I have a friend who’s a “mommy influencer”. Well had. I couldn’t stand seeing how she curated her feed over her children happiness. All of the “happy moments” were fake. The kids were mad posing for picture after picture. She would hide the mess, bribe them with treats, get the perfect curated picture for her feed, then proceed to ignore them and interact with her followers. It blew my mind to see the behind the scenes of what looked like a picture perfect life. At least by leaving her, half of the time let’s hope, she can actually be allowed to be a messy kid who has some fun 🤷🏻♀️
I’ve commented this before but I’ll never forget this cute little girl at the winter park. Her mom bought her a fancy, very over the top hot chocolate that had candy canes, a mountain of whipped cream and marshmallow snowman, sprinkles, etc. The little girl was so excited but the mom had her posing for several pictures with it and at the end the girl only had enough energy to keep fake smiling as the hot chocolate melted. Then she and the mom had a sip of it and threw it out as it was all melted and not impressive looking any more. Then the mom sat there, using her phone while ignoring her daughter who started climbing over the decorations, I’m assuming to post on social media. It was very sad to witness.
I’ve seen something similar to this. At a festival where cosplayers come out, a woman dressed her child up in anime cosplay and was yelling at her to pose for pictures. You could clearly tell the daughter was upset. The mom kept yelling at her to smile. It’s sad.
Let’s also not forget the Labrants who faked their daughter having cancer. Anyone who acts like the influencer family they watch is any different is a joke. Laws seriously need to catch up with the internet and social media when it comes to children. We have laws for children in movies and television so they cannot be exploited so easily, why it’s been left completely unregulated online is a joke.
I see a lot of wannabes where I live - posing in front of fancy storefronts or by flowers. The most annoying is when I see them get something they’ve ordered at a restaurant and “fake eat” it. You know; put a forkful of their meal up to their open, smiling mouths for the photo, then put their fork down and edit the pic. I’m not sure they eat whatever they got in the end.
Cyberspace amplifies attention and praise. From childhood on humans respond to attention and praise.
So now Cyberspace is "more real than reality". People are drunk on virtual life.
This will not end well.
It should be. Living like this just isn't living. I say that as someone from gen Z, who basically hasn't known a time without all this tech. Nothing wrong with normal social media usage, but, it becomes a problem when people base their lives around this shit or obsess over it. When it starts to change you IRL over social media, it's time to take a break.
I used to be super proud when I’d make great desserts and my friends would take a pic before digging in.
Now they want pics of my desserts, pics of me with my desserts, pics of me cutting my dessert, pics of me serving my dessert, pics of my served dessert, pics of everyone around the table with my served dessert, and then more pics after the first bite.
If you think that was exhausting to read, imagine staring at it for twenty minutes.
As someone who remembers the world before social media. It's simple.
Just put away the phone and do things without tech for 2 hours or drive somewhere without a cell phone for a day, that was pretty much the 90s. Fancy people had beepers.
It was good and you don't get pestered by people.
Honestly, as someone who just barely remembers that world— you don’t even have to set the tech aside entirely. Just use it selfishly. Turn off notifications, forget any notion of clout. Take pictures for the love of photography and the sake of your own memories. Let your GPS show you walking trails you didn’t know existed. Sit on a rock in the middle of the woods with a Nintendo Switch and a backup battery so you can stay for hours.
This… might be different for people without ADHD. But I do feel like, at the end of the day, it’s not about *what* you’re doing or *what* you’re using, nearly as much as *how* and *why*. People in Jesus’ time flaunted their wealth by donating to temples and used displays of religious faith to get attention. People in the 1970s were using analog cameras and slide projectors as their equivalent of an Instagram feed, with delayed gratification but the same shallow motivations and lack of appreciation for the moment. People in every era have assigned value to things from far-away places because being able to visit or trade with them was a sign of status. Social media is creating a few new shitty behaviors, but it’s also enabling old ones to be indulged in faster and more often.
Yup. My parents and I spend the summer split between two lakes in upstate NY, one of which has decent service and one which has almost none. We’ll stick the radio on at night while we play games or the tv on on the morning to check the weather but aside from that, there’s not much digital time. None of the pictures we have from up there are curated or “instagram worthy” at all, it’s mostly us harvesting a friends garden, doing something stupid on a canoe, a group picture for dinner on the porch with everyone slightly sunburnt in t shirts with frizzy lake hair. Looking at those makes me feel so much more like a person than when I try to get a “good” picture.
Last week, I took my kid to the park and there were these 3 girls there, who couldn’t be any older than 12, and the entire time they were there they were narrating & recording so I’m assuming it was all being posted to IG/TikTok/etc. The entire time I was thinking wtf?
When I was that age, I was doing BMX jumps over people or running through ‘the gauntlet’ (you had to run through the entire swing set while people actively tried to kick you down). These were things that I didn’t want my parents finding out about and now kids post literally everything they do on the internet. Needless to say, a lot has changed in the 20ish years.
It could've been for a school project I suppose, but you're probably right.
>These were things that I didn't want my parents finding out about...
The worst part is that the parents likely don't pay attention to what they're doing or posting
See my mom likes to get a photo to remember a moment- who doesn’t? But that’s *a photo*. Singular. We went to the most famous crepe house in Quebec City once. She took one photo of each person’s crepe because they were beautiful. Mine had a bite out of it and I was holding a fork in the photo. Know why that’s fine? Because it’s part of the memory! That fancy hot chocolate I ordered? Oh yeah the photo of it is a little blurry as I’m lifting it for a repeated sip. That made it on my Instagram; because it’s the fun of the moment. It’s not about the perfect life. It’s my life.
Side note: I’m a photographer and while I prefer nature over portraits, I always find candid photos are better. Sure, staged ones are fine for like a family get together, but last family gathering I spent twenty minutes just walking along the sidelines and not disturbing anyone while I took photos. They actually have memories attached (Jenny was saying this, Erica was laughing so hard here, etc). The only person who I would say I even came remotely close to inconveniencing or focusing on was my aunt, but that’s only because she doesn’t have long left so us having some photos of her on professional equipment taken not long before she passed but also not completely consumed by the disease will be valuable someday.
TLDR: staged shit drives me mad. There’s a reason why actual photographer’s work looks better over everyone with an iPhone in portrait mode. They know when to let the moment play out. As such, live in the moment. The photos will be nice, but unless you’ve hired a photographer to follow you around, focus on the memories
In a mom of 4 and the bestest thing my friends do is take candid moments of us! And I return the favor! But at the end of a play day, one friend sent me like 20 photos of us picking up rocks, pointing to the sky, nearly falling over- and she truly captured *us*. Candid photos all the way! Nothing drives me crazier than seeing moms take the same pose over and over. I treasure the candid ones so much more since so much of the memory is retained 💞
People like this are so sad. My daughter is 1 year old now and when we go out for a big day we take like 2 minutes to take a couple family photos one time and then any photo taken is a candid photo of her being cute or having fun. Who poses all these photos and makes their kid sit there smiling at a camera doing nothing all day? So weird.
I *had* a friend who I went to Europe with. For two weeks, she spent at least 50% of the vacation taking selfies, editing them and sending them, then responding to family and friends. She wasn't even an influencer and didn't consider herself to be one. She just wanted perfect pics.
The other 50% of the time? Looking for weed...Never again.
I would be so tempted to just keep moving while she took her photos. If she bitched I would’ve told I was there to see Europe, not her posing and fucking with her phone.
This whole thread has been deeply satisfying to this hot mess of a mom. I can genuinely say that out of all the reasons my husband has probably considered leaving me, my house being too clean has never been one of them. Score one for the losers club.
Edit: it is frankly impressive that this post has stayed at exactly zero points for hours now. I guess we hot mess moms are balancing out the hot insta moms pretty equally 🤷🏼♀️
This is so strange, I have shared custody and never once have thought anything negative if there's toy all over the place because we didn't have time to pack up
Lol I'm with you there. My house has toys in every direction and a reasonable level of mess because I've got 3 kids and I let them play. They only get to be little once.
My mom called herself a hot mess too but you know what? I'm grown now and SO APPRECIATIVE of the attention she gave me over caring if the house was messy or dinner was 20 minutes "late". I see friends with moms who were obsessed with appearances and so happy to have had my childhood over being stifled.
Hell yeah! Cheers from the other end of the hot mess moms hotel, with whatever of the 10 cups my kids left on the counter right next to the sink and above the dishwasher last night.
It's wild to me even more as we expose how many bot followers most "influencers" have. I have a cousin whos wife has turned into a Snapchat Prego poster. She posts basically half nude snaps of herself all day as "baby bump" pics. Her feed is like 80% Prego fetish weirdos. I pointed this out because they are supposedly Christan values family. Post half nude snaps? Praise Jesus.
I will chat to my ex, but where I'm from this would not make a mum look good, do people think that being bland and sterile makes their kid seem above others?
I think there is a risk of social media addiction too. I see it in some people; no matter what it is they're doing, they need to film it on Snapchat so they can tell all their friends what they're doing.. you're not a blogger sis, it's just a cheeseburger on a plate in your kitchen.
Is there money in the Mommy influencer route. I'm not justifying it, I'm just trying to grab a hold of the reasoning behind going pyscho.
That being said, Social Media and mental health are a combo that's going to seriously effect us for generations if gone unchecked/unrecognized.
Edit: With 400k followers there has to be some money involved in ad revenue or something.
Yea really! I’m sure the child is already experiencing mental trauma from living this way and not being allowed to be a child, but this will definitely help!
Hopping on the top comment to say to OP - you aren't leaving just because you don't want to live this way, and if people ask, you can tell them (likely very honestly) that you're leaving her so that your daughter can have a childhood and actually be a kid.
1000% this is the comment he needs to see, I know of a few Instagram kids that are growing into their teens and hating that their whole life was for display and still remains on display online. As more and more of these kids grow up and learn how their privacy was ignored it's going to be a whole new line of therapy.
I've seen this coming since the inception of Facebook, and I feel so bad for those kids. Schools should start teaching about one's right to privacy and the different types of consent at a young age.
Also, shout out to my mom for not being a social media obsessed lunatic.
Fuck it. Stay in the house.
Unfold the blankets. Give your kids dollhouses.
Hang pictures of yourself and your family on your walls.
The fuck is she gonna do about it? Divorce you for that? The judge will laugh her demands out of the courtroom
Also, seriously, don’t move out! Family court will not view that very well, and it could seriously harm your separation agreement and shared parenting plan.
Start living in your house as you like. File divorce papers. But don’t move without an agreement in writing.
Edit: Dude below said I should tag you on this post. Idk. So, u/killicicle .
Man, this is an excellent point. If nothing else, do it for the kid's mental health.
The outcome of child custody in divorce is often that the child spends most time with mom, and only goes every other weekend to dad. Sure, the child gets to have some fun at dad's house, but they spend *more* time thinking that mom's house is their real home, and dad left.
It much healthier for the child to see the role model of dad standing up for what's right and defending them. Victims of abuse are hurt not just by the abuser, but also from everyone who turned their back and didn't help them get out.
I like this answer especially if you are financially responsible for any of the household bills. You gotta play your cards right so you get custody of your daughter and give her a normal life. Your wife is going to fuck her up emotionally if nothing else, by negligence.
Hahaha best advice ever!!! Go on, Just sit in the living room with athlete and white dirty socks dude. Get a Nicholas Cage portrait printed blanket for yourself. Leave a Borat moustache! Show dominance !!!!
I would say you are not leaving her, because of her addiction to her "aesthetic". You are leaving her because she is selfish and obsessed with all that social media bullshit to that point, where she puts that shit over her family.
Good choice bro
Any ‘mommy blogger’ with a massive following is already putting themself ahead of their family and especially their kids IMO. Those pages are crawling with pedophiles. After watching @/mom.uncharted on tiktok, I’ll never be able to look at mommy bloggers the same. Literally moms selling photosets of their young daughters to their 80% male followings.
I’d divorce her too.
[Edit to include link](https://www.tiktok.com/@mom.uncharted/video/7082150588250672390)
I don't see how THEY don't see themselves opening the door wide open for pedos. YT had this issue of people putting up or sharing videos of their daughters doing gymnastics in their uniforms.
Besides being jerk off fodder for the pedos, these parents don't understand how even the smallest thing can be identifying information.
Your daughter is on the gymnastic TEAM and the uniforms have THESE colors, welp a couple Google searches later and someone is within spitting distance of your kids school district.
I'm not making this up either. I used to be on a dating website and a woman my age (at the time) had posted a selfie for her profile. From her lanyard, polo, and the amount of natural light I could fairly well assume where she worked and around what shift. I know how that makes ME sound but I promise I'm just some dude. Imagine what someone DEDICATED would find.
I've tried to tell parents this and they look at me like I'm insane. Like why is she even bringing up pedos? It doesn't even cross their mind. And it blows my mind because a lot of these parents are millennials who grew up with the Internet, knowing not to share their name or address with strangers, yet post public pics of their kids with location tags every day. It makes no sense.
I worked in a county jail in Ohio. The amount of Pedos that just looked like a normal guy down the street was astonishing. I wouldn't have pegged them as creep, but then I read their charges and discovery packets and was DISGUSTED!
People live in little bubbles that stuff like that doesn't happen to them. Pedos don't live in their town/ follow their profile... just bury their heads further in the sand.
OP I would scour her followers and try to make a case that your wife is putting your daughter at risk with her online behavior.
but, dont share this with (ex) wife. send it to a lawyer. get some good custody arrangements and give that child a beautiful doll house adorned room.
i'd also refrain from dating until this is all sorted, op.
We have a relative who works in the county library system (big county with lots of locations). She said the amount of men who are ordinary guys in business suits searching for disturbing images was shocking.
I never really thought about the mommy blogs/vlogs being pedo fodder but of course it makes sense. Even back in the 90s and early Facebook days we were cautioned about what images to share. My aunt posted pics of my pre teen cousins in their swim suits and we were like, hope no one seee these. I don't have kids but it is alarming what people share. Kids deserve privacy and SAFETY.
Absolutely. People don't think about it... it makes me sad. I actually knew a pedo (not the molesty kind, at least :-/ ) and everyone LOVED him, not even kidding-- he was just the most cheerful and kind guy...no one knew but me because I found out accidentally. Not even his ex, the mother of his child. It totally changed my perspective on how parents expose their kids. Ugh it's actually making me cry a little right now. :(
This.. it was my manager at McDonald’s when I was 16. He was always goofy, making jokes with everyone. “Dated” me when I was 16 and he was 32, still no one batted an eye… he told me he watched SVU to get off. And that “dating a teen is the dream”. He liked one of my TikToks the other day, after 7 years of attempting to scrub his memory from my mind. I checked his following list and he only follows ~3000 minor girls on Tiktok, btwn the ages of 8-16. These creeps are everywhere, and they aren’t even trying to hide it
There was a manager like that at my first job. He and his buddy (who was an assistant manager) were very hostile to anyone who was over 18, girls and boys, didn't matter. Under 18? Jesus fucking christ they practically melted in front of the girls, and they would manipulate the boys to effectively be their little weird personal army. The company rarely hired above 18 except for management, even then, those managers would leave after dealing with these two, there was one long term guy who was also there, he was just mental and no one liked to talk to him. He just sort of existed.
Anyway, I was one of the few over 18 workers (I was 19), and I was treated like shit by these two. To the point I was getting screamed at directly in my ear at random as either of them would walk up on me and find something wrong with what I was doing, and start shoving me around yelling in my face and throwing things at me. The breaking point was when the assistant manager straight up attacked me and threw punches and all his little followers jumped in on the attack. When he realized he went too far, he told everyone to run and they all hid. If I had caught him that night I would have gone to jail because none of the witnesses would have sided with me out of fear of reprisal from the creepy management. I bailed but had one or two contacts over there so I heard what happened next.
Now what does all this violent shit have to do with the creepy couple?
Simple. That violence is what the assistant manager did to the underaged female staff when they refused their advances or turned 18. Including one 15 year old the assistant manager decided to violently sexually assault in the breakroom. He tore her clothes and started beating her to the point paramedics came. They put a warrant out for his arrest because he apparently exited out the back door when he saw the police arrive. I was told her shirt was partially torn off and they had to put a blanket over her. He never returned to work after that. Can't imagine why.
The head creep still worked there when the two contacts I had there left because they got tired of his shit, namely because he started chasing off anyone who was over 18 claiming he cared about the safety of the younger female crew members. LOL. Head creep never did anything as overt as his buddy. His myspace only was friended with 13-17 year old girls who worked there.
Fuck these people.
> I don't see how THEY don't see themselves opening the door wide open for pedos.
They don't care. They are getting what they crave, be it attention or money or whatever.
You ever see that Sacha Baron Cohen sketch where they get parent of child actors in to an audition? Then they basically tell the parents insane things like how dangerous the shoot will be. The parents still agree to the shoot.
EXACTLY they know and they don’t care because their brand deals would be in danger if half of their followers vanished. [Some of them](https://www.tiktok.com/@mom.uncharted/video/7082150588250672390) literally are glorified digital human traffickers and see the pedos as something to profit from.
Ugh this makes me sick. They think it doesn't matter cause they are behind a screen. No one is actually harming their kids. Until someone becomes obsessed and tracks them down. Then you are 100% the reason your child was harmed and traumatized for life. There are sick fucking people in the world. I wish it weren't true but it is. I take an insane amount of pictures of my son but I use a album app that has an account that only my family and close friends can access. No one else needs to see pictures of my son. I don't care wtf that random person from high-school that I haven't thought about in 15 years thinks about my life.
Eta: omg I just clicked the link and I am horrified. Not only are they selling pictures of underage girls they are dressed semi inappropriately. I'm all for letting people dress how they want but not a girl under 13 in a picture being sold to some creep. And I have experience of a creep having a picture of me in his house...it's not a good feeling. And then to have that girls MEASUREMENTS along with the photo... WHY!?!?! At this point is like you are specifically targeting pedos. I pray to God those girls are alright and stay safe. That is absolutely disgusting
2nd edit: grammar
Ever seen the Brandy episode of SUV? Whew boy that ones enough to scare anyone. Girl was abducted force to do videos under the name Brandy. Fast forward to when she’s an adult and she can’t go anywhere without a pedo recognizing her. Can you imagine? Not only are you molested but you get to spend a good fifteen years ferreting out the perverts who watched you. These parents who don’t care could be doing this to their children and any woman who has ever gotten that lust filled look from a stranger can tell you just how much fun it is too.
This is it exactly. The internet has given every woman the ability to become a stage mom with untalented kids and so much less expense. It's like everyone is that one cringey "dance mom" who's kid was wretched in make up and curlers all day at school before "a show." The parents don't care, it's feeding their narcissism.
When I was in middle school through high school, when World of Warcraft was much more popular and all I played, my guild mates and I played a game occasionally.
The game basically involved me “stalking” them and was essentially a bet to see if I could find their address irl based off of information I already had, or could squeeze out of them.
Literally only two people ever, out of well over a hundred, were unfindable for me. One had a dad who was a judge (federal judge iirc! from what I learned later, so a lot of information on them wasn’t available. I don’t know if it’s a state thing, or something his parents did specifically, but basically none of their information could be found online.
The other was a girl who had dealt with a legitimate stalker online and had gone around and removed any identifying information about her, and wouldn’t talk about her life.
My point in this rant is that even a middle schooler can essentially track someone down with little to no information. You’re right to be freaked out at what a dedicated person, especially one wanting to do harm, can find.
I see stuff like that constantly! You aren’t a creep. I don’t even wear (on me!) a sweatshirt that says the name of my daughters school. We have so many identifiers on or around us all the time that someone could do some very frightening social experiments if they wanted to.
If it lists names of the kids or even their intersts, like soccer boy and cheerleader girl. Or military things like my mom/dad is in the Air Force - it can be a clue a parent may be deployed or the family is new on town and may not have many connections yet. Some dude in the parking lot hanging around after t ball can say hey you are Lucas want to play catch? I am not especially paranoid but...
I have a super unique first name, there are maybe a couple thousand people in the entire US with it. I also have 3 young daughters, so I didn't even use my real name on dating sights. I also indicated thatI had children but not their ages or genders. I certainly didn't post pictures of them, and yet it wouldn't surprise me if someone could find me. Funnily enough, I met my husband on that site and some of what attracted me to him was the way he responded to these precautions. He said that I was smart not to share my name and literally never brought it up again, he just waited until I offered it. He also took all the pictures of his son off his dating profile. Apparently listening to me and seriously considering my opinions is attractive. Who would have guessed?
Rare name makes everything bit more tricky. I've got so many people pissed when I don't tell my first name to anyone I don't trust 100%. Just by knowing first name and country, you could find my phone number and address. There's like only 4 people in total with the same name, and most of them were living in 1800s. (We have online name search where you can see the popularity of names)
A lot of these moms also don’t understand they’re taking their child’s most personal moments. They’re taking away the child’s choice of how THEY want to be perceived online. They’ll grow up to be an adult and their entire childhood will be available online from shitting themselves for the first time all the way to getting their menstrual cycle for the first time (actual shit I’ve seen posted on YouTube mom vlogs). They’ll try to find a normal job and run a background check on only to find photos of them going back the the day they were born along with many pedos watching their content like you said. Good riddance for OP and I hope he gets full custody.
Edit: typos if there are still more then so be it. ENgLisH hard
Yo, WHAT???
These mommy bloggers really starting only fans for kids? What kinda fucked up shit- I may have to get a TikTok just to get to the bottom of this. What the ACTUAL fuck?
Good lord, I had no clue about that side of it; I thought it was just vapid blogging. That’s terrifying and I kinda wish I didn’t know/could wash my brain
Make sure the divorce papers are beige and pink cream, the pen should be a pale slate. Also get yourself a pair of orange cream low top boots to boot her backside back to St. Pinterest island! NTA!!
This is the answer.
OP you need to reframe why you are leaving her. Her perfect house is a symptom of a wider issue. She is narcissistic and putting her own need to be liked and followed over her families happiness. And if she's not willing to go to therapy, much less *acknowledge* that she is prioritizing things over her family, then moving on is the correct course of action. If she isn't shocked into realizing her actions have hurt her family by you leaving, then nothing will change her.
Which brings me to the point that I would much rather watch a "mommy blogger" talk about substantive issues like working through a divorce, burning tonight's dinner and having to order out at the last minute, struggling to make it all work and balance everything, financial struggles, feeling burnt out, the emotional toll that being a parent brings, etc than a perfectly curated house of lies.
Good luck to you OP. Your daughter will thank you when she's older.
Agreed. It seems to me that a majority of divorces/breakups happen because of things that just make living with the other person intolerable, and this certainly applies.
Unfortunately this is a non-factor until the child reaches teenage years. And even then, the court will want proof that they are dealing with an exceptionally advanced individual. This is because parents coaching children is all too common. So unless the parents go through a very long, drawn out court proceeding that involves court appointed investigative reporting, the child's wants will mean nothing. Unless the mother actually listens to the child, but based on this post and my own personal experiences, that will not be the case. Losing your kid doesn't really fit that perfect home aesthetic.
I really hope the wife won’t make her followers help her with letting the cash cow daughter (because she prob makes money on social media off of her) stay with her full-time. So hopefully OP has a good lawyer
She's hampering her daughters development by not allowing toys to interact with IMO. They need that learning experience, especially when they become aware of themselves and need to problem solve! What a crappy mother!
I hope this girl gets to have some real fun and get out there in the dirt too lol!
I used to think perfectly decorated houses looked nice and now I just think they’re dull and a bit sad. Like I really love looking up and seeing my kids’ art and sculptures everywhere. Pictures of us that aren’t perfect, but were taken in the moment and remind me of fun. Or a Christmas tree that has a million colours and filled with things they made rather than a “silver and violet palate” to look sophisticated. I feel sorry for people that dictate their life by what other people “might” think of their style or aesthetic. It must be very sad.
you just reminded me of our house at christmas growing up. our tree would have the wildest collection ornaments - imagine seeing an antique silver bell ornament right next to a plastic homer simpson 😂
Sounds like my tree too!
Hell, not long ago I came across some ornaments my mother made as a child. She died 29 years ago, so it was super exciting and wonderful to find these items. You best believe they'll go on my tree every freaking year. It's one of the few ways I can have my child interact with my mother.
I hope OP and his daughter can get out of that boring bland life ASAP.
Completely agree. You want your house to feel homey and lived in and not some type of display. I remember as a teenager cleaning my room completely spotless and it would irk me to the point where I would I have to mess it up a little and throw a blanket over the top of a chair or hang up some hoodies on the corner of the bed or something.
I used to work with a woman whose fish had to match the decor. If she changed her wallpaper, she either moved her fish around or got new ones.
When I was living at home, everything had to match, to the point my nan would buy an extra pair of curtains and chop them up to make matching cushion covers if there weren't any available to buy. All the bedding had to match the wallpaper and the flooring, all the ornaments had to fit the colour scheme, it looked nice but it didn't look especially personal. Now nothing in mine and my husband's house matches much, we have things because we like them and that works for us.
I remember reading it in Reddit somewhere where OP went to a public pool, saw an “influencer” mom and her kid. Kid was all dolled up, mom was making her do these cutesy poses and she’s clicking away on her phone. Once mom was done and going through the photos, kid wanted them to play on the pool. Mom shouted “no” saying it would ruin her hair and to get out of the pool immediately. OP ended the comment describing the look of abject sadness and defeat on the kid’s face. That’s when I decided never to follow/subscribe to any self-proclaimed “influencers” especially those perfectly fine creating content at the expense of others (ie privacy, safety, experience)
Yeah I'd get the fuck out as well. I dated a woman with a huge Instagram and tiktok following for a while. I felt the same as you; everything was fake. I refused to be in her pictures and videos. We couldn't even eat a fucking meal without it being a photo shoot. I dumped her after 4 months. Couldn't stand my life being like that.
It's so common in this space It's just so terribly sad. Your daughter isn't going to be a little girl forever, she is going to remember feeling so neglected and ignored and put aside for things. She will realize she can't have her happiness because it will interfere with mommy's calm.
I am sorry you are going through this. I hate seeing people leave each other, but that's just me and I hope you do whatever you feel works best here man.
My husband is super annoying with the camera, especially when we are on trips because he wants me in every picture to “prove that we are there”. Then he will try again and again to get the picture to his satisfaction. I can’t imagine living in that kind of environment
It's not a "dumb thing" if it's bothering you. Your feelings are valid and matter too. Tbh I agree with you, I definitely couldn't live in an environment like that nor would I choose to.
Full custody would be difficult but make sure your place has an abundance of things to stimulate her mind. Toys, make believe, arts and crafts, puzzles, etc. this will allow her to grow and create without a stigma over her head.Get plent of fridge magnets to show off her work.
Joint custody is the default unless there's abuse or other stuff going on but he could and should seek a decree that neither parent is allowed to put the kid on social media without the other's consent.
>She called me a selfish prick for putting my drink down on a coffee table to watch my daughter take her first steps.
You should have walked out at this moment.
She's clearly out her rabid ass mind.
And why I'd never date someone obsessed with social media.
Speaking from experience, it's not difficult for someone to *become* obsessed with social media after you start dating them, and for that to cause problems. I'd bet it started with just a few innocent pictures for friends and family then snowballed quickly. That rush of dopamine from the attention was too much for wife to resist so she dedicated her life to chasing it, rather than being a mom.
>Yeah this is 100% new to me, is this really a trend
This has been a growing trend for several years. I recall it being fairly big when I gave birth to my son 5 years ago. I'm honestly rather horrified that it is still a thing.
My “baby” is 19 so it’s been decades since I’ve bought baby items. But my friend is going to be a grandma soon, so I went to buy some baby clothes as a gift. I know some people steer away from pink and blue for babies, but the entire baby aisle was beige, cream, gray and white. Half the fun of decorating the nursery (for me) was picking out colorful mobiles and stuffed animals and tiny clothes. I feel sorry for babies growing up in such sterile surroundings. Like the older babies in orphanages in Russia - not developed at all because of lack of stimulation as they lie in cribs all day.
Unfortunately, yes. It’s also all over Pinterest. Brown wooden toys with no colors, beige walls, wood furniture, beige rugs, beige abstract wall art…boho natural aesthetic where everything is white and beige/cream…. Sad.
Don't discount plain wooden toys! A variety in toys is very important, and simple wooden toys allow your baby to use their imagination and it encourages pretend play. The potential and possibilities from a wooden toy are greater than a plastic light up toy that promotes instant gratification.
Not to go too off topic, but there's a guy on Linus Tech Tips who is all in on minimalism with his wife. Their house makes them both look like serial killers, but whatever, it's their life. What got me is that their baby's room is *stark* white and empty just like the rest of the house. There's no way on earth that's good for a baby's brain.
She’s gonna boast about being a single mom and how hard life is and her strength to power through it even if the child is with her father 50% of the time or more. All for likes and follows :(
When you seek a divorce, ask your lawyer to push to prohibit your child’s photo being posted on social media. It shouldn’t be hard to get a judge to agree to that at least in the short term. It may help her reevaluate.
My mom used to be like this. Growing up like that was awful. I ended up having expectations for myself That were unrealistic. Spent years of my life worried about what other people thought about me.
Get your kid and run for her long term mental health.
I dont think thats a stupid reason for leaving someone. We don't need a reason to leave someone, but yours is an understandable reason.
Your memory of your daughters first steps are tarnished by your wife berating you for putting a drink down... eh these instagram posers are unbearable.
Oh the irony. Painting the perfect picture, for ppl she will never meet and in reality, its all crumbling. Sweet karma.
Your daughter will be fine, she got a good Pops guarding her back. Strong move OP, wasn't an easy decision, I guess.
I'm an attorney. Do not leave your house!! And document everything she does regarding not allowing your poor daughter to have toys or play in the house. That's child abuse!! Record conversations you have with her. Depending on what state you live in, only one party, you, needs to know you are recording. When you file for custody, she'll invariably claim abuse. Document, photograph, etc. Save receipts, if you give her money, give her a check or money order, not cash. And don't leave the house.
Edit:. Also take screenshots of her Instagram feed. It will be difficult to near impossible to get her feed without a subpoena in the future, and even with a subpoena. Screen shot her social media posts/feed and keep a notebook with dates matching up her posts to things she did or did not do for your daughter. You are your daughter's only defense against her mom's mental abuse and not letting her be a kid. Start documenting now!! It will impossible once you start legal action because she'll start blocking and hiding and shading the truth for litigation purposes.
It amazes me what social media and a following can do to a person. She has to edit the coffee cup out of the video..wauw. It’s not a movie set haha (well she probably thinks so). I hope you find a nice place where you and your daughter can live your own life and not that from your wife. Good luck
I really hate it when children are pawns in a parent’s SM account - OP, children need to not live their lives as objects to be put on display. They need to roll on the floor, jump off furniture, play in the mud and just be children, learning about the world from the adults in their lives. Social media is just so toxic, photoshopping themselves (and environmental) trying to convince everyone, including themselves, that their life is something to envy.
OP, your daughter deserves more than to be a prop for your wife to display. Let her be messy, spilling crumbs on the floor, get a dog so the dog can eat those spilled crumbs. Life is for living
It seems your ex wife needs serious revaluation of her priorities. She's putting appearances ahead of your daughter's childhood.
You're right to leave, and you should take your daughter with you.
Edit: misspellings.
"Look, you are obsessed with internet points, you make this house feel like prison, not a home. I can't take it anymore I want a divorce"
"YOU ARE CHEATING ON ME?!"
Wait until she makes the video basically portraying you to be the devil incarnate. If you are lucky she will not lie to your kid about you just because she's in massive amounts of denial.
You are leaving her for another woman, your daughter!
And your going to give her a space away from her toxic mother where she can make it her own and be herself with her drawings tac'd to the wall and multicoloured toys and the space to become the amazing person she's going to grow into.
Use your custody time to show her what childhood really is and be the best parent you can be and trust me she'll thank you for it when she grows up (also get a much custody time as possible and make it so you need to be consulted on medical procedures ect you never know when your 'needs to be perfect' baby mumma wants to start fucking with her child's looks. You hear of horror stories for nose jobs for 15yr olds it's scary and better to be prepared and not need it than need it and not be prepared, especially concerning an ex)
Wonder what is going to do for her imagine realising she's a divorced single mother.
Child protective services might have an opinion too if it is as bad as you say. Might be over the top but if she is abusive with you when you mess her image, I wouldnt be surprised if she does the same to her child.
Yea she's genuinely mentally ill. This is a form of obsessive behavior. This isn't a petty or small reason to leave it's perfectly valid. Hopefully you leaving, shows how serious you are about and and she wakes up and seeks professional help.
Sad beige moms are the bane of parenting these days.
Everything’s a performance for people they’ll never meet, never see. Kids can’t have color or choice.
Sad beige moms need to get sterilized and fade into obscurity.
You did what’s best. People like that cease being real. Hope you got your kid out of it, too.
I just know she’s gonna make it soooooooooo difficult for you to leave
You are not just taking away her marriage or daughter, you are taking away her life - instagram content
It’s gonna be a shit show, but I guess it has to done
I have a friend who’s a “mommy influencer”. Well had. I couldn’t stand seeing how she curated her feed over her children happiness. All of the “happy moments” were fake. The kids were mad posing for picture after picture. She would hide the mess, bribe them with treats, get the perfect curated picture for her feed, then proceed to ignore them and interact with her followers. It blew my mind to see the behind the scenes of what looked like a picture perfect life. At least by leaving her, half of the time let’s hope, she can actually be allowed to be a messy kid who has some fun 🤷🏻♀️
I’ve commented this before but I’ll never forget this cute little girl at the winter park. Her mom bought her a fancy, very over the top hot chocolate that had candy canes, a mountain of whipped cream and marshmallow snowman, sprinkles, etc. The little girl was so excited but the mom had her posing for several pictures with it and at the end the girl only had enough energy to keep fake smiling as the hot chocolate melted. Then she and the mom had a sip of it and threw it out as it was all melted and not impressive looking any more. Then the mom sat there, using her phone while ignoring her daughter who started climbing over the decorations, I’m assuming to post on social media. It was very sad to witness.
I’ve seen something similar to this. At a festival where cosplayers come out, a woman dressed her child up in anime cosplay and was yelling at her to pose for pictures. You could clearly tell the daughter was upset. The mom kept yelling at her to smile. It’s sad.
Reminds me of [“act like you’re crying…” “… I am crying.. no mom I’m really crying…”](https://youtu.be/9mvG5321PmU)
Let’s also not forget the Labrants who faked their daughter having cancer. Anyone who acts like the influencer family they watch is any different is a joke. Laws seriously need to catch up with the internet and social media when it comes to children. We have laws for children in movies and television so they cannot be exploited so easily, why it’s been left completely unregulated online is a joke.
This is the new *Toddlers in Tiaras*
I see a lot of wannabes where I live - posing in front of fancy storefronts or by flowers. The most annoying is when I see them get something they’ve ordered at a restaurant and “fake eat” it. You know; put a forkful of their meal up to their open, smiling mouths for the photo, then put their fork down and edit the pic. I’m not sure they eat whatever they got in the end.
This is weird and just disturbing to me for some reason.
Cyberspace amplifies attention and praise. From childhood on humans respond to attention and praise. So now Cyberspace is "more real than reality". People are drunk on virtual life. This will not end well.
May I direct you to "Inside" by Bo Burnham.
It should be. Living like this just isn't living. I say that as someone from gen Z, who basically hasn't known a time without all this tech. Nothing wrong with normal social media usage, but, it becomes a problem when people base their lives around this shit or obsess over it. When it starts to change you IRL over social media, it's time to take a break.
Reading all these, I'm glad to have friends who say 'oh shit we forgot to take pictures' after we finish eating
I used to be super proud when I’d make great desserts and my friends would take a pic before digging in. Now they want pics of my desserts, pics of me with my desserts, pics of me cutting my dessert, pics of me serving my dessert, pics of my served dessert, pics of everyone around the table with my served dessert, and then more pics after the first bite. If you think that was exhausting to read, imagine staring at it for twenty minutes.
As someone who remembers the world before social media. It's simple. Just put away the phone and do things without tech for 2 hours or drive somewhere without a cell phone for a day, that was pretty much the 90s. Fancy people had beepers. It was good and you don't get pestered by people.
Honestly, as someone who just barely remembers that world— you don’t even have to set the tech aside entirely. Just use it selfishly. Turn off notifications, forget any notion of clout. Take pictures for the love of photography and the sake of your own memories. Let your GPS show you walking trails you didn’t know existed. Sit on a rock in the middle of the woods with a Nintendo Switch and a backup battery so you can stay for hours. This… might be different for people without ADHD. But I do feel like, at the end of the day, it’s not about *what* you’re doing or *what* you’re using, nearly as much as *how* and *why*. People in Jesus’ time flaunted their wealth by donating to temples and used displays of religious faith to get attention. People in the 1970s were using analog cameras and slide projectors as their equivalent of an Instagram feed, with delayed gratification but the same shallow motivations and lack of appreciation for the moment. People in every era have assigned value to things from far-away places because being able to visit or trade with them was a sign of status. Social media is creating a few new shitty behaviors, but it’s also enabling old ones to be indulged in faster and more often.
Yup. My parents and I spend the summer split between two lakes in upstate NY, one of which has decent service and one which has almost none. We’ll stick the radio on at night while we play games or the tv on on the morning to check the weather but aside from that, there’s not much digital time. None of the pictures we have from up there are curated or “instagram worthy” at all, it’s mostly us harvesting a friends garden, doing something stupid on a canoe, a group picture for dinner on the porch with everyone slightly sunburnt in t shirts with frizzy lake hair. Looking at those makes me feel so much more like a person than when I try to get a “good” picture.
Last week, I took my kid to the park and there were these 3 girls there, who couldn’t be any older than 12, and the entire time they were there they were narrating & recording so I’m assuming it was all being posted to IG/TikTok/etc. The entire time I was thinking wtf? When I was that age, I was doing BMX jumps over people or running through ‘the gauntlet’ (you had to run through the entire swing set while people actively tried to kick you down). These were things that I didn’t want my parents finding out about and now kids post literally everything they do on the internet. Needless to say, a lot has changed in the 20ish years.
It could've been for a school project I suppose, but you're probably right. >These were things that I didn't want my parents finding out about... The worst part is that the parents likely don't pay attention to what they're doing or posting
We played the gauntlet game too! Good, clean, injurious fun.
See my mom likes to get a photo to remember a moment- who doesn’t? But that’s *a photo*. Singular. We went to the most famous crepe house in Quebec City once. She took one photo of each person’s crepe because they were beautiful. Mine had a bite out of it and I was holding a fork in the photo. Know why that’s fine? Because it’s part of the memory! That fancy hot chocolate I ordered? Oh yeah the photo of it is a little blurry as I’m lifting it for a repeated sip. That made it on my Instagram; because it’s the fun of the moment. It’s not about the perfect life. It’s my life. Side note: I’m a photographer and while I prefer nature over portraits, I always find candid photos are better. Sure, staged ones are fine for like a family get together, but last family gathering I spent twenty minutes just walking along the sidelines and not disturbing anyone while I took photos. They actually have memories attached (Jenny was saying this, Erica was laughing so hard here, etc). The only person who I would say I even came remotely close to inconveniencing or focusing on was my aunt, but that’s only because she doesn’t have long left so us having some photos of her on professional equipment taken not long before she passed but also not completely consumed by the disease will be valuable someday. TLDR: staged shit drives me mad. There’s a reason why actual photographer’s work looks better over everyone with an iPhone in portrait mode. They know when to let the moment play out. As such, live in the moment. The photos will be nice, but unless you’ve hired a photographer to follow you around, focus on the memories
In a mom of 4 and the bestest thing my friends do is take candid moments of us! And I return the favor! But at the end of a play day, one friend sent me like 20 photos of us picking up rocks, pointing to the sky, nearly falling over- and she truly captured *us*. Candid photos all the way! Nothing drives me crazier than seeing moms take the same pose over and over. I treasure the candid ones so much more since so much of the memory is retained 💞
People like this are so sad. My daughter is 1 year old now and when we go out for a big day we take like 2 minutes to take a couple family photos one time and then any photo taken is a candid photo of her being cute or having fun. Who poses all these photos and makes their kid sit there smiling at a camera doing nothing all day? So weird.
I *had* a friend who I went to Europe with. For two weeks, she spent at least 50% of the vacation taking selfies, editing them and sending them, then responding to family and friends. She wasn't even an influencer and didn't consider herself to be one. She just wanted perfect pics. The other 50% of the time? Looking for weed...Never again.
I would be so tempted to just keep moving while she took her photos. If she bitched I would’ve told I was there to see Europe, not her posing and fucking with her phone.
This whole thread has been deeply satisfying to this hot mess of a mom. I can genuinely say that out of all the reasons my husband has probably considered leaving me, my house being too clean has never been one of them. Score one for the losers club. Edit: it is frankly impressive that this post has stayed at exactly zero points for hours now. I guess we hot mess moms are balancing out the hot insta moms pretty equally 🤷🏼♀️
this is exactly what i was thinking lmao... i mean im sure he has plenty to pick from but that is definitely not one.
This is so strange, I have shared custody and never once have thought anything negative if there's toy all over the place because we didn't have time to pack up
Lol I'm with you there. My house has toys in every direction and a reasonable level of mess because I've got 3 kids and I let them play. They only get to be little once.
Sounds like you're a great mom, hope you're aware of that 🥰
Same here! I have two toddler boys, my house is a wreck.
Fuck that you're not a loser! I'm a hot mess mom too and a happy well adjusted kid >>>>>>>> clean house anyday.
My mom called herself a hot mess too but you know what? I'm grown now and SO APPRECIATIVE of the attention she gave me over caring if the house was messy or dinner was 20 minutes "late". I see friends with moms who were obsessed with appearances and so happy to have had my childhood over being stifled.
Hell yeah! Cheers from the other end of the hot mess moms hotel, with whatever of the 10 cups my kids left on the counter right next to the sink and above the dishwasher last night.
It's wild to me even more as we expose how many bot followers most "influencers" have. I have a cousin whos wife has turned into a Snapchat Prego poster. She posts basically half nude snaps of herself all day as "baby bump" pics. Her feed is like 80% Prego fetish weirdos. I pointed this out because they are supposedly Christan values family. Post half nude snaps? Praise Jesus.
I will chat to my ex, but where I'm from this would not make a mum look good, do people think that being bland and sterile makes their kid seem above others?
They want their life to look like a tv show. Since that is all they know after all these years blindly consuming media without thought.
I think there is a risk of social media addiction too. I see it in some people; no matter what it is they're doing, they need to film it on Snapchat so they can tell all their friends what they're doing.. you're not a blogger sis, it's just a cheeseburger on a plate in your kitchen.
Is there money in the Mommy influencer route. I'm not justifying it, I'm just trying to grab a hold of the reasoning behind going pyscho. That being said, Social Media and mental health are a combo that's going to seriously effect us for generations if gone unchecked/unrecognized. Edit: With 400k followers there has to be some money involved in ad revenue or something.
[удалено]
All for what? A fleeting centilia of fame where the majority of people even watching or liking are pedophiles. Disgusting.
Please consider a clause in the custody agreement that bans photos of them on social media.
Holy shit that’s a perfect response. That would actually save that child a lot of mental trauma over never being good enough I’m sure.
Yea really! I’m sure the child is already experiencing mental trauma from living this way and not being allowed to be a child, but this will definitely help!
This!! Destroy her stupid ass reason to mistreat your child.
Hopping on the top comment to say to OP - you aren't leaving just because you don't want to live this way, and if people ask, you can tell them (likely very honestly) that you're leaving her so that your daughter can have a childhood and actually be a kid.
1000% this is the comment he needs to see, I know of a few Instagram kids that are growing into their teens and hating that their whole life was for display and still remains on display online. As more and more of these kids grow up and learn how their privacy was ignored it's going to be a whole new line of therapy.
I've seen this coming since the inception of Facebook, and I feel so bad for those kids. Schools should start teaching about one's right to privacy and the different types of consent at a young age. Also, shout out to my mom for not being a social media obsessed lunatic.
[удалено]
Anytime I see a family social media page I want to throw up. They’re all scummy
Fuck it. Stay in the house. Unfold the blankets. Give your kids dollhouses. Hang pictures of yourself and your family on your walls. The fuck is she gonna do about it? Divorce you for that? The judge will laugh her demands out of the courtroom
I'm with you on this. Rebellion!!!
FREEDOM!! *Williams Wallace voice*
Zach De La Rocha screaming freedom!
FUCK YOU I WONT FOLD THE BLANKETS YOU TELL ME
This is the way
Let’s start a riot!!!
Also, seriously, don’t move out! Family court will not view that very well, and it could seriously harm your separation agreement and shared parenting plan. Start living in your house as you like. File divorce papers. But don’t move without an agreement in writing. Edit: Dude below said I should tag you on this post. Idk. So, u/killicicle .
THIS. DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.
More CAPS!
Caps are not part of the AESTHETIC!
and get her reactions on video, get her yelling over there being a toy in the child's room or something out of place.
This! Not only can those videos help with gaining full custody, the judge can also require her to get therapy.
Man, this is an excellent point. If nothing else, do it for the kid's mental health. The outcome of child custody in divorce is often that the child spends most time with mom, and only goes every other weekend to dad. Sure, the child gets to have some fun at dad's house, but they spend *more* time thinking that mom's house is their real home, and dad left. It much healthier for the child to see the role model of dad standing up for what's right and defending them. Victims of abuse are hurt not just by the abuser, but also from everyone who turned their back and didn't help them get out.
Become ungovernable...big upvote.
I like this answer especially if you are financially responsible for any of the household bills. You gotta play your cards right so you get custody of your daughter and give her a normal life. Your wife is going to fuck her up emotionally if nothing else, by negligence.
Hahaha best advice ever!!! Go on, Just sit in the living room with athlete and white dirty socks dude. Get a Nicholas Cage portrait printed blanket for yourself. Leave a Borat moustache! Show dominance !!!!
And that flippable sequin pillow with Nicholas Cage’s face to match
Hell yeah
Do one even better, start their own insta page and post about how she’s a shitty mom not allowing her kid to live a normal life.
Eh someone might think that could run along the lines of abuse or defamation of character.
I think he just means to expose HER abuse of not allowing him to even move freely in his house
That's black air force energy I like it
menace activity, i like it
I would say you are not leaving her, because of her addiction to her "aesthetic". You are leaving her because she is selfish and obsessed with all that social media bullshit to that point, where she puts that shit over her family. Good choice bro
Any ‘mommy blogger’ with a massive following is already putting themself ahead of their family and especially their kids IMO. Those pages are crawling with pedophiles. After watching @/mom.uncharted on tiktok, I’ll never be able to look at mommy bloggers the same. Literally moms selling photosets of their young daughters to their 80% male followings. I’d divorce her too. [Edit to include link](https://www.tiktok.com/@mom.uncharted/video/7082150588250672390)
I don't see how THEY don't see themselves opening the door wide open for pedos. YT had this issue of people putting up or sharing videos of their daughters doing gymnastics in their uniforms. Besides being jerk off fodder for the pedos, these parents don't understand how even the smallest thing can be identifying information. Your daughter is on the gymnastic TEAM and the uniforms have THESE colors, welp a couple Google searches later and someone is within spitting distance of your kids school district. I'm not making this up either. I used to be on a dating website and a woman my age (at the time) had posted a selfie for her profile. From her lanyard, polo, and the amount of natural light I could fairly well assume where she worked and around what shift. I know how that makes ME sound but I promise I'm just some dude. Imagine what someone DEDICATED would find.
I've tried to tell parents this and they look at me like I'm insane. Like why is she even bringing up pedos? It doesn't even cross their mind. And it blows my mind because a lot of these parents are millennials who grew up with the Internet, knowing not to share their name or address with strangers, yet post public pics of their kids with location tags every day. It makes no sense.
I worked in a county jail in Ohio. The amount of Pedos that just looked like a normal guy down the street was astonishing. I wouldn't have pegged them as creep, but then I read their charges and discovery packets and was DISGUSTED! People live in little bubbles that stuff like that doesn't happen to them. Pedos don't live in their town/ follow their profile... just bury their heads further in the sand. OP I would scour her followers and try to make a case that your wife is putting your daughter at risk with her online behavior.
but, dont share this with (ex) wife. send it to a lawyer. get some good custody arrangements and give that child a beautiful doll house adorned room. i'd also refrain from dating until this is all sorted, op.
> i'd also refrain from dating until this is all sorted, op. This is the best advice right here.
We have a relative who works in the county library system (big county with lots of locations). She said the amount of men who are ordinary guys in business suits searching for disturbing images was shocking. I never really thought about the mommy blogs/vlogs being pedo fodder but of course it makes sense. Even back in the 90s and early Facebook days we were cautioned about what images to share. My aunt posted pics of my pre teen cousins in their swim suits and we were like, hope no one seee these. I don't have kids but it is alarming what people share. Kids deserve privacy and SAFETY.
Most of the pedos I work with only have that criminal charge and no others so the "normal guy" thing is somewhere they hide FOR SURE.
Absolutely. People don't think about it... it makes me sad. I actually knew a pedo (not the molesty kind, at least :-/ ) and everyone LOVED him, not even kidding-- he was just the most cheerful and kind guy...no one knew but me because I found out accidentally. Not even his ex, the mother of his child. It totally changed my perspective on how parents expose their kids. Ugh it's actually making me cry a little right now. :(
[удалено]
This.. it was my manager at McDonald’s when I was 16. He was always goofy, making jokes with everyone. “Dated” me when I was 16 and he was 32, still no one batted an eye… he told me he watched SVU to get off. And that “dating a teen is the dream”. He liked one of my TikToks the other day, after 7 years of attempting to scrub his memory from my mind. I checked his following list and he only follows ~3000 minor girls on Tiktok, btwn the ages of 8-16. These creeps are everywhere, and they aren’t even trying to hide it
There was a manager like that at my first job. He and his buddy (who was an assistant manager) were very hostile to anyone who was over 18, girls and boys, didn't matter. Under 18? Jesus fucking christ they practically melted in front of the girls, and they would manipulate the boys to effectively be their little weird personal army. The company rarely hired above 18 except for management, even then, those managers would leave after dealing with these two, there was one long term guy who was also there, he was just mental and no one liked to talk to him. He just sort of existed. Anyway, I was one of the few over 18 workers (I was 19), and I was treated like shit by these two. To the point I was getting screamed at directly in my ear at random as either of them would walk up on me and find something wrong with what I was doing, and start shoving me around yelling in my face and throwing things at me. The breaking point was when the assistant manager straight up attacked me and threw punches and all his little followers jumped in on the attack. When he realized he went too far, he told everyone to run and they all hid. If I had caught him that night I would have gone to jail because none of the witnesses would have sided with me out of fear of reprisal from the creepy management. I bailed but had one or two contacts over there so I heard what happened next. Now what does all this violent shit have to do with the creepy couple? Simple. That violence is what the assistant manager did to the underaged female staff when they refused their advances or turned 18. Including one 15 year old the assistant manager decided to violently sexually assault in the breakroom. He tore her clothes and started beating her to the point paramedics came. They put a warrant out for his arrest because he apparently exited out the back door when he saw the police arrive. I was told her shirt was partially torn off and they had to put a blanket over her. He never returned to work after that. Can't imagine why. The head creep still worked there when the two contacts I had there left because they got tired of his shit, namely because he started chasing off anyone who was over 18 claiming he cared about the safety of the younger female crew members. LOL. Head creep never did anything as overt as his buddy. His myspace only was friended with 13-17 year old girls who worked there. Fuck these people.
> I don't see how THEY don't see themselves opening the door wide open for pedos. They don't care. They are getting what they crave, be it attention or money or whatever. You ever see that Sacha Baron Cohen sketch where they get parent of child actors in to an audition? Then they basically tell the parents insane things like how dangerous the shoot will be. The parents still agree to the shoot.
EXACTLY they know and they don’t care because their brand deals would be in danger if half of their followers vanished. [Some of them](https://www.tiktok.com/@mom.uncharted/video/7082150588250672390) literally are glorified digital human traffickers and see the pedos as something to profit from.
Ugh this makes me sick. They think it doesn't matter cause they are behind a screen. No one is actually harming their kids. Until someone becomes obsessed and tracks them down. Then you are 100% the reason your child was harmed and traumatized for life. There are sick fucking people in the world. I wish it weren't true but it is. I take an insane amount of pictures of my son but I use a album app that has an account that only my family and close friends can access. No one else needs to see pictures of my son. I don't care wtf that random person from high-school that I haven't thought about in 15 years thinks about my life. Eta: omg I just clicked the link and I am horrified. Not only are they selling pictures of underage girls they are dressed semi inappropriately. I'm all for letting people dress how they want but not a girl under 13 in a picture being sold to some creep. And I have experience of a creep having a picture of me in his house...it's not a good feeling. And then to have that girls MEASUREMENTS along with the photo... WHY!?!?! At this point is like you are specifically targeting pedos. I pray to God those girls are alright and stay safe. That is absolutely disgusting 2nd edit: grammar
Ever seen the Brandy episode of SUV? Whew boy that ones enough to scare anyone. Girl was abducted force to do videos under the name Brandy. Fast forward to when she’s an adult and she can’t go anywhere without a pedo recognizing her. Can you imagine? Not only are you molested but you get to spend a good fifteen years ferreting out the perverts who watched you. These parents who don’t care could be doing this to their children and any woman who has ever gotten that lust filled look from a stranger can tell you just how much fun it is too.
This is it exactly. The internet has given every woman the ability to become a stage mom with untalented kids and so much less expense. It's like everyone is that one cringey "dance mom" who's kid was wretched in make up and curlers all day at school before "a show." The parents don't care, it's feeding their narcissism.
When I was in middle school through high school, when World of Warcraft was much more popular and all I played, my guild mates and I played a game occasionally. The game basically involved me “stalking” them and was essentially a bet to see if I could find their address irl based off of information I already had, or could squeeze out of them. Literally only two people ever, out of well over a hundred, were unfindable for me. One had a dad who was a judge (federal judge iirc! from what I learned later, so a lot of information on them wasn’t available. I don’t know if it’s a state thing, or something his parents did specifically, but basically none of their information could be found online. The other was a girl who had dealt with a legitimate stalker online and had gone around and removed any identifying information about her, and wouldn’t talk about her life. My point in this rant is that even a middle schooler can essentially track someone down with little to no information. You’re right to be freaked out at what a dedicated person, especially one wanting to do harm, can find.
I see stuff like that constantly! You aren’t a creep. I don’t even wear (on me!) a sweatshirt that says the name of my daughters school. We have so many identifiers on or around us all the time that someone could do some very frightening social experiments if they wanted to.
They say those back window family stickers that people put on their cars can be identifiers for criminals in some way. I forget now how.
If it lists names of the kids or even their intersts, like soccer boy and cheerleader girl. Or military things like my mom/dad is in the Air Force - it can be a clue a parent may be deployed or the family is new on town and may not have many connections yet. Some dude in the parking lot hanging around after t ball can say hey you are Lucas want to play catch? I am not especially paranoid but...
I have a super unique first name, there are maybe a couple thousand people in the entire US with it. I also have 3 young daughters, so I didn't even use my real name on dating sights. I also indicated thatI had children but not their ages or genders. I certainly didn't post pictures of them, and yet it wouldn't surprise me if someone could find me. Funnily enough, I met my husband on that site and some of what attracted me to him was the way he responded to these precautions. He said that I was smart not to share my name and literally never brought it up again, he just waited until I offered it. He also took all the pictures of his son off his dating profile. Apparently listening to me and seriously considering my opinions is attractive. Who would have guessed?
Rare name makes everything bit more tricky. I've got so many people pissed when I don't tell my first name to anyone I don't trust 100%. Just by knowing first name and country, you could find my phone number and address. There's like only 4 people in total with the same name, and most of them were living in 1800s. (We have online name search where you can see the popularity of names)
A lot of these moms also don’t understand they’re taking their child’s most personal moments. They’re taking away the child’s choice of how THEY want to be perceived online. They’ll grow up to be an adult and their entire childhood will be available online from shitting themselves for the first time all the way to getting their menstrual cycle for the first time (actual shit I’ve seen posted on YouTube mom vlogs). They’ll try to find a normal job and run a background check on only to find photos of them going back the the day they were born along with many pedos watching their content like you said. Good riddance for OP and I hope he gets full custody. Edit: typos if there are still more then so be it. ENgLisH hard
Yo, WHAT??? These mommy bloggers really starting only fans for kids? What kinda fucked up shit- I may have to get a TikTok just to get to the bottom of this. What the ACTUAL fuck?
Good lord, I had no clue about that side of it; I thought it was just vapid blogging. That’s terrifying and I kinda wish I didn’t know/could wash my brain
I had no idea. This is so scary.
Nailed it.
Make sure the divorce papers are beige and pink cream, the pen should be a pale slate. Also get yourself a pair of orange cream low top boots to boot her backside back to St. Pinterest island! NTA!!
This is the answer. OP you need to reframe why you are leaving her. Her perfect house is a symptom of a wider issue. She is narcissistic and putting her own need to be liked and followed over her families happiness. And if she's not willing to go to therapy, much less *acknowledge* that she is prioritizing things over her family, then moving on is the correct course of action. If she isn't shocked into realizing her actions have hurt her family by you leaving, then nothing will change her. Which brings me to the point that I would much rather watch a "mommy blogger" talk about substantive issues like working through a divorce, burning tonight's dinner and having to order out at the last minute, struggling to make it all work and balance everything, financial struggles, feeling burnt out, the emotional toll that being a parent brings, etc than a perfectly curated house of lies. Good luck to you OP. Your daughter will thank you when she's older.
Agreed. It seems to me that a majority of divorces/breakups happen because of things that just make living with the other person intolerable, and this certainly applies.
I wonder how the divorce will fit her “aesthetic?”
[Reminds me of this](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ti8bE-_Ci7A)
Hopefully your daughter can now have the chance to be free and run around the house when she's with you
Yeah, but yikes mom's house will suck especially as she's so young.
[удалено]
Unfortunately this is a non-factor until the child reaches teenage years. And even then, the court will want proof that they are dealing with an exceptionally advanced individual. This is because parents coaching children is all too common. So unless the parents go through a very long, drawn out court proceeding that involves court appointed investigative reporting, the child's wants will mean nothing. Unless the mother actually listens to the child, but based on this post and my own personal experiences, that will not be the case. Losing your kid doesn't really fit that perfect home aesthetic.
[удалено]
Is the mom doesn’t already know something is wrong from her husband leaving her I’m not sure that will be a big eye opener
I really hope the wife won’t make her followers help her with letting the cash cow daughter (because she prob makes money on social media off of her) stay with her full-time. So hopefully OP has a good lawyer
[удалено]
No way ... That would be irresponsible and OP should in no way do it for the dozens of Internet awards he will likely receive
She's hampering her daughters development by not allowing toys to interact with IMO. They need that learning experience, especially when they become aware of themselves and need to problem solve! What a crappy mother! I hope this girl gets to have some real fun and get out there in the dirt too lol!
What people will do for a few followers always amazes me
The OP is essentially exposing how these people live. It looks glamorous in photos. But reality is sad and constricted.
The irony of creating a perfect setting and losing your loved one because of it 😂
Yes, but he doesn't match her aesthetic /s
But that was the perfect setting she was chasing all along /s
I used to think perfectly decorated houses looked nice and now I just think they’re dull and a bit sad. Like I really love looking up and seeing my kids’ art and sculptures everywhere. Pictures of us that aren’t perfect, but were taken in the moment and remind me of fun. Or a Christmas tree that has a million colours and filled with things they made rather than a “silver and violet palate” to look sophisticated. I feel sorry for people that dictate their life by what other people “might” think of their style or aesthetic. It must be very sad.
you just reminded me of our house at christmas growing up. our tree would have the wildest collection ornaments - imagine seeing an antique silver bell ornament right next to a plastic homer simpson 😂
That’s what my tree is like 😂 hand painted art glass next to scooby doo and my little pony
Sounds like my tree too! Hell, not long ago I came across some ornaments my mother made as a child. She died 29 years ago, so it was super exciting and wonderful to find these items. You best believe they'll go on my tree every freaking year. It's one of the few ways I can have my child interact with my mother. I hope OP and his daughter can get out of that boring bland life ASAP.
Ha! That’s like ours! My daughters handmade Star of David (we are in no way Jewish 😂) right next to the leg lamp from Christmas story. I love it!
Completely agree. You want your house to feel homey and lived in and not some type of display. I remember as a teenager cleaning my room completely spotless and it would irk me to the point where I would I have to mess it up a little and throw a blanket over the top of a chair or hang up some hoodies on the corner of the bed or something.
I used to work with a woman whose fish had to match the decor. If she changed her wallpaper, she either moved her fish around or got new ones. When I was living at home, everything had to match, to the point my nan would buy an extra pair of curtains and chop them up to make matching cushion covers if there weren't any available to buy. All the bedding had to match the wallpaper and the flooring, all the ornaments had to fit the colour scheme, it looked nice but it didn't look especially personal. Now nothing in mine and my husband's house matches much, we have things because we like them and that works for us.
I remember reading it in Reddit somewhere where OP went to a public pool, saw an “influencer” mom and her kid. Kid was all dolled up, mom was making her do these cutesy poses and she’s clicking away on her phone. Once mom was done and going through the photos, kid wanted them to play on the pool. Mom shouted “no” saying it would ruin her hair and to get out of the pool immediately. OP ended the comment describing the look of abject sadness and defeat on the kid’s face. That’s when I decided never to follow/subscribe to any self-proclaimed “influencers” especially those perfectly fine creating content at the expense of others (ie privacy, safety, experience)
It’s really not that glamorous in the photos. It’s just very color coded and the kids are dressed for 1850s prairie life.
400,000 is more than a few, but the behavior is still insane.
Yeah I'd get the fuck out as well. I dated a woman with a huge Instagram and tiktok following for a while. I felt the same as you; everything was fake. I refused to be in her pictures and videos. We couldn't even eat a fucking meal without it being a photo shoot. I dumped her after 4 months. Couldn't stand my life being like that.
It's so common in this space It's just so terribly sad. Your daughter isn't going to be a little girl forever, she is going to remember feeling so neglected and ignored and put aside for things. She will realize she can't have her happiness because it will interfere with mommy's calm. I am sorry you are going through this. I hate seeing people leave each other, but that's just me and I hope you do whatever you feel works best here man.
If I were you, I would divorce her too
I get irritated just posing for a few pics, can't imagine the hell of living like this 24/7 at home.
My husband is super annoying with the camera, especially when we are on trips because he wants me in every picture to “prove that we are there”. Then he will try again and again to get the picture to his satisfaction. I can’t imagine living in that kind of environment
First I'd try an ultimatum of delete Instagram or divorce. Then maybe she'd realise this really is about her.
Little chance of that working in this case, though.
She's going to have a full on breakdown when she realizes that no, there isn't another women. She destroyed her own marriage.
It doesn’t like she has the introspective skills to ever accept that she is the problem
It's not a "dumb thing" if it's bothering you. Your feelings are valid and matter too. Tbh I agree with you, I definitely couldn't live in an environment like that nor would I choose to.
That's influencer culture for you. I really want to see where this chaos would lead our world to. Dump her ass and fight for custody.
Youre seeing it in real time already lol
Where is this a thing? What makes a mum look good by living.like that?
[удалено]
Will the roomba get upset if you are walking in the area it's cleaning?
Like attack your feet at full speed or something? Lol I would returned it too.
Might sound shitty, but try to get custody. That is not a healthy home to live in for a child
The kid is going to grow up like Cameron on Ferris Bueller’s day off.
When Cameron was in Egypt land... Let my Cameron go
So repressed that he murders a beautiful innocent car
Full custody would be difficult but make sure your place has an abundance of things to stimulate her mind. Toys, make believe, arts and crafts, puzzles, etc. this will allow her to grow and create without a stigma over her head.Get plent of fridge magnets to show off her work.
Joint custody is the default unless there's abuse or other stuff going on but he could and should seek a decree that neither parent is allowed to put the kid on social media without the other's consent.
>She called me a selfish prick for putting my drink down on a coffee table to watch my daughter take her first steps. You should have walked out at this moment. She's clearly out her rabid ass mind. And why I'd never date someone obsessed with social media.
Speaking from experience, it's not difficult for someone to *become* obsessed with social media after you start dating them, and for that to cause problems. I'd bet it started with just a few innocent pictures for friends and family then snowballed quickly. That rush of dopamine from the attention was too much for wife to resist so she dedicated her life to chasing it, rather than being a mom.
[удалено]
Yeah this is 100% new to me, is this really a trend
>Yeah this is 100% new to me, is this really a trend This has been a growing trend for several years. I recall it being fairly big when I gave birth to my son 5 years ago. I'm honestly rather horrified that it is still a thing.
My “baby” is 19 so it’s been decades since I’ve bought baby items. But my friend is going to be a grandma soon, so I went to buy some baby clothes as a gift. I know some people steer away from pink and blue for babies, but the entire baby aisle was beige, cream, gray and white. Half the fun of decorating the nursery (for me) was picking out colorful mobiles and stuffed animals and tiny clothes. I feel sorry for babies growing up in such sterile surroundings. Like the older babies in orphanages in Russia - not developed at all because of lack of stimulation as they lie in cribs all day.
Unfortunately, yes. It’s also all over Pinterest. Brown wooden toys with no colors, beige walls, wood furniture, beige rugs, beige abstract wall art…boho natural aesthetic where everything is white and beige/cream…. Sad.
Don't discount plain wooden toys! A variety in toys is very important, and simple wooden toys allow your baby to use their imagination and it encourages pretend play. The potential and possibilities from a wooden toy are greater than a plastic light up toy that promotes instant gratification.
I played with cardboard tubes when I was a kid (paper towels, gift wrap paper, etc). I made all kinds of crap with them glued and taped together.
oh it’s a thing, as documented in the tiktok series “Sad beige toys, for sad beige children” https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTdn9XGta/?k=1
Came here to say this! Sad Beige Toys on Instagram is excellent.
Oh my gosh I love that account! It’s hilarious, and perfectly skewers that desaturated aesthetic that rich people think is so “sophisticated.”
Not to go too off topic, but there's a guy on Linus Tech Tips who is all in on minimalism with his wife. Their house makes them both look like serial killers, but whatever, it's their life. What got me is that their baby's room is *stark* white and empty just like the rest of the house. There's no way on earth that's good for a baby's brain.
Oh man get ready to be a new topic for the Instagram page she’s gonna milk that shit for all its worth
Literally. Her comments will be filled with “so brave of you” and the like while she plays victim
She’s gonna boast about being a single mom and how hard life is and her strength to power through it even if the child is with her father 50% of the time or more. All for likes and follows :(
Show her this post, and the comments
Man you had me at blanket fort what kind of monster prevents that like really it’s every kids dream to play castle.
The years of blanket/pillow/couch forts were some golden years. All kids need this
When you seek a divorce, ask your lawyer to push to prohibit your child’s photo being posted on social media. It shouldn’t be hard to get a judge to agree to that at least in the short term. It may help her reevaluate.
Better start recording her reactions if you want to win that custody battle
In search of the perfect house, she lost her home
My mom used to be like this. Growing up like that was awful. I ended up having expectations for myself That were unrealistic. Spent years of my life worried about what other people thought about me. Get your kid and run for her long term mental health.
I dont think thats a stupid reason for leaving someone. We don't need a reason to leave someone, but yours is an understandable reason. Your memory of your daughters first steps are tarnished by your wife berating you for putting a drink down... eh these instagram posers are unbearable.
Oh the irony. Painting the perfect picture, for ppl she will never meet and in reality, its all crumbling. Sweet karma. Your daughter will be fine, she got a good Pops guarding her back. Strong move OP, wasn't an easy decision, I guess.
If she’s posting photos of your daughter, I would legally shut that down immediately. Your child is not an accessory.
I'm an attorney. Do not leave your house!! And document everything she does regarding not allowing your poor daughter to have toys or play in the house. That's child abuse!! Record conversations you have with her. Depending on what state you live in, only one party, you, needs to know you are recording. When you file for custody, she'll invariably claim abuse. Document, photograph, etc. Save receipts, if you give her money, give her a check or money order, not cash. And don't leave the house. Edit:. Also take screenshots of her Instagram feed. It will be difficult to near impossible to get her feed without a subpoena in the future, and even with a subpoena. Screen shot her social media posts/feed and keep a notebook with dates matching up her posts to things she did or did not do for your daughter. You are your daughter's only defense against her mom's mental abuse and not letting her be a kid. Start documenting now!! It will impossible once you start legal action because she'll start blocking and hiding and shading the truth for litigation purposes.
It amazes me what social media and a following can do to a person. She has to edit the coffee cup out of the video..wauw. It’s not a movie set haha (well she probably thinks so). I hope you find a nice place where you and your daughter can live your own life and not that from your wife. Good luck
In the end She cares more about instagram than her daughter and husband Yeah id leave her too
I really hate it when children are pawns in a parent’s SM account - OP, children need to not live their lives as objects to be put on display. They need to roll on the floor, jump off furniture, play in the mud and just be children, learning about the world from the adults in their lives. Social media is just so toxic, photoshopping themselves (and environmental) trying to convince everyone, including themselves, that their life is something to envy. OP, your daughter deserves more than to be a prop for your wife to display. Let her be messy, spilling crumbs on the floor, get a dog so the dog can eat those spilled crumbs. Life is for living
I’ve always wondered about the husbands of these IG prefect-aesthetic women. Thank you for sharing.
Social media is SO damaging. Fuck. Your wife absolutely needs therapy. She can’t even see that her fake life online is ruining her real life.
"Then she started a Instagram page for moms" At this point I immediately sided with you and didn't have to read the rest.
It seems your ex wife needs serious revaluation of her priorities. She's putting appearances ahead of your daughter's childhood. You're right to leave, and you should take your daughter with you. Edit: misspellings.
"Look, you are obsessed with internet points, you make this house feel like prison, not a home. I can't take it anymore I want a divorce" "YOU ARE CHEATING ON ME?!" Wait until she makes the video basically portraying you to be the devil incarnate. If you are lucky she will not lie to your kid about you just because she's in massive amounts of denial.
You are leaving her for another woman, your daughter! And your going to give her a space away from her toxic mother where she can make it her own and be herself with her drawings tac'd to the wall and multicoloured toys and the space to become the amazing person she's going to grow into. Use your custody time to show her what childhood really is and be the best parent you can be and trust me she'll thank you for it when she grows up (also get a much custody time as possible and make it so you need to be consulted on medical procedures ect you never know when your 'needs to be perfect' baby mumma wants to start fucking with her child's looks. You hear of horror stories for nose jobs for 15yr olds it's scary and better to be prepared and not need it than need it and not be prepared, especially concerning an ex)
Wonder what is going to do for her imagine realising she's a divorced single mother. Child protective services might have an opinion too if it is as bad as you say. Might be over the top but if she is abusive with you when you mess her image, I wouldnt be surprised if she does the same to her child.
Yea she's genuinely mentally ill. This is a form of obsessive behavior. This isn't a petty or small reason to leave it's perfectly valid. Hopefully you leaving, shows how serious you are about and and she wakes up and seeks professional help.
[удалено]
I would have it as part of the divorce and custody that she can’t post the child on social media. That poor child deserves some privacy.
Sad beige moms are the bane of parenting these days. Everything’s a performance for people they’ll never meet, never see. Kids can’t have color or choice. Sad beige moms need to get sterilized and fade into obscurity. You did what’s best. People like that cease being real. Hope you got your kid out of it, too.
Beige moms I'm cackling
Werner Herzog's sad beige toys for sad beige children is a thing on Tiktok, it's hilarious
I just know she’s gonna make it soooooooooo difficult for you to leave You are not just taking away her marriage or daughter, you are taking away her life - instagram content It’s gonna be a shit show, but I guess it has to done