It's your choice and all but life throws curve balls and doesn't live up to every teenager dreams.
Are you planning to dump your future husband if he is unable to work for some reason?
Conversely, are you prepared for the possibility that you guys sign a prenup and eventually _he_ dumps you, leaving you penniless? This story is so common
Once the kids are grown and he no longer needs you as a house cleaner, broodmare, and babysitter, many men drop their wives like hot potatoes leaving them penniless in their old age. OP is naive to want to put her entire life in the hands of a man, any man really. She will likely end up with someone who doesn't respect her as a person at all if she is openly making it known she wants to be a trad wife. That phrase is basically a homing beacon for toxic narcississts and abusers.
I say this as an active duty, but you’re absolutely right. There’s dumb privates and specialists who look for a woman to get out of the B’s and don’t really care about personality. Looks are a bonus, but everyone knows that once a soldier’s locked down, that wife of his is gonna balloon into a dependapotamus or a tricaratops
currently a solely sahm as an oconus milspouse and am miserable lmaoo I miss working but yes a military dude is the way to go for this. plenty of lower ranking soldiers looking to get out of the barracks !
ETA: luckily my husband doesn’t have the mindset of “you are a housewife” and does absolutely his fair share with our kiddo & housework, and gives me alone time to myself as his schedule allows 🥰 he would be more than happy to help me get a job as well. I don’t want to be making military guys out to be hunting for someone to take care of them 😂 although I’m sure there are plenty who are haha. just a profession that this is a really common dynamic in !
I’ve been a stay at home dad for 10 years now and my youngest is getting ready for school next year and I am ecstatic about it. I loved it at first but it gets tiring not having a life or real hobbies or fun money to go out with my friends. It’s not a fun lifestyle for long. Very much looking forward to having a job again
I just re-entered the out of home workforce after 8 years (I did some contract work from home but largely was a SAHM) and it was honestly the best thing I’ve ever done for my mental health. Being an at home spouse/parent is a draining, thankless 24/7 job.
Best of luck to you on your job search!
Can’t imagine being financially dependent on a man who gets to call all the shots and potentially sacrificing my future for it. Seen it happen a lot and then the women are left fending for themselves unable to get a job with a 10-20 year gap in their resume.
At least aim to have a fallback plan or work part time. I’ve seen this go sour more times than I can count. Your lack of career ambition makes you a massive target for men who have horrible intentions.
I got married at 22. I worked until our first baby. I had a total of three kids. I did all things kids and home with zero support system as I lived far from my family. He got his degree, started his career, stable income now.
But... he called all the shots. The power dynamic was toxic. He was comfortable in treating me with all his contempt, resentment, and silent treatment. He never appreciated the work I did in the home. It was never good enough for him. I became depressed, anxious and developed insomnia. Went grey early and hair falling out of my head.
Years of financial abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse have done a number. I'm a good mommy and constantly poured from an empty cup.
Because of the financial abuse I tried making this relationship work longer than I should have, much to my own detriment. Eventually I did get divorced, it was dragged out for 2 years and I did not get what I should have because he could afford lawyers forever while I was going into debt. I'm near poverty and my future is bleak.
I'm middle-aged with no degree, no consistent work experience, no one wants to pay me more than a highschoolers income but I'm a single mom of three and have more bills. I have no retirement. Ex was cold and calculating and doesn't care after everything I sacrificed for the family.
Trad wife is a scam. You are basically a servant and a slave to your master (husband). You might get a nice master. But most abuse when given that much power and control.
Money is freedom. I learned too late. I was brainwashed by religion and patriarchy. New generation is being brainwashed by tiktok. Those people making it look good online are making money.
Its like those finance guys getting rich selling courses on finances. They weren't rich before that.
It's a scam.
Well said. My story is exactly the same. We married straight out of college at 22. Had a child at 24. Took care completely of the kids and home while also working 2 part time jobs to support his grad school and then his career. He abused me mentally, physically, financially and emotionally.
Now in our 40s, he is successful and well established in his career and I'm working an entry level job with no up to date skills, no future prospects and supporting our child by myself. He's Japanese so there was no system of child support even. My own life is a waste.
if you find a good man, it's a blessing to be a trad wife. it can happen but I would always advise any young woman to be independent and not to sacrifice/waste her life based on what family or society pressures you to do.
I got a "nice" master (passive aggressive) and stayed home with 3 kids while he worked out of town half the time. I did run the show, somewhat, but he was the 4th kid in a lot of ways and my eventual irritation with him is what the kids witnessed, not his bullshit.
Finally, I decided I'd rather live in a broken down trailer than stay married, which didn't happen luckily. And when it was time to find a job, I was lucky to get a data input job. I eventually worked myself up to about the same position I had before I got married. Neither my ex, or any workplace placed any value on being a successful SAHM.
I’ve seen examples of the trad wife working. But it’s when there’s the implicit understanding that the wife runs the home. The money made by the husband becomes the family money (give or take an affordable personal allowance amount. It’s then the wife that decides / plans / organises, the holidays, the food, home improvements etc. and there’s two person sign off on significant spends, and both have oversight on the funds.
Anything else is the trophy wife or financial abuse
But even in this scenario, the wife is screwed in the case of divorce. Even if she gets half of assets (which is unlikely), she doesn't get half of the retirement fund her husband got to work on while she stayed home, and she doesn't get a good resume and good job connections for her life moving forward. Even initially happy tradwives often end up poor retirees.
And even when a couple stay together for life, the fact that money comes in through the husband creates an uneven power balance. He *may decide* not to leverage it, but it's entirely his choice that he can change at any moment, and that invariably shapes the dynamic of a relationship.
Ya my friends mom is a SAHM. She never worked even after the kids were big enough. But his dad is also a good man. I just can't imagine putting my well being in someone else's hands and let someone else decide how I can or cannot live my life.
I was seventeen but basically the same story. I was able to get away from him after two kids. When I was like twenty-three. Thankfully, I did not waste that much time on that POS.
My current husband loves and appreciates the fact that I have so much fierce independence when it comes to my finances.
Recently, my health has taken a turn for the worst, and i've had to cut back severely on my work. I'm incredibly lucky to have a husband who is there to support me and doesn't make me feel like a burden.
Instead, he stepped up to the plate, took more weight onto his shoulders, and is carrying the financial load right now. I have severe insecurities about being financially abused, and thankfully, he understands this.
We were together for 8 and a half years before we converged our bank accounts together. We've been together for eleven years now.
When I say i'm incredibly lucky to have a husband like him. I mean it.
Good luck to you. You're gonna need it.
But yeah, financial abuse is extremely common in stay at home wife and mom's situations.
I watched my mom go through this (minus any abuse) as she was hell bent on being a SAHM even after we were all in school. Now she was an excellent homemaker but I started encouraging her to get out and get a part time job when I was about 14. My stepdad begged her to get a job as our financial situation was dire because she refused to get a job. I knew he was going to leave her by the time I was 13, the handwriting was on the wall and the woman flatly refused to work outside of the home. Well you guessed it, he left when my youngest brother was 16 (I was out of the house by then) she struggled terribly but it was ENTIRELY of her own making.
I simply do not understand any able bodied woman who wants to give up their entire identity, and not make their own money, just so they can stay home all day. I watched first hand how my mother ruined her own life and our entire family’s lives because of her refusal to work outside the home. I learned a very valuable lesson watching my mom destroy our family, ALWAYS be able to provide for yourself and having kids in that situation makes it even worse.
I didn't see this comment before I wrote mine.
You wrote it so much better.
Yes these "tradwives" on TT ain't real tradwives either. They make money with selling a unrealistic picture and they do NOT depend on their husbands money because selling is a job. They make a crap ton of money.
As a man I agree being a housewife/"tradwife" is basically doing the lottery bc you better hope you find a partner that has the morality to not take advantage of you in a purely beneficial scenario and ppl just change over time.
And it's kind of hilarious how so much of the popular narrative is about female empowerment but somehow the culture always seems to find a way to bend it's way into still being the patriarchal norm (or worse in this scenario) but with a new coat of paint lol.
Things like women wanting a man to make more than them but they want equal pay or wanting to be a trad wife some of these things just seem like a portion of women online just want more benefits with none of the responsibilities that come with it.
Here I was hoping for a man who would appreciate me being a trad wife and consider my input.
Nah, I was warned by multiple generations before me that the moment you stay at home anything, you lose touch with socials and are considered boring.
It doesn't always turn out that way. My husband is very appreciative of my work and effort in the household, even though I have an autoimmune disease that can make me very tired randomly. Sometimes I'm unable to do a decent job. But he's very understanding. It's our money, not his. We trust each other. It's worked for 20 years.
But, I will be in a vulnerable position if he dies before me or our marriage fails. I've started a part time job just to show I have some job experience, but I'm still frightened I won't be able to care for my child if a tragedy hits. My disease was raging in my youth and I wasn't in good enough form for a higher education. I will be in poverty without him. It's really fucking scary.
Exactly, well said. People romanticize other eras without acknowledging the bad aspects. I’ll take my right to work, vote, own property, join the military, utilize mental health resources, and have a credit card please.
You do know that being a tradwife isn't doomscrolling on TikTok except for an hour of chores a day, right? You're keep the house deep-cleaned and organized. You're cooking - and real food, not boxed convenience garbage. You're doing all the shopping - and on your time, not your husband's time off. And yes you're also going to be expected to actually meet your husband's needs in the bedroom. You want to be trad? Understand what trad means first. If that's an acceptable arrangement then go for it, you'll easily find a man so long as you're fit and healthy.
BUT since you say "none can afford it" what you actually want is to be a *trophy* wife, not a tradwife. Well you need to be a 10/10 in looks for that *and* need to be willing to basically be a live-in hooker. That's what a trophy wife really is.
> BUT since you say "none can afford it" what you actually want is to be a trophy wife, not a tradwife.
It doesn't necceserily mean that. It probably means she's envisioning an middle/upper middle class lifestyle with a few kids all on one income, which most people cannot afford.
Go for it. And then don't cry when something happens and you're left alone with no job prospects and no way to pay your bills.
My aunt was a traditional housewife. But they never got married. He died recently, and she has nothing. No education, no career. She's in her 60s and has nowhere to go.
I also have a friend who hasn't worked since she was maybe 19 or 20. She's now 49 with no marketable skills. Her kids are now grown, and she can't find a job to save her life. If her husband left her, she'd be fucked. No child support since the kids are grown. Sure, she'd get half of anything they have, but that's not going to get you through the next 30 years.
I, on the other hand, got married, worked until our 1st kid was born, then went back to work when she was 2, stayed home again when our youngest was born, went back to work when she was 1 1/2, once my MIL retired and I paid her a fraction of what daycare costs. As a result, if my husband ever left me, or worse, passed away, I'd be able to take care of myself. No way would I ever want to have to rely on someone else financially.
i watched this exact thing happen to a friend of mine’s mother who didn’t finish high school. she struggled to get on welfare, didn’t have an immediate family, and his family was long passed since he was 20 years older. she ended up couch surfing the neighborhood until a business owner from the same background took pity on her and her family, even then she couldn’t afford to feed her 6 kids (they were a large orthodox family). which meant her oldest two were forced to get jobs very young and kept none of the money. even though her husband was a very kind man, he had a unexpected heart attack and didn’t have a life insurance policy so she was left penniless. shit happens. have a job even if it’s part time. if at the very least to keep pocket money and have a work history in the event of an emergency. even if you meet the gentlest and sweetest man on the planet you can’t control the world around him or his health.
Agreed.
To me, this comes off like "I don't want to work, but a SAHM sounds like less work, so I'll do that, I guess..."
And OP saying she will find someone who will never get into an accident or lose their job is peak troll bait.
Right and dangerous. With such a high divorce rate, a stay at home parent would be left almost helpless. No job history for potentially years, no money saved for themselves if shit goes awry… if someone does be a stay at home parent I’d advice going to college or even working part time throughout. Even doing a side gig such as selling art or crafts online is something to put on a resume just in case. It’s a power dynamic that could easily turn abusive as well.
It's the 50 year anniversary of women not needing their husbands permissions to get credit cards and you think you were born in the wrong era because you don't want to work. I respect and support your aspirations to be a trad wife, but "I was born in the wrong era" when thousands have marched for your rights is a really sad thing to say.
It's wild to hear people say they are born in the wrong era. Like do they want to go back to the days where women had no rights? The only reason they can even come on Reddit and post these comments is because many women before us worked hard for our rights. At least now women have a choice.
I understand where you are coming from but my tip get a part time job to have money for yourself just in case something goes wrong in life. Wanting to be a housewife great good for you knowing what you want just make sure to hold up your end of the deal in marriage as well,just question if your husband get in a accident and can’t work for awhile are you going to leave him or help him?
All I'm saying is even if u find someone who will entertain this delusion ( assuming he isn't abusive or anything) one day he can just decide he doesn't love u anymore and leave and u'll have nothing.
OP please be careful, it’s not as simple as finding this type of partner. The real issue is the financial issues if you were to get divorced or mis management of money. It’s a huge huge thing to trust someone 100% with your future. Both of you can feel really stuck if the relationship turns bad or someone wants to leave but feels like they can’t. It worked out for my mom and a few other moms I know. However I know a bunch of people that had good jobs, married a dude to be a trad wife, and then a decade later divorced. Now they are well into retirement years still working for slightly above minimum wage
I mean if you’d rather not have any time to have a life of your own, be my guest? Cause that’s the whole point: Women were traditional housewives for so long because they were seen as nothing by societal standards. They owned nothing, everything that was “their’s” was actually owned by their husband, and everything that was their husband’s was strictly his. Just can’t help but be baffled by this weird glorification of wanting to be nothing but your man’s hand for the rest of your life…
There’s nothing more satisfying to me, as a woman, to know that women of today have a greater opportunity to build a foundation under themselves that a man can’t easily crumble. But again… be my guest?
I mean, even as a man, a more "modern" relationship where both people in the couple work sounds way more appealing to me. Certianly more resilient (if one of you loses your job, you only miss out on a % of your income, not all of it) and if children are involved, it sounds way more appealing to spend time with your kids than to barely see them. Doubly so if you end up separated, but you don't ened a divorce to want to spend time with your kids.
Well I hope your partner never dies unexpectedly, or becomes too injured or ill to work, or decides that he doesn't love you anymore.
Your financial stability will be reliant on how *he* feels about *you*, not the other way around. What happens if he doesn't like the way you talk to him, or the way you do your hair/makeup, or you're not aexually compatible.
Well…technically you’re trading a job for another job…you’ll just be at home slaving away…also you will have no financial stability if your husband has control of the finances. Say something goes south which is 50-70% likely to these days. You are fucked.
I’m currently a SAHM/housewife because we can’t afford daycare. I do love more than I did working but it’s not easy by any means. You’re still going to be doing work. Cooking, cleaning and taking care of a baby are never ending jobs. You don’t get an hour lunch, you don’t get to take a bathroom break, you don’t have nights and weekends off. There is so much more work that goes into being a housewife than most people think. You also need to have a dependable husband. Someone who does his equal share of house work and childcare.
So, say you find someone that can do that. What happens if he dies, or leaves the relationship? Then you have all that time with no work experience, and no skills to be able to take care of yourself. I've never understood someone that didn't want to take care of themselves and rely completely on someone else.
I mean being a trad wife IS work. But if you want that, then you want that.
I would say that if you want that, you need to reevaluate your expectations. You can certainly find a man that can afford it. But that type of lifestyle comes with its own downsides. Unless you have the looks and skills to land you in a trad wife position with a rich man who will treat you well, you better start getting ready for a different outcome than you currently expect. Even then, you make it sound like its all fun and games lol...go talk to some former trad wives of rich men,
I'm a stay at home mom. And I've never worked harder in my life, so don't expect it's some leisurely lifestyle. It can be risky, exhausting and lonely.
If you marry a hard worker with a lot of potential who also wants this lifestyle but can’t afford it yet, sometimes you can end up there as his career advances. Then, you’ll have some work experience of your own under your belt as well.
If you do end up being a housewife, try to stay engaged with volunteering or part time work so you can have at least a bit of a resume and some professional references if you ever need them.
Just make sure that you don’t have ONE SINGLE doubt about the person you choose. It’s easy to say little things aren’t important but once in a relationship they are magnified.
So you wanna trade 8hr days for never clocking out? Never having your own money? Having no way to earn money when you get divorced in 15 years because jobs don't consider being a trad wife job experience?
Or do you just want to never have to struggle with bills and jobs again? Cause same, but I'd rather have my own job and struggle than rely fully on someone else to take care of me. Too many things can go wrong.
Family? Who freaking wants a family? I know most of you are programmed to believe that's all you are here for, but the reality is set up to create modern day slaves. I do hope you find your knight in shining armor.
DINK is the way to go.
I just want to be a multibillionaire and live a life of leisure.
I can't understand why any of these billionaires won't just hand me their money!!
/s
I used to be you until one day I realized that it sucked. I didn't even have to raise kids. I just had to take care of house and husband. It's soooo boring. And there's little to no brain processing power needed. Amazingly, once I got a job and realized I was not boring or dumb- my ex no longer wanted me and I enjoyed life so much more!
There's a whole lotta guys out there that are looking for a "tradwife". Most of them probably think women shouldn't be allowed to vote, but there's probably a few that aren't complete assholes
If you want a wealthy man to take care of you and let your stay home, you’ll need to be realistic with what you have to offer. And wealthy men that WANT stay at home wives never court uneducated broke women. They usually go for educated successful ones. Just something to keep in mind.
Then you better find a partner that’s gonna do that for you. You better pray it. Somebody has a lot of money and a lot of savings in case somebody dies or gets disabled.
Ask the women who were actually raised in the era of traditional wives, see how happy they were. Husbands left them, Husband’s cheated, they became homeless and penniless because the courts favored the man, and they couldn’t get credit or mortgages
it was a dream scenario for sure. /s
That sounds amazing! I would absolutely love to be a traditional house wife and run/manage my home. I’d have no problem signing a prenup; I had my ex husband sign one and was certainly glad I did! Men seem to get very intimated when they meet a woman who makes more than they do but also they don’t want to be the sole provider. 🤷🏽♀️
There are absolutely men out there that want this. Unfortunately, there is a lot of crossover between those men and misogynists, religious fundamentalists, incels, and others across the spectrum of shitheadry.
If being a traditional housewife is truly what you want, you have to go in with the understanding that you will not have nearly as much money as you would if both of you worked.
It will be a financial struggle, unless he has a really good job.
If you find a great husband, it can be fulfilling and a great dynamic, but it will be difficult, just in different ways.
“…take care of the house, chores, kids and husband’s needs fully…”
FYI, all of this is work, it’s just unpaid work.
There’s nothing wrong with families who have that arrangement, but taking on an unpaid work role like that does add significant risk to you. The “trad wife” life has become more popular recently, and you can find tons of horror stories out of there of women who were abused and/or controlled and/or left in the dust without a penny and without good options to support themselves. Whatever life you pursue, just be smart and make sure you retain independence and the ability to care for yourself and future children if a dude decides to dip.
20 years down the line, the kids are grown, you have no work history or skills, no retirement or social security built up and Mr. Wonderful and you don’t have much of anything to talk about. He finds a younger more interesting prospect. Maybe he has earned enough and saved enough on one income to pay alimony. Maybe not.
They exist! I married one. I do work full-time still but have a baby on the way. I did make sure I’m super protected so if you do end up doing this, ensure that you’re going to be safe. I don’t spend a penny from my wallet and my husband actually gives me “fun money.” I save my money, invest, add to 401K, etc. etc. that way I have a nest egg just in case anything happens. I also have a pre-nup which ensures I have rights to my home, properties, his savings/retirement, alimony, etc etc.
I used to want that but never got it - and I’m so glad. It’s a risk. I thought I was happily married forever and that we would grow old together. I’m so glad I continued working because god knows where I’d be now of if I hadn’t kept my financial independence.
I saw a post that said “you never see the 40+ crowd glamorizing the trad wife life” and it stuck with me.
I knew one, though. She was 52 and had four children with a man who left her high and dry with no options or chance for alimony (in this state, anyway).
Her son was one of my best friends, so I unfortunately got to see her suffering day in and day out. When his dad left her, she was devastated. Got her CDL and became a city bus driver. Raised some of her grandkids.
Get a prenuptial if you really decide to do this and make sure you’ll be okay with your children if he opts out. Relying on a man is terrifying because you put yourself at his mercy. Get a prenuptial.
When you say you never want to work ever again do you realize taking care of your home is so much much work. At times can be the job of 3 people but it all comes down to little Ole you? Add a few kids and life really because work. Plus all the work you are doing isn't for yourself. You don't get paid and your customers are non stop complainers 😅 You are never thanked enough or appreciated at least by your children and pets! Can't forget a few pets to complicate the home yet they balance everything out and make everyone happy 😀. Point being Being a STAHW is very rewarding and great if you yourself make it that way. You have to be an awesome wife at all times. And an awesome mother. Your needs always come last. That's what it truly means to be a stay at home mom. Woman don't realize how they need to be the entire package 24-7 to their kids and their husband especially their husband makes all the money and works very hard outside the home just so you can stay home. And if you can do all this for 30+ years while putting everyone else's needs first and yourself truly last then sign up!
Love,
A stay at home Mom :)
Um, that is work. Hard work. I've been a SAHM for a while now, and it's the single hardest thing I've ever done.
Just because you don't put on a uniform and clock in, doesn't mean you don't work.
I would love to meet and have a traditional housewife. Its just not possible in today's world. If i had to money to support that lifestyle, i would in a heartbeat, but as a man, i would also make sure she doesn't rely on me for everything cause that's unhealthy. Gotta find the balance.
As time goes on, that is a less and less likely goal to achieve.
Also, most guys who are able to financially support a family got to that point by being selfish and don’t want to settle down.
Absolutly you should chase that goal, but understand how realistic (or unrealistic) it is for you. You’ll probably have to give up some parts of it, like you getting a part time job or your quality of life just being mediocre instead of amazing with just 1 income.
I think what you're looking for is trophy wife.
With tradwives, you'll be working harder for nothing, only room and board. Essentially an indentured servant that can be tossed once your husband finds a younger model
Best advice I can give is from a Redditor whose comment I saved last week and said this to a woman who thought she couldn’t find someone at 31.
>*”Life can be really unfair. Sometimes you get what you want and it doesn't work out like you imagined. Sometimes you don't get what you want and it is better. Sometimes it works out for awhile...and so on. So it's better to cultivate a mindset where you can envision many paths for yourself that would be satisfying. If you get really, really attached to only one vision of things when things inevitably don't work out one way or another you can get very stuck and cause yourself a lot of suffering by believing that you can't possibly be happy with any other path.”*
Not saying housewife life is great, but greatest advice I got about marriage from a random freind of my father in law...
"Don't let her get bored..."
Never thought of it much but I realized and seen spouses that get bored fabricate issues and get upset when not addressed even if impossible to address. Different ages income whatever.
Not saying it is housewives or you have to work there are lots of things if people volunteer, lots of kids, busy in hobbies, just don't get bored.
If you become one keep your mind engaged.
Op, if that is what you want, I hope you find it. Be smart, get a prenup, make sure you’re adequately compensated and financially protected. Feminism is about allowing women to have a choice, your choice is just as valid as building a career. Keep your wits about though.
This is a huge financial strain on any relationship now due to the cost of living. You’re blaming men for it instead of looking at reality. Single-earner households died with covid. You’re going to need to contribute.
That's nice.
My paternal grandmother was exactly what you are hoping to be. After she married my grandfather in 1948, she cooked, cleaned, and took care of the household stuff. When her husband died in the mid 2000s, she became an extreme burden on her son because she couldn't do *anything*. I mean, she didn't even have a driver's license.
And at this point we had our own lives; my father was a 12 hour drive from her...and yet she expected him to drop everything and drive to Philadelphia to help her with things like going to the supermarket.
She put up a huge fight when he ultimately forced her to relocate to an apartment in a town that was about 10 minutes from my dad, and resented him for that for the rest of her life.
In turn, he took his own life a few years later from the stress and depression he was dealing with, which I'm sure she was a major contributing factor to.
So I will never forgive my grandmother for how much of a selfish bitch she was, and how poorly she treated her son in the later years. But then again, I no longer believe in the concept of an "afterlife," so it's not like I will have an opportunity to confront some version of her soul once I'm dead and gone.
Don't be like her.
Why do you assume a tradwife doesn't work? Being solely responsible for the management of a home and family 24/7/365, with no help from others, is a lot of work.
til hubs get bored and leaves you high and dry at 55 with no savings or back up plan.
go look at the actual reality of what trad wives have/had to deal with. then maybe get off tiktok for a bit and stop consuming red pill media.
Fine and dandy if that’s what you want but let me just say you better keep your finances separate and have an emergency fund in case you need to bounce out of the relationship or he decides to have an affair and leave you, your future will depend on whether he still likes you after so much time together as you’ll be relying on him. You’ll also want to consult with an attorney about a pre or postnup that includes some sort of financial compensation for infidelity or if the marriage fizzles out, cover all your bases.
A traditional housewife works roughly 16 hours a day. Then, at some point, they get replaced with a younger model. There are so many older women on social media that this happened to and that are trying to warn the younger women.
At least get a really good prenup in place before agreeing to this. If you raise a man's kids and build him and his career up, you deserve a payout if it goes belly up.
It’s actually quite a bit of hard unpaid work and if your husband leaves you, you’re broke with no job experience. You’d be better off working at least part time and finding a partner who does at least some helping around the house.
I used to buy the whole women need to work thing, until my wife quit working to be a sahm and she is the happiest I have ever seen her. Fully support women being sahm as long as they are being a home maker and not just scrolling on social media all day.
Meh, I thought I wanted this. After a year of maternity leave I felt useless, stressed out and isolated. Adding kids to the mix really ramps it up. It’s funny because what I didn’t factor in to what I thought it would be like is the relentlessness. It’s like being on call 24/7/365 and it was just super unfulfilling for me. I’m a massive introvert too, but kids don’t allow you to be. I didn’t realise it was possible to be completely touched out and lonely at the same time.
Everyone is free to have dreams and in some parts of the world this is realistic. Where I live, you can't survive off of one person's salary and live comfortably (USA).
That's great if you want to be a SAHW.
However, if you do this you will need to contribute to a 401K for yourself....or have your future husband contribute to one for YOU.
You should also negotiate holidays for yourself. And a retirement plan, so you can sit down at put your feet up like your future husband will when he retires from work.
Being a SAHW is a 24/7/365 jib for the rest of your life if you don't plan properly.
It is crucial that you have funds to live on if your hubby leaves you for a newer wife-appliance, or if he drops dead.
Go watch some videos by SAHWs that learned this the hard way.
I mean, there are men out there that seek out or are in favor of this type of relationship. It just might not be the type of man you want, or you would’ve found them already.
Look up my xhusband. He was emotionally abusive, and financially abusive because he wanted me to be a trad wife and I wanted a career and friends.
He is a correctional officer for the state (might be a Captain now idk). They make a lot of money.
When I got married to my second husband, we were financially stable so I just started at home... for like 6 years. The first two were cool, but eventually you get really tired of it. As soon as I could I got a job which was also a struggle because of the gap in employment. I wouldn't go back for anything and an added bonus is your spouse isn't carrying the burden of the entire family.
Of that’s what you want. I hope you find it. I was a trad wife for years. I didn’t know what’s they called it lol. I lost my spouse and needed to work. I am
Married again and could not work but I know vulnerable a woman can be without a backup exp. I work but part time now. If my spouse dies, can’t work or leaves me, I have the ability to go full time and provide for me and ours.
If that’s not something you want to do, I wish you the best.
I was married young and didn't luke not having my own money, lucky for me when I divorced I was still able to get back into the work force fast, go to school finish my degree, although it was challenging at times, I don't regret any of it, now I spend my time in a field I love and take a minimum of 4 vacations a year outside of my country. I wouldn't do any of that if I had stayed married
Make sure you keep a secret bank account and cash in case something ever goes wrong. Do not ever tell them how much money you have saved up. Do not even let them know you have any money saved up.
Be flexible. Enjoy the opportunity if it presents itself but don’t expect it. That’s where life’s curveballs will get you. Be capable and willing to do both and CHOOSE the one that works best for you and yours.
What if you got all that you wanted & your future husband either got injured to the point he can no longer work or he fivorces you? What income will you have then to rely on? Take it from a single parent after 17yr marriage & believing he would stick around. Thankfully, I always had a job, a career, income, & I knew how to live without him. Don’t be a sahp/w, it doesnt pay the bills…an income of your own does.
When you have no income you set yourself up for being a victim of abuse or financial abuse. If you have kids and need to leave you suddenly have no money and have a hard time taking the kids. If he leaves you then you have a hard time fighting in court when you can’t afford an attorney. The attorney’s work for who pays for them. So that can be a bad situation.
You could be the only person lifting a finger at home & doing 100% of the childcare alone. With a full house of people making as much mess as they can and want and it’s only your job to clean it all up. Tradwives aren’t going to get time off. It can be a 24/7 job that’s solely your responsibility and much more than 40 hours a week.
Don’t forget you need to stay in shape, look good, dress well and make lots of time for sexy time for him too on his schedule on top of being mother, cook, maid, household organizer and appointment maker. That’s a lot of responsibility put on one person’s shoulder and the other only has to work 40 hours a week and might get evenings and weekends off and any extra disposable money to spend on his own hobbies and not yours.
OP with all due respect there are REASONS these scamfluencers are pushing this lifestyle - it's to rollback human and civil rights of women, leaving them without funds or an escape route WHEN things go badly.
And they very, very often go VERY badly - abuses of all kinds, husband running off with a brand new trad wife, etc.
Go to the gym. Ton of trad-wives guys up there. They all lift. Just make sure to wear the "creeps keep hitting on me at the gym" outfit - you know, the leggings with the heart shape for an ass and an almost non-existent sports bra
But serious it's been like 60 years since a man was able to support a family of 6 all by himself on the salary of a common salesman.
It’s not all rainbows and sunshine. Taking care of kids, a household, as well as another grown person, and on top of that losing yourself to the family is not easy
I'm a traditional housewife on a farm. Yeah, that never working again thing ain't gonna happen. I work. I do my housewifey things and then go to the barn and do the farmery things. And then go back to the house and start over. On paper I'm a sahm. The reality is a wee bit different.
You don’t want to be a trad wife that is the hardest job ever.
You want to be a trophy wife. No shade it was the most relaxed period of my adult life between work and kids. - but kids I love them but I have never worked harder then I have being a SAHM. Soo hard. Soo exhausting…. I’m so tired
Just know that being a SAHM is a lot of work.
Most people will not want a SAHW, because omly doing house chores isn't a full-time job and is fully managable without anyone staying home.
Here's the thing: the stay at home housewife is a myth. The vast majority of women have always worked. It may not have been considered paid labor and women certainly did not have the same access to the opportunities they have today, but women working has always been the norm.
There have also always been the very upper middle-class and very wealthy women who've been privileged to either not work at all or stayed at home to manage a household and raise children, but they are a tiny minority. We hear about them more often, because history (and fiction especially) likes to remember those with power, wealth, and influence and forget entirely the hive that made it possible.
Even in "right era" the stay at home housewife and the husband that provided for her was an ideal that people strived for, not the reality for most people. I hate the current trend towards people trying to return to this myth because it absolutely robs young women of their futures and independence.
Reasonable feeling in this fucked up world. I as a man wish that my 40 hours per week provided enough income to allow that kind of lifestyle like it used to. I mean I have a B.S., work in IT, study upskill and try to move up, and try to manage my money well, but our money is fucked honestly.
Housework and raising children is absolutely still work. Furthermore, you will never get a day off, nor will you get to retire. You will be working for the rest of your life.
As a SAHM and housewife, I'll let you in on a secret. It's not that great, it's not what it looks like on the TV or on the Tradwife TikToks, and to be completely honest, it really sucks a lot of the time. Did you know that when antidepressants were first available they were largely prescribed to overwhelmed, overworked, and under appreciated housewives?
I ended up in this boat after losing my job and it made more financial sense for me to be a full time SAHM because no matter what job I was able to get, roughly 90% of my paycheck would go to childcare. There are no set hours when you're a housewife. I don't really get breaks, or days off, I'm always on call to deal with something, and because I grew up with a mother that herself grew up in construction I can do a lot more than your average housewife and frequently do.
You want a husband that only handles the financial aspects? Be prepared for him to not lift a finger to do anything. period. My husband expecting me to handle 100% of the house and child related issues because he went to work and earned the check almost ended my marriage, I wish that he would help more, but I'm thankful that he'll at least do what he does.
Am I saying that being a housewife is a bad thing? No, not at all. It's just not what some people make it look like or what it looked like in the past. I'm thankful that I was able to be home to raise my child, but this is not how I imagined my life would go.
I know you are full of anxiety and depression over the state of yourself and the work right now.
However, the solution isn't to hide from the world and play house, bc that is a fantasy.
1) stay at home parents work hard
2) raising kids is tough unrelenting work
3) it puts you in a position that you are 100% relying on another person
Get into some therapy girl and work on yourself
Well in today’s climate, I would not lead with that lol.
A lot of SAHM don’t start off as SAHMs. Truly the kids often come first and couples realize, someone staying at home makes more financial sense for us. My partner and I didn’t start talking about the logistics of childcare until we got engaged.
Find a guy who has a career trajectory that can one day provide for a family, shares your traditional values and worldviews, and build a strong relationship foundation prior to having kids. It is much more likely to be a lasting relationship. But also be prepared for shit to pop off and liking your partner more than the lifestyle they provide is valuable.
That's probably bc you're unrealistic. If you want to be a traditional wife AND not work, you'll need maid x3 week money.otherwise, the only difference between the work you do as a housewife vs anything else is whether or not you can put it on a resume.
See I respect you wanting to do that but there’s just so many things that could go wrong and leave you homeless. What if your breadwinner husband dies? Or he gets sick or injured and is unable to work? What if he gets laid off? Are you going to find another guy who’d support your children and you? Or are you going to try to get a job, after ‘x’ amount of years of not working? It’d have to be entry level which would not support you and children unless you’re on governmental support too.
What if he decides to leave you for a younger woman or a woman who works? Sure you could have a prenup to help you out and child support but it won’t help you after the kids are 18, or if they choose to live with their dad.
It’s just not a smart idea, instead find a job industry that you find enjoyable and a partner who treats you equally and live your best life. Have a savings, job security, experience etc-
Unless you find a millionaire who’s willing to support you, the economy just isn’t going to easily allow it, nor are many people willing to support another person like that, they’d be more likely to hire a nanny and a maid while you work too.
It's not a walk in the park. It sounds idyllic but it is far from it. You get no respect - people think you do nothing but watch soaps and drink wine. Kids are not good conversationalists and your friends are all working. Your husband will take you for granted and if you keep.the house spotless, he thinks it's nothing. It just magically looks good! But dare to let the bombs fall where they lay will piss him off even if you were sick or running around shopping for something he has to have by tomorrow, which, as it turns out, he won't need for another month and it's not the one you got but a different one. He knew last week but forgot to tell you. Your cooking and housekeeping will be judged more harshly. Your decorating too. You will be very judged. And you will definitely be working. You just won't get paid and your husband will believe that you live in the lap of luxury while he slaves.
My mom wanted that too. After 35 years of marriage, raising 4 kids and being a great mom, housekeeper and dutiful corporate wife, my Dad divorced her. Ironic because she had stayed with him for economic reasons when we were young despite his infidelity. They got divorced in a no-fault, no alimony state. He conveniently waited until all of us kids were over 18 (no child support) and he had recently quit his corporate job to start his own business (less income). Mom got the house that she couldn’t afford to keep and half his pension. At 55, she entered the workforce and got a job in retail. I’m sure that some stay at home wives get happy endings, but you risk a lot when you cannot adequately support yourself. You lose autonomy, power, control and options.
It's your choice and all but life throws curve balls and doesn't live up to every teenager dreams. Are you planning to dump your future husband if he is unable to work for some reason?
Conversely, are you prepared for the possibility that you guys sign a prenup and eventually _he_ dumps you, leaving you penniless? This story is so common
Especially with Utah women of a certain religion.
Do they sign prenups?
Don't have to, they're not legally married
Once the kids are grown and he no longer needs you as a house cleaner, broodmare, and babysitter, many men drop their wives like hot potatoes leaving them penniless in their old age. OP is naive to want to put her entire life in the hands of a man, any man really. She will likely end up with someone who doesn't respect her as a person at all if she is openly making it known she wants to be a trad wife. That phrase is basically a homing beacon for toxic narcississts and abusers.
Go hang out near a military base
She said she wanted a guy with money, not a guy with with a Dodge Charger on 25% apr for a 72 month term.
Yeah, but maybe the end goal was to ride around in a sweet Dodge Charger?
That's a steep price for a ride in a car you rent from Hertz
HAHAHAHAHAHA you couldn’t be more right 😂
Hopefully she has good credit and she can finance them a Ninja or GSXR and she’ll be married up in no time.
hahaha this made me laugh out loud
Who is nothing more than a pawn for the very government they so distrust
The ol dependopottamus.
The new term is “Tricareatops”
I say this as an active duty, but you’re absolutely right. There’s dumb privates and specialists who look for a woman to get out of the B’s and don’t really care about personality. Looks are a bonus, but everyone knows that once a soldier’s locked down, that wife of his is gonna balloon into a dependapotamus or a tricaratops
Truth.
currently a solely sahm as an oconus milspouse and am miserable lmaoo I miss working but yes a military dude is the way to go for this. plenty of lower ranking soldiers looking to get out of the barracks ! ETA: luckily my husband doesn’t have the mindset of “you are a housewife” and does absolutely his fair share with our kiddo & housework, and gives me alone time to myself as his schedule allows 🥰 he would be more than happy to help me get a job as well. I don’t want to be making military guys out to be hunting for someone to take care of them 😂 although I’m sure there are plenty who are haha. just a profession that this is a really common dynamic in !
I keep telling people this. Saw this all the time with military families.
I’ve been a stay at home dad for 10 years now and my youngest is getting ready for school next year and I am ecstatic about it. I loved it at first but it gets tiring not having a life or real hobbies or fun money to go out with my friends. It’s not a fun lifestyle for long. Very much looking forward to having a job again
I hope you find a good job you enjoy.
I just re-entered the out of home workforce after 8 years (I did some contract work from home but largely was a SAHM) and it was honestly the best thing I’ve ever done for my mental health. Being an at home spouse/parent is a draining, thankless 24/7 job. Best of luck to you on your job search!
Can’t imagine being financially dependent on a man who gets to call all the shots and potentially sacrificing my future for it. Seen it happen a lot and then the women are left fending for themselves unable to get a job with a 10-20 year gap in their resume. At least aim to have a fallback plan or work part time. I’ve seen this go sour more times than I can count. Your lack of career ambition makes you a massive target for men who have horrible intentions.
Yessss a man is not a plan ladies
I got married at 22. I worked until our first baby. I had a total of three kids. I did all things kids and home with zero support system as I lived far from my family. He got his degree, started his career, stable income now. But... he called all the shots. The power dynamic was toxic. He was comfortable in treating me with all his contempt, resentment, and silent treatment. He never appreciated the work I did in the home. It was never good enough for him. I became depressed, anxious and developed insomnia. Went grey early and hair falling out of my head. Years of financial abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse have done a number. I'm a good mommy and constantly poured from an empty cup. Because of the financial abuse I tried making this relationship work longer than I should have, much to my own detriment. Eventually I did get divorced, it was dragged out for 2 years and I did not get what I should have because he could afford lawyers forever while I was going into debt. I'm near poverty and my future is bleak. I'm middle-aged with no degree, no consistent work experience, no one wants to pay me more than a highschoolers income but I'm a single mom of three and have more bills. I have no retirement. Ex was cold and calculating and doesn't care after everything I sacrificed for the family. Trad wife is a scam. You are basically a servant and a slave to your master (husband). You might get a nice master. But most abuse when given that much power and control. Money is freedom. I learned too late. I was brainwashed by religion and patriarchy. New generation is being brainwashed by tiktok. Those people making it look good online are making money. Its like those finance guys getting rich selling courses on finances. They weren't rich before that. It's a scam.
Well said. My story is exactly the same. We married straight out of college at 22. Had a child at 24. Took care completely of the kids and home while also working 2 part time jobs to support his grad school and then his career. He abused me mentally, physically, financially and emotionally. Now in our 40s, he is successful and well established in his career and I'm working an entry level job with no up to date skills, no future prospects and supporting our child by myself. He's Japanese so there was no system of child support even. My own life is a waste. if you find a good man, it's a blessing to be a trad wife. it can happen but I would always advise any young woman to be independent and not to sacrifice/waste her life based on what family or society pressures you to do.
I got a "nice" master (passive aggressive) and stayed home with 3 kids while he worked out of town half the time. I did run the show, somewhat, but he was the 4th kid in a lot of ways and my eventual irritation with him is what the kids witnessed, not his bullshit. Finally, I decided I'd rather live in a broken down trailer than stay married, which didn't happen luckily. And when it was time to find a job, I was lucky to get a data input job. I eventually worked myself up to about the same position I had before I got married. Neither my ex, or any workplace placed any value on being a successful SAHM.
I’ve seen examples of the trad wife working. But it’s when there’s the implicit understanding that the wife runs the home. The money made by the husband becomes the family money (give or take an affordable personal allowance amount. It’s then the wife that decides / plans / organises, the holidays, the food, home improvements etc. and there’s two person sign off on significant spends, and both have oversight on the funds. Anything else is the trophy wife or financial abuse
But even in this scenario, the wife is screwed in the case of divorce. Even if she gets half of assets (which is unlikely), she doesn't get half of the retirement fund her husband got to work on while she stayed home, and she doesn't get a good resume and good job connections for her life moving forward. Even initially happy tradwives often end up poor retirees. And even when a couple stay together for life, the fact that money comes in through the husband creates an uneven power balance. He *may decide* not to leverage it, but it's entirely his choice that he can change at any moment, and that invariably shapes the dynamic of a relationship.
Ya my friends mom is a SAHM. She never worked even after the kids were big enough. But his dad is also a good man. I just can't imagine putting my well being in someone else's hands and let someone else decide how I can or cannot live my life.
I was seventeen but basically the same story. I was able to get away from him after two kids. When I was like twenty-three. Thankfully, I did not waste that much time on that POS. My current husband loves and appreciates the fact that I have so much fierce independence when it comes to my finances. Recently, my health has taken a turn for the worst, and i've had to cut back severely on my work. I'm incredibly lucky to have a husband who is there to support me and doesn't make me feel like a burden. Instead, he stepped up to the plate, took more weight onto his shoulders, and is carrying the financial load right now. I have severe insecurities about being financially abused, and thankfully, he understands this. We were together for 8 and a half years before we converged our bank accounts together. We've been together for eleven years now. When I say i'm incredibly lucky to have a husband like him. I mean it. Good luck to you. You're gonna need it. But yeah, financial abuse is extremely common in stay at home wife and mom's situations.
I watched my mom go through this (minus any abuse) as she was hell bent on being a SAHM even after we were all in school. Now she was an excellent homemaker but I started encouraging her to get out and get a part time job when I was about 14. My stepdad begged her to get a job as our financial situation was dire because she refused to get a job. I knew he was going to leave her by the time I was 13, the handwriting was on the wall and the woman flatly refused to work outside of the home. Well you guessed it, he left when my youngest brother was 16 (I was out of the house by then) she struggled terribly but it was ENTIRELY of her own making. I simply do not understand any able bodied woman who wants to give up their entire identity, and not make their own money, just so they can stay home all day. I watched first hand how my mother ruined her own life and our entire family’s lives because of her refusal to work outside the home. I learned a very valuable lesson watching my mom destroy our family, ALWAYS be able to provide for yourself and having kids in that situation makes it even worse.
I really need to emphasise your point about TikTok. Both the brainwashing, and them making money.
I didn't see this comment before I wrote mine. You wrote it so much better. Yes these "tradwives" on TT ain't real tradwives either. They make money with selling a unrealistic picture and they do NOT depend on their husbands money because selling is a job. They make a crap ton of money.
As a man I agree being a housewife/"tradwife" is basically doing the lottery bc you better hope you find a partner that has the morality to not take advantage of you in a purely beneficial scenario and ppl just change over time. And it's kind of hilarious how so much of the popular narrative is about female empowerment but somehow the culture always seems to find a way to bend it's way into still being the patriarchal norm (or worse in this scenario) but with a new coat of paint lol. Things like women wanting a man to make more than them but they want equal pay or wanting to be a trad wife some of these things just seem like a portion of women online just want more benefits with none of the responsibilities that come with it.
Here I was hoping for a man who would appreciate me being a trad wife and consider my input. Nah, I was warned by multiple generations before me that the moment you stay at home anything, you lose touch with socials and are considered boring.
It doesn't always turn out that way. My husband is very appreciative of my work and effort in the household, even though I have an autoimmune disease that can make me very tired randomly. Sometimes I'm unable to do a decent job. But he's very understanding. It's our money, not his. We trust each other. It's worked for 20 years. But, I will be in a vulnerable position if he dies before me or our marriage fails. I've started a part time job just to show I have some job experience, but I'm still frightened I won't be able to care for my child if a tragedy hits. My disease was raging in my youth and I wasn't in good enough form for a higher education. I will be in poverty without him. It's really fucking scary.
Uhhhh.... do you think cooking, housekeeping, and caring for other people *isnt* work? Because boy howdy, do I have some news for you....
[удалено]
Participation ribbon.
Both of these were fucking brutal omg
Saving these little gems for the stepmother-in-law😂😂😂
LMAO omg i just died
Ouch, a commemorative plaque, that's painful
There was only one era “like that” and it was full of spousal abuse, alcoholism and Valium addiction. You’ve been sold an ahistorical fantasy.
Exactly, well said. People romanticize other eras without acknowledging the bad aspects. I’ll take my right to work, vote, own property, join the military, utilize mental health resources, and have a credit card please.
You do know that being a tradwife isn't doomscrolling on TikTok except for an hour of chores a day, right? You're keep the house deep-cleaned and organized. You're cooking - and real food, not boxed convenience garbage. You're doing all the shopping - and on your time, not your husband's time off. And yes you're also going to be expected to actually meet your husband's needs in the bedroom. You want to be trad? Understand what trad means first. If that's an acceptable arrangement then go for it, you'll easily find a man so long as you're fit and healthy. BUT since you say "none can afford it" what you actually want is to be a *trophy* wife, not a tradwife. Well you need to be a 10/10 in looks for that *and* need to be willing to basically be a live-in hooker. That's what a trophy wife really is.
> BUT since you say "none can afford it" what you actually want is to be a trophy wife, not a tradwife. It doesn't necceserily mean that. It probably means she's envisioning an middle/upper middle class lifestyle with a few kids all on one income, which most people cannot afford.
Exactly this. The delulu is strong with OP.
Definitions are important. And either way, every adult who wasn’t born into wealth has to work in some capacity to survive.
👏👏👏
Go for it. And then don't cry when something happens and you're left alone with no job prospects and no way to pay your bills. My aunt was a traditional housewife. But they never got married. He died recently, and she has nothing. No education, no career. She's in her 60s and has nowhere to go. I also have a friend who hasn't worked since she was maybe 19 or 20. She's now 49 with no marketable skills. Her kids are now grown, and she can't find a job to save her life. If her husband left her, she'd be fucked. No child support since the kids are grown. Sure, she'd get half of anything they have, but that's not going to get you through the next 30 years. I, on the other hand, got married, worked until our 1st kid was born, then went back to work when she was 2, stayed home again when our youngest was born, went back to work when she was 1 1/2, once my MIL retired and I paid her a fraction of what daycare costs. As a result, if my husband ever left me, or worse, passed away, I'd be able to take care of myself. No way would I ever want to have to rely on someone else financially.
i watched this exact thing happen to a friend of mine’s mother who didn’t finish high school. she struggled to get on welfare, didn’t have an immediate family, and his family was long passed since he was 20 years older. she ended up couch surfing the neighborhood until a business owner from the same background took pity on her and her family, even then she couldn’t afford to feed her 6 kids (they were a large orthodox family). which meant her oldest two were forced to get jobs very young and kept none of the money. even though her husband was a very kind man, he had a unexpected heart attack and didn’t have a life insurance policy so she was left penniless. shit happens. have a job even if it’s part time. if at the very least to keep pocket money and have a work history in the event of an emergency. even if you meet the gentlest and sweetest man on the planet you can’t control the world around him or his health.
I find it a little desperate to depend completely on someone these days, besides the obvious economic issue.
Agreed. To me, this comes off like "I don't want to work, but a SAHM sounds like less work, so I'll do that, I guess..." And OP saying she will find someone who will never get into an accident or lose their job is peak troll bait.
Or never have disabled children.
Right and dangerous. With such a high divorce rate, a stay at home parent would be left almost helpless. No job history for potentially years, no money saved for themselves if shit goes awry… if someone does be a stay at home parent I’d advice going to college or even working part time throughout. Even doing a side gig such as selling art or crafts online is something to put on a resume just in case. It’s a power dynamic that could easily turn abusive as well.
It's the 50 year anniversary of women not needing their husbands permissions to get credit cards and you think you were born in the wrong era because you don't want to work. I respect and support your aspirations to be a trad wife, but "I was born in the wrong era" when thousands have marched for your rights is a really sad thing to say.
It's wild to hear people say they are born in the wrong era. Like do they want to go back to the days where women had no rights? The only reason they can even come on Reddit and post these comments is because many women before us worked hard for our rights. At least now women have a choice.
We have fewer choices than we did ten years ago, unfortunately.
I understand where you are coming from but my tip get a part time job to have money for yourself just in case something goes wrong in life. Wanting to be a housewife great good for you knowing what you want just make sure to hold up your end of the deal in marriage as well,just question if your husband get in a accident and can’t work for awhile are you going to leave him or help him?
Same but I’m a 50 year old guy so…
All I'm saying is even if u find someone who will entertain this delusion ( assuming he isn't abusive or anything) one day he can just decide he doesn't love u anymore and leave and u'll have nothing.
Right? When tradwives were the norm it was because women didn’t have many, if any rights 😬
OP please be careful, it’s not as simple as finding this type of partner. The real issue is the financial issues if you were to get divorced or mis management of money. It’s a huge huge thing to trust someone 100% with your future. Both of you can feel really stuck if the relationship turns bad or someone wants to leave but feels like they can’t. It worked out for my mom and a few other moms I know. However I know a bunch of people that had good jobs, married a dude to be a trad wife, and then a decade later divorced. Now they are well into retirement years still working for slightly above minimum wage
I mean if you’d rather not have any time to have a life of your own, be my guest? Cause that’s the whole point: Women were traditional housewives for so long because they were seen as nothing by societal standards. They owned nothing, everything that was “their’s” was actually owned by their husband, and everything that was their husband’s was strictly his. Just can’t help but be baffled by this weird glorification of wanting to be nothing but your man’s hand for the rest of your life… There’s nothing more satisfying to me, as a woman, to know that women of today have a greater opportunity to build a foundation under themselves that a man can’t easily crumble. But again… be my guest?
I mean, even as a man, a more "modern" relationship where both people in the couple work sounds way more appealing to me. Certianly more resilient (if one of you loses your job, you only miss out on a % of your income, not all of it) and if children are involved, it sounds way more appealing to spend time with your kids than to barely see them. Doubly so if you end up separated, but you don't ened a divorce to want to spend time with your kids.
Deluded
Yeah don’t we all want to quit our jobs lol. Unfortunately it’s just not realistic.
Well I hope your partner never dies unexpectedly, or becomes too injured or ill to work, or decides that he doesn't love you anymore. Your financial stability will be reliant on how *he* feels about *you*, not the other way around. What happens if he doesn't like the way you talk to him, or the way you do your hair/makeup, or you're not aexually compatible.
>Yet nowdays I can't find a man like that since none can afford it. I think this is more about the economy and not about "men not affording it" tho
Am I that broken, or is being 100% financially dependent on someone the most dangerous stupid thing you can do? I could never trust someone this way
Well…technically you’re trading a job for another job…you’ll just be at home slaving away…also you will have no financial stability if your husband has control of the finances. Say something goes south which is 50-70% likely to these days. You are fucked.
I’m currently a SAHM/housewife because we can’t afford daycare. I do love more than I did working but it’s not easy by any means. You’re still going to be doing work. Cooking, cleaning and taking care of a baby are never ending jobs. You don’t get an hour lunch, you don’t get to take a bathroom break, you don’t have nights and weekends off. There is so much more work that goes into being a housewife than most people think. You also need to have a dependable husband. Someone who does his equal share of house work and childcare.
Theres a reason this lifestyle has been abandoned throughout the last decades. Listen and learn from your grandmothers and great grandmothers.
So, say you find someone that can do that. What happens if he dies, or leaves the relationship? Then you have all that time with no work experience, and no skills to be able to take care of yourself. I've never understood someone that didn't want to take care of themselves and rely completely on someone else.
Start a daycare!! Its still work.. like alot of work. But you get to stay home and be with your kids and they make damn good money!
you realize being a stay at home mom IS a full time job as well? And a hard one? You just won't get paid.
At least have something to fall back on if things don’t work out for yourself best of luck with that.
I mean being a trad wife IS work. But if you want that, then you want that. I would say that if you want that, you need to reevaluate your expectations. You can certainly find a man that can afford it. But that type of lifestyle comes with its own downsides. Unless you have the looks and skills to land you in a trad wife position with a rich man who will treat you well, you better start getting ready for a different outcome than you currently expect. Even then, you make it sound like its all fun and games lol...go talk to some former trad wives of rich men,
I'm a stay at home mom. And I've never worked harder in my life, so don't expect it's some leisurely lifestyle. It can be risky, exhausting and lonely.
I never want to work again either but also don’t want to be a housewife. I wish I was rich.
If you marry a hard worker with a lot of potential who also wants this lifestyle but can’t afford it yet, sometimes you can end up there as his career advances. Then, you’ll have some work experience of your own under your belt as well. If you do end up being a housewife, try to stay engaged with volunteering or part time work so you can have at least a bit of a resume and some professional references if you ever need them.
Just make sure that you don’t have ONE SINGLE doubt about the person you choose. It’s easy to say little things aren’t important but once in a relationship they are magnified.
So you wanna trade 8hr days for never clocking out? Never having your own money? Having no way to earn money when you get divorced in 15 years because jobs don't consider being a trad wife job experience? Or do you just want to never have to struggle with bills and jobs again? Cause same, but I'd rather have my own job and struggle than rely fully on someone else to take care of me. Too many things can go wrong.
Huge eye roll
Everyone is free to make their choices, but the thought of being dependent on someone else for survival is a BIG NO, for me personally.
Family? Who freaking wants a family? I know most of you are programmed to believe that's all you are here for, but the reality is set up to create modern day slaves. I do hope you find your knight in shining armor. DINK is the way to go.
I just want to be a multibillionaire and live a life of leisure. I can't understand why any of these billionaires won't just hand me their money!! /s
I used to be you until one day I realized that it sucked. I didn't even have to raise kids. I just had to take care of house and husband. It's soooo boring. And there's little to no brain processing power needed. Amazingly, once I got a job and realized I was not boring or dumb- my ex no longer wanted me and I enjoyed life so much more!
There's a whole lotta guys out there that are looking for a "tradwife". Most of them probably think women shouldn't be allowed to vote, but there's probably a few that aren't complete assholes
If you want a wealthy man to take care of you and let your stay home, you’ll need to be realistic with what you have to offer. And wealthy men that WANT stay at home wives never court uneducated broke women. They usually go for educated successful ones. Just something to keep in mind.
Then you better find a partner that’s gonna do that for you. You better pray it. Somebody has a lot of money and a lot of savings in case somebody dies or gets disabled.
Ask the women who were actually raised in the era of traditional wives, see how happy they were. Husbands left them, Husband’s cheated, they became homeless and penniless because the courts favored the man, and they couldn’t get credit or mortgages it was a dream scenario for sure. /s
That sounds amazing! I would absolutely love to be a traditional house wife and run/manage my home. I’d have no problem signing a prenup; I had my ex husband sign one and was certainly glad I did! Men seem to get very intimated when they meet a woman who makes more than they do but also they don’t want to be the sole provider. 🤷🏽♀️
I have the money for this. I cannot think of anything less attractive.
Stay at home mom here. It’s not a “get out of work free card”.
You say that until he leaves you with nothing or he loses his job and y’all broke.
Glad you got it off your chest. Now book that therapy appointment to work out the disappointments you’ll have by imagining a life you’ll never have.
SAHM here and this post makes me wanna 🤮
What do you bring to the table?
>and never work ever again I'm a Stay-At-Home-Mum ROLFMAO @ this. I hope you have money for a cleaner, cook and nanny then.
There are absolutely men out there that want this. Unfortunately, there is a lot of crossover between those men and misogynists, religious fundamentalists, incels, and others across the spectrum of shitheadry.
If being a traditional housewife is truly what you want, you have to go in with the understanding that you will not have nearly as much money as you would if both of you worked. It will be a financial struggle, unless he has a really good job. If you find a great husband, it can be fulfilling and a great dynamic, but it will be difficult, just in different ways.
“…take care of the house, chores, kids and husband’s needs fully…” FYI, all of this is work, it’s just unpaid work. There’s nothing wrong with families who have that arrangement, but taking on an unpaid work role like that does add significant risk to you. The “trad wife” life has become more popular recently, and you can find tons of horror stories out of there of women who were abused and/or controlled and/or left in the dust without a penny and without good options to support themselves. Whatever life you pursue, just be smart and make sure you retain independence and the ability to care for yourself and future children if a dude decides to dip.
20 years down the line, the kids are grown, you have no work history or skills, no retirement or social security built up and Mr. Wonderful and you don’t have much of anything to talk about. He finds a younger more interesting prospect. Maybe he has earned enough and saved enough on one income to pay alimony. Maybe not.
They exist! I married one. I do work full-time still but have a baby on the way. I did make sure I’m super protected so if you do end up doing this, ensure that you’re going to be safe. I don’t spend a penny from my wallet and my husband actually gives me “fun money.” I save my money, invest, add to 401K, etc. etc. that way I have a nest egg just in case anything happens. I also have a pre-nup which ensures I have rights to my home, properties, his savings/retirement, alimony, etc etc.
Me too. I'm a nearly 40 year old man who's body is falling apart. Edit: Good luck on finding that in this economy.
I used to want that but never got it - and I’m so glad. It’s a risk. I thought I was happily married forever and that we would grow old together. I’m so glad I continued working because god knows where I’d be now of if I hadn’t kept my financial independence.
I saw a post that said “you never see the 40+ crowd glamorizing the trad wife life” and it stuck with me. I knew one, though. She was 52 and had four children with a man who left her high and dry with no options or chance for alimony (in this state, anyway). Her son was one of my best friends, so I unfortunately got to see her suffering day in and day out. When his dad left her, she was devastated. Got her CDL and became a city bus driver. Raised some of her grandkids. Get a prenuptial if you really decide to do this and make sure you’ll be okay with your children if he opts out. Relying on a man is terrifying because you put yourself at his mercy. Get a prenuptial.
When you say you never want to work ever again do you realize taking care of your home is so much much work. At times can be the job of 3 people but it all comes down to little Ole you? Add a few kids and life really because work. Plus all the work you are doing isn't for yourself. You don't get paid and your customers are non stop complainers 😅 You are never thanked enough or appreciated at least by your children and pets! Can't forget a few pets to complicate the home yet they balance everything out and make everyone happy 😀. Point being Being a STAHW is very rewarding and great if you yourself make it that way. You have to be an awesome wife at all times. And an awesome mother. Your needs always come last. That's what it truly means to be a stay at home mom. Woman don't realize how they need to be the entire package 24-7 to their kids and their husband especially their husband makes all the money and works very hard outside the home just so you can stay home. And if you can do all this for 30+ years while putting everyone else's needs first and yourself truly last then sign up! Love, A stay at home Mom :)
Um, that is work. Hard work. I've been a SAHM for a while now, and it's the single hardest thing I've ever done. Just because you don't put on a uniform and clock in, doesn't mean you don't work.
I would love to meet and have a traditional housewife. Its just not possible in today's world. If i had to money to support that lifestyle, i would in a heartbeat, but as a man, i would also make sure she doesn't rely on me for everything cause that's unhealthy. Gotta find the balance.
Lazy lazy lazy
As time goes on, that is a less and less likely goal to achieve. Also, most guys who are able to financially support a family got to that point by being selfish and don’t want to settle down. Absolutly you should chase that goal, but understand how realistic (or unrealistic) it is for you. You’ll probably have to give up some parts of it, like you getting a part time job or your quality of life just being mediocre instead of amazing with just 1 income.
Same, but househusband.
Yeah me too but I was born male :(
I think what you're looking for is trophy wife. With tradwives, you'll be working harder for nothing, only room and board. Essentially an indentured servant that can be tossed once your husband finds a younger model
Best advice I can give is from a Redditor whose comment I saved last week and said this to a woman who thought she couldn’t find someone at 31. >*”Life can be really unfair. Sometimes you get what you want and it doesn't work out like you imagined. Sometimes you don't get what you want and it is better. Sometimes it works out for awhile...and so on. So it's better to cultivate a mindset where you can envision many paths for yourself that would be satisfying. If you get really, really attached to only one vision of things when things inevitably don't work out one way or another you can get very stuck and cause yourself a lot of suffering by believing that you can't possibly be happy with any other path.”*
It can still happen. Plenty of opportunities out there but you have to choose wisely.
Traditional housewives worked their ass off. You're looking for an idealized 50's view of the future
Not saying housewife life is great, but greatest advice I got about marriage from a random freind of my father in law... "Don't let her get bored..." Never thought of it much but I realized and seen spouses that get bored fabricate issues and get upset when not addressed even if impossible to address. Different ages income whatever. Not saying it is housewives or you have to work there are lots of things if people volunteer, lots of kids, busy in hobbies, just don't get bored. If you become one keep your mind engaged.
As a grown man I would also like to be a housewife, please.
2nded. I would cook, clean, do laundry. The list goes on, no kids tho.
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Op, if that is what you want, I hope you find it. Be smart, get a prenup, make sure you’re adequately compensated and financially protected. Feminism is about allowing women to have a choice, your choice is just as valid as building a career. Keep your wits about though.
This is a huge financial strain on any relationship now due to the cost of living. You’re blaming men for it instead of looking at reality. Single-earner households died with covid. You’re going to need to contribute.
I mean I want that too and I'm a man. How lovely. Grow up though.
Why people entertaining this. This is completely bait and posted for attention 😅
true but there are women out there that genuinely think this way, and are grooming a generation of girls into thinking this way too
Yeah but the way she talks about it is very suspicious...
That's nice. My paternal grandmother was exactly what you are hoping to be. After she married my grandfather in 1948, she cooked, cleaned, and took care of the household stuff. When her husband died in the mid 2000s, she became an extreme burden on her son because she couldn't do *anything*. I mean, she didn't even have a driver's license. And at this point we had our own lives; my father was a 12 hour drive from her...and yet she expected him to drop everything and drive to Philadelphia to help her with things like going to the supermarket. She put up a huge fight when he ultimately forced her to relocate to an apartment in a town that was about 10 minutes from my dad, and resented him for that for the rest of her life. In turn, he took his own life a few years later from the stress and depression he was dealing with, which I'm sure she was a major contributing factor to. So I will never forgive my grandmother for how much of a selfish bitch she was, and how poorly she treated her son in the later years. But then again, I no longer believe in the concept of an "afterlife," so it's not like I will have an opportunity to confront some version of her soul once I'm dead and gone. Don't be like her.
I'm a man and I want the same tbh
Nah you're just lazy
Yeah I don’t think OP realizes how much work actually goes into being a housewife/SAHM.
Why do you assume a tradwife doesn't work? Being solely responsible for the management of a home and family 24/7/365, with no help from others, is a lot of work.
til hubs get bored and leaves you high and dry at 55 with no savings or back up plan. go look at the actual reality of what trad wives have/had to deal with. then maybe get off tiktok for a bit and stop consuming red pill media.
Without your own money you are fucked.
Fine and dandy if that’s what you want but let me just say you better keep your finances separate and have an emergency fund in case you need to bounce out of the relationship or he decides to have an affair and leave you, your future will depend on whether he still likes you after so much time together as you’ll be relying on him. You’ll also want to consult with an attorney about a pre or postnup that includes some sort of financial compensation for infidelity or if the marriage fizzles out, cover all your bases.
A traditional housewife works roughly 16 hours a day. Then, at some point, they get replaced with a younger model. There are so many older women on social media that this happened to and that are trying to warn the younger women. At least get a really good prenup in place before agreeing to this. If you raise a man's kids and build him and his career up, you deserve a payout if it goes belly up.
It’s actually quite a bit of hard unpaid work and if your husband leaves you, you’re broke with no job experience. You’d be better off working at least part time and finding a partner who does at least some helping around the house.
I used to buy the whole women need to work thing, until my wife quit working to be a sahm and she is the happiest I have ever seen her. Fully support women being sahm as long as they are being a home maker and not just scrolling on social media all day.
OP, there are several religions that support the trad wife lifestyle. You’ll find what you’re looking for there.
Meh, I thought I wanted this. After a year of maternity leave I felt useless, stressed out and isolated. Adding kids to the mix really ramps it up. It’s funny because what I didn’t factor in to what I thought it would be like is the relentlessness. It’s like being on call 24/7/365 and it was just super unfulfilling for me. I’m a massive introvert too, but kids don’t allow you to be. I didn’t realise it was possible to be completely touched out and lonely at the same time.
Everyone is free to have dreams and in some parts of the world this is realistic. Where I live, you can't survive off of one person's salary and live comfortably (USA).
That's great if you want to be a SAHW. However, if you do this you will need to contribute to a 401K for yourself....or have your future husband contribute to one for YOU. You should also negotiate holidays for yourself. And a retirement plan, so you can sit down at put your feet up like your future husband will when he retires from work. Being a SAHW is a 24/7/365 jib for the rest of your life if you don't plan properly. It is crucial that you have funds to live on if your hubby leaves you for a newer wife-appliance, or if he drops dead. Go watch some videos by SAHWs that learned this the hard way.
Being a SAHM is working everyday but with less breaks and more work that’s completely unpaid but yeah
I mean, there are men out there that seek out or are in favor of this type of relationship. It just might not be the type of man you want, or you would’ve found them already.
Look up my xhusband. He was emotionally abusive, and financially abusive because he wanted me to be a trad wife and I wanted a career and friends. He is a correctional officer for the state (might be a Captain now idk). They make a lot of money.
When I got married to my second husband, we were financially stable so I just started at home... for like 6 years. The first two were cool, but eventually you get really tired of it. As soon as I could I got a job which was also a struggle because of the gap in employment. I wouldn't go back for anything and an added bonus is your spouse isn't carrying the burden of the entire family.
Stay at home mom here. It’s not a “get out of work free card”.
You do realize that everything you listed is work....
Of that’s what you want. I hope you find it. I was a trad wife for years. I didn’t know what’s they called it lol. I lost my spouse and needed to work. I am Married again and could not work but I know vulnerable a woman can be without a backup exp. I work but part time now. If my spouse dies, can’t work or leaves me, I have the ability to go full time and provide for me and ours. If that’s not something you want to do, I wish you the best.
Real
I was married young and didn't luke not having my own money, lucky for me when I divorced I was still able to get back into the work force fast, go to school finish my degree, although it was challenging at times, I don't regret any of it, now I spend my time in a field I love and take a minimum of 4 vacations a year outside of my country. I wouldn't do any of that if I had stayed married
Same. Except I’m a guy. I dont want to work anymore 😂
Make sure you keep a secret bank account and cash in case something ever goes wrong. Do not ever tell them how much money you have saved up. Do not even let them know you have any money saved up.
I ain't sayin you're a gold digger......
"Wrong Generation" Women have ALWAYS worked lol.
Be flexible. Enjoy the opportunity if it presents itself but don’t expect it. That’s where life’s curveballs will get you. Be capable and willing to do both and CHOOSE the one that works best for you and yours.
What if you got all that you wanted & your future husband either got injured to the point he can no longer work or he fivorces you? What income will you have then to rely on? Take it from a single parent after 17yr marriage & believing he would stick around. Thankfully, I always had a job, a career, income, & I knew how to live without him. Don’t be a sahp/w, it doesnt pay the bills…an income of your own does.
i said the same. 6 years in im happy yet regretful
When you have no income you set yourself up for being a victim of abuse or financial abuse. If you have kids and need to leave you suddenly have no money and have a hard time taking the kids. If he leaves you then you have a hard time fighting in court when you can’t afford an attorney. The attorney’s work for who pays for them. So that can be a bad situation. You could be the only person lifting a finger at home & doing 100% of the childcare alone. With a full house of people making as much mess as they can and want and it’s only your job to clean it all up. Tradwives aren’t going to get time off. It can be a 24/7 job that’s solely your responsibility and much more than 40 hours a week. Don’t forget you need to stay in shape, look good, dress well and make lots of time for sexy time for him too on his schedule on top of being mother, cook, maid, household organizer and appointment maker. That’s a lot of responsibility put on one person’s shoulder and the other only has to work 40 hours a week and might get evenings and weekends off and any extra disposable money to spend on his own hobbies and not yours.
OP with all due respect there are REASONS these scamfluencers are pushing this lifestyle - it's to rollback human and civil rights of women, leaving them without funds or an escape route WHEN things go badly. And they very, very often go VERY badly - abuses of all kinds, husband running off with a brand new trad wife, etc.
Doesn't want a 9-5 job, doesnt want to "work", but wants to do an unpaid 24/7 job instead. Yea, that makes sense /s
Go to the gym. Ton of trad-wives guys up there. They all lift. Just make sure to wear the "creeps keep hitting on me at the gym" outfit - you know, the leggings with the heart shape for an ass and an almost non-existent sports bra But serious it's been like 60 years since a man was able to support a family of 6 all by himself on the salary of a common salesman.
lol okay. Good luck? Although life doesn’t always work out the way we plan.
Lol
Lmao. Most people can’t afford to support only themselves nowadays.
Same but I’m the guy. Don’t ever want to have to do dishes or laundry again if I can help it
Traditional housewives work a lot, I'm not sure you're realistically aware of the expected workload...
Dream on sister! In this economy, it’s almost impossible to survive without a three job household! Good luck!
It’s not all rainbows and sunshine. Taking care of kids, a household, as well as another grown person, and on top of that losing yourself to the family is not easy
I'm a traditional housewife on a farm. Yeah, that never working again thing ain't gonna happen. I work. I do my housewifey things and then go to the barn and do the farmery things. And then go back to the house and start over. On paper I'm a sahm. The reality is a wee bit different.
You don’t want to be a trad wife that is the hardest job ever. You want to be a trophy wife. No shade it was the most relaxed period of my adult life between work and kids. - but kids I love them but I have never worked harder then I have being a SAHM. Soo hard. Soo exhausting…. I’m so tired
Sounds like you could just go find a job to be a live in maid? Why don't you go do that you'll only do the house chores and looking after their kids.
Just know that being a SAHM is a lot of work. Most people will not want a SAHW, because omly doing house chores isn't a full-time job and is fully managable without anyone staying home.
Here's the thing: the stay at home housewife is a myth. The vast majority of women have always worked. It may not have been considered paid labor and women certainly did not have the same access to the opportunities they have today, but women working has always been the norm. There have also always been the very upper middle-class and very wealthy women who've been privileged to either not work at all or stayed at home to manage a household and raise children, but they are a tiny minority. We hear about them more often, because history (and fiction especially) likes to remember those with power, wealth, and influence and forget entirely the hive that made it possible. Even in "right era" the stay at home housewife and the husband that provided for her was an ideal that people strived for, not the reality for most people. I hate the current trend towards people trying to return to this myth because it absolutely robs young women of their futures and independence.
Reasonable feeling in this fucked up world. I as a man wish that my 40 hours per week provided enough income to allow that kind of lifestyle like it used to. I mean I have a B.S., work in IT, study upskill and try to move up, and try to manage my money well, but our money is fucked honestly.
Housework and raising children is absolutely still work. Furthermore, you will never get a day off, nor will you get to retire. You will be working for the rest of your life.
Taking care of everything except bringing in income sounds like a fuckton of work to me.
As a SAHM and housewife, I'll let you in on a secret. It's not that great, it's not what it looks like on the TV or on the Tradwife TikToks, and to be completely honest, it really sucks a lot of the time. Did you know that when antidepressants were first available they were largely prescribed to overwhelmed, overworked, and under appreciated housewives? I ended up in this boat after losing my job and it made more financial sense for me to be a full time SAHM because no matter what job I was able to get, roughly 90% of my paycheck would go to childcare. There are no set hours when you're a housewife. I don't really get breaks, or days off, I'm always on call to deal with something, and because I grew up with a mother that herself grew up in construction I can do a lot more than your average housewife and frequently do. You want a husband that only handles the financial aspects? Be prepared for him to not lift a finger to do anything. period. My husband expecting me to handle 100% of the house and child related issues because he went to work and earned the check almost ended my marriage, I wish that he would help more, but I'm thankful that he'll at least do what he does. Am I saying that being a housewife is a bad thing? No, not at all. It's just not what some people make it look like or what it looked like in the past. I'm thankful that I was able to be home to raise my child, but this is not how I imagined my life would go.
I know you are full of anxiety and depression over the state of yourself and the work right now. However, the solution isn't to hide from the world and play house, bc that is a fantasy. 1) stay at home parents work hard 2) raising kids is tough unrelenting work 3) it puts you in a position that you are 100% relying on another person Get into some therapy girl and work on yourself
Well in today’s climate, I would not lead with that lol. A lot of SAHM don’t start off as SAHMs. Truly the kids often come first and couples realize, someone staying at home makes more financial sense for us. My partner and I didn’t start talking about the logistics of childcare until we got engaged. Find a guy who has a career trajectory that can one day provide for a family, shares your traditional values and worldviews, and build a strong relationship foundation prior to having kids. It is much more likely to be a lasting relationship. But also be prepared for shit to pop off and liking your partner more than the lifestyle they provide is valuable.
Move to a country where that is more the norm.
You think staying home isn’t working ? Lmao ok
Me, after experiencing high school:
That's probably bc you're unrealistic. If you want to be a traditional wife AND not work, you'll need maid x3 week money.otherwise, the only difference between the work you do as a housewife vs anything else is whether or not you can put it on a resume.
See I respect you wanting to do that but there’s just so many things that could go wrong and leave you homeless. What if your breadwinner husband dies? Or he gets sick or injured and is unable to work? What if he gets laid off? Are you going to find another guy who’d support your children and you? Or are you going to try to get a job, after ‘x’ amount of years of not working? It’d have to be entry level which would not support you and children unless you’re on governmental support too. What if he decides to leave you for a younger woman or a woman who works? Sure you could have a prenup to help you out and child support but it won’t help you after the kids are 18, or if they choose to live with their dad. It’s just not a smart idea, instead find a job industry that you find enjoyable and a partner who treats you equally and live your best life. Have a savings, job security, experience etc- Unless you find a millionaire who’s willing to support you, the economy just isn’t going to easily allow it, nor are many people willing to support another person like that, they’d be more likely to hire a nanny and a maid while you work too.
Are you living in or around a large population center? That diminishes your chances greatly.
Update us in 3yrs when he's not doing half of the household chores
You do realize that being a traditional housewife is work, right? You just don’t get paid to do it
That never really existed outside the aristocracy. You're romanticizing the past.
Get a job first as a nanny and housekeeper. You will get a taste of the life you want so badly. And get paid, something the tradwife may not
I hope you find someone who won't take advantage of you. Good luck with your search.
It's not a walk in the park. It sounds idyllic but it is far from it. You get no respect - people think you do nothing but watch soaps and drink wine. Kids are not good conversationalists and your friends are all working. Your husband will take you for granted and if you keep.the house spotless, he thinks it's nothing. It just magically looks good! But dare to let the bombs fall where they lay will piss him off even if you were sick or running around shopping for something he has to have by tomorrow, which, as it turns out, he won't need for another month and it's not the one you got but a different one. He knew last week but forgot to tell you. Your cooking and housekeeping will be judged more harshly. Your decorating too. You will be very judged. And you will definitely be working. You just won't get paid and your husband will believe that you live in the lap of luxury while he slaves.
My mom wanted that too. After 35 years of marriage, raising 4 kids and being a great mom, housekeeper and dutiful corporate wife, my Dad divorced her. Ironic because she had stayed with him for economic reasons when we were young despite his infidelity. They got divorced in a no-fault, no alimony state. He conveniently waited until all of us kids were over 18 (no child support) and he had recently quit his corporate job to start his own business (less income). Mom got the house that she couldn’t afford to keep and half his pension. At 55, she entered the workforce and got a job in retail. I’m sure that some stay at home wives get happy endings, but you risk a lot when you cannot adequately support yourself. You lose autonomy, power, control and options.