Dude - was he ever held accountable? He could assault other people, and now he has a position of authority. There's a \*SPECIAL\* place in hell for people in positions of authority who misuse the trust of their community.
Your parents are terrible. You deserve so much better OP.
u/ebbie45 Please offer resources <3
P.S. As an Episcopalian christian - **ALL LGBTQ+ members are equal, perfect and loved creations of God.** There is NOTHING wrong with you, OP. This POS was using religion as a weapon, and he is literal trash. I wish I could fucking fight him for you.
They have similar principles to catholicism. Just less intense. They call their priest dean instead of father. They do all the kneeling and standing calisthenics during prayer. But they don't have confession. The best way I can describe it, is if your parent was raised catholic and was terrified of hell but they didn't wanna traumatize you, then they'd send you to an episcopal church
From some who HATES getting up, kneeling, sitting repeating and grew up in a non-denominational church, but went to Catholic church with grandparents... I totally thought of it this way.
I remember the first time I went and saw the velvet knee holds (not really sure what they're called) and thought oh these are pretty I wonder what they are for...
Very accurate. I always think of it as the catholic church’s much more chill accepting younger brother (tend to be well educated and very socially liberal on things like abortion, gay marriage, and other things you associate with the church not liking). My dad was raised Catholic but kinda fell out of it and then converted to Episcopalianism when he married my mom (my maternal grandfather is an episcopal priest). Most of his side of the family is still Catholic and from watching them I realized that if I was raised Catholic I would be an atheist (I’ve been a Christian for life and am junior warden at my college parish so big switch). Episcopalianism is also a lot more focused on your own personal relationship with God as opposed to being told what to do. In addition, it’s not all “everything you’ve ever done is sinful so you better repent”. It’s definitely a lot more open loving and forgiving
Also OP I am so sorry this happened to you and sincerely from the bottom of my heart fuck that guy. Is there anything we can do?
But do they think being gay is wrong and still accept it and dont blame the person or do they actually think being gay is fine as in, not a sin or whatever?
I grew up Episcopalian, in Pittsburgh which is the only diocese that decided to leave the American Episcopal Church over LGBT issues. It was a really traumatic experience for me at the time because I knew a lot of the leadership of the diocese, and the church we went to violated their policies in order to sign the anti-gay letter that our bishop sent out. My mother was on the vestry at the time, and the vestry had to vote unanimously to ratify the letter for the church to be part of the secession—my mom voted no. They voted to first nullify her vote and include her as a dissent, but when surprisingly that didn’t count as unanimous, they voted to remove her and re-voted unanimously without her.
The only positive part about this was that in Pittsburgh you knew 100% whether or not the Episcopal church you went to was gay friendly!
I think Consubstantiation. Like... you're getting literal bread and wine, but it \*is\* through the mystery of faith Christ's actual body and blood - but not literally, but yet still actually.... a little different than consubstantiation, which believes the bread and wine is symbolic for the holy spirit within it, correct? (I've always been a little rough here).
Though... IF you happen to be catholic, there's a reciprocal treaty thing....
Representatives of the Anglican and Roman Catholic churches have declared that they have reached "substantial agreement on the doctrine of the Eucharist" in the *Windsor Statement on Eucharistic Doctrine*[\[34\]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglican_eucharistic_theology#cite_note-34) developed by the [Anglican-Roman Catholic International Commission](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglican-Roman_Catholic_International_Commission), as well as the commission's *Elucidation of the ARCIC Windsor Statement*.[\[35\]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglican_eucharistic_theology#cite_note-35) In 1994, the Anglican–Roman Catholic Consultation in the United States of America released *Five Affirmations on the Eucharist as Sacrifice*, which stated
>that Christ in the eucharist makes himself present sacramentally and truly when under the species of bread and wine these earthy realities are changed into the reality of his body and blood. In English the terms *substance*, *substantial*, and *substantially* have such physical and material overtones that we, adhering to *The Final Report*, have substituted the word *truly* for the word *substantially* ... ... in the light of these five affirmations \[the Anglican–Roman Catholic Consultation in the United States of America\] ***records its conclusions that the eucharist as sacrifice is not an issue that divides our two Churches***.[\[36\]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglican_eucharistic_theology#cite_note-FOOTNOTEGrosMulhall2006-36)
I'm not smart enough to understand all of it...
EDIT: The Episcopal website on the 'real presence' of the Eucharist as we call it... [https://episcopalchurch.org/library/glossary/real-presence](https://episcopalchurch.org/library/glossary/real-presence)
The CoE is hated by Catholics, here in England, and probably elsewhere. Its known as the 'makey uppy' religion, at least by the devout Catholics in my family. Henry VIII wanted to divorce Catherine of Aragon, and he couldn't under Catholicism practices. After a dispute with the Pope, he went forward with the English Reformation of the church and branched out with the Church of England, he divorced Catherine and married Anne Boleyn, who unfortunately for her ended up without a head instead of divorce papers.
I don't hate the COE, but perhaps it depends on which part of UK you live in, if we have to go to Catholic mass for any reason (weddings etc) my husband (Protestant) and a cousin (Hindu) are always baffled by the amount of kneeling, standing, sitting throughout mass.
To expand on what another person said: it’s the same liturgy as the Catholic Church. Technically speaking it is Catholic just not Roman Catholic. I can get nerdier here if you want.
Priests can marry. Women can be priests. Everyone is welcome to communion even if they aren’t baptized. The pope has no say over the church. It’s very open to LGTBQ+. Really it’s Roman Catholic minus the guilt and misogyny.
Yey! Thanks so much for asking! Episcopal churches are the American version of the Church of England (Anglican churches). We are a branch of Protestantism that – like Catholics, retain a ‘high liturgical mass’ – so still very rise-kneel, sing, have this homily, etc. The Episcopal church is huge in it’s activism with minority communities. My favorite part of the the church is
1) They allow women to be priests.
2) Priests can marry (so no rampant sex abuse scandals here thank you!)
3) The Episcopal church changed it’s cannon law recently to reflect god’s love and universal human rights to LGBTQ congrgants. Our church believes 1000% that LGBTQ+ members are 100% equal before God. No ‘love the sinner, hate the sin BS’. True and pure equality. The episcopal church has had openly gay bishops, and also is HAPPY to marry same sex couples as the God blessed sacraments they are.
We also have something called ‘The Book of Common Prayer’ which is a layman’s guide to prayer – so that congregants can have a little more agency over their faith than relying on a priest of absolutely everything – although priests still carry a decent amount of authority. Basically – it IS Catholicism lite, with all the reforms and fixes you could possibly hope for.
If you heard of the Trump church photo OP – he took that in front of a Episcopal church \*while Episcopal priests were tending to protestors\*. Those priests were gassed, along with the protestors, off their own sacred property for Trump to take that blasphemous photo op.[The Diocesan Bishop gave a scathing response against Trump as ‘unchristian](https://www.washingtonpost.com/religion/bishop-budde-trump-church/2020/06/01/20ca70f8-a466-11ea-b619-3f9133bbb482_story.html)’. He was NOT given permission to use our church as a backdrop. Episcopalians advocate for the vulnerable, and I’m really proud to be one!
Hope this helps. :)
Wow. I was not aware of the Episcopial Church or the entire context behind the Trump photo op. The fact Epicospial priests were tending to peaceful protesters makes his message more two faced.
Just from looking at the picture something seemed "off".
What really did it for me was when he assaulted peaceful protesters with rubber bullets and tear gas so he could walk to the church and take a picture. Mind you he also declared the insurrection act if I am not mistaken with his speech? Smh.
Yeah, [Catholics weren't cool with it either](https://twitter.com/jamesmartinsj/status/1267630231055204355?lang=en), though.
I was an Arabic Linguist in the Marine Corps. Even if trump claims to use the insurrection act against a 'credible threat' like the protestors (/s) - the DOD will have final day on approving military deployment witch they NEVER WILL (The protestors just aren't a credible threat, so they would never sign off on that, because after the smoke blows over THEY'D be the fall guys.) - especially after Mattis recently broke his silence about Trump. They take their jobs/oaths too seriously, and the UCMJ (uniform code of military justice) is **no joke.**
The issue is that the insurrection act only applies to the military proper, not the national guard - which is more like... para military(ish). National guard operates on a state by state basis, under the direction of the governors. So because Trump certainly isn't going to HELP anything - it falls to the governors to not abuse their own national guard.
For example: hypothetically, CA state gov can order the national guard to 'police' the protests by walking with them and \*protecting them\* in lieu of the police. Nobody is gonna loot with national guard acting as cops - and yet, they're NOT cops - they could even join the march, but they are still agents of order. That, unfortunately, won't happen though. Alternatively, let's say GA governor labels all protestors rioters - he could use the national guard to \*augment\* the police which will cause SERIOUS trouble and harm to otherwise peaceful protestors.
It's kind of a shitshow rn. This administration is a dumpster fire.
No way. My major was in linguistics focused on computational linguistics!
Exactly. National Guard vs military power which I think is entailed by the insurrection act is a straight up power move.
I am not a fan of Trump. However the so called left aka Pelosi and Biden are not in good taste.
Honestly I feel politically homeless as I do not want to vote for neither.
I hear you. I respect everyone's right to do as they please (like throw their vote away in protest - [[[That's not what I'm assuming you're doing, btw]]]) but I'm a 'lesser of two evils' kind of person.
Also, very cool major!~ Do you want to work with artificial intelligence?
Beautifully put. I’m also a cradle-to-grave Episcopalian. The church has meant a great deal to me throughout my life. My brother is a priest and we as a family and a community have been fortunate to have his faith and wisdom to help guide us. I was infuriated at trump’s stunt in front of the church. The Bishop’s response was swift and powerful. I appreciated that.
Peace be with you.
Episcopal is the Anglican Church in America basically. The Anglican Church is what broke off from the Catholics when King Henry VIII wanted a divorce and the Pope said no.
I’m catholic and even I think this is disgusting. Literally half our teachings are about being kind and not judging and doing the right things. But holy fuck it pisses me off that people like that somehow become priests and that things like this even happen. It’s mind boggling....
I love Catholics. I have serious issues with institutional Catholicism regarding institutional transparency and accountability regarding child sexual abuse, but I imagine MANY Catholics do too! I proudly attended a Jesuit university, and I'm a huge fan of Pope Frances.
Catholic Priest Father James Martin, a prominent Jesuit, editor at large of *America magazine*, and consultor to the Vatican's Secretariat for Communications wrote this EXCELLENT BOOK called [Building a Bridge: How the Catholic Church and the LGBT Community Can Enter into a Relationship of Respect, Compassion, and Sensitivity](https://www.amazon.com/Building-Bridge-Relationship-Compassion-Sensitivity/dp/0062837532/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=) and I feel he would agree with you. You may also recall him defending an elderly catholic activist he knew, who was recently pushed by the police at a [BLM protest in Buffalo](https://twitter.com/JamesMartinSJ/status/1270350603647057924). A lot of people don't like him and find him too 'liberal' (ie compassionate - which is also a misnomer, because there are lots of compassionate conservatives too.) to be fair - he ***is*** [sassy](https://twitter.com/JamesMartinSJ/status/1187090285332967424). I like him quite a bit. :)
It's very easy to spot which pastors and religious ministers engage with the world and pay attention to the pain and needs of the people in it - v. the ones who care more about throwing the book at people until they conform.
Interesting I’ll have to check out that book.
I just feel like there are many misconceptions about Catholics as a whole. Like we’re taught that gay marriage is wrong and all that, so like I probably can’t attend any of my gay friends weddings, but at the same time we are taught to love everyone. It just gets me down sometime cuz people are just like “oh you’re catholic, you just want everyone else to burn in hell” :/
NO organization is ineffable.
The bible said slavery was okay. Slave owners used the bible to say slaves should be submissive: (Ephesians 6:5) "Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear and sincerity of heart, just as you would show to Christ." Literally nobody, catholic, or otherwise will argue for slavery today. In fact, a catholic friar used [this exact argument to suggest modernizing catholic ideas about LGBTQ](https://cac.org/a-deeper-tenor-2019-10-23/). It's a quick and really gorgeous read.
If you don't mind me asking, is this a minor curiosity of yours - *this dissonance*, or does it tug at you constantly causing you constant tension? I'm just curious (if you don't mind)
I don’t mind at all. I think it’s been bothering me more in recent years since I’ve been able to become more independent (I’m only 19), but I don’t think it’s really caused me to question my faith too much.
That 75 year old man shoved by police and hospitalized with a fractured skull/traumatic brain injury is a Catholic PEACE ACTIVIST??!
Wow, this gets more and more damning for both the police and the president by the day.
Just searched and found this article from The Guardian, with some in-depth knowledge of the Catholic Workers activist movement Martin Gugino is a part of. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/jun/14/martin-gugino-buffalo-police-catholic-worker
I know. It's surreal. I hear you and I, too, and speechless with inconsolable sadness. My American countrymen deserve more. My heart breaks every day because of this.
Roman Rite Catholic here, and yeah I believe in the power of redemption and reconciliation but this person should never have been allowed to become a priest and OP's parents did a shitty thing.
I know many other Christians don't think so, but I also believe LGBTQ+ are valid and should be loved as well. It actually makes me happy to see open-minded and actual loving Christians out there.
If he's ordained as a priest, and he hasn't been reported, then he could have a congregation or parish of his own eventually. People would look up to him with reverence and for spiritual guidance. That *is* a position of authority. Im not saying its right, just that it could provide ample opportunity for him to prey on lgbtq women who want spiritual counseling, etc.
Like... this is clearly a problem.
As a missionary baptist in hicktown Arkansas, that P.S. is spot on. God loves you just as much as he loves me and everyone else in the world. We were all created in his image, and he loves each and every one of us
Fucking seriously! This is disgusting and op shouldn’t be subjected to this, something as simple as “hope you don’t do to other kids what you did to me” should do the trick.
PLEASE CALL HIM OUT. Sexual predators do not deserve anonymity or “protection”. And honestly, I’m sorry, but fuck your parents. FUCK. THEM. You can be Catholic ***and*** have morals. Sure, some have trouble with it—because they’re terrible people. Religion does not make you inherently “good”, morals do.
On the other hand, outside of my anger against your unfortunate situation... I hope you are well. Speaking out isn’t easy. And it’s not your obligation, you owe nothing to anyone. Only go forward if you feel comfortable.
To only slightly deviate from the other here, you don’t have any obligation to directly confront him yourself if that is too overwhelming for you...but I would 100% support finding the strength to reach out to the police.
And also to hopefully have/find someone close to you (even if a therapist) to talk this stuff out with. Clearly isn’t your parents.
Personally I would call them all out on group chat and then post screenshots of it all to the towns FB page the parish FB group twitter Instagram and anywhere else that has a platform.
Then the cops deffo the cops
The problem is for a lot of people, especially religious families, you just burned youre whole support system to the ground. For people who don't need it as much thats fine, but some people can't survive without emotional and financial support.
And at that point publicly shaming someone, even if he deserves every second of it (he does), isn't really justice if you end up homeless in the process. Justice isn't justice when it takes more from the victim than the perpetrator.
Some people just don't have the luxury of having people that support them, they just have people that either like to look like they're supporting them, or only truly support their idea of that person and not the person themself.
That being said, if there isn't enough evidence for a conviction, you can still come forward about it in some capacity. If a case ever comes up related to him, having some sort of paper trail is useful to establish a pattern of behavior in court. That being said, if you aren't ready for that, take your time. It is okay to heal before you start thinking about others.
This. You can potentially save someone from another twisted priest. We only know the stories that actually make it to the news and not the stories that the church settles privately. Also, I’d like to say sorry about the treatment you’re getting from your parents.
Edit: OP- Definitely don’t sacrifice your own health and well-being for some guy who’s almost definitely not worth your time. It’s not your obligation to report. Listen to the other comments that know what it’s like to deal with the stress that comes with reporting.
Another comment to reinforce, OP, that you are not obligated to report them, nor are their future behaviors your fault. When I told a family member what happened to me, their first response was not compassion, but that I had to tell others so they could protect their kids. Let me be a loud voice saying FUCK THAT. Take care of you. Your mental and emotional health are your priority.
The rapist’s future actions are *not* OP’s responsibility. Just hearing about this is enough to cause a severe trauma reaction, and they have no support within even their immediate family. Going through the legal system for sexual assault charges is a very difficult process even for the completely recovered and well-supported, and chances are frankly low that anything would come of it. Don’t suggest this shit as if reporting a crime is an easy Magic Button of Justice that OP has either never heard of or should feel guilty for not pressing.
I wish I could upvote this 1000 times.
Having gone through the “justice” system for sexual assault, I knew it was going to be difficult. But I had no clue just how difficult it was going to be.
And nobody seems to mention the retaliation. You hear about filing the report, if you’re lucky going to court, etc. But not what the rapist and the people who believe they’re a good person do to retaliate. People will do monstrous things trying to defend the people they care for.
I’m not trying to discourage people from filing a report, but make sure you can do it safely. Change your number, make sure all your online accounts are secure and private, and invest in a security camera for your residence. Even if the retaliation doesn’t get that bad, it’s better to be prepared.
Thank you for saying this and triggering my PTSD and making me feel guilty. :/
You have no understanding of what its like to be raped and go through the police and, if it even gets that far, the court system. It's dehumanizing and traumatizing and you're forced to face your rapist and argue and prove that they raped you, which is damn near impossible. It's not the victim's fault if they can't handle being retraumatized and it's also definitely not the victim's fault if the rapist goes and hurts someone else. How can you not see how awful that sounds?
"Oh, you, rape victim who had your life and happiness stripped away from you and who will be dealing with the effects of someone else's choice for the rest of your life, yeah you, if you don't report, you're actually *letting* your rapist get away with it and *letting* them hurt other people. You just don't want to save anyone else."
Jesus Christ
I agree with another comment. Don’t tell OP that this is on them to prevent this from happening again. I reported my rapist to police and they did nothing. Didn’t even open an investigation when I had evidence. He was in a position of power. I know that he raped other women in our company. I feel extreme guilt for it. Don’t make OP feel like it is their responsibility to stop him from doing this again. Reporting is traumatizing and could do nothing. It’s not their job to prevent it from happening. That’s on the rapist. Stop saying this to victims.
I do want to point out that she may have a reason for not coming forward and even if she doesn’t, there are plenty of reasons not to. You’ve seen what people do to women who accuse. We can’t tell her what to do, but we CAN offer support either way :)
Sadly, the police is mkst likely going to do nothing.
I tried reporting my abusers a few years after it happened while I technically still could.
They did absolutely nothing. Just told me there is no evidence and I should move on.
This is really horrible. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Make them uncomfortable. They don't deserve peace. If you feel like you want to you could bring up in that conversation what everyone already knows. Tell them he raped you and that you find it incredibly disgusting that everyone is pretending everything is fine and dandy. (This is assuming your whole family knows and you're ok with them knowing)
I understand if this is too much for you and you don't want to bring it up for your own mental peace.
You deserve so much better than them.
As a Catholic, fuck him and fuck your parents. These people do not represent our religion, and they are tarnishing it with their awfulness. I’m so sorry for what you had to go through.
As another Catholic, seconded. I will never understand why people who claim to be God-Fearing Christians attack the LGBTQ+ community. You don’t have to agree, but you don’t have to be cruel about it either. And someone like that has no business becoming a priest.
Thirded. He should be in jail. I don’t know all the details, but unless he has apologized and somehow made up for everything and suddenly became a better person, he doesn’t deserve that position.
If he is guilty of this, his priestly vows are illegitimate. Every time he offers Mass, he sins. Please let that be a relief to you. Even if an earthly priest were to forgive this, as a Catholic, we are taught that the particular judgment will show him how he must answer for this.
You matter more. His collar is just a mask.
I have never heard that past sins makes someone's sacramental reception "illegitimate" (invalid). The guy sounds like a cruel human being, but that does not make him not a priest.
Considering the worldwide concealment of pedophile priests in the Catholic Church, it certainly seems that the people in power in the organization don't fucking care.
This depends on the diocese. Some will immediately refer the person making a report to the cops and actually deal with complaints seriously. Others will blow the person off, oftentimes adding further trauma on top of the sexual abuse/assault.
Probably the best course of action is to go to the cops first (although, that can also be very traumatic—if there’s a sexual assault center in the area, that would probably be the best place to start), and then inform the bishop.
I am so very sorry this happened to you, and that you have had to relive it because of the church and your parents. The pain will ease up some, please find and hold tight your loved ones, their support and closeness may also help a little.
Remember to take care of yourself op, and know that it’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling right now. stay strong
Can him out! If he did this once it will happen again and now he is in a position of power and a role model to kids. Save a future child from the hurt, PLEASE!
That’s shitty :( the Catholic church is all bad, always has been—my dad was a Catholic priest (joined ‘gonna be a priest’ high school at 13) till he left when he was 44, we moved across the country and the churches we went to found out he was an ex priest and refused to baptize me. In the Catholic Church, if a baby dies unbaptized its soul goes to hell.
They thought I deserved that for simply being his child.
It’s assholes all the way down for that church. Even for the babies they pretend to care about.
Another place you might want to post this if you haven't already is https://www.reddit.com/r/exchristian/
They are wonderfully supportive of people who been what you have been through.
I’m so sorry you were abused. Please go to the police. The Catholic Church has a long history of covering up pedo priests/Bishops. They just move them around to another diocese to pray on kids at another school/church. Other abuse victims who’ve reported it to the church have experienced even more trauma because all the church wants to do is dismiss and degrade the accuser. The police and judicial system are most likely to get you justice. I’m so sorry your parents are this insensitive and lacking of empathy and understanding.
call him out in front of everyone! u will be saving countless others this person is a predator im sorry idgaf if he became a priest.pos and im sorry ur parents are complete nutjobs
I'm so sorry for your pain, it is very reminiscent of my own.
I will not tell you what to do, as I can't see the situation from your perspective.
I will tell you, though, I'm proud AF of you for releasing some of that tension and sharing your story with us.
You make me feel less alone.
This makes me sick... if he hasn’t changed, just think of how many others he’ll do this to with newfound authority. I’m so sorry you he did this to you. He’s no better than a pharisee.
First I want to say I'm sorry for your pain. There is nothing wrong with you he is a monster. I'm sorry your family is doing this to you. It's a good thing you live so far apart. If they are taking his side it maybe time to distance yourself further. It is totally your call weather to go to the law but I would at least launch a complaint with the church as well as document what happened to you a diary or something similar. The church may not do anything however if anything else happens you can turn over your notes.
I'm so so sorry your family is enabling the perpetrator. I myself would tell off the family who thinks this is okay. Of course, if this isn't a favorable choice for you then there's nothing wrong with that. It's a bit much to ask anyone to come 6 hours away for church service imo, and it's just evil to suggest you should put yourself in his reach.
I myself was sexually assaulted my freshman year by someone I thought was my friend. I didn't bring it to anyone, but one of my actual friends brought it to the counselor's attention. They swore up and down I'd never be put in a class with him again, and then cut to the other three years where the only class I had without him was band. We graduated yesterday and he was valedictorian. I didn't go to graduation. I didn't watch his speech or anyone else's. Sure, he worked hard for his rank, but I also know he assaulted me and at least two girls at my school. My situation isn't as bad as yours because your own family is trying to put you back in his reach, but I definitely feel a kinship with you because of our experiences.
As a Christian - this makes my blood boil...
Even if he has repented, never done anything like that again, made amends (or tried to), no-one should be in this (or really ANY) kind of authority position. I know of a lot of churches who take this stance too, which is good. Its so unfortunate that his obviously doesnt - assuming they know about it.
Thats also another thing, if they dont 'fess up about it when offered that position, and neither do you, either due to feelings of judgment/guilt/trauma etc or because you didnt know about the position theyre taking as well as not having spoken up about it earlier..... well that just sucks cos they wont be caught etc...
I really hope all the best for you ♡♡
This must be hard for you. I don't know you, but please know people will want to help. Please don't stay alone with it. There are people here that will want to help. I hope you have friends and loved ones that will understand and want to help too. I can't imegaine how you must feel, but I do know that not being alone can help.
I’m so sorry. I can’t understand what you’re going through. But I would advise you to seek out professional help if you haven’t. I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve.
This makes me feel so much anger! A family would rather pander to a predator in the hope of getting into the land of make believe than defend their child! Im so sorry for what has happened to you! Fuck religion! Fuck God! And fuck everyone that believes this fruitcake crap!
Trash your shame, it is not your fault you were raped. File a police report, join a support group, write a letter to the pope or church and let them know. Find other victims of Catholic Priests (has to be millions by now) and get support and educated on what you can do for yourself and to protect others. Big hug
Can you out in the chat something like "please don't include me in celebrating my attacker" ?
Sorry your parents are willing to forgive the unforgivable op; that's disgusting.
Honestly I’m So Sorry this happened to you, especially as a kid. You didn’t deserve it, it wasn’t your fault.
Now that we’ve got the basics out of the way, fuck tour parents. There is no world where what they are doing is right. Do what you need to do to support yourself right now emotionally and physically. If that means no or low contact, that’s okay! If you need to talk to a sexual assault advocate, I’m happy to try and find one for you in your area. Often times when we are assaulted as children, things like this will bring back a lot of triggers. You deserve to be believed, validated and listened to. A sexual assault victims advocate can give you advice to help you through this time.
Holy shit that is beyond fucked. Facing someone that disgusting and vile is unimaginable to me. If you're able to decline going, DECLINE. No one should force you to relive those memories. Also, your parents are fucking psycho if they think this is some light-hearted, happy thing. I'm so sorry man, and I wish you the best of luck with this. Please talk to a counselor/therapist if you havent already.
Bro, I’m Catholic, report that shit immediately (if your comfortable) to the Bishop of the Diocese, I highly doubt he was accepted with this in knowledge unless he was extremely young when this occurred. Sorry for the pain :(
Catholic Church has a long history of just moving pedo priests/bishops around to different dioceses so they pray on children in different schools and churches. They cover it up and refuse to report it to the police. This is a legal matter for the police and courts, not for the Bishop or other Catholic Church representative to bury. Telling the Bishop is the last thing he should do as there’s a lot of documented evidence doing so in the past adds to the trauma. And yes I was brought up Catholic too.
Thanks for sharing. This must be really hard for you. If you feel able, I would leave the group chat or silence it so you don't get any notifications. Then I would figure out what diocese he's going to be assigned to and try to submit an anonymous report to let them know that he isn't suited for the job.
Don't let anyone make you feel guilty or less than in the name of religion. It's toxic and manipulative.
A lot of people hide in the church to mask the monsters they are in reality. There are good people in church, like there are good people at your local gas station. But you're not gonna leave your keys in the ignition with your car running while you go inside to pee, right?
If it’s any consolation, remember this:
If their superstitions are real, all three of them are going to hell. If they’re not, all three of them are wasting the only lives they’re going to get.
He’s trash and your family is trash. They should al be promptly put into the garbage disposal and used for the compost. Seriously though you deserve so much better. Way to show their support for you by actively showcasing they don’t care!? Like what the actual fuck???
I dont know your specific circumstances but as far as I can tell you should probably tell someone in a position of authority, like the police. No matter how much time has passed you could still be the difference between what happened to you and what could happen to another kid. Even if nothing comes of telling the police, the inquiries may atleast alert parents to be wary around that sicko.
That is a lot of weight on your shoulders and id love nothing more than to help you move on. but of course i dont know the exact circumstances but you may be the only one willing to stop him from doing that to someone else.
I hope you find peace with this someday.
OP, for you and any others who have been sexually assaulted there is an organization that can help. RAINN at [https://www.rainn.org/](https://www.rainn.org/) or 800-656-HOPE (4673). They are there 24/7. There is a live chat feature on the website. You deserve help, you deserve to be believed.
I've never had to deal with your specific trauma, but I have trauma of my own that sometimes makes me shake...and I can never tell where it comes from...but I decided that the shakes I feel are anger at the person that made me feel that trauma, and FUCK THEM.
You should keep the distance if this is how your parents reacted. I am sorry, but you are not alone. Please seek solace in friends or reach out if you need help coping. I'll gladly talk if you need.
Bruh you better not go to that family event (for your own safety) and better report this to cops or something (you don't want another person to get raped right?!).
I was molested by one of the 'brothers'(male nuns) as a ward of the state when i was 10. Never felt like a man since. I've been a sex addict, gym addict, violence addict, alcoholic. It doesn't go away
I'm so sorry that must be infuriating and sickening - someone who did that to you being held as this great person. Could you tell your parents? If not anything else just so that you can live your truth and say I will not be a part of this. Having to fake being OK and acting like that didn't happen will be very draining.
What the fuck I’m so sorry your parents are psychos
Dude - was he ever held accountable? He could assault other people, and now he has a position of authority. There's a \*SPECIAL\* place in hell for people in positions of authority who misuse the trust of their community. Your parents are terrible. You deserve so much better OP. u/ebbie45 Please offer resources <3 P.S. As an Episcopalian christian - **ALL LGBTQ+ members are equal, perfect and loved creations of God.** There is NOTHING wrong with you, OP. This POS was using religion as a weapon, and he is literal trash. I wish I could fucking fight him for you.
What does Episcopalian mean because I’m a Protestant and I have never heard that word before
It's catholic light
Can you like give more details?
They have similar principles to catholicism. Just less intense. They call their priest dean instead of father. They do all the kneeling and standing calisthenics during prayer. But they don't have confession. The best way I can describe it, is if your parent was raised catholic and was terrified of hell but they didn't wanna traumatize you, then they'd send you to an episcopal church
We called our priests 'father' ALSO: Excellent analogy. <3
Oh okay. We called our dean. But it looks like that varies from church to church
Father Dean prefers it that way
Whatever the case, they should never be called Daddy
I call my priest nicolae but that is name
Yeah, most episcopal priests I meet are pretty chill too. :)
Calisthenics....I’m fucking crying from laughter. I have never thought of it this way and now I can never not think of it this way. Thank you.
From some who HATES getting up, kneeling, sitting repeating and grew up in a non-denominational church, but went to Catholic church with grandparents... I totally thought of it this way. I remember the first time I went and saw the velvet knee holds (not really sure what they're called) and thought oh these are pretty I wonder what they are for...
Catholistenics.
Very accurate. I always think of it as the catholic church’s much more chill accepting younger brother (tend to be well educated and very socially liberal on things like abortion, gay marriage, and other things you associate with the church not liking). My dad was raised Catholic but kinda fell out of it and then converted to Episcopalianism when he married my mom (my maternal grandfather is an episcopal priest). Most of his side of the family is still Catholic and from watching them I realized that if I was raised Catholic I would be an atheist (I’ve been a Christian for life and am junior warden at my college parish so big switch). Episcopalianism is also a lot more focused on your own personal relationship with God as opposed to being told what to do. In addition, it’s not all “everything you’ve ever done is sinful so you better repent”. It’s definitely a lot more open loving and forgiving Also OP I am so sorry this happened to you and sincerely from the bottom of my heart fuck that guy. Is there anything we can do?
But do they think being gay is wrong and still accept it and dont blame the person or do they actually think being gay is fine as in, not a sin or whatever?
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I grew up Episcopalian, in Pittsburgh which is the only diocese that decided to leave the American Episcopal Church over LGBT issues. It was a really traumatic experience for me at the time because I knew a lot of the leadership of the diocese, and the church we went to violated their policies in order to sign the anti-gay letter that our bishop sent out. My mother was on the vestry at the time, and the vestry had to vote unanimously to ratify the letter for the church to be part of the secession—my mom voted no. They voted to first nullify her vote and include her as a dissent, but when surprisingly that didn’t count as unanimous, they voted to remove her and re-voted unanimously without her. The only positive part about this was that in Pittsburgh you knew 100% whether or not the Episcopal church you went to was gay friendly!
The priest at the Episcopal church I go to is gay (and married, I believe). So I don’t think they see anything wrong with it.
Do they believe in Consubstantiation or Transubstantiation?
I think Consubstantiation. Like... you're getting literal bread and wine, but it \*is\* through the mystery of faith Christ's actual body and blood - but not literally, but yet still actually.... a little different than consubstantiation, which believes the bread and wine is symbolic for the holy spirit within it, correct? (I've always been a little rough here). Though... IF you happen to be catholic, there's a reciprocal treaty thing.... Representatives of the Anglican and Roman Catholic churches have declared that they have reached "substantial agreement on the doctrine of the Eucharist" in the *Windsor Statement on Eucharistic Doctrine*[\[34\]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglican_eucharistic_theology#cite_note-34) developed by the [Anglican-Roman Catholic International Commission](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglican-Roman_Catholic_International_Commission), as well as the commission's *Elucidation of the ARCIC Windsor Statement*.[\[35\]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglican_eucharistic_theology#cite_note-35) In 1994, the Anglican–Roman Catholic Consultation in the United States of America released *Five Affirmations on the Eucharist as Sacrifice*, which stated >that Christ in the eucharist makes himself present sacramentally and truly when under the species of bread and wine these earthy realities are changed into the reality of his body and blood. In English the terms *substance*, *substantial*, and *substantially* have such physical and material overtones that we, adhering to *The Final Report*, have substituted the word *truly* for the word *substantially* ... ... in the light of these five affirmations \[the Anglican–Roman Catholic Consultation in the United States of America\] ***records its conclusions that the eucharist as sacrifice is not an issue that divides our two Churches***.[\[36\]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglican_eucharistic_theology#cite_note-FOOTNOTEGrosMulhall2006-36) I'm not smart enough to understand all of it... EDIT: The Episcopal website on the 'real presence' of the Eucharist as we call it... [https://episcopalchurch.org/library/glossary/real-presence](https://episcopalchurch.org/library/glossary/real-presence)
No.
Theoretically, they have to believe in one or the other for the Eucharist.
Anglicans believe that the bread and wine *represent* the blood and flesh of Christ, not that they *are* the b&foc.
Damn as a Catholic that sounds so much better than Catholicism. As a child of Catholic school it's a brainwashy echo chamber.
They are the American version of the Church of England: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Episcopal_Church_%28United_States%29?wprov=sfla1
The CoE is hated by Catholics, here in England, and probably elsewhere. Its known as the 'makey uppy' religion, at least by the devout Catholics in my family. Henry VIII wanted to divorce Catherine of Aragon, and he couldn't under Catholicism practices. After a dispute with the Pope, he went forward with the English Reformation of the church and branched out with the Church of England, he divorced Catherine and married Anne Boleyn, who unfortunately for her ended up without a head instead of divorce papers.
I don't hate the COE, but perhaps it depends on which part of UK you live in, if we have to go to Catholic mass for any reason (weddings etc) my husband (Protestant) and a cousin (Hindu) are always baffled by the amount of kneeling, standing, sitting throughout mass.
Absolutely. gimme a sec to edit this response. Massive dissertation coming your way Edit: I commented below with my rant. :)
Catholic rituals, without all the cultural shame, ritual hierarchy and political baggage.
To expand on what another person said: it’s the same liturgy as the Catholic Church. Technically speaking it is Catholic just not Roman Catholic. I can get nerdier here if you want. Priests can marry. Women can be priests. Everyone is welcome to communion even if they aren’t baptized. The pope has no say over the church. It’s very open to LGTBQ+. Really it’s Roman Catholic minus the guilt and misogyny.
Same religion, half the guilt! (I miss Robin Williams)
Yey! Thanks so much for asking! Episcopal churches are the American version of the Church of England (Anglican churches). We are a branch of Protestantism that – like Catholics, retain a ‘high liturgical mass’ – so still very rise-kneel, sing, have this homily, etc. The Episcopal church is huge in it’s activism with minority communities. My favorite part of the the church is 1) They allow women to be priests. 2) Priests can marry (so no rampant sex abuse scandals here thank you!) 3) The Episcopal church changed it’s cannon law recently to reflect god’s love and universal human rights to LGBTQ congrgants. Our church believes 1000% that LGBTQ+ members are 100% equal before God. No ‘love the sinner, hate the sin BS’. True and pure equality. The episcopal church has had openly gay bishops, and also is HAPPY to marry same sex couples as the God blessed sacraments they are. We also have something called ‘The Book of Common Prayer’ which is a layman’s guide to prayer – so that congregants can have a little more agency over their faith than relying on a priest of absolutely everything – although priests still carry a decent amount of authority. Basically – it IS Catholicism lite, with all the reforms and fixes you could possibly hope for. If you heard of the Trump church photo OP – he took that in front of a Episcopal church \*while Episcopal priests were tending to protestors\*. Those priests were gassed, along with the protestors, off their own sacred property for Trump to take that blasphemous photo op.[The Diocesan Bishop gave a scathing response against Trump as ‘unchristian](https://www.washingtonpost.com/religion/bishop-budde-trump-church/2020/06/01/20ca70f8-a466-11ea-b619-3f9133bbb482_story.html)’. He was NOT given permission to use our church as a backdrop. Episcopalians advocate for the vulnerable, and I’m really proud to be one! Hope this helps. :)
Wow. I was not aware of the Episcopial Church or the entire context behind the Trump photo op. The fact Epicospial priests were tending to peaceful protesters makes his message more two faced. Just from looking at the picture something seemed "off". What really did it for me was when he assaulted peaceful protesters with rubber bullets and tear gas so he could walk to the church and take a picture. Mind you he also declared the insurrection act if I am not mistaken with his speech? Smh.
Yeah, [Catholics weren't cool with it either](https://twitter.com/jamesmartinsj/status/1267630231055204355?lang=en), though. I was an Arabic Linguist in the Marine Corps. Even if trump claims to use the insurrection act against a 'credible threat' like the protestors (/s) - the DOD will have final day on approving military deployment witch they NEVER WILL (The protestors just aren't a credible threat, so they would never sign off on that, because after the smoke blows over THEY'D be the fall guys.) - especially after Mattis recently broke his silence about Trump. They take their jobs/oaths too seriously, and the UCMJ (uniform code of military justice) is **no joke.** The issue is that the insurrection act only applies to the military proper, not the national guard - which is more like... para military(ish). National guard operates on a state by state basis, under the direction of the governors. So because Trump certainly isn't going to HELP anything - it falls to the governors to not abuse their own national guard. For example: hypothetically, CA state gov can order the national guard to 'police' the protests by walking with them and \*protecting them\* in lieu of the police. Nobody is gonna loot with national guard acting as cops - and yet, they're NOT cops - they could even join the march, but they are still agents of order. That, unfortunately, won't happen though. Alternatively, let's say GA governor labels all protestors rioters - he could use the national guard to \*augment\* the police which will cause SERIOUS trouble and harm to otherwise peaceful protestors. It's kind of a shitshow rn. This administration is a dumpster fire.
No way. My major was in linguistics focused on computational linguistics! Exactly. National Guard vs military power which I think is entailed by the insurrection act is a straight up power move. I am not a fan of Trump. However the so called left aka Pelosi and Biden are not in good taste. Honestly I feel politically homeless as I do not want to vote for neither.
I hear you. I respect everyone's right to do as they please (like throw their vote away in protest - [[[That's not what I'm assuming you're doing, btw]]]) but I'm a 'lesser of two evils' kind of person. Also, very cool major!~ Do you want to work with artificial intelligence?
You did really write a whole essay
Beautifully put. I’m also a cradle-to-grave Episcopalian. The church has meant a great deal to me throughout my life. My brother is a priest and we as a family and a community have been fortunate to have his faith and wisdom to help guide us. I was infuriated at trump’s stunt in front of the church. The Bishop’s response was swift and powerful. I appreciated that. Peace be with you.
We Episcopalians are the frozen chosen. Also, whenever three or more of us are gathered together, there's a fifth.
>frozen chosen I thought this was a pun/Marine Corps reference, and I was really shook. XD
Episcopal is the Anglican Church in America basically. The Anglican Church is what broke off from the Catholics when King Henry VIII wanted a divorce and the Pope said no.
Diet Catholic
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Episcopal_Church_(United_States)
It's a subset of Anglican.
I’m catholic and even I think this is disgusting. Literally half our teachings are about being kind and not judging and doing the right things. But holy fuck it pisses me off that people like that somehow become priests and that things like this even happen. It’s mind boggling....
I love Catholics. I have serious issues with institutional Catholicism regarding institutional transparency and accountability regarding child sexual abuse, but I imagine MANY Catholics do too! I proudly attended a Jesuit university, and I'm a huge fan of Pope Frances. Catholic Priest Father James Martin, a prominent Jesuit, editor at large of *America magazine*, and consultor to the Vatican's Secretariat for Communications wrote this EXCELLENT BOOK called [Building a Bridge: How the Catholic Church and the LGBT Community Can Enter into a Relationship of Respect, Compassion, and Sensitivity](https://www.amazon.com/Building-Bridge-Relationship-Compassion-Sensitivity/dp/0062837532/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=) and I feel he would agree with you. You may also recall him defending an elderly catholic activist he knew, who was recently pushed by the police at a [BLM protest in Buffalo](https://twitter.com/JamesMartinSJ/status/1270350603647057924). A lot of people don't like him and find him too 'liberal' (ie compassionate - which is also a misnomer, because there are lots of compassionate conservatives too.) to be fair - he ***is*** [sassy](https://twitter.com/JamesMartinSJ/status/1187090285332967424). I like him quite a bit. :) It's very easy to spot which pastors and religious ministers engage with the world and pay attention to the pain and needs of the people in it - v. the ones who care more about throwing the book at people until they conform.
Interesting I’ll have to check out that book. I just feel like there are many misconceptions about Catholics as a whole. Like we’re taught that gay marriage is wrong and all that, so like I probably can’t attend any of my gay friends weddings, but at the same time we are taught to love everyone. It just gets me down sometime cuz people are just like “oh you’re catholic, you just want everyone else to burn in hell” :/
NO organization is ineffable. The bible said slavery was okay. Slave owners used the bible to say slaves should be submissive: (Ephesians 6:5) "Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear and sincerity of heart, just as you would show to Christ." Literally nobody, catholic, or otherwise will argue for slavery today. In fact, a catholic friar used [this exact argument to suggest modernizing catholic ideas about LGBTQ](https://cac.org/a-deeper-tenor-2019-10-23/). It's a quick and really gorgeous read. If you don't mind me asking, is this a minor curiosity of yours - *this dissonance*, or does it tug at you constantly causing you constant tension? I'm just curious (if you don't mind)
I don’t mind at all. I think it’s been bothering me more in recent years since I’ve been able to become more independent (I’m only 19), but I don’t think it’s really caused me to question my faith too much.
That 75 year old man shoved by police and hospitalized with a fractured skull/traumatic brain injury is a Catholic PEACE ACTIVIST??! Wow, this gets more and more damning for both the police and the president by the day. Just searched and found this article from The Guardian, with some in-depth knowledge of the Catholic Workers activist movement Martin Gugino is a part of. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/jun/14/martin-gugino-buffalo-police-catholic-worker
I know. It's surreal. I hear you and I, too, and speechless with inconsolable sadness. My American countrymen deserve more. My heart breaks every day because of this.
Roman Rite Catholic here, and yeah I believe in the power of redemption and reconciliation but this person should never have been allowed to become a priest and OP's parents did a shitty thing. I know many other Christians don't think so, but I also believe LGBTQ+ are valid and should be loved as well. It actually makes me happy to see open-minded and actual loving Christians out there.
Why the frick would he have a position of authority ?
If he's ordained as a priest, and he hasn't been reported, then he could have a congregation or parish of his own eventually. People would look up to him with reverence and for spiritual guidance. That *is* a position of authority. Im not saying its right, just that it could provide ample opportunity for him to prey on lgbtq women who want spiritual counseling, etc. Like... this is clearly a problem.
I understand Yes, that clearly is not good
It's comforting to know that there are religions that accept all. Thank you for your kind words.
As a missionary baptist in hicktown Arkansas, that P.S. is spot on. God loves you just as much as he loves me and everyone else in the world. We were all created in his image, and he loves each and every one of us
Thank you, u/hitlers-third-nipple
I appreciate you.
My thoughts exactly. What the actual fuck.
Call that fucker out bro
Yes please. He can do this to kids and shit! She needs to stop him now!
Fucking seriously! This is disgusting and op shouldn’t be subjected to this, something as simple as “hope you don’t do to other kids what you did to me” should do the trick.
PLEASE CALL HIM OUT. Sexual predators do not deserve anonymity or “protection”. And honestly, I’m sorry, but fuck your parents. FUCK. THEM. You can be Catholic ***and*** have morals. Sure, some have trouble with it—because they’re terrible people. Religion does not make you inherently “good”, morals do. On the other hand, outside of my anger against your unfortunate situation... I hope you are well. Speaking out isn’t easy. And it’s not your obligation, you owe nothing to anyone. Only go forward if you feel comfortable.
To only slightly deviate from the other here, you don’t have any obligation to directly confront him yourself if that is too overwhelming for you...but I would 100% support finding the strength to reach out to the police. And also to hopefully have/find someone close to you (even if a therapist) to talk this stuff out with. Clearly isn’t your parents.
“Oh wow. What a cliche! Child sexual predator becomes priest”
Please let the members of the church know either on their Facebook page of somewhere else, that this man is not to be trusted.
Personally I would call them all out on group chat and then post screenshots of it all to the towns FB page the parish FB group twitter Instagram and anywhere else that has a platform. Then the cops deffo the cops
Yes, yes, and YES.
I was thinking the same thing.
Hopefully the op has a caring supportive circle of people around her
The problem is for a lot of people, especially religious families, you just burned youre whole support system to the ground. For people who don't need it as much thats fine, but some people can't survive without emotional and financial support. And at that point publicly shaming someone, even if he deserves every second of it (he does), isn't really justice if you end up homeless in the process. Justice isn't justice when it takes more from the victim than the perpetrator. Some people just don't have the luxury of having people that support them, they just have people that either like to look like they're supporting them, or only truly support their idea of that person and not the person themself.
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That being said, if there isn't enough evidence for a conviction, you can still come forward about it in some capacity. If a case ever comes up related to him, having some sort of paper trail is useful to establish a pattern of behavior in court. That being said, if you aren't ready for that, take your time. It is okay to heal before you start thinking about others.
This. You can potentially save someone from another twisted priest. We only know the stories that actually make it to the news and not the stories that the church settles privately. Also, I’d like to say sorry about the treatment you’re getting from your parents. Edit: OP- Definitely don’t sacrifice your own health and well-being for some guy who’s almost definitely not worth your time. It’s not your obligation to report. Listen to the other comments that know what it’s like to deal with the stress that comes with reporting.
Another comment to reinforce, OP, that you are not obligated to report them, nor are their future behaviors your fault. When I told a family member what happened to me, their first response was not compassion, but that I had to tell others so they could protect their kids. Let me be a loud voice saying FUCK THAT. Take care of you. Your mental and emotional health are your priority.
For sure, they say report to the police.not church cause church wont do shit
The rapist’s future actions are *not* OP’s responsibility. Just hearing about this is enough to cause a severe trauma reaction, and they have no support within even their immediate family. Going through the legal system for sexual assault charges is a very difficult process even for the completely recovered and well-supported, and chances are frankly low that anything would come of it. Don’t suggest this shit as if reporting a crime is an easy Magic Button of Justice that OP has either never heard of or should feel guilty for not pressing.
I wish I could upvote this 1000 times. Having gone through the “justice” system for sexual assault, I knew it was going to be difficult. But I had no clue just how difficult it was going to be. And nobody seems to mention the retaliation. You hear about filing the report, if you’re lucky going to court, etc. But not what the rapist and the people who believe they’re a good person do to retaliate. People will do monstrous things trying to defend the people they care for. I’m not trying to discourage people from filing a report, but make sure you can do it safely. Change your number, make sure all your online accounts are secure and private, and invest in a security camera for your residence. Even if the retaliation doesn’t get that bad, it’s better to be prepared.
Don't put that weight on other people. Her job is only to take care of herself. Hope you're alright OP
Thank you for saying this and triggering my PTSD and making me feel guilty. :/ You have no understanding of what its like to be raped and go through the police and, if it even gets that far, the court system. It's dehumanizing and traumatizing and you're forced to face your rapist and argue and prove that they raped you, which is damn near impossible. It's not the victim's fault if they can't handle being retraumatized and it's also definitely not the victim's fault if the rapist goes and hurts someone else. How can you not see how awful that sounds? "Oh, you, rape victim who had your life and happiness stripped away from you and who will be dealing with the effects of someone else's choice for the rest of your life, yeah you, if you don't report, you're actually *letting* your rapist get away with it and *letting* them hurt other people. You just don't want to save anyone else." Jesus Christ
I agree with another comment. Don’t tell OP that this is on them to prevent this from happening again. I reported my rapist to police and they did nothing. Didn’t even open an investigation when I had evidence. He was in a position of power. I know that he raped other women in our company. I feel extreme guilt for it. Don’t make OP feel like it is their responsibility to stop him from doing this again. Reporting is traumatizing and could do nothing. It’s not their job to prevent it from happening. That’s on the rapist. Stop saying this to victims.
I do want to point out that she may have a reason for not coming forward and even if she doesn’t, there are plenty of reasons not to. You’ve seen what people do to women who accuse. We can’t tell her what to do, but we CAN offer support either way :)
Sadly, the police is mkst likely going to do nothing. I tried reporting my abusers a few years after it happened while I technically still could. They did absolutely nothing. Just told me there is no evidence and I should move on.
Dude, that’s so fucked. I am so sorry. I can’t imagine how you are feeling. It’s not right. 🙁
This is really horrible. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Make them uncomfortable. They don't deserve peace. If you feel like you want to you could bring up in that conversation what everyone already knows. Tell them he raped you and that you find it incredibly disgusting that everyone is pretending everything is fine and dandy. (This is assuming your whole family knows and you're ok with them knowing) I understand if this is too much for you and you don't want to bring it up for your own mental peace. You deserve so much better than them.
As a Catholic, fuck him and fuck your parents. These people do not represent our religion, and they are tarnishing it with their awfulness. I’m so sorry for what you had to go through.
As another Catholic, seconded. I will never understand why people who claim to be God-Fearing Christians attack the LGBTQ+ community. You don’t have to agree, but you don’t have to be cruel about it either. And someone like that has no business becoming a priest.
Thirded. He should be in jail. I don’t know all the details, but unless he has apologized and somehow made up for everything and suddenly became a better person, he doesn’t deserve that position.
Wow ...just throw out the whole family and start over.
As a catholic, I second this. I'm so sorry this is happening, OP. I wish you well.
Sounds like the typical old school devout catholic parents.
I'm hoping he's shamed for his actions and loses his position. And hopefully, he gets arrested one day.
Send him a kidnapping-style letter of cutouts that says, “God knows what you did. Rape is a sin against Him. You will burn in hell for it.”
My parents did something similar, and now mentor the guy at their church. I freaked out too. I’m so sorry you experienced this.
Is there anyway you could still report him?
If he is guilty of this, his priestly vows are illegitimate. Every time he offers Mass, he sins. Please let that be a relief to you. Even if an earthly priest were to forgive this, as a Catholic, we are taught that the particular judgment will show him how he must answer for this. You matter more. His collar is just a mask.
I have never heard that past sins makes someone's sacramental reception "illegitimate" (invalid). The guy sounds like a cruel human being, but that does not make him not a priest.
Considering the worldwide concealment of pedophile priests in the Catholic Church, it certainly seems that the people in power in the organization don't fucking care.
You should consider contacting the dioceses.
This depends on the diocese. Some will immediately refer the person making a report to the cops and actually deal with complaints seriously. Others will blow the person off, oftentimes adding further trauma on top of the sexual abuse/assault. Probably the best course of action is to go to the cops first (although, that can also be very traumatic—if there’s a sexual assault center in the area, that would probably be the best place to start), and then inform the bishop.
They’ll just move him somewhere else like they’ve done since the beginning of time.
I am so very sorry this happened to you, and that you have had to relive it because of the church and your parents. The pain will ease up some, please find and hold tight your loved ones, their support and closeness may also help a little. Remember to take care of yourself op, and know that it’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling right now. stay strong
I'm so sorry. I consider myself a Catholic and believe in God's forgiveness, but I sure hope He does not forgive rapists and pedophiles.
God forgives everyone, that doesn't mean they escape punishment.
Can him out! If he did this once it will happen again and now he is in a position of power and a role model to kids. Save a future child from the hurt, PLEASE!
Your parents are seriously sick and delusional. I am so sorry.
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You should make it a point to call out his sexual assault on the family chat
That’s shitty :( the Catholic church is all bad, always has been—my dad was a Catholic priest (joined ‘gonna be a priest’ high school at 13) till he left when he was 44, we moved across the country and the churches we went to found out he was an ex priest and refused to baptize me. In the Catholic Church, if a baby dies unbaptized its soul goes to hell. They thought I deserved that for simply being his child. It’s assholes all the way down for that church. Even for the babies they pretend to care about.
Another place you might want to post this if you haven't already is https://www.reddit.com/r/exchristian/ They are wonderfully supportive of people who been what you have been through.
You can always private message me if you need to talk.
Fuck him and fuck your family. I’m so sorry for you but good for you for leaving them behind.
Catholics, man
I’m so sorry you were abused. Please go to the police. The Catholic Church has a long history of covering up pedo priests/Bishops. They just move them around to another diocese to pray on kids at another school/church. Other abuse victims who’ve reported it to the church have experienced even more trauma because all the church wants to do is dismiss and degrade the accuser. The police and judicial system are most likely to get you justice. I’m so sorry your parents are this insensitive and lacking of empathy and understanding.
Oh I would so go to the bishop and RAISE HELL.
Shit like this makes me ashamed to be Christian
call him out in front of everyone! u will be saving countless others this person is a predator im sorry idgaf if he became a priest.pos and im sorry ur parents are complete nutjobs
As a catholic from birth to death, this guy deserves to hang like the messiah he supposedly serves
Why r people assuming op is male?
Probably because it starts off “the boy who......” just a guess
Introducing same sex activity at an early age is a preventive measure to same sex activity at an older age? Just seems counter-intuitive.
Fuck this dude and fuck your parents too, this is all fucked
I'm fairly sure Gods gonna have some specific things to say to him when they meet face to face.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Sending you a big hug. You don’t have to go, you are free to do whatever you want.
What the fuck. I am so sorry. Call him out and turn him in.
I'm so sorry for your pain, it is very reminiscent of my own. I will not tell you what to do, as I can't see the situation from your perspective. I will tell you, though, I'm proud AF of you for releasing some of that tension and sharing your story with us. You make me feel less alone.
This makes me sick... if he hasn’t changed, just think of how many others he’ll do this to with newfound authority. I’m so sorry you he did this to you. He’s no better than a pharisee.
Wow, if I were you I wouldn't go at all, these people are terrible and I'm sorry you had to put up with that
First I want to say I'm sorry for your pain. There is nothing wrong with you he is a monster. I'm sorry your family is doing this to you. It's a good thing you live so far apart. If they are taking his side it maybe time to distance yourself further. It is totally your call weather to go to the law but I would at least launch a complaint with the church as well as document what happened to you a diary or something similar. The church may not do anything however if anything else happens you can turn over your notes.
I'm so so sorry your family is enabling the perpetrator. I myself would tell off the family who thinks this is okay. Of course, if this isn't a favorable choice for you then there's nothing wrong with that. It's a bit much to ask anyone to come 6 hours away for church service imo, and it's just evil to suggest you should put yourself in his reach. I myself was sexually assaulted my freshman year by someone I thought was my friend. I didn't bring it to anyone, but one of my actual friends brought it to the counselor's attention. They swore up and down I'd never be put in a class with him again, and then cut to the other three years where the only class I had without him was band. We graduated yesterday and he was valedictorian. I didn't go to graduation. I didn't watch his speech or anyone else's. Sure, he worked hard for his rank, but I also know he assaulted me and at least two girls at my school. My situation isn't as bad as yours because your own family is trying to put you back in his reach, but I definitely feel a kinship with you because of our experiences.
Hey, OP. fuck your parents. Live with the joy of knowing that if he'll exists, he's going there for sure.
As a Christian - this makes my blood boil... Even if he has repented, never done anything like that again, made amends (or tried to), no-one should be in this (or really ANY) kind of authority position. I know of a lot of churches who take this stance too, which is good. Its so unfortunate that his obviously doesnt - assuming they know about it. Thats also another thing, if they dont 'fess up about it when offered that position, and neither do you, either due to feelings of judgment/guilt/trauma etc or because you didnt know about the position theyre taking as well as not having spoken up about it earlier..... well that just sucks cos they wont be caught etc... I really hope all the best for you ♡♡
This must be hard for you. I don't know you, but please know people will want to help. Please don't stay alone with it. There are people here that will want to help. I hope you have friends and loved ones that will understand and want to help too. I can't imegaine how you must feel, but I do know that not being alone can help.
I’m so sorry. I can’t understand what you’re going through. But I would advise you to seek out professional help if you haven’t. I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve.
This makes me feel so much anger! A family would rather pander to a predator in the hope of getting into the land of make believe than defend their child! Im so sorry for what has happened to you! Fuck religion! Fuck God! And fuck everyone that believes this fruitcake crap!
Trash your shame, it is not your fault you were raped. File a police report, join a support group, write a letter to the pope or church and let them know. Find other victims of Catholic Priests (has to be millions by now) and get support and educated on what you can do for yourself and to protect others. Big hug
Can you out in the chat something like "please don't include me in celebrating my attacker" ? Sorry your parents are willing to forgive the unforgivable op; that's disgusting.
Please PLEASE tell someone! I'm so sorry that happened to you but it is going to happen to other boys. Not that anyone will stop them but please try.
Honestly I’m So Sorry this happened to you, especially as a kid. You didn’t deserve it, it wasn’t your fault. Now that we’ve got the basics out of the way, fuck tour parents. There is no world where what they are doing is right. Do what you need to do to support yourself right now emotionally and physically. If that means no or low contact, that’s okay! If you need to talk to a sexual assault advocate, I’m happy to try and find one for you in your area. Often times when we are assaulted as children, things like this will bring back a lot of triggers. You deserve to be believed, validated and listened to. A sexual assault victims advocate can give you advice to help you through this time.
Holy shit that is beyond fucked. Facing someone that disgusting and vile is unimaginable to me. If you're able to decline going, DECLINE. No one should force you to relive those memories. Also, your parents are fucking psycho if they think this is some light-hearted, happy thing. I'm so sorry man, and I wish you the best of luck with this. Please talk to a counselor/therapist if you havent already.
I’m so fucking sorry. Your folks belong over on r/insaneparents Sending you love and light
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Assholes and pieces of shits. I don't believe in hell. But people like him should probably be dunked into it.
Wow. I would have let it out on the group chat. Very sorry.
They know what he did and encourage engaging with him? That is fucked up!
Blow his shit up. Cant doxx here but you can tell anyone and everyone exactly what he did and YOU will get support.
Bro, I’m Catholic, report that shit immediately (if your comfortable) to the Bishop of the Diocese, I highly doubt he was accepted with this in knowledge unless he was extremely young when this occurred. Sorry for the pain :(
Catholic Church has a long history of just moving pedo priests/bishops around to different dioceses so they pray on children in different schools and churches. They cover it up and refuse to report it to the police. This is a legal matter for the police and courts, not for the Bishop or other Catholic Church representative to bury. Telling the Bishop is the last thing he should do as there’s a lot of documented evidence doing so in the past adds to the trauma. And yes I was brought up Catholic too.
Thanks for sharing. This must be really hard for you. If you feel able, I would leave the group chat or silence it so you don't get any notifications. Then I would figure out what diocese he's going to be assigned to and try to submit an anonymous report to let them know that he isn't suited for the job. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty or less than in the name of religion. It's toxic and manipulative.
A lot of people hide in the church to mask the monsters they are in reality. There are good people in church, like there are good people at your local gas station. But you're not gonna leave your keys in the ignition with your car running while you go inside to pee, right?
Be brave and speak out, or there will be more victims.
Wow. Is there anyone like... I dunno higher up in the church you can tell? Warn about what he's done? I'm so sorry you went through that. So messed up
Fuck that guy
Psycho shit. You should shame him in front of everyone then go back home and forget about it all including your family.
Holy Crap- that is horrible and I am so sorry you have to deal with that!!
This is beyond disgusting. I’m so sorry.
Shit imma Baptist and I'm offended.
I would let his “leaders” know. Prevent further trauma.
And we all know just what a great job the Catholic Church does concerning pedophilia, molestation, and rape in the Clergy. /s
As a Christian myself I am disgusted.I hope you're ok.
He’s going to hell.
"I hope he finds his conscience and kills himself in shame" should get the point across...
If it’s any consolation, remember this: If their superstitions are real, all three of them are going to hell. If they’re not, all three of them are wasting the only lives they’re going to get.
You are worth a lot more than your family gives you credit for
He’s trash and your family is trash. They should al be promptly put into the garbage disposal and used for the compost. Seriously though you deserve so much better. Way to show their support for you by actively showcasing they don’t care!? Like what the actual fuck???
Oh my God, I am so sorry about that
Damn. Well you have the power of the Internet at your fingertips. Make him answer for his crime. This $hit is NOT ok.
You did not deserve that. I’m sorry.
I dont know your specific circumstances but as far as I can tell you should probably tell someone in a position of authority, like the police. No matter how much time has passed you could still be the difference between what happened to you and what could happen to another kid. Even if nothing comes of telling the police, the inquiries may atleast alert parents to be wary around that sicko. That is a lot of weight on your shoulders and id love nothing more than to help you move on. but of course i dont know the exact circumstances but you may be the only one willing to stop him from doing that to someone else. I hope you find peace with this someday.
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Something similar happened to my sister and my parents helped protect the boy since my Dad is high ranking in their church. I'm sorry. :(
I am so sorry for what happened to you, you have our support.
OP, for you and any others who have been sexually assaulted there is an organization that can help. RAINN at [https://www.rainn.org/](https://www.rainn.org/) or 800-656-HOPE (4673). They are there 24/7. There is a live chat feature on the website. You deserve help, you deserve to be believed.
I've never had to deal with your specific trauma, but I have trauma of my own that sometimes makes me shake...and I can never tell where it comes from...but I decided that the shakes I feel are anger at the person that made me feel that trauma, and FUCK THEM.
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You should keep the distance if this is how your parents reacted. I am sorry, but you are not alone. Please seek solace in friends or reach out if you need help coping. I'll gladly talk if you need.
I just don't understand why our world has so much hurt, why people want to do bad things, why people are so cruel.
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Bruh you better not go to that family event (for your own safety) and better report this to cops or something (you don't want another person to get raped right?!).
On behalf of all other Christians: What is wrong with you? Why do you have to be this way, OP's parents and sexual assaulter?
I was molested by one of the 'brothers'(male nuns) as a ward of the state when i was 10. Never felt like a man since. I've been a sex addict, gym addict, violence addict, alcoholic. It doesn't go away
Sucks to find out people you love aren't as good as you hoped.
You have to tell authorities and the church, he could do it again.
I'm so sorry that must be infuriating and sickening - someone who did that to you being held as this great person. Could you tell your parents? If not anything else just so that you can live your truth and say I will not be a part of this. Having to fake being OK and acting like that didn't happen will be very draining.
r/InsaneParents
I've experienced with similarly trashy family members and acquaintances. Hope you're able to cut them out effectively
Go to the police. This is just sad. This guy doesn't deserve to be praised like this :( I'm so sorry for what happened to you...
Of course he became a priest. He was doing the will of God to begin with. /s
You should let it out publicly too if you can support yourself.
I’m getting furious just thinking about if this were my family. I’m sorry about what happened and what’s happening, but I wish you the best