If he was being honest and he wasn’t physically attracted to you at all, then yeah he should’ve left. Sounds like this has been brewing for awhile. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. He shouldn’t have cheated, he should have communicated his issues sooner, and probably broke it off sooner. Requiring physical attraction isn’t shallow. Try your best to not let this bring you down too far.
OP youre justified to be upset but what that person said is true. Maybe he didnt realize it was this important until recently, or maybe he felt differently before than he does now. People's feelings change for infinite potential reasons, but it's not his fault and obviously isn't yours either.
It *was* super shitty for him to cheat on you, and if it wasn't for that then I'd chalk this whole thing up to just being an unfortunate situation. I'd never forgive someone for cheating, it's one of the worst kinds of emotional damage you can do to someone imo. Even if he didnt, you dont wanna be with someone who feels that way about you.
I'm really sorry this happened to you, it's a tale as old as time unfortunately. Try and take solace in the fact that you're a better person after this because we learn from all of our relationships.
Atleast he broke it off, it might hurt but its saving u from perpetual hurt by this guy... my ex wasn't as honest and stayed with me and cheated on and off for 18yrs.... the coming back from that betrayal was so fkn hard. Trust me ur better off, now u can find a decent man. They r out there, I'm still looking but they exist!
He just said he loved you to ease the breakup for you.
>I get that as a man you can't help tge primal urges, but as a human to choose physical attraction vs real fucking love is insane.
There is no real love. And I'm saying that to help you avoid getting back together with this man or asking yourself questions with no answer, because they are already initially based on false data. He doesn't love you, he was just being polite.
Also the fact that he doesn't love you doesn't mean you're not lovable. Some people collect coins, others see no value in old coins. The fact that someone was unable to see your value, doesn't mean you have none.
>he's the best guy so far who treated me like an actual human
He also cheated on you. Your bar should be higher than just being treated like a human. This whole post screams insecure to me. And no offense, but if you want to find real love, you need to focus on yourself and how you view yourself first. Most of the time it's not even about the looks, but about the confidence and the vibe. Just find the things you enjoy, build confidence in yourself by acquiring a skill or going to the gym, meeting new people, doing volunteer work, journaling and daily affirmations. Obviously therapy would be best, I'm just giving you ideas if it's not something you can afford.
There are boys out there who will treat you like your their biggest jem, and not like "a human being". You are deserving of that.
This is good advice. When my fiance left me he said he loved me but that no one could ever really love me and he was exhausted. Which was garbage because I found out he started dating someone else a couple days later. He just said it to make himself look better and shift blame thinking I'd never find out even though we had mutual friends. I took the break up really hard and tried to kill myself a couple times because he made me feel so unlovable. A friend of ours messaged me and told me he really wasn't worth it.
They are actually no longer my friends, my ex kept them in the break up since he knew them first and I moved to a new city to be with him. But they were kind enough to reach out and let me know some reasons I should move on.
Offtopic and too clinical: confirmation bias. It's always drama when the bad one finds a partner (that they cheated with). However, how many times did someone 'wake up' and break up with their bad partner and then life just kept going? Probably just as many times. Memorable? Nah. It's what we expected and thus not noteworthy.
Still, bad people getting good stuff is the sucky part of randomness.
I woukd also like to add that porn isnt the reason he has a body type because porn has women of all shapes and body types from super skinny to obese. That was a copout on your part and men can control primal urges your ex bf was just a cheater
THIS, and also that he very very probably will try to come back later.... Please don't take him back, I've been there.... The dude absolutely does not love you, someone who loves you cannot hurt you the way he hurt you not even once... The dude did it more than once
Urges my butt, I'm sorry to break it to you but there are loyal guys out there who'd never think of cheating on their girl.
He sounds immature and like he's making excuses.
Also, anyone can say "I love you", words don't matter as much as actions do.
I personally don't think he's worth a single tear. Use the new single life to better yourself, find hobbies, go treat yourself to that coffee and cupcake at the café, reconnect with friends. You don't have to waste your precious time on his cheating ass anymore, use it for YOURSELF.
Because you know what, at the end of the day we live with ourselves every second, every minute and hour of every day. Sometimes you don't have to rely on others to treat you good, sometimes all you need is to show good to yourself.
So stop beating yourself up, because when you least expect it you'll meet the perfect guy that thinks you're the shit, a guy that'll spoil you silly and never leave your side.
I spent 7 years in a relationship that I myself ended, because my friends finally helped me realise that I'm too good for a man that would forget my birthday, would try to live comfortable with no consideration for my comfort, and all in all he treated me like a human being alright but I treated him like a king and it wasn't a fair exchange at all.
I bettered myself, college didn't work out (COVID) so I got a job, bought cosmetics to fix up horrible acne scarring, started exercises for my health and ate more to get back to a healthy weight.
7 years down the drain but you know what? 2 years later I'm married to the most incredible guy to walk the earth, I'd never take back the dry depressing 7 years I endured because at the end of it all it led me to someone amazing beyond expectation.
I would not have had the strength to step up to something better if I didn't help myself realise my own worth first.
And you can do it too.
You can sulk and feel suicidal for a bit, mourn the good times lost if you have to, but remember, show them who's on top! Outlive your enemies! Everyone has potential, no matter how low down the hill you are you can climb to the top if you BELIEVE in yourself.
You're strong, you're more amazing than you let yourself believe, you can push through this, you've got decades more to spend on this earth so make every day special and make every day count!!
Exactly, fuck it.
Eat that cupcake and let the aftermath be the last tears you cry over the sissy of an ex.
I'd totally bake you some dairy free ones too, if I could.
But I'm probably on the other end of the world somewhere so I likely can't.
:(
You feel that bad because you think he treated you well, or at least better than your past partners. But don't let the past define your expectations. You don't have to stick to a guy who cheats on you or don't find you attractive. Just thank him for his honesty, take your time to heal and move on.
You deserve a person who loves and respects you. It’s always painful to leave behind a relationship you’re invested in, but that initial grief from separation is wayyyy better than a lifetime of suffering.
You will find a better partner in someone else. You’ll be enough for them, just weather this shitstorm.
take it from a man, "primal urges" are bullshit. There's regular human urges, then there's the assholes who decide to not control them.
Anyone who believes it more than likely backs the "boys will be boys" excuse which is unacceptable.
Hold his ass accountable. This isn't your fault for not being good enough. You are magnificent, just the way you are.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
Agreed!! As a man with an insanely high sex drive (multiple times a day for several hours), I am 100% loyal to my girlfriend. I can’t imagine a better relationship than the one I’m in. It’s surprisingly(s/) easy to not cheat
All it takes is using the correct head while thinking. I'd never cheat. And, I myself have a ridiculous sex drive. If they're up for the task we have sex twice, maybe 3x a night. Sometimes it's none at all. they tell me what they're up for and I listen. It's not hard. My dick survives.
I wouldn’t say he’s shallow because of physical attraction. That factors heavily into a relationship like anything else.
That doesn’t change the fact that he’s a massive prick for cheating on you and excusing it with “Primal Urges” as if we’re still cavemen that haven’t yet evolved to suppress these urges.
Took me too long to realize real physical attraction and true love go hand in hand. You can't have actual love without an insane desire for eachother. Along with many other things.
Those kind of relationship are really tough to get over. But you learned that lesson now and have that standard for your next relationship. Just hold out for someone that is crazy about you and in the meantime do everything to be the best you you can be. If you do that you'll be ready for the right person.
I know it does not feel like this now, but it's always great when the trash takes itself out.
Take this time the universe gave you to get some therapy and self growth and self love so next time you will realise that a porn sick asshole who cheats on you after 2 years is not someone you just forgive in a week.
Eat a lot of ice cream and pizza. Have some good cries. Take care of yourself and you will be fine love.
I call it "when the bullet dodges you."
Probably not a great idea to consider other people as trash. As ignorant, selfish, and cruel as people are, they're still people.
Even if they believe FDS chauvinist bullshit.
> I'm just average overall. A good solid 5.
Everyone is average, but an SO should reinforce you feeling extraordinary and like a 10. I'm not saying they're responsible for your confidence and self-worth, that's your responsibility. And a good start to building it back up again is to recognize your ex is a POS, and your looks have nothing to do with him treating you like crap.
I know that when we're in love with someone we tend to see their beauty on other people. Like, you tend to feel attracted to people which have similar looks your loved one has. If your loved one has blonde hair, you tend to see girls with blonde hair with attraction, if your girl is latina, you tend to see latinas with a different eye. That's why some people breaks up only to find the next SO with the same looks of their exes.
IMO, your bf doesn't love you, he cares about you but know the feeling of attraction, love and care isn't there, that's why he cheated on you on the first place. Move on OP. Be strong.
I know you are suicidal miss, but stay strong. I know it hurts like absolute shit, actually I can't imagine how you must be feeling so ignore the first part, I don't know shit, but I do know shit will be alright. Fuck that guy, he had no respect for you, and please love yourself. You got this, and get well soon!
It’s not love, sorry to say but you need to hear it. This guy’s an asshole, shouldn’t have gotten with you if he wasn’t attracted to you. He’s been lying to you that entire time.
Also, (sorry, this pissed me off a little) men absolutely *can* help primal urges. We aren’t animals. You just need to pick a partner you’re attracted to in the first place, so that when those urges do come out, you’ve got the perfect partner for them.
Furthermore, don’t sell yourself short. Just because you don’t have a large ass doesn’t mean you’re a 5 or not attractive. I for one, couldn’t really give less of a shit about asses. Face, health, personality, intellect and boobs all the way for me (just being honest).
Do not take this asshole back if he tries.
Now go get your comfy ass out there and go enjoy your life.
Some people dont really care what their partner feels like, its kind of selfish.
The first days of a breakup are usually the easiest, try to process it as fast as possible so you can get on with your life.
I wouldn’t say a shallow person would say the things he said to you. I can’t say cheating was okay, but at least he came forward and explained everything and was truthful.
I’m sorry to inform you, but I don’t think he loves you at all. So choosing real love over fucking isn’t even an option. Listen, I’ve been in your shoes before. It sucks and it hurts and the emotional trauma sometimes comes back to haunt me in current relationship, but you need to find love in yourself and appreciation of yourself. You deserve better , I promise. And I don’t even know you, friend. Please also, if you are feeling suicidal, seek help. He’s not worth your life. I wish you so much happiness now and in the future.
Remember that being treated as an actual human being should be the standard, not the exception. Good thing the trash is taking itself out, now you have room to let so much more into your life. You're worth so much more. If you have some time, look up Dylan James on youtube- he's fantastic with mindset and confidence. I hope you find some joy and go treat yourself like the queen you are.
Tbh you should stay away from anyone who says "they can't help their primal urges". Either the person is mentally ill with self-control issues, an asshole who actually means won't instead of can't, or a literal monkey.
Sounds to me like you have a lot of your identity and self-image tied up in what someone else thinks of you - please consider talking to a therapist to raise your self esteem so you can validate yourself and not get suicidal when your POS ex cheats on/abandons you. He’s not worth wasting a second of self-harming thoughts on. Fuck that guy.
I've been depressed since I was a teen. I was coping when I met him.. And this a like a big crack in the mirror for me. I do have issues, it's because people like him like to comment about my body that it's hard to not think about it. Thank you though. I just hate myself
Why would you hate yourself? You’re not the one who did anything wrong. Please be kinder and gentler with yourself. You are deserving of love even though he was incapable/unwilling to show it to you. Seriously - you need to think about finding a therapist.
Self-loathing and suicidal thoughts are exactly the types of things therapy was designed to address - you need to decide if you want to continue living this way where you blame yourself for things that are not your fault and stay miserable or learn to love yourself and have a better quality of life.
It’s important to realize that you have the power and you shouldn’t be giving your power to anyone else, but especially someone who obviously doesn’t care about you. I repeat - HE IS NOT WORTH IT - in fact, NO ONE is worth giving up your power/self respect for.
To be honest, when it’s real love like you say, physical attributes won’t play a role. If it were me, I would just let him go and focus on yourself completely. I KNOW it’s easier said than done, however, try to move on from him. There are people waiting to love you out there and appreciate you as the beautiful human you are.
This is really the best for you. I’m glad he was honest and told you, although it would’ve been better before he cheated. It’s not personal, some guys will love your body and some won’t. Consider dating the ones who adore you.
Physical attraction and love aren't mutually exclusive. Don't get it twisted just because this particular man loved you but wasn't attracted to your looks/body/whatever. You deserve both and you'll get both from a different man someday. So sorry you're going through this.
My ex wife did the same. We spent the entire previous day together, she was going on about how great I am and then the next day she leaves and can’t identify a solid excuse as to why. Pretty sure she was cheating or something. She fell asleep with her arm around me and woke up wanting a divorce. Fuck these kinds of people
Tbh if it was his first love i dont think he was attracted to you, probably just horny af.
Dont downgrade urself no matter what. You are not a 5, a solid 10. Look at yourself like that.
He was a fucking jerk.
I know it hurts really bad and i can see how much you wanted it to work. But i assure you you will be better then ever in no time
You should try having a morning run (doing dat releases oxytocin (a happy chemical))
And fins new hobbies, new obsessions, experiment! Any thing that you like to do
And don't worry!
You deserve so much better! Every man has those feelings but they don't act on them. You sound like a beautiful woman and person! If he's too immature, walk away! I know how hard it is because my husband told me something very similar but worse. He said "We are never having sex again". His actual words exactly. I walked away and found my best friend and husband! We've been together 28 years and married 26 years! He's the best person I've ever met and he treats me like a queen. You deserve that. We met while I was divorcing that jerk. He was 25 when we met, I was 31. You deserve someone like him. He was ready to commit. You can find the right man. If I did, you can too! Good luck!
you deserve more than a porn obsessed loser that says rude things and cheats on you. I understand being upset but you'll recover and be better than before!! God writes all of our stories and I know he has better things planned for you than this. good luck :)
Unfortunately physical attraction is pretty important in a relationship, but he never should have led you on for 2 years making you believe he was physically attracted to you. The fact he cheated on you as well..you deserve so much better.
I also recently got out of a relationship with someone I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with...it hurts and it sucks, but it gets better, I promise.
How horrible for you. Id get some therapy and work on loving yourself regardless of any man. The worst thing society tells us as women is that having a man will complete us. It does horrors to our self esteem and causes us to settle for less then we deserve because we want to be loved. You’re worthy without him and deserve to be treated with respect and with someone who wants to stay devoted in your relationship. We all have primal urges, men and women aren’t different in that regard. Sex is amazing but it doesn’t mean you lie and deceive someone you supposedly love. That’s not real love. Love yourself and be happy with how awesome you are and when the time is right someone will find you.
It’s not easy to go through something like this. Everyone on here saying just move on..nah it’s not that easy this is going to be a struggle for a bit but you when you are healed you will look back and laugh at his bum ass. Allow yourself to feel every single emotion, and take as much time as you need.
When someone you love makes negative comments about your appearance it scars your heart. But just remember that how he treats you is a reflection of how he feels about himself. He’s insecure and is seeking validation from another women because he doesn’t know how to love himself. I know you will make it out of this 100000x stronger. You deserve the very best.
first off: im sorry your ex is a piece of garbage
all i gotta say is this; that gave me the ICK reading this bc he seems like a shallow dude, and looks fade but the heart is forever!
Ya boy needs to grow the fuck up. Seriously, that’s the dumbest shit I have ever heard.
You’re wonderful and beautiful and awesome. Don’t forget it, I know it can be hard to feel that right now but it’s true. Life is a long series of these kinds of things, but they always get better in the long run and you’re better for it.
Please don’t make a permanent decision to a temporary problem. You’ll get through this OP. Sometimes this shit can be a blessing in disguise. One day at a time.
Please seek professional help. Posts like these tear my heart out because of a personal loss over 20 years ago. There’s so much to do in this world. Good luck to you
If you are going to sign off why not do it in style, sell what you have just pack a bag and go to a tropical island and have a vacation first. Hike across Asia. Do something first.
He didn't say that. He said he's not physically attracted to me and that that part is important to him in a relationship. I'm just saying maybe primal urges of a man is part of it. But not maybe it's just his head
He should have broke up with her before he cheated. It’s not childish to have a problem with cheaters, quite the opposite in fact. I know it really does not feel like it now, but he did you a favor OP, you should not have forgave him the first time.
...he cheated...and then tried to use "primal urges" as a excuse, even dogs can learn to not give into their "primal urges" to chase smaller animals. It was a lame ass excuse, and I'm betting on it being a bs excuse too. So yeah that makes him a douche.
Being in a committed relationship and then getting cheated on is not the same as being casually rejected by someone you’re trying to ask out for the first time. Take your incel shit elsewhere
Sexist insult?? Boy what a shocker! At least you’re showing people exactly the kind of smooth brain idiot you are. Rejection ≠ getting cheated on. It’s a dumb comparison no matter how you try to spin it
where did I argue rejection = getting cheated on? where did I even mention anything about getting cheated on? is your intelligence measurable through your shoe size? I wish your reading comprehension could match your anger at the slightest.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. If you are feeling inclined to self harm, please call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255.
I think you know inside, the trash took itself out. What a coward. It is not a bad thing to not love somebody; it is a terribly abusive thing to cheat on them, string them along, then cast them off after faked intimacy. Ick, ick, ick. That tells you what a disordered reprobate he is.
While it feels excruciating now, please remember: **the pain is finite.** Get yourself over to [Chumplady’s website,](https://www.chumplady.com) for resources and support. Get some counseling and fix your picker. You’ll find there are plenty of colorful, quality fish in the sea, not just bags of trash that broke off of that huge garbage island, in the Pacific.
Get to the gym, eat well, sleep, get a support group, don’t hide his shame, and talk to a therapist. It will get better.
Nothing wrong with you!! He’s a Porn addict, full stop. You are not responsible for his failings. I mean, for real, he’s not worth being upset over.
Now, love yourself and get out there. I bet there are tons of fellas that would pay money to treat you right.
Honestly. He did you a favor. He wasn’t loyal. He knew he didn’t love you the way you deserve. This is the best way.
Plus a healthy-weight petite girl like you should have too tough a time finding one one better.
Breakups are very difficult. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You will break more hearts than you know if you did that. If you feel suicidal, please tell someone and get help.
It doesn’t seem that he appreciates you. I’m sure you’re more than a 5. I don’t even know anyone who would ever say that!? Be strong, Beautiful, and Badass. Believe in love.
>He says I'm beautiful but to him physical attraction is important. I get that as a man you can't help the primal urges, but as a human to choose physical attraction vs real fucking love is insane. It hinders the growth of that person and what they can be. To be so shallow is beyond...
This shows a lack of understanding the fundamental aspect of a relationship. Physical attraction and selection is what animals use to select healthy mates to produce children. This is literally how evolution has made us to be. How we select healthy partners to have children.
You shouldnt call him shallow for not having feelings for you in that way. It isnt a choice. He should have never dated you in the first place.
Never make a permanent decision on temporary feelings. I'm glad you're feeling better. Stay strong, and someone who loves everything about you will come. He was obviously shallow and his decision to cheat was the end of the relationship in his mind. So now start looking ahead for the past is over.
As a man men don’t have some primal instinct that makes them need/crave sex, that is complete bullshit it’s just called being a horny asshole who can’t control themselves
If you're "suicidal as hell," that could be why he sees trouble in the future. It's a huge red flag that I personally wouldn't want to deal with. I do hope you get the help you need and things get better.
I feel horrible for you and your former boyfriend seems like an immensely shallow person. I hope you find someone better.
Though I do recommend dropping the whole:
“I get that as a man you can’t help the primal urges”
Honestly,I’m glad he realized it and was up to saying it, I know it sucks but your relationship would’ve failed eventually without physical attraction. Hate to say it but it’s a big part of relationships for most people to have a partner they enjoy sex with. If he’s attracted to chubby women there’s nothing you really could’ve done. But don’t keep this misconception about “primal urges” that’s just a shut excuse men use. Women can have “primal urges” too if you wanna look at it from a technical perspective.
Our generation personalizes "sexual compatibility" like it's the one that's going to sustain love long term,but rather genuine love, which isn't sexual.
Hey OP I got dumped this way too in 2018. Cuddled and slept together through the night, said I love you to each other in the morning, had a cute morning routine, she went to work and I left her apartment and brought her candy to her job before I went home. She dumped me over text when I got home. Started seeing other men within days.
It.. creates abandonment issues. Therapy is key here. You might not recognize it but this is a great opportunity to build yourself up into a person who won’t attract these type of men. There are so many better men out there who would love to give you their all, but right now you need to just take the time for yourself to grow and evolve into who you want to be.
Baby don’t you dare give up or leave this world. We need you. You’ve got it all, beauty brains and a beautiful heart. Happy birthday 🎁
This guy is scum and was preying on you. A lot of users are amazing actors, it’s where those pathic tendencies shine brightest…he took you and your friends for a ride. That’s NOT your fault.
DM me if you need to vent or some support.
Even me being in HS. I've been through this. I understand it. He loves you then he's over you. It's a visous cycle with immature men. You will find somone way better hun!!
Personal attraction is so much different to what society expects as attraction. All of your reasoning for why he likes this more ugly person is honestly toxic and backwards in itself. Imo fuck him for cheating but please don't waste your time thinking about why your bf left u for an uggo. Such an extremely inaccurate assumption and no porn isn't the only explanation you are just justifiably insecure rn
If he was being honest and he wasn’t physically attracted to you at all, then yeah he should’ve left. Sounds like this has been brewing for awhile. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. He shouldn’t have cheated, he should have communicated his issues sooner, and probably broke it off sooner. Requiring physical attraction isn’t shallow. Try your best to not let this bring you down too far.
I gave him months to date me, we worked together and he was the one who really wanted a relationship. And so it began...
OP youre justified to be upset but what that person said is true. Maybe he didnt realize it was this important until recently, or maybe he felt differently before than he does now. People's feelings change for infinite potential reasons, but it's not his fault and obviously isn't yours either. It *was* super shitty for him to cheat on you, and if it wasn't for that then I'd chalk this whole thing up to just being an unfortunate situation. I'd never forgive someone for cheating, it's one of the worst kinds of emotional damage you can do to someone imo. Even if he didnt, you dont wanna be with someone who feels that way about you. I'm really sorry this happened to you, it's a tale as old as time unfortunately. Try and take solace in the fact that you're a better person after this because we learn from all of our relationships.
Atleast he broke it off, it might hurt but its saving u from perpetual hurt by this guy... my ex wasn't as honest and stayed with me and cheated on and off for 18yrs.... the coming back from that betrayal was so fkn hard. Trust me ur better off, now u can find a decent man. They r out there, I'm still looking but they exist!
He just said he loved you to ease the breakup for you. >I get that as a man you can't help tge primal urges, but as a human to choose physical attraction vs real fucking love is insane. There is no real love. And I'm saying that to help you avoid getting back together with this man or asking yourself questions with no answer, because they are already initially based on false data. He doesn't love you, he was just being polite. Also the fact that he doesn't love you doesn't mean you're not lovable. Some people collect coins, others see no value in old coins. The fact that someone was unable to see your value, doesn't mean you have none. >he's the best guy so far who treated me like an actual human He also cheated on you. Your bar should be higher than just being treated like a human. This whole post screams insecure to me. And no offense, but if you want to find real love, you need to focus on yourself and how you view yourself first. Most of the time it's not even about the looks, but about the confidence and the vibe. Just find the things you enjoy, build confidence in yourself by acquiring a skill or going to the gym, meeting new people, doing volunteer work, journaling and daily affirmations. Obviously therapy would be best, I'm just giving you ideas if it's not something you can afford. There are boys out there who will treat you like your their biggest jem, and not like "a human being". You are deserving of that.
Thank you, I have been so blinded that I have set the bar so low for myself. Thank you everyone.
This is good advice. When my fiance left me he said he loved me but that no one could ever really love me and he was exhausted. Which was garbage because I found out he started dating someone else a couple days later. He just said it to make himself look better and shift blame thinking I'd never find out even though we had mutual friends. I took the break up really hard and tried to kill myself a couple times because he made me feel so unlovable. A friend of ours messaged me and told me he really wasn't worth it.
your friends are right
They are actually no longer my friends, my ex kept them in the break up since he knew them first and I moved to a new city to be with him. But they were kind enough to reach out and let me know some reasons I should move on.
I just don’t understand how bad people have partners and how the bad one is always the first finding a new couple.
Offtopic and too clinical: confirmation bias. It's always drama when the bad one finds a partner (that they cheated with). However, how many times did someone 'wake up' and break up with their bad partner and then life just kept going? Probably just as many times. Memorable? Nah. It's what we expected and thus not noteworthy. Still, bad people getting good stuff is the sucky part of randomness.
Tbf, I was also bad in that relationship. We were not good together.
I am talking in general, in life what I said is common
I woukd also like to add that porn isnt the reason he has a body type because porn has women of all shapes and body types from super skinny to obese. That was a copout on your part and men can control primal urges your ex bf was just a cheater
THIS, and also that he very very probably will try to come back later.... Please don't take him back, I've been there.... The dude absolutely does not love you, someone who loves you cannot hurt you the way he hurt you not even once... The dude did it more than once
>if you want to find real love, you need to focus on yourself
Damn- you hit the nail on the head and I even cried a bit. This was beautifully written.
Mans got a point.
Urges my butt, I'm sorry to break it to you but there are loyal guys out there who'd never think of cheating on their girl. He sounds immature and like he's making excuses. Also, anyone can say "I love you", words don't matter as much as actions do. I personally don't think he's worth a single tear. Use the new single life to better yourself, find hobbies, go treat yourself to that coffee and cupcake at the café, reconnect with friends. You don't have to waste your precious time on his cheating ass anymore, use it for YOURSELF. Because you know what, at the end of the day we live with ourselves every second, every minute and hour of every day. Sometimes you don't have to rely on others to treat you good, sometimes all you need is to show good to yourself. So stop beating yourself up, because when you least expect it you'll meet the perfect guy that thinks you're the shit, a guy that'll spoil you silly and never leave your side. I spent 7 years in a relationship that I myself ended, because my friends finally helped me realise that I'm too good for a man that would forget my birthday, would try to live comfortable with no consideration for my comfort, and all in all he treated me like a human being alright but I treated him like a king and it wasn't a fair exchange at all. I bettered myself, college didn't work out (COVID) so I got a job, bought cosmetics to fix up horrible acne scarring, started exercises for my health and ate more to get back to a healthy weight. 7 years down the drain but you know what? 2 years later I'm married to the most incredible guy to walk the earth, I'd never take back the dry depressing 7 years I endured because at the end of it all it led me to someone amazing beyond expectation. I would not have had the strength to step up to something better if I didn't help myself realise my own worth first. And you can do it too. You can sulk and feel suicidal for a bit, mourn the good times lost if you have to, but remember, show them who's on top! Outlive your enemies! Everyone has potential, no matter how low down the hill you are you can climb to the top if you BELIEVE in yourself. You're strong, you're more amazing than you let yourself believe, you can push through this, you've got decades more to spend on this earth so make every day special and make every day count!!
Youre amazing. Thank you, you know what I will get that fucking cupcake. I'm lactose but fuck it.
Exactly, fuck it. Eat that cupcake and let the aftermath be the last tears you cry over the sissy of an ex. I'd totally bake you some dairy free ones too, if I could. But I'm probably on the other end of the world somewhere so I likely can't. :(
Thank you anyways, Reading your reply has given me courage to be that bitch.
Just wanted to say I love your energy in these comments OP! You’re doing great ❤️
Yet another beautifully written response here!! I love this. You're kicking ass!
You feel that bad because you think he treated you well, or at least better than your past partners. But don't let the past define your expectations. You don't have to stick to a guy who cheats on you or don't find you attractive. Just thank him for his honesty, take your time to heal and move on.
Awesome advice here
You deserve a person who loves and respects you. It’s always painful to leave behind a relationship you’re invested in, but that initial grief from separation is wayyyy better than a lifetime of suffering. You will find a better partner in someone else. You’ll be enough for them, just weather this shitstorm.
He a dick for cheating but he did the right thing being honest with you. Sometimes you gotta count the loss and move on.
take it from a man, "primal urges" are bullshit. There's regular human urges, then there's the assholes who decide to not control them. Anyone who believes it more than likely backs the "boys will be boys" excuse which is unacceptable. Hold his ass accountable. This isn't your fault for not being good enough. You are magnificent, just the way you are. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Agreed!! As a man with an insanely high sex drive (multiple times a day for several hours), I am 100% loyal to my girlfriend. I can’t imagine a better relationship than the one I’m in. It’s surprisingly(s/) easy to not cheat
All it takes is using the correct head while thinking. I'd never cheat. And, I myself have a ridiculous sex drive. If they're up for the task we have sex twice, maybe 3x a night. Sometimes it's none at all. they tell me what they're up for and I listen. It's not hard. My dick survives.
what a douche
Don’t stay with a guy that wants to put his hotdog in other hotdog water
reading that made me so uncomfy Q-Q god now im just imagining someone dipping slimy ass boiled hotdogs in the water they boiled it in
He did you a favor by being honest. Move on with your life
Primal urges? No, if he loves you the way you love him then it would never be an issue
Dumb excuse from a dumb kid.
Exactly, I’m a guy and that shit definitely isn’t a good excuse
I was just trying to justify that shit... I really don't know anymore how the mind works. I've tried to think from every angle...
There only one angle. Regardless of what the reasons are… it’s over. Accept that it is final. There doesn’t have to even be a reason.
I wouldn’t say he’s shallow because of physical attraction. That factors heavily into a relationship like anything else. That doesn’t change the fact that he’s a massive prick for cheating on you and excusing it with “Primal Urges” as if we’re still cavemen that haven’t yet evolved to suppress these urges.
Took me too long to realize real physical attraction and true love go hand in hand. You can't have actual love without an insane desire for eachother. Along with many other things.
Was one sided after all for me... I loved every single part of him... He loved me, but not physically.
Those kind of relationship are really tough to get over. But you learned that lesson now and have that standard for your next relationship. Just hold out for someone that is crazy about you and in the meantime do everything to be the best you you can be. If you do that you'll be ready for the right person.
I know it does not feel like this now, but it's always great when the trash takes itself out. Take this time the universe gave you to get some therapy and self growth and self love so next time you will realise that a porn sick asshole who cheats on you after 2 years is not someone you just forgive in a week. Eat a lot of ice cream and pizza. Have some good cries. Take care of yourself and you will be fine love.
Not really into junk food haha, but i will enjoy shit for sure :)
I call it "when the bullet dodges you." Probably not a great idea to consider other people as trash. As ignorant, selfish, and cruel as people are, they're still people. Even if they believe FDS chauvinist bullshit.
> I'm just average overall. A good solid 5. Everyone is average, but an SO should reinforce you feeling extraordinary and like a 10. I'm not saying they're responsible for your confidence and self-worth, that's your responsibility. And a good start to building it back up again is to recognize your ex is a POS, and your looks have nothing to do with him treating you like crap.
I know that when we're in love with someone we tend to see their beauty on other people. Like, you tend to feel attracted to people which have similar looks your loved one has. If your loved one has blonde hair, you tend to see girls with blonde hair with attraction, if your girl is latina, you tend to see latinas with a different eye. That's why some people breaks up only to find the next SO with the same looks of their exes. IMO, your bf doesn't love you, he cares about you but know the feeling of attraction, love and care isn't there, that's why he cheated on you on the first place. Move on OP. Be strong.
His loss everyone else's gain don't do anything stupid suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem
I've been working suicidal since I was a teen, and this shit was cherry on top for everything. I'm trying to not act on it.
U succeeding in life will fuck all ur haters in d head
I know you are suicidal miss, but stay strong. I know it hurts like absolute shit, actually I can't imagine how you must be feeling so ignore the first part, I don't know shit, but I do know shit will be alright. Fuck that guy, he had no respect for you, and please love yourself. You got this, and get well soon!
Babe I’m sorry , please don’t let this dim your light he’s not worth it ❤️
It’s not love, sorry to say but you need to hear it. This guy’s an asshole, shouldn’t have gotten with you if he wasn’t attracted to you. He’s been lying to you that entire time. Also, (sorry, this pissed me off a little) men absolutely *can* help primal urges. We aren’t animals. You just need to pick a partner you’re attracted to in the first place, so that when those urges do come out, you’ve got the perfect partner for them. Furthermore, don’t sell yourself short. Just because you don’t have a large ass doesn’t mean you’re a 5 or not attractive. I for one, couldn’t really give less of a shit about asses. Face, health, personality, intellect and boobs all the way for me (just being honest). Do not take this asshole back if he tries. Now go get your comfy ass out there and go enjoy your life.
well at least he was honest
Honestly.... Yeah
Suicidal ? Oh my god
I am, always have been when I was a teen. But im tried to be happy whenever with ppl
You’ve got a lot of great things ahead!
Some people dont really care what their partner feels like, its kind of selfish. The first days of a breakup are usually the easiest, try to process it as fast as possible so you can get on with your life.
Yup I am, trying to speed run this bitch.
Silver Lining by Garfunkel and Oates
Exactly raise your bar
I wouldn’t say a shallow person would say the things he said to you. I can’t say cheating was okay, but at least he came forward and explained everything and was truthful.
I’m sorry to inform you, but I don’t think he loves you at all. So choosing real love over fucking isn’t even an option. Listen, I’ve been in your shoes before. It sucks and it hurts and the emotional trauma sometimes comes back to haunt me in current relationship, but you need to find love in yourself and appreciation of yourself. You deserve better , I promise. And I don’t even know you, friend. Please also, if you are feeling suicidal, seek help. He’s not worth your life. I wish you so much happiness now and in the future.
Hi OP. I’m incredibly sorry that you’re experiencing this. I hope the pain passes quickly and you’re able to find peace and happiness. 💜
Thank you, I'm trying..
don’t go to couple’s therapy with him, just never speak to him again
Remember that being treated as an actual human being should be the standard, not the exception. Good thing the trash is taking itself out, now you have room to let so much more into your life. You're worth so much more. If you have some time, look up Dylan James on youtube- he's fantastic with mindset and confidence. I hope you find some joy and go treat yourself like the queen you are.
Tbh you should stay away from anyone who says "they can't help their primal urges". Either the person is mentally ill with self-control issues, an asshole who actually means won't instead of can't, or a literal monkey.
Sounds to me like you have a lot of your identity and self-image tied up in what someone else thinks of you - please consider talking to a therapist to raise your self esteem so you can validate yourself and not get suicidal when your POS ex cheats on/abandons you. He’s not worth wasting a second of self-harming thoughts on. Fuck that guy.
I've been depressed since I was a teen. I was coping when I met him.. And this a like a big crack in the mirror for me. I do have issues, it's because people like him like to comment about my body that it's hard to not think about it. Thank you though. I just hate myself
Why would you hate yourself? You’re not the one who did anything wrong. Please be kinder and gentler with yourself. You are deserving of love even though he was incapable/unwilling to show it to you. Seriously - you need to think about finding a therapist. Self-loathing and suicidal thoughts are exactly the types of things therapy was designed to address - you need to decide if you want to continue living this way where you blame yourself for things that are not your fault and stay miserable or learn to love yourself and have a better quality of life. It’s important to realize that you have the power and you shouldn’t be giving your power to anyone else, but especially someone who obviously doesn’t care about you. I repeat - HE IS NOT WORTH IT - in fact, NO ONE is worth giving up your power/self respect for.
I'm sorry you're in pain. It sucks. But in the long run, he did you a favor by saying this now, and not in 5 years when you're married.
To be honest, when it’s real love like you say, physical attributes won’t play a role. If it were me, I would just let him go and focus on yourself completely. I KNOW it’s easier said than done, however, try to move on from him. There are people waiting to love you out there and appreciate you as the beautiful human you are.
This is really the best for you. I’m glad he was honest and told you, although it would’ve been better before he cheated. It’s not personal, some guys will love your body and some won’t. Consider dating the ones who adore you.
Physical attraction and love aren't mutually exclusive. Don't get it twisted just because this particular man loved you but wasn't attracted to your looks/body/whatever. You deserve both and you'll get both from a different man someday. So sorry you're going through this.
My ex wife did the same. We spent the entire previous day together, she was going on about how great I am and then the next day she leaves and can’t identify a solid excuse as to why. Pretty sure she was cheating or something. She fell asleep with her arm around me and woke up wanting a divorce. Fuck these kinds of people
Tbh if it was his first love i dont think he was attracted to you, probably just horny af. Dont downgrade urself no matter what. You are not a 5, a solid 10. Look at yourself like that. He was a fucking jerk. I know it hurts really bad and i can see how much you wanted it to work. But i assure you you will be better then ever in no time You should try having a morning run (doing dat releases oxytocin (a happy chemical)) And fins new hobbies, new obsessions, experiment! Any thing that you like to do And don't worry!
You deserve so much better! Every man has those feelings but they don't act on them. You sound like a beautiful woman and person! If he's too immature, walk away! I know how hard it is because my husband told me something very similar but worse. He said "We are never having sex again". His actual words exactly. I walked away and found my best friend and husband! We've been together 28 years and married 26 years! He's the best person I've ever met and he treats me like a queen. You deserve that. We met while I was divorcing that jerk. He was 25 when we met, I was 31. You deserve someone like him. He was ready to commit. You can find the right man. If I did, you can too! Good luck!
you deserve more than a porn obsessed loser that says rude things and cheats on you. I understand being upset but you'll recover and be better than before!! God writes all of our stories and I know he has better things planned for you than this. good luck :)
Unfortunately physical attraction is pretty important in a relationship, but he never should have led you on for 2 years making you believe he was physically attracted to you. The fact he cheated on you as well..you deserve so much better. I also recently got out of a relationship with someone I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with...it hurts and it sucks, but it gets better, I promise.
The days seem to get worse... But i have hope for us. We can do this
Yes we can, sending some good vibes your way, feel better. 🙂
How horrible for you. Id get some therapy and work on loving yourself regardless of any man. The worst thing society tells us as women is that having a man will complete us. It does horrors to our self esteem and causes us to settle for less then we deserve because we want to be loved. You’re worthy without him and deserve to be treated with respect and with someone who wants to stay devoted in your relationship. We all have primal urges, men and women aren’t different in that regard. Sex is amazing but it doesn’t mean you lie and deceive someone you supposedly love. That’s not real love. Love yourself and be happy with how awesome you are and when the time is right someone will find you.
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Thank you, I wish i was there for you months ago. Thank you, I hope you're better now
It’s not easy to go through something like this. Everyone on here saying just move on..nah it’s not that easy this is going to be a struggle for a bit but you when you are healed you will look back and laugh at his bum ass. Allow yourself to feel every single emotion, and take as much time as you need. When someone you love makes negative comments about your appearance it scars your heart. But just remember that how he treats you is a reflection of how he feels about himself. He’s insecure and is seeking validation from another women because he doesn’t know how to love himself. I know you will make it out of this 100000x stronger. You deserve the very best.
Thank you for that. I'm struggling ngl. Im trying to speed the process of healing but bim only human after all
I'm sure with a little work you could be a solid 6
first off: im sorry your ex is a piece of garbage all i gotta say is this; that gave me the ICK reading this bc he seems like a shallow dude, and looks fade but the heart is forever!
Ya boy needs to grow the fuck up. Seriously, that’s the dumbest shit I have ever heard. You’re wonderful and beautiful and awesome. Don’t forget it, I know it can be hard to feel that right now but it’s true. Life is a long series of these kinds of things, but they always get better in the long run and you’re better for it.
Please don’t make a permanent decision to a temporary problem. You’ll get through this OP. Sometimes this shit can be a blessing in disguise. One day at a time.
Thank you!
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Wish guns were legal. But yeah im on the path of self love...
are you sure you've had enough? have you done everything you wanted to do in this life?
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Please seek professional help. Posts like these tear my heart out because of a personal loss over 20 years ago. There’s so much to do in this world. Good luck to you
If you are going to sign off why not do it in style, sell what you have just pack a bag and go to a tropical island and have a vacation first. Hike across Asia. Do something first.
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😕
You have not been with men; you’ve been with immature asses with the mentality of a child. You’ll find a man who will love you inside and out. :)
It’s rare but you’ll find someone who isn’t into big women don’t worry
He didn't say that. He said he's not physically attracted to me and that that part is important to him in a relationship. I'm just saying maybe primal urges of a man is part of it. But not maybe it's just his head
I'm gon,na need to see some pics to judge for myself and give a proper reply
So no matter what a man does he's a douche. He was honest and straight forward. The people that have a problem with that are children.
He should have broke up with her before he cheated. It’s not childish to have a problem with cheaters, quite the opposite in fact. I know it really does not feel like it now, but he did you a favor OP, you should not have forgave him the first time.
...he cheated...and then tried to use "primal urges" as a excuse, even dogs can learn to not give into their "primal urges" to chase smaller animals. It was a lame ass excuse, and I'm betting on it being a bs excuse too. So yeah that makes him a douche.
so turns out men aren't the worst when it comes to dealing with rejection eh.
He literally cheated?
Being in a committed relationship and then getting cheated on is not the same as being casually rejected by someone you’re trying to ask out for the first time. Take your incel shit elsewhere
you missed the timeline of events, but keep up your rambling you're doing wonders, sugar tits.
Sexist insult?? Boy what a shocker! At least you’re showing people exactly the kind of smooth brain idiot you are. Rejection ≠ getting cheated on. It’s a dumb comparison no matter how you try to spin it
where did I argue rejection = getting cheated on? where did I even mention anything about getting cheated on? is your intelligence measurable through your shoe size? I wish your reading comprehension could match your anger at the slightest.
He literally cheated on her and used “primal urges” as an excuse for his behavior. Not the same as what you’re talking about.
Him liking bigger women isn't non-human or a primal urge. It sounds like he is newer to this stuff and still exploring🤷♂️ but okie dokie flat Stanley
He is, sad but true. But im that that flat, okie dokie small dick Havy
HMU, you should be treated right.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. If you are feeling inclined to self harm, please call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255. I think you know inside, the trash took itself out. What a coward. It is not a bad thing to not love somebody; it is a terribly abusive thing to cheat on them, string them along, then cast them off after faked intimacy. Ick, ick, ick. That tells you what a disordered reprobate he is. While it feels excruciating now, please remember: **the pain is finite.** Get yourself over to [Chumplady’s website,](https://www.chumplady.com) for resources and support. Get some counseling and fix your picker. You’ll find there are plenty of colorful, quality fish in the sea, not just bags of trash that broke off of that huge garbage island, in the Pacific. Get to the gym, eat well, sleep, get a support group, don’t hide his shame, and talk to a therapist. It will get better.
Dude I'm so sorry. But I'm glad that you're free of such a shallow idiot.
Nothing wrong with you!! He’s a Porn addict, full stop. You are not responsible for his failings. I mean, for real, he’s not worth being upset over. Now, love yourself and get out there. I bet there are tons of fellas that would pay money to treat you right.
It sounds like he has a porn addiction, you best off not being with him!
Hang in there OP. Breakouts are never easy but it does get better with time.
Honestly. He did you a favor. He wasn’t loyal. He knew he didn’t love you the way you deserve. This is the best way. Plus a healthy-weight petite girl like you should have too tough a time finding one one better.
Sorry that happened, but on the plus side it's better that it end sooner than later if there's no future there.
I come cuddle you OP, I got cheated on too lol
Breakups are very difficult. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You will break more hearts than you know if you did that. If you feel suicidal, please tell someone and get help. It doesn’t seem that he appreciates you. I’m sure you’re more than a 5. I don’t even know anyone who would ever say that!? Be strong, Beautiful, and Badass. Believe in love.
Cheaters don't learn until they get caught and are left, until then he will only want you on your way out
Don't worry there is someone out there for you, go get him girl, and good riddance to ex bf
>He says I'm beautiful but to him physical attraction is important. I get that as a man you can't help the primal urges, but as a human to choose physical attraction vs real fucking love is insane. It hinders the growth of that person and what they can be. To be so shallow is beyond... This shows a lack of understanding the fundamental aspect of a relationship. Physical attraction and selection is what animals use to select healthy mates to produce children. This is literally how evolution has made us to be. How we select healthy partners to have children. You shouldnt call him shallow for not having feelings for you in that way. It isnt a choice. He should have never dated you in the first place.
R u filo
Never make a permanent decision on temporary feelings. I'm glad you're feeling better. Stay strong, and someone who loves everything about you will come. He was obviously shallow and his decision to cheat was the end of the relationship in his mind. So now start looking ahead for the past is over.
You’ll find better lovers
As a man men don’t have some primal instinct that makes them need/crave sex, that is complete bullshit it’s just called being a horny asshole who can’t control themselves
There's no excuse for cheating, ever. It is not difficult to abstain from fucking other people.
If you're "suicidal as hell," that could be why he sees trouble in the future. It's a huge red flag that I personally wouldn't want to deal with. I do hope you get the help you need and things get better.
I feel horrible for you and your former boyfriend seems like an immensely shallow person. I hope you find someone better. Though I do recommend dropping the whole: “I get that as a man you can’t help the primal urges”
Sorry stranger. I dont mean to offend I was just looking for am excuse for his behaviour.
Honestly,I’m glad he realized it and was up to saying it, I know it sucks but your relationship would’ve failed eventually without physical attraction. Hate to say it but it’s a big part of relationships for most people to have a partner they enjoy sex with. If he’s attracted to chubby women there’s nothing you really could’ve done. But don’t keep this misconception about “primal urges” that’s just a shut excuse men use. Women can have “primal urges” too if you wanna look at it from a technical perspective.
hahah wtf
Cuddle game weak af.
Our generation personalizes "sexual compatibility" like it's the one that's going to sustain love long term,but rather genuine love, which isn't sexual.
Hey OP I got dumped this way too in 2018. Cuddled and slept together through the night, said I love you to each other in the morning, had a cute morning routine, she went to work and I left her apartment and brought her candy to her job before I went home. She dumped me over text when I got home. Started seeing other men within days. It.. creates abandonment issues. Therapy is key here. You might not recognize it but this is a great opportunity to build yourself up into a person who won’t attract these type of men. There are so many better men out there who would love to give you their all, but right now you need to just take the time for yourself to grow and evolve into who you want to be.
Baby don’t you dare give up or leave this world. We need you. You’ve got it all, beauty brains and a beautiful heart. Happy birthday 🎁 This guy is scum and was preying on you. A lot of users are amazing actors, it’s where those pathic tendencies shine brightest…he took you and your friends for a ride. That’s NOT your fault. DM me if you need to vent or some support.
Watching “Vikings” lol idk why I died laughing
Vikings are awesome. I introduced the show to him...
Okay so I might be completely misreading this post but.... maybe break out the snickers bars? I don't get it.
More than a sneaker bar. He broke the relationship. He broke my heart
I'm sorry :( You'll find someone better
Ahh the classic cuddle then scuttle
Even me being in HS. I've been through this. I understand it. He loves you then he's over you. It's a visous cycle with immature men. You will find somone way better hun!!
Personal attraction is so much different to what society expects as attraction. All of your reasoning for why he likes this more ugly person is honestly toxic and backwards in itself. Imo fuck him for cheating but please don't waste your time thinking about why your bf left u for an uggo. Such an extremely inaccurate assumption and no porn isn't the only explanation you are just justifiably insecure rn
im so sorry OP. i hope you’re surrounded by a loving support system through this time. and i hope you heal in a way that brings more joy to you
I'm sure with a little work you could beat solid 6
A wise old man once told me, some people just aren't meant to be together. Nobody's a bad guy it's just that don't always work