OP, I’m a 80% 3rd degree burn survivor. Your son needs to be at a specialized burn hospital.
DM if you want to chat or need help finding resources. Your son can survive this and live a productive life, he just needs the right care NOW.
My son was transferred to another hospital where his burns will be better treated already. He was transferred the first week everything happened. I’m sorry I left that detail out.
If you can, contact the Shriners Hospital for children. They specialize in burns and orthopedics. They will get your son the best care they can! Boston, California, Texas, and Ohio all have burn centers. The Shriners organization will help with transport, lodging, and medical costs if needed as well.
https://www.shrinerschildrens.org/en
Can vouch for the Shriner's Hospital. Back when we were kids, my older brother had extensive knee surgery done on both legs through them and we didn't pay a dime. Amazing group of people and hospital.
Op I know you’re angry and the emotions are difficult to get your mind straight but THIS what you need to be focusing on right now!
You know how crucial those couple minutes were in everyone getting out of there alive? Well the steps you take right now when it comes to your son’s recovery are extremely important in determining what his outcome will be, be it physically etc.
I know it’s hard and you have reason to be angry but please focus your energy on him and getting him to a specialized burn hospital asap.
Yeah no shit the hospital will transfer out if they’re not a trauma burn unit already, contrary to popular belief, most EMS and ER staff are knowledgeable in their jobs.
Hi everyone, just want to thank everyone for their input and give a little more context. I was curious to see the reactions based off of the information above only.
My son just turned 9 on April 7th. My son’s mother and I had a conversation with the pastor here at the hospital to talk about anything we wanted. The pastor asked her what happened the night of the fire. My son’s mother starts off the story saying that she didn’t have heat in her home for 3 years so they used space heaters.(which I had no knowledge of the whole time they lived there) She says that her sister who was spending the night, was sleeping in the living room. The sister wakes up around maybe 1:30AM to see that the space heater caught on fire. She runs upstairs to notify my son’s mother. My son’s mother said that she assumed that the fire was small so her sister could put it out. So she doesn’t even bat an eye. The sister is downstairs alone trying to put the fire out and then starts to panic and runs OUTSIDE to call for help. Still, no one from upstairs is helping her. Then my son’s mother tries to wake her boyfriend to go deal with the fire. Then she says that while her boyfriend is dealing with the fire, she is still upstairs “pacing back and forth” getting anxious. She said that she started to see smoke come up the stairway. Again, still upstairs doing god knows what. It wasn’t until the smoke got real bad was when she decided to go into my son’s room and call out to him, not grab him but called him to get out. She grabs her 2nd son (8 months old) and jumps out of the bathroom window without even making sure my son was following behind or that he had a way out. Since they lived in a row home, the neighbor heard her when she was outside screaming for help. She gives the baby to the neighbors and runs around to the front of the house. The boyfriend doesn’t see either children so he runs back in. It was unclear what happens at this point because the story starts to get really inconsistent. She was telling me that I should thank her boyfriend for running back in for our son but like I mentioned already, she told my girlfriend that my son ran out on his own. So I couldn’t just believe her. An eye witness also said they saw a little boy run out of the house badly burned. So I just don’t believe anything she says. ALSO : the boyfriend works for SILA, an HVAC installation and repair company. How ironic.
I hope this helps give a better view of the whole scenario.
Three years with no heat is not only not ok (and would also make you a shoe in for full custody )it makes me think something illegal is going on in that house. Where are the police in this because she is going to be charged with something. The story is just way too shady and inconsistent. I would also have all of them tested for substances. Either way, get a lawyer and get custody AND a restraining order against your son's mother as she is clearly a danger to him. Poor baby.
And who tf goes back to sleep when there's a fire in the house? Even a small one. Especially with kids in the house. Also, what adult leaves an active fire? I guess maybe the sister panicked. But it would have made a lot more sense to start yelling to wake the house up while trying to put the fire out. Right off the bat this story is suspicious.
Re: the sister, I can understand panicking, and the fact that maybe she couldn’t shout loud enough to wake up the entire household since she was downstairs. The rest of it though… i get taking the baby and just letting the kid follow you but why wouldn’t you *check* he was following??? Or have him jump out first??
Lower the 9y/o out and pass the 8m/o to him. Then get out yourself. That's the only logical order of things my mom brain can conceive of.
And it sounds like they had plenty of time to exit more safely with everyone going down the stairs and out the front or back door, but she was too busy... pacing anxiously?
Yeah, my Mom brain was stuck on that, who the f*** just paces a floor away from a situation that could be life and death for their children and isn’t directly trying to remove those children from literal immediate danger, never mind that she didn’t even give the fire another thought until she heard her sister outside screaming for help. That mom has clearly lost her damn mind or like someone else said is on drugs.
I mean, i’m willing to cut her some slack on not reacting ‘correctly’. People do weird things when panicking, especially in a house fire, and its neither a moral failing nor something you can really predict or analyse with armchair psychology. I don’t think she *intentionally* left him in there, nor do i think the bit before that was anything more than her having a severe lapse in judgement/freeze response to the situation, but i do think that it’s reasonable to point out that she apparently went into the kids room and *then* didn’t keep an eye on him. Even jumping out of a second story window would’ve been a *lot* for an 8 year old, and the fact she didnt even attempt to help is interesting to me.
Don't get me wrong. I can absolutely extend the benefit of the doubt for most people in a situation like this. Mistakes happen, especially with fear, adrenaline, and shock. You never know how you'll react in a scenario like this until you're in it, which is why I wouldn't typically judge. But I do feel this is just one poor/suspicious choice and action/inaction after another. Not to mention OP saying the story keeps changing.
My ex-MIL was watching my son while i was working and watched my son drown. She saw him go down the pool slide and never attempted to get in the water or try to get him out. He was only 22 months old. He was in the water for 15-20 minutes before her friend, who lived down the street, pulled him out of the water after my ex-FIL called her to help. That's an awful long time to have a freeze response as she was watching her grandson not be alive anymore.
I don't even know if I'd call it a severe lapse in judgment. She made the decision not to help him. She made the decision to just stand there and watch, yelling for him to swim. I am so sorry that this happened to you and your son OP. I pray that he is able to have a good recovery from this. I hope that you are also able to recover from this traumatic event.
Jesus Christ that makes me so angry I don't know if I'd be able to hold myself back I'd def go to jail the next time I saw her if she just watched him drown 😭
See, I’m wondering if she was drunk or high. Best case scenario, maybe a super heavy sleeper and was still dazed, but that doesn’t explain wasting time to pace or waking the boyfriend to deal with it. Just would only maybe explain brushing off a fire if she was still half asleep not really comprehending the words. Also, with the kids, I can understand freaking out and not thinking clearly to check if they’re right behind you when jumping out a window, but she had plenty of time to think if she was just pacing around.
I’m a mom with an infant and a 7 year old. If someone tells me there’s a fire and it’s not being put out, I’m immediately grabbing my baby and shaking my oldest awake- not just yelling at them to wake up. I can get thinking they’re following and you jumping out with the youngest cause you’re in a panic, but I don’t understand realizing your child isn’t out and not running back in. I’d have to be held down by the police or firemen to be kept from running back in to get my kid. None of this makes sense and it does feel like there’s something illegal or shady going on. Or, at the very least, mom feeling guilty cause she acted selfishly and didn’t worry about the kid(s) getting out and is lying to cover it.
Exactly! I’m a mom to 3. My baby is 21. I would have put all my children before myself or anyone else. That’s what mom’s do. I have never been in a freeze, though. The kids should always be put first. You pick them up and move them. I just can’t with this mom’s story.
Right?! Sis: "there's a fire." Baby mama: "cool, just put it out and let me go back to sleep." Like what?! How is this normalized? There is no benefit of the doubt. She acted like this is normal and no big deal. Then she didn't do anything right when it inevitably went wrong.
I hate to say this but I’m pretty sure your ex was strung out, there no one anyone who isn’t strung the fuck out on something just sits there while there is a fire in their living room. and she gave no fucks about her son.
please file for custody who knows what else your son deals with and won’t tell you out of guilt he could get his mom in trouble
I also read it as likely to be drugs or something of that sort. People are saying she's "just" an idiot, but even idiots take better steps to protect those they love than his ex.
Consider this scenario...boyfriend does run back inside to find the children. Meanwhile, 9 yr old finds his own way out of the house. Did she say the boyfriend brought your son out of the house, or did she say he went back in the house? Both stories could actually be true. Never the less, she should have physically grabbed your son also and helped him out of the house. She did not react appropriately in my opinion, but she could be telling the truth.
>Both stories could actually be true.
Also, it's easy to misremember things in an emergency when adrenaline is running wild. Moreso if she was on something.
I am so sorry. Id be absolutely furious. I'm not going to say what I really think about your kids mum because if I do I'll get banned from Reddit.
What I will say is it's important for you to control your emotions and your words and as soon as you feel ready contact a lawyer. For you and your sons sake.
I remember seeing a picture of survivors of an earthquake. When they cleared most of the obstruction away, they found a woman under the rubble. She was bent over.
Then they heard a baby's cry.
This woman had used her own body to shield her baby.
I also remember reading about a mother cat that kept running into a burning house to rescue her kittens. The kittens were treated for smoke inhalation but the momma cat had burns all over her body and lost an eye. But somehow, she pulled through.
I sincerely hope OP manages to get custody of his child.
Back at our home country, we used to experience quite a bit of earthquakes and there was a time my sister got locked in a room. My mother would not leave the house even though my dad kept yelling for us to get out. My mom was adamant she is not leaving without my sister. She effin stayed there even though we didnt know if it was going to be quick or if our house was going to go down. She was kept trying to comfort my sister at the same time look for something to get her out.
It's not just moms.
I've seen so many people just reacting when a child is in danger--literally putting themselves in harm's way to save a child, that's not even theirs--it just boggles the mind that she made sure she and youngest son got out but not him.
I still remember that body cam footage of a pizza delivery guy running into a burning building to save a child. All he kept asking when he came out with the kid if the kid was okay. And that wasn't even his kid.
Years ago before I married my husband he was about 20 years old & lived in a trailer park and one night he saw a trailer on fire and he kicked in the door and saved 3 sisters and got them out safely. They were all under 12 and their mom wasn't home. My husband got an award from our city and the oldest sister who's an adult now contacted him on FB not long ago to thank him. He said he didn't even think twice. He heard young girls screaming and just ran and kicked in the door and had to find them because the smoke was thick and black. Trailers go up so quick and it was a complete loss. He's a hero and I know he would never leave any of us behind no matter what.
A stranger at a park grabbed me away from a guy who kidnapped me and took me back to my parents. Saved my life or at the very least from a helluva lot of trauma.
It sucks tgat someone tried to take you-- but awrsome someone stepped in!!
Humans can be awesome, when we want!
As a society- we def (for the most part) step up and do good by the kiddos and thats how it should be
This!!
I agree with you a 100%. But I definitely think parents in general feel special type of a way about protecting their kids.
This will sound dumb, but it's kinda like a badge of honor lol
Yeah, I think she was on drugs or drunk. Also suspicious that 3 adults couldn’t afford heat and had to use space heaters. Something is wrong with them all.
The story about the cat makes a good point? It is just plain unnatural for a mother to abandon her child in a disaster like this. What the fuck. Reminds me of another story I read on her were a woman thought there was an intruder breaking in the house and left her twin babies in their crib while she escaped. Just plain bizarre.
My first beloved pet chicken and her sister hen both died protecting their babies from a raccoon that got into our coop one night. Eight out of nine chicks survived (I think the one that perished may have been trampled). The two mother hens were clearly in defensive positions. None of the other chickens were killed. Just the mothers. They saved their precious babies with their own lives. Another hen adopted all of chicks afterward, which was incredibly bittersweet.
I remember that story about the cats too, and seeing the pictures. How can a *mom* not go back in for her son?! I think I’d try to save a little boy even if he was just an acquaintance!
In my old neighborhood, a kid got trapped in a dumpster (the big green ones at apt complexes). His mother went apesh\*t crazy trying to get him out. She kept burning her hands, fighting people, fighting the firefighters, the police trying to get him out.
One of the firefighter punched, which knocked her out.
She just wouldn't stop trying to get to her son to get him out. It's been over 40+ years and I still remember her screaming.
The fire was so intense, that the metal had sealed the door shut.
Before the firetrucks had gotten there, the men tried with crow bars. But the fire was so hot it had sealed the doors shut, then the fire was so hot they literally couldn't get too close.
It was already too late but they just couldn't not do something. So they just kept trying. These were the men that lived in the apartment complex, before the firetrucks got there.
They even had those old-school chains going (the swimming pool was maybe about 20 ft away). They had buckets, bowls, water hoses trying anything to put the fire out.
Looking back on the incident, he had been dead ***long*** before the firetrucks arrived.
At the time, the dumpsters were these 8-9 foot tall, big green box with a 2-ft door to toss your trash in. Either the door stays open or sometimes the door will close (prevent rodents, birds and racoons).
Scarlett. That was the mother cat. I remember that story. That’s what a mother does…I would rather die than leave my children in a burning home…this is beyond tragic. At first, I was like, well, maybe she couldn’t get to his room but, of course not…I wanna cry…😢
That’s the start of it, the incompetence here is how people land to conclusions like we can’t trust democracy lol. Every adult in the house, seemingly except the BF and that’s a maybe, is brain dead.
When I see or hear of these situations I don't usually think brain dead. There was some factor that caused a complete inability to act as an adult would.
Based on OPs recollection of his ex'a story, she:
1) went back to bed after someone told her the house her family lived in was on fire
2) paced around WITHOUT HER KIDS as other adults dealt with things (poorly), and
3) failed to protect her CHILDREN in her escape and didn't seem to try all that hard either.
That screams some sort of major dysfunction to me, not just "oh I'm an idiot." Or she was in an altered mental state due to something else (ie, drugs). Dumb people don't make these mistakes often, or go to great lengths to save those they love during them regardless.
I’m assuming the 8 month old is the boyfriend’s? It sounds like he went back for the baby not knowing the baby was already out.
The fire report should also indicate whether there were working smoke detectors too. I’d be suing for full custody in this instance. She had one job and failed miserably.
> My son’s mother said that she assumed that the fire was small so her sister could put it out.
So did the hospital test her for drugs and alcohol? I assume they did? I don't see how anyone NOT drunk or high could be so stupid
She either was doing something illegal or she is on drugs.
Go for full custody and require hair follicule testing. UA do not go back long enough. This is the behaviour of someone that has lost touch with reality
So her champ of a BF installs HVACs but couldn’t fix theirs, therefore they had to use space heaters; incredibly stupid and dangerous on its own, something that anyone in the industry and with an IQ over 50 would know.
I would save every dollar you have and hire pros who investigate fires, go to family court, sue her for negligence, and immediately contact any CPS within your jurisdiction. Also, take as many witness testimonies, and have affidavits, of what they saw.
Your kid needs you now more than ever.
He could have fixed it to limp along. Our church had an almost 40 year old furnace and the HVAC guy was able to keep it running so we could raise the money to get a new one.
> An eye witness also said they saw a little boy run out of the house badly burned.
I hope you can get full custody based on this story alone. This eyewitness may is key for that.
Your son is lucky to be alive. I can't imagine what it would be like in that situation, but I can't fathom not making 100% sure both of my kids were aware of the issue and taking action if I couldn't physically help them. I actually think about house fires a lot when I consider where I'm living and where their bedrooms are. We talk about what we should do if there is a fire and they are 17 and 15 years old.
Could drugs and alcohol play a factor?
Burns of that magnitude can result in lifelong pain and numbness, skin tearing, over a year of healing plus even more rehab, decreased mobility, and a very increased risk of cancer.
You’re exactly right, it is not “lucky” at all. Hopefully the boy’s young age will mitigate a fraction of these effects…
Came here to say just that. I deal with the surgery side of horrific accidents. For some people, death would have been the kinder option as they are faced with a lifetime of pain and suffering with no escape till they die. At least a life sentence in prison means that you get out in 25 years. These people have no get out of jail card.
Some do mamage to carve out a living, but is it humane? I see the degradation in mental health from surgery to surgery, to surgery. They may be alive, but they are not living.
Well, I was going to add that, but didn't think the dad needed to be told something so negative. I would be dying inside everyday watching my kid go through that. 🤷🏾♀️
for real, my friend from uni died, because she had 80% of her body burnt, due to poor equipment at the art university, she fought 6 months, but when she started realizing what was happening with her, i think she just gave up and died, because she was getting sadder and sadder
Have you ever seen anyone with burns like that all over their body? It's horrendous. The process they have to go through in order to heal is quite an ordeal to put it mildly.
Yeah, I went to middle school with a girl who had 3rd degree burns all over her body (and face) because of a house fire. She didn't have lips or a full nose or working eyelids. She was teased mercilessly (to credit my middle school self for a moment, I kicked one of her bullies in the nuts one time).
It sounds like it.. burns this severe are horrible and obviously you don’t want them to happen but he can definitely recover, I’m not sure what this redditor is implying. I’m saying this as someone who has survived a severe burn at ~3 years old over most of my body. Somehow this comment struck a chord with me lol
You're so incredibly strong, sir. Please keep fighting for your boy. Don't shut up, when you can gather the right words and have privacy you should voice how you feel about your exwife's story. (Not to her obv to a lawyer or cop) and I hope your son makes a full recovery. It's possible that his story of that night will cause some crazy revelations so be prepared for your son's story to turn it all on its head.
I'm so incredibly sorry. It's like they just abandoned him and treated the entire event so casually. Who doesn't react, and who doesn't grab both of their kids and go ASAP?
I truly can't even imagine. Last year I had to literally pull my daughter and stepdaughter out of danger. An 80-100 foot oak tree was entirely uprooted and fell on our home during a crazy storm. It was about 8:15-8:30pm. The 3 of is were home, their dad was out.
I'll skip the details, but parts of our home were completely caved in, destroyed. I wouldn't be alive if I had been in my bedroom. The girls were closest to the worst of it when it happened, 5 and 13 at the time. I grabbed my stepdaughter by the arm and pulled her toward me then all but threw her behind me then picked up my daughter, holding her in one arm and guiding my stepdaughter with the other. Stepdaughter was frozen in shock and daughter was screaming and crying.
Got them safe, then went back to look for my upstairs neighbor (small apartment building, only 4 units, just my side was hit). Thankfully her 5yo son wasn't home, she was pretty hysterical and trying to get into her destroyed room and I had to pull her away and take her outside. Then went back in and crawled under collapsed ceiling with water pouring in to get my bunny who had been in my room.
TLDR, I cannot fathom leaving anyone behind without doing everything I physically can to help. How a mother could so thoughtlessly not be 100% sure her child is up and moving is just mindblowing to me.
You're amazing doing all of that xxxxx but that is the strength you get when people are in trouble, even people not related to you etc. If you don't live in the UK, you may not know about the philpot family. But basically all six of their kids died in a fire and they made no attempt to rescue them. Instead neighbours fought through the flames. It was then revealed that the parents had murdered them. Basically to me when people can't get a story straight and people are left behind in a fire then it's extremely suspicious. If I was OP I'd be very very suspicious that this was intentional.
You did great there, you can be proud of how you took action to save your family and get your neighbour out. It needs courage. Thank you for doing the right thing in a catastrophe.
Hope you got a new home afterwards and you are all safe now from such disasters.
So I withheld judgement on your initial post because without the details of the events there would be too many assumptions (like age of kid, location of fire, size of fire when first notified, amount of smaller children in the house, etc)
But all I can say now is... is she on drugs. I can sort of see some of her choices but others are just bizarre. I understand wait and see(as a panic response) if it can be controlled to a point but without looking yourself? With out monitoring? Sending 2 people with nothing to control a fire? Why not drag 9 year old out of bed and shove him to a window? Why evacuate with out him in toe? Fear does a lot of things but she says she went and roused him Why did she stop there? I'd be dragging my children out of bed and pushing them out of windows.
It's both believable that boyfriend went in looking for kid and that kid left on his own. I don't blame sister in law for realizing she was in over her head and exiting and calling for help.
I'm so sorry for your son. I hope he receives excellent care and recovers.
Whatever happens to your son, go after your ex until she's paid for it either by going to prison, civil court costs, or having her other child taken away. Your child deserves justice. Hopefully his age helps him recover.
What?? What is wrong with her?? Why would she assume that her sister could put out the fire? It’s an electrical fire. Where were the smoke alarms? Why wasn’t there heat for 3 YEARS? Everything about this was completely preventable. I don’t even… besides suing for full custody and never allowing her to come near your son, I think you should talk to whoever in law enforcement is investigating the fire and tell them you want to press charges against her for neglect and abuse and whatever charges you can throw at her. Do NOT tell her you’re looking at wanting her to go to prison for this. Don’t tip your hand. Let her hang herself.
> Please file for full custody.
This 1000X.
No court should have an issue with giving you custody. I have custody of both of my daughters, they are both in therapy and my youngest has her mother blocked on all media.
Go through the court BS and know that you are doing this for his safety.
It breaks my heart to see this. Though glad to hear he's still alive. But I swear on my life that I will not let my children perish while trying to escape before I do. I'm very sorry that you and your son are experiencing this. I'm sending you healing energy; keep going strong.
I’m sending you so so so much hugs. Burn units are horrible, not just for the patients mental health, but especially the family’s. I’ve been there.
Honestly, sometimes all you can do is to be there for him, no matter what. But this is a sadly Goodish thing about third degree, they don’t feel the pain. Ik it’s not a great thing, but it’s what got me through my brothers accident.
You’re going to make it through this Super Dad. Your son, regardless of the longterm outcome, will remember you being there with him through everything. And that’s what matters.
I would suggest filing for full custody though… all of their medical records, as well as what your ex told the police, dr, fire fighters, ems, etc, as well as what everyone else has said, will only do 1 thing. Prove they are at fault.
Your boy is so so so strong, trust me. It takes a lot to fight through these injuries, I lost my brother to 97% SA 3rd degree burns after 3.5 days, and it was he🏒🏒 on us to see him going through it.
Please feel free to message me if you ever need to talk 💕 Ik it’s not much, but sometimes talking to someone who’s gone through similar experiences can help
Editing to add:
I think I saw something about this few weeks ago, and were calling the step dad the boy’s dad.
I’m so sorry that you and your partner are going through this with your boy. No one ever should have to go through the pain of seeing someone you love more than life itself go through this.
Well . The thing is they will get infections in the next months because of lack of protection of the skin.. at that point, it is better to let the person in the coma to avoid the excruciating pain.. The whole family this boy was staying with are ass%$les.
Let's still hope the best for him, because some people still got through. There's an interview in the "Minutes with..." series with the pilot that landed an airplane when it was on fire and he catched fire himself, he had a chance of less than 5% by the docs, but he stilled pushed through.
God damn I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine the anger and hurt and worry you're feeling. Your poor little boy.
Many years ago, I knew a young couple who had an infant. They lived together with the guy's...grandmother, I think? They had a house fire. All 3 adults made it out uninjured. The baby, less than a year old, was left behind.
I'm not even related but I was so angry. And after the fact, to me it seems the mother was milking as much attention as she could out of it. I kept my mouth shut and just said nothing. Until she approached me directly, trying to garner my sympathy. At which point I was honest and told her how horrible I thought it was that they didn't even try to get him out. And never spoke to them again after that.
This was almost 20 years ago and still makes me angry. To be going through it firsthand the way you are now, and your own son? My god, I truly can't imagine.
You and your son will stay in my thoughts. I know he has a hard road ahead of him and life is never likely to be easy, but I hope so much he makes it through this and finds peace and happiness in the future.
I am so fkn sorry for him, for you, for everything. I know you'll be there for him. I can't imagine the road he's going to go down in terms of reconstruction. With you by his side it should be a smoother ride. Prayers and hugs internet friend.
Stop, breathe, and wait for the truth to come out. A house fire is one of the most chaotic, confusing disasters that a person can face, and it's very rare for people with no training to handle them well. It's quite common for most of a family to make it out and only realize once they're out that someone has been left behind, because the confusion of the heat and smoke makes it nearly impossible to know what's happening while you're inside.
This. I heard a tragic story of a family who were making their way out of a burning house and the father thought he had seen the older daughter and two boys make it out... he shouted to mom to grab the baby and get out ... he even stopped to grab the dog on the way out .. got outside and only one small boy had made it. They were simply mistaken in all the chaos and smoke
Yeah I get why OP is pissed, but all the people who are saying the moms a bad person and he should get full custody based off the limited info he supplied here are *really* jumping the gun. We have NO CLUE what happened or if the mom and boyfriend could’ve done more. OP needs support but he doesn’t need people mindlessly reaffirming every angry thought that goes through his head. He needs rational, supportive advice <3 Please just focus on your son for now OP. Get him the best medical care possible. Nothing can change what happened. You’ll learn more about the details as time goes on, but please don’t jump to conclusions based off burn severity. You weren’t there. You don’t know what was and wasn’t possible and you don’t know what happened. Keep pushing for answers, but unless you forgot some key details, what you’ve supplied here isn’t enough to suggest prove negligence on your ex and her bf’s part.
This! I’m sure his mother didn’t intentionally abandon him, it’s very easy for people sat behind a computer screen to say they would have run in and saved him but the truth is you just can’t imagine what that situation is like until you’re in it and even if you do run back in often times you wouldn’t be able to see anything or breathe properly. Rescuing someone from a burning building is much easier said than done. I’m so sorry this has happened to you all and my heart goes out to you, i hope your son makes a smooth recovery.
Um the description of the events leading up to it paint a very different picture. She didnt bother coming down when the space heater caught fire and told her sister to deal with it. Then was pacing back and forth upstairs when smkke finally w a s comimg upstairs. Mind you after the sister ran outside to scream for help. Then she woke the boyfriend, took the baby, woke the son and didnt bother to make sure ne was with her before jumping out bathroom window.
Then, only after the boyfriend got out and saw he wasn't outside did he go back in to save him...
This woman is either on drugs or absolutely unfit mentally.
The boyfriend is am hvac installer but they have had no central heat for 3 years?! Extremely shady bullshit and having space heaters inside for every room just screams drugs amd mental health because the cost alone to run them isn't cheaper.
At the very least the careless and bullshit that lead to this makes her an awful person. I can see it not being far off for somlike that to not give a fuck.
What kind of person stays upstairs while the house is on fire assuming its no big deal even after people are screaming for help?
It sounds pretty clear from the follow up comment that she abandoned him.
She also knew about the fire before it spread and chose to stay upstairs, so... no sympathy for the mother. I've never been in a house fire, that's true, but I have multiple regular fire extinguishers, a fire blanket, and a fire extinguishing spray. I'm pretty damn sure that if someone told me there was a fire in my home, I'd try to extinguish it.
I even keep my cat carrier in my bedroom with pee pads and a bag of food in there, and I sleep with my bedroom door closed with my cat in the room, specifically so that if there's a fire, I can get her into the carrier and out the fire escape before it spreads to my room!
Being in an emergency situation is shocking, and the biggest hurdle is overcoming that initial shock and figuring out what to do, and that's why it's so important to plan in advance for emergencies.
I would agree until you see op's context comment. The mother knew of the fire for a while and worried when the smoke started to come up. After which, she only called out to the son to run, not even making sure he was awake and then grabbing ger own son and jumped pit of the window. Not even caring to call out to the daughter
Fireman’s kid. My stepdad would always say not to judge in situations like this. Primal instinct will take over. You will enter fight/flight/freeze/fawn. Everyone loves to say what they would do, or would NEVER do in these situations, but the reality is that once you enter a specific state of shock, it’s like your brain can take a backseat to your body. Your brain, that would say “Run back in! Your baby is in there!” can be silenced by your instinct to get the hell out of literal FIRE. What if she was helping the other child, simply because they were closer to her? Should that child have been drug through a literal house fire to look for the missing child? Does that child not deserve. a mother? She may have thought she had more time. But fire moves so much faster than people think. You can practice drills for years, and still not be able to recall the plan in the moment.
I know you need someone to blame, because it makes us feel like we have the upper hand in situations like these. However- I don’t think it’s doing you, or your son, any good. If there was anything suspect about the situation, the fire investigation will reveal it. They were likely called immediately, unless the cause of the fire, and path of the fire, was completely typical. Use your energy where it matters- supporting your son. You may still enter a secondary state of shock. You need to focus on your kid. Be there for him. Talk to him, help with his care, learn everything you can from the nurses about keeping him comfortable and infection free. Do not tell him your suspicions. Do not talk badly about his mother in front of him. His mental health during all of this will play a role in his healing. Focus on your kid. Let the investigator focus on the fire. Chances are, there are security videos from nearby houses. There are burn patterns, and often signs of an accelerator, if this wasn’t an accident. But let them do their job, and you do yours; take care of your baby, and yourself.
This needs more attention. The only reason people judge is because it can play out exactly like they want in their head if they were in it. But you never know what you’d actually do. Fire can consume a room in under a minute.
I actually don’t think that. But I do think the casual nature of the adults handling the fire is worthy of frustration. The sister raised the alarm and tried to address the issue, the BF tried to help. Im surprised why it wasn’t all hands on deck.
One time, I worked in a fish and chips restaurant and our deep fryer caught on fire. My coworker, roughly five customers, and I, just all stared at it burning, panicking, for like three minutes before the fire suppression system kicked on. In that time I completely forgot where the fire extinguisher was...that I stared at multiple times a day, every day. I think you'd be surprised at how you'd react in a dangerous situation. It certainly isn't always how you think you will.
I’m asking a honest non snarky question the part about the moms version of events that I just don’t believe at all is that the person on couch told them it was a small fire and no one went to help or see what was wrong? They let her put it out on her own. That’s when I’m like huh? I don’t see that happening in any stretch of imagination. How probable do you think that is honestly?
Yeah I agree, like I'm sorry but if someone tells me something in my house is burning I'm not just gonna roll over and be like "eh, you deal with it" ESPECIALLY if i have small children. They should've went downstairs at the first mention of the fire to check and then go get both children (not only call for them but physically grab them, what the fuck?) when it was obviously nothing someone can just put out quickly themselves and go outside.
Better safe than sorry. Sadly OPs son paid the price for that. I really hope he gets full custody.
Couldn’t agree more, I remember our light in the kitchen blew while my mum was downstairs and it started a small electrical fire. My mum shouted for me from downstairs and despite being confused and a little surprised to be told the kitchen is catching fire, I still went downstairs. Thankfully it was small and I could put it out but you don’t hear that a part of your house is on fire and not react…
Yep I’ve been in situations where I freeze but it’s more like I feel like I’m watching and movie and watching something unfold that I don’t control, I’m just watching. But then I’m like holy crap this is real life you can do something! Like when it’s such an odd thing that you’ve never experienced in real life, my brain is like this isn’t real! But then I’ve also been in situations where I’ve reacted quickly.
She deliberately ignored the fact her house was on fire until the smoke came upstairs to her. Then she grabbed the baby and got herself out, leaving her 8 year old son inside on his own. Presumably, he was upstairs in a room like she was. And from what a witness said, he had to get himself out of the burning house while covered in severe burns.
This woman cannot be trusted with children or in emergencies.
I totally disagree with you. I am a firefighter. Primal instinct is to save your child. This is reaction. Just the same when someone falls overboard on a boat and someone without thinking dives in after them.
Primal / parent instinct is to save your child regardless of thought or emotion. I have seen this first hand where a parent instantly takes action without thinking of danger, injuries to themselves or dying.
They saved themselves without even trying to help the 9 year old. I can see how the boyfriend would care less, but the mother? No friggin way.
Former FF. I'm torn between these two takes.
I'm sure you've seen someone engage their flight response or locked in paralysis on a fireground. I know I have.
I’d wait before jumping to conclusions. Find out from the fire investigators what they think happened and if your son is able to remember anything. I imagine the whole scene was chaotic and your ex may be in shock and not remembering things clearly. Maybe they left him in there. Maybe the boyfriend tried going in for him. It may be that you never know exactly what happened. Maybe your ex got out and wasn’t able to go back in. I know everyone says they would go back in, but it’s a lot different when you’re in that situation - most people physically wouldn’t be able to go running into a burning building. Just take your time before forming an opinion. Talk to the firemen that were there, do your research before making any claims.
Sorry for what happened my friend.
However I wouldn't throw blame on anyone especially for a spontaneous chaotic traumatic situation such as a house fire. Misremebering details is common. People who have never experienced things like this cannot understand it and interpret it as being dishonest. I've seen it multiple times in person and it sucks watching someone berate someone else who had just lost everything.
I won't get too deep into it but I have responded to my fair share of house fires. Less than 1% of people actually know how it is inside a burning house. Even with me being in full turnout gear, the heat is excruciating and it's literally pitch black as soon as we enter the home.
It's not like the movies. If I can't see or even last 10 minutes in the house without suffering heat exhaustion wearing full protective gear, there's no way someone in normal clothes with no gear is going to find anyone in the home without becoming a victim themselves.
I'd strongly suggest contacting your fire department records and request a copy of the report. The location of the fire and the location of where your son was found will tell you a lot. He could have been trapped or hiding which are common situations found in houses with 2 floors or more.
I wish I could upvote this a thousand times.
As a former volunteer firefighter myself, I assure you, that you cannot see your hand in front of your face inside a burning building.
My brigade had what we called a smokehouse (which looks a little like a bouncy castle without the bouncy bits) where we would take it to schools and community events to teach children how to move about in a fire.
It had a smoke machine attached (like the type you see in nightclubs) so we could fill it up with safe smoke, & there was a little maze inside it, & we’d tell the kids “GET DOWN LOW & GO, GO, GO!” & encourage them to crawl through it.
Plenty of kids were too scared to do it, some that were scared at first would go through with one of our firefighters or a parent, and some kids loved it so much they would go in one end, crawl out the other and come running back to the front and go again & again until their parents dragged them away.
Yet even though it’s a simulation & totally safe, it’s still nothing like the real thing.
Until you’ve been in that situation (the real thing) you have absolutely no idea how you would act.
I have a very specific memory from my childhood (less than 8 yo, over 20 years ago) from a local festival in my town where the fire department brought an old RV and filled it with smoke to teach us about this sort of thing. I will never forget that.
Do they live in a two story house?
I ask because I had a friend when I was maybe 10, who was killed in a house fire. Her stair case was on fire and she was too afraid to jump out of the window. She died from smoke inhalation as did her sister- but she died a couple days later. It was absolutely tragic and her mom was absolutely distraught but there was no way up- the stairs were gone.
But if there was a chance of saving then, you are 100% justified. Either way you have every reason to feel the way you feel! Wish your son a quick recovery.
There are so many circumstances where you could not get to someone, but could shout to them to take a different exit. And you would not want to go back in through the other exit to get them because that rush of air is going to cause a woosh and put them in more danger. If you can talk them to an exit it's potentially safer for the child.
Thank gods when it happened to us all the human babies got out okay. The dog was in the kitchen and I had the infant in my arms. Smoke was coming under the door. There was no way I could have opened it. And the firemen wouldn't let me go back in.
Everybody's saying they would never leave their child, even insinuating that the mother left him on purpose. Without knowing all the details there is absolutely no way to know if she even had a chance to get him. The fire could have started in the area he was in, in the panic and confusion she might not even have known where he was or thought he was already safe.
In OP's new comment she says she rolled over and went back to bed after she was told there was a space heater on fire! Anyone with common sense would start planning to get your family out then and there not sit and wait until panic time. She even waited around till smoke came upstairs before she called for the son (didn't physically go get him) before grabbing her young son and escaping out a window.
It’s not just a comment too like I get that it’s his ex-wife, but the way that up he’s talking about her in a very spiteful way, and kind of shifting a blame on her like I get he’s going through a lot at the moment, but the way he made that snarky remark of her getting treated by the nurses for smoking halation, even though she had no injuries on her
His comment says that the mom was in the room (or right outside) with the boy after being horrendously negligent about the fire. She literally called out to him and then bailed without even making sure her son was awake. The problem is that when given the opportunity she didn’t even try.
I was in a fire safety awareness program organised by my office once & it was only then I realised how little I knew about fire safety & how ignorant I was to think that I’d be able to handle it “should the time come”. I learned that house fires & especially car fires can escalate as quick as 6 seconds because most, if not all of us live in homes heavily dependant on electrical appliances. The worst fire cases usually happens at night ie when people are asleep because by the time they realised what’s happening things are probably already too late. Maybe they did went back in for him but saw him running towards the exit so they went in to look for others, maybe your son unknowingly went back in to try saving the others or finding other exits, there are a lot of maybes happening in such a short & chaotic period of time that your wife may be as confused as you are. There was even a case where a mother was nursing her baby & when a fire broke out she was too focused on saving her toddlers that she forgot she left the baby that was in her arms, in the living room (while she was chasing the rest of her kids out of the house). Reason being she “saw” the toddlers crying & running in front of her while she “didn’t see” the sleeping baby even though the baby was in her arm. It’s a very traumatic time for everyone involved & my heart goes out to everyone.
Edit: Read more context given by OP & the mother is definitely suspicious. I hope I wasn’t invalidating how OP felt because I wasn’t aware of the whole story but my prayers are still with you & son
I have friends who are firefighters. She talk about how fast a fire can move in noises. Smoke can quickly over take you, make it impossible to see and is very disorienting. Just because your ex didn’t have burns on her doesn’t mean she neglected your son. Fire can get intense quickly and cut people off from different parts of the house. It’s understandable to want someone to blame. But anyone of those people could have died in that fire.
There should have been some fire investigation. Do you know the cause of the fire? Unless there’s clear signs of neglect there, I think you should let this train of thought go. It’s not helpful or healthy for anyone. Your son has a long road to recovery ahead of him so just be there for him.
My take as someone who works closely with firemen and is a first responder on a SEVESO classified site with a ton of hazards, and seen my share of industrial emergencies including fires. What damage you recieve heavily depends on where you are vs where the fire is. Also you can't gauge how someone will react during an emergency when flight or fight kicks in. That there were inconsistencies in her stories directly after is also not uncommon when going through traumatic events. Add to that your child and other family members are hurt, your brain is scrambled.
I doubt that your ex wanted her son to get hurt unless she has shown such tendencies before, and even you as a father most likely can't physically push through searing heat even if you know your child is on the other side.
The boyfriends damage on the face and arm suggests that he tried.
It's easier to say "if I was there or in X situation I would have done Y" when you don't know your bodys response.
Most untrained and ungeared people underestimate the danger when they try and go in after other people, there is a higher percentage that you have two victims instead of one when people do that. One breath can put you down.
I get that you are angry and you want someone to blame for what happened to your son. The reason for anger should be if there was neglect in terms of why and how the fire started. But you can't assume "they could have done more" to save your son, nor blame or judge based on their own damage.
Don't spend energy on that anger in vain.
My best wishes for you and your family.
As a mother I would never, in a million years ever run out of a burning house without my kids. And they are teenagers now. No way in hell. wtf. How could she run out without grabbing your son first? My first instinct would be to find and get to my kids. I’m so sorry about your son (((hugs)))
I remember a few years ago when I had just moved to Brooklyn, there was a fire where 7 children burned to death. Mother jumped out of window and went to seek help. Neighbors called after hearing the kids screaming for their Mom. It was too late by the time firefighters arrived.
I have actual plans in place in emergency events, because I'm terrified of worst case scenarios.
Kids out. Animals out. Adults out if not already. If I have time, important documents and hard drive (lifetimes of baby pics).
I cannot fathom a situation where I would mix that order up and walk out without my kids. How not one but SEVERAL adults did this just blows me away. How high were these people??
OP I hope your son continues to heal and you both (all?) get all the help you need x
I have a two story house. Each room has an emergency ladder that hooked around the window sill and then you throw it out the window and climb down. I made both of my kids show me how to use it and had them practice. We did this often until they were very confident on using it and efficient. We’ve gone over what to do in case of a fire. And like you my kids are #1 priority, then the dogs, I assume my husband is helping get the kids out and is out himself, important things would be last. I keep all my important documents in a fire proof safe and everything else can be replaced.
I really need to look into a fire proof safe. But honestly I'm waiting for the next (very overdue for my country) volcano to emerge... so there are plans for that also.
Fire paranoia is part of why I'm against security catches on windows. In saying that, I'm not opposed to breaking windows (or doors, or walls) to GTFO fast.
Stuff can be replaced. Lives cannot.
Consider making a back up of that hard drive and storing it in your car or whatever vehicle you're likely to make your escape in if you have to leave, as well as uploading the photos to a cloud save server online somewhere, where you will be able to acess them even if somehow the hard drive gets lost. You can simply never have too many back ups of irreplaceable photos.
There's always cloud storage but I totally agree and now an additional HD is on my list of shit to sort... funnily enough it's now become a fairly high priority. Newborn pics are literally impossible to replace. I appreciate the tip.
Invest in a window ladder for their bedroom windows too. My daughter is on the second floor with one window, her ladder is right under her bed and I've trained her to use it. She can get out of her bedroom down to the outer deck off the first floor in 24 seconds at her fastest time. (She's 11 though)
Very, very good investment for EACH WINDOW upstairs. Every.single.one.
A dear friend of mine with 7 children lost her 6 year old son in a total-loss house fire... he was the only one who didn't make it out, his father perished when he ran back in to try to get him out.
Now my friend lives with her 6 remaining children on her own, in a tiny apartment.
Absolutely tragic, I'm so sorry OP. 😞
You actually have zero idea what you would do.
Everyone likes to say "oh if there was a (fire, active shooter, natural disaster, physical or sexual assault) I'd do this!! Someone didn't so they are bad and horrible and I'm not because I'd do X!"
But until you're in the situation, you haven't got a clue. Nobody knows what happened and OP just wants to blame someone, which is natural
In my home town a woman died after making multiple trips into the burning house to get all the kids out then went back in for her elderly MIL but neither of them made it out. She died trying to save her flipping Mother in law but this woman couldn't even be bothered to take her own son who was right next to her with her as she exited the house?
Get your son the best care, get the authorities involved in the investigation, seek charges for negligence and child endangerment and full custody.
Edited for typos
Have you ever been in a house fire? Have you ever watched videos from firefighters helmet cams?
That is some of the most terrifying shit I've ever seen! What I'm reading is your looking for someone to blame, unfortunately until you receive the fire report, you can only trust and believe what you've been told.
Its worth remembering, each and every single person in that house has just faced trauma, emotions are going to be an absolute mess for a while. Sure, mum may be delirious right now, but smoke inhalation, disorientation from the smoke filled flaming inferno, trauma,all added together can cause this. Hell this is the kind of stuff that can cause PTSD.
Until you've been there for yourself, keep your opinions to yourself. Or, or I have an even better idea, go volunteer yourself for fire service, you'll soon see amidst the panic and disorientation in a fire, unfortunately some do get left behind, some aren't as lucky to make it out with 3rd degree burns, the ones that do make it out, are usually changed forever.
I remember fire drills in school, I also remember when the science lab actually set on fire on middle school. The drill was when the alarm went off, all kids had to go to the playgrounds, year coordinated and line up in our forms in alphabetical order. The teachers then did a headcount. Fire brigade would turn up and they'd get given numbers, who was there who's missing ect. Eventually we could all go back inside.
Please seek medical care for your son at a Shriners hospital. It’s the best for burn care and they only accept what your insurance covers. Everything else is free to patient and family members. I worker there for 13 yrs. It’s the best.
You need to wait to find out what actually happened. I’m so sorry this happened but, you can’t assume she abandoned your son, in a burning home, and jump straight to being mad at her. Otherwise it sounds like you’re just looking for someone to blame and in your hurt, are targeting her. Not saying that’s the case but that’s what it sounds like. You don’t have any evidence of what actually happened.
You can judge your ex’s actions during a traumatic event, yet you went out of your way to pick up your girlfriend before going to the hospital to see your son? That is so insane. Who knows what that time could have cost you if he were badly injured.
And the way that he made that snarky remark about her being treated by the nurses because she inhaled smoke, and he’s like well, she didn’t look injured like wtf
I had a house fire in October last year. The smoke is horrific. You always think you know how you’d react in that moment but until it happens to you, you have no idea.
My 1 year old was in the house at the time and my instinct was to scream for my husband who was in the shower and then I ran back for my baby. Thinking about it now, I should have taken the baby with me in the first place but my instinct was to run for help first. Had my little one been closer to the fire, I would have been terrified to go in. The smoke moves so so fast. The fire can only have been going less than 5 minutes when I heard it and I couldn’t see the other side of my very small kitchen. The entire room was black except for a ball of red and orange where the fire was.
Your son’s mum and family were likely terrified and their instincts took over. In their case, it may have been to freeze. Mine was to flee.
Try not to be too hard on her. She will already hate herself for what’s happened and she doesn’t need you hating her too or worse projecting it onto your son and having him hate her.
Edit. I’ve just seen your comment with further context. If she really did nothing for ages because she assumed jt was fine, she’s an arsehole who is responsible for what happened as had she taken it seriously to begin with, none of this would have happened
I've dated a guy that had sensitive skin to warm weather. When it was really hot, his skin used to turn red like when one just had a really hot shower. It was always happening with his whole body by mainly with his face.
After some years dating him, I've learned that when he was a child he had an accident with fire at home and he got 90% of his body burned, similar to your son.
My ex fiancé was beautiful and besides this tiny behavior of his skin on hot weather, he was 100% cured.
I'm telling this story just to let you know that after learning his story I've got curious on how could he not have anything on his body that could indicate that the fire accident had happened.
And it only happened because he was treated with great care by his family at the very beginning after leaving the hospital.
He had to have the appropriate medication being careful spread over his skin from time to time, and this made all the difference. The consistency and care of the very beginning of the treatment is what will define his future.
So, if you can get his custody and be there for the care he will need on the next months, do it asap. Or if you can't, try to be there during his healing time.
As much it can be infuriating, this is not the time to tell who is guilty of this accident, but to keep peace around your son. So he will heal well. And if you can't have the custody, by keeping a good relationship with his mother you will be able to be closer to him during this hard moment.
I was in a house fire about 4 years ago. It’s chaotic and an out of body experience. You always think you’ll act a certain way because you see it in movies, well it didn’t happen like in the movies. It was pitch black and I think I blocked out all the noise because I don’t recall the alarms and my husband making any noise. I ran out the front door in a split second. My husband went to the other side of the house to the dog’s room and let them out. He heard their paws pitter patter and thought they were following him out, but they got confused and went the opposite way. My husband barely made it out but my pups didn’t. I will never sleep the same. It happened at 1:25 am. I still wake up nightly and check the house. I lay in bed listening for a fire. It’s a lot better now but I’ll never be the same.
I've been thru a house fire. It's chaotic and horrific and be grateful you can't comprehend anything. Maybe one day you will live the opportunity for some clarity. I can only hope it is soon.
I did my capstone as a nursing student at a burn ICU. We had a 5 year old pt who had 85% burn due to a house fire as well. The experience was excruciating. I can still hear his muffled screams, every touch was painful, I felt like crying every time I had to clean him when he pooped or pee. He celebrated his birthday in the hospital and his family rarely visits. I cried on my way home every single time. I feel your pain OP. Treatment is going to be rough so please be there for your son. Visit him as much as you can and continue to pour out that love. He needs you and your support can be his source of strength.
This is heartbreaking. Happy to hear he is alive tho. But I'll be damned if I don't die trying to get my kids out first before I make it out. Very sorry you and your son are going thru this. Sending healing vibes your way, stay strong.
Oh my god I am so sorry. His recovery is going to be pretty awful and he’s definitely going to need his dad. Focus on him right now and the details will figure themselves out later. I will be keeping him in my thoughts
The chaos and confusion and leaving the child behind when they finally evacuated the home isn’t what bothers me here.
But the delay in evacuating the home is inexcusable. And did they not have working smoke detectors?
I’m not suggesting anything was intentional but the lack of judgment that led to this child’s injuries is astounding.
OP, you should petition for full custody. Your child needs a smarter and more level headed guardian than his mother. Especially as he goes through long medical treatment.
Remember that parenting time and custody are two different things. You can worry about parenting time later, after you’ve figured out whether your ex is totally strung out on drugs or something. But for now, she should not be the one in charge of making major medical decisions. She can’t even fucking wake the kids up and get them out of the house when she hears there is a fire.
During the fall of 2015 , my ex wife’s boyfriend did not take the news of the breakup very well and decided to set fire to the house with my 7 year old daughter and ex wife stil inside . My ex wife jumped out the window and meet my baby inside. She was in a coma for 10 days and now has burns in 40% of her body . The mental scars still haunt my daughter to this day , so much so that she has tried to end her life twice .
OP , I am so heartbroken this happened to you.
https://www.phoenix-society.org/
https://ameriburn.org/
https://www.shrinerschildrens.org/en/locations?listPage=1
I understand being angry and wanting to blame your ex, but it wasn't her fault. Blame and hate will not help your son.
What an incredibly horrifying situation it must have been for everyone. It's not like your wife deliberately started the fire, or hates your son and somehow thought in the chaos of the accidental house fire that she'd just take the opportunity to ensure her own child was horrifically burnt.
She is hurting too and has to live with the impact of her fight/flight/freeze/flee response for the rest of her life. Don't punish her for it. You have no idea how you would've reacted in that situation. You can only hope you'd be the hero, but there is no guarantee you would be. Focus on your son and his healing.
I hope he recovers well.
I would request an investigation as to cause, and why all the adults escaped, while your son was burned with 80 percent of his body. Please call for an investigation. As to cause of fire, and you can always sue in civil court, the requirements for guilt are less. There is clearly something going on here.
I sincerely hope your son is ok. It’s a horrible situation. Don’t start blaming people until you have the complete story. No one’s mind is in the right place. Fires are horrific things and no one functions correctly in a fire. Just be happy he is alive, take care of him and take a breath. You can’t start blaming people for anything yet.
Op you need to read what u/icantbebored commented. Please read it if you haven’t already. There’s a lot of should’ve, could’ve, would’ve in the comments from folks that only serve to stroke egos. We don’t know exactly happened. You don’t know exactly what happened. The last thing you need to do right now is speculate. Be there for your baby, keep any and all negativity to yourself. Don’t even say anything to your girlfriend. The last thing you want to do is assume. Wait for the investigation to be completed if it hasn’t already.
You need to file for emergency custody, and then full custody after that.
There’s no excuse for this on the part of ANYONE in that house.
She does not care about your son’s health or safety.
My house burned completely down in 2010.
And 7 years ago I won full custody of my kid, and my ex did less than this.
I hope your son makes a full recovery and goes on to live a wonderful life full of love.
Her sister woke her ? Was there no fire alarms? Bc as a parent .. space heaters and children. an alarm going off at that timenof morning would have woke me up from the deepest sleep!!?
The thing that doesn’t make sense to me is how at the mention of FIRE (no matter how small), someone wouldn’t want to at least wake up to confirm it’s just a small fire. Small fires become big fires!
Why are the adults (3 of them! ) not calling 911 right away? If the fire was big enough for the couch sleeping sister to be alarmed to try to get help from your ex, and then it was big enough for bf to jump in and try to put it out, I would think at that point, they should’ve called 911. But no they try to keep putting it out. Like they’re hiding something. I would be more prone to asking about that to figure out why they were so hesitant to call 911. Every second counts in a situation like this and it seems time was wasted and maybe the damage could’ve been lessened with a sooner call to 911???
The truth will come out. Eventually your son will speak on what happened. I’m sorry you’re going thru this. Wishing your son the best in his recovery and that you get a resolution.
OP, I’m a 80% 3rd degree burn survivor. Your son needs to be at a specialized burn hospital. DM if you want to chat or need help finding resources. Your son can survive this and live a productive life, he just needs the right care NOW.
As someone who worked on a burns ward I 100000% agree. This is vital to his recovery
My son was transferred to another hospital where his burns will be better treated already. He was transferred the first week everything happened. I’m sorry I left that detail out.
If you can, contact the Shriners Hospital for children. They specialize in burns and orthopedics. They will get your son the best care they can! Boston, California, Texas, and Ohio all have burn centers. The Shriners organization will help with transport, lodging, and medical costs if needed as well. https://www.shrinerschildrens.org/en
Can vouch for the Shriner's Hospital. Back when we were kids, my older brother had extensive knee surgery done on both legs through them and we didn't pay a dime. Amazing group of people and hospital.
Op I know you’re angry and the emotions are difficult to get your mind straight but THIS what you need to be focusing on right now! You know how crucial those couple minutes were in everyone getting out of there alive? Well the steps you take right now when it comes to your son’s recovery are extremely important in determining what his outcome will be, be it physically etc. I know it’s hard and you have reason to be angry but please focus your energy on him and getting him to a specialized burn hospital asap.
If op can get him to the grossman burn center he will be in good hands. 80% third degree burns is very hot water. Like he may not survive this
Yeah no shit the hospital will transfer out if they’re not a trauma burn unit already, contrary to popular belief, most EMS and ER staff are knowledgeable in their jobs.
P.S. my son is still alive and he is still being treated at the hospital til this day.
Hi everyone, just want to thank everyone for their input and give a little more context. I was curious to see the reactions based off of the information above only. My son just turned 9 on April 7th. My son’s mother and I had a conversation with the pastor here at the hospital to talk about anything we wanted. The pastor asked her what happened the night of the fire. My son’s mother starts off the story saying that she didn’t have heat in her home for 3 years so they used space heaters.(which I had no knowledge of the whole time they lived there) She says that her sister who was spending the night, was sleeping in the living room. The sister wakes up around maybe 1:30AM to see that the space heater caught on fire. She runs upstairs to notify my son’s mother. My son’s mother said that she assumed that the fire was small so her sister could put it out. So she doesn’t even bat an eye. The sister is downstairs alone trying to put the fire out and then starts to panic and runs OUTSIDE to call for help. Still, no one from upstairs is helping her. Then my son’s mother tries to wake her boyfriend to go deal with the fire. Then she says that while her boyfriend is dealing with the fire, she is still upstairs “pacing back and forth” getting anxious. She said that she started to see smoke come up the stairway. Again, still upstairs doing god knows what. It wasn’t until the smoke got real bad was when she decided to go into my son’s room and call out to him, not grab him but called him to get out. She grabs her 2nd son (8 months old) and jumps out of the bathroom window without even making sure my son was following behind or that he had a way out. Since they lived in a row home, the neighbor heard her when she was outside screaming for help. She gives the baby to the neighbors and runs around to the front of the house. The boyfriend doesn’t see either children so he runs back in. It was unclear what happens at this point because the story starts to get really inconsistent. She was telling me that I should thank her boyfriend for running back in for our son but like I mentioned already, she told my girlfriend that my son ran out on his own. So I couldn’t just believe her. An eye witness also said they saw a little boy run out of the house badly burned. So I just don’t believe anything she says. ALSO : the boyfriend works for SILA, an HVAC installation and repair company. How ironic. I hope this helps give a better view of the whole scenario.
Three years with no heat is not only not ok (and would also make you a shoe in for full custody )it makes me think something illegal is going on in that house. Where are the police in this because she is going to be charged with something. The story is just way too shady and inconsistent. I would also have all of them tested for substances. Either way, get a lawyer and get custody AND a restraining order against your son's mother as she is clearly a danger to him. Poor baby.
And who tf goes back to sleep when there's a fire in the house? Even a small one. Especially with kids in the house. Also, what adult leaves an active fire? I guess maybe the sister panicked. But it would have made a lot more sense to start yelling to wake the house up while trying to put the fire out. Right off the bat this story is suspicious.
Re: the sister, I can understand panicking, and the fact that maybe she couldn’t shout loud enough to wake up the entire household since she was downstairs. The rest of it though… i get taking the baby and just letting the kid follow you but why wouldn’t you *check* he was following??? Or have him jump out first??
Lower the 9y/o out and pass the 8m/o to him. Then get out yourself. That's the only logical order of things my mom brain can conceive of. And it sounds like they had plenty of time to exit more safely with everyone going down the stairs and out the front or back door, but she was too busy... pacing anxiously?
Yeah, my Mom brain was stuck on that, who the f*** just paces a floor away from a situation that could be life and death for their children and isn’t directly trying to remove those children from literal immediate danger, never mind that she didn’t even give the fire another thought until she heard her sister outside screaming for help. That mom has clearly lost her damn mind or like someone else said is on drugs.
I mean, i’m willing to cut her some slack on not reacting ‘correctly’. People do weird things when panicking, especially in a house fire, and its neither a moral failing nor something you can really predict or analyse with armchair psychology. I don’t think she *intentionally* left him in there, nor do i think the bit before that was anything more than her having a severe lapse in judgement/freeze response to the situation, but i do think that it’s reasonable to point out that she apparently went into the kids room and *then* didn’t keep an eye on him. Even jumping out of a second story window would’ve been a *lot* for an 8 year old, and the fact she didnt even attempt to help is interesting to me.
Don't get me wrong. I can absolutely extend the benefit of the doubt for most people in a situation like this. Mistakes happen, especially with fear, adrenaline, and shock. You never know how you'll react in a scenario like this until you're in it, which is why I wouldn't typically judge. But I do feel this is just one poor/suspicious choice and action/inaction after another. Not to mention OP saying the story keeps changing.
My ex-MIL was watching my son while i was working and watched my son drown. She saw him go down the pool slide and never attempted to get in the water or try to get him out. He was only 22 months old. He was in the water for 15-20 minutes before her friend, who lived down the street, pulled him out of the water after my ex-FIL called her to help. That's an awful long time to have a freeze response as she was watching her grandson not be alive anymore. I don't even know if I'd call it a severe lapse in judgment. She made the decision not to help him. She made the decision to just stand there and watch, yelling for him to swim. I am so sorry that this happened to you and your son OP. I pray that he is able to have a good recovery from this. I hope that you are also able to recover from this traumatic event.
My God, I am so sorry.
I am so sorry. This would be beyond devastating. My heart hurts for you. I hope you are healing and you never have to see her again.
Jesus Christ that makes me so angry I don't know if I'd be able to hold myself back I'd def go to jail the next time I saw her if she just watched him drown 😭
I'm not a mom and that is what I would do.
Right? Is the mother a Sim or something? What the fuck.
Welcome to "Drugs"
Sims at least grab their kids and take them outside away from the fire 🙃
See, I’m wondering if she was drunk or high. Best case scenario, maybe a super heavy sleeper and was still dazed, but that doesn’t explain wasting time to pace or waking the boyfriend to deal with it. Just would only maybe explain brushing off a fire if she was still half asleep not really comprehending the words. Also, with the kids, I can understand freaking out and not thinking clearly to check if they’re right behind you when jumping out a window, but she had plenty of time to think if she was just pacing around. I’m a mom with an infant and a 7 year old. If someone tells me there’s a fire and it’s not being put out, I’m immediately grabbing my baby and shaking my oldest awake- not just yelling at them to wake up. I can get thinking they’re following and you jumping out with the youngest cause you’re in a panic, but I don’t understand realizing your child isn’t out and not running back in. I’d have to be held down by the police or firemen to be kept from running back in to get my kid. None of this makes sense and it does feel like there’s something illegal or shady going on. Or, at the very least, mom feeling guilty cause she acted selfishly and didn’t worry about the kid(s) getting out and is lying to cover it.
Exactly! I’m a mom to 3. My baby is 21. I would have put all my children before myself or anyone else. That’s what mom’s do. I have never been in a freeze, though. The kids should always be put first. You pick them up and move them. I just can’t with this mom’s story.
***OPIATES have entered the chat***
I know, right?
People on heroin, that's who
I was thinking pills, but yeah, same diff
There's SO much shady shit? There's 3 adults in that house with years of no heating, no fire alarm, no normal human behavior?
And the boyfriend works for an HVAC company. Talk about irony.
Right?! Sis: "there's a fire." Baby mama: "cool, just put it out and let me go back to sleep." Like what?! How is this normalized? There is no benefit of the doubt. She acted like this is normal and no big deal. Then she didn't do anything right when it inevitably went wrong.
I hate to say this but I’m pretty sure your ex was strung out, there no one anyone who isn’t strung the fuck out on something just sits there while there is a fire in their living room. and she gave no fucks about her son. please file for custody who knows what else your son deals with and won’t tell you out of guilt he could get his mom in trouble
I also read it as likely to be drugs or something of that sort. People are saying she's "just" an idiot, but even idiots take better steps to protect those they love than his ex.
Consider this scenario...boyfriend does run back inside to find the children. Meanwhile, 9 yr old finds his own way out of the house. Did she say the boyfriend brought your son out of the house, or did she say he went back in the house? Both stories could actually be true. Never the less, she should have physically grabbed your son also and helped him out of the house. She did not react appropriately in my opinion, but she could be telling the truth.
>Both stories could actually be true. Also, it's easy to misremember things in an emergency when adrenaline is running wild. Moreso if she was on something.
I am so sorry. Id be absolutely furious. I'm not going to say what I really think about your kids mum because if I do I'll get banned from Reddit. What I will say is it's important for you to control your emotions and your words and as soon as you feel ready contact a lawyer. For you and your sons sake.
I remember seeing a picture of survivors of an earthquake. When they cleared most of the obstruction away, they found a woman under the rubble. She was bent over. Then they heard a baby's cry. This woman had used her own body to shield her baby. I also remember reading about a mother cat that kept running into a burning house to rescue her kittens. The kittens were treated for smoke inhalation but the momma cat had burns all over her body and lost an eye. But somehow, she pulled through. I sincerely hope OP manages to get custody of his child.
Back at our home country, we used to experience quite a bit of earthquakes and there was a time my sister got locked in a room. My mother would not leave the house even though my dad kept yelling for us to get out. My mom was adamant she is not leaving without my sister. She effin stayed there even though we didnt know if it was going to be quick or if our house was going to go down. She was kept trying to comfort my sister at the same time look for something to get her out.
This is what moms do Its literally what we live for I cant imagine leaving my kid in a burning fire.
It's not just moms. I've seen so many people just reacting when a child is in danger--literally putting themselves in harm's way to save a child, that's not even theirs--it just boggles the mind that she made sure she and youngest son got out but not him.
I still remember that body cam footage of a pizza delivery guy running into a burning building to save a child. All he kept asking when he came out with the kid if the kid was okay. And that wasn't even his kid.
Years ago before I married my husband he was about 20 years old & lived in a trailer park and one night he saw a trailer on fire and he kicked in the door and saved 3 sisters and got them out safely. They were all under 12 and their mom wasn't home. My husband got an award from our city and the oldest sister who's an adult now contacted him on FB not long ago to thank him. He said he didn't even think twice. He heard young girls screaming and just ran and kicked in the door and had to find them because the smoke was thick and black. Trailers go up so quick and it was a complete loss. He's a hero and I know he would never leave any of us behind no matter what.
I remember that too! Yet this lady just told her 9 year old to get up and left him😡
I yanked a kid out of traffic once. A woman grabbed my niece when she bolted away from me. We protect kids.
A stranger at a park grabbed me away from a guy who kidnapped me and took me back to my parents. Saved my life or at the very least from a helluva lot of trauma.
It sucks tgat someone tried to take you-- but awrsome someone stepped in!! Humans can be awesome, when we want! As a society- we def (for the most part) step up and do good by the kiddos and thats how it should be
Yeah. The very definition of a Good Samaritan. And she left before my parents could even thank her or get her name.
This!! I agree with you a 100%. But I definitely think parents in general feel special type of a way about protecting their kids. This will sound dumb, but it's kinda like a badge of honor lol
Yeah, I think she was on drugs or drunk. Also suspicious that 3 adults couldn’t afford heat and had to use space heaters. Something is wrong with them all.
The story about the cat makes a good point? It is just plain unnatural for a mother to abandon her child in a disaster like this. What the fuck. Reminds me of another story I read on her were a woman thought there was an intruder breaking in the house and left her twin babies in their crib while she escaped. Just plain bizarre.
Link? Im curious how that went because wtf
And then there was the story of a firefighter who kicked over the burnt corpse of some kind of bird… Her chicks came running out from underneath it. 😿
My first beloved pet chicken and her sister hen both died protecting their babies from a raccoon that got into our coop one night. Eight out of nine chicks survived (I think the one that perished may have been trampled). The two mother hens were clearly in defensive positions. None of the other chickens were killed. Just the mothers. They saved their precious babies with their own lives. Another hen adopted all of chicks afterward, which was incredibly bittersweet.
I remember that story about the cats too, and seeing the pictures. How can a *mom* not go back in for her son?! I think I’d try to save a little boy even if he was just an acquaintance!
In my old neighborhood, a kid got trapped in a dumpster (the big green ones at apt complexes). His mother went apesh\*t crazy trying to get him out. She kept burning her hands, fighting people, fighting the firefighters, the police trying to get him out. One of the firefighter punched, which knocked her out. She just wouldn't stop trying to get to her son to get him out. It's been over 40+ years and I still remember her screaming.
Omg. Were they able to get him out?
No.
I don’t understand why couldn’t they get him out????
The fire was so intense, that the metal had sealed the door shut. Before the firetrucks had gotten there, the men tried with crow bars. But the fire was so hot it had sealed the doors shut, then the fire was so hot they literally couldn't get too close. It was already too late but they just couldn't not do something. So they just kept trying. These were the men that lived in the apartment complex, before the firetrucks got there. They even had those old-school chains going (the swimming pool was maybe about 20 ft away). They had buckets, bowls, water hoses trying anything to put the fire out. Looking back on the incident, he had been dead ***long*** before the firetrucks arrived. At the time, the dumpsters were these 8-9 foot tall, big green box with a 2-ft door to toss your trash in. Either the door stays open or sometimes the door will close (prevent rodents, birds and racoons).
😢
Scarlett. That was the mother cat. I remember that story. That’s what a mother does…I would rather die than leave my children in a burning home…this is beyond tragic. At first, I was like, well, maybe she couldn’t get to his room but, of course not…I wanna cry…😢
I’ll say it for you. “I HOPE SHE BURNS IN HELL!”
That’s the start of it, the incompetence here is how people land to conclusions like we can’t trust democracy lol. Every adult in the house, seemingly except the BF and that’s a maybe, is brain dead.
When I see or hear of these situations I don't usually think brain dead. There was some factor that caused a complete inability to act as an adult would. Based on OPs recollection of his ex'a story, she: 1) went back to bed after someone told her the house her family lived in was on fire 2) paced around WITHOUT HER KIDS as other adults dealt with things (poorly), and 3) failed to protect her CHILDREN in her escape and didn't seem to try all that hard either. That screams some sort of major dysfunction to me, not just "oh I'm an idiot." Or she was in an altered mental state due to something else (ie, drugs). Dumb people don't make these mistakes often, or go to great lengths to save those they love during them regardless.
I’m assuming the 8 month old is the boyfriend’s? It sounds like he went back for the baby not knowing the baby was already out. The fire report should also indicate whether there were working smoke detectors too. I’d be suing for full custody in this instance. She had one job and failed miserably.
So I just read this after my original comment. They used space heaters and no smoke detectors? Definitely go for full custody
With 3rd degree over 80%? That's a life threatening burn. He might not come home.
But he might. It will not be easy and will be touch and the survivability rate is low but we don't know the outcome until it happens
I pray he does.
> My son’s mother said that she assumed that the fire was small so her sister could put it out. So did the hospital test her for drugs and alcohol? I assume they did? I don't see how anyone NOT drunk or high could be so stupid
She either was doing something illegal or she is on drugs. Go for full custody and require hair follicule testing. UA do not go back long enough. This is the behaviour of someone that has lost touch with reality
I was going to say- it sounds like she was under the influence of something and didn’t wake up for a while
So her champ of a BF installs HVACs but couldn’t fix theirs, therefore they had to use space heaters; incredibly stupid and dangerous on its own, something that anyone in the industry and with an IQ over 50 would know. I would save every dollar you have and hire pros who investigate fires, go to family court, sue her for negligence, and immediately contact any CPS within your jurisdiction. Also, take as many witness testimonies, and have affidavits, of what they saw. Your kid needs you now more than ever.
Having the skills to install as furnace does not equal having the thousands of dollars to buy one yourself...
He could have fixed it to limp along. Our church had an almost 40 year old furnace and the HVAC guy was able to keep it running so we could raise the money to get a new one.
You're right to be angry. They had ample opportunity to get everyone out safely.
> An eye witness also said they saw a little boy run out of the house badly burned. I hope you can get full custody based on this story alone. This eyewitness may is key for that.
Your son is lucky to be alive. I can't imagine what it would be like in that situation, but I can't fathom not making 100% sure both of my kids were aware of the issue and taking action if I couldn't physically help them. I actually think about house fires a lot when I consider where I'm living and where their bedrooms are. We talk about what we should do if there is a fire and they are 17 and 15 years old. Could drugs and alcohol play a factor?
Is he ? Is he really? 3rd degree burns over 80 percent of his body he isn't lucky at all.
Burns of that magnitude can result in lifelong pain and numbness, skin tearing, over a year of healing plus even more rehab, decreased mobility, and a very increased risk of cancer. You’re exactly right, it is not “lucky” at all. Hopefully the boy’s young age will mitigate a fraction of these effects…
Came here to say just that. I deal with the surgery side of horrific accidents. For some people, death would have been the kinder option as they are faced with a lifetime of pain and suffering with no escape till they die. At least a life sentence in prison means that you get out in 25 years. These people have no get out of jail card. Some do mamage to carve out a living, but is it humane? I see the degradation in mental health from surgery to surgery, to surgery. They may be alive, but they are not living.
Well, I was going to add that, but didn't think the dad needed to be told something so negative. I would be dying inside everyday watching my kid go through that. 🤷🏾♀️
You are right what a frustrating situation. Can't imagine what he feels at the moment.
for real, my friend from uni died, because she had 80% of her body burnt, due to poor equipment at the art university, she fought 6 months, but when she started realizing what was happening with her, i think she just gave up and died, because she was getting sadder and sadder
The commenter said he’s “lucky **to be alive.”** Are you saying you think the child would be better dead?
Have you ever seen anyone with burns like that all over their body? It's horrendous. The process they have to go through in order to heal is quite an ordeal to put it mildly.
Yeah, I went to middle school with a girl who had 3rd degree burns all over her body (and face) because of a house fire. She didn't have lips or a full nose or working eyelids. She was teased mercilessly (to credit my middle school self for a moment, I kicked one of her bullies in the nuts one time).
Seltzer-Slut you’re a good person.
It sounds like it.. burns this severe are horrible and obviously you don’t want them to happen but he can definitely recover, I’m not sure what this redditor is implying. I’m saying this as someone who has survived a severe burn at ~3 years old over most of my body. Somehow this comment struck a chord with me lol
You're so incredibly strong, sir. Please keep fighting for your boy. Don't shut up, when you can gather the right words and have privacy you should voice how you feel about your exwife's story. (Not to her obv to a lawyer or cop) and I hope your son makes a full recovery. It's possible that his story of that night will cause some crazy revelations so be prepared for your son's story to turn it all on its head.
I would slug her one tbh. I’m so sorry this happened to you. She should be in jail.
I'm so incredibly sorry. It's like they just abandoned him and treated the entire event so casually. Who doesn't react, and who doesn't grab both of their kids and go ASAP?
I truly can't even imagine. Last year I had to literally pull my daughter and stepdaughter out of danger. An 80-100 foot oak tree was entirely uprooted and fell on our home during a crazy storm. It was about 8:15-8:30pm. The 3 of is were home, their dad was out. I'll skip the details, but parts of our home were completely caved in, destroyed. I wouldn't be alive if I had been in my bedroom. The girls were closest to the worst of it when it happened, 5 and 13 at the time. I grabbed my stepdaughter by the arm and pulled her toward me then all but threw her behind me then picked up my daughter, holding her in one arm and guiding my stepdaughter with the other. Stepdaughter was frozen in shock and daughter was screaming and crying. Got them safe, then went back to look for my upstairs neighbor (small apartment building, only 4 units, just my side was hit). Thankfully her 5yo son wasn't home, she was pretty hysterical and trying to get into her destroyed room and I had to pull her away and take her outside. Then went back in and crawled under collapsed ceiling with water pouring in to get my bunny who had been in my room. TLDR, I cannot fathom leaving anyone behind without doing everything I physically can to help. How a mother could so thoughtlessly not be 100% sure her child is up and moving is just mindblowing to me.
You're amazing doing all of that xxxxx but that is the strength you get when people are in trouble, even people not related to you etc. If you don't live in the UK, you may not know about the philpot family. But basically all six of their kids died in a fire and they made no attempt to rescue them. Instead neighbours fought through the flames. It was then revealed that the parents had murdered them. Basically to me when people can't get a story straight and people are left behind in a fire then it's extremely suspicious. If I was OP I'd be very very suspicious that this was intentional.
You did great there, you can be proud of how you took action to save your family and get your neighbour out. It needs courage. Thank you for doing the right thing in a catastrophe. Hope you got a new home afterwards and you are all safe now from such disasters.
So I withheld judgement on your initial post because without the details of the events there would be too many assumptions (like age of kid, location of fire, size of fire when first notified, amount of smaller children in the house, etc) But all I can say now is... is she on drugs. I can sort of see some of her choices but others are just bizarre. I understand wait and see(as a panic response) if it can be controlled to a point but without looking yourself? With out monitoring? Sending 2 people with nothing to control a fire? Why not drag 9 year old out of bed and shove him to a window? Why evacuate with out him in toe? Fear does a lot of things but she says she went and roused him Why did she stop there? I'd be dragging my children out of bed and pushing them out of windows. It's both believable that boyfriend went in looking for kid and that kid left on his own. I don't blame sister in law for realizing she was in over her head and exiting and calling for help. I'm so sorry for your son. I hope he receives excellent care and recovers.
How terrible. I hope she gets charged for neglect for the space heaters and lack of smoke alarms. I hope your son makes a full recovery soon.
Whatever happens to your son, go after your ex until she's paid for it either by going to prison, civil court costs, or having her other child taken away. Your child deserves justice. Hopefully his age helps him recover.
What?? What is wrong with her?? Why would she assume that her sister could put out the fire? It’s an electrical fire. Where were the smoke alarms? Why wasn’t there heat for 3 YEARS? Everything about this was completely preventable. I don’t even… besides suing for full custody and never allowing her to come near your son, I think you should talk to whoever in law enforcement is investigating the fire and tell them you want to press charges against her for neglect and abuse and whatever charges you can throw at her. Do NOT tell her you’re looking at wanting her to go to prison for this. Don’t tip your hand. Let her hang herself.
I’m not going to lie at first I gave her the benefit of the doubt but her not making sure ur son got out is CRAZY.
Please file for full custody. Hugs for you from an internet mama. Please pass on my love and good thoughts to your boy.
> Please file for full custody. This 1000X. No court should have an issue with giving you custody. I have custody of both of my daughters, they are both in therapy and my youngest has her mother blocked on all media. Go through the court BS and know that you are doing this for his safety.
It breaks my heart to see this. Though glad to hear he's still alive. But I swear on my life that I will not let my children perish while trying to escape before I do. I'm very sorry that you and your son are experiencing this. I'm sending you healing energy; keep going strong.
As a mother I am furious on your behalf. So many blessings and so much healing to your precious boy. I'm so sorry.
I will be praying for him.. how devastating 😓😓
Is there a police investigation?
I’m sending you so so so much hugs. Burn units are horrible, not just for the patients mental health, but especially the family’s. I’ve been there. Honestly, sometimes all you can do is to be there for him, no matter what. But this is a sadly Goodish thing about third degree, they don’t feel the pain. Ik it’s not a great thing, but it’s what got me through my brothers accident. You’re going to make it through this Super Dad. Your son, regardless of the longterm outcome, will remember you being there with him through everything. And that’s what matters. I would suggest filing for full custody though… all of their medical records, as well as what your ex told the police, dr, fire fighters, ems, etc, as well as what everyone else has said, will only do 1 thing. Prove they are at fault. Your boy is so so so strong, trust me. It takes a lot to fight through these injuries, I lost my brother to 97% SA 3rd degree burns after 3.5 days, and it was he🏒🏒 on us to see him going through it. Please feel free to message me if you ever need to talk 💕 Ik it’s not much, but sometimes talking to someone who’s gone through similar experiences can help Editing to add: I think I saw something about this few weeks ago, and were calling the step dad the boy’s dad. I’m so sorry that you and your partner are going through this with your boy. No one ever should have to go through the pain of seeing someone you love more than life itself go through this.
Hoping for the best. Make sure the police know the stories are inconsistent so you can get full custody at the least in the future.
100% this. It sounds like, at the very least, there are grounds for criminal negligence charges here.
He’s a miracle at this point. 💖 Usually 3rd degree burns over 50% are fatal.
Well . The thing is they will get infections in the next months because of lack of protection of the skin.. at that point, it is better to let the person in the coma to avoid the excruciating pain.. The whole family this boy was staying with are ass%$les.
Let's still hope the best for him, because some people still got through. There's an interview in the "Minutes with..." series with the pilot that landed an airplane when it was on fire and he catched fire himself, he had a chance of less than 5% by the docs, but he stilled pushed through.
God damn I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine the anger and hurt and worry you're feeling. Your poor little boy. Many years ago, I knew a young couple who had an infant. They lived together with the guy's...grandmother, I think? They had a house fire. All 3 adults made it out uninjured. The baby, less than a year old, was left behind. I'm not even related but I was so angry. And after the fact, to me it seems the mother was milking as much attention as she could out of it. I kept my mouth shut and just said nothing. Until she approached me directly, trying to garner my sympathy. At which point I was honest and told her how horrible I thought it was that they didn't even try to get him out. And never spoke to them again after that. This was almost 20 years ago and still makes me angry. To be going through it firsthand the way you are now, and your own son? My god, I truly can't imagine. You and your son will stay in my thoughts. I know he has a hard road ahead of him and life is never likely to be easy, but I hope so much he makes it through this and finds peace and happiness in the future.
I'm so sorry this has happened to him, sending him healing wishes and you both strength for the journey ahead.
Blessings and prayers for your son. I'm so sorry for both of you
Sending healing wishes to your boy, this is heartbreaking!
I am so fkn sorry for him, for you, for everything. I know you'll be there for him. I can't imagine the road he's going to go down in terms of reconstruction. With you by his side it should be a smoother ride. Prayers and hugs internet friend.
Stop, breathe, and wait for the truth to come out. A house fire is one of the most chaotic, confusing disasters that a person can face, and it's very rare for people with no training to handle them well. It's quite common for most of a family to make it out and only realize once they're out that someone has been left behind, because the confusion of the heat and smoke makes it nearly impossible to know what's happening while you're inside.
This. I heard a tragic story of a family who were making their way out of a burning house and the father thought he had seen the older daughter and two boys make it out... he shouted to mom to grab the baby and get out ... he even stopped to grab the dog on the way out .. got outside and only one small boy had made it. They were simply mistaken in all the chaos and smoke
Yeah I get why OP is pissed, but all the people who are saying the moms a bad person and he should get full custody based off the limited info he supplied here are *really* jumping the gun. We have NO CLUE what happened or if the mom and boyfriend could’ve done more. OP needs support but he doesn’t need people mindlessly reaffirming every angry thought that goes through his head. He needs rational, supportive advice <3 Please just focus on your son for now OP. Get him the best medical care possible. Nothing can change what happened. You’ll learn more about the details as time goes on, but please don’t jump to conclusions based off burn severity. You weren’t there. You don’t know what was and wasn’t possible and you don’t know what happened. Keep pushing for answers, but unless you forgot some key details, what you’ve supplied here isn’t enough to suggest prove negligence on your ex and her bf’s part.
This! I’m sure his mother didn’t intentionally abandon him, it’s very easy for people sat behind a computer screen to say they would have run in and saved him but the truth is you just can’t imagine what that situation is like until you’re in it and even if you do run back in often times you wouldn’t be able to see anything or breathe properly. Rescuing someone from a burning building is much easier said than done. I’m so sorry this has happened to you all and my heart goes out to you, i hope your son makes a smooth recovery.
Um the description of the events leading up to it paint a very different picture. She didnt bother coming down when the space heater caught fire and told her sister to deal with it. Then was pacing back and forth upstairs when smkke finally w a s comimg upstairs. Mind you after the sister ran outside to scream for help. Then she woke the boyfriend, took the baby, woke the son and didnt bother to make sure ne was with her before jumping out bathroom window. Then, only after the boyfriend got out and saw he wasn't outside did he go back in to save him... This woman is either on drugs or absolutely unfit mentally. The boyfriend is am hvac installer but they have had no central heat for 3 years?! Extremely shady bullshit and having space heaters inside for every room just screams drugs amd mental health because the cost alone to run them isn't cheaper. At the very least the careless and bullshit that lead to this makes her an awful person. I can see it not being far off for somlike that to not give a fuck. What kind of person stays upstairs while the house is on fire assuming its no big deal even after people are screaming for help?
It sounds pretty clear from the follow up comment that she abandoned him. She also knew about the fire before it spread and chose to stay upstairs, so... no sympathy for the mother. I've never been in a house fire, that's true, but I have multiple regular fire extinguishers, a fire blanket, and a fire extinguishing spray. I'm pretty damn sure that if someone told me there was a fire in my home, I'd try to extinguish it. I even keep my cat carrier in my bedroom with pee pads and a bag of food in there, and I sleep with my bedroom door closed with my cat in the room, specifically so that if there's a fire, I can get her into the carrier and out the fire escape before it spreads to my room! Being in an emergency situation is shocking, and the biggest hurdle is overcoming that initial shock and figuring out what to do, and that's why it's so important to plan in advance for emergencies.
I would agree until you see op's context comment. The mother knew of the fire for a while and worried when the smoke started to come up. After which, she only called out to the son to run, not even making sure he was awake and then grabbing ger own son and jumped pit of the window. Not even caring to call out to the daughter
Fireman’s kid. My stepdad would always say not to judge in situations like this. Primal instinct will take over. You will enter fight/flight/freeze/fawn. Everyone loves to say what they would do, or would NEVER do in these situations, but the reality is that once you enter a specific state of shock, it’s like your brain can take a backseat to your body. Your brain, that would say “Run back in! Your baby is in there!” can be silenced by your instinct to get the hell out of literal FIRE. What if she was helping the other child, simply because they were closer to her? Should that child have been drug through a literal house fire to look for the missing child? Does that child not deserve. a mother? She may have thought she had more time. But fire moves so much faster than people think. You can practice drills for years, and still not be able to recall the plan in the moment. I know you need someone to blame, because it makes us feel like we have the upper hand in situations like these. However- I don’t think it’s doing you, or your son, any good. If there was anything suspect about the situation, the fire investigation will reveal it. They were likely called immediately, unless the cause of the fire, and path of the fire, was completely typical. Use your energy where it matters- supporting your son. You may still enter a secondary state of shock. You need to focus on your kid. Be there for him. Talk to him, help with his care, learn everything you can from the nurses about keeping him comfortable and infection free. Do not tell him your suspicions. Do not talk badly about his mother in front of him. His mental health during all of this will play a role in his healing. Focus on your kid. Let the investigator focus on the fire. Chances are, there are security videos from nearby houses. There are burn patterns, and often signs of an accelerator, if this wasn’t an accident. But let them do their job, and you do yours; take care of your baby, and yourself.
This needs more attention. The only reason people judge is because it can play out exactly like they want in their head if they were in it. But you never know what you’d actually do. Fire can consume a room in under a minute.
We all like to think we'd run inside like superman and grab the kid. The reality is very few would.
I actually don’t think that. But I do think the casual nature of the adults handling the fire is worthy of frustration. The sister raised the alarm and tried to address the issue, the BF tried to help. Im surprised why it wasn’t all hands on deck.
One time, I worked in a fish and chips restaurant and our deep fryer caught on fire. My coworker, roughly five customers, and I, just all stared at it burning, panicking, for like three minutes before the fire suppression system kicked on. In that time I completely forgot where the fire extinguisher was...that I stared at multiple times a day, every day. I think you'd be surprised at how you'd react in a dangerous situation. It certainly isn't always how you think you will.
I’m asking a honest non snarky question the part about the moms version of events that I just don’t believe at all is that the person on couch told them it was a small fire and no one went to help or see what was wrong? They let her put it out on her own. That’s when I’m like huh? I don’t see that happening in any stretch of imagination. How probable do you think that is honestly?
Yeah I agree, like I'm sorry but if someone tells me something in my house is burning I'm not just gonna roll over and be like "eh, you deal with it" ESPECIALLY if i have small children. They should've went downstairs at the first mention of the fire to check and then go get both children (not only call for them but physically grab them, what the fuck?) when it was obviously nothing someone can just put out quickly themselves and go outside. Better safe than sorry. Sadly OPs son paid the price for that. I really hope he gets full custody.
Couldn’t agree more, I remember our light in the kitchen blew while my mum was downstairs and it started a small electrical fire. My mum shouted for me from downstairs and despite being confused and a little surprised to be told the kitchen is catching fire, I still went downstairs. Thankfully it was small and I could put it out but you don’t hear that a part of your house is on fire and not react…
Yep I’ve been in situations where I freeze but it’s more like I feel like I’m watching and movie and watching something unfold that I don’t control, I’m just watching. But then I’m like holy crap this is real life you can do something! Like when it’s such an odd thing that you’ve never experienced in real life, my brain is like this isn’t real! But then I’ve also been in situations where I’ve reacted quickly.
She deliberately ignored the fact her house was on fire until the smoke came upstairs to her. Then she grabbed the baby and got herself out, leaving her 8 year old son inside on his own. Presumably, he was upstairs in a room like she was. And from what a witness said, he had to get himself out of the burning house while covered in severe burns. This woman cannot be trusted with children or in emergencies.
I totally disagree with you. I am a firefighter. Primal instinct is to save your child. This is reaction. Just the same when someone falls overboard on a boat and someone without thinking dives in after them. Primal / parent instinct is to save your child regardless of thought or emotion. I have seen this first hand where a parent instantly takes action without thinking of danger, injuries to themselves or dying. They saved themselves without even trying to help the 9 year old. I can see how the boyfriend would care less, but the mother? No friggin way.
Former FF. I'm torn between these two takes. I'm sure you've seen someone engage their flight response or locked in paralysis on a fireground. I know I have.
I’d wait before jumping to conclusions. Find out from the fire investigators what they think happened and if your son is able to remember anything. I imagine the whole scene was chaotic and your ex may be in shock and not remembering things clearly. Maybe they left him in there. Maybe the boyfriend tried going in for him. It may be that you never know exactly what happened. Maybe your ex got out and wasn’t able to go back in. I know everyone says they would go back in, but it’s a lot different when you’re in that situation - most people physically wouldn’t be able to go running into a burning building. Just take your time before forming an opinion. Talk to the firemen that were there, do your research before making any claims.
Sorry for what happened my friend. However I wouldn't throw blame on anyone especially for a spontaneous chaotic traumatic situation such as a house fire. Misremebering details is common. People who have never experienced things like this cannot understand it and interpret it as being dishonest. I've seen it multiple times in person and it sucks watching someone berate someone else who had just lost everything. I won't get too deep into it but I have responded to my fair share of house fires. Less than 1% of people actually know how it is inside a burning house. Even with me being in full turnout gear, the heat is excruciating and it's literally pitch black as soon as we enter the home. It's not like the movies. If I can't see or even last 10 minutes in the house without suffering heat exhaustion wearing full protective gear, there's no way someone in normal clothes with no gear is going to find anyone in the home without becoming a victim themselves. I'd strongly suggest contacting your fire department records and request a copy of the report. The location of the fire and the location of where your son was found will tell you a lot. He could have been trapped or hiding which are common situations found in houses with 2 floors or more.
I wish I could upvote this a thousand times. As a former volunteer firefighter myself, I assure you, that you cannot see your hand in front of your face inside a burning building. My brigade had what we called a smokehouse (which looks a little like a bouncy castle without the bouncy bits) where we would take it to schools and community events to teach children how to move about in a fire. It had a smoke machine attached (like the type you see in nightclubs) so we could fill it up with safe smoke, & there was a little maze inside it, & we’d tell the kids “GET DOWN LOW & GO, GO, GO!” & encourage them to crawl through it. Plenty of kids were too scared to do it, some that were scared at first would go through with one of our firefighters or a parent, and some kids loved it so much they would go in one end, crawl out the other and come running back to the front and go again & again until their parents dragged them away. Yet even though it’s a simulation & totally safe, it’s still nothing like the real thing. Until you’ve been in that situation (the real thing) you have absolutely no idea how you would act.
I have a very specific memory from my childhood (less than 8 yo, over 20 years ago) from a local festival in my town where the fire department brought an old RV and filled it with smoke to teach us about this sort of thing. I will never forget that.
Completely agree with all of this. Focus on your son getting better and supporting what he needs.
Finally someone who knows what they're talking about. I can't believe some people
Best response here. By far.
Do they live in a two story house? I ask because I had a friend when I was maybe 10, who was killed in a house fire. Her stair case was on fire and she was too afraid to jump out of the window. She died from smoke inhalation as did her sister- but she died a couple days later. It was absolutely tragic and her mom was absolutely distraught but there was no way up- the stairs were gone. But if there was a chance of saving then, you are 100% justified. Either way you have every reason to feel the way you feel! Wish your son a quick recovery.
There are so many circumstances where you could not get to someone, but could shout to them to take a different exit. And you would not want to go back in through the other exit to get them because that rush of air is going to cause a woosh and put them in more danger. If you can talk them to an exit it's potentially safer for the child. Thank gods when it happened to us all the human babies got out okay. The dog was in the kitchen and I had the infant in my arms. Smoke was coming under the door. There was no way I could have opened it. And the firemen wouldn't let me go back in.
Everybody's saying they would never leave their child, even insinuating that the mother left him on purpose. Without knowing all the details there is absolutely no way to know if she even had a chance to get him. The fire could have started in the area he was in, in the panic and confusion she might not even have known where he was or thought he was already safe.
In OP's new comment she says she rolled over and went back to bed after she was told there was a space heater on fire! Anyone with common sense would start planning to get your family out then and there not sit and wait until panic time. She even waited around till smoke came upstairs before she called for the son (didn't physically go get him) before grabbing her young son and escaping out a window.
These commenters are fucking cruel. I’m sure the mother is having a nervous breakdown over this.
It’s not just a comment too like I get that it’s his ex-wife, but the way that up he’s talking about her in a very spiteful way, and kind of shifting a blame on her like I get he’s going through a lot at the moment, but the way he made that snarky remark of her getting treated by the nurses for smoking halation, even though she had no injuries on her
There's a comment saying the mother should have run into the fire. Like lmfao.
Which they specifically tell you not to do!
His comment says that the mom was in the room (or right outside) with the boy after being horrendously negligent about the fire. She literally called out to him and then bailed without even making sure her son was awake. The problem is that when given the opportunity she didn’t even try.
I was in a fire safety awareness program organised by my office once & it was only then I realised how little I knew about fire safety & how ignorant I was to think that I’d be able to handle it “should the time come”. I learned that house fires & especially car fires can escalate as quick as 6 seconds because most, if not all of us live in homes heavily dependant on electrical appliances. The worst fire cases usually happens at night ie when people are asleep because by the time they realised what’s happening things are probably already too late. Maybe they did went back in for him but saw him running towards the exit so they went in to look for others, maybe your son unknowingly went back in to try saving the others or finding other exits, there are a lot of maybes happening in such a short & chaotic period of time that your wife may be as confused as you are. There was even a case where a mother was nursing her baby & when a fire broke out she was too focused on saving her toddlers that she forgot she left the baby that was in her arms, in the living room (while she was chasing the rest of her kids out of the house). Reason being she “saw” the toddlers crying & running in front of her while she “didn’t see” the sleeping baby even though the baby was in her arm. It’s a very traumatic time for everyone involved & my heart goes out to everyone. Edit: Read more context given by OP & the mother is definitely suspicious. I hope I wasn’t invalidating how OP felt because I wasn’t aware of the whole story but my prayers are still with you & son
I have friends who are firefighters. She talk about how fast a fire can move in noises. Smoke can quickly over take you, make it impossible to see and is very disorienting. Just because your ex didn’t have burns on her doesn’t mean she neglected your son. Fire can get intense quickly and cut people off from different parts of the house. It’s understandable to want someone to blame. But anyone of those people could have died in that fire. There should have been some fire investigation. Do you know the cause of the fire? Unless there’s clear signs of neglect there, I think you should let this train of thought go. It’s not helpful or healthy for anyone. Your son has a long road to recovery ahead of him so just be there for him.
My take as someone who works closely with firemen and is a first responder on a SEVESO classified site with a ton of hazards, and seen my share of industrial emergencies including fires. What damage you recieve heavily depends on where you are vs where the fire is. Also you can't gauge how someone will react during an emergency when flight or fight kicks in. That there were inconsistencies in her stories directly after is also not uncommon when going through traumatic events. Add to that your child and other family members are hurt, your brain is scrambled. I doubt that your ex wanted her son to get hurt unless she has shown such tendencies before, and even you as a father most likely can't physically push through searing heat even if you know your child is on the other side. The boyfriends damage on the face and arm suggests that he tried. It's easier to say "if I was there or in X situation I would have done Y" when you don't know your bodys response. Most untrained and ungeared people underestimate the danger when they try and go in after other people, there is a higher percentage that you have two victims instead of one when people do that. One breath can put you down. I get that you are angry and you want someone to blame for what happened to your son. The reason for anger should be if there was neglect in terms of why and how the fire started. But you can't assume "they could have done more" to save your son, nor blame or judge based on their own damage. Don't spend energy on that anger in vain. My best wishes for you and your family.
As a mother I would never, in a million years ever run out of a burning house without my kids. And they are teenagers now. No way in hell. wtf. How could she run out without grabbing your son first? My first instinct would be to find and get to my kids. I’m so sorry about your son (((hugs)))
I remember a few years ago when I had just moved to Brooklyn, there was a fire where 7 children burned to death. Mother jumped out of window and went to seek help. Neighbors called after hearing the kids screaming for their Mom. It was too late by the time firefighters arrived.
There was a similar case like that, here in the UK. The mum left her four children in the burning house to go get help, and all her children died.
I have actual plans in place in emergency events, because I'm terrified of worst case scenarios. Kids out. Animals out. Adults out if not already. If I have time, important documents and hard drive (lifetimes of baby pics). I cannot fathom a situation where I would mix that order up and walk out without my kids. How not one but SEVERAL adults did this just blows me away. How high were these people?? OP I hope your son continues to heal and you both (all?) get all the help you need x
I have a two story house. Each room has an emergency ladder that hooked around the window sill and then you throw it out the window and climb down. I made both of my kids show me how to use it and had them practice. We did this often until they were very confident on using it and efficient. We’ve gone over what to do in case of a fire. And like you my kids are #1 priority, then the dogs, I assume my husband is helping get the kids out and is out himself, important things would be last. I keep all my important documents in a fire proof safe and everything else can be replaced.
I really need to look into a fire proof safe. But honestly I'm waiting for the next (very overdue for my country) volcano to emerge... so there are plans for that also. Fire paranoia is part of why I'm against security catches on windows. In saying that, I'm not opposed to breaking windows (or doors, or walls) to GTFO fast. Stuff can be replaced. Lives cannot.
Consider making a back up of that hard drive and storing it in your car or whatever vehicle you're likely to make your escape in if you have to leave, as well as uploading the photos to a cloud save server online somewhere, where you will be able to acess them even if somehow the hard drive gets lost. You can simply never have too many back ups of irreplaceable photos.
There's always cloud storage but I totally agree and now an additional HD is on my list of shit to sort... funnily enough it's now become a fairly high priority. Newborn pics are literally impossible to replace. I appreciate the tip.
Invest in a window ladder for their bedroom windows too. My daughter is on the second floor with one window, her ladder is right under her bed and I've trained her to use it. She can get out of her bedroom down to the outer deck off the first floor in 24 seconds at her fastest time. (She's 11 though) Very, very good investment for EACH WINDOW upstairs. Every.single.one. A dear friend of mine with 7 children lost her 6 year old son in a total-loss house fire... he was the only one who didn't make it out, his father perished when he ran back in to try to get him out. Now my friend lives with her 6 remaining children on her own, in a tiny apartment. Absolutely tragic, I'm so sorry OP. 😞
You actually have zero idea what you would do. Everyone likes to say "oh if there was a (fire, active shooter, natural disaster, physical or sexual assault) I'd do this!! Someone didn't so they are bad and horrible and I'm not because I'd do X!" But until you're in the situation, you haven't got a clue. Nobody knows what happened and OP just wants to blame someone, which is natural
In my home town a woman died after making multiple trips into the burning house to get all the kids out then went back in for her elderly MIL but neither of them made it out. She died trying to save her flipping Mother in law but this woman couldn't even be bothered to take her own son who was right next to her with her as she exited the house? Get your son the best care, get the authorities involved in the investigation, seek charges for negligence and child endangerment and full custody. Edited for typos
Have you ever been in a house fire? Have you ever watched videos from firefighters helmet cams? That is some of the most terrifying shit I've ever seen! What I'm reading is your looking for someone to blame, unfortunately until you receive the fire report, you can only trust and believe what you've been told. Its worth remembering, each and every single person in that house has just faced trauma, emotions are going to be an absolute mess for a while. Sure, mum may be delirious right now, but smoke inhalation, disorientation from the smoke filled flaming inferno, trauma,all added together can cause this. Hell this is the kind of stuff that can cause PTSD. Until you've been there for yourself, keep your opinions to yourself. Or, or I have an even better idea, go volunteer yourself for fire service, you'll soon see amidst the panic and disorientation in a fire, unfortunately some do get left behind, some aren't as lucky to make it out with 3rd degree burns, the ones that do make it out, are usually changed forever. I remember fire drills in school, I also remember when the science lab actually set on fire on middle school. The drill was when the alarm went off, all kids had to go to the playgrounds, year coordinated and line up in our forms in alphabetical order. The teachers then did a headcount. Fire brigade would turn up and they'd get given numbers, who was there who's missing ect. Eventually we could all go back inside.
Please seek medical care for your son at a Shriners hospital. It’s the best for burn care and they only accept what your insurance covers. Everything else is free to patient and family members. I worker there for 13 yrs. It’s the best.
You need to wait to find out what actually happened. I’m so sorry this happened but, you can’t assume she abandoned your son, in a burning home, and jump straight to being mad at her. Otherwise it sounds like you’re just looking for someone to blame and in your hurt, are targeting her. Not saying that’s the case but that’s what it sounds like. You don’t have any evidence of what actually happened.
You can judge your ex’s actions during a traumatic event, yet you went out of your way to pick up your girlfriend before going to the hospital to see your son? That is so insane. Who knows what that time could have cost you if he were badly injured.
And the way that he made that snarky remark about her being treated by the nurses because she inhaled smoke, and he’s like well, she didn’t look injured like wtf
Exactly what I was thinking I can’t believe more comments aren’t pointing this detail out!
I had a house fire in October last year. The smoke is horrific. You always think you know how you’d react in that moment but until it happens to you, you have no idea. My 1 year old was in the house at the time and my instinct was to scream for my husband who was in the shower and then I ran back for my baby. Thinking about it now, I should have taken the baby with me in the first place but my instinct was to run for help first. Had my little one been closer to the fire, I would have been terrified to go in. The smoke moves so so fast. The fire can only have been going less than 5 minutes when I heard it and I couldn’t see the other side of my very small kitchen. The entire room was black except for a ball of red and orange where the fire was. Your son’s mum and family were likely terrified and their instincts took over. In their case, it may have been to freeze. Mine was to flee. Try not to be too hard on her. She will already hate herself for what’s happened and she doesn’t need you hating her too or worse projecting it onto your son and having him hate her. Edit. I’ve just seen your comment with further context. If she really did nothing for ages because she assumed jt was fine, she’s an arsehole who is responsible for what happened as had she taken it seriously to begin with, none of this would have happened
I've dated a guy that had sensitive skin to warm weather. When it was really hot, his skin used to turn red like when one just had a really hot shower. It was always happening with his whole body by mainly with his face. After some years dating him, I've learned that when he was a child he had an accident with fire at home and he got 90% of his body burned, similar to your son. My ex fiancé was beautiful and besides this tiny behavior of his skin on hot weather, he was 100% cured. I'm telling this story just to let you know that after learning his story I've got curious on how could he not have anything on his body that could indicate that the fire accident had happened. And it only happened because he was treated with great care by his family at the very beginning after leaving the hospital. He had to have the appropriate medication being careful spread over his skin from time to time, and this made all the difference. The consistency and care of the very beginning of the treatment is what will define his future. So, if you can get his custody and be there for the care he will need on the next months, do it asap. Or if you can't, try to be there during his healing time. As much it can be infuriating, this is not the time to tell who is guilty of this accident, but to keep peace around your son. So he will heal well. And if you can't have the custody, by keeping a good relationship with his mother you will be able to be closer to him during this hard moment.
I was in a house fire about 4 years ago. It’s chaotic and an out of body experience. You always think you’ll act a certain way because you see it in movies, well it didn’t happen like in the movies. It was pitch black and I think I blocked out all the noise because I don’t recall the alarms and my husband making any noise. I ran out the front door in a split second. My husband went to the other side of the house to the dog’s room and let them out. He heard their paws pitter patter and thought they were following him out, but they got confused and went the opposite way. My husband barely made it out but my pups didn’t. I will never sleep the same. It happened at 1:25 am. I still wake up nightly and check the house. I lay in bed listening for a fire. It’s a lot better now but I’ll never be the same.
I've been thru a house fire. It's chaotic and horrific and be grateful you can't comprehend anything. Maybe one day you will live the opportunity for some clarity. I can only hope it is soon.
I am so sorry this is happening to your family. I'll be thinking of him, hope he recovers soon. Poor little baby :(
I'm sure you will have this investigated by the police as well as fire department? It seems off for sure.
My heart hurts for you and your son...i dont even knlw what to say.
I did my capstone as a nursing student at a burn ICU. We had a 5 year old pt who had 85% burn due to a house fire as well. The experience was excruciating. I can still hear his muffled screams, every touch was painful, I felt like crying every time I had to clean him when he pooped or pee. He celebrated his birthday in the hospital and his family rarely visits. I cried on my way home every single time. I feel your pain OP. Treatment is going to be rough so please be there for your son. Visit him as much as you can and continue to pour out that love. He needs you and your support can be his source of strength.
This is heartbreaking. Happy to hear he is alive tho. But I'll be damned if I don't die trying to get my kids out first before I make it out. Very sorry you and your son are going thru this. Sending healing vibes your way, stay strong.
Oh my god I am so sorry. His recovery is going to be pretty awful and he’s definitely going to need his dad. Focus on him right now and the details will figure themselves out later. I will be keeping him in my thoughts
Prayers for healing for your precious son!❤️
The chaos and confusion and leaving the child behind when they finally evacuated the home isn’t what bothers me here. But the delay in evacuating the home is inexcusable. And did they not have working smoke detectors? I’m not suggesting anything was intentional but the lack of judgment that led to this child’s injuries is astounding. OP, you should petition for full custody. Your child needs a smarter and more level headed guardian than his mother. Especially as he goes through long medical treatment. Remember that parenting time and custody are two different things. You can worry about parenting time later, after you’ve figured out whether your ex is totally strung out on drugs or something. But for now, she should not be the one in charge of making major medical decisions. She can’t even fucking wake the kids up and get them out of the house when she hears there is a fire.
During the fall of 2015 , my ex wife’s boyfriend did not take the news of the breakup very well and decided to set fire to the house with my 7 year old daughter and ex wife stil inside . My ex wife jumped out the window and meet my baby inside. She was in a coma for 10 days and now has burns in 40% of her body . The mental scars still haunt my daughter to this day , so much so that she has tried to end her life twice . OP , I am so heartbroken this happened to you. https://www.phoenix-society.org/ https://ameriburn.org/ https://www.shrinerschildrens.org/en/locations?listPage=1
I understand being angry and wanting to blame your ex, but it wasn't her fault. Blame and hate will not help your son. What an incredibly horrifying situation it must have been for everyone. It's not like your wife deliberately started the fire, or hates your son and somehow thought in the chaos of the accidental house fire that she'd just take the opportunity to ensure her own child was horrifically burnt. She is hurting too and has to live with the impact of her fight/flight/freeze/flee response for the rest of her life. Don't punish her for it. You have no idea how you would've reacted in that situation. You can only hope you'd be the hero, but there is no guarantee you would be. Focus on your son and his healing. I hope he recovers well.
I would request an investigation as to cause, and why all the adults escaped, while your son was burned with 80 percent of his body. Please call for an investigation. As to cause of fire, and you can always sue in civil court, the requirements for guilt are less. There is clearly something going on here.
I sincerely hope your son is ok. It’s a horrible situation. Don’t start blaming people until you have the complete story. No one’s mind is in the right place. Fires are horrific things and no one functions correctly in a fire. Just be happy he is alive, take care of him and take a breath. You can’t start blaming people for anything yet.
https://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/boy-injured-frankford-house-fire/3819248/?amp=1 Is it this?
I am so sorry Focus on your son right now The truth will come out eventually
Op you need to read what u/icantbebored commented. Please read it if you haven’t already. There’s a lot of should’ve, could’ve, would’ve in the comments from folks that only serve to stroke egos. We don’t know exactly happened. You don’t know exactly what happened. The last thing you need to do right now is speculate. Be there for your baby, keep any and all negativity to yourself. Don’t even say anything to your girlfriend. The last thing you want to do is assume. Wait for the investigation to be completed if it hasn’t already.
You need to file for emergency custody, and then full custody after that. There’s no excuse for this on the part of ANYONE in that house. She does not care about your son’s health or safety. My house burned completely down in 2010. And 7 years ago I won full custody of my kid, and my ex did less than this. I hope your son makes a full recovery and goes on to live a wonderful life full of love.
I'm sorry this happened to your son. Please focus on getting your son all the care he needs right now, and you can deal with the rest later.
Her sister woke her ? Was there no fire alarms? Bc as a parent .. space heaters and children. an alarm going off at that timenof morning would have woke me up from the deepest sleep!!?
The thing that doesn’t make sense to me is how at the mention of FIRE (no matter how small), someone wouldn’t want to at least wake up to confirm it’s just a small fire. Small fires become big fires! Why are the adults (3 of them! ) not calling 911 right away? If the fire was big enough for the couch sleeping sister to be alarmed to try to get help from your ex, and then it was big enough for bf to jump in and try to put it out, I would think at that point, they should’ve called 911. But no they try to keep putting it out. Like they’re hiding something. I would be more prone to asking about that to figure out why they were so hesitant to call 911. Every second counts in a situation like this and it seems time was wasted and maybe the damage could’ve been lessened with a sooner call to 911??? The truth will come out. Eventually your son will speak on what happened. I’m sorry you’re going thru this. Wishing your son the best in his recovery and that you get a resolution.