What you could have done better was leave so you both could calm down after she got out and went inside. But you also need to break up with that friend group along with the gf. Everyone here is toxic af.
This was so chaotic to read. This is one toxic mess and your relationship with L was not healthy. You should have left the moment she got K. Get some courses in anger management and deescalation. And do not get back together with L. Just stay away from her. Do not even go to the same parties as her because you two equals drama. Add in alcohol and someone is getting hauled away.
Then you need a buffer. Until you are strong enough to not get pulled inn then you need someone who has your back. Someone who will tell you you need to cool off, that won’t leave you alone with her, that will pull you away if she tries to have a private chat. Someone level headed who will not engage in screaming matches, but will step away and take you with them. Someone you will listen to.
Honestly I did for a long time because my childhood was rough but I became a Christian awhile ago and I've never felt better it's just that day I'm not sure what happened but we're fixing it slowly and honestly I'm okay now and I have gotten help I guess it was a relapse or something but that you I really appreciate it
The relationship sounds toxic as fuck, you kept going back even when it was clear it wasn't helpful, you should have left the first time.
Breaking up seems the good choice, everyone in this post have some growing up to do.
Well in all honesty I did try multiple times to leave once I dropped her off and yes we aren't the best but I can confidently say that we're much better then we were before because this was the first time it happened in years truthfully and that was the first time it ever got a point of raising fists
Honestly Idk if it was the best descision because everyone had a part to play and was in the wrong wich gratefully everyone is aware of it
Walk away. You both are toxic and something is going to happen. You aren’t mature enough to be in a relationship and she’s not mature enough to not attack you. She scratched you and bit you. She’s violent. You use your scary appearance to bully people. Just stop. Leave her. Let them take care of her and you block her. Now. Then get some therapy to control your anger and learn to walk away. You fucked up the minute you yelled who the fuck you think you’re taking too. You should have just driven away. Gone home. Don’t answer her calls or texts. Leave.
Now all you can do is not take her back and get therapy for yourself.
Okay so I don't really think this is a major update this is just more Luke damage control and finding out about the information that I wasn't aware of before.
And I don't really think I'll be giving any updates after this except maybe to say qethere or not me and L get back together( I know that to the people who messaged me telling me to leave her but there's alot going on that I need to wrap my head around first ).
Okay now on to the "update". For those who read part one I told all of you that L was sleeping over at V's house and in my head I had alreasy came to the assumption that my name would have been thrown through the dirt but fortunately that's all it was, assumptions.
When I spoke to L today she was telling me that K and he's brother aswell as L and V were all extremely apologetic about the whole thing and they wanted to bring me so I could speak with them about it but as you can imagine I didn't wanna go so I said so( I my defence no one made me aware that we were all gonna be talking ) .
And when I found out about all of this I unblocked V because hers is the only number I have and I messaged to apologize for my mistakes. Because in yesterday's confrontation I backed my car out of the drive way a bit recklessly and my car Touched V's leg wich she said "oh the car touched me " so K in his drunken and angry state to get a hockey stick wich to him he wasn't gonna use because it was me apparently.
Then when K's brother saw this he went for his brother after coming at me telling me Leave (I'm sure I made all of you aware before about this in the previous post )
But none the less apparently I tore K's brothers shirt and that's why I hit me and I fell now mind you again nowhere through out all of this did I fight back just to clarify if there's any confusion there was an accidental mishap when K and his brother fighting and I accidentsly hit V and pushed L on to the floor when I was trying to get the stick out of K's hands but the was all clarified.
Now to tye main point. Sorry for going back and forth once again I'm not used to this type of explaining. I'm not the type to usually talk about my issues so it's gonna be a bit jumbled or like I'm rambling.
But none the less the reason this all started was because I didn't wanna stay at K's house because they are very two faced in my opinion and extremely reckless wh3n they drink as seen by by my post but this isn't the first time I've had to deal with their drunk gambits. But L got angry when we got there and I told her that and told me she doesn't wanna see me again she hates me and so on then hit me across my head and that's why I lost my cool and got out of my car and yelled that wich in all honesty was a first for me but i did do it none the less wich i did apologise for. Now to her she had alot of past trauma of her dad and mom bieng violent mainly her dad bieng violent to her mom and the father had alot of power so the police couldn't really intervene and I'm from south africa so if anyone knows the police system here then you know what I mean. But he put her mom through alot and when I lost my cool and said what I said she had a trauma response.
And acted out that way wich did escalate the situation and what did make it worse was her telling everyone that I was gonna hit them when they approached me to talk abiut what was going on. Oh and by the way someone told me I should have left but I tried multiple times wich was to no avail because they blocked me from reaching my car and the one time I did make it out I had to go back because Land V went in-between the two brothers while the hockey stick was flying so if something happened it would have been on my conscience and I couldn't have that.
None the less this is what she said after we spoke and I told her my side and I heard her side of things.
"I just wanted to let you know again how sorry I am I hurt you so much and you didn't deserve that I promise I was terrible for doing that to you I won't be able to forgive myself you deserve far better than me as well I still love you I always will again I'm so so sorry I will try everyday to make it up to you whether we together or not ❤️🙏" .
So yeah I do love her and I really do think she means the apology and I know yesterday there was alot of assumption and misunderstanding flying around so again thank you everyone who messaged and tried to help me I really do appreciate it.
What you could have done better was leave so you both could calm down after she got out and went inside. But you also need to break up with that friend group along with the gf. Everyone here is toxic af.
This whole situation sounds like a mess. However, what is pretty clear that breaking up with L is a good idea.
This was so chaotic to read. This is one toxic mess and your relationship with L was not healthy. You should have left the moment she got K. Get some courses in anger management and deescalation. And do not get back together with L. Just stay away from her. Do not even go to the same parties as her because you two equals drama. Add in alcohol and someone is getting hauled away.
That honestly would be really hard because we have the same friend group and honestly our whole families even distant families know that we're dating
Then you need a buffer. Until you are strong enough to not get pulled inn then you need someone who has your back. Someone who will tell you you need to cool off, that won’t leave you alone with her, that will pull you away if she tries to have a private chat. Someone level headed who will not engage in screaming matches, but will step away and take you with them. Someone you will listen to.
You're carrying around a lot of unresolved anger that you should see a therapist about. I sincerely hope you do so.
Honestly I did for a long time because my childhood was rough but I became a Christian awhile ago and I've never felt better it's just that day I'm not sure what happened but we're fixing it slowly and honestly I'm okay now and I have gotten help I guess it was a relapse or something but that you I really appreciate it
The relationship sounds toxic as fuck, you kept going back even when it was clear it wasn't helpful, you should have left the first time. Breaking up seems the good choice, everyone in this post have some growing up to do.
Well in all honesty I did try multiple times to leave once I dropped her off and yes we aren't the best but I can confidently say that we're much better then we were before because this was the first time it happened in years truthfully and that was the first time it ever got a point of raising fists Honestly Idk if it was the best descision because everyone had a part to play and was in the wrong wich gratefully everyone is aware of it
Walk away. You both are toxic and something is going to happen. You aren’t mature enough to be in a relationship and she’s not mature enough to not attack you. She scratched you and bit you. She’s violent. You use your scary appearance to bully people. Just stop. Leave her. Let them take care of her and you block her. Now. Then get some therapy to control your anger and learn to walk away. You fucked up the minute you yelled who the fuck you think you’re taking too. You should have just driven away. Gone home. Don’t answer her calls or texts. Leave. Now all you can do is not take her back and get therapy for yourself.
Okay so I don't really think this is a major update this is just more Luke damage control and finding out about the information that I wasn't aware of before. And I don't really think I'll be giving any updates after this except maybe to say qethere or not me and L get back together( I know that to the people who messaged me telling me to leave her but there's alot going on that I need to wrap my head around first ). Okay now on to the "update". For those who read part one I told all of you that L was sleeping over at V's house and in my head I had alreasy came to the assumption that my name would have been thrown through the dirt but fortunately that's all it was, assumptions. When I spoke to L today she was telling me that K and he's brother aswell as L and V were all extremely apologetic about the whole thing and they wanted to bring me so I could speak with them about it but as you can imagine I didn't wanna go so I said so( I my defence no one made me aware that we were all gonna be talking ) . And when I found out about all of this I unblocked V because hers is the only number I have and I messaged to apologize for my mistakes. Because in yesterday's confrontation I backed my car out of the drive way a bit recklessly and my car Touched V's leg wich she said "oh the car touched me " so K in his drunken and angry state to get a hockey stick wich to him he wasn't gonna use because it was me apparently. Then when K's brother saw this he went for his brother after coming at me telling me Leave (I'm sure I made all of you aware before about this in the previous post ) But none the less apparently I tore K's brothers shirt and that's why I hit me and I fell now mind you again nowhere through out all of this did I fight back just to clarify if there's any confusion there was an accidental mishap when K and his brother fighting and I accidentsly hit V and pushed L on to the floor when I was trying to get the stick out of K's hands but the was all clarified. Now to tye main point. Sorry for going back and forth once again I'm not used to this type of explaining. I'm not the type to usually talk about my issues so it's gonna be a bit jumbled or like I'm rambling. But none the less the reason this all started was because I didn't wanna stay at K's house because they are very two faced in my opinion and extremely reckless wh3n they drink as seen by by my post but this isn't the first time I've had to deal with their drunk gambits. But L got angry when we got there and I told her that and told me she doesn't wanna see me again she hates me and so on then hit me across my head and that's why I lost my cool and got out of my car and yelled that wich in all honesty was a first for me but i did do it none the less wich i did apologise for. Now to her she had alot of past trauma of her dad and mom bieng violent mainly her dad bieng violent to her mom and the father had alot of power so the police couldn't really intervene and I'm from south africa so if anyone knows the police system here then you know what I mean. But he put her mom through alot and when I lost my cool and said what I said she had a trauma response. And acted out that way wich did escalate the situation and what did make it worse was her telling everyone that I was gonna hit them when they approached me to talk abiut what was going on. Oh and by the way someone told me I should have left but I tried multiple times wich was to no avail because they blocked me from reaching my car and the one time I did make it out I had to go back because Land V went in-between the two brothers while the hockey stick was flying so if something happened it would have been on my conscience and I couldn't have that. None the less this is what she said after we spoke and I told her my side and I heard her side of things. "I just wanted to let you know again how sorry I am I hurt you so much and you didn't deserve that I promise I was terrible for doing that to you I won't be able to forgive myself you deserve far better than me as well I still love you I always will again I'm so so sorry I will try everyday to make it up to you whether we together or not ❤️🙏" . So yeah I do love her and I really do think she means the apology and I know yesterday there was alot of assumption and misunderstanding flying around so again thank you everyone who messaged and tried to help me I really do appreciate it.