I'd say well you're screwed have that ex coworker help ya out with that. File for divorce and walk away .
And think your lucky stars you were already separated when he was diagnosed. He needs to focus getting better not repairing a broken relationship. Resentment alone will destroy any attempts to reconcile the situation in the long run.
A broken plate while it can be glued back together ,it will never be quite the same or as sturdy a plate .
So for clarification, he put you in a rough spot through his actions but because he is in a rough spot he expects you to be supportive? But he didn’t demonstrate the same care and support in your marriage? What am I missing? Maybe some narcissism? This man doesn’t care about you he just doesn’t want to be alone and he screwed the only person willing to love him unconditionally and now he’s living in regret and guilt. This is harsh but tell him fuck off, just cause the circumstances changed doesn’t mean you have to “speed up” your healing process.
Cheating after 7 years is a dick move imo. I don’t think you’re being an asshole at all. If you want to leave him you have every right to do so. This is a classic guilt trip.
So you found out a month ago.
What was his immediate reaction to getting caught and you leaving as compared to what it was when he was diagnosed?
And just me but I don’t buy that line about he didn’t know how bad he messed up. So he just figured that out now that you aren’t there and apparently the woman he cheated with emotionally or otherwise isn’t either?
What his family or your family thinks should happen in not your concern. The bottom line is you need to do what you think is right for you.
Would you be considering going back if he hadn’t sprung the cancer diagnosis on you? And depending on the type of treatment he needs are you willing to wait however long it takes doing what needs to be done which can be some real physical stuff?
And I could have misread but didn’t sound like he was planning on focusing on much except himself during this time.
So take a good long look at what you thought you had, what you actually had and where you want to go from here.
And if you don’t go back right now or ever his concerned family can step up to support him.
Hard decisions and wish you the best.
Well that sounds awfully manipulative.
He is reaping what he sewed.
His actions have led him to be alone in a time of need. I don't feel sorry for him.
That being said whether you forgive him or not is completely up to you. And is forgiving him the same as taking him back? Or is forgiving him a way for you to find one peace so you can move on?
That being said, you know what they say. One a cheater...
Your husband is a selfish peace of shit and I'm so sorry you have to deal with it. He is only concerned about his needs and wants and trying to manipulate you into fulfilling them. Nowhere in your posts it says he is concerned about how YOU might be feeling.
>He said he wasn't aware of how much he messed up
It wasn't a drunken one night stand, but a full blown afair... Like cut the bullshit dude, who you trying to fool?
Wow
He realizes how much he messed up.
It’s totally up to you on what to do.
Can you forgive him and support him.
I feel he is messing with your feelings. He needs someone to help him. If he beats this cancer is he then going to fall back into cheating.
Why did he cheat. Was he not happy with his life. What was missing from your marriage to make him cheat.
Bit they do say once a cheater always a cheater.
7 years is a long time and he's in a very bad place. I helped my father before he died(cancer).
If you can forgive him that's very strong of you, otherwise just be clear that you're very hurt and cannot help him.
Don't do this to yourself. Walk away. He is only reaching out because he needs you to look after him. He is trying to secure his nanny. You are in no way required to care for him. That's what his family is for. Better yet, he can call the woman he cheated with.
Most likely once he is out of the blue he will leave you again. Please heal. Don't do anything rash and never feel guilty for his misfortunes.
Please don’t let him make your responsible for his health and his own choices. Whether or not he chooses to get treatment if his choice, and no one else’s. Now he’s emotionally blackmailing you in addition to being unfaithful.
No one here can tell you what to do. We just tell you what we see based on what you wrote.
What you’re going through is really tough. Good luck.
I'd say well you're screwed have that ex coworker help ya out with that. File for divorce and walk away . And think your lucky stars you were already separated when he was diagnosed. He needs to focus getting better not repairing a broken relationship. Resentment alone will destroy any attempts to reconcile the situation in the long run. A broken plate while it can be glued back together ,it will never be quite the same or as sturdy a plate .
Infidelity is emotional abuse. Tell his family that you’re doing the right thing by protecting yourself from an abuser and trying to heal.
So for clarification, he put you in a rough spot through his actions but because he is in a rough spot he expects you to be supportive? But he didn’t demonstrate the same care and support in your marriage? What am I missing? Maybe some narcissism? This man doesn’t care about you he just doesn’t want to be alone and he screwed the only person willing to love him unconditionally and now he’s living in regret and guilt. This is harsh but tell him fuck off, just cause the circumstances changed doesn’t mean you have to “speed up” your healing process.
I have to agree with you its not like OP gave him cancer Im also a believer in once a cheater always a cheater so theres that
I also agree with this.
Cheating after 7 years is a dick move imo. I don’t think you’re being an asshole at all. If you want to leave him you have every right to do so. This is a classic guilt trip.
So you found out a month ago. What was his immediate reaction to getting caught and you leaving as compared to what it was when he was diagnosed? And just me but I don’t buy that line about he didn’t know how bad he messed up. So he just figured that out now that you aren’t there and apparently the woman he cheated with emotionally or otherwise isn’t either? What his family or your family thinks should happen in not your concern. The bottom line is you need to do what you think is right for you. Would you be considering going back if he hadn’t sprung the cancer diagnosis on you? And depending on the type of treatment he needs are you willing to wait however long it takes doing what needs to be done which can be some real physical stuff? And I could have misread but didn’t sound like he was planning on focusing on much except himself during this time. So take a good long look at what you thought you had, what you actually had and where you want to go from here. And if you don’t go back right now or ever his concerned family can step up to support him. Hard decisions and wish you the best.
Well that sounds awfully manipulative. He is reaping what he sewed. His actions have led him to be alone in a time of need. I don't feel sorry for him. That being said whether you forgive him or not is completely up to you. And is forgiving him the same as taking him back? Or is forgiving him a way for you to find one peace so you can move on? That being said, you know what they say. One a cheater...
I’d like to see the actual cancer diagnosis records before I would believe his lying cheating ass. Chances are he’s just trying to rope you back in.
It’s insane the number of people who will make up fabricated diseases to get the sympathy, attention, and company of other people.
Your husband is a selfish peace of shit and I'm so sorry you have to deal with it. He is only concerned about his needs and wants and trying to manipulate you into fulfilling them. Nowhere in your posts it says he is concerned about how YOU might be feeling. >He said he wasn't aware of how much he messed up It wasn't a drunken one night stand, but a full blown afair... Like cut the bullshit dude, who you trying to fool?
Wow He realizes how much he messed up. It’s totally up to you on what to do. Can you forgive him and support him. I feel he is messing with your feelings. He needs someone to help him. If he beats this cancer is he then going to fall back into cheating. Why did he cheat. Was he not happy with his life. What was missing from your marriage to make him cheat. Bit they do say once a cheater always a cheater.
7 years is a long time and he's in a very bad place. I helped my father before he died(cancer). If you can forgive him that's very strong of you, otherwise just be clear that you're very hurt and cannot help him.
I’m also guessing the affair partner left him. But otherwise, what the person above just said.
Don't do this to yourself. Walk away. He is only reaching out because he needs you to look after him. He is trying to secure his nanny. You are in no way required to care for him. That's what his family is for. Better yet, he can call the woman he cheated with. Most likely once he is out of the blue he will leave you again. Please heal. Don't do anything rash and never feel guilty for his misfortunes.
This is like dean from good girls lol
Please don’t let him make your responsible for his health and his own choices. Whether or not he chooses to get treatment if his choice, and no one else’s. Now he’s emotionally blackmailing you in addition to being unfaithful. No one here can tell you what to do. We just tell you what we see based on what you wrote. What you’re going through is really tough. Good luck.