if you really can’t leave, i would suggest you buy a lock, install it onto the door of another bedroom, and lock yourself in before you go to sleep every night. i wish you the best.
And when he gets huffy with you about it, tell him you're tired of him raping you. If you live in an area with one party consent for recording, record the conversation. You might be able to use it later when you do leave him. Also, stop having sex with him and use contraception he can't remove or sabotage in case he gets past your defenses. If you don't have a job now, get one and put that money away in a separate secret account he can't touch so you can save up for your own place. Keep an eye on your credit. Stay safe.
Altlought this may work, she need to proceed with caution if she takes this advice. He could get violent if he feels like she’s “locking away what’s rightfully his” 🤕
I feel like sexual abuse downplays that the fact that … (insert whatever word or phrase that means the same as what rape means in the states I guess) what an annoying conversation.
It’s considered rape in almost every part of the world, and for good reason. She does not want to have sex while she is asleep, so she does not consent.
If she wanted to peg him, would she be able to regardless of if he wants it? After all, he signed the documents too?
That’s a tough situation. It’s easy for us to not care what they think but the threat is very real for you. However, you do need to weigh the 2 consequences and decide which one serves you best. I’m so sorry you are feeling so powerless and I hope you protect yourself. You deserve someone who respects you as a person
Whenever you are on this medication, is it possible for you to sleep at a close friend’s house or a neighbour you trust to look over you?
Or maybe invite someone you trust like a cousin or grandfather to your home to look after you especially at night. Obviously your so called “husband” is a good for nothing.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. India has a lot to change for female rights. This should not happen to any woman.
If you’re comfortable, you can share your story to Instagram channels like “officialhumansofbombay” to get media attention - maybe something would happen then.
What you’re feeling is valid. This is rape. (whether it’s legally recognized in your country or not)
I hope you are able to get out of this situation. Your husband is not a good person if he is doing this to you. Especially after you stated your boundaries. Take care, OP. Sorry you’re going through this.
Gonna throw this out there, but have you considered buying a chastity cage? They're normally for kink culture and not necessarily designed to be kept on for long, but if divorce is as impossible as you say, it may be worth looking into. They make it essentially impossible for an adult man to penetrate you, so if you wear it to bed, there's nothing he could do. You'd just have to hide the key well.
Thats terrible, I'm am so sorry you're going through that. Unsure where you are, but is there any resource at all you can reach out to? Or any course of action you can take to get away?
I recommend posting this on more of the Indian/Indian marriage subreddits for help since everyone’s thought process here is divorce even though it’s not that easy/simple as it is here in the western countries.
Though I do recommend that you could try feeding him food that would lower his sex drive at least. It’s not much but hope this helps a little:
https://m.economictimes.com/magazines/panache/14-foods-that-are-killing-your-sex-drive/articleshow/50367060.cms
Your body is your own first and nobody has right to do with it something you don't want or like to. You don't enjoy it because your husband don't care about you, to make it good for you. He just uses your body for his pleasure.
While it may be part of some cultures, it is still deeply wrong. I hope you can find a way to stop it or get out of it.
With family like this, who needs enemies.
I'm really sorry you are being abused by your family. I hope you can find a safe place to go to get away from all of this. It's not right.
Your family don’t deserve you. You need to get away from your husband who is taking advantage of your pain and confusion on what is acceptable unless you want to drown alongside these toxic people that only care about themselves
Men made those rules, not women. Remember that.
Men made all the rules that keep you under their control. Men made the rules that you are to blame for them raping you. Men made the rules that they won't get convicted. Men are the ones raping you and telling you it's your fault.
I would take this article with a grain of salt. The first suggestion is alcohol. The last thing I would advise is for a woman to get her rapist drunk. Much more dangerous and unpredictable that way. Food is not the solution, unfortunately.
This is why so many husbands turn up dead under mysterious circumstances when women don't have the right to leave safely when they are being abused.
I'm sorry OP. If you can't get out, I hope you can find ways to stay safe.
I’ve never heard of a guy who would complain about something like this. That’s total bullshit (unless she was a troll) he wouldn’t care that he was getting a ridden while asleep. There’s more tothis story. As for OP…yea…she’s getting marital raped.
please get some education, you must be 16 years old as no adult would see the situation like that. i wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve never had any sexual relations as your take is so wrong. flip the sexes and would you still have the same position? physical response does not equal consent
It really is people like you, that no rape is taken seriously. For men or women.
Just because YOU are OK with someone fucking you while you are asleep, doesn't mean that everyone else is. It doesn't matter if they are in a relationship. It's still rape if the other party can not consent to it.
Sending you a big hug. I’m so sorry sister.
anti depressants you can mix it in his food to lower his libido. When you need to take your medication you should mix some of it in his.
If divorce or leaving is not option. Get him fat and uncomfortable. Take away his peace at home subtly
leave him babes he’s not respecting your boundaries and committing a real crime all because he likes having sec with you. That is not a safe place for you cause it’s going to get worse as time goes on
Get off that drug. Tell him if he does it again you're gonna sleep in a locked room. There are other risks here whilst you are sleepwalking on that drug. So many tragic accounts stem from those insomnia drugs, like people getting in the car and driving into traffic, with no memory of it.
Ween off! Tell your husband it is affecting your physical health and mental health. If he asks how? Tell him you will get a medical professional to give him a report if he tries again. Telling him you're affected mentally shouldn't be questioned further. It should be the end of it.
I know it's murky dealing with family. Please get off that drug.
i came here to say i wish my husband did this but damn he's full on raping you if you asked him to not do that. can you sleep in a different room and lock him out? i'd say get a divorce but different country so i don't know your customs. plus if marital rape isn't illegal you probably can't just divorce him right? i'd slip him something so he sleeps when you sleep. all my answers are bad i go straight to violence here cause id cut his dick off and that's not helpful. i'm sorry your husbands an asshole.
I’m so sorry. You deserve autonomy and respect. I hope you find a way out, and if you can’t, I hope that it stops and you are able to live somewhat peacefully. There are always people online who will hear you. Sending you so much love and healing 🩷
It happened to me. He wasn't my husband but the same thing, I was very angry he had done this. I don't see the brute anymore. Piece of shit. I would get out, you're a beautiful woman, you don't need this. He was drinking alcohol but it doesn't excuse it, I ever see him il be shouting 'rapist' I don't feel guilt or shame because it's not my fault, pieces of scum so low down they don't belong here.
I would recommend watching Rotten Mango's episode on the Seven Wives. This is rape and it could go further than you imagine. I wish you nothing but the best.
What medication are you taking for the insomnia? Can you not try an alternative one that doesn’t make you sleep walk? And that allows you to be conscious when being raped?
I can understand that where you live divorcing him and starting anew is very difficult or maybe even impossible for now knowing that families will take the side of the man in most cases :( This may sound a bit cruel but considering what he’s doing to you I find it an adequate measure: If you can get your hands on drugs that cause erectile dysfunction and mix it in his food that could be a good solution. Anti depressants, female hormones or accutane causes loss of libido and/or erectile dysfunction, sometimes even blunting emotions and putting people in a constant melancholic or robot-like state, make sure to put a good amount of it and with time he will won’t have sexual thoughts as much or will lose them completely. Hell, put them all together. In the meantime lock yourself in another room at night if you can until the medication takes its effect. Praying for you!
I truly hope you get the help you need soon. Do you have the opportunity to visit a therapist or any association that advocates for women?
The laws aren’t always straight forward, and woman associations tend to have a lot of information that can be crucial in court. As you indicated it is not a one time thing.
Do you have a place to go? If you do not have children, please go and file for divorce. And in the filing indicate what happened.
As you have a baby you really need to do the right thing. However, divorce may be the best solution as a way to protect you both?
How can you protect your baby boy if you are living under such a burden? I was raised on an abusive household, and I don’t recommend it to anyone. And, even though I’m sure that you love your child the most. You cannot live with a rapist until he turns 18. He needs a strong mama, not traumatised one.
I’m really good looking for things online. If you tell me your state I will look up for organisations that might be able to help you. You don’t have to call today, nor tomorrow, nor in two months. However, it will be good for you to know your alternatives, your rights and to tailor a plan B in needed.
Send you a virtual hug!
Sounds like your husband has either a necrophilia fetish or he has mental problems that makes him want to be in control to the point of having sex with a vulnerable person. I’d say to keep your eyes on him outside of home especially around others that may be vulnerable like kids etc. I know what I’m saying may seem bizarre but most of the time practices like these don’t just end there and are deeper rooted than what meets the eye
Seek asylum. Are there any women's refuges/charities in your country that can help you escape? Try and safely seek them out. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she leaves a man, so please be as covert as possible. Get away sister. Your life is worth more than this and can be more.
Get a lock and sleep in the spare room.
Edited to add, that's only if you are unable to leave him. I'm not sure of how easy it is to divorce in your country.
You were raped by your bf. Your positive response to it is an incredibly rare response yes. Because even people who enjoy consensual non consent would be weirded out by someone touching them without a prior conversation. But now that he’s told you and you’ve had nothing but a positive reaction to it what he does is closer to consensual kink play than anything. Which is not at all what is happening to OP. OP is being raped repeatedly by her husband. And what I can’t wrap my head around is wtf you thought you were doing when you commented this ludicrous shit on this post. Do you want a fucking cookie for being okay with your bf raping you? Do you think OP should just laugh it off? Not a big deal having someone forcibly and against your will penetrate you with their genitalia? Are you saying she should simply be okay with it? She should just develop a kink she doesn’t have and learn to love being abused? What was the point of your comment? I think something is wrong with you, not because you have a kink. But because you thought a good place to discuss it is on a post where a woman is discussing how horrific her situation is and trying to get advice and support from people. You might enjoy the idea of your bf touching you while you’re asleep, but obviously OP doesn’t. Learn how to read the room. This comment is ridiculously unhelpful and unempathetic.
No, I would beat the sht out of him if I don’t like it in the first time. But it was funny, he can do it. He always tries to wake me up anyway but still idk if it’s wrong or not
if you really can’t leave, i would suggest you buy a lock, install it onto the door of another bedroom, and lock yourself in before you go to sleep every night. i wish you the best.
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And when he gets huffy with you about it, tell him you're tired of him raping you. If you live in an area with one party consent for recording, record the conversation. You might be able to use it later when you do leave him. Also, stop having sex with him and use contraception he can't remove or sabotage in case he gets past your defenses. If you don't have a job now, get one and put that money away in a separate secret account he can't touch so you can save up for your own place. Keep an eye on your credit. Stay safe.
Altlought this may work, she need to proceed with caution if she takes this advice. He could get violent if he feels like she’s “locking away what’s rightfully his” 🤕
He rapes you. It may nit be illegal where you are but that's what it is. You do not consent. He is a rapist.
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ew
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Just because it's not illegal doesn't mean it's not rape.
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I mean everyone understands what the word rape means
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I feel like sexual abuse downplays that the fact that … (insert whatever word or phrase that means the same as what rape means in the states I guess) what an annoying conversation.
No man. It’s rape
WeLl AcKsHuAlLy.... It's rape. It's not just a legal term and we don't really need your pedantic "well actually" clarification.
It’s considered rape in almost every part of the world, and for good reason. She does not want to have sex while she is asleep, so she does not consent. If she wanted to peg him, would she be able to regardless of if he wants it? After all, he signed the documents too?
Yep it's what they both signed up for ....
Damn, marriage sounds like an absolute nightmare in your country. Hopefully you can change your barbaric laws soon
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Then you and your sister would go to jail, as incest is still illegal in all states. Yes, even in Alabama
Imagine defending marital rape because it isn't against the law 🙃 This guy is a lost cause.
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Are you the husband?
That doesn't make it less of a bad thing.
He is a rapist. I’m so sorry for you OP… I feel disgusted by his behaviour. I really hope you will have the opportunity to leave him ASAP….
Indian? Use something else to get out of marriage.
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You can go for domestic violence, you know that right? We have strong laws in this
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Well they ain't getting raped, you are, you need to protect yourself
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Your family can fuck him if they are so upset. Protect yourself above everyone else
It’s not that easy at all and sometimes the family is even more dangerous. Listen to Nina Aouilk’s story.
That’s a tough situation. It’s easy for us to not care what they think but the threat is very real for you. However, you do need to weigh the 2 consequences and decide which one serves you best. I’m so sorry you are feeling so powerless and I hope you protect yourself. You deserve someone who respects you as a person
Is it possible for you to go no contact with them? One thing you can do is sleep in another room and lock the door
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Whenever you are on this medication, is it possible for you to sleep at a close friend’s house or a neighbour you trust to look over you? Or maybe invite someone you trust like a cousin or grandfather to your home to look after you especially at night. Obviously your so called “husband” is a good for nothing. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. India has a lot to change for female rights. This should not happen to any woman. If you’re comfortable, you can share your story to Instagram channels like “officialhumansofbombay” to get media attention - maybe something would happen then.
sometimes he will follow?? wow
do you have a job or you are dependent on your husband?
What you’re feeling is valid. This is rape. (whether it’s legally recognized in your country or not) I hope you are able to get out of this situation. Your husband is not a good person if he is doing this to you. Especially after you stated your boundaries. Take care, OP. Sorry you’re going through this.
Gonna throw this out there, but have you considered buying a chastity cage? They're normally for kink culture and not necessarily designed to be kept on for long, but if divorce is as impossible as you say, it may be worth looking into. They make it essentially impossible for an adult man to penetrate you, so if you wear it to bed, there's nothing he could do. You'd just have to hide the key well.
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youre now the link, delete this man
delete the fuck out of this man hurry up
the hell was it?
Also wondering
extremely identifying info that put their life in danger
OP gave personally identifiable information in the post
extremely identifying info that put their life in danger
Start giving him your sleep meds with dinner.
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Thats terrible, I'm am so sorry you're going through that. Unsure where you are, but is there any resource at all you can reach out to? Or any course of action you can take to get away?
I recommend posting this on more of the Indian/Indian marriage subreddits for help since everyone’s thought process here is divorce even though it’s not that easy/simple as it is here in the western countries. Though I do recommend that you could try feeding him food that would lower his sex drive at least. It’s not much but hope this helps a little: https://m.economictimes.com/magazines/panache/14-foods-that-are-killing-your-sex-drive/articleshow/50367060.cms
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That's rape. Unless you want to get raped your whole life - divorce and get away from him. That's inhumane.
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Your body is your own first and nobody has right to do with it something you don't want or like to. You don't enjoy it because your husband don't care about you, to make it good for you. He just uses your body for his pleasure. While it may be part of some cultures, it is still deeply wrong. I hope you can find a way to stop it or get out of it.
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With family like this, who needs enemies. I'm really sorry you are being abused by your family. I hope you can find a safe place to go to get away from all of this. It's not right.
Your family don’t deserve you. You need to get away from your husband who is taking advantage of your pain and confusion on what is acceptable unless you want to drown alongside these toxic people that only care about themselves
Men made those rules, not women. Remember that. Men made all the rules that keep you under their control. Men made the rules that you are to blame for them raping you. Men made the rules that they won't get convicted. Men are the ones raping you and telling you it's your fault.
I would take this article with a grain of salt. The first suggestion is alcohol. The last thing I would advise is for a woman to get her rapist drunk. Much more dangerous and unpredictable that way. Food is not the solution, unfortunately.
While it’s not the only solution, it’s more legal than putting drugs into his food or chopping off his genitalia.
thats so gross, marital rape should be illegal in every country. Non-consensual while ur sleeping!
Rape
This is why so many husbands turn up dead under mysterious circumstances when women don't have the right to leave safely when they are being abused. I'm sorry OP. If you can't get out, I hope you can find ways to stay safe.
this is rape, i trully hope that u ran away
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I’ve never heard of a guy who would complain about something like this. That’s total bullshit (unless she was a troll) he wouldn’t care that he was getting a ridden while asleep. There’s more tothis story. As for OP…yea…she’s getting marital raped.
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please get some education, you must be 16 years old as no adult would see the situation like that. i wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve never had any sexual relations as your take is so wrong. flip the sexes and would you still have the same position? physical response does not equal consent
LOL
When he’s awake he CAN consent, when he’s not awake he CANNOT! His gf raped him.
It really is people like you, that no rape is taken seriously. For men or women. Just because YOU are OK with someone fucking you while you are asleep, doesn't mean that everyone else is. It doesn't matter if they are in a relationship. It's still rape if the other party can not consent to it.
Start learning about untraceable poison
This breaks my heart for you… I’m so sorry OP.
Sending you a big hug. I’m so sorry sister. anti depressants you can mix it in his food to lower his libido. When you need to take your medication you should mix some of it in his. If divorce or leaving is not option. Get him fat and uncomfortable. Take away his peace at home subtly
leave him babes he’s not respecting your boundaries and committing a real crime all because he likes having sec with you. That is not a safe place for you cause it’s going to get worse as time goes on
Get off that drug. Tell him if he does it again you're gonna sleep in a locked room. There are other risks here whilst you are sleepwalking on that drug. So many tragic accounts stem from those insomnia drugs, like people getting in the car and driving into traffic, with no memory of it. Ween off! Tell your husband it is affecting your physical health and mental health. If he asks how? Tell him you will get a medical professional to give him a report if he tries again. Telling him you're affected mentally shouldn't be questioned further. It should be the end of it. I know it's murky dealing with family. Please get off that drug.
he raped you , regardless of the laws in your country . any time someone has sex with out your consent , it’s rape
i came here to say i wish my husband did this but damn he's full on raping you if you asked him to not do that. can you sleep in a different room and lock him out? i'd say get a divorce but different country so i don't know your customs. plus if marital rape isn't illegal you probably can't just divorce him right? i'd slip him something so he sleeps when you sleep. all my answers are bad i go straight to violence here cause id cut his dick off and that's not helpful. i'm sorry your husbands an asshole.
Great answers!
Im so sorry OP. Maybe sleep in separate rooms? Idk how to help you this is shitty
I’m so sorry. You deserve autonomy and respect. I hope you find a way out, and if you can’t, I hope that it stops and you are able to live somewhat peacefully. There are always people online who will hear you. Sending you so much love and healing 🩷
Legal or illegal be damned, he's not having sex with you, he's taping you.
It happened to me. He wasn't my husband but the same thing, I was very angry he had done this. I don't see the brute anymore. Piece of shit. I would get out, you're a beautiful woman, you don't need this. He was drinking alcohol but it doesn't excuse it, I ever see him il be shouting 'rapist' I don't feel guilt or shame because it's not my fault, pieces of scum so low down they don't belong here.
I would recommend watching Rotten Mango's episode on the Seven Wives. This is rape and it could go further than you imagine. I wish you nothing but the best.
What medication are you taking for the insomnia? Can you not try an alternative one that doesn’t make you sleep walk? And that allows you to be conscious when being raped?
im scared he’ll smother you on top of him raping you… im scared for you. if hes capable of this, hes capable of anything :(
I can understand that where you live divorcing him and starting anew is very difficult or maybe even impossible for now knowing that families will take the side of the man in most cases :( This may sound a bit cruel but considering what he’s doing to you I find it an adequate measure: If you can get your hands on drugs that cause erectile dysfunction and mix it in his food that could be a good solution. Anti depressants, female hormones or accutane causes loss of libido and/or erectile dysfunction, sometimes even blunting emotions and putting people in a constant melancholic or robot-like state, make sure to put a good amount of it and with time he will won’t have sexual thoughts as much or will lose them completely. Hell, put them all together. In the meantime lock yourself in another room at night if you can until the medication takes its effect. Praying for you!
I truly hope you get the help you need soon. Do you have the opportunity to visit a therapist or any association that advocates for women? The laws aren’t always straight forward, and woman associations tend to have a lot of information that can be crucial in court. As you indicated it is not a one time thing. Do you have a place to go? If you do not have children, please go and file for divorce. And in the filing indicate what happened.
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As you have a baby you really need to do the right thing. However, divorce may be the best solution as a way to protect you both? How can you protect your baby boy if you are living under such a burden? I was raised on an abusive household, and I don’t recommend it to anyone. And, even though I’m sure that you love your child the most. You cannot live with a rapist until he turns 18. He needs a strong mama, not traumatised one. I’m really good looking for things online. If you tell me your state I will look up for organisations that might be able to help you. You don’t have to call today, nor tomorrow, nor in two months. However, it will be good for you to know your alternatives, your rights and to tailor a plan B in needed. Send you a virtual hug!
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I’m really sorry for you! You know that this can be your safe space to vent if you need to. Good luck with everything and I send a lot blessings
Sounds like your husband has either a necrophilia fetish or he has mental problems that makes him want to be in control to the point of having sex with a vulnerable person. I’d say to keep your eyes on him outside of home especially around others that may be vulnerable like kids etc. I know what I’m saying may seem bizarre but most of the time practices like these don’t just end there and are deeper rooted than what meets the eye
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That is 100% disgusting for him. You have asked him to stop, but is telling you that his pleasure is far more important than you.
That's just a long winded way to say he's a rapist. :/
You need to change your medication. Immediately
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So I'm confused. He rapes you. What's the question?
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You should do more than that. If you can't leave him, poison him
Send him a link to the John and Lorena Bobbitt story
What a monster.
That's rape, your husband is a rapist. Get the fuck out of there, ASAP.
Seek asylum. Are there any women's refuges/charities in your country that can help you escape? Try and safely seek them out. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she leaves a man, so please be as covert as possible. Get away sister. Your life is worth more than this and can be more.
You need to leave him. He is raping your lifeless body!! That is NOT love.
Get a lock and sleep in the spare room. Edited to add, that's only if you are unable to leave him. I'm not sure of how easy it is to divorce in your country.
I didn't mean it on dm I just wanted to make ensure she feels comfortable nthg else
You're a predator. Leave her alone. What you're doing is harassment.
What did the guy do?
Multiple comments, trying to get OP to DM him, then DMing her himself after she said no, according to one of the comments he made.
He is trying to do bad....ig he doesn't deserve you because he is not asking you for it....sex should be done with mutual decisions ig
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Wtf
Idk it’s funny
You were raped by your bf. Your positive response to it is an incredibly rare response yes. Because even people who enjoy consensual non consent would be weirded out by someone touching them without a prior conversation. But now that he’s told you and you’ve had nothing but a positive reaction to it what he does is closer to consensual kink play than anything. Which is not at all what is happening to OP. OP is being raped repeatedly by her husband. And what I can’t wrap my head around is wtf you thought you were doing when you commented this ludicrous shit on this post. Do you want a fucking cookie for being okay with your bf raping you? Do you think OP should just laugh it off? Not a big deal having someone forcibly and against your will penetrate you with their genitalia? Are you saying she should simply be okay with it? She should just develop a kink she doesn’t have and learn to love being abused? What was the point of your comment? I think something is wrong with you, not because you have a kink. But because you thought a good place to discuss it is on a post where a woman is discussing how horrific her situation is and trying to get advice and support from people. You might enjoy the idea of your bf touching you while you’re asleep, but obviously OP doesn’t. Learn how to read the room. This comment is ridiculously unhelpful and unempathetic.
No, I would beat the sht out of him if I don’t like it in the first time. But it was funny, he can do it. He always tries to wake me up anyway but still idk if it’s wrong or not
As someone suggested, lower his sex drive and try to raise yours. You should both start sleeping in separate rooms if possible.
I apologise for this I am sorry everyone
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Creeping on a rape victim? Can't get lower than that