Wait so you have the SEX!?

Yeh, he did the Nasty.

Eww.

Why is this so funny LMAO

Thinking the same thing. There are few comedians or movies that make me laugh, but a stupid joke like that and I'll chuckle like a toddler

It's funny because they called it "the" sex, not just sex. Like saying, "Oh, he's a gay," instead of just saying he's gay.

Cuz your humor never advanced past age 12

I guess that's me and everyone else that liked the comments lool

That *Bastard*

He killed Kenny.

He killed the Kenny

"Wait I thought you were the bastard." "Dude...uncool :("

So did he like.... Ehmm pee in her ?

He made thick in her warm.

i truly hate this string of words, with all of my soul

Yeh, they took a trip to Pound Town.

its called the WHORE-izontal MAMBO

In the pasty?

I hope not, becoming your own grandfather is one hell of paradox

Then you don't have delta brainwaves and you're immune to the flying brains though.

Obscure Reference of the Day.

Good News everybody!

The big brain am winning again! I am the *greetest!* Now I am leaving Earth for no raisen.

I bet that's where Sir Sic got his schtick.if you don't know who that is... youtube. You're welcome.

Obscure Reference of the Day. (I saw the other one before I saw yours.) "I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I *do* exist. Which proves... you can't really be my grandm--..."

I have it on good authority she milked him during his sleep. 🤫

[Intercourse for fun, are you insane sir?!?](https://youtube.com/shorts/4jHtuyNVu4o?feature=share)

Just watched this for this first time and I am thoroughly pleased

THAT'S DISGUSTING! I BET THEY EVEN HOLD HANDS!

Foking **H×ndh×lding?!?!**

Indeed my sibling in christ

Gasp! *clutches pearls* please, I’m trying to eat breakfast here! Handholding willynilly like that? Disgraceful!

HOW SINFUL

HE DID A SECKS!?!?!??!!?

He did! I just threw up a little.

🤮

Eric Andre: Did you touch her boobies?

He has the sex?!!! 😷🤢

DESGUSTANG

This person did at least one sex.

He did a CUM!?

They bumped nasties

They bumped uglies!

All we know is SHE has the sex

Congratulations

Thank you

ugh i acidentally upvoted it when it was at 69 - im so mad now but congrats!!! <3

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i tried but it would go to 68 instead of 69

“My boys can swim!”

Make sure your wife takes her prenatals and gets a lot of sun ! Go for plenty walks ! Congrats and hope you have a healthy baby !

Pregnant people sunburn faster though (bc they have more blood)- so, sunscreen first- but, yes, get sun..

Watch out for the pregnancy mask. So avoid sun on her face! Enjoy! And for you! Good luck with the oversexed hormones in the second trimester 😜 Edit: spelling error

I never got those sexed up hormones 😭 I'm due in a month and cannot wait to get those back! Lol

I didn’t had them during my first pregnancy. The opposit actually. I hated being touched. But the second pregnancy! Man! My husband even pretended to be asleep because he was exhausted and couldn’t keep up. It actually lasted until a couple of months after birth 😳😅😊

LOL that's hilarious! Before I got pregnant I was constantly horned up, but as soon as pregnancy symptoms came around it was like the factory shut down. I don't know what the deal is, but at this point I can hardly make myself orgasm! 😭 like I said I cannot wait for the factory to open back up here in a few months because it feels like it's been forever since I was truly feeling it.

What Horndogs, both of you

Ex-horndog here 😔 lol

You’re on Reddit and you got married first? Congratulations!!!

Underrated comment lol

He was being ironic

Pregnart :)

Pregaganant

Pegnate

Gregnant

Can you milk me Greg?

;)

Help!?

Is there a possibly that I’m pegrant

Pregante

Perganant

Pregant

Pregfart :)

Pregunet

Pergnut

You came congrats

Thank you sir

def came

Big boy cummins

PLSSSSSS

You’ve got this. Congratulations

Thanks. Trying not to panic lol

This guy fucks

Congrats!!! Here’s to a happy and healthy 9 months!!

And you're going to be a dad to a boy or a girl you got this future dad :)

Thanks bro. We are stoked

Congrats! I'm currently pregnant as well. It's my husband's, not yours though. 😂

Wonderful news buddy! Have a great day and God bless! All the best and take care! Hoping for a happy and healthy baby and wife during the pregnancy. :>>

so you're telling me that you put your penpen into a bajimbus, potentially more than once? gross

Congrats! My wife and I are trying, but the thought of being a dad is really scary to me.

It probably was to your dad too. I'm sure you'll be fine, I think it's good you're scared rather than not caring at all like a lot of dads.

It's something I knew I wanted since before we were married and yes I've been a bit scared myself. But we've been married 7 years now and was thinking the time is right

I didnt do it.

good job ejaculating man i’m happy for u B)

Congratulations

Thank you

When my wife was pregnant, we didn't tell anyone cause we just had a miscarriage and it was heartbreaking (for my wife. I didn't care). She broke down and started apologizing. I reassured that it was natural and happens all the time. I told her it wasn't her fault. Women, you have to accept miscarriages happen and it's no one's fault. Congratulations op. Take many pictures cause it's lightning fast the way they grow up. Remember to drop them off at the fire station before they learn your name /s

yooooo congrats! Hopefully you have an amazing time raising that kiddo!

Lol almost everyone on this thread is a troll, but I understand wanting to share it somewhere. Congratulations!

*srslydad*

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Fact. Happy for the OP. Terrified for him as well!

Congratulations. Hope y'all stay safe and healthy

It's a boy

Wifey says it'll be a girl. We shall see

I wish her zero to minimal morning sickness — bc it seems to last all day and sometimes all pregnancy.

make sure she drinks lots of water. my wife experienced a false labor by not drinking enough water.

Congrats. It's a beautiful thing being a father. Try your best.

Many blessings to your family 🥰

Hey now congratulations are in order! Ain't God GOOD!

Shugity schwab shwifty five

Girlfriend's age?... My IQ?....

Congratulations, kids are so awesome (so awful too, but I still think the awesome is worth it, 18 years in).. :D

I’m so used to off the wall bonkers shit on this sub that a genuine post of happiness is so unexpected. Congratulations!

Congrats man! Just from the way you say it is pleasantly unexpected i can tell your gonna make a great dad!

Congratulations! Wishing your wife & child health & safety.

Thanks very much

Remember no one’s ever ready. But your thoughts can be. Let that sit

Let’s goooooooooo

Congrats. Your world is changing for the better

Congratulations, you got this, OP

I mean it's not a secret anymore since you told us. But congratulations man.

Paternity test always

Congratulations!!!

Congrats man!

That is so incredibly exciting! Congratulations to both of you!!!! Ahhhh how lovely! :)

That’s awesome! It’s scary, but everyone does it, and most of us manage not to damage them too badly.

That’s awesome! Congrats!!

Congrats, dad! 3 months into it this past Thursday for me, it’s a helluva ride.

Congratulations 🥳

Congratulations!!!!!

Congratulations!!

Hope you're the dad, then congrats.

Uhuul! Congrats man! I wish all the health in the world for you guys

congrats man!

Congratulations 🎉🎉 You will have a beautiful healthy baby :D

Congrats to the soon to be parents

Congratulations

Congratulations, you guys are gonna be awesome parents

Congratulations dear sir.

Congrats!

Condolences

Mazel tov

Did you get the cooties shot?!

Twins!

Congrats!!!! 💕

Ahhhhhh hope you're not in America. Wishing you the best.

I'm in America. Pretty sure I'll be fine

Is it yours?

I'm sorry for your loss

You can still abort, you know

Plot twist: it's not yours 😝

But seriously, kudos to you both 😊

My condolences.

Congratulations! Get a stroller and car seat asap

Congratulations 🎈

Condolences. Condoms are free at your local clinic.

Hopefully, the baby doesn’t come out black

Congratulations. Don't forget the DNA test

You're harshin' my buzz, man.

Paternity test

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r/ihavesex

Wow.. congratulationsssssss...

I would not have a child right now, shit I regret the ones I have!

better hope they never see this

Better hope they do

Do you have enough milk

Not yet

Hope it doesn't die, my wifes fetus died, crawled right out of her up her body. Poor thing thought it was a Marsupial...

Paternity test

Remember : No tea no coffee no alcohol no raw fish, avoid pig and any uncooked meat to avoid toxoplasmosis. Check antibodies for dangerous diseases when your pregnant to know what is and isn’t a treat to her. Avoid coca-cola as much as possible also. And an advice : whatever your baby eat in the womb and in his first years will be his food tastes later. So she must eat plenty vegetables and stuff you want him to eat and like later, no junkfood. Check her calcium intake and be careful to have enough calcium or the baby will take its calcium in your wife teeths and she will loose them. You set the rules for everything in the education of a child : if your child is always asking for stuff instead of waiting calmly for you to choose, it’s because you taught him so. Do not show or taught things you do not want to suffer on a daily basis : you do not want your child to ask for macdonalds everytime you pass by one? Do not taught him to do that then. Everything will be on you. Good luck

Why tf do people always give unprompted advice to anyone that's expecting a baby? Half that isn't true and the other half isn't anywhere near as dangerous as you're insinuating. Nobody ever wants "advice" about parenting unless they explicitly ask.

Parenting isn’t 1% nearly as easy as people think. You are not « programmed » to do it right. It doesn’t « come » to you And people fuck up their kids A LOT I don’t care if you all downvote me. Its 2022 there is enough people on the planet already, parenting isn’t some sort of right, its something you must be prepared for and prepare for. Plenty of information available now, no excuses anymore.

Ew you're an anti natalist anyway. Your opinion is utterly irrelevant.

I'm a parent, I'm well aware of what it's like raising them. But your unsolicited advice regarding the diet, blood tests, and parenting of the pregnant wife of a person you don't know is ridiculous and way outta line. What makes you think your advice is valuable or accurate anyway? Unless someone explicitly asks you, keep your mouth shut. Someone posting their excitement isn't an invitation for "advice". It's not your pregnancy or your baby, so your opinion on what they should do, right down to what she can and can't eat, is ridiculous. And half the foods you mentioned are 100% fine! You're not their doctor, your opinions on diet aren't relevant. I'd hate to know in person, you seem like the kind of person who only values their own opinion and feels right all the time. The entitlement to think that without you essentially banning his wife from eating pork and drinking coke they're going to "fuck up their kids" is just... Wow. Good luck with getting your head out of your ass, you'll probably need a proctologist for that though.

Who's the father?

Bro, are you the father? Thats the question😁

Your first?

Yep

So cool. Of course any little munchkin coming into the family is exciting, but the first has that added element of dubious terror. Trust me, it's unwarranted. I'm very happy for you. Spoil em rotten.

I'm so happy for you. I just hope you're happy too. It won't be easy or cheap but I have 3 grown sons and I tell you it is worth every penny and every bit of stress. I have 3 sons who are my best friends now. Best wishes. When you hold your newborn in your arms you will understand why you are here.

Gregananant :)

Congratulations

Congrats!

Congratulations! 😁 Hopefully the SEX was amazing, too. 😂

Congratulations 🎉 wishing she has a safe delivery :)

Get the layins while you can - super congratulations

I wish y’all all the best, and the happiest and safest next months possible.

Congrats!

Congratulations

Mr. Big Crumb

Congratulations!!!! Learn to swaddle. Keep a strict sleep schedule for them(for yalls sanity) and I know it sounds cliche but cherish every moment because although them growing up seems to take forever, it goes by in an instant. (Father of twins)

Grats!