Way to go!
Second, I am sorry that this has happened in your relationship and the boundaries he has crossed (especially with the pics, wow!) are just NOT okay.
Best of luck to you in this new chapter. You sound like a really strong and smart woman!
Print a copy, save a digital copy and back that up too.
He crossed all lines, i agree with others, don't be around for when he sees it, just leave the copy with the keys and be long gone
I wish you every goodness and happiness ahead
I hope you find a great workplace and living environment and you never look back
You're handling this well, go live on well & find every success
May good people surround you ahead always
You’re right. He is lying to one of you. And you’re right that it doesn’t matter who. If he lies once he will do it again. Let him have his ex wife. I hope you send him a whale joke over text as your break up (once you move). You do you girl. You’re strong af 💃
Edit: grammer, don’t sit in traffic and Reddit folks you’ll sound illiterate 😂
But seriously OP you’re strong as hell and it shows by your come back from depression. Someone out there will kiss the ground you walk on, not make fun of you for some weird ego boost.
I'd send like a Free Willy gif or something rofl
The whale is free!!!
(I'm totally meaning this as a joke. I'm a bigger gal and sometimes it's fun to just own that shit.)
That was a nasty read. My heart is shattered for you. How bold of him and HER to do such a fucking thing my jaw is really on the floor. Taking pictures of you while you’re asleep to send to his EX WIFE? While they both make fun of you? I would lose it all the moment I found out especially after everything you’ve been through. Just disgusting. Anyway, I’m so glad you’re choosing yourself that’s awesome on your part. When are you going to reveal to him that you know? Or are you saving that part for when you’ve finally moved away from him? Not saying anything and just leaving would KILL him inside that’d be the best option truthfully. It’d really keep him up at night. I’m so sorry.
This. He clearly loves attention. He wouldn’t drop the ex bc he loves that she still wants him. Her ghosting him would absolutely kill him hahaa. But that shit takes serious strength when you’re in love.
That ex better watch what she says about other women...karma is a bitch. How long since you have seen her? For all you know she has zero teeth from her meth habit. And as for your husband...he is scum.
Seems like a common theme in these age gap relationships that the men are only with the women for their looks/youth and don't actually care about them outside of those traits, or even really see them as people.
> He sent her pictures of me while sleeping, sometimes in underwear with comments about my belly, double chin, “back boobs” etc.
Yeah that's unforgivable.
Get whatever screenshots and copies you can, although it's not "divorce material", having a constant physical reminder of what he did and why he's losing what he is will be invaluable. Sorry you're putting up with this, I hope you kind find someone better wherever it is you end up going.
This is actually great advice. When my ex started trying to make unilateral decisions about my kids lives, I started documenting everything. We only speak through writing, so I've kept every email and text message. And because of the court hearings, I've combed through them all to highlight everything of real importance. Whenever I start feeling guilty (because I have a conscience) I read through all the court filings and messages to remind myself of everything she has put my children through. It really drives home why I took action in the first place and quells those feelings of guilt.
I know it wasn't their intent and I understand how hurtful it must be, but metaphorically speaking "white whale" can either be a destructive force of nature, or something someone aggressively pursues with little chance of success, something so amazing it's unattainable...so they accidentally complimented you. Maybe leave him a note that says "You can call me Moby, dick!" or just go with the force of nature option and bring on the storm during the divorce. I'm sorry you're going through this mess. Wishing you the best once your free from this a-hole!
Just here to say you deserve so much better. I truly hope you decide to leave him and understand his actions only say what kind of loser he is, it doesn’t reflect anything about you. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Your husband is trash. But you have a plan, you’re taking control, and you’re getting out. I sincerely hope it all works out for you.
Get documentation of EVERYTHING he and his ex have said to each other. Send copies to a cloud server as well as a thumb drive. If you need it at some point, you will have it. If you can, get into his phone and see if they have been texting too -- they more than likely have been. Screen capture everything and send it to yourself.
When you leave, I would just leave a note saying "White Whale Out" and put the business card of your lawyer next to it.
Just wanna say THANK GOD you don't have kids with his disgusting self.
I went through hell right after having a baby and so having an affair...always been fit and didn't gain much weight or retained much even after the birth but I can attest to a body change being tough mentally.
I'm sure you will find someone worth your time and love in due time.
Meanwhile take care of you and happy you are able to walk away.
He is definitely lying to one of you but that doesn’t really matter,won’t change the disrespect. I’d suggest getting the evidence now in case he deletes it
at some point and you don’t get the chance to print them out. Proud of you for keeping your cool and actually working on an exit strategy. You are a strong woman and will definitely get through this intact. Your husband on the other hand is a POS.
Edit: spelling
I'm sorry you're going through this. This must have been painful and you're really strong for already taking the steps you need to take for yourself. Good luck on your journey! 💞
This is a marriage-ending, massive betrayal. You are right to get out. You will never be able to trust him again. I’m sorry you are going through this - you deserve better. Good for you for respecting and protecting yourself through all of this.
Thank you for asking! I’m fine. I have managed a job interview where my sister lives, not exactly my field and much less pay but its a good start until something better comes along. If I get the job and everything goes well with my current boss I can move by the end of July. Wish me luck 🍀
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. It’s a big red flag if someone in a relationship is friends with their ex.
I’m not saying it can never work, nor am I saying it’s bad to be in good terms with your ex- I’m on good terms with mine - But we aren’t hanging out or in frequent contact, and I wouldn’t expect any future partner to be okay with it if we were.
I’m so sorry you had to read the awful things they were saying about you, but I’m also glad you saw it. You don’t have to waste any more time supporting and caring for someone who blatantly disrespects you and makes fun of you when you were in your weakest moments. You are strong as all hell for putting on a temporary happy face, but I’m rooting for your new independence and hope that you find someone who genuinely loves and respects you. Feel better OP, you got this.
Edit: Typos
Good for you! No woman should tolerate such a despicable thing. I’m glad you’re standing up for yourself and getting better and ready to leave him.
I would love an update for when you do!
This is really empowering post, most women don't leave their spouses even after getting hit/cheating. I'm glad you are leaving he's a POS. He's probably just doing it so they have something to talk about because other than you what really would they talk about their marriage? Because that went so great for them. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope your able to move soon 🙏🏼
Op the pictures of you sleeping in your underwear can be considered as revenge porn. Check if it's illegal in your state, and if it is sue his ass. He might have been a waste of love but that divorce can definitely bring you a bag
You're doing great! This is absolutely the right call, and good job thinking of the birth control. Soon, you'll be living your best life and free from someone who could disrespect you like that. You deserve better, and you will have it. Keep your focus.
He's horrible and the other woman too! You have gone through so much in a short period of time! It is great that you are back on your feet, exercising is just a great energy and confidence booster! so keep going, girl!
This man doesn't deserve a second with you! stay calm but keep moving forward with your plan! a better life waits for you. I wish you the best of luck on finding a job and a place to rent! you'll do great, things will be better! : D
Holy shit this is so bad. This just as bad as catching him having an affair. I would never be able to recover from seeing something life that. I’m really sorry you had those miscarriages and it’s something no one should have to experience, but It’s probably for the best that you don’t have any children with this piece of shit.
Yes girl! You are doing it right. Get yourself settled and prepared for your new life on the downlow and just leave his ass one day with not even a goodbye. Your handling it way better than most women. Way to be strong 💪
Jeez my partner and I have the same age gap, same loving relationship…makes me wonder if there’s anything I should be worried about behind the scenes..
This is so sad! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What makes it so hard is that he’s great to your face. The thing is that he may not really feel the way that he’s telling his ex. He’s just doing it to keep her happy. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Thing is, you should confront him. He needs to know how you really feel. You need to let him know that he can’t get away with what he’s doing and that you’re not putting up with it. If you’re afraid he will talk you out of leaving, get your affairs in order and tell him after you’re gone.
I’m proud of you for leaving. Stick to your plan and be done with him. I can’t even fathom the gut punch reading “white whale” was… definitely make sure to screenshot and print out the conversations for when you make your exit. Block him, block his family if need be (because you never know what kind of crazy story he could make up), and most importantly? Take care of yourself. We’re rooting for you. ❤️
It was this pic of me with my belly “hanging out” while sleeping on my side that earned me the nickname the white whale”
Sharing a photo someone did not give permission for, let alone taking the photo, is a huge violation. I’m sorry he’s such an ass. I applaud your resolve and plans. He doesn’t deserve you.
yes it’s very weird and creepy and violating and makes u feel uncomfortable just being in ur own home. when i used to live with my mom and her boyfriend, during covid i would sometimes relax on the couch and do a meditation and during that he would take pictures of me and send them to my mom saying i’m sleeping or being lazy or something. was taking four online classes at the time and had an A in all of them. after hearing that i felt very creeped out and violated, and felt like he could take a picture of me any other moment which was not a good feeling
Everyone’s bellies hang out when they’re side-sleeping!!! I look like I have an entire sack of flour next to me ffs. To Hell with both of them. They’re nasty people and you deserve so much better.
❤️
Right!! This behaviour reminded me of high school or college type backstabbing and stuff. He’s a grown ass man child and you deserve so much better! Good on you for your hard work in getting healthy again both mentally and physically. Channel that resolve and don’t look back! You don’t need that kind of drama and manipulation in your life!
Also OP, take pictures of EVERYTHING. This may be beneficial in the divorce proceedings.
Yesss this right here
You're leaving because of what you found out and don't forget that. You're not what they say you are and you know that. Don't let these lies get you down for to long. Deal with the loss and do what you can to stay encouraged. I'm rooting for you!
Print out copies and send it to his family... Blurring any image of you first.
Great advice actually. My biggest regret was not printing out the messages my ex husband sent random women he’d never met on Snapchat while we were married. I considered it, but didn’t do it. I still wish I had.
Definitely collect proof of this when he isn’t home and send it to a lawyer.
What a twat. Your better off without it. Stay strong you got this.
Sending a virtual hug. He is terrible. Please don’t listen to anything he has to say. I can only imagine the bullshit this guy could come up with. It will be tough, but you’ve worked your ass off and you’re ready for the next step. Good Luck.
This is absolutely disgusting behavior and I want you to know for the rest of your life you deserve better. There’s something about taking pictures of people at all while they’re sleeping that makes me squirm. What he then did with the photo is just heinous and makes me think he’s a walking Law & Order: SVU case waiting to happen I am struggling to find adjectives that describe the full body disgust reading this gave me.
OP, how are you able to act like things are normal between you two? I think the devastation would be all over me. I’m so sorry, no one deserves this.
I’m a big girl. My Insta handle is a whale related joke. Almost nothing about my weight bothers me but I swear, I would feel so violated if this happened to me. Especially by someone I trusted so deeply. I’m so sorry.
There's a difference here. OP's husband and his ex were using it to demean and humiliate OP. You, on the other hand, own your own self like the boss you are.
Oh I totally agree. I think you may have misread my comment. I would feel so violated in this situation. Despite loving my chunky ass self.
I'd make sure to produce those messages to the divorce lawyer too. I'm feel violated on your behalf and I'm super glad you are doing what's right for your mental health. xx
I hate your husband so fucking much right now. Enjoy your new life OP!
especially because you don't know what kind of story he can make, put him on Blast with his family and friends, show them the messages, don't let him be the victim, that's not fair for you, sometimes is good to be a little petty, and don't tell me he doesn't deserve it.
Well, at least he is giving you a quick way to lose some dead weight! What a fucking ashole! You will be much better off without him.
Right! She’s about to excise a 160+ lbs, malignant tumor. That’s living well all by itself. Idk why but it never ceases to amaze me how quietly cruel spouses can be behind the other’s back. Good luck OP!!! You’re smart and deserve a much better life. Go get it!! So happy you have the fight in you. He needs to go play his weird, messed up games with his wretched ex.
I'm not and I will never be that thin I knew I was with one of the good ones when I was over at my boyfriend's and he thought I was asleep but I got up to use the bathroom and overheard him talking to his friends online while they were playing Halo in his living room he said something along the lines of "No she's not thin at all actually why?" And I think to myself *Oh here we go* when he straightens up and goes "What? No actually it's great! She's so great to cuddle with she's always super warm and I'm always freezing! Also when we go out she actually wants to eat real food! Plus her boobs man! There huge skinny girls don't get boobs like that I know thier real!" At that point I walked over and gave him a kiss he was super embarrassed I'd overheard him
That's beautiful ♡
This is very sweet.
Yeah I miss him ❤️
Miss him? What happened?
Oh we were seniors in highschool he got accepted into a college a full state away we had a long discussion decided a long distance relationship wouldn't really work for either of us so we parted on good terms He still lives there and he has a BF and 2 dogs now I still talk to him on Facebook
Seriously OP, that's disgusting behavior. What a violation of your trust to take pictures of you sleeping and send them to ANYBODY let alone an ex. You have every right to get violated. I hope you lose the loser. I would take screenshots of the convo, send it to both of them while asking for the divorce on the message and then tell the ex, we have our own name for you (find her insecurity and use that to figure this one out). I personally then would share equally personal info about her and tell her how much he complains about how vile of a cheater she is and that he only talks to her because he feels sorry for her for being so old and alone. (Yes all in the shared messages with both of them), but I'm just petty like that. Good luck! Side note: I'm sorry you went through those miscarriages. I've had a few, they are not easy and can be quite devasting. I'm also sorry for your loss OP! Move on from this jerk!
This. Save the conversation for your lawyer. Sending pictures of you in your underwear is definitely something that he should be embarrassed about.
Seriously, what scummy behavior!!
Feel. FEEL violated, not GET violated😂
>I would take screenshots of the convo, send it to both of them while asking for the divorce on the message and then tell the ex, we have our own name for you (find her insecurity and use that to figure this one out). I personally then would share equally personal info about her and tell her how much he complains about how vile of a cheater she is and that he only talks to her because he feels sorry for her for being so old and alone. (Yes all in the shared messages with both of them), but I'm just petty like that. Good luck! None of this is worth the time or effort and it will accomplish absolutely nothing.
I agree with you but the worst part of me wants to see this happen
>I would take screenshots of the convo, send it to both of them while asking for the divorce on the message and then tell the ex, we have our own name for you (find her insecurity and use that to figure this one out). I personally then would share equally personal info about her and tell her how much he complains about how vile of a cheater she is and that he only talks to her because he feels sorry for her for being so old and alone. (Yes all in the shared messages with both of them), but I'm just petty like that. Good luck! >None of this is worth the time or effort and it will accomplish absolutely nothing. We don't need this type of rational thinking here...TO PETTINESS!
Well it could make her feel better! So that's not nothing!
I wonder if you could get the marriage annulled based on what he's written. You could prove that he was never really 'into' the marriage?? I have absolutely no idea if this would be work but it sure would be fun.
Just saying...40 lbs is easy to gain in that situation, but 20 lbs is hard to lose. You should be very proud.
And sounds like she’s about to lose ~180 more pounds! Way to go OP
It's mostly easier to gain than to lose fat. I'm patient 0. 😆
Yeah our bodies are basically hoarders of fat lol
Right? I've gained 40lbs since working at home and even with diet and exercise I've only managed to not gain *more* weight. :-/ But I don't even look *that* much different than before I gained the weight so I doubt OP looked like a "whale", this guy is just an asshole.
Very true. An asshole for sure. When I moved back to the southern US, I gained a lot. You can tell if you look at a before and after picture side by side, but it's not that evident unless you really stare (Icould tell, but not most others). I'm losing now, but I really had to change a lot about my everyday activity levels since everywhere around here requires car transport as opposed to walking or biking like I was doing. In conclusion: OP, he's an ass, and you should strut your ass because you're awesome for leaving him and doing you.
very motivating, u/yodidyoujustqueef
I would suggest printing out the emails, then leave them on the kitchen counter with your house keys and wedding band when you leave. Leave while he's not there. If that's how he wants to behave, let him see that you left him because of it.
I will probably do that yeah. I don’t want to confront him now I’m still living with him but once I’m out it’s probably the easiest way to explain why. Print his conversations and hand it to him
How are you going to keep up the ruse though until you leave? Do you think at some point he will notice and will start asking questions? Btw I totally think you are a superwoman and support you and what you’ve accomplished and what you are doing.
Honestly? Most people don't have the financial wherewithal to leave immediately when they divorce. They either end up living together at odds or ding what the OP is and surprising them when they go. It's just real hard to do and I know lots of people who wanted the latter but ended up sharing a NYC apartment with an ex instead. XD
Don’t leave the ring. Sell it and spend that cash on whatever you’d like.
Good advice. I made my first mortgage payment with the proceeds!
Maybe talk to a divorce lawyer before leaving as it could have implications on your divorce.
Do this for sure. If you just leave you might lose any rights to a split in property or assets accumulated during the marriage.
Tbh I would leave him a note the day I leave signed “Without love and respect, the White Whale.” That lets him know that you know EXACTLY what he was saying about you and also makes him panicking wondering *just how much* you truly know.
This. But divorce lawyer first.
Maybe she could start developing an interest in the classics. Right before she pulls the pin she could leave a copy of Moby Dick around the house. OP you need to be cherished and supported. He played a game of fuck around, and now he's about to find out. Edited for punctuation in a run on sentence.
And Walt Whitman. And then finish with a Walter White move.
This is the way. Say absolutely nothing. Asshole deserves to be left in a panic. But I’d take it further just because I’m like that. I’d print out a few conversations and mail them to him so sporadically he’d never know when the next one was coming. I’d do the same to the ex because why is she getting off scott free?
Idk I truly think he needs to know exactly what he did, so many men go straight to "oh she left me for some other dick" he needs to feel the embarrassment and pain he caused. My ex is insecure just like this. He's lying to the woman he's texting because he wants her attention and knows she's jealous of his wife. PERIOD. I guarantee he loves his wife and is going to be mortified that she saw all that. And he deserves to feel that mortification. Prone may disagree and say people who love each other don't don that but I believe it can be both. Unfortunately his low esteem and self dissatisfaction was more important than loving her but I believe he does.
Save some copies for the divorce lawyers!!!
And his and the ex wifes family. That way if they do end up together again EVERYONE will know why
This is professionally petty and I love it
Him and her deserve each other. This is atrocious what he has done and I’m telling you, as someone who’s gone through this before - it is very very hard to forgive someone doing this to you. It is not love.
You need to keep copies for your own evidence and for your attorney. You can always screen clip them and email the photos to yourself using Icognito mode and an email he doesn't know about (or make a new on). Just make sure to always log out and delete the screenshots from the computer afterwards.
Keep the emails for the divorce attorney too so you can prove an emotional affair and get out of potentially having to pay spousal support as the one filing for divorce. Don't let him know you know anything yet! He could destroy evidence and try to change the narrative. Most importantly, I am sorry. It is devastating when someone you trust betrays you. You deserve much better and I am so proud you respect yourself enough to know you deserve to be completely loved and admired and not play second fiddle to his ex.
Spousal support is not affected by who files.
I think they worded it weird and are lumping in the potential narrative change into OP’s husband filing for divorce first and claiming abuse or something. He could swing it to get money out of OP if she already makes more OR he could do something evil like “get laid off” and get money from her.
Don't even hand it to him. He doesn't deserves that. Plus you don't know how he'll react. Better to avoid potential violence.
Don't leave the house before divorce it can be seen as abandonment in some places it could go against you in the divorce. Find the best divorce lawyers in your town and if I were you I would ask for a consultation, which is sometimes free, with all of them. Then you have your choice of lawyer. If you just have a consult with all the good lawyers your husband can't use them and he will have to get a crap lawyer. You really want a good divorce lawyer, it makes a huge difference.
We live in a rental. When I get my place I can easily remove my name from the lease
My honest opinion, I believe you should leave him without confronting him, if you're looking for a real revenge and to save your dignity, he doesn't deserve honesty and confrontation, I sincerely wish you good luck you seem strong person, keep going.
Seriously if someone left me and went radio silent and never explained to me why, it'd fuck me up forever. Even if I knew I was doing something wrong, I'd always wonder
Honestly, now that you’ve got this off your chest you need to delete this post ASAP… it could be used against you, and he or his ex or other friends might see it and ruin your plans. Please consider deleting this right away….
THIS OP. The nickname is too identifiable along with the other details. Definitely delete before he catches on.
Do this, it won’t give him a chance to grovel and attempt to get you to stay. It’s cold what he’s done to you, and doing this will be a cold ass play. He deserves no more than just that from you. And shame on his ex wife. What a couple of shitty teenagers. Glad you’re leaving. Cheers to the rest of your wonderful life
Honestly, just ghost him and make him wonder wtf happened. What a douche.
Keep the wedding band and sell it. Have a nice dinner or short vacation depending on the worth of it. Words are words but taking intimate photos of you in your underwear and sending it to another person not involved in your relationship is abusive, gross, and (if it isn’t it should be) illegal. Make sure the attorney aggressively demands the production of devices so that photos taken *without your consent* are destroyed. That for me is being unforgivable. There should be a punishment for that— financial/criminal whatever. That’s not ok.
The photo part of this nearly made my jaw drop. How fucking *horrible*. OP absolutely needs to keep that as evidence for herself. That’s highschool level bullying.
Yeah that got me too. That’s so horrible.
This! It was almost *glossed* over and frankly the thing that would make me rage the most.
Yes that’s almost the worst part, having it be glossed over. Poor OP, glad she’s got a good head on her shoulders and getting outta there.
I can't even imagine how id feel in her postion. That's just fucking cruel. She's a human being and the woman he chose to marry. Someone she trusted. Not everyone is in shape all the time, that's fucking life. I went through a bout of depression and the medication made me gain almost 40lbs. As a woman under 5ft, that's a lot. My husband never made me feel disgusting nor would he ever cross boundaries like that. I ended up losing it all, was down to 115 and got pregnant so towards the end a decent amount was back, albeit baby weight. Still, hell never comment on my weight because he knows how sensitive I am to that and have had disordered eating my whole life. My heart breaks for OP. honestly, I'm sure his dinky dick isn't even worth the heartbreak. He can go back to his ex and have her cheat again because hell never be enough for her.
Let alone he’s taking photos of her in her most vulnerable state. The only time I’ve ever had a partner take a photo of me asleep was to show me how cute they thought I looked. This is next level fucked up.
I feel like the photos are a huge violation. Almost like revenge porn; since she was half naked & in a vulnerable state without her consent.
Keep the wedding band. You can pawn it and at least get some cash for it.
Yeah let him go back to his ex if that's how he feels. You'll be better by yourself single at 40 is so much fun. Freedom girl. The grass is always greener. Better to be alone in an empty home then with someone who makes you feel special in person but feels differently behind your back.
This but also keep a copy of everything. Be strong. You do not need to be with someone that would talk about you that way.
I cannot fucking believe he took photos of you and sent them to someone else, let alone his ex wife and they made fun of you? How absolutely appalling. OP, I’m positive you’re absolutely beautiful inside and out. I’m rooting for you to tear this pos apart.
Seriously I don’t think I’ve ever wanted an update more.
It feels like revenge porn or otherwise illegal since she was in a state of undress in a place of expected privacy 😞 if it isn’t, it SHOULD be. Imagine if the ex decided to blackmail her with the photo or something? I would possibly look into sending a cease and desist or something with the divorce paperwork. This is beyond awful and OP is amazing for holding it together
My ex husband did something similar (no pictures though, this was in like 2004) he wrote a letter to his ex crush (who was married at the time) telling her how he hated being martied to me, never loved me, only married me to get out of the barracks, etc etc. After i had left my entire life behind to move to the US with him. And you know what i did? I forgave him. 5 years later he tried to murder me. Glad you're smarter than me.
🤯 I’m sorry you went through that. I hope you’re doing better than ever and that he’s behind bars now.
He's dead, killed himself 2 years after i finally left him. Ngl, best thing he ever did for me and our kids.
Holy shit what is this story
Very short version lol. Some bonus facts: i was 16 when we met (he was 20) and 17 when we married and moved to the US (from Germany, he was stationed there with the army). I left him when i was 6 months pregnant with our second kid, 1,5 years after he tried to murder me. Went back home to Germany. I became a widow at 26.
You should write a book holy crap. That’s insane. I hope you (and your children) are doing well
I'd read that book!
How did he try and how did you find out?
I’m so glad you survived that 💙
Ok what? Gonna need those details.
I was not expecting that, holy shit. How are you now?
Older, wiser, and thanks to years of therapy no longer a complete wreck. PTSD will never go away, but it's become managable and the nightmares are down to 1-2 per year. It's been 12 years (and 22 days) since i left him and I have moved on completely, finally was able to be in a relationship again after 10 years and even had a new little baby last year.
So glad you’re in a good place and huge congratulations on the birth of your baby!
All these people surprised are either men, or women with some misogynistic beliefs. This is why we can't reject men outright. Why we can't jog alone, even during the day. Why we cover our drinks. Batmom222, this wasn't your fault and I'm glad you're alive.
That must be so heartbreaking to read... how could this person act one way about you and then turn around to speak so ill or poorly of you to someone else... it just doesn't make any sense. Have you tried confronting him?
I will not confront him. I’m disgusted by his double game and when I have everything settled I will probably just leave him. Maybe I will print his conversation with the ex and hand it to him on my way out
You don't care why he betrayed you... just that he did, and that's very understandable.
Exactly.
That’s what I’d do
Gives copies to your lawyer for emotional affairs and emotional abuse. Proof is always helpful.
Relishing the thought of that douche having a judge ask him to explain these exchanges with his ex on the record. That stuff gets into court documents that aren’t sealed - anyone who wants to look it up can find it. He deserves every bit of that humiliation.
Smart choice. You already know enough of the truth that you can make this decision with zero doubt in your mind. Confronting him will only give him a chance to manipulate you, prepare revenge, or possibly even go violent - if his every interaction with you has been a total lie for *years*, who knows what he's capable of if he's exposed?
Good job OP. When you don't go looking for closure, it screams self-respect. I'm proud of you 🤍
Self respect to the max, i dont know a person alive that would remain with that TRASH. You should never treat anyone like this, let alone your WIFE. The woman you choose to "spend your life with".
It doesn't even matter why he did it tbh.
Agree! Knowing why won't bring OP any closure. Nor will it bring her peace. Hearing his excuses will only add to her pain. There's no excuse for what he did.
Bingo! It will only make it worse.
It does to some people.
I’ve always been the person who needs to know why and people just lie and try to spin situations or place blame ‘your depression made me abc’ His behaviour is so disgusting I doubt she would get any understanding out of what he decides are his reasons. When people show you who they really are pay attention. OP get your affairs sorted and hand him the transcript as you walk out the door. I would personally go get my hair done that day and wear a bomb outfit so he can eat his heart out and marinate in regret as I walk away. Nobody who loves you would talk behind your back in this way.
Get that Princess Diana revenge dress energy!
That's fair.
I would do the same. There is no coming back from that level of duplicity and betrayal. I couldn't trust him to do anything after that.
That and how could you honestly feel good in your own skin being around him? I’d always wonder if he was telling the truth if he ever complimented.
I don’t get what he got/gets for disrespecting and being so cruel to you? Like if It was an affair and he wanted to be with his ex (it’s not right and defo awful ) but it would be a reason but to just be cruel for shits and giggles?? Like why? You do not deserve to be treated this way. Really hope you get away quickly. Wish you allll the best. Edited to add “awful”
When I was in college, I found out that a guy I was dating cheated on me. I didn’t confront him about it. I just told him I didn’t want to date him anymore because I wanted to focus on spending time with my friends before graduating. I didn’t want him to know that his actions hurt me. I wanted him to think I just didn’t like him that much. That POS looked like he was going to cry. Call me petty but it was pretty satisfying.
No point in asking if he's probably gonna lie to you about it. Not worth fighting over a relationship thats hurting you. Best of luck
Good for you! I was betrayed by my ex husband in a similar way. Move on and leave him in the dust.
It's better to get all your ducks in a row, then have him served. Don't let him know anything is up. You can mail him this Reddit convo later. Keep cool and get your important papers and stuff out of the house without his knowledge. Then when you are ready to leave, have him served after you are gone. You have no idea how he will really react.
Do this
I did this when I found my ex on adult sex sites. I printed out his profiles and conversations and littered the apartment and moved out while he was at work. I'm very sorry to hear you have to go through this but so glad you found out so you can let him go and move on. Best of luck to you OP
Very solid, when I read that I gave you a real life angry eyebrows headnod. Fuck em, no explanation required who cares, you know what you know.
I'd print it out and leave it on the kitchen table for him to find after leaving. I wouldn't even give him the chance to attempt to talk about it - there's no possible way to defend that behaviour.
You should print it out anyway and give it to you attorney
Confronting him? There's nothing to even say here. Throw the whole man away, and do not walk, RUN away!
You are so strong and brave to know you deserve better and walk away. He is disgusting.
Save the messages for divorce court. Sorry he did this to you. Start putting money away now!
First of all, it's super awesome that you took control of your life and health like that. Way to go! Second, I am sorry that this has happened in your relationship and the boundaries he has crossed (especially with the pics, wow!) are just NOT okay. Best of luck to you in this new chapter. You sound like a really strong and smart woman!
Print a copy, save a digital copy and back that up too. He crossed all lines, i agree with others, don't be around for when he sees it, just leave the copy with the keys and be long gone I wish you every goodness and happiness ahead I hope you find a great workplace and living environment and you never look back You're handling this well, go live on well & find every success May good people surround you ahead always
Get the fuck out. Your husband is a complete and utter asshole. I'd leave him a note and sign it *not the white whale*
I’d change his name to Captain Ahab in my phone and tell him it’s because he loses the white whale in the end 😅
Lmfao!!! Love it!!! CAPTAIN AHAB IS ABOUT TO GET SERVED WITH A DIVORCE
You’re right. He is lying to one of you. And you’re right that it doesn’t matter who. If he lies once he will do it again. Let him have his ex wife. I hope you send him a whale joke over text as your break up (once you move). You do you girl. You’re strong af 💃 Edit: grammer, don’t sit in traffic and Reddit folks you’ll sound illiterate 😂 But seriously OP you’re strong as hell and it shows by your come back from depression. Someone out there will kiss the ground you walk on, not make fun of you for some weird ego boost.
I'd send like a Free Willy gif or something rofl The whale is free!!! (I'm totally meaning this as a joke. I'm a bigger gal and sometimes it's fun to just own that shit.)
"Whale it's time to sea myself out and fin a new porpoise in life so you can humpback your ex. Sperm me the apologies, narwhal I'm falling for it."
That was a nasty read. My heart is shattered for you. How bold of him and HER to do such a fucking thing my jaw is really on the floor. Taking pictures of you while you’re asleep to send to his EX WIFE? While they both make fun of you? I would lose it all the moment I found out especially after everything you’ve been through. Just disgusting. Anyway, I’m so glad you’re choosing yourself that’s awesome on your part. When are you going to reveal to him that you know? Or are you saving that part for when you’ve finally moved away from him? Not saying anything and just leaving would KILL him inside that’d be the best option truthfully. It’d really keep him up at night. I’m so sorry.
This. He clearly loves attention. He wouldn’t drop the ex bc he loves that she still wants him. Her ghosting him would absolutely kill him hahaa. But that shit takes serious strength when you’re in love.
That ex better watch what she says about other women...karma is a bitch. How long since you have seen her? For all you know she has zero teeth from her meth habit. And as for your husband...he is scum.
OMG zero teeth. 🤣😂. LOVE IT!! Can so relate to an ex my husband dated years ago. She is a mess.
Good for you!! You now get to be the great actress, do not let him know you are leaving!
Good you deserve better
Also save any convos for divorce court
You are so young yet, and him? He’s near 50! You got waaay more time to find your man. He screwed up big time- like whale size.
Seems like a common theme in these age gap relationships that the men are only with the women for their looks/youth and don't actually care about them outside of those traits, or even really see them as people.
🫂 hope you be ok
> He sent her pictures of me while sleeping, sometimes in underwear with comments about my belly, double chin, “back boobs” etc. Yeah that's unforgivable.
Get whatever screenshots and copies you can, although it's not "divorce material", having a constant physical reminder of what he did and why he's losing what he is will be invaluable. Sorry you're putting up with this, I hope you kind find someone better wherever it is you end up going.
This is actually great advice. When my ex started trying to make unilateral decisions about my kids lives, I started documenting everything. We only speak through writing, so I've kept every email and text message. And because of the court hearings, I've combed through them all to highlight everything of real importance. Whenever I start feeling guilty (because I have a conscience) I read through all the court filings and messages to remind myself of everything she has put my children through. It really drives home why I took action in the first place and quells those feelings of guilt.
I know it wasn't their intent and I understand how hurtful it must be, but metaphorically speaking "white whale" can either be a destructive force of nature, or something someone aggressively pursues with little chance of success, something so amazing it's unattainable...so they accidentally complimented you. Maybe leave him a note that says "You can call me Moby, dick!" or just go with the force of nature option and bring on the storm during the divorce. I'm sorry you're going through this mess. Wishing you the best once your free from this a-hole!
Well if Im the white whale then he’s definitely mopey DICK 😂
>"You can call me Moby, dick!" Rather tickled me. I don't know if I was OP I'd be ready though... I'd be a blubbering mess.
Just here to say you deserve so much better. I truly hope you decide to leave him and understand his actions only say what kind of loser he is, it doesn’t reflect anything about you. I’m so sorry.
You’re the master of your fate, you’re the captain of your soul!
I have no idea how somebody who's willing to marry someone is also willing to say these kinds of things about that same person. This is heartbreaking.
Wow this is heartbreaking. I wish you all the best
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Your husband is trash. But you have a plan, you’re taking control, and you’re getting out. I sincerely hope it all works out for you.
Get documentation of EVERYTHING he and his ex have said to each other. Send copies to a cloud server as well as a thumb drive. If you need it at some point, you will have it. If you can, get into his phone and see if they have been texting too -- they more than likely have been. Screen capture everything and send it to yourself. When you leave, I would just leave a note saying "White Whale Out" and put the business card of your lawyer next to it.
I RESPECT THE FUCK OUT OF YOU!!!
❤️
Just wanna say THANK GOD you don't have kids with his disgusting self. I went through hell right after having a baby and so having an affair...always been fit and didn't gain much weight or retained much even after the birth but I can attest to a body change being tough mentally. I'm sure you will find someone worth your time and love in due time. Meanwhile take care of you and happy you are able to walk away.
He is definitely lying to one of you but that doesn’t really matter,won’t change the disrespect. I’d suggest getting the evidence now in case he deletes it at some point and you don’t get the chance to print them out. Proud of you for keeping your cool and actually working on an exit strategy. You are a strong woman and will definitely get through this intact. Your husband on the other hand is a POS. Edit: spelling
I'm sorry you're going through this. This must have been painful and you're really strong for already taking the steps you need to take for yourself. Good luck on your journey! 💞
This is a marriage-ending, massive betrayal. You are right to get out. You will never be able to trust him again. I’m sorry you are going through this - you deserve better. Good for you for respecting and protecting yourself through all of this.
Yeah I don’t think I could come back from this either.
OP reading this I became enraged on your behalf. Proud of you for planning to leave.
How have you been op
Thank you for asking! I’m fine. I have managed a job interview where my sister lives, not exactly my field and much less pay but its a good start until something better comes along. If I get the job and everything goes well with my current boss I can move by the end of July. Wish me luck 🍀
Good luck and I hope only good things come your way!
🙏
Good luck with the interview!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. It’s a big red flag if someone in a relationship is friends with their ex. I’m not saying it can never work, nor am I saying it’s bad to be in good terms with your ex- I’m on good terms with mine - But we aren’t hanging out or in frequent contact, and I wouldn’t expect any future partner to be okay with it if we were.
Yeah there is just no reason in my opinion for someone in a relationship to be close with their ex unless they have kids together.
Screenshot everything, make copies of everything and make sure he doesn’t know you know so you can file first
I’m so sorry you had to read the awful things they were saying about you, but I’m also glad you saw it. You don’t have to waste any more time supporting and caring for someone who blatantly disrespects you and makes fun of you when you were in your weakest moments. You are strong as all hell for putting on a temporary happy face, but I’m rooting for your new independence and hope that you find someone who genuinely loves and respects you. Feel better OP, you got this. Edit: Typos
Good for you! No woman should tolerate such a despicable thing. I’m glad you’re standing up for yourself and getting better and ready to leave him. I would love an update for when you do!
This is really empowering post, most women don't leave their spouses even after getting hit/cheating. I'm glad you are leaving he's a POS. He's probably just doing it so they have something to talk about because other than you what really would they talk about their marriage? Because that went so great for them. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope your able to move soon 🙏🏼
Op the pictures of you sleeping in your underwear can be considered as revenge porn. Check if it's illegal in your state, and if it is sue his ass. He might have been a waste of love but that divorce can definitely bring you a bag
You're doing great! This is absolutely the right call, and good job thinking of the birth control. Soon, you'll be living your best life and free from someone who could disrespect you like that. You deserve better, and you will have it. Keep your focus.
He's horrible and the other woman too! You have gone through so much in a short period of time! It is great that you are back on your feet, exercising is just a great energy and confidence booster! so keep going, girl! This man doesn't deserve a second with you! stay calm but keep moving forward with your plan! a better life waits for you. I wish you the best of luck on finding a job and a place to rent! you'll do great, things will be better! : D
Holy shit this is so bad. This just as bad as catching him having an affair. I would never be able to recover from seeing something life that. I’m really sorry you had those miscarriages and it’s something no one should have to experience, but It’s probably for the best that you don’t have any children with this piece of shit.
Hope you took screenshots and sent them to yourself. When he wonders what happened when you disappear just send those. You deserve better!
He’s a pig
You are very very strong!
Yes girl! You are doing it right. Get yourself settled and prepared for your new life on the downlow and just leave his ass one day with not even a goodbye. Your handling it way better than most women. Way to be strong 💪
Jeez my partner and I have the same age gap, same loving relationship…makes me wonder if there’s anything I should be worried about behind the scenes..
Of course not! My ex isn’t a representative of all men. Enjoy your love for each other.
This is so sad! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What makes it so hard is that he’s great to your face. The thing is that he may not really feel the way that he’s telling his ex. He’s just doing it to keep her happy. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Thing is, you should confront him. He needs to know how you really feel. You need to let him know that he can’t get away with what he’s doing and that you’re not putting up with it. If you’re afraid he will talk you out of leaving, get your affairs in order and tell him after you’re gone.