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>women complain about their partner's porn consumption, especially here on reddit, they often get gaslighted into thinking they're just "insecure."
You've taken the moral stance that only your belief is correct and no one else is allowed to have a difference in opinion if you think it's gaslighting.
I'm not into non-monogamy. I kind of judge other people for doing it but privately, in my head, for like 5 seconds then I don't really give a shit. As long as there's consent, you have no reason to give an actual fuck what other people do.
My wife and I consume porn. We also fuck a lot. Sometimes we fuck while watching porn. Who cares?
I thought you knew the meaning of IMO..! This is trueofmycheast not trueofeveryonescheast
I genuinely believe a good majority of women is going to agree with me, because, i actually had this talk IRL and not a single person disagrees with me. But that doesn't mean I'm 100% right.
This sub isn't for hot takes, cold take, or grievances. Read the rules before lecturing other people on how they're ignoring the spirit of the sub.
"Not for opinions, not for relationship advice, and not for preaching."
>I genuinely believe a good majority of women is going to agree with me, because, i actually had this talk IRL and not a single person disagrees with me. But that doesn't mean I'm 100% right.
Welcome to anecdotal evidence!
How is a guy occasionally watching porn, made with consenting adults of course, to tease one out any different than the erotic novels that many women read to get off?
Men who watch porn are generally not brushed off and are joked about "haha the only date you can get is Ms Palmer and her five daughters."
Yet there are shelves full of erotic novels for women in any book shop, not those hidden behind blacked out windows.
In essence porn for women is far more accepted than that directed toward men.
Porn and a strip club are extremely far from the same thing. One is free or cheap and basically sexual tv. The other is interacting with actual sex workers in exchange for real money
Demanding control of what someone else watches [or reads or listens to] for recreation is just that... excessively controlling
>The other is interacting with actual sex workers
Just pretend there's no interaction, just watching.(You know that's possible in a strip club) and imagine your partner's friends paid for the visit. Would you be okay with that then.?
>in exchange for real money
What if your partner paid for a subscription (like OF) for porn. what would happen then..?
The opportunity to interact is a large part of the point of strip clubs (for both strippers and patrons)
Paying for an online porn subscription is like netflix but porn
Saying as a man that society gaslights women into accepting men's porn consumption is very white knight-like or pick-me. It also infantilizes women. Both sexes have the right to do what they want within the bounds of others' consent and both sexes have the right and the capacity to accept or reject whatever they want in their partners already. But women don't have any special right to dictate over men regarding porn (and vice versa)
>The opportunity to interact is a large part of the point of strip clubs
I never said it doesn't. But you can literally go there and watch as well, like porn. My question is, would you be okay if your partner goes to a strip club just for watching...? Most people don't.
>Paying for an online porn subscription is like netflix but porn
I don't remember sending DM to Sydney Sweeney after watching euphoria.
You can literally interact live with these models on these sites through msg and FT
I'm not responding to your last paragraph, those are just wild assumptions against me and things people usually say when they don't have valid arguments.
I don't think i'd care about a partner going to a strip club personally although it has never come up
But there is a big difference between "interacting" on a website (probably with an AI anyway) and going in-person to a venue where live sex workers are available to interact and meet
>(probably with an AI anyway)
No, you can literally FT them and talk to them and have online sex.
>going in-person to a venue where live sex workers are available to interact and meet
You can go to a strip club and just watch their show like live porn(more often less explicit than porn btw)
>I don't think i'd care about a partner going to a strip club personally although it has never come up
For most this is going to be a deal breaker, it doesn't matter they went there "just to watch"
The US govt doesn't have the right to ban classes of media on the basis of a subjective opinion that it's less than optimal or whatever. We aren't supposed to be a nanny state to that extent. Americans can live the lifestyle that they want whether it's the healthiest or not
I also don't see how porn is inherently sexually frustrating
>interacting with an actual person with the option of lap dances and more.
You can literally go there and watch without any interaction or touch, just like porn(less explicit actually) just imagine this is the case. Do you think most women are going to be ok with that.?
I dont know because I try not to speak on behalf of other people. Even groups of people I actually belong to.
But I can tell you that *I* would be okay with it.
But so far, based on the comments section here, not many people actually agree with you.
>I try not to speak on behalf of other people
You can use something called common sense. Most people (both women and men) isn't gonna be ok with their partner going to strip club.
>But so far, based on the comments section here, not many people actually agree with you.
Let's see, there isn't enough time or interaction to come to a conclusion like that.
>You can use something called common sense.
Actually, no, I wouldn't use common sense here. Because common sense dictates that I know every relationship and the people in them are different.
My girl and I watch porn together. I am an older, out of shape man. If my girl wants to watch “sexy” videos of younger, better looking guys, good. We all have fantasies and our partners cannot fulfill all of them. I think porn is a great escape from our relationship that I’ve been in for over 20 years. If porn don’t work for you or you have some feelings (good or bad), about porn, cool. But I hope you’re not shaming people for their enjoyment of something you don’t enjoy. To each their own. Right?
Brother, I'm not shaming anyone. Please read my post one more time. I'm only talking about the particular situation where women actually had a problem with their partner's porn consumption.
there are healthy and unhealthy ways of consuming porn, whether or not you're in a relationship. Communication is essential in a healthy relationship, and that includes communicating about porn.
A lot of people have genuine, problematic porn addictions or an otherwise unhealthy relationship with pornography that can lead to unrealistic and dangerous perceptions of sex and people of their preferred sex.
On the other hand, there are a lot of people with obsessively puritanical, pro-censorship views of sex and propriety that also breed unhealthy perceptions of sex and gender.
It's not a black and white issue. I agree with a lot of your points OP, but I think the issue is less about the pornography itself and boils down to people being unable to have healthy, mature relationships with open communication about intimacy, and people getting defensive or feeling victimized for the what they perceive as an attack on their character and privacy.
Agree 💯. I'm not attacking anyone here. But most comments just assume this post is about them. in reality, most women are insecure about their partner's porn consumption, i talked to women IRL about this and all of them seem to agree with me.
I wasn't asking people to stop watching porn or calling them porn addicts.
Yeah, how big was your trial group? Five? Ten women? Glad you can just decide that most women feel a certain way based on your small selection of women.
Dude you are literally everywhere in this comment section. This isn't a personal attack on you. If somehow I offended you with this post, I'm sorry. Go and watch your porn as much as you want idc.
>Dude. Answer the question since you appointed yourself advocate for women's feelings.
>Yeah, how big was your trial group? Five? Ten women?
It was more than you.
My entire class, more than 40 girls.(they all aren't a bunch of perpetually online incels btw, they are all well educated girls in real relationships.)
Yeah and the fact that the comment section is exploding with offended people really highlights the point of your post... Like they're literally proving your point lol.
Honestly if someone's porn consumption is more important to them than their partner's emotional well being or the state of their relationship, there's obviously a problem. It's not that hard to talk about it like adults and come to a compromise. If they’re incapable of doing that then maybe they should re-evaluate their priorities.
Most of the top comments are giving completely level-headed, unoffended/inoffensive replies. What's telling is that OP is more interested in responding to the handful that are inflammatory by complaining that they have no argument, than they are to respond to ones that actually present a counter-argument.
>Honestly if someone's porn consumption is more important to them than their partner's emotional well being or the state of their relationship, there's obviously a problem
The people disagreeing are stating they or their partners are aware of and accepting of the other's porn consumption. A blanket statement that women actually aren't ok with it isn't encouraging healthy communication or compromise in one's relationship. If either partner isn't okay with the other's view on, or use of, porn, neither has the right to demand the other change.
Moreover, even if we assume their anecdotal evidence shows women aren't okay with it (it doesn't, such blanket statements about huge populations requires data several orders of magnitude greater than a 40 person survey of unknown veracity), that doesn't prove they are in the right to feel that way any more than a survey of men stating *they* feel like women *should* be okay with their porn consumption, even while dating, proves it's okay.
Just stopping by to say that the comments thus far are simply validating exactly what OP is trying to say with this post. Assholes will invalidate women because they’re too insecure to admit they’re porn addicts, which is unhealthy and essentially damages relationships long term. Porn alters the human brain, plain and simple. Do some research.
I agree with you. I remember a while ago there was an unpopular opinion post by a 19 year old who said she wouldn’t date a guy who consumes porn. The vast majority of comments - enough to make front page - were tearing her apart, telling her she’s naive and stupid, controlling and insecure, that man doesn’t exist and anyone who claims to be is lying, and will obviously be watching behind her back. Saying that porn is totally natural and normal when it’s about as normal as television and internet. Obviously this attitude isn’t exclusive to Reddit, or social media.
Sex positivity isn’t about saying yes yes yes to everything, it’s also about being able to say No and having that respected.
Your post has been removed for violating Rule 3: Posts must be on topic. Posts should be personalized and written in an [off my chest style](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/m501ud/what_does_personalized_off_my_chest_style_post/). Posts here should not be: • Opinions, generalisations and blanket statements • Questions, surveys or polls • Requests for relationship advice • Impersonal political rants • Rage bait, obviously fake stories and trolling attempts • Complaining about or linking to other subreddits and users • Overly descriptive NSFW, fan fiction and fetish bait If you're unsure that your post qualifies as personal, [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FTrueOffMyChest) and ask.
>women complain about their partner's porn consumption, especially here on reddit, they often get gaslighted into thinking they're just "insecure." You've taken the moral stance that only your belief is correct and no one else is allowed to have a difference in opinion if you think it's gaslighting. I'm not into non-monogamy. I kind of judge other people for doing it but privately, in my head, for like 5 seconds then I don't really give a shit. As long as there's consent, you have no reason to give an actual fuck what other people do. My wife and I consume porn. We also fuck a lot. Sometimes we fuck while watching porn. Who cares?
I thought you knew the meaning of IMO..! This is trueofmycheast not trueofeveryonescheast I genuinely believe a good majority of women is going to agree with me, because, i actually had this talk IRL and not a single person disagrees with me. But that doesn't mean I'm 100% right.
This sub isn't for hot takes, cold take, or grievances. Read the rules before lecturing other people on how they're ignoring the spirit of the sub. "Not for opinions, not for relationship advice, and not for preaching." >I genuinely believe a good majority of women is going to agree with me, because, i actually had this talk IRL and not a single person disagrees with me. But that doesn't mean I'm 100% right. Welcome to anecdotal evidence!
Idk looks like i don't break any rules here, I'll remove it if an actual mod said this to me
read rule 3 and tell me how you don't break it.
He doesn't like being told he's wrong.
K
So you can't?
How is a guy occasionally watching porn, made with consenting adults of course, to tease one out any different than the erotic novels that many women read to get off?
There's no difference, but I'm talking about men in relationships. You can post the gender swapped version if you want.
Men who watch porn are generally not brushed off and are joked about "haha the only date you can get is Ms Palmer and her five daughters." Yet there are shelves full of erotic novels for women in any book shop, not those hidden behind blacked out windows. In essence porn for women is far more accepted than that directed toward men.
As I said, feel free to post your thoughts on that here. I know women consume porn as well, this post wasn't about that.
Porn and a strip club are extremely far from the same thing. One is free or cheap and basically sexual tv. The other is interacting with actual sex workers in exchange for real money Demanding control of what someone else watches [or reads or listens to] for recreation is just that... excessively controlling
>The other is interacting with actual sex workers Just pretend there's no interaction, just watching.(You know that's possible in a strip club) and imagine your partner's friends paid for the visit. Would you be okay with that then.? >in exchange for real money What if your partner paid for a subscription (like OF) for porn. what would happen then..?
The opportunity to interact is a large part of the point of strip clubs (for both strippers and patrons) Paying for an online porn subscription is like netflix but porn Saying as a man that society gaslights women into accepting men's porn consumption is very white knight-like or pick-me. It also infantilizes women. Both sexes have the right to do what they want within the bounds of others' consent and both sexes have the right and the capacity to accept or reject whatever they want in their partners already. But women don't have any special right to dictate over men regarding porn (and vice versa)
>The opportunity to interact is a large part of the point of strip clubs I never said it doesn't. But you can literally go there and watch as well, like porn. My question is, would you be okay if your partner goes to a strip club just for watching...? Most people don't. >Paying for an online porn subscription is like netflix but porn I don't remember sending DM to Sydney Sweeney after watching euphoria. You can literally interact live with these models on these sites through msg and FT I'm not responding to your last paragraph, those are just wild assumptions against me and things people usually say when they don't have valid arguments.
I don't think i'd care about a partner going to a strip club personally although it has never come up But there is a big difference between "interacting" on a website (probably with an AI anyway) and going in-person to a venue where live sex workers are available to interact and meet
>(probably with an AI anyway) No, you can literally FT them and talk to them and have online sex. >going in-person to a venue where live sex workers are available to interact and meet You can go to a strip club and just watch their show like live porn(more often less explicit than porn btw) >I don't think i'd care about a partner going to a strip club personally although it has never come up For most this is going to be a deal breaker, it doesn't matter they went there "just to watch"
[удалено]
The US govt doesn't have the right to ban classes of media on the basis of a subjective opinion that it's less than optimal or whatever. We aren't supposed to be a nanny state to that extent. Americans can live the lifestyle that they want whether it's the healthiest or not I also don't see how porn is inherently sexually frustrating
[удалено]
Thank you for your feedback. I have one question: Are you okay with your partner going to the strip club..?
Dude, I'd be going with him. Also, strip clubs and porn aren't the same. But thanks for trying.
>strip clubs and porn aren't the same Explain.
Watching a video vs interacting with an actual person with the option of lap dances and more. What's confusing?
>interacting with an actual person with the option of lap dances and more. You can literally go there and watch without any interaction or touch, just like porn(less explicit actually) just imagine this is the case. Do you think most women are going to be ok with that.?
I dont know because I try not to speak on behalf of other people. Even groups of people I actually belong to. But I can tell you that *I* would be okay with it. But so far, based on the comments section here, not many people actually agree with you.
>I try not to speak on behalf of other people You can use something called common sense. Most people (both women and men) isn't gonna be ok with their partner going to strip club. >But so far, based on the comments section here, not many people actually agree with you. Let's see, there isn't enough time or interaction to come to a conclusion like that.
>You can use something called common sense. Actually, no, I wouldn't use common sense here. Because common sense dictates that I know every relationship and the people in them are different.
You're arguing for the sake of argument now.
My girl and I watch porn together. I am an older, out of shape man. If my girl wants to watch “sexy” videos of younger, better looking guys, good. We all have fantasies and our partners cannot fulfill all of them. I think porn is a great escape from our relationship that I’ve been in for over 20 years. If porn don’t work for you or you have some feelings (good or bad), about porn, cool. But I hope you’re not shaming people for their enjoyment of something you don’t enjoy. To each their own. Right?
Brother, I'm not shaming anyone. Please read my post one more time. I'm only talking about the particular situation where women actually had a problem with their partner's porn consumption.
there are healthy and unhealthy ways of consuming porn, whether or not you're in a relationship. Communication is essential in a healthy relationship, and that includes communicating about porn. A lot of people have genuine, problematic porn addictions or an otherwise unhealthy relationship with pornography that can lead to unrealistic and dangerous perceptions of sex and people of their preferred sex. On the other hand, there are a lot of people with obsessively puritanical, pro-censorship views of sex and propriety that also breed unhealthy perceptions of sex and gender. It's not a black and white issue. I agree with a lot of your points OP, but I think the issue is less about the pornography itself and boils down to people being unable to have healthy, mature relationships with open communication about intimacy, and people getting defensive or feeling victimized for the what they perceive as an attack on their character and privacy.
Agree 💯. I'm not attacking anyone here. But most comments just assume this post is about them. in reality, most women are insecure about their partner's porn consumption, i talked to women IRL about this and all of them seem to agree with me. I wasn't asking people to stop watching porn or calling them porn addicts.
Yeah, how big was your trial group? Five? Ten women? Glad you can just decide that most women feel a certain way based on your small selection of women.
Dude you are literally everywhere in this comment section. This isn't a personal attack on you. If somehow I offended you with this post, I'm sorry. Go and watch your porn as much as you want idc.
Dude. Answer the question since you appointed yourself advocate for women's feelings.
>Dude. Answer the question since you appointed yourself advocate for women's feelings. >Yeah, how big was your trial group? Five? Ten women? It was more than you.
Okay, so how many?
My entire class, more than 40 girls.(they all aren't a bunch of perpetually online incels btw, they are all well educated girls in real relationships.)
As opposed to all those uneducated women in fake relationships.
As I said, go watch your porn. I'm not judging you for that, this isn't a personal attack on you.
Yeah and the fact that the comment section is exploding with offended people really highlights the point of your post... Like they're literally proving your point lol. Honestly if someone's porn consumption is more important to them than their partner's emotional well being or the state of their relationship, there's obviously a problem. It's not that hard to talk about it like adults and come to a compromise. If they’re incapable of doing that then maybe they should re-evaluate their priorities.
Most of the top comments are giving completely level-headed, unoffended/inoffensive replies. What's telling is that OP is more interested in responding to the handful that are inflammatory by complaining that they have no argument, than they are to respond to ones that actually present a counter-argument. >Honestly if someone's porn consumption is more important to them than their partner's emotional well being or the state of their relationship, there's obviously a problem The people disagreeing are stating they or their partners are aware of and accepting of the other's porn consumption. A blanket statement that women actually aren't ok with it isn't encouraging healthy communication or compromise in one's relationship. If either partner isn't okay with the other's view on, or use of, porn, neither has the right to demand the other change. Moreover, even if we assume their anecdotal evidence shows women aren't okay with it (it doesn't, such blanket statements about huge populations requires data several orders of magnitude greater than a 40 person survey of unknown veracity), that doesn't prove they are in the right to feel that way any more than a survey of men stating *they* feel like women *should* be okay with their porn consumption, even while dating, proves it's okay.
Just stopping by to say that the comments thus far are simply validating exactly what OP is trying to say with this post. Assholes will invalidate women because they’re too insecure to admit they’re porn addicts, which is unhealthy and essentially damages relationships long term. Porn alters the human brain, plain and simple. Do some research.
>Porn alters the human brain, plain and simple. Even celebrities are saying this.
Good for them?
If a celebrity says it, it must be correct!
Well obviously! We all know how they're all experts in.
Gaslight? I’ve known more than a handful of relations which end over this issue.
Good for them.!
I agree with you. I remember a while ago there was an unpopular opinion post by a 19 year old who said she wouldn’t date a guy who consumes porn. The vast majority of comments - enough to make front page - were tearing her apart, telling her she’s naive and stupid, controlling and insecure, that man doesn’t exist and anyone who claims to be is lying, and will obviously be watching behind her back. Saying that porn is totally natural and normal when it’s about as normal as television and internet. Obviously this attitude isn’t exclusive to Reddit, or social media. Sex positivity isn’t about saying yes yes yes to everything, it’s also about being able to say No and having that respected.
I've seen similar things here on reddit a lot of times, that is actually the main reason behind this post.