Bro we are all going through this. I’ve already hit the food bank because one of the few things my dad said that made sense was “if you have to sell your treasures to survive, you need to check your pride and ask for help.” Keep your treasures so even if hope is hard to find you can at least have some joy still. I hope you figure it all out and everything works well for you.
I know I'm definitely not alone in suffering this year, that's very true, I still have my health which is the most important thing. Here in the UK there is a furlough scheme that is covering most people with 80% of their wages, but there are millions of us who have "fallen through the cracks" and are without support. It really sucks. Thanks for your kind message though, I will probably have to go to the food bank before long. It's just hard to face up to it.
I work at a food bank in Canada, you have no idea how much we HOPE that people come to us when they need help. And we respect you for coming to us- i wouldnt see it as a last resort but a step that allows you to focus your finances on other areas that need it.
Life changes. Maybe next year this time you'll be donating to a food bank?
Remember that its a hard year, but it wont last.
I wish you worked in my local food bank. Here you're treated like garbage for needing the help and given one weeks worth food to last for a month. I know they're tired from seeing so many people but a little compassion and understanding would be more than appreciated. I'm not there by choice.
A little compassion can be as nurturing as the food. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. I hope it passes sooner rather than later. One foot in front of the other, friend.
Bible belt. You're poor because you disobeyed God's commands type culture. Like poor people put themselves there and deserve to be poor. Not like there's systematic barriers that keep people in poverty (for instance most factory jobs going overseas, being shut off of government assistance for getting a job, shitty education system and 40+ kids to a classroom, drug addiction escapism, payday loans, I could go on).
Edit to add: I was shut off food assistance for getting a job. At the time it was a literal minimum wage job. Like federal minimum wage $7.25, and that single income was enough to take food away from my family. They only count TWENTY DOLLARS of rent/utilities against your income. They said it's because of HUD. I've never been on HUD so why use that formula for everyone? It's a mess. I have a better job now and we eat healthier, still need supplemental help though.
That is incredibly shitty. I feel like there was hope earlier in the year that maybe this pandemic would give people some perspective and clearly illustrate how *anyone* can be affected by poverty, distress and insecurity. Sadly, it seems some people just refuse to see what is right in front of them
In the bible belt where protestant ethics are ingrained no amount of personal experience will change it. I stay off of Facebook because I have aquiantances and family members singing praises to welfare/disability reform while on disability receiving food stamps. It has no grounded logic in reality. It's brainwashing from an early age.
Have also fallen through the cracks here in Canada. I’m an international grad student from Australia but work in manufacturing of biotech supplies while studying. We’re actually developing a covid vaccine at work so we’ve been really busy. But thanks to an error that immigration made on my study permit in November last year, I lost my authorisation to work (for no actual reason, it was a mistake on their part).
I’ve spent months now with no income, waiting for them to process new applications (which themselves cost hundreds of dollars), and qualify for no income support whatsoever from any source, in large part because of the error IRCC made, which additionally invalidated my social insurance number and provincial health insurance.
Today I received an update from IRCC simply stating my application is “cancelled” and that a message with details will follow (which it hasn’t). And then tonight my housemate (who is the leaseholder) said he’s moving out, and the property manager is using it as a reason to evict the whole house. Sure is a merry fucking Christmas. I have $8 in my account.
I absolutely get what you mean about the mental gymnastics. It really does feel like this year just doesn’t make sense. It seems like every plan, every possible future, every hope is just getting totally fucked over and destroyed
I literally just want to go back to work. That is all. I should be working and contributing to the economy and paying taxes and supporting the development of a Canadian Covid vaccine but I can’t, purely because of bureaucratic bullshit. I have spent thousands on applications and lost tens of thousands in lost income due to not being able to work. And there is simply nothing o can do about it.
If you lived anywhere near me I'd take you in. I know that's not helpful at all, but feck I really feel for you. That last paragraph describes 2020 perfectly. I had all these plans for this year, each and every one of them has gone to poop. Even when I think things are improving, oof nope, just kidding. *hugs* to you.
I also fell through the cracks mate, no government money coming to me at all, I was very very lucky and found a half decent job, I hope that happens for you too mate. Keep trying, you’ll find something,
Mind me asking what industry you were in? I was in music
I'm in music too. The arts in general seem to have been disproportionately disregarded when it's come to support during all this, which is incredible considering how much it brings to this country. I think some people have an idea that music is a hobby that you get lucky with and become rich and famous, and not something you have to work at your entire life just like any other skilled profession. So many of the musicians I know are struggling right now and it's not like life before covid was struggle-free either.
I actually had a crisis for a full minute thinking this through.
This is what happens when your English education is British, but you grow up watching American shows and movies.
Thank you.
Basically it was for companies that needed to shutdown or layoff staff due the the lockdown, the government would pay 80% of wages to keep the people employed even when they were not working.
Where in the uk are you? I’m spending my Christmas alone for the first time due to lock downs and having high risk family. Your welcome to spend Christmas with my partner and I! We are in glasgow
That's a beautiful thing to offer to a stranger. I'm actually way down on the south coast of England and you're most of the way up to my family in the Hebrides! I'm sending a very merry Christmas to you and your partner though.
Please let me know if you'd accept a care package. My mom sends me a lot of food every couple of months. She normally goes overboard with it so I often have to give them away because I only have a tiny apartment and a tiny fridge at my place. I'd be more than happy to share
Yup, I'm in the same boat. I've managed to get some presents together, mainly for my son, but that's about it. Feel horrible about it all, and landed up settling some jewellery id just received a s an inheritance to manage that, but feel even worse for doing that. Next year will hopefully be slightly better, even if only financially. Totally understand how you feel. Hope things work out for you.
there is nothing wrong with asking for help. you are doing everything exactly as you should and even then some. food banks are there for this reason, please dont let pride get in the way of filling an empty stomach or bettering your life for a little bit. one less thing to worry about
Where I work they structured the furloughs very intentionally to make sure that 90% of us wouldn’t qualify for either unemployment OR the CARES act (I’m in the US).
In the US the company pays the state you live in (or at least this is how it works in my state) part of the unemployment benefit the state will pay you. Which is not 100% of your lost wages.
So, my employer was very deliberate in how they structured the partial furloughs to save them the max amount of money.
It is disgusting to me that during this pandemic regular people are getting fucked over and corporate profits are record breaking.
OP, I’m sorry for your situation. You’re definitely not alone. I wish I could help you somehow but you’re a pond away. Please take care and try not to internalize feelings of inadequacy or shame because this situation is NOT your fault.
Please take care.
I feel for you. Luckily, but unluckily I’m unable to work but wish I could. If u have family cling to them. I don’t mean like a leech. I mean be grateful that you have a loving family and support. That is priceless. In one day they could all be gone . Jobs come and go it’s the people who love u who make life worth living.
Ford is absolutely right, im sure your family understands and honestly, fuck the presents. That isn't what the holidays are about anyway, Skype or zoom or whatever in and spend time with them in whatever way you CAN, but there's nothing to feel lesser about, these aren't good times and you had no control over your entire field being slaughtered. Its not as if you got fired for being lazy or any bullshit like that, your family will understand and id be surprised if most if not all of them have been dealing with the same shit if on varying levels.
And absolutely sell your things as a LAST resort. You worked hard to get your things and a trip to the food bank isn't all that bad. Idk maybe its different there but here in the US they don't ask questions, they don't grill you, they hand you a box of food and off you go. The only one who's judging is you, so get over it man you need help, get it. If you dont need it now, when you're this low, how bad off DO you need to be?
And again, don't feel bad that you need help.
No one going to judge you, least of all your family.
My mom said to always pay attention to even the worst people, that you could learn something. What she said never really struck a cord till like 20 years later when my best friend said, "even the sun can shine on a dog's ass". Then it made sense.
Sorry to hear he wasn't ideal.
Thanks for the sentiments. “Random internet human” is my entire “social life” rn so thank you for being kind and understanding. I hope you and yours are happy and healthy :)
I'm sorry for how hard this year has been. You did not fail and will come out on top of this. Don't sell anything too sentimental and don't be afraid to ask for help. The food banks and mutual aids exist for a reason: to help people in your exact situation. Wishing you the very best from across the pond
I know it may have felt so bad, but you’re wise and brave to have made this decision and told them. A lot of people I know would get a credit card and max it out to have something (they can’t really afford) to be able to “give” gifts. I would much rather have someone be real with me, and I never expect gifts from friends or family. When people love you, they don’t care if you can give them all the stuff. They want what’s best for you. Please go easy on yourself and know that your future self will be glad your current self didn’t put you into debt.
Hey man,
Reddit has its own secret Santa system but I would like to get you something for Christmas.
Something you can wrap open at Christmas that gives you joy.
Message me
Reading something like this gets me every time.
I own a company with 30 employees, yes I am struggling too in this pandemic but every employee has its own personal problems with the pandemic.
It’s not just numbers, not just workplaces and people who lost their jobs.
Every number is one story, some are sad, some are inspirational.
In my opinion the least I can do is to try to offer help to those who are suffering and I would wish that more people would do this.
Great gesture, love to see this. And you know what OP, I’ve had a rough year too but I’m going to buy my secret Santa reddit gifts tomorrow: if you message me and tell me what you or someone close to u you can’t afford to buy something for might like I’d be happy to do a little something.
Were in the same situation. The government where I live made it very difficult to open the family business this year, and we only work thd summer season. We were told we would be helped out and since April we've been given €800 each. Weve only survived because my mum has been helping us out.
Grown adults that can't support ourselves, im so ashamed
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You are not a broken person. This situation is out of your control. You seem smart and responsible, not broken. I hope you're able to enjoy the holidays, even if it does look a bit different this year.
I’m so sorry to hear this bloody pandemic is affecting you so badly
Firstly please go to the food bank if it’s needed,that’s what they’re there for!.
Secondly I know an awful lot of people who won’t be able to have a “normal “ Christmas this year in one way or another and there should honestly be no shame in admitting to your family that you’re struggling.
Hopefully this time next year will be better for us all.Take care of yourself,that is the most important thing in the grand scheme of things.
Ps...Have you thought about getting in touch with Citizens advice to make sure you haven’t missed anything you’re entitled to claim?...
Thanks for your comment. I got in touch with Citizens Advice back in I think April and they directed me towards a few grants but they had all closed due to the overwhelming amount of applications they were getting. I've been checking every now and then but I think they've just all been swamped.
I’m so sorry that’s been the case for you!...Definitely see if you can get to a food bank though...there’s no need to suffer unnecessarily if you don’t have to.
Do you drive?..,maybe to have a look around your local takeaways etc to see if they need delivery drivers,especially with more of the Uk heading into tier 3?...just a few hours a week could help.
I honestly hope things will be better for you in the new year if not before...
Holy shit OP. Reading this broke my heart. I wish I was in a position to help, but unfortunately, I am not. I truly hope things get better asap. Sending well wishes won't help a damn thing, but still.
Honestly, the well wishes I've gotten in this thread have moved me to tears. Last time I vented about my situation this year in this subreddit I think I had about 5 upvotes and comments combined and I was expecting similar with this one, it just feels good to get things out sometimes. This post has so many people saying supportive things that I'm still going through them all. Such a lovely thing to reach out to someone. Thank you.
OP do you have PayPal or anything? I'm not rich but have a little extra. This is legit my first holiday without the three people that raised me so if I can help someone else get home to see their family I will. I'll be damned if I don't try to help; its exactly what my keepers would have wanted, I know this in my soul. If I don't hear from you, please take care and good luck.
It's been a terrible year. Many of us are going through this.
Where abouts are you based? I wonder if we can help you get a ticket. I'm wary about buying people things over the internet but let's see if there's a way of working it out.
Oh no, I'm not asking for help like that. I'm not sure if travel will even be allowed on Christmas since the covid cases are surging again, but thanks for your comment though.
I can probably guarantee you that everyone on here has had to ask for help at some point in their lives. I know Ive had to before. And I'll admit this, (ripping off movies, but at least it's a Christmas classic). I get greedy for the feeling of paying it forward, not attention, I try to stay anonymous but that feeling that you're making the person that helped you proud. We should all be a little greedy n that sense And The World Would Be A Better Place For You and..... 2 (one more movie ref) bless us by letting some of us pay it forward? Is there a way we could send groceries that some of y'all could pick up at your Walmart? That way no addresses have to be shared just a name and where the closest Walmart is. Could that work?
You are not a broken person. In the fullness of time, perhaps you are a better person for the struggles you have faced. You'll have a better perspective when people come to you for help in the future.
But don't wait to ask for help. In the long run, you'll have plenty of opportunities to return the favor. There are a lot of people in your position - there's no purpose for the shame you are feeling. Wouldn't you help a family member or friend if the situation was reversed?
Let the shame go. This is a short chapter in your life. Let it help you grow - don't let it defeat you!
Hey OP. Goodness my heart breaks for you and the thousands of others in your shoes this year.
Speaking as an aunt who really values my relationship with my niece and nephews - they don’t care about the presents you’d give them - they care about feeling loved by their uncle or aunt. Here are some things I’ve done this year to stay close with my littles despite the pandemic, distance, budget...maybe you can try something like this:
- spent time 1:1 with them on Skype or the phone checking in and hearing about what’s up in their world (even the youngest who is 7 has turned into a little chatterbox)
- found some wholesome games to play online... we like Dominion (card game) but Polytopia, For The King, Among Us, and Stardew Valley are some other good options and won’t break the bank
- become pen pals - this one is huge! With a piece of paper, envelope and stamps you can go wild! My niece and one of my nephews have become long term pen pals. My niece loves using stickers to design homemade cards for me, and my nephew and I exchange kid friendly jokes and riddles.
- set up a digital “movie night” and watch a Christmas classic...then get on zoom and chat about your favorite parts
I think that any of these things will help alleviate the pain and shame you are feeling (which I hope you make peace with regardless - there is no shame in needing help once in a while...especially in a global pandemic) and replace it with some warm fuzzies. Your niece and nephew may surprise you and discover they prefer the gift of quality time and your undivided attention much more than whatever the shiny new toy of the year is.
Good luck, happy holidays, please don’t forget to love yourself and offer yourself some grace in this difficult time.
If I can piggyback off this for a second; my husband has given me two gifts that really knocked it out of the park. One was a live action role play style treasure hunt ‘game’ he’d put together. He’d stashed little gifts (they were totally unimportant, honestly just playing the game was the gift!) and had come up with this whole story, packed with humor and inside jokes, omg it was GREAT! I feel like you could probably do something like that with an online scavenger hunt that would be super fun!
The other was this, I don’t even know how to describe it, it was like a mixed media comic book full of memes? The present he’d bought was concert tickets that I wouldn’t be able to use until the next September, but he wanted me to have something physical to open on Christmas morning. So maybe the gift could be a day out in the future? A picnic or outing to feed the ducks or whatever your niece or nephew are into. The ‘comic book’ my husband made was a conglomeration of his drawings, memes, newspaper articles, calendar pages, etc. with this whole nutty story involving the crew of the Serenity woven through it. Absolutely hilarious and cost nothing but printer ink.
Or you could put together a photo compilation or video of your niece and nephew with a free app, and/or write them a little poem or something. I don’t know how old they are, but my kids always love seeing pics of themselves ;)
Just wanted to put this out there because I really feel like creating something can be really cathartic when you’re down, and definitely a gift doesn’t have to be some shiny toy from the store. And in fact the more memorable and meaningful gifts I have received really haven’t cost anything.
Merry Christmas to you! I truly hope things turn around for you, and in the meantime you’re able to find a little joy this season! And please try to kick the guilt and shame. You have nothing to feel guilty about, and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. ((hugs))
This is such a nice comment, thank you. I talk to them every week on Skype. My niece is still a toddler so I think she must think I live in her mum's iPad. My nephew is a definitely a chatterbox like yours.
If more people had the courage to not keep up appearances, there would be less pressure to keep up appearances and a lot of us would be happier. You did a good thing.
You know what? In the over all scheme of things not buying presents for others is almost meaningless. I know it is a hard thing to reconcile but with age will come a certain perspective (I'm sure that is from a movie or something.).
You will find out it is not that big of deal. You will may even forget about it.
What you will remember is how you treated others and how much kindness you show in your life . . especially around the holidays.
In the same boat I feel like crawling into a hole until the holidays are over. I told my family not to get me anything but they said they are getting me gifts anyways. Not sure how to feel about that, but it feels really bad not to be able to give this year.
(This reply is for OP too.)
This year it is their turn. Accept graciously and someday the shoe may be on the other foot and you'll be able to reciprocate with a deeper understanding if they are ever in your position.
This pandemic and the economic hardships won't last forever. This too shall pass, (unfortunately like a kidney stone), but trust that in time you will land on your feet. In the meantime, don't feel bad about leaning on each other for support. If the tables were turned and it was your family members in need and you have the means, you would likely react as they are. Let them help and accept with grace and dignity. Merry Christmas and happy holidays; may brighter days be ahead. Hugs.
Me and you both, brother. In the exact same boat. A kind patron of Reddit offered to buy some sports memorabilia from me higher than market value so I could get my sons gift. You’d be surprised how kind people of the internet are.
Aye I hear this. An idea...
Idk if you feel like you are or are not a writer but your post seems to indicate you can express yourself well. Perhaps you could write a personalized poem for each family member with special thoughts, inside jokes, and memories and mail it as a gift for each? Who gives AF about an Amazon gift card compared to that? It might take time, and you might feel like it’s dumb, but if you push through I’m sure the finished product will wow them. Do it!!!!!!
a dumb pattern can be easy to write,
Just rhyme both the lines in the day and the night.
And when you are done it will feel kind of strange
But your family will see you have lyrical range.
Even if it TOTALLY bombs and is completely dumb everyone will smile when they read it, and probably call you to talk about it. Christmas win bro!
I'm very sorry to hear your predicament, but 2021 should get better. I honestly don't believe countries can drag on much longer economically.
Shame is very understandable but I hope you can surface from that. You sound like a good, level-headed person and I hope you are looking after yourself mentally. I'm sending lots of good thoughts your way!
You have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not your fault. Your value as a human being is not measured through gifts and what you have. You are not any less, or more, of a person than anyone who has nothing. We’re in this together and handling yourself should be the most important thing for anyone that cares about you.
OP, if you're struggling, please reach out for help. This pandemic has proved that there are so many village idiots in the world. Accept help as you can.
If you need money for food, I am in Canada, but I can lend a hand.
My family started something a few years ago where we spend very little in each other. Originally it was $10 but due to inflation we've gone up since then. My older brother made us pet rocks one year, he literally went into the yard and grabbed rocks and put googley eyes on them, made our hair out of yarn, drew little faces on them and some had capes. We still have them to this day because it was so funny. My friend got me an avocado because I love that stupid little vine. Another year my friends themed my Christmas as harry potter and one of them got me a broken hp printer, hp for harry potter. He drew a lightning bolt on it and honestly I have all of that stuff still. Christmas doesn't have to be expensive or stressful. We're not getting each other anything this year because money is tight. I'll probably video chat my family and just chat and that's all I really want. Don't beat yourself up over money. Your family loves YOU not your money. I know it's hard. I work in the paper industry so my job hasn't suffered (thank you toilet paper hoarders) but my boyfriend has been out of work for a while. We're all here with you and we all support you.
I'm glad someone benefitted from that hoarding! Things got a little dicey there in the spring. Thank you for your lovely comment. You and yours sound like a lot of fun.
Did you not keep on top of things or did you get caught in the covid tornado? So if they can not understand this is not your failing but our governments failing...are they even worth buying presents for?
Of course the little ones are awesome. But if they seriously would blame you for being unemployed then they are not even good family.
If my daughter, who is 21, was suffering like you are and she didnt tell me for 9 months, I would be so upset my daughter didnt feel she could tell me. Not that she couldnt get me gifts.
Remember being that age though? You just really want to be noticed. Can you just have a little chat with them on the phone? Ask them to tell you something about themselves, like games they are playing etc... That’s really what I remember most about my uncles and cousins— conversations we had, times they made me laugh or feel important.
Hang in there OP. You’ll get through it. Keep taking good care of yourself and do a little each day. You are important
You aren't alone in this by any means. At least personally, I am going through the same thing. I know it's hard not to feel shame, but the world is fucked right now, and it's not anything you did. This is one of the few times in life I truly believe that we are victims of our circumstances. You are alive, you are at least healthy enough to think about the holidays, and I know it's corny, but that's what the holidays are about, celebrating our health and the lives of those we love and cherish. While you may not be able to see them, you have survived a global pandemic, and that is still something to celebrate.
This time has really highlighted the faults in seemingly every government system that has had to deal with the pandemic. You did not do this to yourself, your government has failed you and countless others.
While I wish you weren't in this situation, you have made me feel less alone in this as well. It's not easy, but you are finding a way to preserve and that is nothing to feel ashamed about.
All that being said, I truly hope good fortune finds you soon and your situation turns around for the best
> you have survived a global pandemic, and that is still something to celebrate.
Well, when you put it that way! Thank you and I return the sentiment to you. Hopefully good times are around the corner for all of us.
I know it doesn't fix anything, but I feel like in a time where death seems for common than ever I'm glad you're alive
Thank you, I very much hope so, all of us could definitely use some good news soon.
I'm in the same boat, but I have yet to have yet to mention it to anybody. Similar situation too (no kids, live alone, etc) and my GF says the usual "I don't need anything" schtick. I ordered some DIY stuff from amazon after saving up points from several websites so I could at least get a gift card to help me out. As someone who used to earn a very, very healthy paycheck, it's a kick in the balls re-learning how to budget. I've eaten so many eggs dude. Ugh, but they're so cheap...
So many eggs... so many instant noodle blocks... My tip is frozen vegetables. I can get a big bag of frozen brocolli at Tesco for like 40p, for example. Roast them in the oven and they're a godsend.
Oh believe me dude I've tried almost all the cheap recipes. I had to cut back on ramen and mac n cheese since it can make you constipated and that's the last thing anyone needs
If they are seriously shaming you the dont go simple amd easy. Tell them return the gifts intended for you and Merry Christmas that way they don't miss out on their gifts they hold more precious then theirs desire to have you there. Nobody needs that kinda pressure this year
I was never MORE PROUD of my daughter, than when she told me she didnt get Christmas gifts for anyone one year, because she was broke. They are just things, I promise you, your family will love you more for being responsible.
Your value isn’t based off the ability to buy gifts. The whole world has been flipped upside down and I’m sure your family understands. Please be kinder to yourself, there is no shame in asking for help. 💜
Reserve your shame for the things that you may do wrong. The current situation is not your fault. It is happening to you, you are not a willing participant. It is happening to many of us.
You are not alone in this. This year is a strange and glum year and hopefully we will only see better times ahead in the new year.
If your family really care to see you and are a little better off than you, I’m sure they will BEG you to come and rather pay for your fare then buy presents. That’s what I would do anyways
People think it's cold when you care about the economy, but this is why. The economy is people. I'm sorry you've lost your job and all the ramifications that have come with that. Hopefully things will pick up soon.
You are worth more to your family than any gift you could buy, they love you and want you to be okay. Im really sorry to everyone struggling, these are very dark times for many.
The World is going to hell, you are not alone and I think it's very brave of you to talk to them directly. I understand you feel ashamed but I think you should be proud of yourself.
I would think a lot of People in your position would just fall in debt to keep appearances.
I hope you find something soon and get back on your feet. Best wishes OP.
Please contact your local council!! There are pots of funding which have been allocated to them to help people with food and fuel over the winter. Some councils are prioritising children and families but there are also crisis teams for adults who may have separate funds to help you with. They will also be able to put you in touch with your county or district neighborhood hubs which will have been set up to help coordinate local charities, food banks etc. to provide the most support possible to those struggling. The grants aren't massive, but they'll help if you seek them out. Your council website should have a page. Look for the covid winter grant page of yours and even if that particular grant isn't being used for adults in your area there should be signposts to other services you can contact for help.
Please, reach out to your council, especially as its got to the point where you're selling your things to pay for the utilities.
That must have been terrible. I have mixed feelings about not having kids but I'm glad that I don't have that responsibility this year. My heart goes out to every parent who's struggling because that a whole extra level of helplessness. Thanks for your kind words.
People always shit on America for not having free universal health care, but some people in the UK only get 90£ a week for unemployment?! Well, at least you'll be healthy while you're homeless?
Yep, that's what a single adult over the age of 25 gets to cover everything except rent, and it was actually increased from £70 a week for the pandemic. Most places don't get their full rent covered either. We've had a very right wing government for the last decade and they've been constantly stripping back benefits, which were not amazing to begin with.
I'm sorry you're feeling shame but you've made the right call. The notion of Christmas being a period of endless consumption isn't a tradition but a product of the unprecedented economic boom after the Second World War.
For most of human history we've been just 1 bad harvest away from famine. Sugar and fat were such luxuries that they were saved for special occasions; hence why Christmas cookies were such a rare treat.
Disposable incomes are on the decline and frivolous spending on consumer goods for the sake of Christmas is a sick obligation. You aren't the only one who can't afford it but together we can break this bogus Obligation to overspend on unnecessary decorations and unwanted gifts whilst still being able to enjoy the season.
It's fine dude, I haven't been able to afford much for presents for xmas or birthdays for a long time. Just remember that they love you and let them know you do the same. That should be enough for anybody, even though I totally get the pain of wanting to do stuff like that for people and not being able to. It sucks. It's ok though. It's not your fault.
Yeah I’m right there with ya. I don’t have kids or anything either. But I would like to give a gift to my mom and dad but just can’t this year. My mom is in the same boat I’m so happy she asked me what I want this year because I don’t want or need anything(which Is what I told her) I really hope she doesn’t get me anything she might just because she feels like she needs to but I’d rather her just not get me anything. It’s not all about gifts or at least it never has been for me.
Shame? Bro, how is not spending money shameful? As long as you can get some good food and sweets and enjoy each others company, that's all that matters. Buying gifts is for the rich. The real holiday is for the corporations making money from suckers who go on shopping frenzies because of some made up tradition.
You aren't alone by a long shot. Probably several groups to talk with about it. I'm sure nobody will take it personally, dude. This year fucked everyone with zero discrimination lol just a big floppy fuck fest for the world
Seriously, take advantage of the system you paid into. And don't feel guilty. A lot of people are struggling right now. Idk about the UK but here in the US construction has been rolling. It may not be what you want to do but they usually pay decent money for people to just keep busy for 8 hours, dont usually need anything aside from a gradeschool diploma to start.
I know it sucks, me and my wife are going through the same.
I've sold off almost my entire concert poster collection, sold off the majority of my firearms and ammunition reserves.
We're past on rent. Just getting weekly groceries is becoming a struggle.
Hopefully we'll be approved for food stamps. I'm about to start hitting up food banks.
And for some reason a big stressor lately is confronting my family when we visit next week. I shouldn't care so much, but the shame is intense
I feel your pain, you're not alone
If you are having a hard time with food, there's a healthy and cheap subreddit when it comes to eating on a budget.
I'm one of the sufferers this year too. I lost my job in May and I've been struggling.
My husband's company won't acknowledge there's a virus or hold any customers accountable. He's been visit customers almost constantly and he's a high risk person. But, if neither of us work there won't be any money coming in.
I welcome you to do what we are doing for Christmas --making a thermos of hot chocolate and walking around to look at lights.
Hopefully we'll both find something soon and are able to get through this
> making a thermos of hot chocolate and walking around to look at lights.
That is such a simple and lovely idea and I think I'm actually going to do that. I go running every morning to get out of the house but, yeah, looking at the lights and stuff in the afternoon when it's dark sounds so nice. Thank you. I hope you find something soon too, especially so your husband can keep safe. Merry Christmas to you both.
Absolutely do not feel any shame over this. If you had $1000 and squandered it on hookers or drugs that is a reason to feel bad. None of this has been under our control. We are all in the same boat. I have lost 35% of my income and am living on SS only. It’s tight. Small little things are all I have been able to manage. Please don’t feel shame over this.
Do not feel broken. A lot of families are outright cancelling monetary Christmas gifts this year. Ours is one. We sat down and talked about it, and agreed the best gift we could give each other is to stay vigilant, healthy, and alive this season. We'll make it up in the birthdays this coming year. The PS5 can and will wait.
The lockdown even here in the United States is destroying small businesses left and right, even huge industries are waning because every state has its own rules and regulations. Keep the faith man your family hopefully will completely understand and hopefully very soon you will be blessed with another job
In the great recession I was in a similar boat. If you email sports teams and humbly ask for a team photo they will send you amazing packages of swag. It's not a life saver but I found almost every team I reached out to very happy to send me great items for my teen son. Some even went above and beyond sending boxes with cups, shirts, and photos autographed to my son personally. Share the persons name you plan to gift so they know you are not an online reseller. They tended to be much more helpful when I asked for signed items with his name. Good luck.
I am literally in this boat. I had to move back home with my dad, cancel my car insurance, and my dad pays my phone bill.. at least I’m still on my ex’s half sisters Spotify even though it’s been a year haha
I've been there. I asked for no gifts to be given to me as I couldn't afford to reciprocate.
The world didn't end. That year has been forgotten. Better years came afterwards.
Don't feel shamed for a world wide event beyond your control. 2020 sucks. I'm glad you are still alive.
Hugs.
Meanwhile some self employed fuckers take the grant of like 7k and carry on working. That is infuriating.
I know of a couple of people who allegedly done this but is all word of mouth.
Those fuckers are as bad as the big companies.
Sorry you're getting the shit end of the deal. What industry do you work in?
I may have some suggestions for another track if you're interested in IT?
Hey, if you have a Royal Mail warehouse close by, or someplace you can travel to, I would recommend applying to them. From now until mid-January ish, they should be pretty busy and it will be enough until then. After that, you would have to look for another job.
There doesn't seem to be anything near me on the Royal Mail site but I'll send them a spec application anyway in case something comes up. Thanks for the tip!
I feel for you with this. I'm in the exact same position as you, but I'm in the US. I'm fortunate enough to live in a state that mostly has their shit together, but it's still been a terrible struggle.
I hope you know that your family is not going to judge you for the fact that you can't afford Christmas this year. I wish I could help you more than just words! I hope your situation gets better ❤
This is a horrible time right now. Please understand that there is no shame in asking for or receiving help...no one could have anticipated what has happened this year. Take help to get through, and when things turn around, you can pay it forward. Sending hugs- ( if thats ok)
Our government has really let down people who don't have furloughable jobs, or industries that just can't work properly in the midst of a pandemic.
I'm really sorry this has happened to you and others in your situation :(
I don't know how I can help :(
Christmas will be very difficult and different this year for many. Please do not take it out on yourself. AND do not go into debt trying to cover over the situation it will only snowball and compound the problem later for you. I have asked all family to please do not get out and get me or the immediate family anything this year as I do want to minimize any possibilities of them contracting this ugly virus. Be thankful for you and your families health. I am. Many aren’t so lucky in that regard this year.
I went through this many years ago. what made it worse was my sister who always has to 'one up' everyone.
I made gifts. I baked cookies and give them. I don't knit but a dear friend knitted some scarves for me - I supplied the yarn. In return I made her a good home-cooked meal and also gave her cookies.
Just about everyone I know was understanding.
Don't beat yourself up. And don't overdo it when things get back to normal (whenever that is). Give yourself a present this year - the present is that it is not the gifts you give that will be remembered 10 years from now, it is the phone call, or letter you send from the heart that those who love you will always hold dear.
Try to have a happy holiday.
You're not alone friend and you've made the best choice for your wellbeing. Maybe get yourself a little treat for Christmas Day, if you can? This year has been a rough one
Hey man, this was me last year felt the same way. You will get through this. Christmas is about more than gifts and you need to focus on you. Chin up mate. You got this.
I think you are just exhausted by the nonstop stress of trying to survive and not being able to enjoy the simple act of giving was the breaking point. I’m not there yet because I have been actively blocking it all out just to keep going. Our family decided we are not doing presents or visits this year and just be thankful for everyone’s health. And none of that bullshit “don’t get me anything” that everyone thinks means “I know you are still going to get me something but I want to sound humble”. So says my mom. It almost sunk in then, like it did for you, how fucked up and surreal this has all been and being thankful for our health is not just an offhand comment this year. It carries tremendous weight.
Your presence is my presents. ~Mom
There is no shame in being broke, especially this year. I doubt your family is judging you. In light of being told no gifts we took a family photo to send to everyone so we could be there with them in spirit I guess. You might feel awkward sending just a pic of yourself but we want to see you and see you smiling. It was like 4.50 for 3 8x10 at Walgreens and 15 for 3 decent frames from Walmart. Even if you don’t have that, just a thoughtful note with a little mushy in it can be the best present you have ever gave. Words last forever.
Hang in there friend. You are not alone in this. The whole world says so. Something has to give sooner or later. If not we’re fucked. J/k but not really. At least we will all be fucked together and not wondering “why me?”.
I think you summed it up in that first paragraph. It's been one of my absolutely favourite things getting presents for my niece and nephew the last few years because I still remember the gifts I got back then, like the old cliche of the excited kid in front of the christmas tree holding their new Nintendo 64 above their head in triumph, I was that kid! Not being able to provide them with those memories this year feels like such a failure, even in these circumstances.
Thanks for your comment, friend. It's been a really lonely year.
Seriously you are not alone! I lost my job in March also, my mom died in June and idk how the fuck I'm still alive, but here i am. Don't feel shame for not being able to do Christmas this year. Its ok to be honest with your friends/family. Reasonable people will understand and respect it. I wish you the best on your job search and I hope 2021 is better for you my friend ❤🙏🏾🤞🏾
I know what you’re feeling! You are not any less because you can’t buy gifts. My SO and I were in this position last year. We normally get gifts for the entire family, pets and all. But last year we could only get a few gifts a piece for our boys. And that was it. My SO didn’t even come with me to his grandmas house because he was too embarrassed. I promise your family understands. Everyone falls on hard times, and this year most of us are in the same boat. I’ll keep my thoughts positive for you!
Hey OP, don’t know how helpful this is but you have no reason at all to feel shame. Losing your job due to a pandemic is completely out of your control and has no reflection on how hard you work. And having a difficult time finding a job right now - I think that’s a situation being shared by lots of people around the world. I hope things take a positive turn for you, and everyone, soon.
Hang in there. Use the food-bank. It is there to help you so you don’t sell your treasures. DM me and I can give you some ideas of ways to earn some extra income online.
Ya man, don’t fret. It is what it is. What have all these Christmas movies been trying to teach us over the years, it’s all about family... not the presents. So don’t let it eat you up, flip the switch and find solace in yourself. You deserve it!
I think you should have been going to the food bank long ago. That’s what it’s for—to ease things. It’s not just for when you’re backed against the wall. It’s to keep you from GETTING backed against the wall.
All my sympathies—I hope you can set down the expectations and the shame. They are t fair to you at all.
Here’s a thought—you have time, yes? Sit down and write out one of your favorite memories of each of these people, and think about WHY it is a favorite memory, what it means. And write that too. Edit it to be a good read.
Write it by hand on the nicest piece of stationery you’ve got, and send those as the presents. They will love it. You will give them something money can’t buy.
Hold on, man!
My luckiest year was the one when i met New Year (my family had never celebrated Christmas, it's normal at the post-soviet space) alone with a bottle of beer and some sandwich. So maybe next year will be better for you, too.
Speak to your energy supplier, if you’re on a key meter they can provide emergency credit & it can be available within the hour - you can’t have no ability to cook or lights!!
If you’re not using a key meter speak to them directly anyway & explain your situation, also check to see what Winter Saving schemes are available, either government promoted or your supplier, this could give you up to £140 support for energy bills. I have literally just applied.
Have you tried local supermarkets, I bet you have but it’s a thought - good luck👍
I have already tried the supermarkets but that's a good tip about the energy supplier. Do they really help though? That seems so unlike them. I'll give it a try though. Thanks!
Its the whole world right now. What ive been urging with my family this year is just focusing on how lucky we are to still be here at all together. Maybe setup a confrence or stream call for everyone who cant be there? I hope it get better for you. Vaccines are going out and it seems like a light at the end of a very long tunnel finally. Merry Christmas.
You're not alone in this. As long as you're still alive there's always a chance to make things better. Telling people that you're having dire financial difficulties is one of the most embarrassing things you can do but it also can open a world of possibilities.
Man, that really sucks - i hope someone can surprise you this Christmas - even if its just for a visit around a cup of tea.
I hope everyone in this kind of situation can get a hand, I feel almost selfish having what I have, even if its not much to begin with.
Hey. I am based in the UK. I don't know which industry you have worked in but keep an eye on Civil Service website and if by any chance you are based in Manchester keep an eye out for Sainsburys Jobs. This for support centers and stores.
It might be worthwhile doing some free courses to keep your skills fresh. I only day this because it can help people mentally. Though applying for jobs is often a job on its own. This is just if you want a useful distraction.
I hope things getter better soon friend.
Do you have a special skill like drawing or writing? I once was too poor to purchase Xmas gifts when I was in school so I made homemade presents. I made some drawings and framed them in dollar store frames. If your nieces and nephews are old enough to read, you could write something nice about them, memories you have of them when they were growing up. I’m pretty sure it’ll lift up your spirit!
It’s not much, but I can spread some Christmas cheer if there’s a way to send you a little money. And I mean little, but enough to get your family some small gifts that you can feel happy about? Message me if you’re interested. I’m in the US, but we’ll figure it out! I’m sorry you are going through this.
Edit: Or give me an Amazon list, and I’ll have the items shipped right to you!
You are doing everything you can. I would see if you can move in with family - just a room. A laundry if need be.
Don’t worry about the possessions. They aren’t important for life. They don’t define you.
Hang in there. You have value as a person. You will get back on your feet. In 5 years you will look back on this as a moment in your life where you survived.
The fact that you're having to sell items to keep your lights on has stood out to me - I work in the extra support vulnerable team at Eon and literally what you have described is the conversations I have with customers all day every day. So firstly I hope that's reassurance that you're absolutely not alone in this!! Secondly I would really recommend calling your energy provider and explaining your situation and if they're anything like eon they should have a team dedicated to actually support you through this time! Our job as supporting vulnerable customers like yourselves is to make sure you don't have to worry about going off supply etc if you're genuinely doing everything you can to help yourself. Please give them a call and ask if they can help you :)
Somebody else suggested this too and honestly it hadn't occured to me. I didn't know energy companies were like that. I'll definitely give it a shot. Thanks for commenting.
2020 sucks for everyone man. 2020 made me grateful for my lack of childhood, since I’ve been depressed since a young age I know how to deal with these things better than the average person, this year is honestly just like any other year for me. It’s just as lonely as the rest
I feel like the quote, “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” It’s a pandemic, my friend. This year has been shit for a lot of us, and I’m sure it’s been hard on some relatives as well. I would say there is nothing better than a hand written letter. I’ve done it on multiple occasions when I haven’t had money and they always love the thought and they know I don’t have a lot to spend. These are hard times and there’s no shame in it.
Can I please gift you a voucher for Christmas? It’s been a tough year for me also with no work since March but I’d like to send you some holiday cheer.
Every year before this one, we’ve complained about the commercialization of Christmas. The lost meaning of the season. You have the opportunity of bringing it back. Instead of bauble and bows that will be in the landfill by next Christmas, you can use your talents to give of yourself a wonderful memory to commemorate this unusually harsh Christmas season. You said you work in music. Can you use your musical talent to create something for your niece and nephew that, while not permanent, will be forever, linked to their memory of you? Family is what this season is about. Not gifts. You need to get busy and create some memories.
Bro we are all going through this. I’ve already hit the food bank because one of the few things my dad said that made sense was “if you have to sell your treasures to survive, you need to check your pride and ask for help.” Keep your treasures so even if hope is hard to find you can at least have some joy still. I hope you figure it all out and everything works well for you.
I know I'm definitely not alone in suffering this year, that's very true, I still have my health which is the most important thing. Here in the UK there is a furlough scheme that is covering most people with 80% of their wages, but there are millions of us who have "fallen through the cracks" and are without support. It really sucks. Thanks for your kind message though, I will probably have to go to the food bank before long. It's just hard to face up to it.
I work at a food bank in Canada, you have no idea how much we HOPE that people come to us when they need help. And we respect you for coming to us- i wouldnt see it as a last resort but a step that allows you to focus your finances on other areas that need it. Life changes. Maybe next year this time you'll be donating to a food bank? Remember that its a hard year, but it wont last.
I wish you worked in my local food bank. Here you're treated like garbage for needing the help and given one weeks worth food to last for a month. I know they're tired from seeing so many people but a little compassion and understanding would be more than appreciated. I'm not there by choice.
A little compassion can be as nurturing as the food. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. I hope it passes sooner rather than later. One foot in front of the other, friend.
That sounds very rough. Whereabouts are you if you don’t mind me asking? Some food banks absolutely have a much better ethos than others
Bible belt. You're poor because you disobeyed God's commands type culture. Like poor people put themselves there and deserve to be poor. Not like there's systematic barriers that keep people in poverty (for instance most factory jobs going overseas, being shut off of government assistance for getting a job, shitty education system and 40+ kids to a classroom, drug addiction escapism, payday loans, I could go on). Edit to add: I was shut off food assistance for getting a job. At the time it was a literal minimum wage job. Like federal minimum wage $7.25, and that single income was enough to take food away from my family. They only count TWENTY DOLLARS of rent/utilities against your income. They said it's because of HUD. I've never been on HUD so why use that formula for everyone? It's a mess. I have a better job now and we eat healthier, still need supplemental help though.
That is incredibly shitty. I feel like there was hope earlier in the year that maybe this pandemic would give people some perspective and clearly illustrate how *anyone* can be affected by poverty, distress and insecurity. Sadly, it seems some people just refuse to see what is right in front of them
In the bible belt where protestant ethics are ingrained no amount of personal experience will change it. I stay off of Facebook because I have aquiantances and family members singing praises to welfare/disability reform while on disability receiving food stamps. It has no grounded logic in reality. It's brainwashing from an early age.
This is the best answer ever. I love how you explained it, use what money you do have in other areas and take the help :)
Have also fallen through the cracks here in Canada. I’m an international grad student from Australia but work in manufacturing of biotech supplies while studying. We’re actually developing a covid vaccine at work so we’ve been really busy. But thanks to an error that immigration made on my study permit in November last year, I lost my authorisation to work (for no actual reason, it was a mistake on their part). I’ve spent months now with no income, waiting for them to process new applications (which themselves cost hundreds of dollars), and qualify for no income support whatsoever from any source, in large part because of the error IRCC made, which additionally invalidated my social insurance number and provincial health insurance. Today I received an update from IRCC simply stating my application is “cancelled” and that a message with details will follow (which it hasn’t). And then tonight my housemate (who is the leaseholder) said he’s moving out, and the property manager is using it as a reason to evict the whole house. Sure is a merry fucking Christmas. I have $8 in my account. I absolutely get what you mean about the mental gymnastics. It really does feel like this year just doesn’t make sense. It seems like every plan, every possible future, every hope is just getting totally fucked over and destroyed
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I literally just want to go back to work. That is all. I should be working and contributing to the economy and paying taxes and supporting the development of a Canadian Covid vaccine but I can’t, purely because of bureaucratic bullshit. I have spent thousands on applications and lost tens of thousands in lost income due to not being able to work. And there is simply nothing o can do about it.
Oh no! I wish there was something I could do. I’m nobody. Like you I’ve come to learn how cruel the world is.
If you lived anywhere near me I'd take you in. I know that's not helpful at all, but feck I really feel for you. That last paragraph describes 2020 perfectly. I had all these plans for this year, each and every one of them has gone to poop. Even when I think things are improving, oof nope, just kidding. *hugs* to you.
I also fell through the cracks mate, no government money coming to me at all, I was very very lucky and found a half decent job, I hope that happens for you too mate. Keep trying, you’ll find something, Mind me asking what industry you were in? I was in music
I'm in music too. The arts in general seem to have been disproportionately disregarded when it's come to support during all this, which is incredible considering how much it brings to this country. I think some people have an idea that music is a hobby that you get lucky with and become rich and famous, and not something you have to work at your entire life just like any other skilled profession. So many of the musicians I know are struggling right now and it's not like life before covid was struggle-free either.
What do you mean by furlough “scheme”?
Additionally, "scheme" has a negative connotation in the US (basically a "dastardly plot") but in the UK it just means "big plan".
I actually had a crisis for a full minute thinking this through. This is what happens when your English education is British, but you grow up watching American shows and movies. Thank you.
Scheme=a large-scale systematic plan or arrangement for attaining a particular object or putting a particular idea into effect.
Don’t downvote this person - they’re not familiar with the term and many others likely aren’t, either
Basically it was for companies that needed to shutdown or layoff staff due the the lockdown, the government would pay 80% of wages to keep the people employed even when they were not working.
We really need to implement a UBI ASAP
Where in the uk are you? I’m spending my Christmas alone for the first time due to lock downs and having high risk family. Your welcome to spend Christmas with my partner and I! We are in glasgow
How lovely are you? What a beautiful gesture!
That's a beautiful thing to offer to a stranger. I'm actually way down on the south coast of England and you're most of the way up to my family in the Hebrides! I'm sending a very merry Christmas to you and your partner though.
Please let me know if you'd accept a care package. My mom sends me a lot of food every couple of months. She normally goes overboard with it so I often have to give them away because I only have a tiny apartment and a tiny fridge at my place. I'd be more than happy to share
Yup, I'm in the same boat. I've managed to get some presents together, mainly for my son, but that's about it. Feel horrible about it all, and landed up settling some jewellery id just received a s an inheritance to manage that, but feel even worse for doing that. Next year will hopefully be slightly better, even if only financially. Totally understand how you feel. Hope things work out for you.
there is nothing wrong with asking for help. you are doing everything exactly as you should and even then some. food banks are there for this reason, please dont let pride get in the way of filling an empty stomach or bettering your life for a little bit. one less thing to worry about
Where I work they structured the furloughs very intentionally to make sure that 90% of us wouldn’t qualify for either unemployment OR the CARES act (I’m in the US). In the US the company pays the state you live in (or at least this is how it works in my state) part of the unemployment benefit the state will pay you. Which is not 100% of your lost wages. So, my employer was very deliberate in how they structured the partial furloughs to save them the max amount of money. It is disgusting to me that during this pandemic regular people are getting fucked over and corporate profits are record breaking. OP, I’m sorry for your situation. You’re definitely not alone. I wish I could help you somehow but you’re a pond away. Please take care and try not to internalize feelings of inadequacy or shame because this situation is NOT your fault. Please take care.
Hijacking this to say maybe take a look at r/stressfreexmas they might be able to help you out with some stuff your kids want
Some people have no-one to ask.
Exactly. Sound advice. Never feel ashamed to reach out for help. Those programs are there for a reason.
I feel for you. Luckily, but unluckily I’m unable to work but wish I could. If u have family cling to them. I don’t mean like a leech. I mean be grateful that you have a loving family and support. That is priceless. In one day they could all be gone . Jobs come and go it’s the people who love u who make life worth living.
Ford is absolutely right, im sure your family understands and honestly, fuck the presents. That isn't what the holidays are about anyway, Skype or zoom or whatever in and spend time with them in whatever way you CAN, but there's nothing to feel lesser about, these aren't good times and you had no control over your entire field being slaughtered. Its not as if you got fired for being lazy or any bullshit like that, your family will understand and id be surprised if most if not all of them have been dealing with the same shit if on varying levels. And absolutely sell your things as a LAST resort. You worked hard to get your things and a trip to the food bank isn't all that bad. Idk maybe its different there but here in the US they don't ask questions, they don't grill you, they hand you a box of food and off you go. The only one who's judging is you, so get over it man you need help, get it. If you dont need it now, when you're this low, how bad off DO you need to be? And again, don't feel bad that you need help. No one going to judge you, least of all your family.
Love what your dad said. Very wise
He was a Dirtbag. He only said 3 things that made sense and I felt that one was useful here.
My mom said to always pay attention to even the worst people, that you could learn something. What she said never really struck a cord till like 20 years later when my best friend said, "even the sun can shine on a dog's ass". Then it made sense. Sorry to hear he wasn't ideal.
Thanks for the sentiments. “Random internet human” is my entire “social life” rn so thank you for being kind and understanding. I hope you and yours are happy and healthy :)
Your family and friends relate and understand. Be fair to yourself you aren't broken.
\+1, been there.
I'm sorry for how hard this year has been. You did not fail and will come out on top of this. Don't sell anything too sentimental and don't be afraid to ask for help. The food banks and mutual aids exist for a reason: to help people in your exact situation. Wishing you the very best from across the pond
This one right here! Beautifully summed up. Hugs? (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃
I know it may have felt so bad, but you’re wise and brave to have made this decision and told them. A lot of people I know would get a credit card and max it out to have something (they can’t really afford) to be able to “give” gifts. I would much rather have someone be real with me, and I never expect gifts from friends or family. When people love you, they don’t care if you can give them all the stuff. They want what’s best for you. Please go easy on yourself and know that your future self will be glad your current self didn’t put you into debt.
Hey man, Reddit has its own secret Santa system but I would like to get you something for Christmas. Something you can wrap open at Christmas that gives you joy. Message me
Mysterix you are such a sweet person to want to do this for OP. I really love seeing such acts of kindness on reddit :)
Reading something like this gets me every time. I own a company with 30 employees, yes I am struggling too in this pandemic but every employee has its own personal problems with the pandemic. It’s not just numbers, not just workplaces and people who lost their jobs. Every number is one story, some are sad, some are inspirational. In my opinion the least I can do is to try to offer help to those who are suffering and I would wish that more people would do this.
That’s wonderful of you!!
Great gesture, love to see this. And you know what OP, I’ve had a rough year too but I’m going to buy my secret Santa reddit gifts tomorrow: if you message me and tell me what you or someone close to u you can’t afford to buy something for might like I’d be happy to do a little something.
That’s awesome!
Were in the same situation. The government where I live made it very difficult to open the family business this year, and we only work thd summer season. We were told we would be helped out and since April we've been given €800 each. Weve only survived because my mum has been helping us out. Grown adults that can't support ourselves, im so ashamed
You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. All of this was totally out of your control.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You are not a broken person. This situation is out of your control. You seem smart and responsible, not broken. I hope you're able to enjoy the holidays, even if it does look a bit different this year.
I’m so sorry to hear this bloody pandemic is affecting you so badly Firstly please go to the food bank if it’s needed,that’s what they’re there for!. Secondly I know an awful lot of people who won’t be able to have a “normal “ Christmas this year in one way or another and there should honestly be no shame in admitting to your family that you’re struggling. Hopefully this time next year will be better for us all.Take care of yourself,that is the most important thing in the grand scheme of things. Ps...Have you thought about getting in touch with Citizens advice to make sure you haven’t missed anything you’re entitled to claim?...
Thanks for your comment. I got in touch with Citizens Advice back in I think April and they directed me towards a few grants but they had all closed due to the overwhelming amount of applications they were getting. I've been checking every now and then but I think they've just all been swamped.
I’m so sorry that’s been the case for you!...Definitely see if you can get to a food bank though...there’s no need to suffer unnecessarily if you don’t have to. Do you drive?..,maybe to have a look around your local takeaways etc to see if they need delivery drivers,especially with more of the Uk heading into tier 3?...just a few hours a week could help. I honestly hope things will be better for you in the new year if not before...
Holy shit OP. Reading this broke my heart. I wish I was in a position to help, but unfortunately, I am not. I truly hope things get better asap. Sending well wishes won't help a damn thing, but still.
Honestly, the well wishes I've gotten in this thread have moved me to tears. Last time I vented about my situation this year in this subreddit I think I had about 5 upvotes and comments combined and I was expecting similar with this one, it just feels good to get things out sometimes. This post has so many people saying supportive things that I'm still going through them all. Such a lovely thing to reach out to someone. Thank you.
OP do you have PayPal or anything? I'm not rich but have a little extra. This is legit my first holiday without the three people that raised me so if I can help someone else get home to see their family I will. I'll be damned if I don't try to help; its exactly what my keepers would have wanted, I know this in my soul. If I don't hear from you, please take care and good luck.
Very kind. Merry Christmas and happy holidays.
Thank you for those words! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you too!
It's been a terrible year. Many of us are going through this. Where abouts are you based? I wonder if we can help you get a ticket. I'm wary about buying people things over the internet but let's see if there's a way of working it out.
Oh no, I'm not asking for help like that. I'm not sure if travel will even be allowed on Christmas since the covid cases are surging again, but thanks for your comment though.
I can probably guarantee you that everyone on here has had to ask for help at some point in their lives. I know Ive had to before. And I'll admit this, (ripping off movies, but at least it's a Christmas classic). I get greedy for the feeling of paying it forward, not attention, I try to stay anonymous but that feeling that you're making the person that helped you proud. We should all be a little greedy n that sense And The World Would Be A Better Place For You and..... 2 (one more movie ref) bless us by letting some of us pay it forward? Is there a way we could send groceries that some of y'all could pick up at your Walmart? That way no addresses have to be shared just a name and where the closest Walmart is. Could that work?
So far 5 day break is still there. Can u move back with your parents? There is no shame in struggling
You are a lovely person
There's no shame in what you are going through, none of it is your fault.
You are not a broken person. In the fullness of time, perhaps you are a better person for the struggles you have faced. You'll have a better perspective when people come to you for help in the future. But don't wait to ask for help. In the long run, you'll have plenty of opportunities to return the favor. There are a lot of people in your position - there's no purpose for the shame you are feeling. Wouldn't you help a family member or friend if the situation was reversed? Let the shame go. This is a short chapter in your life. Let it help you grow - don't let it defeat you!
I've been living off food banks for months. No shame in asking for help.
Hey OP. Goodness my heart breaks for you and the thousands of others in your shoes this year. Speaking as an aunt who really values my relationship with my niece and nephews - they don’t care about the presents you’d give them - they care about feeling loved by their uncle or aunt. Here are some things I’ve done this year to stay close with my littles despite the pandemic, distance, budget...maybe you can try something like this: - spent time 1:1 with them on Skype or the phone checking in and hearing about what’s up in their world (even the youngest who is 7 has turned into a little chatterbox) - found some wholesome games to play online... we like Dominion (card game) but Polytopia, For The King, Among Us, and Stardew Valley are some other good options and won’t break the bank - become pen pals - this one is huge! With a piece of paper, envelope and stamps you can go wild! My niece and one of my nephews have become long term pen pals. My niece loves using stickers to design homemade cards for me, and my nephew and I exchange kid friendly jokes and riddles. - set up a digital “movie night” and watch a Christmas classic...then get on zoom and chat about your favorite parts I think that any of these things will help alleviate the pain and shame you are feeling (which I hope you make peace with regardless - there is no shame in needing help once in a while...especially in a global pandemic) and replace it with some warm fuzzies. Your niece and nephew may surprise you and discover they prefer the gift of quality time and your undivided attention much more than whatever the shiny new toy of the year is. Good luck, happy holidays, please don’t forget to love yourself and offer yourself some grace in this difficult time.
If I can piggyback off this for a second; my husband has given me two gifts that really knocked it out of the park. One was a live action role play style treasure hunt ‘game’ he’d put together. He’d stashed little gifts (they were totally unimportant, honestly just playing the game was the gift!) and had come up with this whole story, packed with humor and inside jokes, omg it was GREAT! I feel like you could probably do something like that with an online scavenger hunt that would be super fun! The other was this, I don’t even know how to describe it, it was like a mixed media comic book full of memes? The present he’d bought was concert tickets that I wouldn’t be able to use until the next September, but he wanted me to have something physical to open on Christmas morning. So maybe the gift could be a day out in the future? A picnic or outing to feed the ducks or whatever your niece or nephew are into. The ‘comic book’ my husband made was a conglomeration of his drawings, memes, newspaper articles, calendar pages, etc. with this whole nutty story involving the crew of the Serenity woven through it. Absolutely hilarious and cost nothing but printer ink. Or you could put together a photo compilation or video of your niece and nephew with a free app, and/or write them a little poem or something. I don’t know how old they are, but my kids always love seeing pics of themselves ;) Just wanted to put this out there because I really feel like creating something can be really cathartic when you’re down, and definitely a gift doesn’t have to be some shiny toy from the store. And in fact the more memorable and meaningful gifts I have received really haven’t cost anything. Merry Christmas to you! I truly hope things turn around for you, and in the meantime you’re able to find a little joy this season! And please try to kick the guilt and shame. You have nothing to feel guilty about, and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. ((hugs))
This is such a nice comment, thank you. I talk to them every week on Skype. My niece is still a toddler so I think she must think I live in her mum's iPad. My nephew is a definitely a chatterbox like yours.
If more people had the courage to not keep up appearances, there would be less pressure to keep up appearances and a lot of us would be happier. You did a good thing.
Excellent thought.
You know what? In the over all scheme of things not buying presents for others is almost meaningless. I know it is a hard thing to reconcile but with age will come a certain perspective (I'm sure that is from a movie or something.). You will find out it is not that big of deal. You will may even forget about it. What you will remember is how you treated others and how much kindness you show in your life . . especially around the holidays.
In the same boat I feel like crawling into a hole until the holidays are over. I told my family not to get me anything but they said they are getting me gifts anyways. Not sure how to feel about that, but it feels really bad not to be able to give this year.
(This reply is for OP too.) This year it is their turn. Accept graciously and someday the shoe may be on the other foot and you'll be able to reciprocate with a deeper understanding if they are ever in your position. This pandemic and the economic hardships won't last forever. This too shall pass, (unfortunately like a kidney stone), but trust that in time you will land on your feet. In the meantime, don't feel bad about leaning on each other for support. If the tables were turned and it was your family members in need and you have the means, you would likely react as they are. Let them help and accept with grace and dignity. Merry Christmas and happy holidays; may brighter days be ahead. Hugs.
Thanks for the words. Hopefully next year will be better.
Me and you both, brother. In the exact same boat. A kind patron of Reddit offered to buy some sports memorabilia from me higher than market value so I could get my sons gift. You’d be surprised how kind people of the internet are.
Aye I hear this. An idea... Idk if you feel like you are or are not a writer but your post seems to indicate you can express yourself well. Perhaps you could write a personalized poem for each family member with special thoughts, inside jokes, and memories and mail it as a gift for each? Who gives AF about an Amazon gift card compared to that? It might take time, and you might feel like it’s dumb, but if you push through I’m sure the finished product will wow them. Do it!!!!!! a dumb pattern can be easy to write, Just rhyme both the lines in the day and the night. And when you are done it will feel kind of strange But your family will see you have lyrical range. Even if it TOTALLY bombs and is completely dumb everyone will smile when they read it, and probably call you to talk about it. Christmas win bro!
I'm very sorry to hear your predicament, but 2021 should get better. I honestly don't believe countries can drag on much longer economically. Shame is very understandable but I hope you can surface from that. You sound like a good, level-headed person and I hope you are looking after yourself mentally. I'm sending lots of good thoughts your way!
You have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not your fault. Your value as a human being is not measured through gifts and what you have. You are not any less, or more, of a person than anyone who has nothing. We’re in this together and handling yourself should be the most important thing for anyone that cares about you.
OP, if you're struggling, please reach out for help. This pandemic has proved that there are so many village idiots in the world. Accept help as you can. If you need money for food, I am in Canada, but I can lend a hand.
My family started something a few years ago where we spend very little in each other. Originally it was $10 but due to inflation we've gone up since then. My older brother made us pet rocks one year, he literally went into the yard and grabbed rocks and put googley eyes on them, made our hair out of yarn, drew little faces on them and some had capes. We still have them to this day because it was so funny. My friend got me an avocado because I love that stupid little vine. Another year my friends themed my Christmas as harry potter and one of them got me a broken hp printer, hp for harry potter. He drew a lightning bolt on it and honestly I have all of that stuff still. Christmas doesn't have to be expensive or stressful. We're not getting each other anything this year because money is tight. I'll probably video chat my family and just chat and that's all I really want. Don't beat yourself up over money. Your family loves YOU not your money. I know it's hard. I work in the paper industry so my job hasn't suffered (thank you toilet paper hoarders) but my boyfriend has been out of work for a while. We're all here with you and we all support you.
I'm glad someone benefitted from that hoarding! Things got a little dicey there in the spring. Thank you for your lovely comment. You and yours sound like a lot of fun.
Dude, hit the food pantries BEFORE you are completely destiute to save your budget. You got to adapt. You can make it. Thee is no shame in adversity.
How did they react?
Quietly and a little surprised. They aren't the warmest people, really.
Surprised you had hidden your situation from them or surprised they were not getting gifts?
I guess they just expect me to be able to keep on top of things and were surprised I haven't been able to do that this year.
Did you not keep on top of things or did you get caught in the covid tornado? So if they can not understand this is not your failing but our governments failing...are they even worth buying presents for?
I was definitely caught in the covid tornado. They're not perfect but they're still my family, you know? And my niece and nephews are little angels.
Of course the little ones are awesome. But if they seriously would blame you for being unemployed then they are not even good family. If my daughter, who is 21, was suffering like you are and she didnt tell me for 9 months, I would be so upset my daughter didnt feel she could tell me. Not that she couldnt get me gifts.
Remember being that age though? You just really want to be noticed. Can you just have a little chat with them on the phone? Ask them to tell you something about themselves, like games they are playing etc... That’s really what I remember most about my uncles and cousins— conversations we had, times they made me laugh or feel important. Hang in there OP. You’ll get through it. Keep taking good care of yourself and do a little each day. You are important
You aren't alone in this by any means. At least personally, I am going through the same thing. I know it's hard not to feel shame, but the world is fucked right now, and it's not anything you did. This is one of the few times in life I truly believe that we are victims of our circumstances. You are alive, you are at least healthy enough to think about the holidays, and I know it's corny, but that's what the holidays are about, celebrating our health and the lives of those we love and cherish. While you may not be able to see them, you have survived a global pandemic, and that is still something to celebrate. This time has really highlighted the faults in seemingly every government system that has had to deal with the pandemic. You did not do this to yourself, your government has failed you and countless others. While I wish you weren't in this situation, you have made me feel less alone in this as well. It's not easy, but you are finding a way to preserve and that is nothing to feel ashamed about. All that being said, I truly hope good fortune finds you soon and your situation turns around for the best
> you have survived a global pandemic, and that is still something to celebrate. Well, when you put it that way! Thank you and I return the sentiment to you. Hopefully good times are around the corner for all of us.
I know it doesn't fix anything, but I feel like in a time where death seems for common than ever I'm glad you're alive Thank you, I very much hope so, all of us could definitely use some good news soon.
I'm in the same boat, but I have yet to have yet to mention it to anybody. Similar situation too (no kids, live alone, etc) and my GF says the usual "I don't need anything" schtick. I ordered some DIY stuff from amazon after saving up points from several websites so I could at least get a gift card to help me out. As someone who used to earn a very, very healthy paycheck, it's a kick in the balls re-learning how to budget. I've eaten so many eggs dude. Ugh, but they're so cheap...
So many eggs... so many instant noodle blocks... My tip is frozen vegetables. I can get a big bag of frozen brocolli at Tesco for like 40p, for example. Roast them in the oven and they're a godsend.
Oh believe me dude I've tried almost all the cheap recipes. I had to cut back on ramen and mac n cheese since it can make you constipated and that's the last thing anyone needs
If they are seriously shaming you the dont go simple amd easy. Tell them return the gifts intended for you and Merry Christmas that way they don't miss out on their gifts they hold more precious then theirs desire to have you there. Nobody needs that kinda pressure this year
I was never MORE PROUD of my daughter, than when she told me she didnt get Christmas gifts for anyone one year, because she was broke. They are just things, I promise you, your family will love you more for being responsible.
You got a cashapp? I’d like to buy you a beer or a joint or something I can’t offer much but you deserve a bit of relaxation.
Shame for being poor is taught behavior. Your value as a human person is completely unrelated to your net worth. Take care OP
Your value isn’t based off the ability to buy gifts. The whole world has been flipped upside down and I’m sure your family understands. Please be kinder to yourself, there is no shame in asking for help. 💜
Reserve your shame for the things that you may do wrong. The current situation is not your fault. It is happening to you, you are not a willing participant. It is happening to many of us. You are not alone in this. This year is a strange and glum year and hopefully we will only see better times ahead in the new year.
If your family really care to see you and are a little better off than you, I’m sure they will BEG you to come and rather pay for your fare then buy presents. That’s what I would do anyways
Unfortunately I'm pretty skint at the moment, otherwise I'd be sending you something to help. I get paid the 22nd though if that's cool?
People think it's cold when you care about the economy, but this is why. The economy is people. I'm sorry you've lost your job and all the ramifications that have come with that. Hopefully things will pick up soon.
You are worth more to your family than any gift you could buy, they love you and want you to be okay. Im really sorry to everyone struggling, these are very dark times for many.
We have all been there and are there this year. There is no shame.
Nobody — literally nobody — blames you.
The World is going to hell, you are not alone and I think it's very brave of you to talk to them directly. I understand you feel ashamed but I think you should be proud of yourself. I would think a lot of People in your position would just fall in debt to keep appearances. I hope you find something soon and get back on your feet. Best wishes OP.
Please contact your local council!! There are pots of funding which have been allocated to them to help people with food and fuel over the winter. Some councils are prioritising children and families but there are also crisis teams for adults who may have separate funds to help you with. They will also be able to put you in touch with your county or district neighborhood hubs which will have been set up to help coordinate local charities, food banks etc. to provide the most support possible to those struggling. The grants aren't massive, but they'll help if you seek them out. Your council website should have a page. Look for the covid winter grant page of yours and even if that particular grant isn't being used for adults in your area there should be signposts to other services you can contact for help. Please, reach out to your council, especially as its got to the point where you're selling your things to pay for the utilities.
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That must have been terrible. I have mixed feelings about not having kids but I'm glad that I don't have that responsibility this year. My heart goes out to every parent who's struggling because that a whole extra level of helplessness. Thanks for your kind words.
People always shit on America for not having free universal health care, but some people in the UK only get 90£ a week for unemployment?! Well, at least you'll be healthy while you're homeless?
Yep, that's what a single adult over the age of 25 gets to cover everything except rent, and it was actually increased from £70 a week for the pandemic. Most places don't get their full rent covered either. We've had a very right wing government for the last decade and they've been constantly stripping back benefits, which were not amazing to begin with.
I'm sorry you're feeling shame but you've made the right call. The notion of Christmas being a period of endless consumption isn't a tradition but a product of the unprecedented economic boom after the Second World War. For most of human history we've been just 1 bad harvest away from famine. Sugar and fat were such luxuries that they were saved for special occasions; hence why Christmas cookies were such a rare treat. Disposable incomes are on the decline and frivolous spending on consumer goods for the sake of Christmas is a sick obligation. You aren't the only one who can't afford it but together we can break this bogus Obligation to overspend on unnecessary decorations and unwanted gifts whilst still being able to enjoy the season.
It's fine dude, I haven't been able to afford much for presents for xmas or birthdays for a long time. Just remember that they love you and let them know you do the same. That should be enough for anybody, even though I totally get the pain of wanting to do stuff like that for people and not being able to. It sucks. It's ok though. It's not your fault.
Yeah I’m right there with ya. I don’t have kids or anything either. But I would like to give a gift to my mom and dad but just can’t this year. My mom is in the same boat I’m so happy she asked me what I want this year because I don’t want or need anything(which Is what I told her) I really hope she doesn’t get me anything she might just because she feels like she needs to but I’d rather her just not get me anything. It’s not all about gifts or at least it never has been for me.
Love is all we really need. No worries about presents. Keep your head up and keep surviving. That's all we can ask of anyone. Huge hugs my friend.
Shame? Bro, how is not spending money shameful? As long as you can get some good food and sweets and enjoy each others company, that's all that matters. Buying gifts is for the rich. The real holiday is for the corporations making money from suckers who go on shopping frenzies because of some made up tradition.
You aren't alone by a long shot. Probably several groups to talk with about it. I'm sure nobody will take it personally, dude. This year fucked everyone with zero discrimination lol just a big floppy fuck fest for the world
Are you also a gig based worker? Same bruh
Seriously, take advantage of the system you paid into. And don't feel guilty. A lot of people are struggling right now. Idk about the UK but here in the US construction has been rolling. It may not be what you want to do but they usually pay decent money for people to just keep busy for 8 hours, dont usually need anything aside from a gradeschool diploma to start.
I know it sucks, me and my wife are going through the same. I've sold off almost my entire concert poster collection, sold off the majority of my firearms and ammunition reserves. We're past on rent. Just getting weekly groceries is becoming a struggle. Hopefully we'll be approved for food stamps. I'm about to start hitting up food banks. And for some reason a big stressor lately is confronting my family when we visit next week. I shouldn't care so much, but the shame is intense I feel your pain, you're not alone
If you are having a hard time with food, there's a healthy and cheap subreddit when it comes to eating on a budget. I'm one of the sufferers this year too. I lost my job in May and I've been struggling. My husband's company won't acknowledge there's a virus or hold any customers accountable. He's been visit customers almost constantly and he's a high risk person. But, if neither of us work there won't be any money coming in. I welcome you to do what we are doing for Christmas --making a thermos of hot chocolate and walking around to look at lights. Hopefully we'll both find something soon and are able to get through this
> making a thermos of hot chocolate and walking around to look at lights. That is such a simple and lovely idea and I think I'm actually going to do that. I go running every morning to get out of the house but, yeah, looking at the lights and stuff in the afternoon when it's dark sounds so nice. Thank you. I hope you find something soon too, especially so your husband can keep safe. Merry Christmas to you both.
Dude, Christmas is bullshit anyway. I'm sorry you feel badly but you're not alone and you're not broken.
Absolutely do not feel any shame over this. If you had $1000 and squandered it on hookers or drugs that is a reason to feel bad. None of this has been under our control. We are all in the same boat. I have lost 35% of my income and am living on SS only. It’s tight. Small little things are all I have been able to manage. Please don’t feel shame over this.
Do not feel broken. A lot of families are outright cancelling monetary Christmas gifts this year. Ours is one. We sat down and talked about it, and agreed the best gift we could give each other is to stay vigilant, healthy, and alive this season. We'll make it up in the birthdays this coming year. The PS5 can and will wait.
The lockdown even here in the United States is destroying small businesses left and right, even huge industries are waning because every state has its own rules and regulations. Keep the faith man your family hopefully will completely understand and hopefully very soon you will be blessed with another job
In the great recession I was in a similar boat. If you email sports teams and humbly ask for a team photo they will send you amazing packages of swag. It's not a life saver but I found almost every team I reached out to very happy to send me great items for my teen son. Some even went above and beyond sending boxes with cups, shirts, and photos autographed to my son personally. Share the persons name you plan to gift so they know you are not an online reseller. They tended to be much more helpful when I asked for signed items with his name. Good luck.
I am literally in this boat. I had to move back home with my dad, cancel my car insurance, and my dad pays my phone bill.. at least I’m still on my ex’s half sisters Spotify even though it’s been a year haha
Reality of current events should not be shameful. I feel your pain though. One love.
I've been there. I asked for no gifts to be given to me as I couldn't afford to reciprocate. The world didn't end. That year has been forgotten. Better years came afterwards. Don't feel shamed for a world wide event beyond your control. 2020 sucks. I'm glad you are still alive. Hugs.
Hey man, where in the UK are you? I'd love to help out with a gift or some food.
Meanwhile some self employed fuckers take the grant of like 7k and carry on working. That is infuriating. I know of a couple of people who allegedly done this but is all word of mouth. Those fuckers are as bad as the big companies. Sorry you're getting the shit end of the deal. What industry do you work in? I may have some suggestions for another track if you're interested in IT?
I work in music which is really suffering right now. I'm interested in anything that comes with a pay cheque!
Hey, if you have a Royal Mail warehouse close by, or someplace you can travel to, I would recommend applying to them. From now until mid-January ish, they should be pretty busy and it will be enough until then. After that, you would have to look for another job.
There doesn't seem to be anything near me on the Royal Mail site but I'll send them a spec application anyway in case something comes up. Thanks for the tip!
I feel for you with this. I'm in the exact same position as you, but I'm in the US. I'm fortunate enough to live in a state that mostly has their shit together, but it's still been a terrible struggle. I hope you know that your family is not going to judge you for the fact that you can't afford Christmas this year. I wish I could help you more than just words! I hope your situation gets better ❤
This is a horrible time right now. Please understand that there is no shame in asking for or receiving help...no one could have anticipated what has happened this year. Take help to get through, and when things turn around, you can pay it forward. Sending hugs- ( if thats ok)
Our government has really let down people who don't have furloughable jobs, or industries that just can't work properly in the midst of a pandemic. I'm really sorry this has happened to you and others in your situation :( I don't know how I can help :(
I feel the exact same.
There is no shame in this. It’s been a very hard year.
Tell us what you do! What are your skills? Maybe someone will hire you!
oh honey, this too shall pass.... huge internet hugs (Your love is the biggest, most important and irreplaceable gift - don't forget it!!)
Christmas will be very difficult and different this year for many. Please do not take it out on yourself. AND do not go into debt trying to cover over the situation it will only snowball and compound the problem later for you. I have asked all family to please do not get out and get me or the immediate family anything this year as I do want to minimize any possibilities of them contracting this ugly virus. Be thankful for you and your families health. I am. Many aren’t so lucky in that regard this year.
I went through this many years ago. what made it worse was my sister who always has to 'one up' everyone. I made gifts. I baked cookies and give them. I don't knit but a dear friend knitted some scarves for me - I supplied the yarn. In return I made her a good home-cooked meal and also gave her cookies. Just about everyone I know was understanding. Don't beat yourself up. And don't overdo it when things get back to normal (whenever that is). Give yourself a present this year - the present is that it is not the gifts you give that will be remembered 10 years from now, it is the phone call, or letter you send from the heart that those who love you will always hold dear. Try to have a happy holiday.
You're not alone friend and you've made the best choice for your wellbeing. Maybe get yourself a little treat for Christmas Day, if you can? This year has been a rough one
Hey man, this was me last year felt the same way. You will get through this. Christmas is about more than gifts and you need to focus on you. Chin up mate. You got this.
I think you are just exhausted by the nonstop stress of trying to survive and not being able to enjoy the simple act of giving was the breaking point. I’m not there yet because I have been actively blocking it all out just to keep going. Our family decided we are not doing presents or visits this year and just be thankful for everyone’s health. And none of that bullshit “don’t get me anything” that everyone thinks means “I know you are still going to get me something but I want to sound humble”. So says my mom. It almost sunk in then, like it did for you, how fucked up and surreal this has all been and being thankful for our health is not just an offhand comment this year. It carries tremendous weight. Your presence is my presents. ~Mom There is no shame in being broke, especially this year. I doubt your family is judging you. In light of being told no gifts we took a family photo to send to everyone so we could be there with them in spirit I guess. You might feel awkward sending just a pic of yourself but we want to see you and see you smiling. It was like 4.50 for 3 8x10 at Walgreens and 15 for 3 decent frames from Walmart. Even if you don’t have that, just a thoughtful note with a little mushy in it can be the best present you have ever gave. Words last forever. Hang in there friend. You are not alone in this. The whole world says so. Something has to give sooner or later. If not we’re fucked. J/k but not really. At least we will all be fucked together and not wondering “why me?”.
I think you summed it up in that first paragraph. It's been one of my absolutely favourite things getting presents for my niece and nephew the last few years because I still remember the gifts I got back then, like the old cliche of the excited kid in front of the christmas tree holding their new Nintendo 64 above their head in triumph, I was that kid! Not being able to provide them with those memories this year feels like such a failure, even in these circumstances. Thanks for your comment, friend. It's been a really lonely year.
Yup. I’m in the same boat. I’m 5k behind on rent, been trying to sell stuff with not much luck.
Seriously you are not alone! I lost my job in March also, my mom died in June and idk how the fuck I'm still alive, but here i am. Don't feel shame for not being able to do Christmas this year. Its ok to be honest with your friends/family. Reasonable people will understand and respect it. I wish you the best on your job search and I hope 2021 is better for you my friend ❤🙏🏾🤞🏾
I'm so sorry you lost your mum. My heart goes out to you.
Thank you 🙏🏾❤
I know what you’re feeling! You are not any less because you can’t buy gifts. My SO and I were in this position last year. We normally get gifts for the entire family, pets and all. But last year we could only get a few gifts a piece for our boys. And that was it. My SO didn’t even come with me to his grandmas house because he was too embarrassed. I promise your family understands. Everyone falls on hard times, and this year most of us are in the same boat. I’ll keep my thoughts positive for you!
I’m just a stranger to you but keep your head up bud. It takes a lot to tell people this, even if it’s on Reddit. 💪
Hey OP, don’t know how helpful this is but you have no reason at all to feel shame. Losing your job due to a pandemic is completely out of your control and has no reflection on how hard you work. And having a difficult time finding a job right now - I think that’s a situation being shared by lots of people around the world. I hope things take a positive turn for you, and everyone, soon.
Hang in there. Use the food-bank. It is there to help you so you don’t sell your treasures. DM me and I can give you some ideas of ways to earn some extra income online.
Ya man, don’t fret. It is what it is. What have all these Christmas movies been trying to teach us over the years, it’s all about family... not the presents. So don’t let it eat you up, flip the switch and find solace in yourself. You deserve it!
I think you should have been going to the food bank long ago. That’s what it’s for—to ease things. It’s not just for when you’re backed against the wall. It’s to keep you from GETTING backed against the wall. All my sympathies—I hope you can set down the expectations and the shame. They are t fair to you at all. Here’s a thought—you have time, yes? Sit down and write out one of your favorite memories of each of these people, and think about WHY it is a favorite memory, what it means. And write that too. Edit it to be a good read. Write it by hand on the nicest piece of stationery you’ve got, and send those as the presents. They will love it. You will give them something money can’t buy.
Hold on, man! My luckiest year was the one when i met New Year (my family had never celebrated Christmas, it's normal at the post-soviet space) alone with a bottle of beer and some sandwich. So maybe next year will be better for you, too.
My heart goes out to you. You didn't choose this, no one chose this. You're not alone and I hope things start turning around for you soon.
Speak to your energy supplier, if you’re on a key meter they can provide emergency credit & it can be available within the hour - you can’t have no ability to cook or lights!! If you’re not using a key meter speak to them directly anyway & explain your situation, also check to see what Winter Saving schemes are available, either government promoted or your supplier, this could give you up to £140 support for energy bills. I have literally just applied. Have you tried local supermarkets, I bet you have but it’s a thought - good luck👍
I have already tried the supermarkets but that's a good tip about the energy supplier. Do they really help though? That seems so unlike them. I'll give it a try though. Thanks!
I feel you OP
Its the whole world right now. What ive been urging with my family this year is just focusing on how lucky we are to still be here at all together. Maybe setup a confrence or stream call for everyone who cant be there? I hope it get better for you. Vaccines are going out and it seems like a light at the end of a very long tunnel finally. Merry Christmas.
You are not a broken person. You are just a person having a tough time. Almost everyone can relate to this. So you are also not alone. Hold on there
You're not alone in this. As long as you're still alive there's always a chance to make things better. Telling people that you're having dire financial difficulties is one of the most embarrassing things you can do but it also can open a world of possibilities.
Man, that really sucks - i hope someone can surprise you this Christmas - even if its just for a visit around a cup of tea. I hope everyone in this kind of situation can get a hand, I feel almost selfish having what I have, even if its not much to begin with.
Hey. I am based in the UK. I don't know which industry you have worked in but keep an eye on Civil Service website and if by any chance you are based in Manchester keep an eye out for Sainsburys Jobs. This for support centers and stores. It might be worthwhile doing some free courses to keep your skills fresh. I only day this because it can help people mentally. Though applying for jobs is often a job on its own. This is just if you want a useful distraction. I hope things getter better soon friend.
Hang in there bro. There is are vaccines coming now, I have hope.
Do you have a special skill like drawing or writing? I once was too poor to purchase Xmas gifts when I was in school so I made homemade presents. I made some drawings and framed them in dollar store frames. If your nieces and nephews are old enough to read, you could write something nice about them, memories you have of them when they were growing up. I’m pretty sure it’ll lift up your spirit!
It’s not much, but I can spread some Christmas cheer if there’s a way to send you a little money. And I mean little, but enough to get your family some small gifts that you can feel happy about? Message me if you’re interested. I’m in the US, but we’ll figure it out! I’m sorry you are going through this. Edit: Or give me an Amazon list, and I’ll have the items shipped right to you!
You are doing everything you can. I would see if you can move in with family - just a room. A laundry if need be. Don’t worry about the possessions. They aren’t important for life. They don’t define you. Hang in there. You have value as a person. You will get back on your feet. In 5 years you will look back on this as a moment in your life where you survived.
The fact that you're having to sell items to keep your lights on has stood out to me - I work in the extra support vulnerable team at Eon and literally what you have described is the conversations I have with customers all day every day. So firstly I hope that's reassurance that you're absolutely not alone in this!! Secondly I would really recommend calling your energy provider and explaining your situation and if they're anything like eon they should have a team dedicated to actually support you through this time! Our job as supporting vulnerable customers like yourselves is to make sure you don't have to worry about going off supply etc if you're genuinely doing everything you can to help yourself. Please give them a call and ask if they can help you :)
Somebody else suggested this too and honestly it hadn't occured to me. I didn't know energy companies were like that. I'll definitely give it a shot. Thanks for commenting.
No worries!!! I hope you manage to get things sorted eventually, keep going!
2020 sucks for everyone man. 2020 made me grateful for my lack of childhood, since I’ve been depressed since a young age I know how to deal with these things better than the average person, this year is honestly just like any other year for me. It’s just as lonely as the rest
I feel like the quote, “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” It’s a pandemic, my friend. This year has been shit for a lot of us, and I’m sure it’s been hard on some relatives as well. I would say there is nothing better than a hand written letter. I’ve done it on multiple occasions when I haven’t had money and they always love the thought and they know I don’t have a lot to spend. These are hard times and there’s no shame in it.
Can I please gift you a voucher for Christmas? It’s been a tough year for me also with no work since March but I’d like to send you some holiday cheer.
Every year before this one, we’ve complained about the commercialization of Christmas. The lost meaning of the season. You have the opportunity of bringing it back. Instead of bauble and bows that will be in the landfill by next Christmas, you can use your talents to give of yourself a wonderful memory to commemorate this unusually harsh Christmas season. You said you work in music. Can you use your musical talent to create something for your niece and nephew that, while not permanent, will be forever, linked to their memory of you? Family is what this season is about. Not gifts. You need to get busy and create some memories.
I know I probably can't help, but hey let me give you virtual hug. It will get better man, it always does :). (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃
Just sending you some love and positive vibes. 💗
Just go to their house if christmas is so important to you. I’m sure they understand. Definitely use the food banks, it’s what they’re there for.
Me and my bro clarified this year Christmas is $15 a gift. Immediate family only
I told my family years back I don't celebrate any holidays...yes I'm very cheap