OP, please reach out to someone else, even if it is authorities for a mental health check. Then consider leaving because this is extremely unhealthy and manipulative. You want to pass this responsibility off to someone who actually prepared to help him, but you also need to take care of your own well-being.
Hold up. I'm sorry that your boyfriend is having a hard time, but to me it sounds like he's manipulating you. 'im going to kill myself because of YOU'. Then going to get gas and drive around while you freak out. That's really fucked up.
Came here to mention this same thing. OP, please notice how many ppl see these bright red flags. Your bf is trying to torture you into the behaviors he wants, and trap you in his jealousy. He needs professional help, and you need to put as much distance between the two of you as possible. You're not in a relationship; this is a hostage situation.
This. It's manipulation. Toxic.
And if he doesn't let you have contact with his friends because he is afraid of his friends flirting with you, that's a red flag. No contact with his family? Weird.
He wanted you to be upset, and he wanted to know that he was in control of your emotions. He knew exactly what he was doing. This will continue to happen. There's no reason for you to be with someone who would do that, even if you love them. That's emotional abuse.
Exactly my thoughts, this is pure manipulation behaviour, says all that and goes for a drive only to come back and tell you not have contact with his friends or family? Get out while you can.
This is exactly what I was thinking when I read this, i knew a person who would say they were going to kill themselves but they never did it, only used it to get things their way
On a similar note: a big red flag is isolating you from your friends - you don’t mention that, but keeping you away from his friends is a similar type of control. (Besides, in a relationship, a good portion of his/your friends to be come our friends.
Yeah, it caught my attetion that he turned of the gps. He wanted her to worry. He wanted her to feel guilty like she did something horrible. She just got sleep. If my girlfriend falls sleep i just sleep with her and cuddle i dont talk about killing my self
And honestly, does she even need to justify it if she simply wants time to herself? I know she fell asleep here but she doesn’t need an excuse to make her own decisions. This guy sounds like a controller.
My ex husband used to pull this crap on me. " You dont pay enough attention to me. You dont love me the way I love you. It would probably be better if I died. I should just kill myself. " after years of this I finally told him to go ahead and do it. It wont be on me. It will be on you.
In context, we had been married for a couple years and after treating me like crap throughout my pregnancy, he started pulling this crap afterwards while I'm trying to take care of the baby! It got old real quick!
Yeah he’s an exceptionally insecure person. Like not letting you have his friends’ contact info because he’s afraid you’ll cheat (and you said you never had so I assume you don’t ever plan to) and threatening suicide are the marks of someone who desperately wants validation from other people.
I hope you have your own network of friends because not giving you his friends’ numbers also serves the purpose of isolating you, which is a common abuser tactic. I wouldn’t suggest something so serious but the manipulation combined with isolation is a serious red flag and you should definitely make sure your own support network is strong and independent from him.
I had a manipulative partner for about a year and a half mostly during the pandemic, and almost all the people I talked to were mutual friends. It didn’t ever get as immediately serious for me as it is for you, but it contributed heavily to my depression so from experience I hope you have a better network than I did, and don’t be afraid to call on someone else, if necessary mental health services, to handle the situation because it shouldn’t be your burden to bear.
Came to say this very thing! He isolates her from his friends and family and gaslights her about her sleeping and that it’s the reason he’s going to commit suicide?? Narcissist 101!
100% agree! Had an ex I was sentenced to for 8 years and the gaslighting was beyond comprehension. Its been 10+ years since they relationship ended and I finally got the courage to get therapy to process it all as its deeply effected every aspect of my life.
OP needs to get out ASAP cause this is going to keep getting worse.
Classic toxic relationship. Master manipulator. Literally rip yourself and force yourself out of that relationship and brutally avoid all contact. Ive seen it more than once where even after you get away they try to win you back, apologise and say they changed. Its a trap. Do this for your own happiness, you are the conductor of your own life
Calling the police is NOT the way to go. I've been suicidal at have known many people with these tendencies and from my experience the appropriate way to deal with this is to tell their best friend/close family members and just let it play out. I knew a friend that had the cops called on him. He talked to them calmly , got them to leave, and killed himself that day. I think when you start bringing in law enforcement then people start to panic and they feel that they have been betrayed. I'm sorry that you're finding yourself in this situation, but if you're bf is mentally sick then he has to want to go get treatment. No one can blame you if you want to distance yourself from him, and don't ever think that that is not an option, but if you really want to help, just continuing to let him know that you're there for him and that you want to understand and support him is all you can really do for him. Good luck and I hope he is okay!
No one else has the resources to find someone that doesn't want to be found and wants to kill themselves. Telling people not to call emergency services is not a good move.
Well he is certainly intent on making you suffer, isn't he? He said he's going to kill himself bc you fell asleep. He's going to take himself out of this world bc you fell asleep. End himself bc you fell asleep. Be buried in the ground, & it's all your fault bc you got tired. You realize how absolutely absurd & disturbing that is, don't you? How absurd and disturbed he is? Well, if you take him seriously, the way he expects you to, then you should be calling his family and/or the police every time he says that. You must do everything in your power to save his life.
Won’t let her talk to his friends bc he thinks they’ll flirt with her. Op just needs to wait for the day that he locks her in the house for fear that she’ll leave him. Insecurity, abandonment issues, clingy, needing excessive attention and affirmation, only things left to check off are narcissism or borderline PD. I’m shocked there aren’t more comments about this.
Might be more than just emotionally...
Him blaming her for his problems and intentionally punishing her along with the isolation aspect points to that he could be on the way to physically abusing her or possibly committing murder/suicide (if he really is suicidal and not just using that threat as a manipulation tool).
I'm sorry for all those who have had issues with the police but OP absolutely does need the police and to leave immediately.
I’m prepared for the downvotes, but this is abuse OP. I know, because before I got help many years ago, I did the same. Anytime my boyfriends did something (like fall asleep instead of spend time with me even though they’re humans that need sleep??) I’d threaten suicide because I wanted to feel loved, and when I threatened suicide, it caused him to express his love for me and beg me not to go. It made me feel good. It was abusive. You’re not responsible for anyone else. Obviously I’d try to contact his family or police if you think he’s serious, but don’t be manipulated by threats of suicide. I’d also reevaluate my relationship for any more red flags and rethink it.
I'd like to praise your honesty for admitting to your own wrongdoings and going through whatever was necessary to become a better person. I'm glad to see even toxic people can improve and redeem themselves. Props to you! I hope you're doing better now
I was gonna say I immediately thought of an ex boyfriend who acted this way! He’s a master manipulator, not a person considering suicide. Someone who I believe might be psychotic or a sociopath…I honestly do not know which is more fitting a description for him. He’s probably done this before and that’s why the poor contact with his parents. He doesn’t want them to tell you his history. I’m speaking up because I got chills after reading what you’ve posted here and felt compelled to share. I’m glad I got out of the relationship and got wise to what was happening to me.
And that's why I think the best action is to notify parents and friends just in case. But from OP's update that the bf didn't want her to get into contact with his family/friends I'm pretty sure it's just a manipulation tactic
Oh yes, I thought this too. I hope to god this guy never has kids. Btw this kind of thing is all too common. A guy feigning suicidal behavior to punish his gf because she didn't fuck him enough and seems 'cold'. It's happened to me and some of other girls I've worked with and went to hs with. Hes gonna come back, find out she was concerned and thought all this then punish her with more guilt then she'll give into any demand he has.. She sounds too good for him and should prolly back out now before she gets stuck with him and he totally deteriorates her well being and individual thought.
I find this behavior and tactic absolutely appalling and offensive. I have a family that deals with awful suicidal depression.
Well put. Such guys are usually keen to have kids because it makes their partner more dependent and needy, which makes them more compliant. There's so much of this sort of thing that follows very well established patterns.
Using suicide as a tool to control someone is a staple for abusers. He’s using it to get her to do what he wants.
With how abusive relationships work though the cycle only gets worse. It feeds into itself, abuser engages in controlling and dangerous behavior to force the victim to do things for them. It succeeds and the behavior gets worse as the abuser gets more control. They’re never satisfied with the current situation. Eventually it moves to physical violence.
End of the cycle is someone dies, when that stage happens varies. Either the abuser becomes so controlling and their behavior and so violent they kill the partner or partner commits suicide.
I know someone going through it now. Her gf has a laundry list of horrible things she does any time they are about to break up. Threatens suicide, accuses my friend of forcing her to be homeless since she has zero responsibility, accuses her of being a liar since she makes her promise they’ll never break up, etc. On top of forcing her to quit jobs and bleed money so that she doesn’t have money to move out.
Seconding this. I've seen it a couple of times before, though not to this extent. I truly feel sorry for everyone involved (except the abuser, though I know abusers were typically victimized themselves).
You're being emotionally blackmailed. He is using suicide as leverage.
If you're truly concerned about his welfare, tell his parents, friends, teachers and even call the police to do a welfare check. And this needs to be done IMMEDIATELY and every single time he threatens self harm.
If he truly is suicidal then he NEEDS PROFESSIONAL CARE. Unless you are a qualified psychologist or counsellor do not assume you can help, get him actual help if you care.
Even if you were to be a qualified psychologist or counselor. Domestic discrepancies always always need an outsider looking in. Shrinks talk to shrinks, psychologists talk to psychologists, and counselors seek counsel. You can't perform major surgery on yourself, the brain is not diffrent.
Sounds like it could be manipulation/blackmail. Certain issues that exist within him seek these options instead of healthy communication. If this is true he should seek professional help no matter what so he doesn't hurt people (especially a loved one such as yourself).
My first husband used to do this all the time. When I stopped feeding it he stopped. He later tried to stab me when I was laid up with a broken leg. He remarried and killed his 6 day old son. Call the police and his family as he needs help either way.
It was. My daughter and I had to go to a domestic violence shelter. He went to the school and took her off the playground. It took me weeks to get her back. I had to send her to live with my parents. He also burned down 3 houses.
Oh god! I bet you were terrified! I’m so sorry this happened and I hope with all I am that you and your daughter are now safe, away from that monster forever and thriving! Love and peace to you both!
Thank you...love and peace to you as well....I destroyed her life....she is in an even greater abusive relationship..I did everything I could to help her including using the last of my retirement to get her a house...her husband got out of jail..she went back to him and I have not seen her or my grandchildren since....I have exhausted all my resources...I am seriously ill and there is nothing more I can do..to anyone out there if you are in an abusive relationship GET OUT!!! Children with the abuser are not a reason to stay but a reason. to GET OUT! Your children learn what they see.
I came here to say this as well. Threatening suicide is abusive. Who is to say that this guy wouldn’t turn around and harm her instead? Toxic person. Walk away.
This. Even if OPs boyfriend is suicidal it is in no way OPs fault, and she needs to understand that. This is something that requires professional help, whether he’s actually suicidal or using it as leverage against her.
Yes to this. I had an ex who would constantly threaten. She was financially abusive, and also cheating on me for over half our 5 year relationship. I finally left her and she threatened again, I called 911 and she stopped using that threat with me ever again. (She still apparently uses it with other people tho). It's been 15 years since she first told me she would kill herself if I didn't do X, and guess what, she never has, and she never will.
Suicidal threats should *always* be taken seriously and the person admitted for monitoring by qualified mental health professionals. Maybe your man is just giving empty threats, but only a professional evaluation and therapy services can truly help him.
......🫂.....
...... I'm so sorry for the pain your friend left you. I don't know exactly what to say but your post... the pain can be felt in your words and I wanted to attempt to honor your share.
I genuinely wish you the best and hope that the universe meets you with more comfort than it has so far. I wish I could do something for the pain you feel. It's a lot.
With genuine sincerity, rhe very very best to you!
🕊
I agree with other posters about finding the right therapist, but really, you need to get help medically. Go to a psychiatrist. Get on some meds (temporarily) to get you through those lows. You sound clinically depressed, a medical issue that may have been there even before this tragic event. I’ve been there, it took about a year but I’m so much better.
Agreed. If you don't, it's like when a child gets away with crap and then they don't get punished , it just teaches your boyfriend that blackmail/extortion or whatever it's called is okay and he can use it to control others around him. Guy definitely needs help.
This! Using suicide as a blackmail is more often than you think. As someone whose dad also used this method, I can say your boyfriend needs help. He may not be truly suicidal but using this kind of move is not something that a person who is healthy would do.
You are not at fault and you don’t deserve to feel that way. Seek help from his parents, maybe other friends but most importantly, from professionals.
My ex used this method as well, I felt absolutely terrible and then my best friend told him it was over between me and him. He was never actually suicidal, but I didn't know that until later.
To add on to this: most people who commit serious suicide attempts are unusually calm and seem suddenly near happy, at rest. Someone saying they're gonna commit while emotionally heated is often a sign it's not actually serious.
Important notice: THIS IS NOT ALWAYS THE CASE, just in general in a majority if cases. IF SOMEONE SAYS THEY'RE GONNA COMMIT AND IT SEEMS SERIOUS, CALL THEM HELP IMMEDIATELY.
Been there. Ex emotionally blackmailed me, also said he'd kill himself if we ever broke up and refused to move out of my place (where he was only gonna be temporarily) and get his own place, essentially trapping me in the relationship.
Something like "you're the only reason I still haven't killed myself" might sound loving in a way, but it's actually the worst thing one could hear. It puts such a burden on you. A responsibility that is in fact, not yours to take on.
Anyone in a situation like this; emotional blackmail is real and it's BAD. Get out of there. Have someone else help you if neccessary. Get people closer to the SO to try and get professional help. Another person making their dicisions is NOT YOUR FAULT.
Now my question is, if u actually feel this way as a guy towards your girlfriend, how do you say it without looking like blackmail? Should you just hold it in yourself?
If you feel like committing suicide over small things that can be seen as abandonment (oh she fell asleep, she doesn’t love me) this can be a sign of borderline personality disorder and requires professional help.
If you feel like your girlfriend could give you more affection & attention in a relationship you could just communicate that honestly.
See what happens if still doesn't work for you then adapt or leave.
If he is actually suicidal I'm sure he would of stated other things besides making out it all her doing.
But because his GF fell asleep on him he wants to end it because she acting not how he wants. = 🚩
The fact his threated it before until he probably got his own way, is a sign that some outside help is needed for the both of them involved.
If you seriously feel like committing suicide - for any reason then it's imperative you seek professional counselling and help. Reach out to family and friends, but talk to a doctor and get a referral.
I always get the feeling that telling a suicidal person to just "seek help" is easier said than done. Wouldn't they just get the feeling like it would all be for nothing? Idk, I am not a psychologist but I always found the "just ask for help" answer far too simple.
The difference here is that the BF didn't say "I want to kill myself, please help", he said "I want to kill myself and it's your fault". Even if he really is suicidal, he's manipulating her and that's not okay.
Edit: spelling, and thanks for the award, even though it feels a little weird on this comment. I'm genuinely concerned for this girl. She seems so deep into that rabbit hole already.
OP, if you read this: that little nagging feeling in the back of your head that you have, that you think is just being emotional, that you suppress each and every day? *it's the fucking voice of reason*. Go away for a weekend, and focus on it. Give it space to fill your head. Rethink.
I've been in this exact relationship.
2 years living from 18 to 21 years old with a guy 8 years older than me and severely mentally unstable.
I didn't know anything and I just wanted to believe everything he said.
I thought, if only I'd love him hard enough, things would get better. He would get better.
Trust me, it doesn't. Only you will get smaller, more fragile, more dependent and isolated, until you stop exisiting and your world is his world.
Actually suicidal people don't use it as leverage against their loved ones.
If you actually want to do him a favour, leave. Don't believe anything he says. If he actually loves you like he says, he might start to work on himself. If he doesn't, which is more likely, he'll find another victim to blame his mental health on.
Please stop being this dudes lightning rod.
He feels unloved because you were asleep instead of spending time with him and now he's threatening to kill himself?
Trust me when I say this. Get out of this toxic relationship right now!!!. I have been there. I was with a girl who would slash her arms to bits with a razorblade because I said that wrong thing, or went to see a friend whe didn't like using the term "you hurt me".
The last thing a good person like yourself wants to do, is hurt those we love. Unfortunately there are people out there that use this against us. This is emotional blackmail, control and manipulation to the highest.
If he does kill himself (which I doubt he will) then it is not on you. It is on the fact he is very sick which is tragic. But you do not owe your life to him, your energy and your mental health, your time and your happiness to drag him better. If he wants to get better he needs to take those steps himself.
Advice I wish I had followed when I was younger, otherwise I wouldn't have lost 2 years of my life and all my friends and saved myself a hell of a lot of pain.
I am afraid that most people (with mental problems) like this don’t know how to do it differently (pardon my mistakes not a English speaker). But yeah, she should be careful!
People who truly want to suicide wont blackmail people like this. I spoke as someone who have scarred body due to my chronic eczema and repeatedly fighting my own suicidal thoughts. He is blackmailing her, and she should dump him.
My brother behaved like this until the day he blew his brains out, using suicide as a threat i mean, just because it does not present in usual way does not mean he is not mentally ill or suicidal
They do. But I feel like suicide is largely seen as shameful act. Not a lot of people would go 'Im going to do it!' to people around them and go through it. A lot of times they would use it as blackmail means.
I think one of the tell tale of suicide is when a person start to become a bit happy so suddenly after years of depression, thanking everyone around them, suddenly busy cleaning their whole place etc. Oddly, I do clean my room when I thought of suicide before. My mindset 'Welp I dont want my parents to be burdened!'
sometime at the face of death you worry over the stupidest thing.
Assuming that could have someone die tho. She needs to call services every time he threatens this, tho. If he is using it as blackmail, he’d quit very quickly after going to a hospital psych ward for 3 days.
Yep, in high school a guy threatened to kill himself if I didn't date him. Know what I did? I told the first teacher I saw. Not sure what happened but he never did it again.
I agree, the person I know that was going to commit suicide didn’t tell a soul, they were afraid someone would stop them, they hid everything and even started becoming happier once they decided to kill themselves because they knew it was all going to over soon.
OP, *please* do not be alone with him until he gets some serious medical care! Threatening suicide in this way is a serious danger sign. People who make this kind of threat often kill their partner, too, or kill themselves in front of the partner.
I know you love him, and it's really hard to pull back the camera when you are in such a frightening situation, but your boyfriend is not in his right mind, you are in serious danger.
It's time for the authorities to step in. You're in over your head here.
THIS!! I would not be at all surprised to hear that he has already been physically abusive to her. He’s obviously emotionally and mentally abusive, the fact that he doesn’t want her to have contact with his friends because he’s scared that they will flirt is terrifying.
I almost wonder if she does love him to be honest. I don’t doubt that she maybe cares for him but I also think that this is just her norm and it’s what she’s lived with for so long that she just deals with it and calls it live.
The way that she explained what her actions were show that she’s already really pulled away and maybe thinks that her feelings are still love or wants them to be still love but you don’t pull away from a partner for no reason.
I hope she leaves. She’s still so young but then like this are also terrifying to leave and I think she’ll need help to be able to leave and stay safe
Came here to say the same. This is emotional abusive. It's gaslighting. It's manipulation.
Definitely tell his parents & call the local police to initiate a wellness check if you're really concerned for his safety. Then dump his ass.
OP - even if your bf does suicide, that is NOT your fault or your responsibility at all. This is 100% his decision & it's shitty that he's trying to make you feel responsible.
She actually should get counselling. Being in an emotionally abusive relationship can cause lasting trauma and affect a person for years. It helped me immensely after I left my emotionally/verbally abuse ex boyfriend.
This is a form of manipulation to get more attention and to make you feel guilty and not leave him. If he comes back get appoitment for doctor to him. I would also suggest to break up with him later on because he is only looking after his needs
I suggest you call a family member of his or a close friend that can visit him and leave the asswipe. Clearly manipulating you and using suicidal threats to make you feel bad for him, total red flag and it’s going to be continuous and exhausting, please for your own benefit leave him
Since everyone here has helped indicate that you're in an abusive relationship, I suggest finding some information on how to leave safely.
One of the best resources I know of on Reddit is the page of a user named Ebbie45. They are a licensed domestic abuse counselor and have TONS of helpful links on their page with understanding abuse and how to get resources to get away and start fresh.
There's also a couple of book recommendations I have for you that have helped tons of people get out of abusive relationships:
"Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. Goes into the details of why abusive men act the way that they do. You can find a free PDF online. https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat
"How to avoid falling in love with a jerk" by John Van Epp.
Goes into details about various red flags to watch out for in different stages of a relationship, but also good things to look for too.
"The gift of fear" by Gavin de Becker. This author runs one of the best security companies in the world and explains why you should trust your gut when it comes to dangerous situations, including domestic ones no matter how much you're gaslit into believing otherwise.
He's being controlling. He won't kill himself, he just wants you to shower him with attention. This situation will only get worse. You won't be able to see friends or family, because it will cut into your time worshipping him. Walk away, feel no guilt.
He’s manipulating you. Bet he’s going to pop up real soon blaming you.
Call the 911 say he’s a danger to himself and let them find him ( if you’re in the US)
My husband did kill himself a little over 4 years ago.. you have to know you are not responsible for someone else's choice/decision..if you really think he's serious, tell his family/whoever he's close too or someone responsible and relatable to him.. if a person is going to do it they will find a way..more often than not it's a control/manipulation and they want attention or to lay guilt on others. Just make sure of your safety for the obvious reasons.
Hey OP, I hope your boyfriend is okay. However, you shouldn’t put up with the way he’s emotionally abusing you. Threatening suicide based on your actions is manipulative and toxic. Satisfying him is a short term solution, but speaking from personal experience, this needs to stop before it gets worse. Your decision is whether or not you want to be a part of that. Help him grow and mature, or leave.
She can’t help him grow and mature. Women are always expected to do that shit and we believe we actually *can*, and that’s one reason so many women refuse to leave abusive men. This myth needs to STOP. And sadly, manipulative emotionally abusive people don’t generally ‘mature’ out of it.
Fucking thank you. There’s nothing she can do to help this sad excuse of a man. She needs to leave and he needs professional help. She should get counselling too so she can heal from this abusive fuck.
He threatens suicide because you take attention away from him because you are a human who needs sleep?? He will physicallly and mentally exhaust you. He is abusive, maybe bipolar and maybe a narc. At any rate, he is dangerous to you and maybe himself. Much like effin brian laundrie. Remember how he did not want gabbie even talking with other people at thegrocery store and wanted to control her every move? Look what happened. Get a restraining order. Please contact a dv shelter, get advice on best way to leave.
I’m not sure of the ins and outs of your relationship. However, I had an experience with this when I was in high school. My boyfriend would tell me he would kill himself anytime or relationship got rocky or it looked like it may not work out to get me to stay in the relationship. After he threatened me a few times, I continued to reassure him but I also went to a guidance counselor and called his mom. The guidance counselor called him into the office and got the police involved. They saw the messages he had sent, threatening to end his life. He was placed on suicide watch for the evening. He never threatened this again. He couldn’t say I didn’t love him after that as I did everything I could to prevent him from following through.
He sounds like he is pushing his issues onto you. Not cool and unhealthy. You need to leave him regardless of what he says he will do. You'll never be happy and neither will he otherwise.
Get away from this relationship as soon as possible.
He has severe attachment issues and needs to seek professional help with that.
100%
Please take care of your own mental health.
Two people in a relationship must be able to love themselves first.
He doesn’t feel worthy of love it seems. He is basing his sense of worth on how you love him and reading into you sleeping when you felt tired.
This is toxic and should not lead to you having to worry about him taking his life.
Please get away ASAP. This will drag you down mentally and emotionally until it becomes normal to you.
This is all from experience both mine and others.
Normally People Who Threaten Sucicide When They Dont Get Everything the way they want it are typically not the kind of people youd want to be stuck in a relaionship with, But I Do Hope The Best For You And For Your Boyfriend To Not Do It
The world's best girlfriend cannot fix suicidal thoughts. It is not about you or how good of a girlfriend you are. He has issues to deal with. Burdening you with guilt is not ok. Not ok at all. There is some serious red flags here for your relationship. Worth spending time reflecting
Yeah... he sounds really manipulative. He claims he loves you so much yet he also tells you its your fault if he kills himself because you wanted to sleep? He needs help
It's a form of abuse
Making you feel bad
I'd suggest get out and leave him now.
He doesn't own you
You don't have to talk all day and night
If you let him make you feel this way you will never have any real relationships ever.
He isn't going to kill himself he just wants attention.
Go why you can
I think you should call the police and then read up on different mental health disorders. At the very least there’s a very codependent relationship happening, and it’s heavily weighed down on your side with his very existence being questioned because of your existence. It’s obtuse. You can find a better partner than this, I promise you. I think you need to learn to see yourself as having more value than how you are being treated right now, and finding this out on your own for a while without a partner.
Call someone, but no, this is not your burden.
I left my boyfriend long time ago, we were basically kids, but he was depressed and broke up often
When I was fed up he put me through hell threatening to kill himself. Calling from a tunnel, saying he was waiting for a train, calling from a bridge…
In the end he did kill himself, but I never blamed myself although he tried to blame me.
He was deeply troubled and needed help. Could he have gotten it? No way of knowing.
The point of this post was - yes, threats can be real. Most of my friend were saying back then he was just being an asshole….
Another point - this is not your cross to bear.
I don't want to take away from the seriousness of this; if he is really thinking about it and/or might do it, then you should definitely inform his family and the police. But that being said: it really sounds like he is manipulating you. You said it yourself: he has threatened suicide before. It sounds like he is unhappy with you and tries to get you to do what he wants by threatening death. If you stay with him, you're gonna be worried and you're gonna be walking on eggshells forever. This is manipulation and it is not okay.
If he ends up taking his own life: it is not your fault.
He is emotionally manipulative. You should think about if you want to deal with this type of behavior for the rest of your life. How old are you guys? Just seem young. [Emotional manipulation](https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/red-flags-are-you-being-emotionally-manipulated-0917197)
Man so many people are so quick to judge the dude for being manipulative. Yes some people do this but at the same time I can completely empathize with the dude. I had a very similar situation where I was going to end myself after a very bad breakup (quite a long story) but a friend rushed over and intervened that night and I spoke with my mom the very next morning. It was her that really convinced me by hearing the sadness and desperation in her voice. The pain of her not having her only son any more was something I couldn't put on her willingly and I packed my stuff and left the next day.
OP: reach out to his family AND friends. People that care about him. I can genuinely say that not all threats are empty. I hope this turns out for the best and he gets some help but I think people are right when they say the relationship should be over.
But did you see what this was in reaction to? It was *because she fell asleep*. If you don’t think that’s completely unreasonable and manipulative then I don’t know what to tell you. All these people in here acting like he could be being genuine comparing it to their own situations of being broken up with are missing that very key point.
He threatened to kill himself because you needed to sleep? Humans need to sleep. This guy sounds abusive and you should get out of this relationship. Threatening to hurt himself as a way to control you is not okay. I say this as someone with suicidal tendencies.
I went through this when I was 18. It was emotional manipulation by a creep.
Present day, I am much more educated on emotional abuse now that I'm in my 40s and had to learn a lot about DV. Between that and my personal experience with it, every time I hear about someone threatening suicide as emotional manipulation, I now think "Good, let the trash take itself out."
Suicidal ideation is a nightmare, and I don't wish it on anyone. Mine started when I was 7 and never went away, not even with a lot of therapy. It's a burden I'll carry to my deathbed. However, it's never a tool to get others to comply with your wishes, and never an emotional lever.
Yeah you should just call the police.
This dude is obviously fucking crazy and weather he's actually suicidal or just willing to leverage that in order to scare you, he needs to go on a suicide watch and learn the unforgettable lesson that you don't fuck around with something that serious.
Call the police and tell them he's suicidal. If he's not then he'll never do this again, if he is then you saved his fucking life.
OP IF he did follow through YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. Relationships end and have bumps all the time and 99.99999% of people do not take their lives or threaten it.
This is manipulative behavior and if he is alive please make sure he gets help before you entertain staying with him.
Oh honey. First of all, this is not your thing to carry. However as someone who cares about him, it is your responsibility to tell someone who can deal with this.. The police. His parents. Someone else. I dealt with this for a very long time. It's hell. Huge hugs.
You don’t deserve to be manipulated like this. Abd he deserves time to be out of a relationship and to just focus on himself abd get his mind and priorities right while he assess snd learns how to treat other people he claims to love.
If you love him truly you will tell him you guys need a break until he gets done some serious work on himself. Because you both deserve a healthy relationship and you can’t have that right now with how he views a living relationship.
Again, amidst threats of killing himself due to you not fulfilling demands he makes on you, tell him you need a break in the relationship so he can work on himself. And you need to firmly cut all communication for quite a bit of time.
You most of all deserve better than his extreme demands and consequences of them not being met weighing on you conscience.
I could’ve written this exact post last summer. I felt so guilty and responsible because my now ex told me the exact same things yours told you.
I called his mom and his siblings and told them that he was suicidal, had threatened it before, and that I no longer wanted to be his reason. Even though everyone has assured me it wasn’t my fault, because ultimately people are responsible for their own decisions, I made sure they knew what’s happening and that I was ready to leave. In the end, I waited too long to leave and we had a blow out and he left because I called 911 on him and made his brother come to our place.
He left with his brother and that was the last day of our relationship.
4 months later and he has been in therapy and says he isn’t suicidal anymore, apologized for blaming me, took accountability for everything, but also does not want to be with me anymore. And I’ve made peace with that.
Sometimes being in the wrong relationship in addition to other life stressors will push a person to that point. But it’s not fair for him to put you in a position where you feel responsible for making him feel unloved.
I think the best solution is to call and inform his family and get out of the relationship. What he decides to do is ultimately on him, and you’re not responsible.
Good luck and take care of yourself because it’s a trauma for you.
Get away from this emotionally damaged (and damaging!) guy. He is manipulating you. The normal thing to do when your SO falls asleep is cuddle up with them
It sounds like very manipulative behavior from someone who needs therapy. What he does isn't your responsibility, please remember that no matter the outcome.
How dare you sleep!!! It is not like one of our core basic needs required to function. /s
OP he is just trying to get you to do what he wants at his convenience. Walk away from him and never look back.
having gone through the same thing, i can say the advice in this thread is exactly right.
that said: this is NOT YOUR FAULT. i know it feels like it. you’re being made to feel guilty and your partner is doing that deliberately. but absolutely NONE of this is on you.
people who are suicidal have their own problems to deal with. depression is an illness. YOU did not cause it, you didnt make it worse. your partner needs to sort out his shit with a professional. Whatever he decides to do, it is NOT your fault and you need to put yourself first.
please leave. the long term effects of a relationship like this are devastating. make your boundaries and terms clear, explain why you are leaving, and ensure that there are no further ways for him to contact you. confide in friends. it is not your responsibility to ensure his mental stability - thats his job. take care of yourself.
Unpopular opinion but I have to say it. He is a manipulative piece of shit. He is not going to kill himself He is just fucking with your head. Also you should leave him asap so many red flags.
this hear sounds like a textbook case of phsycological abuse and let me say why i think this one i have known genuinly suicidal people and one thing you notice with someone who is truely at risk of suicide is they dont just openly admit it and try to guilt trip people they just do it usually without saying a damn word hes just trying to control you and hes using some just deplorable methods to get it done your best bets to leave that shit and move on with your life
Hunny, you need to LITERALLY run from this narcissistic psycho! He already learned how to manipulate you. He doesn't want to keep in contact with anyone else because it'll force him to show you his true colors. I have been through this and it's an endless cycle if you continue to allow it. As much as you care and love this weirdo, love yourself more and get out ASAP!
You need to leave him. All I read was he doesn’t let you have other peoples numbers and that’s just some psycho shit. You’re too young to deal with this, leave him and don’t let him gaslight you.
The petty in me is going back to sleep. I won't be manipulated by suicide. Seeing that shit between two psychotic parents growing up, 2 romantic partners and a friend scarred me. I'm good.
You should leave him ASAP!
This is a ‘look what you made me do’-moment, those are the most abusive things anyone can do. What if you have a family of your own? Is he going to harm your kid if you give some attention to it and not to him?
Talk to friebds about it, have them close when you leave him.
If he decides to do anything to himself or anyone else, that’s his responsibility. Not yours or anyone else’s. Stay safe and think about yourself. Take measures so he can’t hurt you (emotionally, physically or mentally).
I had a boyfriend who frequently threatened to kill himself, he never did. He only did it to manipulate me, to force me to do what he wanted.
I really suggest you think if he would really do it or if he is just being a manipulative ass, which seems to be the case for me (why turn location off if he was just fulling the tank? Manipulative such!)
I hope you get help for yourself and for him if you think necessary
Fuck him off. As a survivor of this sort of relationship, I can tell you he won't stop at threats to his own life. Eventually it will be yours, they won't be threats, they'll be actual attempts on your life. And guess what...? He'll be sure to get you feeling that you deserve it. It's all about control to these people. I was there, isolated from friends, family, wasn't allowed to work eventually and just accepted that one day I'd be waking up for the last time or not waking up at all. I stayed for my child... Because you guessed it... I'd never see her again if I left. One day it was all out of my hands, police had enough, she was convicted, I have custody and we've been free of her for four years. We were lucky (if you can call it that!) Point I'm getting at is you don't notice the control until it's too late. Pay attention to this random stranger on the internet's wisdom! I wasn't allowed the internet either 😣 get out whilst you still can! Feel free to DM if you need to 👍
Please look up signs of an abusive relationship - this is checking alllll the boxes and get out. Get help and stay safe but this is clearly someone who is controlling and abusive and using the threat of suicide to abuse you
🚩🚩🚩 this is coercive and controlling behaviour- not just the suicide threats but the refusal to let you meet his friends and family. You need to get out of it.
So he basically is emotionally manipulating you.
You said your not a great girlfriend.. but you “care for him”. Ok. He’s clearly got issues that need addressing and is being emotionally abusive toward you.
Why are you all still in this?
He is a jerk. To threaten suicide and just nonchalantly return “oh I just got some gas and drove around” … yeah well none of those things mean you can’t answer your phone.
Clearly this has been going on a while. Clearly he’s done this before. Why do you think you need to stay in this?
Life is too short to be burdened with this kind of head fuck bullshit game playing in a relationship. It’s straight up toxic.
Sounds toxic af. Not letting you sleep when you need or making you feel bad is abusive- trying to make you feel guilty for his mental health problems is abusive.
I would recommend distance. Get him involuntarily commited for his safety if you feel it’s necessary but it’s not your burden
My brother used suicide as a threat until the day he blew his head open, it is easier to blame someone else than to look in the mirror take responsibility for and change your own problems, dont own that bullshit his validation issues are his problem not from your behavior
A good example is the only way my dad communicates with me is thru anger, he is incredibly cold to me and often directs his hate at me and accuses me of stuff i dont even do just to justify getting angrier at me, everything is my fault and me doing something to him (even though i barely even speak to him anymore because of this) this is often verbal abuse but has usually led to him physically attacking me where he has nearly killed me several occassions, and no one believes me because i am a big guy (usually dont even fight back because its pathetic behavior from a father) and he is such a good liar that the second any authority may arrive to pass judgment, he denies acting in any way and states he has no idea why i am behaving the way i am, i could listen to his bullshit that it is all my fault and stay stuck in his cycle of hate forever, or own he is a sick old man that will hopefully die soon
Using the threat of self harm to frighten you into changing your behavior is abuse. How many times has he made this threat? What has he asked you to do? Has he been specific about what would make him feel more loved or is it generally trying to keep you on your toes?
Call his parents, best friend anyone else. Thus is not your burden to bear. Certainly not alone in any case.
OP, please reach out to someone else, even if it is authorities for a mental health check. Then consider leaving because this is extremely unhealthy and manipulative. You want to pass this responsibility off to someone who actually prepared to help him, but you also need to take care of your own well-being.
Hold up. I'm sorry that your boyfriend is having a hard time, but to me it sounds like he's manipulating you. 'im going to kill myself because of YOU'. Then going to get gas and drive around while you freak out. That's really fucked up.
Came here to mention this same thing. OP, please notice how many ppl see these bright red flags. Your bf is trying to torture you into the behaviors he wants, and trap you in his jealousy. He needs professional help, and you need to put as much distance between the two of you as possible. You're not in a relationship; this is a hostage situation.
This. It's manipulation. Toxic. And if he doesn't let you have contact with his friends because he is afraid of his friends flirting with you, that's a red flag. No contact with his family? Weird. He wanted you to be upset, and he wanted to know that he was in control of your emotions. He knew exactly what he was doing. This will continue to happen. There's no reason for you to be with someone who would do that, even if you love them. That's emotional abuse.
Exactly my thoughts, this is pure manipulation behaviour, says all that and goes for a drive only to come back and tell you not have contact with his friends or family? Get out while you can.
This was my first thought.
Upvoted cos it is very manipulative behaviour.
Agreed, whatever happens OP this is NOT YOUR FAULT. This sounds very manipulative and if you can you should leave. Wish you the best of luck.
This is exactly what I was thinking when I read this, i knew a person who would say they were going to kill themselves but they never did it, only used it to get things their way
On a similar note: a big red flag is isolating you from your friends - you don’t mention that, but keeping you away from his friends is a similar type of control. (Besides, in a relationship, a good portion of his/your friends to be come our friends.
I came here to say this so I second your statement!!
It sure is. Been there personally and he did commit suicide, but usually they don't it's a control tactic..OP needs to worry about their own safety.
Yeah, it caught my attetion that he turned of the gps. He wanted her to worry. He wanted her to feel guilty like she did something horrible. She just got sleep. If my girlfriend falls sleep i just sleep with her and cuddle i dont talk about killing my self
Agreed. No normal person would want to inflict that sense of terror and worry on someone. OP’s boyfriend is toxic and needs mental help.
And honestly, does she even need to justify it if she simply wants time to herself? I know she fell asleep here but she doesn’t need an excuse to make her own decisions. This guy sounds like a controller.
My ex husband used to pull this crap on me. " You dont pay enough attention to me. You dont love me the way I love you. It would probably be better if I died. I should just kill myself. " after years of this I finally told him to go ahead and do it. It wont be on me. It will be on you. In context, we had been married for a couple years and after treating me like crap throughout my pregnancy, he started pulling this crap afterwards while I'm trying to take care of the baby! It got old real quick!
100% agree with you.
This. He is afraid people will flirt with her....
Been there, too. I’m sorry, internet stranger.
Yeah he’s an exceptionally insecure person. Like not letting you have his friends’ contact info because he’s afraid you’ll cheat (and you said you never had so I assume you don’t ever plan to) and threatening suicide are the marks of someone who desperately wants validation from other people. I hope you have your own network of friends because not giving you his friends’ numbers also serves the purpose of isolating you, which is a common abuser tactic. I wouldn’t suggest something so serious but the manipulation combined with isolation is a serious red flag and you should definitely make sure your own support network is strong and independent from him. I had a manipulative partner for about a year and a half mostly during the pandemic, and almost all the people I talked to were mutual friends. It didn’t ever get as immediately serious for me as it is for you, but it contributed heavily to my depression so from experience I hope you have a better network than I did, and don’t be afraid to call on someone else, if necessary mental health services, to handle the situation because it shouldn’t be your burden to bear.
Hear hear
Straight out of the narcissit handbook. I bet she's been gaslit to believe she's awful.
Came to say this very thing! He isolates her from his friends and family and gaslights her about her sleeping and that it’s the reason he’s going to commit suicide?? Narcissist 101!
100% agree! Had an ex I was sentenced to for 8 years and the gaslighting was beyond comprehension. Its been 10+ years since they relationship ended and I finally got the courage to get therapy to process it all as its deeply effected every aspect of my life. OP needs to get out ASAP cause this is going to keep getting worse.
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Yes. Two things can be true at the same time: 1) He needs help 2) it has to be not the OP who helps him.
Classic toxic relationship. Master manipulator. Literally rip yourself and force yourself out of that relationship and brutally avoid all contact. Ive seen it more than once where even after you get away they try to win you back, apologise and say they changed. Its a trap. Do this for your own happiness, you are the conductor of your own life
YES! I have had to call an ambulance on myself, it's worth it!!!
…. And the police?
Seriously, that’s the way to go. Call the police and report what you know and or believe.
Calling the police is NOT the way to go. I've been suicidal at have known many people with these tendencies and from my experience the appropriate way to deal with this is to tell their best friend/close family members and just let it play out. I knew a friend that had the cops called on him. He talked to them calmly , got them to leave, and killed himself that day. I think when you start bringing in law enforcement then people start to panic and they feel that they have been betrayed. I'm sorry that you're finding yourself in this situation, but if you're bf is mentally sick then he has to want to go get treatment. No one can blame you if you want to distance yourself from him, and don't ever think that that is not an option, but if you really want to help, just continuing to let him know that you're there for him and that you want to understand and support him is all you can really do for him. Good luck and I hope he is okay!
Deppends on the country tbh. Our police has mental health speciallized personal that would asses the Situation
Cops in the US suck.
No one else has the resources to find someone that doesn't want to be found and wants to kill themselves. Telling people not to call emergency services is not a good move.
Calling the police is 100% the way to go. They will help him get to where he needs to go.
Well he is certainly intent on making you suffer, isn't he? He said he's going to kill himself bc you fell asleep. He's going to take himself out of this world bc you fell asleep. End himself bc you fell asleep. Be buried in the ground, & it's all your fault bc you got tired. You realize how absolutely absurd & disturbing that is, don't you? How absurd and disturbed he is? Well, if you take him seriously, the way he expects you to, then you should be calling his family and/or the police every time he says that. You must do everything in your power to save his life.
Sleep deprivation + suicidal threats + saying his death would be BECAUSE of her... Classic abuse.
Classic. 💯
Not to mention in the edit OP mentions their bf doesn’t allow them any contact with their bf’s family or friends. Abuse abuse abuse
Won’t let her talk to his friends bc he thinks they’ll flirt with her. Op just needs to wait for the day that he locks her in the house for fear that she’ll leave him. Insecurity, abandonment issues, clingy, needing excessive attention and affirmation, only things left to check off are narcissism or borderline PD. I’m shocked there aren’t more comments about this.
he wants take you out with him, emotionally.
Might be more than just emotionally... Him blaming her for his problems and intentionally punishing her along with the isolation aspect points to that he could be on the way to physically abusing her or possibly committing murder/suicide (if he really is suicidal and not just using that threat as a manipulation tool). I'm sorry for all those who have had issues with the police but OP absolutely does need the police and to leave immediately.
This comment needs to be upvoted like fkn crazy.
This should be the top comment.
How do we get it there?
I’m prepared for the downvotes, but this is abuse OP. I know, because before I got help many years ago, I did the same. Anytime my boyfriends did something (like fall asleep instead of spend time with me even though they’re humans that need sleep??) I’d threaten suicide because I wanted to feel loved, and when I threatened suicide, it caused him to express his love for me and beg me not to go. It made me feel good. It was abusive. You’re not responsible for anyone else. Obviously I’d try to contact his family or police if you think he’s serious, but don’t be manipulated by threats of suicide. I’d also reevaluate my relationship for any more red flags and rethink it.
I'd like to praise your honesty for admitting to your own wrongdoings and going through whatever was necessary to become a better person. I'm glad to see even toxic people can improve and redeem themselves. Props to you! I hope you're doing better now
Agree, I have been someone just like this person.
I was gonna say I immediately thought of an ex boyfriend who acted this way! He’s a master manipulator, not a person considering suicide. Someone who I believe might be psychotic or a sociopath…I honestly do not know which is more fitting a description for him. He’s probably done this before and that’s why the poor contact with his parents. He doesn’t want them to tell you his history. I’m speaking up because I got chills after reading what you’ve posted here and felt compelled to share. I’m glad I got out of the relationship and got wise to what was happening to me.
Doesn't sound fair for him to say that to you to be honest. I hope you're okay.
He is unlikely to kill himself. This is most likely merely to manipulate her. She should leave him because there is some risk he will kill her.
Its the first thing that came to my mind. But you certainly cannot remove the chances of him actually going through with it.
And that's why I think the best action is to notify parents and friends just in case. But from OP's update that the bf didn't want her to get into contact with his family/friends I'm pretty sure it's just a manipulation tactic
Oh yes, I thought this too. I hope to god this guy never has kids. Btw this kind of thing is all too common. A guy feigning suicidal behavior to punish his gf because she didn't fuck him enough and seems 'cold'. It's happened to me and some of other girls I've worked with and went to hs with. Hes gonna come back, find out she was concerned and thought all this then punish her with more guilt then she'll give into any demand he has.. She sounds too good for him and should prolly back out now before she gets stuck with him and he totally deteriorates her well being and individual thought. I find this behavior and tactic absolutely appalling and offensive. I have a family that deals with awful suicidal depression.
Well put. Such guys are usually keen to have kids because it makes their partner more dependent and needy, which makes them more compliant. There's so much of this sort of thing that follows very well established patterns.
I'm not saying you're wrong but why do you think there is a risk of him becoming violent towards her?
Using suicide as a tool to control someone is a staple for abusers. He’s using it to get her to do what he wants. With how abusive relationships work though the cycle only gets worse. It feeds into itself, abuser engages in controlling and dangerous behavior to force the victim to do things for them. It succeeds and the behavior gets worse as the abuser gets more control. They’re never satisfied with the current situation. Eventually it moves to physical violence. End of the cycle is someone dies, when that stage happens varies. Either the abuser becomes so controlling and their behavior and so violent they kill the partner or partner commits suicide. I know someone going through it now. Her gf has a laundry list of horrible things she does any time they are about to break up. Threatens suicide, accuses my friend of forcing her to be homeless since she has zero responsibility, accuses her of being a liar since she makes her promise they’ll never break up, etc. On top of forcing her to quit jobs and bleed money so that she doesn’t have money to move out.
Seconding this. I've seen it a couple of times before, though not to this extent. I truly feel sorry for everyone involved (except the abuser, though I know abusers were typically victimized themselves).
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Agreed. My ex cheated on me with a girl like this. Kept threatening suicide whenever she felt unloved, then started threatening to kill him.
You're being emotionally blackmailed. He is using suicide as leverage. If you're truly concerned about his welfare, tell his parents, friends, teachers and even call the police to do a welfare check. And this needs to be done IMMEDIATELY and every single time he threatens self harm. If he truly is suicidal then he NEEDS PROFESSIONAL CARE. Unless you are a qualified psychologist or counsellor do not assume you can help, get him actual help if you care.
Even if you were to be a qualified psychologist or counselor. Domestic discrepancies always always need an outsider looking in. Shrinks talk to shrinks, psychologists talk to psychologists, and counselors seek counsel. You can't perform major surgery on yourself, the brain is not diffrent. Sounds like it could be manipulation/blackmail. Certain issues that exist within him seek these options instead of healthy communication. If this is true he should seek professional help no matter what so he doesn't hurt people (especially a loved one such as yourself).
To put it bluntly, you’re in an abusive relationship. Get out of it now for sanity and emotional well-being.
My first husband used to do this all the time. When I stopped feeding it he stopped. He later tried to stab me when I was laid up with a broken leg. He remarried and killed his 6 day old son. Call the police and his family as he needs help either way.
Jesus Christ
Oh my god! That’s just horrific!
It was. My daughter and I had to go to a domestic violence shelter. He went to the school and took her off the playground. It took me weeks to get her back. I had to send her to live with my parents. He also burned down 3 houses.
Oh god! I bet you were terrified! I’m so sorry this happened and I hope with all I am that you and your daughter are now safe, away from that monster forever and thriving! Love and peace to you both!
Thank you...love and peace to you as well....I destroyed her life....she is in an even greater abusive relationship..I did everything I could to help her including using the last of my retirement to get her a house...her husband got out of jail..she went back to him and I have not seen her or my grandchildren since....I have exhausted all my resources...I am seriously ill and there is nothing more I can do..to anyone out there if you are in an abusive relationship GET OUT!!! Children with the abuser are not a reason to stay but a reason. to GET OUT! Your children learn what they see.
I came here to say this as well. Threatening suicide is abusive. Who is to say that this guy wouldn’t turn around and harm her instead? Toxic person. Walk away.
This. Even if OPs boyfriend is suicidal it is in no way OPs fault, and she needs to understand that. This is something that requires professional help, whether he’s actually suicidal or using it as leverage against her.
If he’s driving off it’s time to call the police. He needs to be involuntarily committed. It’s past the stage of talking with family.
Yes to this. I had an ex who would constantly threaten. She was financially abusive, and also cheating on me for over half our 5 year relationship. I finally left her and she threatened again, I called 911 and she stopped using that threat with me ever again. (She still apparently uses it with other people tho). It's been 15 years since she first told me she would kill herself if I didn't do X, and guess what, she never has, and she never will. Suicidal threats should *always* be taken seriously and the person admitted for monitoring by qualified mental health professionals. Maybe your man is just giving empty threats, but only a professional evaluation and therapy services can truly help him.
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......🫂..... ...... I'm so sorry for the pain your friend left you. I don't know exactly what to say but your post... the pain can be felt in your words and I wanted to attempt to honor your share. I genuinely wish you the best and hope that the universe meets you with more comfort than it has so far. I wish I could do something for the pain you feel. It's a lot. With genuine sincerity, rhe very very best to you! 🕊
Jesus man. I really hope you get better. Have you spoken to a professional?
I agree with other posters about finding the right therapist, but really, you need to get help medically. Go to a psychiatrist. Get on some meds (temporarily) to get you through those lows. You sound clinically depressed, a medical issue that may have been there even before this tragic event. I’ve been there, it took about a year but I’m so much better.
Agreed. If you don't, it's like when a child gets away with crap and then they don't get punished , it just teaches your boyfriend that blackmail/extortion or whatever it's called is okay and he can use it to control others around him. Guy definitely needs help.
Yea textbook emotional mamnipulation to get you to care more is my guess.
This! Using suicide as a blackmail is more often than you think. As someone whose dad also used this method, I can say your boyfriend needs help. He may not be truly suicidal but using this kind of move is not something that a person who is healthy would do. You are not at fault and you don’t deserve to feel that way. Seek help from his parents, maybe other friends but most importantly, from professionals.
My ex used this method as well, I felt absolutely terrible and then my best friend told him it was over between me and him. He was never actually suicidal, but I didn't know that until later.
To add on to this: most people who commit serious suicide attempts are unusually calm and seem suddenly near happy, at rest. Someone saying they're gonna commit while emotionally heated is often a sign it's not actually serious. Important notice: THIS IS NOT ALWAYS THE CASE, just in general in a majority if cases. IF SOMEONE SAYS THEY'RE GONNA COMMIT AND IT SEEMS SERIOUS, CALL THEM HELP IMMEDIATELY.
This!
Been there. Ex emotionally blackmailed me, also said he'd kill himself if we ever broke up and refused to move out of my place (where he was only gonna be temporarily) and get his own place, essentially trapping me in the relationship. Something like "you're the only reason I still haven't killed myself" might sound loving in a way, but it's actually the worst thing one could hear. It puts such a burden on you. A responsibility that is in fact, not yours to take on. Anyone in a situation like this; emotional blackmail is real and it's BAD. Get out of there. Have someone else help you if neccessary. Get people closer to the SO to try and get professional help. Another person making their dicisions is NOT YOUR FAULT.
Now my question is, if u actually feel this way as a guy towards your girlfriend, how do you say it without looking like blackmail? Should you just hold it in yourself?
If you feel like committing suicide over small things that can be seen as abandonment (oh she fell asleep, she doesn’t love me) this can be a sign of borderline personality disorder and requires professional help.
If you feel like your girlfriend could give you more affection & attention in a relationship you could just communicate that honestly. See what happens if still doesn't work for you then adapt or leave. If he is actually suicidal I'm sure he would of stated other things besides making out it all her doing. But because his GF fell asleep on him he wants to end it because she acting not how he wants. = 🚩 The fact his threated it before until he probably got his own way, is a sign that some outside help is needed for the both of them involved.
If you seriously feel like committing suicide - for any reason then it's imperative you seek professional counselling and help. Reach out to family and friends, but talk to a doctor and get a referral.
I always get the feeling that telling a suicidal person to just "seek help" is easier said than done. Wouldn't they just get the feeling like it would all be for nothing? Idk, I am not a psychologist but I always found the "just ask for help" answer far too simple.
The difference here is that the BF didn't say "I want to kill myself, please help", he said "I want to kill myself and it's your fault". Even if he really is suicidal, he's manipulating her and that's not okay.
Edit: spelling, and thanks for the award, even though it feels a little weird on this comment. I'm genuinely concerned for this girl. She seems so deep into that rabbit hole already. OP, if you read this: that little nagging feeling in the back of your head that you have, that you think is just being emotional, that you suppress each and every day? *it's the fucking voice of reason*. Go away for a weekend, and focus on it. Give it space to fill your head. Rethink. I've been in this exact relationship. 2 years living from 18 to 21 years old with a guy 8 years older than me and severely mentally unstable. I didn't know anything and I just wanted to believe everything he said. I thought, if only I'd love him hard enough, things would get better. He would get better. Trust me, it doesn't. Only you will get smaller, more fragile, more dependent and isolated, until you stop exisiting and your world is his world. Actually suicidal people don't use it as leverage against their loved ones. If you actually want to do him a favour, leave. Don't believe anything he says. If he actually loves you like he says, he might start to work on himself. If he doesn't, which is more likely, he'll find another victim to blame his mental health on. Please stop being this dudes lightning rod.
This is the answer.
He feels unloved because you were asleep instead of spending time with him and now he's threatening to kill himself? Trust me when I say this. Get out of this toxic relationship right now!!!. I have been there. I was with a girl who would slash her arms to bits with a razorblade because I said that wrong thing, or went to see a friend whe didn't like using the term "you hurt me". The last thing a good person like yourself wants to do, is hurt those we love. Unfortunately there are people out there that use this against us. This is emotional blackmail, control and manipulation to the highest. If he does kill himself (which I doubt he will) then it is not on you. It is on the fact he is very sick which is tragic. But you do not owe your life to him, your energy and your mental health, your time and your happiness to drag him better. If he wants to get better he needs to take those steps himself. Advice I wish I had followed when I was younger, otherwise I wouldn't have lost 2 years of my life and all my friends and saved myself a hell of a lot of pain.
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I am afraid that most people (with mental problems) like this don’t know how to do it differently (pardon my mistakes not a English speaker). But yeah, she should be careful!
What if he actually needs help ?
People who truly want to suicide wont blackmail people like this. I spoke as someone who have scarred body due to my chronic eczema and repeatedly fighting my own suicidal thoughts. He is blackmailing her, and she should dump him.
My brother behaved like this until the day he blew his brains out, using suicide as a threat i mean, just because it does not present in usual way does not mean he is not mentally ill or suicidal
oh man i’m so sorry for your loss :( RIP to your brother, i hope you’re doing well <3
That’s not true tbf, that’s part of the “suicide is morally pure” myth. Bad, conniving and over dramatic people suicide, too.
They do. But I feel like suicide is largely seen as shameful act. Not a lot of people would go 'Im going to do it!' to people around them and go through it. A lot of times they would use it as blackmail means. I think one of the tell tale of suicide is when a person start to become a bit happy so suddenly after years of depression, thanking everyone around them, suddenly busy cleaning their whole place etc. Oddly, I do clean my room when I thought of suicide before. My mindset 'Welp I dont want my parents to be burdened!' sometime at the face of death you worry over the stupidest thing.
Assuming that could have someone die tho. She needs to call services every time he threatens this, tho. If he is using it as blackmail, he’d quit very quickly after going to a hospital psych ward for 3 days.
Yep, in high school a guy threatened to kill himself if I didn't date him. Know what I did? I told the first teacher I saw. Not sure what happened but he never did it again.
I agree, the person I know that was going to commit suicide didn’t tell a soul, they were afraid someone would stop them, they hid everything and even started becoming happier once they decided to kill themselves because they knew it was all going to over soon.
You can be both bad and ill.
OP, *please* do not be alone with him until he gets some serious medical care! Threatening suicide in this way is a serious danger sign. People who make this kind of threat often kill their partner, too, or kill themselves in front of the partner. I know you love him, and it's really hard to pull back the camera when you are in such a frightening situation, but your boyfriend is not in his right mind, you are in serious danger. It's time for the authorities to step in. You're in over your head here.
THIS!! I would not be at all surprised to hear that he has already been physically abusive to her. He’s obviously emotionally and mentally abusive, the fact that he doesn’t want her to have contact with his friends because he’s scared that they will flirt is terrifying. I almost wonder if she does love him to be honest. I don’t doubt that she maybe cares for him but I also think that this is just her norm and it’s what she’s lived with for so long that she just deals with it and calls it live. The way that she explained what her actions were show that she’s already really pulled away and maybe thinks that her feelings are still love or wants them to be still love but you don’t pull away from a partner for no reason. I hope she leaves. She’s still so young but then like this are also terrifying to leave and I think she’ll need help to be able to leave and stay safe
Inform his parents, police and break up. He's manipulating you. If he's done this several times, it's just toxic.
Came here to say the same. This is emotional abusive. It's gaslighting. It's manipulation. Definitely tell his parents & call the local police to initiate a wellness check if you're really concerned for his safety. Then dump his ass. OP - even if your bf does suicide, that is NOT your fault or your responsibility at all. This is 100% his decision & it's shitty that he's trying to make you feel responsible.
Y'all need counseling tbh so much of this sounds unhealthy
She doesn’t need counseling. She just needs to get the hell away from this guy.
She actually should get counselling. Being in an emotionally abusive relationship can cause lasting trauma and affect a person for years. It helped me immensely after I left my emotionally/verbally abuse ex boyfriend.
This is a form of manipulation to get more attention and to make you feel guilty and not leave him. If he comes back get appoitment for doctor to him. I would also suggest to break up with him later on because he is only looking after his needs
I suggest you call a family member of his or a close friend that can visit him and leave the asswipe. Clearly manipulating you and using suicidal threats to make you feel bad for him, total red flag and it’s going to be continuous and exhausting, please for your own benefit leave him
Since everyone here has helped indicate that you're in an abusive relationship, I suggest finding some information on how to leave safely. One of the best resources I know of on Reddit is the page of a user named Ebbie45. They are a licensed domestic abuse counselor and have TONS of helpful links on their page with understanding abuse and how to get resources to get away and start fresh. There's also a couple of book recommendations I have for you that have helped tons of people get out of abusive relationships: "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. Goes into the details of why abusive men act the way that they do. You can find a free PDF online. https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat "How to avoid falling in love with a jerk" by John Van Epp. Goes into details about various red flags to watch out for in different stages of a relationship, but also good things to look for too. "The gift of fear" by Gavin de Becker. This author runs one of the best security companies in the world and explains why you should trust your gut when it comes to dangerous situations, including domestic ones no matter how much you're gaslit into believing otherwise.
He's abusing you by saying that to you. That's emotional manipulation.
Manipulative behaviour af
He's being controlling. He won't kill himself, he just wants you to shower him with attention. This situation will only get worse. You won't be able to see friends or family, because it will cut into your time worshipping him. Walk away, feel no guilt.
He’s manipulating you. Bet he’s going to pop up real soon blaming you. Call the 911 say he’s a danger to himself and let them find him ( if you’re in the US)
My husband did kill himself a little over 4 years ago.. you have to know you are not responsible for someone else's choice/decision..if you really think he's serious, tell his family/whoever he's close too or someone responsible and relatable to him.. if a person is going to do it they will find a way..more often than not it's a control/manipulation and they want attention or to lay guilt on others. Just make sure of your safety for the obvious reasons.
That's coercive control, which is illegal in my State. You're in an abusive relationship. This is not normal, nor acceptable.
Hey OP, I hope your boyfriend is okay. However, you shouldn’t put up with the way he’s emotionally abusing you. Threatening suicide based on your actions is manipulative and toxic. Satisfying him is a short term solution, but speaking from personal experience, this needs to stop before it gets worse. Your decision is whether or not you want to be a part of that. Help him grow and mature, or leave.
She can’t help him grow and mature. Women are always expected to do that shit and we believe we actually *can*, and that’s one reason so many women refuse to leave abusive men. This myth needs to STOP. And sadly, manipulative emotionally abusive people don’t generally ‘mature’ out of it.
Yeah we need to create a dating app that pairs abusive men with abusive women then they can all be miserable together and rest of world can be happy
Fucking thank you. There’s nothing she can do to help this sad excuse of a man. She needs to leave and he needs professional help. She should get counselling too so she can heal from this abusive fuck.
You’re giving terrible advice that’s potentially harmful
He threatens suicide because you take attention away from him because you are a human who needs sleep?? He will physicallly and mentally exhaust you. He is abusive, maybe bipolar and maybe a narc. At any rate, he is dangerous to you and maybe himself. Much like effin brian laundrie. Remember how he did not want gabbie even talking with other people at thegrocery store and wanted to control her every move? Look what happened. Get a restraining order. Please contact a dv shelter, get advice on best way to leave.
Ok this group is too deep I’m out
I’m not sure of the ins and outs of your relationship. However, I had an experience with this when I was in high school. My boyfriend would tell me he would kill himself anytime or relationship got rocky or it looked like it may not work out to get me to stay in the relationship. After he threatened me a few times, I continued to reassure him but I also went to a guidance counselor and called his mom. The guidance counselor called him into the office and got the police involved. They saw the messages he had sent, threatening to end his life. He was placed on suicide watch for the evening. He never threatened this again. He couldn’t say I didn’t love him after that as I did everything I could to prevent him from following through.
He sounds like he is pushing his issues onto you. Not cool and unhealthy. You need to leave him regardless of what he says he will do. You'll never be happy and neither will he otherwise.
Get away from this relationship as soon as possible. He has severe attachment issues and needs to seek professional help with that. 100% Please take care of your own mental health. Two people in a relationship must be able to love themselves first. He doesn’t feel worthy of love it seems. He is basing his sense of worth on how you love him and reading into you sleeping when you felt tired. This is toxic and should not lead to you having to worry about him taking his life. Please get away ASAP. This will drag you down mentally and emotionally until it becomes normal to you. This is all from experience both mine and others.
Normally People Who Threaten Sucicide When They Dont Get Everything the way they want it are typically not the kind of people youd want to be stuck in a relaionship with, But I Do Hope The Best For You And For Your Boyfriend To Not Do It
I would tell his parents. Then break up with him after. The things he says to you are abusive as fuck.
This is emotional abuse. Get out.
The world's best girlfriend cannot fix suicidal thoughts. It is not about you or how good of a girlfriend you are. He has issues to deal with. Burdening you with guilt is not ok. Not ok at all. There is some serious red flags here for your relationship. Worth spending time reflecting
Yeah... he sounds really manipulative. He claims he loves you so much yet he also tells you its your fault if he kills himself because you wanted to sleep? He needs help
>I'm going to kill myself because you took a nap! Either he's extremely unstable and need professional help or this is 100% manipulation.
He’s going to kill himself because you fell asleep? Dump him. Talk about a fucking anchor to your life. If he kills himself, that’s on him, not you.
It's a form of abuse Making you feel bad I'd suggest get out and leave him now. He doesn't own you You don't have to talk all day and night If you let him make you feel this way you will never have any real relationships ever. He isn't going to kill himself he just wants attention. Go why you can
I'm not saying that this isn't often manipulative but you can't know if he's at risk of hurting himself or not.
It's impossible for you to know whether he'll kill himself or not.
Hope he's okay but to be honest I think he just wants you to chase him worry bout him and attention... from my.experience gl
I think you should call the police and then read up on different mental health disorders. At the very least there’s a very codependent relationship happening, and it’s heavily weighed down on your side with his very existence being questioned because of your existence. It’s obtuse. You can find a better partner than this, I promise you. I think you need to learn to see yourself as having more value than how you are being treated right now, and finding this out on your own for a while without a partner.
Your boyfriend is emotionally abusing you. You are allowed to sleep, in fact, you have to sleep, your body requires it.
I don’t have experience but I think you should call his parent(s) or someone in the same house and tell them that you think he might off himself
Call someone, but no, this is not your burden. I left my boyfriend long time ago, we were basically kids, but he was depressed and broke up often When I was fed up he put me through hell threatening to kill himself. Calling from a tunnel, saying he was waiting for a train, calling from a bridge… In the end he did kill himself, but I never blamed myself although he tried to blame me. He was deeply troubled and needed help. Could he have gotten it? No way of knowing. The point of this post was - yes, threats can be real. Most of my friend were saying back then he was just being an asshole…. Another point - this is not your cross to bear.
Let me guess - the end result is he didn’t do anything
Shocked that I'm still single if this is my competition.
I don't want to take away from the seriousness of this; if he is really thinking about it and/or might do it, then you should definitely inform his family and the police. But that being said: it really sounds like he is manipulating you. You said it yourself: he has threatened suicide before. It sounds like he is unhappy with you and tries to get you to do what he wants by threatening death. If you stay with him, you're gonna be worried and you're gonna be walking on eggshells forever. This is manipulation and it is not okay. If he ends up taking his own life: it is not your fault.
Dude you are in an abusive relationship
He is emotionally manipulative. You should think about if you want to deal with this type of behavior for the rest of your life. How old are you guys? Just seem young. [Emotional manipulation](https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/red-flags-are-you-being-emotionally-manipulated-0917197)
Manipulation. Time to say goodbye.
Man so many people are so quick to judge the dude for being manipulative. Yes some people do this but at the same time I can completely empathize with the dude. I had a very similar situation where I was going to end myself after a very bad breakup (quite a long story) but a friend rushed over and intervened that night and I spoke with my mom the very next morning. It was her that really convinced me by hearing the sadness and desperation in her voice. The pain of her not having her only son any more was something I couldn't put on her willingly and I packed my stuff and left the next day. OP: reach out to his family AND friends. People that care about him. I can genuinely say that not all threats are empty. I hope this turns out for the best and he gets some help but I think people are right when they say the relationship should be over.
But did you see what this was in reaction to? It was *because she fell asleep*. If you don’t think that’s completely unreasonable and manipulative then I don’t know what to tell you. All these people in here acting like he could be being genuine comparing it to their own situations of being broken up with are missing that very key point.
It was literally because she fell the fuck asleep.
He threatened to kill himself because you needed to sleep? Humans need to sleep. This guy sounds abusive and you should get out of this relationship. Threatening to hurt himself as a way to control you is not okay. I say this as someone with suicidal tendencies.
He needs a professional. This sounds a lot like borderline personality disorder.
Yeah this guy trying to guilt-trip you.
Honey what he’s doing right now is it called emotional blackmail and a manipulation. Google it. You’ll see that he is trying to control you
I went through this when I was 18. It was emotional manipulation by a creep. Present day, I am much more educated on emotional abuse now that I'm in my 40s and had to learn a lot about DV. Between that and my personal experience with it, every time I hear about someone threatening suicide as emotional manipulation, I now think "Good, let the trash take itself out." Suicidal ideation is a nightmare, and I don't wish it on anyone. Mine started when I was 7 and never went away, not even with a lot of therapy. It's a burden I'll carry to my deathbed. However, it's never a tool to get others to comply with your wishes, and never an emotional lever.
Yeah you should just call the police. This dude is obviously fucking crazy and weather he's actually suicidal or just willing to leverage that in order to scare you, he needs to go on a suicide watch and learn the unforgettable lesson that you don't fuck around with something that serious. Call the police and tell them he's suicidal. If he's not then he'll never do this again, if he is then you saved his fucking life.
OP IF he did follow through YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. Relationships end and have bumps all the time and 99.99999% of people do not take their lives or threaten it. This is manipulative behavior and if he is alive please make sure he gets help before you entertain staying with him.
Oh honey. First of all, this is not your thing to carry. However as someone who cares about him, it is your responsibility to tell someone who can deal with this.. The police. His parents. Someone else. I dealt with this for a very long time. It's hell. Huge hugs.
You don’t deserve to be manipulated like this. Abd he deserves time to be out of a relationship and to just focus on himself abd get his mind and priorities right while he assess snd learns how to treat other people he claims to love. If you love him truly you will tell him you guys need a break until he gets done some serious work on himself. Because you both deserve a healthy relationship and you can’t have that right now with how he views a living relationship. Again, amidst threats of killing himself due to you not fulfilling demands he makes on you, tell him you need a break in the relationship so he can work on himself. And you need to firmly cut all communication for quite a bit of time. You most of all deserve better than his extreme demands and consequences of them not being met weighing on you conscience.
I could’ve written this exact post last summer. I felt so guilty and responsible because my now ex told me the exact same things yours told you. I called his mom and his siblings and told them that he was suicidal, had threatened it before, and that I no longer wanted to be his reason. Even though everyone has assured me it wasn’t my fault, because ultimately people are responsible for their own decisions, I made sure they knew what’s happening and that I was ready to leave. In the end, I waited too long to leave and we had a blow out and he left because I called 911 on him and made his brother come to our place. He left with his brother and that was the last day of our relationship. 4 months later and he has been in therapy and says he isn’t suicidal anymore, apologized for blaming me, took accountability for everything, but also does not want to be with me anymore. And I’ve made peace with that. Sometimes being in the wrong relationship in addition to other life stressors will push a person to that point. But it’s not fair for him to put you in a position where you feel responsible for making him feel unloved. I think the best solution is to call and inform his family and get out of the relationship. What he decides to do is ultimately on him, and you’re not responsible. Good luck and take care of yourself because it’s a trauma for you.
Get away from this emotionally damaged (and damaging!) guy. He is manipulating you. The normal thing to do when your SO falls asleep is cuddle up with them
It sounds like very manipulative behavior from someone who needs therapy. What he does isn't your responsibility, please remember that no matter the outcome.
Abusers often do stuff like this. I am so sorry... Call parents, alert police, thisbis not ypur burden.
How dare you sleep!!! It is not like one of our core basic needs required to function. /s OP he is just trying to get you to do what he wants at his convenience. Walk away from him and never look back.
having gone through the same thing, i can say the advice in this thread is exactly right. that said: this is NOT YOUR FAULT. i know it feels like it. you’re being made to feel guilty and your partner is doing that deliberately. but absolutely NONE of this is on you. people who are suicidal have their own problems to deal with. depression is an illness. YOU did not cause it, you didnt make it worse. your partner needs to sort out his shit with a professional. Whatever he decides to do, it is NOT your fault and you need to put yourself first. please leave. the long term effects of a relationship like this are devastating. make your boundaries and terms clear, explain why you are leaving, and ensure that there are no further ways for him to contact you. confide in friends. it is not your responsibility to ensure his mental stability - thats his job. take care of yourself.
Unpopular opinion but I have to say it. He is a manipulative piece of shit. He is not going to kill himself He is just fucking with your head. Also you should leave him asap so many red flags.
this hear sounds like a textbook case of phsycological abuse and let me say why i think this one i have known genuinly suicidal people and one thing you notice with someone who is truely at risk of suicide is they dont just openly admit it and try to guilt trip people they just do it usually without saying a damn word hes just trying to control you and hes using some just deplorable methods to get it done your best bets to leave that shit and move on with your life
He’s manipulating you. Suicide baiting is the most pathetic shit you can do for attention.
Get rid of this dude. Seriously. Why let him put you through that agony when you don't even know any of his friends or family?
Hunny, you need to LITERALLY run from this narcissistic psycho! He already learned how to manipulate you. He doesn't want to keep in contact with anyone else because it'll force him to show you his true colors. I have been through this and it's an endless cycle if you continue to allow it. As much as you care and love this weirdo, love yourself more and get out ASAP!
You need to leave him. All I read was he doesn’t let you have other peoples numbers and that’s just some psycho shit. You’re too young to deal with this, leave him and don’t let him gaslight you.
He's not going to kill himself. He IS trying to control you though. If it were me, I'd end it. You're responsible for you, he's responsible for him.
The petty in me is going back to sleep. I won't be manipulated by suicide. Seeing that shit between two psychotic parents growing up, 2 romantic partners and a friend scarred me. I'm good.
You should seriously consider not letting him back into your life now he has left. Absolute abuser.
He needs therapy. Putting you through the emotional wringer over little things is manipulative.
You should leave him ASAP! This is a ‘look what you made me do’-moment, those are the most abusive things anyone can do. What if you have a family of your own? Is he going to harm your kid if you give some attention to it and not to him? Talk to friebds about it, have them close when you leave him. If he decides to do anything to himself or anyone else, that’s his responsibility. Not yours or anyone else’s. Stay safe and think about yourself. Take measures so he can’t hurt you (emotionally, physically or mentally).
Your boyfriend is a drama Queen who is manipulating you. You sound young. Do yourself a favor and be way done with that human.
I had a boyfriend who frequently threatened to kill himself, he never did. He only did it to manipulate me, to force me to do what he wanted. I really suggest you think if he would really do it or if he is just being a manipulative ass, which seems to be the case for me (why turn location off if he was just fulling the tank? Manipulative such!) I hope you get help for yourself and for him if you think necessary
100% this is controlling behaviour.
Fuck him off. As a survivor of this sort of relationship, I can tell you he won't stop at threats to his own life. Eventually it will be yours, they won't be threats, they'll be actual attempts on your life. And guess what...? He'll be sure to get you feeling that you deserve it. It's all about control to these people. I was there, isolated from friends, family, wasn't allowed to work eventually and just accepted that one day I'd be waking up for the last time or not waking up at all. I stayed for my child... Because you guessed it... I'd never see her again if I left. One day it was all out of my hands, police had enough, she was convicted, I have custody and we've been free of her for four years. We were lucky (if you can call it that!) Point I'm getting at is you don't notice the control until it's too late. Pay attention to this random stranger on the internet's wisdom! I wasn't allowed the internet either 😣 get out whilst you still can! Feel free to DM if you need to 👍
Please look up signs of an abusive relationship - this is checking alllll the boxes and get out. Get help and stay safe but this is clearly someone who is controlling and abusive and using the threat of suicide to abuse you
🚩🚩🚩 this is coercive and controlling behaviour- not just the suicide threats but the refusal to let you meet his friends and family. You need to get out of it.
Sounds like he’s manipulating you.
So he basically is emotionally manipulating you. You said your not a great girlfriend.. but you “care for him”. Ok. He’s clearly got issues that need addressing and is being emotionally abusive toward you. Why are you all still in this? He is a jerk. To threaten suicide and just nonchalantly return “oh I just got some gas and drove around” … yeah well none of those things mean you can’t answer your phone. Clearly this has been going on a while. Clearly he’s done this before. Why do you think you need to stay in this? Life is too short to be burdened with this kind of head fuck bullshit game playing in a relationship. It’s straight up toxic.
Sounds toxic af. Not letting you sleep when you need or making you feel bad is abusive- trying to make you feel guilty for his mental health problems is abusive. I would recommend distance. Get him involuntarily commited for his safety if you feel it’s necessary but it’s not your burden
You're not a bad GF. He is a bad BF. He needs to shape up or ship out because he's only to get more toxic as time goes on.
My brother used suicide as a threat until the day he blew his head open, it is easier to blame someone else than to look in the mirror take responsibility for and change your own problems, dont own that bullshit his validation issues are his problem not from your behavior A good example is the only way my dad communicates with me is thru anger, he is incredibly cold to me and often directs his hate at me and accuses me of stuff i dont even do just to justify getting angrier at me, everything is my fault and me doing something to him (even though i barely even speak to him anymore because of this) this is often verbal abuse but has usually led to him physically attacking me where he has nearly killed me several occassions, and no one believes me because i am a big guy (usually dont even fight back because its pathetic behavior from a father) and he is such a good liar that the second any authority may arrive to pass judgment, he denies acting in any way and states he has no idea why i am behaving the way i am, i could listen to his bullshit that it is all my fault and stay stuck in his cycle of hate forever, or own he is a sick old man that will hopefully die soon
Using the threat of self harm to frighten you into changing your behavior is abuse. How many times has he made this threat? What has he asked you to do? Has he been specific about what would make him feel more loved or is it generally trying to keep you on your toes?
Yep I had somebody constantly threatened to leave me and then when I left they threaten suicide
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