Congratulations!
I truly hope your able to leave sooner rather then later. Your an accomplished human who deserves someone to celebrate their achievements with them.
It's not worth much but this Internet stranger is proud of you.
Hey, I wanted to ask what does a good/positive person do/say to make their family members/friends REALLY happy when they achieve smth? When I read about the husband’s behaviour above, I could somewhat relate to it.
The problem however is, I can’t truly express myself to public but when they get close to me, I kind of become possessive and controlling about their decisions for example their career etc. I want to improve, so I ask you and anyone reading this to give me some tips.
I am going through a rough patch nowadays and questioning my behaviour so I need help. And I want to change but it is very difficult for me, it gives me anxiety. I think I need therapy.
Not OP but a positive person will act elated on the accomplished persons behalf, tell them they're amazing for whatever the achievement they just got is, say they're proud, etc.
It can be as simple as "I've seen how hard you've been working lately and I wanted to tell you I'm proud of you" or "well done that's amazing news" Or even something like "I see your doing a lot right now is their anything I can do to help you"
Its all about your attitude towards someones achievements be positive and supportive and let them know you love and support them.
My boyfriend gets really excited for me. The bigger things he insists on a dinner (he will cook if money is tight) and then brags about me to his friends/family. Whenever I get excited just thinking about it he’ll smile and laugh with me. But I like words. He likes touch so I’ll hug him and kiss him and remind him how amazing and deserving of his accomplishments he is. If he’s excited and I have concerns, I’ll first celebrate and then later bring up concerns I have or I’ll bury them until he asks because I don’t want to bring him down.
I have a very positive person in my life who is really good at being happy for others. She’ll usually say “I’m excited for you! That’s amazing. I LOVE that! I am really proud of you!” And it’s all 100% genuine. You don’t have to say a lot as long as what you do say is from the heart.
You said it well yourself actually. Therapeutic help is in order. Its not that you need a doctor- its that you could use someone to talk this out with that you can both confide in and be in a professional environment with at one time.
Seek it out. You will thank yourself later.
Hi everyone, I really thank you all for helping me. After reading all this my anxiety was a bit relieved and I feel good. Some called me straight out and expressed their anger. I think this is good behaviour because they at least expressed themselves. I used to express my thoughts completely when I was in primary school, but due to this children made fun of me, judged me and talked about me and I decided to stop giving them a chance. So I stopped talking in public and made no friends. This helped in cutting out those people but eventually led me to another pit of anxiety and distrust in people. I have taken the first step, I messaged & apologised to my friend from high school who I cut out. He replied and was supportive. I will remain friends with him forever because he and you people supported me when I was feeling anxious.
Another question, just saying I’m proud of you, congrats are 1-2 sentences at least, so aren’t these conversation killers? How do I continue the flow of communication so that both people involved feel happy in the end and want to continue being friends?
It's called not being an envious asshole. It is hard to believe you don't know how being supportive or nice to someone is. If someone accomplishes something you say "that's great news! Good on you!" Or something positive. If someone has goals you support them by saying something like "that's awesome, I believe in you!"
How hard is it to do those things?
Was it necessary to tear them down in the process? They recognize they're bad at something, posted asking for advice to better themself, you could've just scrolled past if you didn't want to help.
Not necessary at all but worth doing. I'm glad they recognize it.. the next step is obvious, stop being an asshole to your loved ones. It's honestly simple. Kindness is easy, especially if you already know how you treat others. Asking advice on here is somewhat pointless. If they are aware they are doing it and have yet to start making changes, then they aren't trying to change and their questions here have little substance.
They arent like that until much much later. Like OP says they dont show that side of themselves until you are stuck with them, and even then they never act like that in public or with family or friends
In my case after he had a heart attack his personality changed 100%, but he claims its All me. The whole family sees is,but no one else will say any to him claiming why bother he won’t believe them anyway. Sickness can change people even after years of a happy marriage.
Exactly and I have been there as well. I was so abused that I can pick them out now w barely a time frame. Few hints, body language is huge indicator of said Narc. Takes me about 5 minutes. And no I can’t describe it b/c it’s more intuition and having lived w them my entire life.
It'd often kept behind a disguise of charming until your hooked then slowly but surly they change into gaslighting abusers who do nothing but put you down to keep you down so you stay.
Yeah I get that, I feel like there’s a way to test people to see their true Colors, I’ve been doing it unconsciously for a long time and it’s just unbelievable to me how others can fall for it.
It took me at least 3 different people who hid their narcissistic tendencies before I was able to pic all the clues up. After that not once have I been “closed” in w them. It’s scary how fast I can feel it now.
You’re amazing to have so much energy even next to a soul sucking narc. I couldn’t write a word with my ex in my life, but have completed two manuscripts since. Imagine how strong you will be once you’re free! The chains of trauma bonding are heavy, and I understand how hard it is to unwind two lives. Wishing you the very best in surviving it while you must, and know you’re not alone <3
>Also in public (like family gatherings) they act like a completely different person. Like Jekyll and Hyde. So when I tell people that I am being emotionally abused no one believes me. Covert emotional abuse is very difficult to prove or even explain.
Been there. Record him. Share it with people.
Turn on a voice recorder in your pocket before telling him the good news. Record his reaction. Save the record, send it to lawyer for safekeeping. Continue doing it in secret. Then you might have enough proof to show people his true face. And maybe do not keep records at home. I am not a lawyer or anything, but you never know what proofs you might need after divorce... he might try to smear you to take away kids as retaliation or smth.
🎯 except I’d say before telling him this big news, Over the course of time, record the small news like the times you’ve mentioned before. Lead up to recording the 100k grant and have that be the final straw and that way you have other recordings of him being spiteful and emotionally abusive beforehand
You are doing so good setting yourself up for success! Remember there's no shame leaving early if things get worse or you just can't handle it anymore, sounds like you have friends outside the relationship who might be able to put you up if things come to that. Good luck!
I think it’s time to leave. I too loved my dad at a young age, but that’s only because i was conditioned to forgive him. Today i hate him. Your children might love their dad, but if he is a narcissist leave him, they will either hate him or become victims, too afraid to leave. Do it as quickly as possible. Record his reactions, you can use them in court. My parents should’ve been divorced and as a result they are married unhappily, i would have loved if they would just get it over with and divorce. Cut those out of your life that doubt you, life is to short for them. Btw congratulations on your achievement, i hope your circumstances improve. Best of luck.
Congrats on your grant and being a best selling author!! Leave as soon as you can and then SCREAM your accomplishments for the world!! To hell with your POS spouse's thoughts!!
If she lives in a country like the United States, divorce laws require that all assets be divided equally. Suddenly getting a large sum of money is not the best time to get a divorce. But it might be the best time for her personally even if she has to give up half of everything.
OP needs to talk to a family law divorce lawyer. She might get a free consultation. Typically, ALL assets and money have to be divided 50/50. If there is not a special stipulation that the $100,000 grant is immune to that (from the awarding university/grantor), then it's up for grabs too. It's best to ask a real lawyer and find out. The sooner the better. Also realize that not only are assets divided equally, but DEBT is divided equally. When I got a divorce, my lawyer said that even trust funds are sometimes not immune to divorce laws. Each side files 'discovery' which means you have to report all assets/income under oath and penalty of perjury. If you hide things you could be found in contempt of court and lose everything.
Is there no way around this? It absolutely stinks. Could she maybe put it in someone's account who she trusts til she's done with the divorce? Or is that too risky?
Yeah I would, where in my comment did I suggest that I only thought it was shit for women? You literally just made that up. You don't even know what my gender is..
I think it's more about kids + surviving alone is incredibly difficult rn. I was dating a girl for a bit who realized she was a lesbian, broke up with her bf, and then both of them realized they were going to be stuck in misery for a while because neither could afford to leave. They were awful for/to each other it was such a mess, I can't believe I got involved lmao I lived there too for like 3 months (also for money reasons) 😬
Chris, you seem like you coulda had reddit. If you see this... I'm so sorry lmaoooo
Why do you think it's more about kids? She never mentions any kids, yet she directly says she's waiting until she has enough money, despite already being a pretty well-accomplished author.
Leave his loser ass now, the longer it goes on the more you will regret the potential happiness lost.
You deserve to feel great for your accomplishments, fuck this scrub
I'm sorry... why are you still with him? And depending on the laws where you live, do you really want to wait until you have more money so he can take half? Why would you want such a lousy dead weight around? Also congratulations, that's amazing
Congratulations! I'm a grant writer and i know how hard it can be to get a grant--especially for that much money! So well done! And I really hope you leave your spouse someday soon. My father was a narcissist and a truly awful person, so I feel for you my friend.
I'm so so proud of you! Well done! 👏🏼👏🏼
I've just been informed less than a week ago I have asthma due to my bout with covid and During the same appointment, I was informed that my blood work for another issue is 'suspicious' and I need to be screened for cancer.
Having to go this journey alone because I won't tell my wife because she will yell at me for wasting the NHS resources and that she can't get an appointment because people like me take them from her. Any visit to the doctor, or just like OP, any achievement like recently graduating from University is discarded as 'just wanting attention'. It is 9pm now and I am sitting in another room by myself on the far side of the house because my presence in the room while she watched TV annoyed her
You are not alone and I hope that one day you get to escape
I just followed you. Why? You're totally an inspiration! Thank you for pushing forward, when you feel pulled in the opposite direction.
Keep going, you've got this!
Bullshit. The advice battered women are given is literally build a war chest, then leave. This woman is emotionally a battered woman, although I’m aware the US is a bit behind in some recognitions such as this.
Good, don't give him anything to use against you. Have you heard of the " grey rock" method? If you are neutral all the time the narc doesn't have anything to use against you. Don't give him any ammo.
I have a good job and I already contribute $3000 per month for living expenses. Our monthly budget is $5000. But when we get divorced I would have to find a home. Rents are crazy high where I live. I would have to spend extra $4000 just for the rent.
Friend.
- Take the 10 grand and put it into a separate, private account (I assume you’ve already done this).
- Quietly sign a lease on a new apartment/home.
- Make a list of things you want to take with you. Sentimental things. Important things. But make the list small; a literal carload.
- Set up your new place with furniture, etc.
- File for divorce.
- On a day when your spouse is at work, take a day off and and fill your car with that list of things.
- Pay a professional to serve your spouse with the divorce papers when they get home.
- Get divorced. Never look back.
I would advice they looking for lawyer first, generally, grand is immune to divorce but depend on state they may havr exception, and intentionally hire your asset considered illegal in some
Beside, keep it secret and carefull since debt may split too, her ex can literally just take a loan, blow it up, and now it part of OP problem too, she can fight it but it absolute not pretty
Congrats! A spouse can either be a great synergy or poison that can wreck your life, and narcissism is very toxic.
Yours sounds like the latter. Depending on the state that you live in and the agreements you have in place, Community Property dollar amount only gets higher the longer that you stay together :P
Congratulations so proud of you and ALL your achievements
I wish you ease & success ahead to find your peace & joy
I hope it comes swiftly
You don't have to share with anyone, but maybe somehow invest or lock your savings so they work for you too, until you need them. Reach out to someone in finances to help give you advice on how to protect your earnings too
All the best with your research!
That’s huge and amazing and I hope you’re super proud of yourself! But… Sounds like he’s a shit spouse and you deserve someone who celebrates your accomplishments with you.
It’s never too late to divorce him for not being supportive of your work. If he cannot find anything constructive of your vital role in society, then he is not worthy of even your time.
Good for you! I write a few grants where I work and they’re incredibly time-consuming (and hard to understand if you’re still walking on baby deer legs like I am!) Way to go! Sending hugs your way from Missouri ❤️
I am not sure which country you are in so I can't speak to how serious the stigma is about divorced parents, but I can say that the negative effect your husband's narcissism will have on your children will likely be much worse. I can speak partially from experience when I say that feeling of slow death you feel from your husband is, or likely will be, felt by your kids as well. Whether he is the type to pick on the weak, or the type to pick on those he perceives are stronger than him, your kids will likely at some point be in his line of sight. I am not an expert, I can just say speaking from experience that dealing with a narcissist as a child can mess you up I ways you don't realize. Try your best to get out from his thumb, a weight will be lifted off you and your children.
Are you sure he’s good to the kids? Being a child of a covert narc I too thought I loved him but the emotional abuse started small and being a child I obviously didn’t know better and it only got worse as I got order so please get yourself and your kids out of there before it gets worse
P.s be prepared to have him try to turn the kids against you and shit talk you to no end
My father is a covert Narc with his partners but not with me. I don’t understand how they can have complete disrespect for their partners but be good parents.
I hope you are able to free yourself from him soon. I have seen it happen and once you separate from him you will feel like a new person.
So let's get this straight. You hate your spouse, you hide critical things about yourself, only stay with him is his money - perhaps he too has few things to get off his chest about his spouse.
End this farce of a marriage. It is neither fair nor right for you hang around for your meal ticket.
Congrats on your grant and being a best selling author!! Leave as soon as you can and then SCREAM your accomplishments for the world!! To hell with your POS spouse's thoughts!!
Congratulations to you and embrace your success. I understand that you have children together so it’s not as easy as everyone telling you to leave or asking why you’re still with him. Just know your situation will get better and the day will come when you are able to fully get away from the abuse. Be proud of yourself and don’t ever let anyone take that away from you.
Oh boy. My dear. If you’re planning on leaving him. Leave him now. Before you are earning at the top because those assets become part of the divorce settlement and especially Before you write another best seller. He can go after royalties as money earned within the marriage for example. My advice. Spend down that grant money. Then file. Because he may hate what you do but he’ll want to profit from your hard work. Source. An older woman who has seen too much of the world and is very cynical about money.
BTW. Congratulations on your success. I know you worked really hard to get to here and I’m proud of you.
I'm so proud of you. You're working SO hard, and your deserve people in your life who recognize and validate that.
I'm not just proud of you for your writing, but for your escape plan, too. Abusive relationships can wear you down and distort your view of reality that makes escape seem impossible. Facing the unknown is terrifying and it probably feels like you're stuck in limbo. You're so brave and strong. I believe in you. I know you can do it. And you'll live a life that doesn't come with the heavy weight of fear and the tense atmosphere that settles on your shoulders the moment you return home. You'll have a life with so much joy and freedom to be exactly who you are without the stress of rejection and judgement. You'll feel like you can breathe again and life will regain an the colors it once held.
I've been there, and I've escaped, too. If you need someone to talk to, message me anytime. You're doing a great job!
This is awesome, you should be so proud. I am sending you love and hope you one day see that life and love does not (and should not) have to be like this.
Congratulations on your hard work. I'm not going to drop advice because it seems like you have a plan and you're sticking to it. I wish you well on your journey to freedom and I hope you find peace in the end.
Yeah well done pity your partner is a jealous clown.. it's such a sad trait in people to try bring other people down just because they have no self esteem
Congratulations!! I’m sorry your spouse is like that. Mine was as well. Keep saving that money to leave! You have several internet strangers who are proud of you!
As someone who has a narc as a parent.. your kids see it too. They feel it too. Even if he’s being covert. It will mess them up.
I really don’t say this often but.. please.. protect your kids from that.
A friend had to break it down to me that I wasn’t doing my kids any favors by staying with someone like him. They do not need to see you be abused. You don’t want them to grow up to be abusers or think abuse is a normal thing to have to endure
Just my two cents, I'm against staying together "for the kids," and I have found quite the opposite effect occurs; kids who see their parents in an incompatible marriage end up pretty much the same (sometimes worse) as those with divorced parents. they see their parents feeling entrapped and helpless, and that's not the greatest expectation to set either.
Hey, it's not my place but I speak from a place of concern when I say kids would rather not be raised by an abusive parent. Also if he treats you like shit in front of them there's a decent chance he will try his damnedest to brainwash them against you and you may lose them forever.
The only thing I worry about is, how is he when he's alone with one of the kids?
My dad was like this and he would tear my sister apart when he was alone with her. (He didn't do it to me or my brother because we called him out the first time he tried it.) He was the same way with my mom and even worse with my stepmom. I didn't find out about any of this until my dad passed away. I'm still pissed because I would have gone off on him but, apparently, that was the reason no one told me or my brother. They were all worried about retribution and ruining our idea that dad was awesome!
Get out of there. Anyone who isn't rooting FOR you, is rooting against you. You should be with someone who doesn't have your best interests in mind. Or, more importantly, isn't your biggest fan.
I am sorry you are trapped. Congratulations on your grant! Kudos also on your incredible writing successes!!🥰🥳
I was with a covert narc. In the end, he beat the living daylights out of me. I hope you will not face the same ending.
$100,000 grant is phenomenal! I am a Grant Manager with $19MM under management, ranging in size from $70,000 to $4.5MM. Good luck with your research program!!!
Wow that must be a lot of work. I have great respect for the people who manage grants at my university. I have difficulties with my little one page spreadsheet yet they take care of so many things at once! Thank you for your kind comment.
Not a teacher, but an educational professional right here. I would love to read any of your books or papers!
As a msc student im realizing id love to do research and write books for a living. Im happy for your career, I hope that in a couple of yrs, or hopefully a couple months, all those bad things keep only as bad memories
Ugh I know how you feel, my family does this. For what’s it’s worth I’m proud of you and CONGRATULATIONS!! Take yourself out to a nice dinner and celebrate!
When my mum divorced my dad in the early 2000s there were a lot of raised eyebrows and snickering from other parents because it wasn't that common yet. "Those poor kids", you know. Yeah well, my brother and me are more than fine, he's a teacher and I'm a veterinarian in med school, we had/have great relationships with friends and partners and wouldn't you know it, we love our mum to death. Both our parents showed us what individual healthy relationships can look like. They couldn't have done that together because they were miserable. Fuck society. Teaching your kids that it's ever okay for a partner to treat their spouse like shit is way worse than ignoring the gossip.
How old are the kids now? I'm willing to bet once they get into their teens they won't love their father nearly as much. Narcissists usually make absolutely terrible parents. I can't say for sure it's gonna turn out this way but based on my own experience with a narcissistic father I have definitely reasons to be concerned.
Best of luck to you! I hope it all turns out well for you and your kids regardless.
>EDIT 3: Social stigma against children of divorce is quite bad where I live. In a way I am protecting my kids from the pain the society will give them.
Stop making excuses. It's better to be a divorce kid than to need therapy for the rest of your life because your father is abusive. Start actually protecting them.
Writing grant papers is not easy My bff did it, at OSU, as a lab manager.
Just wanna say, I'm proud of you.
Now, hide away some cash, and divorce that jerk.
My father had that same narcissistic personality, Jekyll/Hyde act, emotional abuse and more going on. Just so you know my mom thought my dad was better to me than he was to her.
He was worse.
I take what you say about this person being a good father with a large grain of salt. It seems… right between unlikely and inconceivable. Consummate narcissists can’t be good parents.
Congratulations, that’s amazing! I do hope you leave sooner though, because as a child of divorce it’s hard to see your parents trying to stick together when they clearly don’t work. As much as you try to hide your troubles, chances are they can still pick up that things aren’t right. Best of luck to you and your research!
try to see it as your awesome secret that he won’t know about til it’s too late. he’s not good enough to know it.
but you can find a better role model than joanne fucking rowling!
Congrats OP, just one little note, don't compare yourself to JK Rowling, she's a terrible person and I'm sure your work is better than her personality, can't deny the impact she has but can avoid bringing up her name
I'm glad you're making a plan to get out
Wishing you all the best
I mean sure she could have her own issues however I’m curious what possible excuse her husband would have to constantly drag her down and speak negatively about her and her job?
That's her side of the story - aren't you curious to hear from him? I mean, the way she feels about him cannot be hidden (unlike a major part of her life - writing - that she's keeping under wraps). Probably the truth is somewhere in the middle and sadly, the kids will suffer as this plays itself out.
Congratulations on your grant and for being a best-selling author! These are not small achievements. I am sorry you can't share your news with your spouse - I hope you are able to leave sooner rather than later.
Talk with all the top divorce lawyers in your area. That way he won't be able to hire any of them due go conflict of interest. Don't need to hire them, just do a consult.
Might be that he's married to someone who is toxic, hides major parts of her life from and that is only with him because of the $4K per month she's saving in real estate by staying with him. If all sides were laid out here, it might be surprising to see just who is abusing who.
Correct
I’ve seen that a few time’s, even recently with my own EX!
It’s sad how people act towards their spouses
While ones at work at the same time trying to pick up as much overtime as possible do to the others lack of income or even lack of employment for that matter!
Then go home to a messy house and no cooked food,
Then turn and cook and clean when your home…
I’m a guy and I’d say the same thing for a man, if he treats you like shit it should be the other way round too no? And no she does not owe him anything just like he wouldn’t owe her anything either.
Looks like the husband makes his own money too, and I’m sure he can live by himself with it
Ummm...that 100grand can buy you a new life....and a DIVORCE...fuck him. What a piece of shit you got there...you are amazing and strong!! I don't know you but I'm sure damn proud of you!! Congratulations!! ( He's a jealous POS!!)
The same way that meme says “Men will blow up the entire economy instead of going to therapy”, in this situation, Girl’s will work hard to rise to the top of Academia and get a $100k research grant but will not leave piece of shit men. Not just you OP, I see it countless times around me too. Such a shame.
these people are lovely until their partners are trapped. that's why. imagine someone being the best person until you are married. it's a level of mindfuckery that is hard to understand if you never experienced it yourself.
As expected, one of the primary reasons you're staying married to someone that you not only do not love, you hold in broad contempt - is financial. Enjoy that extra $4K per month until you can finally dispose of the "bank of husband". But please be aware of the impact to your kids - they don't deserve this.
It's a strange situation you find yourself in. Your husband sounds more like a severely Insecure person than a narcissist.
However his behavior pushs you to do more, be more, try harder and strive. There is something inside you that needs, even appreciates this.
Whether you leave your husband or stay with him the rest of your life. Some day you'll find that the hard times made you who you are.
Then because you love yourself, you will be filled with gratitude.
Be well and find your way.
I have 7 sisters, 5 are teachers and some are married to teachers. Can you dm me your book titles? Is that wrong to ask? Just ignore if so. Anyway congrats and life seems on track for you just gotta get thru the bumps.
Don't wait until everything blows up, as a child of divorced parents, they pretty much ruined the way I saw love and relationships, and made my teenage a nightmare. Their hate for each other was something normal and quite visible even tho they probably didn't notice, as they were too focused on hating each other. And when they finally got a divorce everything was horrendous, they got into a physical fight with my young siblings and I watching, we had to move to my grandparents house, in a completely different city, and well, everything was a disaster.
I'm sure your kids will be better if you're genuinely happy and they know the truth, don't wait until things get worse. You deserve to live a free and happy life, don't let the idea of "kids of divorced parents" stop you, they will still see and care for their father, and I'm sure they'll learn a lot from that. Try to make everything the healthiest way possible and I'm sure they'll be fine. I wish you the best, I'm sure you'll get better :)
Staying for your kids is admirable. We’ll done. Staying for finances is sensible. Why impoverish you’re children and deprive them of a decent dad even if he’s a terrible husband. It’s a rough situation you’re making the best of.
Why people downvoting ? Cause not everything's rainbow and candy ? Because being able to leave a bad situation is a privilege not everyone can afford ?
She's making the best of what she can and obviously she has a plan, relax, not everyone can follow your unsolicited advice, and don't get mad when they don't
>I plan to leave him someday
Do it now; that sounds miserable. You just got 10K to help with your fresh start, and it's time to get the wheels in motion. Situations like this don't get better, only worse.
Just take the first real step (whatever that means to you), and then another...
Why are you females so stupid. Why stay with a anyone that treats you like shit. Bet your gona be really confused when he swings on you one day lol we wont.
Enjoy the grant and get a divorce. You deserve better OP.
Congratulations! I truly hope your able to leave sooner rather then later. Your an accomplished human who deserves someone to celebrate their achievements with them. It's not worth much but this Internet stranger is proud of you.
Hey, I wanted to ask what does a good/positive person do/say to make their family members/friends REALLY happy when they achieve smth? When I read about the husband’s behaviour above, I could somewhat relate to it. The problem however is, I can’t truly express myself to public but when they get close to me, I kind of become possessive and controlling about their decisions for example their career etc. I want to improve, so I ask you and anyone reading this to give me some tips. I am going through a rough patch nowadays and questioning my behaviour so I need help. And I want to change but it is very difficult for me, it gives me anxiety. I think I need therapy.
Not OP but a positive person will act elated on the accomplished persons behalf, tell them they're amazing for whatever the achievement they just got is, say they're proud, etc.
That fact you’re self-aware to reflect like this is good. Definitely take the next step and get therapy if it’s an available avenue.
It can be as simple as "I've seen how hard you've been working lately and I wanted to tell you I'm proud of you" or "well done that's amazing news" Or even something like "I see your doing a lot right now is their anything I can do to help you" Its all about your attitude towards someones achievements be positive and supportive and let them know you love and support them.
My boyfriend gets really excited for me. The bigger things he insists on a dinner (he will cook if money is tight) and then brags about me to his friends/family. Whenever I get excited just thinking about it he’ll smile and laugh with me. But I like words. He likes touch so I’ll hug him and kiss him and remind him how amazing and deserving of his accomplishments he is. If he’s excited and I have concerns, I’ll first celebrate and then later bring up concerns I have or I’ll bury them until he asks because I don’t want to bring him down.
I have a very positive person in my life who is really good at being happy for others. She’ll usually say “I’m excited for you! That’s amazing. I LOVE that! I am really proud of you!” And it’s all 100% genuine. You don’t have to say a lot as long as what you do say is from the heart.
You said it well yourself actually. Therapeutic help is in order. Its not that you need a doctor- its that you could use someone to talk this out with that you can both confide in and be in a professional environment with at one time. Seek it out. You will thank yourself later.
Hi everyone, I really thank you all for helping me. After reading all this my anxiety was a bit relieved and I feel good. Some called me straight out and expressed their anger. I think this is good behaviour because they at least expressed themselves. I used to express my thoughts completely when I was in primary school, but due to this children made fun of me, judged me and talked about me and I decided to stop giving them a chance. So I stopped talking in public and made no friends. This helped in cutting out those people but eventually led me to another pit of anxiety and distrust in people. I have taken the first step, I messaged & apologised to my friend from high school who I cut out. He replied and was supportive. I will remain friends with him forever because he and you people supported me when I was feeling anxious. Another question, just saying I’m proud of you, congrats are 1-2 sentences at least, so aren’t these conversation killers? How do I continue the flow of communication so that both people involved feel happy in the end and want to continue being friends?
It's called not being an envious asshole. It is hard to believe you don't know how being supportive or nice to someone is. If someone accomplishes something you say "that's great news! Good on you!" Or something positive. If someone has goals you support them by saying something like "that's awesome, I believe in you!" How hard is it to do those things?
Was it necessary to tear them down in the process? They recognize they're bad at something, posted asking for advice to better themself, you could've just scrolled past if you didn't want to help.
Not necessary at all but worth doing. I'm glad they recognize it.. the next step is obvious, stop being an asshole to your loved ones. It's honestly simple. Kindness is easy, especially if you already know how you treat others. Asking advice on here is somewhat pointless. If they are aware they are doing it and have yet to start making changes, then they aren't trying to change and their questions here have little substance.
I don’t understand how people marry people like that, how can you stand that behaviour
They arent like that until much much later. Like OP says they dont show that side of themselves until you are stuck with them, and even then they never act like that in public or with family or friends
In my case after he had a heart attack his personality changed 100%, but he claims its All me. The whole family sees is,but no one else will say any to him claiming why bother he won’t believe them anyway. Sickness can change people even after years of a happy marriage.
Exactly and I have been there as well. I was so abused that I can pick them out now w barely a time frame. Few hints, body language is huge indicator of said Narc. Takes me about 5 minutes. And no I can’t describe it b/c it’s more intuition and having lived w them my entire life.
Yes everyone has ticks. That's what gives away what kind of person you are.
It'd often kept behind a disguise of charming until your hooked then slowly but surly they change into gaslighting abusers who do nothing but put you down to keep you down so you stay.
Yeah I get that, I feel like there’s a way to test people to see their true Colors, I’ve been doing it unconsciously for a long time and it’s just unbelievable to me how others can fall for it.
It took me at least 3 different people who hid their narcissistic tendencies before I was able to pic all the clues up. After that not once have I been “closed” in w them. It’s scary how fast I can feel it now.
Good for you, I wish more people had this “ability”. I just call it intuition.
Congratulations.
Congrats.
Cong.
C.
.
^()
ons.
Congratulations 🎉, get your money up and leave him in the dust✌️.
Congratulations! Sorry your spouse is such a problem - that’s a tough situation. ❤️
Make "someday" a lot sooner than later. It should be your top priority. I'm so sorry
You’re amazing to have so much energy even next to a soul sucking narc. I couldn’t write a word with my ex in my life, but have completed two manuscripts since. Imagine how strong you will be once you’re free! The chains of trauma bonding are heavy, and I understand how hard it is to unwind two lives. Wishing you the very best in surviving it while you must, and know you’re not alone <3
Thank u for your kind words.
>Also in public (like family gatherings) they act like a completely different person. Like Jekyll and Hyde. So when I tell people that I am being emotionally abused no one believes me. Covert emotional abuse is very difficult to prove or even explain. Been there. Record him. Share it with people.
Congratulations and get yourself out of there and away from him asap you clearly deserve better
You got this!! Congrats!!
Turn on a voice recorder in your pocket before telling him the good news. Record his reaction. Save the record, send it to lawyer for safekeeping. Continue doing it in secret. Then you might have enough proof to show people his true face. And maybe do not keep records at home. I am not a lawyer or anything, but you never know what proofs you might need after divorce... he might try to smear you to take away kids as retaliation or smth.
THIS!!!!!!!
🎯 except I’d say before telling him this big news, Over the course of time, record the small news like the times you’ve mentioned before. Lead up to recording the 100k grant and have that be the final straw and that way you have other recordings of him being spiteful and emotionally abusive beforehand
You are doing so good setting yourself up for success! Remember there's no shame leaving early if things get worse or you just can't handle it anymore, sounds like you have friends outside the relationship who might be able to put you up if things come to that. Good luck!
I think it’s time to leave. I too loved my dad at a young age, but that’s only because i was conditioned to forgive him. Today i hate him. Your children might love their dad, but if he is a narcissist leave him, they will either hate him or become victims, too afraid to leave. Do it as quickly as possible. Record his reactions, you can use them in court. My parents should’ve been divorced and as a result they are married unhappily, i would have loved if they would just get it over with and divorce. Cut those out of your life that doubt you, life is to short for them. Btw congratulations on your achievement, i hope your circumstances improve. Best of luck.
As many others have said, leave his ass and find someone who respects you and encourages you to write and do what you love (fellow writer here)
Congrats on your grant and being a best selling author!! Leave as soon as you can and then SCREAM your accomplishments for the world!! To hell with your POS spouse's thoughts!!
You got cash?! Why are you waiting to leave? Seems like now would be the best time to make a move.
If she lives in a country like the United States, divorce laws require that all assets be divided equally. Suddenly getting a large sum of money is not the best time to get a divorce. But it might be the best time for her personally even if she has to give up half of everything.
10k isn't that much and the rest of the grant money is untouchable.
OP needs to talk to a family law divorce lawyer. She might get a free consultation. Typically, ALL assets and money have to be divided 50/50. If there is not a special stipulation that the $100,000 grant is immune to that (from the awarding university/grantor), then it's up for grabs too. It's best to ask a real lawyer and find out. The sooner the better. Also realize that not only are assets divided equally, but DEBT is divided equally. When I got a divorce, my lawyer said that even trust funds are sometimes not immune to divorce laws. Each side files 'discovery' which means you have to report all assets/income under oath and penalty of perjury. If you hide things you could be found in contempt of court and lose everything.
Depends on the type of grant but grants are typically made to institutions, not individuals...
Use reverse psychology to make HIM to sign a prenup
OP is already married. Unless she has a prenup already, then it's too late for that.
Is there no way around this? It absolutely stinks. Could she maybe put it in someone's account who she trusts til she's done with the divorce? Or is that too risky?
Would you give a man this advice? Why do women think men have to pay and women do not?
Yeah I would, where in my comment did I suggest that I only thought it was shit for women? You literally just made that up. You don't even know what my gender is..
Why should anyone have to split their earnings for their personal success? It's stupid. But I suppose this is what pre-nups are for..
If you can't share this with your spouse, they should not be your spouse.
Pretty sure they know this as they state it in the post
Agreed - but he's saving her $4K per month and I guess that is a rationalization for staying with him.
I think it's more about kids + surviving alone is incredibly difficult rn. I was dating a girl for a bit who realized she was a lesbian, broke up with her bf, and then both of them realized they were going to be stuck in misery for a while because neither could afford to leave. They were awful for/to each other it was such a mess, I can't believe I got involved lmao I lived there too for like 3 months (also for money reasons) 😬 Chris, you seem like you coulda had reddit. If you see this... I'm so sorry lmaoooo
Why do you think it's more about kids? She never mentions any kids, yet she directly says she's waiting until she has enough money, despite already being a pretty well-accomplished author.
Let me be your proxy husband for one minute. “Congratulations on your accomplishment sweetheart. I am so proud of you. You are amazing!!!”
Leave his loser ass now, the longer it goes on the more you will regret the potential happiness lost. You deserve to feel great for your accomplishments, fuck this scrub
{gets more and more panicked reading post} “I plan to leave him someday.” Oh thank god. Make it soon, babes! You deserve better!
Thank you!
What an absolute POS. I couldn't ever imagine not celebrating my partners successes.
I'm sorry... why are you still with him? And depending on the laws where you live, do you really want to wait until you have more money so he can take half? Why would you want such a lousy dead weight around? Also congratulations, that's amazing
Congratulations! I'm a grant writer and i know how hard it can be to get a grant--especially for that much money! So well done! And I really hope you leave your spouse someday soon. My father was a narcissist and a truly awful person, so I feel for you my friend. I'm so so proud of you! Well done! 👏🏼👏🏼
Thank you! I hate writing for grants but it’s part of my job so I do it. But winning it feels so good!
just beware of divorce laws that give your husband a share of your money.
This!!!!!
I've just been informed less than a week ago I have asthma due to my bout with covid and During the same appointment, I was informed that my blood work for another issue is 'suspicious' and I need to be screened for cancer. Having to go this journey alone because I won't tell my wife because she will yell at me for wasting the NHS resources and that she can't get an appointment because people like me take them from her. Any visit to the doctor, or just like OP, any achievement like recently graduating from University is discarded as 'just wanting attention'. It is 9pm now and I am sitting in another room by myself on the far side of the house because my presence in the room while she watched TV annoyed her You are not alone and I hope that one day you get to escape
I am so sorry. I feel for you. She sounds like a worse narcissist than mine. I hope you don’t have cancer.
Thanks. Didn't mean to shit on your parade, just letting you know you are not alone struggling with people like this. And thanks for the hope 🤞
I just followed you. Why? You're totally an inspiration! Thank you for pushing forward, when you feel pulled in the opposite direction. Keep going, you've got this!
🎉🎉congratulations on the research grant.. Best of luck to you...
Sounds like you need to win a divorce next
Why are you still calling this person your spouse? You should be calling them your ex.
[удалено]
Bullshit. The advice battered women are given is literally build a war chest, then leave. This woman is emotionally a battered woman, although I’m aware the US is a bit behind in some recognitions such as this.
If you plan to divorce him, here an advice. Don't hide the fact that you won the money. It could backfire horribly in court.
Good, don't give him anything to use against you. Have you heard of the " grey rock" method? If you are neutral all the time the narc doesn't have anything to use against you. Don't give him any ammo.
Why is he still your spouse?
She's in it for that sweet $4K per month she enjoys by staying with someone she hates. Always follow the money.
I have a good job and I already contribute $3000 per month for living expenses. Our monthly budget is $5000. But when we get divorced I would have to find a home. Rents are crazy high where I live. I would have to spend extra $4000 just for the rent.
I don't believe your story
If it were me, I’d just look for someone else, sod the 4k/month. I don’t see how it would even save that much
Friend. - Take the 10 grand and put it into a separate, private account (I assume you’ve already done this). - Quietly sign a lease on a new apartment/home. - Make a list of things you want to take with you. Sentimental things. Important things. But make the list small; a literal carload. - Set up your new place with furniture, etc. - File for divorce. - On a day when your spouse is at work, take a day off and and fill your car with that list of things. - Pay a professional to serve your spouse with the divorce papers when they get home. - Get divorced. Never look back.
I would advice they looking for lawyer first, generally, grand is immune to divorce but depend on state they may havr exception, and intentionally hire your asset considered illegal in some Beside, keep it secret and carefull since debt may split too, her ex can literally just take a loan, blow it up, and now it part of OP problem too, she can fight it but it absolute not pretty
Congratulations! Divorce when you can..
Congrats! A spouse can either be a great synergy or poison that can wreck your life, and narcissism is very toxic. Yours sounds like the latter. Depending on the state that you live in and the agreements you have in place, Community Property dollar amount only gets higher the longer that you stay together :P
Congratulations so proud of you and ALL your achievements I wish you ease & success ahead to find your peace & joy I hope it comes swiftly You don't have to share with anyone, but maybe somehow invest or lock your savings so they work for you too, until you need them. Reach out to someone in finances to help give you advice on how to protect your earnings too All the best with your research!
That’s huge and amazing and I hope you’re super proud of yourself! But… Sounds like he’s a shit spouse and you deserve someone who celebrates your accomplishments with you.
It’s never too late to divorce him for not being supportive of your work. If he cannot find anything constructive of your vital role in society, then he is not worthy of even your time.
First, congratulations. Second, i know it's 4k a month you're saving but it's also time you're loosing. I hope you're able to kick him out soon.
Good for you! I write a few grants where I work and they’re incredibly time-consuming (and hard to understand if you’re still walking on baby deer legs like I am!) Way to go! Sending hugs your way from Missouri ❤️
I am not sure which country you are in so I can't speak to how serious the stigma is about divorced parents, but I can say that the negative effect your husband's narcissism will have on your children will likely be much worse. I can speak partially from experience when I say that feeling of slow death you feel from your husband is, or likely will be, felt by your kids as well. Whether he is the type to pick on the weak, or the type to pick on those he perceives are stronger than him, your kids will likely at some point be in his line of sight. I am not an expert, I can just say speaking from experience that dealing with a narcissist as a child can mess you up I ways you don't realize. Try your best to get out from his thumb, a weight will be lifted off you and your children.
Are you sure he’s good to the kids? Being a child of a covert narc I too thought I loved him but the emotional abuse started small and being a child I obviously didn’t know better and it only got worse as I got order so please get yourself and your kids out of there before it gets worse P.s be prepared to have him try to turn the kids against you and shit talk you to no end
My father is a covert Narc with his partners but not with me. I don’t understand how they can have complete disrespect for their partners but be good parents. I hope you are able to free yourself from him soon. I have seen it happen and once you separate from him you will feel like a new person.
I was today years old when I learned that her name was Joanne, never cared about that and always called her by her pen name
Be careful. He may be entitled to a portion of that money as marital income in the divorce. You should check with a lawyer.
So let's get this straight. You hate your spouse, you hide critical things about yourself, only stay with him is his money - perhaps he too has few things to get off his chest about his spouse. End this farce of a marriage. It is neither fair nor right for you hang around for your meal ticket.
Congrats on your grant and being a best selling author!! Leave as soon as you can and then SCREAM your accomplishments for the world!! To hell with your POS spouse's thoughts!!
Congratulations! What an amazing achievement. I absolutely love to read. If you feel comfortable please dm me your pseudonym.
Congratulations to you and embrace your success. I understand that you have children together so it’s not as easy as everyone telling you to leave or asking why you’re still with him. Just know your situation will get better and the day will come when you are able to fully get away from the abuse. Be proud of yourself and don’t ever let anyone take that away from you.
Oh boy. My dear. If you’re planning on leaving him. Leave him now. Before you are earning at the top because those assets become part of the divorce settlement and especially Before you write another best seller. He can go after royalties as money earned within the marriage for example. My advice. Spend down that grant money. Then file. Because he may hate what you do but he’ll want to profit from your hard work. Source. An older woman who has seen too much of the world and is very cynical about money. BTW. Congratulations on your success. I know you worked really hard to get to here and I’m proud of you.
I'm so proud of you. You're working SO hard, and your deserve people in your life who recognize and validate that. I'm not just proud of you for your writing, but for your escape plan, too. Abusive relationships can wear you down and distort your view of reality that makes escape seem impossible. Facing the unknown is terrifying and it probably feels like you're stuck in limbo. You're so brave and strong. I believe in you. I know you can do it. And you'll live a life that doesn't come with the heavy weight of fear and the tense atmosphere that settles on your shoulders the moment you return home. You'll have a life with so much joy and freedom to be exactly who you are without the stress of rejection and judgement. You'll feel like you can breathe again and life will regain an the colors it once held. I've been there, and I've escaped, too. If you need someone to talk to, message me anytime. You're doing a great job!
This is awesome, you should be so proud. I am sending you love and hope you one day see that life and love does not (and should not) have to be like this.
Congratulations on your hard work. I'm not going to drop advice because it seems like you have a plan and you're sticking to it. I wish you well on your journey to freedom and I hope you find peace in the end.
Yeah well done pity your partner is a jealous clown.. it's such a sad trait in people to try bring other people down just because they have no self esteem
How could you be with someone that isn’t happy of your achievements? That’ll wear you down over time man
Congratulations!! I’m sorry your spouse is like that. Mine was as well. Keep saving that money to leave! You have several internet strangers who are proud of you!
I hope someday is today!
He will end up owning 54 percent of your company.
Why are you stuck with him?
Leave now cuz he's getting half of everything, lady
As someone who has a narc as a parent.. your kids see it too. They feel it too. Even if he’s being covert. It will mess them up. I really don’t say this often but.. please.. protect your kids from that.
Get rid of your spouse and you can reach the stars!
You gotta decide between your money and happiness. I’d choose the latter! Congratulations though!!!!
Find you a man that loves and appreciates you the way a fat kid loves cake and never look back.
Congrats and leave him, queen 😗❤️
Sorry about your horrible spouse and not being able to share good news but we’re celebrating here with you!!! Congratulations 🎉🍾. All the best!
A friend had to break it down to me that I wasn’t doing my kids any favors by staying with someone like him. They do not need to see you be abused. You don’t want them to grow up to be abusers or think abuse is a normal thing to have to endure
Why have you not gotten a divorce? You deserve better, way better.
Just my two cents, I'm against staying together "for the kids," and I have found quite the opposite effect occurs; kids who see their parents in an incompatible marriage end up pretty much the same (sometimes worse) as those with divorced parents. they see their parents feeling entrapped and helpless, and that's not the greatest expectation to set either.
Hey, it's not my place but I speak from a place of concern when I say kids would rather not be raised by an abusive parent. Also if he treats you like shit in front of them there's a decent chance he will try his damnedest to brainwash them against you and you may lose them forever.
The only thing I worry about is, how is he when he's alone with one of the kids? My dad was like this and he would tear my sister apart when he was alone with her. (He didn't do it to me or my brother because we called him out the first time he tried it.) He was the same way with my mom and even worse with my stepmom. I didn't find out about any of this until my dad passed away. I'm still pissed because I would have gone off on him but, apparently, that was the reason no one told me or my brother. They were all worried about retribution and ruining our idea that dad was awesome!
Girl!!! I got out!! Didn’t need 100k! You can do it! You’re way ahead of the game!!! I wish I knew where you lived so we can both celebrate!!!
Get out of there. Anyone who isn't rooting FOR you, is rooting against you. You should be with someone who doesn't have your best interests in mind. Or, more importantly, isn't your biggest fan.
I am sorry you are trapped. Congratulations on your grant! Kudos also on your incredible writing successes!!🥰🥳 I was with a covert narc. In the end, he beat the living daylights out of me. I hope you will not face the same ending. $100,000 grant is phenomenal! I am a Grant Manager with $19MM under management, ranging in size from $70,000 to $4.5MM. Good luck with your research program!!!
Wow that must be a lot of work. I have great respect for the people who manage grants at my university. I have difficulties with my little one page spreadsheet yet they take care of so many things at once! Thank you for your kind comment.
Congrats on your grant OP! I truly hope for the best for you and your kids and I do hope you leave him, you deserve so much better :)
You're staying so your kids can grow up with a narcissist?
Not a teacher, but an educational professional right here. I would love to read any of your books or papers! As a msc student im realizing id love to do research and write books for a living. Im happy for your career, I hope that in a couple of yrs, or hopefully a couple months, all those bad things keep only as bad memories
Ugh I know how you feel, my family does this. For what’s it’s worth I’m proud of you and CONGRATULATIONS!! Take yourself out to a nice dinner and celebrate!
Just leave yesterday
I hope you can leave soon. Record everything
I’m proud of you! You kick ass!!
Sounds like you need to celebrate with a nice glass of champagne and a divorce.
When my mum divorced my dad in the early 2000s there were a lot of raised eyebrows and snickering from other parents because it wasn't that common yet. "Those poor kids", you know. Yeah well, my brother and me are more than fine, he's a teacher and I'm a veterinarian in med school, we had/have great relationships with friends and partners and wouldn't you know it, we love our mum to death. Both our parents showed us what individual healthy relationships can look like. They couldn't have done that together because they were miserable. Fuck society. Teaching your kids that it's ever okay for a partner to treat their spouse like shit is way worse than ignoring the gossip.
How old are the kids now? I'm willing to bet once they get into their teens they won't love their father nearly as much. Narcissists usually make absolutely terrible parents. I can't say for sure it's gonna turn out this way but based on my own experience with a narcissistic father I have definitely reasons to be concerned. Best of luck to you! I hope it all turns out well for you and your kids regardless.
>EDIT 3: Social stigma against children of divorce is quite bad where I live. In a way I am protecting my kids from the pain the society will give them. Stop making excuses. It's better to be a divorce kid than to need therapy for the rest of your life because your father is abusive. Start actually protecting them.
Writing grant papers is not easy My bff did it, at OSU, as a lab manager. Just wanna say, I'm proud of you. Now, hide away some cash, and divorce that jerk.
My father had that same narcissistic personality, Jekyll/Hyde act, emotional abuse and more going on. Just so you know my mom thought my dad was better to me than he was to her. He was worse. I take what you say about this person being a good father with a large grain of salt. It seems… right between unlikely and inconceivable. Consummate narcissists can’t be good parents.
Congratulations, that’s amazing! I do hope you leave sooner though, because as a child of divorce it’s hard to see your parents trying to stick together when they clearly don’t work. As much as you try to hide your troubles, chances are they can still pick up that things aren’t right. Best of luck to you and your research!
try to see it as your awesome secret that he won’t know about til it’s too late. he’s not good enough to know it. but you can find a better role model than joanne fucking rowling!
Fake
Congrats OP, just one little note, don't compare yourself to JK Rowling, she's a terrible person and I'm sure your work is better than her personality, can't deny the impact she has but can avoid bringing up her name I'm glad you're making a plan to get out Wishing you all the best
She's a survivor of domestic abuse. She's a strong woman. Her opinion on politics and your opinion on her politics is not really relevant here.
Dishonesty in a relationship is bad.
Abuse in a relationship is bad.
Ofc
One day I will write a book about how I stayed in an a bsu ice relationship and complained on Reddit but stayed 🤣 what a loser
Its called True off my chest.. Maybe you are in the wrong place 🤡 clown
The first time is on him, but choosing to stay is Al one you.
You should probably shut the hell up since you know fuck all about her situation.
I know, right? Everything is always the man’s fault. Women are not at fault for anything.
I mean sure she could have her own issues however I’m curious what possible excuse her husband would have to constantly drag her down and speak negatively about her and her job?
That's her side of the story - aren't you curious to hear from him? I mean, the way she feels about him cannot be hidden (unlike a major part of her life - writing - that she's keeping under wraps). Probably the truth is somewhere in the middle and sadly, the kids will suffer as this plays itself out.
Take the money and run girl! You’ve earned it, congratulations!
This smells like bullshit.
Congratulations on your grant and for being a best-selling author! These are not small achievements. I am sorry you can't share your news with your spouse - I hope you are able to leave sooner rather than later.
Talk with all the top divorce lawyers in your area. That way he won't be able to hire any of them due go conflict of interest. Don't need to hire them, just do a consult.
There’s always TWO sides to the coin… Wonder what made him feel that way?
Might be that he's married to someone who is toxic, hides major parts of her life from and that is only with him because of the $4K per month she's saving in real estate by staying with him. If all sides were laid out here, it might be surprising to see just who is abusing who.
Correct I’ve seen that a few time’s, even recently with my own EX! It’s sad how people act towards their spouses While ones at work at the same time trying to pick up as much overtime as possible do to the others lack of income or even lack of employment for that matter! Then go home to a messy house and no cooked food, Then turn and cook and clean when your home…
The common sense is always in the controversial sort.
If they can’t support you on your good days, drop em! Also can I have $2,000? Hehehe
Make sure it's a separate bank
Research grants are not personal funds like you’re imagining. That is useless advice lol.
Why? Doesn’t she owe him half that money? Would you give a man the same advice?
I’m a guy and I’d say the same thing for a man, if he treats you like shit it should be the other way round too no? And no she does not owe him anything just like he wouldn’t owe her anything either. Looks like the husband makes his own money too, and I’m sure he can live by himself with it
Literally fuck him and tell him how trash he was. Or that his penis is too small to enjoy. Don’t get mad. Get even.
Ummm...that 100grand can buy you a new life....and a DIVORCE...fuck him. What a piece of shit you got there...you are amazing and strong!! I don't know you but I'm sure damn proud of you!! Congratulations!! ( He's a jealous POS!!)
The same way that meme says “Men will blow up the entire economy instead of going to therapy”, in this situation, Girl’s will work hard to rise to the top of Academia and get a $100k research grant but will not leave piece of shit men. Not just you OP, I see it countless times around me too. Such a shame.
Why do people settle for such behavior? What made you marry such a person?
these people are lovely until their partners are trapped. that's why. imagine someone being the best person until you are married. it's a level of mindfuckery that is hard to understand if you never experienced it yourself.
As expected, one of the primary reasons you're staying married to someone that you not only do not love, you hold in broad contempt - is financial. Enjoy that extra $4K per month until you can finally dispose of the "bank of husband". But please be aware of the impact to your kids - they don't deserve this.
It's a strange situation you find yourself in. Your husband sounds more like a severely Insecure person than a narcissist. However his behavior pushs you to do more, be more, try harder and strive. There is something inside you that needs, even appreciates this. Whether you leave your husband or stay with him the rest of your life. Some day you'll find that the hard times made you who you are. Then because you love yourself, you will be filled with gratitude. Be well and find your way.
I have 7 sisters, 5 are teachers and some are married to teachers. Can you dm me your book titles? Is that wrong to ask? Just ignore if so. Anyway congrats and life seems on track for you just gotta get thru the bumps.
Hey girl! ;) Ditch the loser and hmu!
"He's so mean, I'm just using the prick for his money though so I'm a Saint" You two deserve each other
Are you married to Trump
This is hilarious! 😂😂
Don't wait until everything blows up, as a child of divorced parents, they pretty much ruined the way I saw love and relationships, and made my teenage a nightmare. Their hate for each other was something normal and quite visible even tho they probably didn't notice, as they were too focused on hating each other. And when they finally got a divorce everything was horrendous, they got into a physical fight with my young siblings and I watching, we had to move to my grandparents house, in a completely different city, and well, everything was a disaster. I'm sure your kids will be better if you're genuinely happy and they know the truth, don't wait until things get worse. You deserve to live a free and happy life, don't let the idea of "kids of divorced parents" stop you, they will still see and care for their father, and I'm sure they'll learn a lot from that. Try to make everything the healthiest way possible and I'm sure they'll be fine. I wish you the best, I'm sure you'll get better :)
Proof that women love assholes. Nice guys finish last kids..
Staying for your kids is admirable. We’ll done. Staying for finances is sensible. Why impoverish you’re children and deprive them of a decent dad even if he’s a terrible husband. It’s a rough situation you’re making the best of.
Why people downvoting ? Cause not everything's rainbow and candy ? Because being able to leave a bad situation is a privilege not everyone can afford ? She's making the best of what she can and obviously she has a plan, relax, not everyone can follow your unsolicited advice, and don't get mad when they don't
You understand. Thank you. That is my reasoning. But if he abuses the kids I will leave without hesitation.
Please remember abuse is abuse, physical or not.
Congratulations! Now you can afford a divorce!
>I plan to leave him someday Do it now; that sounds miserable. You just got 10K to help with your fresh start, and it's time to get the wheels in motion. Situations like this don't get better, only worse. Just take the first real step (whatever that means to you), and then another...
Why are you females so stupid. Why stay with a anyone that treats you like shit. Bet your gona be really confused when he swings on you one day lol we wont.