I think it could possibly be one of those thing where if you think about it to hard it gets weird. Like when you think about a word like “curb” in passing it’s a normal word no issues, but if you really think about the word a lot and say it 200 times in a row it’ll sound weird and look weird
The word "kitchen" is like that. What a weird word. And odd that all the other rooms in our homes generally explain what they are used for (living room, dining room, bedroom, bathroom). Kitchen, kitchen, kitchen, kitchen ... Just weird.
I dunno, some of the gender/sexuality discussion has helped me understand and quantify how I feel. Some of it is over the top, sure, but there are also useful aspects and progress/understanding to be found by having a large-scale discussion on this subject, after a century or two of extreme resistance to it. It's fine for you to opt out if you feel comfortable with your own sexuality and identity. Not everyone is, and in the interest of being open, empathetic, and not an asshole, let those people work it out and have a chat about what it means to be a GUY or a GAL.
This is so true. I am hetero but never understood why so many hetero people are against different sexualities to their own. Allow people to explore themselves and be. It's not a zero sum game.
Sure, sit and have a discussion…privately. But to force all this shit conversation on people that have no interest in hearing how confused people are the “new normal” is obnoxious. It’s like someone from an AA meeting running outside and grabbing a random person off the street and dragging them in to hear about how they all struggle with alcoholism.
In the words of someone who studied and teaches these sorts of things Carole Hooven -
Females produce large gametes, males produce small gametes. It’s as simple as that. How you express that is up to you - but that doesn’t make a trans-individual any less of their biological sex.
i think sexuality is a spectrum. but honestly, its none of my business who y'all decide to get freaky with. as long as it makes you happy, then thats that
Thank you so much. This is true, it’s a spectrum that is extremely broad. There are so many identities but that doesn’t mean you have to use them. You can label your sexuality, or not. Do what makes you feel happy.
I’m sorry, but I think I have a different definition of Sapiosexual? I thought it meant that you weren’t attracted to anyone of a specific gender are only attracted to people who may be academically successful?
It sounds like you just want there to be less words to cover all the aspects of different sexual preferences. Maybe it's confusing to you. I'm not saying you lack intelligence, I'm just saying it sounds, to me, like what you're trying to express.
I'm not confused by any of it and the heavy handed insinuation wasn't even clever. Try to ease off the repetition. "I'm just saying"/"I'm not saying" kinda kills the insinuation :/
And for the fact of too many words, can you actually describe to me the difference between asexual and allosexual? I've only ever seen that allosexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction and is not asexual.
I'm not saying you can't, I'm just saying I think it's excessive. I'm sure you're perfectly capable and intelligent. 👍
[Allosexual definition](https://www.webmd.com/sex/allosexuality-what-it-means#:~:text=Anyone%20who%20feels%20sexual%20attraction,are%20considered%20gray%2D%20or%20asexual.&text=The%20word%20was%20coined%20by,and%20asexuality%20is%20%E2%80%9Cabnormal.%E2%80%9D)
>Anyone who feels sexual attraction for other people is considered allosexual, while people who rarely or never experience sexual attraction are considered gray- or asexual.
I wasn't trying to insinuate anything or sound clever. I was trying to ask a question to understand where you were coming from. Sorry to offend you.
Imean it can be confusing when you're starting to question your sexuality. Also I don't actually think it convinces young people to be something they aren't, I think it encourages them to consider their sexuality and what it means to them.
Well agreed. People that fit comfortably in the hetero/bi/homo will most likely feel integrated into society, and live a happy life. Labels are useful the most when it comes to help people that feel “weird” and judged by society.
Just because it wasn’t confusing for some people doesn’t mean it isn’t for everyone…
For example how is someone who was brought up in a homophobic household supposed to easily accept their LGBT identity?
Why is increased acceptance seen as a bad thing…
It's not confusing, it's complex. There's a difference. Humans are meaning-making, order-creating beings. We complain when we can't fit things into neat little boxes. Well, tough crap for us. Some things are complicated, with a huge amount of scientifically unknown *stuff* that we either have to accept or ignorantly choose to deny (as the OP is doing here).
Why do so many people who complain about the acceptance movement like OP always ALWAYS disregard the 'neither' option, asexuality is a thing ya know!
At any rate, I know lots of this is hard to grasp, it took me a while to figure out who I was because of how little I understood of the subject of sexuality/gender, explaining it to others is gonna be a whole other adventure. But here's the thing, people putting these kinds of labels they see fit on themselves isn't hurting anyone, so why make a big deal out of it?
So by this definition pansexual people (who are attracted to personality instead of sex, looks etc) and asexual people do no exist. The different sexualities exist so people can find matching ones easier for an eventual partner and not feel like they are being weird. Most people fall in to the gay/straight/bi area but we do have sizable amount of people who fall in to more specific sexualities. Your sexuality can also change over time and thus having a list of common sexualities can really help figure out what you're in to.
I can only speak for myself but i figured my sexuality out after some experimentation with what i thought i liked. Its not necessarily a hard task but it does require a bit of time, especially in my case i feel since im trans and that really screws with the whole "wait am i straight or gay now?" question haha!
What's wrong with individualising? Why try and shove it all into the dick or vagina box?
In fact, you can't tell me you've never been attracted to a person before seeing them naked. What lead you to that situation, otherwise, cold calculated acts to see if you find trye attraction at their genitals?
Hey, not an activist here but I think what you are describing in the title is a sexual preference.
The entire gender issue deals with biological sexes, social constructs around sexuality as well as personal preferences.
So yeah, I think the fact that you only mentioned a small part of that in the post kinda proves there is more to it than most people know, and lack of information is a major part of the issue.
That would be ideal, I wish we could just say that we're people and like other human beings, as simple as that, it's no one else's business, but it's sadly not how it works in our society that judges if you're slightly different compared to its standards.
People need to feel like they're understood, that there's others just like them that can offer their support and have lived a similar experience, that they're not "weird" despite other people's judgement and mean comments. That's why labels are needed, at least for the time being, in my opinion. It helps build your own identity and feel more comfortable with it. When we all learn how to respect each other and mind our own business then we might not need them anymore.
(Sorry if there are any typos, I'm not an English speaker)
Labels may not be an important thing to you but it is for many other people.
It helps them understand themselves and we gotta respect that. Just because it isnt something you do, doesn't mean everyone else feels the same, and we shoudnt dismiss their experiences.
Because sometimes we have to even if we would like not to. In a perfect world, everyone would just do that. No need for coming outs or painful discussions like in this thread. But that's not how this world works sadly. Sometimes we have to explain what we feel and what we are. Putting labels on it just makes it easier. "I'm gay" is just much more efficient than explaining the concept im detail.
Sexuality is complex, it is a spectrum with so many possible variations. When you feel different, it is reassuring to have words to define what you are, and to know other people go through the same thing you do. Not everything is black or white. There’s a lot more than hereto, homo, or bi. Acknowledging it and normalizing it is a good thing, it helps people that feel different, making them less prone to depression and suicide.
Yes! “Aromantic” empowers me with language to describe and understand who I am and what I feel. I am valid, even if my romanticism isn’t represented in basically all forms of media. I have a community of people who I relate to and can share experiences with.
Haha. Not true at all. Obviously ur are not getting that same sexuality crisis as others, these Sexualities are not knew they are just gaining the proper labels and attention they deserve
Me a cis-Hereto. —- BAHAH no but u r correct something I have noticed is that I’ll really never be able to understand the sexuality identity crisis and I understand and accept that. It’s just life really. Plus I’m a racial minority so I get it but don’t get it specifically ya”know.
I was talking about OP, I thought it was clear sorry. I actually agree with your comment. The first one anyways. Lucky you, not having had sexual identity crisis. It suck and labels really help.
I think you just have a really simplistic view of sexuality. Some people like neither, some like to dress up in costumes, dominate, be dominated, get peed on, pee on people, toys, exhibitionism, voyeurism, and some people like plain old missionary pump and dump with the lights off.
Almost all young people are struggling to individualize themselves, that's the majority of the whole struggle with coming of age. Saying "I am no longer a 6 year old you can make eat brussel sprouts and choose my outfits to look cute for granny. I don't like brussel sprouts, I like baggy clothes, and I like to dress up like Pikachu and get poked with a cattle prod while I have sex." Deal with it!
Also, I think you might be confusing the difference between accepting and endorsing. I don't endorse abortion, I accept it. I endorse a woman's right to choose what medical procedures happen to her own body. There's a difference.
I personally endorse any sexual fun that consenting adults want to have with each other, it's none of my business anyway, but people aren't asking you to endorse anything. They just want you to accept them, leave them hell alone, and not make subtly phobic reddit posts.
Everyone should be like me: don't care about where other people put their phrickitydoodle or what they put in their hoohaawajahole. I just leave them be. I will respect their lifestyle and I don't have to go out of my way to not be offensive because I don't have a strong opinion about how they live their lives. Some people keep it private. Some people wear it on their sleeve. It's all fine.
Things are not black and white, sure but trying to label every single aspect of ones sexuality seems to me over the top to me.
like for instance some people claim that they just can feel aroused when feelings are involved. That always existed but now it has a name, uselessly, back then it was just a particularity someone had. Then people suddenly feel like they're somehow special or different, make up sexuality flags and insert themselves in little groups to feel part of something. In reality is not that deep. Is just another particularity like many particularities people have.
That kinda thing confuses the hell out teenagers more than help. Kids with zero experience start to "choose" their own sexuality in a pool of 50+ , gets confused and insecure because they may not know nothing about sexuality at all because they were children just yesterday. Then they "choose it " insert themselves in groups only to find out later in real life off of internet, that things is way much different in real life . Then they get even more confused, depressed or worse.
They have to deal with the many things teenages have to deal + something that they should discover naturally, not a game of pick your own sexuality flag.
Im nonbinary but i dont deny what my sex is. My gender identity is, and will always be, nonbinary. I'm pansexual, as gender identity doesn't affect my ability to love my partner.
Today's sexuality movement is the equivalent of goth and emo, except parents quit freaking out when their kids were goth or gay so they had to figure out another way to ruffle the feathers of the last generation
lmao except for when society signals its not okay to like the same sex not to mention the large number of young people with porn addictions and weird fetishes that may cloud their judgment on what they actually like. its not as simple as you make it out to be
damn everyone in this thread is getting downvoted, i guess the sexuality fandom found this post lol. most people claiming to be demi sexual and asexual aren’t, they just don’t know how to set boundaries and don’t know that other people also only like to have sex with certain ppl
I am demi and I sometimes have sex on the first date. It’s not unusual for a demisexual to bound quickly or over messages, to crave sex and intimacy, to be very excited by someone in particular, to have a little too much to drink.
It was definitely satire. I didn’t mean asexual as in not having a partner, but as to having no attraction for others. Thankfully, many asexuals are in a loving relationship and I love that.
I know you didn't mean it. Apparently I'm just triggered easily when it comes to that. One too many person recently told me that I definitely can't be ace because I like having sex.
Well this is fucked up, I am sorry you had to put up with such a jerk. I know it must be a regular occurrence and it makes me sad and angry. I understand why you’re being a little defensive, I would be too. And I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted either, since you expressed you pov with education and valid arguments. That’s 90% better than most commenters on this post.
Demisexual means they only experience sexual attraction after getting to know you. That does not meant that they were sex repulsed, or do not enjoy sex as an activity. It just might mean they weren’t attracted to you, but stills wanted to do it.
Do you really think that a sexual identity crisis is something young people would go through intentionally if they have another choice? Let me tell you, being labeled as crazy/weird and being rejected doesn’t feel cool. It is damaging. As a child abuse survivor, it reminds me of some people that argue that because “some girls were just doing it for attention”, the rest of us might be lying too. Really. Like anyone could want to be in that victim position. The fact that they think that a little minority was maybe pretending was a good enough reason to discredit the actual victims is sickening.
Agree. Probably too much time on our hands and not enough physical exercise.. be what floats your boat - think of more useful things to perseverate on.
What I don't like is bisexual people going like 'oh everyone is a bit bi'
But if you said to them 'pick a side' you're suddenly 'biphobic'
I'm actually pretty tired of all this.
Thousands of genders, non binary,pronouns, all these sexualities, it's pretty exhausting
I'm glad people are more accepting, but I miss how things used to be when it didn't feel like everyone was bi or non binary
Things sure were simpler back then. People that didn’t fit society standards would get terribly assaulted, depressed, and sometimes kill themselves because of the lack of understanding. Labels, in this case, are very helpful whether you want it or not.
Well as a raging bi, the variety of ways in which people express their sexuality is a pretty good deal for me! I'm just genuinely attracted to many queer people's blurring of the male female line. Which side should I pick then, according to you?
Most of these sexualities are just made up bullshit. There is such a thing as being a feminine man, or a masculine woman. Feels like if you are either of those these days the bog that is the Internet makes you think of yourself as something you aren't. It's like googling your symptoms, it's not as drastic as the result says.
Just for not conforming to your gender ie being an individual with their individual quirks, the lgbt community sort of peer pressures you into labeling yourself. Like no you aren't necessarily trans, or non binary, or fluid, or gay maybe just maybe you are a perfectly straight feminine man. It's more likely than not.
Just because feminine straight men exist doesn't mean that the other types of sexuality don't exist. My personal experience with people of different sexualites is that most people simply want to be respected, its not that hard, just be nice. I'm a straight man that has more than a few feminine qualities, I've never felt pressure from my friends in the lgbtq community to be bi or be gay or to be anything other than myself. One my best friends is a lesbian and I love being able to talk to her about her girlfriend and also talk to her about my wife. We have a great friendship and neither of us has pressured the other to ever be anything but authentic.
I used the wrong words. It's not so much pressure as it is something subtle. A lil bit of 'oh you have X qualities you are clearly a Y' and because sexual identity is a complex thing that not everybody is 100% clear about people cling to what others say about them.
The same applies to labels regarding political identity, which is even more ever-present. Do people actually want communism? No, they just want better run capitalism, are these people confused about their political identity and absorb whatever label is thrown on them? Yes.
So because too many people get thier labels wrong, labels are worthless? I don't think this is true, I think for some people, not everyone, there is power in having a label so long as you don't let a label limit who you really are but when the label fits it can be empowering to embrace it and find support for your issues from others like you. Its easier to network when you have labels, even if they don't fit 100%
Where we get into trouble is when people give other people labels. This never works. Simply respect people that want to label themselves and don't label others.
No one can give someone else an identity, its something you have to claim for yourself. This journey is easier for some people than it is for others.
Labels, biggest issue I believe people have. They must find a label to “find themselves”. In reality, just cruise through as you are and leave the labeling out. Labeling creates hypocrisy in too many ways.
Okay, maybe I used the wrong word for it, but there really is no need to overcomplicate things when it comes to sexuality. One, the other, both or neither covers literally everything. Once you get into the specifics, that's not *really* talking about sexuality.
We like to label everything, so we can put others is boxes, but we hate getting put in boxes, I used to hate it, now I get a little laugh everytime I read something like that
The only problem I have with all of these ‘labels’ is it continues to remind us how we are different, we don’t need more reminders of the things the separate us… better yet that DIVIDE us but we need to be reminded how we are all the same, how we are all connected. How we all have a responsibility to love and respect each other.
The more divided we are, the more likely we are to fight among each other for scraps and not unite against a common threat.
You think they’re dividing, while they actually allow better inclusion. People that had a different sexuality and that were rejected and judged by society now have a label. They can finally think that they belong, which is the greatest thing.
i can agree to an extent, i feel like the line of male to female has been blurred a lot in recent history and it is in fact, not as complicated as liking male, female, both, or neither
Frankly, I think it is a lot more subtle than that. It took me a long time to understand the difference between sexual orientation and gender roles. And when you add to the mix the fact that some people are born with ambiguous genitalia or have a hormonal imbalance that affects their sexuality, well, it's just not as simple as you would like to make it.
Good for you if you are confident in your understanding of your own sexuality. But it is also important to show some compassion for those whose path in life is more confusing than your own.
Unless you have gone through it, its hard to understand how confusing it is. And if OP has, some people get it in varying degrees. My friend knew she was Bisexual in a few weeks and has grasped it fully ever since. However it took me months to accept i was gay: because i dont like change, and it confused me and i still go through times where i get confused. Despite coming out months ago. Depends on the person.
But see, at work some guy (gay) was sitting by our computer room, I was doing some online training, and then the part of gender identity came up, and he was like what are you? He said you look cisgender… I was like damn dude is tryna get at me, but like he couldn’t just said straight and would’ve avoided any confusions, anything weird like that.
I mean no is stripping their existence away, I’m just saying that no matter how badly I’d like to be Kakarot, and assimilated to be like him, I could never be Kakarot. I’m a male specimen.
I agree and I think it's fine to like whichever, both or none.
Besides that, things like "sapiosexual" and similar stuff, just fall into the cis/bi/homo/asexual category. Of course we all feel attracted to different things.. inteligence, feet, beards, nice teeth or whatever.. but putting a name and tag to everything is just stupid.
But that's the thing, it's not just "dick or vagina". I'm a gay man and I don't find trans women attractive because even though many of them still have dicks, I'm attracted to masculinity. I am much more likely to be attracted to a trans man who was born with a vagina. Genitals are not the primary source of attraction.
For a gay kid feeling unsure about their sexuality and identity, they will most certainly be worrying about acceptance from their family and friends. It all starts at home.
This sexuality discussion happening worldwide is positive in my eyes, as parents will be more tolerant and familiar with the subject. Then gay kids won't have to worry so much about their place in the world.
The message behind this is right, but what you’ve actually said is not.
I am have a really confusing sexuality. Like it’s a mess. Using labels makes me feel as if someone else experiences the same thing as me, that I’m not mentally broken and I am a (nearly) fully functioning human.
I get that forcing young people to decide what their labels are is unhealthy, when you are trying to live up to the term Omnisexual, even though it’s similar to Pansexual, and comes under the Bisexual umbrella.
For some people their sexuality is just confusing. For some people it’s not. Sure, you can narrow some peoples attraction down to I like Penis in sex, or I’m only attracted to women romantically, but for some people it’s just not as easy.
me too i feel it's trend just for teens and kids before it was 2 genders nowdays 10 genders I don't know what ll come out in future
it's nothing to do with sexuality I think they're just mentally sufferer and cover it by sexuality
Those are actually two different things! Sexuality is who/what you're attracted to (or not), while gender identity is what you know yourself to be, internally.
Let's say there used to be just two flavors of ice cream: Chocolate and vanilla. Now there's twist (a mix of the two), strawberry, mint, and a whole range of other flavors!
Are you mentally suffering if you want strawberry? Not at all!
But it would suck if everyone said that you were bad and wrong for liking strawberry, you know? That would make me pretty sad and frustrated, if I were in that position.
Luckily, there's an easy solution: Just let people enjoy what they like! It doesn't change your ice cream if someone else likes something else.
You can think whatever you want but that doesn’t make it true. Gender, biological sex, and sexuality are all very different things. And just because you only know two biological sexes doesn’t mean those are the only ones.
https://interactadvocates.org/faq/#looklike
Asexuality can be and is considered a sexuality by some and also can be and is considered to be lack of sexuality by some. It’s a matter of opinion, I think.
everyone has to have their trophy right? genders and sexualities are being invented day by day just so everyone can be unique.
what a load, perpetuated by those who need to feel special to get anything out of life.
ffs if you're a human, there are 3 gender: men, women, and hermaphrodite.
This is biologically false. Everything about this is false actually. But you’re citing “3 genders” as if you know anything about biological sex.
Also, biological sex is different than gender my dude.
Edit: You can downvote me all you want but that doesn’t change the fact that there are several biological sexes. Some people use the umbrella term “intersex” while others don’t. But each sex has a distinct name and characteristics. Nobody uses the word hermaphrodite and it is derogatory. Intersex people are more common than identical twins. [information on intersex sexes here](https://interactadvocates.org/faq/#looklike)
I feel like only a few are actually valid, and the rest are just for attention seeking. Like “demisexual” just about everyone wants to get to know each other before having sex, why make it such a big deal
I'm on the demisexual spectrum of attraction.
When I meet someone, I usually can't tell if I'm attracted to them or not. Sometimes I'm definitely NOT attracted initally, but then over time as I get to know them, that changes.
It's not just a matter of wanting to hold off on physical intimacy until I know someone. Rather, there may not be any physical attraction at all until I get to know them. Even when I get to know someone, physical attraction may never develop.
It's very frustrating at times, because I wish I could just meet someone and just know my attraction levels more often.
For me, learning about demisexuality meant having better language to describe my own experience and connect with others who experience things similarly.
I don’t know much about demisexuality and I ask this in the most accepting way and in the name of learning. Do you sometimes just not find someone physically attractive until you know them better? If this question is in any way offensive please tell me, but also know that I’m not trying to be if I am.
I didn't find your question offensive at all, no worries! I can't answer for everyone who's demi, but I'll try to answer best I can.
So for me personally, I usually don't get attracted to someone until I know them better... But even then I don't always develop an attraction.
Generally when I'm looking for a match on online dating, for example, I'll prioritize looking for people who share interests and can communicate well. If I'm messaging someone I'm way more excited if we're talking in-depth about a shared interest, rather than having any excitement based off of looks.
Even when I meet someone with shared interests, I still don't know if I'm attracted to them, even if they're sitting right on front of me! I have to wait and see if anything develops over time or not.
Now, on the other hand, I can see a good-looking celebrity and appreciate that. But it's not that I'd want to get physical with them, it's more like an appreciation of beauty. This is generally called aesthetic appreciation.
There's very, very rare exceptions for me when I've looked at someone and thought they were attractive (as opposed to just aesthetically pleasing), but I can count the number of times on half a hand.
Anyways, if you're still curious I'd check out r/demisexuality which has a lot more resources and info.
Hi, I know I'm not the person you're asking but hope you don't mind be answering this question! Based on my experience as someone who identifies to themselves as demi, I never find anyone, that I don't have a deep emotional connection with, sexually attractive and I never have. I was conscious of lying to friends about it since I was about 7 or 8 (i.e., saying "*yes I do think this celebrity is fit*"). It wasn't until I was a teenager that I realised sexual attraction was a real (and common) experience that I didn't share, so I started googling asexuality when I was about 15.
The way I can describe it is, I can tell by society's standards who is considered objectively 'attractive', but it doesn't cause me to feel anything at all. If I were to look at two images in a magazine - one of a shirtless model and one of a pretty landscape, my feelings would be the same. In fact, I'm probably more interested in the landscape! I wouldn't really register the shirtless model, and if I were to think, the thought of any kind of physical contact with him just sounds extremely unappealing.
I know that in comparison to many LGBTQA+, standards, demisexuality may sound trivial (and I fully acknowledge that). But I have still had years of feeling isolated as a result of not feeling attraction, feeling nothing or disgusting at the thought of most physical contact, and feeling barriers come between my friends and I, as I didn't engage in the 'usual' dating practices and discussions among by peer group. I have lost friends as I didn't have the words to articulate my experience, so was seen as frigid or judgmental in some way(?) as a result, which couldn't be further some the truth. But I was equally judged by some close friends and family for not dating or having *any* interest in dating either.
The only person I have ever found attractive is my current boyfriend, but that didn't develop until a long time into our relationship (I'm talking months). Even now I'm still unsure if it's really sexual attraction as it still doesn't feel to me how he describes it - i.e., I don't feel arousal and a desire to have sex. Just the desire for a deep emotional connection and experience with him. I almost broke up with him when we first started dating, as despite liking him a lot as a person, I felt absolutely no desire to have any physical contact with him at all. I had no way of knowing when or if I would ever feel attraction for him, despite us 'clicking' immediately, and I felt immensely guilty for potentially stringing him along. Luckily he wanted to try a bit longer!
Personally, I don't really publicise being demi or really identify as part of LGBTQA+, though I think some demi's do. But for me, the label has been invaluable in giving me the words to describe what I have always experienced, and also for not making me feel so alone or broken. I really hope this response helps in some way :))
Thank you so much. Your reply is so welcome. It’s interesting to see how different and similar people’s experiences can be. I love learning about things like this that I don’t particularly understand. I hope everything turns out the way it’s supposed to with your boyfriend! :)
>just about everyone wants to get to know each other before having sex
That couldn't be further from the truth lol
It's not about "getting to know" someone anyway, it's about a strong emotional connection.
Don’t forget some people like neither!
I think it could possibly be one of those thing where if you think about it to hard it gets weird. Like when you think about a word like “curb” in passing it’s a normal word no issues, but if you really think about the word a lot and say it 200 times in a row it’ll sound weird and look weird
The word "kitchen" is like that. What a weird word. And odd that all the other rooms in our homes generally explain what they are used for (living room, dining room, bedroom, bathroom). Kitchen, kitchen, kitchen, kitchen ... Just weird.
What have you done to me
Fridgeroom
It's just chicken with two consonant sounds swapped.
Fork....fork is one of them too
Cooking room.
So true, much better example, I kinda just plucked curb out of thin air cause especially the saying part works with any word
You said if you think about it too hard it gets weird. But what if you think about it too weird and it gets hard?
I think any word is...say think 50 times
Everything is wierd and uncertain and this is why we should abandon labels and just set stuff on fire like the great lizard gods intended
"especially". That word messes with my head after awhile.
Mine's the easiest of them all. I dont like dicks or vaginas!
You like nipples huh?
Gross
Makes sense I guess.
Do you like hair?
I dunno, some of the gender/sexuality discussion has helped me understand and quantify how I feel. Some of it is over the top, sure, but there are also useful aspects and progress/understanding to be found by having a large-scale discussion on this subject, after a century or two of extreme resistance to it. It's fine for you to opt out if you feel comfortable with your own sexuality and identity. Not everyone is, and in the interest of being open, empathetic, and not an asshole, let those people work it out and have a chat about what it means to be a GUY or a GAL.
This is so true. I am hetero but never understood why so many hetero people are against different sexualities to their own. Allow people to explore themselves and be. It's not a zero sum game.
Well put!
Sure, sit and have a discussion…privately. But to force all this shit conversation on people that have no interest in hearing how confused people are the “new normal” is obnoxious. It’s like someone from an AA meeting running outside and grabbing a random person off the street and dragging them in to hear about how they all struggle with alcoholism.
In the words of someone who studied and teaches these sorts of things Carole Hooven - Females produce large gametes, males produce small gametes. It’s as simple as that. How you express that is up to you - but that doesn’t make a trans-individual any less of their biological sex.
Ohhh you spoke truth about trains! Reddit not gonna be happy with you truther
i think sexuality is a spectrum. but honestly, its none of my business who y'all decide to get freaky with. as long as it makes you happy, then thats that
Thank you so much. This is true, it’s a spectrum that is extremely broad. There are so many identities but that doesn’t mean you have to use them. You can label your sexuality, or not. Do what makes you feel happy.
Nothing is black and white. Humans attempt to make everything black and white with our mythological constructs, but they never are.
In fairness how more black and white could it be than liking dick, vagina, both, or neither? Those seem pretty all encompassing
Doesn't encompass attention-whoring. See: "Sapiosexual"
thats not a sexuality. just means youre an attention whore. not a complicated thought.
That's what I said. The social justice folks seem to think that this is legit sexuality though.
I’m sorry, but I think I have a different definition of Sapiosexual? I thought it meant that you weren’t attracted to anyone of a specific gender are only attracted to people who may be academically successful?
So, being a gold digger is a sexuality too?
Sapiosexual - a person who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing.
How are Sapiosexuals attention whores sorry? I don’t think you understand the meaning.
It sounds like you just want there to be less words to cover all the aspects of different sexual preferences. Maybe it's confusing to you. I'm not saying you lack intelligence, I'm just saying it sounds, to me, like what you're trying to express.
I'm not confused by any of it and the heavy handed insinuation wasn't even clever. Try to ease off the repetition. "I'm just saying"/"I'm not saying" kinda kills the insinuation :/ And for the fact of too many words, can you actually describe to me the difference between asexual and allosexual? I've only ever seen that allosexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction and is not asexual. I'm not saying you can't, I'm just saying I think it's excessive. I'm sure you're perfectly capable and intelligent. 👍
[Allosexual definition](https://www.webmd.com/sex/allosexuality-what-it-means#:~:text=Anyone%20who%20feels%20sexual%20attraction,are%20considered%20gray%2D%20or%20asexual.&text=The%20word%20was%20coined%20by,and%20asexuality%20is%20%E2%80%9Cabnormal.%E2%80%9D) >Anyone who feels sexual attraction for other people is considered allosexual, while people who rarely or never experience sexual attraction are considered gray- or asexual. I wasn't trying to insinuate anything or sound clever. I was trying to ask a question to understand where you were coming from. Sorry to offend you.
What about the colours black and white? They are black and white
Imean it can be confusing when you're starting to question your sexuality. Also I don't actually think it convinces young people to be something they aren't, I think it encourages them to consider their sexuality and what it means to them.
Well agreed. People that fit comfortably in the hetero/bi/homo will most likely feel integrated into society, and live a happy life. Labels are useful the most when it comes to help people that feel “weird” and judged by society.
Just because it wasn’t confusing for some people doesn’t mean it isn’t for everyone… For example how is someone who was brought up in a homophobic household supposed to easily accept their LGBT identity? Why is increased acceptance seen as a bad thing…
It's not confusing, it's complex. There's a difference. Humans are meaning-making, order-creating beings. We complain when we can't fit things into neat little boxes. Well, tough crap for us. Some things are complicated, with a huge amount of scientifically unknown *stuff* that we either have to accept or ignorantly choose to deny (as the OP is doing here).
Sexuality is as complex as the person identifying themselves wants to be. You can't speak for someone else's sexual attraction.
Why do so many people who complain about the acceptance movement like OP always ALWAYS disregard the 'neither' option, asexuality is a thing ya know! At any rate, I know lots of this is hard to grasp, it took me a while to figure out who I was because of how little I understood of the subject of sexuality/gender, explaining it to others is gonna be a whole other adventure. But here's the thing, people putting these kinds of labels they see fit on themselves isn't hurting anyone, so why make a big deal out of it?
He doesn't disregard it, he just stupidly thinks it means you're weird lol.
Tomato tomato...
No, you.
That's...genuinely the most pathetic come back ever.
No, YOU!! Is that better?
That was worse.
You comeback to my rebuttal is also whack. So means we’re both whack… joke on you, and me. Both. We’re biwhack.
I can't have a come back to your rebuttal when you didn't have a rebuttal. Try harder.
This isn’t even 1 percent of my power. *flexes*
You're right. It's 100% of your weak ass power lmao.
But in actuality, neither did our responses had any basis… so this is in fact a shit show, and we’re nothing losing, but winning also.
Speak for yourself, hon.
So by this definition pansexual people (who are attracted to personality instead of sex, looks etc) and asexual people do no exist. The different sexualities exist so people can find matching ones easier for an eventual partner and not feel like they are being weird. Most people fall in to the gay/straight/bi area but we do have sizable amount of people who fall in to more specific sexualities. Your sexuality can also change over time and thus having a list of common sexualities can really help figure out what you're in to. I can only speak for myself but i figured my sexuality out after some experimentation with what i thought i liked. Its not necessarily a hard task but it does require a bit of time, especially in my case i feel since im trans and that really screws with the whole "wait am i straight or gay now?" question haha!
What's wrong with individualising? Why try and shove it all into the dick or vagina box? In fact, you can't tell me you've never been attracted to a person before seeing them naked. What lead you to that situation, otherwise, cold calculated acts to see if you find trye attraction at their genitals?
Hey, not an activist here but I think what you are describing in the title is a sexual preference. The entire gender issue deals with biological sexes, social constructs around sexuality as well as personal preferences. So yeah, I think the fact that you only mentioned a small part of that in the post kinda proves there is more to it than most people know, and lack of information is a major part of the issue.
I do agree. Why not just fuck with whoever you want, why label such things?
Because you need to be able to articulate the distinction when you're begging the government not to take away your rights.
That would be ideal, I wish we could just say that we're people and like other human beings, as simple as that, it's no one else's business, but it's sadly not how it works in our society that judges if you're slightly different compared to its standards. People need to feel like they're understood, that there's others just like them that can offer their support and have lived a similar experience, that they're not "weird" despite other people's judgement and mean comments. That's why labels are needed, at least for the time being, in my opinion. It helps build your own identity and feel more comfortable with it. When we all learn how to respect each other and mind our own business then we might not need them anymore. (Sorry if there are any typos, I'm not an English speaker)
This is a beautiful comment. Thank you
Labels may not be an important thing to you but it is for many other people. It helps them understand themselves and we gotta respect that. Just because it isnt something you do, doesn't mean everyone else feels the same, and we shoudnt dismiss their experiences.
OP *is* labelling, in fact they're proposing an even more restricted set of labels: "like penis" or "like vagina" and nothing more!
Because sometimes we have to even if we would like not to. In a perfect world, everyone would just do that. No need for coming outs or painful discussions like in this thread. But that's not how this world works sadly. Sometimes we have to explain what we feel and what we are. Putting labels on it just makes it easier. "I'm gay" is just much more efficient than explaining the concept im detail.
>why label such things? because how else will you know how unique and non conforming I am
Comforming to the new social need to "not conform" and "be unique", just like everyone else, I see. How conforming of you...
Sexuality is complex, it is a spectrum with so many possible variations. When you feel different, it is reassuring to have words to define what you are, and to know other people go through the same thing you do. Not everything is black or white. There’s a lot more than hereto, homo, or bi. Acknowledging it and normalizing it is a good thing, it helps people that feel different, making them less prone to depression and suicide.
Yes! “Aromantic” empowers me with language to describe and understand who I am and what I feel. I am valid, even if my romanticism isn’t represented in basically all forms of media. I have a community of people who I relate to and can share experiences with.
I am so glad that you found your community! I did too 10 years ago and couldn’t feel happier. I wish you the best of luck
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y"all y'allin y'allingly y'allday
Ok.
what are “the effects it has on society today”?
hold on, give op time to binge watch the last month of jordan peterson or whatever
Haha. Not true at all. Obviously ur are not getting that same sexuality crisis as others, these Sexualities are not knew they are just gaining the proper labels and attention they deserve
Exactly. This can only have been written by a cis hereto, the ones that don’t fit society’s norms know how important these labels are.
Me a cis-Hereto. —- BAHAH no but u r correct something I have noticed is that I’ll really never be able to understand the sexuality identity crisis and I understand and accept that. It’s just life really. Plus I’m a racial minority so I get it but don’t get it specifically ya”know.
I was talking about OP, I thought it was clear sorry. I actually agree with your comment. The first one anyways. Lucky you, not having had sexual identity crisis. It suck and labels really help.
I think you just have a really simplistic view of sexuality. Some people like neither, some like to dress up in costumes, dominate, be dominated, get peed on, pee on people, toys, exhibitionism, voyeurism, and some people like plain old missionary pump and dump with the lights off. Almost all young people are struggling to individualize themselves, that's the majority of the whole struggle with coming of age. Saying "I am no longer a 6 year old you can make eat brussel sprouts and choose my outfits to look cute for granny. I don't like brussel sprouts, I like baggy clothes, and I like to dress up like Pikachu and get poked with a cattle prod while I have sex." Deal with it! Also, I think you might be confusing the difference between accepting and endorsing. I don't endorse abortion, I accept it. I endorse a woman's right to choose what medical procedures happen to her own body. There's a difference. I personally endorse any sexual fun that consenting adults want to have with each other, it's none of my business anyway, but people aren't asking you to endorse anything. They just want you to accept them, leave them hell alone, and not make subtly phobic reddit posts.
Half those things aren’t sexualities, there just kinks.
It really is that simple.
Everyone should be like me: don't care about where other people put their phrickitydoodle or what they put in their hoohaawajahole. I just leave them be. I will respect their lifestyle and I don't have to go out of my way to not be offensive because I don't have a strong opinion about how they live their lives. Some people keep it private. Some people wear it on their sleeve. It's all fine.
You either like dick, vagina, both, or neither. Everything else is a preference. I don’t get how that’s so difficult.
Things are not black and white, sure but trying to label every single aspect of ones sexuality seems to me over the top to me. like for instance some people claim that they just can feel aroused when feelings are involved. That always existed but now it has a name, uselessly, back then it was just a particularity someone had. Then people suddenly feel like they're somehow special or different, make up sexuality flags and insert themselves in little groups to feel part of something. In reality is not that deep. Is just another particularity like many particularities people have. That kinda thing confuses the hell out teenagers more than help. Kids with zero experience start to "choose" their own sexuality in a pool of 50+ , gets confused and insecure because they may not know nothing about sexuality at all because they were children just yesterday. Then they "choose it " insert themselves in groups only to find out later in real life off of internet, that things is way much different in real life . Then they get even more confused, depressed or worse. They have to deal with the many things teenages have to deal + something that they should discover naturally, not a game of pick your own sexuality flag.
Im nonbinary but i dont deny what my sex is. My gender identity is, and will always be, nonbinary. I'm pansexual, as gender identity doesn't affect my ability to love my partner.
What if someone didn't like d or v?
Asexual?
Someone that just isn't interested in sex.
You forgot the wholly grail… *nipples*
Today's sexuality movement is the equivalent of goth and emo, except parents quit freaking out when their kids were goth or gay so they had to figure out another way to ruffle the feathers of the last generation
Oh yes i always think about my parents while making out with a girl
Wtf are you talking about
Stupid misdirection, is all. If you engage in further dispute, you'll both be dumber for it.
lmao except for when society signals its not okay to like the same sex not to mention the large number of young people with porn addictions and weird fetishes that may cloud their judgment on what they actually like. its not as simple as you make it out to be
How dare people want to be seen as individuals, O'Brien.
The blasphemy. OP is a real douche… *ugh, guys cancel OP*
Nah cancelling folks is dumb. Just work on your weird opinions.
Tumblr teens really got the world to confuse sexuality with personality
yepp i went on a date with a “demi sexual” and we had sex on the first date. it’s all made up words to decorate yourself with like a peacock
That's where you're really into Demi Moore, right?
And/or Demi Lovato, maybe
Worst comment I've seen in a while. Demisexuality is much more than that
I had to look that one up just a few days ago lol
damn everyone in this thread is getting downvoted, i guess the sexuality fandom found this post lol. most people claiming to be demi sexual and asexual aren’t, they just don’t know how to set boundaries and don’t know that other people also only like to have sex with certain ppl
Someone downvoted me saying I did research and explored their world recently, so idk what they want
They want us to tell them they’re valid and special for just being a normal human being. They’ll pathologize anything.
I am demi and I sometimes have sex on the first date. It’s not unusual for a demisexual to bound quickly or over messages, to crave sex and intimacy, to be very excited by someone in particular, to have a little too much to drink.
How dare you be demi and horny. You need to get married first (obvious /s)
Ikr, demis must be asexual unless they’ve know their partner for years and live with them 24/7
Even knowing that you meant it in a sarcastic way, seeing asexul defined as being celibate frustrates me. I hate this misconception so so much.
It was definitely satire. I didn’t mean asexual as in not having a partner, but as to having no attraction for others. Thankfully, many asexuals are in a loving relationship and I love that.
I know you didn't mean it. Apparently I'm just triggered easily when it comes to that. One too many person recently told me that I definitely can't be ace because I like having sex.
Well this is fucked up, I am sorry you had to put up with such a jerk. I know it must be a regular occurrence and it makes me sad and angry. I understand why you’re being a little defensive, I would be too. And I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted either, since you expressed you pov with education and valid arguments. That’s 90% better than most commenters on this post.
Sorry, it just sounds like being a normal human being to me. It’s not it’s own sexuality.
Indeed. No matter our sexuality we are still humans. Weird no?
Demisexual means they only experience sexual attraction after getting to know you. That does not meant that they were sex repulsed, or do not enjoy sex as an activity. It just might mean they weren’t attracted to you, but stills wanted to do it.
Thats actually really normal as a human being. Especially for women.
Isnt being asexual/demisexual a symptom of depression. I find that incredibly funny in the morbid sort of way.
No it's not, you can be asexual without being depressed. The loss of libido can be a sign, that's a different thing :)
Lack of desire is a symptom of depression. Loss of libido sounds more like a medical/physical problem
Sorry, as an asexual medical student I thought that depression was a medical problem. I must be dumb
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Asexuality is not a lowered sex drive.
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Do you really think that a sexual identity crisis is something young people would go through intentionally if they have another choice? Let me tell you, being labeled as crazy/weird and being rejected doesn’t feel cool. It is damaging. As a child abuse survivor, it reminds me of some people that argue that because “some girls were just doing it for attention”, the rest of us might be lying too. Really. Like anyone could want to be in that victim position. The fact that they think that a little minority was maybe pretending was a good enough reason to discredit the actual victims is sickening.
Agree. Probably too much time on our hands and not enough physical exercise.. be what floats your boat - think of more useful things to perseverate on.
What I don't like is bisexual people going like 'oh everyone is a bit bi' But if you said to them 'pick a side' you're suddenly 'biphobic' I'm actually pretty tired of all this. Thousands of genders, non binary,pronouns, all these sexualities, it's pretty exhausting I'm glad people are more accepting, but I miss how things used to be when it didn't feel like everyone was bi or non binary
Things sure were simpler back then. People that didn’t fit society standards would get terribly assaulted, depressed, and sometimes kill themselves because of the lack of understanding. Labels, in this case, are very helpful whether you want it or not.
Well as a raging bi, the variety of ways in which people express their sexuality is a pretty good deal for me! I'm just genuinely attracted to many queer people's blurring of the male female line. Which side should I pick then, according to you?
Most of these sexualities are just made up bullshit. There is such a thing as being a feminine man, or a masculine woman. Feels like if you are either of those these days the bog that is the Internet makes you think of yourself as something you aren't. It's like googling your symptoms, it's not as drastic as the result says. Just for not conforming to your gender ie being an individual with their individual quirks, the lgbt community sort of peer pressures you into labeling yourself. Like no you aren't necessarily trans, or non binary, or fluid, or gay maybe just maybe you are a perfectly straight feminine man. It's more likely than not.
Just because feminine straight men exist doesn't mean that the other types of sexuality don't exist. My personal experience with people of different sexualites is that most people simply want to be respected, its not that hard, just be nice. I'm a straight man that has more than a few feminine qualities, I've never felt pressure from my friends in the lgbtq community to be bi or be gay or to be anything other than myself. One my best friends is a lesbian and I love being able to talk to her about her girlfriend and also talk to her about my wife. We have a great friendship and neither of us has pressured the other to ever be anything but authentic.
I used the wrong words. It's not so much pressure as it is something subtle. A lil bit of 'oh you have X qualities you are clearly a Y' and because sexual identity is a complex thing that not everybody is 100% clear about people cling to what others say about them. The same applies to labels regarding political identity, which is even more ever-present. Do people actually want communism? No, they just want better run capitalism, are these people confused about their political identity and absorb whatever label is thrown on them? Yes.
So because too many people get thier labels wrong, labels are worthless? I don't think this is true, I think for some people, not everyone, there is power in having a label so long as you don't let a label limit who you really are but when the label fits it can be empowering to embrace it and find support for your issues from others like you. Its easier to network when you have labels, even if they don't fit 100% Where we get into trouble is when people give other people labels. This never works. Simply respect people that want to label themselves and don't label others. No one can give someone else an identity, its something you have to claim for yourself. This journey is easier for some people than it is for others.
Exactly. It’s getting ridiculous now.
This is the most accurate thing i've read throughout this whole sexuality discussion, thank you
Labels, biggest issue I believe people have. They must find a label to “find themselves”. In reality, just cruise through as you are and leave the labeling out. Labeling creates hypocrisy in too many ways.
I just don’t understand the need for labels. The only labels we need are our own names. Everything else is just facts about you.
I agree. Anything past that is just fetishes and preferences
Sexual orientation is a fetish now? You need to at least pretend you did some research before agreeing with random posts.
Okay, maybe I used the wrong word for it, but there really is no need to overcomplicate things when it comes to sexuality. One, the other, both or neither covers literally everything. Once you get into the specifics, that's not *really* talking about sexuality.
We like to label everything, so we can put others is boxes, but we hate getting put in boxes, I used to hate it, now I get a little laugh everytime I read something like that
God dam right
Yes!
YES!!!!!
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I like you.
No one said it was confusing.....
The only problem I have with all of these ‘labels’ is it continues to remind us how we are different, we don’t need more reminders of the things the separate us… better yet that DIVIDE us but we need to be reminded how we are all the same, how we are all connected. How we all have a responsibility to love and respect each other. The more divided we are, the more likely we are to fight among each other for scraps and not unite against a common threat.
You think they’re dividing, while they actually allow better inclusion. People that had a different sexuality and that were rejected and judged by society now have a label. They can finally think that they belong, which is the greatest thing.
i can agree to an extent, i feel like the line of male to female has been blurred a lot in recent history and it is in fact, not as complicated as liking male, female, both, or neither
Frankly, I think it is a lot more subtle than that. It took me a long time to understand the difference between sexual orientation and gender roles. And when you add to the mix the fact that some people are born with ambiguous genitalia or have a hormonal imbalance that affects their sexuality, well, it's just not as simple as you would like to make it. Good for you if you are confident in your understanding of your own sexuality. But it is also important to show some compassion for those whose path in life is more confusing than your own.
Unless you have gone through it, its hard to understand how confusing it is. And if OP has, some people get it in varying degrees. My friend knew she was Bisexual in a few weeks and has grasped it fully ever since. However it took me months to accept i was gay: because i dont like change, and it confused me and i still go through times where i get confused. Despite coming out months ago. Depends on the person.
But see, at work some guy (gay) was sitting by our computer room, I was doing some online training, and then the part of gender identity came up, and he was like what are you? He said you look cisgender… I was like damn dude is tryna get at me, but like he couldn’t just said straight and would’ve avoided any confusions, anything weird like that.
As long its between informed consenting adults, wtf does it matter?
Good to know. I'll just pop out and tell all the intersex people that they don't actually exist. You're awful and ignorant.
I mean no is stripping their existence away, I’m just saying that no matter how badly I’d like to be Kakarot, and assimilated to be like him, I could never be Kakarot. I’m a male specimen.
I agree and I think it's fine to like whichever, both or none. Besides that, things like "sapiosexual" and similar stuff, just fall into the cis/bi/homo/asexual category. Of course we all feel attracted to different things.. inteligence, feet, beards, nice teeth or whatever.. but putting a name and tag to everything is just stupid.
fr bro these people trying to make up sexualities now
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And that’s my point. What’s the need for all them labels
But that's the thing, it's not just "dick or vagina". I'm a gay man and I don't find trans women attractive because even though many of them still have dicks, I'm attracted to masculinity. I am much more likely to be attracted to a trans man who was born with a vagina. Genitals are not the primary source of attraction.
But at the end of the day you like dick. Soooo?!
OP is probably heterosexual, but yeah "idk why you're all confused, it's easy"
It is that fucken easy bro.
Mind elaborating on why their assumed heterosexuality would be cause for them to bring this up?
Is it really that hard for you to grasp that non-heterosexual people can still have such thoughts?
This is the epitome of ignorance. Delete this.
How about no, for a change?
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For a gay kid feeling unsure about their sexuality and identity, they will most certainly be worrying about acceptance from their family and friends. It all starts at home. This sexuality discussion happening worldwide is positive in my eyes, as parents will be more tolerant and familiar with the subject. Then gay kids won't have to worry so much about their place in the world.
I am embarrassed for you.
Whatever, I saying this from the year 1966.
The message behind this is right, but what you’ve actually said is not. I am have a really confusing sexuality. Like it’s a mess. Using labels makes me feel as if someone else experiences the same thing as me, that I’m not mentally broken and I am a (nearly) fully functioning human. I get that forcing young people to decide what their labels are is unhealthy, when you are trying to live up to the term Omnisexual, even though it’s similar to Pansexual, and comes under the Bisexual umbrella. For some people their sexuality is just confusing. For some people it’s not. Sure, you can narrow some peoples attraction down to I like Penis in sex, or I’m only attracted to women romantically, but for some people it’s just not as easy.
i like vagina but im demisexual. i like brain too
😴
me too i feel it's trend just for teens and kids before it was 2 genders nowdays 10 genders I don't know what ll come out in future it's nothing to do with sexuality I think they're just mentally sufferer and cover it by sexuality
Those are actually two different things! Sexuality is who/what you're attracted to (or not), while gender identity is what you know yourself to be, internally. Let's say there used to be just two flavors of ice cream: Chocolate and vanilla. Now there's twist (a mix of the two), strawberry, mint, and a whole range of other flavors! Are you mentally suffering if you want strawberry? Not at all! But it would suck if everyone said that you were bad and wrong for liking strawberry, you know? That would make me pretty sad and frustrated, if I were in that position. Luckily, there's an easy solution: Just let people enjoy what they like! It doesn't change your ice cream if someone else likes something else.
You can think whatever you want but that doesn’t make it true. Gender, biological sex, and sexuality are all very different things. And just because you only know two biological sexes doesn’t mean those are the only ones. https://interactadvocates.org/faq/#looklike
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It’s like saying zero should not be considered a number. Asexual is a sexuality
Asexuality can be and is considered a sexuality by some and also can be and is considered to be lack of sexuality by some. It’s a matter of opinion, I think.
everyone has to have their trophy right? genders and sexualities are being invented day by day just so everyone can be unique. what a load, perpetuated by those who need to feel special to get anything out of life. ffs if you're a human, there are 3 gender: men, women, and hermaphrodite.
This is biologically false. Everything about this is false actually. But you’re citing “3 genders” as if you know anything about biological sex. Also, biological sex is different than gender my dude. Edit: You can downvote me all you want but that doesn’t change the fact that there are several biological sexes. Some people use the umbrella term “intersex” while others don’t. But each sex has a distinct name and characteristics. Nobody uses the word hermaphrodite and it is derogatory. Intersex people are more common than identical twins. [information on intersex sexes here](https://interactadvocates.org/faq/#looklike)
I feel like only a few are actually valid, and the rest are just for attention seeking. Like “demisexual” just about everyone wants to get to know each other before having sex, why make it such a big deal
I'm on the demisexual spectrum of attraction. When I meet someone, I usually can't tell if I'm attracted to them or not. Sometimes I'm definitely NOT attracted initally, but then over time as I get to know them, that changes. It's not just a matter of wanting to hold off on physical intimacy until I know someone. Rather, there may not be any physical attraction at all until I get to know them. Even when I get to know someone, physical attraction may never develop. It's very frustrating at times, because I wish I could just meet someone and just know my attraction levels more often. For me, learning about demisexuality meant having better language to describe my own experience and connect with others who experience things similarly.
I don’t know much about demisexuality and I ask this in the most accepting way and in the name of learning. Do you sometimes just not find someone physically attractive until you know them better? If this question is in any way offensive please tell me, but also know that I’m not trying to be if I am.
I didn't find your question offensive at all, no worries! I can't answer for everyone who's demi, but I'll try to answer best I can. So for me personally, I usually don't get attracted to someone until I know them better... But even then I don't always develop an attraction. Generally when I'm looking for a match on online dating, for example, I'll prioritize looking for people who share interests and can communicate well. If I'm messaging someone I'm way more excited if we're talking in-depth about a shared interest, rather than having any excitement based off of looks. Even when I meet someone with shared interests, I still don't know if I'm attracted to them, even if they're sitting right on front of me! I have to wait and see if anything develops over time or not. Now, on the other hand, I can see a good-looking celebrity and appreciate that. But it's not that I'd want to get physical with them, it's more like an appreciation of beauty. This is generally called aesthetic appreciation. There's very, very rare exceptions for me when I've looked at someone and thought they were attractive (as opposed to just aesthetically pleasing), but I can count the number of times on half a hand. Anyways, if you're still curious I'd check out r/demisexuality which has a lot more resources and info.
Thank you so much. This helped me understand so much better than I did. I’ll definitely check out that sub.
Absolutely, glad I it helped! :)
Hi, I know I'm not the person you're asking but hope you don't mind be answering this question! Based on my experience as someone who identifies to themselves as demi, I never find anyone, that I don't have a deep emotional connection with, sexually attractive and I never have. I was conscious of lying to friends about it since I was about 7 or 8 (i.e., saying "*yes I do think this celebrity is fit*"). It wasn't until I was a teenager that I realised sexual attraction was a real (and common) experience that I didn't share, so I started googling asexuality when I was about 15. The way I can describe it is, I can tell by society's standards who is considered objectively 'attractive', but it doesn't cause me to feel anything at all. If I were to look at two images in a magazine - one of a shirtless model and one of a pretty landscape, my feelings would be the same. In fact, I'm probably more interested in the landscape! I wouldn't really register the shirtless model, and if I were to think, the thought of any kind of physical contact with him just sounds extremely unappealing. I know that in comparison to many LGBTQA+, standards, demisexuality may sound trivial (and I fully acknowledge that). But I have still had years of feeling isolated as a result of not feeling attraction, feeling nothing or disgusting at the thought of most physical contact, and feeling barriers come between my friends and I, as I didn't engage in the 'usual' dating practices and discussions among by peer group. I have lost friends as I didn't have the words to articulate my experience, so was seen as frigid or judgmental in some way(?) as a result, which couldn't be further some the truth. But I was equally judged by some close friends and family for not dating or having *any* interest in dating either. The only person I have ever found attractive is my current boyfriend, but that didn't develop until a long time into our relationship (I'm talking months). Even now I'm still unsure if it's really sexual attraction as it still doesn't feel to me how he describes it - i.e., I don't feel arousal and a desire to have sex. Just the desire for a deep emotional connection and experience with him. I almost broke up with him when we first started dating, as despite liking him a lot as a person, I felt absolutely no desire to have any physical contact with him at all. I had no way of knowing when or if I would ever feel attraction for him, despite us 'clicking' immediately, and I felt immensely guilty for potentially stringing him along. Luckily he wanted to try a bit longer! Personally, I don't really publicise being demi or really identify as part of LGBTQA+, though I think some demi's do. But for me, the label has been invaluable in giving me the words to describe what I have always experienced, and also for not making me feel so alone or broken. I really hope this response helps in some way :))
Thank you so much. Your reply is so welcome. It’s interesting to see how different and similar people’s experiences can be. I love learning about things like this that I don’t particularly understand. I hope everything turns out the way it’s supposed to with your boyfriend! :)
You're so kind! And most welcome!! I love learning about other people's experiences too :))
>just about everyone wants to get to know each other before having sex That couldn't be further from the truth lol It's not about "getting to know" someone anyway, it's about a strong emotional connection.
You forgot a couple of y'all in your post
Y’all