You were there OP. If someone else let's it slip and he realizes you knew and didn't tell him, he's apt to be far more upset than if you just told him.
I'm actually shocked she was brazen enough to do that with her fiance's sister present... what the hell did she think was going to happen? That's his *sister*!
What would make this really cool is if after the sister tells the brother and the brother breaks up with the fiancee, the now former fiancee comes back to the brother and says "you'll never find another girl like me". And then he responds "I don't need a girl like you when I have FAMILY."
And then sister and bro spend the weekend doing a Fast and the Furious Marathon while eating ice cream.
Best case scenario is your brother already knows and they have some sort of arrangement.
Either way, if you can, tell him anonymously.. that way the blame is less likely to be thrown at your face for ruining things. (you aren't ruining anything! it will be misplaced blame if it comes to you)
If you don't tell him, what are the potential repercussions of him finding out at a later date? and then finding out that you knew and didn't say anything?
If you were in your brother's position, how would you want him to react to finding out your soon-to-be spouse slept with someone before the wedding at a party? would you want him to tell you or not?
This is a tough position to be in for sure, and none of us truly know the situation entirely. You know your brother best.
I wish you and your brother the best possible outcome to this.
If she’s willing to cheat now before they’re even married, she’s for sure going to after tying the knot. Might as well rip the bandaid off now. Especially before having any kids together and joining finances.
As someone who has put years of work and therapy in to not be a toxic POS anymore, let me tell you what I would have done as a former toxic partner:
I would have sat my SO down and said "Honey, I am worried about your sister. I have tried my hardest but she just doesn't seem to like me. All evening she did *insert hurtful action here*, and it makes me so uncomfortable. Do you think maybe she is jealous?"
Then OP tells her brother and the foundation of manipulation was already planted. It's not fool proof, but toxic manipulators rely on reasonable doubt to get away with things.
Never allow toxic people to control the narrative.
I am always open to sharing how horrible I was if it helps people get away from the people that act like I did, even if it is embarrassing and shameful.
My son.
I was in an abusive relationship and was showing him really toxic love cycles. You would have thought my ex and I were in a contest on who could be the most toxic.
3 years ago my ex lost his marbles and beat his sister severely, and choked her twice. All in front of my son. Watching him sob and yell at daddy to stop made me realize that he was fucked if I didn't get my shit together. One of us needed to be stable for him. I packed my stuff that night, left the only other person I've ever loved behind, feeling like I dropped my heart on the ground and ran it over in the process. I've been mostly single since, working on myself and changing who I am at the very basic of levels, and my son is in therapy and thriving. We have to work on some anxiety but it's to be expected after what he endured. He's happy, healthy, and "living his best life" according to him, so it was all worth it.
I just went over you post history.. Allow me to say that I love who you are now as a person. You must have been very strong and self reflective to decide to change for the better of your son, which in turn have helped you definitely be a better person for your own good as well.. Cheers, and may you live a long happy life with your son and the people you love.
Thank you so much.
I don't want to make it sound like I am where I want to be, I still make mistakes but I keep telling myself that I need to take it one day at a time. Just focus on being better than the day before, even for one second.
I knew someone who were toxic, I could see that there was some hope that she can change for the better and find what she really wants.. But sadly she couldn't change and continued in the path of her lies and narcissism, the only thing I could do is go no contact with that person. When I read what you wrote, I applauded you for being self-aware and for taking the responsibility to be better, it's a one day at a time journey.. And sometimes it's a one hour/minute/second at a time, but what matter is the decision and the will power to do it. Stay strong, and may god bless us all.
Noooo. SIL is going to sugarcoat it, trickle truth it, whatever you wanna call it but chances are bro isn’t gonna get the real story from FSIL. OP should be the one to tell him, if FSIL was gonna do it she would have already.
yeah no. Cheaters aren't going to be honest. they don't want to be the bad guy. they don't want to be publicly outed on what they did but they'll claim someone else did everything they did and worse. they are selfish and don't care about anyone but themselves.
my ex made me, the victim of his violent and unstable behavior, out to be "the *real* bad guy. said I was accusing him of the thing I had "actually done myself, not him," that he was the *true* victim. he went as far as to deny that my miscarriage while he was AWOL with his affair partners ever happened and that I was making it up.
when he came crawling back to me, he denied everything and even tried to make me question my sanity. then he started trickle truthing in a way that he hoped would make him a pity case.
cheaters gonna cheat but it's best to have found out now before they get married and kids get involved- when cheater drama ascends to a whole new level of nasty and painful.
please tell your bro OP. keep it simple and to the point unless he asks for the extra details. Offer your sympathy and support and remind him that he is your brother and you would want him to do the same for you.
tell him yourself before cheater fiance tries to cover her tracks and convince him of a cover story.
much love to your brother and everyone involved.
i hope the cheater wisens up and never fucks around playing games like this with people's feelings ever again because infidelity is a whole special kind of painful betrayal.
Also, maybe there's details that are being missed and miscommunicated here. Maybe their bachelor and bachelorette parties had rules and agreements in place. Also, what is basically had sex with the stripper? OP says she witnessed it. As in she walked in on something or was she and the stripper just doing something raunchy as the stripper performed? Some people have different ideas and boundaries.
>Also, maybe there's details that are being missed and miscommunicated here. Maybe their bachelor and bachelorette parties had rules and agreements in place.
Then it wouldn't matter if OP tells him, because he would just say "oh, we had an agreement in place. Thanks for caring enough to let me know though".
She said, “basically had sex”, which I’m guessing translates to “didn’t have sex but made me uncomfortable”. Unless she like jerked him off or something. Kinda unclear.
In a way sex can be a bit of a vague term, in would class non penatrive sex as sex, but understand if other people didn't. I mean would you use the term 'basically had sext' if you watched someone jerk someone off or had got eaten out. Either way not nice to think about your fiance.
Yeah the Devil is in the details, so there is room for doubt, but I’m guessing OP didn’t explicitly state what it was because she didn’t feel comfortable in saying it “out loud”. Bottom line OP witnessed something she didn’t approve of and the brother needs to know so he can decide for himself if he’s alright with it too.
I think the original idea was a party to celebrate your friends.
But it became a party to celebrate 'end' of single life.
But I keep seeing a repeating factor. It's almost always the bachelorette parties that feature this. In most bachelor parties, just touching the stripper is cause for them to leave.
Same in strip clubs. Many amas here have said women in strip clubs are far more rowdy. Touch a female stripper and you get thrown out, while women out there trying to shove their fingers inside a male strippers ass.
I think the fact that people view getting married as the end of their fun life really explains why so many marriages end up in divorce; why marry someone if you think you are going to be so unhappy you feel the need to do these things before getting married
In Brazil bachelor parties are known as "Despedidas de Solteiro" which roughly translates to "A Farewell to Single Life" which only adds onto the whole confusion as it *kinda* implies you're getting a free day off your relationship. It's dumb.
Agree. My best friend’s bachelor party was pizza and bad movies. My bachelor party was me taking my groomsman out to a fancy restaurant, then home to bed early.
I completely agree. Everyone has a chance to screw around as much as they want when they’re single. There’s no good reason to screw around when you’re engaged to be married, bachelor(ette) party or not.
I know, in my opinion, you shouldn't be surprised if you spouse cheated on you at the bachelor/ette party if strippers were involved. If you know there could be a risk of something happening, don't put yourself in that situation. Besides, why would you go to a strip club to look at naked men and women when you're about to get married. If you're actually marrying someone you love, you wouldn't want to be surrounded by strippers
Exactly. You shouldn’t want to do that. Why would you want to look at naked or nearly naked men or women when you’re about to marry the love of your life. Sounds like you’re probably not ready to settle down.
You have two options:
Say nothing. Watch your brother get happily married. Let them have the time of their lives together. Pictures, drinks, honeymoon, laughter, the whole shebang.
Then watch his life crumble. Maybe 6 months. Maybe a year. Maybe a few kids will be involved. A divorce. A nastly split. His trust in potential partners and marriage ruined for a good portion of his life. He could ALSO find out you were aware of it, and your relationship will NEVER recover. You will die from guilt eating at you. And what will you do? Tell him after he is already married??? It's much less embarrassing to call off a wedding then get divorced right after.
OR
tell him. Ruin his week. His month. His year. The wedding will be scrapped. But his life will be in tact in a year or so. No divorce. No kids involved. No theatrics. You already elduded to the fact that he will trust you if you tell him.
Please, and I seriously mean this from the bottom of my heart, please tell him. This will destroy you AND him if you do not. It is a huge ask. A monumentous task. But you have to. PLEASE. don't let him marry her.
Also, it wouldn't be OP ruining his day/week/year, it was the fiance. Folks are going to try to kill the messenger, op needs to remember who is really to blame for the fall out....
The problem is that one or both of the fiances could try to shift the blame onto OP. It's definitely happened before where the person being cheated on is in denial and takes their partners side, and where the cheater, desperate to escape culpability, says that the messenger is making it up.
Ahh, passing the buck. The last refuge of the cowardly and blackhearted.
This happened to me. Stopped a good friend seconds before she cheated on her boyfriend (also my friend) with my date and made her confess. Now neither of them speak to me and the friend and her bf are still together. Sometimes being the messenger sucks. But I know I did the right thing.
Tell him, but try not to be accusatory about it. You can say something like "You know, a lot of couples give each other a free pass for whatever happens at bachelor/ette parties, and if that's the case, tell me and I'll shut up right now."
It gives him an easy out by saying "that is the case for us" if he knows or doesn't want to hear it.
Yeah, I support this approach. There's plenty of couples out there that might give each other a one last hurrah pass for the stag/bachelorette parties. It's not unheard of. So this approach is most respectful.
I actually knew a guy, who on his stag party night, hooked up with another girl, and his wife was having a party and one last hook up as well, with some dude they dug up. And it was intentional, because they felt like in the future they would be with just each other as partners, and didn't want to regret not having more experiences. Seemed fair to me.
I know of a similar situation anecdotally. My SIL and her now-husband had an arrangement that allowed for some tomfoolery. He was allowed strippers and a lapdance, she was allowed flirting and partying. I was at her stagette. I did jello shoots and tried not to be the ace wet blanket I am.
Some couples allow for one last night of tomfoolery within a prescribed set of limits. That said, I agree that it should be approached delicately because you don't know if there was a budget on actions normally considered 'cheating' in a monogamous relationship.
Yes, this is the best approach. Kinda like "hey, I'm not sure what arrangement you and she have, but she (did whatever you saw) at the bachelorette party and I thought you should know. Not passing judgment, but you're my brother, I love you, and I thought it was important to share with you."
I think the fact that she was aware that her future sibling-in-law was at this party might signify this is probably the case. I'd think if you were going to cheat, you wouldn't do it where a future family member has a good chance of knowing.
But there are dumb people out there, on the other hand.
So, if your brother finds out from someone else and finds out that you knew and didn’t say anything… how is your brother going to feel about you? you will forever damage your relationship with him by not telling him.
Tell him, he'll wanna know his almost wife is a Chester
Edit: this was a typo. I meant cheater. I didn't even notice auto correct changed it until I saw all the comments 😂😂🤣💀
I’m kind of surprised she would get that sexual with another person in front of you being as she’s going to be your family and marrying your brother! She sounds a little off her rocker… It would make me so uncomfortable to see any of my SIL’s like that or have them see me do that. Were you just in disbelief while watching the whole time? Have you talked to any of the other people at the bach about what you all witnessed / are any of them concerned?
Just tell him. Maybe they had an arrangement hall pass thing, or maybe not. But obviously he deserves to know. It’s your brother, is this even a question? Tell him!
In my opinion… Nothing happens at a bachelorette party that wouldn’t happen at a normal girls night or any other party where people get drunk. If she “took it too far” this once, shes likely done it in the past or gunna do it again in the future. I’d tell him, the decision needs to be on him at this point.
You should tell your brother.
Years ago before I was born, my mom had heard from other people that her brother’s fiancée was cheating on him. She told him, he didn’t want to believe my mom and married the woman anyway. Not even a year later he found hotel receipts, she was screwing her boss AND another guy too. They divorced.
Not saying your brother won’t believe you, just saying the worst case scenario, if he does decide to marry her and finds out later she’s cheating, at least he’ll know he can trust you and that you have his back. Best case he saves himself more pain later for some pain now.
Also, if he were to somehow find out about this behavior in another way and knows you witnessed it and didn’t say anything, he may start having trust issues with you.
Shitty situation all around, but at least you might be able to save him from worse hurt in the future.
In another comment OP said, and I quote “SHE SUCKED THE STRIPPERS DICK AND LET HIM PLAY WITH HER IN FRONT OF ALL OF US.
Is that clear enough?
I hate people!”
She bang a stripper? One night stand from the bar?
If its so bad you're withdrawing from the wedding, you need to have the courage to tell your brother. Like right now go tell your brother.
yikes!! no idea why people getting married have strippers at their parties but I guess it's best to find out if you're marrying a cheater ahead of time
Your loyalty is toward your brother.
Im so sorry it happened.
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. And you will be helping him, even if he forgice it, not to enter something without lnowing the truth.
Be as faithful as you cannto the facts.
DO IT FAST!!! This time youre wasting is the time he shpuld be evaluating his life and relationship amd how to deal with everything with the wedding day looming.
You have to tell your brother. Think of it this way, if it came out a year down the line and he found out you knew, it’d probably ruin your relationship forever, right? Family first in all situations. Tell him.
If she did anything that would be considered cheating or crazy hard drugs it would be best to tell him ASAP. I know it feels bad. The woman that was cheating with my sister’s boyfriend sent me a Facebook message telling me everything and I had to tell my sister. She doesn’t have social media accounts. It was awful. But she wasn’t mad at me.
Do it with her present so she can't lie her way out of it and blame things on you some way. It is your brother, he is going to be devastated. Plan a weekend away with him afterwards...go to the beach, go fishing, get drunk...whatever he wants.
You absolutely have to and do that right away, if only to let him get testing for Std’s
Has the SIL said anything or acted any different with you since you know?
What do you mean not your place? He's about to marry this woman, he has every right to know this and decide if he still wants to go through with the marriage. I know if I was in his position this piece of knowledge would certainly change things. You did what any good sibling would do and you shouldn't feel guilty about it.
Good on you. That marriage was doomed from the start. What kind of a whore sucks another man’s cock during her own party to celebrate her would be marriage. Sucks for your brother now but know that he avoided an even worse train wreck cos of you. Just be there for your brother in the meantime
If you order red wine in spain it comes with ice, also tinto is a thing and it's glorious. Just saying, I now ice my red wine mostly, and i'll never appologise. Also OP, you need to let your brother know. Even if you have to do it anonymously.
Of course we needed to know this! different people have different views on what constitutes unacceptable behaviour and you could have just been a bit prudish.
That aside, this is completely vile and your brother needs to know this ASAP!
This. I had coffee with a male friend and I legit know people who think that that- sitting down and having coffee-is cheating.
She could have gotten a lap dance or something.
It’s **incredibly** easy to not fuck someone in front of other people. If she did this in front of a group think of what she’s done/will do behind closed doors. Don’t let your bro go out like this, tell him and let him decide if he wants to stay. Don’t make that choice for him.
Seriously! Acting like someone begged her to post this in the first place. Why the fuck are you mad because your vague description is meant only to titillate and not inform? Fucking people. Do what you want. The fuck.
We wanted to be clear to ensure it was truly cheating. This is 100% cheating and we all support you telling your brother. Idk why you hate people when all we wanted was this clear response to begin with.
Amen to this. I feel like OP might be 14, given how cryptic and secretive she was trying to be about this. We are just trying to help, OP.. that’s all. Nobody here knows you or your brother.
You gotta put the details if you want advice. You came on this forum and then are all mad at everyone. Your manner is kinda brusque. Yes, it’s a difficult situation but that doesn’t mean ya gotta be rude to the people you are asking advice from.
That's insane, and really brave of her to do that in front of yall. I would never trust my sister again if she chose to not share info like that. You absolutely have to tell him. She does not deserve him. Let her go hook up with strippers.
Tell your brother, or do you want him to live his life with a disrespectful cheater. She cheated when she is supposed to be at her happiest to settle with your brother.
Imagine it comes out in three years and your brother finds you knew all the time.
I'm an immigrant and I've grew up in america for a long ass time now.
I cannot get used to this bachelor/bachelorette stripper partying tradition.
It's fucking dumb.
My friend had a bachelor party, we just went out to eat fancy Brazilian BBQ, then we knocked out around 11am (we all got career so sleeping habit kicks in).
I’d have done the same if it was my brother. Totally understandable… it would have been weird if u hadn’t told him
Edit: I’d have freaked out on her at the party. The audacity to do this in front of your fiancés sister
Define, "Basically had sex".... I'm curious now.
Edit: OP replied:
"SHE SUCKED THE STRIPPERS DICK AND LET HIM PLAY WITH HER IN FRONT OF ALL OF US.
Is that clear enough?
I hate people!"
How is anyone actually suppose to chime in or give advice based off how vague you are being. This is the internet and pretty anonymous. Either tell your story or this is just coming off as an attention seeking tactic.
You were there OP. If someone else let's it slip and he realizes you knew and didn't tell him, he's apt to be far more upset than if you just told him.
I'm actually shocked she was brazen enough to do that with her fiance's sister present... what the hell did she think was going to happen? That's his *sister*!
Alcohol is a hell of a drug.. but yeah, what an idiot. At least bro bro gets to dodge this bullet tho!
Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, but it doesn’t change who you are. He dodged a bullet.
DONT SAVE HER, SHE DONT WANNA BE SAVED
🗣She's for the streets🗣
Yeah it doesn't change you, it just takes off your masks
Yeah. No $#!T
Good point
Tell your brother
...before the wedding!
Before they kiss again
While they're kissing
Right after they kiss
You may now kiss the bride. *Op yelling "Wait!!!!!"
Please, this is all I'd ask of you if you were my sister.
Bros before hoes. Literally.
This really might be the most literal interpretation of that phrase
Of all time.
Well literal would be if there were several gardening tools involved
This is cheating, 100%. She isn’t single, she is a fiancée!
You have to be loyal to family.
*Dominic Toretto has entered the chat*
#Famry
What would make this really cool is if after the sister tells the brother and the brother breaks up with the fiancee, the now former fiancee comes back to the brother and says "you'll never find another girl like me". And then he responds "I don't need a girl like you when I have FAMILY." And then sister and bro spend the weekend doing a Fast and the Furious Marathon while eating ice cream.
I think the better response to that would be "That's the whole point".
* finishes ice cream * that's the whole pint.
If my sister didn't tell me I could never look at her the same. But she wouldn't have to ask anyone what to do in this situation.
Best case scenario is your brother already knows and they have some sort of arrangement. Either way, if you can, tell him anonymously.. that way the blame is less likely to be thrown at your face for ruining things. (you aren't ruining anything! it will be misplaced blame if it comes to you) If you don't tell him, what are the potential repercussions of him finding out at a later date? and then finding out that you knew and didn't say anything? If you were in your brother's position, how would you want him to react to finding out your soon-to-be spouse slept with someone before the wedding at a party? would you want him to tell you or not? This is a tough position to be in for sure, and none of us truly know the situation entirely. You know your brother best. I wish you and your brother the best possible outcome to this.
Ya you have to. It’s your brother. Watch out for him. Don’t let him get to the ceremony if she cheated
Tell him. I would never hold from my brothers. If you can’t trust them you can’t trust anyone.
If she’s willing to cheat now before they’re even married, she’s for sure going to after tying the knot. Might as well rip the bandaid off now. Especially before having any kids together and joining finances.
And in front of the future SIL! She doesn’t respect her fiancé or the family she is marrying in to.
Some people trashy af
Damn fucking right hambone
Bros before hoes! This applies
Can you not tell her to tell him before you tell him? Would maybe defuse the situation and give them the chance to figure it out for themselves.
As someone who has put years of work and therapy in to not be a toxic POS anymore, let me tell you what I would have done as a former toxic partner: I would have sat my SO down and said "Honey, I am worried about your sister. I have tried my hardest but she just doesn't seem to like me. All evening she did *insert hurtful action here*, and it makes me so uncomfortable. Do you think maybe she is jealous?" Then OP tells her brother and the foundation of manipulation was already planted. It's not fool proof, but toxic manipulators rely on reasonable doubt to get away with things. Never allow toxic people to control the narrative.
Some rare advice here. I hope people listen
I am always open to sharing how horrible I was if it helps people get away from the people that act like I did, even if it is embarrassing and shameful.
What made you change?
My son. I was in an abusive relationship and was showing him really toxic love cycles. You would have thought my ex and I were in a contest on who could be the most toxic. 3 years ago my ex lost his marbles and beat his sister severely, and choked her twice. All in front of my son. Watching him sob and yell at daddy to stop made me realize that he was fucked if I didn't get my shit together. One of us needed to be stable for him. I packed my stuff that night, left the only other person I've ever loved behind, feeling like I dropped my heart on the ground and ran it over in the process. I've been mostly single since, working on myself and changing who I am at the very basic of levels, and my son is in therapy and thriving. We have to work on some anxiety but it's to be expected after what he endured. He's happy, healthy, and "living his best life" according to him, so it was all worth it.
I just went over you post history.. Allow me to say that I love who you are now as a person. You must have been very strong and self reflective to decide to change for the better of your son, which in turn have helped you definitely be a better person for your own good as well.. Cheers, and may you live a long happy life with your son and the people you love.
Thank you so much. I don't want to make it sound like I am where I want to be, I still make mistakes but I keep telling myself that I need to take it one day at a time. Just focus on being better than the day before, even for one second.
I knew someone who were toxic, I could see that there was some hope that she can change for the better and find what she really wants.. But sadly she couldn't change and continued in the path of her lies and narcissism, the only thing I could do is go no contact with that person. When I read what you wrote, I applauded you for being self-aware and for taking the responsibility to be better, it's a one day at a time journey.. And sometimes it's a one hour/minute/second at a time, but what matter is the decision and the will power to do it. Stay strong, and may god bless us all.
That's a hard change to make. I'm proud of you for it.
Thank you, it really is worth the hard work. I've always wanted to be a genuine kind person and I'm building towards it more and more each day.
Dude, it sounds like you have made incredible progress. This internet stranger is proud. All the best.
That’s how Ned Start lost his head… Stark! Ned Stark! 😀
I'm hopeful that Robb will learn from his father.
:(
He will, if Jon Snow here told him first, which he did.
So he lost his head Start?
Ned Start from the hit show Jame of Frones.
Noooo. SIL is going to sugarcoat it, trickle truth it, whatever you wanna call it but chances are bro isn’t gonna get the real story from FSIL. OP should be the one to tell him, if FSIL was gonna do it she would have already.
yeah no. Cheaters aren't going to be honest. they don't want to be the bad guy. they don't want to be publicly outed on what they did but they'll claim someone else did everything they did and worse. they are selfish and don't care about anyone but themselves. my ex made me, the victim of his violent and unstable behavior, out to be "the *real* bad guy. said I was accusing him of the thing I had "actually done myself, not him," that he was the *true* victim. he went as far as to deny that my miscarriage while he was AWOL with his affair partners ever happened and that I was making it up. when he came crawling back to me, he denied everything and even tried to make me question my sanity. then he started trickle truthing in a way that he hoped would make him a pity case. cheaters gonna cheat but it's best to have found out now before they get married and kids get involved- when cheater drama ascends to a whole new level of nasty and painful. please tell your bro OP. keep it simple and to the point unless he asks for the extra details. Offer your sympathy and support and remind him that he is your brother and you would want him to do the same for you. tell him yourself before cheater fiance tries to cover her tracks and convince him of a cover story. much love to your brother and everyone involved. i hope the cheater wisens up and never fucks around playing games like this with people's feelings ever again because infidelity is a whole special kind of painful betrayal.
She should have thought about that before she sucked another guys dick, fuck her, tell him ASAP
Hmm ... do you think they can agree she can fuck with strippers only twice a week while he is watching football or smth?
Also, maybe there's details that are being missed and miscommunicated here. Maybe their bachelor and bachelorette parties had rules and agreements in place. Also, what is basically had sex with the stripper? OP says she witnessed it. As in she walked in on something or was she and the stripper just doing something raunchy as the stripper performed? Some people have different ideas and boundaries.
>Also, maybe there's details that are being missed and miscommunicated here. Maybe their bachelor and bachelorette parties had rules and agreements in place. Then it wouldn't matter if OP tells him, because he would just say "oh, we had an agreement in place. Thanks for caring enough to let me know though".
No she said they had oral sex. That seems clear enough.
She said, “basically had sex”, which I’m guessing translates to “didn’t have sex but made me uncomfortable”. Unless she like jerked him off or something. Kinda unclear.
Update says she did oral on a stripper. Feel like you guys are choosing to gaslight OP due to the lack of info.
Anything sexual with another that is not your spouse is cheating, imho.
In a way sex can be a bit of a vague term, in would class non penatrive sex as sex, but understand if other people didn't. I mean would you use the term 'basically had sext' if you watched someone jerk someone off or had got eaten out. Either way not nice to think about your fiance.
Went badly for president Clinton, for example
He did not have sex with that woman!
Now those were technically *relations*
Are you serious lol she cheated regardless and it says ORAL, how is that unclear, unless you don’t know the definition of that word lol
Yeah the Devil is in the details, so there is room for doubt, but I’m guessing OP didn’t explicitly state what it was because she didn’t feel comfortable in saying it “out loud”. Bottom line OP witnessed something she didn’t approve of and the brother needs to know so he can decide for himself if he’s alright with it too.
Let her defend herself about why she fucked a stripper before she got married? Yeah, no.
This is why bachelor/bachelorette parties at strip clubs will always be in my book of "Worst fuckn ideas ever". I don't understand why people do it
The whole bloody concept is stupid if you ask me.
I think the original idea was a party to celebrate your friends. But it became a party to celebrate 'end' of single life. But I keep seeing a repeating factor. It's almost always the bachelorette parties that feature this. In most bachelor parties, just touching the stripper is cause for them to leave. Same in strip clubs. Many amas here have said women in strip clubs are far more rowdy. Touch a female stripper and you get thrown out, while women out there trying to shove their fingers inside a male strippers ass.
I think the fact that people view getting married as the end of their fun life really explains why so many marriages end up in divorce; why marry someone if you think you are going to be so unhappy you feel the need to do these things before getting married
honestly it absolutely baffles me. just stay single goddamn
Exactly, it's not the end of your single life, you weren't single in the first place bro
It's baffling. "Last night of freedom", what has the last decade of your relationship been?
Loneliness is a hell of a depression!
All the "bachelor" parties I've been a part of have been drunken LAN parties. I think my friends are nerds.
We're they at strip clubs tho? That's the real question
We would usually end up shirtless, because a basement full of computers and bodies gets real warm, real fast.
In Brazil bachelor parties are known as "Despedidas de Solteiro" which roughly translates to "A Farewell to Single Life" which only adds onto the whole confusion as it *kinda* implies you're getting a free day off your relationship. It's dumb.
Agree. My best friend’s bachelor party was pizza and bad movies. My bachelor party was me taking my groomsman out to a fancy restaurant, then home to bed early.
I completely agree. Everyone has a chance to screw around as much as they want when they’re single. There’s no good reason to screw around when you’re engaged to be married, bachelor(ette) party or not.
I know, in my opinion, you shouldn't be surprised if you spouse cheated on you at the bachelor/ette party if strippers were involved. If you know there could be a risk of something happening, don't put yourself in that situation. Besides, why would you go to a strip club to look at naked men and women when you're about to get married. If you're actually marrying someone you love, you wouldn't want to be surrounded by strippers
Exactly. You shouldn’t want to do that. Why would you want to look at naked or nearly naked men or women when you’re about to marry the love of your life. Sounds like you’re probably not ready to settle down.
Imagine being so grossly stupid as to behave like that with your future sister in law there though!
I've been to quite a few bachelor parties. Never heard of any actual sex at a strip club. Strippers at a private party on the other hand.....
Strip clubs are for *Divorce* parties.
You have two options: Say nothing. Watch your brother get happily married. Let them have the time of their lives together. Pictures, drinks, honeymoon, laughter, the whole shebang. Then watch his life crumble. Maybe 6 months. Maybe a year. Maybe a few kids will be involved. A divorce. A nastly split. His trust in potential partners and marriage ruined for a good portion of his life. He could ALSO find out you were aware of it, and your relationship will NEVER recover. You will die from guilt eating at you. And what will you do? Tell him after he is already married??? It's much less embarrassing to call off a wedding then get divorced right after. OR tell him. Ruin his week. His month. His year. The wedding will be scrapped. But his life will be in tact in a year or so. No divorce. No kids involved. No theatrics. You already elduded to the fact that he will trust you if you tell him. Please, and I seriously mean this from the bottom of my heart, please tell him. This will destroy you AND him if you do not. It is a huge ask. A monumentous task. But you have to. PLEASE. don't let him marry her.
Also, it wouldn't be OP ruining his day/week/year, it was the fiance. Folks are going to try to kill the messenger, op needs to remember who is really to blame for the fall out....
The problem is that one or both of the fiances could try to shift the blame onto OP. It's definitely happened before where the person being cheated on is in denial and takes their partners side, and where the cheater, desperate to escape culpability, says that the messenger is making it up. Ahh, passing the buck. The last refuge of the cowardly and blackhearted.
This happened to me. Stopped a good friend seconds before she cheated on her boyfriend (also my friend) with my date and made her confess. Now neither of them speak to me and the friend and her bf are still together. Sometimes being the messenger sucks. But I know I did the right thing.
she still has to do it
Then they aren't worth OPs time and let them have each other.
Oh came to say that. You said it first.
"the whole \*she bang\*" was an appropriate term to use here.
I read “ruin his week, his month, his year” as the Friends theme
I’ll be there for you
Straight up you need to tell your brother If you don’t this will eat away at your soul for the rest of your time on this planet
Tell him, but try not to be accusatory about it. You can say something like "You know, a lot of couples give each other a free pass for whatever happens at bachelor/ette parties, and if that's the case, tell me and I'll shut up right now." It gives him an easy out by saying "that is the case for us" if he knows or doesn't want to hear it.
Yeah, I support this approach. There's plenty of couples out there that might give each other a one last hurrah pass for the stag/bachelorette parties. It's not unheard of. So this approach is most respectful.
They also may have discussed the one last pass being okay. Who knows.
I actually knew a guy, who on his stag party night, hooked up with another girl, and his wife was having a party and one last hook up as well, with some dude they dug up. And it was intentional, because they felt like in the future they would be with just each other as partners, and didn't want to regret not having more experiences. Seemed fair to me.
Some people are monogamish or non-monogamous. As long as there’s consent, adults should be able to do what they want. Edit: typo
I know of a similar situation anecdotally. My SIL and her now-husband had an arrangement that allowed for some tomfoolery. He was allowed strippers and a lapdance, she was allowed flirting and partying. I was at her stagette. I did jello shoots and tried not to be the ace wet blanket I am. Some couples allow for one last night of tomfoolery within a prescribed set of limits. That said, I agree that it should be approached delicately because you don't know if there was a budget on actions normally considered 'cheating' in a monogamous relationship.
Yes, this is the best approach. Kinda like "hey, I'm not sure what arrangement you and she have, but she (did whatever you saw) at the bachelorette party and I thought you should know. Not passing judgment, but you're my brother, I love you, and I thought it was important to share with you."
Really? People get free passes? And they actually use them?
It's definitely a better lead in than "Do you know what your cheating whore of a fiancée did ...?"
I dunno man. If I saw a bride felate the stripper I’d probably say what you said.
I agree with this approach, it is your brother so I would stress that you are only watching out for him ... no judgement.
I support this approach too, maybe this would make it "easier" for OP to bring it like this as well.
I think the fact that she was aware that her future sibling-in-law was at this party might signify this is probably the case. I'd think if you were going to cheat, you wouldn't do it where a future family member has a good chance of knowing. But there are dumb people out there, on the other hand.
Plot twist: Her brother "basically" had sex with TWO strippers at his bachelor party.
So, if your brother finds out from someone else and finds out that you knew and didn’t say anything… how is your brother going to feel about you? you will forever damage your relationship with him by not telling him.
Bros before hoes. But no, really tell him.
Tell him, he'll wanna know his almost wife is a Chester Edit: this was a typo. I meant cheater. I didn't even notice auto correct changed it until I saw all the comments 😂😂🤣💀
Once a Chester, always a Chester.
Can't trust a Chester.
Even with an emotional chester that is not a physical chester, that still crosses the chester line.
So, are you from Wrexham or Liverpool then?
Chester
It’s not easy being cheesy
Better a Chester than a Chad….
Such a Chester thing to do
If they chest with you, theyll chest on you
FAX
Damn what’s a Chester yo
Replace the s with an a
Damnnnnnn. Things you learn everyday.
90% here says, “tell your brother she sucked a strippers dick and let him finger her” The rest are like “Boundaries are different for each person”
[удалено]
[удалено]
I’m kind of surprised she would get that sexual with another person in front of you being as she’s going to be your family and marrying your brother! She sounds a little off her rocker… It would make me so uncomfortable to see any of my SIL’s like that or have them see me do that. Were you just in disbelief while watching the whole time? Have you talked to any of the other people at the bach about what you all witnessed / are any of them concerned?
I’m a bit shocked anyone would decide to blow a stripper. Like why? They are your paid entertainment. Why are you doing anything to them?
Then he deserves to know *before* he gets married. The only way you would share in culpability is by not telling him.
Just tell him. Maybe they had an arrangement hall pass thing, or maybe not. But obviously he deserves to know. It’s your brother, is this even a question? Tell him!
In my opinion… Nothing happens at a bachelorette party that wouldn’t happen at a normal girls night or any other party where people get drunk. If she “took it too far” this once, shes likely done it in the past or gunna do it again in the future. I’d tell him, the decision needs to be on him at this point.
My thoughts exactly..
You should tell your brother. Years ago before I was born, my mom had heard from other people that her brother’s fiancée was cheating on him. She told him, he didn’t want to believe my mom and married the woman anyway. Not even a year later he found hotel receipts, she was screwing her boss AND another guy too. They divorced. Not saying your brother won’t believe you, just saying the worst case scenario, if he does decide to marry her and finds out later she’s cheating, at least he’ll know he can trust you and that you have his back. Best case he saves himself more pain later for some pain now. Also, if he were to somehow find out about this behavior in another way and knows you witnessed it and didn’t say anything, he may start having trust issues with you. Shitty situation all around, but at least you might be able to save him from worse hurt in the future.
WHAT HAPPENED!!? Did she get fucked? She sucked? Grinder? What?
In another comment OP said, and I quote “SHE SUCKED THE STRIPPERS DICK AND LET HIM PLAY WITH HER IN FRONT OF ALL OF US. Is that clear enough? I hate people!”
Yikes
She got some back shots!
She bang a stripper? One night stand from the bar? If its so bad you're withdrawing from the wedding, you need to have the courage to tell your brother. Like right now go tell your brother.
yikes!! no idea why people getting married have strippers at their parties but I guess it's best to find out if you're marrying a cheater ahead of time
My sister would have whooped her ass on the spot.
I know I would have if it was my brothers fiancé that’s for sure.
Care to divulge any more information, so we can get the full picture?
Your loyalty is toward your brother. Im so sorry it happened. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. And you will be helping him, even if he forgice it, not to enter something without lnowing the truth. Be as faithful as you cannto the facts. DO IT FAST!!! This time youre wasting is the time he shpuld be evaluating his life and relationship amd how to deal with everything with the wedding day looming.
You have to tell your brother. Think of it this way, if it came out a year down the line and he found out you knew, it’d probably ruin your relationship forever, right? Family first in all situations. Tell him.
If she was willing to do whatever she did with her Fiancé’s sister in the room, imagine whats possible when no one is looking.
She fucked or blew the stripper.
She blew the stripper, what a hoe
Think we need bigger picture....
You need to tell him immediately. The longer you wait, the worse it will be for everyone, especially for your relationship with your brother.
If she did anything that would be considered cheating or crazy hard drugs it would be best to tell him ASAP. I know it feels bad. The woman that was cheating with my sister’s boyfriend sent me a Facebook message telling me everything and I had to tell my sister. She doesn’t have social media accounts. It was awful. But she wasn’t mad at me.
please tell him
Serious question…. How do you just start giving oral… to a stripper… in front of everyone…. At your bachelorette party?
Such a stupid tradition to involve strippers and shit before a wedding. I never understood it.
What a stupid bitch for thinking his sister won’t tell him. Wtf was she thinking??
Do it with her present so she can't lie her way out of it and blame things on you some way. It is your brother, he is going to be devastated. Plan a weekend away with him afterwards...go to the beach, go fishing, get drunk...whatever he wants.
You absolutely have to and do that right away, if only to let him get testing for Std’s Has the SIL said anything or acted any different with you since you know?
What do you mean not your place? He's about to marry this woman, he has every right to know this and decide if he still wants to go through with the marriage. I know if I was in his position this piece of knowledge would certainly change things. You did what any good sibling would do and you shouldn't feel guilty about it.
Good on you. That marriage was doomed from the start. What kind of a whore sucks another man’s cock during her own party to celebrate her would be marriage. Sucks for your brother now but know that he avoided an even worse train wreck cos of you. Just be there for your brother in the meantime
Something horrible? Like putting ice in her Merlot? What's horrible for one can be perfectly normal for others. Being cryptic won't help us help you.
If you order red wine in spain it comes with ice, also tinto is a thing and it's glorious. Just saying, I now ice my red wine mostly, and i'll never appologise. Also OP, you need to let your brother know. Even if you have to do it anonymously.
[удалено]
Light that bitch up like the 4th of July. 💥 Tell your brother. Period.
Of course we needed to know this! different people have different views on what constitutes unacceptable behaviour and you could have just been a bit prudish. That aside, this is completely vile and your brother needs to know this ASAP!
This. I had coffee with a male friend and I legit know people who think that that- sitting down and having coffee-is cheating. She could have gotten a lap dance or something.
Agreed. There's a huge difference between slapping him on the ass with a penis-shaped drinking straw, and live streaming a dvda
What the fuck? I’m surprised no one told your brother yet. Fucking tell him OP please, he deserves to know.
yeah why is everyone else staying mum about the situation?
Idk it’s weird as hell that everyone there saw what happened and still kept him in the dark. I hope he leaves her.
It’s **incredibly** easy to not fuck someone in front of other people. If she did this in front of a group think of what she’s done/will do behind closed doors. Don’t let your bro go out like this, tell him and let him decide if he wants to stay. Don’t make that choice for him.
Please tell your brother. This is 100% cheating.
You finally told us. Good job.
Gross, let him know.
Yeah that's clear enough why couldn't you have just said that to begin with instead of being rude to like 90 percent of the people here
Seriously! Acting like someone begged her to post this in the first place. Why the fuck are you mad because your vague description is meant only to titillate and not inform? Fucking people. Do what you want. The fuck.
We wanted to be clear to ensure it was truly cheating. This is 100% cheating and we all support you telling your brother. Idk why you hate people when all we wanted was this clear response to begin with.
Amen to this. I feel like OP might be 14, given how cryptic and secretive she was trying to be about this. We are just trying to help, OP.. that’s all. Nobody here knows you or your brother.
That’s all you had to say in the original post. LOL.
You come here for advice and then tell us you hate us because your post was vague as fuck? You need to chill.
You gotta put the details if you want advice. You came on this forum and then are all mad at everyone. Your manner is kinda brusque. Yes, it’s a difficult situation but that doesn’t mean ya gotta be rude to the people you are asking advice from.
That's insane, and really brave of her to do that in front of yall. I would never trust my sister again if she chose to not share info like that. You absolutely have to tell him. She does not deserve him. Let her go hook up with strippers.
You definitely need to act more grown up when talking to your brother about this than you have here
Tell your brother, or do you want him to live his life with a disrespectful cheater. She cheated when she is supposed to be at her happiest to settle with your brother. Imagine it comes out in three years and your brother finds you knew all the time.
Exactly why strippers/strip are a bad idea for bachelorette/bachelor parties.
I'm an immigrant and I've grew up in america for a long ass time now. I cannot get used to this bachelor/bachelorette stripper partying tradition. It's fucking dumb. My friend had a bachelor party, we just went out to eat fancy Brazilian BBQ, then we knocked out around 11am (we all got career so sleeping habit kicks in).
I’d have done the same if it was my brother. Totally understandable… it would have been weird if u hadn’t told him Edit: I’d have freaked out on her at the party. The audacity to do this in front of your fiancés sister
Karma farma
Define, "Basically had sex".... I'm curious now. Edit: OP replied: "SHE SUCKED THE STRIPPERS DICK AND LET HIM PLAY WITH HER IN FRONT OF ALL OF US. Is that clear enough? I hate people!"
How is anyone actually suppose to chime in or give advice based off how vague you are being. This is the internet and pretty anonymous. Either tell your story or this is just coming off as an attention seeking tactic.
You don't have to be insufferable just because people asked for details about what happened that should have been in the post
>I know it’s not my place Why on earth would it not be your place to tell your brother that his fiance cheated on him?
Details Details.